Oh, but anyways, this is Frickin' Nerds. A D
&D podcast where six friends have some dink and
smoke some drink while we play some Dungeons
& Dragons. I am Will, or Will I am, I don't fucking
know, but I do know that I play the character
Lazaga Moskine, the druid wood elf cleric. And
fun and false fact. about Harun is he is actually
a bit of an inventor. I'm a tinkerer, I guess
you would say. He was making a belt that had
clocks on it. But then he was thinking it's a
waste of time. So he just gave up on it. I had
to pause for a second. Just give me a minute.
That was a good one. My name is Mark, and I play
Harun when Warforgedmon, kind of a baby, learning
these emotions as they come. The false fact about
Franklin is that he put on a tough face when
I gave him the gift of the drawing, but he actually
looks at it every night. That is super false.
Hi, I'm Ben, and I'm playing Franklin, who is
not a bard, but instead he's playing Singer Wizard,
and is here to, I don't know, do the thing? Get
him into the party's darkest urges. He's the
voice of reason. We didn't say what kind of reason,
but... That's wrong. I'm the voice of logic.
Logically, we did this kid now. That's what I'm
saying. We did this. And a, uh, fun but false
fact about Yaharis is that, um... Let me confirm
a point. Yaharis is clean -shaven? Or does he
grow any hair? So, like, I don't think Eladrin
grows hair. I mean, they have, like, foliage,
but I also imagine in the summer form that he
would not have any foliage, not especially. Do
you have a spongeball mustache? I think... The
fun part about this act is that Yaharis has worn
a fake mustache for much of the time that he's
done around us. He goes out in disguise as the
only Eladrin in a given area with a 70s porn
statue. Hey, Clark. That's for a reason, my man.
That's like... So it's like... It's like wheat.
We all have shades of wheat. So it kind of just
blends into whatever you're... Shades of wheat.
That also looks exactly like my figure. I'll
show you that. Everyone's dark urge. Wow. Whenever
you're ready. Alright. Uh, hello. So I'm playing
Yulharis Sithrith, the Eladrin Summer Form Arranger.
And a fun false fact about our dear old friend
Nick's last name. What is your last name, actually?
Toblerone. I thought it was literally last name.
Yeah, the fun false fact about Nick's is that
he wants to dance with somebody. He wants to
feel the heat with somebody. Oh, he wants to
dance with somebody, with somebody who loves
him. Also, his last name is really Toblerone.
Toblerone. You know, that first line, I knew
immediately where that was going. That's it.
Okay. I'm Jalen. I'm playing Nyx, the barbarian
fighter. A fun false fact about Lazagna is that
he gets super, super chef insecure to the point
where even if he eats food that's better than
his, he can't actually admit it. He eats and
he's like, I mean, it's aye -aye. Nothing special.
Ain't nothing special. I've had better. My mom
made better. Oh, you want a good cookie, Gonzo?
Well, first of all, you have to give me what
you're wearing. Oh, yeah. What are you wearing
on your feet? What? Don't we need a false fact
about your character? Oh, I didn't hear it. I'm
sorry. Damn, you're right. It was so convincing.
I do have a real fact, though. About Yoharis.
Yoharis, so far, you guys have seen him eat and
never stop. As far as you're concerned, he has
a bombless pit -up stomach. He's never been beaten
in an eating contest. He has a bottomless pit
so he can eat for days. We need to actually try
to find somebody that'll out -eat. We have so
many ways to win bets. What I'm thinking is if
the DM says he has a literal bottomless pit in
his stomach, is that at certain points... For
food. Yoharis is going to go unconscious. Everything's
food if you prepare, right? I guess it's how
you prepare. That's the real question. I'm not
a bag of holding. I'm not Tarar. The things that
go in you, we don't want that. Those are the
things we want gone from the game. All the evidence
that we've collected on ourselves. Don't feed
me people. I've never said people. Yarris, we
need the bald one to disappear. Run back to the
party. We have not never said people. No, we
never said people. We never said people. It was
in the point. Yeah. Dead people. It's like a
snake. He just yawns. He's like, ah. All right,
Godzilla. What are you wearing? On your feet.
That's a very good chainsaw, man. I didn't know
what talks were, so I kind of just rolled with
it. I need to catch up. I'm like two chapters
behind. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's
got a D20. I need to. Oh, man. I need to take
a D4 sidekick damage from that one. You like
that one, don't you? That joke was a vicious
mockery. Ha! There you go. For everyone to see.
Let's go take a picture of these. Move the cookies
away from his feet. Yeah, move the cookies away.
I'm going to go ahead and just move and take
one of those. See that? But he chose the one
that was close to my foot. You picked the one
that was like the closest. I did not. That's
what. He did. He did. He did. It's not true.
It's not true. A real fact that we all like sucking
toes. Do not. That's getting cut. Quick console,
get some important lore. Octoliba, toe sucking.
New real fact, Lizana likes feet. Lizana sucks
everyone's toes until they're asleep. Oh my god.
Out of all the parts of your body, your feet
touch nature the most. Right, Druid? He's got
a point. He's got a point. Actually, quick question,
has Lozanga been going barefoot, or is he wearing
shoes? Well, he's turned into a bear a few times,
so yeah, he's gone barefoot. For the majority
of life. Fuck you. It's been a long day, alright?
Damn. The jokes would not go over my head, I
would catch them. Pick up one of these bikes
and drop it. There we go. Much better one. Who
remembers what happened last time? Who wants
to recap for inspiration? I think I can do it.
I don't know. We spent a lot of time planning
the kidnapping. And then we did the kidnapping.
We busted in. We tried to make a deal with Homeboy.
What's his name? Wallace. We did make a deal
with Wallace. In fact, I gave him $600. Gold
to fuck off. Yeah, that was definitely your choice
because half of the team was very much willing
to make Wallace disappear. I was also. No, that
was half. That's why. Okay, two -fifths of the
team were willing to make Wallace disappear.
And I said, no one's dying tonight. And if it
wasn't for that call. Yeah. Before you got pulled
into the aside, Johannes, the rest of us, most
of the rest of us, me and Nick are ready to make
the problem go away. Well, out of character,
I knew this. Yeah. Yeah, but after the call was
made to let Wallace live, I then led the charge
on breaking in, but Baldwin's already subdued
by Siofra. So I just kind of ran in and stood
there. I'm like, all right, well, I guess I just
picked this fucker up and we dipped. I feel like
the real motivation to not kill Wallace was not
even worrying about the human life, but the fact
that Yoharis would be... Really sad. Probably
upset. Literally the only reason why he's alive.
Maybe we don't want to deal with that. I like
y 'all Horace, or not y 'all Horace, Wallace
too. I like Wallace too. My character loves Wallace.
I also like Wallace. I'm just saying above table,
that sounded like the only reason it was that.
We also get to meet Wallace's nephew. And I was
also going to die if you didn't make that call.
600 gold is a small price to pay. I agree. 600
gold is a small price to pay when it's somebody
else's gold. It was in a cabin in the woods.
And then in lore, I got to rough up Seofra and
also tie her up to make it look convincing after
we scampered off. And he got a little hard. So
did Nyx. Listen, we're all hard. I wonder what
everybody's alignments are in this game. Mine
has been chaotic good. That's what I've been
trying to play it as. I wonder what Nyx is. Chaotic
neutral. Nyx is about Nyx. neutral good, but
he's sort of been, Lazaga's been sort of teetering.
Oh yeah, you've been teetering. I think mine
just had a little question mark. A little fun,
a little playful. What are we feeling? You roll
for your alignment every session. What else?
Was there anything else added to it? I think
that was it, right? I think we left off basically
as we were leaving the cabin. Yeah, and you guys...
And Baldwin is suggested right now for the next
date. Do what we tell him. You're not going to
do anything dangerous. You also had contacted
the information broker for help. They didn't
know that, but you're a character. Yeah, yeah.
That's part of the greater weekend. Let's see.
That was Jalen and Ryan. You know what? Audrey
even a gentleman where the information broker
yeah you kind of like messaged him okay and he
just you first you hear a sigh you're in a city
full of clerics and you can't find someone to
do that spell for you Remove curse. Last time
you guys figured out you needed it. The cleric
I can trust isn't that good yet. He's building
up to it. See, Lizagna had an idea though. This
is probably like I feel like Lizagna had this
thought but it was just kind of out of the way.
Lizagna knows maybe a high enough level cleric
but he's really far away. It was your responsibility
to get the item to me however you get it back
to me that's on you I just require the item You're
in a city full of clerics you guys are resourceful
people Bring me the item leave the man there,
but bring the item where Table that's not what
he said. He said he wanted the ring the managers
still attached. Yeah, he's just the ring You
have brought the ring to the person. He never
said anything. It's all going on in your head.
I know, I know. He's kind of just been talking
out loud. You guys are just kind of watching
him talk out loud. We could get it off the damn
man. And he said, you guys have plenty of money
to... Well, we're not trying to spend our own
money to complete a mission for you. It's counterproductive.
I already have. That's the last thought that
I say. So... Say hypothetically the ring came
off the figure. However it happens. Where would
you want me to deliver the ring to? I'll find
you. I'll find you. Is it going to be sooner
rather than later? Fuck! He said just have Harun
check his maps. this while we get on the cart
let's get the car together you guys look at the
picture um i know of a cleric he's just really
far away who might be able to help So here's
my thing. How far away? Well, we were like...
I can pick. Well, we were like in the middle
of the continent and this person's like at the
south most part of the continent. So my worry
would be taking a very important person who will
be known to go missing a long distance. Outside
of cities. I think they might look pretty hard
for this guy. I think Nick says a point. Although,
at this point, we're too far in to give up. So,
we need to find where we can get to the info
broker, deliver the package, and then from there,
our job is done. Okay. If I still have a link
to the broker. Is there anyone in the... Keep
here. That would be in network. Yes. Check. It's
Martin. Who is man? Okay. Hey, what's that? Like,
yeah, as we're all piling into the car, I'm like,
and I'm going to try to take his map out. Roll
me a sleight of hand. Do I do a perception? What's
your passive? I mean, he just told me to look
that way, and I already don't trust him. Like,
are we going passive? Yeah, you can go. Roll
me a perception check, see how well. Because
I know you have a high sleight of hand, so. High
sleight of hand? I don't know. You said perception?
Yeah, opposing roll to see who wins. Oh, no,
that's fucking cocked. That was almost a 20.
God damn it. 13. 17. Yeah. You're like, I'm not
going to look, but then he kind of like. As he's
pointing, you're pointing, you're looking at
his hand, and without his hand, he kind of just
grabs his book. I eventually turned back. Are
you just flaunting that you have the map now?
Oh, yeah, no, I'm trying to hide it from you.
I was just like, uh, which one is the silver,
silver, silver flag? Oh, this, wait a minute.
He points it out first. That's enough for me.
And I'm not, like, I give you all the maps that
aren't that one back, and I'm like, just... Hopefully
at this point we're rolling. Is there something
different on the map? Yeah, so you had been keeping
track of where you were going and one of the
churches that you had passed by is marked off.
Is there anything different on this map? Yeah,
I pointed out. I mean, he got me. Because you
don't remember the church's name being on there.
Yeah, I can get us there. Don't they check us
when we go in? Do I recognize this church at
all? Roll me a religion check. This is above
table. This is the same place that originally
took our weapons when we got there? No, this
is a different place. This is, um, it was like
a slum, sort of. No, this is, uh... This is the
place where the train stopped. And is like...
The developing the city. The religious... So
it's religious. I remember the religious part.
I just couldn't remember if it was like militarized.
I want to check if there's a red dragon in the
area. One time you don't, I swear. Yeah, exactly.
Just got to be aware. That's totally fair. Colin's
waiting for the day. There is no red dragon within
30 miles of you. Okay. He's going to throw it
out there that it's within, like, 29 miles, and
it has nothing to do with anything you're doing.
Do you get to actually know where it's at, or
just that it is within 30 miles? Because it would
be pretty fucked up to just call it something
like that. Yeah, there is. Yeah, you feel it.
I don't remember. You got to read the description
on there. I don't remember the exact... Yeah,
I know exactly where. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay. Does
it keep up? Like, is it like a... I think it's
just like a little boop and then it goes. Yeah.
Yeah, that'd be hilarious. It's like flying away
from you and you just happen to do it right as
it's about to leave the range. I feel like you'd
still be able to see it though almost if you
had a good enough scope. Like if I was an eagle
-eyed barbarian or something like that. I don't
think that anyone is like 30 miles away. I'm
just saying a dragon's huge. A dragon's huge.
Relative to how high it is, maybe? I don't know.
Yeah, I think you'd need both, like, super good
sight and then obviously, like, a clear lens.
Yeah, from, like, a tower. That's what I said.
I had a looking scope. Oh, yeah. You can just
go straight up. How long is he suggested for?
Eight hours. How far is the carriage? Well, Flame
Keep wasn't that far, right? No, you guys are
only a couple hours outside. Just tell Zass to
lay face down on the cart and throw a blanket
over Zass and we'll just keep going. Since we're
in my favorite terrain, I can also get us there
faster. Oh, yeah. What do we tell the guards
to do with the carriage that originally brought
him here? That's a bum table. actually asking
because i didn't write notes i forgot what you
say we just told them to go chill like go there
was a few that went to the bar there was uh wallace
and his nephew so our plan is like oh maybe they're
chilling there overnight and seeing what we can
do in the meantime yeah yeah okay we're taking
post over there while we're while we were supposed
to take post with him right okay so the cards
are gonna know that we took him yeah did you
keep my man um while we leave though I will immediately
cast Pass Without a Trace. Oh yeah, so for the
religion check, it is a church of the Silver
Flame, but this one's a little different. It's
not a traditional church. Can I remember any
of the symbols that might have been on the church
when it passed by? Roll me a history check. 16
plus stuff. 16. Yeah, so there was like, you
remember an emblem of clashing swords being on
one of the crests on the outside of it. I would
describe it to him and if not, draw it for him
and see if maybe he'd know something about it.
Yeah, we'll tell everybody where we're going
so they'll have an idea. Does he get anything
else from having the imagery of it? She said
we didn't have the name of the original place
we're trying to go to right now. Yeah, so these
are, let's see, 15. Number 15, he just knows
that it's part of the flame, but he doesn't know
what's different about this church. Because it's
not his church. Yeah, it's not my church. Not
my God. My God's better. Okay. All right, let's
try to move on out. All right, yeah, so you guys
get there pretty quick because of... Go harvest
his navigation. Favorite terrain. So, what are
we going to say about getting in to the city?
Is there anybody who on the ride could maybe
disguise Baldwin a little bit? Just make him
not recognizable as Baldwin? Uh, yeah. Does Baldwin
have a full head of hair? I have some hats. What
did you think I was gonna do? I was hoping you
had maybe a disguise kit or something. I do have
a wig that Seoffer gave me when they made me
look like a lady. And I have a shit ton of hats.
And you can't put a wig on if someone already
has hair. So I shave him. You're gonna shave
Baldwin? You're gonna put the bald in Baldwin.
Is anybody gonna stop him? You're gonna shave
him with your sword? Yeah. I'm going to give
him guidance. Guys? I'm steering the cart, so
I'm not even... Can I offer him up my dagger
instead? The plus three one? That's magic? You
could, but you're going to have to shave this
man in a moving cart. Maybe not shaving him,
more of chopping some of his hair. He's got to
reduce the length of it, essentially. He has
a big old blonde pomp. So he is suggested be
still kind of just like what are you doing? He's
kind of holding his hair Is this just a haircut?
He's like, no, don't touch my hair. I don't give
a fuck. I'm cutting his hair at this point. Your
lady friend likes short hair. He's starting to
kind of worry. What did you suggest that he do
again? He just followed our orders. Obviously,
that's not going to do anything. That's going
to be... Nothing harmful, right? He can't do
anything to, like, deliberately bring harm to
him. So this is something that he considers harmful
to him, so he's kind of just, like, freaking
out. Okay, well, if I... Do I get a chance to,
like... Convince him it's not? Well, either convince
him or just say, hold up, Nyx. If I can tell
that he's about to break my spell. Yeah, he's,
like, on the verge of, like, he looks like he's
panicking and he's about to... Nyx. Stop it.
Wait. He's about to... He's about to... He's
just like he kind of backs up and like gets he
just kind of like scoots away from you I Also
have head wraps that I they bought so you could
like wrap his hair up and then put the wig over
it He was mapping you know like he usually does
throughout But, um... Is it close, uh, church...
For the city, like in the city's layout, where's
the church located in that? Is it like, you know,
is it centered, outskirts? It's close to the
outskirts. Okay. Yeah, so it's not like, um...
Go ahead and roll me history checks, see if you
remember, like, um... Because you saw the map,
and go ahead and see if you remember, like, the
area. Because you guys had to travel through
here. Uh, it's going to be a 17. Okay, yeah,
so, um... You remember that these outskirts aren't
as heavily guarded as the main parts of the city?
So it'd probably be easier for you, but you know
this area isn't as heavily fortified or guarded.
Okay, yeah, so... I guess I was going to say,
out of character, if you had been to this place
before, all we need to do is get you within 500
feet and then you use Dimension Door. Yeah. Harun
also raises his hand. I have an idea. And then
he brings out from his bag a bottle and it is
a potion of invisibility. And it lasts for an
hour. Anything they wear or carry will be invisible.
So he's saying if we tie him up and gag him,
they won't see him in the cart. That is a great
idea, Harun. That's why you are a leader. Fearless
because he doesn't know the emotion of fear yet.
Can you be that accurate if I show you the map?
I think he has to be familiar with it. Because
you'd see the alleyways. It can be a place you
can see, one you can visualize, or one you can
describe by stating distance and direction, such
as 200 feet straight downward, upward to the
northwest at a 45 degree angle. With the map,
you should be able to do it. With the map, I
should be able to avoid any kind of buildings
and just be like... Give the Explorer that shit
right there. Well, let's do the map! Let's do
the potion first. Or the backup plan. I think
we, well, I don't know if the potion of visibility
is going to be a backup plan. I think the dimension
door should be the back. All right, so you guys
have been traveling for about an hour or so at
this point. You guys have been making pretty
good pace because of Yoharis' expert navigation.
Yes. He's drifting these horses. It's crazy.
There's no horses. I know. I just wanted to say
drifting horses. I didn't want to say drifting
horses because I'm hilarious. I mean, I imagine
I, somewhere along the way, got some stallions
and then drifted them. Yeah, there's a couple
stallions in your car right now. He swapped out
the horses. My car has no horses. Now it has
horses. Fucking big stallions. Where'd those
come from? Don't worry about it. We need to make
a video for this realm's version of Pit My Ride.
Is anybody else just seeing a summary elf? whipping
stallions that aren't really doing anything and
then like comes to the corner like pulls the
e -brake on the carriage and starts putting it
to the side yo we're here yeah so you got so
you know the outskirts of town is like this isn't
a really fortified like a fortified area because
I haven't really expanded towards this part of
the city yet but Let me check my hats real quick.
What are we doing with the potion first? Well,
I like to get the hat on before he goes invisible.
Ah, okay. True. That makes it a big way easier.
I'm going to take a head wrap that I have and
kind of like try to stuff it in his mouth. Right?
Because we're gagging him, right? No, no, no.
We're just trying to disguise this for him so
if somebody sees him, they don't go, that's Walter.
And if they describe him later, they can say...
Okay, I thought we were gonna shout out Yeah,
so he's gonna what are we going to the city for
it on the Sun hat Not particularly. That's all
right. I think you go to a different type of
church. It's probably like the church of gambling,
huh? You like to gamble, huh? The real problem
is that I think Franklin has considered, I don't
know if the rest of you have, is that Baldwin's
going to remember a lot of star faces and shit.
Nick's has confidently thought about that. All
right, cool. Well, so did the guards that also
just let us... Hey, Baldwin, what's up with the
Warforged parts? Oh, shit. What parts? In the
shipments. You don't know anything about that?
Shipments for what? The ones that are going to
Carnap. Yeah, those are the railways. I'm going
to whisper to Howard. I was like, what if this
version of him doesn't know? That's great. Wait,
so your suggestion was to follow our orders,
right? Yeah. Baldwin, tell us everything you
know about the railways and the warforges and
their connections. The railways make me money
and we have some warforges that work for our
railways. What do you mean? What are the connections
between the two? Is there anything greater than
profits? Oh, I mean, yeah, they work at my railway
and they make me money. That's how this whole
thing works. I have workers. I want to ask him
who his favorite nephew is, but I want to do
it in abyssal. Um... He kind of just looks at
you and just... What the hell did you just say?
That's so weird. Because that other thing was
definitely talking to a woman in a vessel. How
far are we now away from the town? You guys are
about half an hour away. As you're seeing, like,
you know, villages on the outskirts. And then...
Yeah, you're seeing some of the walls, but you
know the... The church is on the other side of
the wall. But this one isn't heavily guarded.
There is two guards there. There's a real gate.
They're kind of just letting people through that
gate. As you guys are passing it, one of the
guards does kind of like... So you guys are...
I mean, hit them with... So, for clarification,
are they just waving people through? Are they
actually stopping and searching people? I know
you're saying it's less guarded, but what's...
Go ahead and run a perception check. See what's
going on. Can I do that too? I only got a six.
Eighteen. Seventeen. Wait, did my owl get popped?
No. How long does it stay up? It's just there.
I don't think it did. I was an eagle before with
the owl. Oh yeah, I forgot about your owl. There's
not many carts along the way, but it looks like
most people are just getting through pretty quick.
There's only like two or three carts. But they
do check them. It's just like a quick check and
they're just going through. I think now's the
time. Yeah, I think like the owl can fly ahead
and talk to them and fly back. So if I could
just say, alright guys, here's the deal. They're
checking, but they're not being very thorough.
So if we can just have... You know, and I kind
of just like, if I'm in Baldwin, you know, just,
if he could just be visible or just not, yeah,
noticeable, we can be right through. From what
I recall, this cart was like an enclosed cart
in the back, right? Yeah, it was a cargo thing.
Yeah. Do I hear any of that, what he said? Because
I'm on the outside. I mean, this, to my mind,
it's like, okay, we're like. 15, 20 minutes out.
So yeah, I'm saying it loud enough that we can
all hear it because it's still like a minute
before we're actually in it. Yeah. I mean, I
imagine they're going to communicate that with
you so that way you know what's going on. They
wouldn't leave you in the dark and then you're
like, what the fuck's that? I think, I think
I'll really give them the potion now because
it's an hour, right? Yeah. Give them the potion
now. It's going to be one hour from now but like,
that way we're rolling in already completely
blank in case there's anybody who happens to
be looking. Mm -hmm. That will give us a decent
amount of time inside the city to get where we
need to go. Yeah, so you give him the potion.
Yeah, he's just going to say, now make sure you
be real quiet and drink up. He's like, what is
this? It'll make you see through. Is it magic?
Is it what? Magic? Yes. It won't hurt you. And
he's like, it can't hurt you. So he kind of is
like, I'll trust you. And he drinks it. And then
he's like. Hey, Baldwin, how many fingers have
I pulled up? He's an idiot. You kind of hear
like a small murmur. He's trying to be as quiet
as he can. Okay, cool. We're in business. So
I'm sitting like, I don't know, with my leg touching
his leg or something just so I am aware, you
know, that he's not like. Yeah, so you could
feel his movement. Wait, how far is he from me?
You can put him in between you guys. I mean,
I can literally see him visibility. Oh, yeah.
Okay. You're within the cart, so he's like within
like five feet of you. That's a good backup in
case for some reason he breaks out of it. I'm
watching you. Your blind side is what, like 10
feet right now? Yeah, 10 feet. That's like everything
in the car. Yeah, so you're good, yeah. Okay,
yeah. Yeah, so you can see them clearly. So we're
all basically chilling inside the car and all
Horace is outside the car. Yeah. I'll probably
go outside too. All right. I'll kind of be like
near like the edge of it. You know what I mean?
Like where they're going to be coming in to peek
in area. Just be chilling there. All right. I
want to sit up in the second seat for the driver,
quote, quote, of the carriage. Hey, y 'all Horace
is doing a hell of a job driving up there. How
does driving even work? You just think about
it. You just think about where you want to go.
Whoever's wheeling the... From what I remember,
it was like a stone that you hold that gives
you the ability to make it go. And there's a
lock button too to make sure that you always
know where it is. Yeah, it sounds like me farting.
Alright, yeah, so you guys are, you know, rolling
up. The guards kind of just halt you real quick.
They're like, are you guys staying for the night?
Are you guys just traveling through? What time
of day is it currently? It's nighttime. Yeah,
like how late into the night? It's about like,
maybe like midnight, one in the morning. It's
like, oh, are you doing some drinking? We're
just looking for a place to stop for a little
while. Probably end up doing some drinking, yeah.
He's like, just please be... He's like, I haven't
seen you all around here. The bars on these areas
get a little rowdy, so please try to keep the
peace. Understood. We will. Do you have any drinking
or eating competitions in these parks? I would
go to the dwarven bars. They're a rowdy bunch.
They might... They might be into that. Sounds
about right. But... Just... They're, uh... They'll
drink it on the table, those dwarves. And don't
I know it. Well, we'll be on our way now. I promise
that. I can promise you they won't out -drink
me. Alright. Well, uh... Then he kind of... One
of them kind of just goes in, like... Looks inside
your cart, like, uh... You guys bringing anything
in? Just us. Just the bodies. He kind of just
looks down and he says, all right, go on through.
All right, and I go on through with the rest
of the boys. I would love it if Alden was like,
no, I'm not bringing anything. He's quiet, though,
so he's like, whispers of, I'm in. Plus, he's
only supposed to have a house. Must have been
the wind. I don't even lock the car. So, you
know, the church is about 15 -20 minutes from
this location, so you'll be there pretty quick.
The question is, is this church going to be open?
Oh, yeah. I say it with confidence. I don't know.
So, you pull up to the church on the outside.
You do see, like, there is a crest of, like,
clashing swords and... Who speaks Elvish? Most
of us. Oh, yeah. So, in Elvish, it says this
is, like, the church of the warriors. I give
the... Old -fashioned cleric knock that every
cleric knows. Right next to him. It's a single
knock. I throw the information broker knock next
to it. Who else would knock like that? One knock
and then I move my hand down like a half a foot
and do like three quick knocks. I make an eye.
After a moment, someone opens the door and there
is a man who went through the door. Looks like
an older, rugged elven man. He's wearing, like,
pretty shiny armor. And he says, yes? We're looking
for some services that you provide. And, I don't
know, fashion. Infra broker. I'm going to hit
him with a secret handshake. Whatever that is.
That sort of thing. He says, what kind of help
were you looking for? Just your standard curse
removal. Oh, that kind of... When you go to one
of the churches in town, you must be desperate
if you're coming here. Not desperate. Just looking
for somebody who's on the same kind of network.
Well, we're willing to offer services as long
as you pay tribute and abide by our customs.
What about us? You must earn the favor. If we
earn the favor, will you also keep quiet about
the job? This is a discreet challenge. Yeah.
Oh, it is? Is it? This is a challenge we're all
known for. We are the fighting clerics, after
all. You want to fight? It's like the fighting
hours. That's exactly where I was going through
it. Now hold on a damn minute. What is this?
He doesn't even need armor. And then he says,
now he's thinking like a true warrior. He'll
do it without any armor or weapons. Let's all
just make our way inside. And they say, hand
-to -hand trial by combat? Can we just get inside?
As you hear him loudly say, Gentlemen, wake up!
All the lights just come right off. And you hear
the flames just all scatter out. Yeah, like,
there's torches on the outside that all light
up, and you hear, like, what sounds like a simultaneous,
like, swords and, like, spears, like, clanking
the floor, like, of, like, weapons hitting. There's,
like, dun -dun -dun -dun -dun. It somehow sounds
exactly like the Mortal Kombat theme. Dun -dun
-dun -dun -dun. Dun -dun -dun -dun -dun. They
open the doors, and there's, um, there's, uh,
there is other, like, uh, other people, like,
there's dwarves. half -ogres, orcs, other people
that are dressed in armor as well, and they all
have a kind of same insignia, as some of them
are sparring, and then they kind of, everyone
stops, because they're, they stop and say, someone
want to take on a challenge? What part about
discreet did you not understand? Hold up. To
the guy who let us in, I only ask that we have
one rule. Whoever can remove a curse, you hold
them back so we can go wild with the rest. He
says I thought you I thought you wanted to go
one -on -one with their best I mean, it's whatever
and then he turns around you hear that ladies
and gentlemen, he's scared If we gotta prove
ourselves, let's prove ourselves. I was trying
to show the strength of my team, but if you think
I'm a bitch, I'll show you how much I'm not a
bitch. Let's go. Can we just please enter the
damn building so we don't draw anymore? If he
won't do it, I will. No, what? He's already walked
in. Yeah, Nick's already walked in. I walked
in. They opened the doors for you guys, so the
doors are open. He basically called me a bitch.
I got real close to him. He's still smiling.
There's a thrill about them. He's just ear to
ear smiling. He's just like, oh, I can tell you're
serious. I'm like, this is dead serious because
I got called a bitch and Nick's don't play like
that. He called all of us a bitch, essentially.
I feel like as soon as he does like the camera's
like panning to each of us and we're somehow
like impossibly taller and more muscular than
we normally are. What did you say about me? The
camera dropped five feet from me. Harun's mechanical
muscles are fucking glistening like what's up?
You know the anime thing where they zoom in real
close and their forehead and their eyes. It's
like they get that view and you're like what
did you just call me? What did you just say?
It's the anime insanity look. Yeah that's the
one. I don't normally wear glasses, but all of
a sudden, I'm pushing them shits up my nose.
Like, you haven't seen my full power yet. The
sun that is non -existent at the time glares
off. You think our best warrior is as good as
your best warrior? Yeah, I, like, put my glasses
up and tilt down. All of a sudden, my eye is
wide out. He's like, I see red. I hand Baldwin
a jar of baby oil and say, get us all. Let's
go. Grab us up, baby. As he, um... The cleric
will let you in. He says, um... We here, I'm
assuming from the looks of you, you were in the
war as well. You're goddamn right. Welcome, brothers.
We fought alongside some of you. We were on the
front lines as well, I'm sure. My war is like
you were, experiencing the brutality of war.
So we were in charge of healing and fighting.
We like to heal, but we also like to fight. So...
Is there anything that will bring us back to
our maximum? I've used a decent amount of resource.
He says, we have our champion here. He can probably
convince the one in clear. He says champion,
and without saying anything, I'm letting him
talk. I point the hip foot on my hip a little
bit, start pulling at my championship belt, like,
let him. She's like, take it off and you kind
of like put it over your shoulder and show it
off a little bit. I can tell you about this champion
you talk about, but... And an insane amount of
oil on my face. What did you just call me? Did
you call me a bitch? You can keep going. I just
wanted to make sure the moment he's a champion,
I had to make sure my belt was shown. Are you
wearing your belt? Yeah, I'm wearing my belt.
Alright, cool. Yeah, so he's gonna turn to you
and say... We have our current champion who's
been undefeated for the past three years. You
can be him and you're for the best. I will honor
my comrades with this battle, but I want him
to face me straight. Are you familiar with a
match style called Hell in a Cell? Hell yeah,
brother. Put it over lava. I'm going to walk
next to Nix and put my hand on his head. Now.
Do you think that you can take on five of these
people? I said five v. four. Five v. five. It's
all of us. All of us, yes. Wait, one v. three.
Nobody's left. Or five, yeah. I'll make sure
it counts. Well, then in that case, that's fine.
You see, like, the guy's talking. He's like an
older old man. You kind of hear someone say,
oh, I knew he was a coward. All right, fuck it.
Let's go. Run them once. Run them once. This
red -headed dwarf comes down, and he's holding
a hammer, and he just says, oh, this guy? All
right. No, fuck it. Fuck it. Running them one.
Sorry, guys. He says, oh, it's been a while since
I've had a good fight. Maybe this will be a good
warm -up. I didn't know you guys were bitches.
Yeah. You only have one strong guy? Oh, no, we
have plenty, but... No, I mean, I get it. You're
scared if all of us are together. I like to fight
alone because I am someone who enjoys the traditional
combat. All right, then let's run it, bro. He
says, are you a man of wagers? Hold on. I think
we should just all just... Since you're scared
to fight in a group here, why don't you and Nyx
just go in the corner over there and then bring
out your best. Let's go. He says, we'll do champion
versus champion in single combat and then you'll
fight four of our best as well. It'll be a five
on five, but you guys can single combat to your
hearts' content. It'll be a side fight. It's
like ten feet. Yeah, there's just like over here.
I like that thing, because after I beat your
ass, I can go then help my homies. They're in
a playpen. Hey, it's not a playpen. It's a sandbox,
all right? You got to get your trusty screwdriver.
It's a sandbox. Oh, God. Do I have my... I think
I have my mini here. We're all going to roll
initiative. So, Nick, go ahead and roll initiative.
Nice belt you got there. You want to put on the
line? He says I'm willing to trade you my goblet
for it. Did someone say goblin? Goblet. Oh, thank
goodness. Goblet. You triggered the racist. Fucking
green skins. He's like, I sent one of those people.
I smell them. Let's make one thing straight right
now. They're not people. Goblins, right? Fucking
goblins. Yeah, this is the Forgotten Realms.
All right. Yeah, yeah. All right. Goddamn goblins.
So, Nick, you're going to go ahead and roll first
for the attack. Oh, nice. So, right now, it's
you two starting it off. So, they're going to
do these guys, and then we'll do you guys. Mm
-hmm. Actually, I did not think of 13. Well,
out of him and you two, you rolled a little higher
than he did. Whoa, wow, cool. All right, I'm
on rage. And I should have probably pulled up
my table first. Is it a coffee table? Fine, fine,
fine, fine, fine, fine. We're like bolsters of
spirits. I got an eight, so I shoot right...
It's already on my next turn for a vote. It's
actually my concert. Shoot a radiant light for
my chest. It's in your closet. It's just like
white, white, white. You hear Campbell dancing?
Yeah. Uh, and then I go to recklessly... Actually...
Yeah, fuck it. Recklessly attack. Alright. Nice.
Cool. 20. Natural. Natural. Alright, go ahead.
Crit! Crit out the gates. Dude, he just crit
his pants. Honestly, I don't know if it's too
late, but I was definitely going to want to try
to do a disarming strike. I know it isn't part
of the crit damage, it's a separate damage. It
was going to be my... He stepped in my closet.
Oh my fucking god! Two eights! Whoa! Does he
roll something for the disarming? Yeah, it is...
12 total damage. So it's double the one, so it's
24 plus... 34. Jesus! What? Right! 16. For what
kind of save? Straight. That is going to be 19.
Damn. All right. Well, I whack him again. Hefty
boy. Hefty boy. Come on. Reckless. Reckless.
Damn. Okay. That's a 29. That's a damn? 29 to
hit. Could have been a crit. Could have been
a crit. I do it again. I try to disarm him again.
Alright. So that's going to be... That's a pretty
good move. Disarming somebody. 16 damage. Alright,
he will need to... Accent Surge. Rude. I guess
it depends on who you ask. That's a free action
pickup? Yeah, you can pick up a sword. Oh, fuck.
Okay. Well, then I fear and strike. It's okay.
None of these worked anyway. It's like a bonus
action to pick something up. Fear and strike.
Make sure you attack when you fear and strike.
Yeah. So this one's going to be my... That's
what I'm saying. Okay. This is my third one.
Okay. This one's going to be... Wisdom, I got
16. Alright, last attack. Do it, do it, do it.
That one was another 16. He is still standing.
We're at 50. I misread what was on your phone.
Dyslexia is my superpower. So he goes in he you
see him like touches himself and He looks like
almost as if he didn't take any damage. Cleric
has indecent exposure. Yeah, these are all clerics.
You're fucked. He takes his hammer. Then he takes
his hammer. I don't think he's a cleric. Oh,
they're different domains. Yeah. And then he
takes his hammer and you see the hammer as he
picks it up. The power courses through it as
he goes to hit you with it. And he does get an
advantage since you're attacking recklessly.
18 hit. Damn, for real? For real? And then 20
not natural. And then he's going to go ahead
and... Let's see who the bone is. No, it's his
turn. He's fully healed again. He looks at you
and he says, that was nice. Let's see. Yeah,
we'll let the battle play out, because it's going
to be a lot for me to keep track of everything
going on. So, yeah, so he says, and he kind of,
like, says, free to proceed. All right. I shoot
my radiating bolt from my chest. I shoot my goo.
Is it a save, or is it just a... No, yeah, I
don't think so. So it's dead for damage. That's
gonna be 20. Natural. Natural 20? I'm sorry,
no. Not natural. Well, dirty slowly 20 other
hits. Dirtiest it can be. He's about to walk
out of there, like, with those guy feet and bruised
on the ground, and he's gonna have, like, looks
like Oliver's, like, Oliver's chest and stuff.
Like, kisses. You should see the other guy. Oh,
so he's, how much? Three. Three right here. Okay.
Yeah, the, um... You see like the radiant damage
kind of hit him and he kind of just doesn't seem
to be fazed by it. As the armor seems to kind
of just glimmer as it just kind of shines off
of him. You can faintly hear a chorus. It actually
healed him. Alright. 19 does hit. Okay. Oof.
That's not very good. 13 damage. 13. Alright.
Is that your turn? Yep. Alright. So he's going
to go ahead and... Attack good thing advantage
at 21 Okay, so we'll take the first one so first
one misses second attack hits so the second was
21 Okay And then he's gonna go ahead and So you
feel when this hammer hits you it packs an extra
radiant punch Radiant punch yeah, I feel like
that's something they would use to convert people
to like some sort of religious What spell is
he using? Huh? What spell? Oh, it's not a spell.
Oh, some divine smites? Uh -uh. He has other
traits. So it's going to be 12 damage. Physical
damage? Radiant damage. As... This thing just
hits you and it just doesn't feel like a regular
hit. One more juice to it. Juice. As he looks
at you and he says, I'm having fun. The robot
over there hits me harder than this just playing
around. 25. 25 hits. is still standing. Oh, and
then I shoot my bolt at him. Alright. And that's
going to do 2 damage and he needs to make that
con save of 15. It's radiant damage? Radiant.
Perfect. Con, I got 16. Oh, wait. Shit, I had
that 9 points of temporary hit points, right?
Yeah. Oh, cool. And then, uh, 26 to hit? Ah,
that hits. Oh, right. That's gonna be, uh, 22
points of radiant damage. Holy fuck. I'm a little
bigger this time. I'm gonna roll the first time.
Um... And... All right, and your turn, sir. There's
no anti -ill in this game, is there? There's
no anti -ill in this game, is there? Uh, 25.
25 hits. Oh, damn it, Jesus. Uh, dirty 20. Dirty
20 hits. Wait, or you said... Is that your second
hit, or did you get a hit? For my second hit.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, it is. 17 damage. 17, alright.
And then... 5 radiant damage and another one
of those con saves. Perfect. No magic weapons
or armor sounds better now, huh? Yeah, it does.
It's going to be 18 to save. And then radiant
damage, same thing. You just see his armor glisten
and it seems to not really be too affected by
it. Alright. He's going to go ahead and attack
you now. That's going to be a 10. That's going
to miss. That's cocked. And then it's going to
be a 12. That's going to miss. And he's going
to heal himself again. It's okay. You'll eventually
run out of spell slots. That's so funny. They
got to go away. Oh, he has a lot. Another dirty
20. Oh, yeah, it hits. I mean, if we're using
everything, everyone did give you health potions.
Oh, yeah, that is true. And he calls in his spell,
Sluts. I'm here all week. 16 damage. He will
leave. There it is. 22. 22 to hit? Yep. It hits.
All right. And then another one of those con
safes are apparently the damage that was irrelevant.
It's gonna be a 12 for the con. Oh, okay. He's
blinded. All right. Suck that. All right. So
then he's blind now. It's his turn. As you see
him kind of grab his eyes and he casts a spell
and then he can see again. Oh, my God. I see
why you're the champ. Yep. As he then looks at
you and says, that was a nice little trick. And
then he says, Let's see. When was my action song?
I'll go ahead and kill myself again. And then
it's your turn again. Don't run out of those.
Eventually. I will. But for now, I got a bunch.
Just two rigids beating the hell out of each
other. This is a really small closet. 19 hits.
What are you doing with Aldwyn? He's just watching.
17 damage. Still invisible. Just a floating hat.
25. No, his clothes are invisible. And then that
one is 14 damage. Alright. That's gonna be 19.
Alright, he's good. Perfect. He's gonna go ahead
and... There you go. Franklin in the background
is kind of like making a mud castle walls. He's
like, I've been enjoying him. He's like, do you
want to feel some real magic? He walks up to
you and he puts his hand on your chest and then
go ahead and roll me in. Let's see. This falls
over, guys. Go ahead and roll me a... Give me
a con save. Not like that. Redacted. Redacted.
That is 16 plus 6, forever 20. 22. That saves.
So you feel this energy course through you. It
almost kind of takes over you, but you managed
to... Fight off this magic. You fought off the
gay thoughts. Yep. Alright, and then he's going
to go ahead and cast the bones back to heal himself,
and it's your turn. Alright, this time I'm going
to heal myself. I'm going to use second wave.
Oh, cool, 13 health back. Nice. Dirty 20 hits.
Uh, I'll roll. 11 damage. 11 damage, alright.
26. 26 hits. Uh, 16 damage. And then another
constant. Alright. 21. 21. 21. Let's see. He's
looking pretty rough, but then he's going to
go ahead and look at you and then say, well,
the hammer's calling to you, so. All right. First
one was a 10. Second one's a 24. Okay. And then
he. It's going to be 31 points of damage. Gradient
damage. Jesus. Cool. You feel like all this energy
is just coursing through you. It's just flowing
through the hammer. Cool. Is health post an action
or a bonus action? That was a bonus. Normally,
it's an action, but for me, I just say it's a
bonus because you're struggling. It's an action,
but it's a very popular, very optional rule to
make it a bonus action. Cool. For me, it's a
bonus. If you're giving it to someone else, it's
an action. Okay. Yeah, how much health is that
regular healing or is it greater I think is 44
Crane all over 25 He is looking really really
He looks at you and says, I wanted to use this
one for damage, but as he heals, he kind of perks
up again. He heals again. I burned all my high
-level spells now. I hate you. I had a plan for
one of them, but it was either that or die, so.
He should have chosen death. I'm just going to
take my time. And then he's going to hit you
with a hammer. All anybody knows is he went out
like, yeah, sure. 21 hits? Nope. All right, yeah.
God bless that championship belt, though. He
swings a hammer as you kind of just narrowly
avoid it. You just kind of feel it brush your
face. Oh, okay. Can you make that con save first
this time? Yes. 17. 30 hit? Yeah. Oh, it hits.
Oh, cool. 19 damage. Alright. 22. 22 hits. Uh,
16 damage. Alright. He is still alive, looking
really hurt. Why would you die? Go to sleep,
dude! At this point, he's just a masochist. He's
just extending it out. He's, like, swinging at
me, missing left and right, getting, like, a
lucky hit. I'm like, fuck, okay. Keep banging
on him. Nick starts crying. Stop. Stop. Stop
resisting. Just give up. This isn't fun anymore.
He's reaching. 23 to hit? Yeah, yeah. All right.
That's exactly like the blonde from Konosuba.
Alright, it's going to be 28 points of radiant
damage. As his hammer connects with you and just
manages to just hit you with just pure energy,
just forces through you. Is his hammer called
the Holy Moly? It's the Holy Guacamole, actually.
Oh, okay. That's not a mall. That is his turn.
The Holy Guacamole. He used one more spell to
heal himself. Cool. I used my last potion. 17.
17 damage? Help. Because I used my last trainer
version. Oh, okay. Go ahead and add that. I like
how you assumed it was damage. I mean, he just
hit you. Fair enough, you know? He knows how
to hit it. 19. 19 damage? All right, enough to
hit. Okay, yeah, 19 to hit. 17 damage. Alright.
He's still standing. That's real hurt. I think
that's like 28. 28 hits. 15 damage. Alright.
He is down. Ah, finally! You kind of hit him
as you... normally you would know like some of
this would go unconscious but you hit him and
he kind of just like oh and you see him like
like fall but then he like kind of picks up like
like within a split second kind of stands like
oh it's good i put my uh sword to his fucking
chin do you finally yield as he says uh don't
get hostile now as uh go ahead and roll me wisdom
save this guy got advantage in these situations
20 plus Nat 20 oh yeah you can save it you kind
of felt like you were just like your body was
tenting up as you kind of just managed to just
hold from like you kind of felt your body stiffen
but you kind of just fight through it can I punch
him in the face for trying some bullshit you
are in a temple surrounded by a lot of clerics
and these are the people you are asking for help
is this the fight ending is this the end of the
fight then yeah okay then yeah I guess He asked
him straight up, do you yield? He's like, one
more thing. Well, you can't get me back. He dropped
and he wasn't conscious. That's why I said he
dropped unconscious and then it was done. That's
why I said he dropped unconscious. I heard you
said he fell and then he said some shit. No,
I said he fell and dropped unconscious. And then
he stood back up after like a second. Oh, it
wasn't money, it was just a goblet. Oh, okay.
We'll go through the train of goblins. Take that
hammer away from him. Now you can watch my voice
beat your voice. Did somebody say goblin? Goblet!
I'm getting my hopes up. It's just this fancy
gold goblet with jewels on the side of it. Nice.
There's diamonds and leaves. There's sapphires
in there. There's an emblem of It's a pimp chalice.
It's a pimp chalice. It's a pimp chalice. That's
what I was starting to get from it. It's gold
with the rhinestones. Whenever you have it equipped,
you walk with a limb. Could I? But then also
when you're holding it, the cane just pops out
of nowhere. I just immediately put my sword over
my eye. He takes one of Rune's hat and he's like,
what? I was going to say, I stole one of Aldwyn's
hats that's jewel -encrusted. So we're about
to get ready for a fight, and then I see him
getting glammed up, and I run over there, and
I pop the hat on him and run back and get ready.
Nick steals the first coat. I have the jewel
-encrusted hat? Yes. Okay, I'm going to do something
about that later. In the Jenner's closet, there's
a random purple fuzzy jacket with a little red
lining of it. I'm like, huh, huh. It's calling
to me. You're like, it's calling to me. It says,
like, where usually the name plate is, it says
Slickback right on it. And then you only get
names. That's like the whole thing. He was a
deep gnome named Slickback. That's what we did
for our one shot. Yeah. Did we bet anything on
this other fight? Did any of you guys bet anything?
Oh, no, this is just for you to get the favor
from them. Yeah, okay. We're working on the favor.
Got it. Now it's your turn. I start sitting back.
All right, boys, as I'm not in too bad of shape,
actually. All right, boys, make me proud. I expect
you to walk out with lipstick all over you. All
right. Only a half health, like, on the dot.
I'm at 41, I'm at 82. All right. The radiant
damage is... Help me. That would help that a
lot. Yeah, it was charging him. Oh, that's what
made it do so much damage? You were charging
his weapon every time you hit him. That makes
a lot of sense. I was like, all right, you chose
radiant. The dice chose radiant. I was like,
you're just making him stronger. Make sure to
add the challenge to your inventory. You're holding
it as you feel the hand, the dwarf kind of grabs
you by the shoulder and says, and you turn around.
In his hand, he's holding a bottle. And he says,
You are worthy adversary. Drinks? Yeah. You guys
can drink here? He says, What kind of church
is this? What kind of God lets you drink like
this? He says, I don't know what the gods, but
the dwarves drink. What kind of cleric are you?
down to drink what the fuck he just says from
what i i earned this from what the actions i
had to do in there in the war all right i'm done
as he uh he hands you your own bottle he has
his own bottle too so all right it's uh how would
i write this uh chalice i'm just just write fancy
pimp chalice so if you want to sell it it's gonna
be worth a lot of money you get plus two charisma
while you It is a status symbol, though. If you
wear it with a jewel -encrusted hat. You must
complete the set. If you do want to sell it,
though, the thing wouldn't fetch you a really
good price. Is there a chair here? A chair? Yeah,
this chair's here. All right, when the team comes
out, I'm going to have my hat on with tilted
a little bit. I'm going to rest one hand on my
long sword, the other hand on my chalice. I'm
going to walk past the other four clerics. Third
leg, third leg, third leg, third leg. As you
hear some of the other clerics start chanting
along with it, third leg, third leg. I'm going
to walk past the clerics, pat one on the shoulder,
saying, looks like our guy did it. Go over and
hoist Nyx up on my shoulders. Nyx, I'm imagining
you're wearing a loincloth and you're always
going commando. It's dragon armor on the top
only. Why would it be dragon armor? You have
mentioned taking off your pants before, though.
Your horse just feels it on his neck. What's
on my neck? Every time I ride for a ring, there's
something over the shoulder. Which was my winter
form right now. I would probably still hang halfway.
It's cold right now, so I can't perform like
I used to. But yeah, you and the dwarf are sharing
a drink. A bottle of wine, so. This is good wine.
As he says, this is a dwarven wine from my people.
Well, it depends. We have been getting each other
out, but we have fields here that we pick from.
like to get down to business. Take care of what
we came here for. Oh, yeah, the, uh... Slightly
concussive. Oh, yeah, we came here for something.
He is still the adrenaline pump of the fight,
you know? I got smacked a couple times. Yeah,
yeah. Hit that Ric Flair a couple times. Woo!
The, uh, yeah, so the, um... The dwarf that,
um... You were fighting, he says, uh, James Gunter.
And he goes to shake your hand. He's a real firm
handshake. You guys are just... Go ahead and
roll me a strike check because both of you are
trying to see who can... 17. 15 plus 5, I think.
So that's 22, yeah. So you managed to get a little
further on in. You're like, oh. And you managed
to kind of edge him out a little bit on the strength.
Oh, he edged him. You edged him, yeah. Oh, you
edged him. The armor, the weapon. Yeah, so he
says. As the elven man who went up to you, he
says, Sir Gunther, they were looking for a favor.
He says, what favor were you looking for? We
need a curse taken off of somebody. Quite literally
taken off. Baldwin, and then you just probably
hear, like, footsteps. Or a beer by Franklin.
Come over here, please. They're probably freaked
out because they don't see him. He's like, who
are you? We can have one to this bike last year
because he's been pulled for an hour. Oh, yeah.
We'll say the fight took a while because they
were fighting for a while. We're all like...
I mean, rounds don't take that long. That was
a quick... Yeah. So, yeah, that was like... I
mean, they were sparring and everything. Well,
I mean, we'll say, like, you know, the guys have
been drinking and they've been... They brought
you some food as well. so you guys kind of been
eating and drinking it's very hard we've been
eating before eight hours yeah we got to make
sure that we're cutting it close to the eight
hours oh then they're like oh yeah like um yeah
well so we'll just say the the time expired with
with everything going on because you guys had
traveled to the city and um so yeah so he's there
and he um and they say what what favor were you
looking for This ring is cursed. He is cursed
by the ring, so we need a removal of curse. We're
trying to get the ring off his fingers, but it's
not possible. You see him kind of drinking. As
he looks at it, he just puts his cup down. He
was a real jovial guy, but he sees it. He kind
of just drops his smile. He says, where did you
get that? Where did he get that? Well, we don't
know exactly where he got it from, but we have
a good idea of... Because we're thinking too
that the curse is interfering with our ability
to get real answers. I don't think he knows anything
about it. As you see him grab it and you see
he grabs it and he just with like a look of just
disgust just grabs it and you see like he puts
both hands over as his hands start to glow like
this bright radiant glow and he pulls it off
of Baldwin. As you see him Pop back and he's
just like, oh! Who are you people? Who are you
calling you people? What do you mean by you people?
You're safe. You're in a church. Just for us.
So the declarer casts a spell? Yeah. He's kind
of just inspecting it and he just says... Let's
talk in private. He hands you the ring and he...
He goes to like there's an office space he goes
towards the towards the back of the church I
like to get like a glasses at glass and pour
him Baldwin or Baldwin Baldwin some say champagne
so you can have like a little sip to calm down
He's got his hands are shaking and he's kind
of trying to sit but he's like really shaky.
He's real scared Yes, we grew and stomped it
ourselves. I'll take a bottle if you're selling
any. Franklin, no disrespect. It's very dark
and I don't want us to be caught. He says, we'll
send you home with one. The dwarf says, the bottles
are my private collection, but I'll send the
warrior home with one. Yeah, so you go to a private
office area. There's some people in what looks
like a place where they have meditation. And
as he kind of makes the other clerics leave,
he's like, sorry brothers, we need this room
for a talk. They kind of excuse themselves and
leave. He closes the doors and he says, are they
back? Who are you referring to? The Emerald Claw.
Uh, yes. I thought it was only Nix in the room.
No, hold on, you guys. You think Nix is going
to be the talker? Hell yeah. He says, he's going
to talk to all of you. He's got the pimp chalice.
He's going to make some more charismatic. He
says, I'm glad they have a worthy warrior like
Nix to protect this. He's giving me a call. He
said, I'm glad they have a worthy warrior in
Nix to help protect you. TJ for the challenge.
Feeling good off the warrior one. I mean, so
he's such a great warrior. Do you have anything
that might help us? Because obviously they are
very bad people with our journey. Well, you could
have said that before. We could have helped you
without the comment. That was really fun. We
all knew that Nyx wanted to fight. He called
me a bitch. You serious? That's a really nice
hammer you got. Yes. Seems like a holy hammer.
That I use to protect our church, yes. Our cleric
here could use a holy hammer. Nah, I got this
holy sickle. I need a holy hammer. We're a building
full of clerics. We got a cleric. Seems like
there might be something here to help us out.
We can get to that in a minute. What we need
now is you want information it seems or what
is it? We want to know if we have to be ready
to un -retire. It would be a good time to start
re -mobilizing. Un -retire? We are in the war
we were both healers and when necessary took
out the undead. If she's back she You know who
we're talking about. The Lich. Cool. The lady
the legend speaks of. Can I roll something to
figure that out? Roll a religion check. See if
he can't get what he's picking up. What was this
person's name? Gunter. I rolled a natural one.
Yeah, you lost. Maybe he's talking about some
other religion. I have no idea what he's talking
about. It's not my religion. Some other religion.
From what we can tell, they're using a mixture
of undead and what seem to be potentially warforged
as well to rebuild their army to try and take
back their land. Well, not their land, but try
and take over things again. We've so far fought
vampires. And I reach into my bag and pull out
the vampire thing that I got from the very first
session. A person's tooth. Slowly decaying. I
got these scalps, these teeth. Got his glasses,
too. I do. I like to wear them and pretend I'm
him. I did. I gave them away. I was at a Necronomicon.
That was a scary one. I like to imagine your
horse puts the teeth in. One flaming arrow. You
think he'll bite someone with these? He's like...
A necklace of just like humanoid teeth. I do
have a necklace made out of teeth. IRL. But that's
not, yeah, that's IRL. That's not in game. You'll
have a rib bone. Yeah. Damn, I wonder what handsome
man gave me the rib out of a horse. But, back
in character. We fought vampires. We've fought
feral gnomes that seem to be tainted by magic.
Be interrupted. I just kind of like fling my
hands in the air. We've fought giants, not giants,
but giant Goliaths. Some people killed them when
they were other people's people. A dead Goliath.
All of these creatures for the most part have
been tainted in some way or corrupted in some
way. And it seems now that they have their hands
in the nobility as well, this ring and other
possessions like it were found on both the living
and the dead. It seems that whenever the Emerald
Claw has some of this corrupted jewelry on someone,
that they're able to commune with them and also
control them. You getting all this, Baldwin?
That's what's been happening to you. He's just
like, They've been controlling you from the shadows.
And your family. And your family. He's like,
what happened to my wife? Where's my son? You
have a wife and child? Nixon immediately makes
eye contact with Haroon when he says wife and
child. He's just still in a state of shock. He
just has a loss of words. And then Kunji just
says... Do you know anything about a thistle?
I mean, it's the language long dead and used
by most nefarious creatures usually. I'm going
to pull him off to the side a little bit away
from Baldwin for this one. And I'm going to tell
him one night I visited his quarters after he
had fallen asleep and he seemed like he was in
a trance -like state. He spoke to a dark nothingness
that spoke to him in abyssal. It seemed like
it was a portal from nowhere. Maybe the dark
influence will be back for him. You might need
to protect him. Yeah, I was just thinking that.
So, obviously, whatever was trying to control
him is probably going to know that he's not under
their control anymore. And if his family is being
controlled, we can't trust to go bring him back
to his family either. I would... He reaches for...
He grabs something in the desk and he... He's
rummaging through and he pulls out... Cookies.
He pulls out cookies. He pulls out a map. Cookies.
He's like, here you go, Baldwin. Here's some
cookies. Oh, cookies. I love cookies. Will's
cat and the actual food. He pulls out this silver...
medallion and it has the emblem of the church
on it. And he handed it to Nick and he says,
you are a great warrior. While you carry this,
if you find anyone in our church and in our group,
no matter where you are, we'll help you. Thank
you. Does this mean I'm your champion now? You
are one of our champions, yes. Why not? Because
we have several champions all throughout. Any
one of our churches and our members anywhere
you go and they will assist you can I show my
maps and just ask... Is it a him or... It's a
him. Can I ask him to point out where any of
the other churches might be? What maps to the
cities you've... I have a few. Again, I have
this city. What was the... Sharn. Sharn. I have...
I have a... This is Flamekeep. This is Flamekeep,
yeah. Then I have Zalagro, Metro, Korth, Cannon,
Karnan, Wyvernskull, and Dargoon. Yeah, so the
cities, so Sharn, he'll mark off on Sharn where
one of his churches are. Okay. And then some
of the other cities, the more popular cities,
he'll mark off the churches as well. Okay. Best
of luck. Thank you. So I think, Baldwin, that
you should resume your post. Because that would
give you a lot of influence and power in your
control to help find your family and keep you
safe. And maybe the church would be willing to
donate a few champions. Well, not donate, but
like send a few champions with him to keep him
safe from the evil influences while he... Get
some more answers for all of us. You don't think
that as soon as he goes back and they notice
that he doesn't have that ring on, that they're
going to just put him back under the spell? That's
what I was worried about. The curse is removed
from the ring, isn't it? Yeah, they'll just find
another piece of cursed jewelry to put back on
him. Or worse, they could just kill him. I don't
know, actually. Wait, um... Who has the ring?
Are you still holding it in your hand? Go ahead
and roll me a wisdom save. Yeah, so you kind
of feel like an urge to put the ring on, but
you manage to just kind of fight it. Okay. I'm
going to hit it with an identify. That was later.
That's much better. Didn't we already try to
identify? We did. I wonder if there's anything
wrong with it now. Well, yeah, the curse is gone.
Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. I wonder if
the curse being off changes anything about the
ring. Oh, I see. So the ring itself is still,
when you identify it, it's a symbiotic ring.
So you know that it's a property. Something's
activating this, but the property gets activated
when you put the ring on. Would I be able to
do, like, some sort of history check on the item
to figure out if it is a very... common item
or if there would be a lot of these kind of like
the ring but franklin said yeah that's franklin
kind of like is would is there a lot of this
ring can i do some kind of check or make an arcana
check like find a substitute to see if like franklin's
right if there are like if there's a bunch of
these rings or if these are rare yeah go ahead
is it the one ring to roll them all like or no
cool that's a good roll but they're not made
between the humans what's our we got a 24 24
yeah uh yeah so you um are we also 24 yeah so
you know that in this room like emeralds are
extremely rare because they're mainly but um
to harness their power but um you you've never
seen um you've seen symbiotic things before but
never like this so you know this is kind of like
something that was definitely at least somewhat
rare yeah like someone someone had to have like
Because semiotic items are rare to come by, but
also harder to make. So someone had to have really
been powerful in order to make this. Yeah, like
I said, so with that knowledge, I think this
is not the sort of ring you just mass produce.
That's why, for instance, that's why I feel like
not everybody on that train or everybody who's
working for him has a ring on their finger or
some people who are controlling their every move.
cherry -picking people in power so they don't
have to... Well, of course. They're only going
to put him on people in positions of power such
as everybody in the Dorian family. What I'm saying
is that when they notice that he doesn't have
it on anymore, if they don't want to put another
piece back on him that they might have on standby,
they'll just kill him. Well, then he's just dead.
Well, that's why the church should send some
champions with him. You don't think that's going
to arouse any suspicion? Probably, but it's already...
I mean, I think it's fair to say at this point
that whoever put the ring on his fingers to begin
with probably will have their suspicions. Where's
Wallace? Baldwin kind of just chimes in. Yeah,
that's kind of a point I was just about to make.
They were bound to know he's been taken anyway.
We did a somewhat public kidnapping, so they're
bound to be already a little suspicious. What
if we just go back? What if we just go back?
Maybe at this point, By the time that they probably
figure out what's going on, we'll probably beat
them back to the town. And then we tell them
what we did and what happened. Wallace is a chill
dude. And let's just say this. Baldwin, what
do you think we should do? Do you feel safe going
back to the city with people that possibly could
see that you're not under the influence anymore?
What city are we in? Flying King. Oh, we're in
Flying King. How did I get here? Exactly. So
do you feel safe going back to your normal daily
life and your normal daily actions? Or are you
willing to risk it to try to find your family?
Is there anyone of my compatriots nearby? We
can take you back to Wallace. We're about an
hour or so away from Wallace. Perfect. He's my
most trusted... I wouldn't say servant. He's...
I'm a loyal guardian. Hey, quick question. Did
Wallace give you this ring? This is ringing real
hard. Wallace has been there since the beginning.
It was presented to me by my cousin. Which cousin?
Baldwin? No, I'm Baldwin. No, I said Aldwyn.
Aldwyn. Isn't there an Aldwyn? No, it's the Aldwyn.
Oh, that's right. Oh, it's the Aldwyn. No, he's
one of our He's a Caden No, the cadence is brother
but I think. You have a big family. Just tell
us. Who was it? Let's stop guessing. Say his
name. Charlesworth? No, wait, wait. Charlesworth
Orion, the councilman? Stop it. Stop it. Wait,
no, he said cousin. Yes, it's Charlesworth. You
said he was Baldwin's cousin. Yeah. But he said,
yeah. Damn it, you're right. He said, yeah, Charlesworth.
Remember, him and his, uh. He said he had a benefactor
and he gave our family members these beautiful
pieces of jewelry. I can't remember his name.
He was a tall man. Dressed funny. I think he...
He was carrying a staff, so I'm not sure if he
was a sort of magic man, but I just remember
he had a staff. Did he look weird? I mean, to
an extent, he just sounded unnerving. Okay, okay,
okay. All right, well, we're getting somewhere.
We're getting somewhere, Baldwin. We're getting
somewhere. He has notes. It's Canada. He wrote
the notes down. He's just trying to figure out
what he's saying. Okay. So, we only have a short
amount of time to get you back with Wallace.
And before a real commotion starts, they'll probably
know that something's up. and have a short amount
of time to kind of basically gather a bunch of
people, as many loyal people as you can to yourself,
call us a lot of power somewhere, and make some
inquiries about where your family's at. Ask the
church. The church is always willing to help
you. Right, guys? Good job. And he says, we'll
do what we can, especially if it is to protect
you from them. Hey, Baldwin. Baldwin's got a
lot of money. He'd be willing to donate. Right,
Baldwin? Yes, anything. I love it when I put
multiple NPCs on a DM. Here's the thing about
this plan. Even if we are to get Baldwin here
back to the cabin in the woods, that still leaves
the question of Seofred tied up and beaten in
the room. How are we going to explain that? Things
get kinky out there, man. You know what? People
are weird. Get in the cart. We're leaving. I'm
sick of this shit now. I leave the room. The
Fightin' Clerics, it's been great. You've been
a hell of a host. Here's Ted Gold. He says, thank
you for the donation. Turns to Nick again. Thank
you. That was the most alive I've felt in years.
You're welcome. And he turns to you and says,
I hope to see you on the front lines. I would
love to fight side by side with you. Yeah, man.
Hey, if you ever need your ass kicked again.
If you're ever not too scared to fight all of
us, it's up. See you out there. Hey, and that's
something that's like added to the answer. By
the way, I'm much better in a group setting.
You had me nerfed. If we ever need you for another
big fight, can we call upon you? If it is to
take them down, yes. Okay. I'll give you my letter,
my I am bird message, so you can just get to
me at any time. Yeah, if you get any ones from...
Tweeter, yes, my tweeter. Recipes, those are
not for you. Those are for the other guy. What's
your AOL? Aetherial Owl Locator. Alright, yeah,
so you guys are... You guys will leave the church.
You did get a bottle to go, so you got a bottle
of wine to go. Nice. If you're offering, I will
absolutely take some. I mainly down half and
give him the other half. Cheers. On the ride
back cart -wise towards... You get pulled over
and then they're like, what's in the cart? He
has his sun hat on again. Hands! Show me hands!
Why is there a sun hat at night? Why is there
a sun hat at night? First of all, first of all,
no one is ever getting stopped leaving outside
of a border, okay? It's always coming inside
of the border. That's when you get checked. Anyway,
what I want to do on our ride back to the cabin
with Baldwin and South, supposing we get to that
point, is to fire off my message. Is there anything
new on my map? Which map? I just meant how the
thing popped up. Oh yeah, you do. You see a spot
in town marked. He points at it, and you don't
see it. He's just pointing at the map. You don't
see what he's pointing at. Do you just think
I'm stupid? I mean, you might. Realistically.
I actually don't think you're stupid, because
I literally just had fired off my mental message,
or whatever, the magic message, to the character.
Oh, that's true. And then you turn to me and
go, like, look here. There's a thing on the map.
And I don't see it, but I'm like, okay, cool.
Yeah, you see it pointing at you, but it's not
seeing it? No, I think I just go, Haroon, just
remember where that's at, okay? That's our next
stop after. Well, if you say remember, I'm going
to put a little circle around it. Highlight arrows.
Remember. Remember, question mark. What do I
have to remember? It's that movie where you tattoo
stuff on yourself so you know it came from you.
Oh, my God. Prison Break. Wasn't that with Ryan
Gosling? It was with a dude that looked like
him. That's possible. Yes. A giant, like, magic
pair of boots with, like, really, like, big heels.
I said, now you just need a magic pair of boots
with really, really big heels. Fish tanks in
them. Thank you all for tuning in. We'll catch
you next time. Later nerds. Bye nerds.