There's an algorithm.
A sub and a switch can work out.
A sub and a dom can work out.
There's an algorithm.
You can't have two subs because one of them is going to end up...
No, you can't. But two doms, that's fun to see.
Neither are technically a switch or both doms. Yeah, they'll fight for the top of that.
Two subs is a sub way.
I don't know if they're going to be eating fresh. I just, I don't know.
I hope so.
If they're both subs, they're doing nothing but eating.
Yeah, they're just hanging out. They're just friends.
Two subs, they're friends.
If they're namespeak books, yeah, they're just really close friends.
They live together. They're roommates.
Oh my god, they were roommates.
Of course they were roommates.
I had my aunt who had a ring for the longest time on my pastor's side, like my Christian side.
And they were always like, they're roommates.
And it wasn't until after high school because I'd seen my aunt forever.
I was like, yeah, oh yeah, my aunt and her roommate...
Oh shit.
Whoa!
Yeah, they just have a cat together in this one bedroom apartment.
They've moved together twice and shit. They've been roommates across states now.
I was like, oh, yeah.
I now realize what this is.
They're best friends.
Yeah.
Wow, it's like, wow, in this economy they're just making sure they can both afford to live.
That's cool.
My grandma pitched them moving to like Oregon together. I was like, oh, isn't that good for them?
Gayest states.
Did they go to boot in Portland?
Yeah, they moved to Portland.
Wait, did they have a Subaru?
The signs were all there.
It's not long before the U-Haul.
The signs were all there. I just didn't know who put it together.
It took like three days.
You got all the pieces of the puzzle.
Yeah, I just never really thought about it that much, you know?
Like, that was my aunt's best friend that was at all the family holidays and shit.
No one talks about condoms or birth control.
Jesus Christ.
Alright, well.
Alright, I think it's time for some D&D, folks.
Welcome, everyone. This is freaking nerds.
Freaking nerds. Hopefully we don't edit all that.
I mean, we've been recording for over 15 minutes.
D&D?
I am...
See the method acting.
I am Will, and I play Lazzagg, the Ma's kind, a wood elf druid cleric who is definitely not happy with himself and his actions recently, especially after last episode.
False fact about Frankie here.
Is he used... before he was a bartender, he was a professional mime.
I can see that.
That's definitely false. I don't think Frankie can shut up if he wants.
I think that's just what makes the job more glorious, though. Is that the fact that when you were a mime, you just didn't talk at all.
I think he just cast Silence on himself because he couldn't help it.
That's probably what it was.
That's so fucking advanced.
He's rolling my mind right now.
We could definitely start a mime business.
Like, oh my god, he's making no... even in his footstache.
Write that down, write that down.
Like, 10,000% serious, you just blew my goddamn mind.
Well, I'm Ben, I play Frankie, Frank the Tank.
Fast Frank.
And a false fact about Harun is that not all of his parts are mechanical.
Yeah.
You get to say which ones aren't.
Technically, he is part human, though.
Oh, okay.
You guys have never seen under his boots, you know what I'm saying?
Because they're usually covered in shit.
That's also very true.
That's true.
Aw, come on. I can't smell it.
I'm not supposed to know.
That's a good false fact.
My name is Mark and I play Harun Wen, a Warforged monk, kind of a baby.
Getting there, learning things, doing some fights.
Fun, false fact about Nyx is that when he was born, he actually was taller than he is now.
And has just, for some reason, just had really bad posture.
That's where it is.
He's hitting that whole Benjamin Button thing.
That's what I was thinking.
Every time he rages, he gets like a half of a millimeter shorter.
That's tragic.
By the end of the campaign, I'm going to be a foot tall.
You're going to work on your anger issues.
Yeah.
Every time he solves his anger issues, he just gets like a little millimeter taller.
So we're keeping score right now.
I will say right in the middle.
This is a small but mighty.
So I'm Jalen. I'm playing Nyx.
I am a rock gnome barbarian.
And a false fact about Yelharis.
I got two hours of sleep, guys.
No, no, no.
And a false fact about Yelharis is that he actually shoots better when he is sober.
I'm mostly sober.
Yelharis?
Yeah.
He only started drinking when he met Wallace.
And it stopped?
I don't know how to respond to that.
Truthfully.
Alright, but hello.
My name is Ryan.
And I am playing Yelharis Scythrith.
I am a summer Aladdin ranger.
And a fun false fact about Lasagna is that he prefers big cities.
He prefers the indoors.
He really just does not like being out in nature that much.
That's definitely false.
His mom made him be a druid.
I mean, you're not wrong.
Lasagna definitely learned it from his mother.
But yeah, that is definitely false.
Lasagna does not like big cities.
He despises them.
He wants to tear down the whole institution from the inside.
Like Halcyn.
Just like Halcyn?
Yeah.
Did he return into a bear?
Dismantle the oppressors board by board.
In terms of the bear, I'm here to dissent.
Sawing the tables of tyranny.
And Larry takes his podcast.
Oh no.
I did not swallow it.
Can't say Halcyn too many times.
It's like Beetlejuice.
You're like...
Who wants to do the recap?
Wait, what?
You're just going to skip your god?
Your DM?
What's the fun true fact?
Yeah, this is gonzo.
This is the DM.
Fuck you, Will.
We didn't even get to my socks yet.
You're weird.
Gonzo.
I literally put them on in front of you all sexy like too.
I didn't watch you put them on.
I know you did.
It's fine.
So what are you wearing?
I'm wearing my black and white WWU logo socks.
Because tonight's Monday night.
Not sponsored.
I'm just wearing these because I'm missing Monday Night Raw to be here with the boys.
That'd be pretty cool.
If Larian wants to as well, I know you guys aren't doing Baldur's Gate anymore.
To be fair, I think most of this party has played the game so it's fine.
NERDS.
Coming in wrestling with your decisions.
Yeah, that was a good one.
Spicy.
I would try to come up with a deal but I don't want to wrestle that away from you.
Oh, okay.
You really went in raw with that one.
I mean good jokes are hard to pin down.
Oh man.
Came in there with an elbow.
Shit.
Right off the top row.
You guys better stop before I play the SmackDown.
I might put a ring on it.
Gay.
I mean.
$20, $20.
Anyways.
What is the fun truth fact?
The fun truth fact.
We've got anybody now.
What is the fun truth about Lasagna?
He has an aversion to blood.
Oh.
What?
You now have an aversion to blood because of your actions.
What is that?
An aversion? Yeah.
Like a phobia or just like he doesn't like it?
He doesn't like it.
He'd prefer not to be around it.
Oof.
Did you make that one personal because you know how I feel about blood?
Will myself feels about blood.
No, I wasn't even thinking about that.
Because I'm like how much you guys just slotted in the party.
Oh, okay.
Unregretfully by the way.
No, very, very unregretfully.
They attacked us first round.
But you didn't remind me of that.
I do think it's hilarious.
They were gonna.
It's a good one.
Now I have to know about my full blown fucking panic attack whenever I see blood now.
When you see a lot of blood.
Calm down, Haru.
Wow.
Alright.
You know what the great thing is, Gonzo?
Is that when you kill somebody with fireball, you don't get much blood.
Because it's all burned.
That's true.
This last time I think I stabbed a few people.
Which was kind of surprising for myself.
But too bad you have a barbarian that usually slices people in half.
Oh my god, wow.
Slaughtless.
Yeah, I don't plan on slashing that shit.
Lasagna was a field clinic.
Damn.
I'll accept it.
Is it blood in general?
Or you mean a copious amount like we just caused?
Blood in general, no.
Yeah, we can patch up the meat too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, it kind of makes your stomach uneasy.
But a lot of blood will really really fuck him up.
Okay.
Don't watch me fight.
Do watch me fight.
Cast blindness on yourself.
Just be casting healing words on anybody.
Anybody at will.
I'm just gonna close my eyes.
I'll do the recap.
I'll take the recap.
I feel like I played a little part in the end part there.
Yeah.
So yeah, last time we started off by taking down a small ambush.
Were they all human?
I think they were, right?
Yeah.
Anyway, a bunch of bandit guys.
Seems like they've fallen on hard times.
And we pretty thoroughly annihilated them.
Yohara's taking the football field shot.
Head shot.
And we kept one alive just to send back the message.
Which we did.
And he did.
Presumably.
Off screen.
And shoot himself.
Well, that was part of the prompt.
It was part of the suggestion that was given.
I didn't tell him to stop either.
So eight hours later, he's going through it.
But did he live eight hours?
He did.
He did in fact because further down the road we kept traveling.
And then we saw some lights as it got dark and we were kind of out of this one portion of the forest.
We saw some lights off to the side and we went off to investigate.
And it turned out that it was more of those, at least they looked like more of those bandit group.
Yohara decided he'd rather nap.
Because he's a little sleepy boy.
He's not all tuckered out doing stuff earlier.
Harun heard the word war, took off running one way.
And Lasagna made sure to turn him back towards the group of bandits.
Like a wind up toy.
And that's how we preemptively ambushed and destroyed a larger group of bandits.
And really, I did hear them say we're going to ambush them.
And it was the same guy who shot himself.
You know, everybody gets one, it's like Spider-Man, right?
I mean, yeah.
Sure.
You guys also did come across the landscapes and did see all the...
Yeah, we talked with the goblins about the next portion being a boat.
And that's kind of where we ended up at the end of all that.
After manhandling future threats and saving future travelers on this road.
See, we justify our actions.
Also, let a motherfuckers know if I give you a chance, you take it.
We'll cut you at the knees.
At the end of the day, all that guy was before he chose to ambush us with his buds was a little tired.
And you know, maybe he should have britches a little bit.
That was it. He could have just let it go.
They could have. They could have.
Is that inspiration worthy?
I'll give it to him.
Give it to him?
Yeah, yeah, you can have it.
He's a fast talker.
What you got for us, Gonzo?
Well, yeah, as you guys are getting to your boat, you had your nice little rest.
Lasagna, as you guys were kind of...
Somebody was resting up, Lasagna was taking a nap, and you guys heard him screaming in his sleep.
You just heard him apologizing a lot.
And Lasagna, you just had a bad dream where you were just kind of reliving, killing all these people.
With a bunch of blood on my hands and whatnot.
And you were kind of just like, you wake up and you're just feeling like, you feel kind of gross.
I'm going to pray to my God.
Did we not wash in the river?
Well, no, he has a nightmare.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, you guys heard him kind of screaming in his sleep.
Are you all right, Lasagna?
He just wakes up in a cold sweat.
I'm going to stand immediately above him.
You good, bro?
I think I'll be all right.
I think it was just a bad dream from...
It was a lot of blood.
It was a glorious day.
I hand him my flask.
Oh, you hand Lasagna the flask?
Yeah, I hand my flask to Lasagna.
I will definitely take a swing of the, like a big swing of the flask.
If he's like taking a big swing, as he holds it up, I'm going to try to like nudge it higher to make...
He's taller than you.
Well, I would definitely be like on the knees.
Oh, you're like, no, you're like, yeah.
Yeah, go ahead and go ahead and roll my sleight of hand, see if you can trick him.
Can I roll Dex to see if I can stop that from happening?
Yeah, go ahead and roll my opposing.
Okay.
And then I'm going to Dex on the other side and just...
I'm going to lose his opposition.
Eyes out side.
Yeah, you're going to do...
You just feel the...
You take a bigger, a lot bigger swing than you expected.
Okay, that's fine.
Lasagna, don't feel bad.
It was the right thing to do.
Yeah, but we killed a lot of, like, they were not strong at all.
Are you guys in the cart?
But not everybody...
What?
Are you guys in the cart?
I can't imagine so.
Or we made an actual tent camp.
No, you guys are in the cart because you guys were going to just chill over there.
Could I hear them?
Yeah, you're in the front.
Or you're walking along side.
I would assume like outside, but like outside, like along the side.
No, see, here's the thing.
Not everybody on the road is going to be as strong as us, and 15 guys could do a lot of damage.
So, this both let Nix get out some of his aggression in a positive way.
Very positive.
I don't know about that.
It's from outside.
Harun, you threw out endless little Kyle Trops and stuff like that.
I don't want to hear about how Nix and I are the...
I didn't torture anybody.
Maybe I did miss out on something.
I think...
I cut a man in half again.
Yeah, I think that's what kind of also was a lot...
There was a lot of brutality.
There was a fire... I cast a fireball and there was four people that just died.
Oh, five people that just died.
Well, that wasn't all you.
I did hurt one of them.
So, you know.
Was it the same group?
That makes it better for you mentally.
I don't think that makes it any better.
It was just like...
I mean, you're not wrong.
It was a good thing that we took him off the road, but at the same time, maybe there was another solution.
Maybe we could have done it peacefully.
That's why we let the last guy live so the message gets across.
Exactly.
So they were the same.
Yeah.
Same guy.
Yeah.
With all due respect, fuck him.
I don't know if I told you guys this, but one of them was the same one that we had set on his way back to his camp to mourn his friends.
But he literally said, I can't wait to ambush them.
I mean, so just curious where we draw the line.
Like, we're going to be cool if we wait until they come after us and then do it?
I think what...
Maybe...
I'm not going to tell you guys how to play your person or your role.
What?
I think...
Too much fourth wall.
Too much meta.
Too much meta, my bad.
I don't want to tell anybody how to do anything.
But I think I just need to focus on myself more.
And I think personally, I probably need to think about other solutions before resorting to violence.
Like sending me to do violence first?
Maybe if you just scare them, Nick.
I'm a scary guy.
Just scare them until they tits themselves and run away.
Yeah, I'll do that from here on out.
I know, I shouldn't be surprised that you know what piss is now, but I am.
I mean, after picking up the piss and poop stick, I felt like he had to have mine.
Well, yeah.
It's not oil.
It was not oil, my friend.
Lasagna, I will say this.
I am the first person to agree that I want to find a solution that doesn't result in death.
But these are people that their only solution to the problem that they have created for themselves is violence.
I don't think that we can talk to them very much.
I gave them a second chance.
And this is what happened.
I could agree with that.
Like I said, I mean, I'm not just saying just them in general.
I'm just saying in general for myself.
I think I just instead of jumping to action right away, maybe I should think about things.
What if we just feel bad about it?
You guys don't have to feel bad about it.
I do.
But that's just bad.
I think that's just how I feel.
And that's it.
Lasagna, no one has to feel bad.
And that's all I have to say.
I don't think I've ever felt bad in my life.
No, not once.
Not often that faithful people.
Well, is that a lie?
I just didn't.
I've never experienced guilt, you know.
So I don't know what you...
What is that?
Well, you can't know.
You can't use that as a judge.
He doesn't.
He feels things, but he doesn't know what some feelings are.
What is the guilt?
Does it itch?
As that said, I have a stone that look.
I'm like, yeah, no, I never did anything.
I feel guilty about...ever.
Thousand yards there.
Well, let's see where those green skinned little bastards went off to.
Yeah, fuck those guys.
I think they're in the car right here.
Like, turn to the guy next to him.
There's two of them.
You can get in there with you guys.
I don't even notice.
I just walk out of the way.
I'm like, you've been here the whole time.
I still say what I said.
I'm like, fuck those guys.
Let's go.
Oh, I didn't see you, you know, me having to look down and all.
They saw you cut them in half.
They don't really...they aren't stepping up.
Don't look at my eyes.
I mean, look, but appreciate.
Do any of you guys speak, Godwin?
No.
All right.
No, we don't.
I don't think so.
You don't?
I thought you had Godwin.
I think I'm just going to pull out or just say...
Yeah, but I don't speak Godwin.
I'm going to do a little prayer with my holy symbol, ask for guidance.
Oh.
The holy man now.
These are the languages that I speak.
I mean, I've always been a follower of RoA.
I'm just a cleric now.
Yeah.
You're kind of telling me it's serious.
Yeah, you know, RoA is literally the god of peace, or the goddess of peace.
So, you know, kind of that.
Shit, man.
I'm going to make you really, really hard.
They were in pieces.
It's not pieces.
It's peace.
So if they're in one piece, it might be okay.
I mean, I feel like Nix could get behind the god of pieces.
Yeah.
Who's this god of pieces?
I might be a cleric as well.
I'm going to find the head goblin in charge.
You see them kind of talking to...
The head goblin.
The HGIC.
The one riding on the other one's shoulders.
One of them on the paper comes over to you guys and says, oh, the orc wants to talk to
one of you guys.
Which one of you guys is in charge again?
Me.
Me out here.
We have kind of a...
Everybody who has a voice.
I'm right here.
What's up?
I'll definitely fall into this wherever he goes to dig in some of it.
There's like a little barge kind of thing you guys are going to unload up the cart in.
And there's an ogre that's kind of in charge.
I'm already outside.
I say, it's me.
He's like, are you paying for the fee?
How much?
Is both the groups going?
Now hold on a damn minute.
What do you mean fee?
Do you want to use the raft?
We were told charter was already paid for.
We're working.
The goblins didn't even have any money.
Do you want one of them?
You know what, Nix, that figures, doesn't it?
Yeah.
I'm going to turn around and glare at the goblins like, what the fuck, we do it like we're guards.
You hired us.
We're not going to pay the fee to go anywhere.
Yeah.
I immediately turned to glare at the goblins.
What's going on guys?
Goblins are just kind of like, we don't got any money.
You're merchants without any money.
We were just told to bring this over.
Oh, gotcha.
This is coming out of your tab.
How much is it?
The ogre just says 20 gold.
Oh, okay.
Now you just give him 20 gold.
All right.
I see you guys loaded up on there.
We can get there.
Other side in about two hours.
I hop off our room and shoulders.
If you have any further questions, feel free to address me.
They tip my head and tell her we're good.
Let's go.
I will say as soon as he like rebounds my back, I'm like back in like, yes.
Then I just go.
I'm going to get in real close to the goblins and say, if you're trying to fuck with us, I wouldn't.
We both know this fee is bullshit.
If one more set up happens, then all the rest of them won't save.
Go ahead and roll me an intimidation.
That's going to be a 19.
Yeah, they kind of just look at you.
They look at Nick's and then they look at the rest of your friends.
No lies.
We promise you.
Good.
And then I'm going to pull back a little bit and smile and pat him on the shoulder and wink at him and then fly away.
When you fly away, do you like tuck your feet behind you like in a cartoon?
No, I like to think of myself as completely vertical.
Moving through space.
Oh no.
He likes to throw some steps in there.
Dude, no, I fly in the most visually upsetting way.
So it's like you're just walking, but you're floating.
Except completely still, like a pencil formation, just like wings beating.
Like a really shitty still animation that's kind of going through there.
I kind of love that.
Imagine every now and then you just do the moonwalk backwards.
I'm just going to have to help the goblins get the cart onto the raft.
You see the arbor just pushing it and getting out.
Are the animals coming too?
Yeah, you see the claw foots are kind of just like, they're kind of resisting and they're kind of like not wanting to get on.
Do I hear that?
Because I'm in the cart.
Yeah, you see the goblins start smacking the dinosaurs.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
And I'm going to definitely just come over and be like, hold up buddy.
And I'm going to use my ring and cast Animal Friendship on one of the claw foots.
I believe it's a wisdom saving throw of 13 because it's coming from my ring.
The claw foot?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a nine.
It's a nine?
Yeah.
So obviously that one in particular is going to be friend.
Me.
And then I will also just speak with animals out of the ring as well.
And neither of those are concentration.
And then I'll be like, hold up big fella.
Tell your friends here it's going to be OK.
We're going to get on the boat just for a few days.
And then we're going to get off the boat.
OK?
I want water.
Water is fresh.
It's this fresh water.
I miss my mom.
I know you miss your mom.
But you know where we're going?
I hear there's other dinosaurs just like you.
You know my mom?
I don't know your mom.
I miss my mom.
Your mom is probably on the other side of this ship.
We got to get on the boat though.
Mom is the thing?
Mom is probably on the other side, but we got to get on the boat.
OK.
OK?
All right, tell your friends to get on the boat too.
They still look a little agitated.
Can I roll something for it?
With advantage?
You can have him on handle handling.
Can I help him out?
Yeah, you see him kind of go over and hide.
How do you help him?
I rolled a natural 20.
I rolled a 16.
Nice.
So you and your harvest just start calming the animals down.
You get the goblins to get off of them and you just walk them in.
I'm going to definitely make sure that they're probably not out in the open,
but somewhere that's not a really small enclosed space,
but probably where the cart is if it's a big enough area.
And then probably try to tie them up so they're not just wandering around the ship.
What's the weather like?
It's a sunny day.
Is it hot?
It's hot.
You still have to speak with the animals.
Yeah, actually I don't know how long it is, but I'm sure it's good for a while.
Ten minutes.
You just hear a dinosaur saying, I miss mom.
The other one's like, mom, you just hear the walls of the tripping.
I'm going to be like, mom's probably going to be on the other side.
We're going to be okay though.
And then I'm going to just make sure they're secure and then go back up
so I don't have to hear that because that's depressing.
Is that a film foot?
Yeah.
The goblins are, one of them walks over and is like, what are you doing with the dinosaurs?
They're coming with us.
Yeah, but why did we get off?
What?
Those are our dinosaurs. You're not going to take them, right?
No, we're not going to take them. You're just spooking them.
Yeah. If it wasn't for me, they would have been probably didn't want to get on the boat.
Hey, we stole those fairies square, all right?
You keep your eyes open.
I'm sure you did. We have no interest in them.
It's okay.
Do I hear this conversation?
Nope. I'm going to just walk away with y'all horrors and say nothing.
And then immediately just walk away with a big smile on my face.
Did I hear this conversation?
No, you weren't there.
You were helping load the cart.
Lasagna, you have a plan, don't you?
Or you're about to.
I'm going to definitely just have a smile on my face and just walk away and just try to regroup with everybody.
I'm just going to have a big shit eating grin.
I'll go and join the rest of the party.
I'm just happy Lasagna's filled with them.
What's the rest of the party doing?
You guys see Lasagna and Y'all Horrors coming back after the dinosaurs down.
Y'all Horrors has a little perplexed look and you see Lasagna smiling.
I'm probably still just on Y'all Horrors back.
Yeah, Frankie knows. Your man, you know, swung on Lasagna's face.
Feeling better?
Yeah, I'm just going to make sure that we're all alone, but that the goblins can't hear us.
But, like, guys, I'm a man of peace.
I'm a man of peace.
Peace is...
But these goblins are making it hard.
They usually do.
How are they making it hard?
They stole the claw flicks.
Peace is for everyone, okay?
And if goblins are breaking the peace, we can solve it.
There's so many problems.
I'm going to say in Elvish, I don't think that we should be speaking about that too loud in a tongue that they can understand.
If they get too close to me, I'm clearing that.
I've been like, I don't care what the fuck I'm doing.
Very true. I mean, but I just want to inform our...
You know, like, look over at Nyx.
He knows, but I understand for Harun's sake.
Oh, and Harun, I forgot. Harun also does it in Elvish as well.
But I'm just going to say, they stole them.
In a very low voice, they stole them.
And obviously I was speaking with them, as you heard, and they just want their mom.
That's all they said, is they just want their mom.
Okay.
These goblins don't seem like good people.
Why didn't we wait to kill them?
Wait. Then take it.
That's my thought, because who's their protection?
We are.
So, but, we don't have to kill them.
That's all I'm going to say.
Harun can just put them to sleep.
I'm going to wake up Harun.
Yes.
If we can not...
Forever.
If we can not kill them, that would be amazing.
If we could just steal them back from them,
I feel like that's a fair trade, because they stole them, we steal them back.
I would say that each...
I'm still whispering this very, very low.
I would say that they're worth 20 gold, wouldn't you?
That's our price of admission for getting on the raft.
Oh, yeah.
Fair trade.
Yeah.
I could also slowly start removing the obstacles to freeing the animals, if you want, non-legally.
Let's wait until we get to our destination.
They're on a boat. I don't want to do anything with the animals while they're on a boat.
It wouldn't be the animals, it would be the goblins.
Oh.
Wait until we get to our destination.
Yeah.
We're their protection.
Wink.
Yes.
You guys have to make sure the package gets to the...
I was about to say, I don't know if you guys remember, but we were just told that the package needs to make it to the destination.
Do you know where the destination is?
No, but I'm sure one of them does.
I will remember that little remote control one of them has.
Mm-hmm.
Remember that. We need to remember that because that's what controls the cargo.
Yeah.
So one of them has it.
No, that's enough. Not for long.
Should I just ask them for it?
No, I will.
What? No, no, no, no, no, no.
Harun, Harun, we'll give you the sign. We'll tap on the nose, the sign, to ask them for it.
I'm also sneaky.
I will find the captain after this, though. After we have this discussion.
Yes, you see the ogre just kind of sitting there, and then you see next to him a smaller figure wearing a funny hat.
I'm going to assume that I'm going to walk up and be like, I think you're the captain, right?
Old dwarf co-op stuff like that. That's why I got the hat.
That's what I figured. I always like the nice hat.
Harun, take a look at this man's hat. You like hats, right?
That's the, what were those hats called?
Tricorn.
He's wearing a tricorn with a big old feather. It's obnoxious. It's like just opting in.
Harun, there's heat over here.
Yeah, Harun is actually a connoisseur of hats. He likes to collect them.
That is true. Let me see.
You like hats?
Give me your hat.
How about I make you one?
Why don't you give me that one and you make you a new one? Then it'd be new.
Well, I'm the captain of this ship.
Yeah, he's got to have a hat. So that's how people know he's the captain. That's how I knew he was the captain.
So if he puts it on you, then you're the captain, but you don't know how to be the captain.
I don't need to wear it. I just want it.
Oh, that's also very true.
So he's going to actually, he's like, how about this?
He takes out a piece of parchment and he folds it up for you.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
Is this guy also a goblin?
He's a dwarf. He's a dwarf.
He folds up this little paper hat for you.
And he's like, here you go.
I take the hat. Now the other one.
Now we both have one. You can't have two.
All right. I'll trade you.
No, this is the captain's hat. I'm sorry.
Harun, don't get greedy.
Harun, put the hat on.
Okay. I put the little hat on.
That perune looks adorable.
That's one to cuteness.
So captain, I wanted to talk to you.
How long? And I'm just laughing.
How long is it going to take us to get to our destination?
In a couple of hours.
We thought it was going to be less,
but the tides are moving a little differently right now.
Oh, well, I think I might just double check my spells.
This was a, we took a long rest before here.
So I had time to know that we were doing this right.
You would say I could, yeah, you were, you changed my stuff around.
Yeah. You had some uneasy sleep when you had some sleep.
Well, I can't help you with that just yet. Good sir.
I don't, I have another spell that I could use,
but I don't want to potentially crash the ship.
I would prefer you not do that.
Yeah, I can make a tidal wave. You want a tidal wave?
I would rather not.
Yeah, that's probably not a good idea.
So it's like, yeah, we'll be there in about two, three hours.
Oh, okay. That's not bad.
Yeah, you guys are just kind of chilling on there.
So yeah, throughout the ride, you do see the goblins kind of,
they're kind of checking on the dinosaurs.
The dinosaurs are kind of getting snappy with them.
You see them kind of just like smash the dinosaurs back.
I'm not going to say anything.
I'm going to put my finger out one of them and use message.
So I got the actor feat.
So he, I'm going to make the speech of another person.
If I hear them speak for at least a minute.
And I'd like to in his own head with his own voice,
have him hear himself talking and saying,
you're such a piece of shit. You're such a piece of shit.
And just like on repeat.
Wow.
Jesus. That's hard work.
That's psychological warfare.
Like actor, that's actually a pretty good fucking feat to do that.
That's an amazing feat.
You see the guy sitting there on the space looking, he just looks,
he's just staring his eyes.
He just kind of looking around and then it's like, uh,
in his voice, what you looking at?
Out of character.
We could have used you in the war, man.
I was, I would assume I was doing something.
Yeah. He was, he was in there.
It's psychological warfare.
That's for damn fucking sure.
I just go off on my own.
I come back as a random point.
He's like, I'm just a bartender.
At some point, uh,
Harun is going to hold onto the edge of the raft and just stick his head
under and see what he can see.
Some water.
Go ahead, Gozzo.
First, roll me a stretch.
Listen, I am fully braced.
Acrobatics.
My body's heavy as shit.
That's true.
Acrobatics, acrobatics at least.
You are heavy.
He's using his feet to hold them up.
That's, that's why it's acrobatics.
Everybody knows feet are the acrobatics.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. 17 plus, uh, sevens, 24.
All right.
Uh, yeah.
So you kind of go in and then you kind of slip a little bit.
Cause you're like, Oh,
but you can't just open your feet.
They see you in nipple feet.
Okay.
And then they're like, Oh,
I know one person shouldn't be able to move like that, but
it's good to get on a person.
Um, so what do I see?
Water. You see some fish passing through.
Has Harun ever seen a fish?
I don't know. I've seen a fish.
You don't do these little things swimming around.
You don't really know what they are.
It's just these creatures kind of floating through the water.
Can I,
I can't really see it.
You're going to let one hand go and then wave your finger.
Well, I thought,
I thought I already was like holding it up.
Like, like, so like I could like, my hands, like,
I'm imagining like I'm laying off the edge.
This hand is like on the underside to like,
Oh, both between them steady me.
This hand's already under there.
Okay. Yeah.
Um, if, if it seems like it's,
it's I'm not going to be held and I won't, but I would,
uh, I thought at least the one hand would have been able to move.
Yeah.
I mean,
I mean it's not like super fast, but it is within considerable speed.
All right.
And then I'll just pop my head back.
But you, you see this,
you haven't really seen much of these creatures before,
but you kind of just see them floating through.
Uh, I just,
shape, size and colors.
I just, uh,
pop my head back, back out and I just turn around to whoever's like near,
near, near me and just be like,
what is that?
But also,
yeah,
you don't know what I saw,
but I seem very concerned.
So do it with what you will.
Yeah.
I mean,
I think y'all Horace is definitely there.
Yeah.
You saw him stick his face up in the water.
What is that?
I was there too.
What do you, what do you mean?
What is that?
There's these little,
I don't know.
He's like doing like a little wave thing.
Like a little serpentine in the water.
Yeah.
They were like,
they were like chubby snakes.
Chubby snakes.
Yeah.
You're trying to roll like a nature or something.
I mean,
you've got a piece together.
Yeah.
I mean, you've got a piece together.
What are you trying to do?
Fish.
You're talking about fish, right?
Fish.
Why are they under there?
I think they breathe there.
That's where they live.
They don't come out?
Yeah.
Like how you don't breathe.
Right.
But they do breathe,
but only water.
They actually do breathe air just like us.
I, Nick looks like visibly perplexed by that.
There's water in there.
Yeah.
Nick looks like visibly perplexed by that.
There's water down there.
There is water,
but there's things in the water that produce oxygen that they use to actually breathe.
Can I try to put my head underwater now?
If he does,
I'm like back of the shirt,
like help out.
So if he has to roll,
I want to try to give him advantage by holding onto him.
Go ahead and roll me a strength.
I know you're going to pass,
but roll me a strength because it's hilarious.
I'm so tempted to use reduce on him
and put him on the end of the fishing line.
Just cast about.
Fight with his sword.
Yah!
I got one!
Fight the fish.
I mean you could feed,
you could feed your man a fish.
Use a man a fish.
Use a man as a fish.
What'd you get there, Jaylen?
About 18.
Yeah.
So you just grip it on,
you underwater,
you see like a lot of fish from like all sizes and colors.
All right, I'm going to take a deep breath.
You going in?
I'm head underwater.
Wait, you're taking a deep breath underwater?
I'm doing it.
He thinks there's oxygen under water.
Oh no.
You start fucking drowning.
Okay, I now start tapping Haru to pull me the fuck up.
He's tapping you.
We don't really know why he's tapping you, but...
He's pulling the fuck up.
He starts flailing.
He's like, he's like...
He hesitates.
I'm going to try to pull him up.
I'm going to tap Haru on the shoulder.
I think he wants upies.
Oh, and then he can yank his ass up.
I had that one worked out for you.
Give that one go.
He said there was air.
Yeah, you really thought that?
He said the face breathed air.
Oh, is that right?
What the fuck are you talking about?
What? You believed him?
What?
I thought the brain didn't fuck off to the back corner.
I didn't say there was oxygen for you.
I said there was oxygen for the fish.
You said he could breathe.
I didn't say he could breathe.
I said the fish could breathe.
Why would you do this?
I just spawned a bunch of vines that circle around me.
It is difficult to hurry.
God damn it.
What the fuck is this?
You dunked the gnome under water and now he's growing.
The cat who walks over is like, what's with the silly business here?
Don't come over here.
Our friend just inked all over the place.
He got angry.
Normally I would stay home and I could see the same shit.
But now we're out in the middle of bum fuck nowhere.
And I can't stand it.
Y'all, Horace, do you want another drink?
Because I could go for another drink right now.
He is a drink.
I think I took more than I wanted you to, frankly.
You still have your bottle. Remember you passed out.
You don't have the unlimited glass.
Oh, that's right.
Wallace has the unlimited glass.
Because I want a gift from Frankie.
Yeah. Where's mine?
You don't get one.
I got it.
Hey, just get over it.
Frankie, acquire things.
Frankie, can we get some alcohol over here, please?
Nope.
Okay.
I'm going to pull out my peach mead and just start drinking that.
Frankie, I gave Nick my bottle.
Do you have another one I can buy?
Does Nick say that in character?
Nick, you still have that bottle.
I'm going to start drinking that.
After I catch my breath and my rage has cooled off, I will then start drinking it.
Harun, of course you can have another bottle. It's going to cost you.
How much?
I know you're chugging.
You guys see the vines go down and you see fucking Nick chugging.
Harun is also going to reiterate that he just paid the toll.
22.
You see him get like a quart of fruit and you're still going like, oh my god.
Nick still has about half a bottle to go, but he's still going.
You can't breathe alcohol either, Nick.
This stuff I know I can breathe.
So it's just fresh water that he has a problem with.
Romy, one more.
15.
You still have about a quarter of the bottle left.
When you pull back, you're like, oh, oh.
You see Nick start to stumble a little bit and just kind of catch himself.
Can I grab the bottle from him?
You can try.
Okay, I'll try.
Are you going to fall on your own difficult train?
Go ahead and roll me a strength check, both of you.
You're at disadvantage.
You're a little clumsy.
Natural fucking 20.
Disadvantage.
Natural fucking 20, man.
He starts stumbling and your heart just smashes out of his hand and you're just like, oh fuck.
Fuck yourself, you weird tree.
You're like, what?
I laugh.
That's a good one.
I put the cork back in the bottle.
You see sick short little shit.
I'm not letting you puke on this boat full of dinosaurs and orcs.
And goblins.
At least I'm not a little greenskin lover.
Same team.
The buck goes quiet.
Everybody goes in a gasp like,
I called your heart a greenskin lover.
My skin was green at one point, but not like theirs.
Not like theirs.
He's going into Lasagna.
I think he needs to go back under the water again.
No, he can't breathe under there.
You see the captain.
Captain, how much longer until we get to the destination?
What was there?
About two, three hours?
How much, Frankie?
He said that about two, three hours ago.
I'm going to need another favor from you.
What?
I thought you were meaning to say this happened after we just asked him.
I don't have two favors.
His timing's a loss.
So, captain, you just said two, three hours, two, three hours ago.
Huh. You're there?
Yeah, because the sun was there, and now it's there.
Can I insight?
Insight is not great, but that's a good roll.
22.
Yeah, he had no fucking clue what he was talking about.
Is he the captain?
Can I roll survival?
I don't know anything about anything.
So, are you the captain?
I got the hat!
I'm starting to think he's not the captain.
Can I try to sneak up behind him?
Can I roll stealth to see if I can get that hat?
Go ahead and roll stealth, yeah.
Okay, come on.
What the fuck is happening here?
Oh shit, oh shit.
Okay, 16 plus seven.
Hey, Nick, cool over here.
Yeah, you were stealthy.
Sorry, I'm going to try to take that hat off his head.
I come over.
Hey, Nick, he says he's the captain, but that's a lie, dude.
I got the hat, I'm the captain.
Hey, who's in charge?
Wait, I got the hat off his head, right?
Yo, what's up here, bro?
I think I just heard Harun just snatch his hat.
He's like, it's mine!
Yo, hold on a second, man.
I put my hands on him.
Control the thing?
Wait, are you in charge?
Or is there somebody else in charge?
The captain's in the office.
Who the fuck are you?
I just work here.
Look me in the eyes, honestly.
Is anybody going to miss you if you swim back to shore?
What?
Why would you tell me that you're the captain if you're not the captain?
Because I just wanted him to feel important.
Get the fuck out of my face.
I take the little hat and I just put it right on him.
And I pretend to spit, obviously I can't.
I'm like, tchhh.
Pick the hat.
That's a good hat, Harun. You put that on.
No, I took the captain's hat. He has the tiny hat now.
The paper hat.
When I hear Frankie make that bail threat, I kind of lift him up to his tippy toes.
You know, Harun, that suits you.
Yeah.
I am the captain now.
One of the ogres puts his hand on you and says, put him down.
Who said that to me?
The ogre. One of the ogres.
I look at Frankie.
I'll put him down.
Just hold him for a second. And ogre, just one second.
You gonna stop bullshitting?
Yeah.
Okay, next button.
I'm gonna look to the ogre.
We were told some wrong information.
How long is it going to take us to get to our destination?
You're gonna shrug your shoulders?
Where's the goddamn captain of this place?
He's in the cabin.
Is it possible for one of us, is it possible for me to speak to the captain?
He just points, there.
I'm gonna go and you just fucking make your way.
There's like a little captain quarter area, like a little office looking thing.
I'm gonna pass y'all Harus the peach meat and I'm like, god damn, what the fuck was that about?
I already have his bottle, I don't need another bottle.
I'm gonna just follow behind you, Harus. Not saying anything, just him.
Yeah, you uh, so you guys walk into the door.
Go ahead, y'all Harus, please.
You knock and you guys walk in.
Yeah, I'm gonna knock and then try and walk in the door.
You knock and then you hear an older man, come in.
I come in.
And then you see an older dwarf kind of just sitting behind a little desk and going over some paperwork.
Are you customers?
Yeah, we um, we paid the fee to get on and go.
Uh, nice boat by the way.
Uh, we were just wondering about how long will it take for this vessel to get to the uh, the desired destination.
Oh uh, the passage is about a day.
Okay, we were uh, misquoted earlier by-
Is that other dwarf a relation of yours?
Is it?
Were you talking to my grandson?
Ah, yes we were.
Yeah, he's been cleaning up after some of the uh, you know, some of the passengers. He cleans up and sweeps.
He hasn't cleaned anything out there. Honestly, he's pretending to be the captain of the ship.
He looks around, did you- what about my hat?
Oh no.
Yeah, Harus, or he already put it in the bag of holding.
The hat being taken from your grandson is a punishment to your grandson.
Uh, and that's all we did to him. That's all we're gonna do.
Yes, we just- we only wanted to inquire about the time.
Bastard. Give me my hat back. Do you know- did he stop my hat?
Uh, I don't know. I don't- I have tabs on everyone.
I think your grandson got flustered and threw it overboard, so I don't know.
Oh, that's fine. He's gonna pay off that hat.
Yeah, you should show him, Tom.
Thank you very much.
Just hold it for her.
He's got a good hat on mine. He just gets mad. You see him go over to a drawer, and he pulls it open.
He pulls out another hat, puts it on, and he's like, thank you.
Another hat?
Yeah, it's another tricompassion's red.
A dry- a tricor- a drawer full of hats.
Ooh, I wonder if he's got a black heart.
Who would like that?
And Harun's?
He's the second hat.
Yeah, yeah, he puts the hat on. It's a red tricone.
I was like, Harun's not in there right now. He's still outside, parading around with the hat.
He's hanging out with you right now.
Yeah, so it takes about a day or so. I don't know why- my grandson's a bit of a kooky boy.
We can tell.
We've been trying to straighten him out and teach him the ways of a working man.
I think you want to be careful about who he's telling his tall stories to, because not everybody's gonna have the multiple patients we have.
Uh, yeah. Yeah. Call him in.
Uh, does he have a name?
Yeah. Rakucio!
Hey, yo, Rakucio.
It's Mercutio!
You've got in trouble.
Do you see him kind of walking in, like, his head looking down?
His grandpa walks up to him and just smacks him straight across the face.
At the sight of that, I'm just gonna bow face and leave. I'm not about him.
Yeah, we're out of there.
My friend does have a similar looking tricorn, so he'll keep the fuse and try to take that from him.
Just don't want to- this is not causing misunderstandings over something silly like that.
What?
Your grandson threw that- your tricorn in the water, didn't he?
And then I'm gonna just look at him and go, did he?
You see him just crying? Yeah!
Yeah, see, you just gotta teach him right and he'll- he'll straight up.
He's got a bright future ahead of him as long as he doesn't tell lies to people.
He's so lucky he does, huh?
He's breaking routinely lies to people.
We don't talk about that.
It's a good thing and Rose wasn't there. He would start to feel bad about this.
I think we all get what we want.
Yeah, so you guys are gonna have a good day.
I'm gonna go back over to, um, Nick's and Harun.
So, uh, I've come to find out that it takes about a day for the boat to get to where we need to go.
So in about two to three more hours, and an additional two to three more hours after that,
and maybe a couple more, we'll be there.
How long does that ring last when I use it? Just curious. No reason.
How long does it last when you, uh, transform?
One hour. One hour? That's not bad.
Does it reset after a long rest?
No, you have to roll a D4. A D4 every day.
So, you know, you rolled a D4 and it doesn't make a day for it to reset.
Oh, what? Yeah.
Oh, shit. That's what he said. You don't remember that?
I wrote it down, but I wrote it down wrong.
I rolled a 1D4 for reset, but I didn't think it was a day.
I thought it was like a D4, and then there's like a cost.
To be fair, though, it's pretty useful, though.
In a crucial situation, it could definitely help out.
True, true, true.
L'Zogna would like to have a friend he could transform with.
It's true.
You'll be a Transformers.
Honestly, I still think of when Harun changes with the ring,
it's going to be like the Transformers type of transformation.
That's what I'm saying.
I think he's going to go full magical girl. Yeah.
Go completely nude, but like Luna Pella. Sailor Moon?
Yeah, exactly. And then like slowly turn into an animal.
I still think I should be robotic, but I'll be fine with having to breathe
and not get my resistances, but I think it'd be cool if it looks somewhat robotic.
I will find the kitchen.
Is there a kitchen?
There's a kitchen.
Well, whoever's cooking and just kind of pour some seasoning in that bitch,
because you know damn well they ain't got no seasoning on this boat.
Yeah, so it's like a boat.
There really isn't anywhere for you guys to sleep in.
Oh, I'm going to find the tiny cargo.
Yeah, the caravan cargo.
Yeah, so you see all the goblins are in there.
It's like, there's not much room in here.
Yeah, you guys should probably sleep outside.
I was just going to find a spot and then just lay down in there.
You see them kind of look at you and then you see them get a little defensive,
but then you see Nick's kind of walk in and look at him.
Yeah, if you guys want to sleep in here, it's going to cost you 20 gold.
They just kind of like...
I'm going to sleep, boys. What's happening here?
He said, well, two of us have to do the cargo at all times, so...
Okay.
Two of us?
If you stand in the back, you can look right in.
Take in chefs and your old niggas.
Two of them stay next to the box and you have to fork it out.
There you go.
There's room for us guys.
I lay down immediately and go to sleep.
I'm going to just stay up on the top,
where you're directing the animals, as it were.
I don't really remember the name of the spot, but I'll just be sitting up there.
I'll bow out, just waiting, purveying the perimeter, my surroundings.
I'm going to druidcraft some lavender spray.
It's like a five-foot cube, basically, around me for everybody that's going to sleep.
As Nick slays down, he's been so helpful today,
that I'm just going to tuck him in a little bit, pat him on the head, and go like,
all right, this is a guy I could have wanted.
If I were getting special bonuses, this sounds like the best thing that Nick's ever done.
He's probably the least drunk he's been to fall asleep.
Dude, I'm probably going to wake up with a little bit of an issue.
He's going to have to roll to see if he needs some of that morning juice.
Is he hungover? What?
You said you were where?
You take a point of exhaustion.
You get a drape from not drinking.
I'm assuming the cart is more towards the back.
I'll be a little bit more towards the front in my sentinel mode.
All right.
Take a long rest.
Well, I'll take four hours, and then obviously swap off with your own hearts.
Yeah, you guys take some.
So you all just got first watch?
Yeah, I got first watch.
Yeah, you see one of the ogres, he's pacing around.
He had a line turned, kind of, just pacing around.
Kind of looks like he was kind of in the shrugs.
I'll go ahead and talk to him.
How long have you been doing this?
Since the war.
After the war.
I'm at the front.
Front of the boat.
Just as a heads up, if you see my Warforged friend, just don't use that word around him.
Which word?
The W1.
Word?
War.
Oh.
Yeah.
Word.
Yeah, we were all in the same unit.
In the front lines?
Yeah.
I did a lot of killing.
Yeah, we were pretty damn close.
We were right up in there.
Some of us were a little bit more in the shadows, but we all, we did our time.
It was a lot.
What was your specialty?
What were you out there doing?
Clubbing and killing.
Clubbing babies?
Pulled up this big ass club?
Is that an ogre?
Yeah.
He's got a big ol' club and he's like...
This is an information analysis.
I'm sure that you had fun.
It would have been a pleasure to watch you work.
Mm-hmm.
I uh...
Smashed a lot.
He just looks down and just reminiscing about the blood.
You have a name?
What?
Well, what's your name?
Hmm.
Just rugs.
You don't have one of those?
We just kinda...
Well, would you like one?
What can I call you?
Any food?
How about I call you Hungry?
Sure.
Alright.
Well, Hungry, my name's Yohoros.
He doesn't seem like the brightest thing.
He just says friend.
Yeah, my friends.
I'll tell you what.
If we ever cross paths again someday, no doubt we will on the way back.
Whenever we come back this way, I'll remember you.
Hopefully, things go well.
Friend, be careful.
I will, my friend.
From the spooky lands.
Alright.
From the spooky lands.
He goes back patrolling.
He kinda looks at you and just kinda gives you a...
I'm facing the front.
Is he walking around or something?
Yeah, he's patrolling.
Oh, okay.
I'm just gonna go motor noises.
And can you make a man?
That's it.
Perfect.
Can you guys get up in the morning?
Goblins are gonna...
The ones outside look a little tired.
Sleeping on the floor?
Before my compatriots are even up since I took second watch, I'm going to put a pastry next to all of them that are sleeping.
So when they wake up, it's gonna be...
I mean, it's a few days old, so it's gonna be a little bit hard, but, you know.
Nice little pastry for them.
Alright, um...
Yeah, Frankie, you wake up to a pastry.
Same thing, you wake up to a pastry next.
Wake up, pastry, Harun.
It's gonna be on Harun's head.
Yeah, Harun, you got a pastry on your head.
On my hat?
Yeah, like right on the...
Like in the divot?
Yeah, the divot of it.
I don't know if I noticed.
He's walking around with a pastry on his head.
We'll see how long it goes.
I don't know if I noticed.
I'll eat the pastry, then exit the caravan.
Good morning, sleepyheads.
Hey, how's it going?
What kind of pastry is it?
I mean, it was like a bunch of assorted things.
There was like, scones, croissants, some...
I think he said that some muffins.
There was definitely some cornbread and garlic bread in there, too.
There would definitely be one of those.
I will eat my food and be like, how much longer until we get there?
We should be arriving any time,
but we could probably go ask the captain and see what he says.
I will be like going back to sleep and get me when we get some info.
If you stay in that little thing right there, then that's what we're protecting.
So if you stay in it, we're gonna be moving with it.
Sounds good.
And then I'm just gonna roll back up here.
You see the two goblins who are in their small town tour.
The two goblins are watching the box at home times.
Hey, goblins, I hope you have a great day.
I'm just gonna roll back.
I'm on my way home.
Have a good day.
Yeah.
You see the captain step out, and Harun, you notice he's wearing a red hat.
A red track suit.
Hey.
You see his grandson, and he has the paper hat on still.
Hey, I like your hat.
He's like, you wear yours?
Yeah.
This is a pastry on it too.
Is that my hat?
No.
He looks at his grandson.
He's just looking down.
Yeah, grandson, is that his hat?
I'm gonna be there eating my croissant.
I got that when we were at the last sitting.
He just likes the fashion that you guys have.
You people.
I have a lot of hats, and then I pull out my chef hat to eat.
And put it away.
All right.
Don't you have another hat too?
I have, uh, is it the junior?
I have a regular chef hat and a junior chef hat.
You also have the made old cap too.
Oh yeah, I have the made cap too.
I'm not bringing that.
Yes.
Not yet.
That's all right.
We need to get you a cap.
How much for your hat?
This is my captain's hat.
How much for your hat?
Your captain's hat.
Oh, I mean, if you really have 100 gold.
Do you have another one?
Maybe.
Can we see your captain hats?
Maybe we can buy some.
This is my only one.
You just said you had more.
You said maybe.
We got gold, man.
We're not trying to skimp you on some hats.
We probably want to buy some hats.
Not that I don't trust you.
Usually people who do business with goblins aren't always the, you know, the.
Ha ha ha ha.
And then I kind of shoot him away from the goblins.
And then tell him like, we just want to see your hats.
All right.
But no funny business.
Do we all know what he looks at his hats?
Oh, I asked him how long before we walk away.
How long before we get there?
He pulls out a spyglass.
About three, four hours.
And he can't see the spyglass.
You see like land approaching.
So, you know, he's actually telling the truth on this one.
All right.
I'm going to look back in there and tell the guys like three, four hours, guys.
I like follow him in after his hat.
I'm going to super.
It's for him.
So he doesn't have to give up his current.
You see him pull out the red one is wearing a blue and a green one as well.
And each have their own feathers in there as well.
You like any of these hats, Harun?
How much for all of them?
Well, you know, I would say 300 gold.
These are quite hacks.
I think that's a little steep, my friend.
How about you give me the real price?
These are arrows I got from my time in the war.
These aren't just things that you can just.
Give me those hats.
He's going to freak out.
He's going to roll.
This is not like him.
It's because he's.
Oh, that's a fail.
I'm going to roll out those hats.
You see Harun lunge at the captain wearing it with his hat.
He's just like, I'm going to cast hold person on Harun.
That means he's stuck too.
I'm wrapped around this motherfucker.
I will cast hold person.
It's just like mid cartoon freeze moment.
Mid lunge.
Go ahead and roll.
What was the wisdom?
Go ahead and roll wisdom.
He's 16.
Six digging, pause cocked, natural 20.
I'm getting those hats.
That didn't work, Frankie.
Frankie.
When they hit him with a suggestion.
I'm going to sort of freak out too because this is the first time it hasn't worked.
You see him just lunge and he grabs the hat.
He's learning.
We'll grab all the hats and just try to gather them up.
I'm going to just sit over, get behind him, try to squeeze his shoulders a little bit
and whisper in his ear, Harun, just relax man.
We can get the hats.
I'll get you the hats.
Just calm down.
It's all good.
That's his suggestion.
That's a suggestion.
If you could just relax and roll me a...
Roll a perception check.
Me?
Okay.
He's trying to see if you hear a commission.
I have 21.
You heard Harun yell war and then...
Can I roll to where I heard that from?
You heard me yell, give me those hats.
It's a wisdom save.
Wisdom save, okay.
For the suggestion of just...
Dirty 20.
God.
I'm going to silver and barb zoom like...
Roll it again.
Can I run into his room at this point?
You run into his room like...
Oh my God.
That's going to fail.
See, you run in...
That's so funny.
I'm just like...
I just get a little closer and go whoa, whoa, whoa.
You see Harun just kind of like grabbing these hats and you see Franky just over him.
And then I'm just like...
He has a thing when you say that word.
To the captain.
Hat?
There's a...
It's the one that starts with a W, ends with an R, has an A in the middle.
So, don't say that word when I promise you.
Surely there's a better price we can do for these hats.
We'll get them all in one go.
We've got gold on hand.
250.
250?
Harun, you owe me.
I want to hear you say it.
I owe you.
Okay.
Here's 250.
Harun, you owe me.
Does Harun know what that is?
I don't know.
Does Harun know what that is?
Well, he honestly thought he was referring to the first time, so he reset it again, but
now he's just like, oop, I had 250.
I think I just did something bad.
Harun, we're getting better with you, bud.
He gave you the three hats.
I'm going to look at him, and I'm just going to stand there and just see if he finds any
more hats.
I'm just standing there.
I'm just watching him.
Does he open up another drawer full of hats?
He's going to stand there, and he's kind of just assessing it.
He's like, are you guys going to just stand in my office the whole time?
Do you have any more hats?
Harun, that's all his hats, buddy.
We're going to step outside here.
Can we say the word now that you know you did the thing?
He's got eight hours of being calm.
Oh, we can say it?
Yeah.
Oh my god, dude.
I love the word war.
This going to war feels so good.
I hate how I have to censor myself for all this freaking war freak.
Harun's going to say, well, you know, when I was in the, do you have any more hats?
Hide your hats.
Harun, let's go.
Let's go outside.
Let's talk outside.
Try on one of your hats outside.
Put them all on.
Okay.
Put them all on.
Whoa.
I'm going to take off all my hats and put them in a row, realize there's a pastry on
one of them, and be like, what?
Oh no, that pastry fell on his desk when you lunged at him.
Oh, good, good, good, good.
I find crumbs on my hat and just brush it off.
You see him kind of just eating the still bread like that?
So he's going to lay out all his hats, including the made one this time, and he's going to
try to see if there's a way to get all these hats to stack.
Assuming he starts with the captain's hats because they'll fit in each other like Legos,
then I think the chef hat, like the actual chef hat above the junior chef hat that I
got, and then on top I'm going to take the little made band and put that on the top of
the other chef hat.
I'm going to try to put them all on, not near the edge.
Give me a slide of hands to help while you do this.
You guys are doing this outside of the captain's quarters, yeah?
Yeah.
I think at this point I would definitely notice-
Yeah, you just see him just stacking hats.
He has new hats too.
You see him come back with like three new hats.
I got 16.
Yeah, you see him just start stacking the hats and start arranging them.
I'm just disappointed.
He got new hats.
I am just bewildered.
Look at me, I am the captain now.
I'm the captain.
How can anyone deny that he's the captain with all those hats?
He's the captain three times over.
Yeah.
You're right.
Actually, I would say after having all those hats, I like to walk past the grandson and
yoink his paper hat and try to throw it like acrobatics style and get it to balance on
the top of my last hat.
Acrobatics.
You're going to ride your back seat and pull this off.
Come on.
Oh shit.
21.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Flawless.
Yeah, just throw it.
Yeah.
I was made for this.
He found his purpose.
This is what he's made of.
We're definitely going to open up a hat stand when we get into town.
Yeah, so you guys, another couple hours pass and then you guys are unloading as the goblins
are getting back onto the claw foots.
You see them pulling them aggressively towards the land.
I'm just going to pet the one that I was friends with earlier and then just try to calm them
down.
You see them try to pull towards you as opposed to the goblins?
Yeah.
It's okay.
I'm just going to tell them, even though they can't hear me, I'm just going to pet them
and be like, it's going to be fine.
It's going to be fine.
Then I'll just try to make it so we can try to hastily get off this boat.
All right.
You guys are unloading and you get the boat back on.
I mean, the boat's unloading, you guys.
You see some other cargo start getting loaded on from other people and it starts departing.
Harun, as you see the ship kind of starts to depart.
The cabin gets out.
He's waving at you wearing a purple tricorne.
Well, I know I didn't say this, but I actually was going to, if we're unloading, I was going
to put my hats away.
If I see the purple, is he already floating away?
Yeah.
I'm going to start running.
I try to grab him.
Yeah, you see him start running towards the water.
I grab him if I can.
Go ahead and roll a strike.
Harun.
Go ahead and roll me the police string.
Can I help?
15.
Yeah.
Six.
Wait, actually.
He's six more.
Yo, Horace is helping you.
Plus seven.
23.
Yeah.
You see him running.
You see, uh, Nix and Yo-Haris immediately just grab him, tackle him, just pull him back.
He lied.
You see Nix take the legs.
Yo-Haris takes the top and you guys just pick him up.
Can I throw up, try to like, like, even though they're struggling with me, grab a dart and
just like throw one dart towards his direction.
Nope.
21 and above.
They just grabbed you real quick, Nix.
There will be more hats.
They grabbed you real quick.
Harun, people lie sometimes, okay?
It's going to be all right.
Harun's very tempted to use that ring and turn into a goddamn octopus.
Oh my God.
I'm going to say into your, your Harun, we are not fucking doing this right now.
Okay.
You got three new hats.
You don't need another one.
We're going to a city.
Maybe there's a capery there.
A what?
A capery.
A place that sells caps.
Oh, I thought you meant that little like dog looking.
I'm fine.
Get off me.
At this point I try to take over because I'm well aware of how I can get Harun to give
me places.
So at this point I just hop over back and I point towards wherever, down the road, the
main road is.
You just start taking on my next name.
I'm just like, yeah, saw.
Like Harun, down the road.
You're going to make a service.
You're going to just.
You're going to just throw it up.
You're going to just throw it up, down the road, down the road.
You're going to make a service.
You're going to just.
Yeah, I'm going.
So as we're going, the boat is gone, right?
Yeah.
Nobody else got off with us.
Like there's nobody, no other innocent bystanders.
No, you guys are alone.
This is kind of a sketchy party.
Like you, you saw some other people in hoods, but you guys, no one was saying anything.
People were just unloading and loading.
And the air you guys are in also doesn't want to do the best.
I'm going to definitely speak in Elvish at this point.
What?
Oh, well, I'm, I'm, I thought you did speak Elvish.
Speak Sylvanian.
Damn.
God damn it.
We used to all speak fucking Elvish and now none of us speak Elvish.
You speak of missiles too.
Just an Elvish.
That's right.
Okay.
So well then.
I speak of missiles.
I thought you did.
Well, if you don't, um, I will definitely just look over who's, who's nearby me.
I mean, you have, you have missiles.
Well, I'm just going to get to the front and be like, I think, I think I'm going to like
just walk to the front of the party of everything and then just be like, and I'm going to step
put my staff to the ground.
Like, I think this is far enough.
Uh, I don't mean to be disrespectful with everybody here, but I think it's time.
And I'm going to, I'm going to cast, uh, I'm going to cast animal friendship on, uh, whoever.
Cause I want, I was keeping track of where that remote control was.
I wouldn't, would try to use that specific one to cast animal friendship on the one that
he's writing.
Well, they're kind of swabbing, the Goblin's swabbing in and out.
Okay.
Well, I'll just cast animal friendship on one of the claw foots.
And they need to make a DC saving 30 13.
These, uh, these, these guys, they're kind of agitated already because they're getting
kind of pulled off the boat and the Goblins have just kind of been rough with them and
they kind of just been agitating these like creatures.
I don't know about y'all, but fuck these Goblins.
Oh, that's all I needed to hear.
So Nick's runs up to whichever you're on me.
Okay.
You're on.
Okay.
I have Harun.
I'm pumping Harun's head point forward.
I'm just going.
And, uh, Harun, we need one alive and, uh, I'll cast a spell on him if I have time.
Yeah.
So you've got, so what kind of just looking and, uh, what language are we saying this in?
No, this is being common.
Oh, they're kind of just looking and then just like, what?
They're like really confused and, uh, you stole the claw foots and they don't like you.
They just want to be there with their mother.
So they're ours.
We got them fair and square.
You stole them.
You told me you stole them.
And so I think at this point you have to.
The moment he says and I want to snatch the one that does that.
Snatch that one.
I want to grab him and lift him up if I can.
Yeah.
Go ahead and roll me a strike and see how it works.
If he grabs him, I'm going to help him out because he's also mounted to me.
Oh, never mind.
You see him just ejecting into Harun and Harun kind of just bends down and Nick just grabs
him and picks him up.
Mark and what?
So here's what's up homeboy.
You're going to tell us where this package is going to go.
You're going to hand over these claw foots and then maybe you get to live.
How about that?
I don't shoot my long sword when he says that.
I think that's a, I mean, I'm trying to help with the persuasion.
I think, I don't know if he's intimidating or persuasion, but yeah, I'm going to intimidate
with a pen.
Okay.
I'm trying to do this without killing them.
Yeah.
That would be 15.
Uh, Nick's is right.
If you don't do what he says, he's going to murder all of you.
He saw what he did.
Um, that's a bad one.
16.
They saw you cut a man, multiple men in half.
They're kind of like, Hey, we'll show them to you.
No, I said give.
How about for the 20 gold that we paid for the fare over to from this boat.
We call that an even deal.
They think it was more than 20 gold, 20 gold and your life.
Thank you.
Thank you, Frankie.
Uh, they kind of just look and then they, uh, they see all horrors on sheath and sword
and they kind of look over and then they were kind of like, uh, they're just, they don't
really want to say, do we, do we think we don't need to keep them?
No, you get to keep your lives.
Are we going to go with you guys?
No, here's the thing.
You're going to tell us where we're going to go and you're not going to lie about it.
Cause if you don't, we're going to find you and you're going to stay here for a day and
we're going to go ahead.
It's on the paper.
Oh, well even better.
Uh, and whoever, whoever has the paper and blood, just give them a direction and they'll
walk from here.
Where's the remote?
Oh, the remote.
Yes.
We need that.
But what remote?
But that cart.
I'm going to shake it.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
You use what you got the car.
What's that remote?
That is around their necks.
I'm going to chew hand remote.
It's the remote that controls the cargo.
Yeah.
Cargo remote.
It's like, it's, that's what activates the rooms.
That's still very Nick's thing.
I get it.
Yeah.
I would clarify.
He meets the cart.
What are you, what are you doing that for?
Because we're delivering the cargo.
Because it's the only way you get to live.
But, but, but then I, did I tell you to ask questions?
We will still deliver the stuff.
It's nice.
You just, you just won't get paid.
What?
But you get to live.
Isn't that so nice?
Safe.
You see the other gobble is kind of like, you seem to get more antsy.
Look, this is the only option.
This is the only option.
I'm trying to be peaceful here.
You saw what we did last night or a few nights ago and we can do it again.
But this is the only option.
Like we're trying to, I'm trying to be peaceful.
Can I help with the intimidation and, and just.
I'm holding them back.
They're already scared.
They're already.
But I want them to like stop asking questions.
So I'm going to say, if you don't listen, I will turn into an octopus and you can try
to breathe underwater.
Oh my God.
That's how you do it, buddy.
Yeah.
What are you saying?
One of them kind of, one of them kind of, one of them kind of, one of them kind of,
one of them hands you like, like the stone and just, uh, and just puts it down and they
kind of just run away.
They're just so scared.
Uh, we want one of them.
I'm holding one.
Oh yeah.
That's what you got.
Yeah.
The other two that they're like, uh, one of them was like, are we staying with the box?
There's two of them that are like with the box still.
We know.
No, you can keep your weapons.
Yeah.
Isn't that cool?
And guess what?
You get to never see us again.
Or at least we hope so because there's consequences.
Like Nick's here for those who follow us.
I'm not supposed to point my long sword at the both of them and gesture to where their
friends ran off to fuck off.
You see it too.
Just get out of there.
Do I still need the one?
Yeah.
Next is still holding one.
I was just curious.
Yeah.
I'm not letting this guy go until we get all of them.
Oh, is there anything else wrong?
Yes.
Well, we have where we need to go.
We have the, do we have the remote to control the stone?
Yeah.
Are there any passwords or anything we need to know about?
What do you mean?
Why don't we keep this one?
I think you know what I mean.
Let's keep this one.
We have manacles.
Insight check.
Seven.
So probably not.
He just seems scared.
You don't really know.
I'll roll for insight.
Can I roll too?
I'm right next to you.
Woo!
That's a 19 plus whatever.
Oh shit.
That's the one.
He's kind of bullshitting you.
Okay, that's why if he bullshits me, I'm going to slap him and be like, boy, do you think
I'm playing with you?
Is he messing with you?
Is he lying?
Yeah, this bitch is lying to me.
Oh, let's drop the manacles on him.
He's going for a ride.
What do you mean manacles?
And even though he's on me.
Next one.
Whatever you have me roll for.
Hell yeah.
I don't think we'll need the manacles.
Just for squeamish purposes.
Yeah, I'm not going to use the manacles.
That's not gonna happen.
Oh, you're not going to use the manacles?
Yeah.
I'm going to use the manacles.
Okay.
we'll need the manacles just for the squeamish amongst us leave us and mix
with him for just a second oh I'm gonna take a step away I start laughing just
walking away from this you think you should pick up the stone to see the word
I'm gonna go to the cloth yeah I feel like there's probably a password at
least my friend here is telling me so I believe him over you most of the time
anyway you want some alcohol make us go easier don't worry about the next part
I'm gonna pull out the the remainder of that bottle that I took from next the
other day and I'm gonna hand it to him you know what you deserve this
I feel like he's gonna lose control any second now just toss the password or
anything else we need to know to get to the destination we know that the box has
runes on it we don't want to deliver the cargo it tells everything we need to know
and guess what he's gonna set you down
yeah I could write a map if you tell me
use a description just goes across like a printer I am having her room just
not me I'm still gonna hold him so her he's got to do like a little I'm just
like lean down and they crawl out like shimmy out from under you sound still
remain standing and firm yeah that way means Goblin can now be eye to eye with
each other I hold him if you take five more fucking seconds I'm going to break
your knees and feed it down your throat I swear to God three and I'm gonna kick him down to one knee
oh as he says that I'm like I'm gonna take a look at the paperwork good I can
I kind of see there's password on the paperwork yeah it's all right there oh
hey guys it's on the paperwork I thought you need with that I didn't look at the
paperwork and we need to use the stone that he dropped what a bunch of
wussies yeah bastard should have told us that's what I'm saying he's kind of
sitting there crying I have him on two knees and I'm having as he's had down
crying I'm gonna grab him with one finger by the chin till this head up and
whisper one and strangle him yeah I'm gonna try to kill him no no he's not
gonna die I promise I'm just waiting put just wave a little it's on it's okay
yeah we got this like a little thumbs up yeah I agree with was on now to know
that he's not gonna kill him yeah we're good we're good we're good
it's when he passes out please tell me right away please you see him kind of
struggling you see this kind of start going limp okay once I feel good they
don't want to kill him once I feel pretty good he's asleep
always great check see how much if you if you nat 20 it's fucked okay so it's high
strength good or bad I mean I got 15 plus 7 but do I need
I mean I feel like that's good because that means that he can actually control
his strength you know to not drop and you see him just like very shallow
breaths I'm gonna put my fingers up to his neck just to see if I can feel a
pulse it's faint but it's there all right well he's still alive let's get
out of here told you guys I'm not a complete monster as soon as next gets
up I'm gonna whisper under my breath and cast healing word the first level on
next it's not that we don't doubt your strength it's that we know that you are
strong and that's why we need to make sure I'm temperate you guys I'm a level
well-leveled man he's since fucking when always he's the soberest I've ever seen
him for real it's been like 12 hours since my last drink guys like come on I
don't have to intervene myself you weren't around for that second drink I
would what I just saw tall we're treating I didn't know the best looking
tree you'll ever see mix let's think about this your last drink was 12 hours
ago when's the last time you got angry
well I was ago I'm pretty positive it's been about 12 hours since your last
and if you were insinuating my drinking has anything to do with my anger I
dare you no I'm not suggesting day I think we should just look at patterns of
recognition that's all I'm saying I just know I drink and I kick ass so I'm gonna
say in elvish to his dog he's a rock gnome in other words a brick wall you're
not gonna get through remember yeah you assume he knows what you're saying
Harun is going to next to the goblin leave a torch and put a couple matches
in his pocket
I'm gonna get up on top of the wagon yeah all right well this bitch let's get
the hell out of here oh I'm getting I say well well nobody's eyes are on bro we
got claw foots now dog before yeah yeah I'm getting on one yeah I was gonna say
how much you weigh like 200 pounds I think yeah I'm like pretty they just
guarding the caravan they're not pulling it the caravan moves itself yeah the
caravan moves itself okay yeah the goblins were using the claw foots to
write on right around but well you know they were they were they were having a
conversation that's not appropriate for rooms that were check his pockets too
yeah but I will try to at least cast animal friendship one more time on the
claw foots it just also cast speak with animals at the same time I just try to
tell him like we're gonna we're gonna free you guys after we deliver this
cargo okay we're gonna try to find your mom
I know you're looking something up over there yeah they should be I mean I carry
half the nicks but he's small yeah usually halflings are items so there you're
yeah so only nicks can write them yeah okay all right all right
okay yeah so the only people would really be a wire would be next to be one
of them and Frankie well yeah why not yeah I'm gonna get I'm gonna write
another everyone's gonna walk ahead and the huff no I'm going I'm going to try
to use my animal friendship on one of them and try to speak to them okay
wisdom wisdom 13 I will meet all right so I'm gonna definitely say next if
you're gonna ride one ride this one I mean I'm gonna definitely just talk to
him about this guy as a friend he's not going to hurt you I promise he says
Batman he's nice he's not bad he's good I miss mom we're gonna find mama when as
soon as we are done with this we're gonna find your mama it's home we're
gonna find home so soon for soon animal handling I got 16 hungry oh you're
hungry oh they're hungry guys you guys got some food on you
you know I'll give you the rest of my board your view I have some stale scones
left I was trying to think of something that's not bread yeah no jerky is good
yeah you see the the one that Frankie's getting on is getting some jerky needs
real happy we'll find we'll find you some food on our way to the will find
food soon you see thank friend yes and then I'm gonna immediately
dismiss speak with animals you see them kind of making the noises yep that's fine
I don't know how long animal friendship lasts but that is gonna be a friendly
companion dismissed it that's funny it's not the fact I don't want to talk to him
it's just like I know how like animals obviously you know probably talk in
their language and it's probably just like that and I don't let's not know
would not want to hear that I'm just like food I'm mama I mean it's a known
fact animals never on our breasts oh it's 24 hours so that animal is friends
with me for 24 hours yeah all right yeah so you uh next year you're riding
Harun is like huffing about it you want to write you he doesn't know how to feel
about it now until you replace me and now I feel dirty yeah these things like
move so lightly first place like you yeah I'm joining I'm like visibly
having a good time you hear me like wow you're like why you guys are so fast
yeah this is the best ride ever I'm gonna take my mirror in my back and use
the Sun to shine in his eyes at next specifically what would that be
is that a range ranged attack I feel like that's more acrobatics than
anything cuz I'm like balancing between acrobatics aim the performance
arranged arranged attack hey man I'd like to barter with the the
traitor let me just hit that acrobatics I don't know about before and I got
shit in that
how long does it mean I'll take I'll take the time like I'll keep doing it
until it works 17 yeah you're kind of riding around and then you see you think
it's playing with a mirror when you come look at my number that you just winded
for exploding by the Sun yeah it does nicks wear glasses so it's like 10
times
okay don't give me that shit it's cursed me in life
I can't do the eye click thing. I'm gonna try to pull out the map and try to make sure that we're
actually can I roll for navigation to make sure we're even going the right way
see if I can figure this out. That's a two. Can I help? I'm just gonna look at her.
We're not hiring you know maps I'm gonna show this to you. Can I try to figure it
out yeah cuz it said I could also add my proficiency bonus cuz I got my tools.
You are a topographer. I thought it was a cartographer.
The map is always written on the top of the map.
Hold on no a national treasure there was a treasure map on the back of the
Declaration of Independence so which is the true top of the paper well the
Declaration of Independence was written on the back of the map.
The top of the map is when the map begins. The bottom of the map is when the Declaration is independent.
It's kind of an afterthought to like here's the secret treasure. Oh my god natural 20.
The Declaration operates independently of the map. I believe that's 23 total.
Yeah you got it. Everyone's an after map maker and you see him kind of like look at it and sometimes it
clicks his head and he just you guys are kind of going like a GPS.
Something literally clicks his head. You see him kind of just turn and you kind of just start walking and
just kind of just points and starts walking. I'm gonna just gesture to
claw foot follow him. You see them just kind of just the one that Nix is writing
kind of starts going they start following that one. I'm just gonna use the rates again.
So Frankie you were in the you were kind of like so the one Nix is going you're
kind of just behind him so both you're kind of leading the pack now. Is anyone going into the actual
cargo area on the cart? If we figure that out I'll be on the inside of the car.
Yeah because you said you were just going out. I'll be steering it on the top side.
How fast do you say they move? 40? 40 so you're faster than them. They are 40.
Yeah all right I'm gonna slow down a bit but I'm oh you know you know what actually I'm gonna keep
it going a little faster and then when I see Frankie and Nix struggling to keep up I'm gonna say
oh no are they too slow?
Can I try to use like something with like uh danger air on it to encourage my gently and kind.
Wait how fast are you? He's still he's still looking. I'm 45 feet.
Oh sure you're like five feet faster than me. Yeah okay so marginally.
Yeah then I'm not gonna stress about it. Hey don't get too far ahead of her.
No after I made my quip my quip I might start to slow down. So you guys know that this is
giving a few days and as you're passing um you are passing some farm areas.
Oh I definitely want to try to harvest if I if I see this I want to try to harvest something.
Well we should present the checks as well okay definitely guidance 16.
Yeah eight. I'm definitely gonna need this guidance. Yeah uh you're you're kind of
just more worried about uh it's a warm up. I'm looking at that map. You see um
in one of the fields there's like a looks like what a couple people dragging some appointment
but they don't really look all that well.
Go over to the check see if you you know where you're at. Can I roll in it so the the food the
people look not well does the nature look well huh does the does the like the harvest look well
like the vegetation yeah that looks fine okay just the people look sick I got it yeah you don't
really remember much about this place can I try to roll it with the dirty 20 can I roll a history
check yeah all of you can roll history check all of you have passed uh to this area in the war at
some point this is war this is a magical land no uh actually well there's magic in
Timma one again could I use my artifice or something actually technically what you're
looking at is right now so I can't yes yes 15 just barely oh thank god because that makes it a 15
yeah so uh you do remember that uh in some of these places that the undead still around here
in some of these lands that they do use them as a farm oh so they're using the undead as farm
equipment yeah they're just not just pulling like until you slowly see the guy shambling as like
it's tied to a couple of them oh okay zombie slaves got it okay so I just want to make sure
got it all right well that's not creepy at all and we would have heard about something like this
during the war right yeah so you know yeah so you know that uh I mean during the war there's a lot
of undead and you know that it's pretty taboo but some areas kept them because they were still
around so there's people that you know it's taboo to them people just like fuck it like never mind
I mean I would next probably have the same mindset like yeah okay I mean they're being used yeah
they're being used but I will try to you know sneakily not not be too obvious near them and
try to grab some food for the claw foots and all of us so so it's just like they're it's just like
a bunch of plants and soils and lots of food out there just like kind of preparing the fields
because they're gonna fight all right yeah this place looks a little dreary but you look like
it's probably it's gonna be season them start fighting soon um yeah as you guys are traversing
um who's in there so it's you yeah I would have got back in all right perfect yeah so no you're in
there with the box and you're just kind of wandering so you know it's a couple days yeah what's in the
box uh you haven't looked at it yet let's open it up perfect so it's like sealed sealed dispel magic
that would be the one thing next would be hesitant about yeah you could just use the
uh keystone couldn't you oh I mean I didn't really think of that but no the stones for the
cart itself yeah um on the box itself I want to cast it I do not want to cast it on yeah okay
does Nick see this no you're you're in the coffin yeah we're hanging out for the only person that
can see this right now the heart is on the front of the so I mean this guy going on behind you
you know just um if he'd say anything no I'm just gonna be looking at the uh undead that
are playing on the fields and I'm just gonna be feeling a whole mixture of emotions I don't feel
good about that yeah you know if you're retying the war that did you roll the history checker
no go ahead and use your check all right um see see how much of this you kind of remember
I feel like I probably would have told him yeah I mean I can still roll yeah just see if you hear
anything else um that's plus one on that so that's gonna be an eight yeah you're just kind of you're
just like you're kind of just feel so uneasy about but then uh was on it was on the kind of just
yeah hopefully you told us about the behind you kind of says like there are
you gotta explain that they're just like servants
I have their uses
well it
they didn't consent to being brought back and they absolutely cannot consent to being used as
slaves this is slavery
they're not wrong but are they are they really do they really have thoughts are they even souls
are they even souls can we bring them back if we were to stop them it's a defiled corpse that
should be allowed to rest it should it should but it's allowed in some places so who are we to say
to step in I think we can step in if we so want to if I so please very true very true I'm just
saying from like a law standpoint like if the polis were to come then you know who's that fault
the inferior culture visit false you who ruled the highest on the history I rolled the 15 I also
got a 15 yeah you wouldn't we'll see I with my dispelled magic uh did uh did that was there anything
I even magical on there the box though no okay I will try to open the box so it's nailed shut
or and also whoever has the crowbar somebody had the crowbar I have the crowbar I think we know I
think I think and uh we think that uh Harun has the crowbar so are you yelling for a crowbar
or yeah I was like we need a crowbar Yoharis next somebody strong as well I have to have a crowbar
yeah rummaging through my bag a new one I'm gonna pull out something that's unfamiliar that's right
you know what the fuck is this and it's gonna be your deodorant deodorant oh my god I've been
looking for that and I'm gonna grab it back and I'm gonna definitely know how are you now you
figured out why your bag smells funny so stop putting shit in my bag I didn't put it there
and why is it there I'm gonna fly up with the crowbar remember when I asked everybody does has
anybody seen my deodorant and you didn't say anything for all I know why would I want to take
that yeah I think I already remember that I was missing something like apply it on okay I'm gonna
fly out and be like it was on you gotta not stick your stuff where it doesn't belong I got a crowbar
it was you no it wasn't oh I inside inside inside oh I rolled a two fuck
I rolled that's a nat 20 so I'm gonna roll insight as well yeah all right well that's a 14
okay because I was completely ready to silver it barbs yeah I was completely ready to tell you
yeah you rolled a you rolled in that 20 you guys are just like huh he found a crowbar
her room out of this place is yeah and the thing about the deodorant yeah I know I know it wasn't
me yeah but I would but you guys don't suspect Frankie at all yeah it's fine but anyway yeah I
got a crowbar so likely story anyway let's get to the box yeah I volunteered to pop it up can
somebody just keep watch while we're doing all this and you hop it off the clock what's yeah
we're still moving yeah I'm sure it's I'm sure we're still moving I'm sure actually
he's still out there going yeah I'm still I can keep watch I just I called you want to you guys
in because I know you're the strongest of the bunch yeah damn right I am I take that crowbar
I'm gonna give it Cas I'm gonna touch him and say guidance that's literally gonna be guidance
although I am gonna be like looking back every so often so that way I can see what's inside
27 you see him walk up and just every morning just pop off the lid and you see like an assortment of
like intricately like wrapped different packages oh and then uh so you're kind of all like wrapped
in just intricate little paper and uh like wax like papers and seals uh can I I want to use my um
I just wanted to make sure it wasn't gonna be some dragon shards again that's all
I don't want to steal from so everything's like neat with you don't really know what's in there
yeah yeah and one of y'all yes I'm gonna use magic awareness which is essentially detect magic um
yeah it's essentially detect magic it is not magic okay nothing glowing at all no
me other than the cart itself no yeah the car itself is going yeah and it plus your friend's
stuff um but yeah uh so it's not magic but they're just these packages are kind of neatly wrapped and
you see nothing nicks yeah I don't think these are magical all right I just like I said I just
want to make sure we weren't supplying the enemy again yeah yeah I think these are probably
oh honestly if it's not Matt well when you detected the dragon shards were they glowing
where are they yes they were definitely growing glowing well then we know that it's not that um
but it's something that's been kept under a pretty big lock and key and with it being
essentially contraband I have no idea what this could be it's something shady you can't really
know real quick if I like look over the whole thing I have uh
uh blind space so I can see things that are invisible or kind of give a sense of things that are visible I would like to
do anything nothing is nothing I would like to remind you that this is uh the house of shadows
yeah you guys actually don't they don't yeah well I because we got the job from the guy that was at
the shop yeah but it was because you guys had he hasn't really said anything though but he revealed
that we got the deal from that shop because they were in the house of shadows yeah that was all from
uh um seofra but as far as like your characters are running on a cranky that's no guy yeah I just
knew the same thing as far as you know you kind of are thinking this is all set up by seofra oh okay
so you you don't think lasagna would know that it's part of the house of shadows no okay okay
forget what I said you know that seofra is shady but it's kind of like you know that she said I
thought we knew that this was like no they don't really like to announce it like you you know that
they're in an organization but they don't really didn't they do like a symbol or something well they
have it and they don't did they do like a handshake or like a sign yeah I thought they showed each
other a sign in front of us that's what I thought yeah seofra showed the sign yeah I'm saying as far
as Frankie though you don't know anything about frank you got okay yeah my bad well thinking
about where we got this from an extremely religious city and now going into the middle of nowhere
it's contraband might be some sort of some artifacts I would assume something profane
we are encountering undead and out in these fields maybe it has something to do with that
well it's nothing magical we know that I mean an artifact doesn't have to be magical it just has
it just has to hold importance so there's no one wearing those dinosaurs anymore no you guys kind of
I'm a I'm out front leading still we're still moving yeah they're kind of following you
would I notice that that everybody's left yeah they're you turned around some of them like
in the car talking but you're kind of just leading just like just like maybe like making mocking
gestures but still leading yeah halfway thinking it'd be funny if I just misdirected them but
I don't know how much worth it that would be yeah so he uh everyone's kind of just leave the
package jack the cloth which are marching and then the carts kind of following um yeah there's
packages there you guys can investigate further up to you guys well I'm gonna leave it I'm gonna
leave it yeah I think because these are so intricately wrapped as much as I want to look
inside of them I don't want the buyer to uh suspect anything is up yeah I'm gonna try if we're all
gonna walk we'll be done with it I'm going to like try to you're gonna take it for you
you're gonna check anything am I gonna check it uh
sure grab one I'll just snag one while if I can like hand it while no one's looking
or no one's looking specifically at it all right I don't know if you're gonna try to open one
oh I see what you're saying uh no but I definitely would like shake it like
like just a little shake to those little sniff you know just kind of like it has a little bit
of a weight to it yeah it feels like it's a little bit of a gift too when you grab it too
how big is it like like how big they're about like that big a foot by a foot yeah okay
I'm sorry that's a lot of toes you said they didn't smell well they're wrapped up but you
can't smell no I know I'm not there I'm just saying he said he's not
just gonna feel and see if there's like ears or something like facial features
if it's a head uh not a head but kind of seems a little manageable as you're going
so you see you see you kind of see where it's where it's wrapped
could I unwrap it without fucking up the wrapping roll me a slide of hands see how
well you're gonna wrap this come on Christmas morning uh guidance that's gonna be 27 yeah so
you see you kind of just unwrap it then like I've done this before that's how I know what my gifts
are before I even open it's just like you see the unwrap and then it's like this sort of like uh
looks like a glass container with like white powder in it oh is this drugs
oh yeah you'd really know what it is guys it's just flour I wrap it back up
I'm
17 what you get 19 silver and arms you okay actually uh sorry excuse me um I will
uh I mean the words you get a one get a one two damn it oh I made it though meets it beats it
yeah so you because what'd you get I got it um I got a 10 I got a I got a 19 so yeah I beat it
all right so yeah so you kind of so yeah you seem to flower you just like that's not flour
you're kind of maybe you're like maybe he doesn't know what flour is well if you get anything on
and you see kind of just with like precision that's too dense to be flour I know flour when I see it
it's a different kind of it's a different kind of flour because I rolled a nine
as when you're putting it back together so we're just transporting cooking supplies religious
cooking supplies but yeah basically what a bunch of bullshit I know but people pay for it you know
what are you gonna do you should be surprised people like the smell of it but you'll see them
put their nose right to it like fucking animals can I roll another insight check on that yeah
you're kind of trying to get the gist of it I think if you might enroll me in intelligence
if you kind of put together all right well that's a three yeah you're just like these rich fox you
know if you for lying it's a 29 oh wow yeah something doesn't mean my plus one to intelligence
doesn't help out that much you can trust me I'm a fake guy like you yeah you know these rich
bastards will pay out the nose for anything I'm not surprised they'll pay through their nose for
anything honestly yeah I never could understand them you know that's one thing that I can't agree
with our people about you know the rest of everyone else is that they they get caught up
too much in the little things the meaningless things they don't actually have a connection
yeah they get caught up in stuff that just goes poof exactly just you know disappears right up
flies right over there
yeah let's hope you stay lower to the ground then well yeah I fly so nothing gets over me
I can't stand you come on your heart come on where's that smile little bastard and I
punch you in the arm I'm gonna go back to the front and then just be actively perception
checking to see what's going on I get back up I lost interest the second that happened
to be fair in all of our interests that Nick's has no idea what this is
we don't want him to know what this is I feel like if Nick saw drugs he would have an idea
of drugs yeah I feel like Nick's is definitely dabbled we don't want him to know what that's
good I was gonna say yeah if there's one person on this Nick's would know what that shit is and
Nick's would be eager to yeah Franky knew immediately what it was yeah uh Nick's is the guy who dipped his
whole pinky in and then go like a dipstick exactly he gets it wet beforehand and fucking
you look the rage for all that ore bro I know you saw Franky's eyes light up yeah you think I got
that confidence out of nowhere bro I was dancing the whole time I was killing people we don't call
him Nick stick for a reason when you guys remount your dinosaurs Harun is gonna be in like full
conversation explaining how to read a map to the dinosaurs as he's walking as if they understand
they're looking up your show I'm like showing them as I'm going I'm like and like pointing
shit out to them can I do a perception check to see if these goblins are following us still
they're still I don't know if they were originally but uh 13 plus 821 you don't see any of the goblins
following you okay just want to make sure this next bit like to keep an eye out which is a 13
what a 13 just to keep an eye out yeah so you guys passing some farmland you're passing like um
what seems like more so actual towns but um you are passing through like a town with like some
town people uh there's some churches not the not the riches of the areas looks like a little bit
uh you've kind of noticed a pattern of these outskirt areas that were affected by the war
they still looked a little ransacked and looked like some of them are still recovering
so that's what this place looks like it's just a town that's been see it's in better days
this is not the town that we were looking for nope you guys kind of passed through but yeah you guys
everyone kind of stares at you you guys stick out like sort of times I'm sure we do
they probably haven't don't see a lot of fae faithful especially why don't see a lot of war
fords leading to dinosaurs just a gnome and a wood elf um what uh are the town people looking like uh
you see some you see humans dwarves elves a couple the goblins basically the goblins
kind of like about just grabbing stuff and working you see the occasional ogre and orc
just hauling and grabbing a good mix of people I uh gesture out to them um to anybody that's like up
on the cart with me more adoring fans they know me play play a little tune I don't know how you
don't know how no but all I know how to do is be be good at my job be a hero
I'm trying to be a hero you were we are we've done it I mean yeah we were in the war
I'm way up front as you uh as you're in passing through you see um her is a little bit of a head
but you see him uh stopped by uh two guards yes uh I would be somewhat closer yeah yeah
can I try to stop the stone thing the yeah you so does it keep going yeah you see you see them kind
of like uh you see them kind of like uh gestures you're walking through uh what are you uh hauling
in there I hop up on her ruin I'm the captain of this team uh will you have any questions feel
free to talk to me I shrug them off we're hauling baking supplies
if me kind of just looks at you baking supplies yeah I take out one of my captain's hats and put
them on food's all the rage right now that is true they need ours and baking supplies wherever
what are the persuasions you know I will just pull out one of my croissants look at the things
that we be baking it's gonna be a uh 22 they they've never seen like what what is that
a croissant what a croissant try it he grabs it he's gonna just look at it and they're multiple
guards I'm gonna give them all there's two of them yeah one yeah they kind of just look at it and
they bite it like huh yeah that's what that's what we bake with the supplies they're the best
you need various particular supplies to make that kind of location that's what we're hauling
yeah they kind of just snack out of the wall I guess carry on all right where's the guy somewhere
need to eat and then I yeah I'll say Harun will gesture and start leading with the
map again and start going I'm gonna tip thanks for dealing with my people keep going yeah the
few guys are enjoying the snack I'm hoping that the dinosaur starts walking before Nick starts to
realize has to run out yeah you guys kind of make it through the town it's lots of stairs
it is getting night now so you uh do notice it so it is getting dark out um you guys want to stop
and try to find some more to town or somewhere in the oscars we have a big ass cart so probably
in the oscars I'm kind of yeah I was gonna say the same thing I wouldn't feel safe with the big
ass cart in town yeah should we stop at all I mean we have two four hour trances right yeah and
like we could take shifts for a regular watch too but I can sit in the front and just be sentry
mode on the cart instead of leading it I don't know how they'll feel about that
it's pretty mean the city can hear and see everything your mom's in there while resting
does that mean I can't talk you can't talk you can only you're in center mode so you can still see
and hear when you can't talk it's like a camera that moves back and forth yes it's like the
the category can I can't well I would say I said I'm sentry mode so can I like have my head like
point like a compass where we should be actually going that's pretty good but if we need to stop
for the claw foots I think we should probably stop yeah we stop for the claw foots but definitely
out of town yeah yeah yeah for sure for sure is there is there any stalls that we see like selling
meats or something yeah as you saw they were selling like food throughout but you know it was
scarce but they had stuff is there anything like maybe like a like a recent like pig like maybe not
even cooked yet like they were gonna partition out go ahead and go ahead and find them guidance
go ahead and go ahead and find them guidance at 17 plus three dirty 20 plus
so 22 yeah you see like there's there's a little butcher cart and he has like about half a carcass
that he was still kind of working through and he has been like chops of meat up I'm gonna walk over
to him and say listen I'll buy this you don't have to chop it how much yep you eat no it's four and
I'm gonna point to the big ass dinosaurs huh uh unless you want them to find their own food
no that's a lot of meat how about uh what'd you do for 10 gold
sure do you have any already cooked meat uh no I just don't meat just raw raw meat okay so
there's like about half a carcass of a pig still yeah I'm gonna just buy that then yeah I'll slap
five gold down for any more meat yeah there's there's like other steaks and stuff so um he
gives you like the rest of what he has he doesn't have much so you just see like here you go
you're cleaning me out today no problem we need to eat we all need to eat so you got you got uh
let's see I'm gonna roll a deal
have nine steaks and you got what half a pig yeah uh you said it was a carcass I didn't specify if
it was a pig is it a big is it a cow cows more meat is it a puffer we'll say it's half of a cow
all right all right cool cool that'll be enough that's terrible you see everyone walking over with
like a half of a cow carcass you notice uh the uh the cloth was kind of starting like
like let's get out of town let's get out of town with this what happens
that's probably that's where all that's where all the meat is man that's where all the fat is
that's what we want we got the front end we got jipped yeah it's the back end
if you want to you know uh yeah I'm uh I'm gonna say that at that point I had walked back past
the dinosaurs so I'm gonna just set it on the cart like towards like the edge and uh go back
to trying to lead until we get out of town yes you guys get like a you know a good like mile
to out of town and uh go ahead and roll a perception check see if you could find somewhere to camp out
so there's this a cow ass next to the horse can I get any bonuses for seeing the map and like
be able to figure out geography yeah these will be yeah go ahead and roll for 21 for my perception
check I got 19 plus three for perception if you let me add my proficiency modifier then that
would be 26 so you guys kind of see let me so there you pass by a couple places that
look like they might be abandoned so there's old farm houses you don't know if they're abandoned
but you've seen you pass by a few so you can try to luck with one maybe okay try to go to one of
them try to park this bitch in there yeah so you see you see uh you pass by a farm that had like
no roof and was missing out of it you saw one that it's for the most part still intact you know some
of the some of the glass windows have been broken out but I say that no roof one it still has a roof
and the walls and the door I'm sure any of them will probably do fit as long as it'll fit all of
us I think also we could do I'll do a little druid craft and just get the weather for the next 24
oh yeah I always forget that's a thing with druid craft it doesn't come up super often but
I have it I'd like to know what's the weather like for the next 24 hours gonzo
a warm breeze yeah it's gonna be a warm day yeah so we don't need to worry about rain overnight
here yeah so right on right on it's fine I just think that because if it's worse for wear it's
like less likely somebody else is gonna be like let's go with that one yeah we just gotta uh park
this gigantic bitch up in there that we can maneuver just parking inside I mean there's a
broken there's also a barn but it's also missing like parts of it but parts of it so there's
they're like three walls oh that's perfect that's fine yeah I think that's fine it's good enough for
Jesus yeah but not sponsored by the bible yes you guys can't about the night the dining service you
guys all take your rest and then we could call it here as well sounds good call it here great night
folks we didn't have to kill anybody man good job peacefully resorting and talking to each other
I know peacefully resorting to violence yeah that goblin was just asking too many questions I thought
I was gonna have you know what nix didn't kill a single person this episode yeah oh my god and you
had like half a bottle yeah at most I had half a bottle yeah three quarters of a bottle actually
I pulled it as soon as he had like a quarter left yeah well you know it's not full bottle
I did hand it back but he didn't finish it he didn't drink the rest of it yet yeah and he didn't find
out about the drugs yeah I never forget myself having with drugs and I take a drink before we go
I'm gonna take a little slip so nix isn't going to withdraw by the way I feel like your heart is
as conscious rest a little easier knowing that we're translating reporting baking supplies instead of
harsh drugs ah dude I'm feeling great we're not next to goblins anymore yes also very true by the
way look at my mini oh yeah this actually is a summer eladrin this is like an official one
yeah it's also partly the reason why I got that long sword off you because this mini has a long
sword nice needed a long sword now yeah all right everyone thank you for tuning in we'll catch you
next time bye bye nerds