damage. So Ryan that's for one minute so if you have multiple attacks you do
within that minute you still got advantage on it. Are we in the middle of the day or
has it been night? So right now... I summoned out with my Dwarven woman.
Yeah you guys it's nighttime right? It was nighttime because he
went to bed. So my ring would officially be recharged? Yes. For my shape shifting.
Yeah. And we'll have to roll again next time I use it to see how long it takes.
But before we do that let's get into it folks. This is... I actually forgot. I gotta turn this up.
I turned it down for a minute ago. This is freaking nerds. Freaking nerds. Freaky freaky.
If I sound weird it is because I have been sick but I am Will or Will I am I
don't know but I play L'Zognamost kind. They druid cleric would off now level 8.
7. Wait 7? My bad. Yeah homeboy got an additional roll for it. No my bad.
Can I roll for it? I'm still coming down from being sick. Level 7.
I see what he's trying to do there. I tried to slide that in but I went into a
cleric so I'm five levels in druid two levels in cleric. I didn't get anything fancy except
for channel divinity which is pretty cool but fun fact about Frank or a fake fact
about Frank sorry still sick. Still fun. Yeah fun fake fact about Frank is that
he loves fish sticks in his mouth. Oh what fish sticks? I like fish sticks. You like fish sticks.
Oh and he has a nice recipe it's Frank's fish sticks. Yep all the ladies love it.
Hi I'm Ben and I'm playing Frankie Frank Frank the Tank Tank. A fey bard. I also
leveled up staying bard of course to maximize fuckery. And a fun yet still
fake fact about Y'Harris is that he doesn't have any feeling in his feet.
He doesn't have any feeling in his feet and that's why we've yet to see him
bust a move. Dancing our bedroom. We haven't seen Y'Harris bed anybody yet.
Hello I'm rocked cocked and ready to yelp and a fun fake fact about our I'm also
tonight role playing is Y'Harris Sithrith the now level seven a ladran ranger in my
summer form still but a fun fake fact about our friend over here Harun is that
when he wild shapes into things he looks forward the most to pooping.
Yeah that's that's a false fact. That's not a false fact. That was the most
relief you ever felt. All that built up tension. Eating was probably better
though. My name is Mark I play Harun Wen a warforged monk kind of a baby. Got a
cool new cloak thanks Lasagna. My false fact about Nyx is that he's actually
been married before and divorced. Well I don't know if we call it divorced because
I think they didn't consummate the marriage. I think that's how it ended. It
was like a Las Vegas marriage but they didn't. They never consummated the marriage.
That's called a null. That's what it is. There's a null? Yeah. Where? Yeah it was like it was a Vegas wedding I was
gonna consummate and right before it happened I was like whiskey-dicked and
passed out. She woke up like can't do this and just walked out marriage over.
Probably what it was. He still thinks that they're married though. I mean you know how about these D&D military guys are they
always feel like they gotta get married. Specifically the D&D ones. Yeah right. Fucking nerds. I am Jalen I am playing Nyx I am a
barbarian fighter also now I level up. I have a false fact about Lasagna is that
he plays very strong favorites with the animals of the forest. Like sometimes he
feeds other animals and then like a snake comes by he's like fuck out of here.
And throws a little cracker and hangs out with the birds. I can see that. I can see that.
That one was good. There's definitely some out there that he's like nah nah nah.
So Gonzo. Yeah. What socks are you wearing? So today I came here clowning around with
you guys. Hope you don't mind it. I was wondering what those were. It says it on them.
Pennywise. Yeah. This is it. The 13th reason. You get it. Can we get over it? Trying to get under it.
Oh man. What was your real fact? My real fact is that Frank, Frankie over here is a marvelous dancer.
Cannon already. Yeah. And so well in fact that he wooed everyone especially the Elven woman.
So now he's well known as being a badass dancer. How many facts you guys keep track of now?
Two. I like flowers and I'm slick with them. Yeah. The real question is does he tap dance?
And if he does does he minor illusion the little taps that you make since he just flies around?
He's so good he doesn't need to. Yeah I'm too busy shining on the spotlight on myself.
You're gonna miss me in a crowd. Oh got it. So now it's gonna be even harder for Nix to get ladies around
when Frankie's there and his sick moves with all the gold. I got the confidence I didn't have before now.
You may have won the bet but now I feel petty. Yeah. You won the battle but not the war.
You don't get to feel petty you got his girl. Who got money for that? Cause I remember I put in money.
I took it out I just don't know how you guys split it. I think I put 10 gold. You put 10 I think you did 5.
And you did 5. And then you guys just split it amongst yourselves. So that's 20 so 10 10?
I feel like Frankie's a pretty conservative gambler. And then for first to make other money.
Hey but I had your back boy. The non-magical monk that can't do anything. Oh yeah.
Hey I drew a picture for your ass. I was like think what can you do? God bless high constitution.
True. True. And one point I got a 12 I was like thank god cause it's plus 6. I got that 6 and I was like fuck me.
Oh shit. Man I'm still just in shock that I lost the competition that I rigged.
I'm like a fucking politician. How does this shit happen?
Pretty fucking funny. I think we gotta talk to somebody about that.
What? Go fix the issue.
So who remembers? Who would like to recap for inspiration?
I think I can take this one. Fill me in where I miss it.
So I think last time we picked back up where we were going into the city. We'd just like gotten in.
We just got an escort with our baking supplies to the councilman's house.
And there we...not party but we hung out with the guy for a second as we negotiated price and all that good stuff.
I managed to snag his name for a brief second before he...
That's right. I forgot about that.
Somebody traded a favor. Our centaur friend traded a favor to get that name back.
Which we immediately cashed in. Got some cool shit for everybody. Just about.
I don't think I got anything of myself. But that's alright. I don't really need it.
You got a favor. Yeah you got some more favors.
You got plenty of stuff in your inventory that we don't know about.
Oh and you know not that anybody knows what you gave me.
And La Zogna. We got more money than I said we did.
And then I think I had to ask La Zogna if he was going to say anything about it.
Was it...I don't think it was me. I think it was somebody else.
Oh it was me. I know. He knows. I was gone.
You know about one of them.
You know about one of them. He talked in your head about one of them.
Yeah. Yeah you know it is and I said you didn't say something.
I don't think I did. I don't think I did.
I don't think you said anything. And I only have brought it up because I was high off my ass and then trying to get laid.
So it hasn't really come up for me. That's true.
I've been very distracted.
I really don't have any of that money left so.
But so we did that. And despite everyone's best efforts and...
Yeah we...oh god. My mind just went so blank.
We did a shopping episode after that.
Yeah you guys shopped but you also did a drinking contest which...
Which Yohars tried to rig against...
We faded to black. He had a night on the town. He did.
He drives off like where do you get a convertible? What is that?
Convertible horse.
You ever seen a Ferrari?
Not sponsored.
God bless the DM making it a constitution thing I have to do and not a charisma thing to get laid.
Yeah. I just listened to the episode where you said it was your dump stat.
I think that was basically it.
Yeah you guys shopped. You got some stuff. You met another Ferrari.
That's true. Yeah I met another Ferrari.
He took right in.
Yes he did.
Thought related?
Yes he did.
Hilarious.
Oh Ryan if I could give this to you earlier we're looking like a bag of bones Ryan.
It was funny because when you talked to Ben about if he asked you your name you never said it.
But as soon as Gonzo asked for it you were just like right in.
It was a little bit of role play, a little bit of action Jalen because I started it and I was like Nick's gonna follow.
I follow through.
Nick's follow forward. It makes full thematic sense.
You're like god damn it.
I was like Nick's fuck. Topal gate.
So where do we pick off Gonzo?
First Nick wakes up sore from a night of being ravaged by a dwarf.
I highly doubt Nick wakes up first. He's the eight hour boy.
I'm just kidding.
Eight hour boy.
Well I think we'll get more sleep.
How long is your door? Eight hours.
Okay then we wake up together.
It's really only the elf mofos in that room that don't.
Well he didn't sleep with you guys. He slept in a different place.
Nick you wake up feeling happy and confident.
Do I have any bonuses to my charisma for the day?
You wake up with a big old smile and a big old something else.
You think you do.
You get a little bit of bonus to first impressions.
You got that glow right now.
Is that a lithid power?
It took the edge off of my personality.
Terrible beginnings.
Really all it took to get rid of his anger.
That's why you're so mad.
I have to switch to a fighter now because of this. I can't be a barbarian.
Now that's a choice to make. Do you get up in the bedroom or out on the battlefield?
That's something to ruminate on.
Really think about it Jaylen.
Is it the next morning Gunzo?
It is the next morning yes.
Can I have food ready for him because I know how long he takes to sleep.
And I'm excited about him winning.
Are you going to try to find somewhere to cook with the dwarves?
Because that's where he's sleeping.
Is this not a tavern?
He went to go sleep somewhere else but there's a tavern there.
Oh he didn't go to the room upstairs? I thought there was a room upstairs.
He put the seed in hayseed.
I don't know if I would have followed him then.
Don't mind me I'm just going to stand in the corner.
You don't know what they're doing. You're warforged.
I know he had a mate and I know what mating is.
I think there's a baby coming now. That's what I think.
I think it just has to be.
Such a small baby.
I know what mating is but I'm not going to tell you.
You tell me and I'll let you know.
I'll let you know if it's the same thing I'm thinking about.
One year later you owe a dwarf child support?
It's a small sum.
That's not my baby and it's just flexing.
Everybody looks forward to that court episode about chipping down support.
It says here you're a rock troll. Rock no!
Calm down old ranger. Quick someone's knocking your dick.
I'm a fighter again.
I'm fighting for my life out here.
Gonzo, I have a question for you.
The moon sickle, right?
I'm looking through here.
You guys trade?
In lore, I assume we're probably going to be staying in the same room.
I would assume we wake up at the same time.
Right next to each other.
Surprisingly, he's not my type.
There's going to be a little piece of paper in charcoal written on it, the word smelly, with a heart.
Then the moon sickle right next to his bedside table.
It says smelly?
You didn't have a deodorant.
Oh, that's true.
Deodorant to me is so foreign as a concept.
As an eladrin, we don't do that deodorant, so I just think you smell weird.
But it's fine, because you're an elf.
It is fine. I'm going to wake up and slap on my deodorant.
Deodorant.
Give your horrors a little nod.
Slap Nix on the ass.
Good job, Nix.
He's a barbarian again.
So yes, I do get food.
Maybe 20 minutes after the 8 hour mark that I would guess, I'm going to use the sending stone and say,
I have food ready for you.
You're laying in bed right now and you just hear that in your head.
Is she in the bed with me?
Yeah, she's awake.
I lean over and I'm like, hey, so I got my butler robot to make us breakfast.
You want to go eat real quick?
I'm going to land it on.
And drink?
And drink, of course.
I probably wouldn't be wearing the hat.
After you?
Yeah, you open the door and Nix and the dwarf are naked.
It's plus three on that moon suit.
Thank you, thank you.
Um, I have food for you.
Yeah, I will take a bite and then I will go to the bar and order two stronger.
Are you putting on clothes?
I have literally just my bottoms.
Just your bottoms?
Just my bottoms.
Just your top.
Yeah.
A shirt, no pants?
What are you pulling?
Half-fleet on the top, no armor on the bottom.
Weighing the blue.
She has this hug.
I heard everybody saw that tweaker with the shirt.
It's like I'm wearing a shirt with my dicks out.
I have a breast pleat, yes.
So here's a question for you.
How did my neck go?
Frankie wooed her on the dance floor.
He had a great time.
Legends were also made that night.
Frankie's a smooth talker.
What would Frankie have wanted to happen?
I'm pretty sure whatever it was, it was what he got.
I think Frankie got down and then, uh, I don't think he spent the night there.
He's like, peace, thanks.
I got a place to pay for it.
Did you do it while floating?
Peace, thanks.
I'm out of here.
He just snaps his fingers.
You think about the advantages of floating.
Yeah, those float fucking.
You guys don't even know I'm straight vertical in the air, like three feet off the ground.
He just doesn't move his legs.
Fully straight.
It's like two long pieces from Tetris.
I was fucking floating here kicking my legs.
That's actually terrible.
Oh no.
He also has good performance rolls too.
Yeah, I mean, hey, have me make a roll of six.
What were his performance rolls?
That's going to be a not natural twelve.
Oh, see, he had a great time.
He had a good time.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, he was definitely not natural.
He's using his magic.
He's like, don't worry little buddy, I got you.
I got this rhino spell.
Enlarge.
Let me just tell you, last night at some point, that's how Frankie leveled up.
He just got a notification while banging.
He got that final bit of XP and two new spells and he like swapped out an old one.
He's like, oh yeah, shit, this is good.
Imagine you pulling up a floating book while you're doing this.
Don't worry about it.
Just keep doing what you're doing.
Yeah, enjoy yourself.
Enjoy yourself.
God damn.
Yeah, he wakes up.
Nick takes the food and then he goes in.
It's not as full because some of the other dwarves are mining and working right now.
Tavern's still open because some of the pieces, obviously they're always working.
Yeah.
I'm still just pants on, no shirt, and I pay for two drinks.
Perfect, yeah.
The barkeep looks at you and says, how was your night?
It was great, my man.
He's like, you look a little bruised up.
There ain't no battle wounds.
Every wound is a war story worth giving.
He's like, these are on the house, don't worry about it.
Okay, and then I take it and I give it to her.
Harun, thank you, sir.
You are dismissed and you can go get the others.
Me and my lady friend are going to drink.
You see them just start chugging.
Go get the others.
Yes, bye.
Leave, get the others, thank you.
Set the plate down and turn around.
Sorry, he bothers now that we're alone.
Cut to the boys.
He's very confused that you said go get them and bring them there.
Tommy, that's what he's going to do.
So you're on your way to get them there.
So yeah, you're awake.
Frankie is also now like kind of getting out of his room and sees you guys.
Frankie.
He looks refreshed.
Frankie.
What's up, guys?
Frankie, you're it.
Hey, Harun.
What's up?
Well, so I would want the legacy.
Lasagna.
Lasagna?
Oh, he's admiring his new kids.
Lasagna.
I'm probably attuning with my sickle.
I'm shouting for you.
My friend, he'll need some time.
I gave him something very nice and he needs to attune to it.
Okay, Nix wants a lot of things.
He'll get them eventually if he behaves.
He told me to come get you guys.
Harun, let's go.
I need to congratulate Nix.
Oh, fuck you.
What?
What's that, yours?
What's that?
All right.
No, you can go.
No, that's fine.
Come with me.
Well, I want to wait for Lasagna.
He needs some time to attune to the movie.
I'm going to be back on the road.
I only need four hours.
So if I get this way, he would have done it.
Yeah.
Then if I hear my voice and I'm done, then I would come down.
Yeah, he was kind of just drifting off and you see him come out,
putting his pants on.
Lasagna, let's go to Nix.
Let's go to Nix.
I actually want to see how hot this person is.
One second thought fine, I guess.
Yeah.
Yay.
Then I lead the way.
Let's go see Nix.
He told you it's a plus three moon sickle, right?
Yeah.
I did.
I did have another question about it, but I answered it.
Apparently it only works for ranger andruid spells.
It doesn't work for my cleric spells.
So that is something I have to keep in mind.
Yeah.
So I walk up to the...
You said this is a barn, so I'm assuming there's some sort of door.
Let's now close.
I'm going to knock on it and say, third leg, I have summoned the rest of them.
Come on in.
All right.
Let's open the door and lead them in.
How hot is she?
She is a dwarven woman.
I mean, for a dwarven woman.
How bushy is her beard?
Slightly stubble.
She just shaved recently.
Nice.
Yeah.
An hour ago.
She looked like she probably shaved a week ago.
Uncle Whit.
Nix's face is just fucking red from all the stubble from it.
You can't really see it because of his beard.
So you only have a little bit underneath the eyes to the upper cheekbone that's just
all red.
Yeah.
Because Nix does have a full beard.
Are you naked and banging at this point?
Oh shit.
You're all my models.
Odds are evens.
This is the day.
Evens?
I don't know.
Shit.
He put pants on just to take them off again?
You walk in as Nix is performing.
I do not walk in.
Why did you say come in?
You open the door and you see Nix just flexing.
He's like, hey guys.
Can I draw this?
You see her rune circle.
Nix, get the fuck out of bed.
Will you grab us here with this shit?
Just more proof?
Hold that thought for a second.
I'm going to cast Zona Truth where he's at and just say, how was it?
What's the save?
It's on her too.
A Charisma saving throw.
Natural 20.
I rolled for the drawing and I also got a natural 20.
Oh my god.
It's an area of effect so does the Dwarven woman save?
No.
That's really what he wanted.
How was it?
It's okay.
You're not going to let it roll for performance?
Roll performance.
Fuck.
How bad was it?
It's five plus whatever I got.
I have no minuses.
This seems like a solid use of my cutting words.
I'm going to say it's probably not that great.
It's minus five so whatever that is minus five.
Oh wow.
Two.
Oh wow.
I'm going to say it's probably not that great.
It's minus five so whatever that is minus five.
She's just like I think he's a little tired from last night.
He's getting a little limped.
For this one.
Oh wow.
That was the original.
I want to pop Rage.
Oh he's going to pop Rage.
Oh no.
I know demons are good.
I don't do them very much.
Hey if you hadn't been doing that in the last two hours, you would have been a good
player.
I don't know why you're doing that.
I don't know.
I used my
Hey, if you hadn't been doing this when I walked in, I probably would have left it.
I didn't choose this, the DM did.
Oh, okay, a pixie pops up on my shoulder.
Is it a little devil pixie? Is it a little devil pixie that like, whispers little like,
you should do this, you should not be here.
You're the fucking man. You're the number one.
Is she someone I know?
What?
Is she someone I know?
The pixie?
It's a conjured pixie that's gonna explode,
because I'm gonna send it your way and explode for 1d6 of force damage.
I'm sending it to Frankie.
Alright, you get the pixie flying at you.
It is a deck save.
Hey y'all, why are we hurting each other?
It's gonna be a nat 1 for me.
And it's 4 damage.
Does it get knocked out of the air?
I don't think so, for 4 damage?
It's gonna be a lot more helpful than that.
It doesn't push it back.
It kind of just blows up.
He's wanting his feet to touch the ground.
Now that he did that and killed my mood, I'm gonna get dressed and just put my armor on.
Killed my mood now.
Hey Haroon, that's how you rig it up pretty quickly.
And then I turn towards Frankie and be like, what do you think of my drawing?
And it's so detailed.
Literally you got Picasso painting the penis.
Can I hold it?
My drawing?
Yeah.
Because it's not a life-size picture, I'm gonna squint my eyes and get really close to it, to the center.
I'm gonna go, yeah, seems about right.
Can I hold it?
What are you gonna do to it?
You make fire a lot.
So it's basically this.
This is the painting.
As I squint through my spells.
For the audience at home, it's a gif of Patrick Bateman looking at himself in the mirror.
I don't know if I can do it again.
You know the one.
I don't know if I can do it again, don't break it.
And I hand it over.
The entire time that this has been happening, Yoharis has just been drinking from his fucking nice bottle of
fey wine that he got from Frankie the other day.
You're joining in.
It tastes like honey, but honey you can't get in this realm.
The sweetness makes everything seem a whole lot less bitter.
You're just like, I'm not even paying attention to what's going on.
Exactly.
Now that my mood has successfully been killed by Frankie here,
I'm going to pow, grab my wolf skin.
Let's just go to the builders so we can head out.
I'll give you your 10 of the gold that you won.
The warlord woman's like, thanks for the night, Rex.
Yeah.
And then I give you the 10 gold that you won.
Okay.
I'm just going to walk head down to the builders.
With my clothes not even wearing my whole wolf thing, this slumped over my shoulder head down.
I turned to successful night and I'm not great feeling.
I turn over with the painting in my hand.
I turn over to Frankie and be like, you think how room will miss the painting if I burn it?
No.
This laugh is in character by the way.
I think.
Wait.
11.
I'm going to put it in trade.
Make him a hat out of it.
I think that he might actually miss that quite a lot.
I mean, I'm not going to look at it, but from the bits and pieces that I've seen in my peripheral,
it does seem very detailed.
Like he put a lot of effort into that.
It is very accurate.
I don't know.
I show it to you.
How does it look beautiful?
You see the drawing and you see yourself flexing.
If I see this drawing, I immediately walk up to them.
I want to take the drawing.
I'm going to put it up my head if I see him wanting to get it.
I will grab hold of that and bring him down to the knees.
We'll do a strength check.
Got it.
Hey, Nix, this is right before your spirit broke.
This picture happened right before your spirit broke.
I need this.
15.
It's a 5 minus 1 for me.
Oh my God.
You try to bring it up and he just sweeps your legs and just puts it down.
Give me a lot stronger.
I hear you guys.
See?
Third leg.
Nix, you know how to position the drawing?
Very detailed.
The funny thing is I was going to cast Burning Hands on it if you were to give it to me,
and then you said that you cast Fire Alarm, and I was like, damn, he's looking at me.
Do it!
Harun would have leaked oil from his eyes.
As I'm helping Lasagna back up from being on the ground, I'm going to look to Harun.
To be fair, he's very short, so the legs aren't that long to begin with.
I'm going to go full steam ahead to the builders,
but with my painting in front of me walking through the town.
That is obtuse.
Just like, man.
Where are we going, Nix?
The builders.
Just staring at it.
Can I give him a tube to store it in just in case he ever wants to put it away?
I don't want to put it away.
I'm going to slip the tube in your bag like, boop, boop, boop.
I'm wearing that painting like a goddamn banner.
So while we're walking there to the builders, I'm going to look to the group.
So what's the plan, guys? Do we want to do anything else in the city,
or are we making room for the desert?
Do you want any more seasonings?
I think...
I need baking supplies!
I think we take off.
Yeah, I mean, we can go to the market real quick after we go to the builders.
Yeah, you can go to the market.
We still gotta pay our stable fee. We haven't done that yet.
That's true.
Okay.
We're on our way out.
You remember, Harun, you're on your seat in second class, right?
Oh, yeah, and I just haven't gotten a chance to say anything yet.
I would, in character though, I would like to hit up the market.
I'm interested in some seasonings as well, things that are local especially.
Let's go to the builders first just in case they may have gotten any cool things,
and then we'll all go to the market together.
You also do remember that the dwarves are also making weapons as well.
The what?
The dwarves are also mailing and making weapons there as well.
Oh, shit. If I would have known that, I would have...
I just said that they make alcohol there and also make...
Oh, shit.
When you guys walked in there, someone was working on an axe.
Oh, okay. Shit.
I mean, we can keep doing that. Yeah, I would have had one dwarf set up.
But we're already on the way to builders. I'm still on the builders.
Could I say I just grabbed a couple bottles from the doors?
Yeah.
How much would that run me?
A bottle of their hooch, five gold each.
Okay, then I'll get...
And it is their homemade strong stuff.
Okay, then I'm gonna take three.
Yeah, it's basically like their equivalent of moonshine.
But, you know, dwarves are heavy drinkers, so...
Yeah.
Facts.
It was hard for your heart to handle it, but Nick's though, like a champ.
Yeah.
I'm a gnome, but I'm hanging out with the dwarves.
I'm like the white guy, like a group of black friends.
That's me with the gnomes and the dwarves.
That's how they work.
Have you lost a drinking contest yet?
Not yet.
How is that gonna make back a million?
Okay, this plus six is becoming real clutch.
And you're gonna put up a bigger fight, y'all.
Listen, man, when it comes to Constitution, I don't really have a whole lot in it.
Like, my best is actually Strength and Constitution, but they're both plus two.
Are we with the armor builder?
Yes.
Okay.
I wanna walk up to the guy, like, hey, can you do anything with this?
And I put my breastplate, my fungus-worth breastplate down, and throw the wolfskin on top of it.
Can you do anything with that?
First of all, hello.
It's a human, and he kinda just looks at you and says, what the...
Look at the fur, where the hell did you get this?
I killed it.
We killed it.
So, it was a team effort.
He just took it upon himself to put it upon himself.
There was some bad lady in the forest that made weird animals, and then we killed it.
And then we made it skin.
Okay?
You not get that a whole lot around here?
You asked.
Not that, not that, not everyone.
Councilor, I haven't seen one of these guys in a while.
One of what, these guys?
I know.
Yeah, one of those guys I know.
Well, you two...
You're a strange bunch.
We get that a lot.
Looks at Frankie.
Do you know the other guy, you know the other fairy?
Hey man, you're gonna have to cut us a deal if you're gonna be racist.
Why not?
You don't see a lot of fairies around here.
Okay, I'm just saying, all fairies are the same.
It's kinda racist.
Are you guys friends or anything?
Yeah.
Oh yeah, no, that's my uncle.
Oh, okay.
Everyone thinks Frankie's uncle.
Hey, go ahead and roll me the deception check.
Oh, this isn't gonna be great.
Damn it, 18.
Damn it, 18!
Those are Mollick shit!
He just looks at you and says, sure.
Frankie, you see a letter that goes that word?
What word is it?
Fairy.
That sounds like... our word.
That's what I thought.
But that's what you are, like what else would they call you?
Would you call him?
May?
Fratty?
Person?
That's what I thought.
Equal?
Equal.
I mean, whoa.
The laughs is all in character, by the way.
Wow.
Does Haru grasp what racism is?
A woman tells us, Jack, real quick.
I'm pretty sure I know what racism is.
Everybody acts different around me.
Roll a discrimination check.
I don't know, 12.
You kind of get it.
I mean, you've had this before.
I was gonna say, yeah, this happened before.
Maybe I don't know the depths, but I know what happens.
You kind of know what's happening, but you're like, mmm.
I've had what he's having.
Yeah, so like, so man, are you gonna keep being racist, or are you gonna help me out with this armor?
What do you want to do with it?
What can you do with it?
Can you like put this on the armor somehow?
Like incorporate it together?
We would like to make it not smell like it does.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I'm not the smith, man.
That's why I'm coming to you.
Yeah.
He's holding his nose.
What the fuck?
Yup.
It smells like you killed it.
You're just walking around with it.
Yeah, but look how nice the cut is.
I bet, but also it looks like you...
This guy's a dwarf?
No, he's a human.
Oh, he's a human.
Okay, makes sense.
I was like a dwarf covering his nose.
They smell things.
No, it's a human.
He's just like, ugh, oh god.
I lost my boss to see what she could do with it.
All right.
You want to see me do a flip?
What?
Maybe not in here or her room.
Do the flip.
Hold on, I'm talking to him.
You want to see me do a flip?
First off, fuck you.
Second, actually, do you want to see him do a flip?
Sure.
How much for a rush job?
I'm going to go for it.
Acrobatics.
I'll hold down my boss.
Tell your boss we're willing to rush it because we're trying to be out of town by tonight.
I'm going to use my inspiration.
What'd you roll?
You're using an inspiration?
Yeah, I'm not trying to be embarrassed.
It's just trying to break shit inside the fucking office store.
Oh, that wasn't much better.
At least it's not a natural one.
It's 11.
You see him do a flip and kind of trip a little bit, but he manages to catch himself last second, but not as graceful as he usually does it.
You forgot to stretch this morning, didn't you?
Stretch?
What?
Exactly.
I told you you shouldn't have done it.
I did it, though.
Yeah, well, I mean, congratulations.
It's kind of a story running here.
Having us flip for your entertainment.
Where's your boss, man?
Can you just bring her around here?
Say F words at people.
Did you hear that?
I need to talk to your boss about this.
Yeah, he's like, oh, he just goes in and you see this tall, blonde, elven woman cut.
That's right.
I forgot about that.
I straighten out my back.
Hey, man, your employee was really racist towards my friend and we just need help with our armor situation.
Hello.
He wasn't being racist.
He did say the F word.
Yeah, I'll give him the pass.
It's fine.
Anyway, he wants this pile of meat and fur turned into something nice.
What are we able to do with it and in the time span of what?
What's your time span?
Today.
I'm willing to pay the rush job.
It's strong.
It's resistant.
I can also pitch in some gold as well.
Yeah, but I need it today.
Let me see what I could do.
I've never seen what kind of animals this is.
Like a wolf thingy.
You like more than one?
Well, it's like three wolves in one at one time.
There's a bad lady in the forest.
If you put three wolves and like smush them together and made a super wolf that wasn't a werewolf.
A Camarron?
Yeah.
Like a triple wolf.
The triple.
The dreaded triple wolf.
It's like it melted like the three of them.
I haven't seen such barbaric atrocities since the war.
Do you use your action of wholeness of mind?
Stillness of mind, baby.
What a monk feature to do.
How many of those do you get per day?
I can just use an action to end an effect.
That's awesome.
Harun, war.
You can only do it every six seconds, alright?
Oh, five.
Roll me.
That was six seconds.
Go ahead and roll it.
Oh, 11.
You see him start freaking out.
And you see him start spazzing out.
And then the Shaul keeps looking at him.
And you see kind of like, the Horus and the Father.
Does he start to freak out?
The six seconds finally end and he's like.
He just starts freaking out and then he just.
Do you see how upset your employee made us?
He looks defective.
You should see if the Tinker.
Hey, you don't use that fucking word towards him, alright?
Whoa, whoa.
This place.
We were just trying to establish what's going on here, man.
You said I'm defective?
I thought this was a holy place and we've had nothing but discrimination.
I'm going to put my arms around Harun and say.
Listen, I think that we'll be taking our friend here outside.
Because that was fucked up.
And I'm going to take Harun outside.
I was just saying that.
You don't need to say it again.
And we go outside.
Looks at Frank and says.
There's, I don't know.
There's people in town.
I'll be able to try to repair him.
It's going to be fine.
The only way to make this up is to get this rush drop going and then like, you know, what
are you doing for lunch?
Oh no.
Damn it.
Isn't that the same woman?
No, it's a different woman.
Oh, okay.
Please, say one twice.
She just looks.
I'm sorry for misunderstanding.
I think your friends aren't the most intellectual people.
I know.
Bunch of dumbasses.
But yeah, we have.
I'm outside.
I don't hear that.
I haven't seen a war fight.
I'm going to go.
I haven't seen a war for it since it's been, it's been a long time, but there's a, we have
a mechanic here in town who fixes all of our equipment, who might, who might like to do
some upgrades on it.
Upgrades it?
We'll have to maybe look into that.
He is rather eccentric.
What's his name?
Roderick.
Where's he at?
Um, he's close to the center of town.
There's a little workshop called Roderick's.
Okay.
Is it right next to the market?
Close by.
Okay.
We gotta go there too.
Where's the market?
Um, towards center town.
Oh, okay.
What kind of food establishments are down there?
Um, there are a bunch of like, you know, meats.
Guys, guys, guys, I got this.
There are stalls.
Anything you like?
Um, I see.
Well, my sister and I, uh, she's the one that runs the shops next door.
Excellent.
I got to know her last night.
She's great.
Oh, were you the fella she went dancing with?
Yeah.
You wanna go dancing a little bit?
I heard you were an excellent dancer.
I mean, I don't like to brag, but.
She said it was like you were floating in the air.
It was amazing.
Wow.
You do what you do.
Yeah, anyway, sorry, I don't mean to take away from everybody here.
Yes.
So how much were this going to cost us?
Um, to incorporate and cure it, um, I would say since you're being rushed, 2000 gold.
Okay.
No haggling.
Yes.
Hold on.
What about, what about, what if we did 1500 and you're going to get the best time of
your life tonight with Frank?
Yeah, bring your sister.
It'll be fun.
Oh my.
Give him a roll.
Roll the persuasion roll, Frankie.
Thank God you said Frankie.
Um, I'd like to use my inspiration just in case.
I'll go with the first one then.
So that's going to be a 23.
Yeah.
That was a just in case.
Right.
I just want to see if I'm at 25.
She says, uh, you know what?
Uh, I'm going to go with a 20.
I'm going to go with a 20.
She says, uh, you know what, uh, for the misunderstanding, I think we can make that work.
And then what time shall we dance tonight?
Uh, I'll get the things done.
Yeah.
Well, when we swing by to pick everything up, I'll grab you and your sister and we'll
take off and, uh, hang out.
All right, perfect.
Just give us a, give me about half a day to do this because I haven't worked this time
material, so I'll try to incorporate it.
But.
I'll do it.
Cool.
I mean, I'm walking around shirtless the rest of the time.
And as soon as we're outside the shop, I want to look at Nick's and be like, how many album
album have you been with?
I'm going to just walk into the center of town.
Not a word said.
I'm ignoring Haru and I'm just going straight down the road.
What did you do Frankie?
What did I do?
What did you do?
I got a little plans for this evening once, you know, you're doing it again.
Or you know, I just pat you on the shoulder.
Anything make sure that he doesn't get any.
Oh no, this was completely unrelated to Nick's except by happy circumstance.
Nothing is a coincidence.
My friend.
Where are we to next?
Also, what, what do I owe them?
How can I contribute to whatever the fuck it is that we're making for him?
I have no idea how much it costs.
I'm a, I'm a good friend of Nick's.
I'll put a thousand in.
You put a thousand in?
Yeah.
Y'all Horace, if you want to put 200 in, or sorry.
Y'all Horace, if you want to put 200 in, I'll put 300 in.
I can do 200.
That's fine.
We're good friends.
Now you owe, now they, now they owe you a thing.
Oh, out of character.
Also, don't forget that most of you have a potion of healing if you did not put it in
your inventory.
I believe it's a greater, except for Frankie, which is a regular one only because he was
the newest.
Wait, when was this?
Was this recently?
No, I gave it to you a while ago, but I don't think any of you have used it.
I've been listening out.
No, no, I still have it.
Can you tell me the filter?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, no, I still have mine as well.
Yeah, same.
Okay.
So I want to make sure if we're ever down on our luck, y'all, y'all got a little something
something.
I don't think we've ever been that close yet because of my superior healing skills.
Good game.
That is true.
The H game.
I did just popped out dents.
That's true.
That was actually a sick ass way to incorporate that into your traits.
That was hilarious.
That was a true disaster.
Right, but I fucking loved it.
Harun, the one part I did catch, because the lady was talking to me, was that there is
a person in the center of town who she referred to as mechanic, and I was going to say, you're
not broken, but then she's talking about upgrades.
Upgrades?
Yeah.
See where I'm going with this?
Actually you know what, instead of rubbing his chin, I think he'd rub like kind of where
his nose would be and just think that that's what you're doing for thinking.
I was going to say, Harun, four inches down, you nailed it.
Yup.
Rubs his whole face.
Keep doing it that way, that's the best way.
Right, right.
It's like he's a real breathing boy.
Okay, so we are going where now?
We're going to the center of city, and while we're making our way downtown, can I do a
perception check?
Yeah, go ahead and do a perception check.
Guidance.
Wanna do perception?
Yeah, go ahead.
I just wanna do it.
Alright.
I'm gonna do a three.
15.
I'm assuming you're writing a 22.
Yeah.
A number, hold on a second.
I got a 16.
Seven.
Yeah.
I cast seven.
I did.
You're a little distracted, trying not to look at Nick's holding his painting.
He pulled it back out here, just like, god damn it.
Cause I don't even need to look, he's walking for me, so I'm just, man, arms stretched out
fully, just wow.
So is your 27, I'm chilling, is your 27 you looking at the painting?
Yes.
Or is your 23 just looking at the painting half asleep?
I'd be like, oh, I can see it.
Yeah.
I'm also still writing down a little bit of the geography of where we're going and moving
about the city.
Always like Haroon.
Always do mapping.
Cause I also listened and I mentioned it before, so I didn't wanna think that it was like,
oh, you just the ones, no, I'm still doing it.
Yeah, he's map questing it.
I'm the little car with the camera.
That was good.
Map quest.
Do we see anybody following us at all though?
No, I mean, there's people just mailing about and I mean, guards are watching you guys obviously
cause you guys are a strange bunch of visitors.
Right.
No, I'm just mysterious figures.
Nope.
Alright.
But yeah, there's, you guys do see the shop and then you see like a bunch of other stalls,
so there's a shop for Roderick's near there.
Then you see all the stalls and vendors.
Do we want to do the vendors first or do we want to do the mechanic first?
What are we thinking?
I mean mechanics cause if they might need to keep them for a while while we wait on hand,
we can go shop.
Keep me?
Well, size wise, you know, like, you know how when you're buying clothes, they gotta
get your measurements and you know, try things on you to see what fits.
Right.
They may need to keep you a little bit while we go shopping.
Does that sound cool, Haroon?
Maybe in case.
Or, you know, it's like when you go to a local cleric to get patched up, a similar idea.
They just need to work on you for a little bit of time.
I wonder if we can install a hat on you.
A permanent hat?
How would I wear other hats?
That's dumb.
Yeah, that's very valid.
What if we got a magical item that allowed him to change into whatever hat he wanted
to?
He becomes a hat?
It's like a headband type thing, but it's a magical, like, minor illusion that you can
change into something or whatever.
That'd be fucking sick.
I feel like I would deprive him of the joy of collecting more hats.
Oh, I would still collect hats, but then the one hat, I could make it look like other hats.
Yeah, the one hat you never had.
Hats off to you for that idea.
I'm going to go to the mechanic.
Okay, I pushed somebody in there before me.
Who are you pushing in there?
Lasagna.
Oh, I guess it's me.
I'm like hiding behind, because Nix is on my head.
Hello, shopkeep.
I wave from her own side.
You see this big hulking figure and she says, hello!
Is it Roderick?
Yes.
I heard you're a mechanic.
I fix things.
You fix things?
Well, I'm going to slide to the left a little bit.
And I'm going to slide with you?
This is kind of shy.
I'm going to do that and realize he's not there, and then I'm going to turn around and be like,
oh, he's still behind me.
And then he's still like, I have somebody here.
And I'm going to go back and forth.
Then I'll finally go in front.
DM, when you say a hulking figure, what race is he?
I was just about to ask that.
I forgot, too.
He has gray skin.
Is he a goliath?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, OK.
I was thinking when you said, see, I was thinking like, oh, my.
Yeah.
I immediately puff up my chest a little bit.
Because he's how tall?
He's over seven feet.
Over seven feet.
I mean, that don't mean shit.
It's a big shot.
I don't give a fuck.
He ain't that, like, he just got you big.
Excuse me.
I'm going to say to him in giant, hello!
He just shrugged.
Oh, you just that's that gasp is lasagna.
As soon as you say that, you communicate with him like that.
You see, you see, I just get happy.
And you just hear like just what sounds like grunting to you when they're just talking.
He's like, hello, friend.
Hello.
Our our war for you here needs some upgrades.
We wanted to see what you were able to do for us.
What?
Where would you get a war for us?
Oh, we served with him during the war.
But when you're speaking in common, please do not say the word war around him because he has a severe post-traumatic stress.
And that's his trigger word.
Not to interrupt this conversation.
But what is the word for war in giant?
Whoa.
He's your ah!
That specific.
Ah!
Yeah.
Oh yeah, that's war?
It's A-W-R.
It just sounds like he's just shouting and grunting.
And then you see him turn and he's like, uh.
Hello.
Huh.
The people are talking.
I'm not broken.
What's your name?
Karun Wen.
You see him grab like a go through like a bunch of papers he's scrolling through and then you see him trying to find some information.
He says.
I'll be I'll be back.
Can we show you something on him real quick before you walk away?
Yeah.
And I turn him around.
I turn.
Can I roll an insight real quick?
I turn around and show like the insignia on his back.
Wait, did you say it was like on the back of his neck?
Yeah.
Like kind of like the back plate.
I don't turn around.
Yeah, I want to get this insight in.
Yeah, go ahead and insight.
Okay.
I'd also like to insight this particular.
Natural 20 for 23.
Holy moly.
Is he sus now looking at me?
No, he's very like intrigued.
Like he just like like he hit the jackpot.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Like he's just like stunned.
Because he seemed like he knew so I wasn't sure if it was like, oh, I know and there's bad things gonna happen.
He just he says he looks at the back of your neck and says, I need to get my friend.
What friend?
Is he nice?
Is he a nice friend?
She she needs to see this.
Is she a pretty elving woman?
Well, yes.
Just bring her up, man.
Hurry up.
Bring her all up.
Bring him out.
You see, but then he kind of you see him go is like he goes to like the shop doors and he closes up and he locks him and says, closing shop for now.
I'm like, no, we need answers.
Hold up.
No, it's okay.
He's cool.
I agree with this.
My boss can explain.
Okay.
I'm immediately on edge.
Yeah.
You see him like stands by the door.
Yeah.
I'm off him. I'm off of her and I'm now in front of the door.
You see him like he comes back and like from behind him is a small blonde figure.
Harun.
You see her and it triggers something in you.
Oh, is it the lady?
Our boys about to become a man.
She looks just somebody to cast ceremony.
You see Harun run towards her.
She hugs you.
I'm glad you're still alive.
You see her and start leaking oil.
If I see her, yes.
Okay.
If her roots this hype to see an elbow woman, I'm assuming he's really cool with her.
So I'm going to run up like, Hey, I'm his best friend.
I've been taking care of help take care of him this whole time.
What's your name?
You're so full.
Lady.
Let us go.
It's going to be like, Harun's having a moment.
I don't think that was in any language.
That wasn't in common, right?
Maybe it's good.
Out of character lady, a Lydren.
Does he need a, a reset?
A hardware reset?
It's just going to hold two points.
Wait, do you mean to say Lydren?
This is out of character.
No, it's just the last name.
That's all similar.
No, the first.
Yeah.
It's a Lydren.
Of house.
She, she just says, sorry for that.
That's a, I'm in, I'm assuming you're good people if you're keeping him safe.
Yeah.
I mean, I've been with him.
Me and him hang out every day all day.
You know, he thinks I'm great people.
He makes them carry him 24 seven.
But because we choose that, because that's how close we are.
Earlier, I brought him food and he told me to get out.
Look at the painting, look at the painting Haru drew this morning.
Oh yeah, I definitely saw that.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He's more like a barnacle on him if I'm being honest.
I feel like he, like, Nick's probably set it down somewhere.
So I'm trying to go grab it.
Are you like trying to avoid me to stop from picking it up?
I'm like trying to block her vision and like trying to turn her around.
So I didn't understand a click of what he was just trying to say. How do you two know each other?
My father built him.
That's what I was just about to ask. He told us some things about you guys.
And you see the Gawaii lady, are they okay? They're fine.
Immediately after he says, yeah, he told us some things about you guys.
And I walk in and say, and you're even more beautiful than he described.
Nice. I'm going to say in Elvish.
Hey Haru, let me educate you on how brothers react to people hitting on their sisters.
He's hitting on her?
He's hitting on her.
Yes, I'm also going to say in Elvish to the lady. Don't say the word war around him, by the way.
We could be brothers.
What did they do to him?
Did you know that? That wasn't always a thing?
No.
Yeah, we can't say that word for some reason.
Did you say it?
No.
We're talking in Elvish.
As long as it doesn't happen twice in six seconds, it's okay.
He seems to be very fixed about it recently. It was only about today. We were only able to say war around him.
I've been getting stronger, but I still don't remember much. But I remember you. You were so nice to me.
I wish my father hadn't sent you out there.
Out where?
You don't remember?
No, I don't remember anything. I remember you and his name, but I don't remember much past that.
You were assigned to make maps, carry supplies during the wartime.
I do have maps.
But you were also on the front lines with your friends. You might have taken some damage while you were out there.
Oh, he got his shit kicked in for the most part when he was up with us. He was good for logistics, but outside of that, he took a lot of hits.
That being said, he also murdered a lot of people.
They were bad people.
Oh yeah, of course. Like, there's no question in that. We saved 19 people, didn't we?
We saved a lot.
I have saved his life just as much as he has saved mine. He is a very vital ally.
I never saved anybody's life in the war.
That's right.
Some of us had very different perspectives on the war, Frankie.
Frankie was off doing stuff.
I was doing stuff. I just generally don't think I was doing it with friends.
Yeah, you guys don't know what Frankie did there. He's a little secretive.
Hey, do you know why I can't... and then I just start speaking in Bissell and go...
Shit, I went, what the fuck is that?
Shit, it's auto-cracked.
Stop that!
He's speaking French.
There's a lot of things my father did that he hid from me.
Wait, brighter note, someone was talking about upgrades. What are we talking about for Harun?
Can you put a nice hand on him so he stabs people when he hits them?
How do we feel about springs and legs? Extra height.
He can jump really high?
What?
And then she goes, Harun, why do you sound like that?
What do you mean? Am I supposed to sound different?
He's always sounded like that.
No, he is occasionally. I don't know if any of you have experienced it, but he sounded different.
What do you mean?
How do you sound when you send in?
It sounds different, yeah.
Oh, okay. Then I know.
He goes full James Bond Jones on you.
Oh no, sending is spoken into the rock, isn't it?
Oh, is it?
I have the message thingy and you can talk back to me on that.
I believe you can do telepathically with this.
Oh, then yeah, Nax would have heard the other voice.
You can do it either way.
Yeah, but I think you would have done it by speaking into it because I think that's what you would have probably thought.
Yeah, I probably would have just talked into it.
The only people that have heard his voice in the head is Frankie and Seafra.
Yeah, so yeah, she says, I could take a look at you and see what they did.
What do you mean?
And then Connor just says, you don't look the same as when you were first created.
I have nice elven clothes now.
And I like, swear my elven clothes.
Show your hats. Show your hats.
Oh yeah, I got a whole bunch of hats.
I start breaking them all out and then I also reach over to Nix and rumble around his pack and pull back my blue hat that I gave him to borrow.
And I put that one on and I show her all my hats and then I'm putting it in her hands and they'll drop them to the floor.
You like hats, that's great.
There are a lot of them and I earned them.
He's really grown beyond, I think, where he started.
I start putting them back.
We can do this whole family reunion some other time.
We do need to figure out how we're going to beef up our boy here.
Yes.
I could see if I could fix his memory and his voice and then I'll see what I have run the shop and see if I could fix some of the other injuries on him and patch him up.
Do you know anything about the emerald claw?
He just says, what have you got yourself into, Rune?
Yeah, I don't know, they sound like bad guys and they're doing weird things.
We're pretty deep, if we might say so ourselves.
Why do you think I'm hiding here?
Oof.
Oh, no.
Do you know anything about any powerful families?
Like Orion?
Like the Orion family?
Yes, they have a lot of money.
Do you know anything else about them?
And I start winking like bad things?
Um, what are you trying to imply?
This is China's best thing to imply.
I like whisper in her ear and I say, um, wait, which one?
Oh, yeah.
The Orion Baldwin, he has a ring that we think is using to control him. Someone else put it on him. It's the emerald.
The lightning rail.
She just says, I have to, I have friends I have to make aware of this.
Yeah, we think maybe more than one of them are being controlled.
I can't explain why they're moving so quickly.
Moving to do what?
And who are they?
This is such a wonderful story.
Well, yes, but we need specifics. I think that there are specifics in this.
Yeah. She says, sorry, I just, Haruna, as you people, we can trust.
These guys?
Yes.
We literally served with him.
I look right at Frankie.
Your suspicions about him are fair, although maybe racist. That being said, I can vouch for him as a bit of a fey myself.
That guy sucks ass, you can trust me. Don't listen to that guy. He sucks a little bit less ass.
Fuck your entire self, Mix.
I've only ever helped Haruna.
Is that true, Haruna?
He's a deeply faked.
From Haruna's perspective, have I ever actually messed with Haruna?
Technically, yeah, he's helping.
He doesn't like the suggestion thing, but honestly, it has helped. So yeah, you're right.
I've only done it to calm you down from your war stuff.
Yeah, you can trust him.
We are very much all on the same team.
We would like to visit Death Upon Your Enemies.
She just says, well, I have Roderick here to protect me. He's been with me as a guardian for a while.
Usually I hide in the back and he takes in customers, but he told me that Haruna was here and I'm surprised he's still alive.
So he also had something to do with the making of Harun?
No, he's just been protecting me.
That was my father, right?
That's fine.
Here's a question for you. Is Harun the only one, Filx? Or are there siblings of Harun running around the world?
There's a few other of his kind that were made, but...
I was the last one.
You were one of the last ones made because he was made after they were outlawed and that's when my father was taken.
Do you know a Korob?
No.
He's there being hunted by the Klawe.
The Klawe was the one that was trying to get my father because they wanted him to be able to war for it.
Oh, oh, oh no.
That's worse than I anticipated.
But he was killed.
He was killed? Wait, what? When?
During the war.
What? What? No. What? What?
You see, Haruna just starts like...
Yeah, he's freaking out a little bit. He's not running anywhere, but he's just...
You see, Haruna just grabs him and he starts calming down.
What did he say again in Elvish? Like I said, don't say that fucking word around him.
No, I was freaking out because I found out he's dead. I did not know that.
Yeah, Yo Horus doesn't care. He still thinks.
True.
He doesn't care the fact that you can hear it once every six seconds. He's still under the impression.
Yeah, that is true.
And then she just says, uh, please give me some time and I can try to fix some of him.
Yeah, great. Alright, cool. Just don't say the word around him. That's all I have to say.
Also, some members of the Orion family got bitten by vampires. And there was a whole bunch of them for a minute.
Yes, we were under the impression that they were using Undead in order to try and spread their control.
Potentially there might be another Lich that we need to take care of.
But to hear the fact that they wanted to create more of Harun's kind. What the fuck?
Some people saw them as monstrosities. I just saw them as... they're just... they're creations. They're beautiful.
I'm beautiful.
We should paint you up. Get you a new paint job.
Yeah, can you make him like bright red?
Why would I want to? With myself?
Do you need him to stay here for the upgrades or can he tag along to the market with us?
No, I would need to be here with my equipment in order to work on him.
Fair enough. Fair enough.
That's okay.
Just so we know, how much is it going to cost us? Obviously I know you love him.
She says it's just... I want to help you as well.
Whatever you want to donate.
I'll donate whatever I can. I'll stay here and hang out with you guys. You guys go to the market. I'll be here with Harun as his best friend.
I think you're going to crack right here.
If you're willing to donate, he goes, oh good, it's free.
Well, let's see what you can do. If the upgrades are cool, I will definitely donate to the cause.
I'm willing to give some gold. I have nothing else that I think you would want.
While we are away and while you are fixing him up, please tell him all of the information that you know about the Emerald Claw.
Because we need to know literally everything that you know. Spare no detail.
She's going to tell you, if you're also fighting them, you've got to be ready to risk your life because they want to go and start the morning.
They want to spread it all over the world.
We had a feeling. And also, there is no beast that we cannot fell. That thing there on the counter, we all killed that.
That was a different person.
That thing on the counter at the Dwarf's Trap, we killed that shit.
Well yeah, we didn't bring it out again. We left it with other people.
I realize that I'm pointing down at nothing on the counter. Sorry, it's been a bit of a time.
I visited the dwarves last night and they got some rockin' shit, let me tell you.
Yeah, Rodrik likes their homemade, I think it's disgusting, but it's more for him.
Of course, only the finest things for a beauty like you.
Shut the fuck up, Nix.
You can go to the fucking market.
Nix is a fan of them dwarves, let me tell you this. This morning?
You can go to the fucking market.
My point being is that there is no beast that we cannot fell. We've killed before, we continue to do it, and we're damn good at doing it.
Please keep Varun safe.
I will.
Always.
You said his name is what? Rod? Roger?
Rodrik.
Rodrik. Is he still there?
Yeah, he's like a lion and he's kind of just...
I'm gonna like look up at him and be like, do you have a glass?
Do you have what?
A glass.
A glass for what?
For you.
And then I pull out the bottle of the Dwarven Hooch.
Oh, and you see him go and he brings some copper mugs out.
He gets all giddy.
Yeeeeeee!
And I pour him a big old mug full.
I would, if he brings multiple out.
I pour Nyx a cup.
And then I put the bottle away.
I would also get a little best friend jealous if you talked to a seven foot man.
Hey, hold up, man. What's up here, guys?
What's up, dog? You trying to talk to my friend?
Yeah, what's up, bro?
At this time though, Yohoros definitely would be going to the market.
I'm gonna say, do you want any?
Same.
No, thank you, everyone.
Can't have to work on you.
So we go to the market.
Yep.
Alright, so Nyx staying behind.
Oh yeah, I'm definitely staying behind.
You gotta come up with, while we're at the market, come up with little mechanic one-liners
that sit in there, you know.
I would try to see the crickets, cause I'm low-key awesome.
I'm trying to keep them more respectful than I normally would.
Cause it's Harun's like sister.
But I'm also gonna get Harun, convince Harun to help me out, cause we could be brothers.
And then that would be awesome.
I'mma fuck your mother.
I'm gonna lean into Nyx on our way out, cause I'm gonna head out.
I'm gonna say, hey, hit her with the, you like to fix things?
And then you say my whole life is a problem, okay?
Is that bardic inspiration?
Yeah.
I could give you a little bardic for that.
Hell yeah.
What's a bardic?
Did that go up?
No, it's still a D8.
D8's still pretty good.
That's still pretty good.
Next level goes up, right?
Soon, yeah.
I don't remember what level it goes up, but...
Oh, it goes up at level 10.
So, at the market, cause I believe we're running out of meat for the dinosaurs.
So I specifically wanna, I mean, we could go to a place, but I just kinda wanna make it seem a little bit easier.
I would like to buy baking supplies, seasonings, and meat for the trip.
Can you just kinda say how much that'll be?
Yeah, we'll just say that everything costs like 50 gold.
50 gold, cause obviously we plan on going to the desert and we don't know when we're coming back.
And how long do you think that'll be?
That's kinda how much I wanna try to buy for.
We'll say you spend about 50 gold, and then...
If I see him doing that, I would also like to pitch in for...
Are you buying for yourself or are you trying to buy for the whole group?
Oh, I'm trying to buy for the whole group.
Oh, the whole group? Okay, that'll probably be like, we'll say like 200 gold for the whole group.
That way you can get enough supplies.
If I help that out, could we cut it in half so he pays 100 and I pay 100?
Yeah, that works.
Alright.
So you guys go around and...
Oh, while you're there, Horace notices some oddly colored red powders that you haven't seen before.
I bet it's sumac.
And then you just talk to the shopkeeper, it's an elf, and then he's like,
Oh, these only grow in certain climates. They're these sorts of peppers.
How well does this keep...
Well, we dry and store it, and then we hand you a jar of like...
Go ahead and smell and taste.
I take a whiff. What does it smell like?
It has like a spice to it. It has like a...
I like this. I'll take a vial. How much?
That one will be one gold.
These are only found in this area.
You got yourself a deal. I'll take two.
Alright.
Doesn't have earthy spice to it.
Is it paprika?
No.
Yep!
Shit, the powder.
It's even better, honestly.
Is it actually chili powder?
Yeah, it's like a spicy powder.
Fuck yeah.
I would just say, has any D&D campaign had any better food?
Right.
And I also just want to make sure that,
you know, obviously with that 200 gold that I'm buying meat basically for the dinosaurs till we get to the next city type thing.
Yeah.
Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Got Harun's baking supplies.
Are they actual baking supplies?
I mean, different than the ones we were in?
Yes, not those ones.
Harun learned how to bake with Robbie.
He is your pen pal, so if you wanted to ask, or if someone needed help with a recipe,
and wanted a world-renowned chef that travels to help him out, you know, maybe it would be a good vision for someone.
We would have to figure out how to send him a message, though he's on a moving train all the time.
Can you give those magic papers?
Oh, did he?
I think so.
I think you're not supposed to tell you that.
You got magic papers.
I got magic papers that I can write to Robbie specifically.
That's actually pretty cool. I like that.
Kind of like a harper sound.
I'm going to call magic papers to Robbie.
Got to save at least one to function as an SOS.
Right, yes.
So you found your thing. You got some food and supplies.
The Spiles.
The Spice.
We're the Spice Boys.
I love that.
Is there any of the things we're looking for for the two of you?
No, I think that was about it. I just wanted to make sure we had supplies for the trip.
Yeah, so you guys are shopping. It takes you guys about two to three hours to get everything.
Did Frankie need to get anything? Anything for his spells?
I did have that thought. Would I be able to get some sort of something?
A component?
Not a component, like a magical instrument or something.
I think I have pockets on me and that's about it.
That was super easy.
You can try some fun magic shop.
Yeah.
I'll say after you guys are done shopping and Frank's floating around and getting bored.
Have you guys done?
It's been almost 12 hours since I had any action.
Take that however you want to take it.
Got it. Got it, Frankie.
Frank, run for safety check and see if you find anything.
Got it.
I love guidance. Thank you.
Not very helpful, but thank you anyway.
914.
You'll find a place with a weird name called Bart's Trading Shop.
Bart?
Bart.
Yes.
Hey, I know that guy.
He's going to say ding ding ding.
Hello.
You see this little short, it looks like a human looking or an elf.
He's really short, but doesn't look quite dwarvish.
A little taller than an elf.
You say he's what?
He's not as tall.
No, race, sorry.
Race.
Race?
Yeah.
He looks like he could be a human or an elf.
It's hard for you to place.
Oh, okay.
He's just an old man kind of hunched over.
Yeah.
Frankie doesn't play about race, so he's not going to comment on it.
He's kind of hunched over and says, what can I do for you, fellas?
I was wondering if you had any kind of magical instruments, doodads, something that a bard of my power might enjoy.
Let me dig through my stuff and see what I got.
It's whatever the travelers bring in.
Okay.
I have fun ideas.
For a bard?
Oh yeah, don't worry about it.
I'm just wondering if it's an official thing. I know what the range of bard-specific options are because there aren't many.
Yeah, there aren't many.
Not that it has to be bard-specific.
Let's see.
What's a fun homebrew like?
Hit this button and mix yo' soft.
Anytime you're just mad at the world and I'm not even involved in the situation, you're like, fuck it, man.
This will bring me joy.
I think it's a button that just gives you a little bit and then takes it away real fast.
So I think late at night, if I'm just mad at things or just bored or sitting here fidgeting with it, just like...
When this happens!
He's just getting angry in the other room, you can hear it.
Popping rage while I'm trying to pop something else.
Why? Why?
He's not looking around just...
To be honest, that would make my day.
He's like, I don't know if this is something you'd be interested in, but he pulls out this weird looking sack instrument.
He's like, weird fella traded me this. Bagpipes?
It's about a bagpipe, that's what I was just about to ask.
I like bagpipes.
I don't know if my friends will.
That's how he's going to wake us up every fucking morning. It's with bagpipes.
Guess who's awake?
Do they do anything cool?
They just bagpipe.
Show us how it works, can you show us how it works?
I can't really play that well, but I'll try.
Yeah, please, I want to hear it.
I'm going to roll the form control, see how this works.
Ooh, that's bad.
I rolled natural one.
He starts blowing and it's super loud and squeaky, just like ahhh!
It's hurting all of your ears.
At this point, I wasn't next to them, but when I hear what sounds like a dying animal, I go to investigate.
You walk into the shop and you're like, bow drawing, and you see him playing this thing.
As soon as I see that my friends are in here, I'm like, oh, well that makes sense.
Do I recognize this instrument by chance?
Go ahead and roll me a history check, see if you would...
I feel like Frankie knows exactly what it is.
I know my instruments.
You know it, you're just like, this is strange. Bagpipes, I know how to blow.
I feel like Frankie would be the guy who's like, I've played a timer too.
He's like shredding on bad things.
I got a four.
You're just like, what the fuck, it's an instrument probably.
Walking up, what the fuck is this?
Negotiations.
What did you call me?
Negotiations.
I'm going to wave at him to stop playing anything.
Besides the music, does it do anything else?
I guess there's a magic to it.
I unfortunately am not a bard, but...
Uh-huh, would you mind if I just take it real quick?
Just to check it out?
Frankie, you don't intend on buying this, do you?
No, of course not.
Does Frankie ever buy anything?
Although, sorry, does Frankie ever plan on buying anything?
He doesn't plan on it.
So I'd like to, when he passes it over while setting the tuning or doing my thing, I'm going to do a little ritual identify too.
I was going to help you guide it, but I was like, I don't think you need that.
I'm going to homebrew this because I was looking at magic bagpipes.
Hey Will, look to your right down below.
Oh, nope, there it is.
I'll send that to you.
Look, I'm sniffing at the edge of the chair and kind of peeking up and looking at you.
Azula, she never comes out.
What's in the video?
It's a homebrew bard thing.
I was looking at it, Matt, I feel like everyone else who's been getting homebrew stuff, I feel like you deserve one.
No, I'm down for whatever.
The bagpipes will give you an ability to distract people.
One that I don't naturally have.
Another way.
Charm without a spell slot.
No, not charm, but more so just make it cringe.
We'll say, we'll make them do like a con save or something.
Keep it from getting woozy or something from it.
Or what if they're frightened and they're just like, give me the fuck away from that noise.
We'll say they're frightened.
Actually, let's say they're frightened.
That's incredible.
I just want to point out that I'm sure I'll mess it up sometimes, but I don't feel like Frankie playing the pipes will actually sound all that not like it's supposed to sound.
Well, but if you're trying to use it intimidatingly.
I do, I feel like he's still good.
Not by being bad at what I've been doing.
That's true, that's true.
Let's see, unless we want to think we can hypnotize them or let's see.
Charm.
Actually, let's see.
Go ahead, Ben, roll me D12.
What about a rallying boost to your fellow Alliance?
Yeah.
So, if they fail, they'll be prone.
Nice.
Well, just prone until their turn starts and they get ready to go for it.
Actually, let's see.
No, they'll be restrained.
If they fail, they'll be restrained.
Oh yeah.
That's a good one.
I may lay what guys here will like the restrained condition.
It's advantage on attack calls.
Nice.
I don't think it's going to help with our range.
And then I guess my only other question about it would be is it a...
We'll say it's like a once per day thing or something.
Once per day, sure.
An AOE or a target?
We'll say AOE.
Okay.
Because I feel like with sound it'll travel, so.
You got to figure it out during combat.
I'll pick up an area I can...
Let's see, let's come up with an area effect.
We'll hash it out later, Ben.
We'll figure it out.
How much is it?
He'll say, do you want to trade for it?
I don't know if I have much to trade besides gold or cash.
If you got money, that works too.
What's money?
Money, currency, gold.
Oh yeah, so it's gold.
Money, I've never heard of money.
Currency I've heard of.
You one of those what-els that don't come out much?
I think he's calling you country.
I mean, actually to be fair we lived outside, so I feel like we were outside all the time.
That makes sense.
Because this guy looks...
We can't pan exactly what he is.
I need a real perception to see if I can tell.
Okay, investigation.
Investigation.
Oh boy.
Alright.
20.
That is going to be a 7.
You can tell that probably not his natural form.
Oh.
That it's not his natural form?
Like he's doing a minor illusion?
Yeah, I don't think it's a different thing.
Can we imagine it could be a trade of theirs?
So how much for the item?
You got 3,000?
Immediately eyes wide looking at Frankie.
Would you take 25? 100?
Are you going to trade something with it?
What do you want?
What do you got?
I got some alcohol.
Some really good alcohol.
How good is that good alcohol?
It's pretty good if I might add myself.
That's pretty good.
Y'all Horace actually has some too.
No I don't.
Probably finished.
In character I'm shaking my head again.
Never mind, he has a handsome.
I'm going to pull out one bottle.
The finest of Brandy's.
Just one bottle?
Yeah, I'm still offering to pay you.
But I mean, I don't know if this is worth 500 gold.
Sure it is.
Persuasion chain?
Where'd you get this from?
Pharaoh.
Really?
Go ahead and roll me a deception.
Guidance?
Was it not of where he got his stuff from?
That's going to be a 23.
He's like, I guess, it better be good.
That's excellent.
Saw a fork over the 2500 in that.
And you see him grab his teeth, uncork it, and just like, ugh.
Tastes like, ooh.
Lizogna cringes when he sees that with his teeth.
Alright, let's take these bag of pipes.
You boys want anything else?
I don't think I need anything right now.
You want to sell anything?
Nah.
I'll move later.
Actually, so I normally use a bow.
Right?
I sometimes like to dip the tip if you catch my drift.
But I also like to coat my arrows in things that pack a little bit more of a punch.
Do you have anything like that?
Also anything that can be applied to a blade as well.
Looks around and says, uh, you aren't with the, uh, guard, right?
I'm not from here.
Just asking, just asking.
I got some, uh, poison?
What kind?
Exhaled to llama.
I'm vaguely familiar with certain things here and there.
I can't say all of it though.
It'll, uh, so it'll poison him and, uh, it'll give him the poison effect.
Oh, okay, okay.
So when someone's poisoned they get to stand on attack rolls and ability checks.
Oh, we love that.
Well, I'd be interested in buying a vial of poison.
Um, how much would you be willing to part with, uh, two or four?
A hundred for both of them, uh, together?
Yes.
How many uses of the vial?
Uh, they got five uses each.
You have yourself a deal.
And I, uh, give him the hundred gold.
He says, you didn't get it for me.
He just hands it to you.
I didn't get anything at all, I say as I stow it in my pack.
Yep.
I think he just sold you a bag of oregano.
Liquid oregano?
Yeah, yeah, and inject a-
Green Kool-Aid?
A vial of green Kool-Aid.
Delicious.
Hot and dope.
Vaguely acidic.
Dude, the Mountain Dew will still do poison damage.
Like, I don't know what you're talking about.
It's a churn, churn.
Any radiation damage?
Yeah, you gotta rot your teeth and get madder.
Oh, jeez.
We're splitting, uh, atoms here with that one.
Who was that?
I couldn't tell ya.
Head back to the mechanic, boys.
Yep.
Alright.
How's their things going over there?
You're walking as Nick's doing pushups.
But is she on my back while I'm doing that?
No.
My roll.
Give him a roll.
He has zero plus in it.
He's, uh, well, I mean, she's working on you, so.
Oh, that's true.
What if he did to natural 20?
Uh, go ahead and run your farmers roll, see how well you can.
Her Instagram upgrades are gonna be messed up,
but I figured I'd help her focus.
True, true.
Uh, 12.
Yeah, you're trying to, but she's just like,
I'm trying to repair a friend here.
No, I get it, I get it.
Yeah.
Just so I just, yeah, you know, if you're bored,
I just wanna hear about your life.
You're just such an interesting person.
Yeah.
So, multitask.
Watch me work on that and talk to me.
Yeah.
Let me see her to talk, you know, hang out.
You know, this is my best friend,
and I'm here for him because I love him.
And I.
Nix is pretty strong.
Harun.
You see, as a, in the middle of him talking,
you see him stop talking as she's working on, like, his, his, his.
Yeah, I got it.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Harun, I would also be lost for words
looking at this and a gesture to, uh, Nix.
Oh, Harun, you, uh, you, you remember some of your war,
some of the time during the war?
Does he have a flashback?
Yeah, you, uh, as she's.
Fortunate son.
No, while you were, uh, while she was repairing.
So, Nix, this is why you guys were shopping that she was doing this.
Nix was on really.
Oh, I see.
Working on his head.
And you saw him kind of like, he was strapped down,
and he would just, he would just randomly start screaming as he was remembering things.
And Nix's like, you see this?
Yeah.
Look, I'm just saying, it's real easy for me to hold him down like this.
Oh, yeah, that's how you're helping her, is holding me down.
Yeah.
He's strapped down, but you're still just like pressing him down.
It's like, yeah.
Oh, you know, this is the guy, the band.
You see that?
Oh, I'm actually shirtless.
Yeah.
But you see, I got him.
Yeah.
You know, I watched me do a push up while I hold him down.
How hard it is to work side adults without actually having like a dumbbell.
I somehow did that shit back in the day.
I feel like you would just use your sword because it's heavy.
Yeah.
You wake up in the morning, you see him just with a sword.
Ah.
I think he would just take two like maces with balls with the spikes and just tape the
handles together.
I did have my flail for a while.
Yeah, but when you started to remember some of the battles you were a part of and some
of the places you had been during the war.
Are the places the things I have maps of or also other places?
Yeah, you're starting to remember those places.
So you're starting to remember why you have these maps.
And you remember all your friends that you saw slaughtered.
You're like, oh, that's why you had those.
That's why you got PTSD.
You saw all the warfords get murdered.
So they kind of.
I feel like Harun's got to have been like crazy brutal during the war, right?
Like he's repping dude's spines out.
Harun.
Yeah.
How does this end any of the action flashbacks go?
Yeah, you remember yourself just like indiscriminately just killing people and just as part of this
regiment before you were hurt and then.
It's in the room and alone.
Yeah.
Before you were hurt, let's transfer to being just a map maker.
You just remember yourself indiscriminately just killing through the front lines.
Yeah.
Shit.
Grunt here rolling such a shot.
That's how effective it is getting to be over here.
You weren't originally meant for a peaceful method.
He wasn't called a peaceful.
Yeah.
He says that out loud.
And you see him start doing, he claps as he does a push up and just.
He's like, oh, he wants this.
Doing the clap push ups.
I can do that.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Watch this.
So I see me in these like killing rampages during the war.
I'll set the light if you need it.
And I am curious, how am I holding up comparatively to like Nix?
Because if we serve the same unit, like to seeing him like full slaughter in the war.
You.
Nix started off, I actually started off with one level of fighter.
Everything with barbarian came from that.
Yeah.
So you and you remember like you finally want to say Nix before you got hurt.
And then you remember Nix, Nix dragging you back.
Oh, shit.
So you don't fly.
I get him dragging.
And he saved your life.
I don't know about that.
I know about that.
And you need to tell your sister.
Yeah.
He's like, I've been fucking saying I wasn't making that shit up, bro.
You have a war flashback of him dragging you as you're as you're missing a leg.
Oh, shit.
I'm like freaking out.
You're freaking out and you see Nix is just holding you down.
Oddly like sympathetic.
I got you.
You see Lasagna come in and heal you up.
I'm just kidding.
You can't heal these wounds.
Oh, yeah.
You saved me.
Yeah.
And then you see him.
Doesn't look the same.
He just kind of like like his wide eyes.
You just you took in a lot of information.
And then.
I'm by affinity.
Modem noises.
You walk in as Harun is kind of his voice is being worked on right now.
He says, hopefully I can make him sound like himself again.
Yeah.
Some of those some of those some of those.
Speaking in gibberish.
And then she you know, after you guys are kind of sitting there watching, Nix is doing pushups like 20 minutes, Nix is still doing pushups.
I can go all day actually.
And you see.
I'm going to the bar that can test that.
Harun try to say something.
Eh.
And then she kind of like knocks you into you and then you.
Hello.
Oh, that does sound different.
Harun.
Oh my God.
Hold on.
Well, that's a 19.
I'm very attracted to that.
He rolled for erection.
Wow.
I didn't realize that my voice actually had changed that much.
Nix, you got.
Why did nobody tell you that?
He got no shot.
That's his sister bro.
I still got a shot.
Nix, you knew me and saved me in the war.
Why didn't you tell me my voice was this fucked?
I'll be honest, bro.
You had your shit.
I had mine.
The CTD.
It wasn't easy getting you out of there.
I got hit in the head a lot.
I forgot Elvin through all this head trauma.
It's Elvish.
See, I can't even say the words right, man.
I got hit in the head a lot.
And I think that Nix was bullshitting and he just thinks.
He's like, you guys all kind of sounded the same.
What were we going to do when I check on Nix?
Steve?
Uh, 16.
Nix is telling the truth.
I was like, yeah, man.
I've been through it a lot.
At one point in time, I thought I was a ranger.
I think that's because we spent so much time together.
That's crazy.
The first two sessions were all just your CTD.
Yeah.
There's some deep lore being said.
Am I still being worked on?
She's kind of looking at your leg.
This is the spare leg they put on you.
Is that why they always look different?
I thought it was a little bit longer than the other one.
Weird.
Did you put a cock on him?
What?
Oh, sorry.
Different thing.
Yeah, sorry.
That's mechanic talk.
No, no.
His second leg, not his third leg.
That's Nix.
No.
I refuse.
Yeah, Harun.
Harun.
He's third leg, right?
No, he's not.
They did call that hip.
They did call him that in the war.
Third leg.
I threw a picture of it earlier, but I don't think you should look at that.
No, it's right here.
Take a look at this.
What picture?
It's this picture right here.
No, he has it.
Nix has it, yeah.
Oh, Nix has it?
Yeah.
I'm going to address the lady and try to wrestle it away from me.
How did you make him suave?
That was the voice my father gave him.
My voice was always like this.
I didn't realize that it had changed all that much.
No, but you're talking like different sentences now.
Yeah, that too.
I don't know what you mean.
Listen, whatever you did, good job.
I repaired some of the damage that they had done to his head.
Oh yeah, they beat the hell out of him.
I saw.
She's busting bits out of him.
What other upgrades did you give him?
I didn't get a chance to do much because there was a lot of damage to him.
He should remember what happened to him.
I did shave his leg down so I weighed him the same size.
You should be walking better now.
I try my faster note.
Does he get an extra five feet of movement speed?
Can I get the full 50?
You get an extra five feet of movement speed.
Yeah!
It's funny that that was the thing that slowed me down and that was already fast.
That's somebody's flying speed, right?
Some people's flying speed is 50.
My air cockra? How do you pronounce it?
Cockra.
Yeah, that one has a 50 foot flying speed.
Now I can run fast.
I don't know how to read my mouth.
She kind of adjusted your legs too so you're kind of walking straighter now.
My lady, I don't know how I can thank you.
Just make sure to keep spreading peace.
Don't tell anyone that you don't trust that I was here because you made pieces.
I go to high five Dix.
Yeah, give him a big high five.
You see him jump up?
He has to jump for that one.
Right on.
I whisper at her room as he's here, you can have her go on a date with me.
I don't know, it's up to you.
We can be brothers.
This feels really predatory.
I lean in the Nix and I say, I'll do it if you don't drink.
Okay.
It'll be a cold day in the Nine Hells.
I walk over to the lady and I whisper in her ear, I was like, if you have any time, would you mind going on a date with my friend here?
He is really strong.
He did save me when I was injured.
He's a little much but he promised not to drink.
I unfortunately don't like to venture out much because life is always in danger.
We could bring something here.
If you want to spend some time in your room before you leave, I'd welcome you in here.
I unfortunately don't like to travel around as much.
I was going to say, I go back over.
Listen, I don't think she wants to leave.
She ain't proud to see me and then she ain't worth it.
I walk out.
I want to head back to the builders.
What a jackass.
The door is locked, actually.
Should have left me on that view.
He says that and the door goes like...
The door is a little too tall for you to reach.
I jump in it.
And then you see Roderick come over and say, I got it for you.
No, motherfucker, I got it.
And I jump and unlock it.
You're watching, roll me acrobatics.
Hey, Roderick, hold the door shut.
Like athletics?
Go ahead and roll me athletics.
You're going to be trying to do both.
Yeah, go ahead and roll me athletics.
18 plus 7, so 25?
Yeah, you're just...
You manage to get a running start and you're like...
If I get on my back and I walk up, see?
Don't need your tall ass and I close the door.
And then he turns his short temper.
Yeah, he has always been of short temper.
Now, did you happen to fix Harun's PTSD?
I did my best.
He should, hopefully...
My PT what?
Your horrors, don't get mad.
What happens?
It doesn't make you have to fight through it,
but you still kind of get the urge of...
It still makes you kind of wince a little bit,
but it doesn't get you to full effect.
Can you please stop?
I can do it.
I think it's a little bit better.
I'm sorry, sir, that I said it,
but I just wanted to test something, that's all.
Well, I'll be damned.
Also, you sounded like a dog when you said that.
A dog?
Almost like I was a war dog.
I'm gonna give you a high five.
Woof, woof, woof, woof.
Borg, borg.
Oh, no.
Oh, god.
That was out of character, by the way.
The virus is just a silly little guy.
Working over here.
That was out of character.
Do we go back to the builders and pick up our stuff,
or all the Nixis stuff?
Yeah.
Do I need to stay here for potentials?
She says, do you think you're good to go now?
I mean, we were talking about upgrades.
Is that still a thing we can try?
I would need more time and supplies.
What kind of supplies?
Baking supplies?
Do you look like a cake?
I can make one.
He's got one.
Oh, can you put an oven in his chest so he can bake stuff in it?
And what use would that have in combat?
He could make us things.
How, y'all horrors?
Think about all the croissants we can have on the road.
No, hold on, hold on.
As promising as that sounds.
I think he's got something here.
With all due respect to everyone in the room,
that will not make him kill better.
You just want him to kill things, y'all horrors?
That's kind of what he was made for.
But that's not who he is anymore, right, Harun?
Was I made for this?
You're conflicted.
I remember you was conflicted.
We can get him a whisk attachment.
How about that?
I'll meet you in the middle.
I was made to kill.
So now you have a conflict in your mind because you did...
What were you made for?
This is actually Nix's true story arc right here.
It's him figuring out what he really is.
Er, Harun, Harun, not Nix.
He's agent double four oh four, error not four.
He likes his martini shake, it looks extremely good.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
He wants a blended martini.
I was made to kill, but she, the lady,
taught me how to enjoy things, how to appreciate life.
Right, like you like hats, right?
Show her your hats.
I did show her my hats.
Oh, okay.
Has Harun's taste in hats matured with this?
No, I still love my tiny little paper hat that I stole from that little fuck.
Oh, and she says, Harun, I also did, and she looks at your throat,
I did add this, and she kind of like clicks a switch,
and then your old voice kicks in.
Hey, whoa, I can do it when I want.
Wait, should we just leave the other voice for private?
I feel like this makes me less menacing.
I think leaving it for only in private the other voice
puts some connotation on our private time, I don't know why.
Wait, wait, what?
Oh, God's above, you're right.
What do you mean? I don't understand what you're saying.
He does not understand.
Harun, you know when you take a woman into a barn?
Like Nyx did?
Yeah.
Am I right?
It has that same sort of meaning.
Like the painting you did.
If you save your voice specifically for when you were in private,
people are going to think that you're going to want to take them into the hay bale
and paint a lovely picture.
Then explain to me why Siafra has so many different voices and looks.
Because she's a massive bitch.
Espionage.
Because she's a massive bitch.
She was also an espionage.
Yes.
Sometimes she got to go undercover.
I hope you understand.
Yeah, but she also goes under the covers while she's doing so,
and frankly, not to be confused with you,
you don't need to be doing that.
You don't like my voice?
I didn't say that I didn't like your voice.
You want this in private?
Horrifying!
I think it's great, Harun.
I think it's actually great for you to pretend to be somebody else whenever you want to.
What I'm saying is that you don't need to save it for a special occasion.
Alright.
I'm like toggling the switch.
It's like a dimmer switch.
You get stuck in between.
Alright, so which one do you want for now?
That one.
Honestly, the new one is impressive, so I think that we should try and stick with it.
Alright, I guess.
I still don't understand.
This is a room just to remember, to cherish life.
I will try.
It was really nice meeting you.
Oh, what supplies do you need for his upgrades?
You didn't mention anything.
Well, it depends on what you want.
What are you thinking, Harun? What would be a good idea for you?
You'd like to use your hands. Maybe we could do something in that direction.
Hmm.
What if you put spikes on the end of your hands?
I like the way you're thinking.
What about a blade?
I could work, but I wouldn't need specific metal for him.
He does need a duct tape and some nails.
Yeah, I mean, spikes sound kind of cool on my fists.
I normally use short sword. The guys at the gate took it, but they didn't get my other weapon.
Yeah, but if it's part of your body, they can't take it.
That is true.
I have a question for Harun. What if we got you a cool little... I've seen this once before.
It's a little hand crossbow. It pops out of your arm and lets you...
Like with my darts?
Yeah, like a wrist breaks down hand crossbow.
So I actually do know above character that there is a mounted arm thingy.
They're all arm blades and stuff too.
Oh, like an arm blade? Like an assassin's creed blade?
Well, I've seen the arm blade and I've seen the hand crossbow, but it's mounted too.
Yeah, they have different attachments.
Sweet.
Can we do... I don't think I need the blade because I already have pretty good blades.
And I got that dagger too.
Plus three dagger.
Yeah.
Do you think we could do mounted crossbow?
Possibly, but...
I would need some time. How much time do you have? When are you leaving?
When are we leaving?
Well, I mean, Frankie's got a date tonight, so it looks like we're staying another night.
Ah, shit. I would tell the builders to not rush job that then.
I'll blow them off if you guys want to rush.
Well, you guys are also supposed to get to the planes at some point.
The Talenta planes with Garob.
Well, but we haven't given them the money for the job yet, and the job that we're doing there required you to go on that date.
Oh, you're right.
Oh yeah, that's fair.
I think that staying in town one more night couldn't hurt.
Maybe I should just go check on the... while you guys are finishing up here, I could just go check on the stables and the dinosaurs, make sure they're okay.
Pay our fees there, and I'll probably meet you guys back at the local bar or something.
That's fine.
Or at the builder's place, because I think we're going there after this.
And Lady Elydrin will say to Harun, if you see any of your other compatriots, make sure you take care of them.
If I write to you, but obviously do not list your name, but address it to this place, will you be able to get it?
Yes.
Alright.
Above character, does she tell me more stuff about the Emerald Claw?
Yeah, she was telling you and Nyx about it while you were getting fixed.
So Nyx was hearing in between his pushups.
Right, so he was really paying attention fully.
Nyx is a good listener, he knows how to listen to women.
He knows how to listen to shitty personality.
You got a nice mouth.
I heard what you said, but you got nice teeth.
I'm just an asshole.
Do you have a mirror?
Yes, like a hand mirror.
Yeah, she's kind of straight through her stuff.
It could be better, yeah.
Can I try to stand next to her and with one hand hold the mirror and then the other hand try to draw a picture of us both?
Yeah, go ahead and roll me a sleigh.
See how good these hands are.
Would you like some help?
You see me doing this, you want to help me?
I will help him.
He's playing the bagpipes in the background.
I'll take the mirror so you can focus on the mirror.
He flies up and holds the mirror for you that way.
He floats in position for you.
He's pumping you up.
Is he your favorite?
Oh, 21.
Oh, I'm rolling.
You draw a really great selfie of you guys.
With that roll, do you think I can make two of them and give her one?
Yeah.
Okay, then that's what I do and I give her one.
You see Harun with two hands just kind of looking at him and just drawing at the same time.
It's like a 3D printer.
He's doing two drawings at once.
No, I'm just actually going back and forth and then up and down and it somehow makes the photo.
It's like a Xerox printer.
Shout out to Xerox.
Not sponsored.
I mean, they're not around anymore.
My neighborhood works for them.
I was thinking of Kodak.
No, Kodak's still around.
Yeah, dude, he's a rapper.
I think Kodak was bought out by Polaroid.
I don't know.
Yeah, because that's how my parents met is through Kodak.
Not sponsored.
Because of the pitbull?
Oh, man, as Harun finishes up doing his drawings, I'm going to look at him.
I'm going to be entirely honest.
I'm always unnerved when you do that.
I lean in and be like, do I make you nervous?
Oh!
What you do now?
I'm going to head to the stables.
You guys do what you got to do.
If you need any supplies for the hand crossbow, do let us know.
I will definitely help you out with that.
I'm going to go to the stables and just deal with that.
We can deal with that out of, you know.
Yeah.
What did she say she might need for the crossbow?
She says she would need specific tools.
I can have it here within a few days.
How much would it cost for you to order it?
I would need about 300 gold.
I can give that to you.
I'm not sure if we'll be back.
If we're not, just keep it.
I can throw in some as well.
I'll pitch in 100.
Is it impossible to do just the attachment point maybe?
So we are like halfway there, but without that little crossbow,
and then figure that stuff out later?
Just something you can attach other things to?
I would need to rewire some other parts.
What did you get, a grappling hook?
It's just his hands.
It's like it brings them closer towards you.
Like Thornwood?
It's a freaking closer in this.
Yes.
Bam.
Get over here.
Yeah, bro.
That's really savage.
Sorry.
She says whenever you return again to Harun, please visit me.
I'll make sure to get supplies for every next time you visit.
Nick says please keep him safe.
I will pledge you my life.
He grabs your hand with both hands, does the clasp,
and then he says please keep him safe.
He's always trusted you.
And then she gives you a hug.
I embrace that hug.
She smells every single thing.
Do I smell a slow burn?
I throw a sack of 100 gold on the counter, and I grab Nick's.
All right, let's go.
Yeah, I throw my 200 down.
Yeah, Nick's kind of just like, oh, OK.
He just lingers a little bit on that hug.
Yeah.
I mean, he lingered on Ryan's or Yohorus's hug.
I don't get hugged often.
Yeah, so you probably linger in on that one, too.
This is like the first female hug.
That dwarf did not hug me.
That's fun.
You probably not even had a kissing in a while.
It was all sex the whole time.
Nick's totally went in for a kiss, and she's like, oh.
I don't even want to know your name.
Almost kills the mood.
Then the man's just like, OK, well, all right.
Don't look at me.
Don't look in the eyes.
Not the psychotic.
Not fuck it.
Turn around.
Turn her around.
I can't do this.
Here's a potato sack put over your head.
Your name is going to be some random form of a name for the next hour.
So where are we headed now?
Gimli.
To get my armor, and then we get ready to head out, right?
Okie dokie.
All right, I guess we head back to the builder that was working on my stuff.
Yeah.
You walk in, and then it's the same human just looking at you.
Oh, it's you guys.
Yeah.
My stuff ready?
Yeah.
I'll go get her.
How'd you?
When he turns around.
You just hear that in the back just slowly coming in.
When he turns around, I want to say, you look nice.
He looks around and just, huh?
And then I'm just like looking around.
Arun, a compliment that's a little more modern that you might not know about is telling people that they look tight.
So what are you talking about?
Just tight.
It's like a good, it's like saying you're cute or beautiful or something like that.
But tight, that's the current one.
You're tight as fuck.
Thank you, sir.
Nice.
Arun's getting it already.
So you see her come out, and she's wearing a different dress this time.
What color is this?
It's like an ornate pink dress and just kind of comes out and says, oh, you came back.
I was excited to go dancing.
Yeah, no, I'm excited to take you out.
Is your sister joining us or is it just the two of us tonight?
It's the two of us tonight.
No worries about that.
What is your name?
Oh, my name is, my friend's called me Gale.
Gale?
Yeah.
Okay.
So Gale, my armor ready?
Yes, it is.
I took some of the, whatever that creature was, incorporate into the armor, so the armor should be more resistant now.
Okay, so what's that above table?
So, oh, it just, it's kind of the same as that creature, so it resists into like regular damage.
Cool.
So I don't need to pop rage instantly every time.
No.
Unless I'm damage bonus, yeah.
Yeah, so it wouldn't have to be like a magic weapon or some sort of attack to, yeah.
When you're wearing that armor, though.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll put it back on.
So everything's going to be magical now whenever you attack us, God at God's will.
I want to, I want to like lean over to the lady after hearing what Frankie told me and just like whisper in her ear, he thinks you're tight.
But I put a little bit too much emphasis on tight.
Yeah, and I have thought up, so you're about ready to go?
Yeah.
Awesome.
Well, just so you know, it's going to be entirely a super respectful evening, and you tell me when you want me to stop being respectful, okay?
She says.
Yeah, good.
That sounds fucking terrible.
She's, you see her and Frankie just float off.
Well, can I come in at this time?
Yeah, oh, you were there for the whole thing.
I will say, so are we going to a bar or are we going to a bar? And I give like a nice little look over to Nick's.
Oh, I think we all need a drink after witnessing that.
Well, can we go to like a fun bar where we might see some shit go down? I think I need some entertainment.
Yeah, let's go.
Is that not what we did last night?
Nick, you said you wouldn't drink tonight.
Well, I mean, I mean like more spontaneous.
I hit him.
Like when's the last time we saw a fight club?
Well, what do you hit him with?
It's twenty three.
God damn it.
Does that hit?
Yeah.
Just roll the damage.
I'm going to hit him with an unarmed strike.
A cluster dagger?
Let's see.
He kind of just, he got quick hands.
Yeah.
What is it called?
I don't think it's called Lasagna.
I would be surprised if there would be any sort of fight clubs in a place like this.
It's been a while.
I don't know.
Can I?
I want to try to stun and strike him.
The fuck?
So you need to make a con save.
The fuck?
So, tell me what you're rolling.
At least I'm not there to silver regard you.
Sixteen.
Oh, you just barely passed.
You just walk up for a second and then you pop out of it.
You're just like, oh, I can't believe this is happening.
You shouldn't lie to people.
Oh, you shouldn't make people stop doing what you're doing.
They don't like it.
You shouldn't make people stop doing what makes them happy.
You agreed to it.
Well, I agreed to drink it more than that.
And I made that agreement to myself every day.
No more rides for you.
Damn, I'm going to miss out on the French are coming down in flames.
I started walking alongside like a horus now.
Well, I'm trying to hint at him to ride your shoulders.
No, I'm too big.
I'm six foot six.
I walk up to Lex Zagma awkwardly.
I'm like, hey, bud, you got some nice shoulders.
Are you wanting me to give you a ride that's not going to happen?
I'm like 50 pounds, man.
No, I don't think I'm strong enough for that.
I mean, you can't lift 50 pounds.
No, I don't think I can.
I'm carrying the backpack.
If you weren't going on a date.
You're carrying the backpack and I'm carrying you.
I'm still carrying the backpack and you.
If you weren't going on a date, I would have asked you if you wanted a ride.
And I just walk off now.
I'm sorry, Nix.
Well, hey, we're going to have fun at the bar, though.
Yeah, yeah.
We should find a spot where the ceiling isn't so low, though.
I wanted to check out that dwarven spot simply because, well, that's good and local.
But frankly, I've had my fill now.
Do you need spices or did you get those?
Oh, I found some good spices.
Oh, I need baking spice, too.
I got them. I got them for you.
We did.
And I pulled out the baking supplies I got for him.
I just do like a little happy dance.
I'm like, yay.
Switch his voices on you.
I'll tell you what, though.
You guys can pick the bar this time since I kind of picked it the last time.
I mean, there was an Elven bar, right?
I mean, let's swing by the Elven bar.
And a little fucking asshole ain't here to get in my way.
All right, let's go to the bar.
The game goes to the bar.
All right, yes, you guys go to a more established place.
Does Frankie happen to be at this bar?
Yeah, so it's like a lot more clean.
There's a dance floor there.
There are actually, when you walk in, there's like a security guard kind of looking people through.
And he kind of stops you guys and says, no weapons allowed.
The guards took our weapons at the bar.
No, the ones you guys had just gotten.
Can I call from the club? They're with me.
Oh, they're like...
Can I pull like a big shot move like that?
They're like, oh, there were you, Frankie!
And they're like, all right.
I see that and I'm like, what the fuck?
I'm genuinely impressed.
How to make friends.
Frankie can make friends.
You see him just like on the dance floor, just not effortlessly just floating through and just twirling her and just...
Flipping her in the air, using his magic to kind of like flip her around.
Is there a fine club at this bar?
No, it's not one of those places.
As you see, like the other pages are dancing, but then everyone kind of stops to look at Frankie.
And then you see him just, you know, give her a little bow and then just look at you guys.
And just, hey guys.
What's up?
Is there a lot of people dancing?
I see that and I'm like, motherfucker.
And I try to bust a move.
And I walk straight to the bar.
Oh my god.
Natural 20!
Holy moly.
Natural 20.
So for 27?
Yeah, so you see Rune just get them to bust a fucking move.
The legend 27.
Yeah, so I think I'm doing like, I'm just doing like little flips in my own little area.
Doing like splits and like just vibrating around.
Are you not doing the robot?
No.
Yes.
Effortlessly in fluid.
He's doing the Terry Crews dance for White Chicks.
Oh yeah.
With the whistles?
With the whistles and the fucking blow sticks?
Yes.
Yep.
Uh, uh.
Are people digging my dance moves?
Oh yeah.
Am I making friends?
Mmhmm.
Oh yeah.
You and Frank are just like comboing it together.
I will go up to, I will go up to Nick's at the bar and be like, Nick, I bet you can't drink more than me.
Alright, bet.
What will we put it down?
Uh, loser pays the tab.
Alright, I'm cool with that.
Oh, you might go bankrupt.
Until one of us throws up.
Okay, I'm cool with that.
Alright, I'm gonna be real quick and then we'll do this.
It's gonna be hilarious.
I am very surprised with the Agnet of All People challenge.
Hold on, because I might have something on my sleeve that I don't like.
Oh yes I do.
Oh, me too.
Yep.
Just a fun fact, I have advantage on all Charisma, Intelligence, and Wisdom save.
Oh no, it's not gonna be on you.
Okay.
Oh right, I don't think I was over.
Saves but not checks.
Yeah.
Saves but not checks, yep.
That's funny.
Gnomes are actually pretty good when it comes to like, resisting magic.
Yeah.
Well then that with the combo of me being a barbarian.
Yeah.
So I have advantage on all Dex that I can see.
On Dex effects and then the Intelligence, Wisdom, and Con.
And then I have proficiency in Con and Strength.
What the fuck?
What is Nick?
Throne Nick.
Does it mean like, to just be like, in?
Yeah, probably.
It's one of the new D&D things.
They have special capabilities on the weapons, weapon master stuff.
So Nick is the dagger one in it.
It's like a bleed effector.
Oh.
See I thought it was like a man named Nicholas.
So while I flag over the barkeep, I'm going to cast Enhance Ability on myself.
Specifically the Constitution one.
I believe it's Bear's Endurance.
Damn.
Yeah, Bear's Endurance.
The target has advantage on Constitution checks also.
Grants 2d6 temporary hit points, don't have to worry about that.
So I'm going to cast that on myself.
And then I'm going to flag down, hey barkeep, some of the strongest stuff you got over here.
We're having ourselves a drink off.
Invite the friends.
Tell everybody about it.
I hope you boys don't get rowdy here.
No, no.
We don't have our weapons and we left them at the door.
Oh.
There was me.
Well I don't think I have my weapons anyways.
What's your passive perception?
It is a 15.
You kind of notice them at the bar.
I'm going to need it already.
You notice them at the bar.
I'm going to need it already.
Think of balance up proficiency versus imagination.
Are you going to go over to my daughter?
Yeah.
I'll leave her wherever for a second so I can help her grab us a drink.
You walk up and they're talking about betting and the bartenders are like, I don't want anything rowdy going on.
Of course not, I'm with Frankie.
Anything I do will flux onto Frankie, I promise you.
Do you agree with this?
I will wreck his shit if he does anything.
Yeah, you turn around and Frankie's like, oh, floating right next to you.
I'm going to ask the bartender for anything local that they have.
Y'all horrors, you getting in on this?
I'll watch, but I won't participate. I learned my lesson.
Alright, alright.
You should participate. It's really easy to win.
Looks at you and says, do you like wine?
Oh, hells the fuck yes.
I have this red wine that we made here locally.
It's been aging for about 20 years now.
Oh, it's a baby.
Alright, I'll have a glass.
Probably five gold.
Oh.
I feel like that's some sinister shit a vampire would say.
It's about 20 years old.
You're in a bit of a nicer establishment than you're used to.
Alright, 20.
Fuck, that could cost you 20 arrows.
Flip the uno reverse card.
Exactly what you said before.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Five gold or whatever.
Damn, 20 arrows. Okay, good on you.
Poured you a big glass of red wine.
How does it taste?
Describe it to me in excruciating detail.
It's sick.
It's fucking tight.
Is there any Elven women on the dance floor?
Any what?
Elven women on the dance floor.
Oh, yeah, there's a ton.
Can I like pull one with my dance moves?
Yeah, the one that was dancing was Frankie.
When Frankie left, you guys started dancing together.
Yeah, I'm going to dance with her purposely over and accidentally bump Nix.
Nix is the bar.
Yeah, I'm going to dance all the way over there.
I'm spinning around with my leg.
I'll bump into him and just say, oops, and then dance her away.
As you're trying to get your drink settled, you kind of just feel a bump behind you.
I teeter on popping rage, but then I calm myself down.
It's like, you know what?
I'm here.
I'm going to drink.
I'm going to have another victim throw up and fire me.
The wine is tasty.
It's fine.
I don't own the wine shit, all right?
It's got legs on it.
Yeah, the legs.
Yeah, it's after notes of walnut.
And cherry.
Walnut and cherry goes a little crazy, actually.
This would probably be a Merlot, then.
Sure.
I'm a bartender.
What can I say?
I live for this shit.
Yeah, but yeah, it's pretty good.
You haven't had some of this in, you don't know how long.
All the shots in front of you guys are black.
Of course, it stinks.
It says, so what did you fellas want to drink?
Something strong?
It's the strongest stuff you got.
The strongest stuff you got.
Looks at Frankie.
Can they handle themselves?
One of them can.
I'm going to let you guess which one.
It's going to be me.
All right, pulls out this bottle of green liquid out of character.
Is it fucking absinthe?
Gonzo just points over.
I mean, then European, I feel like we have to do this.
I've never actually had that.
We had some from the can.
Yeah, I brought some from my god of bad parts.
You threw them in the fire and it just turned into a giant green flame because it was abs.
Oh, yeah.
Absinthe is fucking wicked.
I got a bottle of some French shit in my room, actually.
Dude, I'm not a fan of that liquoricey flavor, so I can't.
Yeah, it tastes like black liquorice.
It's also 70% alcohol.
It's strong.
It's fucking wicked, dude.
If you guys ever want to break into it, you let me know.
If you do it right, it can taste like a really good herbal tea.
Oh, yeah, it's fucking awesome.
But you have to distill it and kind of like...
It depends how you make it, but I've had good absinthe drinks, but I just don't like that flavor.
I can't do it.
If it's masked with a lot of stuff, I just don't like that flavor at all.
I don't even like regular liquorice that much.
Yeah, that's bad.
Oh, gross.
Goddamn, that tripped with a blur.
Anyways.
We're drinking contests.
Drinking contests, let's do it.
So, any of you boys throwing me con saves?
I have advantage.
25.
I'm gonna silver bar...
Fuck.
I have a natural 20 on both of them.
Hell yeah.
Dude.
You can look at them.
It hasn't even touched.
Take a picture of that shit.
They were kind of betting among themselves.
Were you going to bet for any one of them?
Oh, no, I'm not betting.
I'm just silver barbing next.
I just wanted to lose.
Does it work on con saves too?
Yes.
Natural 20.
Oh, shit, yeah.
So, first one with a nice run.
But you also do notice Harun taking your woman and she's having a good time.
Okay, I just really didn't want next to have her.
The women are immaterial to me.
It's like, only so much Harun can do.
The barkeep does ask Frankie, did you want a drink?
Yeah, two for me and the lady.
You want me to put it on the tab?
What's the probability of that?
One and four hundred?
Yeah.
What?
The rolling two natural 20s?
Yeah, one and four hundred.
Fuck.
Won't happen again though.
I mean, that'll have four hundred rolls maybe.
Yeah, maybe.
You're bound for it.
That's my 400th roll, that's why.
Yay!
You see Frankie pull out sparklers and balloons.
Flowers raining down everywhere.
Congratulations, you won.
Next round.
Next round, roll four boys.
Twenty-one.
All right.
You know what it is, Nick.
Wow, okay.
I rolled a...
13.
What'd you get?
Oh no, you should have retired him after that.
You should have known.
It would have been an eight for my highest one.
Eight?
Eight.
Yeah, you get it and then you see...
You got this...
Oh well, hold on.
I actually do have inspiration from one of my recaps, so it's...
Still an eight is still my highest.
Did I inspire him?
No, you see him kind of start to...
And Frankie, just before he started to really puke, you kind of just calm him down because
you're like, not now, buddy.
And you feel about to puke, but then Frankie kind of just puts his hand on your shoulder
and you feel that feeling just kind of...
Did you suggest him to not?
Don't throw up?
Oh my God.
Yeah, you just feel in your head like you got this...
Conceal the following.
Stop.
Yeah, so you're good now and you're just like...
Another roll, another roll.
Oh yeah, he's done.
He just lost.
Oh, okay.
He didn't throw up.
I'm down to go one more round.
Yeah, you see him about to...
You want to do another one?
I'm down.
If he didn't throw up.
If he didn't throw up, the roll doesn't tell you to throw up.
You're right, you're right, yeah.
Okay.
Let's do it again.
Yeah, Frankie, stop.
I'm telling you.
Good job, Frankie.
Yep.
That will be your...
It was too high.
I already know you're going to make me roll.
It's 24.
19 and fuck it.
23.
Yeah.
15.
15, yeah.
So you're still...
So they're going to be...
So the checks are going to start getting a little harder now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
So now we're going to start rolling above 16.
All right, all right, all right.
You already rolled two eights.
He's fine.
17.
I didn't make it.
I did 12.
You see him just about to start puking and just...
You're kind of just running out of the building.
Well, good.
Now I don't have to pay the tab.
You're just running out of the building and you see him start puking as the guard just
starts poring and laughing and saying, Frankie, is he one of yours?
Yeah.
Kind of fun to watch him go, huh?
You hear Lizard now from puking hardcore.
Just green spew coming out.
Oh God, what the fuck were you doing?
I thought I could get him.
Oh my God.
As Nick's still undefeated.
Jesus.
Even with Frankie making me basically roll a disadvantage.
Luckily the lowest roll I had was a seven.
And I had an enhance ability helping me out.
God damn miraculous.
So yeah, my lowest roll was seven plus six.
So yeah, that was still...
I legitimately think that Nick's has the hardest working liver in Faerun.
He was born with three livers.
How does it even...
He's like a cow for alcohol.
Because I'm a wild magic barbarian, my liver is the source of my magical abilities.
Can there be a boss, like a big bad boss, where someone of us has to out drink his ass?
We all just look at Nick's.
I was made for this.
As everyone now looks at him like, what?
That's how I out drank the lich.
He's like, okay grandpa, lactary on the table, let's go, you and me.
I drank his phylactary.
This shit ain't nothing to me, man.
I'm gonna slap Nick's on the back and say, I always knew you could do it.
And then I'm gonna take the drinks and go back towards the lady.
Oh yeah.
Lady.
As you see Harun, you're giving her a twirl as Frankie comes up with some drinks.
I was just keeping her warm for you.
What the fuck?
That sounds weird, Harun, that's cool.
I heard someone else say it earlier.
Yeah, you probably shouldn't do anything about it.
You're tight.
And then I walk away.
Hey Harun, Harun, you're tight.
So now I'm more disturbing in that voice.
Without a doubt.
Keep it tight.
I like this.
Oh boy, yeah, so you guys kind of danced the night away as...
Until we level up.
Do we already establish what happens if I try to take a drink or something?
Nothing.
Nothing happens?
You don't really feel it.
That's how we beat him.
Just whoosh into Harun, ah, here you go Harun.
Can I walk up to Nix and be like, I bet I could beat you.
Yeah, I'd probably go for it.
But you know he doesn't drink.
You said you'd go for it.
I'm pretty deep in after...if I was sober probably not, but I am pretty deep after our bet.
So I'd probably go for it.
While they're doing all that, I'm going to, as like chill as possible, take the lady like towards the far end of the room from like where the bar and door is at and stuff like that.
I'm just going to open a door and I'm going to cast a dimension door on the two of us.
It's going to take us 400 feet outside and be like, let's go.
Let's go to the next spot.
He's like, where to next?
I'm down for anything.
Wherever there's that switch you can turn from your side to know it's...
There's a bar in there.
What's everyone's passive perception?
It's probably 13 for me I think.
Lazzonga's too drunk to have a passive perception.
Yeah, you're drunk. You're a little drunk right now.
Lazzonga's kind of sitting...
Oh, it's 14.
Yeah, you kind of see Frankie and his date step out.
It's literally a dimension door so it is a spell that we're like at the back of the room and then we're just like, whoop, got him.
And you're just like, what the fuck?
Anybody who, any of you who would have looked and noticed that me, I would have winked at you as best people.
You kind of turn as you're taking a drink and he kind of winks at you.
I feel like I heard, yeah, let's do this fucking contest.
Do I still have to roll if I do this with him?
No, the barkeep looks at you and just says, I'm not serving you.
Why? I have money.
You're kind of some drink. Why would I waste it on you?
Why would you not take my money?
I'll take your money, but I'll give it to him. Why would I waste alcohol?
If I pay it.
He wants to challenge me.
The barkeep looks at you like, are you some kind of an idiot?
Hey man, I don't take kindly to work like that.
He just says, hey man, such a great response to are you an idiot?
Hey man, this is not cool.
The bartender looks at you and grabs the bottle and is like,
I think we should take a break for now.
Hey man, I'm not an idiot.
The smartest rock gnome is smarter than the dumbest elf.
The smartest rock gnome.
You see him like, uh huh?
You see him kind of signaling and you see the bouncer who is the big ogre
kind of walk up to you and say, I think it's time for you to take a breather outside.
I'm just saying man, don't fucking touch me.
I will leave myself.
He puts his hand on your shoulder and is like, come on buddy.
I promise you, you want to take your fucking hands off of me.
I'm not even paying attention.
I'll just get myself out and he hops off his stool.
Exactly.
He's going damn well. His feet were dangling.
You're out to his shit.
I don't give a shit. I step down and I'm like, alright bro, I'm out.
But don't fucking touch me.
He's not wearing any underwear.
I don't give a shit.
I'm letting him know I got a real easy shot. Just let me out.
And just says, alright little buddy.
You down for a consensual street braw, bitch?
He just starts laughing.
In character.
I'm not fucking playing.
He's like, look at this guy.
No guards, no money, no guards.
No one, no more.
No matter what happens, it's a new character.
No matter what happens, no one calls the guards.
You and me, one v one right fucking now.
As you see, you didn't notice because you were a little drunk, but there are guards drinking and looking at you.
He's shouting too.
You're drunk and yelling. They're going to tamper.
They were trying to just enjoy their drinks, but then you see them get up and say.
I'm just saying, I only want to do it if he's willing to do it.
It's fully consensual. I'm just saying he wants to be a big man.
He can show how big he is.
If he doesn't want that problem, I know he's a bitch and I'll just walk away.
Do you want to go to jail tonight or do you want to leave the bar?
I'm leaving the bar. I said I was leaving the bar.
Goodbye. They kind of just chew you away.
I sit there and I sit there across the street and I'm just eyeing the orc.
He seems just looking at you and he's kind of just laughing and waving at you.
You hear from the other side of there, he's like, you look for the same hype from over there.
Why don't you come here and say it?
I can't hear you from down there.
You talk real big for some reason.
Hey, don't get short with me.
Why don't you prove you're a big man? Come out here.
Can you just get on a chair and start yelling? I can't hear you.
I'll tell you who's shits bigger than you.
Every ogre step is like six Nick steps.
Hey man, I'll make sure to tell your wife tonight how this night went.
I don't think she'll be able to see you.
All right, drunk Lasagna stumbles over like, all right, Nick's...
Yeah, Nick's kind of leaning on you right now.
He's heavily leaning on you.
I bet you were probably both leaning on each other.
Yeah, before I do so, I look at the ogre, I pull out a hundred gold and I say, bet.
He just looks at you and says, I've heard more than that, don't worry.
He says, you need to get yourself home before you get in trouble, young man.
For two hundred years old.
Hey, Nick's, tomorrow, Fight Club?
Yeah, Fight Club.
So I'm still in the bar and I'm like standing next to the guy that's taunting Nick's
and I'm going to say, you know, I actually am pretty sure he could beat you.
He's small, but he is feisty.
Why not just humor him and then you get to beat his face in?
I have a job to do.
Oh, you're working right now?
Yes, you do not notice that there's the establishment and the...
Well, truthfully, we don't need to be picking fights with the Bouncers.
I mean, I could ask him if you get off later, if you could arrange it.
Do you want to meet up later?
I don't feel like murdering a child today.
Oh, those are fighting words.
I think that we'll be leaving now, actually.
Goodbye.
Good day. I take my hat off.
I'm going to say in Elvish as well, you fucking pussy.
In Elvish he says, I understand Elvish too.
I'm going to say again in Elvish, good.
He says, bye, bye little boy.
Still fuck better than you.
Prove it, prove it, prove it.
I'll fucking prove it.
Oh shit, it's time for a fuck off.
The more makes the other one come first loses.
We're about to oatmeal cookie on this bitch.
Alright, Y'all, this is Nix.
You, Lasagna.
All three of you guys are playing soggy biscuit.
Start rolling.
No, I was going to fuck the ogre, not these guys.
We're playing soggy biscuit and with that I think that's a good point.
And with that we've closed the series.
The last scene is a biscuit and it looks up, it's the three of us standing over it.
What are you doing to my biscuits?
I just made those.
We're frosting them.
I hate everything that just was said.
That's not lore.
You're like Tormeglaze.
We got butter and we called it biscuit.
That's the new fact, we make it glazed.
Hey, the party that glazes together is the party that's safe.
That's because they're stuck together.
And that's a good way to end it right there, folks.
Thank you all for tuning in to Frickin' Nerds.
We'll catch you next time.
Bye.