Welcome to Closer to Christ through General Conference,
where two friends who love Jesus share our own
approach to studying the most recent General
Conference talks. This is Abby. And Amy. Let's
jump into it. Today we get to discuss the talk,
The Family -Centered Gospel of Jesus Christ by
President Dallin H. Oaks, President of the Quorum
of the Twelve Apostles. It's typical that we
bring the prophet's address up to the top, but
as we're in the midst of an apostolic interregnum,
Interregum. We're not we're not we're not deleting
this out, Garret. You can leave this mess up. I
don't know how to say that word. I've only heard
it once in my life. So that's as good as I'm
going to say it. But because we don't we have
the the keys are residing with the 12. And that's
the period of time that we're in right now. So
as. the leader of the church at this moment.
We've moved it up to the top of the heap as though,
you know, the prophet's message were in play.
But we do recognize in this moment in time, he
is the president of the Quorum of the Twelve
Apostles. This period is typically short, often
lasting maybe a week or two and concludes after
the deceased prophet's funeral, which at the
time of this recording was just Tuesday. So like
five days ago, the next prophet. is usually the
most senior apostle at the time of death and
is sustained and set apart after their funeral
so we anticipate that maybe shortly after the
airing of this we will have a prophet and a new
apostle hopefully and a new apostle When I look
at this talk and read it over, it feels like
it's kind of broken up into a few categories.
The first one, President Oaks tells us about
the doctrine from the proclamation of the family.
Then we talk about parental responsibilities
and teaching the gospel principles, also practical
knowledge and family knowledge. And then I love
this part. We're going to get to it. He fills
in the gaps with the family circle is what he
calls it. I do want each of us to invite the
Holy Ghost to listen with us and ask. that we're
nudged on just one thing we can change or implement.
This talk isn't to overwhelm, and it's not talking
about perfection now. Abby, what do you have
for us? Let's start with this. The first part
of the talk, President Oaks touched on what the
proclamation on the family was, and it was introduced
30 years ago at the time of the conference. It
is crazy because I remember it well when it was
introduced. The proclamation declares that the
family is ordained of God. It is central to the
creator's plan for the eternal destiny of his
children and God's commandments for his children
to multiply and replenish the earth remains in
force and further declare that God has commanded
that the sacred powers of procreation are to
be employed only between man and woman lawfully
wedded as husband and wife. So here's the doctrine
that precedes his observations and invitations.
One observation is for over 100 years, the number
of American households with mother and father
as head have declined as well as the number of
children. to each family. Marriage and birth
rates of our church members. are much more positive
than that, but have also seen a decline significantly.
And then he shares this thought. He says, it
is vital that Latter -day Saints do not lose
their understanding of the purpose of marriage
and the value of children. That in the future
for which we strive, exaltation is a family affair,
as the prophet President Nelson has taught. Only
through the saving ordinances of the gospel of
Jesus Christ can families be exalted. So I might
ask ourselves the question, how is the teaching
on the family best received? according to President
Oaks, by modeling it. I find it interesting that
he reminded us that he said, we can truly say
that the gospel plan was first taught to us in
the counsel of an eternal family, which means
we learned about eternal families from our heavenly
parents and that they modeled that living for
us while we live with them. Then he goes on to
say that it is implemented through our mortal
families, meaning. We're going to figure out
how it works by doing it right. And its intended
destiny is to exalt the children of God in eternal
families. He emphasizes that parents, single
or married, and others like grandparents who
fill that role for children are the master teachers.
Their most effective teaching is by example.
The family circle is the ideal place to demonstrate
and learn eternal values. 80 years ago, as he
lived on his grandparents' farm in his boyhood,
things were a little bit different. Most learning
was done as a family. He says the family was
an organized and conducted unit of economic production.
And then he says today, most families are units
of economic consumption. This really did hit
home. When he said that, I was like, wow, that's
a really good point. And he says it doesn't require
a high degree of family organization. and cooperation.
He makes a clear point here, I feel, that families
can take back the pull of the world that it's
having on every family on the earth today. I
like having this in our minds as we discuss what
we as parents or the family circle are to teach
our children. If you noticed, he pointed out
that not all families have all members to enjoy
complete family currently. And I think a lot
of times people just assume like they've got
things perfectly. So it's easy for them to talk
about, you know, the rules and the family proclamation
and how things should go and ABC. And the ideal,
right? Yeah. What the ideal looks like. You know,
he very emotionally shared, reminded us that
he experienced firsthand the passing of his father
when he was just seven years old. And you were
commenting before about him living on his father's
farm, his grandparents' farm. Adam and I made
it through his biography this week to just kind
of catch up on the life. And his mom went back
to school and they were raised by the grandparents.
during that period of time when she was furthering
her education. So when he said, I'll be your
father, he really was. He promised that he would
be. And then, and in the same token, helping
their daughter to get on her feet and for sure,
and make a better way for herself. And that required,
you know, a two year stay with the grandparents
while the mom was pursuing that. So, you know,
anybody that wants to get up in arms about, you
know, feeling like a woman's role is. you know,
barefoot, pregnant and uneducated. It's just
not the experience he's talking about because
roles do have to be shifted around and made to
work for the circumstances they're having. But
beautiful that his grandfather stepped into a
role of a father figure and promised that he
would do that. Absolutely. Great that the mom
could rely on her parents as she got back on
her feet after this tragic and unexpected death.
I think everybody has to play their part and
say, this is the ideal we're shooting for when
we don't have that as the situation. How can
that be modified? How can we fill the gaps? He
said of his mother, she was alone and broken,
and yet she taught prayer for heavenly assistance
in raising her children. We were raised in a
happy home in which our deceased father was always
a reality. That's amazing, isn't it? And we had
a father. And she had a husband and we would
always be a family because of their temple marriage.
Our father was just away temporarily because
the Lord had called him to a different work.
It's an amazing perspective. Every mother can
teach these truths on the eternal family. Remember
in tough times that God shall consecrate thine
afflictions for thy gain. And that applies to
every Latter -day Saint family, complete or currently
incomplete. We are all, you know, a family church.
Yep. For those families that are currently incomplete,
family -like grandparents can help, which they
certainly did in the prophet's case. He calls
in the family circle. We all have a family circle.
As families unite to strengthen one another,
we should all remember that the sins and inevitable
shortcomings of all of us experiencing mortality
can be forgiven through repentance because of
the glorious and saving atonement of Jesus Christ.
And I think this is true of all religions. When
you move away from your base family unit that
you're accustomed to, there is a place for community
and family, like that family filling in our church
settings, whatever congregation that may be.
And that's because we have a natural inclination
to have relationships and have families and have
bonds. Agreed. Not just ourselves. Yes. And it's
also a compensating blessing, I would say, that
the Lord gives us. If it's not in the initial
family or the family unit, then he's provided
other means to meet those needs, which is a huge
blessing. And it's not meant to say, like, if
you're a single mom making a go of it, it's not
to say that you're not powerful and that you
can't compensate for not having a father in the
home. What a beautiful idea that there's no shame
or harm in finding other men that are in your
circle and bringing them in to help fill those
roles. So you don't feel like you have to carry
that burden that was designed to be shared equally.
Ideally, you know, sometimes there's a little
more give than take, but it's great. It's a reminder
that we're not meant to do things alone. Absolutely,
Abby. Okay, I love this part. He talks about
the different things we can teach our kids, or
not only can, but have the responsibility. to
teach children. The family circle is the ideal
place to demonstrate and learn eternal values,
such as the importance of marriage and children,
the purpose of life, and the true source of joy.
Then he talks about essential lessons of life.
The family circle is also the best place to learn
other essential life lessons, such as kindness,
forgiveness, self -control, and the value of
education and honest work. Practical knowledge.
The family garden builds family relationships,
happy family experience, experiences, strengthen
family ties, camping, sports activities, and
other recreation are especially valuable to bond
families. I think it's funny too, that he, he
prefaces that by saying happy family experiences,
because sometimes you have a, you know, experience
of the family, like camping or something, and
it's frustrating or whatever, but it's just to
remind us that that is the goal to have that
happiness. And, um, really enjoy each other's
company in these things. Then he talks about
family reunions because then we can remember
our ancestors and that leads to the temple. Then
there are the basic skills of living, working
in the yard and home, learning languages. I thought
that was interesting. He says learning languages
is useful preparation for missionary service
and modern life. There are plenty of people who
have used the languages that they've learned
in there. Missions. Yeah, and their missions
and then also in their employment afterwards.
That's a huge blessing. Families flourish when
they learn as a group and counsel together on
all matters of concern to the family and its
members. My husband and I have had multiple priesthood
blessings that even when we were having in midst
of like some family turmoil, like we were facing
tough decisions as parents, like where should
we live as a family and what should we do for
employment? And we were counseled to bring those
together. or bring them up in our family prayers
and to counsel about. And where before that,
we were kind of hesitant to share some things
with our kids because you want to have them feel
safe and you want to have them know that things
are working out. But at the same time, it is
very real. to have problems or to have challenges
that you need the Lord's help with. And to involve
them in that is a perfect way to model how we
turn to the Lord and we ask for blessing or direction,
and then we move forward in that. And when they
have a part in that equation, then you maybe
have less of that. pull back like i never wanted
to move i never wanted to be here but as you're
feeling uh inclination to make big changes for
your family or you're going through things based
on the age that they are they can handle a little
bit more of that pressure to be involved in the
prayers that you're seeking you know direction
on what the next step is going to be another
piece when something that you were sharing it
talked about um you know, how much we learn in
our family unit. Basically, if all you ever do
is complain to your children about how expensive
they are and how much they cost you and how messy
they are and all the... They're a burden. They're
a burden that they are. They're probably likely
to not want to have that joy for themselves,
you know, as they age. For sure, because that's
not joy. It's not joyful. Every chance that you
can take to just express how much you enjoy being
their parents and raising them and watching them
grow and learn. It doesn't have to be scheduled
time that you do that. Just the general, the
joy that you're finding in this family life and
the things that you're doing together, we express
that more. I think that naturally will help them
be excited about raising their own families.
I did ask my kid the other day. I was like, well,
we were sitting down. We were studying the first
talk of the conference on peacemakers and making
that family plan or whatever. And so we were
kind of having a little family council and I
was like. you know, there's an opportunity if
there's anything that we're doing currently in
our home that you know that you definitely want
to not do in your home because you hate how things
are going. I'm like, you could certainly share
that right now. We can try to try to change it.
And she kind of like, yeah, couldn't think of
anything. Yeah, not in the moment. But, you know,
I'll give her time to think about it. I think
what a great way. Things aren't going my way.
Well, as a family unit, what if? What if together
we decide on a different way that we're going
to approach whatever challenges come? That's
awesome, Abby. Also, you know, as I was listening
to like the families flourish when they learn
as a group and counsel together and then the
language learning. And he said, who does this
teaching? the family circle. And it reminded
me a lot of the way you and your family approach
learning with homeschooling. Do you want to tell
us a little bit about how you and your sisters
tackle this teaching? I'm super blessed to have
sisters that also participate in that because
I know that that's just not something people
want to do or have the time to do. But I love
that my sisters in multiple states, we can come
together and it gives our children more. opportunities
with our cousins to learn together and each of
the systems yeah we zoom and we typically reach
responsible for like a certain subject one's
teaching history this year one's teaching biology
and then we can kind of group some of the kids
together because they're such similar ages we
have like english language arts and one one sister
will manage and and i do with another group and
these are moments and experiences that i really
wouldn't get Otherwise, in the way that our curriculum
works, there's always opportunities to infuse
more God into the conversation. I don't think
that it's a safe place to do that in most public
schools. And sometimes, you know, schools are
kind of getting away with that. But you know
how school kids, they... They sometimes fight
you on what they're learning and what they're
doing. But at the end of the day, like they're
having great experiences because there's a little
more Jesus in their day and a little more talk
of God. And we can always apply the lessons that
we're learning, you know, for studying something
in history. There's always a gospel principle
in that. So I'm enjoying that. At the end of
the day, we're all homeschooling the way that
the Come Follow Me curriculum is set up. It's
a home -centered, gospel -supported. And I would
always say, when you're preparing yourself and
preparing that Come Follow Me material, there's
always opportunities to infuse those ideas into
the week. And I laugh, like, we'll get to primary.
Amy and I teach a class together. So we'll get
to primary. We'll ask the kids what they learned
that week. And most of them will be like, oh,
my parents, we didn't do any Come Follow Me this
week. And I said, in a teacher training, I said,
when I asked that question, it's not to like
have these kids rat their parents out. It gives
us an opportunity to say, we start talking about
the lesson. Like, oh yeah, we learned a little
bit about that. What I'm saying is when the parents
have something in their heart to share, an opportunity
will present itself somewhere during the week.
And they'll teach that without it being like
roundup, time to sit down. We're doing come follow
me right in this moment. It kind of just happens
to naturally flow into some conversation that
you're going to have during that week. If there's
something that you know one of your children
needs, rather than like a sit down lecture on
that topic. It's in your heart. It will come
out normally and naturally in a way, in an opportunity,
in a moment that will affect that kid better.
I love that. That's the thing too. It's also
a better, yes, role modeling. And it's also a
better way to learn and be taught when you don't
really realize that you're sitting in front of
a chalkboard or whatever and they're pointing
to things. My dad would always do that whenever
we were traveling. Whether he was taking me somewhere
to Utah or whether he was taking me to just somewhere
in town, he would use that. time just to chat
and you know it's not like we were looking eye
to eye or anything it was just a very natural,
organic conversation. So he was always teaching.
And that's a great point. We have a crazy busing
system here. So if you live on the east side
of the road or the west side of the road, like
it may make your pickup time like 45 minutes
earlier than the kid just across the street because
they have to pick you up on the side of the street
that you live on. Right. So I have, you know,
a gal, we were neighbors and friends, but they've
moved since. But she took it as an opportunity.
She would keep her kids home for like an extra
40 minutes and she'd have to run them into the
school. But she cherished that time. She would
never want you to carpool, you know, to help
her out on some of those mornings because she
cherished that 10 minutes in the car, 15 minutes
in the car, one -on -one, uninterrupted conversations
to have these teaching moments. We live about
15 minutes from the high school and it's not
uncommon for me to make multiple trips a day.
But I find that when I have like a one -on -one
opportunity to go up there. Yes. That I can have.
It's different. Because of the experience Anna
had shared with me, I'm like, instead of being
like, oh, another trip to Afton, I try to make
it special with the kid that I'm taking to dance
or taking to music or taking to school or whatever.
I love that, Abby. That's great. President Oaks
reminded us that our ultimate, our Savior Jesus
Christ is our ultimate role model. We will be
blessed if we model our lives after his teachings
and his self -sacrifice. Following Christ and
giving ourselves in service to one another is
the best remedy for the selfishness and individualism
that now seems to be so common. And then he shares
this, living the gospel of Jesus Christ brings
blessings, praying together, kneeling night and
morning to offer thanks for blessings and to
pray over common concerns, worshiping together
in church services and also in other devotional
settings. These all bring blessings, sharing
family stories, creating family traditions, and
sharing sacred experiences. I invite, again,
each of us to prayerfully choose one thing that
we can improve or implement. First, we could
ask, what is most important to my family right
now? God knows your family and he knows your
needs and available resources. He will guide
your decisions and bless your family through
your honest efforts. Somebody might say, what
if I don't have the time to take that invitation
up? But let's go with President Oaks' counsel
on this. He said, to find time to do what's truly
worthwhile. Many parents will find that they
can turn their family on if they all turn their
technologies off. That one hit. Deep. And I wonder
how many people felt the same way. If this is
you, maybe pray to see what you could cut out
that does not align with our ultimate family
goal and replace it with one thing that does.
It's Amy and I's common... Practice to find an
invitation in each of the talks, not tell you
exactly what to do, but to encourage you to consider
if that's the thing that's above all else stands
out in conference. And again, this would have
been the very last talk of all of the sessions,
kind of bring it home, wrap it up. But when we
bring it to the forefront, I do think it's important
to consider what impact we can have with our
families and the time that we're spending there,
the things that we're doing. A lot of the times
it takes preparation on our own parts to be the
most effective in those family units. Any last
thoughts from you? No, there was so much in here.
I mean, it's worth a listen while you're driving
in the car or whatever. There's just so much
in it. We just, we weren't able to, you know,
do all of it here, but there were just so many
wonderful things he shared. And again, like I
see them as invitations and opportunities to
improve your family relationships, not a list
of do this, this, this, this, this, this, and
this, because it's an extensive list. But as
I look at it, I see. the man who will be the
prophet of our church, giving us direct guidance
from the Lord and saying, I'm talking to a worldwide
church here. I'm giving all of these examples
because everyone's different. Everyone needs
that first, that perfect thing that you can start
doing right now is going to be different for
every family because every family looks different
and they're implementing different things. So
I just loved it. And I saw it as an opportunity
to choose one of these things and see how the
Lord blesses us. And just to reiterate the suggestion,
there can be so many things that come out of
this talk for each of us. But if you go into
this talk with a prayer in your heart that you
hear the one thing, the one tweak that you could
make over the next X amount of time, if you pick
this talk up again a few months from now and
you're doing the one thing, it'll be interesting
to see what blessings have flowed from it in
the immediate. You never know the eternal consequences
of the good changes that you're making. But well,
not that you never know. It just takes longer
to find, you know, eternal blessings take a little
bit longer to get to. But like you said, there's
enough here that you could ask this question
a year from now and go through this talk and
the impression will come differently. But at
the end of the day, any amount of effort that
we're putting into our families and those relationships
is going to be. of great worth. Absolutely agreed.
Thank you, Abby. Thank you all for joining us
today. Have a great week and enjoy creating family
time. See you next time.