dude why is your cat twerking on me?
what?
don't you dare
ever say that again
she's throwing ass dude she's throwing ass
don't you dare say that again
she just likes to be petted
alright not heavy petted but petted
she's a sora
my cat's the same way she likes to go up to
and just be like that's her signal for you
like she doesn't do so much like the butt twitch but like a tail twitch
that's telling you like hey
right here
rub her hips on you and that's
her hips don't lie and I'll tell you that
honestly need me a freak like that
sssshhh
you hear that cat?
not that one
she looks like you
hey hold on a minute
I wanna watch my cute dog like you
we found out our kid likes her ass loud
did you see mom getting it done
and she's like I want that too
do you know
do you know what that is when cats like to have their ass loud?
that's their rod in their stone yeah
yeah
you are
you're beating off your cat
when sometimes they like it
they're like right above their tail as like the base
they like to have scratches like it's also the same thing
they know it's love but at the same time
they're like they're horny as fuck
that's why I limit those scratches
I only do like the middle back
that's as far back as I go
there's a lot going on right now
but anyways god damn it
this is freaking nerds
we like cats
what?
we do
we just know nothing but like the 30 seconds before we start each podcast
we'd probably not have a podcast
fucks
just so we know this is not being recorded at my house
this is a D&D podcast
where we smoke some dank and have some drink
I am Will or Will I am I don't fucking know
but I play Lazzagna Moscon
a druid wood elf cleric
I am Will or Will I am I don't fucking know
a druid wood elf cleric
fun fact about Y'all Horace
fun false fact?
oh yeah yeah fun false fact
I don't know why I keep saying that
but fun false fact about Y'all Horace here
you see everybody likes to call him an alcoholic
but he actually ran the AA meetings
in the war times
because obviously you know when we were all at war
there was a lot of people drinking so there was always obviously problems
he ran those meetings
to keep the people in check
I always kept it anonymous
it's like the drug dealer showing up
they need it
close
so yeah
instead of looking for clients he was looking for buddies
do as I say not as I do
I knew my pocketbook was hurting you all are here
man
Y'all Horace is not an alcoholic
he just loves elvish brandy
but hello
I didn't say you were an alcoholic
I said you were helping our soldiers out on the field
you also said it was a false fact
I helped with my arrows
and maybe not so much with my
like hey man maybe we should dial it back
in the booze but hello I'm hard
no I'm Ryan
and my character is Y'all Horace Sithrith
I'm an Aladdin Ranger
in the summertime
and a fun false fact
about Frankie the Fairy
is that he owns
7 pairs of tap shoes
and has never
used them because he flies
that's really true
that's actually kinda true
I don't know about owning them but
my feet don't touch the ground
too good for the ground
now the real question is does he cast like an illusionary sound
like he taps every single time he walks
when he's flying
god I hope so
Frankie is
I don't know how tall Nick is but like
let's say 6 inches taller than him
okay
so you're selling me that he has a good
6 inches on him
whether you want to say vertical or
horizontal which I don't know
why can't it be both
all dimensions
hi I'm Ben
and I play Frank the Tank
Frank the Fairy
Frankie and I am a
fairy bard here to
cause maximum mayhem for minimum effort
a false fact
about Nick's
is that
he used to be tall
he was actually
I don't know
he was a Goliath but
you know what I'm gonna cut in here
and I hate to do this because I have a false
fact about Nick's and I've never been able to get it off
I need to get it off
you need to get off? I need to get off here
understood
I'm going to go ahead and my false fact about
Nick's is he has no knees
he actually walks around
all the time but he killed many men though
he kills many men
that's why it's his signature move
yes
he used to have bees for knees but now
I lost my knees at the same time I lost
my ability to speak elvish
there is a bee?
that's where your story is elvish
I am Nick's
a false fact
about Harun
is that
he has
adjusted well after
the war
making friends, handling
situations fine, never getting stressed out
about things, never overwhelmed
yeah, the self-actualized
or forged
his nickname
he really took me in a monk to heart
and just zoned in
that is hilarious
because he is supposed to be a monk and he is
not very centered on it
he's working on it
he is working on it
as a fun and false fact
that is very false
my name is Mark, I play
Harun Wen, a warforged monk
kind of a baby
he has a false fact
for Lizogna
the false fact
is
kind of going off of my last
false fact which was that you
absorbed your twin in the womb
my actual false fact is that
that was false, you
were the absorbed twin
but your
psyche was just stronger
so you ended up just mind battling
and took over the body
so does Lizogna have two personas now?
no, no, no
you killed the other one
I killed the other one
it's just Lizogna and his twin Casarone
you don't know this
but my father is
Tony and my mother is Rega
why do the clown
together they make some good Rega Tony
dear lord
you have a cousin named Pustichio
look at his younger brother
don't bring him into this
he was cut out of the family
I'm a good family theme, noodles?
let's do it
let me tell you the family reunion
has a lot of things there
you don't want to talk about Penny
my family's name is
people with J names
so I have 31 first cousins that began with J
how many J names are there?
there's a lot
actually it's so funny that you mention that
because my cousins
like almost all of them
have fucking J names as well
so my dad has six kids that are all J
and my mom has six kids
so for my dad it's Jaz, Joe, Justice, Sia, Jane, and Joel
and with my aunt it is
James, Joy, Jeremiah, Jessica, and Jordan
they had to plan this shit
that was one of their cousins
he gets it
that's amazing
on top of all the other 20 different J names
the only repeats are
Josiah, John, and James
Josiah is so common
and John and James are also very common as well
so that makes sense
what about some Jinkleheimer shit?
let me ask you
where's the Jebediahs?
it's funny because that's what they call me in downtown
where's the jobs?
it's not even a joke
so Godzo
what are you wearing?
talking about cats and you guys not being assholes
I'm wearing my cat asshole socks
and Mark just gave me
look at these
they're cat assholes
if you ever saw South Park and you saw the cats
putting their assholes in there
just imagine that but on socks
it's a beautiful gift, thank you Mark
and Shasta
when I saw it it really made my face pucker
so I had to get into it
I feel like shit now
do you?
he was just showing you a sign of love
yeah just showing how comfortable we are
that being said Mark we'll show you his butthole if you want to see it
I'm not interested in the brown ass
I'll show you my tail too
you just gotta watch out for those worms
you want a deworm?
dealaskan bullworm
big hairy and pink
once you start to purr
please don't bring Spongebob into your cat asshole stuff
I'll bring Spongebob into wherever I want
but not sponsored
not sponsored, but we'll talk about it before we give a post
I want to mess with Nickelodeon, they own Garfield
that's true
what is your real fact?
my real fact?
so Garfield
Garfield is an actual character in the game
I mean there is a Garf clan
his real fact is that we all like
socks with cats with assholes on
we all own a pair now
next character that we come across
is going to be named Garfellius
I'm not sure
I'm not sure if this is going to be named Garfellius
my fact will be for
Yoharis
he is now even more racist
you're trying to ruin his character
I'm talking towards goblins
I'm just fucking with you
he yells
he yells, who's next?
Yoharis
in his affinity for spritzers
and wines has made him
start a little bit of a fan club
with Frankie
so now they are connoisseurs
together, this is a double
that's cheating
that doesn't count towards Frankie
I thought we were talking about starting a Frankie
fan club
in my first fan club
I'm the one that has adoring fans
I have folk hero in my backstory
and now he'll
when he goes to towns he'll specifically
want to look for new alcohols
you're right
that sounds interesting
he's just like me for real
so what have you encountered so far
you've encountered Brandy
we did whiskey at the
town we just went to
where you had your drinking contest
you also had the mead
the chef gave you
your friend, it was Pear
or Pear, my bad
I thought it was Peach
he keeps saying Peach
I keep saying Peach
who's going to do the recap
oh yeah, who wants to do the recap
go right ahead and take it away
so to clarify, our last episode
started in the middle of that fight
no
so I know I'm a little behind
and it's because of the things
that are, you know
I know what happened last episode
last episode we actually started on
the ship
we actually started right before the ship
oh that's right
we camped out
so I remember we said we took a bath
to bathe ourselves in the gorgon
you guys were soaked in blood
got on the ship, spoke to some of the crew
the false captain, which was actually the
grand nephew
the grandson
and then we took his hat
and then we threatened him
we?
we threatened him into
we?
saying that he lost the hat
and he got
smacked by his grandpa
and then Harun saw
that he had more hats
he went a little hat crazy over that
and Frankie talked
out a deal for him
in which case
Frankie was like
you owe me and
Harun thought that meant confirming
that he had owed him, but then he did
also say yes, so now he
has owed two favors to Frankie
and his
response was, but I had buddy
damnit
it's kind of working out for Harun
I mean like I've cleaned up a couple of
messes behind you, threatening people
into silence
it is true because you need the favors
I get my comeuppance
I really only have favors for Harun though
because he rolled a natural 20
for my whole person when he freaked
out inside of there
and that was the first time he ever broke
out of my board
you always fail, and that was like the first time he ever
failed
he's learning
also stuck my head under water
and Gonzo tried to drown me
I can't be drowned
wait wait wait, I was getting there
so then
Lazzagna said some kerfuffle
BS about there being
oxygen in water, even though that is true
it's not BS
it was BS to not fully
explain it
he took it his own way
so
I said the fish can breathe
down there because there's air
that's what I said
he felt like a fish
so Nix decided to
do a little science experiment
and I wanted to make sure that he didn't float away
so I held onto the back of his shirt
when he tried
he choked and did not succeed
and he started tapping Harun's wrist
and Harun didn't know what that meant
so he's just holding on to Nix
making sure he doesn't
float away, being the good friend
that he is until your
horrors was nice enough to be like
let him up
so I yanked his ass up
and he was like, what the hell Harun?
and I was like, Lazzagna you lied
and
we eventually
were able
to find out the real timing
on how long it was going to take
we got to shore
we decided
to tell the goblins kind of fuck off
except for one and then we got some info
out of him that I guess we already had
and then, confirmation
and then knocked his ass out
I don't know this
but I left a torch and some matches
for the kind person
and Frankie immediately picked it back up
so he doesn't even have that
but we made friends
with the dinosaurs
and we kinda have an idea of where we want to go now
and so we had the cart
the goblins are not near us
that captain had another fucking hat
and he lied to me
and it was a purple one and it looked really cool
but we were on our way
to deliver our
bacon squives
how many hats
do you have now?
I have the maid hat
the sous chef hat
the actual chef hat
I have I believe three cap'n's hats
the grandson's child's hat
and
a green and red I believe
a green, red and
black
tricorns
yeah tricorns
and I believe that's it
for my hat list so far
I want more hats
Gonzo made a fun fact
so I'm kinda
gonna go for those hats
it's kinda funny now
it's a great bit honestly
it's great that I finally got off the water
and I was like I'm pretty sure he lied
and he just made me buy it
with a new hat on
he didn't have to do that
he definitely
he had to stop me again this time
I was like ahhh
I think I'm gonna run out of water, no don't try
that's when he went on Harun's list
he's like what do you mean
I'm making a map
to murder
murder definitely doesn't matter as you know
so where do we pick up Gonzo?
I'm marking to get the inspiration so
oh yes that's what I was gonna ask that
he also did forget that
more so for
his bad
his bad dreams
his little aversion
he did peacefully negotiate those
the goblins leave him cause he saw them abusing the animals
as a druid
as one who's one with nature he didn't like it
which
on our side quest when we got them
it popped up
free the dinosaurs
we gotta figure that out
I feel like I should have already used my wild shape
because there's a chance that it would have by now
reloaded again
I feel like I'm just missing out
and then eventually I'm gonna use it
and then we're gonna need it again and I'm like
dammit
you're gonna be a kung fu fighting bear
a kung fu panda
the octopus is still the move, more arms
now here's the real question
if you wild shape
say as a bear and you do an
unarmed strike can you
then use your key points
to do fury blows
as a fucking bear
Ben
class features vary over the wild shapes
oh my god
you can't cast any of your spells
he doesn't have spells
he's a monk
that's great
it's pretty common for multiglass to have
maybe not so much monk
but one of the biggest multiglasses
moon druids
and totem barbarians
and you get to be a really angry animal
and take half damage
with your extra health and you just go around
and lock it up
that's fucking amazing
definitely great
Ben's been DMing for I don't know many years now
oh wow, I've read a lot
I've read a lot
oh my god
he's probably
forgotten more than we know
lasagna is gonna be jealous when he sees you do that now
you're gonna be a better druid
sorry Gonzo
you're both in a wild shape and then you see me
all of a sudden this bear is a flying
backflip kick
that's bullshit
so you guys
camped out at an old abandoned building
with a barn and camped out there for the night
we need to get some pack tech
what's going on
oh dude you turned over some walls
one of them is fighting and the other one gets up on his back legs
and throws that high kick
two dire wolves
lasagna loves changing into dire wolves
one
challenge rating one
oh yeah he can do it too
and Nix loves to ride dire wolves
oh he loves riding
Harun is a little mad at Nix for riding
the dinosaurs so he's not letting
everyone get in a ride right now
Nix is on that couch
back of the caravan sir
he's probably the only person besides
Frankie might be able to actually
fit the claw foot too
yeah I think we talked about
them two can fit on the claw
foots but nobody else
because they only have a strength of 12
so it's not that much
that's my strength but I'm faster
which means I'm better than a claw foot
I can fly so I'm also better than a claw foot
I think your strength is also
based on your weight as well
based on your carrying capacity
yeah
I think if I try hard enough I could probably
beat the last one
I mean if they got to
scrape the 12
I can say
I ain't no bitch
I think we want to free them
we don't want to hurt them
I think we did say
we were kind of flipping off since we're the
four hour buddies
myself and
Yoharis are first watch
and then we're going to flop to
how many hours do you need
I mean
yeah
yeah we're going to wait
you guys are kind of just
waking up
I don't know if you guys are cooking or anything
I will tend to the claw foots
yeah I will tend to the claw foots
during my watch
alright
how are you tending to them
I do believe I picked some
stuff up during the last time
we have meat
oh yeah I do have some meat
that I will definitely give them
let me just make sure that I have
in here like a deducted
deducted sorry
yeah because I got like nine steaks so there was
what four claw foots three claw foots
four there was four
I mean I'll probably like throw one out and see how
that does and see if
I need to throw another one out
yeah you throw one out and then one of them just eats the whole thing
one of them just eats okay yeah I will definitely just give
one of them to each of them
so I will definitely just throw one
to each of them and then just deduct
four steaks
yeah you see them kind of just trip her up and just
scarf it down
I'm just gonna you know the one
I'm gonna try to distinguish the one that I've been
casting animal friendship on
and then cast animal friendship
on him again it last time
I did that
I did that and then cast animal friendship
on him again it last for twelve hours
Nizamika DC wisdom
saving throw thirteen
alright let's see
big money big money big money I rolled a
sixteen shit
am I awake at this point or not
it could help you
I probably won't cause I was probably gonna do this
during my watch type of thing
it's totally fine but I will just
you know still just
kind of pet him and just be like we're gonna
we're gonna find your mom soon I swear
perfect
you guys would kind of
wake up and you just see lasagna tending to
the claw foots
I would help
I need a moment to do a little sauce box
yeah
just as you're riding them
yeah I would go help lasagna
tend to these animals
perfect
yeah so you guys still have a couple more days to get to your
roll of ony voop point
you're gonna pass a few more towns that are kind of
like similar to this
do we go any like as we're
passing through like more meat
to sustain the
the claw foots
in terms of like towns are you
trying to like hunt for them or
well I mean we could try to do some
like hunting um but I also
meant like when we do pass through towns
yeah we could do that just keep an eye out for that
I mean if you want to try some hunting we have
a man that is
definitely made to hunt
who's here hunting the greatest
I don't know if he feels if he feels
you see him wake up and hold his bow he's like hunt?
I'm just like having myself
a bit of a ration as we're just
chilling here in the barn
if you want I can see what I can
find out in the plains
I'm normally used to the forest but I've been getting
more acquainted to this area
so I could do my best
I was just more meaning cause you could shoot from
far away that's what I was meaning
I'm sure you could find something
as well we can both help each other
try to find something to hunt
out here oh absolutely
um if you want something
fresh for the morning I'm not opposed
let's I mean let's you know while we're walking
if we see some tracks that are fresh
we act on them
keep your eyes out for scat
as well that's a tell tale
sign very true what is
scat?
Harun you remember when we were
in the sewer?
yes it's that
the water?
the stinky water
remember what was on the slant?
oh the squishy stuff
yeah the squishy stuff
stuff at the end of the stick
nobody liked me after that
the more squishier it is out here
the fresher
so if you see something that's really
squishy it means it's
more recent than the others
Harun the best way to tell how squishy it is is if you
take it in your hands and it's fresh
no no no
alright can you feel me?
Harun that's a hotly debated topic
really the pro move is to take
it in your hand and squeeze it in your
fist and if it comes out between the cracks in your fingers
that's fresh
don't do any of what they just said
do not do any of what they had just said
well done Jack
can I roll with disadvantage because I'm telling him
that it's a bad idea?
I roll a 1
I hit deception breaking
god damn it with disadvantage please?
it's a 30
roll a fucking 19
I already wasn't believing him
if you're siding with him this is pretty hard
we are nature people
oh ok 18
ok
do I also have to roll persuasion?
we are nature people
you wouldn't understand that they're fucking with him
this is just for him because he doesn't
he said they're fucking with me
can I look through Yoharis and get an insight on him
to see if I know?
go ahead and roll me an insight check to see
Yoharis is
that's 9
you kind of see him scowling but you're like he always looks like that
I thought Yoharis had a toothy smile
I only have a toothy smile when I'm being a shithead
oh no
this time we're talking about shit
and I am not happy about it
damn it alright
let me roll against his persuasion
go ahead and roll me an intelligence
see how well you can
it would be an insight right?
yeah go ahead and insight check
see if he's bullshitting you
see if he's shitting with you right now
15
why would Frankie, Frankie's been cool to you so far
he's paid for your stuff, why would he lie to you?
well I already didn't say
when Nick said it that he should do it first
maybe I believe it
but I did say he should do it first
so I ain't doing it until he does it
Nick's ready to do it together
oh no
I was gonna help look for poop
but I'm not
Yoharis will take the charge
go ahead and roll me a survival check to see if you can find any tracks or scat
can I help him?
yeah
can I roll too?
that's a 19
I'm assuming with a plus a lot
well I was gonna say if I'm helping him
it would be advantage on his part
yeah I mean
yeah no I'm still taking the 19 because the other one was not
a flat 18 or a plus 18?
oh no it was 15 with my plus 4
oh okay perfect yeah so
you're kinda searching around and you go towards
some of like the
the forested area and you find
like medium sized tracks
oh
yeah I'm gonna
point that out to the group
you know like just
stay quiet we can follow these
can I like stealth and follow behind?
yeah go ahead and one
who's stealthing?
I'm gonna be stealthing
I'm gonna stay back with like the
the cars and what not
so Nick's in
okay perfect you wanna make sure you guys
see something I'm gonna stay back
so Nick you wanna
I don't wanna see the blood
plus you got to take care of the
claw foots?
yeah I probably just made sure the claw foots are there
I got a 13
perfect
your friends are kinda helping you
keep quiet keep tempo
and then you're searching
through and then about like 50
feet of code is wading through you see
a big wild boar kinda just
oh
I'm gonna get a little excited about that because I
remember the boar jerky that I had and
I gave the rest to the claw foots
looks like it's drinking from a little stream right now
alright well I'm going to take out my fucking
boo
Harun's gonna say
should I sneak around in case it runs?
go ahead and sneak around
alright I'm gonna move
I'm gonna try to like flank it off to the side
but then just wait
for his shot
alright
yes
alright
so that's gonna be an 18
oh nice yeah 18 hits
go ahead and roll damage D if you kill it
alright there's a D8
plus 2
this is I guess an 8
alright I
cast 7
you see you hit it and you see it start
stumbling and it's struggling to walk
it's still like moving a little bit
I wanna pop out and yell
you suck! and cast vicious mockery on it
wow
so please make a wisdom saving throw
it just needs to be able to hear me it does not need to be able to understand me
a 10 save?
a 10 add not save
so it's gonna take
ah shit
minimum 2 psychic damage
and also has disadvantage on them next attack
you see this thing kinda just like fucking
stumbling and like
it's confused and trying to run
everyone's gonna just leap and try to like
roll tackle it
I know this is probably not the best idea
cause there's so many other things you could be doing
more rasslin
yes
you're gonna
tackle him you gotta get him
that's a 7
perfect I rolled a 1
oh shit
it's already kinda wounded
you slip and just fall on top of it
you see it flatten and just stop moving
can I try to like
can I
try to just like
try to choke it out
it's dead
you fell on it and you kinda just took out the last of it
alright
I'm gonna just try to take out
the arrow
that he got with it
oh no doubt that shit's broken by now
you fucking fell on the thing
the arrow's broken it's like inside
no I'm still trying to take it out though
I'm like
here you go
it's broken in half
as I catch up
with my boy Harun
thank you
and then I turn around
and I just put it on the ground
I'll throw a little mine
over it so Harun doesn't see that
it's a big pile of shit
hey we found them
you see
it all
it all works out
I'm not killing Nick
I'm
sure this will be our little secret
and I grab the
warfine it's front
two legs alright somebody else
get the other two we have breakfast
I'm gonna just look over at Harun
and be like
just gonna get a little knock on the leg
I'm just gonna like
point back the way we came and see if he turns
around first
do you turn around
to start walking he's flying away
like our fly away oh I'm not nodding at the poop
I'm nodding at the legs
to pick up the boar
I thought you were trying to get me to like
look at the poop shit
no it's illusion I don't want you to mess with it
okay then
I'm gonna
help grab the legs
and
I'm assuming for you it's not
are you helping? no
no Harus is helping
no Frankie is supervising
the gonzo special
Frankie's really realizing more and more
that Harun doesn't make subtext
I love it I love the donuts when
you come supervise things
I'm gonna bring donuts and weed and you guys are gonna do the physical labor cause I'm not gonna do it
but I'll bring donuts and weed
I like donuts
but I don't like wheat
I do like wheat
but not donuts
they were painting their cabinets
and everyone came over to help and I was like
I'm coming over to hang out I'm bringing donuts
and weed but I'm not gonna do much of the work
so
so they're gonna help out a little bit
moral support
so we make it back to the
caravan yeah so you make it back
donuts and weed
so
we stop by that little
can't say the donut chain name but the donut chain
get that half a dozen
and share on our way back
donuts and dank
donuts and dank yes
that's canon now
that's our donut shop idea
jot that down jot that down
your local forest based donut chain
fuck yes
the real question is does Frankie smoke
does Frankie smoke?
nah dude he's too sharp
I'm about to back off
I think he could pull off a punch
at least since I've been taking
a strong constitution he's someone who
he'll get people drunk
yeah yeah not hitting that on supply
you know a chef
with fat fingers he is not
yeah you still got those bottles of alcohol on you too
yeah but Nick's doesn't need to know about that
and he does not
so Harun's gonna ask
the artist
are we giving this to the clubfoot
or are we breaking it up?
yeah Nick's and Lazaga you see
Frankie kind of floating over and you see
Harun and Harun's walking over
with this boar
it's a pretty big boar
did you say that to everyone?
I'm saying that as we're coming in you guys probably heard it
I'm gonna look back
they already ate this morning I gave them a steak
so we could probably be okay with them
you see them kind of circling around kind of just looking
I'm gonna tell them to back off
back off we'll get you
some soon we'll get you some soon
in common?
I'll cast Speak with Animus
we're going to give them the bits that we want
they're like food food food food food
that's what we're gonna say the bad parts
food food food food food food
mom food mom mom mom
music of charge Gonzo give me a second
to put a charge in
I know you remembered you cancelled
this out last time
we'll give you some in a second
just let us break it up
okay back up please
I'm gonna
pull out my dagger and start
just digging into it
you hear one of them say new dad
oh
I am not
your dad
we are going to help to find your mom
mom does it sound like common to us
when he replies or no you hear like kind of like
screeches like ahhh
I'm not your dad
and he's gonna hold back a tear
Lazaga is gonna hold back the hardest
tear you've ever seen you see kind of screeching
and making like weird gestures
like tearing up
we're gonna find your mom
though you just give us a few days
we'll feed you we will
not over exert you
but we will find your mother
food
give us a minute
we will talk later
and then I'm gonna end it
alright they're kind of just chirping
and you're just kind of bobbing their heads
and I'm still just gonna keep my hands up to make sure
they you know when I was telling them to hold back
I was putting up my hands so they understand
this means to stay back
yeah and you kind of from talking to me
kind of reminds me of their uh go ahead and let me tell them this
see how much you picked up from this
I rolled a two
yeah
I'm a street smart not a big smart
I'm very wise
I'm not that smart
so yeah I rolled a two
yeah you uh originally these guys are annoying
but you're a druid
you're a good druid
did you uh
divvy up the
the uh
what
did you finish chopping it up
uh
do I have to roll
to see how well I can
yes sir go ahead and give me your survival check
can I help him
I got them dexterous hands
go ahead and roll with advantage
yeah well that's a natural
perfect yeah
so that's a 24 yeah so you see him like
he's done this before
you like step aside you see him just uh
stab like a sword through the wall
and then hang the carcass and just start skinning
and chopping it up with ease
it's like god work he's just going
straight through it no you're doing okay
I'm doing okay
with him like skinning like this animal
in the blood I'm focusing on the
claw foots yeah he's kind of he's kind of just
tending to them and just like not even looking
he's like don't don't look don't
I hear it I know it's happening
but I'm just like expert you just
slice and skin's coming off like in one smooth
he's quick with it
I think he needs to roll a d100 for how many
steaks he gets
100 of 100
pork steaks
roll me a d20
I'll be generous
three
wow lots of weights
giant the expert skin
the horrible cunt
with advantage because he got a natural 20
yeah go ahead and I'll get I'll let you do
one more I appreciate that thank you
11
there you go yeah he has 11
steaks and then like so there's 11
steaks and then other bits
you guys gonna give to the claw foots
I think I'll cut you know before
I turn around and be like are they okay
to kind of come around yet let me know
do you guys want to grab the bits
and trade one of them
yeah I don't see why not
as I'm like putting the steaks on
like a bit of a boar
you also got a boar pellet it has a hole
through it from the arrow and some damage but
it's kind of almost complete boar pellet
real quick I require 15 boar
hides
if you were to grade this from a one star to a three star
what star would it be
this would probably be like a two and a half
just because a two and a half star pellet
okay yeah just because there was a big
hole arrow and I also tried to take
the arrow back out of it yeah and then it kind
of rustled it's a little dirty yeah
makes sense it kind of made the wound a little worse
the psychic damage
really got to the tan pellet
yeah it tanned a little bit
that is a
reference that only certain people will understand
fucking nerds
15 boar
so yeah I'm gonna like grab like a
like two pieces
of meat and I'm gonna try
to like uh like run over to the
club foots and just throw it up at them
please yeah please feed them because
they'll think that we are their friend if we
yeah you see them just snapping up and they're just
bobbing up with excitement I'm just like
you wanna be friends with one of them
yeah I'll take them grab some meat
feed them yeah you just grab like the hunks that are
left all the way from your heart and just start
I'm gonna take three by the way for
myself alright I wanna try to like
have it eat at my hand
so I wanna come up to it like
well probably animal handling
perfect
15 yeah
you see it kinda like weary but it's the one
you've been riding so it's kinda like
it just excited so it just eats it
oh yeah I'm just gonna sound like the rest amongst you guys
oh okay I was just curious to know
you wanna put him in the bag of holding
he's taken three and he got 11 so what
8 in the bag of holding
8 stakes
I wanted to make sure where it was going that's all
yeah for sure
but yeah if we can keep feeding
them they'll think that we're friends
and then they'll keep wanting to be with us until
we you know drop them off
to obviously where they
live you know
do I have an idea on where
the mom would possibly
be I know you
we've already established that Lasagna does not
know much about dinosaurs cause
he's very much from like the west coast of
the continent southwest to be
particular
so would I have any idea on
where I could go to see
roll me history checks if you remember
any of the conversations where they told you
I mean I know about the garg land
obviously but
let's see if you remember anything that
it's a 17 with my history
modifier let's see
I think that's a plus 2 yeah plus 2
so 19 so you do remember
that the plains are where most of
these creatures tend to come from
the tolenta
the tolenta plains okay cool
tolenta
well now
that everyone's all rested up eating do we head
out?
we roll out alright yeah so you guys are
round up?
round 3 so yeah so you guys pass for like the
next about like most of
this day just passing through same thing
like there's a lot of old broken
down tattered houses that looks like
like you guys are kind of
passing by the outskirts from this route
you're trying to keep out of the main ways but you just see
like what was what were like
old towns that are now kind of destroyed
and more of like
the wreckage and there's
craters too like you can see this is where
a lot of the fighting happened
too
you see like the occasional like house that's still
standing but for the most part a lot of stuff
is just barren and
it's a
it's like a mix of both like you'll see some
farmland and you'll see a chunk that's just
eroded
more scars
you see the occasional farmers but you do see like
the farms that are there they have
like you know some undead are still working and
pulling
equipment so
it's still strange but you guys are kind of just seeing this
and about
the next day or so it's about getting getting towards
nighttime down of the next day and
you guys stumble into another
town this one's a little more
livelier than the old one was
before we stumble into that town
I will look to the group
and just ask them so or mainly
Frankie here
Frankie I know what we
have in the back
do you know of any problems
that we may run into later
go ahead and
make a history check see if you remember anything about
this area you're going into
from your times in the
16
you do remember that
this stuff isn't very
legal but
in particularly you remember from your time in the war
that this place is
one of
law so
if you want to get caught which is why this map isn't having you
take these weird back roads
okay well he would know
that sorry yeah so you would know that so
because you also know just from your
time in
other businesses that you've done so
that's true
yeah we're fine
as long as we
stay away from
I don't know what you call it
the man
we call it the same thing in my tribe
I'm a very
anti-establishment
if you can call it that
anti-establishment if you know what I mean
I love
establishment
I always like to gather all the things in one place
in my literal favorite
got it got it
I just
I don't
I can't remember I know I know what it was
put together what was back there
you obviously knew what was back there I don't know who else
I think you don't
did Nick know I like to everybody
the only person that really knows is you
we didn't you guys didn't want to tell him on purpose
the reason I believe the reason why I knew is because I'm familiar with cooking supplies
and that did not look like what I thought it was
and Nick kinda just didn't care
we just told Nick so he was making supplies
yeah
I haven't looked at it yet
I am making supplies that's all
but Nick's that's obviously
Nick's has the same but Nick's is definitely not
unfamiliar with drugs
so you guys didn't
that's been readily apparent
all the money down the tube
just like that
I'm gonna interject myself
into the conversation between
Frankie and Lasagna
when I hear the words anti-establishment
Lasagna
how long have you been
fighting the man for
I've been trying to take down the man
from the inside ever since I started
the
encounter
I never knew that about you
how is it that we've only been talking about this
right now
hell yeah brother all nights are bad nights
how could you I mean how could you not
I live in the woods
I don't like to go to big cities
you know
I'm very like
especially when we were at the
encounter
it was very much
I very much like to keep to myself
that's when I spring into action
I was never on the field with all of you guys
all the time
it was only once somebody got hurt
that's when I spring into action
well you don't have to remind me I saw you a fair share myself
oh I mean don't get me wrong
like yeah
don't get me wrong I was in there
I was in there like swimwear
swim anywhere
it's stuff you wear when you go swimming
you don't wear
anything
you swim
hey what you do when you swim is on your
turn
maybe we just do things different in the
Feywild
I'm gonna make eyes with Yohara when he says that like
he wears clothes when he swims
I knew you would understand
but yeah
it's like
don't get me wrong I'm not saying that
there is a
reason why
there's a government but sometimes
it isn't great
well if just
anything against
tyranny there is no freedom under
a tyrant's boot
oh exactly like don't get me wrong like
it is there to help but at the same time
not really
so what I'm understanding is
I don't know what we were up to before this but we turned into
a professional baking
delivery service and
why did he put quarts around that
inside check
I feel like I would be incited
to look up
go ahead and roll insight if you want to incite him
yeah I know I definitely fucking do
where you go
a hell of a high plus
that's a 9
21 for me
oh damn it dirty 20
I don't know how ready you guys are
for me cause I can also
undercut you
but yeah my high end
baking supplies the air quotes all that means
is it kind of like encapsulates
all baking supplies does that make sense
yeah you guys ever like say
you know you say one thing
but you mean like all of a thing yeah I mean
I don't really know words well so I get that
amen I'll teach you all about quotes
air quotes ground quotes
water quotes
I don't know what that means well I
think you discovered about water quotes when
oh
yeah when you tried to be a fish
yeah
lasagna lied
yeah lasagna did lie
there's no air underwater
I didn't say there was air for you
I said there was air for the
fish what's the difference between me and a fish
is the air racist
if I have to explain to you the difference
between an air from you and a fish
I don't even want to have this conversation
you know what Nix all that matters is
you drink like a fish thank you
oh dude don't remind
everyone of that
you don't actually need to remind anyone of that
the more that you think about it
so I mean
on this topic you know we're heading to
a town is there a bar in
town well I
it's hard to say
in this area considering all the
desolation I don't know if the
undead drink
I don't know people pass time
as you guys are kind of leaving
yeah
you guys are kind of like seeing
like the weird desolation and all of a sudden there's just like
a wooded area like it looks like a giant
like woods that just start and they're kind of
just big and there's like a town kind
of the edge of the woods that you guys can see
but there's like this giant forest that
just starts in the middle
does the map
route take us through the town
yeah it takes you through
the town you can go through or around it
with my active
passive perception of 18 I will be
looking for anything
uh huh
you see look so it's like it's night
but you do see there's some like lights
on in the city
how ready
do they seem to like I don't know
how on guard are they
well as you're pulling up you do see
um
there's a few people kind of standing around
and there is like um
some undead there you think they're
probably either working with them
they're kind of just standing near um
as you walk into this town
it's not that big you probably see like maybe like
20 30 buildings
it's not too big of a town
uh huh
and everyone looks like um
people you do see out have kind of like
tattered ragged clothing
and they just look at all of you just
perplexed
maybe this isn't the best spot to get a drink
I don't think so
but it is the perfect spot to start our anti-establishment
uprising
well these poor disenfranchised
people
I'm gonna start getting high for power to the people
currently I don't think that there is
much of a government up here
to speak of and
they don't seem
like they're sympathetic towards the
necromancers that were in the area
I mean we did get rid of them
I don't know
up until that new king
starts
waving his dick around in the way that he
shouldn't then you know we will
postpone our action
um
you don't really see much people I don't know maybe
a few people you kind of see them scrambling and then one person
kind of walks up to you and says um
we don't get many strangers passing
through here what do you
here for?
I just say very bluntly
oh a baking company
um we don't have a baker
we're headed to
what's the large
city in
Coorth
got some premium supplies
over there
some luxury stuff just passing through
yep
pass the word around if anybody
wants to try anything they're more than welcome
right Nix?
yeah see?
we usually don't stay out at night
why is that?
we've had a few people go missing
so we've just been
we try to avoid the forest at night so we try to stay
indoors
how many people have gone missing?
Nix, you feel like a night walk?
yeah, it's still like a challenge to me
five so far
that we know
young peasants are you challenging me?
out of character like what time of the day is it?
it's my time
when he says that five so far I'm going to
roll up my sleeve a bit
did the five any of the five look like this?
I start flexing
I think they were taller
okay
oh
but did their arms do
this and then I flex and then
I come in and I start doing the peck pop
that's what's really tall to be honest
I'm like please forgive my child
oh I'm right next to him I'm six foot six
when we're talking they're going missing
they're going missing at night right?
yeah that's why we stopped going out
do you have a place that we can
probably park this car for the night then?
we have an old grain barn
we haven't used in a while
just point us in the direction of where
people normally go when they
get gone
why haven't you used it in a while?
we haven't had a lot of supplies and
people don't really come through here often
Harun they're poor
so they don't have
things but it's already
there
yeah but they're poor
they're not spread out
thank you so much
he just walks away
we're just going to go now
he runs into, he just like that way
and he just runs into a building
no one else is outside now
as you guys are walking through you do see
some of these buildings
they look tattered
and it doesn't look like
anything here has been updated in a really long time
so
I'm going to cast primeval awareness
and so is this in
plains or forest?
so there's a forest nearby
ok well then
it's up to 6 miles
that is one of my favorite
terrains from natural explorer
so I'm going to go ahead and cast
primeval awareness
do I...
celestial, sphenes, undead, dragons
fey
poop
or two of them being members of our party
hold on a second
I can read out the whole thing
aberrations
celestials, dragons, elementals, fey
fiends or undead?
it's going to be a lot of undead
because of my favorite terrain
it's up to 6 miles
you do sense a
fey near you?
woah
that wasn't lying
and you sense a lot of undead
alright
you do remember those?
so when I'm looking
in the direction of
the forest specifically
do I sense anything
from there?
you do, you sense
about 20 of them
but you don't know if that's like
cause you know that there is a lot of
undead is broad
yeah
alright
after I cast that
I'm going to save the group
alright well there's 20 of something
in the forest, I don't know what
but I can get a bead
on
a large group
I think they're spread out
I don't know exactly
but there's 20 I know for a fact
in that forest
I'm going to be in the dark
raise your hands
I raise my hand
well if you say that
I'm going to hand you
my glasses that I've been wearing
my coolglide glasses
and go ahead and put them on
and you can now have dark vision up to 60 feet
your horse is going to take a quick piss
if you had
dark vision
it would double your
you just have
the normal 60 feet of dark vision
and everybody else does?
I have 30 feet
I have 60
I have 60 naturally too
what a good man
I think we should
if your horror says that
I'm going to turn to the group and be like
if we plan on engaging it
we can, but either way I think we need to
park this bitch somewhere
that's what's happening
how the fuck yeah
so, Nix
is going to turn to the group and be like
well, if we can all see
in the dark
wouldn't it be better to
move in the dark
because we're more afraid of running into
an establishment than it
whatever this creepy
crawly in the night is
I mean, I just think we
shouldn't leave our cargo
completely unattended with
a bunch of people
who are having hard times
exactly, that's why I think we should just keep
moving through the night, there's less establishment
we don't have to worry about the people going through
hard times, and we can all see in the dark
you guys are just having
this discussion in the open
alright, perfect
we're rolling towards the
garage
perception check?
guidance?
moving natural 20
ooh, that's a natural one
yeah
yeah, doing great
but with guidance
it's gonna be shit, I didn't even
add anything after that
so you guys
I'll get to you real quick
as you guys roll, you find this old barn
like, doors are still on, they're a little
sagging, just because it looks like it hasn't been used in a while
it just filled with dust
and old shelves
it looks like what these store supplies
have been touching years
you could fit
everything in there
including the claw foots, so it does fit in there
it's another thing, it's the claw foots
yeah
nicks
you're listening into the forest
but the forest is quiet
like, unnaturally
you're listening in
you were kind of listening to like
you were kind of listening to hear
like, crickets and other
little movements, but then you just hear
nothing
so, the forest got silent
and I don't mean quiet, the forest got
silent, out of nowhere
they're kind of focused on
the barn, and they're not really
paying attention, you just kind of like
yeah, I'm gonna be focused
looking towards the forest, and I'm gonna go get
Harun, welcome to Harun
hey Harun, the forest got
silent, I need you to be fair buddy
I need you to look towards the forest
at all times
well, if the forest got quiet
that means that the animals have
something to be more afraid of
if they're talking about this
I'm gonna try to hurry up and put it
put the shit in the garage
I will put a little note on there
that says
thank you for letting us use
your garage, and I'm gonna just put
five gold in it, and try to put it on the door
I try to hide everything
inside of it, and close it up
type thing
I'm scared to do this, lasagna garlic brisket is very good
yeah, it was actually
not too bad, I was a little ashamed
about it when I bought it, but then I got it out
and I actually hate it, I was like it wasn't too bad
I like the crunch of it
I thought when I was baking it
I thought it was too hard, but then actually
getting into it, I was like this is a brain
nice, so yeah
he's hard
Nix is saying that to Harun
Harun is gonna say
I'll just post up over here tonight
and then he's gonna like
get like, hopefully in between
the forest and where like the
barn is, like the
meeting point, and just like
post up, and I'd like to see about
rolling my stealth
for my inactive state, to see if I can
kind of like, hide
are you trying to find the buildings
or? I'm trying to like
see if I can like, I don't know
he's not that smart
I also didn't notice that like
when everyone put out the torches
so like, everything's boarded up
there's no torches out, there's no light out
the town's dark
so I think I'm gonna just take like, maybe like some
like, I'm gonna like tell Nix
can you grab me some scrap wood
I wanna like put like
I wanna basically tell him to like
put like random junk like
nearby me, so it maybe looks like I'm just
also a piece of junk
a hundred
go ahead and roll your present
and see if you can find
something to cover them up with
I'd use my good roll
so tempted to take a lot of that back
alright, ten
ten, yeah, you uh
you're kinda looking around, you're like I don't know what to look for
you just, there's just like dirt and
uh, sixteen
sixteen
yeah, you guys are kinda looking around and um
yeah, you find like there's old shells
and some other stuff that's just broken apart
yeah, I'm gonna point it out
to Nix and be like
Nix, you're so strong, can you help me
move this?
I'm gonna roll my sleeves and do the damn thing
and then I'm gonna like post up
kinda like squiggle myself
in the dirt, maybe like lean a little bit
yeah, go ahead and roll me a strength, see if you can
whew, it was a pull
chill
so we're planning on staying the night here, is that what I'm assuming?
yeah, I like it
I will try to
I'll take first watch to try to just
are you gonna be inside or outside?
I'm already outside
is there any windows?
there are, but they're boarded up
I will definitely be
making my march
basically outside, I probably don't even
see Harun chilling with all
of his camouflage
do you want me to roll for stealth?
how tall is the barn?
the barn?
I like 30-40 feet
this is what they use to store
the supplies they look at and use in a while
is there like a loft
kind of thing?
I'll take first watch
with Zogdan, I'll post up
yeah, if he was talking about Undead
I will definitely be taking watch
I'm gonna
lay down, but where I lay down
I want to see if I can take my sword
and cut myself a little
to see the little
people
I mean, are you gonna pull out
some woodworking tools?
I'm gonna take my sword and just
I do have a hammer and chisel, but you didn't ask
I'm gonna be taking second watch
it might be like rotted wood
it might be like you poke a hole in it
go ahead and roll me a
inspector stick, and see how well you can carve yourself a little hole
Jesus
I think it's a four
I think you're using the wrong end of the sword
you see the extra
gently
make a hole, just fucking break
just break a board in half, just go through
he's a little too strong for himself
fuck it, if I broke that board in half
I'm just gonna hit away
yeah, I'm just gonna hit away
the spongery side of it
and post up right there
it's just that one little peephole
you can just put your face in there
perfect, no one else can fit down there
yeah, and that's where I'll sleep
I'll sleep like not with my face in the hole
or like a foot behind the hole
so I can just still look out of it
you and your holes
first wall's perception check
go ahead and roll perception
got it
and same with you, Harun
18, 10
alright
21
let's see
what was your stealth earlier?
it was 23
oh, okay, so I don't even see you
stealping
what was your roll?
21
and I'm up in the loft
so hopefully I got a good
sight line for the
my perception check is like, you know, trying to walk around the building
control
basically
you guys don't really see anything
you got a vantage point, but then you kind of
it looks like the trees moved a little bit
but you can't really tell if that was
that movement or something coming out of them
I'll do a little, I don't know
I don't think we set up a
pre-designated cypher, I'll go
hoo, forest, hoo, forest, hoo
go ahead and roll my perception check
can I cast guidance?
don't you have message?
you gotta see him
cause I'm assuming you're whispering this
are you gonna
I'm doing a little hoo, forest, hoo
oh yeah, you're kind of circling
around and you hear hooting and like, what the fuck
so where would you say I am?
am I probably on the other side?
you're like rounding the side
and then you kind of hear
I'm rounding the corner where I see the forest and I hear that
if I see him, I will message him
I just, I thought he might be
yeah, you see him kind of rounding the corner
and then you see
you kind of look up and he hears it
I'll pull my finger at you
and say, something's moving
in the forest
alert the others, I'll try to
hold them off
and then I'll immediately try to
hearing that, I will
bonus action into a
direwolf
so if I see something from the forest to the
church, I will react to it
as a direwolf
yeah
and I'll
part of me just
wants to yell, oh shit
just take off
so you're Harus, you were sleeping right?
yeah, I was taking that second watch
I have no idea what's going on right now
so you and Nyx were sleeping right now
Harun, I'm assuming you're in
sentry mode? yeah, I'm in sentry mode
I would say I'm like a little
ways away from the building
in between where the building would be
with Enbo with some junk on me and
the forest edge
yeah, you see a pile of what looks like old boards
yeah, I'll yell down to them
movement in the forest
and kind of take off after
yell it out, you know
and then I'll take after
take off after
this is on
Nyx, you're a heavy sleeper
you've had a little bit to drink, go ahead and we'll meet 20C
did he have anything to drink? I don't think he had anything to drink
I'm sober tonight, yeah, sober
sober, first time
I was like, wait a minute, you're right, you're sober
I'm extra light sleep tonight
this is the power of your Horus's AA
yeah, your Horus, good job
he hasn't got angry either
see, we're making steps
your Horus is his sponsor
and there's really no sponsor
go ahead and roll a d20, see if you hear the commotion
alright, that's for
it's a flat d20, like nothing
like nothing, no skills
go ahead and roll a d20
that's a three
yeah, you're asleep
he's really in his trance right now
you get up and your Horus is still
out, you see, he had a little bit of his
branding, he's just sleeping
peacefully, you wake up and you hear the
commotion, and you see
Frank, he's kind of just leaving
moving from the Horus
okay, then I look around
he's, okay, I know where he's at
I wake up the Horus
I don't know what's happening, but they're
heading out, we're heading out to the Horus
does Harun
hear any of this?
he's got it right? what's the AC for a direwolf?
14, definitely would have noticed
a direwolf walk by me
yeah, so you kind of see like
a direwolf kind of just going
to the Horus, and you didn't see
because he was behind you, did you see Frank here or did you still see him too?
I didn't want to go to the Horus, I just wanted to be like
between the barn and the Horus, type of thing
okay, so you're just
the front line right now, right? we're not going, good, good
I'd rather, whatever
I'm going to be like 20 feet off the ground flying
perfect, so as you're kind of like
you're probably going to get a good
he's got a good distance, you're probably going to get a good 40 feet away from
a direwolf that was
I mean, the Lhazard is now a direwolf
and then you see
a figure just pounce on top of him
on top of the direwolf?
yeah, and then you're going to go ahead and take
that is going to be
8 points of damage
as something just bites into you
do you see what it was?
or at least if it was a similar size
to him? oh, it's much bigger than him
how far away is this from
me and your Horus?
so, you were, the barn is probably
a good 30 feet, you're probably about a good 70
feet from this
at this point I will say that I am
awake, yeah, Nix woke you up
is it initiative at this point?
oh, it's going to be initiative
as you see, you look up and you see
what looks to be
a giant wolf, but there's two heads
do I get the dex of a direwolf
or my own initiative?
you're going to get the dex of direwolf
because you're going to, cool
that's what I just want to make sure of
I got a 17
as this thing just has like a grip
I also got a 13
what's your dex?
no, like I got 13
like total
oh no, but that's what I mean
oh my dex? my fucking dex?
yeah, no, I got a 14 in dex
17
so, first, I don't know where the bad guys are
17
fuck yeah, go ahead
so then it goes Nix, Frankie
yeah, cheers
me and the bad guys are tied
what's your dex?
my dexterity
yeah
when's the bad guys go?
they rolled 17
me and the dex
me and the wolf
yeah, I got 17
my dex is an 18
my dex is
they got plus 2 good dex
mine's a plus 4 to dex
are you also a 17?
yes, I rolled 17 and I also have plus 4
I don't care
I'd really go second
roll these
so Frankie
what's the dex of the bad guys?
they have plus 3 so I'd be 17
so they'd be a 4
average roll
so Nix, Frankie, Harun
bad guys
then
Lozada and Yoharis both got 13
my dex is slightly higher as far as
Yoharis is gonna go first
then Lozada
dude, even with a better roll
you're facing them now
I know
I'm always last bro, it don't matter
I'm gonna be honest with you
every campaign I've done so far
the cleric is
always fucking last in the rolls
and it's just, am I wrong Gonzo?
I think when I was Warren
when you were Warren
you were damn near last every time
I came in handy because I would always heal you guys
the cleric's, that's like an optimal spot for the cleric
it is
unless you're in the thick of it
yeah, it doesn't matter
clerics just always go last in the initiative
I think
when I was playing Guy
he was close to last
most of the time, just because warlocks don't
have very high dex
I was like, entirely
wisdom
what's your dark region Nix?
60 feet, yeah, so as you exit the barn
you see
you don't always see too well but you see like a
figure kind of just towering over
looks like it has
something pinned to the ground
you're also prone
can I roll a strength saving throw? On your turn
on my turn, I was about to say
did that just happen? Yeah
you're like
this thing just pounds and topples and pinning you down
do I see what it is? Yeah
you see one of the mouths is holding you down
there's another mouth also
great, great
I'm about to say, I'm about to say
I'm about to say
I'm about to say, man, he has his turn before me
though
what's the rage on this shit?
I'll hit him with that spell
I confuse it with friends and enemies
and hold time to closest
smart
you can see
you can see Frank kind of floating above
and you see the commotion going on
but yeah, it's about a good
so you kind of step through the bar
about 65 feet from me
I was about to say, you should have had advantage
on the smell checks
I didn't do a perception check
that's why I had asked earlier
can I roll a perception check
to see if he's the only motherfucker here
that's all I want to know
when you get to your turn
but I mean, so far
I know it's a lot of things
happening, so I get it
you're kind of pinned down, so you're not really focused on looking around
it was a thought that I had, but obviously
things would happen, so
but it was
silent, because you were just kind of walking
and then all of a sudden, you just, it was on you
I should have been able to smell it
because a direwolf has advantage
would you say it's
lasagna
but you know the saying, two heads are better
than one, so
getting head is better than none
if they had a third head, they could
triangulate
alright, Nick, what you got?
so I'm going to dash
and then
with my dash
it's going to take all my movement
to get up to lasagna
and now that I'm up to lasagna
I'm going to just yell
at that creature's face
get off my friend! and pop rage
and the rage I popped
lets me shoot radiant
let's put some, do you want to?
the only reason why I wasn't going to do it
is because it's only one person, but
yeah, oh ok
this is dumb answer
it's only one
dumb answer, it's only one
for the audience at home, they're looking through the book
very handsomely
looking through the book of stuff
it's a book of maps
yes, like a Barnes Noble
now we have to go through
the bag of minis
and pull out
something that resembles something
with two heads
I was woken up in my nap
that's the big bad
where's everybody else sitting?
I'm over there
I'm immediately next to you
yeah, Frankie's about 40 feet from you
yeah, I'm at air support
yeah, Nick said he was right up on me
yeah, I'm going to be like right behind
like behind it
so wherever it's at, I'm behind it
yeah, so it's like on top of direwolf
you see, you see
like this creature
is that you in the thing?
yeah, it looks like a giant wolf
with two heads on top of a smaller wolf
oh yeah, that's me
there, there's me
I thought that was Ryan
no, I'm all the way over there
Nick is your skeleton
ah, kiss me
there we go
bone boy
alright
so I'm just coming behind it and I just pop rage
and my rage list makes me a radiant bolt
yeah, you've never seen something like this
this is just freaky
it's massive, it looks like
like three times the size of the direwolf
yeah, I'm just going to rest with
get off my friend
the fuck is this
Frankie, it is your turn, you're about 40 feet from the action
you see Nick sprint up and just rage
you see him kind of witty
he just took all of his energy to get there
and he's mad
good job, Nick
but I'm going to hit it with a dissonant whispers
it needs to make a wisdom saving throw
wisdom is not in its strong suit, but let's see
what does it save?
16
I rolled a 19
cool, I'm going to celebrate barbs it, please roll again
oh, that one's a natural 20, so
it's not a natural 20, damn
maybe the move was to hit him with a
so, hit him with a
cutting move
I don't know
I was trying to say anything
okay, well
it'll still take some damage though
it's going to take
half damage, so that's going to be
6 damage
alright
um
then I'll
um
I will
inspire Mazanga
saying, um
I thought you were a top
is that a d8 or a d10?
that's a d8
that's a d8 of inspiration
I love that
that's great
Frank, that is your turn
I will still
save my lives, I'm still away from it
now it is
going to be Harun's turn
um, so
you were a little closer to them, so you were probably around
like, about like 45 feet
because you were kind of like
centered in the pile, and you
oh, okay
um, because I thought they didn't
go that much far, farther than
we did, yeah he was going and then
he got pounced on while he was trying to go
oh, see I thought he was coming around
I thought you were coming around the corner, yeah, I was
but then once he started going towards the forest
he got, yeah, jumped
I mean, what
what would you say, because he was probably like
he was probably a little bit closer, I wouldn't have gone too
far gone so, don't be overreacting
yeah, because he said he was going just as far as in between
the house and the
forest as before when he got pounced on
you got enough movement to get to him, you're a monk
I know
I don't get the use of
of uh, he
he is on top of me
prone, right?
you're prone
so, but if I'm prone and he's on top of me
that means he's prone
how's, please explain
he's handing it over to you
probably has some sort of pounce feature
one of the heads is prone
one of the heads is prone, okay
the other one's like
I'm just trying to establish some physics here
I get you
yeah, only one head's spinning, the other head's very weird
I'm gonna say
if Harun saw the
direwolf walk past him
and is now getting mauled
he's gonna get like a little excited
and he's gonna like
he's gonna vibrate the shit off of him
it was his votum noises
and then he's gonna
look to his hand in the ring
and he's gonna be like, well now's the
goodest time ever! and he's gonna
like run
leap and transform into direwolf
and
hopefully try to knock him off
that's what I'm trying to go with
so I'm trying to like, wide curve it
and then transform, leap
perfect, alright so it's gonna take your
action to uh
to use the wild chip ring
is it? yes
oh I thought we said that was a bonus
only in your circle of the moon drawing
oh I thought it was cause it was a ring, it was a bonus
cause you're still doing the action of doing the
well could you not say
as I'm like jumping cause jumping
isn't an action cause you say as I'm jumping
I transform
so maybe it's not anything
but we're just body checking
then you would still kinda be doing the attack on him
cause you'd be like, not if I don't bite or slash
it's just like a body like shove
but then shoving would also be like you trying to
physically impose on him
yeah, oh ok
so you can turn into the direwolf and then
so since you are a direwolf and there's not a direwolf
there you get pack tactics so you
would give him the advantage of next attack
cause you got pack tactics
you would also give lasagna advantage
yeah so you're giving him advantage as well as the direwolf
but you would have to impose on him which would be an action
alright well I guess if you
will allow
I'll transform like leap next to it
and then I'll be staring at the second head
yeah you see it make eye contact
it's just like blood red eyes making eye contact with you
and you're just
haroon is like
growling but it's kinda like
I'd say he's switching his
vocal cords so it's like
so it doesn't sound that scary
but also way more scary
than someone else
that shit is fucking horrific dude
it's haroon
oh my
so then yeah
that'll
something
did you just hear her sneezing
yeah I heard her sneezing
you ok good keys
she's so cute
what cross-eyed baby
cinnamon rolls are done
just gotta let them cool for a few minutes
wait ok so
let me ask you
you said the stuff switches over
cause I do have some bonus actions in the monk
yeah you can paste the defense
I mean like all your key stuff still works
right so
yeah I was gonna say
I could do bonus action on a strike
I don't know
yeah that would work
yeah I mean you can use your actions you can use your bonus
alright
so yeah
I'm gonna just
and I'm just trying to punch him with my paw
just being still
like used to that
if you're going off of the dire wolf
it's a plus three so I don't know how that
what would that
he's wild kid right
I got a plus one to strength so I guess
you can just do that
you can use dire wolf stats
that's a plus three to strength
to through them
cause my bite or my other attacks
are like a plus five to hit
I'll just take that without the plus seven
23
yeah you hit
so how does that work
cause I have a plus three
to strength does that mean it's like
three points of damage
so when you hit it and you kinda just hit it
and doesn't really feel like it affected it
I'm just like
and then I look at my paw and just like
and I'm like oh
and that's it that's my turn
alright um
lasagna
is going to
attempt to throw you
is this a melee spell attack
or a melee hit
it's a melee hit yes
also is he hitting him
is he doing an attack action
on him
and he can't move any further
after he does this
oh actually
if I hit which I do not
so what was the hit
to hit gonzal
he rolled a 12 which I'm assuming
doesn't hit does not hit
but he needs to make a dexterity saving throw
alright that is a seven
and he takes
11 points
of thunder damage
for trying to hit me we love that
cause you did say class features
roll over to
to wild shape right
ok this is my
cleric class feature alright
perfect
so that's one of the attacks and then with the other head
it's going to go ahead and
bite you as well
that's my reaction by the way
perfect alright um
I'm assuming in that 20 hits
yes yes
just roll the damage yeah cool
that is 20 damage as it
then tears into you
with the other
mouth and you see him just bite in and just tear like a chunk
of you ok this dire wolf
is pretty bloody
still there and then you hear
then the other mouth just howls
really loud as it releases you
knew that was coming
and then it is now
uh your turn
alright you hear this
how you kind of step out and you see
commotion and you hear this howl just chill you
alright um I'm going to
get within 60 feet of it
so that way I can have like eyes on
with my dark vision and then I'm
going to shoot him with my bow
how long does the premuble last
um that's a great question
that's an instantaneous thing
oh it is instant yeah
but let me just go and
look it up as well
uh don't do this
la de da de da
um one minute
per level of
spell slots so for it would have been one minute
at the way that I cast it
it's been done for a minute
aha alright so I
shoot him with my fucking bow
alright
uh that's um
a 19
alright so
that is
one d8
plus three
alright so that's five damage
perfect you see your arrow hit him and just
bounce on break right off his skin
fuck
I also
that's in character yeah you see you're like
haha you see you just dead on hit him like
right in the side and just break
alright
well hold on a minute
let me update my controller real quick
because I used one of my plus one arrows
did you see him unaffected by
so this
spell I cast earlier
uh unaffected it you
you can tell that affected him the other
these attacks I was gonna try something on my turn
yeah I was gonna try something on my turn
er
I'm assuming it
doesn't matter whether or not this ammunition is magical
because it still just does the fucking
thing
what are you shooting him with? I had some plus one
arrows that I bought before
and that's what I was shooting him with
ok yeah no alright
are your attacks considered magical?
uh
just the ammunition not
the longbow itself
and fuck I already did my
movement this turn
damn it hold on
a second I have spells
um yeah it was a bonus action I guess
I'm gonna cast hunter's mark on him
at the first level
and um
so the spell ends
and deal
an additional 1d6
damage
so you know anybody
that attacks next
adjust me
balls
at least you can hit heavier
lasagna
and I suppose that will be my turn because
it's finally your turn
so I've seen 2 attacks
or 3 attacks on this
thing so far right
2 of which
have not done anything
you've only kinda seen a little bit you're kinda just
being pinned down and bleeding so
I did mention just bounced off
well that's what I mean so the question that I have
is could lasagna
try to piece together if this
is affected by physical damage at all?
uh
I don't know if you and your wolf state would know that
okay
well then um
you are still being kinda the one of the mouths that's got us holding your neck
you don't maintain your intelligence?
I do
my wisdom and my intelligence and charisma
roll over
yeah but
he's never seen anything like this before
true
would this and then my second question
is would this be considered a beast?
oh yeah
yes
so then lasagna is
going to have uses bonus action
to revert back to lasagna cause he did
not have much HP left in that anyways
and then
I'm going to he's obviously touching me
so I'm going to cast beast pond
alright
with this man
he needs
oh
it doesn't say any
let me just read it
you establish a telepathic link with one beast you touch
that is oh shit
friendly to you
shit yep it is not friendly to you
shit can I redact that?
can I redact that? alright
lasagna would probably not
my bad I didn't read that
then what I'm going to do
is then just cast protection from
evil and good on myself
so you're still reverting back to
I didn't have much HP left
so it would have happened
you still get the pack
tactics because I'm within 5 feet of you
so you will still get advantage
but I'm going to cast
protection from evil and good on myself
that would be my turn
perfect, Naked is your turn
do I have pack tactics?
no
do I still get advantage because I got behind it?
well Harun's on the other side
I'm on this side
so if you get on the other side of there
then I'll just move around right here
yeah you can flank him
alright I'm going to shoot my chest bull item first
perfect
you know Iron Man him?
it does 18 hits
18 hits?
so it's a 14
14 concept
8 fire runes
that is a 6
so that is
6 damage
and he's blinded
hell yeah blinded is great
triple advantage
he has 2 heads though
you can still smell it
which head is blinded?
it should be both of them if it's like a radiant
he's still one creature
I'm just joking
he's got 4 sets of eyes
so the one eye I'm using is magical
ok
so I'll make that clear
oh yeah
17
damage is hit
17 hits
if you got him blinded you do have advantage on hit
yeah that's why I just used
we got advantage for
he's also getting flanked
by them too
how long is he blinded for?
this obno would not
have survived even with the head
I had like
5 HP left so it would be hidden
I know that's why I just reverted back
because I was like fuck it there's no point
of staying in here
I could have
I'd rather him just have disadvantage
against me right now that's it
and so my next
yeah protection from evil
he's undead
this was one of the undead that's why I was like
oh shit I
I have fucking favorite
enemy on undead I didn't know that
I'm pretty positive he was undead right didn't he?
no? son of a bitch
does he count as a
apparition, celestial, elemental
fey or a fiend? no
son of a bitch
it's just a secret other thing
we could have assumed it was undead
you just tried to beast bond her because it was a beast
ok lasagna thought
it was one of them alright
he's not an intelligent person
he's just a character
yes
I'm so protected right now
yes
yes because that's what I figured
you do know there's a ton of undead
I know yes
now those workers don't need shit
so does this damage actually damage him?
you see it cut into him but then his grip is still
on lasagna
I just had this one committed to attacking
so I guess I just hit him again
alright
let's go
dirty 20 perfect hits
hell yeah
13 damage
alright
still standing god damn
yeah
I'm just gonna stand right there
but he's hurt he's finally got her
he's hurt and still standing
Frankie it is your turn
as you see nature's just hacking into this
thing and it's still just not budging
ok
the runes gone
you get a lot of attacks don't you Harun
I should as a monk get
two attacks cool
then I'm gonna consider my options
here and I'm going to
enlarge
the Harun wolf
the dire wolf? dire wolves are already
fucking huge
make him bigger
yeah so
creature it's like one size
your size doubles in all dimensions
your weight is
multiplied by 8
so basically your size category
larger
how does that affect his
you've got advantage on strength
checks and strength saving throws
and while you're enlarged all your attacks
do an extra d4
that's what I was curious about
he's just an 8 in weight
and then let's see
do I want to do a
what is this action
infinity
that's scary he's the first time dire wolf
also gets bigger
you are literally a transformer right now
that's fucking clifford
Emily Elizabeth
I'm gonna say
her ground is jealous
on the ground jealous cause you're just this big
I'm gonna say
Harun fuck him up
and I'm gonna give you inspiration
oh shit
it stacks right mine doesn't go away
you gotta use it
in the next like 10 minutes
yeah in this yeah
you can't have multiple but
I can
disperse it to everybody
everybody gets one
it looks like everybody gets one
Harun it is your turn
I'm the fucker
you're the biggest fuck now
you're biggest fuck and you're meanest fuck
yeah
so I'm gonna
try to
would
would a bite be considered
an unarmed strike
okay I'm gonna try to
I'm gonna try to bite him
so that should be at advantage
already
double advantage
so over 19
yeah it's
so
when he treats
carryover his account since he's
wild he has attacks on account of magic right
no
I believe that's a class
feature for druids
that the attacks count
as magical when we hit level 5
perfect yeah so you bite into him
and it doesn't seem to pierce
his skin
well cause
as a monkey's a class feature scouter
but that's what I was gonna say
now his class feature do his
unarmed strikes count as magical
that's the question cause I believe
they get that but I don't know
unarmed strikes count as magical for the purpose
of overcoming resistance and immunity
so my unarmed strikes do count
as magical
these are all unarmed he doesn't have a weapon
so that my bite
is magical
just differently than our
yeah go ahead what's your damage
so my bite
2d6
plus 2
plus a d4
bigger or smaller
break me
off of pieces up
that's the stuff you showed me
so that's
9 points right there
that's what I call my dog
that's the stuff you showed me
it also has to succeed on a dc
13 strength saving throw
or be knocked prone
this bite's gonna hit him so hard
15 for strength
but I also
let's see
I can use a key point
for fury of lows
was that a
saving throw
it was a saving throw, a strength saving throw
to knock him prone?
yes for him
for the beast
you guys already have advantage
I feel like
triple advantage
so
that's what
I'm gonna do
I'm gonna do triple advantage right?
mmhmm
so first
uh
is
24
appropriate
so I don't know if it's still
gonna be considered bite
because bites are the only thing I got
so I'm a little bit
do I still get the d4
or just on that
yeah you get the d4 on all your attacks
fury of lows
oh shit, 6 plus 6 plus 3
15
and then I get one more
attack because the fury of lows
mmhmm
uh oh shit
uh those are
if they're mad you have a d8
of inspiration
oh okay yeah I'll use that d8
it's not good
oh it's not good
I kinda wanna use my actual inspiration
does that just
would you work for one day?
I think it just works for the whatever guy you want it to revolve
yeah it's a good one
alright come on
okay that's better
uh 16
does that bardic still
count or no? yeah
yes?
that'd be 18
18 yeah
okay
so then
where'd my d4 go?
okay
um another 8
points of damage
and then yeah that
no life
god damn
that was my attack
my fury of lows which was 2 more
attacks but I have 2 attacks
as a monk so I should get 1 more
attack your form only has the attacks
oh it only has that many attacks?
I think
well that's why we were asking earlier if we could keep that attacks
cause you said my monk stuff transfers over
and it's cause of my monk
and my druids attacks
in fact this guy is still alive
we'll just say for now that's
returned
yeah so he's still alive
blinded but
still sent
but also all those other bad attacks so I believe it was
2 more
or 3 more besides the first one bite attack
how many bite attacks did I do? like 3
so you'll have to roll 3 more dc
strength 13
saving draws would be not thrown
16 14
yeah
and
he wants it
well we got the
good rolls out of him boys
alright well it is his turn now
as you see it um
he's still blinded
he unlatches lozaga's throat
and then you see
this thing um
start to pounce
and just start running back
towards the forest
how far away does he get?
that's opportunity attack
for 3 of us
yep
25 hits
he's running away from his man
he's running away
perfect
so next since you stopped it
it's gonna go ahead and give you a bite
hold on wait a minute let's get his attack off
go ahead and do your attack
mine too
well
16 damage
since next hit it didn't move
okay okay okay
I got you I got you
so how much damage? 16
um good shit by the way
next does a 20 not natural hit
oh yeah that means it
alright I would like to uh
I'd like to
silver rebarbs it
alright how many of those you get?
as many spell slots as I got
that is 18
alright
go ahead and worth bite you with the other
mouth
does a 19 hit?
alright
perfect
damn
and then you
you hear uh both mouths
how
okay
that is it's turn
Yaharis go ahead and roll
me a perception check on your turn as well
dick and balls and
cock and penis alright hold on a
second perception is a good thing I'm
proficient in it so we're just gonna start
off with that perception roll yep
um
fuck! 8
yeah you don't notice anything
you don't notice anything
you're alright you're still worried about that arrow
that hit him I'm sorry
it is your turn maybe just
a little bit
but I'm gonna shoot
you just filled with respect right now
I'm full of fear
and piss
and I'm gonna chop into him as your arrows bounce off
a little bit
so I'm gonna shoot him with my fucking bow
I'm a special boy
yep
so it's a natural
one um
I'm laying on the ground
I just want you to understand that
gonzo one attack complete it's an 8
natural one um
20 feet in the air I shouldn't be anywhere
odds are even trying
odds perfect um
Harun go ahead and roll damage
can I use my monk feature
to deflect missiles
can he throw it back can he throw it
and throw it
go ahead and roll did you already roll
before I said odds are even
I didn't get my reaction because he didn't run away
I didn't get my opportunity attack
so I would have him as a reaction
can he use deflect missiles to throw
it at him not at
so it'd be whoever targeted you
so he'd be able
to throw it at Ryan that'd be fucking amazing
so
if you
reduce damage to throw
and you
you can spend a key point
to make a ranged attack
uh from
20 standard 20
to 60 so it doesn't say it back
at it says I can make a ranged attack
but I have to roll to see if I reduce
the damage to zero go ahead and roll your
damage for 7
uh I'm saying for that
no for now
let me make it
let me actually look that up real quick
it doesn't specify on that
it does not
it says I have to roll
1d10 plus 10
Harun hit him with this shoot it at Harun
there was another campaign
that I played it how much did you roll how much did you reduce it by
I naturally
reduced it by 1d10 plus 10
how much did you do that as 7
oh then I automatically reduce it
and I had scattershot
and then our monk had deflected missile
and then he deflected it into the boss
if you reduce it to zero
you catch it if it's small enough for you to hold
in one hand but you actually don't have a hand
so maybe you can just deflect it
but I don't know if you can catch it
maybe I won't deflect it but can I at least like
catch the arrow in my teeth and crunch it and look cool
I'll just do that I'll settle for that
I researched it
extra attack in wild shape works
but it does not stack if your
creature has a multi attack feature
so you don't have multi attack
you can't do like multi attack twice
exactly
one attack does the work
so you wouldn't be able to extra attack because it's an attack action
but you wouldn't be able to
stack it with multi attack to like get tons of
attacks from that
if you already had some
so yeah I just like
notice it out of the corner of my eye and go
and then I just crunch
this is fine also I forgot that I have 2 attacks
oh yeah sorry
oh yeah I forgot you because you forgot that you had
I used a horde
breaker so I'm like oh okay well if there's
not a second guy then
I think you just got it as well though
yeah no I did just get it at level 6
so I'm gonna shoot again with my bow
and that is a
oh yeah bitch
fucking 23 hell yeah bitch
go ahead and roll
this time try to avoid this
my mouth is full I'm just
currently spitting out arrow trying to get ready
alright
I mean dog sees stick dog catches stick
true it's a tail
that's actually another 7
damage
actually plus a d6 because it put
fucking hunter's mark on him hell yeah bitch
hunter's mark
12
hell yeah
it's still alive
that is my turn
so you kind of just hit where
you see where Nick's slash and you kind of just hit
into that open wound
Nick's it's your turn
sorry lasagna sorry
I got excited lasagna
last but not forgotten yeah
sorry I got excited
so we constantly
do you get out of
melee range of me? no
because Nick stopped him from moving
Nick's like hey
you ain't going nowhere I need to improve
my kill count
where you going?
I will step
out of melee range alright
are you going to disengage?
no perfect alright
does a 19
hit? it does hit but I also
need him to make a dexterity saving throw
and use my reaction
dex I rolled a 20
that's still fine
you're also going to take
14 damage from that
that's fine he takes 4 lightning damage
alright
you said 14? yep
I got you
and
and I'm going to look over at him and I say
you ain't going nowhere
ooh yeah
I'm going to cast guiding
bolt on his bitch ass
this is going to be
at a
fuck it
we're going to say a third level
hit it
just because
so it's going to be a melee spell attack
shit
that is a 10
does not hit
I didn't hear what you said Gonzo
plus a d8
ooh that makes it a 17
I mean you also have advantage
it's a ranged all the time
oh you're right because you're not closing the yard
so 17 hits
that's the bardic inspiration that I used
66
from a third level right?
yeah 66's
I did not calculate that
we're just going to roll this multiple times
I got 4 more
5
8, 13
and then 7 so 20
and next melee attack
on this man he uh whoever does the next
melee spell attack or melee attack sorry
gets advantage
is it specific for melee or what?
I believe it's specific for melee
right? let me look at it
Gonzo would know he's the cleric
for what? guiding bolt
guiding bolt is
oh and next attack roll
so yeah my bad so next attack roll
made against the target before the end of the next turn
has advantage so next attack
roll on this man and you would have had advantage
on your attack roll as well
because blinded is just
even for ranged?
all attack rolls
you can't dodge it's not as good
oh ok I thought that was only
melee attacks on it
you would get advantage
by the way besides the point everybody has advantage
20 damage to him
radiant damage on top of that
we love this thing
I don't know what his
things are that is my turn
so with the uh
with that radiant damage you manage to
put so this thing is like
bleeding heavily and you manage to just
take the last of the life out of it
oh it just disintegrates? yeah you see it kind of just
you just burst it and you see the body kind of
disintegrate from your guiding bolt
I don't think I'm getting my arrows back
I'm gonna lick my tongue
or lick my finger and be like
put that on one for Lasagna
Lasagna has a giant
tongue missing out of his
like yeah
I want to immediately cast
or do perception
because I heard that howl
same can I do it too?
yeah go ahead and roll perception
got it
do my advantage smell check
are we out of initiative now?
yeah alright Lasagna I'm gonna
run up to you and give you
a potion of greater healing
shit thank you
2 what is that one? I have an 8
everybody should have one cause I passed them out to everybody
yeah well I'm just I'm gonna give them one
but it's a 4d4 plus
4 hit points
yeah he got you saw him get
how much did you roll for perception?
17 yeah I got 28
you guys added that other potion I gave you guys right?
yeah that's right
so you kind of hear like the
sounds like the animal noises again
it sounds like the forest isn't alive again
Lasagna as you're
kind of looking around you
what did you roll mark for your perception?
15 yeah you kind of just start
you know notice creatures like in the
forest but
not even doing an ordinary you do see
like in the forest there's 4 sets
of eyes but they kind of retreated as
they watched you
towards this thing
like I see I see all the people out there
2 buddies
orange be growling
they seem to have backed off
but
I think they backed off because we killed
their homies so I think we should just
stay on watch for the night I need
to take a rest but yeah this thing was gigantic
out of 2 heads and the skin looked
unnatural I mean it was hard to
pierce so and it's burst
we can't do anything cause it's ash
no yeah he just like incinerated
with his holy radiance
sorry
no I like it
it looked nothing like
there's no blood see there's no blood at all
I just poof
I feel like this is our good middle ground
it looked nothing like we've ever seen before
but you
turneying him to ash it's kind of cooler I'm not
going to lie
so you said it looked weird
a little bit it looked like a
like a werewolf
like a mutated werewolf pretty much with 2 heads
it wouldn't happen to be a were rat
dammit
has anyone seen anything like this before
absolutely the fuck no
does it look like
experimented on or did it look like
it was natural like that
go ahead and roll me an
intelligence check see how
proficient in arcana can I help him
that's a nat 20
please keep your hands to yourself
my bad my bad
Frank you kind of remember how
in the war you remember
seeing creatures
turned unnatural from
effects of the morning
other magic attacks you think it might
be something that was altered by some sort of dark magic
okay
so this thing is definitely
unnatural to the guys this thing is definitely
unnatural it seems like warped by some
dark magic I saw similar things
in the Nautlancet Haroon
and say when I
participated in the
big battle bad times
I don't know if I understand you
I'm a direwolf
right now I don't know if I'd understand you
Haroon's still a direwolf you see him
oh yeah but no no
it doesn't carry over for people who aren't
druids oh really?
that's a class feature when you're
wild shaped as a druid that you get your
I thought it was just a wild shaped feature
nah I think it's only when you're a druid but
we'll do more research on it
anyways yeah
we definitely don't want to have
Haroon run in the other direction now
that one's quick
especially his large ass eyes
yeah large ass direwolf he's quick
I would like to
try and
go ahead
go ahead and roll me a strength
you're still red and you go ahead and roll me opponent's strength
I get advantage
because I'm a size bigger
but I know
that's because he's raging
oh shit
both of you get advantage
you're talking about a huge tile right now
it's right after
so yeah both of you got advantage so go ahead and roll off
oh my god
we're not beating me
oh wait wait
plus seven
you're a double your size
so you double your strength
plus three
still on top baby
dad's insane
that's fucking dumb
he's at like a moment where it looks like
it's pushing you down but next to just
you feel the rage
oh no brother
oh no
all the veins in his body are popping
he's just mustering every ounce of
strength he looks like he's on top of me
and he looks like I'm gone also and I come up
free if he had a gear I'm lifting
his giant ass up
hell no brother
after you suplex me
I will just start looking in your face
like big old slobbers
he's like can you smell what the brewer is cooking
that was the closest
I've gotten so far
I was like what have you both done in that 20s
I was like
there's no way
that was a trip by one
every point matters
that's great
so I mean after
you suplex I suplex you
and I'm just going to lay my head on your
giant stomach with a high V
while this is happening can I make sure that we are still okay
with my perception check please
oh yeah can I do a detect magic
real quick too
Frankie's pants are glowing
I mean all of our stuff
is glowing
so you kind of see like his pants
you know the bag you see your friends magic items
it's really what's glowing all your friends magic items
there's nothing else in the
yeah 60 feet
nope
I'm going to
go up
I got an 18 for my perception
yeah I mean you kind of just hear like
the sounds of the forest sounds like just like a typical
where does my items go
because nobody told her room is
they just go into your form
so you can't get anything
okay I'm going to try to go up to
your heart if I can
and
I'm going to be like
and then like
open my mouth
so I
I'm aware that this is for room
yeah
it's a robot
it's a robot direwolf
he said no he said come on
it's a giant direwolf it's a giant
silver direwolf so I mean
it's not robot form
Harun also going through a crisis right now
because he's feeling things
that's why I'm hungry
yeah you're hungry for the first time ever
he's a furry
Harun
wants a steak
your heart doesn't know that
he just sees you
so I look to
Lasagna and Nyx
and Frankie
and I'm a little nervous I point up
this big bad old wolf
what the fuck is this
oh he's nothing but a puppy
you see me slam him
this is Harun
you remember that ring he got
he's definitely not as big
as he was he's like a horse size now
instead
well I mean like no seriously
has it a minute passed
a minute is definitely passed
I think I'm just going to let it go
he got bigger during the battle
I'm just going to
like grab like both sides
of like his head and just like kind of like jostle him
back and forth you know
like you do with a dog and just going to look at him
dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog dog
Harun is
going to be panting but he's still trying to like
whimper hopefully trying to get
the side he was like
for a second I thought that was going to go in like a real dark
Will Smith like dog
apocalypse situation.
Oh no.
No.
What do you think I play in the NFL? I love dogs.
Oh.
That was good.
I didn't say any names.
I'm going to look over to Harun and pull out a steak.
And then see what he does.
Harun's going to pop up on all
fours and then just do that thing where
his back leg stays still.
But his front ones go from left to right really fast.
Oh.
You want it boy?
And I'm going to throw it up right in the middle of him.
You see him just catch it.
Scarf it down. You feel like
the food passing through you.
You've never felt the sensation before.
I'm just like
I'm just enjoying myself
rolling around and just
running around. And then you see me wander off
to the side of the bar and you hear
some grunting.
And then
I don't know
how long it's been but it'd be
really funny if I tripped over to that
mid-air.
Oh shit.
I thought he was like
we were hearing like a cartwheel like
grrrr.
That's Harun in the corner
looking at his junk.
That's me in the corner.
Usually the way it works
is you're going to
usually the way it works is
I believe it goes off of whatever
level druid you are. That's how long you can
stay in there. But obviously
an hour. Yeah.
So I imagine I'm going off to the side
taking a shit. I don't know how long it's been.
Well, cause I can play like probably like
15, 20 minutes. Alright, so I'm going to take a
shit and then I'm going to come back like
trotting like happy.
You see him squatting over and just laying this
mound.
I'm excited. Now we finally have
a little tester.
I'm just fucking bewildered, beleaguered, and otherwise
uninfatuated with the whole shit
that I just witnessed. Yeah, the whole shit just came out of him.
Exactly. You see, he gets it.
He's too old for this shit.
It's 120 years.
He's also going to start peeing on
the trees like right next to the forest
and then come back.
They're just dying.
It's acidic.
It's like hot as fair.
It's flammable.
Alright, yeah, so you guys are
going back to the barn now?
Back to the barn. Alright, back to the barnyard.
I'm going to be going to sleep.
Lizogna is going to sleep after that fight.
Yeah, I'll take the first watch.
Perfect.
Yeah, I'll take, I'll keep going with the first watch.
So it's time to swap over.
The rest of the night kind of just goes by quiet.
And you know, daybreak starts
and you guys are just finishing up your rest.
So yeah, eventually
Heron will be outside and like
switch back and just be by himself.
Yeah, the entire time you're in your
trance, or no, in your
in your sentry mode, you're kind of just
processing what just happened because you experienced
so many new feelings and emotions you've never felt before.
That's what I'm imagining. So I just
come like when everyone starts waking up
you're just still just silent, just staring at the forest.
If I see that
it's nice when purposefully want to fuck with her.
Yeah, you see Heron just staring.
Alright, I want to come up from behind
walk up to him and be like
do you miss the feel
of the wind on your skin, the air
flowing through your lungs,
the feel of warmth when we touch you
and I can't feel that again.
And walk away.
Do you miss me licking you?
Heron, go ahead and roll me D4.
A D4?
Oh, no, I think that's
for his ring.
Three days? Yep.
It's for his ring.
Yeah.
That's not too bad.
Does this count
as a day? Cause you said it's like
you know, three, three
It could be three nights.
Yeah, so.
So it's really starting from here cause he just used it.
So, alright
I think we're at a good point to call it. You guys are
kind of waking up after the big fight.
The town, you hear some people starting to wake up
and you hear
the people kind of staring and
we can call it here.
The worst part is we have no proof that we killed
this thing.
Damn it, Bryce.
My bad.
That thing hurt me.
Yeah.
Next time on Dragon Ball Z.
That's gotta take a shit.
My plan next time was to like
for my turn was to hold him down and then have
him talk to him.
That's a good idea.
As you wake up as well once Nixit, you see this giant mound.
I have no idea
where it's from at all.
I don't remember. He remembers.
Dude, where's my shit?
He remembers coming in cause he was like, what's coming out of me?
What is this feeling that I feel right now?
Oh shit, dude.
Get your hand in my mini.
Oh, yep.
There was no food in that stomach
except for a steak. So the amount of
the quickness to process it
is insane. That's what I was thinking too, is that the quickness to
process from fight to
steak to shit was
really quick.
Because it was 15 minutes total, but we gotta assume
like you ate steak and 5 minutes later were like
maybe I should take a big shit of mine.
I've been holding
this shit in all my life.
I've never.
I've literally been mid meal and needed to shit
because I have IBS.
Truth.
But great session everyone.
Back from the DM, Harun has
IBS in his animal farm.
Oh my god.
Oh no.
It's canon.
Natural born shitter.
We'll catch you next time. Later nerds.
Bye.