Welcome to Closer to Christ through General Conference,
where two friends who love Jesus share our own
approach to studying the most recent General
Conference talks. This is Abby and Amy. Let's
jump into it. Today we get to discuss the Family
Proclamation, Words from God, by Elder Ronald
E. Rasband, Cormorant of the Twelve Apostles.
This General Conference of October 2025 marks
the 30th anniversary of the announcement of the
Family Proclamation to the world. Can you believe
that? No, Abby. Life is going by way too fast
for my good. By divine design, this proclamation
with its revelatory words was created to maintain
and strengthen the family as the fundamental
unit of society. Elder Rasband likes words. I
noticed he used divine design, which is the title
of a talk he's given and led by design, is a
book he authored. In this talk, he says, remember,
brothers and sisters, as I said in a previous
general conference from this very pulpit, words
matter. I remember that. And then it sparks all
the things we thought about when he talked about
that whole talk. Then he gives us a great backstory
of how the family proclamation to the world came
about. From here, he goes. And he says, we'll
call it the family proclamation. What did you
find most interesting about the backstory, Amy?
I think it's funny that you said the whole 30
-year thing. I agree with that. I love that he
spoke about this. It was my very first Relief
Society general meeting, my first semester at
college. I can't believe it was 30 years ago.
But yeah, I remember sitting there with my roommates
thinking this was a monumental occasion, although
I wasn't sure why yet. Now looking back, I see
it was bigger than I knew at the time and that
the Spirit was impressing on my heart and my
mind the importance of this proclamation on the
family. Is it fair to say when he said that,
we kind of all flashed back to like when we heard,
kind of first thought of it and just can't believe
the life we've all lived in that time? Yes, absolutely.
And I also, Abby, I really love that as far as
this backstory goes, that it all started with
a question and a prayer, much like any revelation
comes. He says in 1994, a year before the proclamation
was presented, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
discussed how society and governments were pulling
away from God's laws of family, marriage, and
gender. 30 years ago. I know! What they thought
a pulling away looked like is way different than...
what we're experiencing now. Exactly, Abby. That
is exactly what I felt and thought. Then Elder
Nelson says, we could see it all coming. Let's
take a minute again to think on that. Decades
before, things changed drastically. We had prophets
and seers, right? They see. Seek revelation,
revelators, on behalf of the family. Abby, what
do you have? I really appreciated the way it
came together as a quorum. Of the 12 apostles.
They all have their stem signature to say, we
all decree this together. I like that. We know
this came from God and the 12 determined, you
know, they prepare a document, make it an official
proclamation. And it would, you know, it would
be a summary of the church's position on the
family. During that year. These apostles, seers,
called of God, prepared a declaration about the
family. President Dallin H. Oaks recalled they
prayerfully turned to the Lord for what they
should say and how they should say it. They presented
it to the first presidency, President Howard
W. Hunter. So again, every word was well thought.
Not like, oh, let's tweak that. Now, 30 years
later, let's go, let's change that, make it a
little bit more. Palatable. It's God's word.
For sure. Did we hear God correctly? This is
how he said to say it. We reaffirm it. So yeah,
he did hand it over to Howard W. Hunter, President
Hinckley, and I think it was President Monson,
right? And then President Hunter passed away
before they gave it. I love also that the Quorum
of the Twelve counseled with the women and also
that President Hinckley read it first to the
women of the church. Elder Rasband says, days
before the September 23rd General Relief Society
meeting that preceded General Conference, President
Hinckley and his counselors met in council with
the Relief Society General Presidency. The sisters,
like the apostles, had also been weighing concerns
about women and families. And I also love it
because all of them had prepared messages about
the family for that meeting. Was this women's
meeting the right setting to make the decision?
the decisive declaration about the family. This
is what then Relief Society General President
Elaine Jacks said. We didn't know what the proclamation
on the family was at that time. We could tell
by the title, but we felt anything on the family
would be a positive thing. I felt very positive
that we had members of the Quorum of the Twelve
that were receiving revelation. Like as in, hey,
can we present this at your meeting? And they
really could be like, well, no, save it for a
different time. It feels good. It's about the
family. Come on in, boys. I remember what stage
of life I was in when the family proclamation
was given. Like what you were saying, right?
We all kind of remember what we were doing. How
old were you or what were you doing at that time,
Abby? Am I four years younger than you? Possibly.
How old are you? 48. I'll be 49. Six years different.
Yeah, just young women's. Okay. But yeah, like
definitely like a phase of my life where, so
don't think I was going to the young women's
meeting. I think my first rehash of it was maybe
in a Relief Society lesson presenting on the
family proclamation and then looking back and
being like, oh, this is five years old and whatever.
For sure. Kind of a little different phase of
my life. I love it. The Relief Society meeting
that Saturday. That particular Saturday was historic.
President Hinckley introduced the family proclamation
with these important words. With so much of sophistry
that it passed off as truth, with so much of
deception concerning standards and values, with
so much of allurement and enticement to take
on the slow stain of the world, we have felt
to warn and forewarn of standards, doctrines,
and practices relative to the family, which the
prophets, seers, and revelators of this church
have repeatedly stated throughout its history.
I remember him saying those words and I was like,
wow, like he's setting the record straight here.
Elder Rasband speaks to each one of us when he
says, when presented, the proclamation did not
align with the views of many in the world, not
then and not now. There are those who take issue
with the Declaration of Family, Marriage, and
Gender. Some suggest a church pull it back, revise,
or even set the proclamation aside. Like you
were saying, Abby, like it's 30 years later.
Maybe we could revise it or whatever. It's like,
no. 30 years ago, they saw where we would be
now, and it still is valid. The proclamation
on the family is, as President Hinckley stated,
doctrine, my dear brother and sisters. The principles
are not out of step, but perfectly in step with
the ways of the Lord and his covenant path. The
teachings of the proclamation were revealed by
our Lord Jesus Christ to his apostles then and
now. This is his church. He has established the
truths by which we live. So he's essentially
saying, it's as true now as it was then. For
those of us who feel this may not apply to us,
some of us may reflect on the proclamation and
say, this just isn't working for me. It seems
insensitive. I know every time, like we're in
primary and there's a song that's called The
Families of God and it lines out kind of, you
know, the mother's duties and the father's duties
as it is in the proclamation. And you see a lot
of choristers like, we have a lot of kids in
our primary and that just doesn't look the same.
Like it kind of has a cookie cutter feel to it
or whatever, let's say. And I'm always like,
yes, that's true. But it's always important to
point out to kids that these roles exist because
they're divine roles that come with us. Not just
because we want to make you feel bad that you
don't have it, that we want you to feel like
he made a plan for you to have those awesome
things. And whether you're experiencing them
right in that moment, mom passed away, super
unfortunate. Who's stepping up and filling those
roles? Who's nurturing you? Who's providing and
protecting for you? So we teach the ideal so
that they can know what the plan father had for
them and then see who's entering their lives
that are filling those roles. You're crazy if
you think that they said this to hurt people's
feelings and that they came from perfect life
experiences themselves. We've already talked
about a prophet. He was not raised with a father.
Do we just ignore the paragraph that talks about?
Who's going to be there to protect and provide?
Well, who did that in his family? His mom certainly
stepped up to play. She took on both roles. Was
that easy? No. Did it cause some issues for her?
Yes. Grandparents stepped in. I'm sure there
were a myriad of men that felt it their duty
to carry on for President Oaks in a way that
his dad would have appreciated. Very good point.
And I also know that his dad still did perform
some of those duties on the other side of the
veil for him. Yeah, that's a good point. In a
tender way, kind of brings that up occasionally.
So what people might say, this isn't working
for me and it seems insensitive. My family doesn't
look like that. I don't fit. And it's fair to
say those things. But for those with these concerns,
know this. You are a child of heavenly parents,
part of your heavenly father's family. No one
knows you better or cares more deeply about you
than he does. Turn to him. Pour out your heart
to him. Trust him and his promises. Know this.
You have family and your savior, Jesus Christ,
who loves you. Lastly, all of the Lord's apostles
love you dearly. We pray for you. You know that
they do. Seek the Lord's guidance for you. Stay
with us. You live in challenging times when the
adversary seeks to make you his. Do not be drawn
off. And if you are, come back. Our arms reached
out to you, as will those of others who love
you. I love that you say that, Abby, that, you
know, we know that they pray for us. I love that
he's saying that, piggybacking on telling the
story about how the family proclamation came
about, they were praying for us. They were asking,
petitioning the Lord, what do they need as far
as guidance goes for these next, you know, the
next years until the Savior comes again. You
know what I mean? So there's no doubt that they
foresaw Satan attacking the family as the best
way to erode our covenants, stall our progression.
and try to turn us from the divine truths that
we know about being children of God. Totally.
I like that point, Abby. So do you remember right
before conference, there was a conversation on
a group that we had. One of our friends asked
a question about like, you know, She kind of
essentially said, where's the guarantee in the
church that if we do quote all the things we're
supposed to, right? And my brain wasn't really
working well that week. It was just a fog week.
And so I read all the comments of all these wonderful
ladies who have strong testimonies of the Savior
and of the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I loved
every single thing that they said. I couldn't
put my thoughts into words. I just couldn't do
it at the time. And I loved it. Are you talking
about the question where she was like, how do
you know that you get a guarantee? Like all the
things that we're supposed to do. That, you know,
our kids will go on missions, marry in the temple,
have a strong testimony of Jesus Christ. All
those things. Yeah. Like I'm doing everything
right so that. So where's my guarantee? I want
the guarantee that these A, B, and C are going
to happen. Yeah. And like I said, I loved reading
everyone's testimony on that. And I wished I
could chime in, but I just couldn't bring it
together. And as I sat at conference and listened
to these words, I was like, that would be my
answer. It's happiness in life is most likely
to be achieved when founded upon the teachings
of Jesus Christ. Most likely, right? There's
no guarantee. We don't do all the things so that
there is a guarantee that all will end up the
way, quote, it's supposed to. And if I think
about it, if I'm being honest, that kind of sounds
closer to Satan's plan, meaning a guarantee.
When you have guarantee, that means you have
control, and we don't control other people's
agency, only our own. Did somebody in that thread,
I'm pretty sure Jet said something like... He's
not a dispensing machine. Yeah, she did say that.
And if the blessing for choosing the right is
immediate, then there's really no time to...
To learn the lesson. To learn from it. Which
we've talked about this before, the same thing.
Sometimes you make bad decisions and the consequence
doesn't follow immediately. Sometimes it takes
years. If it was so immediate that you wouldn't...
you really wouldn't be having agency. It's like,
oh, hey, that didn't. There are some things that
are immediate. A kid touches a hot stove. They
don't touch the hot stove immediately after.
It burned them. Something like adult decisions.
Sometimes you're like, oh, that was a great decision.
I'm so glad I made that decision. And it's not
till years later. You're like, oh, that was contrary
to the word of God. And I can see how that has
affected, you know, my life in whatever way.
Yeah. So anyway, I remember there were a lot
of great comments on that. And I've thought about
it since. I'm like. It's amazing to think he's
made the promise. Obedience to his commandments
has a certain set of promises. Whenever those
manifest themselves, sometimes they're immediate,
sometimes they're longer in coming, I trust that
the timing will be right whenever he decides
for that to be. That's great, Abby. Elder Rasband
asked us, what are the teachings of Jesus Christ?
Again, in the proclamation, faith, prayer, repentance,
forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work,
and wholesome recreational activities. Whose
life will not be better by applying these key
principles? What if the children don't turn out
cookie cutter perfect like you were hoping for?
In the moment that you were doing those things
and using those as your battle cry and this is
what we're doing for our family, wasn't there
joy in those moments? I'm the same. I mean, if
I could do Satan's plan on behalf of my children
and be like, no, we're all getting there together.
It's going to be perfect. I would do that, but
that's just not how it works out. And also from
other talks that we've discussed, You can still
find joy even, you know, we had this conversation
where it was like, you're only as happy as your
saddest child. Do you remember who said it? I
don't remember. It's not coming to my mind right
in the second. Someone who had a grandma with
a lot of grandkids. Yeah, and he was like, there's
no way that's true. Over 100 posterities, like
at least one of them is unhappy in any given
moment. And so you can still find joy. He can
make it possible to find joy despite. you know,
the people that you love not doing exactly what
you'd hope for them to do. Find joy in knowing
that the atonement of Jesus Christ is real. Know
that you're living your covenants. Like you don't
have to have regrets that, you know, you set
them aside. I've seen that. It's like, oh, my
kids are not living the gospel and we want to
all be together. So like, let me have a terrestrial
life so that I can match that. Let's not. go
with that plan. Like I love the promise blessings,
you know, in the celestial life that, um, the
celestial living that your blessings can, um,
broadcast onto your posterity. I feel that, I
feel that that's a promise that I'm being made.
So regardless of what that looks like for them,
they're, they're finding their own happiness.
I'm teaching them everything that I can. I can't
do it with the, uh, I can't do it with the mindset
like, um, that they have to make. exact decisions
like I would make. They're their own person.
And I'm finding more joy in, as I'm kind of releasing
that control over the situation. Yeah. Again,
just like father. I mean, who knows better that
they want all of their children back to them,
but still had to give them choices. Heavenly
father, right? And with Satan who fell, you know
what I mean? Like he's been through all this.
I do feel, Abby, so, you know, I'm almost in
my fifth decade of life and I do feel like there
was a point and I feel like there was a point
for every single parent when you go, oh, shoot.
I really can't make the decisions for my kids.
They're going to do their own thing. And wow.
And, and then like, it just starts a whole thing
of, oh, wow. Like how does Heavenly Father and
Heavenly Mother do this? How, what is their,
you know, just all of that. It just gives you,
again, parenting helps you to co -create and
be a, co -create with, with God, meaning creating
a family and asking him to help guide you and
ask, how did you do it? And you know what I mean?
It's always, it always gives us an opportunity
to turn to him and say, how can I do this better?
I literally had a conversation with a mother
of older adult children this week. And, you know,
she had her like, and she's like, how are you
guys doing? I'm like, I'm great. All of my kids
are younger than 18. So I still get to be bossy
about everything that they do. Like ask me in
a couple of years when I know that that's not
going to be the case. I just want to say, again,
those teachings of Jesus Christ that we see in
the proclamation about faith, prayer, repentance,
forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work,
and wholesome recreational activities. Do I think
that I'm doing any of that perfectly? No. Do
I think that trying the best that I can in each
of those areas is my job? Yes. Sometimes I'm
more heavily focused on one or two of those things,
but in essence. I know my goal is to have a council
and have family discussions and have a strong
family unit and help each other in this journey
of life and be a good sounding board for the
kids and help them to grow into good adults.
But if I know that I've tried my best to teach
those things, I can be less uptight about what
the outcome of that is. Long term, I do think
that those promises are real. Yeah. And like
you said, you know, do the very best you can
because we're not going to do it perfectly. Again,
for parents, the Savior steps in as we turn to
Him and ask Him to make up the difference, right?
Because He makes everything all right in the
end. So even that, He can fill the gaps there.
I maybe have a challenge on this one. I feel
like in more recent conversations, people will
say like they like the family proclamation, but
except. a particular line or phrase or part and
they want to put their own interpretation on
it, I would make a challenge. Step away from
the things you don't like about the proclamation
and read it with eyes to like grasp on and appreciate
something from it. Just kind of switch the gears
on. Piece that you're feeling uncomfortable about
and you don't want to focus on, focus on the
truth of some other particular line and develop
a testimony of that thing. you know then issue
your challenge to pick another part that you
agree with without real question maybe apply
it a little bit differently or just think on
a ponder on it see how that affects your life
because you're doing those things makes me wonder
if the more that we do that You know, if we see
the softness and the love and the doctrine that's
in those lines that we aren't so settled with.
It's something that I do. If I hear something
and it's not settled right with me, I don't just
take it like, oh, well, I have to believe that
because they said it. I allow the time to feel
comfortable with it. And I usually start with,
you know, something. that I really have a core
understanding of, then I can kind of... Start
with what you know. Yeah, I'm not unpeeling layers.
I'm adding to until it can... It's kind of the
faith and hope thing my husband always talks
about, that I can expand my faith and hope in
those things until I'm able to encompass it and
find a place for it to set well with me. That's
very good, Abby. I love that challenge. It's
great. Also, if you want to go online to... Our
Facebook group, we could have a discussion there
about the things. Maybe what's the line from
the family proclamation that's been the most
useful, helpful to you in raising your own family?
For sure. Something like that. Do you have anything
else, Abby? Okay. Well, in closing, I'm going
to end with what Elder Rasband said. Our Father
in Heaven has provided the proclamation on the
family to help guide us home to Him, to help
us learn and be filled with love, strength, purpose,
and eternal understanding. That's what we're
all hoping for, right? With all my soul, I plead
with you to live close to Him and His beloved
Son. I promise as you do, the Spirit will inspire
and guide you and help you feel in your heart
their promised peace that passeth all understanding.
And He says this in the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen.