Hey, it's your Dummy Master Trisston, and I would
like to thank our sponsor, Dubby Energy. Dubby
Energy is a growing and flourishing energy drink
powder, actually developing a clean energy formula
that is free from fillers, maltodextrin, and
artificial colorings, so everyone can enjoy.
In addition, Dubby is a sugar -free and zero
-calorie. Using a coffee -fruit extract blend
gives a much healthier, jitterless, and no -crash
effect from drinking Dubby. There are many flavors
and each one sounds amazing. I just got my order
of Dragonade today and a mystery flavor. The
Dragonade is dragon fruit and pink strawberry
lemonade. Yummy, yummy. I am so excited to try
them out. Our referral link for Dubby Energy will
be in the description along with our discount
code for a 10 % off. Dummies with Dice is the
discount code. Thank you, Dubby Energy. this intro
this is our 26th yes yes it's actually
been almost an entire year full year yes in like
a week or so maybe one full year wow didn't we
do the star wars one like may 4th last year yeah
yeah i think so yeah yeah it is may the fourth
it's been a year Okay, let's start this. Happy
anniversary. Viewer warning. Use of violence, profanity,
rude humor, and the portrayal of drug and alcohol
use. Welcome to Dummies with Dice, a Dungeons
and Dragons actual play podcast that follows
four not -so -average dummies of our world. Hello?
It's three not -so -average dummies of our world
that get caught up in a magical storm and are
transported to the world of Dungeons & Dragons,
where they must survive and try to find a way
back home. He was holding us back. He didn't
survive. He was old. He shitted himself to death.
We were waiting on him. In the end, his pants
were brown. Alright, one of you go first. Hello,
I'm Kelli Lee and I play Miss Muffin. She's a
crazy cat lady rogue. Fun fact, Miss Muffin is
obviously addicted to online shopping. Obviously.
Oh, so it matches the player too. Nope. Nope.
It's Nate here. My character's Duke Crystal.
He's the drug -addicted level 6 barbarian of
the group. Fun fact about Duke, he thinks religion
is a cult with more steps. Hey everybody, Ryan
Tucker here. I play as Fleastick SockJelly.
I'm the hobo trashmaster cleric of the God Rumpke.
I'm a MacGyver of all things trash and garbage.
Fun fact about flea. What? Sorry, I said garbage
weird as fuck. Fun fact about flea stick, his
middle name is Eugene. Aw. Flea stick Eugene,
sock jelly. Eugene. My name is Trisston Hayes
and I am the Dummy Master. And my fun fact is
that koalas... have fingerprints that are similar
to humans. Under a microscope, koalas have almost
the same fingerprints as us. Do we have a koala
fingerprint registry? Have koalas done something
wrong? How do we know this? You know when your
stuff disappears in your house and you never
find it again? That's the night koalas. They're
nocturnal. They'll get you. So, where are we
left off? Archie Ortiz had sacrificed his own
life to take out a big chunk of a horde of undead
with a necklace of fireballs and ended up using
way big fireball explosion and succeeded, but
killed himself in the process. Also shitting
himself. Also shitting himself, because he's
not here to defend himself. So, I believe that
would mean where we start up next would be an
initiative still as the Ogre Zombie. Yes. On
Duke, Crystal, and Flea Steak. Yes. Jeez. So.
He's about to shit himself. I need to look at
his thing real quick. Well, hurry up. To see
what exactly he does once he... Too late. Lost
his turn. Time down. Time down. There we go.
I wish. You gotta be quicker than that. I got
a dollar for you. Okay, so. Okay, so this ogre
zombie is going to remain planted because he
needs to use this ladder to not get up the next
person So miss nothing. No, it's your turn when
you feel alive and I'm close to it The ogre zombie
I guess he's lost the one on their side is dead.
Oh, yeah, they're yours is still alive. So So
I'm still on my side? You're still on your side.
There's a great big burning fireball that just
exploded in front of you, freaking ash everywhere.
And as this happens, Corley, the halfling that
brought you guys in and stuff and just showed
you where to go, she comes running up and she's
like, okay, your friend's dead. He definitely
just blew himself up with that fire, but he held
it off. He goes, but your other friends are going
to need your help. He goes, so I'm going to,
she says, I'm going to hold this area. You get
to your friends and tells you that you need to
run and get to your friends to help defend. Immediately
take off running. Because they're going to hold
this zone. So, you will spend your turn running
around this area. Sprinting! I am sprinting!
Use dash to get more speed or more movement.
You can, I'm assuming. Yeah, duh. So, what's
your 30 movement speed? 30. Okay, so you are
going to move. 60. Double. Yeah. Triple it! Wrong!
As you like cross over into this next area of
defense you're seeing like soldiers on the line
like on the walls They're like bleeding and cut
open and stick with arrows and there's other
soldiers manning a big cannon And they're kind
of firing off into the fog. You can't see what's
really happening out there, but tell us chaos
throughout the whole zone Yeah, all right do
crystal your turn All right, the man in the catapult
guys report firing at the other Okay, your dexterity
roll No six, sorry viewers Friendlies are near
him That's the ogres last breaths Okay, so yeah,
you hit 30 feet off direction and land out next
to the skeleton. And it kind of s 'blows out
into the fog. S 'blows. Well, that scared him.
It s 'blows. He says it s 'blows out. It s 'blows.
It s 'blows. S 'blows. Anything else? Nope, not
much I can do. Okay. Please do. Your turn. Eugene.
Eugene. Man the cattle. I'm gonna man it. Man
it. Dexterity. It hits hard. We need it. Before
they destroy it. Next roll? Yeah. You can do
it. Mushroom cloud. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve? Okay.
Might not be in between his eyes, but I clip
a booty cheek. Yeah, so... Oh, no! You do hit
enough that they are in the radius. They lost
a booty cheek. Do you have it written down, Nate?
Dex save that I gotta make food No, I just have
the catapults AC and hell through it man. Yeah
Really quick Catapult But I don't know what kind
of catapult maybe something rocks this one's
going forward DC 15. All right, so I didn't make
a DC 15 baby. Let's go Baby, what'd you get?
So that's a The ogre's dex is poop. Yes, negative
2. So that's 8 minus 2 for the ogre. So I rolled
for him first. He failed. Foolish. Next one's
not even better. 9. He failed. DC 15 save. Oh,
9 plus 3. 10, 11, 12. Yeah, you don't save. He
failed. Yeah, you both failed. So, damage. What's
your damage for this bad boy? Donut? 4d6. Ooh.
Yeah, this explosion comes through and it big
boom blows up you see a little flame fireball
shoot up and the skeleton just fries away into
uh ash as the skeleton the ogre zombie kind of
hits the flame against his back and kind of burns
him up a bit but he's still standing because
he's a big big boy he's going down his booty
i'm taking my spiritual weapon and send it down
there slice his throat yeah you can't do that
because he's close enough so you spawned it down
over close to that area when you did do it yeah
so give me your tackle for your Spiritual weapon.
I don't know what it's called. Carbage can lid.
Nine. Actually, you know what? He is very...
That hits. On the Sober Zombie? Yeah, that hits.
All right. All right. So 1d8 plus 5. That hits
a hit. He's very not hard. Big old boy. A lot
of health. That's the eight, right? Yeah. Appeared
me to have to ask. Seven. Diamond. Seven damage?
It's a diamond. Nice, your garbage can straight
up hits it in the forehead while he's hanging
over the ledge, hooked into the thing. Alright,
so that would mean next up is... He is dead,
I think. I don't know why he's on there still.
I just picture it as like the old video game
diamond. Yeah. Before they made him actually
look like diamonds. Alright, so it is the ogre
zombie's turn. The ogre zombie, knowing that
he has no more skeletons left, he's going to
start to climb the wall. So I'm going to give
it a strength check. That's an 11 plus 4, which
definitely climbs up a wall. So that was, what
did I say, 20 foot high? So he's got 10 more
foot of movement, so he's there. He's at the
top of the wall. Okay, next up. Miss Muffin.
Oh, no. Miss Muffin's running up on the scene.
And what? Yeah, I'll say with... Because I really
don't want to... I'm going to say with this,
yeah, you have made your way around to the other
side of... What's their faces? Flea Stick and
Dew Crystal. You're, like, coming down the north
side. You're coming down towards them. Yeah.
So, what would you like to do? You're about 60
feet. 40 feet from the catapult. 40 feet from
Duke Crystal. So the ogre zombie that just climbed
up is about 100 feet. So I can't really do much
from far away. I'm going to have to run up. I
don't have enough distance. I can dash again,
but it gets me closer. So wait, if Duke Crystal
is only 40 feet from me, then what's the closest
danger to us? The ogre? The ogre zombie is 60
feet from Duke. Yeah. So. So if I dash up 60
feet, I'm going to pass Duke anyways. Yeah, if
you run 60 feet. You'll be right. You'll be running
a little bit past Duke. Yeah, you'll be in between
me and the ogre. Is that what you want to do?
Sure. Dash? Yeah. Dash and crash. All right.
Next up. I'll slice him on his way past me. Duke
Crystal, it's you. You know the drill. He's on
top of the wall so Okay, I knew he was gonna
do that I knew I probably couldn't do it 14 or
814 yes Did he make his way to say that's what
he does horrendously three minus two four d6
There's one, four, so five, three, eight, one.
So nine, that wasn't very good. Nine damage?
Yes. Nine damage is nine damage. All right. The
flames freaking, they fly over and hit him again.
He's like burnt to a crisp. There's like flesh
dripping off of him. Bones are starting to show.
He's just like... Trying to walk still, stepping
towards you guys. He's in rough shape. Please
take your turn. You got him. He's all you guys.
He's much weaker now. He's very crippled. Sacred
Flame. Sacred Flame. Dex save. Well, you know
what his dex is like, so. 14 minus 2. Nope. So,
12? 12? No, I didn't get it. What's your save
that he has to make? 16. Okay, so, give me the
damage. And I think that's actually doubled,
because it's Radiant, and he's not dead. Oh!
So when you do that, yeah. Let me double check.
Yeah, that is Radiant. Yeah. So I roll 4d8 instead
of 2d8? Or just double the damage? Sacred Flame
is 2d8? Yeah. Dang. It went up. Are you nervous,
sir? Yeah. Because it's double damage because
it's radiant. He's dead. I thought it was only
1d8. That's crazy. You thought wrong. 11, 3 and
8. That's 7, so 18. 18 damage? Yes. Yeah, so
he starts lumbering forward you see like you
almost see like like depression and like pain
inside this thing says it's like Skins melting
off and he like looks up and you see like a holy
hand just this light hit him in the forehead.
He's like that is all for that round of uh creatures
so you have a moment you all just kind of take
a breath from the constant onslaught and i'm
going to tell them um an emotional fit of rage
archie ortiz freaking sacrificed himself for
us and he's dead he sacrificed himself yes archie
is dead he's gone so good man with this um you
guys have moment of there's that skeleton it
was trying to add so you guys have a moment of
like chill out before anything else happens so
you can choose to take a short rest so like take
like an hour or so rest and you can use it to
spend your hit die to regain health points if
you need to or you can find Corley and ask her
any questions to try to get an advantage on what's
coming next or you can spend the time trying
to fortify or repair your own defense zone i
will do the fortifying repair because the catapult
is damaged okay and it needs fixing what else
would you guys like to do say a lot like hurt
that needs to sleep or rest everyone that attacked
everyone attacked us pretty much went after the
catapult yeah they're trying to get well they
missed us because our ac was i have almost half
my health points i like a little over half It's
up to you what you want to do. If you want a
short rest, you could spend your hit die to try
to get some health back. He's going to repair
his catapult is what he wants to do. What was
the other option? You can also fortify and repair
the area other than the catapult. If there's
something special you can think of that you want
to do to try to make it better. If you don't
want a rest, you could talk to the one chick.
Maybe she'll know which direction they're coming
from actually more. Or you can talk to Corley
and get some information for an advantage on
the next. part of a fight or something how much
health do you have 25 to 30. no health guys you
guys know me i know you have big help i forget
because i see your health because i have bigger
helps than that i have 38 out of 51 right now
yeah so yes it's very very he's a dwarf cleric
so you heal yourself and i'll go talk to corley
wait i got a healing potion i'll be all right
I shouldn't heal her by holding her. Okay, then
you go talk to Coralie. Or you can talk to Coralie
if you want. No, I'll heal. I'll say I'm full
health at 16. I drank a healing potion. Okay,
so. Where is Coralie? She relieved you. So she's
back when you were on the yeah, so I'm gonna
have to dash all the way around it You're fine
to run over there right now. We're not she says
she sent you over there when the fight was happening
I don't know if she wants you to stay there.
I don't know. Yeah, I'm gonna go back and look
and talk to her. Okay So new crystal give me
Strength check with advantage Because this seems
like something Duke would be good at Working
and preparing 11 15 or 13 15 15. Okay. So yeah,
you are able to Get back five hit points for
your catapult to repair it almost a max full
of the dice Okay, and please take what you want
to do Prepare stuff. Okay. So what would you
like to do that would fortify or defend this
area for the walls? so when you look around you
see that there's like barrels full of oil there's
a big cauldron of like burning inside of it uh
and then the walls so what would you like to
do anything's better should we use the oil on
the catapult to really make them pointy or are
they like that the catapult explodes already
yeah yeah but there's just that's what we see
by the walls to where we can dump the oils are
we gonna We put the oil and spots along the wall
or if they get the dude with the ladder or something
like that set up we can Dump it over the edge
on them. Yeah, you do that. So give me a strength
check To try and like move them move them around
and stuff with advantage or just do normal. Okay
19 Okay, so you're sorry 21 21. Okay. So yeah,
you're able to move these over and kind of dump
some of them over and then fleece it. When you're
starting to drag yours, you kind of trip and
they kind of fall over and just kind of roll
off the ledge and hit the ground. So you get
a couple spots of your choosing if you want on
this wall here. Two spots of oil slick down the
wall. All right. I'd say one spot would be where
the ogre zombie got up before. Okay. Might as
well. And let you pick the other spot. The other
spot where the zombie came up as well. He climbed
up on the back of the ogre guy. He was a ladder,
technically. So whatever place looks vulnerable
other than that. Maybe... I don't know. It looks
pretty rocky in front of the catapult. I don't
know if they'd be able to terrain that very well.
I would say... You can also pour it on the walkway
if you want. Or if you don't want to, pour the
other one over the wall. Just right when they
come up the wall. I'd say probably down toward
the fire thing on the corner of the castle. Up
towards where you are or down the lower one?
Down farther south, I guess, on the same wall,
the same straight stretch that the other one
was. This is kind of your guys' area. Yeah, something
like that. In case anything crosses over. Okay.
All right, oil slicks are down, catapult slightly
repaired. And Ms. Muffin? You have made your
way over to Corley. What would you like to ask
me? Any questions about what? What's coming next?
What should we prepare for? So, when you... Give
me an insight check. As you're kind of walking
up and talking to her. Insight, insight, insight.
Okay. Ten. Ten? Okay, you don't notice anything.
So, she kind of looks at you and she goes, you
want to know what's coming next? she was okay
so um she was yeah they they might have i think
i think we saw some skeletons coming in and we
might have some more like hand things something
to do with hands she goes but honestly with your
guys's siege weapons you guys are doing pretty
well so uh you might get some more waves of some
undead but i can't really tell you much of what's
coming next so uh prepare for some kind of weird
hand creatures okay do i have to stay over here
She goes, no, you don't have to stay with me.
She goes, you can go stay with your friends.
She goes, I know you lost your friend and you
want to stay with your other friends. So yeah,
you go. Get out of here. Thank you, Coralie.
Bye. Yeah, she goes, bye. Maybe we should have
dumped the oil on the actual walkway. For the
hands. Okay. So yeah. You guys have done some
work here. You repaired. You put some oil slicks
down. Got a little bit of information from her.
So, Miss Muffin, as you're kind of walking through,
give me a perception check. As you're kind of
going through the other defense zones, walking
your way back to your friends. I would have a
dream. Six. Six? Yeah. Okay, yeah, you notice
nothing as you're walking through. You see, you
walk through and you see like some bloody people,
like hurt people around the area, but you don't
notice anything special. So, continue on. And
you make it back to your friends. So you guys
are chilling. You're kind of a couple, an hour
or so has gone by. You've noticed that the time
hasn't really changed. Like the sky hasn't changed.
It all just looks the same dark, eerie, off weird
sky. Like darkness has just creeped all around
this fortress. The fog is still there. You hit
this momentary hush within the fog that's surrounding
it. It just gets super silent. Then you hear
this harsh twang. It's like rope twisting and
wood tightening. And suddenly you see two zombies
come flying through the air out of the fog. They're
just like... And they land on the walkway right
in front of you guys. Hell yeah, they're catapulting
zombies. I can respect that. I would do this
too. No. Okay. Yes, I can respect it. I would
do it. If I had soldiers who wouldn't die on
impact, why not? Alright, so they land on opposite
sides of you. So one lands kind of on the north
side of your catapult and one lands on the south
side. They're like laying on the ground. Actually,
they are prone until their next turn, but that
is what happens. So, I need you all to roll initiative
again. A game? Yes, sir. Eight. Eight. Seven.
Four plus four? No. Seven plus one. So you're
before me. Okay. I guess it doesn't matter if
they're already dead. So, as these... Zombies
hit the ground. You guys see them flail through
the air. You notice out into the fog, these four
skeletons are pushing this big old mangling catapult
up, and they're starting to load some kind of
sacks inside of it. And this is their turn, so
their turn was to move it. So they all pushed
and moved it up. So now it is Ms. Muffin's turn.
Because this thing is a big ol' catapult for
these little skeletons to move. What? I didn't
hear what you said, apparently. I thought he
goes first. Yeah. Yes. Please take Eugene. Okay,
then you go first. Sorry. It just put you first
on the initiative order. Because you have a higher
initiative bonus. Go ahead. You can go first.
That's fine. Yeah, I don't want to go first.
Does it go why that who has the higher initiative?
I guess that's what it is. It goes right on there.
It might be that way I don't know. I don't like
that. I don't care. You both got eight. You go
first. Alright, so what was happening? We had
four zombies pushing up a catapult and two on
deck. There's four skeletons pushing up a catapult
and then there's two zombies. One right in front
of you on the south side and one up on the north
side on the other side of the catapult. I'll
take north ones on closest. You got one about
10 feet 15 foot in front of you Well, I'm gonna
shoot a guiding bolt at the catapult at the catapult.
Yeah, okay Give me what is that? I just tackle
right you just okay go for it spell attack No,
just shy do I still have much the owner No, because
it's been like a couple hours since you guys
bought last. But you are welcome to do it again
if you want to spend the spell slot, but that's
up to you. Because I think Guiding Bolt took
a spell slot too, doesn't it? Yeah, it does.
I have like a couple. A couple. They go quick
once you start using them. Yeah. That's when
shit gets real and you can't heal. Alright. I
cast my spiritual weapon. Third level, by the
way. Where do you spawn this bad boy at? I'll
put it down there. Where the zombie is? Where
the catapult is. Oh, down there on the skeleton.
I'm going to put a yellow marker to symbolize
where your guy is. I'm going to attack the catapult.
Alright, you're going to hit at the catapult?
Alright, give me an attack roll. Good move. 16?
Very much will hit, yes. Alright. And picture
the catapults in between those four skeletons.
Okay. Alright, so... 7 plus 5, 12. 12 damage?
Okay. Very good. Force damage. Yes. All right.
It takes a beating. It's still pumping Okay,
and now it is miss muffins turn and what's closest
to miss muffin you have a zombie Approximately
from you exactly 20 feet. Okay, so I'm gonna
Go up to it and jab it right in the brain hole
the brain hole. Yeah With my plus one dagger
multiple brain holes give me a brain hole stab
roll nope not one that one really you did okay
so yeah roll with advantage you know what you
do get to roll with advantage yay actually that
is true because you're an assassin which means
that one if it has a modifier though 12. 12.
okay that will because your base roll was a one
Just like if your base rolls a 20. I almost forgot
to ask. That will... What'd you get? A 12? Yeah.
Well, I got a 4 plus 8. That will hit, yes. You
do a good advantage because you're an assassin.
So if you go before that enemy takes its turn...
Okay, so 1d4 plus 5. Go ahead. d4 is this one?
No. Where is it? Oh, there's my triangle. 3 plus
5 is 8. Eight damage. Good hit. You hit him.
You stick him in the brain. He should be dead.
Pull it out. He's still standing. Oh no, these
zombies aren't like that. You must have just
missed his brain. Anything else? I just gave
him a lobotomy instead. Anything else? Yeah,
you just rearranged his brain. Oh, shoot. So,
um, gonna back up from him? Disengage? Yeah.
Okay. Disengage and you can move another 10 feet
back. Yeah, you'll be standing side by side with
flea stick now Please take Eugene. Please take
Eugene All right next up is Crystal I'm gonna
loop around the old catapult. Okay go for zombie
a It all zombie a And I'm gonna take his head
clean off with the dark greatsword. Clean it.
See if I can hit him. Ain't gonna like that blowhead
I gotta get him. Let's see. So 21 hit him? Yes.
Okay. Okay. 46. So 4, 5, 6, 9, 11, 12, 13, 19,
plus 6. So... yeah 25 yes he's dead so yeah you
clean him clean in half but with this uh being
an undead nasty creature you don't get any life
back i expected it it has no life to give but
you cleave it in half so good job all right it
is the zombies turn so he is going to run at
you a flea stick and he's going to give you a
slam I'm trying to two -handed just zombie smash
on your head. Oh, you know what? Actually, one
second. I've got to make a constitution save.
Uh -oh. That's a nat 20. So, do smash. It slow
rolled into it, too. That hurt. The zombie you
killed. Hits zero hit points and it definitely
saved where it would drop to One hit point since
I got a nat 20. It's gonna have five hit points
when it stands back up Like rises back up from
you cleaving it in half. It's just half a body
like Resets and it stands back up. So yeah is
That thing was going to hit you. That's what
was happening, and I redid that. Okay, so slam
for on -beat flea stick. That is an 18 plus 3,
baby. That hits. Baby. 1B8 plus 1. So that's
a 1 plus 1, so 2 damage. All that stress for
that. He hit it hard. He came in hard with the
hit, but didn't do a lot of damage. He did the
wiener. Okay. All righty then that means it is
the skeletons all on the Mangolin they're going
to launch something you see them carry a sack
and they strap it in and they they launch this
They launched this bag of things and hits the
bag of shit something and it hits the ground
and busts open and it's a whole swarm of crawling
hands that pop out where they are they're like
in between flea stick miss muffin and the catapult
right next to soldier three oh no that is the
skeleton's turn as they work as a team to operate
this but now it is the swarm of crawling claws
attack turn are they rolling they are undead
yes so yes we need to burn them burn them hey
did we put down oil slate so the hands are actually
covered in oil the swarm of crawling hands kind
of like does this like like spinning around like
little snow like fumbling rats like falling around
each other and they look over at soldier three
and they take off running at them and they're
gonna Do a swarm of grasping hands. Did they
get thrown past the oil slicks? Five plus four.
Ugh, this sucks. Five plus four, so that probably
won't hit, old boy. Good, good, good. Wait. Hey,
don't say that shit. It didn't hit. It doesn't
hit, no. It does not hit. They jump past and
he just smacks them all off. They're like spiders.
Miss Muffin, your turn. I'm going to start daggering
them. You're going to move to the swarming claws?
No, not move to them. I thought they were in
front of me. They are... You got the zombie next
to you and the swarm of crawling ants are about
20 feet from you. Okay, good. So, not my problem
yet. But the zombie... I can just try that lobotomy
one more time. See if I can... Give me a lobotomy
roll. Lobotomy! Oh, wow! Not 20 this time. Yes,
yes, yes, yes! So then... Seven seven damage
double damage. Oh, I didn't roll double So then
it's seven plus eight He's dead Yeah, you lobotomize
him a little too good in his I knew I could do
it guys working. We just have to look But before
he takes perfect natural lobotomizer, she wakes
up forehead jab forehead jab I'm just going to
cleave him straight down the nose. That's a nat
1. So. Yeah, he's dead. With a nat 1, he goes,
and it kind of just pops open. He dies. He does
not even revive at all. Exploding spider. All
right. Ms. Muffin, please take your turn. I'm
taking my dragon slayer sword and cleaving right
down the center of this fucking zombie. It's
dead. that one oh man the only zombie the one
by dude i know i accidentally said spider so
you got swarming crawling claws uh 20 feet from
you and then the zombie fighting duke which you
know it's probably not going to last long it
is about 25 30 feet from you you can't make it
to the swarm crawling hands if you want to get
close and hit them but that's a radius use your
flame on them use your secret flame on their
hands yeah that's what i thought It won't work
like that. It only does like one little hand
at a time. Well, it will hurt. They're just one
thing. It's not like that. It's called Swarm
of Crawling Hands. They're a bundle. Yeah, they
can't separate. Yeah, just roll a deck save.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking of. Yeah, flame
them bitches. Alright, deck save. It's a 15 plus
2. Is that no damage rate? Half damage. I don't
think it's half damage for a sacred flame. Dammit!
I think it's just a miss. They're dex, they're
dex stars, they're little pearls! What would
you do? Or take 1d8 radiant damage. Yeah, I think
it's, I think with sacred flame it's just, so,
anything else you want to do? Yeah, I need to
take my shield and cleave that catapult. Oh,
you're gonna hit the catapult again? Yeah. Give
me it. Give me your head. Bonus! On the money.
On the money. Alright, so... 1d8 plus 1... So,
11. 11 damage? Okay. Money. Good round, everybody.
Good jobs. Zombie on Duke. It's his turn. So
he's gonna do the old slam smash on your noggin.
11 plus 3. He ain't doing it. He ain't doing
it. He ain't slamming air. He ain't doing it.
He's slamming air. Your turn. Your turn, Duke.
Could I move a couple feet to the right without
him attacking me? You can move as long as it's
within 5 feet. Okay. So you can like flip around
him to the other side. Like circle him type stuff?
Yeah, if you want. Alright, well I'm gonna move
over just a little bit. Okay. And then I'm going
to use my bonus action to shove him. Okay. Attempting
to push him off the wall. All right. Go for it.
So that'd be... Strength. Strength. Okay. Uh,
not great. Ten. Ten? I got a twelve plus one.
Oh, he saves, huh? He just kind of stands there.
He's trying to push him over. Oh, that's upsetting.
But it's a bonus action, so... All right. Action.
Action is action. Yep, dark great sword straight
to top the head Cleave him right down that one
is a 24 13 plus 6 19 damage to the top of his
cranium Yeah, you cranking right on the top of
the cranium. He's making me mad. Splits him,
but he's got to be constitution safe. He was
supposed to fly out. How? His brain is split
vertically. Both hemispheres are literally separated.
No, no, no, no. Exactly. It's just once. It's
just once. I was going to say, he's died. Yeah,
he's died. There's no reason. Split in the mouth,
forehead, yeah. Okay, so next up is the skeletons
and you see them loading up another sack Can
you guys handle the hands and I'll hop on the
catapult with the catapult Yeah, if you guys
if you guys take care of the hands, I'll get
on our catapult and shoot their catapult. Yeah
Yes, how do we take care of the Just attack them
just attack They're just one entity, technically.
Picture it not like a bunch of individual hands.
Just a swarm. A bunch of hands that are... Just
balling around. They launch, but I'm going to
roll to see which direction they're going. They
share one life. Magical life. Okay, so these
ones... These ones land right in front of you
guys. Please take a ms. Muffin. Just a whole
bundle. Of course they do. They fall out of the
sack and there's like... I say you guys screw
it up. One do it one, one do it the other. And
I start slicing and dicing them. You need to
add into this. That way Soldier 3 doesn't get
his cheeks completely clapped. And I will be
made a fool of. My word will be nothing. 16 on
initiative. Okay, that was the skeleton's turns.
And then the next one is the swarm that's on
soldier three. And you know what he's going to
do? He's going to try to fondle. He's going to
fondle the soldier three with his crawling claws.
Grasping hands. And that one. Fondle me? Yes!
They start crawling on him and you hear the soldier
and he goes, Duke said he was going to protect
me. Flea stick said they'd protect me. And he's
like, snap! And just breaks some of the fingers
on the claw. He said, I feel safe. He's gonna
do some damage to him good damage He does one
damage as he breaks a finger on the crawling
hands. Yay Good job person five fingers broke
Miss muffin your turn. You got a swarm of crawling
hands in front of you and 120 feet behind you
Well the one right in front of me. I'm gonna
slice and dice Eleven plus eight. Nineteen. Eleven
plus eight. That will hit. Six damage. Six slicing
damage. Okay, six slicing damage. Alright, anything
else? Anything else you want to do on your turn?
Slash the base? The half slinging slasher. I
mean, I don't know. Can I use my other dagger
and my other hand? Okay. Yeah, okay, yes. So
yeah, I'm going to slash with my other hand as
well. Okay. Try to get as many as possible. Nat
20! Nat 20! Double damage. I'll bring the slice
with your feet. So this one's only plus 4. So
it's 1 plus 4 and then 3 plus 4. You don't do
your bonus twice. Oh. That's what I did last
time, so we fucked it up. Roll both damage and
then add your bonus. I already forgot what they
were, so I'm going to reroll two and two. So
that's four plus four. Okay, so eight damage.
Yeah, eight damage. My bad. The last one I definitely
rolled too much damage. Chater, you're kicked
out. I didn't know. You're bad. Bad DM. You didn't
notice. Here, puff your paper. All right, shake
your flame on the handy hands. One's right in
front of you? Yeah. Okay. They fail. Two plus
one. Two plus two, but still fail. Seven plus
four. What was it? Seven plus four? Eleven. Eleven.
Radiant. Radiant. Oh, double damage then. Yep.
So 22 damage? Yeah. Well, you'd roll it. Roll
it up there. I was like, wait. Another seven.
And a five. So, twelve. Twelve and eleven. Big
ol' hits. Big ol' hits. Sacred flames frying
up their undead flesh. Alright, Duke. Alright,
now I gotta take my shield and bash that thing
again. Yeah, go for it. You can bash it. Eight.
Eighteen. Yeah. Alright, so 1 damage. So, 10.
10 damage? Yep. Okay, so. I don't know how to
do math. Your shield kind of just like, you see
it back there just in the fog. Like, around the
edge of the fog, you can barely kind of see what's
happening. And just like, you're smashing and
beating and pummeling. And then you guys see
a clearance in the fog and the catapult's like
in pieces. Just like right there, falling apart.
But the skeletons are all still sitting there
like... ready to go so duke your turn i'm aiming
right for the middle yeah okay dexterity uh 15
yeah that'll hit him that ass in the middle if
you want to hit the radius yes okay it's dexterity
saves correct uh -huh 15 yeah so um two ten plus
three so that's a fail Four plus three is a fail.
Nat 20. And four, so three. Three fail, and the
nat 20, I'm going to say, doesn't take half damage.
He's just going to take no damage. So, say skeleton
C takes no damage, but the other three fail.
So, give me that, what, 46? 46, yeah. Six, five,
six, that's 17, and then one, so 18. 18 damage
okay those three are fried blasted away um an
explosion of fiery doom very nice fudge all right
one lone skeleton just like standing by himself
Okay, it's a... Yeah, he's standing face to face
with your shield, just staring at it. Look at
it. It's not bloody, but it's got like splinters
in it. It's like it's blood dripping. It's just
wood from the catapult. The shield just alone
destroyed an entire catapult. It's like looking
at a skeleton. Alright, a swarm of claws that
are on the fleece that can miss nothing. It's
going to make a swarm of grasping hands. No!
Yeah. Get off me. It's like five plus four. That's
my no -no square. Oh, my God. These things can't
hit for shit. No, they suck. I want it to hit.
Oh, it's the skeleton's turn. He's going to get
with the old... Run past you right now. Spiritual
shield. He said, I'm going to break that shield
down. Yeah, he's going to juke him out and try
to run up, climb up the wall. Well, don't I get
a... Since he's trying to... Yeah, sure. Give
him an opportunity attack. Yeah. He don't even
care. There's nothing else he can do. He can't
kill this thing. 16 plus 8. That hits. Yeah,
that hits. He said, ooh! He said, I don't know
what to do. He's just running around in circles.
Dodge, dodge, dodge. What did it say? It said
6 damage. 6 damage? All right, yeah. So you kind
of chip off a bit of his shoulder. He's like,
oh, fuck, and just runs right over it. He's like,
I'm artillery spot. He got a 17, though. on his
climb so he starts to climb the wall but that's
about half his movement speed so he's standing
on the edge of the wall at the top taking deep
breaths into his no lungs but he's literally
on your oil he's on your oil slick though so
for a reminder of that that was his turn oh yeah
i guess i'll do a dexterity say or his dexterity
once he gets to the top he falls he gets the
top he takes that deep breath into his no lungs
and he's like what the and it starts to fall
off the back of the thing yeah let's do some
fall damage is always merciless okay rolling
down he said jack he's he falls and he goes Hits
the ground and like his legs break off his arm
breaks off. He's got one HP. So he's just kind
of like Half of some pieces left Okay, it is
the other claws turn. He's going to attack the
soldier Finally So, uh, his hands, you guys see
this soldier, and, you know, he broke one of
the fingers, and he's, like, grasping, and then
you see them start to, like, grab and, like,
squeeze and get tight, and you're, like, seeing
them, like, walk up, like, oh, shit, like, they
got a hold of him. Um, and what is this thing's
health? They got my boy. Let me see this thing's
health real quick. My boy. Okay, no, so he's,
it's not bloodied. Okay, so, he was going to
do 4d8 plus 2 necrotic damage. as they squeeze
and start to like start to seep necrotic damage
out of him don't let it grab you one uh eight
so nine now he's six he's dead so nine ten eleven
twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen he did and then
three fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen he might
be holding on he has 18 necrotic damage to the
soldier um let me see here where is my soldier
at uh yeah so You're fine. He does 18 damage
and you guys see him like grasp ahold of this
guy and he's like, oh, no He's like Duke flea
stick and you just see him turn like black and
green He's like as I just kind of pop out and
he just kind of falls over as they release the
grasp dead He looks He looks fried like the green
on black like he's just like no, no, he's not
No, he's been cooked with the chronic damage
in night microwaved him essentially It's nothing.
Your turn. What's next? There's a swarm of crawling
claws that's behind you about 20 feet that just
killed that guy. And then the one right in front
of you. Okay, yeah. The one right in front of
me is still alive. Then I'm going to keep slashing
it. Double hands. First is my plus one. So, 10
plus 8, 18. 10 plus 8, 18 to hit. Yep. And that
one is... And it's a cantrip. Four plus five.
Nine damage. Nine damage with that one. And then
my left hand dagger. Zero hit points. Oh, he's
dead. He's dead. Yeah, he's dead. NPCs don't
go on the death set. You can't revive a five
with one. I would not spare the dying. That's
what I thought. What are you doing, Kelly? The
second hand dagger. My left hand dagger. What
did you do with your first damage? I didn't hear
anything that was said. Sorry. I rolled an 18
to hit, and I got 9 damage. Okay, so 9 damage
to the claw. Or I dealt 9 damage. Okay, and then
you're doing your offhand attack? Yeah. 11 plus
7 to hit. Oh, yeah. 4 plus 4, 8 damage. 8 damage?
Yeah, this thing's looking rough. You and Fleasick
put the work on it. But it is your turn, Fleasick.
There you go. Dagger, dagger. Slice, slice. Sorry,
slice, slice. All right, I'm going to say you're
playing these finger, fingerlings. Fingerlings?
Fingerlings. Clawlings. Give me a dex save. Dex
save? Okay. 19 plus some stuff, I think. 19 plus
2, so super safe. All right, so I'll just bring
my shield up and bash the thing. I'm going to
break all the fingers. I don't know if your shield
can make it that far. what is my it's like he's
about 50 60 feet from you let me see 60 feet
really yeah yeah okay yeah you can move him right
there on him all right floats up there like garbage
can't let jesus covered in booze all right we're
hearing credo's theme song playing in the background
Yes. Yes, he fries. You see the last hand shrivel
up like a dead spider and just kind of die off
right there. The shield's taking life after life.
Just leave the skeleton there. It's like mercilessly
bleed out with no blood. He's still got one health.
He's no threat. He's crawling around. Yeah, he's
just down there like a torso and an arm. He's
just waiting to see what happens. No mercy. Duke,
it's your turn. Your boy's dead. You know what's
about to happen. You gonna mercy kill? I'm gonna
go vengeance kill. With the catapult? No. With
my dark greatsword, I'm going to... Slash this
fool twice these hands slash these fools these
hands throw hands All the hands ain't dead. Now
these I don't want to attack these days We just
chilled while they mangled my boy. He saved himself
twice. They couldn't run away cuz they're an
opportunity attack Let's see six plus nine Nine
yeah 9 plus 6 15 15 damage good slain slice make
some hand and then next attack Yeah, you know
crit fail He's about to get my second attack
in, start bullying. Yeah, so you go to swing
the second attack in, you see the body of your
necrotic little soldier right there, and you
kind of do a slip and fall down, looking face
to face with him. He's like right in your face,
and you're knocked prone for a turn. You got
to get that dude's face. And then the left skeleton's
turn, but he's mortally injured. He's on the
bottom, he's like, guys! Guys! Is there anyone
still alive to help me? Because he can't do anything.
So, swarm of crawling hands. Oh boy. Well, they're
going to look to their only opponent next to
them. And this thing is bloody now, so... That
would mean it does this instead. Okay, so it's
going to try to grasp you, Duke. Eight plus four.
No. Luckily you guys killed the cat so I'll spin
around Isn't it just 20 feet from me if it's
on Duke still run the 20 feet and slice and dice
it Since I ran and did all that do I still get
to use both hands or just the one? Nine plus
eight to hit with my Right plus one dagger, and
that is seven damage. And then my left hand,
five plus seven to hit. Well, five plus seven
hit, what is that? Oh, 12. 12 hit? Yes. Yeah,
all the money. Six damage with that one. All
right, please take your turn. All right, is it
just the hands left? Yes, just the hands. The
claws. The claws. All right. Just sacred flame
again. Okay. Eight plus one, I think. Eight plus
two. 16 to hit. All right. Who fails? So 2d8
gradient. So roll a four. Yep. So four. Four.
Eight. So that's 16. 17 damage. Yeah, radiant
light fries him up. Fries them all into a little
radiant ash and they die. I'm gonna end the combat.
You guys completed it. Good job. You survived
that swarm. Except there's one skeleton left
who's just laying on the ground down below the
wall. I don't know what you guys want to do with
him, but that's up to you. Put him on your backpack.
Big rocks laying around. Yeah, there's crumbled
pieces of like wall where they were launching
stuff and your catapult's been blown up. I'll
just drop one off the wall. You'll just drop
a rock. Okay. Give me a strength check. A strength
check is to like throw that thing down. I don't
think throwing is necessary. No, yeah. It's kind
of a hold out and drop. Just drop it. Fifteen
plus five? Yeah. You drop it. And he goes, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait. It just crushes and just
blows into pieces. This episode of Dummies with
Dice features Kelly Lee as Miss Muffin, Nate
Chambers as Dude Crystal, Ryan Hart as Archie
Ortiz, Ryan Tucker as Flea Stick Sock Jelly,
and Tristan Hayes as the DM. The episode is edited
and mixed by Tristan Hayes. The artwork for Dummies
with Dice created by Al Sorensen can be found
on Instagram under A -R -C -S -I -0. The theme
song is The Intense Fiddle by Ben Caldera. When
it comes to Dummies with Dice, you can find our
website on rss .com slash podcast slash Dummies
with Dice and on Facebook at Dummies with Dice.
Most importantly, join our Patreon at patreon
.com slash dummieswithdice for free or for $3
monthly to gain access to a Discord and bonus
content. Come back in two weeks for new episodes
of Dummies with Dice.