I like the idea of freestyling though. I fucks with that heavy dude my brother
Freestyler growing up and he would freestyle anywhere everywhere and like parties and stuff like that
And I thought it was so cool and I'm gonna get so hyped up and he would be like, oh, yeah
My little brother's hype Jaylin
Like watching I can't do it
Talking freestyling are we talking about dancing or are we talking about rapping? Okay
Yeah, I was also when he was talking about free where when Ryan was talking about freestyling I was like
Are you talking about the gospel right now? Like you're just freestyling the gospel here
Like let me tell you what the Lord told me
Can't tell you what I really see I can only tell you about the Pharisees. But anyways, this is frickin nerds a
D&D podcast where we smoke some drink and we have some dank
We're six friends also plays Dungeons and Dragons
I am the most kind. Oh and I six friends. Yes, we should probably address. Oh, yes
Yes, we are without Bronson now
Congratulations had twins
So he is going to be busy for the field for field of future. We have his understudy Ben here who's gonna be playing Frankie?
I just told I was here to steal
Little bit
But she was also very good at getting information. She was stealing hearts and not necessarily always gold
But you have Frankie you spent the fat talker. There's someone's heart that she still currently has
Yes, Ben will be taking his spot I have a
Once we do our introduction. I'll tell you the sure it'll come up. Yeah, I'll tell you what I'll tell you what happened
Yes, but I am I even though I said I am lasagna Moscow and I guess that is the method acting the method acting in me
But I am will
Who plays the character lasagna Moscow and a wood elf druid slash cleric of our group?
a false fact for your Horace
Is he is not an alcoholic
He's not an alcoholic good good
I'm always in character
You sure are a care
I'm putting my theater degree to good use
but also
Hello, my name is Ryan also known as the your Horace sithroth. I am a summer Aladdin Ranger and
Sexy but outside of that a fake fact about our fun fairy friend Frank
That is your character's name, right?
That's the name, you know
I just I wanted to make sure that the alliteration actually made sense
Is that you are a bad dancer? Oh
Well, I am playing Frank the tank Frank the fairy Frankie I am a bar and
a
false fact about Nick's
I'm he's got two left feet. That's not metaphorical
I get I for sure can see that actually
He's got to make sure to be on his left side, yeah
I wouldn't be as right. It would be his right side if he has to be
I'm Jalen. I play Nick's the barbarian
and a false fact about her room is
That he's totally over his trauma. I
Am fine. Yeah, he's super well adjusted. Yeah
My name is mark I play Arun when a warforged monk kind of a baby
Learning some things doing some things sad about see off relieving not sure how to feel about Frankie my
false fact for
lasagna is
that
They came across garlic as a recipe ingredient purely by accident
I can see that I
Can see that I could see us being like the lasagna being out in the forest and then just being like what the fuck is
This and then just using it somehow
Wow, it's a really strong flavor Wow, that's amazing. It's a good on bread. I should cook this put it on bread
That's all you had was bread in this that's how you figured it out
Struggle meals is where the culinary
Success comes a struggle
Man buttered pasta still hits for all words. I
Had some garlic in there too and then my fucking oh man going to town on that
You ready for my socks? Yeah, what do you conso? Well, what is what are you? What are you wearing? What are your socks?
All right, all right, so he has one sock that is Patrick other both Patrick, okay
I'm wearing my Patrick's the star. Yeah, you would you not to be living under a rock to not know who he is
I mean these aren't his socks. This is Patrick. Oh
I'm not gonna keep that going
Is mayonnaise a sock
Good be horseradish is also not a sock
I know why you mad gonzo. I can't see my toes
All right gonzo
What is your?
Real fact for the one person that you haven't done yet. Oh, so Frankie's news. Well, I technically too
Yes, so there's technically two people you have Frankie and
I've done next to the anger problems
and you have everyone yes, okay, let's see Frank you're gonna got cuz I had a phone about yeah, I'm
Haroon collects hats cuz now he has a made hat and now he has an affinity for hats. Oh damn
Okay, he's gonna right he has to have a storage bunker that holds his hats
Like you just give me the bag of holding real quick I need to change the sky
All I do is change hats
I like to imagine that you just like dunk the bag of holding on your head and then you pop out with a new
It's an applicator
What they're only wearing here jot that down jot that down we're gonna make money on this in this fucking world
We can call it the hat placator. Oh my god that down down down down trademark trademark trademark
about to be sponsored
That's definitely gonna be our new business inside of this world of a baron
Yeah, any hat
So who would like to do the inspiration he wants to give me a little recap I
Don't think we did that much
No, I don't think we did I can
There's no one want the inspiration I still have inspiration so that's why I'll leave it up to you guys
I think we were just on our last day
Sio for a still a bunch of money on her way out. I only gave us a small portion of it and then left us forever
We just came in
And we didn't ask no questions to be fair. It was still a lot of money. Yes
Questions next was there when she like saw how much money was going on. I didn't see how much exactly but I saw money
Yeah
Frankie decided he wanted to join our group
We got off at some town. I can't remember the town. It was a religious town
I can't remember the name
And yeah, then we went shopping. Mm-hmm
Silver flame
Riding flame keep
I'm playing keep you together
So we decided not to steal the dragon charge. Mm-hmm
Yeah, we did find a lot of dragon shards
Other than that, we did find out that just just to add a little bit we did find out that there was some
Duragar Durgar no not Duragar. What are
Drow that sorry. I don't know why I was thinking Duragar. I think it was because we're talking about
But we found some drow
Definitely they were the ones that were trading the dragon shards with
Ball Baldwin
And I might be willing to talk to my father fellow
Dwellers from the Sun, you know talk a little trade up since we lost the over. I can be the new spy for us
No one was suspected. Yeah, I'll send the barbarian in he can't be a spy get some mad so easy
There's a self where you are sneaky and there's the stuff where there are no witness
Either way nobody's talking the intimidation check you can't see me. I can't see
They can't talk if their heads are missing, you know
Take drugs kill a bear
We did get a room yeah, we did get rooms
Nick's and you have you ever heard of those dogs that they would put a harness on them and there's a blade on their back
They taught him to run into horses
I have oh my you could do that. Oh
You can't move you're smaller you can move through other people
Attach your long sword to your head
You gave me your long sword though, I have two long
I gave you my lesser one cool. Oh, that's good strength. You can just
Yeah, my strength is fine. It's 15. Yeah, I have the magical
Is that what he calls it strength is 15 you should be hearing it
I do with 50 pounds. I think everyone here should look. Yeah, I think we did do the math and even with the inventory weight
I should still be able to carry you just fine. Just barely. I think I know if I add too much
He doesn't have that much
Yeah
Frankie alleviate the problem in the story
I was gonna say Frankie has some of the most powerful weapons in the world
Yeah, I was gonna say Frankie has some pockets. Yeah
deep pockets really deep ones
Yeah, you asked you to hold on to something for me. Yeah, can I have a bag? Oh, you didn't you didn't ask that?
Inspiration for Nick's yeah
But yeah, we got a bunch of magical shit I got a fire staff
Fire little shopping spree because you guys have connections. Yeah. Yeah, so you guys is gonna be the next fucking avatar
I have access to basically all the elements now. Yeah, so you guys all wake up
Oh, yeah, even the ring and Harun you were in the room with Ciel for it
And we would see off for no one else or was it I believe it was just them too. Yeah, I think it was just us
Yeah
Me yeah, yeah, so I think you two
Together we divided in two rooms. I think he went with you guys. Oh, you went in the room with me and Siafra. Okay
Respect between Siafra and Frankie but the honor among thieves
Oh, yeah, so you wake up and there's there's a note
Attached to your chest Harun. Okay. I open it and see her necklace that has the diamond in it
Oh my god
It's not a diamond necklace but
There is a 500 gold there for you though
500 gold there for you though. You couldn't text that to him you had to announce that to all of us that he just got
Well, Frankie's in the room
So, you know you had the she left you that extra and how did she sneak out I'm on century mode all night
Her cell phone is that stealthy hi, she like cover herself with a blanket and swapped out with like a pillow
Oh
Bronson rolled at home and he rolled a natural 20. So that's why you couldn't see him
He does have a plus pole the stealth. Damn. There was no way. Yeah, there's no way. Oh, he also has the cloak
So he gets advantage on self check. So
He's a man. So what does the note say? Um, the note says
um
you were the only one I ever trusted and you were my favorite and
I I'm on a mission. I have to keep an eye on Baldwin
so for now I will be staying with him to ensure our
Our piggy bank is safe what a bitch
I'll be back. I kept the bag. Here's more money for another bag
Oh
She kept the bag a hold of you. Oh, okay, mr. Gold to go buy another one
Checks out I don't want to do that work. I'm trying to be stealthy right now
I'm gonna just take the the note and just like put it in my bag like like cold
And just like put it in my bag like quietly and just pretend to go back on century mode
Frankie how much do you need to sleep?
Alright, we're about eight hours
You have an eight-hour friend
Yeah, oh yeah, so her when you would have done this before bring you with a wig yeah
I want to actually take like a piece of gold and I want to like take it out and like secure the rest of mine
I kind of want to just wave in front of Frankie's nose
It's smelling salts
Me and me
Yeah, Frankie wakes up
Oh god
Thank you
Here you go
Thank you
Let you go back sleep
Like leave him alone
It's up for a piece of gold
Like his nose twitched a little bit he was like
I don't think even a registered you just reached up and she saw the gold
I was like yeah, it's that you're not fully awake yet, but he's like I think I'm gonna go look
I don't wake up for lost 100
Not really
When you see him put it in his pocket it just didn't lock out
You did spend the ball put in like four thousand gold
What?
Nah dude, that's what I was talking about bro
That's a different Frankie
It's Frank the Drank
Okay
I'm gonna wander out see in like
See if anybody else is awake
I'm like quietly knock on the rest of the doors
Yeah so anybody that was awake would hear it
So you all are and
Those are gonna be awake
You two other me and our friend are still sleeping
See you guys here knocking the door
I'm gonna wait for you guys to open it if you do
What could it be
I'm just meditating on my bed
And as soon as I hear the knock on the door and I hear him say that I grab my dagger
That's just you know in my shit
I go to the door
I crack it open a little bit but as soon as I see Harun
I put it back in his sheath
Hey pal
Are they still asleep?
Nah, but
We don't really need a whole lot of time you know that
Right
Here you go
And I'm gonna just hand it over to L'Xagna the note
Oh Yarris was in the front of the door
Oh yeah that's right you answer the door
So I'm gonna hand it to you
Alright
I open the door and kind of like
Gesture for you to come in
And read it over the note and
Show it to L'Xagna
This fucking bitch
Oh my god what does she do
She said I'm her favorite
Damn I thought I
I thought I was cool with her damn
I'm just the favorite
I mean you are a nice guy Harun
So it says in here that she gave you gold
For another bag
Yeah
Okay
Now we gotta go find another fucking bag
That is true but I've been making maps
Looking again
You have made some maps
Did you buy more ink this time?
I believe I did I believe we got some when we were at the shop
Okay okay I just remember you
Ran out of ink last time you were
I think you made a
Point to get ink
So I did say
I think last session that I was
Like wandering around in between time
Like just making maps until
I eventually joined you guys to shop around
Let's see if L'Xagna was following me
So yeah
Can I look over my map
And see if I
Or can I show them to see if they
Recognize any of the names as seeming
To be a magic shop
I mean you guys know back to the one you were at
Oh that's right we already did go to that one
But was that
I thought it was just a potion
We bought a lot of magical things there
We bought my staff we bought your ring
You gathered from
Who was it
Well Siofa would really know
About the house of shadow
Yeah well that was Frankie
Frankie
So Frankie knows what kind of place this was
I'd say
Do we want to wait for the other guys to wake up
And then go to the store
I think we should
Just cause
Well if Siofa is gone
I think we need another
You know and I kind of give a little nudge
Hook up like we did yesterday
Right
Hook
How we're on a hook up
A hook up is like
Somebody that does something
Like it's hard here
No not necessarily but like
You know how like somebody does
Something for you and you kind of like
Reciprocate it type of thing
Yeah like a friend but like not like a friend
You know like somebody that will help you out
But you don't necessarily know his name
Because he's a hook up
A shop keep
Yes
Okay
I got you
You just gotta be good friends with the shop keep
That's what I'm trying to say
It's like humans are weird
It's a good thing for elves
I'm just thinking
If I need something I just ask another robot
And then he just tells me
Alright so yeah you guys
You guys are kind of
Molding it over and then
While Nix is still sleeping
So another couple hours passes
Not just Nix
I feel like we should probably overweight
I feel like we should say we'll wait
I'll go downstairs and if they offer
Food I'll order some for right about
When they're gonna wake up
Okay yeah
Basically there's some porridge
And then there's some bacon and eggs
I'll I think I'll skip the porridge
And just do extra bacon and eggs
For these people cause I'm assuming
That it looks bland to me
How much is
Breakfast
You know Y'all Horace
Is asking a plate is going to be
One silver
So you'll get porridge eggs and bacon
I'll just say I'll drop a gold and get that much
Food right yeah that makes sense
I don't have any silver so I'm just gonna drop a gold
And a silver
If he's dropping a
Gold then that's enough for all of us
Y'all Horace is just saying this is for himself
Oh I mean you're not wrong
This is for himself alright alright I'll still drop
Gold on my
I did forget about that
My man had a lot of crepes and food
Yeah so you see Y'all Horace
Dropped the gold and he like
Looks at the
The keeper looks at both of you and he's like
You eat?
No it's for my friend
I put my arm around
Harun and I
And just kind of shake him a little bit
Oh you wouldn't believe how much this one eats
Alright well uh
We got a bunch of
Just give us a bit for all
This food
Bacon eggs not that
Other stuff
I'll take his other stuff
Then he just starts loading up with a bunch of
Plates and a stack of bacon and eggs
Hands you this giant mound
And gives you two giant mounds and
Y'all Horace just sits down and just
He starts going to work
I'll take
My grouping to the other side of the table
Where Y'all Horace is at and I'll start
Trying to spur it out for when they wake up
Yeah so you guys
Wake up
Spend eight hours
Eight hours
He makes you wake up and there's
Lasongas in there
Just lasongas in there Frankie you wake up and
You're by yourself Lurin
Alright
I get up
I do my mandatory 20 pushups
In the morning
Um
And uh
Do I spell the food?
Do I see him
Struggle these 20 pushups when he wakes up
Go me a strength
Go me a strength Cause I want to see this
He kind of just stumbles out
I'm in the room
So I would like to see it He falls out of it
I told you I was hungover
You were really hungover
You can drink a whole bottle of brandy
From Frankie
I said it will be perception
Two on perception
I think I only have a plus one
Perception So three perception
Plus five 17
Strength
Yeah you can't really smell cause you're focused on these pushups
But you see him fall off
And then catch himself and just crank out 20 pushups
Okay alright I'll see you
Next I'll see you next
I don't like that
I heard them talking about food down there
So I think I'm gonna push up
Into my feet like a burpee and I walk out
I'll follow them
I'm likely in the room at probably
You see Nick's
Kind of just little hustling over
I'll be following
Cause I would like some food now
You walk out and Frankie you can just walk out
At the same time as you guys
I'll wave him over and say
I bought you guys food
You guys see a mound of eggs and bacon
That Haruna's next thing
He's using a Yoharis with an equally
Big size of eggs and bacon
And a big bowl of porridge but he's just
Eating all of it
He's gonna gesture and refer to that half as Yoharis
So no one
Touches his
Yoharis doesn't even look, he looks up but he doesn't stop
Yeah I do look up and I wave
And then I go back to eating
It just reminds me of like
If Parks and Rec or Ron Swanson walks into the diner
He's like give me all the bacon and eggs you've got
He's like alright no problem
He's like I don't think you heard me right
I said I want all the bacon and eggs
You've got
Okay, he's like alright man good talk
Does hot sauce
Exist in this? An Eberron
Maybe powder
Possibly
You can make something
Okay
I'll find something one of these days
That's my new goal now
Is I'm gonna make hot sauce
You can always ask the resident chef
Who's good with gumbo
And other recipes
He might know something
Will doesn't know but does
Lazzagna know?
I assume you know that
Probe me the culinary check
Probe me a history roll
Add your proficiency student bonus
Ah it's a 12
Plus my history
Which I think is a plus 3
So let's just double check here
History
It's a plus 2 which makes it
A 14
You've heard of similar things
People make chili paste
You don't ever hear about sauce
Chili paste makes sense
I'm a man of spices
That's for sure
Just check out this bag
You open up my bag and you see a bunch of
All little jars of just spices
Of like herbs and spices
I'm certain that we could
Figure out something then
Does anybody have an alchemy kit?
I do, I have an alchemy kit
Druids come with it I believe
Druid hot sauce
So uh
I'm gonna break this guy's set up
Table and start eating
What's on the agenda? What are we doing today?
We need a bag
Of holding
That is number one
But we are in a town
And we need to get across the
Continent to the
Which Frankie hold on
Do you know the fast way of getting to
The Talenta Plains from here?
Turn over to the DM
Gonzo
What did I happen to do?
Fast way
The only way I know
Is getting a god damn horse
I mean you said this character did travel
Go ahead and do a history check
See if you would know
With Evander since he's such an old traveler
That's our guy, it's a 19
Oh yeah
So you know there's a lot of trade routes
In the area so um
You could get
Traveled by land, you know that no one goes
Through that area so you can get
You could probably get land passage around there
Do I know any of my
Older friends?
Yeah you could search the city
To see if you could find some other contacts
You do remember
The shopkeep?
So you can go in there and see if they have any
We gotta go back there anyway
I would like to remind
But they don't know that about you
This is above table and you guys would know this
This is also a very pious city
This is a city
That is
The city of
I know there's probably
We need to make sure if we're doing stuff
We're doing it on the D.O.
Which is very smart cause this place is very very
Cause it's the
Pantheon of the sacred flame?
Silver flame, that was close
But this place is also a theocracy so it's ruled by the church
Theocracy as well yeah
So you gotta abide by those rules
Yeah we need to find
Passage there cause they need our help
With something from
For something and
Yeah
I mean if we find something in the city
And we need some you know I'm always down
To fucks you know give some gold
I love gold I'm a man of nature
I couldn't care less about
The money but helping others is
Something that we should be doing
I couldn't give a shit about helping others
But I'm a man of the money
I love helping people
But I love gold too
You know so that's why I'm always
Worried about what side are we helping
Cause is the price big enough?
Maybe not
We'll see if we're gone or are we gonna be broke now?
Yeah you guys are pretty broke up
Oh she left us with
Some of the earnings I don't know how much
Oh wait did you guys tell them about the notes?
Oh yeah we did show you the letter
Here you go take a look at this letter
You might find it pretty intriguing
Oh yeah so I read the letter
And now I'm like that's what I then be like oh
And after hearing you guys be like
Hey you know we should help people be okay on money
Oh we're gonna make no money now
I'm gonna make no money
I start sucking
Us in my allegiance to this group
Here's my question this makes
Reed you're my favorite gold
Of course it's me
Wait wait wait
Who was the note for?
Who gave it to me?
I'll set that
That would be the
Why?
It's for Frankie
I can take that
I can accept this
Alright so
I don't know we done
Eaten ready to go to the shop?
Shop after you know
Y'all Horace is
I know I'm sure he probably was done before we were done
I'm sure
You guys gonna finish all of this?
I give him my portions as well
The plates that were in front of me are clean
I just imagine
A stack of plates like next to there
In the barkeep just like fuck
I have some
I get one silver but it's an important one
Yeah
You just load up on eggs
Yeah I mean these pecs
I think I'm for birds
I come for unborn
Unborn birds
You see him just come back with a stack of eggs
And just start them two feces
I just take them straight
I tell them I don't even cook them
I knew you were gonna say that
I was going to ask and I knew the answer
They fill a giant cup of ale but instead of putting beer in there they just fill it with eggs
Yeah do that
They just hand it to you and discuss and they just look at you
And you just slam a cup
Go ahead and let me see what you're doing
I was about to say
I know he's got it
15
You see him like choke up a little bit
He's going strong and he manages to just keep them down
I am also looking on in disgust
He just
It's not disgusting when you got
These brothers
He's flexing hard
Whatever you have to do to maintain that physique
Alright
I'll mine illusion a little bit of light coming off his face
I will say you start seeing Lasagna
Looking at his pecs just or looking at his arm
Just like oh
He's like I cook nice though
Yeah
Now I start doing like a bodybuilder
I'm going to like a flat spread and walk out the door
Right on
I'm actively
Chuckling to myself
Can you mine illusion some oil on him please
Get him a shine
So the shop keep doesn't
Sass me when I first get in there
Can I just look for a bag of
Colesing
Alright so you guys are going to the shop keep
Yeah
I want to look before asking
So they don't just say yeah right to your left
Laughing
Yeah so you walk in
And then um
Greet you and then says where's your other friend
Looking at Frankie
People come and go
Business
Well
It's just getting a little loud
You know what it is
Do I see it back in holding anywhere
Yeah there's some behind the cases
Okay how much for this one
It's inside a big ass bag of
Holding so it's like an infinite bag
Of holding
Bag of holding bag of holding bag of holding
Um
Mmmmm
They're wanting about 600
I knew it
Oh you go first
You're going to do me 600
Uh
He looks at
Frankie and then
Throwing something
Interestingly I'm sure we could do something around town
Like what
You know
I mean
We could also so we don't have to work for this
Person could we just
Have my uh flail that you gave me
That did poison damage
Yeah that thing is worth way more than that
It was worth a lot more than 500
Yeah
You think I'll do 500 for a friend
Alright
And I'm going to give the 500
Over
Hand you the bag and this is uh
Don't lose this
Oh
Okay
I'll just take it
I'm just going to put it in my bag and like
Look where I put it like assuming they know
Something I don't
I'm going to get real close to
A person here and just be like
So we need a looking for
Uh
Travel out to a place doesn't have to be
Discreet but it should be fast
What do you think?
Um I'm more so for
Curements but
I do have runners that
Take shivins and caravans
I can maybe hit a run with
But
With that
You might need a little mercenary work if you know what I mean
Hmm
Ain't nothing we ain't used to
That's how we got to this city
Our hair so
What did you have in mind?
Well um sometimes we have
Runners that um
Purvey and bring goods to
Areas where it's a little forbidden
Hmm
So
You'd be uh maybe
A little escort
Do you need something while we are out there?
Uh I won't be needing
Anything but we have a shipment
Of uh supplies
That we are
Going towards the plains but
We are good at being dark
What can we
Know what the supplies are cause we just
I don't mean to be discreet but we just kind of
Had a weird situation with the last
People we were being discreet with
I mean that's how these sort of things
Work I mean
I understand but some people
Feel weird about that I feel weird
About that Well you could feel weird all you want
But do you want passage and payment or
Not? I would like to point out I do not feel weird about that
Yes
If you need me to kill some man
Just give me a hint what are we moving
I don't even know what it is just give me a hint
Things that are not necessarily
Allowed in places
Like this We'd be protecting
Smugglers
Can we join after you've made
This out of the city? Smugglers
Is a bit of a dirty word we call them
Procurement specialists alright
Of course
Yeah so
Where would we be going
Who would we be talking to
Like if we were
To get about this
Well you saw our docks here
I can have someone meet you at the docks
With a
Caravan but
You have some shipments going
In and out
The Teletublans is in the middle of the map
Or sorry not the Teletublans
But the Tharn was in the middle
Of the map where is there a dock
Oh Thrain
Okay so Thrain is
Yes next to the Mournland
Which is in the middle of the map Can I take a picture of just that
Yeah so then you guys are
Here so you guys have to go all the way
Here Oh I see the river
There is a river around the Mournland
Okay I see
So you could either
So you have to go pretty much over here
So we can just go wait
If we go through the Mournland we die
That's like where you know
How in video games where there is like a white wall
That says you can't go through here
You're not a high enough level
It's like going to the Ternary Wall you can go in there
Will we make it out
Probably not
It's like magic Ternary Wall you'll go in there
And everything is worked by magic like there are creatures
And whatever is alive in there you don't want to fuck with
Okay Or if the effects
Don't take you over and kill you
Okay
Ground zero
I see what you're saying when you say the docks now my bad
I was imagining Thrain is like a
Like a port city
Not a port city but like
No ports coming in
Yeah No ports coming in
Landlocked Some spots aren't
So yeah so you could go by water but then you also
If you go by water you might be a little close to Mournland
Yeah
So you could do ground travel
From Thrain to
Oh shit I just had to mess up
I will say I'm down to try either way
No problem
So we get you from Thrain
To Cardiff
I don't mean to seem like a
You know
A deady downer
It's just questions that's all
You get over here but you have to be able to
You have to go from here to
Over here
And
You know protecting cargo
Well protecting cargo is no big issue
We have much experience
With doing that as long as our
Employers
Not being necessarily
You but the people that we will be
Protecting are willing to cooperate
I think that we could get the job done
I mean
You are the hired help so I think you'd be
You'd have to be the one that would be willing to put up with them
It's
Mutual
Some of our methods are a little unorthodox
Have you ever heard
Like you gotta give respect
Or earn respect
It's kinda like that
We just earn respect by paying for it here
That's how this works
So totally unrelated question
If it came down to the cargo or the crew
What's more important
That makes it to the destination
The cargo
So now
You are see
Problems can be solved
But there are problems to be had
Well I would rather avoid a problem
Look you in the eyes
As long as it gets there
That's my specialty
It's getting there
I mean
Like I said
Los Alphan is down either way
We will
As long as we get there
I'm gonna be praying to my god
The shopkeeper looks at you
Hands you a note
It's in thieves kit
It says are you a fast Frank
I mean I just give her one of those little shrugs
Kinda looks at you
He's like alright
You don't know
Alright
Well obviously
We'll have to wait until nightfall
This area is heavily guarded
But
We'll meet in the docks
And we're gonna be transporting some
Cargo
How long do we know
Who to meet
Okay
You're gonna be
Transporting some goods with a pack of
Goblins
I immediately make
Eyes of Yoharis
Dun dun dun
I throw my hands
Just ahhh
Yoharis
Remember the thing
Just the cargo is important
So if any accidents
Or they should fall on the line of this whatever
If we protect the cargo
We've completed our mission
Yoharis looks in the eyes
And says fuck if you kill one of them
Just to make sure the cargo gets there in one piece
Yeah well these guys are gonna
What
How do they even get work around here
I mean goblins
They get stuff done you pay them enough money they get stuff done
Yeah no they
Get things done like
Trying to end the world with all the
Liches and the necromancers that's what
They try and get done
I like
I like lean into lasagna
Is he okay
I don't question it as long as they're paying so
You remember
How he got upset with the goblins
At the other city
Oh yeah right
It's like that
Oh all goblins
I don't hate them because of magical
Reasons I hate them for the color of their skin
I don't
I'm gonna just try and
I don't know if that makes it any better
I think we need to talk about that next time
We discuss our
Goblins orcs are all the same
Next time
I tap Nyx on the shoulder I bet they're gonna recognize this too
Jesus Christ
Will's gonna
Lasagna's gonna remember that
That's for sure
God damn
Harun turns to Yharis and say
You know some people hate my kind too
Yeah well that's unjustified
This is
He gives up
He took a chance
I don't know if I understood before
That Yharis was one of those doomsday guys
With a sandwich board over his head
And sitting naked in the street
In the world of naked goblins
I swear
They're controlling the media
The goblins are controlling the goods
The magnifying glass
The goblins are controlling the goblins
The goods
The manufacturing of goods
Those people
They aren't even people
We're fucking canceled by goblins
Jesus
I think we will have no problem
Making sure
There's no mine goblins here
Mine goblins?
Mine goblins these nights
Got em
I was at the shot keep this end of that
Cause I saw
Tells you
Like I said
They're paying to get passage
You'll be their escorts
Do you have mounts
Are you gonna ride with them
We should be riding with them
We got here by the means of
What was the name of that
Large structure
The fast moving
It was a light rail
They're pretty expensive passage
How'd you manage that
We have our ways
Much like how we're talking to you now
When they looked at you
And looked at Frankie
Did you guys work with them
We actually met Frankie on the train
He's a really nice man
Frankie's a good guy
Just make sure to check your wallet
When we leave here
I don't do that anymore
You mean since yesterday
Yes
I go by your nickname now
Semantics don't worry about it
Okay
What's your name
We should probably say it after we get the
Escort the Gavos
It's gonna be fatal Frankie
Well we get
Jaru
When will
When and where will we be meeting
These
I put an air quotes
People
How generous of you
There's some warehouses
You'll
You'll notice them
They're probably the only ones in the warehouse
You'll notice the warehouse is going to be
One with a red
Door
I asked the shopkeeper to point it out on my map
That I drew in the city
Did you make this
Yeah
Thank you
I put my hand on Harvon's shoulder and kind of shake him a little bit
He is wonderful
Thank you
Then I look at Nex like it's his turn
Vince is doing this exactly
Silently from looking around
It's just so weird
Everyone gives up
Right over his head
Alright
I guess we're done
Yep yep
I put my hand in short
So did they point it out on the map
Yeah so you know where the warehouse is
Around the area
So we should go now or
Wait until nightfall
Before travel undercover
Always do
Is there anything that I could trade out
With this flail that you sold me for
That would help with this specific kind of mission
You might need that flail
I got a pretty solid sword
You got all the help I need right here
A little bit more help is not bad
I think that you should hold on to that
I don't know if you can get an equal trade in here
Well this is where I got it
Yeah but
We don't know what the return policy is
There's a hard and fast rule
And that's no take back
Switch it out
It's just like an exchange
I just want to get this instead
He went to sleep with it
Woke up and was like I don't want it anymore
Frankie knows what kind of place this is
Yeah
That is true
I don't think the rest of you know what kind of place this is
All I know is that it's not run by a high elf
Nope
This is an elf
What does this guy look like
He's a high elf
He was not a high elf last time
The jewelry store was a high elf
These are all elves
He's an elf
So this is an elf
I don't like high elves
People who look like different things than they actually are
Yeah
Much like Siofra
To do good business
High elves
They have people like them in the store
Anyways
Hand you a little paper
Here's the contract
Just make sure you get the
And they're carrying their goods
I don't know where they're hauling
They just paid me
It's all good
We'll be as discreet as possible
We're ridden into new caravans
Where are we going again
The carnaff
Carnaff
Which is like north of the Talenta Plains
Yeah
I'm like putting some of my stuff in the
Bag of Holding I just got and I say
Where are my manacles
Oh
Hey
They're hard to lose
Did you leave them on the train
I didn't take them out of the bag
I don't know if
Harun is great at reading like
Physical science I'll make a big show of looking
Around
You know what's weird I lost my deodorant too
Did you
I didn't notice
Pssss
I know where it is
You can't smell
Lissogna doesn't know where it is
I'm going to ask the shopkeeper do you have any
Manacles
I don't know
Harun I've heard the pink and fluffy
Ones are stronger
The pink and fluffy kind
Fresh
Out of those but I got some
Regular ones and some
Other ones that
Do a little shocking
Damage if you want
How much are oats
300 gold
How much is a regular
Pair
50 gold
And if you want the key
You'll go
You're going to charge for the pay too
I wouldn't have thought of that
He's going to
Ask for both
I don't know
What the usage of the other one is but
It's a good F
I'll turn to Harun and be like Harun that's a great
Idea I'm going to give you 50 gold for that
Ayyy
So the other ones
If they try to break out of them we'll do 1d6
Shocking damage
Until it kills them
Ah! Ah!
As all of these transactions are going on
I look to D'Franci and Nix
Well we have plenty of time
To kill before
The job starts
If you have any ideas
To the bar! Alright!
Was there any doubt?
I've had Nix on the back
And I'll proceed to follow him out
To go and try and find the bar
I immediately look for Harun
To show me if there's a bar
Or any liquor store
I would feel like I specifically
Would know you guys enough to know
To make a note of that so I'm going to lead the way
Yeah I mean you guys can go back to the bar
As you were at
And um
Missy it's a little early but
It's about like 9 or 10 in the morning
Right now
I ask for 2 shots
Hey Nix just keep it under control
We got a thing later
No I'll be good I'll be good 2 shots
Alright!
4's you think that'll be a silver each?
Yeah 2 silvers
You see Nix just
Hound 2 shots
Just to steady himself, stay in the nerves
Is there anyone
Hanging around here? Anyone else
At this bar? There's some dwarves
And a couple wood elves
A few goblins hanging around
I go to the dwarves
Ah hey what's up brothers
They're chugging
They look tired
What can we do for you?
I was to see if there
If there was any fun people out here
Anyone that was willing to play some drinking games or
What kind of games?
Little games of challenge and skill
Trying to break off?
If you are I'm down
Can I hear this from
Where I'm sitting? Oh yeah
Oh I swear to Coral on
You better not
Can I play?
They start laughing
They're like oh your boy doesn't think he can do it
Ah fuck him I got this
The barkeep
Hey what are you guys doing over there?
We're about to buy a bunch can we get in?
How many doors are there?
They kind of come over
No no we're not wagering
You see some other
The pages start getting grander and I'm like
My money's on the little one
We are wagering
Are they allowing me to play?
To the person that said that
I gestured to them and then I gestured
To the group they're all the little one
The one without the beard
What?
Does Nix have a beard?
It's a stubble alchemy
You always have to have a dwarven beard
I have something on my face but I'm clearly not a dwarf
I'm like hey man
It's like a stubble
It's like everyone where I started growing my peach fuzz
Constantly and badly you know
I gotta keep it short
I don't know what the bet standard is but I'll bet
10 gold on Nix
Alright let's see this start putting
The dwarves start betting
Alright how much you put
How much is everyone putting down?
I got 50 gold
On my boy here
Your boy? Alright
Okay so we're gonna be doing bets
You see some of the dwarves are putting money down
Alright so
If you win you'll double your money so
Alright
Are we doing beer or are we doing
Straight shots?
They're doing the hill to units
Since I'll be winning I'll let you
Choose little one
He's not much taller than you
Shots it is
Alright
It gets blocked out
I was about to fart
He's the only one who will have to put on the caravan
The barkeep walks over
And he uncorks a bottle
And says oh we'll have some of this
He puts on a bottle of brown
Liquid
I love question I'm holding one for me and him
We love brown
Drown it down with brown bro
That's what I like to say
Alright roll me a constitution save
Nat 20
Holy shit
He doesn't need to roll the next one because
He got a nat 20
Still alive? Yep
Go ahead and roll again
You got this
He takes a shot he's still going
Three?
Takes another shot they're both still going
They're both still going
Jesus fuck
16? Yep
He only 14
I'd plus be Marbury
Go ahead and roll
I get down to a 3 or 8
18
You see him take another shot
You see him start teetering
He's trying to get his bang
He's like no we're still going
He takes another one
He keeps it down
Go ahead and roll another one Jalen
17
I'm like right on the edge
They're half way through the bottle right now
30 20
He rolled a 5
He takes a shot and he just got spizzled
Yeah
Give a double high five
He goes straight down the center
He's just like yeah
You were hammered
Yeah I go straight down the center
I fall on his head right away
Get off me bro I'm good
Who you calling little nail
He just slides in
I rip my shirt a little start pet popping
The dwarf who
Gets up and looks at you and says
Get him a nail
On me
Terrible idea
Yeah I downed that nail
He's asking for a liquor
Watch this be the one
18
He pounded
You see the other dwarves
Raise your glasses and start shouting with you
And chugging
I started hugging them and singing with them
They just put you on their shoulders and they're like
Yeah start dancing
So I believe I got some leftover
Scones I'm going to make sure he gets a little
Something to eat I'm going to give him like three
Scones
Oh yeah that's right I got my basket
From Remi
I remembered his name Gonzo are you happy
Good job
That's your pen pal
Yeah my pen pal Remi
He's sure recipe's with
Which mind you
Did you see my message
Oh I'm not there
Yeah
At this point I'm partying
With the dwarves so I'm going to probably
Party here until I need to take a nap
Yeah during the commotion you can do that
I'm going to try to collect
Garoons and ice cream
Yes
Oh yeah
So you get
The shop chief and the bartender
Hanging the gold
Your boy can really drink I didn't expect that from him
Yeah no he's a
He's a stout little fella
Yeah
I serve three tours you don't get through it being sober
Three tours in the war? Yeah
Okay alright
We'll see I'm going to say Harun
Oh that's not
Good I think that's like seven
I'm going to grab his shoulders and be like Harun stay with me
You start spanking
Inspire you
Inspire me
With bardic inspiration
What is it a d8? That's a d8 sir
Okay let me actually make sure
My
Wisdom
We have my wisdom plus three
So that was seven alright so d8
Seven plus six
Fourteen? Oh yeah you managed to barely
Keep you like a ten easy guy kind of
Just managed to keep you down
And just keep you alive
Alright alright so yeah
I feel like you're going to die
I'm fine you're like
I'm still nervous
I look to the other guys that you know said the
Word like hey we don't say that w
Word around him alright he's
A little
I'm already covering my non-existent ears
We all
Served in the same union
Some of us are still a little shook up so
Don't say that around him
Find another word to say
I didn't know that they had felt emotions
Oh yeah they do
So many
What?
I'm still covering
I'm going to
Lock eyes with your hearse and then look at the
Goblins and say you want to get some practice in
For the
For the main event
Listen
I can keep the peace
I am a man of
Peace
They're not
Up until they break the peace
Then it will be maintained
I thought I heard him say something
I thought I heard him say
Fuck your couch
That's what I thought I heard him say
I don't go out of my way to start things
Is Nick's aware of this conversation?
Nick's is hammered
You don't remember anything
I heard him talking shit over there
I respect it
You can see Nick's sharing
He gives one of the scones to the dwarf he just beat
They're chilling, kind of breaking together
Yeah
He's going to party out with the dwarfs you know
Hang out and get a little info on the town what they do
Yeah they're like oh we just got done working
We were
Working the mines
Mine's what you all mined
I don't know
You didn't know what you pull out?
You just arranged up?
Yeah it was a shiny material
Oh okay
I don't ask questions I just mine
Oh shit, can you show me some of that?
No I don't
Pulls out like a
Shiny rock
Do I recognize this kind of shiny rock?
Go ahead and roll me a rock check
I'm a rock
Is it magical?
Yes is it magical?
Thank you
It's not magical
I think that might be like a history check for him maybe
Actually let's see what
Fuck what would mining be?
I mean because he's like a rock gnome
I think history
Oh that would make sense
If you're a rock gnome you should be able to
Nature bonus
Go to nature
Roll for rock baby
Rock and roll
They're both plus ones
I was going to say what is it? Rock and stone?
You're covering my face
Yeah you don't know shit
Can I give it a look?
Hand it to you and then you go ahead and roll me a nature check
Alright
Let's see how well it is
Where is nature?
Just 11
Yeah you know it's a rock
You never know what kind
You can always ask that
I'm a little interested now
I don't know what it's called but
They probably wouldn't like it in here like
Hell we'll go outside I'll show you
I'm a little interested now
Can I also follow them outside?
Just holding a shiny rock and they're
Walking outside with it now
You see if the doors follow out
And he walks out and you see
One of them takes out a sword
And hits it and it sparks
I got a 23 by the way
Yeah
This is like a
It's flint
They're like these big old fun rocks and they're just
Parking
Oh this is
Yeah this is flint you use this to start fires
That's the word
Fire starter yeah
What the hell do you need to mine a bunch of fire starter for?
I don't know people buy it
How much for this one?
This one?
Buy me a drink
Sold baby
It's a damn good deal
Price
How much for drinks?
How many of the doors are at the table?
There's four of them there
So how much is the drink?
That's the word
I'm gonna get all four of them a drink
Hell yeah they all just cheers and
Drink
And so I got flint now
A rock of flint
Just a bowl they're putting it in the bag of holding
It'll be alright
It's got a bag of holding now so
It's not going to the biggest fire we can start
Until I throw a piece of metal on the sparks inside
Yeah it's probably like
About the half
Size of like half your hand
Cool
I am metal so
Oh yeah you literally don't even need a blade
Just fucking shhh
Yo that's pretty metal
I'm gonna go to the bar
And ask the man
Or the person tending it I'm assuming it's a man
What can I get for
Do you have any brandy actually?
Not brandy but I got
Some stuff
Made with a little bit of rye
Well if it's
Do you like it? Do you drink it?
Oh yeah
We call it whiskey around these parts
Well I'm not terribly familiar
Well you're about to be
That's what your friend was drinking earlier
Ah alright
Yeah where I come from we don't really have
A whole lot of well any of this
So I'm still learning as much as I can
Hmm
I'll tell you what I'll pour you one for
To try it out it pours you the shot
Of the whole whiskey
Alright you want me to roll a constitution?
No you had a bunch of you had a big old
Plate of food Fair enough
Wait but you're not an alcoholic so you're
A man
My man
If one of us was
I'd be a man
But you won though you won
I won
If you achieve this by body weight
By pure heart alone
Nah
I'm gonna give you five gold let's half my bet
Oh actually
You didn't know that makes sense yeah cause I put down
Ten and you got
You should have got twenty gold
Yeah but then if I give you ten then I still have ten
Sure
I just thought of that too
I'll still give you just five gold
Alright so he had you have five gold
So the bartender
Says yes um
Let me know I could
If you want to take a drink or if you want to buy a bottle
I can always sell you a bottle
Well I think if I
Buy a bottle then my friends will get too
Excited
It's up to you
How about the bottle?
He says I for no apparent reason start screaming
Woo
I point back
See
He had
How much for a bottle?
I can sell you one for twenty gold
Well I look at Frankie
Frankie's like no
That was a better deal
Than you gave me
I had better shit
I like think on it
Like having no way to tell
I'm just gonna be like okay
And I'll be good with the bottle I have
How much am I paying for the shot?
That one was on the house
Two more
Shots please
Alright that'll be uh
Silver each shot for those
I'm just not even
Sorry say
Silver a shot for those
I just put up gold down on the counter
That should cover it
Start sliding up eight more
And then go ahead and roll me a
Con save see if you can handle it
This is fine
Let me subtract my gold first
Roll that shit now
Alright hold on a second
Alright you set a con save
Alright my constitution
Fifteen
Alright you may just keep all the eggs down
I think that'll do
Fine for right now thank you
You see your heart is kind of stumbling
Because uh Nix Nix is still pretty hammered
Um you guys are kind of looking around
Lazada isn't there
Nearly missed out on my competition
As I like laid my head down
What?
As I laid my head down on like the
Bar table
I slam one gold
On the table
And I get more eggs
Wrong place
Oh shit I don't take it back
I look too
We should head out
Frankie we're lasagna
Where?
I clock where he took off to
I wasn't being sneaky about it
He got just left while you guys were drinking
It is like a bar that's active
So I'd say roll is probably
Yeah so you guys just saw him sneak out
Uh I'd say
14
So you kind of remember him sneaking out and just walking out while you guys were doing all the drinking
That was like
It's been maybe like 20-30 minutes since that point
I'm gonna try to if possible
Wrangle these guys out of the bar
Towards like our rooms or whatever
If you're starting to wrangle
I'm gonna like uh like turn
Um Nix's chair
I'm like going in front of him
And be like uppies come on we gotta go
I'm gonna throw myself over here
I'll kind of like do that little
Like a sloth over a fucking
Branch
I'll do that little hook and get you better suited and then we'll head out
Yeah Frankie stands in front of
The Harus and looks at himself and looks at
After seeing him then
He'll be like okay I'm sorry
No uppies
I'm just like
Mouth agape just looking at you in utter
Confusion and I'm like alright just where
We need to fuck we need to go
Uh if you say where
I'm like I'm like still
Holding him and I'm gonna just kind of like
Pull out from the side like and like the
The map and like
Like hold it but not gesture cause I'm
Holding it and be like right there
That's helpful but we're gonna just go back
To where we were at
I mean I wasn't
Like I said I wasn't being sly about it I was heading to
The church
Different campaign
Hahaha
Ssssss
I was like hold on wait a minute which one
And then I was like oh wait a minute yes
I mean we're in the bar for a good minute
Yeah you guys have been in the bar for a while
Yeah so I don't know if he's doing like if he's
Finishing his stuff or not
I mean I'm sure like probably I wasn't gonna be
In there very long
I'm sure probably by the time that I finished up with
What I was doing in there
I was walking by and you kinda see him stumbling out of the bar
Literally stumbling out of the bar
As you see Nick being held
And looks like he's half asleep
The heart is walking not as steady
As it usually is
So it looks like y'all had some fun
At the bar
Where did you go my lawyer? I'm the champion
The king of the camp
I went to the church
I just wanted to talk to them
I'm still sort of
Mood to the whole god thing so I was
Trying to see how I could be closer
With my god
Who do they
Pray to in this town?
I can show you to them
Don't
I kind of pat
Don't
Who?
They do like
It's like a pantheon
Of gods I mean that's not my god
But I was just trying to see how they express
Their feelings with their god so I could
Understand it better
So there's a lot of them
Oh yeah I didn't write them down
Because after there was like 3 or 4 of them
I stopped keeping track
I understand
Yeah I'm a follower of our way and that's about the only god I could keep track of
And you keep on your way don't you?
All the time and let's get on our way
Alright
Where were y'all going?
Like I said I could see he had fun
And he's still going to be
Really fun for the rest of the night
So did the church offer any services?
Maybe a little detox
For
I don't know
Do they have a god of intoxication?
I'm going to say fuck it
I'm going to look myself and I'm going to try
No you're not
No we're not about to
Grown in this
Why you're on me?
Before I left I want to just say that I did put in
Like 2 gold pieces to their
Little altar
But they did mention that they like donations to their church
Yeah they do
Appreciate their gratitude
But yeah
Please go ahead and continue with your
Throwing up I would love to see how this goes
If you start to do that
I'm like letting go and letting you slide down
I'm just going to
Fall through with the action
I'm like
Kneeing away
Or athletics
I feel like it's acrobatics to not get it on yourself
Yeah you're puking and you're going to drop
That's not a good doctor
I'm not helping you
You heard it
Well because this is the first time
I feel like any of our characters have ever
Saw anybody do this so it's like
What is he doing?
This is a good step
So you kind of start doing it and then Harun
Knocks you off and you fall over and throw up
And you kind of have to puke it on yourself a little bit
Do I still throw up at all?
Yeah you throw up and puke on yourself
Do I still throw up?
No you don't throw up you kind of puke on yourself
You feel a little better
But you're still pretty drunk
That's what the cones look like
If you said I feel better
I'd try one more time
Try to hop back on Harun
You see him just continue
In the street
I'm like progressively
Getting more distance from him
Are you guys walking away from him or just like
I'm just letting it happen
I'm just going to give him a pat on the back like
It's going to be okay but maybe we can leave over
Heal me
That was a waste of food
I was so upset
Some people would call this second
Harvest where I'm from so if you want to get in on it
That is
Morally repugnant
Well it's like
Technically it never got ingested all the way
So it's like a second
Harvest
I don't ever want to go to where you're from
We make good food
That's all I can say
And I'll enjoy it the first time around
I just want to know why the scones
Are still intact like they weren't chewed
You know he just tossed them in
He just tossed them in
They're just kind of soggy
With the alcohol and just kind of swallowed down his throat
Yeah
So now that I've thrown up twice
How much more sober?
You're more sober you're still a little drunk
I'll take more sober
I don't think I can heal you
But now you're like really dehydrated
Oh good thing I don't like Ron K. Payne
Damn it
You're parched
Is there a place to get water nearby?
The bar
The church
Exercise
Don't point me in that direction
I do have a holy water skin
You guys are important
You can find a shop
That has water skins
Yeah I want to get a water skin
Alright
You're going to buy
A water skin
They'll be like five gold for a water skin
If you want to feel
Five?
Sir please
I'm dying
Ten?
I start like dry heating a little bit
And he's like drink water
You're going to pay for what you throw up on
Fuck you
I stand at the door frame
No I choose not to
It's like a stall
And they're just selling water skins
Yeah I'll give them five gold
That's not a loss that was your winnings I gave you
You get your water skin and you start to slay
You see him just
Start pouring in his mouth
In one go just finishes it
No no no
What time of the day is it?
Oh it's like
I'm in afternoon it's like 2 or 3pm
So you guys have a couple hours until nightfall
I should be soberish
Soberish
I kind of like this walk in the good
Like little bit path buzz
It next to that was life soberish
Exactly
Don't worry I'll be hungover by the time that night falls
I'll communicate with him
He said he told you
Where to send it like a post
Or something that he eventually get it
He said that he would communicate
With me by someone who is magically inclined
That's right nevermind
I would have no idea where to get an Alder Remi
Alright so you guys
Just waited out in your room
Trying to sober up Nix
Your heart is kind of steadying it out
Like he's done this before
I will just be taking drinks from my peach mead
Yep
Can I have some of that?
Absolutely not
Remember we got a job that we're trying to go to
That's not for hours
It's less hours now
I'm going to give him one more scone
You remember how we were talking about
Your angry issues
It's better when I drink I promise
Yeah but you see it doesn't really
Fix the problems
I pop rage
What do you mean it doesn't fix the problems
You see how you just got angry with me
Oh cool now I teleport behind you
Fuck that
Nothing personality
For the next minute
I just teleport
Hey Nix I'm going to need you to calm down bud
Just stay angry at different places in the room
Cause if you don't calm down
I don't want to have to do something
Listen friend
I understand that having to work
With the green skinned bastards
Would make you riled up
Frankly I'm not too happy about it either
But getting absolutely
Shitfaced before the job does not help us
Is this within the same minute
Okay I teleport behind them
Fuck them
And I teleport back please let me have that mead
When he teleports behind you do you react in a
X fart
Don't rule me constitution
As you get this nasty
Egg fart
You just get it in your face
And it's teleport away
Nix
Look I think
You just have issues with
Certain people and I feel like these goblins
Might trigger that
And that's why I don't think
Alcohol is a good answer right now
How about this
We get through the night
See how it goes
And then maybe during the caravan I can give you speed
Oh okay
Nix Nix you don't kill them
And I wink real hard
No we're not talking about that
I do the most obvious
Aaaaa
If you don't kill anybody
I will give you some mead
Okay I can do that
Alright and I'll put the cat back on and put it back in my bag
Calm down
I'm chilled out
I just get back on Harun's back
I'm like
Still have me cleaned up
Wipe your face first god damn it
It's okay buddy
You're just metal please
It's for the mission
We're not going anywhere yet
It's for the mission
Modem noises
Yeah so you guys kinda passed your time
And Nix is trying to sober up but you know
I'm just eating whatever for you to have
I give you a piece of
The board jerky that I bought
From a while ago
I figure we're probably just going at the basket as well
A basket of goodies that rip from me as well
I'm not trying to eat all the
Stores food I'm gonna eat something
Like around town if there's like a little food around town
Yeah you can find like stalls where there's like
I'll just take a little like anything with tons of bread
There's like a bakery I'll just take a little
Oh my basket my basket was full of baked goods
Damn I don't wanna take your baked goods
What kind of baked goods? Well you can have my baked goods
You can have my muffin top Sandy David
I literally start crying
There's scones croissants
Some french rolls in there
I take myself a croissant
A croissant? Croissant
I think how old may be
Croissant
I start crying as I eat the bread
Thank you
You're the nicest guy
Ever in the whole mess
I literally just gave you a scone
You're still mad about the letter
I'm trying to hug you
I'll give him a hug
I will give Nick a hug
With the puke on him?
It's okay
I start hugging you firmer
And like the kind of hug where you realize
I haven't been hugged in a while
Oh he just like me for real
Oh no
Is that why you hold on so tight on my back?
I have a roll on my inside cheek
Oh I rolled a two I definitely don't know
You just think he really likes you
Yeah he just gives me a nice hug
This is how he does it with everyone
He's just holding himself up
It's like a deep synth inward that like
It's like when he's smelling he's just like
Oh
You smell like teal
Oh man
He missed me here
I let go
Wipe off the last little tear
And I try to like
Get back and act like I didn't start crying
I just give him a little pat
And just kind of I won't say anything out loud
But give him a little like
It's okay
Pat him on the back
You guys have your food and drink from the
Pack Remi gave you and then it's time
For the nightfall comes around
Am I how much silver
Am I how
He went through it all
He went through the fucking anger phase
He went through the crying phase
The throwing out phase
The denial phase
I can work it
I'm hungover half the time
You're just a little groggy and tired
Like I don't want to do this
He makes his default state hungover
Oh man
I'm gonna like take some like
Rags and kind of brush off your front
Before letting you get back on
He's brushed out a little guy
Like I can't smell it but I know
What it is
Aren't you the same one that
Picked up the boosted in the sewers
I got rid of it as soon as
It wasn't vital
As soon as he knew that it wasn't gonna roll
For hepatitis then he wasn't worried about it
I have resistance to poison
He's trying to catch me on a bad day
See
I don't think the robot can get
The tetanus
He's got rust, he's got to roll from rust
No
Don't do that
And we're in a port town, Jesus
A lot of sea salt in the air
That sea salt ruins of the undercarriage
Crocodiles
So yeah we're heading out towards the
Warehouse
Yeah so you guys go to the warehouse
Where you were told
To go, you see this
Old like tattered warehouse and there's
A red door that looks like
It just worn out, old paint just peeling
From this place
I purposely make sure I'm in the back of the
Group of Nicks
Are you walking or are you
Riding around
I'm like going
But I'm like acting like I'm looking around
Like he knows I already went
Around the city but I'm like
I'm just enjoying the ride, I'm gonna knock on the door
Do you have a paper
You hear
A little slot open
It's kind of like you look down
It's like 3 feet tall
I'm going to
You see ice there
You see that one closing
You hear something get put down
You see another one slide open
It's the glorious of holes
God damn it
It's a very glorious slot
If I see the first one open at 3 feet
But the second one open at like 6 feet
The moment the second one opens
At 6 feet I'm going to get off of our room
And open the one at 3 feet
There's an opening for the outside
I'm going to just try to like
Put my fingers in
I've got pretty high strength
And I'm going to try to like slide it
Those are bocky
I know what you mean though
I've done it
Yeah you just slide it open for the outside
Settle down
While everybody is just setting in the mayhem
We've got a job
You hear a bunch of locks opening
You see the doors open
Does the 3 foot door open first
And then the 6 foot open
Yeah
When the 3 foot door opens
I walk inside immediately
And then when the 6 foot door opens
I'm like it's about time
You see this
It's just this old rundown warehouse
And there's a caravan
It's a big caravan with
Looks like a giant black
Tarp over it
And
There's about 5 or 6 goblins
From what you can tell there's 2 of them riding
And they have these giant mounts
Where's the hired help?
Which one of these horses do I ride on?
Oh they aren't horses
Are they like the dino looking things?
Yes
Lasagna saw a dinosaur
Drop that down
We were looking for that
That's an insane sentence even in context
Are they the sharp teeth dinosaur?
I'm just saying
That's the legit lasagna
You don't really know much about them
I remember I rolled a history check
And you're just like I didn't know what they were
But I didn't know that they had sharp teeth
You haven't really seen this one before
These guys are huge
Can I see what they are?
Or figure out what they are?
We're making a nature check but I don't think you'd know
God it's...
No
Would I know having been in the Feywild
No these aren't Feywild creatures
Thought so
I'm not going to roll for it
What kind of dinosaurs are those?
What in the seven hells are you talking about?
You see them like these things are expensive
We just traded them in the planes and got these
We got a couple of the claw foots
I'd love to see if they have any injuries
That's how they motivate them
No you see that they have
They have like a little
Saddle and
Looks like rains on them
There's no whip marks for faster
One nugget
Alright good
So again here's the contract
We're your escort
About how long would you say that it takes
Your caravan to go from
Here to your desired location?
Anywhere from
5 to 7 days depending on
We take some of the routes that are
Not so
Traversed so sometimes we got to take
Alternative routes if you know what I mean
Alright
Great
Well whatever we got to do to keep it to 5
If it requires we're finding them down to 5
Let's keep it to 5 please
There is a possibility
I'm assuming people like you
Have done work with this before
So whatever we got to do to keep it to 5 please
What do you mean you people?
Mercy Nails
This is the guy who's like
He's like the two
Feywilds out there
You're a summer Aladdin
What do you mean you people?
Above table
Would you say these guys are
The claw flutes are challenge rating 1?
These guys?
Let me look them up real quick
I have stats up here
For them it says challenge rating 1
But I just want to clarify
Because it makes it different
Let me find one here
I was going to inspect one very closely
For a minute
Yeah to challenge one
So there's four of them
There's room for the four of them
You see four goblins get on
And the other two get on this
Caravan
I'm going to just start looking things over
To inspect the quality
Of the wagons that they're using
Go ahead and roll me
A
You got it
I'm going to see him doing that
But I'm not going to know what's up
But I know he's a fellow racist
So I'm just going to stand next to him
And just be like arming him
And act like I'm looking at
Like he's looking at
It's a natural 20
You kind of notice that
This thing is built sturdy wood
But there's also runes and stuff
Crafted into it as well
I'm looking everything over
It's like a return to sender Harry Potter
Cart
Because you saw that there was
The cloth was only the size
For one of the people to ride you
How are they going to drag this thing
So these
You put some work
Into these wagons I see
Yeah we got it
We bought it
How much was it
It just came with all of these
Markings here
Yeah
How much was it
A lot
Okay
Look at the runes and see which kind of runes there are
Yeah go ahead and roll them in
It seems like an object from history
Ha ha ha ha ha
God damn
But it's magical which means I get
Twice my perfects in sea bonus
Oh my god
So that makes it plus six to eighteen
Eighteen? Yeah
So you know these are
These are
Magic inscriptions on this item
So you would assume since there's no mount
It's probably something that propels it
Probably magic
You don't know about this kind of stuff
When you say that a lot
I mean you see lightning rails and flying ships
Yeah I'm just trying to act like
I know all this but I'm just going to
Use very vague terms
And big words
Just big words
I know I'm right but they're big words and I felt like I heard someone say it
You gotta get the download speed going
It's gotta be higher
I'm trying to pet them out
The dinosaurs? Yeah I'm going to try to pet it
One of my main animal handling
See how it reacts to it
Oh no
Oh that's right
He has a certain ring as well
I rolled a five
He has the wild sheep ring
Five yeah
You kinda try to like
You kinda turn and approach but you don't really know how to approach
You gotta go in fast and it just snaps at you
And you kinda just
It's like this
Can I attempt a cool flip backwards?
You can do an athletic flip away
Athletics or acrobatics?
Go in acrobatics yeah
I'll try to comment down
And catch animal friendship
21
You see it do it and you just flap away
I guess animal friendship on the
Claw foot
Alright
It's a DC 13
Okay um
What was it there?
What? Oh oh sorry
Uh shit what is
It just says DC 13
Cause it's a ring
So it's whatever the spell is let me look at the spell
My bad
Wisdom yeah it is wisdom
Okay let me just
It shouldn't be very wise
Yeah the things are not wise
Uh
The dinosaurs are so old
Old elders do not equal wisdom
Uh 18
Yeah
You see it's kinda
It was kinda started from her ruins
You see the goblin kinda calming it down
You see it kinda like pulling away
I'll try my best to try to calm it down
I'm just rolling shit
I don't have that bad of animal in me but
Just a baby
Alright I look at the gums alright so we ready to head out now or
We gonna keep chit chatting
Um yeah we're gonna head out
Um
How many you are riding in the
In the wagon
I think there's
Five of us
So three in the wagon two in the other spot
For splitting up
Or all five in the wagon
I mean I can kinda take a break
Here and there and then you know
I can walk with the claw foots as well
Well we're uh
If you know what I can catch my drift
There's room for
Three of you to sit so there's like a
Front little thing for like where the
Conductor bringing a person would sit
So three of you can fit there the two goblins are gonna go inside
To meet with the cargo
And the four of the goblins are with
Their four claw foots
Can I like sit on the very back of it
Or is that not a thing
They don't want you on the back to sit
Is it only one wagon
Yeah
So you said there's three spots on the wagon
Tested up front unless
No other spots on that wagon
No unless you want to be inside
With the cargo but you wouldn't be able to see
Oh okay okay I thought you were saying that no one could be in the cargo
Except for them
No is it covered
Yeah it's like a black canopy
Covered
So yeah so only three would be able to really see like
I'll take one of the spots up front
Yeah there's gonna be two goblins in there with you guys
So which three are gonna be inside the
I mean
I can kind of be in and out
Of there so I'll walk the first
Shift I guess if we want to call it
Like that
I will not be walking with my
Stubby legs so I guess
So who's sitting outside who's sitting
Inside
I guess I'll sit outside
Outside outside
What did you say Harald
Well I'm when I mean I'm walking
I'm walking with the claw foots like
I'm going to be your claw foot
I mean I have a decent walking
Speed
I have 45 feet wait how long can you be a claw foot for
It's only two hours but that's
What's your walking speed
45 feet oh shit they're 40 so yeah
This motherfucker can walk faster than the claw foots
Yeah
I'm like I'll walk
What's my walking speed
Yeah so Nick's in your heart
So he's sitting there and Frankie you're gonna
Chill inside the wagon
Yeah for now yeah so you're in there
With two of the goblins when I'm not
In there I'll be I'll be
Off front alright and you see
Lasagna Transformers one of these
Creatures and as you start
Going you see Harun's kind of just
Keeping pace with
This motherfucker's
Walking he's briskly
Yeah I'm not joking I'm just
Talking to him yeah
He's making it look easy
It's like when Captain America and Black Panther
Were like running in front of the cars
You see one of the goblins like hold
Something up and you see the wagon start moving
Is it like
Like an item of some kind
Yeah and you see it kind of just start
Or just start moving on its own forward
Gotcha I want to make an effort to
Keep track of where
It is at
I'm gonna lay down on the wagon
Yeah and then
Yeah but the goblins are armed they have
Their swords and the
Two in the inside there have their
Sword shield the ones that
Are on the mounts have bows
And swords are you
Gonna be inside with you can't see
I'll be wherever I
Can't see actually
I shouldn't let you know I got that stone still
He's gonna be up front he's gonna be
Up front you say you're gonna
Be in the back
And then I'm not even on it right
Now he's walking so really anybody
Should be anywhere
Too damn many
How many goblins were there
Six there's two inside of you
And there's four that are also kind of like
Just two in the front and two in the back
So if you're watching you're a carry man as well
I'll be in there with the two goblins
I don't know about that
You're gonna be inside
If you're inside you can't see outside
Yeah I'll be inside with the goblins
I told him ahead of time that I could let him know
Via the stone and I'm walking
Kind of up front with the mounts
It is like pretty dark in there because they got like the covering
I have night vision
Perfect but I mean just for you to sleep in
Yeah he needs to
Sleep a little bit there take a little nap
Yeah relax
He's gonna turn himself out or something
He hasn't had his afternoon nap yet
And that's what's going on
You haven't had his afternoon shot yet
Yeah that's how you do it with my hand goblins
Alright so yeah you guys get traversing and going
And the first night
Let's see if anything eventful happens
Because this was how many hours did you say we passed?
You guys have been traveling for about like 3 or 4 hours right now
I'm gonna be back in real life
I'll be in the regular Lizarra form
I don't know
You chilling outside with them or inside?
I'm gonna be outside
Are you gonna be walking all the time?
I assume eventually you're gonna take a break to go to sleep
Yeah so you're gonna be
So I'll be walking out
Actually I'm gonna be attempting to kind of be leading the pack animals
I know I'm not actually leading but I'm just like looking back every now and then to make sure I'm still going the direction they're going
But I'm wanting to be up front
You said permanent kind of just leading the pack
Yeah I'm just like yeah yeah
Follow me guys
Every now and then I'm like okay cool cool
My question is are you making a map while you're doing this?
I don't know
I don't think
I might be keeping him at track of generally where we're going
But I don't know if I'm making a legit map
I'm trying to keep a lookout
I don't know if I can split focus like that
You're more of a city map type of guy
Yeah
I mean I know which direction we're going
And I have maps of some areas
It's on his heads up display
I was gonna say it's like that compass that's up top of the screen
So every single time you move it tells you which direction you're going
Yeah
North
So you guys are traversing for a while
And you guys just travel through the night
And take turns
I'm not sure if you guys are sleeping through the night as well
But take turns sleeping
I mean I would say that most of us are still pretty well rested
And I think we're gonna be able to do that
I think we're gonna be able to do that
I think most of us are still pretty well rested
Yeah I think I would be the only one going to sleep
Yeah so whoever's sleeping is sleeping
Don't worry about it Gonzo
Continue
So you see them going
They're in heavily watered areas
And you see the sun start to come up
So then they take a break
And say well let's take a break for a while
And rest up and then we'll keep going
Y'all need sleep? That's cute
That's a pussy shit
I'm about to take a four hour
I changed my school uniform
I'm about to take a four hour
He's in character by the way
His drunk neck
I'm gonna inform them that
I can go into like
Inert mode but like always be like
Watching
So I'm gonna be like the barrier
Like line of just keeping outwards
Like back face to the group
I only need four hours
Is that good for y'all or do you need more?
Well we only need four hours
We only need four
Yeah
Goblins only need four hours too so
That's fine
And some of them were resting
And switching out and back and forth
I mean the ones that need more time
Could sleep in the carriage
And get more time going
We don't want to wear our mounts out too much
Pussies
I'll set my shit up
Over secluded away from the goblins
Not trying to be any racist
It's just
You can't trust me
Yeah
I got my stuff
You have your stuff
You see them kind of gathered
You guys are separate from each other
We're separate but equal
Oh my god
I'm starting to think right
I'm going to start building a wall with all my stuff
This is your side
This is my side
This is your side
You guys kind of just
Pass the day by
You guys rest for a couple hours
Nick's asleep still
Because he needs void hours
Harun will mention
I feel like he got a little bit when he was sleeping on there too
Maybe make up the difference
Were you sleeping in there too?
Um
Not this first day
Alright
I'll keep him watch with Franky
Alright perfect yeah so um
After about like the four hours of rest
Just get moving again
Just make sure you keep your eyes out
In case anything comes out
The trees talk to you?
No I'm just saying people hide in trees
I was about to say if you see a tree that talks to you
Let me know I'd love to see it
They can't talk to you
Nah it's true he's right
Uh Harun's going to take a spot in the front seat
And remain inert
For another two hours
He actually technically needs six
Alright perfect you kind of just pop in
And go into sentry mode just looking
Do you guys want to take a nap
And then we'll take the first watch
And then whenever you guys are ready
You read my mind
Yeah I just woke up so I'll take the first watch
Alright yeah I just woke up too
So we'll be in the front
You and uh you sit next to Harun
Nix and Lasagna
And then Yelharis and
Frankie are chilling with the goblins and uh
Harun's sitting right in between us
Just not saying anything just staring straight forward
And we think he's awake the entire time
Yeah
Yeah about like two more hours pass by and Harun finally just
Pips up and starts talking
I'm ready and then I just hop off and start
Walking again don't say anything
Oh shit I'm ready too let's go
What's your walking speed?
11 and then that
You cannot keep up
There's no way
Don't make me carry you
While we're just walking this long distance
His 45
Neely's 40
He can outpace you so
Plus he got little wings
He got the mailman the mailman feet
If you just use every
Action to dash as well you might be
Alright so he's running the entire
Time
So yeah
You guys are going then about like
Four or five hours later
You guys are coming through after this back road and you see a tree
Kind of in the middle of a clearing
Kind of blocking the path
Perception check
Is it like falling down?
The tree is not talking
I'm gonna throw out a perception check
I'll get ready to lift it
I did say I was up front
Holy shit
30 20
Would we
Would Frankie and I still
Be asleep?
Yeah we got to sleep in the middle of the night
So Frankie would have been awake by now
But I would be snoozing
So from the inside can I see out
Through the front or not at all?
You can kind of see
You can't really see much because your friends
Are kind of blocking the path
But you can see like
The people on the bench
And the front
Yeah you can kind of see out
But you can't really see much because of Harun
Lasagna and Nick sitting there
We were walking so it's Lasagna and Nick
So you kind of see
I shouldn't be hard to see over
So I wouldn't be able to really do any perception
From the inside out
It would be very hard for you
What is it?
What did you roll?
I rolled 10
16
You kind of see
You saw it
But there's
Two
There's like two people behind the log
Two humanoid creatures?
Yeah
Don't get too close to that log
There's two people behind there
I like to run at it
How big is the slog?
It's like a tree has fallen over
I've been like come out from behind that log
They're running towards you right now
No I'm going to like
I'm going to run towards the log and try to do
Like a flip over to land
Like on the other side as soon as they say the song was there
Yeah if I saw him charging
I would charge too but I wouldn't be looking to flip
I would be looking to bust the log
I thought you were going to say that
I'm going to exit the
The inside of the caravan
This is going to be a flip, a final over
Yeah because I feel like I'm not being silent about this
I'm trying to convince them to show themselves
Before they're coming
Yeah so you may need to flip over and then you land
And then you
I guess
The...
There's no way they expected me to flip
There's no way they expected me to flip over behind them
Well they're ready to shoot
So one of them doesn't miss
If they're shooting and I landed
Right behind them that's close to distance
That would be disadvantage
Wouldn't it for ranged attack?
How close are you going to do?
I'm saying I'm flipping right behind them
So you'd be able to flip behind them but
There's still two of them so you'd be able to get
Where are they not standing together?
No they're like on the other side
How far from the caravan to the log?
So if everyone was
A good feet so they're probably about 30 feet from
So they're both shooting at me?
Yeah, only...
Oh is a 17 hit?
He has something to count on
No 17 does not hit
But yeah
If it just doesn't hit me then I'm not going to do it
They kind of get startled and then you see two of them shoot you
And I just go whoop whoop
You better not
Do I see this happen?
Yeah you see this happen you see them shoot
I'll cast hold person at the third level
Actually we're going to be in initiative order
Come on man
I had a dirty 20 perception
You did but then they were also waiting for you
What about my dirty 20 on kicking that log?
So you got to keep the log
Man you just split through
But it's a hole fallen tree so you manage to
Really like bring it to it
But it's an entire fallen tree
That should be an intimidation check
They see the splinter crack around them
12
I wasn't being quiet about it either
So I feel like probably
Rolling initiative
Once you get closer you do notice
That there is a few of them in the trees
Waiting as well
There's more of them
So initiative
Ooh hell yeah
Ooh nice
Are they goblins?
They are not goblins
I was just trying to help you out
I appreciate that well
It could be that you mistaken for goblins
It looks like you squinted Will
Well I mean I get a bonus against
Goblinnoids
What did you guys get?
I got a 3
What did you get together?
Dirty 20
12
Yes
17
What was that for?
So my first move once stuff happens
What did you get?
I got 22
So you're first
So it goes in our order
Harun, Nyx, Franky, Yharis
Luzzagna
They got 15
Luzzagna is always for last
It's the healer in you
You gotta see how very well sustained
Sometimes I'm like nah fuck you
In the next round I start healing
So we're going to be in initiative order
As you see them waiting for you
But I think with that it will be a good time to call it
Because it is getting a little late
Wow I was so ready for combat
Well I know but it's going to take a little while
You're going to put us on a cliffhanger
Just out of curiosity
How many people?
In the trees?
You said I noticed it
Can I roll one quick perception check?
You would have seen them two and four more in the trees
But you don't know if that's all of them
At least six
Alright
Damn it and I rolled that two on my rage
I got the initiative saved
Write that down
I rolled a two, this one
I got this rage
Because they're in the trees and I can tell
They're coming for the trees
You see this angry ass
Rock Noon telepathy from limb to limb
Cutting people
I love that
Just legendary
I wrote teleport next year initiative
Don't forget the TP
TP? The toilet paper?
Yeah
They're going to shit themselves when I teleport
Good session fellas
Good session
Rock Noon carrying a sword the same height as him
Just teleporting in front of people
Right after he split that long
That's scary
I shit my ass
Everyone great session
Thank you all for hanging out with us by the way
Appreciate ya
Hell yeah
We'll catch you fucking next time
Bye