But anyways everyone, this is freaking nerds.
A D&D podcast where six friends play Dungeons and Dragons while Donzo's eating.
Dude, it's 5 right now.
Oh shit, my bad, I forgot to do that.
Anybody else really digging Will's soft smooth velvety jazzy?
I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah.
I've never been more happy to sit across from the table.
I think it is also because this is a new mic and I don't have the little pop cover so it sounds a little different for me.
But my name is Lazzagno Mocchiani, the Druid Wood Elf Cleric.
And fun false fact about Nyx is that he actually ran a, I can't remember what they're called,
I mean basically like an animal shelter for whatever the D&D party is.
Not like an orphanage, but like for animals.
Yeah, like an animal rescue place.
He for sure has run his own.
I'm like Tyson with like pigeons.
Feels like a different animal.
Yeah.
I'm jailed, play Nyx, a false fact about Frankie is that he cares more than he fits on.
Oh no, I do, that's not false at all.
I was going to say I don't know if that's false.
You all just piece of board for me.
Hi, I'm Ben and I'm playing Frank the Tank.
He, Frank the Fairy, Fairy Frank doesn't need to get fucked up to get down, I don't know.
Sure he did get down and they got fucked up.
And a false fact about Harun is there is a third voice.
His mom's voice.
He has it pre-recorded in his database.
Oh no.
Yeah, he doesn't try it out because it says weird things.
That's why he goes on all those solo adventures, just so you can play it.
It's nothing like looking at your mirror and saying your mom's voice, just horrific shit.
Mommy loves you sweet boy.
Oh no.
That's a great one, definitely a false fact.
I mean hopefully.
My name is Mark, I play Tharun Wen.
Warforged Mon, kind of a baby, got picked up, drew Y'Harris.
I was like drew Y'Harris.
Yeah, it was sad bro, I had it drawn.
Now you put a hail on him for no reason.
A false fact about Lazognir is that they were actually meant to get many packages from other clans through a postal service,
but did not recognize in the early days that that was even a thing.
And there's a few bodies somewhere in unopened packages, which is the disheartening part.
A few bodies?
Yeah, just out there in treasures.
You're like, what are you doing over here? There's nothing over here.
How do you know how to get here?
Get in those box.
If you know how to get rid of a body, you know how to get rid of a body.
Maybe that's why you went to Park Cleric, because now you're trying to redeem.
Now that you've seen the city's mall, you're like, oh wait.
I've never out to go social.
Lazognir.
And we'll stick to Lazognir.
Not the character.
I mean, to be fair, that's probably a little bit on the nose.
Alright, Gazza.
Don't look at me like that. What are your socks?
Look at you like what?
The way you're looking at me over that DM screen.
I feel like I need to brighten your days, or I'm going to need some bright flowers.
What? Markings might have for me? What is that? I can't really see it.
It's a multitude of flowers in different colors with some stripes, and it says...
What does it say? Bod? Bod for glove. Body glove.
Body glove socks.
I'm wearing my glasses. Wow.
Does it fit my good glove?
I can see his personality really blooming with those.
You can move a little bit away if you need to.
Oh no, it's just I leaned in when I leaned in, until the gasoline is when it burps.
Oh, you're good.
You know how many times Gazza burns in the mic?
Well, he leans in for ever since he burps.
I told Mark the reason why I didn't come last week, I was like, sick, but it was mostly because I had the ships.
And I was like, I'm not Gazza, I can't just be shooting at soldiers.
I feel that. I feel that.
I have no shame, I'll disrespect any soldier.
I know you will, that's why you're famous for the knee-knee bathroom.
I'll shit wherever, I'll shit...
We have that bullshit party, I think.
I probably could have played my wood hat twice during the session, and I didn't want to do that to you, man.
I'll do it to you, man.
I'll shit all over the hand.
Alright, God's will.
What's your real fact?
My real fact is about Harun.
Oh shit.
So Harun, after knowing the scene, all of you kind of like go through day by day.
Seeing Yoharu's reaction to capturing emotion, Toru has a deeper understanding of human emotion.
Hey, getting that interpersonal skills.
Now you're able to be more empathetic.
Well, maybe this work was effective if you didn't understand human emotions.
Now it's starting to. Maybe you understand me.
You might not like me once you understand me.
Maybe you made it true?
No, overall...
Well, he has more understanding, but you don't know how much more he understands me.
Here's what I want to know. Is it like one specific...
Does he get like emotion at a time? Like one emotion like, oh, now I get it.
Oh, okay.
I don't know why you ever thought we could be...
Yeah, it's the only feeling I feel right then. Like it's just so much.
So would you say it's enough to level him up?
No.
What?
All of me is just leveled.
I'm a good boy.
No, yeah, you are.
We'll say that...
Collar.
It says good boy.
I'll just take more like a French made out there, you know?
You know what? The good boy collar is terrifying.
Who would love that?
The orange monk flying into battle and you just see a collar jingling around my neck, rotating like a hula hoop.
And you just catch a glimpse of good boy.
Also, you have that ring.
Yeah, good boy.
And then it changes.
And the collar stays with me. That's amazing.
That's amazing.
He's a good boy.
Do you want the good boy collar?
I do want the good boy collar.
Can I just happen to have a good boy collar?
You know, if we level up, I can get Perfinsity and Smith's tools and I can make that.
Oh my god.
You guys will be there soon.
But I actually did want to make a rule change for you, Nix.
The council decided that at this point, along with your championship drinking, you now have advantage on con checks when it comes to drinking.
Oh, shit?
Yeah.
Con checks. That's...
When it comes to drinking.
Okay, I want it written in stone. He said when it comes to drinking.
He didn't just say liquor.
If there's any potion that's going to make something bad happen to you, you have a con...
I want it on record.
That is a good question.
Is it only towards alcohol or is it towards any bad thing?
It's alcohol, something like a drug, a poison, you know.
Like a swamp water.
It's just advantage. I mean, he's still good. He can roll real low.
I mean, I think it's good.
I mean, he only ever drinks alcohol, so what does the liquid he has, he has...
Yeah, canonically, I probably wouldn't try much unless someone told me it was alcohol.
I think the real test now is to start liquefying people that we meet.
Nick, this is me.
So, yeah, anything in one way or alcohol, he gets an angel.
So do we have a spell called liquid form instead of gaseous form?
Yeah, so now you have a deeper understanding of your confederation.
He gets one emotion, so he got empathy.
Hey.
Nice. How many more do we need? So like six more? Some shit like that?
Maybe. Maybe he's only gonna get one more.
Rage.
He's a barbarian.
Yeah, that's the barbarian.
He's like, why are you and Nick sitting along so well?
It'd be terrifying, though, for him to be sitting on your shoulders and you guys both going like...
I don't know.
He'd turn in the knob and it's like the different voices and then he goes to the other, he's all the way angry.
Yeah, he'd turn in the knob like one of those people wind up things and stick it in his back and go...
Which one do we want today?
Does my cloak of effects still work even in animal form?
I don't believe it does because you're not wearing it.
You take on the form, the armor class of whatever you're wearing.
Anything you're carrying or wearing either drops a spore or gets merged into your form.
Okay.
But you get to use your class features from anything.
Can I pick up weapons like that? Can I just like lay on it?
If it has a hand, you can turn it into it.
I think the consensus when I said Druid, Gonzo said my clothes or whatever I'm wearing just transform.
So I just transform over it.
Especially because you're tuned to most of your magic items so you're kind of just...
Yeah. I carry over my spell save DC but I don't think I'm able to cast any spells.
Who wants to give the recap?
Yeah, he wants to give the recap for inspiration.
I'll take it.
So last time, nothing happened with Frankie and we left.
Yeah.
So totally justified justice got meted out by...
You didn't kill anyone.
I convinced him to do his thing.
And then me and Harun met up with you guys.
And then we left and we...
It's a matter of passing away or whatever.
But we did it.
Anything else?
We said goodbye.
We said goodbye to the sister.
I protected her from Nyx.
Nyx's...
No, not really protected her from Nyx. I just made sure Nyx couldn't kill anyone.
I just wanted to be closer to my boy. My proxy.
I made sure your spell was only on the boy and not on the sister.
Harun got a little upgrade in the knee.
He got a whisk attachment.
Yeah, he got an upgrade. Is it an attachment?
It's a little hand crank.
Hand crank makes a little hand crank.
That's what Rodger gave you. Because you were telling him how you like baking.
Remember I bought baking supplies for you.
I gave him a bottle of Bordeaux.
I bought baking supplies for you, Harun.
Actual baking supplies.
Hell yeah. I agree.
Which at any point if you want to start baking.
Maybe. If you guys are all resting.
I can make bacon.
How do you make bacon?
I think if you push hard enough.
Can you make bacon hangers?
Insert those in meters into somebody's insides.
I can hold him down.
Get him Harun.
Then I stunny strike him and slowly come out of him.
And then you see Nicks get a twinkle on his eye.
He's like what are you thinking about?
The war again.
He's like remember we were doing this in the war Harun.
Yeah.
And I call the other chef.
They call me the chef.
I'm sorry.
This bitch is out.
So where do you pick up at?
You guys you know.
I think we woke up.
You guys woke up.
Is the mic on?
Yeah.
We're great.
Go ahead and talk to me.
Harun and Yohara had a brief moment.
Yeah.
Had that little weird interaction.
I gave them my drawing of him.
Yeah.
I mean we also fend off the dinosaurs.
Fend off?
What's the word I'm looking for?
Avoiding.
You have to avoid the confrontation.
And then you also have to be able to calm your dinosaurs down.
That is a proud duty there.
You guys know the rules really well to that.
I think we just have a good team comp for that between our ranger and then two lisms.
Oh my god damn it.
I was like I got a plus but not as good as you guys are doing.
Do you have any perception?
No I haven't handled it.
But as a bard I get to add half a cup of Christmas tea.
Ooh.
Yeah you guys are all heading out for the day.
Traveling to the plains.
Harun I want you to make me history check because you're kind of remembering some of this area as you're going through.
See if you remember.
When I have been there with him.
When he remembered.
Yeah this is just like after the area.
See how much of the area you remember.
Can I count his guidance on Harun?
Yeah.
He lost the bonfire over.
Which stick are you about there bud?
Take some divine aid.
I got a ten.
Ten.
Oh plus zero so sixteen.
Yeah you can't really remember.
You're just like you remember at some point traveling through here and you can't really remember.
And you're kind of just thinking out loud because he doesn't think it.
Yeah I feel like I did hear both.
And then he was like yeah remember we passed through here and went to the capital.
Gather Hall.
Yeah it's just kind of where I think a lot of people go to like this is kind of like the central hub of the plains where people go to trade.
It's kind of like a market.
Gather Hall.
Yeah you guys have traveled through there on the way to a different battle.
Would I have the Zogda know anything about it?
Yeah I mean he's projecting if you know anything about it.
If he says the name can I roll a history to see if I remember anything that might be pertaining to the area to look out for?
Yeah.
Dirty twenty without a... without anything.
Six.
Not very much other than that.
Twenty two.
Yeah you remember that it's like a central hub where a lot of people go to meet and all the halflings go there so it's like a central location for most of the halflings.
And that's where you'll get most of your supplies.
Most of the whole great supply.
Hey Frank you did say I heard there's some pretty nice halflings.
So that's the only place to really be able to get supplies if you're going through like the plains and desert here.
If I know we're going to halflings but I'm going to get all bloody but if Frank you're like we are going to a small spot.
We are going to a small spot.
And then we just kind of look at the small people and kind of look at yourselves.
And see if people are happy.
Things are going to be my size in this city.
That's right buddy. That's right.
Honestly I don't mind either way. Wings make it easy to go up or down. You know what I'm saying?
Just out of curiosity Gonzo is this where we're supposed to... is this... do we know if this is the place that the information broker told us to go to originally?
Or did we ever get an actual place for manpower? He just said the plains.
Uh no but he said you guys are going to be able to find it.
Because we've got to hold this where most of the families go to visit so we're going to be able to find the information.
Okay.
What are we looking for in this?
The Gar Clan.
There are one on the clan there so you'll be able to find it.
You guys just tell me what we need now.
You guys just have to... you guys remember how to get there.
So it's going to take you a few days to get there.
We're going to fast travel so don't worry. I'm not going to be able to play it.
Roll edition of dinosaurs.
Roll for wolves.
What? Three wolves?
The size of houses.
The size of houses?
I think that... let's take that on a t-shirt.
Um but yes um...
As you guys are getting towards the plains uh...
You'll find the Gatherhold.
It is uh essential that more people are kind of gathering up there.
Um...
favorite.
Um...
I mean like if I've been here before like do you think we know each other from everything?
Well it must be sexy remembering me.
Yeah.
Whoa.
That was sick.
You're really trying to have things down and it's kind of...
Alright I'm trying to do one.
You're not thinking about it just again are you?
Wow.
And uh yeah so you guys get to the city.
And uh yeah so it'd be...
As you can imagine the buildings aren't the biggest because you know...
Are the number of stories for buildings different?
Or is it just like three per one?
Whoa.
It's like three stories for a building but it's only like 15 feet tall.
I don't know if there's any of that.
Yeah there's like a big building but then there's like a bunch of tents kind of nearby where people are like trading.
Kind of like market area.
Do we stick out like a sore thumb?
Uh...
Yeah I mean the tall people are like...
I mean there's a lot of people who aren't happening through here as well because there are other travelers coming through here as well.
So you'll see other travelers as well.
But um...
There is a ferry which for the most part they don't see others a lot so...
I mean Frank's house is flying so that's kind of...
And there's a warforge with you so it's...
We're in an old bunch yeah.
Yeah.
And a ladder room.
He's sleeping there.
He's sleeping.
He's sleeping yeah he's still on the tractor.
He's just kind of sleeping in bed taking the cart.
I need to get a mask because I'm fully clothed.
I'm like I'm just hiding in plain sight.
Yeah if anybody asks about your hands they're like oh it's like an alarm.
They don't worry about it.
He has armor underneath he's just you know...
Lost season war.
Are you sure it was PTSD?
Calm down.
My man's scary.
Yeah so you guys are traveling through...
Are you guys going to the market at all or are you guys going to ask around?
We're really need one.
What are we specifically?
Are we supposed to talk to the guards?
We gotta find the garpland.
But they're not here.
We don't know where they are.
We're just in a circle.
You know where the garpland is at?
Yeah they're just like a random half way walking by and he's like...
Yeah?
We're looking for the garpland.
Can you point us in their direction?
Those fields over there.
Those garfields over there belong to them.
I hate you so much.
How long have you planned that out?
If in months.
You're just thinking about it every night.
Oh my god.
The god of the sessions.
When are they going to fucking get there?
I hate harvest day.
Thank you, kind sir.
If you're looking for them, one of them is here.
Oh, where is it?
I think it's a guard.
His name?
Gargar?
Yeah.
What's his little name?
Gar?
No, that's his dad.
His dad's Gargargar?
Yeah.
Is that his gargar gargle?
I don't know.
Alright, let's just go back home.
I'm waiting for Gargar to hit us with some Jamaican accents.
I was about to say Gargar Binks.
Not to make it look like that.
I'm going to approach Gargar.
You don't know who it is.
He just said Gargar.
You know what it looks like.
I think I can solve this.
Alright.
Gargar.
Look over here.
Gargar.
You see his gargar in his eyes?
Yeah?
I've stuck my hands up.
I try to whistle with my two teeth.
Will can't actually do it.
But you know what I mean?
Put my two fingers in my mouth and try to whistle.
Can I try to ventriloquism him yelling, Gargar?
With a whistle?
Yeah.
She comes over and he's like, Gargar.
This halfling comes over and he, about the same time as Nix, kind of looks at Nix and
says, do you guys follow me?
Yeah, yeah.
We have questions for you.
But I can't remember them.
So when I ask those questions.
Do you need help?
Do you know where my brother is?
Or where my brother is?
Yeah, we were sent from a mutual friend to help you and that's your brother.
Is this your brother, Gargar?
Oh no, no, he's back home.
He's at home.
No, no, no.
Bar, Bar is on a different adventure right now.
A different castle.
Yeah.
It's not a blurt.
My dad is, he's been at NAJTA.
My dad is a... he's been at names.
Sounds like it.
Sounds, yeah.
I've never heard somebody so convinced of that.
Sure.
So, we heard your brother has been kidnapped.
Uh huh.
Halfling, halfling.
Sorry, small boy.
Small boy, not a hurt.
Do you know who by who by chance?
Yeah, there's another group of halflings that f*** they travel around and uh...
They're the Warsaw clan?
The Warsaw clan?
There's a traveling group of mercenary halflings?
They uh, well they just go around places and they try to take over places and sometimes they get kicked out and sometimes they uh...
Next is immediately questioning his allegiance to his current family.
Wow.
Those are the barbarians?
No, uh, they wrote that they're Warsaw barbarians.
I think that was their name.
Maybe.
They're a group of halflings unless they haven't been the same.
Unless they're the ones that...
I don't know, after the war they said that they got in line with some crazy people so...
Where would we find these people by chance?
Um, they like to hide in the wooded areas because they don't like to be seen so...
You said they like to try to go after cities. What was the most recent city they tried to get after?
Well, they attacked our clan. They also attacked the travelers, whatever they could be.
They're holding our brother right now so we don't know if they're still in the area or if they're still...
Would anybody know if they're still in the area?
Uh...
Maybe something's trying to keep track of them a little bit?
I don't know what I was in here for but uh...
I don't know.
Do they do business in town?
I don't know.
I've been here for three days and I haven't been able to figure anything out.
Who have you asked?
You sound like an amazing scout.
I do my best. My dad's a special one.
I think we should save those arseholes and guard fields.
The guard fields. You guys have the fields my family owns.
As far as these fields can go...
I say we head to the guard fields and go talk to the guard clan and see if they have any more information for us.
Ask them about the guard fields.
They might really love you, Lasagna.
Yeah, I have a feeling they will.
I have a feeling that they'll love Lasagna so much.
More than Harvestance.
He's like, oh boy, my dad will be happy.
He wanted me back home a day ago but you know, he didn't want me back empty handed so this is good.
How about you actually stay here?
Oh wait, nevermind, you're coming with us.
Wait, who did you talk to already?
Uh...
I'm kinda shy.
Dude, he's filled up for three days and then he's already...
I don't know why.
I mean, I told you people here and there but...
Have you just been drinking for the last three days?
No.
I get serious and look them in the eye. You want to tell me the truth?
I'm always abandoned since alcohol related.
Roll insight check.
Can it be intimidation?
I mean, intimidation is after but insight is...
God, I hate insight.
You can insight check and he...
Doesn't help.
What'd you get?
I got a two plus whatever he gives me with this.
I got a little insight as well for 23.
Oh, you know you can fool us here.
Except for Nick.
Hey, I got a whole seven.
You're just like...
But you smell drunk.
You're like, please smell.
You're like, I know that smell. I know that smelly smell.
The smell that smells smelly?
Yeah.
I mean, you know what? I help out my clan.
And they give you money for that?
No, I mean, my dad holds the money because he does trading and I just...
You're not going to help?
So you're just a slave?
No, no, no. I think Gargar is trying to say he lives in his grandma's town of Spacetown.
Okay, okay.
Do you eat...
Do you have your pockets hot? You know what I'm saying?
Gargar?
I do my best.
My dad wishes I would have been a warrior, but you know what I'm trying?
It's just a little scary.
Let's go talk to your dad and see what he has to say.
Can you tell him that I found you guys?
Well, you're going to take us to see him and then we'll tell him.
You can't move over to us.
Yeah, yeah.
He's going to be proud of me. I did something.
All right, you know, I can lead you back.
And he sees your call.
Oh, I have one of those too.
He sees my what?
The dinosaurs.
Oh, yeah. The dinosaurs?
Yeah, you got to have your dinosaurs.
Yeah, that's right.
Remember those? The one that Nick's is riding?
Mm-hmm.
He has one too?
Yeah.
Where'd you guys get those?
We acquired them. We were going to set them free with their family.
Did you steal them?
No.
Does it count as stealing if you steal them from stealers?
Who?
Who? Maybe?
I don't think so.
Well, it's a good thing we didn't, so it's not even a moral one.
That's true about it.
Well, I mean, if you're freeing them, then I feel like it's a good thing.
Yeah, we were going to try to find a small herd of them and then possibly just let them go.
Oh, I can help with that. I know these lands really well.
Can you help with that?
It seems like you can barely help out.
I can do it.
Hey, maybe he knows the map.
Maybe he knows nature really well.
Maybe he doesn't know people very well.
I don't want to get there.
See?
Some of us don't like both.
But yeah.
Lizard, have you played with both?
Both sides?
I think, if anything...
Sorry, Gargar.
I think Gargar knows his...
Don't worry about Lizard in his sexuality.
I think he fucks around with us, plays sonalot, drinkin' mountain drip, and that's it.
You know what I'm saying?
Is that something right, Gargar?
He's a hapless?
Yeah.
Harun says, let's go!
And then he says,
would you like to ride?
He says,
I'm going to dead eye him in the eye
with a very strong, stern face.
We have a cart.
I back off a little.
No, I have my claws with me.
Okay.
I say that in character.
Okay.
We're good.
See, I felt your feelings
in the moment because it meant pathetic,
and I was like, oh, this wasn't a good idea.
Wow.
Okay, okay.
Let's see him writing down.
What is this?
Sensation.
It's like, my body?
Do you think bicentennial man?
Yeah.
That's a really...
They're saying really fast
not my jokes.
Yeah, so you guys...
Harun's like, oh, boy.
I'm so happy that I found you guys.
I can look at some dinosaurs,
and we can make this work.
We can make what work?
Nothing, no worry about it.
Okay.
Inside.
Yeah.
Inside, yes.
Can't be worse than this.
Oh, 18.
And 14.
Ooh, 20.
Natural one.
Yeah, I mean...
You feel assured.
Everyone else, you're like, he feels somewhat assured.
At 18?
And at 20?
He's not completely sure, but he's kind of sure.
Oh, he's not being deceitful.
He just doesn't believe in himself.
Kind of, yeah.
Okay, we're good.
Mixed without will sympathize with that.
It will carry on his way.
So yeah, you guys are searching
in the...
on your way...
Let's see.
Okay, you guys are...
are going through...
Perception check?
Yeah, go ahead and run a perception check.
Got it.
Yeet.
23. Oh, Jesus.
Plus five, that's a 12.
What is this?
Huh?
It's a perception check.
Oh, is it good?
Okay.
So yeah, you...
You see...
As you get out of the crunch over this hill,
you see a big group of dinosaurs.
You think you come to that group
that you were...
that you had seen
a few days ago.
Damn, well, they'd have just left
if we had animal handled them.
Like, with the dinosaurs.
Anyways, is that what they were trying to do?
Like, our family,
that's them, that's my mom!
Do they look like the same dinosaurs?
There's... there's... there's
mixes of dinosaurs. There's like, uh, some of the smaller ones
similar looking to yours, but
you also see, like, big old T-Rexes
in there as well.
But there are other claw flutes.
Yeah.
They all get along, they're not fighting, they're just traveling?
It looks like a big pack traveling together.
Hmm.
Um...
Then knowing that...
Can I cast...
Um...
Speak with animals through my ring?
Yep.
Ooh, excuse me.
Can I ask Gar... Gar...
Wait, is it Gargar or Gargar?
Okay. Um, can I ask
if, uh,
we let them go? Will they
just be cool and not fight?
Maybe.
He took your pause, he's like, uh...
Why don't you go with them?
Sure, yeah, let's do that.
No, wait, no, don't do that. Yeah, let's go.
No.
You can talk to them, maybe they'll
say something. Yeah, I'm gonna
say that and say exactly that.
And then as I cast, speak with
animals, sorry, I'm trying to find my fucking ring
in my inventory.
Oh well, whatever. But it's in my ring.
Um...
And I'll look at the clawless and be like...
Hey,
so, this is a big...
Food? Food?
Oh, food, yeah. Ah, yeah.
And I pull out some steaks.
And then I throw a steak to all of them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um...
So, do you guys
think that these guys will be cool with us
kind of going through here? That you guys
like, this is obviously your kind of group.
So, do you want to stay here with them?
Um...
This could be home. You could find mom
in there. Momma?
Momma. And I
point. And they just start yipping, they just start
going. They just start going. Yeah, all of them?
The four of them, including the one
that Nick's riding.
Nick's, Nick's, get off! What?
Nick's, get off! I start running on this long
side. You have to bail!
No! No! I'm sorry!
I'll start running as well.
God damn it. Uh, I get...
He's running and I bail. Okay, I'm
like right next to you so I'm like hoping you'll just...
I'm hoping you're bailing out.
Can I give him an athletics material?
Yeah, go ahead and do an athletics. Go ahead.
I'll give you an athletics.
Doesn't fucking matter.
Can I try to catch him if he looks like he's
falling? Yeah, go ahead and roll me in.
Okay, plus eight. So that is eight forty.
Third. Go ahead and
do an athletics or an acrobatics.
Uh, that is
plus...
19.
They're going fast.
You kind of just jump off and you kind of
fall and you're like, oh shit,
but then Arun kind of catches you
and gracefully just, like in his
arms. I start like
drifting in the dirt and turning around.
I wrap my arms around him and look
in the eyes. My hero.
As you're doing that, like the dinosaurs
like halfway get to the big
group. You also notice that
Ghar's dinosaurs are also
running and his foot's kind of stuck on the
poultry thing he was using and he kind of
gets dragged. Damn it, I set him down
and I go for Ghar.
Yeah, I go help if I can.
You're not this far?
I have a little bit of faster move speed. Can I catch
up to them? Oh, they're already going.
They're about like 60 feet and I already see it.
And then you see
the big groups kind of sees
them going.
As you see them getting closer to like a big
one of the big T-Rex is kind of getting close.
Yeah, I
still try to like intercept. The speed of the animals
is still going. Oh yeah, still going. Yeah, so
very far though. I mean, I still
I feel like I'm coming down.
You guys are catching up as like
they kind of get to them and there's like an impasse where
there's like a, I feel the paw foot and like a big
T-Rex kind of staring down at them. Yeah,
I'm using whatever I can. I look over at the T-Rex and be like
whoa, oh I hit the mic stand.
Whoa, hey, how we doing?
How you doing there? You just hear the
paw foot, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom.
And then you just hear it like kind of sniffing
you and then just say, uh,
think.
And then just nudges you and then
kind of just takes them.
Like, think as
in T-H-A-N-K or think? Yeah.
Sorry, I heard think.
I mean, it's a, that's all you
would say to me, but he kind of just like, nudges
you and then kind of just takes them.
Can I get off,
can I get Gar
off the... Yeah, you help Gar
and then he's just like, yeah, I just, I have the
handles.
Uh, sure you did, buddy.
Let go. Yeah, and then
he's like, you see, I told you to be okay.
Wait, did he just lose his dinosaur tooth now?
No, he got it, he's kind of just wrangling
and he's like, yeah. Oh, I just, oh, yeah.
He just, that one just got a little
excited. Yeah, he's just like, where are they going?
They get to get some good
friends. Alright, one of Lasagna's
side quests has been checked off. Yep.
Level up.
There you go.
You feel...
I feel good.
I feel happy.
Now we're walking. Now you're walking.
And now you have advantage. I haven't had advantage yet.
Oh, really? Side quest completed.
And
now that we have to go work, after the clock
sets, we totally need to eat tonight.
I will add that. You will.
It would be easier to eat without having to feed
them too. That's right.
Now they can feed us.
The food budget went way
down now.
I mean, Nick's been riding a cart
or he can ride a... We still
have the magical cart.
Save the profit.
Goddamn.
He's going to have
bumper sticker and put them in the cart.
Who would invent bumper stickers?
Ask gas or grass. No one rides for free.
You guys are...
Yeah, that cart does move on its own, huh?
Yes, it does.
The clock would have not been contributing
all the way.
No, they just do the walk alongside it.
I guess they make the image more
believable.
Didn't you think you would join us in that fight with the Direwolf?
I think so.
We are a bunch of those...
They are cute.
They are like cats.
They are cute.
They will be better than us.
They definitely will be better than us.
They will fight the hatchet. They are not that...
Like a cat.
They might claw the fuck out of you.
Like a cat.
You guys are
traveling guards.
Leading you guys.
I think
you guys...
And he
kind of says, huh,
we should have been there by now.
Do you know where that car is?
Yeah.
Do you know
where you are going?
Yeah. You didn't need a map.
Insight check.
You didn't need a map.
Oh, damn it.
Four.
Fuck.
Maybe that claw might have bothered
with the brain or whatever the fuck he is.
Thirteen?
God fucking
dare it.
I grab him.
Why the fuck did you take us?
But to be fair,
I stay drawing
maps and stuff like that. I would know
how to go back where we just came from.
He's like, I don't know.
I don't think I have a map.
Okay.
Have they ever been around here?
Or are you just leading us
around a rectangle?
Let me see if my dad gave me anything.
He's like, I have this
list of leads.
And on the back of it...
I like to take that.
On the back of it is the map that he was
given and he starts scribbling on it.
Okay, okay, hold on.
This is a thing for cartographers.
Can I roll to tell
what was originally the map?
If a map has been desecrated, I have a chance.
Yes.
Okay, okay.
How old is he?
Uh...
Thirty-five.
He's different
when you're half-ling.
So...
He's not too long.
Nineteen.
Is he younger?
So I can tell where the map originally was.
Yeah. Can I like draw over his
scribblings and just
redo the map so we can like figure out
based off of that which way we should go?
Okay. Then I'm going to constantly
say, okay, I
fixed his map.
We need to go this way.
Can you tell how far we are?
So you guys
instead of traveling west, you guys
are going east, so you guys have to just kind of...
I'll just go up exactly back where we came from.
Oh my goodness.
Like, yeah, he went exact opposite way.
Sometimes I get mixed up, alright?
You're on the map.
And when I asked you if you had
a map...
And I'm like... And I calm myself down.
I grab him by the shirt, you may have
cried!
I forgot that was the map!
Alright, we're going this way now.
I'm going to park right at the house!
Did he give you anything else?
Uh...
I think so. I haven't checked
my pack.
Do you want me to check it for you?
No, I got it, I got it!
Okay. Yeah, hey, check that in front of us, please.
Right here, in the middle.
Just in case there's another situation where the map's
just on the back of the thing you're looking at.
The back was blank. He just started
running on the park, it was already written.
Like, of course.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
So we're not dealing
with a fully
functioning adult here.
It sounds like he wanted to be left alone
for this guy for a couple days.
We're dealing with a functional child, right?
Intelligence of six, I'm guessing.
Karun is judging, so...
I think
Tranky here's going to, like, change
the tactic of how he attacks this
child.
Hey bud.
Can you bring your pack over here so we can go through it?
Just want to check it with ya.
Okay. Yeah. Hey.
And I, uh, mine an illusion
of cookie for him.
You're just for it? Yeah.
Just throw that in your mouth for one big bite.
Ha! And yeah,
I just want to go.
Tastes weird. That's just you, bud.
Just go get it.
He, uh, he just has
a bunch of rations, like, uh,
some water skins.
Um, looks like a digital parchment
that was underneath, like, the stuff that he had
missed. And he's just like, oh!
Huh.
What? Whoops.
Let's go ahead and grab that parchment.
I'll take a look at this for ya.
Yeah.
Just gonna pull it out. Just want to show Karun
myself and the guys.
There's another map.
That's a whole map. It just says
in case. And that gave him
another map in the back.
He didn't know that
he had another map in the back.
And is that one just a map with
like, blank on the backside?
No, it's like, yeah, blank on the backside.
And that one's like a complete map.
And it just says just in case, like, written on the
note in the corner. Alright, I'm, uh,
I'm gonna pocket that one.
So, Karun, your next lesson is
why you don't go into the
house with strangers.
That's true. We're gonna be bad guys.
After he says that, I
pick him up, I'm gonna kill you!
I put him back down.
Do you want any? Are you guys
hungry?
Yes, please. Thank you.
Take his wretched soul!
I eat one of his rations as well.
No, no, no.
He has like bread, there's some cured meats in there.
Guys, guys, he has said he has
not opened his path once since he
left home, which means he has not looked
at these rations and not eaten
any of them.
It's better if an adult holds onto
the food and parches it out.
He said he eats.
He doesn't survive on bread, he eats it all.
You could.
No?
Be honest, did they even let you in the bar?
I mean, when I got money I did.
How did you get money?
You said you didn't have a job.
I mean, you know, I got money.
Did you steal it?
No, however, I think we should not ask
any more questions. We all know how he got that money.
It was about time.
It was all wrong.
You know what? I was gonna lead over
and like whisper very shittily
out of his auger because of the height difference.
Prostitution!
It's like
in my mid-stomach.
I heard him say, hey, I got
something for you, and he pulls out
that little paper hat
and puts it on his head.
What was this?
I mean, you know,
you've got to start somewhere.
He's gonna stand out
from all the other half and corner of his mouth.
Right.
He's the special one.
He called me cat.
So, now that you have the map,
do you think you begin as to where we gotta go?
Yeah, that's exactly the other way.
We need to go back where we were
and then keep going.
Is it like straight back or can we
bypass Gather?
Oh, Harun
was like the uncertain map.
He could find a sure way to get there.
Uh, yeah.
He has a built-in navigation system
that shows him the fastest route possible.
He has a clearer map of where
they were going.
So, he's like, okay, now we're going.
In 30 feet, you must dash.
Plus, he was building a car play.
U-turn, U-turn, U-turn.
Oh, I know what the map was already making.
He was kind of able to cross reference with his
special brain of his.
You didn't say no.
It's gonna kill you day one.
Take two.
Alright.
Alright, well, I believe in you, Harun.
Alright, we get going then with it, right?
Yeah, you got, you got,
uh, yeah, so it's like afternoon right now.
He's like, we should be able to get there by
nightfall, so, hang on.
No, definitely.
You're not allowed to talk
until we get to your dad.
Why? Because you're the worst.
That's not fair.
No, Gar, Gar,
go ahead and offer your opinion.
Just know that we're gonna take it with a grain of salt,
and then when we're
gonna see your dad,
we're gonna let him know,
and you're gonna back us up on this.
What does salt have to do with this?
Don't worry about it. That we rescued you.
Because the only thing I can imagine here
in this situation is that you would have
died in heaven.
For sure.
Never made it home. For sure.
I even went over to Frankie and he was like,
he's definitely like a dying dog
situation, right?
That just sets him off to like, figuring out.
Does he have any
weapons on him?
I really hope not. Because we saw in his bag
and we just looked at it. Oh, he has a short
shirt on him. Okay. Does it
look like it is
used at all? It looks a little worn,
not well maintained. Does it look like
it's made of rubber? No.
A little wood.
A little foist. It's made out of wood.
It looks like an older
short-sleeved shirt.
Like a heavy damn short-sleeved shirt.
Yep. I think I know why
this guy wants his other son
rescued. Yeah.
This one out to die.
So, Gar, were you the
middle child, older child, younger
child? What were you?
I'm a twin. You're the twin?
Yeah. So,
were you like,
you know how every mother has a
child, right? You know?
Were you that...
Uh, my mom died.
Oh. Well, what about
your father? Did your father...
Was it your fault, Gar?
No, he was...
That's not nice.
That's empathy. Good job, Gar.
Our room feels bad.
Yeah, do you see a room like
noticeably like understanding it? You're like, huh.
We're training.
We're training him.
I'm gonna
get out a little shot glass
Sport Life.
Oh yeah, he takes it and then
let's see... Can he handle
that? I say that in character.
He takes it and then he just like
just like
fucking pukes.
I am going to grab him
if I can by the back
of his shirt and just like palm him
like a child carries a baby.
And it's carrying... Oh, he has strength.
If you roll a natural 20
you're gonna break his skull. Oh yeah, watch out for
his soft spot. Uh, 17
plus... Jesus!
Plus strength is
plus 5. Yeah, you got it, yeah.
It was easy. He just grabbed kind of by the head
and like here and he's kind of... Yeah, and I just had
him throw it all that way. He throws up. It's just vertical
down on our walking path and we don't have to worry
about it. I thought you
said you were drinking.
Ugh! What? Not that strong.
Oh my god. What's the difference?
He's done it.
He's a bitch, Arun.
He's a baby
back bitch.
Baby back bitch.
If you try to be
nice I'll give you a shot of it.
Is this a
regular bitch, not a baby back bitch?
That's good enough for me to say.
I have
a pour of a shot of the Dora
News. You don't even need to...
Yeah, you just... Yeah.
He's been drinking this stuff for three straight days and he's been making sweet
love to the Dora. I'll take a shot after
what... I'll take a shot after
what happened to this life.
I'll pour
a shot for
Luzagna and
like Frankie
Yes please. Oh!
I'm a party.
Pour him a shot, get to him.
Let's do the next baby back bitch.
Baby back bitch. Here you go.
Clean.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Luzagna, you took a shot?
Yeah. Don't be a con se. You don't drink
often.
Seventeen.
Oh you got it, yeah.
Plus things.
You take it down and just
you're like him. So to clarify, you didn't
drink it, you just gave it to Nick? Yeah.
I didn't hide
that you know. I turned to him and went baby.
He said it out of hand.
And then she's just like ahhh.
I do a whole shake
and I shake him in my hand when I do the whole
like...
Yeah, that's the stuff right there.
Shake a little more puke out of him
and he's like...
He deserves it.
I don't think he's supposed to shake babies.
Why else would they call it
shake a baby syndrome? If you're not supposed to.
I'm not a baby.
My brother was born a few minutes before me.
A few days?
Two minutes. Oh.
Twins but days apart.
I mean
athletes right, I guess. That's like
base to base at the same time.
Are we on our way?
Are we there?
So it's getting towards like evening time as you guys
are getting there.
You see like
it looks like a settlement with a lot of
people there and like
there's like some buildings but not a lot
with a lot of tents and like
other sort of like structures made from like
earth material and old
like stone.
Okay, where do we go
now?
As you guys are passing you'll see like old
like ruined
what looks like old structures, what used to be structures
like in some of the fields. What looks
like a cable tower and
looks like maybe like there was like
metal spots and stuff. Is there any fields
like out here that like look like
undead? No, it's kind of just like
buried in plain here. You see a lot of the areas that
are passing through but that's about it.
But yeah, you see a lot of old ruins
what looks like maybe like
fortresses. And what is this
place called? So as
you get there this is
so
as you get there Garth
says, oh this is where
this is where my clan lives.
Is this the Garth fields?
Yeah.
And then you see like the
Garth fields. Garth Garth Garth fields.
Yeah, you see a bunch of
like a huge settlement.
And
and he just
says, I don't know
if you can see where the giant
fire is coming from but
they might be doing a festival
today.
Festival, okay.
Have you ever heard of General Garth field?
Alright, who's that?
What's General? Oh, okay
nevermind. I didn't
uh
I stayed back
my dad made me stay back home during the war and
helped guard the clan here. I can imagine.
Yeah, yeah that makes sense.
My brother went out there though. No, he's
even more capable. Yeah.
Even though he's not here I feel like
he's capable.
Better than what we got going on.
Yes. But hey Garth, it's
a place where nobody has any expectations of you, right?
Yes.
Uh huh.
You guys get in there
and you see this big fire going on and there's
a bunch of
halflings kind of chanting
and as you pull up
one of the
there's a halfling in the middle
who's wearing like a
mask with like a dragon scale
mask and he's holding a staff as he's
chanting.
And you see kind of like uh Garth
walks up in the middle of this and he says, DAD!
And he just
in the middle of his chant just kind of stops and just
lifts his mask and just says
what are you
you couldn't have waited until I was done?
Oh, oh
I was just excited.
Hello.
And he's like, you brought
who are these people?
Rest in your sun.
He was doing unspeakable acts of
gathering. I pull up the cart
to this festival.
He sees it and then he uh
just roll it up
in the cart. He kind of sees it and says
uh are you what
we've had many
adventuring parties come through here. I'm assuming you're
an adventuring party. Did he hire
you to hire him? Uh
no we uh we like I said we
rescued him from um
Gatherton? Yes.
Gatherton. Gatherhold? Uh, Gatherhold.
Were you sent by the broker?
Yes. Yes we were.
Huh. Yeah. Damn. Alright.
Well, I wasn't going to say it right now.
Um, didn't think that was going to pan out but
okay. Alright.
Um, if I could offer just a word
of advice uh
I don't think he should be ever outside
this settlement uh GAR here.
He? Unless you know
Super live?
I mean like real close unless you
just want him to go
away.
Last time he went adventuring he was
almost killed and then another group had to
rescue him.
Uh, well. He keeps trying to go and prove himself
and just you know he keeps happening so.
Yeah well he proved himself all over
in Gatherhold. Uh, was he
gambling again?
Uh no he nope I didn't say that he was
I don't think he was gambling. Was he begging
again? Maybe.
That's probably pretty a lot closer to what he was doing.
Yeah. Yeah no you know the
back alleys are a rough place
for a halfling against intelligence.
I show him the map that I had to fix
that he had drawn over.
He says uh
please we're uh
go ahead and uh
we're in the middle of uh
we're doing a festival to honor a fallen hero.
Who's a hero?
Uh, we had a champion.
His name was Thad
but unfortunately.
What was his last name?
Uh, Lasagna.
Who?
Uh,
the lion's guy.
Uh, do you remember his last name?
Lasagna burst out in tears.
Lasagna bursting out in tears.
Next kid
remember who this person is.
Uh, I would say
uh Harun uh
just goes oh no
and like uh like hugs uh Lasagna.
Yeah, Harun is embracing you.
Yeah, Nix is visually confused.
His name was Thadakus
Thadakus. That's the
guy. Yeah. No joke.
Out of game. I literally had the thought in my head
that I was gonna be like I knew a Thadakus
but not a Thadakus.
He was my
best friend in the war.
Oh man he uh he was a mighty
hero. I heard uh
we ran into some of the uh
of the uh
he looked around and said uh uh
he looked at his son. Can he be trusted?
You're asking
what son can he be trusted?
He
he
commemorated like a goldfish.
This motherfucker, excuse my language,
this motherfucker didn't open his pack once.
He didn't eat
as they from here together hold and since
he's left here he has not opened his pack once
to eat.
I get visibly like on the
border region. He drew on his map.
He drew on the map.
And he's just like I gave you an extra
portrait so you wouldn't draw on the
did you
Did he survive on the crayons?
The crayons?
Yeah there was no crayons. Yeah there wasn't anything that he
drew on the
He had no way to draw on it.
He had no way to draw on it. How did you
write this? I lost my
pencil. You lost it.
This guy is probably a little bit
Yeah. Oh my
good
Oh
This is
I was just going to say
it's your son, trust him or not.
He
says this is
he tries his best but
Anyways
thank you for bringing my son
back.
So since you were a friend of Thad
He was my
best friend in the war.
When was the last time you talked to him?
Last
time I saw him was when he was
shipped out to the eastern front
while I was on the west side.
Arguably the best side.
He passed through here with a group of
adventurers as well.
He was our champion. He defeated
our prior
champion in hand to hand combat.
He was known
for wanting
to fight people. Oh he was
quite a warrior.
I must
probably have a friend here that I could update.
He's like yeah there was
a group of
friends that came through and told somebody
to come and fight him.
He was a great man
and I will honor him tonight.
He's like well
we're going to drink and feast in his
honor so
You know what would have made him
happy?
If we would have had a fight around this fire
in his name. Oh yeah that's
what the cha cha was for.
Oh sorry I don't speak
What is it
that you guys speak?
I speak
What languages do you guys speak?
I speak Elvish,
Druidic, and Common I think.
I think that's it.
I have Common still. What language is it?
What languages do you speak?
Oh uh
What are we going to find out?
It's going to be in proficiencies and training.
Common, Druidic,
Elvish, under Common.
No mission Common.
It's specifically
in proficiencies
proficiencies and training.
Oh they change in the new app.
Um
Yeah, language you guys
don't understand but he also has like
some scale
looks like a armor thing
that he's wearing that has like some words on it.
You don't know what it is either.
Well
whatever you guys are doing I'm in.
I'm willing to chant whatever you guys need me to
chant and I'll follow along with whatever
you guys need me to do.
Can I use my
it's not detect magic but it's basically
detect magic on that.
Uh what do I see?
Uh so you're talking about the training
what was it again?
Magical awareness is essentially detect magic.
Yeah oh his uh you can definitely tell like
the armor and his staff are magic.
In the class?
Huh? In the class.
I believe you can tell the class of school magic.
Yeah so um
he has a magic armor
that has like a chronic detection on it.
So it's like a
What are they called?
So it's like a conjuration
neckline.
No so it's uh I mean it's kind of like
it's like a magic armor that has protection
then his staff is uh
yeah his staff is uh
it's like uh kind of like his uh focus.
What about his mask?
Oh his mask is part of the armor.
Oh it's part of the armor. Yeah. Okay.
That's a dope. Is it
what what you said it was a dragon scale?
Is it specific color scale? Red.
Red. Yeah.
Does his mask only go over his face?
Yeah kind of just goes over
and like covers his face. Okay.
How big is the person that's wearing it?
He's a halfling or he's a halfling dress.
Oh. Woo. Yeah.
So uh since we've returned to your side
Yeah.
What you gonna do with all that stuff?
What stuff? Your armor
stuff like that. This is the sacred armor
of my people. I can be your
kidney.
So
I mean
the other reason why we
were here is we also want to try to find
your son who's been kidnapped.
In exchange for armor. Not this
son. Yes my other son
was kidnapped his twin was kidnapped.
Do you know he was
mentioning something about the war souls?
Yeah.
They uh
they were a group of halflings
that aligned with
some not so
nice people.
Um
Like who? Can you give us a name?
Um what if I whisper a name
into your ear and you tell me if that's
correct with a nod?
Sure.
I will whisper
into your emerald claw.
He says
uh
um
he says um
look at my tent.
Okay.
All of us or just him?
He looks at you and then kind of says
They're all of us. They're with me.
Alright and then he just kind of gestures
to one of them. Um
we'll start this in a bit um
he kind of tells
some of the people get them fed and
take care of them. I'll be
right back. I'm gonna
get our new guest acquainted with uh
one of our peace peace treatment.
Um
and he just kind of says it just
he kind of just rambling and kind of gets you to like uh
he has like a kind of like a
like a big tent you guys go into and he um
he kind of makes the other halflings in there like leave
and um
it's a little smoky in the tent. And
he kind of sits down
and says um
and he picks up a pipe and says
would you like to
are taking the cusp. Can I
smell and see what's in the air?
Yeah.
What do I smell?
Roll me a smell. Roll you a smell?
Alright. Now go ahead and roll
a test and check. Guys
18 plus 2 plus 8
28. You notice that there's some like leaves
and stuff like on the table that
have a good mortar pestle to
stuff up with. Does it smell like oregano?
Yeah.
I really want to try it.
Stand up.
He's like uh
he has to see what this could have
created like you. I don't know.
What does it smell like? Like tobacco
or?
Peace pipe? Yeah it's a peace pipe. Oh peace pipe.
Lasagna will definitely partake.
Yeah. Okay.
I like to partake as well.
I like lean over to
lasagna and like how do I do this?
You see the little hole
on the side? You kind of put one finger
over it. You huff into it.
And then after you take a few huffs you let go
of your finger and then you huff it all in.
Huff? Huff? Huff?
It's like a tttt. You know?
Here let me show you how room.
And then I'll try it. He's trying as hard as he can
to conceptualize it and he's like what?
And I'll hit it like it's like one of those old
fashioned tobacco pipes.
Like tttt.
No it's like a long
really long so it's like all the way
out there. Yeah. You know?
Taking really long rips. Yeah.
And you feel super calm.
Yeah I'll pass it back. Okay I'll
try it. I'll try it now.
You drink potions. I don't want
to see if this will do anything. You try your hardest
but it's not really working for you. You're
like how do I breathe?
Here bro let me
pass it to Nix real quick.
Nix treats it like the biggest
fucking bomb in bombage.
Like take a faaap rip off.
It takes like your whole hand. It takes your whole
arm to extend it out.
No they're all half. They're half.
Oh that's true. Yeah. He sees you
do it. That's the you or the one who's going
Yeah I'm holding it like it's a normal pipe.
Yeah.
Yeah you're a little bigger than this. You're kind of having this
they're kind of they're sitting down but you're a little
still kind of like crooked over.
Sitting down on the chair.
Frankie same with you. You're kind of
you see Frankie's kind of like
sitting but he's also still kind of floating a little bit off the
ground. He's not completely touching the ground. Yeah.
But he's also kind of being so smaller somehow.
I'm gonna uh. Are you not
small? 10?
I think he's considered small.
I'm considered small but I'm on the tall side
small. Oh okay. But uh no I
will pretend to do a couple plows so I might not lose
and have some plows. Yeah.
And uh yeah you guys
you guys walk up to him and he just says
sorry just secondhand smoke.
He's
beating my wings hard enough
nothing gets between you. He
says with my son BK now we've been on
edge here.
So uh were my suspicions
correct with uh who I said
it might be? They who shall not be
named? I think so. Yeah we'll call it.
Thanks Frankie.
Yeah.
Sorry I was just learning about all this too so it's
recent for me as well. They
I forgot all that too so I'm learning with you.
Nathan's just
here for the ride.
There was a group of uh
well you know about
obviously I'm assuming most of you
went through the war. We
were all there. That's how I met
Thad. Yeah I kind of
survived through the war. Yeah
me too it wasn't really that bad.
It was uh it was hell like
we defended the lands here
and we
were affected by it as well. We made sure to
fight against the knacker man too.
We think that the war itself
didn't have a line with them and the Gawaius.
I don't know if I really was on a
like what you would call
a side during the war.
I definitely was. I just enjoyed
killing. Oh no I mean like
you know everybody needs
a little help sometimes.
I'm looking at a friend
you're like okay
and that's what you were saying.
You said that the halflings
are with the Gawaius
and
the bad people as well?
Yeah we were given information
by some
people we met
and they let us know that a lot of the Gawaius are in line
with the knacker man.
Nice!
That sounds like fun.
Sounds like fun.
The only good Gawaius was
our champion Fahk.
Who was it then Gawaius?
Nick was like yeah brother!
He puts his fist up like word.
I'm thinking of Roger.
He was like he was nice.
Yeah Fahk was a great guy.
He sure was.
Where's the end at?
Sorry.
We heard he died a hero
of death and he fell in combat.
That sounds like
fun.
But tonight we'll honor him.
Was he
chasing the same thing we're chasing?
He kind of just
says uh
hopefully he chases him.
That's before he took the beast bite.
The end of Fahk.
I think they were chasing him.
Oh
shit.
What was the name?
Baiticus, Baiticus.
Uh not...
Who was they looking for?
Tracking?
They were tracking him.
You also got the notes
about them tracking Kharab.
There was a group that they were
traveling with and
there was prophecy.
I'm not sure if you believe in
the prophecy.
The agents of the dragons?
Yeah, that the last dragonborn
is gonna save us
or some shit like that.
I don't remember.
Yes, um
they were traveling with a red
dragonborn. We haven't seen one of those in ages.
Oh so the red
dragonborn got fat.
Yeah.
We don't know. He's rare and we think that
he might be a target because the
the information we got from
the people we came in communication with
said that he was being hunted.
And that was one of the
they said that was his best friend.
But unfortunately he
felt that's impossible
because that is my best friend.
I just only got one best friend.
He could have a better friend.
Now I'm probably gonna have to
take a look at my son's name.
So who's Karab?
Karab is in the other traveling group?
Yes.
Karab might be the red
dragonborn. Yes, he's our chosen one.
He's the chosen one. He is the
chosen one.
He says
that the prophecy of Vortel is that the
last red sun will do it.
Does it say specifically
the red sun? Yes, the red
sun. It has to be a red dragonborn.
Oh, I was gonna say the red sun. We have
red suns.
But yeah, besides the point.
I think it's just a piece of pie getting to me.
So where can we get
where can we find the halflings?
Because your other son had no fucking clue.
They've been recently
they've been trying to move into our
land. We've been
they've been trying to steal our crop and
steal our land. We've been warring with them
for the past few years and there's just a war.
We were able to send them off
but we don't know what
they've been different. They've been more
savage and powerful than before.
I smell money.
I'm saying that.
The broker said
that if we help you find your
son, you have something for us.
Yes. Can we know
what the item is just out of the top of our
head so we know what we're gonna
be in for at the end of this?
The elders and I
have sacred artifacts that we hold
dear. Including
our armors.
So, Nix, this is how you get your
sacred armor. We're gonna be
your savior.
We have to say specifically
Nix got it.
Well, it doesn't fit in with anyone else. It's mine.
Only once I save you.
If you do save my son, I can give you
the sacred armor like the one
I'm wearing right now.
Alright, so where's he at? Where do we have to go?
Nix is hyped right now.
You know what I'm not hearing? That any survivors are necessary.
I didn't hear that either.
Where do I gotta go? Except for the son.
We gotta save the son. He'll come back.
Where's everyone else?
We've been trying to reach them and
negotiate peacefully with them.
We can negotiate. We're not very peaceful about it.
When's the last time they
attacked you guys?
About a week or so ago.
Have they attacked every
other week? Is it a
frequency thing?
Once a week?
Right. Because we can set up
an ambush on their ambush. You know what I mean?
I think they were just
attacking frequently.
At least every few days trying to wear us down.
But I think once we were holding our defenses,
I don't know if now they're
gathering more
or if they're watching us.
But we haven't had an attack in a week.
Well, that probably means they're gearing up
for something big.
Which direction do they normally come from?
That was going to be my next question.
I think I'm from everywhere.
I try to
English it as good as I can.
Maybe what direction
do they lead them?
I said we had our ranger.
If only we had our ranger.
If only we had your ranger.
You're hard as wake up.
Get out of this trance.
Get out of this trance and he's just like
Wake up, black spy!
Wake up!
The last time
over a week or so ago
I had sent
my son out to scout
Larr.
He
was supposed to go scout the ruins, but
he didn't return.
Okay, where is that?
Where is that?
If you were to
travel
north, east of here.
Quick question, you're the one that made this map, right?
Yeah. So you know your directions?
Yes. Okay, well you have a son
that doesn't know shit, so I had to make
sure information was following.
I...
He's a special boy.
Did you try to teach him at all, or does he just not take
information in? He doesn't retain
things very well. Makes sense.
Yeah. I feel like when there's
twins, one of the twins
gets everything.
Both were
a little... after their first adventure
they came back different.
He got a little... they both, they were both scared,
but he came back more scared, and
Larr came back and he wanted to be braver.
And then he started
adventuring more, and then
sent him out to scout the ruins, which
I mean, they might be there.
We haven't gone there because
at least we are, if we sent
more people there than
how people they are. It seems like the place could go.
Alright, well then.
Well it's not time.
I mean, I can see the night.
I mean, I can too. I mean,
that might actually be the best
time to probably go there. He says,
I wouldn't go at night. They are
they specialize in
stealth and...
guerilla warfare? Yes.
I specialize in guerilla warfare.
Nick? I mean,
I can too. We all can see,
we can see in the dark.
I'm a rock mill. I didn't leave a cave until
I was 50.
Nick, can I
see your sending stone? Yeah.
Alright, I toss it over.
I catch it and I say,
if we're gonna leave, maybe we can leave
in the stone, and then if they come
and attack, then we can come back.
Whenever. Tomorrow, now, I don't care.
Yeah, we gotta return the stuff anyway.
Alright, I'll give him
one of the sending stones. I have the other one.
If they attack,
you can try to call it on
that one.
Don't let your son know you have it.
Don't lose it. I need it.
Oh, I'm wearing
magic items like these
are important. Alright.
Let's talk before we head out.
He hands you the peace pipe again. Yeah, he will
take a hit.
But, I didn't say
that you've traveled all day. You should
be resting in the tent before you
go out and enjoy that. I'm pretty well resting.
Lizaugna's gonna look back at the fire,
pull out the peach meat, and pour one out
for the homies who couldn't
make it here today. I
oddly gasp because it's the peach meat.
And then I'm gonna look back at it and be like,
sometimes, Gar,
work has to get done. And then I
take a chug and then I
head out. Alright, and then he
goes over and then he
looks at his son's pack and he's like, you didn't eat
the meat, bring his wineskin.
I grab
his wineskin and one extra piece
of meat out of the pack.
I was just thinking, you pull one out for smaller things.
There's no secure meat in there. Yeah, I take that.
Yeah.
The first thing I see, I'm just grabbing that.
You look out the car, yank the backpack.
Give me that.
He looks at you and he's like, hey, I was gonna...
No.
Hey, Gar, don't get too close to the
fire, you'll burn alive.
Before we leave, I
flick Gar and then add it to some.
Right into the better.
He says,
are you guys joining the feast?
The festivities?
Sure, buddy, we'll meet you at the tables.
And then as you get there, you see
big Gar,
he's doing his chant again with the staff
and he's talking in
a language you guys don't understand.
I can't.
No, I won't.
And then he
kind of claps and you see
two halflings get in there
and they just start swinging on each other.
As you see,
people are kind of eating and drinking
and they're just like a...
You see, there's like a circle pit of stones
and there's people just...
Two halflings just going at it in the center.
Wait, are we going to be good to play?
Well, we don't want to hit it.
I mean, we don't be insensitive, right?
Are we trying to do stuff tonight?
Because in that case, I want to be in tip top shape.
Otherwise, I'm going to ask the question from the chief
if we're going to be
over nighting or...
Look, let's all get us down.
Either way,
the chief comes over
and hands you all
chalices.
It looks like they're made of like
leather skin
and kind of handcrafted
little things.
Wait, the chalice?
The inside is kind of like wood
and leather.
It's like wooden leather.
They kind of made their own cups.
He says, we have wines from one of our
owner of fields if you would like.
Nah, if I'm about to go
fighting, I should probably like fight, fight.
You know, if I was doing what y'all were doing, I would drink it.
But if I'm like going to battle, I should
probably not.
If I were to make it go into day,
because that is when we'll
spot them better.
Is this him talking or the DM?
Both of them.
Hey, big guy.
I see
can anybody hop in the ring here?
Oh yes, this is a, we're fighting for
the championship tonight.
Fantastic, and for those of us
who are less physically
gifted, how do we feel
about magic, not during the fight,
specifically before the fight
and then getting in there and just magic walking?
It depends on the sort of
magic, because if you allow magic
then the person fighting you should also be
allowed magic. Allow it, let's do it.
But
This is a simple transmutation spell.
This guy was a
man who pride himself on
no magic and just straight hand to hand.
Oh, look at me.
What am I supposed to do with that?
I mean, that was Thads way. He
liked the hand to hand.
Okay, but see, this isn't the war, this isn't
people, you know, having fun
and drinking and then
getting their throats
slit, you know, at the height of
the festivities. This is me
man to man with somebody, and no
magic.
He says, well,
since I am the chief here,
what kind of transformation would you think I'm doing?
Well, what if I turned into something that just
physically fought?
Like, just by shape changed
so I could physically get in there with the big boys here.
What are you changing into?
Just a monkey.
Um, he
looks at, um,
some of the other
halflings and he says,
will you guys allow this?
I'll take on two and you'll
last. Um,
and they're like, some of them
are like, better?
Are you getting on the server? I'm down.
I already took off my armor, I'm not ready.
Maybe?
He says, uh,
oh,
we were planning on giving this to Thad when he got
back, but we have a prize for the winner.
I'm extra hype.
I'm like, I'm doing like the Goku dance
at this point, like getting ready.
Throwing arms, like
hand-me-down loading them up.
Like, I'm ready.
Alright, uh, so,
everybody's cool with me if I use a little magic before
the fight? Um, sure.
So I can physically get in there with you. I mean, uh,
two of you wanna go and you hear
two of them go, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're like, alright.
They're drinking and they're like, just throwing it out
there. This would be a hell of a
honor, like, honor the thing.
Bring out all your fighters.
Me and my man here.
And for real,
Lasagna and Lasagna.
Versus all of your
fighters.
One big championship. Winner takes
all. Uh, well,
it's individual prizes because this is an individual
champion. Well, fuck, is there more than
four prizes? Otherwise, you don't need to worry about it.
Uh, I mean, we could all, we could all
probably hold it up at once as if it's like
a giant cup. Well,
um,
it's hand to hand
traditionally one, one person versus
one person to say he was the mightiest warrior.
Not the mightiest group.
What if we do like
a tournament style
where it's them four
versus us four and then us four
have to figure out who the champion is
after that. Well,
I mean, I say it us four
because I'm very confident we're gonna win.
But, um,
what means you guys will battle each other in the end?
I'm cool with that. We'll figure it out.
Alright, well, that's how we're, that's
traditionally how we do it. Alright, that sounds good.
I mean, it's just to kind of get week out the,
get out the week at the beginning, you know what I mean?
We don't want to have a giant tournament.
We're gonna take like this an all night thing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sometimes it is because then you'll have to
depending on the,
I remember
when Tad was here, he wiped out everyone including
our prior champion who was here. I swear to God
you talked about this man like he's Jesus.
He is amazing.
He's the chosen one. I couldn't be him.
He's not the chosen one,
apparently. He was with the chosen one.
He's our champion.
At this point, Nix is
wavering because now he wants to settle
the championship just to prove that ancient.
Yeah, yeah.
So he's like, right now
you see like
the halflings are done fighting because one of them kind of gets
dragged out of there. Um, he's
moving forward. Alright,
uh, you want to try to go first?
I mean, are we doing this one v one?
I mean, I think, we sound like
one v one. Alright, if you're worried about what Tad does,
think about this. Do you want to follow in his footsteps
or do you want to trailblaze your own?
I look at the chief. What's the rules?
Uh, it's one
versus one. I remember in this case you want to be
a monkey versus two of them which, yeah,
this sounds, you know what, I feel like Tad would enjoy
the, and he says, uh,
he braces all the, all the wine
and he says, Cheers!
Cheers!
I, uh, I
down like, this is this
chalice of liquor.
I like sail it across
the thing and then I cast polymorph
on myself and just begin to
change as I walk and like float
into the pit. Uh, landing as
a giant ape in the pit.
And they're like,
what the fuck?
That's not just the first thing you drink because you can turn to
a monkey.
And these two halflings are like,
uh, and then you see them pick up
like, uh, two clubs and they're like,
okay, I think this is fair.
I
I pointed at one of them
and I like, I like, I
eyes to my eyes and then pointed him and said,
uh, I don't say anything.
I actually have a monkey so I just scream
and then charge.
Charge.
Rolling in from here. Let's see.
Okay, that's
gonna be a
I'm sure your giant ape dexterity is
better. So it's actually
much worse. Uh, so
13
Uh, 16.
Oh, you go first, yeah. Yeah, okay.
Um, so I'm gonna make
this one the first one.
Uh, 15 to hit.
15 hits.
Okay, that's gonna be, um,
Okay, so that's gonna be,
um,
33 damage. Yeah, you
knocked me. That one
hit knocks him out. Just send them tailing
over. And then I turn to the
second one for my second hit.
Uh, and that's gonna be
a 27 to hit.
It's a 1v2, I got that.
This is a giant monkey. Yeah.
So that's a 27.
Uh, and that's gonna be
uh,
less damage. This time it's less.
Um, okay, so that's gonna be
15.
Yeah, you hit him and he's still standing, but he's like
oh, huh. And he's gonna
swing and try his best. Does
that hit?
It does not. Oh yeah, alright. He swings and
he just misses. Yeah. Cause he hold days.
Yeah, no, I just like nimbly, like
spin around and I'm just gonna backhand
him.
Cause it's just him, right? Yep. Uh, does a
11 hit? Nope.
How about a 23?
Oh, that hits.
For...
25 damage.
Yeah, you knock him the fuck out. Yeah, so
he swings at like his club, you know, just like
spin around as a huge
tile-sized monkey.
And it's backhand and it's standing still.
He just looks like...
CBLJ's rules on this one!
And then I
look at the chief and I go, I
hold up three fingers.
Like a single.
And you see him like hit the staff
and then you just turn back into yourself.
Oh shit.
Ah.
Okay. Yeah. And then you're just like
holy shit, you're like, chief's a little stronger
than I thought he was.
Cause he uh,
he just kind of says, uh, okay
they might have been a little overboard. I'm gonna go check
on them. They are very...
They're kind of just like
comatose and you see him just like
put his hand over them and just
buzz up, just go, uh! And they both kind of
spring up and they're like, oh!
First guy I had to dent in his chest, I think
broke him right now.
They're just like, oh!
What the fuck?
Yeah, I mean, hey guys, we said, I said
monkey. 2v1.
Obviously 2v1 was an optimistic
number on your guys' behalf.
He's like, how about
more traditional, just hand to hand
combat. Although I do appreciate the theatrics.
So no
spells at all? Uh, not anymore.
After that, I think I was a little overboard.
I don't have any other monkey spells, so
what if I'm not a monkey, just doing other stuff?
How about just, uh, bravest warrior,
hand to hand combat. He looks at
uh, Nick and just
says, uh, I just...
You look like a mighty warrior.
I'm all giddy. Let's do it. Let's do it.
Or do you want to see my man here first?
What about say Harun? Harun likes to
get his hands dirty.
He's a war force after all, so they're a man's war.
Yeah, I don't want to hurt you guys, so that's
why I'm not going to partake. You look like
more of a...
um, a woodtee type of man.
And I was the next. I just...
I was literally just about to
say it and I turned on like, uh, turned on my
hands and like a little fire comes out of it.
Like, you know what I'm...
You know what I'm doing. Like his torch
lights up with fire and he just says, I know what you
mean. Oh, and then in my...I put
on my tiki urri, uh, activate
my tiki torch and then it also
starts to burst fire.
Um, and then he uh...
He's got a glowing sword in his other hand. Yeah, it's a moon
signal and a tiki torch.
I mean, I'll fight.
Yeah, but you want to
fight me. Um...
He looks around and says, uh...
Give him your second best.
Save your best for me.
Our best? Alright. Um...
No, no, wait!
Yeah, I'll take it, man. Whatever.
Well...
We'll give you one of our best.
Okay.
As you see, um, two...
Two, uh, tikers come out
and there's an ogre and an orc that step out of like
one of the tents.
Alright. Can I rock, paper, scissors
between me and
Haru if he gets the stronger of
the two? Nick's would be
eager for the stronger of the two. We would want to do
it fairly. Hold on. Does Haru
know rock, paper, scissors? Does Haru
know rock, paper, scissors? I'm sure
we would have done this before in the war.
I think you tried to
rock, paper, scissors me after saving me
of getting me to carry you.
And then I just happened to win.
You see him just pause
and like for like a minute and he's like...
What? He's trying to
remember. He's like, wait a minute. You're getting
flashbacks. Okay.
Rock, paper, scissors.
Is it rock, paper, scissors you or do you rock, paper, scissors?
Okay. Rock, paper, scissors. Ready?
Rock, paper, scissors.
Only Nicks goes, YES
Okay.
He said he wanted the second death.
No!
Crazy!
So which one you choose
to mix? Who I'm going to look to the cheese?
Whoever is stronger. Or actually we can talk to the cheese.
I'm going to look at the two of the two, whoever is stronger.
The ogre is bigger? And he says...
The ogre is bigger? I choose the ogre.
Alright. So what was the other one? An orc. Orc? Okay I'll say telephite and an orc right now.
He says uh perfect uh I got team gold on Harun. I'd offer you a drink but uh
I don't know if you. And I'll start I'll start looking at the dress. The orc says that?
No uh the chief says it to you. Is there anybody taking side bets? No no not betting this is uh
This is more of a formal thing? Yeah this is kind of like a tradition thing and then
you win a prize again. I whisper in your ear I got you. Wait who are you betting on? I'm betting on
Harun. Fuck I won't take that. Who's got who's got the under on the orc or who's got the over on the
orc? Uh chief says we don't like to do gambling around here. Oh uh oh uh Thad loves gambling.
So that's why I think that it's actually a really good thing for us to do it today. Can I persuade him?
Glad you could try persuading him. I mean if Thad did love gambling. Thad did love gambling. You know what they don't like? Monkeys.
They don't want that monkey to survive. 16. Uh he honestly even says uh my son has had a problem
with gambling recently so I'd rather not uh. Well I mean your son has had a lot of problems recently.
I said not hell. I didn't even see where he went. On the way on the way over here I had to remind him
to breathe. He just stopped breathing like it was weird. Yeah but don't try to blame us.
That's not like my son but. But if it is your wishes sir I will not give up.
He's like this is more about honoring a fallen friend than. Oh I love Thad. Cheers. Cheers to Thad.
And everyone raises their their wine. Yeah. Take another shot. Yeah as Nick you're you're
enjoying his wine. Yep down it. Fresh local wine. Okay. Didn't even taste it. I'm gonna start
massaging Harun. All right Harun. Get uh ready. He gets in there and uh he's like good luck my friend.
I'm definitely just over on the side of mother and mother. We have our rare weapons to use.
Hand to hand. Hand to hand. Yep. Hey the one minute sir. I was about to say you you you're
definitely gonna hand it. Yeah. Yeah. I was aiming for my fine side of the team blind side.
Well I can't. I just like get this fight with him. I mean it's not that's not bad. Yeah.
Yeah all right. I'm gonna go up and I think I'm gonna hit him.
With my fist. All right roll a fist him. Uh damn that was a nine. Can I can I possibly say I
blessed him? Uh-uh. Damn. Can I yell can I yell an encouragement at him?
I'm gonna try that on Harun again. The chief looks at him and says I appreciate your uh.
Yeah I don't want you. Sorry I don't want to hear you talking about Sarah Plank. 22.
22 on that last one. 22 hits yeah. Okay I'm gonna roll that damage.
Uh six damage on that. Nice nice. I might use fury of blow. Nice.
That's 24. 24 to hit. Okay.
Another 11 damage. All right my second fury of blows. Oh shit that one's in that one.
So that one that one won't hit for my second fury of blows.
You get overconfident and you're punching the ground.
It's like that scene in the the third dark knight movie where Dabin dodges but Bane hits the pill
we're like three more times. Okay just because he's safely.
So it said I could spend a key point to try to stun him. Stunning strike. So I'm gonna try to
see if it's it's not but it's a con save so I don't know how well it's con is. Can I break it to con?
Uh 17. Yeah that passes. Damn. I just want to yell it sucks in silver department.
Hey I mean is that it is I mean I technically that's a spell.
That's a spell. The other one wasn't there. That's a 17 hit. 17? Yeah. No.
No. Oof. That good. It also said disadvantage. Disadvantage? Because I have the cloak.
Okay um. Unless they told me to take it off. Oh you got to take it off. He had a hand. All right.
Yeah. What it's a cloak. It's like it's like taking off a shirt. It's a magic item. That's
right. As naked as a masonic stone. Right. Yeah. What's that thing? I think Trekkie just can't let it go.
What about uh 21? Yes. Uh let's see that's gonna be six damage. That's he just uh
swings back and just catches you right right in the face. Boom. Okay okay. But then he then
spits out blood. You're probably real good. And you hear a churning sound. I'll get him Harun.
All right. On our arm strike. I started doing a chant with the team. Harun. Harun. Harun. Harun. Harun. Harun. Harun. Harun. Harun. Harun. Harun. Harun. Harun.
Does he get inspiration? That one's 24. 24 hit. He's a cheese nose. cheese nose.
Um that's six damage. Something about that. And then so that's my first one on arm strike. So I'm
I do another fury of blows.
He looks like he's handling pretty well right now.
That's 26.
Oh, that hits.
For 11 damage, second fury of blows.
That's 19.
You guys fighting each other?
That's another 9 damage.
That's a one off.
And then I have another unarmed strike because my second attack.
That one's going to be 12.
Oh, that pulls nothing.
Damn, how many hits did you try to do there?
Well, I did my two unarmed strikes.
The first one passed so I did a fury of blows on that so it was two more hits.
But then my last unarmed strike didn't.
I'm not going to try to stun him.
I'm going to swing a 10 doesn't hit.
Nice, nice.
That was a 9.
He swings, he's unarmed, he's swinging, he misses his bubbles.
You see him swinging, he's just so nimble on his feet.
Okie dokie, my turn again?
Yep.
Unarmed strike.
Natural 20.
He just bobbed him down.
You're not going to do anything to him.
Ok so that is, I rolled a 7 plus 4 so that's 11 so 22 on that one.
Yeah so you see him just swinging, he's just uppercuts him and just drops him.
Hi bro!
I like uppercut with my arms and I go for the fury and I'm like oh wait, are you ok?
Don't ask him that!
I heard him!
Who's up crying and fighting?
He's like, I'm up to you, grab your hand and just be like, yeah!
You hear Nick's finish him!
You see the chiefs walk up and touch the orc and he pops up and he's just like, it's ok buddy.
He fought an orc.
He would have had to go anime style uppercut and get legs and scuts.
He just does a little mirror roll and it's like, grrrr!
I won Nick!
Ok quick question, out of letter it's called, to the DM, is this ground mud or is it dirt?
It's a little muddy right now, it's at night.
Also, is this armor that's caught by an orc?
Yeah, the armor can go hand to hand.
Ok cool, I want to be nothing but my underwear and when it's my turn to jump in, I'm like
diving and skidding onto the mud, just like a full on mud dive and then popping up.
Woo!
That's a roll, that's a roll.
I don't know, I feel like you just do that.
I think you'd use a snowboard leg kickstand to get that shot.
How cool does it look?
Your own performance.
The end stuff.
14.
Hey that's still pretty good.
Hey Nick, so you just like slid in and used your third leg and just kickstanded up.
Togo board.
You see him go whoop and then pop back up and be like ladies.
That's how his ancestors used to mud wrestle.
Third leg, third leg, third leg.
He's like a...
He says well, um, the terms of Frankenstein, do you still want to fight without your magic
against some other people or?
Ok, if I don't transform, can I use other magic?
I mean you're really hamstringing here.
He always uses, let's keep the, and he turns to you, let's keep the pillows on top of
the ones that you get to fight each other.
Why don't you fight the lot right here?
Has any better views here?
No, I don't like the sound of that.
I'll get in there without magic.
Um, to the death, like where are we at?
I have a pointy shirt that's mounted in my back.
Hand to hand, Frankie.
Yeah, I did some headkicks.
Fuck, I don't have these.
He's like you can sit this one out.
Is it gone?
No, no, no.
You can sit it out with me.
It's ok.
Send out your biggest guy.
I'm going to fuck him up.
I'm fighting the biggest guy.
I'm going to fuck him up now.
I call the ogre, I get the biggest guy.
Yeah, he won in rock, paper, scissors.
Didn't you see that?
That's like dibs or slaps.
He just says, shock him.
Shock him.
Thank you.
This shit is more sacred than a warlike mat.
I could offer you some more wine.
No, you keep your competition fresh with wine.
But Frankie, just know, if they would let me use magic, I would whip everybody.
I don't think so.
You would whip all of them, that's fine.
Why don't you two fight with magic?
I don't want to hurt him.
He can't hurt me.
As the chief says, since we're letting the warriors fight, the winner of these two will
go against our new friend Harun here.
Alright.
As the ogre steps up.
So we're not going to let me keep fighting?
He was like, he just says, I'm letting them handle their warrior, but I will give you
a sneak peek of the prize if you want to see it.
Sure.
Can I see it too?
No, no, no.
This is one on one.
Oh, okay.
I like try to peek over to Frankie, he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He flies up the blocker.
Right, right.
Puts his hand right in front of my face.
I just might lose him like a small brick wall.
God damn it, Frankie.
Frankie, you go back to the tent with him and he kind of just like, as you're alone,
he comes to you and says, if I could tell you, you're somewhat team-like leader in this
group.
I wouldn't say that.
I would say I have a fixer.
Of problems that don't exist yet.
You should do the most intelligent of the bunch.
That's fair.
And he kind of just, so are you also being sought after by the Emerald Claw?
Sure.
Smooth talker.
Yeah, yeah, no, actually, you know, that sounded like a joke, but they murdered my
family and my uncle.
Shrugs in character two.
Yeah.
Is that what you do in the war?
No, no, that was for business.
I don't really see a lot of the thing out of having this far.
I logged on back after the war, so.
You wouldn't see us most of the time.
I'd probably let myself be seen because I got the group with me.
The group.
Sorry, my group.
But if you do know about the Emerald Claw, I would be very careful with these other
halflings.
They seem transformed a little, so.
That's all right.
See the thing is, everybody sleeps.
In nightmares, they don't just happen in their dreams, you know what I mean?
And he says, you're like, you were someone who might be perfect for this.
I went to the broker and he said he would send me the capable group, so.
Well, they found me along the way.
I'll pick them up.
It's not a good thing that you join them, but you seem to be like their thinker.
Yeah, like their moral compass.
And he says, well.
I can't say I love being pulled aside away from everybody, where my word is uncontested.
Nick was a lot better person before Gravy came around.
He says, well, hopefully you can get through to them the importance of being careful with
savages like this.
This is just reminiscent to like my sister saying, you need to look out for them.
Oh, don't worry, I got them.
I got it.
Everybody just say look out for them.
For sure.
We'll take care of it.
But he pulls.
The first to devour.
Dips out.
He has like a leather like a leather bound like a case.
He kind of opens it.
He props it up and he shows you.
It's like this giant leather belt with like a metal plaque in the center with like a dragon
like breathing fire in it.
It's kind of like a plated looks like.
Is it a championship copper belt?
Do you mind if I touch this for a second?
I'm not going to take it.
I just do a little magic check it out.
You might just reach out and I touch it and I cast identify.
Yeah, it's a magic championship belt that grants an additional AC to the wearable area.
Frankie immediately pictures himself putting the belt on.
Alright.
Yeah.
What's the AC buff just had to say?
Just one but anyone who's wearing it can wear it.
Nice.
That means anyone who's wearing it gets an extra AC.
Well you got to face the orc first.
Yeah.
Or the ogre.
I got to face.
You're not here so don't worry about it.
Yeah that's anyone who's wearing it.
Somebody might be restricted to classes but anyone who's wearing it gets an extra AC.
Sounds like a good one.
Yeah, so he says just go to the champion but...
It's my two friends fighting.
I can get it if you don't want to give them the belt.
I can hold onto it for you.
No, I'm just going to go but I also just wanted to check and see if you were brave heroes because
we've got a big plaster here who have been scared off by the challenges of facing some of it.
You know I'll tell you something I haven't told anybody before.
I've never been accused of being brave.
That's okay though.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
It's a threat style of fighting over the champion.
I feel confident that you were leading this ragtag group.
He also kind of reaches into a chest and he pulls out a bottle and he says this is wine
that we've celebrated.
It's been aging since the last time Sad was here.
We were hoping to give this to him but figured as his friend is here we can just pop it open.
It's been aging for a little while.
That would be a fun prize for my friend Miggs.
Is it for us to share later or what are you thinking?
If the champion wins then maybe I'll throw it in with it.
Just saying you kicked me out of my little fun little monkey.
Do you mind if I just take the wine out?
Yes.
We'll share with the friends later.
If you do drink it, it is ragtag potent.
We have made it strong enough for a goliath.
Strong enough for a goliath.
He was a hardy drinker when he was here as well.
This is very very strong.
Don't worry, I'll water it down but my friend is out there fighting and I know he won't.
So you have a bottle of really strong hooch.
Or wine.
Halfling hooch?
I got Dwarven hooch.
I feel like I'm going to go Dwarven hooch over Halfling hooch.
It's made for a goliath.
Would you go goliath hooch over Dwarven hooch?
I still want to go Dwarves.
Goliaths can drink.
You don't know that.
You're not going to worry about it.
You got to fight to worry about it.
Meanwhile.
Initiative.
What was your initiative?
18.
Alright, let's go ahead and roll one more time.
Y'all throw 18.
Fuck.
5.
6 plus 2.
8.
You go first.
Okay.
Third leg.
Alright, top rage first.
Dope.
I get an extra one to my AC.
I can sense it.
But I'm like glowing meanwhile.
There's like a little glowing ball above my head that gives me my plus one to AC.
I was thinking like a spectral like.
The chief just looks at you and says I thought you were someone who didn't need magic to fight.
This is just who I am.
I can't help it.
Hey, I can't help it either.
But hey, you do you man.
I guess it's cool.
You know it's when he gets angry.
That's what happens.
Well, I was going to turn it off.
Whatever.
He's like, I just feel like a warrior who is honoring a mind warrior wouldn't need a.
I can't.
This is who I am.
Can you turn off.
I didn't hear any of this while I was getting turned away.
I am down for however that has to work.
But like this is who I am chief.
I'm inherently magical.
There's a weird thing going on with me.
Yeah.
Can you turn off the magic without ending the rage?
Because the rage I don't think is magical.
It just happens when you ask.
Does he want to just turn off the extra effect but keep the rage?
He just looks at you and says no magic.
And he hits the staff and then you're still in range.
But you're kind of magic effect goes away.
I'm cool with that.
Fuck your plus one AC.
Fuck my plus one AC.
But I still have a rage.
He looks at you and says this is for warriors.
Okay.
I am first things first going to punch him in the face.
Alright go ahead and roll the hit.
Silvery Barnes.
The elder?
Silvery Barnes.
Are you Silvery Barnes?
No.
The chief wouldn't allow it.
He would not but that would be hilarious.
17.
17 is.
Plus a flat six.
I don't have anything yet.
So it's just a flat six.
A flat six?
Okay perfect.
Let's see.
Is that your turn?
Can I grapple in for a second with that?
You can try.
Shit.
You need to roll.
20.
Let's see.
Nat 20.
Yeah Nat 20.
Nat 20.
Nat 20?
Oh shit okay yeah.
I got a regular 20 but not a Nat 20 so.
Yeah.
He tries to fight it off but you manage to just kind of get a hold of him.
He underestimated your strength but he was ridiculously strong too.
Wait this is an over right?
Yeah.
Plus a no getting over.
God damn right you did.
I imagine you're on the small side.
He grabs with my hand.
He grabs with my leg.
He grabs with my like the thigh and just get over me god damn it.
I'm just twisting his knee in a really bad position.
Is that your turn?
Yeah yeah that's all I got.
Alright he's gonna go ahead and just smash you.
Can he while he's grappled?
Yeah so grapple.
Let's see.
So the grapple condition says speed becomes zero and can't benefit from bonus movement.
Okay.
So yeah but he can still attack you.
Okay.
Oh yeah but I'm assuming a seven doesn't hit.
That would as well.
Damn.
That's unfortunate god damn it.
That's unfortunate.
Let's see.
What about a 15?
That does not hit.
Oh yeah.
Third leg.
He's gonna stop you down.
Still on armor defense.
He's going to hit you as he's kind of stomping around and you're kind of just wriggling
and moving out of the way.
Yeah I'm just gonna hit him again.
We'll just keep punching him while he's all grappled up.
Do I have advantage on that or no?
No grapple condition says they just come through so they can't move and they can't benefit
from bonus movement.
So that's six.
That's a six.
That's a five.
Fourteen hit.
Cool.
Yep six.
Ooh and then a 23.
Oh that hits.
Yep another six.
Oh god.
Perfect.
Still standing.
He's turning the swing on you.
He rolled the swing.
He's gonna roll a one.
He jinxed me.
I jinxed you?
Not jinxed.
That was theりzcalm did you win like, you missed!
He actually missed yeah.
What was it an eighteen hit?
No I have a nineteen.
Alright you rolled 18 here.
Yeah so you missed his block just next attack.
Nice.
Just keep going at it.
Another 23.
Oh that hits.
And then a dirty 20.
That hits.
Another six.
That's it.
Alright he's still standing.
He's gonna go ahead and swing.
Another 6, that's it.
Alright, he's still standing, he's gonna go ahead and swing.
I would also like to imagine, since I'm grappling him and hitting him this much, just his repeated
headbutts.
I'm assuming a 12 doesn't hit, but a 19?
Alright.
Alright, and you take 8 damage.
I have 4, because I am rage-pulling.
Alright.
And he just kinda kicks the shit out of you.
You motherfucker.
And I hit him again.
And I hit him with a 14.
Oh, my hits.
And then 16 plus 8.
24?
24 hits.
Another 6.
He stole a... fuck.
They both are a sucker for damage.
He misses both his attacks.
We got it.
12.
12 hits.
And then a 10.
A 10 does not hit.
My first miss.
Uh oh.
Dun dun dun.
I'm assuming a 21 hit to the end of the round.
7 damage.
Is that 3 or 4 with resistance?
Oh, 3.
17 to hit.
Nope.
Alright, so yeah, he only hits you with one and misses the other one.
Fuck.
Natural 1.
15.
15 hits.
Another 6.
Yep, still standing.
How's he lookin'?
He's lookin' a little rough, but he's still standing.
He misses his first attack, and he's still standing.
Jesus.
11?
11 hits.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
He's not wearing shit.
He's wearing the long cloth.
Okay.
13.
13 hits.
Yep, so another 12 I guess with the two 6s.
He's still standing.
He looks really fucked up, but he's still alive.
Alright, 22 to hit.
Yeah.
So it'll be 4 damage, and a 19.
Yep.
So it'll be 8 more damage.
How are you lookin'?
Very good, because I have resistance.
Alright, how about your turn?
17.
17 hits.
18.
18 hits.
Another 12.
Yep, as you finally manage to knock his ass out, as you just hit him in the leg and
kind of stumbles over, and you just kind of swing on him, and you see him just jump up
and just knock him down.
After I do that, I stand up.
I'm a beast!
I'm a manimal!
He just looks at you and says, teeth comes up to you, holds your hand, and just be like,
ahhh!
He doesn't throw it up, he just...
And then he offers you a drink and just says, hand it to him.
I give him as much of it as he will let me drink before he stops.
Oh no, he just gives you like, another cup and you just slam it.
I'm gonna count it.
And he just says, he impats you and then he kind of just holds you and heals you up and
says, are you ready for the main event?
Yeah, can we, I think me and Harun would both appreciate...
I'm fine.
If we short-rested, no, Harun's fine?
I'm fine.
He fully healed you.
Okay, okay.
Did he heal him?
Yeah.
I didn't get healed.
He cuddles you and says, oh, my bad, and he taps you with a stab and just kind of brings
you back well.
I would rather do kicks.
I ain't doing it.
Can I throw a little bit of fun in the mix?
Now, what if...
If he's going to, I wasn't in the hell of my jam, but if he's going to heal me...
I might be willing to take a short rest.
I don't have to, but...
Oh, you just want your...
I mean, if Harun is down with a dough as is, I would not back down from the challenge,
especially coming to the
full set.
We will assist, like, Frankie and I will assist the other person inside this battle.
I want Frankie, please, actually.
He says, no, I appreciate that.
Maybe another time.
This is just...
Okay, cool.
In honor of our...
He's subbering barbs.
He says, in honor of the festival, we are here again, this is a hand-to-hand combat
to honor our fallen hero, which you seem to have known.
Never ever touch magic, use magic, or like magic.
He's been using magic this whole time, but he just says, we like to go old fashioned
brawl here.
Okay.
I will go to Harun's corner.
All right.
I look around and I have Frankie in my...
After you say it out loud, I want Frankie in my corner, I go to Harun's corner.
I didn't mean it like that, I just meant he's scarier to go against.
Did you guys want to take a different risk?
No, we said we're sending it, right?
If he wants to go, we finally let him go.
I say this in character.
I'm down if you're down, and I look him in the eye.
Would it be bad if I inspired Nick's purely by saying, telling him about the belt myself?
You might inspire him, yeah.
I mean, you can give him inspiration, he can give him guidance, or inspiration.
I had told him where some of the only texts were from.
Well, while we're getting in my corner, I'm going to muscle up, or massage Harun, and
I'm going to take a little bit of holy water out and bless Harun.
All right, well, hey, if you're just adding a deep word to all of those, I lean into Nick's
and be like, hey, you know what, man, there's a belt that's magical, and it looks like it's
made for you.
Oh, shit.
And then I'm like, oh, Nick, you're so funny.
That's not how tall you actually are.
I'm a little bit larger.
I'm going to start fighting on your knees, man.
Well, that's pretty cool.
You see him get bigger, and then you see them walk up.
The chief just looks at both of you and just says, you're like my son.
Good thing we didn't do any magic, huh?
I look over at Frank and be like, yeah.
He's like, are you both ready?
Yeah.
He hits with staff, and both your magic goes away.
Worth a try.
He looks at Frank and gives you a wing and just.
I just flip him off.
Fuck you.
It looks like a smile on the face.
All right, we're doing the initiative.
We're doing it?
Yeah.
You're going to go first.
13.
I got a one.
Chief kind of goes up to both of you and says, now that my son's on me, if you did want to
place a wager on me.
Why did you not say this before?
Because my son was in earshot.
I got 10 gold on hover.
Hey, just curious, for Ben's sake here outside of the game, how much HP do you guys each have?
I'm just curious.
I have 60.
Yeah.
You got one of us.
I have 52.
I have 60 and I'm damaged.
You're full health.
No, because we said we weren't.
Oh, did he?
He did heal us.
He did top us off.
So that's why I said that maybe I would take the rest, but I was like, no, let's go.
Heal us, then we'll just go.
Okay, if I'm full health, I'm 73.
Yeah.
Chief healed both of you guys up, so.
I'm barbarian.
Yeah.
All right, yeah, so.
And then he says, may the best man win.
And he says, I'm going to go with the best man.
I said no, but I'm surprised you said that.
I said no, because I'm hyper focused.
He clears the ring and says, I say, Nick, you got this.
And then I say, oh, I mean.
Gold over doing this.
That's not the right thing to say.
He says, unfortunately, I don't want gold, but he pulls out a gem.
He says, I'm putting this against your gold.
He's like, both of you are saying, both of you said her room?
Yeah.
He says.
No, he thinks.
He says, I think you should be fair, Nick doesn't think he's going to win this.
He pulls a small gem.
I'll bet this gem against it.
What gem is it?
It's just a small red gem.
Like a red gem.
I'm going to bet it.
My team's the number to beat.
20.
So my first inner is five damage to you.
Okay.
And I'm going to flurry a blows.
Yeah.
For 26.
Jesus.
Oh, shit.
That doesn't count.
I'm going to flurry a blows for seven damage.
Another fury of blows.
Oh, that one's 12.
But I did hit with the fury of blows.
I'm cool with that.
I got nice con.
True.
But you don't get advantage.
This is not alcohol.
I still have plus eight.
Yeah.
Man, well, I know your cons good.
Roll a deck saving throw.
Deck saving throw.
Ha!
I actually have advantage.
Wait, no, wait.
Against effects I can see while not blinded.
So yeah.
I think so.
Yeah.
I think you could, yeah, because this is, I think it's like you're doing the top.
This is just making you fall prone.
Yeah.
I don't know if that's an effect.
It says on decks against effects that you can see while not blinded.
Yeah, very good.
Okay.
How do I get a three and a five, bro?
So 11.
Okay.
So you're knocked prone.
Okay.
Yeah.
It just has to move to get up.
Yeah.
Hey, hey.
But it's kind of embarrassing you now.
That's all you're attacking.
Yeah.
But the last one was just a knock and prone.
You run your movement away from him.
You can only run so far.
I was like, how far is this pit?
Because it's a cage fight.
It ain't no 30, 40 feet away.
That's a shitty cage fight.
So you have to spend half your movement to get up anyways.
I'm cool with that.
I'm thinking we're in an octagon.
How big is an octagon?
Your movement's like 25, right?
35, I remember.
You guys are in tan hands.
You guys are both in each other's range.
When it takes the armor off, his movement gets better.
Okay.
But I just.
A US Army.
Yes.
A US, the octagon is 30 feet in diameter.
But if you, oh yeah, that's the diameter.
So it would be 15 as the radius.
Okay.
So yeah, the knocking prone is just because every time I hit with a Fury of Blood, they're
going to impose that without a point.
So yeah, knock your prone and say, you didn't have to fall very far.
I get up, piss.
This is the light bitch in the air.
And I swing, ooh nice.
Does a 26 hit?
He had you.
So, eight.
Eight?
Cause I forgot the plus two,
so it reminded me that I get plus two to make the damage.
Thank you sir.
Eight?
Yeah.
I would remember a lot faster if you had done that.
Yeah, I totally would.
He said, yeah, the plus two.
I was like, fuck, I forgot I had that.
Every single time you rage.
16?
Yeah.
Damn it.
Well then that's all I got.
Okay.
Unarmed.
That's 18.
Nope.
Okay.
That one's 19.
Yeah, that is.
Okay.
Oh shit.
That's six.
Damage for the unarmed strike.
Gonna period.
Woo.
Jesus.
Bah bah bah.
That one's 17.
Woo.
Next one.
Ooh, that one's just a 10.
Lucky lucky beach.
Apply.
All right.
Next return.
Yeah, I'm just gonna hit you.
I don't have any hit.
I'm gonna suck just damn.
Okay, cool, 23.
Okay, it's.
That's eight.
And then 17.
Nope.
Damn.
I know all of this on our defenses.
What was that last damage?
Eight.
It's always gonna be eight whenever I hit you.
Okay.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
Hey, that was.
We're both on the same team.
We're all on the same team.
Or we're all on the same team here.
Okay, let me see.
Let me look at this real quick.
So just out of curiosity,
so like say like you had an ability that can heal you,
but that's just like, you know, a class action.
I'm sorry.
That's five.
Like my second one, that was definitely.
Like, yeah, like a second wind,
wholeness of body.
I know, I was looking at that.
Just out of curiosity, both of them.
That's an action, so I was trying to think.
Artic inspiration.
Oh.
Just a class feature, but it's just literally inspiring.
What is it to classify for my bonus actions?
That's also taking place.
Most of my bonus actions are probably just.
The full dex of the armor combat.
What was that?
Between the two of us, it's the brute
versus the full like ninja of armor combat.
Oh yeah.
Our ACs are extraordinary because we're both.
And we're both gonna run like the wind.
All right, I'm gonna just, an arm strike.
Okay, that was 23.
I was allowed to, I would have.
Nine damage.
Okay.
Hey, I'm just saying, I'm at about between 19.
Fury of blows that.
That's 26.
Okay.
I could be embarrassing for the long run.
For 10 damage.
Jesus Christ.
The second fury of blows.
Ooh, that one's 16.
Woo!
Okay, but now I have my next unarmed strike.
Fuck.
Using keyboard.
24.
For 10 damage.
I'm holding it.
I'm so alive.
I'm not looking great, but I'm doing it.
I'm here.
And I guess one more fury of blows.
Guess what I.
Might as well burn them.
Yeah, might as well burn them.
How many you got left?
That was it.
Yeah, that's the last key point at least.
This is gonna be a hit.
So 24.
Oh shit, that was a critical.
12 damage.
So how much was that?
One more.
30, 20.
Oh.
Five damage.
Woo!
I'm still alive.
You could have killed me, but you fucked up.
You let me live.
All right.
All right, Nick.
Barely standing.
Nick, with the.
Hold up, hold up.
Sorry.
It feels like next round, micro down, right?
How much hit points you got left?
I have nine.
You have nine?
How many hit points you got left?
36.
Okay, so you gotta do your best, man.
Oh, I know.
Imagine like Frankie pulling you to the side.
Amen, amen, amen.
Let's talk about this.
Nick's pissed up.
All busted and bloody.
That's the best you fucking got.
Don't spit out blood.
Haroon has like a mild amount of dirt on his soul.
At least I didn't knock you down again.
That's free.
He says that and I swing.
Ooh, nice.
For 16 or 18.
24.
Okay.
That is eight damage.
Not the fancy eight damage.
Okay.
That's an 18 hit.
Yes.
Ooh, another eight.
Okay, I'm gonna suck in wind.
Face a complete mess.
Pulling up under your nose.
Okay, that's an extra four health.
So I'm at 13 health.
All right.
I'm gonna action search.
Fuck.
That's a one.
You get one more.
One more.
You want this too.
I'm gonna take it all.
Haroon.
At least I didn't knock you down and you go.
He healed up a bit.
Haroon and I just penciled by him and he's like,
God, he's alive.
Finish him.
Okay.
I'm gonna arm strike him.
Ooh, that one's 14.
That one is 14 as well.
Ooh.
That looks like a century.
It's got a little way back.
Unfortunately, damn, I really used everything.
All right, next go.
No me, no me, no me.
16 now.
Woo, 18.
Okay.
Oh shit.
18.
12, 12 and 13.
10?
He's got nine.
No, he healed up.
I healed up.
Oh, yeah.
So we got 12 and 13 because he was at 20.
Yeah, I'm at 12.
Oh shit, it's down it.
All right.
Coming back to the water.
So I'm gonna use Wholeness of Body
to give myself 21 HP.
Does it give you key points?
No, it doesn't.
But yeah, so I'm just gonna go,
wow, Nick, you're doing a great job
and then do that thumb thing and.
So I'm like, woo.
Time to get serious.
That's my action.
I don't think I have any bonus actions.
You have to swing first or it's actually back.
So it's your turn, yeah?
Yep.
Let's go, 18.
All right, so nine is eight.
So now you're at, let's see, 33, so you're at 25.
You can tell he's an accountant.
13 plus eight.
21. 21.
Yeah, 21. Okay.
So you're out here at 17.
Eight.
Nick hears you say that and I spit blood
but closer to your feet,
but don't fucking pigeonize me.
Okay, unarmed strike.
Oh. Natural 20.
Oh, shit.
Eek.
Yeah, I'm watching that.
Okay, so then D8.
Eight on the D8.
16 plus four.
Plus four.
Wait, eight plus four is 12,
so double that for 24.
I'm out, okay.
I just got, I just like,
you're doing a great job, Nick.
Nick just unloads on him and Harun just fucking.
Just a gentle face touch before he.
I think all of us just go shell,
like shell shocked of the whole situation
that Harun just took damage.
I think speaker, make sure the team,
hold on, where's my wedding, good sir.
He throws it at you and he's like,
I think he's,
I'm not even getting like 50 to 100 gold out of that thing.
No, no, no, can I take the Ruby instead?
He's your leader, right?
No, no, I usually hold on to the stuff.
I'm the captain now.
Sorry, I think this is called a situation
where you're too late.
Frankie, if you take that, that's our favorite,
that's my favorite to you.
Or I'm telling everybody.
Oh, oh, go ahead and talk about it.
Fuck this.
This side, man, we'll remember that.
You wake up, the chief is kind of above you.
He says, that was hell of a fight.
Let me use the sword next time.
He says, well, and he comes over
and he does this leather bound, like wooden box,
he props it open and you see this like
leather bound belt with like some,
looks like a goldenly like on there
and it has like a dragon head,
like kind of like scorching.
Hicks of color balls, that was so cool.
Oh, damn it, he's crying.
Why wouldn't they let me use my sword?
And it says the dragon champion.
Whoa.
I want to use my sword.
Can I wear it like a hat?
It's like a belt you can wear across you.
Yeah, but does it have like those adjustable clips
so he can make it small enough
like a headband.
So it can prop right onto his head.
It is a half-leaning belt and he uses a meeting.
It was originally intended for that.
Yeah, it was intended for that.
So it's like, yeah, so I have to wear it where it's at.
Yeah, so it's kind of like, yeah.
They made it for their champion who is in Horses.
Yeah, usually there's two half-ling champions
that they've won.
What was the, like the metal made out of?
Was it like silver, copper, gold?
It was like a gold like material.
But yeah, it gives you a plus one AC, so.
Let the rock gnome smell it.
He might be able to see.
Yeah.
His magic.
Yeah, you see he presented it to Harun
as he comes around and kind of like
puts it around his waist.
Whoa.
I spit blood and walk off.
I'm sure I'm gonna be like.
Wait, Nick, Nick.
And I like run after him.
It is magic.
Okay, I wanna do a quick arcana.
Yeah, I run after Nick and see him turn around mid.
Wait, Nick, Nick.
What's up?
I like take it off and be like,
can we just be friends again?
Don't look at me.
We're friends, so that's your belt.
But I don't wear a belt.
Well, I'll take it, but I feel like a paper champ.
No.
How about you take it for now
and we have a real fight with whatever sword you want.
And if you win, then you're gonna keep it forever.
I like that plan.
Okay, I hand him the belt for now.
But next time, will Zogna and I get to pick a side belt?
Yes.
The chief says.
A side thing between me and him.
There's a.
There's a better support.
There are empty fields where battles won't take place.
Do you really wanna go and do it?
I think we'll rush you to seven before we get sidetracked.
I feel like you guys must be famished.
We make plenty of food.
Did he heal us again?
Yeah, he healed you guys again.
There's just like a big,
there's a bunch of meat roasting.
There's fresh bread, a bunch of fruit, tons of wine.
Is there any garlic bread?
There's bread, there's garlic, but there's no garlic bread.
I'm going to show these people the works.
I'm gonna ask the chief,
have you guys got any bananas or you got something
that's bananas too?
Uh, bananas.
Carry until the day I die.
Ha ha ha ha.
He says, uh, I don't have any bananas, unfortunately,
but I have a, my fingers.
We have this bread that we made with the bananas we had left.
People like this bread.
Yeah.
Stop looking at them.
Ha ha ha.
Sure.
It's not the same.
It's like, it tastes pretty good.
It's like cinnamon-y, has nuts in it, bananas.
Yeah?
I'll take it.
Thank you.
And he, uh, however you look at it, it interests you.
It looks like it was baked.
Did you make this?
One of the many women in our tribe,
we have these ovens that we, uh.
Oh, can I use one of them?
Uh, sure.
Um.
Mm-hmm.
Sure, it's looking at those hot dogs, like, mm.
Uh, while we're all here real quick,
I would like to say Frankie got a ruby from betting on you guys,
just so you know, and he won't give it to me.
Yeah.
Did you bet too?
I did.
Well, your money.
I mean, the money was the ruby and he took it.
I think that's unfair.
Oh, no, you're right.
Like, it hit a phone time goal.
That's not.
He put a 120.
A 120.
He's got his head back now.
Frankie.
Ha ha ha.
It's okay, Frankie.
Well, there will be a day when you need me.
And you'll owe me that favor, so.
I don't think I owe you any favor anymore.
That ruby was my favor and I think you know that.
No, I think that sort of stuff has been discussed beforehand.
He had to be in the ruby.
I didn't know he didn't have a second ruby for you.
That's your bad.
Chief, yeah, where's my gold?
Oh, you guys are reminding yourselves
Chief's been talking and, uh.
That's bullshit.
Here, Chief's coming.
Chief!
I'm not gonna tell on you.
This is my wedding.
We're fucking.
We're gonna have to put up with this.
Chief, is the ruby out?
Is the ruby out?
Yeah.
When you showed it, when you had your fingers out?
Sure.
Can I try to snatch it?
Oh, you can try.
All right, what's the contestant roll for?
A slight of hand.
A slight of hand?
Guidance.
What did you get?
I rolled a net one.
Oh, I rolled a two.
You try to kind of do like a fast one,
but you drop it out of your hands and like,
he kind of like, you see him lunge
and he kind of turns over his own feet
and he just managed to land on top of it.
And like, you're just like, eh.
Can I jump on L'Exagna?
Sure.
Okay, a dog pile.
Are you sure about that?
Dog pile.
Can you keep going again?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, you see like, when we jump in,
they just jump in.
We're all hustling for the ruby right now.
I don't even know what's going on.
I just thought it was a dog pile.
Me too.
I'm gonna tap it.
He's doing me a favor.
He's gonna tap it.
You have it in your hand.
Are you holding on to your own breast?
I'm gonna try to hold onto it as much as I can.
Are you already in the queue?
You're not even going forward
or you guys are jumping on him?
I'm just jumping on him.
Yeah, I was just jumping on him.
Oh, okay.
This is still kind of leaking cuss
from his side with her.
This is our play.
Our championship.
Right.
They're jumping on you and,
go miss Frank's TV,
if you can regalize this.
Fuck.
There's two dudes on top of you, Sid.
Can I try to snatch it while he's doing that or not?
He's kind of trying to regalize his hand.
Roll me a strike, Steve,
you can kind of pry it off.
The strike is an awesome thing.
I got Nate.
I got a mate too.
Yeah, you're trying, man.
I'm trying to make him just swoon.
Can I tell that Frankie wants this thing?
Yeah, you see, like-
Can I try to snatch it?
Yeah, most of them are trying to go for it and like-
Can I roll for it?
Yeah, go ahead and roll me a strike.
I mean, if I see everyone going in,
I would just-
Everyone rolled me a strike,
since he was trying to do something.
All right, I'm gonna cast Guiding for myself now.
Oh, wait, hold on.
Strength.
Yeah, okay, so I got that.
16 for me.
21.
Oh, bitch.
That's all I'm saying.
18.
No, wait, wait, is this-
Can this be dexterity instead?
No, strength, yeah.
No, strength.
Everyone's like, yeah.
Everybody's like-
Okay, then mine's dirty, probably.
Woo!
Yeah, you see, like-
Maybe, and Nick's having-
18.
What?
Dirty 20.
Dirty 20, yeah.
You guys think that?
Yeah.
Yeah, so everyone's scrambling for it,
everyone's going for it,
the Chief Scott is laughing,
and you see, Nick's kind of prizing it out,
and Haroon kind of just swoops in trying to grab it,
Haroon manages to still, like, not pry it through.
If Nick's has it now,
then instead I'm gonna swoop under his legs,
and we're gonna ride off of it.
Yeah, and you see him, like,
it looks like they're struggling,
but instead he, like, grabs him by the hand,
and Haroon pops him on his shoulders,
and he kind of just-
I'm so tempted while everybody's hyper-psyched
on the roomie to steal some cold drinks.
I'm taking it from somewhere else.
I'm getting my money.
I'll get my money back, don't you worry.
I get mine.
As I'm running around with Nick in the roomie,
I go, third leg, third leg, third leg, third.
I start chasing Haroon back at him.
I'm like,
I don't know, Haroon's getting-
That's terrible.
So, I mean, so Nick, you have the roomie.
I don't know what I want to do.
You're just like, yeah,
and you're like, what the fuck's going on?
You just-
I just, I got caught up in the moment,
I saw everyone else turning it in,
I didn't want to be left out.
Are they all running around?
Yeah.
How far away are they?
They're just-
Where do I go in like circles, laps,
trying to keep away from you guys,
like a dog that doesn't want to come inside?
Yeah.
I'm going to cast Whole Person on Haroon.
Okay, what does this say?
It's a wisdom saving throw.
Um, 15.
It's a 19.
Jesus.
So I'm just like, third, third.
And then I'm going to run and try to grab-
Wait, does Nick fall off of my stop?
Well, you're just, you're paralyzed,
so I feel like you're still holding him.
Yeah.
He's on my back, like he's just right on the momentum thing.
Like, look.
Yeah, all right.
Roll me out of the line and see if you can,
he's not running, you see him just-
Whoa.
What'd you get?
Two plus eight, 10.
You managed to like, you stumbled a little bit,
but you kind of just, ugh.
You fall, not, you fall on your face,
but managed to get up.
I'm going to try to run and scoop, scoop up.
I'm trying for it as well.
You guys are on the same-
I think we're the same running speed too.
I got a fly speed.
Your fly speed's like 50, isn't it?
Uh, I don't know, actually, let me-
I was like, cause my run speed's 35.
God.
Cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that.
Jesus Christ.
He said I landed on my feet, so if I landed on my feet-
Oh, you landed on your feet?
He said I-
He landed on his face, but like-
Oh, but I got caught to his feet.
Yeah, he's kind of like, he's kind of like a scorpion
where he like, hit face first and then roll onto his feet.
My walking speed is 35.
My speed is 30, but I don't have to go around anything.
I don't know if that makes any difference.
It's a straight chop for me to-
Yeah, Franky just kind of like-
Bonfire it up.
Flies up and he's kind of just like,
well, I'm just going to-
I don't know, is there a difference?
It would only matter if the terrain,
if there's something to throw at us.
Oh, wait, hold up, nah, no, no.
Oh, wait, no, I need to set a small slot.
Jesus.
It's like, walk his ass on top of the thing.
I'm right.
I'm right, I got you.
Yours is 35?
Yeah.
Because if you're both are dashing,
then you would have a total of 10 rounds.
Different ones.
Hold up, uh,
that doesn't look sexy.
That doesn't look sexy.
All right.
It's going to make-
Can I stop while frozen?
I say, Franky, hit him.
Franky's like, you're flying as fast as you can,
but you're like,
Lasagna's like about 10 feet ahead of you
as he tries to-
Franky, um-
He's like, he's trying to go for,
roll up your strings,
and you're trying to pry his hand out of his hand.
Pry this thing out of Nick's hand?
Yep.
Hold up.
Guidance.
Hold up.
Can I dis-
no whispers?
Can I dis-no whispers?
Plus-
I'm good.
Yes.
You're pretty good.
Wait, isn't a dis-signate whisper
the one where I have to run away from you?
Yeah.
That's where I want to go though.
No, you guys are almost side by side.
Then you would like peel off.
Oh, okay, okay.
Because you have to move your full speed away from me.
That doesn't say like,
stop and grab shit on your face.
It says, gg.
Yeah.
So make me a,
I mean at this point we're definitely resting, right?
So make me a wisdom stick.
Yeah, you're roasting out.
I'm good at that.
Is this a charm?
This is an enchantment.
It's not a charm, it's like the-
Okay, 18.
Cool, silver barbs.
Try that again, sir.
Yeah.
Damn, that's a 10.
That's a, okay.
This part, I'm sorry about.
So that's gonna be 11 damage,
psychic damage to your brain as you get the fuck out.
He's like, what?
He's like, ah, ah!
You see him start running away.
How much?
11 damage.
All right, Frankie.
Hey, hey, hey.
Yeah, as a, Nick's still hunting you by about 10 feet.
If you see a Frankie flying behind you,
you're just like, what the fuck?
He's even straight just-
At this point, Frankie uses,
can I try like, football,
running back, running Frankie?
And he even knows he did it,
just cause it's like, a psychic attack.
No, he didn't know it was a psychic,
he just saw him run away,
but he just sees you chasing.
At this point, I know what like,
y'all are chasing me,
cause I'm a ruby, or I'm locking my hand.
Well, you've done this to enemies,
we know that you can psychically hurt people,
but we don't know what it does.
Can I run away?
Can I like, running back, just, ugh!
Yeah, try to stay where you are,
but let's be, we need to use this reaction,
if any, if available, to as far as it's speed,
for a while.
Frankie, so I saw a reaction.
Right.
Yeah, you got to pass.
On your turn, yeah.
I mean like, it's weird on your turn.
Oh, this is, what, sorry, what's going on?
As you're kinda like chasing after Nick,
he kinda turns around,
he lunges at you with 21 to hit you.
Oh, okay.
And that's just more to knock him out of my way.
He kinda tries to run past you and.
Sure, I'll, I'll hit him with a,
cutting word.
Uh-huh.
Cause that's, yeah, so, sorry, what was that, to hit me?
21.
Cool, that's minus seven, so I said, not on.
And you.
14 hit?
No, I have a 16 hit.
Okay.
Yeah, as you see him kinda just like,
you go to charge him and he kinda just like,
flips around, you would just.
Well then, I don't care,
I'm still running straight ahead.
He's like, no, he doesn't let me go.
And I dodge it, do I get a chance to.
Oh, well, I feel at this point,
I'm just going to, can I cast hold person on,
on, um.
Frankie?
Frankie.
Frankie, as you're trying to do that,
you feel like something's trying to break the concentration.
If you let go of me, I'm going for it.
Go ahead and roll me a con save.
Can I try to grab him before he's doing that?
Yeah, you get that.
Sorry, I just wanna know what order you're in.
You're good, you're good.
So we need to roll initiative.
We will after this, if you guys are still going.
I know, I'll go last, so take care of what you have to do.
Go ahead and try to roll real quick to,
this is gonna be an entire opportunity
to try to like, kinda grab him from.
Are you trying to grab it from me,
or is it just a spell on me?
I'm just trying to snatch out your hand.
Go ahead and roll initiative strength.
Go ahead and just.
Oh, so strength?
Yeah.
Opposing strength to,
he's not gonna try to let go of his hand.
Uh, okay.
So I got 19.
Okay, 17 plus eight.
25, yeah. 25.
You try to like, grab him as he's going,
but he's really fucking strong and he peels off.
I just wrestled a fucking ogre.
You think he could take this shit from me?
I got a boost for you.
And then as you say that,
that casts whole person on you.
Yeah.
When you let go of me.
Wisdom saving throw.
Wisdom saving throw?
Uh, nope.
It's 12.
19.
So he is held.
Yeah, you see Frank said,
and he just kinda like,
he's still floating, just kinda stops and just.
If that happens, then I'm gonna scoop up Nix again
onto my back and then just go where he wants.
Back to the.
Yeah, you see him.
Okay, we go back.
Yeah, you see him just like, get picked up in her room
and you just start poking it.
He just.
I'm just gonna walk over to Frankie
and I'm just gonna be like, Frankie, Frankie, Frankie.
Just remember, I'm better than you.
Oh!
I didn't see that.
Oh no.
I'm just kidding, Frankie.
As I walk away, I will just let it go.
I'm gonna pretend that one of my fingers is pointing out
I'm just like a talker's head.
No, I'll let it go.
As I see them run away and knowing
that I'm probably not gonna catch up with how.
Yeah, her room just.
I think it's too late.
You said that, shouldn't I?
I think.
You see him walking away and you unhold it
and you see him kind of like about 10, 15 feet away.
Yeah, as you say that though, you hear it in your head.
That's okay, Shane never forgets them.
Just so you know, it's not just words,
when the shaver is over.
And I'll say back in my head, we could have split this.
I just wanna know, just for the favors.
That's like, that's sorry, just to clarify for me.
Is that something like, is that something
or is it just like an IOU on paper?
Oh no, when it's faced down in contrast.
Cool, I want you to feel that on the inside
when I say that it's like little burning holes.
It's in there, it's a little heartburn.
Well, while I'm running with Nicks, I say,
Nick, you wanna trade?
And I show, give him like the Dwarven Hooch.
I will quickly mix that drink with the Ruby.
Okay.
For a Ruby?
I mean, it's different.
It's strong stuff.
Yeah, you remember the stuff that you got from him.
This is the Dwarven shit and you know,
I know you two bet against me.
I'm not a fool.
You didn't see that.
Okay, you guys are talking about a bet in front of me.
The Ruby, this is all talks in front of me
about how you ratted him out to me.
Can you put it all together though?
I don't have a low low intelligence.
Yeah, but yeah, you guys, and then you guys,
all of you are gonna-
It makes sense, but I'm slightly offended.
In a bare knuckle fight, you gotta go with the Ruby.
You gotta add your sword out of gum with you.
And I don't know, you wanna hate me for that one?
No, I don't blame you, but I have something.
And you guys just kinda party the night away
and lick your wounds and celebrate with them.
And this is where we end it here.
All right.
This is the invisible Frankie gets out of his bed.
An invisible Frankie?
Invisible, maybe.
I like the invisible Frankie all night to live his augur.
I'm just slightly pulling his blanket down all night,
making him uncomfortable all night long.
Son of a bitch.
Not even stealing the Ruby, just fucking with him.
He's gonna steal it.
I was gonna do a little more fighting.
Out of game, my real instinct here was,
after the scramble to get the Ruby back,
I was like, I'll get the Ruby,
and then I'll hand him to the Lasagna,
and be like, there you go.
Damn it.
That's okay.
I also, into a big son of me, said Lasagna.
That's also fine.
Honestly, I was just trying to fuck with Frankie, so.
Oh no, I'm down for it, it's good.
I think Frankie enjoys the rivalry and the-
Yeah, me too.
The two spellcasters have to go at it with each other.
Yeah.
I think the real question is,
does Frankie know when like, nothing's enough?
Yeah.
He knows.
There's a friendly stopping point.
He just keeps going.
Yeah.
All right, yeah, they don't see it.
I like to imagine, like, oh, these like, anime turns,
or like, the spellcasters were like,
Naruto and Sasuke kind of rivals,
and when we're like, gami kill each other,
and like, we're friends,
you just let battle have good timing,
and then you guys are like, fuck, you are better.
No, fuck, you are better.
Yeah.
You guys don't wanna see us on the battle,
but you're like, all right,
have you seen the Seven Deadly Sins?
Yeah.
It's like, Captain!
Yeah, me and you are both in the Captain, yes.
The spell at hand, it's like, I'm missing a tooth,
I'm like, right on her rune.
Yeah, yeah.
And then that's my move!
I know.
Of course he knocked him out, he's a monk, bro.
Also, aside from that,
the more I talk with people in the world, as Frankie,
about like, military stuff,
the more I realize that Frankie just like,
was not a front line fighter,
and more and more was the guy who just,
I don't know, stabbed a dude in the night somewhere.
Right.
Like, you know, soul-so-shit.
You never saw it coming.
The guy that some guy dies.
Frankie was definitely asking me,
she was the guy who just,
he came into the shadows, got inside, and was like,
was he there?
You don't know.
Was it done?
It was done?
Yeah.
But anyways, folks, thank you for tuning in.
We'll catch you next time.
Nerds.
Bye!
Later, nerds.
Peace.