Welcome to Closer to Christ Through Conference.
We're two friends who love Jesus, sharing our own approach to conference.
Welcome today.
Today we get to talk about In Support of the Rising Generation by Brother Michael T. Nelson.
I've got to tell you, Abby is honestly probably the best person that I know that can talk
about this just because of the gift of experience.
Don't say that.
Well, I'm just sharing my perspective.
By companionship, right?
Yes, that too.
So Abby has been a bishop's wife.
She's also supported her husband.
And when I say that, I mean by time and everything that goes into it, because he is our local
seminary teacher and principal.
And then they've also done FSY.
They just go all over the place together.
Oh, they also, for a state calling, they have not just temple prep, but life prep.
And they just do so much for the youth that I really, really think we could gain some
insight and probably some fantastic tips about this.
So Abby, Elder Nelson.
I hope that you are preparing to share it because I've learned a lot about serving with
the youth from you.
That's sweet.
Okay, so Elder Nelson, he used the scripture story of Helaman and the stripling warriors
as a backdrop for his talk.
What insights do you gain about supporting the rising generation from this talk?
I love that he used this one to go all the way through.
And if I'm being totally honest, as I've studied Helaman and the stripling warriors in the
past, I'm usually really focused on the power that mothers had on their sons and their learning
and the fear that wasn't in their hearts because of the things that they knew from their mothers.
So I'm like, woman power, and it's probably a favorite scripture story.
And I'm not ashamed to say that.
I'm encouraged to use that in the women's devotional and preparing for FSY later.
So I'm like, there's nothing wrong with taking that powerful approach to what women are capable
of doing for their children.
Also, if we're likening the scriptures to ourselves, we're mothers.
Yeah, we're mothers.
So I'm going to look at it that way.
But this talk did give me a different perspective and take on it.
And I loved it for that because what I got from the past with this message was that I
could see that it's really a combined effort between parents, bishops, ward members, all
assisting our youth today to prepare them for the battles that they will surely face.
Love that.
Yes.
And I just recently became a mother of teenagers.
And at a certain point, it's just a different dynamic, like what happens between me and
my children and the teenage space.
I know that they're looking for other influences.
And if I can trust, and I can if I can trust their young women's leaders are that different
voice that's just not their mom telling them something to do.
Absolutely.
And I know that the bishops concerned about them that their seminary teacher is going
to step in to help me in this challenge of raising youth in these latter days.
Like, let's make it a party.
It makes me not feel so much pressure having all of that myself.
I feel like Heavenly Father will raise me up and help me in that process, all that He
can, like a specialist, like come to Him and ask Him for the help to do this job and being
a mother and raising my children.
But one of those blessings that He gives me as a mother is to put these other people in
our path the right time.
For sure.
And we know that life is hard and it's getting harder.
It's getting harder for our youth.
But I think they're up for the challenge.
I've watched, I've physically seen it, like as Brent Nielsen talked, things that I have
both seen and heard.
I have watched the youth of the church change from like one year to the next.
I'm like, they're getting stronger and stronger, better and better.
More prepared for whatever is lying ahead.
Yes.
And you know, when we were walking the other day, Abby, I love that you made the comment.
I think it's our seniors now, the ones that are going into Relief Society and Elders Quorum.
They have been the ones that have grown up with Come Follow Me.
Their entire life.
Exactly.
It never was just introduced, you know, a certain year.
It's like they know that.
Midstream.
Right.
Yeah.
So the learning period of time, like they are fully equipped for this change, this format,
this what the prophets saw around this corner.
And it was like, move in this direction.
These kids need more interaction.
They need to be more involved.
They need to have an insight input and be more involved.
And they're ready for it.
I totally agree.
So I did love a quote from this talk.
It was by Elder Dale G. Renlund.
He taught that, I'm going to direct quote, to effectively serve others, we must see them
through Heavenly Father's eyes.
I could just stop right there because that's everything.
Yeah.
Because it makes all the difference, right?
When somebody's not maybe living up to what you in your head imagined that they should
be living up to.
Maybe they come from the best parents in the world and they've been brought to church every
Sunday and whatever checklist of things that we think.
And they're living under that.
Scratch that, back up.
How did Heavenly Father see them?
He's so happy with where they are.
Right.
And your job is to ask through the Spirit, like, what can I do to improve their life
if they so desire?
Right.
I love that you said that too, Abby, because when you said, let's back up and see what
Heavenly Father sees, I feel like one of the hugest things is the reason he's not nervous
and worried about it is because he has an eternal perspective.
And he knows this isn't the end.
Yeah.
I feel like if we're serving his children, we absolutely can claim that blessing of asking
him to help us see them through his eyes.
That means help us see their potential.
Because guess what?
That fear is gone at that point.
Yep.
So whatever part we can do to bless them, that's great.
Whatever piece and part they want to take on.
The thing that they remember that we said, if that carries with them, we're going to
talk about it later probably, because there was a main point in the talk about just the
relationships we build with them, how if they know that we love them, that's the key.
Well, how's the easiest way to love the youth?
We'll look at them like Heavenly Father looks at them.
Love that.
Just full potential.
Not concern of where they are, where you think that they should be.
Let them decide that.
Keep quoting.
Only then can we begin to comprehend the true worth of a soul.
Only then can we sense the love that Heavenly Father has for all his children.
The magic happens when the leaders, certain leaders are placed in our children's lives.
And when they strive to serve the youth in the way that they're capable of doing.
We can grow as a leader, but we may not have the skill set to work with this particular
person, but isn't it great when we make that a prayer and we say, I need this special gift
to reach this youth, and then we're blessed with that gift.
We grow in that way.
Agreed.
But what I was thinking of in all the time that I've spent with the youth, I can't say
that every time that the activity that's planned or the lesson that's taught just went exactly
like I'd imagined.
Or you'd sometimes just like that didn't go how I wanted it to go.
But I don't think it matters because if my heart is in a place where I have a desire
that my best is put out there, and sometimes that doesn't look great, but it's the best
that I have right then.
Yeah, it's what you're offering.
And at the very core, I love these youth, then things can't go wrong.
I agree.
My dog is barking, but we're just going to get over that one.
So Abby, if I'm thinking of lessons that you've learned, what's one of the major lessons you've
learned just in your experience with working with the youth?
I'm going to cheat because I grabbed, I don't think we'll go through all of them.
We'll see, depending on time permits, but I did pick out seven distinct messages that
Elder Nelson had from this talk.
And number one for me was prioritize the building of strong relationships with our youth and
be a leader they can trust.
Your key at this, I think you should comment on how that's made a difference with you in
the callings you've had, like a young woman's president.
Right.
So one of the things that comes to my mind is when, again, I feel like a people that
pray together, stay together type of a thing, together as the oldest group of girls who
I was with, we would go around the table because it was a big one.
We had lots of girls and we would each tell, we would tell what we needed prayers for that
week.
And it was just really good like to help them be very specific about the things that they
needed.
Also, if they knew every week or every other week that we were going to ask, what is, what's
going to be hard this week?
They'd be like, Oh, I have a final or I'm kind of nervous about going on this senior
trip or my aunt has cancer, whatever the thing was, they kind of thought of that during the
week and then we would have a scribe write it all down and she'd text it to us.
So it was nice because throughout the week we were praying for our girls and each of
us were, even if they didn't, let's say some of them forgot to during the week, guess what?
They were going to look at that text and they were going to have those things top of mind.
They also knew what to ask each other about.
And I knew what to ask them about.
Like how did that test go?
How did this go?
It helped me to be involved in their daily life, even when I didn't see them every day.
I love that.
And what a great lesson on like pre-ministering.
Yes.
Like knowing that you can reach out to others to ask for specific prayers, that the unity
of prayer can affect the outcome.
And then when things do work out that, you know, like your tribe behind you had you in
their prayers and their thoughts during the week.
Love it.
So there's like a ton of different ways that you could say that it's going to, you know,
that you're going to build these strong relationships.
But for me, like just being there and being present, like when I think back to Adam, I
don't, my Adam, not your Adam, it's confusing.
I think there might've been like three mutual activities that he had missed in five and
a half years, right?
I'm sure.
I hope, my belief is that the youth that he served with through his time as a bishop,
they knew who his priority were.
It was them.
All decisions.
I hope that that's true.
Because you know, the adults are important, especially since they have a huge part in
raising these youth up.
But you've seen how the structure and the organization of the bishop's time, like you
really have to trust your elders quorum president and your early society president to deal with
certain other things in the ward because the youth have the priority.
That's what information we're getting from the prophet.
Absolutely.
And that's how you help support this rising generation.
Right.
Okay.
Another lesson.
Okay.
Support the youth when they have a resolve to act.
Okay.
What does that look like?
For me, it was, it's, I wrote a few thoughts when I'm like, you know, the kids are better
on their phones than we ever were.
Yes, I know that.
So in family history, family research, like if they want to run with something, like you
let them show you or if your kids like, can we go to the temple this week?
Absolutely.
Like, you will not know how busy I am.
We are definitely going.
I know that it shouldn't, this shouldn't be complicated, but like they're designed to
teach the lessons and you know, on Sundays, right?
And I love it.
I've got a beehive, I've got a mime aid.
And so it's like the beehive teachers are totally prepared to cover 10 minutes of a
lesson or 15 or 30.
And my Lily, she's like super shy and like everything that's going to be like a first
time.
She's always like, so nervous about speaking to her.
She's like, right now she's vamping about going to girls camp.
I'm like, you don't even worry about it.
You're going to want to go like the next day again.
Right, right.
So fun.
But, but I get a text from her leader Jodi and she's like, we forgot to remind Lily about
the thing, but we show up and she's there and she's prepared and she's ready to go.
And I'm just like super grateful that as a leader that they know have a backup plan,
be ready to step in where you can.
I'm a great leader, but also let the kids, whether they're going to like quote unquote
fail or not.
Oh yeah.
Give it a whirl because how else do you go?
But then by the time you're in my mind, like they pretty much exclusively plan on them
taking over with the lessons.
Oh yeah.
And then I've, I've sat when you were the young ones president, I was like second deep,
you know, teacher just had to be there in presence, you know, for the safety and leadership
or whatever, but to adult leaders or whatever and watched the Laurel open the meeting, do
this, direct the question, like who are we praying for?
What are our needs this week?
Start the lesson, pause, even in uncomfortable silence, happy to let people think on the
questions they're asking.
Call with their phone.
I'm just like, this is such a beautiful thing to see where it started and where we are now.
And this was even a couple of years ago.
And I would say that the youth are even more trained up in the ability to do this thing.
I agree.
Because, because I think we've been blessed in our work to see leaders that truly want
to let the youth act, lead the charge.
So you know, another one I wrote down is when you and your students are going to seminary
and they come home and they have some like things on their mind that you can let them
lead out in, come follow me.
Yes.
I mean, or at dinner.
Yeah, at dinner, like they have things to share that they maybe want to go deeper, further
into based on your family experiences.
Yeah.
Maybe not have been appropriate to like just unload in seminary.
So that's great.
So those, those were just some thoughts that I had on what it means to let the youth, like
if they have a plan, let them act on it.
Absolutely.
What can we do to support it without taking over?
Number three, lesson number three, don't hesitate to act on the direction from our leaders.
And when I say our leaders that for me meant like the prophet from like the top, the top
up when our bishop has suggestions, absolutely to cause cause he can have specific direction
for the ward.
But the quote from the talk was when he was directed to march forth with his little sons,
he obeyed.
And as I was thinking of that, I thought this feels like the assignments that were given
as leaders of the youth when we're like, Oh, that's just going to fail.
That's not going to be very good.
It might seem overwhelming, might seem like their plans are bigger than their ability
to execute.
Yeah.
But you just will be obedient and press forward even if there's going to be challenges anticipated
and magic seems to always happen.
It's true.
Isn't there a great lesson in failing?
But always it's like the best smallest way.
Illustration of that is that you're always so nervous if you're, you know, one of the
leaders of primary program and you're even the day before when you even come together
like this, this is a joke.
And then you get there and you're crying your eyes out and the spirit's so strong.
Yes.
This next generation always pulls through and we're so grateful they were saved for
these days.
Lesson four that I saw was to honor your own covenants as a way to teach the blessings
that come from covenant making and keeping.
Don't you think that's like the best example?
We can love them.
We can plan these great activities and plan these great lessons really.
They should be planning the lessons.
Hopefully they're doing that.
But at the very core of it, we know that the parents of the stripling warriors embraced
covenants and it was in the defense of them not breaking that covenant to fight.
The sons were ready to like step up to the responsibility and I think our children, we
just can't underestimate the value of our children seeing us being covenant makers and
keepers.
Absolutely.
And Abby, not only just seeing, but this next generation is very intuitive.
They know when there's dissonance between what we say and what we do, like big time.
They can see that.
The biggest lesson of all, the biggest positive or negative thing we can do for them is to
say one thing and do another or do a thing and say another.
Yeah.
And vice versa.
Lesson five, let's teach the youth to pray about keep the commandments and make covenants.
The piece of the talk was, behold, it mattereth not, we trust God will deliver us.
They taught their children to keep the commandments and walk up rightly before God.
Their mothers taught them that if they did not doubt God would deliver them.
Their father set a powerful example of covenant making.
These former warriors knew the horrors of battle.
I love that he pointed that out.
They entrusted their inexperienced sons into Helaman's care and supported them by sending
many provisions.
That one I stopped on because I was like, provisions for war, that's going to be like
armor, that's going to be weapons, that's going to be food.
Yes.
But we're preparing our own youth in today for a different battle.
We are.
So I thought, what can we send our children out the door with?
Testimony, a love of God, maybe some emotional help?
Schools, yes.
Schools.
Our children are unique.
They have unique needs as parents.
We see that.
We see that they came with a certain bit of certain qualities and we see those accentuate
over the years.
Right.
And I think we kind of sit and we think they need this, that, and the other before they
leave this home.
Sometimes we're the ones that can give that to them by example, by showing them, by having
them do for themselves.
As a leader in their path or school, even a school teacher or whatever can come in and
help them load, have the provisions they need to make be successful as they leave our homes
and go out into the world and to battle.
So I love this thought from the talk.
It said, when we serve, we don't serve alone.
Sometimes important lessons are learned in the quorum, sometimes in the word level, sometimes
on the state level.
It's hard to know where exactly you're going to reach your youth, but at the end of the
day, I'm just so grateful for every helping hand that comes and plays a piece in that
talked about the importance of councils, like cannot underestimate the importance of men
and women working together with the goal of building up these youth.
I agree.
And we talked about the councils a couple of different times.
And so I'm like, that's something worth noting that there's power in, like not thinking of
them as separate groups, but like we're thinking of them as the youth.
And sometimes the women are learning from men in these combined activities or things
that they're planning together.
You learn a little bit about working with opposite people.
I don't know.
For sure.
And I also love like, as far as you saying, like that we don't do it alone.
You know, Heavenly Father has not asked one person to do everything.
I should mention that.
He asks every person to do something.
And we each like, when you know what you know, like you have my axe, you have my bow, that
kind of a thing.
And when you know what you bring to the table, that's even better.
So it's so wonderful to know what your inherent gifts are and just to offer that freely.
Here's a quote, it doesn't matter that our efforts are imperfect.
When we partner with the Lord, we can trust that our efforts will be in line with what
He would do for the youth.
I love that.
I love it too.
That makes everything that we're doing, like less stressful.
So lesson six that I saw is in the relationships in the lives of the youth that have the greatest
influence on their choices, and I feel like our stake president is so in line with this
philosophy.
Like you said, Adam and I teach that senior class.
And part of it's about the lessons.
We let the youth kind of decide what direction they want to go because we do life skills,
temple prep, mission prep.
We kind of let them based on what they're coming to us with because it's always a unique
quote.
And this is I think third year that we've done it.
You know, kind of weaned off of doing the life skills.
These kids are pretty great in that thing.
And we stopped doing like preparing them for scholarships or like college applications
or talked about housing.
You know, I was so amazed when you did that.
Well, it was just it felt right for that particular group of youth.
It was.
But as you follow the spirit and then it changed the next year.
I'm like, these ones resonated.
These ones didn't seem to.
So we kind of carry those forward.
But this particular group was ready for mission prep.
And we wanted to have the temple prep prior to that.
And so it just kind of changes when and where we do things.
But we let we let the youth have a big part in deciding how that's going to go.
But the stake president, his thoughts are I think he agrees it doesn't really matter
what we become prepared to teach or what the lessons look like.
It's that they see us putting forth like an effort into the lives of these youth that
are showing a desire and willingness to be more prepared than like the average kid.
Right.
And I feel like they're reaping blessings.
They're growing like exponentially because of their not because of anything that we're
saying, because of the effort that they're showing their willingness to put into the
effort, them showing up and even just being there to ask questions because you guys have
years and years of experience.
Like I said, I don't really think that it's that I don't think it's anything that comes
out of our mouth.
I think that they can tell how much I love them because I I show in food.
Yeah.
And my husband shows it in lessons.
I mean, he does.
They're there.
It's an incredible generation that that's raised up right now.
I agree.
And I've got to watch this particular group since they were like 12.
Oh, it's not even better.
No, it really is.
We had a farewell on Sunday in our board and we got to be in the temple with this particular
future missionary.
Love that.
Like the Tuesday before I was like a total wreck because I'm thinking the time that I've
known him to where he's at now is like the kid my oldest son's age 10 to like what eight
years is going to look like.
And I was like, if he could turn out like this kid, I would be over the moon happy about
it.
But it's just it's taken good parenting and leaders that have been invested in care and
the desire from him.
Like it's just the perfect combination recipe to see like what when all the right pieces
are in play, what what can happen with our youth?
I love that, Abby.
So OK, is there one last thing you want to leave us with as far as our youth go?
Yes.
Like the last lesson was the last lesson is having confidence in our youth so that we
can offer support and direction for them without totally taking over.
And I would say I learned that I've learned that over the years, like they are capable
of so much.
And when we let them lead, they can do things way better than we could even imagine.
It's true.
Even in the imperfections, it's like they learn something from it.
So it's fine that it didn't go how a listmaker or a real planner would go.
Like I told you about that one meal that we did.
Yes.
Like, well, we've learned something about if you're going to feed the youth, quadruple
the number.
And that's all on my end that I would need to do.
But as far as the menu or the activities that's going to surround it and knowing that they're
going to be the most amazing ministers and invite their friends out because it sounds
fun to them because they had a say in planning it, just plan for more because they're always
going to execute it good.
And then lastly, I'll say I feel like this is probably going too long, but we did have
the opportunity to participate in FSY last summer.
And I prayed for months and months for the youth that would be participating in FSY.
And I didn't learn that until the end of, I learned in my week there that my prayers
were absolutely for the youth that were attending.
And I bore testimony of this and the final devotional, like the final breakfast that
we had with the counselors.
These are, you have to be at least 18, I think.
Don't quote me on this if you're looking for a job.
But the young single adults that run this program are so capable of it and they make
magic happen.
Like parents dropped off a kid on Monday morning.
They picked up a different kid at the end of their time there.
I agree.
I had heard that and I had sent my own kid for the week before she went to Logan.
And I was like, wow, that was a real, that was a growing week for her.
I'm like super excited to have my own experience because you're not allowed in that place if
you're old.
And so like very few people get the privilege of seeing this magic happen and what happens
when young single adults lead little younger single adults.
They create these family units.
They provide spiritual background.
They provide, they take a group, like a young single adult woman and a man and they make
these like family units so that you get both inputs you get.
But then you can also, you have guy time, you have girl time or whatever.
And like my husband's job is, I think they called it director then they've changed that
because they're like, let's be honest, you guys are just guests at this party for the
youth.
You were.
Is that your role now or your title?
Literally, no, it doesn't say yes.
It says something like not even administrator and not facilitator.
Like I don't even know.
I wish I would made it a no of what the title is, but I was like, yeah, that's more accurate.
I love it.
The bosses are these 21 year olds and you think like, how's this going to go?
Well, it goes amazing.
It goes better than you could even imagine.
And that these youth are so prepared to take this charge and run this program in the way
that they do.
It touched my heart in ways that I could never have imagined.
And so then it's affected the way that I've looked at the calling that I've had with the
youth since that summer.
Now it's been a year we do get it.
We do get to go to FSY again.
Like I thought it was like a once in a lifetime opportunity, but I get a do over.
And so I'm just going to love the young single adults that are running this program.
They take on this role of mothers and fathers.
And when the doors are locked and the elevators are shut down and they come to the chairs
in the lobby and they sink into those cushions, I said, this is what parenthood looks like.
It's beautiful and it's exhausting.
And I know that my job is just to be there to love them sooner, earlier more.
And I've got, it's inappropriate to have any contact with the youth that go to FSY, but
they're not the ones that you actually work with.
You work with the 18, 21 year old counselors and we live in a place, it's kind of resort
town.
Like within two weeks we had one kid's family reunion here.
He came over and just hearing from these counselors, you know, they'll give us an update on who
they're dating or what they're doing in school.
I'm just like, oh, this was dreamy.
This was like, this was what you call like discipleship payoff.
Sometimes you do hard things and it's just hard.
And you know that that's your way to show him the father you love him.
But sometimes he loves you back by saying these are the young single adults that you
get now in your life.
You can always love and care about forever and ever more.
Well, Abby, you love them so well.
And I've loved watching it.
Like we go on walks and we talk about it and just seeing the way that you do it is so great.
And I'll just, I'll end by one thing.
I remember when I was young woman's president and I would call the Bishop and say, Hey,
do you have him in it?
And he would say, I have all the time in the world.
It caught me off guard.
This is, I happen to be your husband, the Bishop at the time.
But I was like, I know he doesn't have all the time in the world.
He's a busy man.
He works.
He's the Bishop.
He has plenty to do.
But I feel like that same love for the youth was definitely present and everyone knew that
they could go to him if they needed him.
But he also let them lead.
So I think that overarching feeling of just trust and just we've got this.
It was just a beautiful way to lead.
So I appreciate that and I've loved watching you and him just lead with the youth.
And as a mother, like when I turned my like fresh beehive, you were Maddie's, right?
As a young beehive, right?
Yes.
I think they called beehives back then.
I don't even know.
That's all confusing.
But like I said, it's something like she was at that phase in life where she needed an
Amy in her life.
And I felt that way in callings.
Sometimes you're in it and you're like, these are the kids that I'm supposed to be serving.
And things change and then like time ebbs and flows and like you've done like Heavenly
Father needed you to with those particular youth and different calling comes up.
So you're totally invested while you're in it, but you can kind of feel the tide change
and then it's time for a different experience, different calling.
And I'll say that too about like our state calling.
I've like discussed with my husband.
I'm like, that calling is changing.
Like it just, it's changed over the three years and it feels like there's like a kind
of a change.
And the Lord's kind of preparing me for it because I think he knows how much I love it.
But it's like something's on the horizon, bigger and better.
I'm not exactly what that looks like, but it's because these youth are changing in a
way like maybe it's just more temple prep.
I don't know.
I can't even speculate, but we'll see when we get there.
We'll have to update in like a year what that looks like.
Absolutely we will.
All right.
Thank you so much for being here today.
I've loved this conversation.
We hope that you have similar conversations with those you love and those you serve with.
Until next time, we'll talk to you later.
See you guys.