Welcome to closer to Christ through general conference
where two friends who love Jesus share our own
approach to studying the most recent general
conference talks. This is Abby and Amy. Let's
jump into it. Today we're talking about Lovest
Thou Me by Elder Stephen C. Barlow of the Seventy.
We're so happy you joined us. Hey, Abby. Hey,
Amy. So I'm going to get right down to it. He
starts with in the parable of the prodigal son.
So we all remember the elder brother. He was
initially struggling to celebrate when his younger
brother came back after a period of poor choices
and wasting his substance with riotous living.
So the elder brother's pride and self -righteousness
kept him from embracing the joy of his brother's
repentant return. Sometimes, you know, we may
also let opportunities pass us by without letting
our loved ones know, either through our words
or actions of our sincere love for them. Maybe
I felt this way in my younger years, you know,
reading the parable until I reached the age of
maturity to recognize that I am the prodigal
son in the story. Most of us are. We all have
a season, right? Or seasons. The amount of time
we spent making decisions. contrary to our Father's
desire or the degree of trouble we find ourselves
in at various times. It always varies, but at
the core we all have turned away and we all come
gratefully back into our Father's presence, no
matter how undeserving we feel about it. That
is so me. Like six years ago while doing character
profiles on Nephi, Sam, Laman, and Lemuel. I
mean, all these years I'd be like, why are Layman
and Lemuel punks? Why do they do this? You know,
be like Nephi and Sam. And then I do this character
profile and I'm like, oh my goodness, I am way
more like Layman and Lemuel on the regular. And
so I love that you did the character profiles.
I was doing this with like a Sunday school class.
I wrote it down and I'm like, which one do you
identify with? And I think more of us are like
that. So from the outside looking in the story,
you're like, oh, I can see it's good to have
them in the story so that we can say, Those are
the things I need to recognize in myself so that
I can be more like a Nephi and a Sam. But back
to the topic, there are so many powerful examples
in the scriptures of sincere love shared and
received. We've got Naomi and Ruth, we've got
Ammon and King Lamoni, and we've got the Savior
and His disciples. So these stories illustrate
for us the power that comes when love is freely
given and also sincerely received. A virtuous
cycle ensues with an increase of love between
both the giver and the receiver. God's love is
perfect, infinite, enduring, and most sweet.
It fills the soul with exceedingly great joy.
At times when we find it difficult to recognize
God's love in our lives, there is a way around
this. Our perfectly loving Heavenly Father so
deeply desires for us to experience His love,
that quote, he speaketh unto us according to
our understanding. He'll express his love for
us in ways that we as individuals can recognize.
Many of you have probably heard of the love languages.
It isn't something that I've. really deep dived
into, but it was on my mind a lot in this talk.
And it's been on my mind a lot over the years.
I do think it's a great tool to be able to really
understand how to show your love in the best
way to the person that you're trying to receive
that message of love. And it's good to know what
your love language is so that you can recognize
when others are trying to. love you in that way.
So just briefly, the five categories are words
of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of
service and physical touch. So we can apply these
in marriage and dating and parenting and friendships
and in our work dynamics. So the premise of the
love language is understanding the recipient
of your love enough to avoid like mismatching
delivery which then leads to less conflict if
we understand how they feel loved and less energy
expended on our behalf absolutely right yes absolutely
um most people realize even when they love someone
deeply in their way they may not be loving them
in the way that that person understands or recognizes
love. So when we know their love language, we're
able to love them in a way that does not burn
us out, just like you were saying. So this is
the lead -up for the backdrop of this talk. If
we want to show our love for God, we should understand
how He ... recognizes our love. Oh, that's great.
So today, we touch on both the idea that He knows
us so well that He finds a way to show us His
love, and then when we love Him back, we will
express love in the way that He recognizes love.
So good. Doesn't that still feel like love language
conversation? Absolutely. I can see why that
was coming to your mind. We may experience God's
love for us when we observe the beauties of nature,
I definitely am there, or receive answers to
prayers, or have thoughts come to our mind in
the very moment that we need that. or experience
sweet moments of joy. The greatest manifestation
of Heavenly Father's love for us that resonates
with both mind and heart is when he allowed his
beloved son to offer himself as the atoning one.
Sometimes we're so consumed with seeking evidence
of God's love for us that we become frustrated
when we do not see it. A powerful takeaway from
this talk. for our relationship with God and
really all of our relationships in our life,
just like Gabby mentioned, is this. The beautiful
paradox is that the more we're focused on showing
our love for God, the more easily we recognize
His love for us. It's like our antenna is tuned
to love, whether it's receiving or giving. Right.
And you're saying that I'm thinking, isn't that
all relationships? You cannot force somebody
to love you, but regardless of that, you can
love them. And I would say we've had a lot of
conversations, sometimes when you're particularly
struggling with somebody, put their name on the
temple roll or ask for opportunities to serve
them, service as love. that service then typically
leads to love when there was maybe nothing there.
So, this really applies in a relationship with
God, which is a great one to start with, and
it really then broadcasts to the other areas
of our life, and it all gives us great blessings
when we do that. So, when the Savior was questioned
on what the greatest command was, we know that
He replied, done nothing in our relationship
with him to demonstrate our love back. How many
earthly relationships would tolerate such a one
-sided relationship like this? Not many, right?
It's not long. Elder Kieran offers a wild suggestion
next. If you're finding it frustrating and finding
the right way to show love to someone you care
about and it isn't the way that maybe they recognize
it, he says it may be helpful to ask those we
love how they recognize love expressed. What
an excellent idea. So yeah, essentially saying
know yourself and how can we show love? That's
a novel idea. Instead of guessing, you just tell
me and then I'll know. In our relationship with
God, we don't have to guess His love language.
He did spell it out for us. We just have to know.
what it is and what to do with it. So we can
turn to the examples in the scriptures. The first
one they shared was, love is thou me more than
these. Amy, why don't you take that one for us?
Okay. The resurrected Lord and Peter shared this
exchange. It's good to love many things, but
is our love for the Savior more than our love
for any other activity or person? Is He the most
important influence in our lives? When he is,
we have more capacity in all the other relationships
in our lives. Yes. It reminds me of my dad used
to do a, um, uh, an object lesson and you get
like two jars, right? Okay. Um, let's say glass
jars and first you fill it. with sand, which
is all the other stuff, then you fill it with
rocks or ping pong balls and it doesn't fit.
But if you put the big things in first, meaning
like do the stuff that's most important first,
everything else actually fit into it when you
do it that way. And that's what this is reminding
of. It's like the most important influence, the
most important relationship is with Jesus Christ.
And when we do that, we have capacity for everything
else. That's wonderful. I love that. That's an
awesome object lesson. Right, it was for scriptures
back in the day. Yeah, for love, that's a great
one. Like, I know that we've used it like in
our financial courses and, you know, when, you
know, commandment, tithing's a commandment, and
like a lot of people will try to save tithing
for last and, you know, make all the other monthly
bills work and stuff, but you put him first,
you demonstrate that faith in him and that love,
and then all of the other things. God math. Yeah,
God math works. President Russell M. Nelson said,
So we're demonstrating our love language by being
a disciple and making him our top priority. And
I mean, just that visual over the radio lines
here, thinking of ping pong balls in a glass
jar and with the sand. Stop being so consumed
with making the sand fit. Do the ping pong ball.
Know that God's on our side and He'll make room
for everything else or He'll allow us to feel
totally peaceful of letting those other things
go. Don't have the room. That also reminds me
of one of A quote from President Nelson. Uh huh.
He said that things will either come into focus
or they will slip out of our lives. And it's
so true. That's so perfect. Yeah. Um, it makes
me think, Amy and I just got done doing activity
days. I got, she's, she's actually in charge
of it and I got to be a sub today. So we were
doing the thing and I was kind of working on
my calendar that just came in and talking about,
um, we, I don't know. I don't know if you set
goals. particularly, but I do a word of the year
and I was like, I came up with my word and I'm
like, what is it? I said balance and she's like,
that is totally one of my words. So you do a
couple of words. I normally do one word, but
it was capacity was my first word. And then I
was like, but I've got to find balance with it.
And so like I, cause I tend to swing one way
or another. And so that's why balance is my big
focus. Yeah. I think we're going to ask you guys
what. If you were to be asked for a word of the
year, like what that's going to look like. So,
um, I came up with balance and a lot of the thing
I'm thinking about is how I'm balancing work
requirements and, um, church requirements and
my relationships with each of my children, my
husband, you know, all of these, all of these
things. And then I was kind of brought that up
in a work meeting today and I was saying like
I'm really seeing it more of like a Triangle
not like a two -sided balance and then I was
like kind of like a juggling ball but I don't
want ever want any of those relationships to
feel like they're up in the air and being Juggled
by me. I want them all to feel when I'm when
I'm doing that responsibility that that I'm 100
% invested in in that and I love that so some
of the things that have happened throughout the
day I'm like thinking about what we're podcasting
and Sorry about that about my phone beeping.
But I'm just thinking, what a great promise that
we're given that as we put that extra energy
into finding that balance or making that relationship
with God, the most important one, all of the
other things just will kind of become easier.
Don't you think? Because it's mostly just being
aware of it, right? Sure. If you're aware, then
the spirit can direct you into, oh, maybe we
do this right now, maybe we do that. Knowing
what to pick up, knowing what to put away. I
love that. I always can use extra help with that.
And I've definitely done that. Like on some days,
I like kind of look at what I have lined up to
do. I'm like, I'm not doing this day. You're
doing this day. You let me know. what takes priority,
what's most important. I let him take the wheels
on it and I'll be like, if I get half of it done,
I hope it's the half that you would want me to
have done. And I'm always surprised, usually
the whole thing gets managed and I haven't felt
too stressed about it because I know he did it.
And I love giving him credit for those days that
I'm like, that was way above my abilities and
capacity, but you made it work. Which again,
comes back to our words. Balance, capacity. So
good. Why don't we go to the next one? Awesome.
So, there's another one of how we show God love
in the same conversation. So, this is right after
His resurrection and it's with Peter. After asking,
Lovest thou me? Peter replied, Gaylord, thou
knowest that I love thee. His instruction is
then, Feed my sheep. So, we show our love for
Heavenly Father when we serve, listen to, love,
lift, or minister to His children. And that service
may be as simple as truly seeing others without
judgment. It's interesting because this is perfectly
in line with our next conference talk, Feed My
Sheep, that, you know, we're talking about. I
love how they organize and orchestrate which
ones come after letting everybody get their inspiration.
Yeah. Then the Lord kind of just orchestrates
the perfect little conference for us. So great.
In section 76 of D &C, it says, I love that.
Oh, well, let's share that sweet story about
service and the bonds that service bring about.
So after returning home from my mission, he says,
I took over the lawn care business that my brothers
and I had started as teenagers. I was also busy
with my university studies. One spring week,
heavy rain and moving final exams left me overwhelmed
and behind on this yard work. Midweek, the skies
cleared and I planned to catch up on yard work
after classes. But when I arrived home, my truck
and my equipment were gone. Curious. I visited
the scheduled yards. Each one had already been
beautifully trimmed. At the last yard on the
schedule, I saw my younger brother walking behind
the mower. He saw me, smiled and waved. Overcome
with gratitude, I hugged and thanked him. His
meaningful act of service deeply strengthened
my love and my loyalty for him. So sweet. I love
that. I love that story, but I was just thinking,
when you're impressed to take a casserole to
somebody, Like, let's say I feel impressed to
bring a casserole to Amy, and I do that, like,
in that way, God would have loved to bring you
the casserole, and that's not something He's
able to do. He requires us to be His hands and
do the service and stuff. So, in that way, like,
you can picture delivering that casserole to
God on behalf of God. And this story, I mean,
think about it. At the age that He is, this is
probably like a 40 -year -old story. And it still
touches His heart. I love it. The Lord said in
nothing does man offend God save those who confess
not his hand in all things So we show our love
to God by acknowledging him as a source of every
good thing in our lives And we also manifest
our love of God by having a grateful heart the
best way of sharing our example is to use the
story that he illustrated. He used a story of
his career to illustrate this. In the early days
of launching a company, my business partner and
I would pray earnestly before important meetings,
asking for Heavenly Father's help. Time after
time, God answered our prayers and our meetings
went well. After one meeting my business partner
pointed out we'd been really quick to ask for
help. but really slow to give thanks. So from
then on, we made a habit of offering sincere
prayers of gratitude, recognizing the Lord hand
in our success. We show our love for God with
an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude has a well
-documented positive impact on mental health.
And lots of times, mental health helps decrease
the pressure on our physical state, too. We know
it reduces anxiety, depression, and over time,
we can even rewire our brains. You know, those
... Feel good neurotransmitters get released
as we're thankful for things the dopamine the
serotonin we like that hit Grateful people may
experience the same setbacks But they tend to
recover faster and tolerate uncertainty and disappointment
better Gratitude strengthens social bonds and
relationships and overall well -being grateful
people have higher satisfaction of life I love
that. It reminds me, too, if you take the church's
course on self -reliance. Emotional self -reliance.
That is one of the first things we do, is you
start to make a gratitude journal, and at least
every single day you write something you're grateful
for. It's just a great way to start the day.
And so, yeah, for emotional, for everything,
it really helps things. So Christ said, If ye
love me, keep my commandments. We show our love
for Heavenly Father and His beloved Son when
we choose to obey them. Do we do it out of fear?
Is our obedience with a willing heart? Father
wants us to be, to want to be obedient. Right?
Emphasis on the want. Yeah. That's not hard to
understand because if you, if you're the child
of a parent, or you have the opportunity to be
a parent yourself, you know that's a relationship.
You can only teach your kids so much and then
at a certain point you have to see what they
do with the things that you've taught them. And
if you force them to do good things, It's fine.
They've done good. If they, against all odds,
choose to do good, you're not there to like hold
their hand and help them make a decision. They
come home, they're like, yeah, such and such
happened and I did this. You're leaping for joy
inside. Cause you get to see that they wanted
to want to choose the better option. Totally.
It reminds me, I don't know if you've seen the
video this week and come follow me. Elder Bednar
starts it off and first he talks about keeping
your first and second estate. He explains it
so well. And then inevitably, because he always
talks about how we're agents to act and not be
acted upon, you know, he says, remember, we have
agency, but we don't have it to do whatever we
want with it. We have it to learn to choose Christ
over and over again. And I love that. Reminds
me of this, like, it's why it was a gift to use
it the best we could and to bring about the most
good and the most joy that we could in our life.
I love that. Um, that makes me think back up
to the example that, um, this brother gave about
his business partner. Uh, he's not saying every
deal went through that they were trying to accomplish.
When you put God in the picture, when ones didn't
go through, they could still have the attitude
of it was for a reason why something didn't manifest
or why didn't it come to pass. Yeah. And that's
also great. So the more that we involve them,
the more that we can get into the mindset that
that didn't happen, but it's because something
better. For sure. It is inevitably going to happen.
Yes. When the timing's right. I agree. Sister
Tamra Roonya, she called that love of wanting,
how did you word that? He wants us to want to
be obedient. Sister Roonya calls this affectionate
obedience. That's great. She said, even though
we don't have perfect obedience yet, we try affection
and obedience. Again, referencing examples with
our children. Our children try. to make the better
choice, and it doesn't really totally pan out,
then trying is just as sweet as really getting
it well. Elder Dale G. Renlund said, our Heavenly
Father's goal in parenting is not to have his
children do what is right, it is to have his
children choose to do what is right and ultimately
become like him. Again, another way to say the
same great thing. Heavenly Father gave us agency,
so here we are, to inspire us to want to choose
him. He wants us to have eternal life, but he
also hopes that we will be with him. Our agency
is such a huge condition of the plan. If he simply
wanted us to be obedient, he would use immediate
rewards and punishments to influence our behaviors,
right? We would see immediately that, oh, that
didn't work out. Not how it works. We show our
love for God when we choose to obey. and follow
him. We can really get into the immediate rewards
and punishments like if you start thinking about
like with when you're small and you have kids,
you have to get a hot stove, right? Things like
that. Immediately get hurt and immediately don't
do that again. And the laws of nature, like the
law of gravity, pretty immediate. you hold the
ball out like this and it drops. You know what
I mean? Right. And just to go back to the come
follow me for the week that you were referencing
in the Elder Bednar, I'm definitely going to
go on the first and second estate. You get to
make your choices. You don't really get to choose
the consequences of what those are, but obviously
there's stuff in line that when we're making
good choices that that will eventually lead to
the better consequences that we're shooting for.
Being more like God, being prepared and ready
to abide in His. Biden his presence, but this
comes up all the time people when people will
say like I'm making all these right decisions
And they're not seeing the blessings from that
It's like if you if that's them if that's a mindset
that you think that it needs to be immediate
Then you're you're expecting like a childish
It's more of a child's response. You you know
that if you ask a kid to do work and you're gonna
give them What do you call that money chore money
or whatever? If a year goes by, they're going
to stop doing the chores, right? It's like you
do the chore, you get paid at the end of the
week. You have to motivate based on age level.
You have to motivate a little bit more quickly.
And then, you know, as they get older, it's okay
that you're saying, you know, you're saving for
a car. Your payment is, you know, this is a harder
job. It's going to take you longer to do. It's
not just like picking up your toys. It's like
really trimming the yard or deep cleaning something
or whatever. You can stretch out the growth and...
stretch out the reward for that and it's just
a pattern of growth that he uses in us to become
like him. If our whole lives it was like you
did a good thing and you got the reward for the
thing, where's the growth? And I think he's just
trying to point that out. It doesn't mean I don't
hear you, that I'm not getting ready to bless
you. The blessing, it's not the time for the
blessing. Trust me. Just have this conversation
with me and recognize that you know that you're
on the right path. And you can say to him, you
know, if I need some course correction, let me
know. But if you're feeling like you're on the
path that he wants you to be on, but you're not
getting the blessing you're asking for, it's
coming. It is. It's interesting too, as I look
back at my life, totally along the same vein.
I've noticed that because Heavenly Father has
the perfect gift of discretion, meaning how much
to give, when to hold back, he knows the exact...
Amount at any given time for me. I would always
like it to be sooner than later, right? Human
nature. Yeah, and I just not selfish. It is exactly
all of us feel that way I've noticed over time
that it is a little more delayed that like it's
not the same as it was when I first started really
just Going down the path and themes things seemed
a little more immediate. They are a little more
drawn out now and I was listening to what president
Eyring was saying the other day, talking about
proving and being strengthened. And he said,
when those types of things happen, you can just
take that as God's trust in you, that He's growing
you. And I was like, hey, that's, I mean, that's
a good way to look at it, right? When you're
not having the immediate things you used to.
I don't know if it will really apply or resonate
with people that are listening, but a lot of
us that are doing the parenting thing, as I'm
watching my older friends raise older children
and you don't have that, that daily guidance
and they're really making decisions on their
own. I've seen a lot of heartache as the kids
are making their own decisions and experimenting
what it looks like to use that agency and experience
the consequences that come with that. But another.
reason why this is so great is that, you know,
it's not, it's not one second in time. It's this
long relationship. It's this covenant relationship
and we have so much time for learning and for
growth. And so some comfort and peace to give
is that it's like, um, they're still in the process
of learning and the promises that we've been
made with, um, because of, you know, one of the
pieces of love that he shows us is these covenants
and they are strong and they are lasting and
they extend beyond the veil. And so we're not,
you know, we're not going to type our emotions
based on just a little snapshot time. It's going
to be this big picture look that he has on things.
That's so good, Abby. Thank you. Uh, I think
we've covered everything. Did you have anything
else to share? I believe I shared it all. Okay.
Let me close with this testimony. He said, I
testify that each one of us is truly a child
of God. He loves us perfectly. I testify that
He yearns for us to experience His love in ways
we recognize and understand. And the beautiful
paradox is that we will experience His love for
us even more deeply as we show our love for Him.
And this He does in the name of Jesus Christ.
What comes to mind on Facebook? If they want
to join us on Facebook, what could we ask them?
Oh, that's a good question. How about what area
are you impressed to focus on to show God that
you love Him? Yeah. And then I'm going to put
a second one up. I would love to hear if people,
we're starting to get a few more people on there.
And again, it is not what it's going to be. It's
the beginnings of what it's going to be. Seeds
of greatness. Yes, planting seeds, what we have
the capacity for. Anyway, we're going to share
our words of the year and like kind of like what
we want, what we're hoping to see come from that.
If you guys want to share what your ambitions
for the new year are, if there's a word that
you could kind of spell it out, I would love
to have a conversation about that. So we'll put
those up and we will catch you in the next one.
Catch you next time.