Thank you. Hey, it's your Dummy Master, Trisston,
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code thank you w energy Viewer Warning! Use of
violence, profanity, rude humor, and portrayal
of drug and alcohol abuse. Hello and welcome
to Dummies and Dice, a Dungeons and Dragons actual
play podcast that follows three not -so -average
dummies of our world that get transported to
the world of Dungeons and Dragons where they
must survive and try to find a way back home.
I am Trisston Hayes, and I am your Dummy Master,
and today we are doing something a little bit
different. starting starting today we are going
to be doing question of the day so today's question
of the day to find a little bit about each character
if you had a pet parrot what would you teach
it to say who's going first here with their answer
you know do your normal well I'm Kelli Lee and
I play Miss Muffin she's a crazy cat lady rogue
Obviously, she wouldn't have a parrot because
her cats would eat it so it would last no longer
than two seconds. Hey, Nate here. My character
is Duke Crystal. He's the drug addicted level
7 barbarian warlock of the group. I guess Duke
would probably teach his parrot to say, where's
your map? Where's your map? Alright, Ryan Tucker
here. I play as Fleastick SockJelly. I'm the
Hobo Trashmaster Cleric of the God Rumpke. I'm
the McGyver of all things trash and garbage.
I guess I would teach my parrot to say, Polly
wanna crack whore? Polly wanna crack whore? No!
It would go good in my alleyways, you know. You're
going to be so proud of what they're saying to
you. Polly wanna crack whore. All right, so where
we left off what four weeks ago, I think You
guys had went inside of the dungeon of deception
because you let in a man Who did some kind of
fair thing and taught you guys as people were
back at the fortress the iron spine keep some
magic And he let you know about a little full
full secret dungeon to go take care of to find
you some powerful weapons so you guys mentioned
this place uh duke almost died well not almost
died but drowned in wine he he did almost drown
there was lots of wine pouring into a building
but he made it out safely um and then you guys
progressed forward into this dungeon and found
a door with zombies fused as the door and flea
stick used turn undead to unfuse them from the
door and split them down the middle and open
the door You also saw a secret door in the hallway
to the west. So that is where we left off. So
you guys have a room to the south and a secret
door to the west. Hit the room to the south and
then the secret door to the west? Why not? Okay,
door to the south. You walk through this door
and you see... You're kind of like squeezing
past these zombies that are just kind of like...
Brains? Yeah, brains. Stuck to the wall. But
you enter this room and you see six glass cauldrons
brimming with humanoid bones and they line the
whole walls of this tomb. The center of this
room stands an ancient chariot bearing a bronze
sarcophagus with a treasure strewn atop it. Paintings
on the chariot's body show a tall bird with a
long, sharp beak. On the south end of the wall,
a bronze shield bears the embossed image of a
Chultan warrior. carrying a spear, which is just
kind of dark -skinned Indian warrior type people.
Below, an inscription reads, Bow before no one.
Four bronze statues stand on pedestals to either
side of the shield. They depict Choltan warriors,
one holding a sword, two with spears, and one
missing its face. Gotcha. What would you guys
like to do as you enter this room? Not look at
the one missing its face. What the fuck? Let's
see. If you need me to explain anything else
you can, or if you want to further check stuff
out, give me some perception checks, if you'd
like. Or you can investigate, you know, a specific
thing. I want to inspect the far side of the
chariot thing. Oh, the chariot? Yeah. It's the
side I couldn't see before. Is there anything
that stands out about it? Is it just plain sealed
up coffin or whatever? Yeah, so... yeah you see
the sarcophagus um say cauldrons right yes there's
cauldrons lining the like walls there's six of
them um but yeah you all you see is the sarcophagus
uh kind of stuck on the back of this chariot
and the the chariot you can see all these beautiful
like paintings and stuff all scrapped across
it but if you'd like to get like closer up close
you can do what you want or you can make rolls
depending on what you want to do i just did a
perception check I got it. I rolled a five, but
plus five is a ten. Ten? Yeah. I think you're
right. Yeah, you don't see much. Let me check
something real quick. Yeah, so you're seeing
this shield that's on the wall that you looked
at. I had mentioned before the one that's embossed
with the image of a... Choltan Warrior. You get
closer and it looks like he is like a hunter.
A hunter of sorts. On this image embossed onto
the shield. That's all you're going to get out
of the tin. I want it. Are the cauldrons sealed
or are they open? They're open. You can see that
they're like filled with human or with bones.
Ew. Alrighty. So basically the only thing What
we really need to investigate is this sarcophagus.
A thing that would point out of significance
is a sarcophagus and a giant chariot of fanciness.
There's a shield on the south wall, and then
there are the pedestals with statues of warriors.
One with a sword, two with spears, and one missing
its face. What is the sarcophagus made out of?
I think it's just normal stone, like sarcophagus.
It goes right in front of that statue. Me, Miss
Muffin, and bows. Which one? The one that says
bow before no one. That's below the shield. Oh,
well I'm going to go to that shield and bow and
see what happens. What? What? I want the shield.
Okay, so yeah, you bow in front of the shield.
Nothing happens. Very good. It was worth a try.
You never know, okay? You were very close to
something. Can we all just stand on these pedestals
and see what happens? They're like pedestals
with a statue on them. Sounds like a guy with
a sword, two of them with spears, and one with
a missing face. I'm going to go in front of the
one with the missing face and bow again. You're
going to bow in front of the one with the missing
face? Yeah. I think you should just dropkick
it off a little. Okay, so, Kelly. Miss Muffin.
Yes? Well, cutsy. Bow. There's something to do
with weights here, I got a feeling. Okay, so
you bow in front of this faceless bronze statue,
correct? That's what you said? Yeah. Okay, you
bow, and you see the statue, like, you're looking
at it, and this is where it's missing its face.
You can, like, kind of feel this clarity inside
of it, and this, like, blue aura just kind of
goes around you. You don't know quite what it's
going to do, but you've definitely got an aura
of some kind of magic around you. Mmm, and Sailor
feels this too. Um, Salish is a spirit. She don't
really feel much through it, but she's pretty
resistant to most things. So she's okay no matter
what I do, basically. She's inside me. Can we
look around? I have to protect her. Let's see
if this face is... The face? Um, so... I'm gonna
say I don't think it's, uh... It's not like broke
off, it's just faceless. Yeah, I think it's more
like it's faceless. I don't think it's missing,
like it's broke off. I think it was just wordplay.
Bow before no one is no face. Something to do
with that. I'll be honest, I'm not 100 % aware
of this whole entire dungeon. That's my guess.
So yeah, that sounds good. So anything else you
guys would like to do? I want to get that shield.
So you're going for the shield? I totally am.
So you two are bowing. You bow and the same thing
happens to you. You kind of feel this clarity
from him and then it stirs around you. I don't
know if it might be helpful. And you're going
for the shield? I don't think I'm going to bow
first. We're just drinking our souls. Either
one. Okay, you bow. And then what? And then I
go for the shield. Okay. I wasn't really bowing
though. I just tied my shoe. Is that what Duke
really thinks? It is mine. Okay, so yeah, you
think that in your head, Duke does, and you feel
it kind of suck back off of you into this face,
and when you look at the face, you feel him like,
it's like disappointment. You're like, I'm not
mad. I'm disappointed. But, yeah. Okay, so how
are you getting this shield down like what's
what's your what's your How are you doing this?
How you go about it? Kind of kneel down I asked
the little donkey for help Okay, so you you grab
this You grab this shield and are you like it's
it's facing off of the wall like shield out So
you're just holding it like I'm having like one
of them holy moments where you know, yeah, yeah,
I super weapon like So you're holding the shield
you're like holding it up and you see the image
on it that embossed hunter kind of like Form
and start to take shape off of it like the spectral
shape and it kind of pops off of it and where
you're holding the shield and Let's see on this
right here. So you So you this hunter hops out
and you see him literally like float across the
room he's like hopping and he looks and he looks
at you he pulls this huge spear back to like
go to launch it and he looks at you and he's
like you are safe and he looks at miss muffin
he's like you are safe all right dude and then
he looks over at dude he goes you are changing
and he goes to throw this uh forced uh just like
gets a spear for a force at you uh so i need
to make a spell attack What do you do? I suck
him back into my shield. He's spectral, right?
Yeah, let's all roll initiative because Duke
has his turn but you guys can also do turns Actually
this thing acts on a count of 24 plus two Six
initiative just what do you got? 16 16 15 plus
one so he acts on an initiative count of 20 automatically
so we'll say that was his first term it's attacking
you so who's next you got a 15 you said please
take so 16 that's nothing 15 oh so one of either
one of you can go first then wait so which time
is 15 plus one he's gonna have 16 20 turns No,
he spawns in with an initiative count of 20.
Oh, so he just like surprise attacks you. Yeah,
on 20 he will always... Wait, am I actually even
fighting this thing? You're not fighting him,
but you have a turn to do something. You're still
holding this shield while it's like this hunter's
kind of jumping around. If you want to make checks
to kind of look at this hunter, if you want to
look at this shield, you want to try something,
it's up to you what you want to do. Can I suck
him back into the shield somehow? Can I like
poke him on his ass? If you want to roll me a
arcana check or something to kind of figure out
what kind of magic is happening, or if you have,
like, detect magic, you can find out what kind
of magic is going on here. I have very little
stuff that will work against the specter. If
you want to make perception checks, you can try
to, like, I'd say, like, you know, you want to,
like, look over this thing and try to see something
special about the creature, or try to look over
the shield, you can investigate it. Yeah, I'll
check the shield out. You want to do an investigation
on the shield? Yeah. Okay, do that. Go for it.
13 14 months one so the 13 You're looking over
this shield and you're seeing the image of this
hunter across it, but you're noticing Where his
form came out of this is like spirit came out
of this shield. The eyes are still there So the
eyes are still inside of the shield. So like
when now when you look at the hunter, you notice
his eyes are gone So can I just put the shield
against the ground and see what happens to them?
Or just take the eyes and put them in my pocket
or something? No, they're in the shield. It's
like embossed, engraved into it. So you're going
to sham it to the ground, is that what you said?
I think I'm just going to take a cloth or something
and wrap the shield up and see what happens.
Okay, yeah, so you wrap this shield up and you
see him instantly kind of just like go blank
and stop moving. He kind of stops to function.
as he's sitting there floating in mid -air like
ready to throw spears but you can tell that he
is temporarily frozen as he can't see through
his shield anymore he has no more active targets
because you guys are stealing the shield and
he's meant to protect it so it literally says
to stop the shield hunter from attacking the
character must blind it by draping something
opaque over the shield such as a sack or cloak
we're turning the shield to a face of a wall
you are smart so i was just saying laying it
against the wall yeah like literally uh yeah
exorcism time yeah so yeah you have the shield
but it's wrapped up so look at that i didn't
have to bow well if you bow we can use them in
battle just to annoy the other people i'm just
i don't know if we can take it with us it seems
like he's bound to that location is that what
it is um you guys don't really know You don't
really know what's going to happen once you leave
or take her. Well, I'm taking the shield. Yeah,
you can take it. I hope nobody throws, like,
fireball at you or something. Something burns
up the cloth. It's like, oh, no! You can take
it! I grabbed the faceless dude's little totem.
I would just use mend and mend something over
the eyes. I'm curious to see if I can pick it
up. I'm permanently blind. Let me see how big
these things are. Oh shit, I didn't think it
was big. Because I was thinking four bronze statues
stand on pedestals. Well, I was thinking like
a decent pedestal. Maybe like a one foot tall
bronze statue. I think it's probably a bit bigger
because it's a full five foot space too. So it's
like a big old thing. I'm just dragging it. I
was like, Duke's just dragging a big old statue
out. Time to pop the sarcophagus. Yay, I'm gonna
stand back. Yeah, there's a bunch of treasure
laying on top of it as well. So like, there's
like a chariot, like all this beautiful stuff.
There's a crop, I guess, and there's treasure
like strewn across it. Should we investigate
all the treasure first? Are you opening it? Let's
go through the treasure on the top first. Yeah,
investigate the treasure. Okay, so... Okay. Give
me an investigation roll. All of us? Yeah, whoever's
searching the treasure. If you're all going in
like pretty money hungry. Wait, I'm going to
wait and see if it's cursed. I wouldn't hate
picking it first. Twelve? Yes. Yeah, you stick
your hand inside of here and... It's going. You
find 70 gold pieces. Then you feel the ground
start to rattle and shake and then you see here
the bones and shit start to crumple and form
and end of the cauldrons and 12 skeletons start
to crawl out of the grass cauldrons to per cauldron
Before initiative before initiative, okay, I
pop the fucking the sarcophagus Yeah, may as
well. Yeah, give me strength check I gotta fight
a boss. Hey, I'll be cool with it. Uh, crit?
Crit? Yes. Plus five. It's stealing! The sarcophagus
contains the brittle skull and bones of an edlis.
What's that? What is that? Uh, let me see here.
Is it gonna wake up? An edlis is a... It's like
a crane stork bird. It's all white, black tipped
wings, black chest, red top on his head. He must
have been very scared. He liked the bird, yes.
He liked the bird. And that's it? Just a bird
skeleton? Yeah. That's all that's inside of this
ergoth. There is treasure thrown atop. There
are things through the treasure. But you're kind
of about to be in combat, so it's like you're
out. I can tell you what we'll come back All
right, so roll me initiative 12 1 plus 2 Not
good This is just initiative. That's true. Holy
shit. That's a lot of skeletons Chop them down
like that. 650 skeletons. Watch them be like,
they got 200 held. Yes. These are special skeletons.
What was initiatives? 12. Three. Fallen. That
one. One. Well, two. Savage. That's what I got.
Straight up savage. One plus two for me, though.
Oh, one plus one for me. Okay. I'm so sorry.
We're going to get both. What was that again?
Two. That was three. Three? Okay. Please take.
Two. God. Please. Missed one. Twelve. Skelly's
probably rolled high. Still not great. You're
not great. And they all act on the same initiative.
So, start combat. All at once? Kelly, you're
up first. Miss Muffin, you're up first. Yeah,
I'm going to whip out my dagger full of venom
and see if it does any damage on these skelly
bones. You've got skeleton. Oh, dude. Fuck yeah.
That auto -labeled along. Skeleton A, B, C, D.
Skeleton K is the closest one to you. Is that
who you want? Ha ha ha. Skeleton K gets a Venom
dagger. Okay, give me the Venom. Can you poison?
Give me the dagger of Venom. 15 plus 8 to hit.
Ooh, you did. And then it says it's a 1d4 plus
5. For what? The poison? Yeah. And isn't the
poison like you have to roll to see if it...
Six damage. Isn't it you have to roll to see
if it... reactivates or something? The poison
remains for one minute or until attacking using
this weapon hits a creature. The creature must
succeed a DC 15 constitution saving throw for
or take 2d10 poison damage and become poisoned
for one minute. The dagger can't be used this
way again until the next dawn. So it does not
do one of these things. Okay, I don't know. Anyways,
it doesn't matter. So what was the first damage
you did to him? I don't remember what I said.
I rolled a one and it's a plus four. So five?
Wait, let me go back and look. Plus five. So
six. Six damage? Yeah. Alright, so you stick
him with... six damage of this dagger and you
go to like release this venom and it just kind
of falls off his bones because Skeletons are
a little bit immune to poison. Well that blows.
Yeah, you got that one pretty decently now it's
all of their turns So let's see what the hell
a freaking skeleton can do Okay, so let's say
three of them are going to swing at you miss
muffin Stop. That is a 5 plus 5, so a 10, a 19
plus 5, and a 14 plus 5. So two of them hit,
correct? Um, yeah. Okay. 1 plus 3 damage, and
4 plus 3 damage. 4 plus 7. Okay. Damage. Yeah,
sure. Your damage. That's to you. All right.
Now let's see here. I got one, two, three, four.
Four are going to swing on you, Felicity. Give
it your best shot. Three plus five. Two plus
five. Eleven plus five. That one hit. That one
hit? So one. Okay. Nat one. Okay. So one hits
with a d6. Two plus three. And I'll say Skeleton
Eye was running and tripped when he was crawling
out of the cauldron to come run at you and get
you because he got an at one. So he's going to
do one falling damage. Barely hurt himself. He
broke a little tiny bone there. So I didn't catch
no damage? Yeah, you caught two plus three damage.
Yes. All right, let's see what we got next. Four.
I got a plan. Six are going to swing at you,
dude. That's the rest of the room. Twelve plus
five? Uh, yeah. Okay. Eleven plus five? No. Okay.
Seventeen plus five, that'll hit. Yeah. Nat one.
Ten plus five. Nat one more, right? Yeah. Fourteen
plus five. What's that, two hits? I think it
was three. Yeah, okay. Four plus three damage.
Okay. Three plus three damage. Okay. One plus
three damage. Alright. And I think that's all
of them. So, next up is Duke Crystal. Let's see.
Spooky spooky skeleton. How many are left? All
of them. You keep saying last skellies. Well,
I think my plan would be... How are they all
positioned right now? They just bum -rushed us,
apparently. So, yeah, they're pretty much surrounding
you. You've got... Yeah, they're all pretty much
surrounding you. You've got a big group just
swarmed around you. Because you had all of them
attack you and then Miss Muffin had some swarm
around her. She had three attack. Flea Stick
had four attack him. Oh, that's why you said
the last time. Yep. So say probably about like
that. You're just kind of surrounding the area.
Hmm. Climbing chariots coming over and swinging
swords over the top. I guess I'm gonna put your
skeleton in front of me So yeah, you're you're
overwhelmed these skeletons are just kind of
like climbing over going nuts You're feeling
this rage start to build up inside of you. Give
me a constitution save. 15. 15? Yes. Okay, you
save, so you do not rage out. You're not going
to full rage, but you feel this heat start to
just, like, build up and burst out of you. So,
Miss Muffin, make me a dex save. And these three
make me a dex save. And Duke make me a dex save.
Myself? Yes, because you did not turn, so you're
not resistant to the fire that's flowing out
of you. 20. Okay, well, that works. It was an
18 plus 2. 22. Okay, so you guys save except
one skeleton. Good job. What's the damage we
did for that? Your little fiery... I used the
same as that one spell you have. it's like thunderclap
or whatever but uh i would have to check yeah
i can check real quick i think it was like at
least a d6 or something yeah it was like a d10
let me see thunderclap That's what we're doing
1d6 of thunder, but we're doing fire so 1d6 for
the one that failed Okay You guys are safe, but
you almost got unsafe Even the fiery rage that
builds inside of the crystal. It's fine All right
next up Please take your turn What's all close
to me? You're surrounded by four. Okay, well
I cast spirit guardians How does this work again
All right an area or something. Yeah, it's a
15 They foot around you a distance of 15 feet
for the duration if you're good or neutral or
spectral form figures angelic or faith Yeah fucking
cans like broken aluminum cans cutting and skeleton
heads off yeah it's like trash bags getting stuck
to their heads trash can lids yeah all right
and it floats around you or a point you pick
15 foot around around you okay yeah float around
you a distance of 15 feet and i can designate
duke and miss him off and yeah exactly all right
so i'm going to make 15 foot wide Circle originating
from you. How many do I hit with it? I mean,
I can still step forward with my turn. Yeah,
you can still do what you please. So you are
going to hit one, two, three, four, five, six
skeletons. So what do I need to do? All right,
it's bro for those six skeletons. I need you
to roll me wisdom saving throw 16 Their brains
are not one for the first one 14 for the second.
Oh, it's minus 1 so 16 minus 1 15 minus one Okay,
so they all fail every one of them, so I got
a roll three d8s for each of them, okay? This
is it Yeah All right, so four four four six Six
of six six and four is a 12 a 16 for the first
one i think for all of them i think it's total
oh the radiant damage is total to all of the
ones and oh okay that works that makes sense
16 okay so you killed all of those yes uh yeah
um now how many is there any kind of step into
some more i think so but i think isn't it like
it won't do the damage until My next turn? Yeah,
like your next turn. But yeah, you can move forward
if you want. Together. Yeah, I'll get up next
to... Or try to get by Miss Muffin. Yeah, you
can because you're pretty close. Alright. So,
we'll move your big little circle here. Gucci!
Alright, next up is... Miss Muffin. So, do it
now. Alright. Go ahead with your turn, Kelly
Lee, Miss Muffin. Kelly Lee as Miss Muffin. I'm
going to whip out my dagger and slice its skelly
throat to slice its head off. All right. Do it.
What? Whip out my dagger. Whip it out. Whip it
out. I whip my poisonous venom -seeping dagger
out. Throbbing venom -tripping dagger. I'm going
to whip it out. Are you insecure about it? Give
me a roll to see if you can whip it out adequately.
I stand up when I whip it out. 19 plus 8. Whip
it out. You whipped it out pretty good. 1d4 plus
5 damage, so 4 plus 5 is 9 damage. To K or L?
To the one right in front of me, so K. 9 damage?
Yeah, so his head falls off and rolls across
the floor. Yeah, his head does. Now we can't
see where he's going Yeah, he's dead his head
falls and rolls off your blade through his through
his noggin Anything else? How close am I to L?
You're close. You're like right in front of him.
Them two are on you. So I'm close enough to backlash
L with the same move. You can use your offhand
dagger. Offhand dagger, L in the neck hole. Okay,
dagger, skeleton, L. That's what his parents
named him. Sorry. Eleven. That will not hit.
Well, shite. Okay, so your turn ends. And, since
it's the skeleton's turn again, you begin to
see... four You see seven more skeletons start
to flow out of four plus seven? The cauldrons.
Seven new ones. Well that or you can see that
these cauldrons are Well, hold up. It started
with ten now seven. What's after that? It started
with twelve. You guys started with twelve out
of them. Okay. Well, it's dropping in numbers.
Eventually they will be nine. I'll just take
them all out. The cauldrons will empty out. There's
only so many bones to share. We shall do it.
Yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. I'm
going to add these guys to this thing now. Yeah.
I love the sigh of disappointment. Alright, and
I'll roll initiative for this next set of seven.
Now! Let's roll. Okay, six plus three. Nine.
Twenty, but not not. Alright, next up is skeletons.
The first group of skeletons, I believe. So,
let's see. How many is that? One, two, three,
four, five. So, two's going to come at you, flea
stick. 17 plus five one hits to be six of damage
six plus three damage Last one, Skeleton L is
going to swing at you of this group. Ten plus
five. Yep. Six plus three. I'm wounded. Duke
Crystal, it's your turn. Yay. Let's see. Which
two attacked me? A and B. Well, I will use Elder's
Blast to shoot. One beam at A and one beam at
B. Okay, so is this 17 hit? Mm -hmm. Yeah. All
right. So that would be 1, 10, and... 1, D, 10.
Oh, I was about to roll. And 9. And then... Oh,
for the other one. Oh, yeah. 19 plus 5. Definitely.
D10, five damage on that one. Okay, good hit.
Please stay. And then my second attack. Oh, never
mind, I forgot. Go ahead. I'll go for generally
the closest A, I guess. Mm -hmm. That would be...
Skeleton, Alexander. Six plus nine, so 15 to
hit? Yeah, just barely. Okay, on D8 plus six.
Seven damage. He is obliterated. Pile of bones
falls to the ground. I can't delete him, but
he's gone. Alright. Alright, please stick. Go
ahead. Who's in my area? Oh, shit. Yeah. Three
of them. B, H, and E. So, wisdom save? Four.
They fail. Minus one. Oh, that's one of them.
Hang on a second. Thirteen minus one. Seventeen
minus one. So one passes? Yeah, one passes. Alright.
H and I. Or H and E fail. Eight. Hector and Elijah.
One. So five, eight, one. So thirteen. Fourteen.
Fourteen damage to H and E. Yep. Hector and Elijah.
They're dead. Ha! Vanquished by the brutal trash.
Alright, now time to move in for some more kills.
Alright, where are you moving? How close am I
to these little mofos? So, there are two skeletons
to your east, and then there are one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven to your west. Just running
a circle around the room. The closest one to
you to the west is about 20 feet. Anybody in
my way? You missed nothing. And through crystal,
but there's enough room you can get by them.
Can I move just around to shoot a sacred flame?
Yeah, you can hit them with a sacred flame. Yeah,
I'll just hit one with a sacred flame. Okay,
go for it. Are you going to move forward at all,
as you said? Yeah, just out of the way, just
to kind of make my path clear while I'm aiming
at them. So I don't hit one of my guys. One of
my peeps. So you move up there and get a better
angle. Okay, go for it. All right, dex roll.
Oh, dex save. Shit. He fails. All right, so...
I'm not dexterous. Dexterity. One, four. He's
pretty dexterous, but... And eight. So 12. 12
to L? Yep. Okay. You blast him. Oh, wait, this
is radiant damage, isn't it? The sacred flame?
Yeah. He's dead. It's blasted by this radiant
flame, sacred flame, and it's just like, and
he just like disintegrates with holy light. So
yeah, he's cooked. Skeleton ill? Gone. Right
in front of Miss Muffin's face as she's trying
to stab him. But now we're going to go with the
next group of skeletons. Technically I was supposed
to do them last, but who cares? All right. Let's
see what we got here. Miss Muffin, you're cooked.
So please stick you're gonna get two hits that's
a Six plus five No 14 plus five so one hit That's
my damage. No They see the hit only one hits.
Oh Five plus three is your damage You got three,
two skeletons are gonna move in with a short
sword. Six plus five, 17 plus five. So, okay,
is that half the damage or something? I forget.
Half the attack's damage against you, yeah. Okay,
so one, two, six, four, plus three. So have that.
Half of seven? Yeah. So, what? Four? Yeah. And
then one more is going to shoot a short bow at
you. Yeah, they're evolving. Do I... I don't
get to use Uncanny Dodge again? No. So, sixteen
plus five. Four plus three. Arrow. Seven. Sticks
you. Made out of bones. Yeah, full seven that
time. Alright, Duke. You got two with short bows
going to take their shots. But one comes in with
a short sword. Okay, 19 plus 5. 10 plus 5. 16
plus 5. So two hits, right? One with a bow. Six
plus three with a bow. Two plus three with a
sword. As he's slashing, dicing. They're all...
Arrows are flying through the room. It's getting
crazy Please think you got those two on you All
right next up is You got to write your face now
s and s and R so I'm going to both hand one dagger,
the other gets the other dagger. Okay. Got two
daggers. One for Selina and one for Roberto.
Eleven? Nope. Okay. Wow. Ten? No. Yeah, jackass.
Yeah, jackass. Roll with advantage? Um, no. so
we're gonna have our let's see who's here 11
okay so skeleton b the one on duke is going to
make his short sword attack 11 plus five baby
oh okay so now we're gonna do it in the right
initiative so now it's the whole other group
of skeletons turns so flea sticks you're gonna
get the same treatment two short story attacks
at you two plus five miss six plus five miss
You got two short swords and a bow coming at
you. Hello. 13 plus 5? Yeah. 13 plus 5? Yeah.
6 plus 5. So two hits with a short sword. Are
you allowed to use them? I don't know. I think
it's once per turn. I don't know if it's once
per short rest actually. It might be. It doesn't
say, like, how many times you can use it. It
literally just doesn't. Literally just doesn't.
I bet it does. It's a reaction. One reaction.
One reaction. That's what it says. Yeah, you
must be able to just use it once per round. So
I dodge one of the short swords. Okay, so that
was one. Or it's half a damage from the one.
So one plus three damage for the first one. Are
you uncanny dodging that? So I only get two damage
from it. Yeah, that's what you want. Okay. And
then the second one hits, so I'm rolling this
damage. One plus three. Ella, quit breathing
so heavy. Go lay down. You leave my baby alone.
You want the pay too. Okay, so that's your round.
So now we're going to get three on Duke, short
sword, and two bows. Nat one. Seventeen plus
five. Twelve plus five. That one hit. And nat
one. Okay, so three plus three on the one hit.
And I'll say skeleton B. This arrow, or Skeleton
P hits you with pure accuracy, but he doesn't
realize that he shoots through Skeleton B to
hit you, so Skeleton B is also going to take
the damage. He's just like... He just knocks
a piece of his ribcage out. Alright, now it's
your turn, Duke. I'll use my first action to
drink one of my potions of greater healing. That's
4d4 plus 4. Alright, my second action, I'm going
to attack skeleton B, the one right in front
of me. Copy. Oof. Eleven hit? Nope. It will not.
Dammit, Dammit! Alright, you got another action?
No. Of course not. No, I used one to track that
person. Okay, please state. Your turn. No skeleton
in and skeleton in mumbo -numbo All right, sir
wisdom save on both of them. Oh shit. That's
your turn again Okay, so I got my wisdom say
for five of them. You got in the SR and be all
7 minus 1 13 minus 1 12 minus 1 that keep fail
16 minus 1 14 minus 1 they all fail give me that
image 6, 7, 3, 1. They're hurting, they're dead.
6, 7, 3, 1. Mm -hmm. They're dead. Plus 4. They're
dead. They're dead. Yeah. They're dead. They're
dead. They're in the teens, weren't they? Health
-wise. All right. What I deducted. Blah, we got
skeletons dropping, just getting blown away by
trash and garbage just flying around this room.
Disintegrating. There's not even buttons left.
It's just grinded dust on the ground. Alright,
and... Three skeletons look on and horror left.
Using action to drink one of my potions. Okay.
What kind you got? Greater healing. Okay. What
would be the Roger Roger equivalent for a skeleton?
I got 12 on the healing. I did it a little bit
ago. There's three left? Yes. And they're how
close to me? You got one 15 feet and you got
two of them that are 20 feet. Okay, the one 15
feet for me, I'm going to run up and dagger its
neck in half. Dagger its neck in half. In half.
Perfectly in half, yes. Oh, not 20. Okay, so...
Oh, she got it. Yeah, yeah, do the whole damage.
If you kill him, his neck's cut in half. Perfectly.
You got weak wrists. Plus five. Four plus five,
nine damage. Total? Yeah, I rolled it twice.
The first one I got was one. Okay, well, he's
not dead. You put a gash in his neck. His bone
is cracked. Yes. Okay, what else? I'm going to
secondhand dagger that crack. Okay, secondhand
dagger that crack. All you have to do is go between
birds. Oh, not 20. What? She did, I swear. Roll
the damage. Twice. You get a one all the time.
Two plus three plus four. Okay, he's dead. Yeah,
good job. Double nat 20. I wanted his neck cracked.
Alright, next up is Skeleton P and Q. What's
your name? Pedro and Quentin Tarantino. We got
Pedro and Skeleton Quentin Tarantino. Or we can
do Quesadilla. These are short bowers, so they're
going to shoot at Duke and Miss Muffin. 15 plus
5 at you, Duke. 12 plus 5 at you, Miss Muffin.
12 plus 5 in half on Candy Dog. That's to hit
you. Oh, to hit me. Oh, my bad. Yeah, yeah. Okay,
four plus three at you, Duke. And six plus three
at you, Miss Muffin. That's half of nine. Because
I uncanny dodged that bitch. Okay, uncanny dodged
that bitch. Duke Crystal, your turn. Who's left?
Skeleton Pedro and Skeleton Quentin Tarantino.
With their short bows. They are 25 feet from
you. 20 feet from you. I'm going to throw my
lightning javelin at Pedro. Oh, God. Okay. Isn't
it like the lightning bolt? So it's like five
foot? Or is it just whoever's in the line? I
think it's similar to that, yeah. It has some
width to it. This shot was a magic weapon when
you hurl it and speak its command word. What
did we say its command word was? Into a bolt
of lightning, forming a line five feet wide.
These nuts? Yeah. So it will hit the guy next
to him because it extends in a five feet wide
thing. And these nuts was the command word. These
nuts! These nuts! He must make a dc 13 dexterity
saving through 12 minus 1 or 12 plus 3 actually
sorry those decks oh He passes he saves oh, yeah,
so he takes half of 4d6 He is a nat 20 He is
a nat 20 so yeah, we'll say with a nat 20 he's
just gonna Dodge. Yeah. So first one gets half
of 4d6 lightning damage. Four. One. Two. Seven.
Four. So 11. What is that? Five or six. All right.
Five damage dealt to Skeleton Pedro. Beautiful.
And... It's a run up and finish page your work.
Yeah, all right You just hit your Pedro was such
hard lightning blast that you you missed by hitting
the chunk that was gone from the lightning blast
All right, please take your turn All right, Pedro
and Quentin Tarantino are 30 feet from you the
crystals right in front of them Is that all it's
left? Yeah, I'm just gonna walk up to them. Okay.
Oh, yeah, okay Okay, maybe next turn when they
Well, they're in my radiance right now, I don't
know I think it's when they Let's say it'd be
either the start of your next turn or their next
turn. Call for a spirit to protect you. They
put around you a distance of 15 feet for the
duration. If you're good or neutral blah blah
blah. Cast a spell you can designate any number
of creatures you can see to be unaffected by
an affected creature speed is halved in the area
and when the creature enters the area for the
first time on a turn or Starts its turns. Yeah,
it's their first time entering it so they take
damage It must make a wisdom save there. Okay.
All right, so Yeah wisdom save for these guys
Eight minus one twelve minus one These things
3 1 2 3 1 2 8 13 8 plus 6 14 yeah, okay, they're
dead vanquished fake rest trash dust Alright,
so skeletons are vanquished. Cauldrons are mostly
empty. What would you guys like to do in this
room? Anything special? Anything left? Yeah,
I want to check out everything. Check out all
the treasure and shit inside and whatnot? Okay.
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Three gold cups. Five gold cloak pins. So like
little things you pin a cloak together with.
An amulet of health. And you find an amulet of
health inside this. Amulet of health. Yeah. You
don't really know exactly what this amulet of
health does. I think it just makes your constitution
score 19 while you wear this hand. is there any
side effects not that you know of is it like
pharmaceutical you just found it in this pile
of treasure on this sarcophagus and stuff so
it's up to you what you want to do with it i'll
keep it okay keep it all so when you pick this
up a strange shadow shifts across the walls forming
the outline of a long -legged bird Its beak stabs
at you as its voice echoes through your mind.
You will do as I command. Make me a wisdom sayer.
Three plus five eight Okay, so you feel this
this shadow you see this bird -legged shape And
it says you will do as I command and it just
kind of jumps inside of you and like flows throughout
your body and You don't you still have full control
of your body But you definitely can feel this
strange fucking feeling inside of you and you
hear him say I am Papa Sotul shrewd and conniving
I bow before no one and expect others to do as
I command so you have this entity stuck inside
of you this trickster God basically you cannot
help you can no longer be surprised like if you're
in combat you can't be surprised and you gain
advantage on all wisdom checks and you can never
take damage from falling so what but You have...
Here, I'm going to cliff jump in. I got you!
You don't know really what's quite going to happen,
though, so we'll see what happens. This episode
of Dummies with Dice features Kelly Lee as Miss
Muffin, Nate Chambers as Duke Crystal, Ryan Hart
as Archie Ortiz, Ryan Tucker as Flea Stick Sock
Jelly, and Tristan Hayes as the DM. The episode
is edited and mixed by Tristan Hayes. The artwork
for Dummies with Dice created by Al Sorensen
can be found on Instagram under A -R -C -S -I
-0. The theme song is The Intense Fiddle by Ben
Caldera. When it comes to Dummies with Dice,
you can find our website on rss .com slash podcast
slash Dummies with Dice and on Facebook at Dummies
with Dice. Most importantly, join our Patreon
at patreon .com slash Dummies with Dice for free
or for $3 monthly to gain access to a Discord
and bonus content. Come back in two weeks for
new episodes of Dummies with Dice.