Yeah Turn your volume up. This ain't small talk.
This is real talk Every single Monday What is
up? What is up? What is up? Everyone, everyone,
everyone. We are back for another season, another
episode of We'll Talk Monday. We've been off
for about a good two weeks, but we're back now,
y 'all. We are back. One thing we will do is
take time for family, for shirts, for our kids.
That's one thing we're gonna do if we are not
the same for it. So first off sis, how is my
nieces? How are they like at school? We are doing
good. We are on week three of school. So it's
going, getting the routine down. So everybody's
on the bus and you know, bossy people, a bossy
people that carpool lane is dangerous, but all
is well. Amen, amen. All right, all right, all
right. So you all, we got a great conversation
for y 'all tonight. But y 'all already know we
got to start it off with prayer. So Hannah, I'm
gonna let you lead us in prayer tonight. It's
your turn. Okay, okay. Dear Lord Heavenly Father,
we thank you for this day. We thank you for everything
that you have done and all that you are continuing
to do for us in our lives. We thank you Lord
for this broadcast. We thank you Lord for everything
that you are doing through this network. Lord
take myself and Hannah out of the way even now
Lord Jesus and let your name be praised. We glorify
you, we honor you and we praise you and we love
you and Jesus then we pray. Amen. Amen. All right
y 'all before we get started tonight I want to
let y 'all know that this week you all will only
be getting lives on tonight and Tuesday night.
Tonight in the mall night is the only two nights
y 'all getting lives. But don't worry, don't
panic. We have pre -recorded for the rest of
the week. So Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, y 'all
still getting y 'all souls into, but there's
some things that I gotta take care of that definitely
has called my attention. So I gotta make sure
that we are good and handle business as well.
But don't fret. I'm not leaving y 'all without
any souls. I promise you Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday. Y 'all will still get sales. It just
won't be live swing, but it will be brand new
episodes. All right, y 'all. All right, let's
get into the conversation tonight. So Hannah,
tell them what we talking about tonight. Because
tonight, y 'all, we got a good one. Who hurt
you and why are they paying for it? Who hurt
you and why are they paying for it? My God. Yeah,
paying for it. His side hurts that guy's way.
We're gonna do a series on About you know what
we've been talking about men and women experiencing
The same relationship hurt rejection or season
completely different Just remembering like when
you heal different You get a different outcome
building high value. If you continue to be the
same person, you're going to keep attracting
the same type. With your heel different, you
get a different outcome. My God, that's good.
So, sis, let's head into this discussion tonight.
I'm going to let you kick us off. I think what
I like is that, you know, my light's a little
off. I'm sorry. No, you didn't. And I say this
all the time, especially now in my life, the
hurt you have from someone else, don't bring
it into what we are doing. You gotta sit on somebody's
sofa, you need a journal, you need a workout,
you need to pray it out, you need to fast it
out, you need to remove that and don't bring
that to what we are building and what we are
doing. You have to heal past that. You cannot
bring that hurt from being cheated on, being
lied to, just all kind of things. You can't have
that hurt and then be with someone else new because
then you have that same hurt in a new relationship
is just in a different form. I agree with that
because I can honestly say like there's been
times where even I'm thinking that I'm healed,
thinking that I'm over a situation. And a lot
of times the way that we get over a situation
is We try to move on to the next one so quick.
But sometimes you got to sit in that. Sit down.
Sometimes you got to sit and be like, yo, that
hurt. Like, that did not feel good. Have you
actually identified where you have heard the
story? Yes. And that's the first step. And it
is the icebreaker and the deal maker. Because
you have to have those conversations where you
can say, hey, I don't like when you do that because
this triggers due to this happening in the past.
And I'm working on it. But I would appreciate
if you didn't do that because of that. And then
I, you can also, it goes first, first. So you
can say, I noticed when I said this, you reacted
like this. So I feel like that's a trigger, but
you might not want to identify it is that, but
the reaction that you gave me signified that
it was a trigger for you. For sure. And let me
be honest with y 'all, like a lot of times, let's
be real, I'm a workaholic. I will run myself
to the ground. And sometimes you gotta have people
around you that will kill you. Yo, sit down somewhere.
Get you some rest. Make sure you're good. For
instance, last Monday, I had a fennel that I
had to do last Monday that I had to be at. I
was still determined that we was gonna do a song
last Monday. Thank God for Hannah Irby that told
me, bro, we already said we wasn't doing a song.
Sit down somewhere. Get you some rest. Even though
I was tired, I think sometimes we have a thing
of imposter syndrome sometimes to where we feel
like we gotta be on at all times. And that's
where you gotta get people around you that will
tell you, yo, you just as good even when you
not on, even when you not showing up. Because
sometimes you gotta show up for yourself and
not everybody else. And so I definitely agree
that I've definitely identified it because I
identified where the pain started from. And it
took me a while to identify him because especially
for men, we have been swaying all up your emotions.
Don't show your emotions. Real men don't cry.
Suck it up. get over it. That's the stuff that
has been ingrained in our head. And then you
get women that want us to be open, want us to
be vulnerable, want us to be like, yo, open up
to me. Tell me what's going on with you. Tell
me how you're feeling. And it's hard for us because
sometimes we have had our vulnerability weaponized.
It's been used against us. So how do you feel
about that? It's very true because a lot of people,
some people will definitely weaponize it against
you and use it against you. So then you feel
like you can't share the open with people because
they take it and they throw it in your face.
Or they manipulate it to work for their benefit.
Or if it doesn't work out, they air all your
dirty laundry. Because you were vulnerable with
that person. You trusted that person. You thought
you could build something with that person. You
thought that was your future. You probably that
was your final destination. Man, like you done
said to yourself, I got. How many times have
we done told ourselves? Man, I got about one
more relationship in me. One more. And then it's
like God's like, oh, you think you got one more?
Let me tell you how many more you really got.
You got until I tell you that it's enough. Because
sometimes what we do is, I think sometimes also
we make relationships our God. because we want
to be loved so badly. So can somebody swig a
wound that they didn't create? Yes, very much
so. And you have to... Communicate and tell them
those things so that that you know and then realize
like are they changing their behavior after you
said that's a trigger Or they're still moving
forward with it because they're still moving
forward with it That's another Because I already
told you that's a trigger that bothers me that
makes me uncomfortable. I don't like that right
I agree Like you got to have that conversation
like there's some people where they're like,
you know what I Like is they said so true like
you got to have that conversation with them You
got to let them know like yo this bothers me
and how that was fine is letting you know if
this is your person or not That lets you know
yo, are you really for me? Are you not for me?
because if I'm telling you, yo, what you do is
this hurts. If you telling me to suck it up and
get over it, you probably are not my person.
But if you are making efforts to say what I'm
telling you is hurting me, guess what? That makes
me my person because that's the one me that yo,
you're willing to update what you're doing, despite
how long you might been doing it, and you're
willing to show up for me in the way that I need
you to show up for me. Your turn, Sissy. His
heart doesn't always look like her. Why do some
men become distant, quiet, angry, sarcastic,
or emotionally unavailable instead of saying
that hurt? I said it earlier. We've been told
not to show our emotions. We've been told that's
a sissy move. We've been told that makes you
look like a little girl. So for grown men that's
been talked at, Guess what? We ain't showing
our emotions. We trying to act like we all good.
We trying to act like we got it all together.
When deep down, we don't. I think the biggest
problem in our community is that when somebody
says they go to therapy, we automatically think
something is wrong with them. The oldest generation
thinks that. But our generation, about our age,
thinks that, yo, we understand that, yo, I need
Jesus and Debbie. I need both. I need both, because
dealing with the stuff that we deal with on a
daily basis, it's like, you gotta have that way
to vent. You gotta have that way to let it out.
like the exam is one way you can let it out.
Finding something that you love is a way that
you can let it out. It's like a lot of times
what we do is we lose our self by trying to act
like we're good for everybody else. How do you
feel about that? I agree with that wholeheartedly.
I'm definitely as a person like working really
hard on learning my identity, learning what works
for me, learning what's healthy for me, and healing
from trauma, and knowing what, communicating
better. That's the biggest thing. Like you have
to communicate. Cause it'll be like, you know,
I might reject call, reject calls the day I haven't
rejected a call. I got like going on a day, like
I got the dog fix, kids, you know what I'm saying?
So, but people, I send them, sorry, I can't talk
right now instead of just hitting the red button.
It starts with the little things. Like, didn't
call because I don't have my energies a little
tense today, because everything that could go
wrong was going on this morning, okay? Everybody
missed the bus, got to the doctor appointment
a couple of minutes late, didn't know if he was
going to have surgery. Just everything that could
go wrong went wrong. But it was a blessing that
I was able to work everything out without, you
know, just everything lined up. It just wasn't
lined up the way I wanted it to line up. And
communicating just saying, hey, you know what,
I had a rough morning, good morning, all is well.
we gonna chitchat this afternoon because I need
to. And you know, like relax, reset, decompress.
And by doing that, I need to let me go do my
reading for today, let me go pray, let me go
to the gym, do some cardio, do some weightlifting,
and then eat healthy and I'll circle back with
you. Because I'm not giving off the right energy.
And I'm so busy healing and becoming the woman
that I desire to be, that God has made me, that
I'm not gonna Be toxic and lash out at you because
I'm off balance and things didn't go right. Thanks.
Thanks. And like the ones that really get you
and the ones that understand you, they understand
when you're telling that, when you tell us like,
yo, I can't talk right now. But like, okay, we
got you. Like, I can't tell y 'all how many times
I might hit her up and I'll get that red butt
and I'm like, I already know my sister will hit
me up later on. Cause there's been times when
she's hit me up and I'm like, yo, I can't talk
right now. I'm gonna hit you back. But the real
ones understand that like, yo, what's understood
don't need to be explained. We ain't gotta talk
every day to understand each other. When it's
real it's real How does the unhealed man unintentionally
punish a good woman Let me let me say it like
this A little boy, because that's what an unhealed
man is, is a little boy. A little boy will make
a woman pay for stuff that a little girl did.
So in other words, what I'm saying is, because
a little girl didn't respect him, now he's Now
he's thinking that this grown woman isn't going
to respect him. He's talking to her all different
type of ways. Because of what he's dealt with
with a little girl, where the grown woman is
like, baby, all we got to do is communicate.
But for a grown man that's been dealing with
past her and hasn't really properly healed from
it. He's thinking that communication means a
man re -argument. And it ain't even like that.
Let me be real. For a man, the worst thing that
you could be in a man's life is when he sees
that name come across his phone. And he's sitting
here contemplating, do I even want to answer
this call? Because I know it ain't going to be
nothing but drama. And there's sometimes where
a man's like, you know what? I'm just using peace
over this. All right. So how do you go there?
How do you stop making the new person pay the
old person's bill? Hmm. Ah, ma 'am, you do it
by going to therapy. You do it by praying. First
stop praying, going to therapy, doing that proper
healing work. You don't do it by jumping from
relationship to relationship to relationship.
You do it by sitting down, finding out who you
are, finding out what you like, finding out what
makes you happy, finding out why you went through
this. Because every relationship is a lesson
or a blessing. You've got to figure out what
it is. So. her independence might be a survival
response. Is he really too independent or did
life teach that depending on people wasn't safe?
That's good. How do you feel about that? I feel
like life teach you Well, now this is where the
village come in. You gotta have the right village.
This is where the village, I'm going to say that
is I've learned and grown and been through so
much by grace of God and overcome things that
people can never imagine. So the village will
bring you in saying, because my village is like,
okay, nah, this, you know. It was times you wanted
to cut it off, and this, this, and that, and
now you're still here. And your village will
hold, I'm not doing the rollercoaster with you
today, and don't do the rollercoaster with him.
Your village gonna hold you accountable. So I
think being too independent is not life teach.
On that aspect, I feel like even in a relationship
or your friendships or the people that you interact
with, your circle, because you can have many
circles that all serve a purpose. So your circle
needs to be the right group of people so that
you can make wise decisions you need wise counsel
by you and you need your own knowledge base you
need to You know Have your own knowledge base
read pray getting your Bible so you can see the
things that those people went through and Being
too independent like we say that and we do that
but a lot of people really be flexing on the
independence Not really that independent but
the ones that are They did it because they didn't
have no other option But you have to be careful
that because you'll get burnt out and you limit
your ability to be at ease and have peace So
that's like the thing with it. I think when you
meet the right person your independence will
scale back because the right person will know
how to communicate and lighten your load. You
want someone to lighten your load. So even if
you're misindependent, that person should be
able to do things to help make you less misindependent.
I agree with them. I agree with them because
I believe that like sometimes what happens is
we try to be so independent. that we act like
we don't need nobody. And that's a bad place
to be in. Because we will sit there and be like,
you know what? No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.
I don't need nobody. I can handle this on my
own. No, you can't. You aren't meant to carry
those burdens by yourself. Right. So how can
disappointments turn into control over thinking
I just I'll do it myself This frustration So,
okay, let me ask you as a mom of two beautiful
girls and as a business owner as a straight up
boss in these streets Has there ever been moments
where you done got so frustrated? Where you like,
you know what? Bump it, I'll do it myself. I
don't need nobody. And then when you had a means
to do it yourself, you're definitely going to
be like, look, you look once, twice. I got someone
I face want to do it, like, especially when you
have the means, the means change the whole mindset.
The whole mentality is totally different when
you have your own financial like you just And
when you get to that vantage point, you're really
delegating. Like, hmm, you missed the bus. I
got somewhere to go. Uber Black. Oh, you forgot
your folder. I'm busy with work. Uber Connect.
Oh, I don't feel like cooking dinner. I'm tired.
Milk prep for the week. It gives you a different
standard of living. And that standard will intimidate
many. But if it gives you a piece of mind, then
do it, because you'd rather do that than be disappointed
by someone saying they're going to do something
and they don't do it. Facts, facts, facts. Hello,
hello, hello, Dr. Stevie, God bless you, God
bless you. Yeah, for sure. I agree with that.
And y 'all, I have watched my sister do that.
My nieces will call her, my oldest one especially
will call her and be like, Mama, I forgot this.
All right, don't worry about it, boom. There
it is. And I might, when I tell y 'all the growth
that I've seen in my sister, because like we've
said before, this is over a decade of being connected.
So I knew my sister went at a point in time she
didn't have the means to make that happen. But
now that she does, Oh baby, C is determined,
ain't nobody pulling their back to that state
again. Nobody. Family, friend or foe, it ain't
gonna happen. Boom. And that's on marrying all
them little lambs. Yup. Like C is determined,
like I'm not going back to that state again.
I'm not going back to working a dead -end job
just to say I got money coming in. And I ain't
going to be stressed out. Hair falling out, weight
going up, migraines dropping, working on someone's
job. Mm -mm. Mm -mm. Mm -mm. Because my sister
will quit her job in a heartbeat. I have not
quit jobs in a while. Thank you very much. I've
been good, since I had Bella. You're like, don't,
you're like, don't be me. Don't do that. I didn't
grow up. Now I was real bad in my younger days,
my twenties. Yes. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I was, I had,
let me tell you, I was so, I've been, I'm in
my thirties still. My thirties, I calmed down
my twenties. I was so bad with it, like, I would
quit a job, but started, like I would quit their
job on Friday and I already done signed a paperwork,
got my badge, my new job on Monday. I was out
of control with it. So we all liked that in our
20s. So when I interact with people in their
20s and they tell me, they, you know, they mindset,
I, you know, I, I'm like, I was like that too
when I was your age. I get it, you know. Like
I would be on the phone with her and she be like,
yeah, I just quit the job. I'm like, huh? And
she's like, I'm like, oh, okay, okay. but you
know I'm sorry I already got a new one I started
on Monday. How did you she said I ain't never
quit this job without having another one I already
lined up. That's what people that you gotta you
gotta always move with common sense. And that's
real because I can remember. I could remember
like in my late 20s, I was at a job that really
wasn't getting paid that much. I love the people
that I worked with. There was this one that me
and her could not do. One day I walk in, we have
some words. After we have our words, I go back
and I do my job. I get stopped and I get told,
Yo bro, you might want to look at the schedule.
For what? I already know I'm getting crappy hours
for the rest of the month. Like, what's it mean?
Like, why do I need to look at the schedule?
And they're like, you might want to go look.
Don't worry about it. I'll handle this customer.
I go up and look. I went from maybe four hours
to eight hours a week. to basically, this woman
put me down for four hours a week. So I'm like,
you're trying to prove a point that you got this
much power. I looked right at my coworker and
I'm like, I'm going on break. And she's like,
you just got, I'm like, if I don't go on break
right now, I'm probably not about to have a job.
Your safest bet is to let me go on break. Because
at this point, we got you. We got you going here.
So I go home, boy. I cool off, and I come back.
When I come back, magically, I'm put back where
I need to be. But at this point, you don't show
me what you capable of. I bet that next day I'm
off. While I'm off, I'm putting in an application.
Soon as I put in that application five minutes
after I put that application in I'm getting called
in for an interview But Like now don't play that
cuz this is like God gave me this job You can
give me another one and I'm gonna get paid twice
with you payment Yeah, let me run over here with
crew But there comes a point to where like like
what you said in your 20s you do that but now
that we're in our 30s we ain't doing that as
much so I when does protecting yourself start
preventing someone from loving you um when does
protecting yourself start preventing someone
from loving you. When you... Ooh, that's a good
one. What you think? I think it stops preventing
someone from loving you when you stop loving
yourself. So you can protect yourself. You can
protect yourself to the point to where You build
a wall up. And when you build that wall, you
start acting as if you don't need anybody or
anything. And after a while, people are gonna
get tired of knocking on that wall and trying
to break that wall down. They're just gonna be
like, no, I'm just going to move around. And
we're not, we're not owned by any jobs. We aren't,
we are not. What about you? How you feel about
that? I think when you're protecting yourself,
you're not really fully being yourself. And so
you're not open to the person. Like you say,
like you're not, you giving them a mass version
because you're protecting yourself. And you don't
trust them and you don't trust it. So you're
not being fully transparent. You're not vulnerable
at all. Or you're very limited in it. I agree.
It's like peek -a -boo. You know, I say sign,
I see how you react. I say sign, I see how you
react. I say sign, I see how you react. I agree.
And I think sometimes we're not vulnerable with
ourselves. We put on the mask of I'm good I'm
straight. I don't I don't have to deal with my
emotions right now Mm -hmm But you need to deal
with it and I know somebody to show you like
yo, I got your back You're not dealing with this
by yourself You're good Like back in February
when everything was going on with my mother.
I was acting as if I'm straight, I'm good, I'm
okay. But I thank God for Hannah and for Team
Marine. Because them too, when I just let me
act like I'm good, that would be like, bro, tell
us what's really going on. Give us a real deal.
Like don't give us the preacher answer We don't
want to hear what we're even clever. They're
saying we want to hear Thanks, like how are you?
And I think sometimes we can lose ourselves and
forget that we are human We're not robots So
okay, let me give you another one Stop making
the new person pay the old person's bill My god
So your egg seeded, but does that mean everybody
is seeding? No, I'm gonna meet what we know a
lot We know a lot of people that do that. We
know a couple of people that be running through
them phones. We know some people that like to
pull up. You know, we all have some people and
that we know that and when you start getting
yourself together, you like, yeah, you really,
you need to go sell somebody's soul. We need
to have a prayer. We need to let me get a couple
people to pray with us over you. And I need you
to go get in somebody. I need you to do all three.
Do the whole combo. do it or actually I need
you read the Bible to me and I need you read
this book right here. So it might be a combination
but we know some people that do all of that and
we have probably done it at one point in our
life but thank God for healing, amen. Guilty,
guilty. Somebody abandoned you. I have just overcome
that myself and but does that mean everybody
is leaving? No, you got to work through that
and I think the more the one thing I could say
the better you feel about yourself. the better
love that you put out. How you feel good about
yourself? We're gonna teach y 'all about it too.
You know, we always mention it, the gym, eating
right, loving yourself, pampering yourself, self
-care, all those things. So yeah, those are good
things. And the favorite one, the last one. Go
on and tell them about the last one, because
we all know that one right there. Fasting. Oh
yeah. I need to get a look at it. I ain't even
got a new guy there. I already know what that
last one is. I already know what that last one
is. Gonna get that discernment, that clarity.
Gonna come out like a no limit soldier. Let me
be honest with y 'all like when I tell you there
are times where I've wanted to act a plum food
and God made me call Hannah Hanna sat there and
she listen and she listen and she listen she
listen to me go off And then she hit me with
this. All right, are you done? Cuz this is what
we're really gonna do She's like I just let you
get that little way and page out But this is
what we're really going to do. So I got an idea,
Hannah, since we got some people on here and
we are always talking about the gym about getting
healthy and both of us own that health is wealth
journey. Here's my question. You all. If Hannah
and I created a group chat on Facebook. and invited
you all in to get workout tips, different workout
tips, different healthy eating tips, different
things to make you healthy, mentally, emotionally,
spiritually. I want you to comment below if you
would be interested in that. Let us know if you
would be interested in that, because I feel like
that is something that a lot of people I need
you. Like, I feel like a lot of people, and like
we would hold you accountable, all of that. And
like, like I said, like I appreciate the fact
that Hannah did that for me on more than one
occasion. So we already got it. Okay. All right.
All right. Dr. Stevie, as soon as this show is
over, I'll add you in there and I will, I will
make a post on social media, letting people know
like if y 'all want that, let us know. But yeah,
for sure. Like, I feel like, like we said, the
fasting, the praying, the discerning, You're
going to come out like a no -limit soldier for
sure. After you're done, you're going to come
out 10 times better than what you were. So, let's
hit this last one. Work with. You know what?
Healing is your responsibility. Are you waiting
on an apology before you heal? You should not
because you might not get in you still gonna
be unhealed so I don't recommend that but you
know we have that bothered that's what we need
but you honestly don't need that you got to want
it for yourself and bring it about yourself facts
facts like you gotta want better for yourself
you gotta want to do better for yourself and
you gotta want to be like you know what despite
everything that i'm going through right now i'm
determined that i'm gonna be better i'm determined
that i'm gonna be stronger so yeah like somebody's
apology you gotta forgive people Even when they
don't apologize and let me let y 'all in on a
secret that of that forgiveness is not for them.
It's for you. It's for you Because holding on
to bitterness is basically drinking the poison
and waiting on somebody else to die You drinking
the poison but you might know somebody else to
die That's not good. Like that's not healthy
at all. What would your relationships look like
if you stopped letting yesterday makes today's
decisions? That's what we ended in. What would
your relationship look like if we stopped letting
yesterday make today's decisions? There would
be peace. happiness. Because you're in the now,
not the past. You're not bringing out an excess
baggage from all the trauma and drama. So, and
you can see what is good and what is bad for
you because you know what the bad is. And now
you're in the good. There used to be a saying
that my former principal used to say, good, better,
best, never let it rest until your good is better
and your better is best. Like, we got to stop
letting yesterday make today's decisions. Okay,
you messed up yesterday, I bet. But you can be
determined you ain't gonna mess up today. Okay,
bet, you fell down yesterday, that's cool. But
you can be determined you ain't falling down
today Like you gotta make yourself better You
gotta make yourself better and not bitter So
we love y 'all Hannah I'm gonna let you hit them
with your closing remarks and announce the new
series that we got coming out We are having fun
like we definitely have some great things in
store for you all So we are coming out with a
series of Series is Which I love he'll different
his side her side God's way we're gonna talk
about how You can experience the same relationship
hurt rejection or season completely differently
versus a man and a woman, which we started tonight.
And we're gonna talk about what happens when
you stop depending on your side and start asking
what healing looks like and God requires from
both of us. So that is what we are talking about.
And what I wanna leave with you today, two things
I have a question for you. Are you loving the
person in front of you? or are you still fighting
the person who hurt you? And I want you to remember
that it's his truth, her truth, but ultimately
what does God say? Have a wonderful night. Man,
his truth, her truth, but ultimately we leave
what this God said, my God. Y 'all definitely
said that video, definitely said this out. Let
everybody know that starting next week, we're
in a new series. And let everybody know that
we're starting some new stuff over here. We are
grinding, we are working, and we know that God
has some great things in store. So we love y
'all, God bless y 'all, and I'll see y 'all on
tomorrow night. Peace. for watching another episode
on James H. Glover Network. We appreciate you
for all of your love, all of your support and
all of your just comments. Now what I need y
'all to do is like it says, like and subscribe.
Also, I need y 'all to share and I need y 'all
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bell over here on YouTube. That lets YouTube
know that you like content like this. On behalf
of everyone here at the network, we appreciate
you because we couldn't release content the way
that we do without your support. So as I always
say, sometimes our disappointment's another more
than God's appointments meaning. Sometimes if
we look at it's bad, God is only telling it around
for our good. Stay blessed, be blessed to be
a blessing to someone else and I'll see y 'all
on the next episode. Peace.