Yeah, yeah, you say you say you say you're ready
today. You say you're ready You feel like it's
fate join James and Dr. J Sundays 10 p .m Don't
be late for dating while anointing Sundays 10
p .m. It's great What's going on everybody? Welcome
to another episode of Dating While Anointed.
I am your co -host Rashida Jay here along with
my co -host Reverend James H Glover III and I'm
gonna call all of his credentials out because
I want all of the ladies listening to know who
he is. don't want I don't want a certain young
woman to kill me but okay so that's where we
at welcome welcome welcome what up James what
up mama what up what up what up I am scared tonight
y 'all she won't tell me what we talking about
have I ever given you any reason to fear me no
but normally I know what we talking about Well,
well just chill. So tonight we're gonna talk
about you guys know this is dating while anointed
and the preface of our show is to Talk about
chat about discuss dating when you are anointed
and those of you here in the kingdom space Understand
what anointed means we don't have to explain
it but for those that might be coming in that
don't really understand what we're saying We're
talking about a kingdom living kingdom minded,
kingdom purposeful individuals that are on the
mission field or in the mission field for Jesus
Christ, the Savior of our life. So let's pray
really quickly. James, you go ahead and lead
us in prayer while I get you in the hot seat
tonight. Dear Lord Heavenly Father, we thank
you for this day. We thank you for everything
that you have done in order to continue. We thank
you, Lord, for everyone that is watching this
broadcast of the night, Lord. Let something we
say, let something we do be pleased in and outside.
Lord, strengthen us while we are weak and build
us up where we are pulling down. Move myself
and my mama out of the way and let Your name
get the glory, Your name get the honor, Your
name get the praise. In Jesus' name we pray.
Amen. Amen. So, guys, we're working on something
amazing. It's about to be... mind blowing, and
I know that dating while anointing is going to
be a big part of it. We're not talking about
that right now, though. We're about to talk about
attachment styles in dating. So I want to discover,
I want us to talk about the behavioral and emotional
blueprints that are A part of our structure,
like our natural being, when we talk about romantic
relationships, most of them are rooted in our
childhood experiences, where we come from, what
we have experienced with our family members and
our parents, and how we were raised really has
a lot to do with. our dating attachment styles.
And it also, our dating attachment styles also
have a lot to do with where we are in the dating
scene currently. So there are four that I wanna
touch on for dating attachment styles that I
wanna touch on tonight. And then we're gonna,
James and I are gonna share some insight and
some stories. So there is a secure attachment
style, an anxious, and avoidant and a disorganized.
The secure is a person that is comfortable with
both intimacy and independence, meaning you communicate
openly, you trust your partner, you can tolerate
the natural uncertainties of dating, like you're
cool, you're just a chill, right? Whatever happens
happens kind of person, you know, and it is what
it is kind of person. An anxious person craves
closeness, but intensely fears abandonment. This
can make this person hyper aware of their partner's
behaviors, leading to a need for frequent reassurance
and heightened anxiety during slow communication.
Anxious attachment, avoiding or dismissive is
a person that highly prioritized their independence
and self -reliance. They can do you or not. They
can have you or not. When relationships become
emotionally intense, a person that is avoided
might subconsciously distance themselves, suppress
their emotions, and pull away from commitment.
A disorganized or fearful avoidant type of attachment
desires emotional closeness, but also fear it.
leading to an unpredictable kind of lukewarm
situation and behavior. One day we on, one day
we not. And you may want a relationship, but
push away from it out of the fear of being hurt.
So James, let's talk. Let's do it. As an anointed
person, what type of attachment style is not
your favorite? the on again, off again. Okay,
let's go. Let's talk about it. The on again,
that lukewarm kind of person. Oh, yeah. Because
at this point, we are, if we are dating, we are
grown. Yes. And at this point, in our grown age,
I ain't got time to be dealing with the one minute
we own, one minute we are. What are we really
doing? like I got a million things on my plate.
And one of the things that I would fuse to add
to my plate right now is the lukewarmness. I'm
not going to play no games with you. You don't
need to be playing no games with me. What are
we really doing? So do you communicate it or
do you feel like it is like if a person is lukewarm
that they just play in games because I'm an overthinker.
So I'm like, listen, if they lukewarm, they not
interested. Bingo. But me, accents speak louder
than words. You can say that you want to rest
it all day. But if your accents aren't saying
the same thing, what are we really doing? What
are we really doing? So what would you say is
your, um, attachment style? What do you, do you
crave a deep closeness? Do you have a, do you
have? and a fear of like someone leaving or,
you know, you kind of like, oh, well, you know,
it is what it is, but I'm not dealing with no
on -off person that just ain't ready for me.
Because you are on a mission as a man. Let's
talk about it. Officer, like for me, I need a
woman and thank God for the one that he's already
preparing for me. Right. already knows what he's
doing. I don't have to question what we're doing
because he's already coming to the table, ready
to work, ready to grind, and we work in together.
Like, there is no on again, off again. We both
on the same mission. Do you think that... So
you're more of a secure type of data. Like you
are comfortable with intimacy, but you're also
comfortable with like being independent or her
being independent. You want to be able to trust
her, but you can still tolerate. Like if she
just go missing for a couple of days, as long
as she communicate where she is, like if you're
not banging down the door trying to get to her.
Because for me, I want my woman. to have something
going on besides being my woman. I can do that.
That makes complete sense. Now tell me when we
talk about that, when we go in that direction,
I've had a lot of experiences this weekend. One
of them was spending some time with an older
gentleman who was experiencing some challenges
in his situation. And so with that, I realized
that he is a more avoidance, dismissive kind
of attachment style, but she's an anxious attachment
style. The styles don't match up, and I believe
that communicating expectation can eliminate
a lot of confusion in relationships. It can,
because I believe that like communication is
key. You got to communicate from day one. What's
your warning? What's your accepting? What's you
not accepting? What's you will accept? Where
you're going? Like for me, from day one, I'm
letting it known where I'm headed. I don't want
you to have no second guesses. I don't want you
trying to figure it out. Look. Baby, this is
what we're going with. Absolutely. Now, when
we talk about communicating, I think a lot of
people get communication confused with just talking.
Communication is deeper than us just talking.
Communication has to do with what I'm saying,
the tone in which I'm saying it, and what the
overall end goal of me communicating with you.
And so let me lean into this word. James, as
a man, how do men communicate their expectation
of the person that they're dating? And at what
time? Like how long should we be dating before
you communicate to me what you expect? It depends
on the kind of a man that's you're dating. If
you're dating a man that doesn't know where he's
going, it's going to take y 'all about seven
months before he even communicates what he wants.
Because right now, he can't tell you what he
wants from y 'all because he don't know what
he wants for a million sale. Now, I'm asking
you specifically, in what timeline should a man
communicate what his expectation is? If it's
a grown man that knows where he's going, and
what he's doing and got his own thing going on.
And he's just looking for a woman to come along
and add access or add more to what he's already
doing. Day one. I would venture to agree with
that to some degree. I think that you should
probably get into maybe like the second or the
third date before you communicate your expectations.
Now, me as a woman, It's a little bit off -putting
when a man comes in forcefully because when they
come in forcefully, a lot of times the expectations
are not the ones that we need to understand for
long -term. They're more shallow short -term
type of expectations. I expect you to cook in
the clean, but we haven't even had a communication.
You don't know if I work 12 or 14 hours a day
that maybe I can't cook for you every day. what
is your expectation of me long term? But let's
bring it back. We're talking about long term,
but let's bring it back to dating. What type
of expectation should you have as an individual
when you're coming into actually dating somebody
and getting to know them? Your expectations to
be somebody that you can build with, somebody
that can be your best friend, somebody that can
be your lover, somebody that can pray over you.
through the good times and the bad times. Let
me be real with you all. I am 36 years old, but
for most of my life, I have been surrounded by
a lot of older guys and a lot of older people.
The group that I sang with is pretty much a bunch
of older guys in that group. In that group, there
is over 100 years of merit. If you add all of
the years of marriages together, it's over 100.
So it's like I've seen how a successful marriage
should work. I've witnessed how successful marriage
should be. So after witnessing it, I know what
I expect and what I will accept. So again, I
will bring it back. So now James James is looking
for a wife y 'all so he is going to lean towards
taking y 'all to marriage What should your expectations
be in dating? I say like okay people have expectations
in dating if you are dating me Or if a person
is dating me what should be my expectation of
how they handle situations? I'll give you a good
one for example one of my good friends Is dating
multiple people at one time? Okay dating is for
data. That's cool As long as we we can do that
because we don't have a commitment with anyone
I believe in that y 'all I'm sorry like you should
not be putting all your eggs in one basket because
you might have Somebody there don't match up
But in that like she was getting her hair done
and The four people that she's currently dating
I'll ask her where she was and she was like oh,
I'm getting my hair done not one of them ask
her do she need anything can i pay for it or
or that's a swipe okay so the thing is now some
people will say that's not because they like
oh well that's her responsibility right but my
thing is that you are dating four different people
because you're trying to figure out which one
is going to be the one and not one of them said,
even though she don't need anything, she got
the money, she can take care of it. It's just
the mere fact that they could have asked. For
me, even if I know you got the money, and I know
that you could take care of it. If I know that
we are dating, the minute you tell me you had
the hair, so long, getting your hair there, I'm
sending that money over to you. with some extra
to tell you to get your nails done too. See that
is okay so that's what I'm talking about by with
an expectation in dating. Me personally I don't
have an I have a standard for dating but not
an expectation so when she said it I understood
it and then I was listening to another one of
my friends who he talks about his experiences
on tiktok all the time and he was he had a similar
situation so what You guys everybody is listening
you got to effectively communicate what your
expectation is I don't I'm not saying that you
got to communicate that you expect somebody to
do those things but as a man Why wouldn't you
want to for somebody that you are dating intentionally
unless you are dating for or with the another
purpose and it's funny because I listen to Russell
Hartley on Instagram if y 'all ain't following
him he number one tell the truth But he's hilarious.
He was saying you know why date somebody that
can't do anything for you What kind are you joining
a charity volunteer operation or what? So do
you think that men? specifically men I know that
women should have their own and be financially
sound too But do you think that men should be
financially sound before dating or approaching
a woman? I feel that it depends on the kind of
a woman that she's wanting. If you're wanting
a woman that you are thinking about marrying,
you need to be financially sale. But if you're
looking just to date, just to date, you don't
have to be. You don't have to be, but you still
gotta have some money. Oh yeah, for sure. For
sure. You gotta have money. For sure. Yeah, so
it okay. So now in you dating somebody let's
say you just met somebody yesterday What is your
what is your expectation as a man? What do you
expect? to happen when you ask her out on the
date If I met you and I ask you out that means
that I've been studying you already If I'm asking
you out, I'm not just asking you out just because
I just saw you. I think you keep it. No, I am
strategic. You're strategic, but in the social
media dating app world, you might end up going
out with somebody that you haven't studied and
that you don't. Even in the social media dating
app world, they got bios up. Yeah. Because I
want to be clear in what we're communicating,
take me through the first day. The first day
would be something fun, something like that.
Like I would remember something that you told
me that she wanted to do. Like if you said that
like you want to go to like a concert, guess
what? I'm gonna send you, we're gonna go to like
a concert in the park or something like that
and then walk in the park. by the weather side
and maybe go get some ice cream. Something like
that. That would be the first day. Something
like to where we can get to know each other a
little bit better to have a conversation. So
do you have an expectation to spend money, James?
For sure. You have to because that's showing
how interested that you are. So you think that
You have do you believe that you have to do that
to show a woman how interested you are or could
you say hey, let's meet up and let's go take
a walk on the beach It depends on what that woman
likes and what she has said that she wanted to
do Now there are some things that she could do
that can be free but let's be real and let's
be honest with some women if you are telling
them yo we just gonna go for a walk on the park
on the first day and you ain't spending no money
first thing they're gonna say is he broke he
does exactly but okay so ladies and gentlemen
let's let's pay close attention to something
even if That's okay with you. Like you're okay
with meeting him up, meeting up with him at the
beach. I live at the beach. So meeting up with
him at the beach or on the boardwalk, walking
or taking a drive at that thing. Be observant
still of how he treats you. Does he open and
close doors? Did he ask you if you were thirsty
or you need something to drink? Because even
a broke man can buy you a bottle of water. Did
he consider it? Did he walk on the outside or
the inside next to the street or not? You've
got to take time to be observing in the process.
And so first day, I don't have very low expectations
for a person until they tell me who they are.
So I tell you something that happened to me this
week, because I don't have, I'm cool. I don't
have no reason that I can't say it. Last week
Friday I saw I'm gonna go have lunch and I go
have lunch by myself almost every day I did it
today. I went I sat outside a little Greek restaurant,
but on Friday. I was like, oh, I want some Applebee's
I Just wanted some junk food and that's my that's
what I consider junk food And so I was like,
oh, I'm gonna go to Applebee's so I went to Applebee's
but I'm by myself So I sat at the bar because
it was just easy like let me get served real
quick. I got an hour I got to go back to lunch.
I mean go back to work So I go and I sit at the
bar and minding my business saying, bother nobody,
a man comes in. Now what was what stuck out to
me is that he and I both had on the same contrast,
like the same colors, exact same colors, right?
He came in and he walked past me at the bar to
go up to the hostess stand for the young lady
to see him. Well, the young lady that was seeing
him was the bartender. So she left from behind
the bar. She went and got him. He came to sit
in a booth behind where I was sitting at the
bar. And so immediately, without a thought, without
a hello or anything, he looked at me. He said,
are you eating alone? And I was, look at James,
already grinning. Get him, Team Marie. So I say,
yeah, like, yeah, I'm at lunch. I'm just, you
know, I'm just here. I'm chilling. I'm at lunch.
And he was like, you want to come and join me
in the booth. And I was like, no, I don't. That's
me. I'm sorry. That's me. I'm not going to sit
in a booth with this man. I don't know him. So
I said, no, but it's a seat right here. You're
welcome to come and sit next to me at the bar.
This man sat down at their bar. And I promise
you, I had, he talked to me, from the time he
sat down to the time he got up, literally, from
the time he sat down from the time I got up,
because I had to say to him, are you gonna order
your food, right? Like, you know, because he
was talking with me with paying attention, he
was telling me all kinds of everything, just
talking to me about, I mean, just talking about
every thing. And so I had a conversation, with
him at sitting at the bar at lunch. Now, what
you got to say, James, what you want to say?
I know you want to say something. Did you get
the number, though? That's what I want to know.
See, now I got to tell everything. So anyway,
I met a gentleman and he asked for my number.
He asked for my number. He was complete gentleman
asked for my number. He was like, hey, I'm off
today. Call me when you get off, you know, like
we can continue this conversation. So let me
say something to our listeners tonight. I want
you all to be encouraged and know that there
are still people that are real out in the world.
There's still people that are honest, that are
trustworthy, that want to create genuine and
organic connection with you. But what you have
to do is put yourself in a place to meet them
now I'm not saying that I'm dating anybody because
I'm not I'm just not but with that But with that
Guys he's not coming to your living room He's
not he's not gonna climb through your window
if he is he came there to burglarize the place
not to find a wife and you have to be open and
willing to put yourself in places. And the reason
that I'm saying that, I did not intentionally
go to Applebee's. I was driving and I get in
the car and I do this. I have the same conversation
with myself every day. I'm gonna go here and
eat. Ah, no, I'm not gonna go here. I'm gonna
go somewhere else and eat. I'm gonna go somewhere
else and eat. But I heard in my spirit that I
needed to go to Applebee's. James being messy
y 'all that I needed to go to Applebee's and
so I went there and I had the time of my life
with someone I had never seen and never met before
so I Said that to say there's still the you know
the possibility of You have to tune in next week
same time same channel to find out about About
mr. E. That's what I'm gonna call him Mr. E Yeah,
yeah, yeah. I ain't gonna have to tune in next
week because I'll get a, I'm a call. Organic
conversation, intelligence is a part of it. And
I am, I have made myself available to date with
intention in a minute that because I have an
anxious attachment style, I'm trying to learn
how to. be temperate with it, how to control
it, and not need assurance. And that comes from
what I experienced as a child. It makes me anxious
because I look for my person to be consistent.
And that's one of my deal breakers. So that's
what I'll say about that. But I wanted to share,
too, about organically meeting people, guys.
Don't always shun people. This man was clean.
He was dressed nice. He had all the same colors
as me, didn't know him from Adam's house cat,
but sat down and met somebody who is an awesome
person. So you want to be able to communicate
with people and not think that they have a motive,
not be afraid, but be open. And the last thing
that I will say tonight to each and every one
of you, whether you are secure, whether you have
a secure attachment style and anxious one. an
avoided one, or a fearful or disorganized one,
ensure that you pray and ask God to make you
whole, deliver you from the thought process that
causes you to have these types of attachment
styles. You want to attach to only what God has
prepared for you. And the last thing and I said
that was the last thing which I know I'm a preacher.
I'm a landed plane The last thing I want to say
tonight is that what God has prepared for you
It is for you and you've got to be okay with
that But you've also got to be open to be hurt
again in order to be loved correctly a Person
and I heard dr. Gonzalez say this he said a person
can speak your love language and still and I
have the character to love you correctly. You
be open, you be healed, you be whole, set free
and delivered and what God has for you will be
knocking at your door. God bless you. James,
thank you for humoring me tonight. I'm gonna
close this dating while anointed out and I'll
see you guys on next week. Y 'all definitely
tune in next week because I'm gonna find out
here in a minute. what's going on. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. She ain't leaving the studio until I find
out what's really going down. But tune in next
week, y 'all. Definitely learn your dating style
and learn to date people that match your dating
style. We love y 'all. Stay tuned. As we said
earlier in the show, we got something we'll be
playing. And dating while annoying it is one
of the souls that's gonna be at the forefront
of it But y 'all gotta stay tuned for more details
about that cuz Y 'all it's gonna be big it's
gonna be big But I'm definitely stay tuned and
we love y 'all and we will see y 'all next week.
Peace Hello, hello, hello. Thank you for watching
another episode on James H. Glover Network. We
appreciate you for all of your love, all of your
support and all of your comments. Now what I
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say, sometimes our disappointment's nothing more
than God's appointments meaning. Sometimes if
we look at his bag, God is only telling it around
for our good. Stay blessed, be blessed to be
a blessing to someone else and I'll see y 'all
on the next episode. Peace.