Do you want to start with some false facts first?
Hi everyone.
Yes, welcome everyone.
This is freaking nerds.
A D&D podcast where six fans smoke some dank
and have some drink and play Dungeons and Dragons.
What?
My name is Will or Will.I.Am.
I don't know.
But I do play the Lhazognar Moskhan, a druid wood elf
cleric, and a fun false fact.
There we go.
About Frankie.
I thought about it, I thought about it.
Fun false fact about Frankie is that he actually
runs a funeral home.
It's Frankie's funeral fun care facility slash cemetery.
Travels are cut off when you pass away.
I could also see it being a fun house at the same time for you.
Yeah, I mean, what's more fun than being in a bounce house
with your dead relatives recently deceased?
I'm Ben, and I'm playing Frank the Tank.
He's a fairy bar out here causing only the minimal amount
of man needed.
And a fun get false fact about Yohara's.
Yohara's.
Yohara.
I like hearing him say it.
Is that he smokes funny flowers.
They're hilarious.
Yeah, no, it doesn't do anything.
No, they do something.
All right, hello, I'm a fucking homosexual.
And I'm playing Yohara's Scythrath.
It's summer, a ladren, a ranger, and a fun false fact
about my friend Nix is that he loves feet,
but not in a sexual way.
He's just entranced by them.
He's just like, man.
It's sexual.
Oh, I see.
That's why it's false.
When I say it, it isn't.
Hold on.
The DM can make that real.
The DM can make it real.
Nix is a freak.
I'll certify him.
So, genetically, Nix has never had sex with a woman
he hasn't paid.
Oh, I'm just sad now.
There's a reason why I held onto the hug early.
Wow.
Thanks to them legs, it comes off.
Really brought it down there.
You're a, uh, I'm gay.
He was probably pushing closer towards you.
I am playing Nix.
I am a barbarian rock troll.
Fuck no.
I'm a fucking barbarian.
And a false fact about Haroon is that his hats accurately
fit him.
You're rude.
I just wanted to say for the audience at home,
the look of devastation in Mark's face.
I was devastated for him, too.
This is the worst thing about Nix, honestly.
Well, I'm just saying, he's like a full-size warforged.
And didn't he steal one of the hats from a dwarf?
There's no way those people.
Dwarfs have big heads.
Jalen, hats off to you for that one.
Ew.
Oh, no.
He's trying to roll in the puns here, really.
All right, my name is Mark.
I play a warforged monk named Haroon.
When he's kind of a baby, kind of a lot,
I was recently covered in shit with Nix.
Recently, I believe you still are.
Currently.
No, we washed off.
I washed off.
What, the mud?
I thought we were in the fine water.
No, we did not.
We were on the way.
We were like 10 minutes after the first fight.
We did not.
We figured this out because I don't want to do anymore.
Let's get to the weekend.
False fact about Lasagna is that every time they pass a tree,
they have to peel back the bark and leave a little something
behind and then put it back.
You would never hurt trees.
He's an oryx.
Yeah, but you always got to give back to nature.
He slips him a cool 20.
That's for you.
He'll dump some of his seed in there to help him.
A little something behind.
I don't know what you're specifying.
Exactly.
You never said what kind of seeds that is.
Yeah.
Trees with faces.
That's where they're made.
Oh, no.
No.
He's like, papa.
You say no, I'll blight your ass right now.
Blight?
That's terrible.
Why is that tree-speaking elvish?
Why is he have blond hair?
Nicks wouldn't know.
Concussions, man.
Gonzo?
Yeah.
What are you wearing?
I thought we were getting started.
Some green shorts, a black tank top.
What socks are you wearing?
Oh, my socks?
Oh, they're more spam socks.
Because like spam, sometimes it takes a while to grow on you
and become popular.
You know what?
I'm glad at one point I got to meet you.
That's so uncanny.
Ha.
All right, let's not say too many.
Let's peel back lid on this and get started.
Ladies in general, Will's getting cookies right now.
Cool, because he needs help with the is this time for a clarifying
question.
Yeah.
I just want to clarify.
Does this affect everyone or your?
Oh, the spore thing?
The spore thing.
Yeah.
At least two?
Yeah, each creature.
OK.
Yeah, so that's each creature.
What is that?
I can release spores that give the poison condition,
but it affects everyone.
Remember that cool armor he spent a bunch of money on?
Oh, yeah, that one.
The spored armor.
Kind of gross.
You're a general.
Yeah.
Worth it.
It is.
All right.
I don't know if that would affect me.
Yeah, I was just thinking about that.
I don't need to breathe.
Well, I think you're resistant to poison, aren't you?
Warfords?
Let me just make you.
I don't think you are.
Well, I also can't breathe, so depending on how it would be.
Where would I live under?
It might.
There's absorb elements.
It's fine.
It would be under like your, I think it would be there.
Improvisation?
You're immune to the disease, but you only
have resistance to poison damage and to the advantage
on the same person.
That's probably what I was thinking of.
Well, I mean, if you land on me.
Yeah.
Yeah, so you still have a chance to get in point.
Because it's the extra condition itself.
So, you know, poison just means you have to stand
on attack or possibility check.
Yeah.
Which is still good for if you're getting attacked.
If you're getting dropped, that's perfect.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
If there's a bunch of people around you,
that's probably a great.
What's the area?
10 feet.
I would say if me and you were smashing baddies up
front in the middle.
Smashing baddies?
Risking.
Yeah.
Who wants to do the recap?
Did you bring your Saturday nights into D&D?
Did I ever give my actual fact for everyone?
I think I forgot.
Oh, yeah.
I was forgetting.
I was like, what am I forgetting?
Well, we'll cut it here.
We'll add it to the beginning.
Yeah, fuck.
It was a good one.
Oh, it was a.
This one was for Nix.
Right now, he's on a quest to bed a maiden
without having to pay for it.
And being a betting man, he's going
to be betting against you guys.
So you guys will be putting money down against Nix
to see if he can by a certain time period.
So what you're trying to say is that we're
going to try to take Nix's chances?
We all have a chart set out already
that he doesn't know about.
Do we all have to bet against him?
Or could I be like, yay, Nix, because I
don't know what's going on?
You guys are betting against him.
And if he wins, then he wins the pot.
If not, then you guys.
Whoever gets closer to the time period, it's up to you guys.
At least it's not a rich man.
He's wearing all of his money.
I don't know if you know that.
This is your side question.
I was to prove that you got game.
You could have big talked us.
So then you might owe us.
So you could have been like, yeah.
My dad's rich.
I'd be like, five gold from each of you match my 20.
Oh, god.
Or we could do a gold a piece if you have five.
But I would definitely do five in this bluff.
That sounds like a Nix thing.
OK, sounds good to me.
I got 10 on it.
Ooh.
I got five on it.
I knew it was going there.
You guys always bet with Nix, too?
Wait, I can?
Oh, because then I bet for Nix.
I think really the important thing is here.
What's the time frame?
How long do we got to keep Nix from being happy?
You're a competitive man.
What time frame are you setting yourself?
How long would it be until the next civilized part?
I would say give me a week in the next city.
The next city?
In the next city?
You say you want a week as soon as we start in the next city.
OK.
Give me like three days then in the next city.
Who am I going to fuck in this butt fuck nowhere town?
I don't know.
You can talk to some of these sad town folks.
I don't know.
You could find another.
You could find a girl with four breasts.
You could find a girl that recently lost one of her husbands
because of this shit.
Oh, yeah, true.
Slide in MDMs.
Nix, I'll be your wing guy.
I'll throw my little wings up.
I'll take it.
Nix, who?
I got 10 against him.
You do know you're going into another town,
the place you guys are dropping the bacon supplies off at.
I would say give me like two days in the next town.
All right.
You guys hear that?
Two days.
Yes, bet.
Two days.
In the next town, give me two days.
I'll win for you.
I got five against you.
OK.
Aren't you betting against him?
Because my dump set is charisma.
So.
Oh, no.
Is it bardic inspiration or cunning words?
You don't know.
Is it cutting or cutting?
Cutting words.
I feel like you might know when I say you suck instead of you.
No, that's right.
I'll definitely help you.
Hilarious.
I'm taking in a face value.
You could just be like, yeah, just don't tell her
about that rash like you're helping him out.
But then they're like, what?
Oh, I think I'll figure something out.
Be real.
I think your best bet to get me to lose this bet is to leave me
to my own devices.
I could play work against you.
Working against me might actually help me out.
Yeah.
Who remembers what happened last time?
It was a bit ago.
I can do my best, but I might not get everything.
As long as you're going to give us your worst.
I did it last time.
I did it last time, so go right ahead.
Because he's German.
My best is my worst.
I would hop up in the delicatessen
and hear his every cab.
So we go into the forest.
We're looking for a man.
We're looking for a monster.
And we're just trotting along after talking to the town folk
about just everything that's been going on.
And they're like, oh, we got monsters.
And we deliberated for a good long time
about whether or not we should help them.
And I said, I think that we should,
because that would be very cool and good.
Yeah, I'll harass myself for, I think,
with one of the two that said that we should do it.
I said we should help.
Yeah.
I think Frank is a major component for helping.
You were like, we got these baking supplies.
We need to get moving.
Pack of soda.
I got the pack of soda.
But they also said, yo, if you guys help us out,
we can give you a magical item, which
was a moonlight cycle, which was very cool and good.
And Nix was like, oh, OK, there's free shit.
We should kill.
So then we went off on our little excursion.
And because I have favorite terrain of the forest,
it was very easy to find a cave in which there
was shit going down.
Speaking of shit, we go into the cave.
Also, there was some flora moving around as well,
like roots and shit, I remember.
But we go into the cave, and there's
a bunch of stuff on the wall.
There's a bunch of poop.
Bunch of poop.
And we're like, oh, well, apparently some of us
need to mask or smell all of this poop.
And then some of us.
I was trying to get advantage.
Some of us was forced.
Some of us have low dexterity.
You got to do the best you can.
That way calls into action.
It was just a shitty situation, OK?
It surely was something.
But we were stepping into the cave very well, actually.
We did very well on our stealth rolls.
That's not a trace.
We'd love to see it.
But they don't love to not see us or anything like that.
Three dire wolves sleeping around,
bunch of bones in the cave.
And there's a big old cauldron.
At this time, we notice that there
is a little old lady at the front of the cave.
We're like, oh, shit.
So we go and we talk to her.
It's a what-elf woman.
And I specifically am like, hey, yo, why are you out here?
Was she a what-elf?
Yeah, she was.
OK, I honestly didn't remember that part.
But yeah.
Yeah.
But I'm like, why are you here?
It is dangerous.
There are monsters.
And she said, you don't like my creations?
And then the dire wolves all merged together
in like a Cerberus.
And then we fought it as she fucked off directly upwards
into the trees to never be seen again.
We did a big old fight.
People are covered in poop.
And I try and swing my sword.
I'm like, ah, get me the fuck away from here.
And we're beating on it real good.
Mm-hmm.
We're beating on it.
We kill the thing, actually.
And then we take some of its bones and fur.
And we're like, hey, let's go back to the town
and show off our kill.
And Nix has a fur coat.
Yeah, Nix does have a fur coat.
So I was watching a show.
And I perfectly found out what Nix is looking like right now.
Oh, OK.
Oh, let's see this.
We've got to try to explain this.
Oh, that's like a nanny.
Oh, my god.
She's like three feet tall in the show, too.
I was like, holy shit, it's actually Nix.
I don't even know how to explain that.
Yeah.
I'm basically walking around with that right now.
You're walking around with that with the-
It's kind of like the skull has a cap.
And then the rest of the fur is like draped across like a cloak.
Very cool.
What color was it?
They were black.
Black?
Yeah.
Nice.
So now he's covered.
Because he just skimmed.
So it's freshly skimmed, bloody, guts, and still shit.
So.
Not treated, out.
Not treated.
Fantastic.
I also would like to mention that I did the killing blow
on the server's monster.
I create the fuck out of it.
You did.
Oh, yeah.
Or anything else that you would like to- there is a little bit
more.
I was undone yet.
My bad.
All good.
I think the first one disintegrated.
This one did not disintegrate.
The first one disintegrated because I used Guiding Bolt.
Yeah, the guy.
And that was radiant damage, and it just burnt up.
Metal boom.
But yeah, now from what I remember,
we're just on our way back to the town to report to townsfolk.
It's like, hey, there's a witch in these woods.
And we killed- oh, yeah, we also went deeper into the cave.
Fucking Lasagna found like a grimoire.
We also were- he was reading through it.
And apparently she's been operating in the region
for a while, just terrorizing the fucking townsfolk.
I kicked over the colic room full of meat and juices.
Oh, and juices.
Just, god, gross.
I'm like, this is not chili.
And it's on the-
This is not soup.
Yeah.
This is like the inverse of that.
There was a bunch of bones that we could surmise.
Yeah, no, these are like victims from the town over,
like, however long she's been out here.
And she was out here for a good long while.
How long?
I don't remember, but I think it's been at least a month.
And that's all I can remember.
How'd I do?
Pretty good.
You got inspiration.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, so-
I will add one thing.
While we were also in there, I can't remember who was standing
outside, but there was a perception check that was made.
And they saw things.
Yeah, but you also remember that the book you found,
only you could read.
Yeah, it is in druidic.
And it is, Lasagna doesn't know that it's made out of-
No, you know.
He rolled high enough to, on his survival check,
to know what kind of material it was.
I think it's not even a checkbook.
He knows what kind of material it is, so you know.
He told you.
I think Lasagna is more just accepting that it's not.
He's like, nope, I'm already trying to test it is.
I just saw meat stew.
Yeah, I already had to roll a sanity check when I picked it
up, so.
Oh, and then we also heard me and then who else?
One other person heard something on the way back.
I don't know if it was me or Harun, because I think you-
because I believe you guys were still in the cave.
I can't remember.
I feel like it actually wasn't the cave.
Well, actually, no, we went in to look at the-
The carvings and drawing on it.
There were the runes and stuff.
That might have been what happened.
And then maybe it was you two that did a perception check
to notice that something's coming.
Yeah, but like there was-
He said we heard a crack and only two of us heard it.
Yeah, you guys were kind of walking back through the woods
to get back to the town.
Yeah.
And that's where we left off.
Yeah.
And then two of us heard something and then we called out.
Yeah, and then that's what we're starting off with.
And everybody-
Roll initiative?
Yes.
Oh, boy.
Root.
Okay.
Oof.
Okay.
Dirty 20.
Oh, yeah.
So let me light me.
Right on.
I'm just gonna roll this out.
Yeah, I got this many.
Oh, I got that many plus 17.
Oh.
23.
12.
I got five.
I got 22.
Nice.
So let's see.
So 23 was Mark's.
So that's a Root.
And Frankie's a 22.
Yep.
Lugonga was 20.
I think 20.
Yep.
What were you?
12.
And then what were you, Brian?
Five.
I also rolled a five, so.
Wonderful.
Let's roll again.
All right.
Higher one.
I rolled a four.
I rolled a 19.
All right, yeah, so.
You're the first of the fives.
Top of the bottom.
Yeah, you are now.
It's called being a tower bottom.
Thank you.
So just to be clear, from that last fight,
we did not shore rest.
Correct.
Nope, you guys are still walking through the woods.
Tiptoeing through the tulips in our Jordans.
In our Jordans, yeah.
Yeah, did everybody clip their plus one Jordans?
Yes.
In our Jordans.
Actually, if you're white, then you actually
can't even because you can't jump.
No, but here's the thing is that it gives you a.
You're good at jumping.
No, it gives you a D4 on anything
that's jump related because Nikes have the little air
bubble in them.
Oh, you're right.
You're right.
Those aren't the shoes I got.
I got ones that just give me the teensiest bit of street cred.
Oh, you're right.
I can't jump with them, but there's the illusion
that maybe I could.
Yeah, they're uncreased and everything.
Oh, dude.
Yeah.
Are we playing with a map?
I would actually walk in them because I just fly, so.
I can't really find one that would kind of be bad.
Go ahead and put down your characters
and put down six around you.
That's Lasagna because I still can't find my wood of miniature.
Do you want us in the middle or to one end?
The middle's fine.
Yeah, I would figure like.
Go get the wood.
Who was leading the pack?
Were they okay?
Who's leading the pack?
I assume Harun would be leading because he's the fastest.
And also covered in shit.
Yeah, I feel like he could be.
I feel like him and Nicks might be like ahead of you guys.
I think that's actually how we ended is that you guys were a little bit ahead
because you were speaking.
Yeah.
But there was a bunch of droidcraft of Lavender going around
in front of me.
It can only help so much because, again, Nicks is covered in shit
and also an uncured bloody pod-like furry carcass.
I'm head to toe in shit and then blood pouring down from the cap.
Because it hasn't dried yet.
Yeah.
Freshly skinned, uncured.
Looks like Tom Green and Fred God.
Yeah.
I'm not sure what that looks like.
Oh, I'm actually carrying this.
That would just make some sausages.
Sausages.
Oh my god, that movie is so great.
It's really out of the yard.
It's one of those, what the fuck?
You're first.
So Harun, you and Nicks are maybe about 10 feet ahead of them.
OK.
Because you guys are taking charge.
And then on either side of you, three creatures on each side pop out.
And they're actually made of different parts.
So there's one person who has all arms.
You said three and three?
Yeah, three and three.
OK.
There's one person with all arms, one person with all leg limbs.
And then there's someone with, instead of having eyes,
there's just mouths on his face.
And there's one guy who has just eyes on his face.
So if I sweep the legs, he'll know what I mean.
Yeah.
If you guys never, never watch The Forest Man,
you don't go after legs-y.
And some of the other ones are just like, well,
they're supposed to be humans, but instead of heads,
they have hands or feet.
And they're kind of just like shambling forward.
So this druid lady really fucking did some weird shit.
She's a piece of shit.
I don't know if she's a druid at this point.
She did some druid-ish spells.
But I don't know if bits and pieces matched together
to scream more druid than Necromancer or Dark.
You could be in the, I don't know, man.
It's amazing why I'm calling her a witch.
I guess Beru and Nix do need a clon-er,
just call her a baddie, right?
I mean, like, the way-
I mean, Nix will fuck anything that long, so.
The way that I was looking at it is,
like, you can do a lot of dark shit with plants.
You know, look at Poison Ivy.
Poison Ivy's broken, in my opinion.
They just don't utilize it well.
Yeah.
So you said I'm going up first?
All right, yeah, so they're kind of just surrounding you,
and they're just, yeah, so they-
You want them closer up to the front, then?
Yeah, they kind of just jump into the bushes,
and they're, like, all around you guys, so it's-
Is that, like, a little bit better?
Yep, and they're kind of just popped out,
and they're just there.
I'm going to go this way, come around the back of this one.
You're going to, like, move back?
Yeah.
That's a maid.
And I'm going to hit him with my Short Sword.
Roll that shit.
Ooh, what a great way to start it off.
It's 29.
It's a natural 20.
Go ahead and roll.
Oh, weird.
OK, so it's 1d6 plus 6.
Do I roll 2d6, or just add it?
I mean, usually we just double it,
but you can do whatever, because it's kind of technically
the same thing.
I don't know.
How do you just double it?
But if you want to do 2, you can do 2 up to you.
I'll just double it.
That's what I was supposed to do.
So is doubling this die roll?
Yeah.
OK, so 3 plus 3 is 6, plus 6 is 12 for the first hit.
Yeah, so you just fucking cut this thing,
and you just fucking kill this thing right away.
Oh, that's the old Vix, the Nix.
I'm so excited.
Can I use the rest of my movement to get in closer
on this guy?
Yeah.
I feel like you have unlimited movement.
Huh?
I feel like you have unlimited movement.
I have a lot of movement.
And then I'm going to try to hit this one with my short sword.
That one is 13.
13 hits.
All right.
They're just these naked human creatures.
Are we even going to get a turn?
That's 10 damage.
It's like barely alive.
OK.
I'm a little bit more confident, so I'm going to just wait
with the patient defense.
All right.
Next is Frankie.
Frankie, that's me.
Frank Tank.
Frank the Tank.
I am going to the one that is tearing on the edge.
What's that one made of?
That one has two heads and multiple mouths on its body.
So those nipples are just mouth on those nipples.
That's gross.
All right.
I've seen something like that before.
Oh, yeah.
OK.
Then I'm going to hit that one with a Mish Smockery.
And I'm going to say two heads and you still look stupid as shit.
What is the saving throw?
3 queens.
16.
That's my thing.
But I'm going to?
Silver barbs.
Why not?
I want the sword.
That is a 9.
OK.
And that's going to be 5 psychic damage.
All right.
He doesn't just shriek.
And it sounds like multiple voices at once shrieking.
Did you hit the one that Harun hit already?
Yeah.
Yeah, that one died.
And it sounded like all the voices were shrieking at once.
I'm starting to feel bad.
And then I will tap Yharos on the shoulder and whisper in his ear,
you can do it, big guy.
And I'm going to give him inspiration.
Oh, hell yeah.
You got Mordekaiser?
Little Marduk?
Is that a d8 for you, right?
That's a d8, right?
Yeah.
To attack.
To roll.
And that's like a one-time use thing, right?
Yeah.
But I get to chew when I use it.
You get to chew.
So you can do it after you finish your roll and go like,
oh, that's not great.
Wonderful.
I think you had to just know before Gonzo says yes or no.
Yeah, before you call it out.
The result.
Yeah.
It was your turn.
So I believe there were some of us that were hurt last time.
Yeah.
Can I do a quick medicine check to see specifically Nix's HP?
So you actually want to go and check.
You would have to go like a phase-boot check-in
and do that and just kind of assess him.
Just kind of like give it a little glance.
That's all.
So if you were actually to fully assess him,
you'd have to go and actually expand your action
to assess his situation.
All right.
That's a lot to give to just a quick glance.
Right, right.
He's also covered in blood and shit.
Yeah.
And he also has this giant furry pelt on him.
So you can't really see how he looks like.
Right.
Are you OK?
Fuck it, I'm going to cast Fireball on those three.
Yeah.
So they need to make a dexterity saving throw of 16.
Can I say it?
I'm starting to feel better.
18, 17, and 11.
OK.
Well, those two are going to do half still.
10, 20, 23 damage.
They're dead, yeah.
Even those two have, they all just char up.
Yeah, well, unfortunately, I mean,
Lasagna probably thought about it.
I looked at him like, all right, this
is definitely where the missing people went.
But what the fuck are we going to do with this?
Yeah.
I was going to say I could put it back together.
Yeah.
Because you're funny.
They're already.
And I'll just do one healing word to Nyx just real quick.
What's the healing word going to be?
You smell like shit.
You're shit in the healing.
6 HP back to you.
And that's my turn.
Nyx, it's your turn.
You get to quench the party of a lifeless.
Yeah, I just.
I left one for you.
Yeah.
19.
19 hits, yeah.
Do you even need a rage?
Yeah.
With 13 damage.
Yeah, you just run up and just fucking slice it in half.
Yeah, yeah, I just get up like, no fun,
and then cut it in half.
Yeah, these definitely just piece together, humans.
And it looks like some of the experiments.
Well, we're definitely going to have to tell the town.
Do we take one with us to show them?
And I take foot face and throw it all over my shoulder.
At least all have something to remember their family members
by.
Yeah.
What family of stars do you remember?
You got to know.
Do they have any possessions on them?
Does anybody have a necklace or something?
No, they're all just naked bodies.
It looks like they've been experimented on.
Straight out of the forest.
I heard you lost your mom.
Here's a left foot.
Yeah.
Also naked.
There's like six people in this village's foot on here,
identify them through that.
You guys are out of initiative order.
Who's the local tow guy?
Yeah.
Nix is like, tastes like a, oh, this is definitely female tow.
Oh, my god.
Nix knows, yeah.
Nix, can I keep this one?
God, no.
Nix, they have to still be alive.
Oh, you're right.
That's the one line he draws.
The only line.
Yeah, the only line.
Comatose, fine.
Yeah.
As long as you're breathing, I'm cool.
You might have feet, but he's no necrophile.
Ha ha ha.
He's a necrophile.
All right.
What day is it?
Oh, this is like afternoon.
You guys went in in the morning to do it.
So as you guys are going back, everyone,
roll me another perception check real quick.
Guidance.
So 22.
You got an 8.
26.
17.
Dirty 20.
So everyone 20 and above will see this.
So after you have just massacred these grotesque acts
against nature, get it, because there is.
You kind of notice off in the distance the old lady.
But like, she's probably about like 100 feet.
So you guys have just noticed her.
You looked at her.
But you see her, what was it, once you
see the old lady, just transforms this giant, tall figure.
And then you just hear it in your head, I'll be back for you.
And then all of you who see her here,
I'll be back for all of you.
And then she steps into another tree,
and then the tree just rots away.
How about C?
So wait, you're going to go on 15 notes, or?
Yeah, you two didn't notice that for you.
You two did not notice.
Yeah, I waltzed.
Both in character and out of character.
I'm sufficiently spooked.
You're old to 26.
She was about 7, 8 feet tall.
I don't know if you would know what this creature would be.
You might know.
Actually, yeah, you would know.
With that high perception, you saw
that she turned to a fur wolf.
What the fuck is that?
A fur wolf?
It's like a sully.
Kind of furry, really tall, humanoid type of person.
Kind of fur, kind of a bald sully.
Usually skinnier.
Oh, OK, OK.
They do have a race of gentle giants.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK.
Very different from how they originally
were written in Irish mythology.
So OK.
Cut that out, or we're going to get sued by Disney.
Before she gets in that tree, I'm going to say,
what was your name?
Gone.
She's already gone.
Hey, girl, let me holler at you.
Yeah.
Her problem is, Frank, you didn't see this,
but you kind of just heard that, like, all of your,
what the fuck you heard in your head, too, like.
What is that?
The old lady.
She just came by, said, what's up.
She was checking me out.
That was the only deal.
He was, what happened?
He asked, he asked, like, your horrors now.
You just see that, like, my face went from, you know,
a bright, vibrant yellow, as it's always been,
to a very pale yellow.
And I look fucking mortified.
Quick, get him some water.
Get ready.
I touch you with my hand.
Handle water.
Get to your head.
My hand.
Ah!
You're dirty.
I kind of, like, bat you away.
His hands were covered in shit.
Yeah.
That's why I don't let him touch my face.
What, what, what did they say?
That thing is coming back for all of us.
So we could leave.
We should leave.
And then the town wouldn't have to worry about it,
because she's going to find us.
We're just the next on her list.
Right.
So if we leave, then the town is safe.
Then the town is the next on her list.
Not if we kill her, because she's going to get us.
Yeah, I really wish we would have stuck around
and answered some questions before we, before she'd bite off.
I don't think she's much in the mood for talking.
I tried that already.
All we got to do is kill her.
I think that's much easier said than done when she
keeps devouring trees and leaving.
So we just burn the forest down.
Speaking of which, did that fireball catch on anywhere?
Yeah.
Nah, it kind of dissipated.
She's making a tree leave.
So yeah, you guys have been talking.
The bushes are just kind of on fire still.
There's no way.
You would have to tell us that we hear this.
OK.
Well, shit.
Those who heard her definitely heard wood crackling.
It is why I don't want to hurt her.
I'm trying to look at my water.
My water spills.
Because they're trying to douse it with my water.
You see them just start pissing on it?
I mean, I will take out one of my little vials of holy water
that I have and then, like, R away, make this fire go away.
What does that give me?
It gives you one less holy water, and they're still fire.
God damn it.
Come on.
You're telling me my god didn't help me, gonzo?
It's not like you put it in a divine intervention
or anything.
I don't have divine intervention.
I'm only a level one cleric.
I'm going to miter it.
I have a holy water skin.
We could use that.
When's the last time that we used it?
I'm mitered, losing, like, a little pale water line.
Like, it's just going to make a little steam thing,
and I'm going to go, well, I tried.
I was like, I don't have a regular water skin,
but I have a holy water skin.
How big is this fire?
It's about maybe like 10, 15 feet now.
I'm going to try using my boar hide
to just try and smother it.
Hey, guys.
I know that you're going to hate me.
This is a craving thought, but you can't walk through trees
that aren't there.
So if-
I was kind of thinking that, too.
I'm not saying we do anything, but I'm saying we don't,
you know, we do nothing.
And we just kind of, we need to talk to the town, right?
And they're used to, like, the trees being on.
Is everybody away from the fire?
I was still next to it.
You were trying to use your skin to put it out.
How far away from town are we?
Go ahead and roll me a straight Z, how strong, and if you are,
just, all right.
Like, Will was loving the story, but I was like,
let's not get, let this happen.
Yeah, how far away from town are we?
You're trying your best, huh?
So how far away from town are we?
You don't know.
Guys, just back away.
I was trying to avoid doing this, but it's OK.
Just everybody get back about 30 feet.
Wait, we have to chop down the rest of the trees
so the fire doesn't spread.
It won't spread.
Just back up about 30 feet.
Oh, OK.
All right, I back up 31 feet.
All right, he back up 31 feet.
Everyone does?
Yeah.
All right, take out just, like, my little holy water,
water skin, and I cast Tidal Wave.
Because it only requires a drop of water.
Yeah, and then it just drops the holy water there.
So he says, holy water, wait, just put it out.
And you're all just mystified.
He just pulled a tidal wave out of this tiny droplet
that was left on the tree.
Can I just dive?
Is there any puddles I can try to, like, clean off
and roll quick?
You can start jumping in the tidal wave real quick.
I was going to try to jump in the tidal wave.
I was going to try to do that, too.
I was going to try to do this.
As soon as I saw the water, I was going to do it.
Let me put on an acrobatics, see if you make it.
Let me see.
Is that an athletic thing?
It's acrobatics.
It's a dexterity.
Swimmers are athletic.
It's a dexterity, if that helps.
I'll give you a...
No, that is dexterity.
Because technically it does say it's a dexterity saving
throw of 16.
OK, then you're going to take 16.
You're going to take damage.
That is true.
It is acrobatics.
So 14?
Oh, OK, I'm cool.
Dirty 20.
So you may actually get in there,
and you kind of stand your ground.
You get swept away with it, and you take...
How much damage does it take?
I did not think of that.
Yeah.
It's a lot.
It's 4d8.
Yeah, I'll do it right.
And then how...
Dude, he only takes half?
I believe it is if you dig.
It's still a save.
You still take half.
On a failed save, yeah, 4d8.
On a successful save, creature takes half.
Yeah, who does not think that water is going to hurt?
And you're an oct pro.
We tried to teach him the first time.
So double sixes.
Double sixes.
And then nine.
So 12 and nine.
So 21.
21 and nine.
So you take half of that.
So you take 10.
All right.
Actually, you get it.
At least you're clean.
You guys are clean.
Yeah, you guys are clean, for sure.
OK.
When you see Harun, you got thrown into one of the trees.
He's just like, ugh.
So yeah, after the water dies down, I get up,
and I kind of hobble over to you guys.
And then I do that thing where I grab my thumb
and act like I'm blowing into it.
And I use Wholeness of Body to pop those dents back out.
Oh, shit.
That's dope.
You guys are sick as hell.
It's not all the dents, but it's 18 points worth.
So that's pretty healthy, comparatively.
Yeah.
Pop out of the robot.
I'm assuming there's no more fire.
Nope.
Yeah.
I was like, you can go for it.
I was thinking, they're going to jump into it
and see what happens.
So hilarious.
I was like, you guys are going to get it.
All right.
I guess I'll second wind that.
I'm just like, no, I'm going to suck.
I'm still going to tend to the hole.
Yeah.
You only took 10.
All right, yeah, so you guys are walking back.
It takes about another hour or so of walking through the forest.
And are you still hauling the body?
Yeah, I'm still carrying Footface.
You're carrying Footface.
And it's only the half, because you cut it in half.
So you're carrying it like that.
Oh, what's that?
Footface I cut in half?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
OK.
We're going to take a whole body?
Oh, we're going to take a whole body.
OK.
So one of the whole bodies left has like one of the guys
that Haruna had punched to death had all the mouths.
OK.
I'll take them off.
Yeah.
Mouthy.
Not the hand bolts.
Yeah.
Well, I actually didn't punch him.
I used my short sword.
No, the first guy you punched.
And then, didn't you hit the, or was that also short sword?
Short sword bolt hits.
And I never did an unarmed attack.
I used spatial defense.
Yeah, so you stab both of them.
So you'll take, let's say you take the most complete body.
OK, yeah.
Whoever's most complete.
Yeah.
The one you could see the most of.
Yeah.
I also, I figured it would be easier to hear.
Yeah.
It's like, I was thinking, I was like,
Gonzo is not gracious with fireballs.
Right.
I was like, oh no.
That's what I'm saying.
You guys are in a fucking ford.
In Baldur's Gate, it's just there for a turn, and that's it.
Oh, wow.
They're not wooden barrels.
There's no TNT barrels nearby.
They're like, but I just, the fireball is burning out.
To be fair, I mean, you're not wrong, Gonzo.
I should be more gracious, but we've
been in a fucking forest ever since I've
got this goddamn staff.
It's funny that you would set the forest on fire as a.
I fixed it.
Yeah, you fixed it.
I used a high level spell to counteract
another high level spell.
That's crazy.
He just jones in, gets turbo spanned.
Nice.
That's the second time this group has set a forest on fire.
All right, so you guys get back to the town.
It's daytime, some of the town people are out,
and they see you guys approaching,
and they kind of like, they kind of rush out.
And he's like, is it done?
Who's the guy?
Do I recognize the guy who gave us the mission?
You do, but you can't remember his name.
OK, cool, because I just watched it.
Is that Cartman?
Yeah, we called him Cartman.
Yeah, but that was the same guy?
Oh, shit, I feel so bad about Cartman now.
Yeah, I tossed the body to the floor.
Yeah, all right, handle the business.
Give me the blade.
Job's not done, but there's a witch.
No, don't listen to him.
Job's done, give us the blade.
Shut the fuck up.
It's definitely not done.
Hold on, real quick, inspection of the cart,
everything looks good?
Oh no, like it's there?
Yeah, you have a-
I know we took all our stuff, but-
Roll me in investigation.
While we're sitting there talking to the fri,
he goes to the back and he makes sure.
Yeah, he's breaking his phone.
That's going to be a five.
Oh, damn.
It looks like nobody messed with it.
You guessed it, everyone was too scared.
Frankie, what are you doing?
Just hanging around, just making sure everything's here.
Going to help Frankie take a look.
I trust, and then I give them this name back.
I believe you did take some of them in your pockets.
Well, I took everything in our pockets.
There's actually nothing in the cart to be taken.
But you didn't tell anyone, did you?
Huh?
Did you tell them?
No, no, no, no, I was saying out of character.
Yeah, no, I put all this stuff back.
I just wanted to make sure.
So can I still look?
Yeah, you want to look and all stuff's there?
You're putting it there before I look?
Oh, yeah, yeah, no.
You guys are all talking and looking at these assets.
What are you looking?
I'll open up the box if it's in there.
What is this?
Oh, no, the box is shut.
Yeah, it's nailed shut.
Oh, it's nailed shut?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
How'd you put it in there?
He's quick.
He also made a stolen Neal and Crowbar out of character.
But I still don't know what it is.
Out of character, you don't know.
But I saw him go in there and I didn't hear any of that.
Yeah, go ahead and roll me a stealth.
Go ahead and roll me a percept and see if you can hear it.
Ooh.
That's not great.
I don't have my gen one right now.
So that's going to be a nine, unless there's anything I can do.
A rune?
13.
You do have one of your d's.
I would like to cut in more.
Oh.
I was going to say you have several garbs over that.
Wow.
Honey words is an ability check.
And I say, Harun, I don't want to guess anything too hard.
Harun, there's nothing to look for.
And...
You just said I could look.
Don't worry about it, Harun.
And I only subtract four, so he's still got nine.
Yeah, so you kind of hear over him the box creaking and you're like, I thought the box
was closed.
Okay, so he says baking supplies, here we go.
It's like they were before.
Baking supplies?
Yeah.
Harun wasn't there when you guys said that they were baking supplies.
He said...
Oh yeah, he was out front.
He said, he heard you mentioned baking supplies to the people of the town, but he didn't...
He wasn't sure or even seeing any of the stuff inside there before.
Yeah, he just seems to be out in front marching.
So he just like, baking supplies?
Yeah, yeah, they have a big thing against baking in the Blue Capital, so that's why
we got to be hush-hush about it.
No, I'm really good at baking.
Do you want me to make you something?
And if you have some supplies, we got to make sure that the whole shipment here makes it
to its destination, otherwise they're not going to pay us.
I mean, we could skim a little out the tub.
Harun, I like the way you're thinking, but I'm worried about...
You're right, okay.
And then he walks off.
Hey, Peppat, Harun on the back of your...
He also, in that, started to put on his chef hat, but then put it away when he saw the vibe
wasn't right.
He's got a vibe check.
So, Wasagna, Yajaris, and Nick, so you can notice that Frankie wasn't going to turn to
Cartman, Harun followed, so you guys are talking to Cartman, and the rest of the...
What's their actual name now?
I don't remember.
You took the name.
You're the one that gave the name.
Did you give it back?
Yeah.
Everything was there.
Hey, Cartman.
Good job.
He's like, thanks.
Everyone's calling me that now.
I know, it's kind of cool, right, having a nickname.
What's that?
Nickname?
I got a nickname?
Is that me and my friends?
You and I?
Yeah.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Sweet.
And he looked at his dad.
I'm Cartman now.
Oh, so your dad's here?
He was the old guy that had the moon sickle.
Oh, cool.
Well, so there is something we should tell you.
We should have the musical first.
Whisper that in my hand.
Also, when you guys approach, like the time people kind of gather you through foot fate
or whoever body that was most complete there.
Yeah, whoever you say is the most intact body.
There's one of the ones with two heads and a bunch of mouths everywhere.
They just look at it and discuss it.
Like some of them start, some of them puke and they're just like, oh my God, is that
what happened to our husbands?
Yeah, there's some like witch or something out there.
I don't know.
I thought the kids were just, were just like some of the kids saw a witch, but I thought
they were just telling tall tales.
No, yeah.
She's really, she's really powerful and scary and she mixes things.
Tall tales.
Are you fucking stupid?
Have you seen the things that have been attacking you?
I killed a three headed dire wolf.
You believe the kids when they tell you there's a fucking witch in the woods.
How long have you been waiting to do anything about this?
Those are your fans.
Well, that's actually what and looks at the body.
It's what we try to do when we try to do something.
Our men went to go try to end it and well, that's what happened.
I throw my hands in the air and I go back to the court.
So I walk up to one of the wives.
Can you believe that guy?
I say your husband died.
Fuck you, bitch.
I knew that was coming.
It doesn't count if you do it before the start of the day.
You just said I have to get laid.
She just looks at you and she's like, you still have that bloody carcass thing.
Did it get washed off in the tub?
Kind of, but it's still a carcass that you guys haven't cured yet.
I mean, she's a fucking farm girl.
Can she even smell anything?
Can I smell to mine whatever she's, like whatever mouth she's looking at?
There's lavender smells going around.
Can I fly by them and make it mime it talking to her?
Oh, are you going to try to-
And ventriloquism this dummy to say, no, my wife, no.
What do you mean by illusion?
Or do you think you're going to make-
Or I could just straight up sit behind this one and try to be stealthily doable performance
of ventriloquism.
That's probably a better idea.
That's all I'm trying to do.
I'm not trying to magically do this.
I'm just-
Do it.
Do it?
Yeah.
Performance, stealth, maybe.
Go ahead.
I know you have the means to do this.
Let's see how well you pour it.
It's going to be a 19.
Yeah, you see this body going like, my wife, and you're just-
Everyone's just like-
I take my sword and immediately stabs it through.
Oh, they'll take care of that.
Some of the lady you're next to just kind of ran off.
She just scared the shit out of her.
She just ran away.
I turn those on and I give them the double thumbs up and the mic wipes the sweat off
their bellies.
I look up and disappointed at her running away.
Wow, Nick, you're so strong and brave.
Yeah, right afterwards, hopefully without him noticing that I come straight for the body
off that one.
I'm just looking at the guy next to him.
He's not this next to him, I'm sure.
Positive.
Can I grab for the moon sickle?
Who's taking it?
It's either a ranger or-
Well, honestly, I think Y'allharus should have it.
What was the bonuses?
The reason why I say it is because I already have my fire staff.
I do love the healing component in it.
What rarity was it?
Was it a plus one?
I was going to have- we were going to roll for it.
Roll for it?
Y'allharus, go right ahead.
What's the die?
Roll me a d4.
It goes up to three, so if you get a four it'll be a three.
Guidance.
Yeah, guidance.
I do come back over to the party.
You're right.
Bardic?
Bardic inspiration.
No.
I just wanted that, it doesn't hurt that.
I think I only looked at the plus one.
I said any roll for the bardic.
I do come back over to the group as we were talking over everything.
I check on the card and I just fucking figure it's fine, but let's go ahead and roll.
That's a four.
Hey!
So it is a plus three Moonsicle.
Oh, shoot.
So that plus three is for spell tackles and skin implements for your spells.
Hell yeah.
But it is also considered magical, right?
So it would help you out in that aspect because I believe your longsword is not magical.
Also, right, when you cast a spell that restores hit points, you can have an additional d4 to them.
Oh, hell yeah!
I have cure wounds.
Yeah, so whenever you cure wounds you have to cure all the wounds.
That's what I was thinking.
I was like, that's a great fucking one for lasagna, but I already have like my staff.
Yeah.
And it's like, I don't want to...
Carry staff in a blitz.
Yeah.
I don't want to have to deal with like swapping back and forth between the two.
So it's like a silver sickle with like burnings and stuff.
I don't know if that would really make sense.
I know, but it's just like, that doesn't make sense to me having a staff in one hand and a sickle in the other.
I don't know.
I can then use scripture on it.
Or you can always look it up.
I also was like, you know, I already have something cool.
Let's give it to Y'all Horus.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Because it's really the only two.
You gain a bonus attack to your damage...
So a bonus to attack your damage roll made with it.
So it's like a plus-quick to your damage roll if you're hitting with it.
How does the saves work?
Does he get a plus three to his?
Like saves against him?
No, it's like ups his DC.
Oh, his DC.
Oh, okay. Nice.
If you ever don't want it though, it would definitely slide in my way.
It would be pretty badass.
So you gain plus three to your DC for your...
Wait, what?
Yeah.
Plus three?
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Plus three to all of your spell saves.
And plus three to his attacks as well.
I'm a great spell-teller.
You're definitely regretting it now.
No, it's okay.
Because I thought it was like a plus one.
I was like, ah, that's not bad.
No, I rolled really well.
No, no, I was like, plus three?
Plus three to your damage roll.
I was thinking it worked for you.
It was in the heart of the cards.
Thank you.
Damn good.
You know what? You did a good thing.
Yes, yes.
Don't worry, we'll find you a sick bow.
Hopefully you guys can swap.
When Frankie says that, I do look over to Lasagna.
I will be entirely honest, if you do find me a bow that can match the strength of this, I will give it to you.
Facts.
Lasagna says that in character.
Yeah, of course.
I do want to admit something.
The Wicked Witch in the forest, she seems that she might come back, maybe.
But we think that she's after us.
So we don't think we should stay here.
But we hope you the best.
We appreciate your business.
Anybody else got anything they want to say?
I give them a salute.
Is there any other single woman here?
Trying to shoot you shot one more time.
I pulled the card man.
You can thank me for saving you by pulling me to the most desperate woman here.
And then I lean back.
Hey card man, we're friends, right?
Please don't help me with this.
Nix, this is not where you want to experience your experiences.
How is this any different than the back alleys I'm used to?
Well see that's the thing, that's where you have to pay.
You've got to come out of the alley into the main street, the main thoroughfare.
That's where you're going to find somebody who's not going to make it fit.
That's true, that's right.
I don't think they would make me pay, they don't have money.
So they just do it for free.
They save their lives.
Yo, Harz feels like an abyss of power.
I would say so, that's not right.
I don't give a shit.
Well it's a good thing that we do then.
Good thing you're not the one having sex.
Not very good.
I don't know, y'all, Harz has a lot of adoring fans here.
Thanks for so long, and I'm going to lead into Nix and cast Suggestion.
Hey man, what's up with the moat?
Oh wow.
Go ahead and, was it a wisdom?
DC 16, wisdom, I think it's wisdom.
I got decent wisdom, I get advantage on those two.
It's a wisdom.
Oh wow, a 1 and a 20, that's dope.
Oh wow.
Oh, so that's a 1.
So this is a 1.
So you take it.
Oh wow.
Hey, for like 72 hours, it's time to get going, baby.
I'm just like, god damn it.
So.
I'm going to win him on another level.
You are blue balling this man on another level.
You're trying to help him in the long run.
I'm going to win my five fucking goals.
Yes.
I guess you guys are going to keep that goal secure.
Okay, you guys are going to be going away to town.
I do have a clarifying question.
Do you guys think we should leave because of my idea, and that it'll come for us anyway, so we're saving the town?
Or you just not care about the town anymore?
Oh no, I care about the town.
I just, I don't know whether or not she's actually going to follow us.
I personally think she would.
Because we kind of will add a character.
I kind of feel like it was, we destroyed what she was making, you know.
That is true. I did kick the suit.
Yeah.
In character, uh, you know, the winch kicks out, we're good.
I normally would just want to bounce, but also I don't give a shit.
I just walk in a straight line now for the next eight hours.
I didn't say a straight line. I just said, hey, we gotta go.
Yeah, Harun's like, Harun, you are still in the car, right?
Uh, yeah, I'm like still trying to like talk to figure out like, are we, why are we leaving?
Well, I'm just kind of going outside, but you know, Harun's kind of coming in all huffy and angry.
And then you, you're kind of dealing with an angry look in your heart, and then everyone comes in.
Um, and you see, Nix just kind of trying to leave.
Yeah, Nix is hastily trying to leave.
Nix?
Can I try to look through the book?
I just want to try to just get more ideas of her, what she was doing.
Yeah, so, um.
I guess we're moving along.
I'm, oh, sorry, if there was, uh, Wacom, we're doing this.
You don't have to explain it right now. It's just what I want to be doing.
Yeah, okay, so you guys are, so you guys leaving the town then?
Is there any meat I can buy real quick for the dinosaurs?
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
If you tell me that, I will split the gold with you.
Okay, I'll say, the dinosaurs are going to be hungry. We better feed them.
I ran out of meat, so that's a good idea. I'll split the cost with you, Harun.
Just give me a receipt so I can reimburse you.
Hold on a second, let me see what I have.
Oh, yeah, I forgot you're the one that hunted it.
How many?
I think you just gave me the scraps.
Out of character, how many fucking dinosaurs do we have?
Four.
I have three boar steaks.
I have eight of those steaks because it's in the bag of holding.
But I also don't know how much that will last if that's us compared to, like, these big dinosaurs.
Well, I'm going to use all three of them, um, to, you know, just feed it.
I fed them this morning.
It's like around noon now?
It is the afternoon, yeah.
Yeah, so I'm going to give them a little afternoon snack.
I'm going to give one to each one, and then for the fourth one, I just kind of, like, pat them.
I'm like, I do say this just in common, I'm sorry.
So you see how they're in the window, just kind of looking around, just confused.
I mean, there's three of them?
Four.
He only had three steaks.
Yeah.
Not enough dinosaurs.
Four. But he only had three steaks.
There's four dinosaurs?
Yeah.
I never realized this. I thought there was two the whole time.
No, there's four.
I only knew of him and him riding on them.
Yeah, because there's only two that could ride on them.
There's four total.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm going to go back to that meat stand that we were at the first time and see if I can,
like, get some...
You got all the meat.
Huh?
You got all the meat.
That was a couple days ago.
Yeah.
There's no more meat?
There's no more animals on the farm?
This town is very poor, very...
All our hunters are gone.
We just killed our hunters again.
The body is looking at...
Yeah.
There's a lot of men in this town.
That's all there are female hunters as well, because we don't discriminate in this game.
Everyone is proficient.
They don't get a lot of supplies coming through here.
So it looks like we're going to be hunting along the way.
Yeah.
It looks.
Can I go...
Yeah.
Well, why the hell not?
Yeah, we'll celebrate with a hug.
What were you going to say?
Can I go back to the old man who gave us the sickle?
What was his name?
Old man Cartman.
There's Cartman and old man Cartman.
All right.
Well, I go up to him and just say, sorry for buying all of your meat.
And then I'm going to give him five gold.
And he's like, what?
If you like, I made some rabbit soup in the morning if you want.
Can you eat?
No, I was trying to feed the dinosaurs, but we're just going to go hunt.
I have a rabbit.
You think they would like a rabbit?
Well, maybe the fourth one.
Yeah.
Cartman caught a rabbit this morning.
All right.
I'll take it if you don't mind.
He's supposed to be watching the cart.
He set up snares probably.
Just kidding.
I'm not there.
This is the meta bird.
You're not a proficient hunter.
How would you know?
We're really digging into them.
How far away is this conversation happening from all of us between our room and old man Cartman?
Probably a good point.
How long is this taking?
At this point, I'm under the suggestion spell, so I'm out, right?
Well, you just want to leave.
That's what we want.
You're trying to hustle everywhere.
Let's go.
I feel like you're being passive aggressive and just gesturing and being like, haaah.
Haaah.
We should get going.
If you just start going, then that's not necessarily we.
It might be a distance away.
I'm getting slight comments like, wouldn't it be great if we just started walking?
Yeah.
You have an intense or trade hours.
Maybe you're cursing us out.
Let's get on the road.
It's just the fuck.
I just take the rabbit and say thanks and then I tried to feed the rabbit to the last
Rulossaraptor.
Cartman says, I can show you how to catch those.
I'm a pretty skilled crapper, if you know what I mean.
No one gives a shit.
Let's get the road.
We have a hunter.
I do apologize for his behavior, but if our hunch is correct, that witch will follow us
far away from here, which will make you guys be fine from here on forward.
If she doesn't just snitch on us and say we went this way, so she'll go get us.
I doubt that she'll be willing to talk, but it's not a bad idea.
Hey, part of the...
Me?
Yeah.
We're friends?
Best friends.
Best friends do?
Yeah.
When they need to, they separate.
But that's because you're the big man in this village, you need to hunt or trap rabbits
for everyone.
And if you don't, I'll know and then we can't be friends anymore.
I'll do my best.
How old is this person?
Is this a child?
Yeah, he looks probably 12 or 13.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
I have to tell you a thing.
You're the man of this village.
He's like, yeah.
Yeah.
His voice cracks.
Yeah.
It's okay.
Hey.
Fix your voice up, son.
He's actually taller than you, so...
Fix your voice up, son.
I'm going to put my finger on his chest and when he looks down, I'm going to swipe up
and hit his nose.
That's for the road.
Oh wait, Cartman, Cartman.
And then I'm going to reach into the bag of holding and pull out a short sword.
Here you go.
Don't stab yourself.
Please, I have to.
Do not stab yourself.
He's like, oh, he's going to hold it.
I'm going to use this to defend our village.
I don't know about that.
Just tell her where we're at if she shows up.
Do not go looking.
She is strong and you will be many people.
What?
Don't worry about the last part.
Many.
I start pulling out my sword, and I'm like, oh, no.
I'm going to hit my face.
Yeah.
You're going to hit your face.
I'm going to hit my face.
You're going to hit your face.
I'm going to hit my face.
Don't think too hard about it.
You're the strongest man I've ever met.
All right, there we go.
We got a bet.
Yeah, you see him kind of just like as you guys walk, and he's kind of swinging his sword
around.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
As we're leaving, now I'm thinking more and more about the bet between all of us and Nix.
Are there any fine ass bitches in this village?
That's what I've been trying to do, but we got to get out of here.
Maybe the next town.
Definitely the next town.
Nix, you got the right idea.
Yeah, let's go, guys.
I'm so glad he's on board.
Yeah.
I just imagine I'm in the back of the group.
Everyone else is gone, and I just hear some random NPC woman be like, man, I really love
short guys.
I just haven't seen the around.
We got to go.
I'm looking at her with sexual frustration.
Bye.
All the villagers are like, this village of really lonely women is like, ugh, it sucks
none of these men were hot enough.
Oh yeah, I pull up my shirt a little bit, so I don't have to delt.
I do a little lat spread on my way out.
I see you from the back as you walk away.
Yep, yep.
As I'm on top of whatever the dinosaurs, I can't remember their names.
Yeah, going in sentry mode immediately in the passenger seat of the car driver's spot.
Jason, can I just freeze and just... You know sentry mode.
Yeah, I'm doing a full lat spread so they can see that on my way out.
Are you wearing your big old furry still?
Because if you're wearing the fur, they can't really see it.
No, fur's off.
Lat spread, full lat spread.
You see him take them, and he just... You all took his shirt off, and you just... You
see him flexing and walking.
Yeah, I'll be driving the car.
I'll be looking through the book.
I just want to see if there's any information of where she could be.
I'll be chilling with Nix and keeping an eye out.
Making sure he doesn't get any pee.
No, we literally just got threatened by a witch, so I think I'd like to just watch for
her.
Like I said, any pee.
I don't think the witch is going to go for Nix, but if she is...
If she does, I'm 100%.
If she does, I'm shooting you down so hard.
I can give you two dicks.
I'm going to be entirely honest, Frank.
If he ends up fucking the witch, I'm fine with losing my gold.
In fact, I'll throw more at him.
My DC check for that will be a one.
It will take no effort.
We know.
Well, I'm exhausted from those fights.
I just want you to know.
I thought you were with Zogna.
What was that?
Why is Zogna so angry all of a sudden?
I feel like I'm mad at God right now.
I'm like, I'm going to kill you.
I'm going to kill you.
It's not the same to you, Frank.
It's not the same to me.
It's not the same to Zogna.
You're looking through the druid book.
These pages are stained in red.
We feel like they're partridge.
This ink book is funny.
Yeah, I'm sure.
I'm sure.
Zogna is playing the ignorant card while he is trying to accept it.
Touching it with gloves.
Yeah.
You know how you just get the corner of the paper?
Yeah.
That's definitely what I'm trying to do.
Is to literally just get the corner of the paper every time.
You think it's like a dagger to cut?
He's just really trying not to think about it, that's all.
Do I have to read anything interesting? Yeah, see you start reading through it. It's just like chronicles of looks like
Almost a year of like you think about a year or more of
Talking about experiments on people, animals, anything near the village.
On that particular village? No other villages nearby? So far this is just for the village here. Just that village.
And then you just see various notes about making like
some you see describing like
Taking like the process of making a creature and
Describing the creature. So you notice some of the descriptions of the day that she made these creatures
So you kind of recognize some of the ones that you killed.
Awesome. You know there are villagers that had come in and they tried their best to you know
Guys this book is gross as fuck
Yeah, I already told you.
Well, I'm not just talking about the book. I'm talking about what's in the book too.
Hope? It's a lot of experiments of testing animals and people. It's
It's disgusting.
And if you look even closer here, it looks like it's written in blood.
As long as it's not written in wolf shit, it wouldn't be the worst.
How hard of a time are you having to read this?
He's not holding the book. The book is on the floor and he's kind of just using my staff to move the pages over.
I just pick it up from hand in hand and be like, ah, okay. This reminds me of war for some reason.
Oh shit.
Corrin, you're in your Sanctuary mode right now. See if you can break out of Sanctuary mode.
I can hear anything that's going on.
Who's driving? Yarris is driving?
No, so this thing is moving on.
Well, I mean he's in the driver's seat. I think that's what he said.
Yeah, he's in the driver's seat.
Am I rolling Perception?
No, you're rolling Wisdom Save right now. They're next to you while you're talking about this.
So I feel like all of us kind of look at each other at the same time when Nick says that.
I rolled a six.
Yeah, you see, um, he's in Sanctuary mode and kind of stiff and you see he's just sort of violently shaking and you see him start to like, start convulsing and getting out of Sanctuary mode and about to jump.
I grab him with me.
Roll me an Opposing Strength.
He's going to go in there.
Can I also actually roll an Opposing Strength?
He's like right there too.
Go ahead. You want to give advantage to him or you want to just roll?
I want to give advantage.
I'm like cool because I got a one.
Oh, okay. 15.
You can do this for a while. I believe in you.
Did you give him Baric Inspiration?
Uh, no, no. You just said it! You said you believed in me!
This is more spiritual inspiration.
I rolled a 15.
15. Um, finally I'm going to roll again.
Doesn't it mean if he's trying to grapple me that he doesn't grapple me?
Yeah, it wouldn't work.
You guys will try to contain Nix and he kind of just, Nix and Yoharu start to jump on him.
Harun just kind of shakes him, just kind of shakes both of you off and he just kind of starts running and just scared and you see him.
This will ruin your Sanctuary mode so you're going to have to go back to sleep.
Can I roll a D4 to see which direction I go?
Yeah.
Go ahead and explain to us what numbers are what.
I'm going to say a one is straightforward, right two, back three, left four.
I'm running backwards. I run over the top of the caravan and start looking up.
Can I try to confuse him into running towards the next town?
Yeah, what are you going to cast?
I would like to cast a, um...
Uh...
Could I do a spell that just removes the damage?
Sure.
Alright, then I'm going to, um...
Um...
I'm going to get in front of him before he can pick up too much steam and hit him with a Dissonant Whispers.
No damage, I'm just trying to get him to do the other apartment spell which is running straight away from me.
Oh, so like you're catching me right before I pass you over the top?
Yeah, exactly.
So then I, oh I get you.
You turn around and you book it the right way.
Okay, so do I have to roll a save?
Yeah, a wisdom save, hold on a second.
A wisdom save.
Okay, cool, yeah.
15.
16 is the DC, so if you wouldn't mind as you hear in your head, uh...
There's war that way, there's war that way.
There's war that way?
Yeah, the way you were running at me.
Can I roll acrobatics to make it cool, like 180?
Yeah, go ahead and roll acrobatics.
Okay, I'm going 180.
Let's see how good it is.
Oh, that's going to be pretty good still.
For acrobatics, that'd be 21.
So I imagine I do that cartoon skip when I slide my heels into the top of the caravan, but then I just back flip somersault and then start booking it the other way.
This is also after you shook off Y'all Horrors and Nyx.
Yeah.
So now he's going back into Y'all Horrors and Nyx at the front.
Yeah, so he turns around and he's running the other way.
So now he's showing up.
Grab him, guys.
I'm in the fucking cart just hearing this shit go on.
Dirty 20.
Go ahead and let me opposing you.
Actually, if you're going to help, go ahead and roll with advantage.
Go ahead and roll an opposing straight.
Dirty 20, yeah.
Alright.
Oh, I honestly saw it was literally like the 20 was right here and I saw that 20 spinning and I was like, oh my God.
So that's a five.
So I imagine I book it past and then both of you will just grab my fucking arms as I'm going.
Yeah, you do the flip, you let the cool flip go and then you go back to get your sprint and you just go and both of them grab you and pull you back into the cart.
Now this is worth that way.
Let me go.
We're settled down.
We all saw some shit. Get it together.
I slap it.
We're going away from there, so we're okay.
We're not going back there.
Can I roll another wisdom save to see if that works?
Yeah, it's starting to make sense to you.
Eight.
Yeah, you kind of go, but then you're just, you're going to hold him down.
He's just freaking out.
But you guys, imagine holding down and both of you are sitting down with him.
It's so funny.
You always think you're a little big guy.
You're lying.
He's just, as you're all over the place, you're like holding him down and he's just kind of, ah, ah, ah.
Can I tie him up?
Yeah, you can take my manacles.
Wait, I got to do one throw in.
I did.
Yeah, what am I rolling?
Go ahead and roll me a strike to see if you can manage to do this while you're 14.
14 on a rune.
He's actually going to be trying to do this so you can try to find out.
Is he trying to grapple?
He's trying to tie you up now so you can fight back.
Are you helping Nix again?
Yeah.
Could I use a patient defense against this?
Why?
Could I hit him with the little something to distract him?
What are you going to do?
I'm going to point my finger at him and message in his head his own voice.
And he's going to use a little actor thingy here and say, why are you doing this man?
Like he's questioning himself.
Yeah, you see RuneKind just stopped for a moment and he's just like, oh, he's so confused.
He's like, why is he, what, what?
You see RuneKind just stopping and he's kind of just glitching out and he's like, what?
Is that another wisdom?
No, you're just stumped because you heard your own voice.
Oh, I'm just neutral now.
So now I'm panicking in place.
Have you heard his own voice in his head before?
I don't know.
Has he thought thoughts inside his head?
He's only thought thoughts into someone else's head.
Yeah. So you're just like, you're just like, huh?
You see if there's some confusion, there's something new to him.
I'm just going to get that message to start singing him a little lullaby in his own voice in his head.
Just like a little robotic lullaby.
I didn't know I knew this song.
Tie him up, tie him up.
You see him just kind of really confused now.
He's talking to himself and into space and he just seems really confused and he starts humming.
Yeah, I'm hog tying.
Then I'm like, and then I go into sensory mode again.
As he's going into sensory mode and we're done tying him up, I look to the group.
Did we just give him an internal monologue?
Well, you guys don't know about that.
I just.
It was purely a
verbal.
But you helped hold and hog tie him down.
But I saw him muttering.
You saw him muttering and then start humming and you just didn't know what the fuck.
You saw me say, I didn't know I knew that song and then shut down.
I feel like that would still justify me saying that.
Like I don't know what he did.
You're just like, what the fuck is going on?
He's getting sections.
He's getting new.
He's starting to learn.
He's becoming one of us.
Our boy is growing every day.
Let's get the help back on the road.
And germinate.
You go back into sensory mode and hog tie.
That's fine.
You kind of just watch this whole thing go down.
You just need a book and you see him being held down in front of you.
He saw him go.
I'm just going to go sit in the front now while he's taking a rest out here.
Yeah, your hog is just next to you.
I'll just be actively perceiving for the wicked witch of the woods.
If they're doing that, I'm going to take a nap.
You see the clothwits are just kind of following the cart with you.
Yeah, I'm going to go to sleep.
What time of the day is it?
Right now it is getting towards later in the day.
So it's starting to come evening now as you guys have been traveling.
He'll get a fresh start on his eight hour sleep.
Yeah.
I'm also going to go down now.
The Harun situations.
Oh, he's tied up.
And then I'm assuming you two are taking walks then?
Yeah, I mean I feel like we'll probably go for the four hours.
You guys are going to need four hours.
You need eight, right?
Yeah, and then Harun needs six again because he didn't get the chance to finish his sentry mode because he was rudely interrupted.
Rude.
And then we'll just actively perceive things while we're out there.
Yeah, are we going on perception checks?
Guidance.
We're sleeping.
Yeah, you guys are cuddling.
I'm perceiving these dreams.
How tall are you?
However tall you are, plus a nine.
Oh, okay.
I got a nine.
You're kind of just looking at the stars and now that everything's settled down, it's a beautiful night.
It is a beautiful night.
You don't really see anything, it just kind of goes by.
Everything's kind of quiet and peaceful.
I mean after probably like the four, you know, a little while, we'll figure, look to Y'all Horus and be like, probably want to get to bed for the night.
Yeah, it's getting like towards night time and you guys are going to try to find somewhere to camp.
You guys roll a perception check?
Yeah, nothing happened.
How good were the rolls?
Because he can also see, so he would.
No, you're tied up in the car.
I was tied up in the passenger seat because I ran to the passenger seat and got tied up there.
They didn't hogtie you, so did you hogtie them and leave them sitting?
Yeah, I just hogtied them and passed out.
So you're sitting there with us too.
Yeah, so you see him like, he's kind of leaning up against Y'all Horus just tied up.
I love it.
He's just like, I guess.
Can I roll to see if we get any better?
For what?
For the perception.
Yeah, go ahead and roll a perception.
17.
Yeah, 30 to 20.
You guys, everything's so far really peaceful, it's like the night's kind of going on.
Nothing's really catching your eye.
Hmm.
Find a good spot so we can set up some camp.
What do you say, Y'all Horus?
Oh, I feel like that's an ambush waiting to happen if I'm being entirely honest.
I mean, are you willing to stay up?
Because I'm a little tapped.
I'm willing to stay up.
Okay, I'll be up in four hours.
Alright.
So we could take your four hours while we could try to maybe set up breakfast while we take a nap or something.
Y'all Horus, you are a ranger which means you're good with your directions and stuff.
Go ahead and roll me an intelligence check to see how far you are from your destination.
Gotcha.
I also get a bonus on this because of your favorite terrain.
Yes, sir.
Don't we get a proficiency bonus, I believe?
Yeah, I believe so.
We look our damn...
Rangers are great in their favorite terrain, but when they're not.
Or a favorite enemy.
Double my proficiency bonus, so I'm rolling a...
Oh, you're rolling an intelligence check to see how...
With the maps and everything else, if you remember...
If you kind of got thrown off from your journey on how far you are, so...
Oh, yeah.
Fuck yeah, bitch. It's a 30-20.
Yeah, you're just like, we're about a day away. We're still making pretty good time.
We're about a day away. We're making great time.
Oh, yeah.
Don't overwork those clothlets tonight.
I fed them earlier, they'll be fine.
Yeah, one of them had some rabbits, so...
So we take our little naps.
Yes, sir. All right. See, you guys are about a day out from there, so you guys are going to be traveling.
Let's see...
And you guys are going to be camping for the night?
I said that I would stay awake and then just keep going.
Yeah, I feel like after the four hours of that, probably I wake up, we might just stop, feed the clothlets, let him take a nap.
Yeah, and then get in for us, and then he'll be awake by that point, too, you can swap out.
Perfect, yeah, so you guys are about four hours later, you see Yoharis go to bed and you take his place, and then he kind of just hands you Harun and leaves Harun on you.
That's true, I do.
Harun's still got a few more hours until he's fully rested.
I mean, I got six hours total.
Did he rest at all when he was sitting with Yoharis and I?
Yeah, so it's four hours because...
I took four hours, if he was resting a little bit, he only needs six.
He needs six, yeah, so he needs two more.
So you're taking four...
I'm taking the full four.
And then you were leaving him?
Yeah, that would put everybody at eight because I was sitting with him for about four.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, but his original sleep was interrupted by war things, so then he had to restart.
Okay, I see.
So he didn't actually get a chance to rest because he was pulled out of it.
So yeah, so he's still kind of on you for at least two more hours, and then he'll be ready.
But for at least two hours, he's just kind of leaning on you.
I can still see him here.
I don't think I can respond.
So yeah, then after about two hours, Harun kind of just perked up, and he's still tied up.
Oh shit, I probably would have undid his restraints if I saw that.
When he leaned him on you, he was still tied up.
Oh, I would have probably undid that.
Were they in my shackles?
No, it was just my rope.
That's my one rope, so I'm going to look for that when I wake up.
But if he wakes up, I'm going to tell him, do you have some of those steaks for the claw foots?
Yes.
So Nick, you wake up.
Or we could go hunting while your Harus is asleep.
Yeah, your Harus is asleep.
What if we feed them some steaks and go hunting?
You wake up to them talking about food.
Okay, I have a great idea.
How long does your Harus need to sleep?
So as you guys are talking about this, Nick kind of comes up to you and grabs his rope from your hand.
Oh, okay.
He doesn't even ask you to grab it.
I'm not saying a word, just grabbing it and going back to my spot.
What were you saying?
He was asking how long does your Harus need to sleep?
He needs about four more hours to sleep.
Well, he was sleeping for about an extra two.
Well, he had a weekend, so he hadn't even slept yet.
Yeah, so I'll give him a few more hours.
We got time.
So he's got about two more hours.
We got time.
So all you guys are awake by this point, except for your Harus, are still recovering because he watched for you guys.
Sleep math.
So let's go hunting without our hunter.
He's not so good at it.
What could possibly go wrong?
Are you going to leave him asleep alone in the cart?
Yeah, I would watch out.
I was going to say you do tie him up.
I'm not the greatest hunter, so if you guys would like to go, I'll watch the cart while you guys go hunt.
I'm not too bad.
I'm just good with tracking things.
I'm really not good with killing things without bullying them.
You know what? I think I'm a decent hunter.
You want to go?
Yeah, I'll go.
I'll stay with the cart.
You want to stay with the cart?
I'll be their nature boy.
To help them track.
So Frank, you're staying back with the cart?
Yeah.
You're staying back in Clawfoots and sleeping on Harus?
Yep. I'm going to message some sweet nothings into your Harus' head so he has both of your dreams.
Thank you.
He's just like, bitches, money, bitches, money.
Chill, Harus.
He's just going back to town as people clap for the whole dream.
Four hours of just, woo!
And you're like, you're making me feel like I'm going to die.
So what do you do for hunting? Is that survival?
I'll be your guider for that.
You're guiding the Zeke.
No, I was going to say, because it's kind of my thing, I guess.
Are you going to give yourself guys?
Yeah.
What's your survival?
I'm at plus three.
I'm at plus five.
Oh, I'm at a plus five too. Sorry, I was looking at nature.
I'm going to just cast guidance on myself.
Can I give him advantage?
14 plus five, 19.
So you see, you see Lazard just uses the nature to give him advantage.
He uses something like the vines to ensnare animals.
Okay.
You see him do a prayer over his kill if he has respect for the laws of nature.
Do I kill it?
Yeah, you're hunting!
Oh, I thought, you know, I was just tracking him.
Sweet, sweet.
So do we all get our rolls in?
What did you roll for survival?
I didn't roll yet.
Oh, you rolled, you rolled.
That's not good.
Yeah, so you're kind of failing and then you see like a deer kind of galloping across.
You see him use one of the vines to kind of ensnare and catch it.
Is it dead?
Oh yeah, he killed it.
I don't want to skin it though.
I got it.
I'm going to turn my back to that part.
Yeah.
Are you going to help Parun or are you going to do it yourself, Nix?
Well, is this a sleight of hand or an attack roll?
It's going to be a sleight of hand.
I'm pretty good at that. I'll try.
Yeah, Nix, go ahead and roll advantage.
Nix is helping you out.
Where's...
Oh, there it is.
Okay, that's 23.
Yeah, you managed to say that you skinned this perfect pelt and you get...
So it's completely...
You got this perfect pelt so you can use it for whatever you want to craft with it.
Is it a three star?
It's a three star pelt. It's perfect, yeah.
And you have the carcass...
Where are you playing? Cutting into the carcass here or just gaming the carcass through the animals?
I'd cut it in fours at least.
Yeah, so you chop it up into four pieces and you would...
Nix is strong enough to carry the whole thing so he's carrying these four chunks of deer.
Just grabbing them two by two.
Yeah, he grabs like... you kind of just split it apart.
You use the rope.
Yeah, I use my rope.
Make little dumbbells out of it.
Yeah, I look over it like this is why I wanted it back.
You're just kind of walking and working your way around.
Right, right. Yeah, this is exactly what I was imagining.
He's doing curls with a walkie talkie.
Yeah, he's doing curls with a...
Like, I'm so good at weights, I'm so happy, I was losing my pump.
As you see, you're still kind of running your gears like...
So how long does this take as we're trying to be parallel with the cart and all that?
Or did you guys stop?
They stopped.
So you guys were hunting, it took you guys about an hour or so just looking around.
You guys kind of lost until Zongo was like, alright, let me get us a deer.
And then you had to skin it.
You took your time, so you made sure you didn't rush it and you took your time and did it perfectly.
So you guys were also out there doing that and making sure it was done perfect.
So I got a deer pelt?
Yeah.
How much meat did we get off of that?
So it was about a medium sized deer, so you guys got a pretty decent amount of food.
A people's amount of food.
Well, I never did feed the steaks to the dinosaurs, I said we were going to, I never did.
So we could keep the steaks for ourselves if we got this big deer.
Yeah.
So you definitely know this is going to be plenty to feed them.
Oh, okay, okay.
No problem.
Then I would be chill with the hunt and my pump and head back to Canton.
Can I look for any nests in the trees for some eggs?
Going 100% for you.
Eggy.
Again?
I don't know if guidance is going to be the thing to fix that.
No.
Yeah, you're kind of looking, but you're like, what are eggs?
What are eggs? I'm eating eggs.
Can you push the roll?
So you used eggs, but you don't know what makes eggs.
I don't know what makes eggs.
I'm looking on the ground for eggs.
Yeah, you're looking on the ground and you're like, where are eggs?
I think there's a rabbit somewhere.
I was more like, what are the ingredients that make up an egg?
When you guys go to the kitchen, he uses eggs, but he doesn't know where they come from.
That's true.
I'm looking in the trees for eggs because trees are the things that make eggs.
Can I help him by saying, Harun, if you're looking for eggs, you got to look high because they come from birds.
Yeah, you see him look high, but then he's kind of just looking at the trees and he just like, he just doesn't know what he's looking for.
He's kind of just looking at me, he's like, whoa, there's trees.
Can I do a survival check to see if I find any eggs?
You can try.
I definitely am now looking for eggs.
He's looking for the English.
Oh, too bad because it's a nine.
Yeah.
Nick, help us look for eggs.
Yeek, that's also a nine.
You guys are just looking around like, there's no eggs around here.
You have no idea where the birds are.
I can't find any fucking birds.
I'm too focused on my pump.
You're just like, what? Oh, these? Yeah, these are natural.
No one asked.
He's like, yeah, it tastes bitey. It tastes biceps, yeah.
All right, we're going to go back then.
Feed the clumps.
Frankie, as you've seen about an hour or so later, you see Nick's holding what looks like pieces of deer and he's just doing curls with them and he's netting.
He's made with them and just kind of pumping curls.
And then you see Harun and Luzanda coming up behind him and you're going to feed the claw foot.
Yeah, I take them one at a time.
You see them and they just start tearing these things.
They look excited. Yeah, I pet one. I laugh.
Yeah, they're just like, they're excited.
They're just like, the one you've been riding has been just, he's kind of just like, yeah, making these guys just like leaning into you as he's eating.
And then having him in here and shit as he does it.
When it gets closer to the time, like maybe an hour or so before your harvest would have to wake up, can I like, I start cooking some of those steaks for us?
Yeah.
Right, I have Flint.
You wake up to the smell of cooking meat.
Hell yeah.
You're kind of well rested. You had some really like pleasant dreams.
You're dreaming of admiration and you're like, oh god, I'm so great.
And then you wake up to meat and you're like, oh my god.
Hell yeah, it was in character as well.
Again, I go to check on where the meat smell is coming from.
I say, Yaris, I made steaks.
You can cook?
Yeah.
I don't know if they're done.
If I see them like cooking the steaks, I'll help them season it.
Yeah, I wouldn't do that.
Harun's kind of there, but you see Lazare kind of taking over. You see him going on.
He has like a satchel of herbs and he's kind of just dusting them off.
I'm pretty good with the moving and cutting of the steaks, but the seasoning.
You see Harun holding it over the fire with his hand.
He just has, yeah, flipping it over on his hand.
He hit me knee pressing.
You're like, meat.
How do you like your meat, Yaris?
I like it cooked, preferably.
All the way through? You like a little blood in your...
I prefer cooked meat. I don't care.
Okay. Kind of feel it to see how it's...
Tenderness? Yeah.
You're an expert, you know.
What do I roll for that?
Just roll for tenderness.
Roll chef.
To 12.
Go ahead and add your intelligence, if you like.
Oh, wait, he's sort of smart.
Actually, I'm going to roll your wisdom, because I feel like it's a wisdom thing.
Your experience, maybe...
It would be a 17 if it's a wisdom.
You know your way around some meat.
Yeah.
You're gaming at a game.
Yeah.
Say, you...
You're gaming?
We're gaming.
Yeah.
Say, you're feeling the meat, and it feels good to you.
It feels nice in front of the camera.
Sorry, Yaris, this is for you.
I serve him up a plate.
Alright, how does it taste?
Pretty fantastic. It's a pretty well cooked steak.
I also got my chef hat on.
You see me look just at a weird form of tired, but also elated, and I look to both of you.
This is one of the best things that I've had since the train. Thank you.
No problem.
Yeah, high five.
I think this was the steak that had you ideas.
I'm thinking I might be able to use this later on.
We need to talk about the seasonings that you used.
Oh, and I pull out a box from my backpack, and it's literally just a bunch of little tiny mason jars just full of seasonings.
They're not labeled at all.
Of course.
I also have more steaks.
We should hold on to these, and also buy a big pot.
Oh, and only we got the cauldron.
I could have lifted it and everything.
Could you have lifted that?
Right here.
You clean out all the cauldron blood.
Could have been a weapon, you know.
First of all, I don't think they have any idea on food safety, so I don't think they're worried about blood in their cauldrons.
You would be worried about it.
Oh yeah, I would never eat anything out of that.
Looking in my inventory, going through my bag in character, I realize I'm already one step ahead, and I pull out a big iron pot.
You're like, oh wait a minute.
It's like a cast iron pot?
Yeah.
We need to think about using those same seasonings and the same cut of meat in terms of a thick stew.
Stew.
Do you know what a stew is?
You know.
It's like something you put like potatoes, sometimes you cook, you make it with like rabbit and carrots.
Can you use the fat of the meat?
You can always use the fat of the meat.
I trim that off.
Oh no, you don't trim it off, what you do is you cut it, you cook it down, and then you cook it with the meat.
Start taking notes.
You know, like humans are strange.
It's flavors.
I can appreciate him, even though I can't do it, I'm like, it makes them happy.
Harun is the art of it, because he knows how to make bread, so it's like art to you.
What if we add alcohol?
I'm like, look, he honestly doesn't know if that's a good idea or not.
I immediately look at your heart.
I like the way that he thinks. I like the way that you think.
He's evolving.
The next time we go to, I'll be looking.
I pull out my peach meat and say, well, let's get on the road to the next city.
Woo!
Nix, you've been really great, and I take a chug of my peach meat and I hand it over to him.
I'm like physically shaking. How much?
How much can I have?
I mean, I feel like I probably took a big...
A pear?
Oh yeah, the pear meat. Sorry, I said peach again. I'm sorry.
I probably have drank about half the bottle and just handed him the rest, just fully expecting what's about to happen.
Half a bottle, okay, and you give me the full permission?
Yes.
Okay, I instantly like, I'm like slamming the back of it to get it in faster.
Yeah, go ahead. Do you know how spinning is so it doesn't fall away?
Yes.
You're trying to find a lady.
No.
That's how you get the encouragement.
Swirling.
Didn't even eat his steak first. He just really drank.
Go ahead and roll me a con save.
Uh, 13.
Yeah, you see him chug it, you see him holding it together.
Did he have any? Yeah, he's like, oh man, oh man, you little bitch.
I bring him over to steak immediately. I know how this is going to fit.
You see him just grab it and start eating it with his hands.
Yeah.
As he's doing all this, Herwin's going to look a little worried. He's going to take his holy water skin and like kind of flick some holy water at him.
I enjoy it.
He's cooling me down and I'm eating some meat.
Getting a full experience here right now.
I'm going to ritually cast Unseen Servant and have it feed me so I can get these little fingies in there.
Yeah, you see like, it's invisible, right?
Yeah, it's an invisible unseen force.
How far am I from it?
So he's kind of like, maybe like 10 feet from me and you see like...
Oh, I blind sight with him 10 feet.
Uh, it's an unseen servant, so would that be...
You could feel it.
Yeah, I could feel it out.
You could feel it something.
It's invisible.
I think he can see.
It's an invisible shapeless force.
Okay, I just see like a weird shapeless force feeding.
You feel like the force like kind of moving and feeding.
What the fuck?
So you know it's magic too.
This guy's weird.
But you're like...
I respect it. If I could do it, I would do it too.
You know what, this guy knows magic.
Yeah.
He knows a little bit more than magic.
He knows some total foolery as well.
Yeah.
So is it two more days then for the ring?
I think it's just one more day.
Oh, oh.
Shit.
No, that would be...
It was four days, right?
So I think it's...
What was it, four days?
It was three days.
But then it was the fight.
From the fight.
And then we stayed the night at the...
Yeah.
Right.
And then we just had another night.
So one more day.
So yeah, so you guys are about day out.
So you guys just travel along the route.
And then you see some farmlands.
The forest.
And about the air so traveling you get to this...
Giant fortress of a city.
Oof.
Whoa.
Before we approached that,
Lasagna would have definitely pulled out the map because of...
Yeah, so you're approaching...
You see it.
It's these giant walls.
See, you're kind of at a distance.
You can definitely tell where you're going.
So you're not all the way there yet, but you just see this...
This looming towering city filled with these tall walls.
I'm more meaning like a secretive entrance that we're not going through security.
You catch my drift.
Would I know any of that?
So you know that in this major city you would have to go through the main...
Because...
Shit.
Then, do I know like...
Is any, I don't know, type of person more respected than others just generally speaking?
Are they racist?
So go ahead and roll me a history check to see how much you know about this place.
Can I get a guidance?
Yeah.
That's awesome.
You see a poverty, just keep your hand on it.
So that's going to be a 21.
Yeah, so this is a...
So you know this is a really...
Well respected military city where a lot of the most advanced and finest weapons are just came from.
So this is a very like militarized city.
So this is where they respect rank and experience.
Okay.
So with that, am I familiar with like uniforms and...
Are there any kind of like, I don't know, restrictions for the type like racial restrictions for the military?
No, this is a place of like law and order.
Okay.
Do you know the uniform at least?
No, not necessarily uniform, but this is just...
Something that would denote like...
I mean you can just have like a...
It's more so like, once you kind of talk to them because...
This is years after the war so no one really uses uniforms anymore.
Okay.
Yeah, so this is kind of just like...
It's still a militarized city as in like this place is still kind of always ready because this is a place where they kind of still believe like in case anything happens they're always ready.
So it's like there's not really like uniforms as we say for war but I mean you can always just talk your way and kind of...
Yeah.
I immediately lock eyes with Frankie and then just kind of give him the look of like...
Okay.
See ya.
Hey, we're at the city.
Hello.
See, he's not even at the gate yet.
I think I'm close to the...
These giant looming gates down on top you see like watchtowers and...
As we like close to...
Like relatively close to the front I'm gonna go like be inside the thing and I'm gonna do a disguised self on that myself and I'm gonna be a short pudgy human man.
Perfect.
I'm walking probably a little bit ahead of the cart.
And like...
Not much.
Do you set commas close to nothing that stands out or would attract me?
Yeah.
Alright, so as you pull forward you see that there are guards standing there and they are fully...
They got like these shining plate of armor as you approach.
I think that's a good point to call it for the night.
Yeah.
Alright.
Good session.
It was a good session.
Good talking.
We got a new cool item too.
You got a new cool item?
You put down some Amunculi that got science done.
We were so so close to a force fire.
So close.
So I had to feed the Holy Water.
The Zogman almost went anti-drill on us and...
I just was trying to think of other ways that we could probably do it without me having to use that spell slot.
That was all.
Hey, but you rested too.
Yeah, it was never an issue of like, you know, it was going to get burned down.
I always have some type of water spell prepped.
The master of all four elements must.
Wind.
Copyrights.
We don't want it.
I didn't say any particular show though.
I didn't either.
I'm just saying.
You gotta be right when the world looks all calm and then the undead nation attacks.
Shit hit the fan.
During the big evil bad times.
It vanished.
That's when they called Juan P of all four.
The master of water, fire, ether, and absent.
And funk.
Did you say meth?
Methane.
Oh, methane.
I really like water, fire, ether, and funk.
Meth.