I'd like to take a Old Glory is the ultimate
destination for officially licensed merchandise,
offering over 300 ,000 items for music, sports,
entertainment, and pop culture. Since 1969, this
family -owned superstore has provided high -quality
graphic tees, hoodies, hats, and accessories
featuring the world's most iconic bands and sports
teams. If you're looking for the new gear to
sport for any kind of event that you enjoy, head
on down to oldglory .com to find the merchandise
that you're looking for, and be sure to use the
discount code DUMMIES. for 15 % off any purchase.
Yeah. All right. Beer warning. Use of violence,
profanity, rude humor, and the portrayal of drug
and alcohol use. Morbid humor. Morbid humor.
You can do it. Ryan, try it. You do it. Beer
warning. Use of profanity and shit. And, uh,
betrayal of alcohol use and drugs. Yeah. Okay.
And other stuff. Nate's turn. Go ahead. If you
were warned, the use of profanity, violence,
fuck off, I don't care. I can't do it. If you
were warned, the use of profanity, drug addictions,
alcohol usage, and also other things that aren't
pleasant. Welcome to... Yeah. Okay. Welcome to
Dummies with Dice, a Dungeons & Dragons actual
play podcast that follows three not -so -average
dummies of our world that get caught up in a
magical storm and are transported to the world
of Dungeons & Dragons, where they must find a
way back home. Did I say that right? I have no
clue. Yeah. Okay. Good enough. All right. So,
yeah, let's start this fucking thing. My name
is Tristan Hayes, and I am the Dummy Master,
and our question of the day is... Question mark?
I don't know if I am or not. I'm giving up at
this point. What is your go -to order at a coffee
shop? Hi, I'm Kelly Lee and I play Miss Muffin.
She's a crazy cat lady broke. And Miss Muffin
loves peanut butter crunch blenders. That's right.
Okay. Hey, this is Nate. My character's Deep
Crystal. He's the drug -addicted level 7 barbarian
warlock of the group And I'd say his choice would
be straight black coffee. Yeah, that's what I
was thinking too. It's all black. I want to taste
the grade Hey everybody Ryan Tucker here. I play
as flea stick sock jelly. I'm the hobo trash
master Claire of the God of Runky I'm the MacGyver
of all things trash and garbage I'm not going
to order the coffee. Probably a caramel frappuccino.
Oh, yeah. I was really glad that you didn't say,
like, the juice from the trash bag when they're
done at the end of the day. Yeah, I like the
junk out of the bottom of the cup. All right.
So, where we left off, you guys had... Follow
the doppelganger version of Duke Crystal down
into this temple underground, this churchy cavernous
place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm going
to go over a little bit of what this place looks
like and stuff again just for reference of all
of our memories. So you're in this underground
kind of cavernous area that was connected to
this church entrance. The terrain of it's got
all like these stone floor tiles that were all
old and crappy looking. They just looked decrepit.
The cave sections are rough. There's water flowing
through the middle from the east to the west,
back and forth, flowing through to the north
as well. Yeah, that's pretty much mostly what
you got going on here. So, you guys were in the
middle of this cavernous room. You found Duke
Crystal strapped to this chair. His alternate
self, Tratoran, was trying to siphon the demon
out of Duke into himself. That failed. Tratoran
fell into a lot of fire. And now you guys are
in the middle of combat. The doppelganger woke
up two gargoyles. So that was the doppelganger's
turn, so that would mean next up is Tratoran,
actually. Which is face -to -face with you, dookie
boy. Dookie boy. So it's got spear attacks and
shield bash. So he's going to make a spear attack
at you with his big ol' spear. Yeah, let me roll
this because it's a lot in there. Eight plus
seven? Does that hit? 8 plus 7? No. No? Damn,
fuck. Okay. Then he's going to do a shield bash.
Multi -attack. Okay, so you need to make a DC
15 strength saving throw. Which is not very hard
for you. No, it should be alright. Let's see.
4 plus 7? So a 19? Yeah. Okay, yeah, so nothing
happens. All right, good job. That was his turn.
He shield bashed, tried to smash you with a shield,
and it just hits against your demon form as he
cries to himself, wishing that that demon form
was his. Ms. Muffin, it's your turn. You are
still afraid of the doppelganger, but the doppelganger
ran a bit away to get... to the gargoyles, you're
allowed to be your maximum movement speed away
from him. So you've got a little bit of movement.
You've got about 20 feet of movement since he's
farther away from you. So you can move around
the table towards the Thayan apprentice that
was on the other side of the table if you'd like.
That one got moved. You had a Thayan apprentice
right in front of you as well, I believe. That's
what I was going to ask. Yeah, you were face
-to -face with one of the Thayans. So I was going
to say, I don't really need to move because I'm
right next to one as well. So I'm going to dagger
that for you. Okay. Dagger that fucker. Oh, nat
20. Really? Yeah, literally. Damn. Okay. Well,
give me the double damage. Um, one second. I'm
out of my swords. 1d4 plus 5. So nine damage.
Nine damage on the first one. Okay. Roll it again.
Your double damage. Nine again, bish. Damn, okay.
How do you kill this guy? This Thane. How do
you finish this guy off? Throat slash, naturally.
Throat slash? Naturally. Naturally, okay. So
you naturally throat slash this guy, and he's
just like... Blood starts spewing across the
table, and he falls over to the ground. Then
as his other buddy across the table says, the
page armor, it didn't help. I was going to say,
do I have, how close is he across the table from
you? Yeah, you can move to him if you want. I
was going to say, do I have a bonus action? Yeah.
So I can go to him and second hand dagger him?
Yes, second hand dagger. My second hand dagger?
And try to slice his neck. Oh, look, 920, I'm
not even kidding, look. Yes, it is. Nat 20 again?
Goddamn. How is this happening? We need to record
here every time. You're cheating. You're cheating.
That's cheating. You have magic weights on the
bottom of your dice. They're the same ones every
time. That's 8. 8 damage for the first one. Twice
would be 6 for the second one. Okay. I'm guessing
you naturally throw a slash to kill this guy?
Yes. Okay, so yeah, you naturally throw a slash
to kill this guy. Across the table. Jump over
the table and just quick slash all ninja -like.
He sprays blood, turns around, and blood's spewing
all over the back of Duke Crystal's demon form.
And that's a twofer. Yeah, so that's a twofer.
That's a twofer natural 20 on some low -health
guys that got smacked. All right. That's your
turn, I guess. Murder machine. So now it is one
of the gargoyles' turns. There's just two, right?
Yes, there's two gargoyles that have been summoned
alive, awoken by the doppelganger. What's this
thing's movement speed? It can fly. It's a gargoyle,
I guess. Yeah, it's got 60 feet of fly. Damn,
it is made of stone. You'd think it'd be a little
heavy. All right, so now let's see if this thing's...
I figured it'd go high. No, it's thinking straight
up. Okay, he doesn't hit. She was going to get
in my lap. And then she was like, just kidding.
So, yeah, this Duke, you're kind of like face
-to -face kind of fighting with this dude as
he's trying to shield bash you and you're blocking
him off. And then out the corner of your eye,
you just see this flying statue like whoosh across
the room and comes flying in with its teeth up
and is going to try to bite you. Oh, God, go
help. So it needs to roll. Oh, God. 17 plus 4.
Okay, so that's going to be 1d6 plus 2. So, oh
god, 6 plus 2. Max damage, well, piercing damage
to you. Let's take half that. Okay, so now it's
going to make, after it tries to sink its claws
into you and it goes in halfway, he comes up
with his claws and he's going to make a claw
attack. That's an 8 plus 4. That will not hit,
correct? No, that won't hit. Alright, that's
his turn. Duke, your turn. You've got blood sprayed
all over the back of you from a man's throat
because of Miss Muffin. And you've got a gargoyle
and a triturin in front of you. There's a fire
pit still behind triturin. And there's water
to your right from the stream coming through
the walls. You see Flea Stick kind of 20 feet
ahead of you, standing in the puddle of two bodies
that were murdered. And there's another one still
standing there. Attempt to finish off Petola.
Okay. I'll do a claw attack on this thing, I
guess. Claw attack. Oof. I only got that at a
12. No. Second attack. 16. Yes. Okay. Money.
That is a straight 6 damage. Not. 6 damage. Is
it plus anything? Didn't we say we were going
to do D6 plus because we didn't like that? We
can do what we want. D6 plus your strength modifier
thing. It's like an unarmed attack. It'll be
a lot of extra damage if we're doing strength
modifier. What's your modifier when you attack
with 11? Plus 8 to hit. What about the damage?
Well, I guess it don't matter how much damage
does it. No. Okay, then yeah, I guess six. We'll
just do six damage. Yeah, I mean, it's better
than a D6. Yeah, I guess. Every time. All right.
So there's your two attacks. Anything with a
bonus action? I don't know what you got. You
got anything special? I don't believe so. Nope.
Okay. It is going to be the last cultist standing
against Fleastick. I believe he's only got...
Is he in, like, if I walk away to some public
in distance? Yes. Yes. He's going to take an
attack at you. It's his turn. But his scimitar,
that's an eight plus three. I will not hit. He's
a weak, weak punk -ass bitch. And it's your turn,
please, Dick. As he whiffs the scimitar past
your head. I'm just going to take a swing at
him with my dragon slayer sword. All right. The
rumble inside the sword vibrates as it realizes
it's not a dragon. That would be a 13. 13? Yep,
that will hit. Get down, come on, get down. Five
damage? All right. Decent. Anything else? Spiritual
weapon is summoned. Yeah, you summoned it last
game. You used it to pummel the class girl to
death. Last coldest to death into the stream
of water on top of another dead body. Well, I'm
going to let it fling in and pummel this coldest
to death. Okay. Give me this attack roll, which
always hits. No, no. It's like fucking... The
attack plus your modifier. What's the modifier?
Eight. Yeah, eight. 19 plus eight. Oh, my God.
16 plus eight will hit two, so either one. Yeah.
Give me the damage. So that is nine. Nine damage?
Yeah. So you're... What was it you summoned in?
Was it the shield? The trash can shield? I don't
remember. Yeah, this thing comes in. You take
your dragon slayer sword and you cut him down.
He's like, oh, fuck, bleeding out. And the shield
just comes in and takes him out the rest of the
way. Cuts through that wound that was already
damaged and smacks him down. You're done, son.
Yeah, you're done, son. All right. It is the
doppelganger's turn. Now that he has awakened
his gargoyle beasts. It is his turn. I need to
roll a two. The dragon sleeps. It does not recharge.
I can't use that. The doppelganger is going to
move his movement speed towards you, flea stick.
Because it's time for you to battle this guy.
Bring it. He is going to give you the multi -attack
with his big old doppelganger fists. Bring it.
Oh, the first one whiffs bad. Four plus six.
17 plus six on the second one. That'll hit. Ooh,
big damage. Okay. Rolling 2D6 plus four. So the
first one is a one plus four, so five off the
first hit. And four plus four, so eight off the
second. So five and eight. Decent hit from the
old doppelganger. All right, back to the top
of the order. Tratoran's turn. I thought the
doppelganger was on fire. No, Tratoran's the
one that's got lit on fire a bunch. But it's
his turn again. Dookie. He's going to do his
same thing. He's going to make his multi -attack.
Ten plus seven. Ten plus seven? Yeah. That's
right on the money. Right on the money? Okay.
Finally, this thing hits. This big old spear.
This one you feel it. It's close. And it just
kind of sticks you good. Alright. 4 plus 4. So
8 off the first one. Oh wait. Shit. That's wrong.
I'm doing 2d6 plus 4. So it's 4. 2. 6 plus 4.
Damage. Last time I added the modifier to both
of his attacks. So now he's going to make his
shield bash as his multi -attack. So make the
strength saving throw. Fifteen. Crit fail? Crit
fail. Okay, so this time he uses this shield
bash and he just kind of like wraps it around
you and instead of throwing you backwards, he
pulls you forward with the natural one and kind
of switches places with you and pushes you into
the fire pit. So you're going to take... Zero
damage. Zero damage. Yes, you're going to take
zero damage. Fuck, why did I say that? Fuck!
All right, so yeah, he throws you into this fire
pit. You just, like, get into it. He's like,
now it's your turn, bitch. And you just stay
in there in the fire as it just burns around
you and just kind of, like, crisps your wings.
Yeah, nice and hot. He goes, oh, shit, the demon.
He's too powerful. Miss Muffin, it's your turn.
You got a gargoyle and a tratoran now on your
side because he switched places with Duke. So
you're behind Tratoran and Gargoyle. While Duke's
on the opposite side of them. Gargoyle just gave
himself nightmares. Yeah, that was a fuck up
on my part. I was glad you said it. I was like,
oh, sweet. Zero damage. They're both just like
side by side. Yes, they're standing there. Yeah,
so it doesn't really matter which one I go for
first. I'm just going to come up behind the Gargoyle
and slice his neck. Because we're going for necks
this time. Sure, go ahead. plus eight 13 plus
eight yep that'll hit yes six damage six damage
okay so yeah you you swing your blade and obviously
this thing's made of stone so it's like it's
kind of you see it doesn't do quite as much damage
yeah what are you gonna do now Because I thought
maybe I could break it, but I can't break it.
I mean, it still took damage, but it was like
half. Because he's made of stone. Bludgeoning.
And it's going to break my dagger. It's not going
to break your dagger. It's not? So I just dagger
him again? Oh yeah, if you want. Yeah, it's just
going to do half damage. You can hit it with
something blunt. I don't have that. Or something
creative if you've got anything creative. I don't
know what you got in all your inventory and stuff.
Or the surrounding area. Headbutting. Yeah, headbutting.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. I got a hammer. There
you go. I got... I thought I had a crowbar, but
I guess I don't. You also, I'll remind you, you
see water kind of flowing in through the walls.
North, like behind you. Okay, okay, okay. So,
I realize like... My dagger's not going to do
that much damage, and I pull my hammer out, and
I hammer him in the head. Is your hammer like
a weapon? You got like a hammer weapon? It's
a three -pound hammer. This one -handed hammer
with an iron head is useful for pounding. Pounding.
Hell yeah, that sounds like a fucking hammer.
So yeah, I don't think that's a weapon. Unless
she hits the end of her dagger into its neck.
Like a chisel? That's creative. You said get
creative. I can pretend I also come up with that
on my own. Just now. I mean, that would still
be an attack with... You can throw the hammer.
Yeah. Could. It would just be your strength modifier,
I think. How would you roll for the accuracy
of hitting it? Your dex. It's her dex, which
she's good at. Yeah, your dex would be to throw
a hammer. If you want to throw the hammer, we'll
go with that. It would do bludgeoning damage
when I hit. Okay, so then I realize my dagger
doesn't do much damage. I pull my hammer out
and I throw it at his head. Okay, throw it at
his head. Give me a dex. Attack roll D20 with
your dex. Attack roll with my dex? Yes, because
it's a ranged attack. Dexterity. Ten. Don't hit
him. It just goes, bounces off and falls down
into the water. The flowing water that's kind
of coming through the walls and stuff. It just
kind of puddled up. I'm trying so hard. Okay.
Hammer throwing is not your specialty. All right.
You got anything else you want to do? A lot of
hammers. If I... I don't remember. You always
yell at me for the way I word these. If I disengage,
is he going to get me? No, if you disengage,
you can move away. I'm going to disengage. Okay.
And then what? Move where? Which direction? He's
south of you, so... Behind the table. Behind
the table, so you're just going to jump back
over the table? Yeah. Okay. All right. I'm acrobatic
as fuck. Okay. I do three backflips in the air
across this table just to get away from him.
I just realized I don't have the other gargoyle
in the initiative. Three. Three whole backflips.
Three of them. Three whole backflips. So... He
didn't hear any of it. I don't know why the other
gargoyle's not in here, but I'm going to make
him go with this gargoyle as well, so... Yeah.
The other gargoyle comes into the room. And instead
of attacking one of you guys, you see him just
kind of like look around the room really quickly.
He does this super fast, flies right past you,
Ms. Muffin, and slams into the wall where the
water is starting to like flow through the room.
And breaks his neck. He breaks his own neck.
I'm going to give him a strength check. Gargoyle
with disadvantage because he slams into the wall.
So, yeah, he slams into this wall and kind of
like you see his head kind of like and he falls
over, but now you see the water starting to bust
through this room a little faster. You piece
of shit. Yeah, so we'll have to deal with that.
Gargoyle may have knocked himself out, but you've
got a problem happening. Room's starting to fill
with water slowly. Duke, your turn. My turn,
huh? Yes. Quick question. Yes. Can I still conjure
a blade with my blood card? Yeah, if your weapon
was, your greatsword was packed to you, yes.
It doesn't leave you, actually. Very nice. I
forgot about your warlock stuff. So yeah, if
you're packed a weapon with you, then yeah, you
can summon it and it'll de -summon. It can't
be taken from you. Very nice. Yeah, you can't
be disarmed. I don't think, I think that's the
thing with it, too. So yeah, you got your sword.
You don't have to use your claws. That's what
a freak is doing. I'm standing in the fire and
he's like. Yes, yes. It's exactly what happens.
Yeah, he sees you in the fire burning and this
great sword just forms out of your hand. So I'm
going to use my bonus action to do that. Okay.
And then I will attack him. All right. Let's
see. Did that 14 hit? No, that will not hit.
Second attack. Crit. Crit? Crit. Dumb! Alright.
That one hits. Yeah, that one will hit. Alright,
1d8 plus 6. Rolled it twice. That's an 8. Okay,
good hit. And there's a 3. So, 8 plus 6 and 3
plus 6. 14 and 9. Alright. Big damage. He feels
them. He sees that sword form out of the flames
and just comes through and slashes you. Or slashes
him and he feels it deep in his ass. Alright,
Flea Stick, your turn. You got Doppelganger on
you. It ran up and gave you the fists, throwing
hands. Sees a sword form in the flaming visage
of Duke Crystal's demon form and realizes that
he didn't take the weapons. And I call forth
the spirit guardians. Oh shit, really? Okay.
Are those the things that flow around you? Yeah,
it cuts your speed in half. It does damage too,
doesn't it? Yeah, it does. If they're in it and
they fail? You call four spirits to protect you.
They flit around you in a distance of 15 feet
in duration. If you are good and neutral, their
spectral form appears angelic or fae. If you
are evil, they appear fiendish. When you cast
a spell, you designate any number of creatures
you can see to be unaffected by it and affected
by it. The speed is half the area. Okay. It's
15 feet, I think. And it's a fail -safe 3d8 damage.
Yeah. So that it will appear fiendish to the
enemy. Yeah, although he's good. Oh, I thought
you said if the enemy's evil... No, if he's good,
it'll appear good. So for him, it'll appear like
trash from his god or something. I think that's
what we did last time. It was like flowing cans
and aluminum cans and shit flying around. So
yeah, okay, you cast that. What's the save I
gotta make? Because the Doppelganger, Tratorn,
and the Gargoyle are all within 15 feet of you.
So they're all free. It should just be on your
spell screen. Oh, 16. Yeah, okay. So, Wisdom,
or is it X? Okay. All right. Holy shit. All right.
Wisdom. Okay, 16 plus 2. What did I have to roll?
16. Okay, so he passes. It will be halved, but
it doesn't take the damage, right? Okay. 11 plus
2 on the Gargoyle. Oh, wait. No, wait. That's
not the Gargoyle. Sorry. I'm looking at the wrong
thing. 11 with the gargoyle, so he fails. And
Tratoran fails. So Tratoran and the gargoyle
will take the damage. 3d8, that's what you said,
right? Yes, sir. There you go. Yes, sir. But
the doppelganger and all of them have movement
speed, so... So that's eight. Do I do that twice?
Or is that for both? I think it's for both. Yeah,
the one damage, because they're all taking the
same. Yeah, for the eight area. So they both
take eight, he said. Okay, decent. I'm going
to put a little overlay here so you can see the
range of this thing. Yeah. Oh, it says on a successful
save the creature takes half as much damage.
Oh, okay. So he'll take four. Yeah. Okay. Alright,
so that white ring is where it goes from him.
Okay, so the doppelganger takes four damage.
Alright. Good deal. Everybody. Someone kill this
doppelganger. Oh, spiritual weapon. Okay, yeah,
he hit him with his spiritual weapon. Okay. Now
you're using some cleric magic. That's what we're
talking about. I'm drawing that can back. I'm
using all my force and focus. And it fails. What
did you get? Eight plus two. Eight plus two?
Yeah, that one fails. All right. It's his turn,
so he's going to return the favor of hitting
you with his hands again. Big old slam. It's
a 12. Uh. Plus 6. Is it 2? Huh? 12 plus 6? Does
that hit you? Oh, okay. That was true. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. So that's going to be 2, 4, plus
4. So 6 plus 4. And then he's going to do it
again. It's multi -tech. That one misses. Four.
Okay. Next up. Back to the top. Tritorn. Moving
quick. He's pissed off. He's freaking out. But
he's going to take another swing at you. Dookie.
As you stand in the fire. Spear. 14 plus 7. Okay.
Two. Four, so six plus four. And he's going to
do his shield bash, so that's a strength -saving
throw. This time he's going to try to push you
further back. Yeah, he doesn't. He doesn't. But,
hey, that's his multi -attack. All right, Miss
Muffin, your turn. You've got a gargoyle knocked
out on the ground next to you, and water's starting
to pour through the wall. You see a spiritual
ring of trash flowing around. But technically
you can't get in it because... I was going to
say, I don't think that does anything for me.
Because you are your maximum movement speed from
the doppelganger right now. Those boulders, little
boulders, rocks. Yeah. You see rocks laying around
from the ground? Yeah. I'm wondering if I can
pick that up and bash that gargoyle with it.
Well, that's on the ground? Or the one that's
still up? Huh? The one that's down right now.
The one next to me. Okay, the one next to you.
Okay, yeah, you can. You can smash him in the
head with it. Like, so he can't ever come back.
An advantage attack roll. Yeah. Okay. Kick a
dude while he's down. I don't remember what the
first one was, actually. I just picked it up.
What's your strength? Because it's not exactly
a dexterity weapon. I wouldn't say you were proficient,
but we're just winging it here. Strength. Strength?
That is not good for me. Yeah. So, a six. Huh?
What'd you get? Six. Okay, no. You don't have
the muscles and oomph to crack his head. There's
your action. Anything for a bonus action? Yeah,
I really don't know what to do, so I'm just gonna...
Make my way over towards this other group over
here. Towards them? You can't. They're inside
that ring, but I'm not going in it. Yeah, because
the doppelganger right now is exactly 30 feet
from you. Oh, I'm literally stuck on this side
of the table. Yeah, you're stuck over there now
because he moved forward. Shit, dog. I can't
do shit. They are going to take damage because
they're inside of Flea Stick's ring, but you
can't move closer. All you can do is long range
stuff. I don't have long range stuff. You're
cooked. Yeah, I'm cooked. Let me see something
actually. I think you may need to make a save.
I have a salish. Yeah, make a save. Make a wisdom
save. You need to make another save to see if
you can get out of it. A wisdom save? Yes. Seven.
You fail, so you're still scared. Yeah, you're
still losing the wisdom teeth. They're stuck
over there. What can Salish do? The nightmares
don't start. Nothing now because you're out of
actions. You can use her as mage hand. But, all
right. Yeah. It is the gargoyle's turn, so Duke,
he's going to make his bite attack at you. It's
a nat one, brother. So he goes to make this attack,
and he... The water's starting to fill up around
the floor, so he slips and falls back into this
water, and he's going to be stuck prone for two
turns just because he's a heavy, big old statue
stone man falling into some water. He's got to
try to get up. Break his teeth on my sculpted
muscles. Yeah, he also breaks his teeth on the
way down. All right, so that was his failed turn.
It's your turn, dude. My turn? Yep. Demon juice
pumpkin. I got two of them right by me. Yeah,
you got the gargoyle that fell down. He's prone
for two turns and Tratoran standing still. Okay,
I will cast Thunderclap. Oh, that does. 2d6 with
a 13 con save and a 5 -foot emanation from my
body. What does it say about anything about constructs?
Each creature in a five -foot emanation originating
from you must succeed to constitute some saving
throw or take one D6, but since it's a higher
level, it's two D6. Okay. The spell's thunderous
sound can be heard up to 100 feet away. Okay,
all right. So you said con save? Yes, a third.
And it's the whole area of how far? A five -foot
emanation of my body. Okay, so those two. All
right, so he is going to get a dis -con save.
What's the save number? 13. Okay, Gargoyle passes.
And it doesn't say whether it's half or not on
a save. I think it's not. I think it's just normal.
But Chatorid fails. So he will take the damage.
All right. Two, six. Six and six. So he's taking
12. 12 damage. Good shit. You're whittling him
down. Then with my second attack, I will cast
Eldritch Blast. Okay. To him? Both him and the
Gargoyle. Okay. Because I have two beams. Okay,
yeah. Is it attack? Yes. Attack roll? Yeah, plus
five. So, 16? Yep, it's both of our... Is it
for one or do you do it twice? Oh, we have a
crackling energy. Make a ranged spell attack
against one creature or object in range. So you
make two attack rolls. Okay, so the first one
hits. Yeah, they both hit. Both of them. Warlock
powers. Yes. That's a cantrip, dude. So there's
four for the first and five for the second. Four
damage. Five. As this demon energy crackling
from your warlock powers blasts out and fucking
smokes them. Please take your turn. Wait, was
that it? Yeah. Okay. Please take your turn. Doppelganger's
on you. Irradiating power flowing around. If
I use a potion of greater healing, that's a turn.
A bonus action, yes. So what will happen with
my Scourge weapon? It'll stay, but you won't
be able to use it for this round. It takes your
bonus action to attack with it. You can always
use Cure Wounds, which is a healing action. For
a cleric, it's a spell slot. And I do that to
myself. Yeah. Cure wounds and then use your bonus
action to hit with your spiritual weapon is a
tactic. It may... Depending on the spell slot
level, I think it heals you higher and stuff,
so you just look at the levels of it. It says
1d8 plus your spellcasting ability modifier.
Which will be wisdom. So 1d8 plus 8, I guess.
Yeah. Yeah. Aren't you a life cleric too? I believe
so. So I think you'll get something to do with
your... You can look at it, but roll your dice
for your thing. You might get a little extra
health because of being the life cleric, but
you can look on that after your turn's done.
Put your health in if you want. So what is it?
1d8 plus 8? I went down to the second level with
a 2d8 closer to me. Okay. Seven. Twelve plus
eight. Twelve plus eight health back. That's
a good roll. Alright, so bodice action. You're
taking your special, or spiritual weapon attack.
I'm right next to him. Yeah, but you only have
your bonus action now. Oh, wait, you used your...
Oh, sorry. Wait, no, you used Cure Wounds, which
is an action, so you can take your spiritual
weapon with your bonus action. Your spiritual
weapon is more likely to hit and harder than
your sword. I figured out what you were doing.
We'll do that, then. 11 plus it. Thank you. Yeah.
That one was it. Faux show. So nine damage, four
plus five. Nine damage to him. Smacked him good.
All right. So it is the doppelganger's turn.
That means it's me. I got to do stuff. Next.
All right. He's going to take a slam attack.
Pass to me. He's going to take a slam attack.
Is that you, flea stick? With jelly sock? Sock
jelly? That's a gnat woman. He trips and he falls
down. But actually, before he falls down, his
head, he bends and his head goes straight up
his butt. And he's going to take some damage
from, suffocation damage from his own rectum.
I can see the future. Four damage dealt to the
doppelganger from his own anal rectum. penetration.
And he also needs to make a save. What was the
save? A DC wisdom, like, 16? Because of your...
So I think it's on your turn, right? Once it
gets back to you. So that means all three need
to make their saves. He fails. So Doppelganger
fails. Gargoyle fails. Ha ha, keep failing. Tratoran
fails. Yeah. So do your damage, what was it,
3d8? To all three of them. Plus your wisdom,
probably. That's our guest star. 13 damage? Alright,
that was a good chunk of damage to all of them.
Are you looking at my laptop, Kelly? Yeah, I
was trying to see if he was recording us. Well,
yeah. We're playing. You think I'm just doing
this and then redo it? Alright, so yeah, the
trash is flying around, just cutting people up.
You got trash bags strapping to people's faces.
They can't breathe. Gives a good move on your
part. What's it? Torrin's turn. All right. Well,
you know what he's going to do. Except this time,
he's going to make... Hell yeah. 19 plus 7 on
the spear attack. So that is... 2. 4. And 6.
Plus 4. 2 and 6 plus 4. Okay, so 12 and half.
Half, yes. Alright, and yeah, so strength saving
throw. Oh, one of these times he is going to
push you and do some damage. 15? Dammit. Alright,
yeah, no. You save. So he doesn't push you or
do damage. He's getting really pissed off. Bro,
just let me push you backwards, dude. Miss Muffin,
it's your turn. You chose to pull me that one
time. What do I even do? Make a wisdom saving
throw. Make a wisdom saving throw. 13. How? You
save. Your brain rewrites the neurons start firing
and you overcome the fear of this doppelganger's
face. So you're able to move into the fray. Hey,
it's your dummy master, Tristan. and I would
like to thank our sponsor, Dubby Energy. Dubby
Energy is a growing and flourishing energy drink
powder, actually developing a clean energy formula
that is free from fillers, maltodextrin, and
artificial colorings, so everyone can enjoy.
In addition, Dubby is a sugar -free and zero
-calorie. Using a coffee -fruit extract blend
gives a much healthier, jitterless, and no -crash
effect from drinking Dubby. There are many flavors
and each one sounds amazing. I just got my order
of Dragonade today and a mystery flavor. The
Dragonade is dragon fruit and pink strawberry
lemonade. Yummy, yummy. I am so excited to try
them out. Our referral link for W Energy will
be in the description along with our discount
code for a 10 % off. Dummies with Dice is the
discount code. Thank you, W Energy. So I'm assuming,
how do you say his name, Tratorian. Tratorian.
Isn't paying any attention to me at this moment.
No, he's getting ripped up by trash and finding
good crystal. So I'm going to sneak around this
table and sneak attack him. Are you going to
do a bonus action sneak so you can get the advantage
on your attack? Yes. Is that what you're going
to do? So you can get the sneak attack? I was
looking at it earlier. And it says I can deal
4d6. And since you have a bonus action to hide,
give me a stealth roll with advantage because
you... A stealth roll with advantage. And you're
finally using the rogue abilities correctly.
With advantage. 24? Yeah. I'm not even going
to fucking roll a perception check. I guess I
will. So I need to roll 4d6. No, he fails. That
was stealth. So now I roll to hit with my dagger.
Yes, now you roll advantage with your dagger
because you are stealth. 11 plus 8 to hit. Yes.
That will hit him. So now you do your dagger
damage and then you add your stealth attack damage,
your sneak attack. You're losing die again. They
go under the thing. You can slide it. Alright,
so roll your dagger damage. And then roll your
sneak attack damage. Oh, okay. So 1d4 plus 5.
That's 9. Damn. And then the sneak attack damage
is 4d6. Damn! 4d6! Holy fuck! Which is the cube.
Yes, this might do it. 1, which is 5. 10. Oh,
15. 20. 20 plus anything, or is it just 20? No,
it doesn't say plus anything. Okay, so he had
19 health left. 29 damage total. Yeah, he had
19 health left. Because I'm a sneaky bitch. Yeah,
you come fucking, you finally break free from
your fear, and you come jumping over this table,
leap over out of the shadows, and just fucking
stick the shit out of this dude. Start sticking
him in the neck. With also backflips. Yes, backflips,
yeah. There's also, fuck yeah, there's backflips.
And you do backflips and stab the shit out of
Tatora, and he's just blood spewing. He's falling
to his knees and falls backwards to the ground.
You see this kind of dark energy flow out of
him because, as you know, this guy is connected
to the BBEG. What? Yeah, the soul kind of flows
out of this dude, and you see the doppelganger
kind of look in just absolute fear. that you
just vanquished one of them. So the doppelganger,
being as low health as he is, takes off running.
Please, Dick, make an opportunity attack. So
your sword, make your sword attack. Oh, and also,
since the magic of this place, I forgot this
guy's flowing with the power. These gargoyles
that were powered through these souls just kind
of... harden up and you see them kind of just
harden inside of this water as it starts to flow
up because they both have actually been falling
in water at this moment. Interesting. Interesting.
So make your attack. I'm drawing with two hands,
right? Yeah. Two -hander. 15 plus 3. Yeah, that
will hit him. So give me some damage. Dragon
Slayer sword damage. It has a ten zone with a
zero on it. A single zero. Seven. Seven damage?
Yeah, you slice this fucking doppelganger as
it's running. It's like, oh god, it falls to
the ground and it's just laying there like crippled,
can't barely move. So that's not all I can do.
Gargoyle's dead. It's rock hard. Gargoyle's rock
hard. Oh shit, I also need to make a save for
the doppelganger because he's in your wave again.
And it's actually your turn, I think. Wait. It
wasn't his turn. So it's your turn. Yeah, actually.
What is it? Wisdom save 16. It's an 11 plus...
Yeah, he fails. So that's another of your...
You know what? I think it's safe to say this
combat's over. We win! As your spiritual guardians
start flowing in a circle. Can't fuck with us.
Can't mess with us. Yeah, yeah. It starts ripping
this doppelganger to shreds as he's trying to
run from you and he's just getting obliterated.
Gargoyles go rock hard because the soul energy
that was powering them from Chatoran is gone.
That sucks. Yeah, so... Yeah, they're rock hard.
They're rock hard. You know what the craziest
part is? They're wet. So they're sitting in this
water. They're just wet and rock hard. So, yeah.
Combat ends. Tratoran, he falls to the ground
and, you know, kind of looks just completely
shocked. He's bleeding out. He says, you, you
sons of bitches, bro. You sons of bitches, bro.
You're going to pay for this. You're going to
fucking pay for this. Just because you and your
cat, too, and you meddling kids. So, yeah, he
kind of just bleeds out as he lays there on the
ground. This soul energy just flows out of him.
What would you guys like to do as this place
starts to kind of slowly fill with water? Break
dance for a little bit. You've got, like, a good
couple turns before it becomes, like, a problem.
Yeah. Yeah, you got some free range to kind of
search the area for a moment before it starts
flooding. I'd say the top half of the structure
in the northern side is not accessible because
it is flooded up there. Just because of the chaos
that's happening. So you have about this room.
Is it not accessible because it's flooded? Unless
you're going to swim in it. Is there nice things
in there that you're trying to tell us we can't
have because it's flooded? Yes, unless you're
going to swim in it. That's fine. How dangerous
is the waters? It's water. So you'd have to swim
against the current of the flowing water into
this flooded area. And then search the area.
So you'd have to make strength checks to swim
through it. Never mind. If you want to swim through
it and search the area. Anybody want a cap of...
Wait, what's it called? One second. You can use
it. You can swim. I have no strength. What? One
second. I'm going to find it. I had something
specific. Cap of water breathing. Oh, you do
have one of those. Yeah, we all do. I do. Oh,
we all do? I don't know if all of you do, but
I do remember you getting it. Which one of you
want to fight for it? So, yes. If one of you
have the cap of water breathing, you could...
I would... You would what? Prefer us not? Because
you know something juicy's out there? I would
forfeit the strength checks because... you would
be swimming forever. You could hold your breath
forever. And I don't feel like sitting here making
like 17 strength checks to see if you're going
to just make it through the water. You know what
I mean? So if you want to give it to Duke to
go push through this water, he can do that. I
will give you one room search out of the three
rooms with this to do if you want to do that.
You do have one? Okay. Then I'll make two. You
can search two rooms out of the three rooms with
your cap of water breathing in the flooded area
if you want to do that. You want my cap? Mine's
a potion of water breathing. Sure. Okay. Well,
that still works. One hour. One hour? Okay. So,
yeah. Give me – let's do each of you a strength
check to see how long you're going to be able
to hold out in this room to search it. So give
me each a strength check. You two. Please stick
in. Dookie. Correct. Okay. You have full time
to search it. Wait, with advantage because it
was given to him by a friend. Three plus five.
Okay, so you're still going to have time to search
the room, but just not fully. So both of you
give me investigation checks. Duke, give me investigation
with advantage. Roll me a D4. Three. Three? Roll
me a D100. There you go. Yeah, biggin'. Biggin'.
Get the old biggin', the big ball. Might need
flat surface for this one. If you hear a thud,
it's a big D100. Yeah, bigger than a golf ball.
86. 86. Wow. This may not be usable for you very
well, but you've got some. So you're... You're...
If it'll load. It's not quite wanting to load.
Okay, so you reach into this chest. You're kind
of opening the water, fighting for the current.
And you look inside this chest and you see this
oddly shaped... It looks like a wand. It's like
a little stick, but it's got the end of it where
they usually have like jewels or crystal power
in the wand. You see this skull of this creature
just kind of sticking out the edge of it or at
the tip of it. Okay, so this wand has seven charges.
While holding the wand, you can cast one of the
spells, a save DC 15 on this table below. You
can do command or fear. The wand regains one
D6 plus one expended charges daily at dawn. If
you expend the last charge, roll 1d20. On a 1,
the wand crumbles to ashes and is destroyed.
So basically, you have 7 charges. You can cast
Command, Flee, or Grovel. So that's the commands.
You can cast Fear, which is in a 60 -foot cone.
Fear costs 3 charges, and Command costs 1. It's
the Wand of Fear, is what it's called. So you
can just add that to your thingy. That's 7 charges
per long rest? It gets back 1d6 daily at dawn.
If you run it out, you've got to roll a d20.
Yeah. All right, so... I'm a warlock. I wouldn't
really say that it's that abnormal. Yeah, I mean,
yeah, you can use it, but... Yeah, because it
said it had its own save, actually, so it's a
dc15 save for the commands, so... Yeah, you got
a wand of fear. Flea stick? I guess the rogue
could use it. Flea stick, what did you get? I
rolled a five. A five. Six minus one. Yeah, so
I say you weren't able to quite fight the current
and search the room clearly enough to find anything
of useful value. Before you both are yanked back
into the main entrance by the water flowing.
Can I catch my breath and roll again? Yeah, because
your bubble lasts long until you come back out
of water. Is that what it says? I don't know.
Maybe. It was an hour. But it's more of the search
of the rolls and the power of the water, and
we failed. I was going to say, can you try again?
All right, so now what do you guys want to do?
Nah. Let him try again. All right, if you want
to make me one more strength check to try to
push through the water, I will let you. Yeah.
If you fail, you're done. This time, extra strength,
David Hasselhoff. Okay, give me investigation
roll again. You're lucky. I love you guys. I
guess you had a potion of breathing. It makes
sense. Okay, so you find two potions of healing
and one potion of water breathing. Why not? Why
not? I love it. Alright, so what else do you
guys want to do in this room? You got about...
Find a way out. The entrance is the way out.
Get out of here. You also have Tratoran's body.
Loot that body. We're going to loot that body,
motherfucker. Are you going to loot that body?
Yeah. Are you looting it? Yeah. Okay, give me
investigation roll. That's what I meant. I was
just making sure who I told to roll. Well, I
got a 13 plus my investigation, which is 3. 16.
Okay. You find his spear, his shield. You find
two greater potions of healing. You find a hundred
gold pieces. Dang, that's a lot of stuff. Well,
luckily it's recorded, so we'll hear it forever.
And we'll know. But that's what you find on him.
Plus, you find an oddly magical -looking scroll
strapped inside of his satchel bag. Grab it.
Grab it, yeah. So you grab this scroll, and you
can feel that this is one of the scrolls of power
that you've been searching for, that he was hoping
to get some demon power and use this scroll to
help his master, and it doesn't work out very
well. So you have obtained Legendary Scroll 2.
What do you guys want to do now? Are you going
to look at it, or are you going to get out of
this place and then look at it, or what do you
want to do? Get out, then look at it. What's
it called, a legendary scroll? No, it's just
the scroll, one of the scrolls. You know how
you're looking for four scrolls? Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Yeah, yeah. You got the second scroll.
Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah. Yeah, second scroll. See,
that's why we loot that body. Okay, so you guys
are going to head back towards the entrance where
you came. Okay. Yeah? Okay, so you head back
towards the room, the church -looking room that
you found when you first came through and talked
to those guys. There's a locked door towards
the north side of the room. If you want to do
anything there, you can. You got a little bit
of time. This room hasn't filled up. This one's
kind of higher up from where the flood is happening.
Actually, which way did they come in? That was
kind of me, but not me. Oh, yeah. They can lead
you through. You guys came through the path of
the wall where it is kind of like where the church
steeple area, the church entrance leads to the
cavernous area. So, yeah, you guys get led up
through there. You guys can make your way through.
Lead poisoning. Lead poisoning? No, you get led
through there. But there's a room. You're in
the room with six pillars across the rooms and
the altar. There's the entrance that you came
from to the east and a locked door to the north.
Damn, what's that spell? What? I lost the locks.
Alohara. Alohomora. Alohomora. Alohomora. I have
themes tools. You can pick a lock if you want
to try. Where's the lock at? There's a north
end of the room. There's a locked door. I will
pick that lock. All right. Give me a dexterity
thieves tool check. Sleight of hand. Sleight
of hand. Which you'll have an advantage with,
I think. Yep. Yeah. Eighteen. Plus? No, that's
my... Oh, with a plus? Okay. So, yeah. You unlocked
that door. Good job. Let me look at what's in
there. You did it. You did it. You did it. All
right. This... The room is, this is like a small
room and it contains some bookcases, like bookcases,
shelves with books. Is that what they're called?
Bookshelves. Bookshelves. Bookshelves. Bookcases,
yeah, same thing. There's a few tables and furniture
across the room just kind of scattered there,
but it looks to seem as like a temple library.
Hmm. Stop looking for porn, flea stick. I can't
help it. Yeah, I was going to say, what do you
guys want to do in here as you walk in? It looks
to be like a library full of shelves and books.
Any of you care about reading? No, I'm dyslexic.
It's not funny. Or do you want to just dip? Okay.
The library room? Not really. It's just kind
of like an empty altar room. I'll scan the room
and you tell me what to roll to make me find
something of importance. In the library? Yeah.
Roll me perception. I tell you. Yeah, you tell
me. Can we search it, Jim? You came for what?
17 plus 4. So as you're scanning through this
library, you're seeing like books just kind of
scattered and it's like, oh. We love cultist
shit, and it's like how to do rituals for dummies.
And then you see a shelf that's like full of
spells and stuff. You see like a bunch of scrolls
with spells scrolled onto them. Flea stick, this
is your alley. Flea stick? Scrolls. Scrolls.
Roll me investigation check. With advantage,
because Miss Muffin kind of pointed out these
scrolls. Wait, no, 14 minus 1, sorry. With advantage.
With advantage. You can roll twice to get the
higher number. 17 minus 1 is 16. Okay, so yeah,
you find... Not porn. Flea stick. You have four
magic scrolls. These are normal scrolls. These
aren't special legendary scrolls that you're
looking for. These are just four scrolls with
spells on them that we will establish at a later
time. So, yeah, that's that. You got some spells,
some magic? You ready to step out of this bitch?
Yeah. Alright. Let's leave this bitch. Outside
we go. Dungeon rooted. Dungeon rooted. This episode
of Dummies with Dice features Kelly Lee as Miss
Muffin, Nate Chambers as Duke Crystal, Ryan Tucker
as Flea Stick Sock Jelly, and Tristan Hayes as
the DM. The episode is edited and mixed by Tristan
Hayes. The artwork for Dummies with Dice created
by Al Sorensen can be found on Instagram under
A -R -C -S -I -0. The theme song is The Intense
Fiddle by Ben Caldera. When it comes to Dummies
with Dice, you can find our website on rss .com
slash podcast slash Dummies with Dice and on
Facebook at Dummies with Dice. Most importantly,
join our Patreon at patreon .com slash Dummies
with Dice for free or for $3 monthly gain access
to a Discord and bonus content. Come back in
two weeks for new episodes of Dummies with Dice.