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Use of violence, profanity, rude humor, and the
portrayal of drug and alcohol use. Welcome to
a very special Dummies with Dice episode. Today
we begin part one of our first mini -series,
Lord of the Dummies. We are playing Lord of the
Rings role -playing game, released for Dungeons
& Dragons 5e, and I want to apologize now for
if we butcher any lore or pronunciation of this
wonderful fantasy world created by the great
J .R .R. Tolkien. Let's introduce our company.
Hi, Ryan Tucker here, R2. today I am playing
as Grenthran Mountainpast. I'm an Iron Hill Dwarf
scholar at level 4. So bear with me on the lore.
was a rhyme. Rhyme of the lore. Oh man, that
was accidental. Hey guys, Nate here. My character
is called Guldarin. He's a level 4 ranger of the
north. He's also a treasure hunter. Hi, I'm Kelli
Lee, and I play Thalindra, the Lindon Elf. She's
a level 4 messenger with long, wavy, white, blonde
braids. She stands proud with her companion,
Bunwen the Rabbit. Bunwen the Rabbit, not Bunyan
am not a Dungeon Master. I am a Lore Master,
because that's the name of him in this. So I'm
the, what did we say, Nate? The dummy lore master?
Yeah, the dummy lore master. I am the dummy lore
master today, and let's see how much we botch
the world of Lord of the Rings. Yeah, which means
your lore may not be accurate. I am not a good
lore master. Let's do this. Okay, so where we
begin our wonderful journey. You all three have
been tidying your own lives. Bunwin. Sorry, you
three and your bunny Bunwin have been doing your
own lives, having your own things going on, and
you all receive a letter that says the same thing.
It says... Dear friends, when I took up this
pen, my intention was to elaborate on the reasons
why I counseled you to meet with me at the Prancing
Pony. Then I remembered what I have to tell myself
from time to time. The task I choose is to inspire
the enemies of darkness and push them to action.
I am not here to rob you of your freedom of choice.
They say that even the wise cannot see all ends.
So who am I? Certainly not the wisest. So tell
you what to do? I cannot. Only you can decide
what to do with the time that is given you. So
I await you at the Prancing Pony in Bree to go
over the details. Yours in friendship, Gandalf.
So you all have... Gandalf, he knows how to write
a letter. He knows how to write a letter. He
even had an accent in it. You could hear the
accent in the letter. I was reading the accent
in the letter. So you guys have all traveled
from your homes of... The woods, I guess, where
you have roamed your life, Belindra. Woods and
blue mountains. Yeah, and the ranger of the north,
what's your name? Gul'daran? Gul'daran. Gul'daran
has been roaming his life treasure hunting and
taking down evil as a ranger of the north. And
we have... In the north. Grinthron. Grinthron,
mountain past of the Iron Hills. out doing whatever
the hell iron hills mountain past uh doors do
but you all have decided to meet in brie to meet
with gandalf and decide what he's got for you
so gandalf the gray yes oh yes it is gandalf
the gray yes gandalf the gray or gandalf the
white as you uh kind of enter in brie you see
this obviously occupied chief village uh there's
men there's hobbits there's dwarves there's all
kinds of travelers coming through harfoot I don't
know. Aw, you said all kinds. There's all kinds,
so if you want to believe it. I like Harfoots.
I don't know the lore of Harfoots if they're
here now, so we'll see, sure. No Shire yet. Shooks.
Well, there's a Shire. This is after Bilbo's
Adventures. Okay. You hadn't heard of the Shire?
So. You guys come to the gates of Bree, which
are welcome open gates during the day, so you
guys are easily able to come inside. But you
guys enter Bree and you see lots of people. Oh
no! You come inside and enter Bree. So you kind
of enter in and you see hobbits kind of roaming
around and chatting and going off everything.
But do you guys want to make your way straight
to the Prancing Pony? Is there anything special
you want to do before you get there? I'm going
to whisper to the closest hobbit and be like,
see any hard foots? Straight ahead? Okay. See
any hard foots? Is there any hard foots here?
You're seeing kind of like some animals and shit
like kind of roaming around. Giant boars maybe?
No, there's no giant boars. Those aren't native
to this area. Alright, so you guys kind of walk
up to the Prancing Pony and you go to enter inside
and you are just hit in the face with the sound
of raucous laughter. There's the scent of food
and fresh beer. Everybody's loud. There's pipe
smoke in the air, but you see one particular
pipe smoke that flows. Big, large rings that
kind of puff up and you see an elderly man sitting
there kind of just laughing his days away. Hitting
his pipe smoke. Hey, can I hit that? Oh, of course
you can. What's your name? Grinthrin? Grinthrin.
Of course you can, Grinthrin. I have been expecting
you and all of you. You all have arrived. He
goes, so, should we get somewhere private where
we can talk about the details? Sure. Where do
you have in mind, girl? So he goes, okay, and
then stands up and walks over two tables to a
corner and just kind of sits down. And he looks
at you and he goes, so, as we all know, especially
you, Ranger of the North, evil has been lurking
in the far distance. Some see and some do not.
He goes, but I have a particular quest that I
need a small group to handle. Because I have
another another situation that I'm seeing to
and I need this to help them on their journey
Because there is a tower hidden in Ered Luin
and it's uh He said there's a tower There is
an ancient tower in the easternmost foothills
of the southern Ered Luin, and what remains of
a powerful castle from the time of the kings,
wanderers speak of an eerie blue light that sometimes
can be seen even from the sun forward. Like a
star shining above the river mists, no one goes
there, and recently the people who have gone
there started to disappear in its vicinity. But,
we have checked this place out. I've sent other
rangers that were capable of the time to investigate,
and there is a heavy... curse on this place so
you must go to Rivendell to get a talisman of
blessing to be able to pass through this curse
and try to figure out what's causing the curse
and stop it that is your quest and uh as he kind
of says this he pulls out a map of Eredor the
surrounding area of the west here and you can
see all the way from where you are at Bree and
uh He kind of points out to all the directions,
and he says, far to the east there, through past
weather, the weather hills, weather top, the
last bridge, through Troshaw, and then you see
the fjords of Bruin, and there is Rivendell.
Because that is where you must get to, and then
back this way, you have to journey back across,
and get back behind, maybe through the Shire,
and find the entrance to the southern area. Southern
Ered Luin to try to find this tower of blue light.
But I'm sure you can see the blue light because
people have said they can see it from the Sarn
Ford. So. I can see pretty far. Now you guys
are in a moment of plan and strategize your route
to get to Rivendell. Do what Gandalf says. Gandalf
can't guide you and tell you the best route because
it's up to you guys what path you want to take.
So if you're asking some advice, he says, Well,
I can tell you that the Great East Road is the
main path to get there. He goes, but as days
of late, the main road has been heavily guarded
by bandits, raiders, there's even been signs
of orcs. But not much, not much. Most we think
they're coming from the Misty Mountains from
the north, trying to steal and raid. But as you
do with this information as you much, he goes,
I'm going to go gather us some drinks and food.
Look over the map and find out what path you
want to take. So. Look over the map. Look over
the map. It's eyeballs immediately come out of
my eyes. Well you all have to refresh. I bet.
Refresher. Oh, it's not started I guess. Sorry.
Yeah, let us in. There you go. Knock, knock.
And we were going to... So you were going to
Rivendale, which is far east. You are in the
town of Bree. Wow. And then Sarn Ford is south
of you guys. Like kind of right lower than you.
Where is Rivendell? I see the Shire. Straight
east? Yep. Follow the main road. Oh, I see it.
It'll be at the end. Through the mountains. Right
at the mountain pass. Yes, it's right at the
edge of the Smiths Mountains. Yeah, this stuff
is too little for me to read. This is the main
east route. Yes. So as you... As you guys are
kind of looking over this... This map... I guess
we just go straight east. Follow the river. I
can't find Jet! He's not the guy. Oh! Found us
I found where we're at now. We were supposed
to go. I have no clue go straight east Never
eat sour Salty and sour There's no options is
looking like the great East Road or just straight
up off through the middle of nowhere, through
Weather Hills and Redar. Yeah, or you take the
river down south. So, as you guys are saying
this, and you speak, and you, as you say the
Weather Hills, and you're talking about the Weather
Hills and Weathertop, the owner of the building
kind of walks by, the innkeeper, Barnabas Butterbur,
and he walks by and he goes, oh, he goes, you're
friends of Gandalf, aren't you? You guys are
his friends. Yes. Okay, so I hear you talking
about Weather Hills. I heard that as I was walking
by. It wasn't eavesdropping or nothing. Just
heard it. He goes, but just so you know, because
I know you're a Ranger of the North. He goes,
other Rangers of the North have been camping
at Weathertop. So if you guys are on some kind
of journey, he goes, you can use that to camp
out for a night or so. He goes, before the long
journey. Good to know. Because if you guys need
that information, he goes, Gang Doc's a good
help. He's a good friend. He goes, I won't mind
helping his friends. And then he kind of takes
off and starts serving other tables and such.
Well, what am I spelling? Why, thank you, kind
sir. No doubt. Get some beauty sleep. But where
is it on the map? Because I cannot say it still.
It is literally right next to us. So, what's
your guys' decision on where you want to go?
All right, quick question. I know this map, the
scaling's probably all funky -dunky, so I would
imagine that's a long trip. I believe it will
take you about... Think it was 18 days total
to get to make it from here to Rivendell. Okay,
so yeah, it's gonna Yeah, we're gonna move like
the width of Bree a day. Oh, yes, okay so make
it through the midge water marshes or just follow
the main road and then probably Yeah, so either
a day or two days to get to where the top probably
Yeah, we can do that. So you're going to take
the main road then? The Great East Road? I guess
we can since we're right outside Bree. It's probably
not as heavily guarded as it is up the road.
Yeah, you can take that if you want to get to
Weathertop. It may be a faster route if you take
the main road, but that's up to you guys. Can
I ask Gandalf where most of the bandits have
been reported on the East Road? Is it farther
east or has it been close to Bree? Gandalf kind
of comes back and he's got... beers and his pipe
and extra pipe for everyone to smoke on. And
he sits down and he goes, yes, yes, I know what
you're thinking. I know what you're thinking.
What did you ask? Oh, get off. How far down the
Great East Road were most of the bandits being
reported into? Oh, he says, oh yes, he goes,
well, once you get towards the forests and the
trees, kind of the last bridge area, he goes,
there's been reports of bandits trying to stop
people on the bridge, cut people off into the
trees. He goes, there's been lots of things happening
in Middle Earth these days that aren't normal.
Understood. Appreciate the help. He goes, and
I spoke with Barnabas. He told me that you...
He told you about Weathertop. He goes, you guys
are welcome to use it. I'm sure the rangers wouldn't
mind, even if they're there or not there. He
goes, everyone's welcome to use the Weathertop,
especially the ranger of the north. Word. Okay.
If you guys have decided. He doesn't know what
word means. He goes, yes, copy, word. That is
a word. Word. I did say word. He goes, well,
if that's the plan and you guys have your route
taken, he goes, you can use the inn. Barnabas
has given you guys rooms to sleep tonight. So
you can use tonight to party, to sleep, to rest,
to think, to do as you please. But it's your
night before your journey begins. And he kind
of puffs his pipe, gives you guys some pipe weed
and a pipe and walks off. So what would you guys
like to do tonight? Any exploring? Would you
like to sleep? Would you like to hang out in
the inn and see the party going on? See if any
exciting things happen? watch around for some
part foot action pick some pockets yeah i'm just
gonna drink and smoke weed yeah yeah drink and
smoke some pipe weed yeah sure all right so actually
i'm pretty sure dwarves uh come to this place
for um they have pipe smoking competitions and
dwarves usually are very adamant about trying
to beat the hobbits because the hobbits are very
good at it so if that's something you're interested
in yeah let's do that let's go find this smoking
con so You're gonna do that. Are you guys going
with them? Are you still hanging out doing your
own things? I'll watch. You'll watch them do
a smoking contest? I will also say I also would
like to see. Okay. I'll stand real close behind
some of the spectators with big pockets. See?
And I'm gonna use my helping hand, my helping
action. And he'll look normal because I'll just
be standing there. For distraction. Okay, so...
Who expects a ranger of the north to start picking
your pockets? Yeah, so you're kind of walking
around the... the Prancing Pony, you're smoking
your pipe in the corners and hanging out and
walking around and this young little hobbit sees
you and he walks up and he says, Hello, I'm Adelar
Took. Would you like to be in a competition of
smoke rings with me? I say bring it on. Alright,
he goes, what's your name? Grunthrun Mountaincast.
Grunthrun. He goes, this is going to be one for
the ages. pulls up his like pipe and it's like
this nice like beautiful little inlaid one and
uh he puts some uh pipe weed in it and roll me
constitution check see how well you can blow
out some sick uh pipe pipe smoke rings is this
your mouth your savings are just right that'd
be weird is it just it's mouth dicks Intelligence,
wisdom, or charisma check using a pipe. It's
a hard one. You can choose. I use intelligence.
18 plus 3. 18 plus 3? Okay, so you're puffing
on this thing and you've got like the, they see
like the mouth movements, it's like smoke ring,
and he's blowing a smoke ring looking at you,
and then they get like this, you get this holy
like ring of... perfect smoke ring because you
you beat the DC by like two so you blow out this
big puff of smoke ring and it forms what does
it look like this smoke ring when it comes out
what is what does it form into my beautiful hammers
oh yeah so this is something comes out And it
forms into the form of a hammer. And this hobbit
goes, oh, I can do it when you want better. And
he hits on it and puffs it. And he blows. He
starts choking and coughing. And he goes, you
know what? That was a good one. He goes, you're
a good pipe smoker. And I hope to see you one
day in the summer smoke ring festival. And he
pats you on the back and gives you 50 gold pieces.
He goes, that's for your win. And then he kind
of walks off. Anybody else doing anything during
this? Watching. Pickpocket. Pickpocket? OK, give
me a. What is it, sleight of hand? Yeah. Yeah,
sleight of hand check. 19? Yeah, yeah. Let me
roll a perception. Okay, no, not a perception.
He failed. So yeah, you pickpocket, let's say...
Two heifer was leered by. Yeah, give me a d20
roll. Seven. Okay, you find 70 gold pieces out
of some people's pockets. You're sort of snagging
some stuff. Nice. So I'm just standing there,
like, watching everything go down around me.
Do I see anything awesome? See anything awesome
happening? You see a dwarf absolutely stomp a
hobbit in a smoke ring festival. Saw that. And
then let me see real quick on this thing. 16.
16. So... Oh, I rolled the wrong thing. I'm sorry.
One sec. I gotta roll something up. It's an eight.
Okay, so you hear after this smoke ring contest
ends and everyone's kind of doing their thing,
you start hearing everybody get really quiet
inside the Prancing Pony. Like, everybody just
kind of stops talking and yelling. And then you
hear a bunch of music start playing real hard.
And then you hear a bunch of people start singing
and chanting this huge song of... ballads of
a famous person who blew smoke rings and Prancing
Pony one day. What do you do as you hear all
this happening? Join in. You're going to join
in? Okay, give me a charisma performance check.
That's crazy because you chose nature instead
of the performance. That's not funny. Don't laugh.
We talked about it. We were like, well, you really
don't ever use performance. What did you say?
I forgot. Performance check. Charisma performance
check. Is anybody else joining in? Or are you
all just hanging out? I'm just chilling. Twelve
plus five. Twelve plus five? Okay, yeah, you
jump in and it's like you know this song. You're
singing this song along with them, and they are
like shaking and rolling, and they're like, this
elf knows her stuff! And you gain an inspiration
for joining in and getting the, passing the check
to sing along with the people of Bree. And as
you guys sing and drink and party and everything,
the night starts to come to an end. Is there
anything else you guys would like to do before
heading off to bed? Any exploring or checking
out of the town before it's late, late? Because
once it gets late and bree, they lock up the
gates. I'll go investigate the town. I'll investigate
the town. I'm going to follow the ranger. Yeah,
I'm following my friend. He is my leader. Okay,
so as you kind of, which direction would you
like to investigate of the town? Would you like
to head south, west? East, north. North is like
over the hill. What side of town is the borrower
at? It's towards kind of the center of town.
And north would be over the hill to the other
side. And there's like a little village on the
other side. Farming village. I'm just staying
in this village for now. Is there a weapons place?
We're going to leave the club. We'll just search.
East, south, or west? The west side of the village
here, I guess. So as you guys start to head west
through town, you head away from the Pouncing
Pony, and across you see a large green field,
and before that field is the end of town towards
the west, and you see the Counting House, the
Armory, and the Reeves Hall. So that's there,
and you see kind of some children playing in
the field out towards the edge of town as the
light starts to get darker, they're just kind
of... running around the field plane let's check
out the armory yeah armory okay as you uh start
to walk towards armory you see this uh kind of
uh not not young child but teenager pre -teen
-ish age kid he comes running up to you uh ranger
of the north he starts pulling on your arm he
goes you look like someone who's who's gathered
a lot of treasure he goes how do you get all
that do you steal it do you steal treasure do
you steal it sometimes sometimes that's so cool
he goes what about you what about you dwarf do
you do you steal things no Check my pockets.
That's cool. Huh? I check my pockets. Okay. Immediately.
Give me a perception check. Never mind. Don't
give me a perception check. He got an at one.
So as this kid's looking at the dwarf, he goes
to reach for your pocket and misses completely
and just grabs your butt cheek and just reaches
over and just grabs a hold. And he goes, I'm
so sorry. I'm just going to try to rob you and
steal from you. And then it failed. So I was
trying to be cool like you. And then he just
kind of stands there frozen staring at you. Just
kick him really hard. It's fine, but don't try
that until you get better at it. It's very very
much appreciated sir, and he turns on takes off
running You can get a point of inspiration as
well for okay for leading that kid to try to
teach him how to be a better Okay, so what were
you originally doing actually? Uh, going to the
armory. Going to the armory, okay. And this child
idolized me and then tried robbing me. Which
I kind of figured when he idolized my... Just
next time say, ah, it's kids! ...slide of hand
and pickpocketing skills. I was like, he's like,
that's so cool, I want to do it. He grabbed your
butt cheek, that was vandalism. I just pictured
you kicking it like that kid on Tropic Thunder.
I've been essayed! I've been essayed! Sexual
assault! No, it's like Hancock when he puts the
kid up into the sky. So... Oh, yeah. Uh... As
you approach the armory, you realize that this
is a squat stone building. Just a little squat
stone building. And it's the official headquarters
of the Bree Wardens. So you see some guards kind
of standing out in front and stuff. And it looks,
from just seeing the weapons and stuff inside
the armory, that these are just beaten down,
broken, shitty weapons. Like, they're not...
They look rarely used. Like, they're not... They're
nothing special. Yeah, they're nothing special.
They look like they're just there to keep the
town from threat if something was to happen.
So, that's what you see at the armory. Not worth
my time. It's not quite an armory to buy stuff.
Not worth my time to rob. Okay. Kind of investigate
to see if there's any hidden jewels around. Around
the area? Any good stuff, yeah. Give me a intelligence
check. Intelligence? To see, well, actually.
I'm going to be investigating. Is there a treasury?
Yeah, give me investigation. Do advantage since
you're trying to find jewels. A dwarf would know
the smell of gemstones. 17 plus 7. Yeah, so you're
like... So yeah, you're kind of looking around
while you guys are checking out this armory and
you're sniffing and sniffing and you see this
little market stand and it's just full of jewels.
All over it, there's just this lady sitting there
selling them. What would you like to do with
that? It's not laying on the sidewalk, no. I'm
just going to see what she has. You walk up and
you see a few that are glowing pretty bright.
There's just some shiny glowing ones. Not just
shiny bright, they're glowing. And then some
few other just kind of swirly looking gems sitting
there on her thing. Can I ask you what each one
does? Yeah. She looks at one of the glowing ones.
She goes, I'm assuming you're talking about this
one, right? She picks it up and when she picks
it up you see it like glow real bright And then
she sits it down her hand is still glowing bright
like it's like a lingering light that can stick
to you So you can pretty much cast the light
on something if you're using the gem Hmm What
about the other ones? Shit, there's there are
other normal gems. There's only one good one
I guess I don't have anything else on my brain
right now. How much? She goes it will be probably
about 40 gold pieces To be able to have a constant
light attached to you, pretty good. Especially
if dwarves who are in the mines, they would love
it. Can I haggle you? Persuasion. Bartering time.
She painted that shit. Eight. She goes, no, no,
no, no, I can't go down on price. She goes, it's
40 for this, but she goes, it is a good deal.
She goes, it's magic, and it'll let you use light.
You're a liar. I'll buy it. Okay. Liar. So she
hands it to you and she goes, Pleasure doing
this with you. Good luck with your light. Alright.
Can I go to the other one? Can I pick it up and
investigate it? What, another glowing one? Yeah,
because she says two glowing ones. I thought
you said there was three. I said, yeah, I said
there was other glowing ones, but yes. You said
two glowing and swirling ones. Well, yeah, let's
just do the same thing. I figured the two glowing
ones just make light and the other ones are just
pretty looking. Yeah, pretty looking. Yes, yes,
yes. So can I pick up and investigate the other
glowing one? Yeah, you can. Okay. Maybe roll
forward here. Sure. 14 plus 7. What are you trying
to find out about this thing? Just anything I
might know about it. At all, anything. It feels
like it has magic coming out of it. That's good.
But nothing that you can really tell that it's
doing. It's not leaving a light on your hand.
Just get it, bro. No, don't. Just get it. Don't
get it. And lay it into your weapon. That is
cheap. I said it then and I won't go. Okay. Alright.
Anything else you would like to do? Cheap joke.
Cheap joke. So, during all this, I had whispered
to my budwin and asked him to sweep the grounds
and bring me back anything suspiciously suspicious.
or helpful to us, or anything that he likes.
And he should be about back by now. Okay, roll
me an animal handling check. See if your buddy
brought anything back. He always does. Oh, 20.
Nat 20. The first one went off the table, so
I couldn't use it. Okay, he brings you some...
Potions of healing. He brings you two potions
of healing. He's a good Bunwin. See, I'm strapped
to his little... He knows how to do... I've taught
him and trained him well. Alright, are we done
for the night? What were the potions? Healing?
Yes, two regular potions of healing. Regular?
Yes. It's okay, Bunwin. I'm proud of you. No,
not greater. Or superior. Or that one. Two? Or
four. Two. Omnipotent. All right. Anything else
we'd like to terrorize? Is there a treasury?
Is there a treasury? Yeah. I don't believe so.
Then I'm done. Yeah. I think there's a counting
house, but I don't really know. That's just paper.
And abacuses. Yeah. So, yeah. You're done for
the night? Yes. All right. So, you guys lay down.
Rest for the night. and wake to another wild
inn below you. You hear people partying and drinking
and going nuts already. And you wake up and you're
able to begin your journey. Would you like to
head off immediately or is there anything you'd
like to do before you head off in the morning?
Eat some po -tatoes. Eat some po -tatoes. I want
to make an omelette. There's plenty of po -tatoes
at the inn Barnabas. He will let you guys have
some potatoes, and he'll pack a little bag, and
he'll say, there's some potatoes in here, and
there's some cram in there that you can make
up, or some ingredients to make cram. Cram. Cram.
Yeah. Hands you this little baggie of some food.
He goes, I know you're going to need it on your
journeys. Very nice. Yep. So, would you like
to head out? Yes. Okay. You guys do not have
any horses or ponies or nothing. You're able
to purchase, I think, if you'd like, but as far
as money -wise goes, I don't know where you guys
are standing. How much is hoes? I can. I can.
What? How much is the horse? So if you'd like
to purchase a horse, it's going to be 100 gold
pieces. That's a lot. About 70 gold pieces. And
a handshake. And a handshake. Roll me persuasion.
See if you can talk into a guy. Oh gosh. And
to give you 70 in a inch shape. Uh, 11. I have
20. 11? Yes. Okay, he says, listen, I can't give
you a full bred beautiful horse for 70. He goes,
but if you want a pony, I can give you one. He
can carry some stuff. He may not be able to carry
you guys very well, but he can carry supplies
if you'd like. Can I just call in a wild, wild
stallion? Is that an ability? It is for me. I
have animal handling and I can - Why am I talking
to the stable hand? We can just call magic on
horses. Alright, mine is Beastcraft. As an action,
you can spin a craft slot and choose one beast
that you can see within 30 feet of you that is
able to see you, hear you, make a wisdom animal
handling check, contest it by the target's wisdom
insight. The beast automatically wins if its
intelligence score is 4 or higher. If you win,
the beast is charmed by you for 24 hours until
your companions do anything harmful to it. If
you obtain magical success and the target is
a beast with a CR of 1 8th or lower, it is permanently
charmed by you until you dismiss it, harm it,
or make another beast permanently charmed. Basically,
you would only get it for 24 hours, and yes,
it would be theft. Yeah, because it would just
like you a lot, and he would have to still agree.
Did you tell me my horse thing would be theft?
I think it's the same ability, the beast talking
to the... Dude, I like summoning one from nowhere.
Yeah, unless you can summon one if that's an
ability. Now, if we saw wild stallions in a field
somewhere... Yeah, you could roll an animal handling
check to try and call it in and tame it, yeah.
Well, I only got 70, so... Damn. Pony for good,
or theft? No, no pony. Or just walk? I'll just
walk. Okay, yeah, you carry... You strap your
potatoes evenly and start making your way. So
potatoes potatoes Bunwin understands me to a
certain extent because of our companionship and
All that so if I requested bunion and Ways that
he'd understand to go bring us in some animal
friends He could do that. No, I don't think I
don't think rabbits like have control over horses
But he would talk to other rabbits. I mean, yeah,
I guess if you wanted him to bring in some rabbits,
you'd try. I mean, you definitely called him
Bunyan again. Did I really? I think you did.
100%. Bunwin! I'm saying Bunwin! Just call him
Bunyan. Just call him Bunyan. His name is Bunwin.
He's Bunyan now. I mean, this is Lord of the
Rings lore. Is your bunny the size of the one
that... The bat rabbit? That one wizard, what's
his name? Radagast. Radagast. He had giant rabbits.
So I guess if you're able to somehow gather up
like 20 rabbits to put on a cart and drag you.
No, that's not what I want to do. Okay. I don't
have any awesome abilities like I thought I would.
Okay, so. Moving on. You begin your journey and
you make your way through the nasty midge water
marshes where it just kind of crosses the road
and it's nasty. And it has been about four days
or so that you have been traveling, and not a
lot has happened. You've had a pretty peaceful,
calm time. Let me roll something real quick.
Okay, you reach the bottom of the large mountainous
area of Weathertop. You're at the very bottom.
Would you guys like to go up to Weathertop to
rest and see if there's other rangers? advice,
guidance, help, supplies, anything of the sorts.
Would you like to continue on? Yeah, we'll hit
on top. Okay, so I need everyone to give me...
Actually, we did not establish something. I forgot
about this. Me and Nate talked about it a bunch,
and then I forgot to do it. We need to establish
roles for the company, the party, on your journey.
So we need a guide, we need a scout, and we need
a lookout. Lookout. The scout can act as a hunter
and a scout. You know, you get low on foods and
such, but... So, we need to know... But, it's
a matter of your skills and who's best equipped.
This is happening before you left. I mean, I
do have good investigation, so it could be the
hunter and scout, I guess. You'd have to be able
to... Yeah, because you'd have to be able to...
Well, hunting would be under hunting, is it?
It's on there. What is it under? Wisdom. Wisdom.
So it'd be wisdom. The only one that's intelligence
based is Riddle. That's it. They're all wisdom.
Yeah. So. So, yeah. Investigate. But I'd be using
a bow to hunt games. So it's like. The hunting
is the matter of tracking it. But you gotta investigate
things to do that. I guess. That's intelligence.
Yeah, you'd think. They have hunting under wisdom.
They're split into different things on this.
The only one that's intelligence -based is Riddle.
I think I would take investigation or wisdom
for hunting stuff, because you have to know how
to hunt to be able to do that. Now, my guy might
not know exactly what track he's seeing, but
he can see the animal tracks in the mud or whatever.
I would take investigation or wisdom for hunting,
just because it makes sense. I mean, intelligence
or wisdom. I think it would just be like, instead
of being like, oh, you see raccoon tracks, it
would just be like, you just see small animal
tracks. Because I don't have the wisdom, but
I have the intelligence. I have animal wisdom.
I don't know what you guys were all just talking
about. But you can't go out and hunt with me
because you have your own rule. Somebody will
have to be the person that has the map. You said
one person will have only access. Well, I got
cartography tools and all that stuff. Do you
have good travel? Is travel the one for... Travel
is something I have naturally. That's wisdom.
It says estimated journey, reading the map, evaluating
whether a group of strangers on the road are
safe or not. So travel would be who's going to
read the map. Then there's also explore. Explore
is like going through wild areas and like investigating
places that are unknown, not following a map.
So almost scouting. Yeah, kind of. Well, it doesn't
say scout on there, so unless that's actually
scout. On this side, at least, that I'm looking
at. I wasn't writing the title. I just wrote
whatever they were. It just said explore, hunting,
riddle, travel, hunting, patron. I didn't know
if that was all of them or not. I didn't pick
the right one. I picked calligraphy instead of
Cardona. So, travel would be for reading the
map and being the guide, mostly. Where's that
even at? It's for the rules for this. It's in
this, in Lord of the Rings. It should be on there
somewhere. What would mine be? Wisdom and it
would be under like a travel or old is your wisdom
good. No negative two Well, I don't know if I
can be the hunter the scale and the travel guy
no, you know, we have to have one more leech
Well, you said so I'm gonna do boy. Yeah one.
Yeah Do you've got the highest with them? No,
so you map reader Do you want to be the guide
then? No. I guess. I'm just... All it is is that
you're the person who... You're the only one
who has access to the map. And you just have
to... Don't look at my maps. Yeah, pick routes
and... It's my maps. It's going to be more or
less... Basically rolls. It's more or less what
information we use. If we don't have any info
of danger, who knows if we'll walk into any.
You all have to get off the map. Only I can look
at it. Wow. He just won't put it back on there
all the time as we're moving so you'll have to
screenshot it or something All right, so because
as we get to it, you're gonna be the guy Who's
gonna be Scout? So as you guys get to Weathertop
with no problems With your special guide your
good guide that you have You guys make it your
way to Weathertop. You would like to climb to
the top. So, give me a athletics or acrobatics
check to start climbing this kind of steep steps
and stuff, climbing up these, the sides of this
mountain. Because this was once a southernmost
hill of the weathering hills, and it once stood
as a tall and fair watchtower, but in the days
of the North Kingdom, it was once used for historic
seeing stone, and now it's broken down. It's
just a stone on top. What? I got 19. 19? For
athletics. Crypt fail? I got a crypt fail. Okay.
But it's plus three, so it's... So Ranger of
the North, you're used to this. This is normal
terrain. Yeah, you're climbing, you're stepping
along, and then you're walking, and you just
hear, and then you see both of you start... Help!
Oh, God! Oh, my head! I just shake my head. Nibs.
They're green. 7, 8, 9, 10. You're both going
to take 10 damage as you just fucking take a
full tumble. Falling damage is the worst. Tumble
down this mountain side. And then you get to
retry if you'd like. Oh, fuck. I'm just going
to stand with my hand on hips. So it's a mountain?
Is that what you said? Yes, you're climbing the
top of Weathertop. This is where Frodo and them
fought about the rain rates in the movie. All
right, 14. 13. Okay, you guys climb to the, you
make it past the evil, evil terrain and start
to make your way up and climb hurt and damaged.
And you get to the top and you see a campfire
that is not lit. It's smashed out. And you see
bags ripped open and torn apart all across the
camp. And there seems to be no one here. And
it looks like no one's been here for a while.
So, would you guys like to set up camp or do
anything special before you set up camp? I want
to do a deep investigation of the camp. Because
you're lookout? oh yeah yeah yeah either that
or scout one of the two i mean we kind of go
hand in hand you can both do it so you give me
i'll do left side you do right side yeah go for
it that'll work and yeah uh 19 plus seven let's
see so 13 is five plus seven or 12 sorry 13.
19 plus seven 19. so yeah you are kind of you
guys are investigating this area and walking
around like looking at the stuff that's happened
And, uh, you guys are looking around and it looks
like someone had came through here quick and
expected someone to be here, but wasn't. So they
ran through, destroyed the shit, and then ran
off. You see, like, tracks and stuff kind of
just fade off the side of the mountain. Orcs.
Hmm. Let's probably don't light a fire. Yeah.
Okay. Oh, we can. We'll just probably get ambushed.
But that's fine. That's smart. So, no fire tonight.
You guys set up a normal camp. Um, you guys do
have potatoes and the ingredients make cream,
but I don't... I don't know if you already have
the crayon made. We already have the crayon made.
So if you guys want to eat the crayon, you can
do that without fire. Yeah, we made enough shit
before we left. What are you talking about? You
guys would like to set up camp. So I guess I
could go out and try and look for mushrooms or
something. Yeah, you can. Do you want to do that?
Yeah. So I'm just going to stand. I'm going to
climb back down, I'm guessing. I'm just going
to watch. I'm going to have Bunyan scout our
area. Yeah, you will have to kind of climb down,
but I won't give you a role to climb down. You
can just climb up because climbing down isn't
the hard part. You're a Ranger of the North.
I'm going to have Bunwin scout our area out and
make sure we're safe. They just did. We're safe
so far. I'll just move to the nearest wooded
area, I guess. Yeah, go for it. Bunwin can also
bring us food. I don't know what they are. You're
scouting, so... More hunting and gathering I
guess yeah if you want to do the intelligence
wisdom hunting go for it So just straight intelligence
no investigation both or anything you're Because
it's supposed to be off of this like its own
skill, but I don't know how to look at the skill
in The app you know I mean yeah i know that you
have you have we have some stuff in this things
but i can do the intelligence plus three instead
of my plus seven investigation 16 13 plus three
okay so yeah you get down to like the nearest
wooded area and you are gathered either to gavel
up like gavel gather up like mushrooms and fruits
and berries and all this such and kind of scoop
it up into a bag and head back to the top um
now Look out. Give me a dexterity check. Slide
a hand. Slide a hand? Yes, as you're trying to
set up the camp and get it prepared. Twelve.
Twelve? Okay, so yeah, you kind of throw up this
canopy over the top. It's not the best camp.
It's going to keep you covered from some rain
or some snow, but lots of snow's up here, so
you guys are kind of... getting a little bit
of coverage and you got some sleeping bags on
the ground and whatnot, and you guys are able
to eat your cream or your berries and make it
up through the night. As you wake the next morning,
you can take your health back. That is a rest.
Medicinal mushrooms. You guys rested. Yeah, additional
mushrooms and you rested. But as you awake, you
see the sun shining, snow's falling pretty hard,
and you guys are able to make your way back down
the weather top if you'd like, or if you'd like
to do any more stuff here while it's bright out,
you can. Well, while I'm up high, I'm going to
take a little looky -loo in the direction we're
going to be heading. Do a little scout. Okay,
so give me a perception check. What is the word?
17. All right, so let me find this right quick,
and I will tell you what you see. That's kind
of what I built this guy for, would be like investigation,
perception, kind of just like, don't let nothing
get by me. Let me roll a d12. Okay, so yeah,
you're looking off. in the distance and you're
looking towards like the forest and the grace
the great east road and the forest kind of next
to it and you see would you get a 17 yeah 17
17 okay so yeah you were looking down there and
you see some trees kind of shake and rattle and
start to break and then you see like what looks
like a large creature kind of just like shuffling
and running through the trees and pushing them
out of the way So you do know that there's something
large. Something decent sized in there that can
break trees down. Yes, kind of watching the road.
We can either choose action or safety. There's
apparently a large creature knocking down trees
and such in the woods. I guess troll. Or maybe.
For us they can troll, but it could be a boar.
But you said it wasn't native to this area. No,
when you saw it, since you got a 17. Two legs?
Yeah, like you saw it walk into the thing and
it's like smashing stuff and walking through.
So, yeah. And you saw that kind of towards where
you see like the, yeah, close before the last
bridge. Like before the last bridge. Just like
a little kind of forest patch that's there, I
guess. What I missed? Apparently I saw large
two -legged creature knocking down some trees
and walking through the forest area up ahead
of where we're going to be heading. So we can
try to detour that or just head it head on. Come
up stealthy on him and slice his achilles. Roll
me a, whoever you want, any of you, roll me,
but just one of you, a nature Or old lore. Any
of you have good old lore or nature? I have less
than three. What's your nature? I don't know
what the old lore would be. I don't know how
to look up old lore. Thalandra, as you see the
ranger of the north pointing out to you guys,
you know, about this thing. Nine plus four. For
which one? Nature? Yeah, that's what you told
me. Okay, so, yeah, as he's telling you that
he thinks he sees, like, this large troll -like
creature. Wait, hold up. What? It says history
equals old lore. It's intelligence. Yeah, old
lore is... So is it just intelligence, both?
Intelligence, and then if you have old lore,
skill. Oh, I didn't know if it was a skill. Yeah,
but it would be just base intelligence if you
did it. But, yeah, so with your nature check,
you're looking off, and then he tells you about
this troll, that troll -like creature he sees
in the forest, and you know that trolls who live
in the forest or live in the mountains usually
have a troll hole that they live in. Not a troll
hole. Trolls usually have troll holes that they
live in. That's why they like bridges. So you
can assume that there's a troll living inside
that patch of forest there. Alright, so would
you guys like to do anything else or move on?
We move ahead. Move ahead. Okay. Then, Kelly,
since you are Thalindra, if you're the guide,
then I need you to give me a investigation or
wisdom travel check. And I'm looking out. You
can give a perception check. Give me an intelligence
or wisdom check. Our characters have a lot of
features. Just little stuff for each species
or race. 17 plus 2. Okay. You are able to follow
the path, the road, or the map easily enough
and keep yourselves following the Great East
Road. As you get to the edge of the tree line,
close to where you saw the troll -like creature,
how would you guys like to approach this? Stealth.
Stealth? I'm approaching it like... You're just
going to sneak past, or are you going to sneak
into the forest where he's at to try to stop
this problem? Because you can tell this is going
to be a problem for people traveling. I want
to sneak up close to his little den or camp and
kind of just... Taking a little look see Lou
around there. Okay, see if he's got more than
one or you'll have to try to find his whole is
still I'm sure I can find where he walked through
the forest. So yeah, you know probably the Hunting
check if you'd like. Okay, so I guess so just
standard intelligence investigation because I
don't 13 plus 7 13 plus 7. Yeah, you're able
to follow the broken trees and giant footsteps
and you are getting closer and closer and then
you because the sun is bright you hear this just
large echoing sound and then you turn over around
another corner and you see this large cave in
the ground just kind of dug down and deep down
to the ground and you hear from inside there
you stupid fool the sun's out i can't go out
there because i hear them i hear them prowling
around always prowling around people and the
animals and everything out there I hear them
and then you hear another one in there another
voice kind of speak back and she goes it's a
female voice and you hear her kind of saying
like well we need food and if we need food you
got to go get it you big dummy and they kind
of are standing at the edge of the cave and you
see this like troll kind of stand at the edge
of the cave this large ugly troll leaned with
his arm against the cave just wanting to come
out in the sunlight and then you guys roll me
a stealth check How is a 23? That's really good.
Ten. How's it? One. Well, it's not a nat one.
It's a one. He got a nat one, so. He goes to,
like, he puts his arm up and he goes to look
out. And as he sticks his, like, arm up to look,
you see his arms go and turn to stone. He pulls
his arm back in. He goes, God. damn woman and
tennis comes back into his cave but his arm is
turned to stone as he walks back in all right
so what's your guys's plan going forward you
better watch your mouth we use my sword to try
and reflect some sunlight into the cave okay
give me a i guess dexterity I don't know if you
wanted to, like, slide a hand, maybe? Because
it's kind of like trying to get your hands just
right in the window. I'll take that. Winger the
light just right. So we're looking at 4 plus
8, so 12. 12? Okay, I'm going to roll something
here. Could have been better. Okay, so he got
a really high roll. I was rolling his perception
to see if he hears or smells you guys at all.
I'm going to stand in the shadows. So he gets
a whiff, and what did you get on your thing?
He gets like this really strong whiff. He goes,
that smells funny. He turns around. You see him
peek around the corner and the light just like
shines past him real fast and hits the corner
and like grazes his shoulder. You see like a
shoulder piece just kind of turned to stone.
He goes, oh shit. What the hell was that? Like
you see him take off running like back down the
tunnel. It's effective though. Yeah. Okay. Are
we going to do it like your native ancestors
do and bank it off multiple weapons down the
tunnel? Yeah, let's do that. So is someone going
inside the tunnel to get the corner angle of
it? Well, they're covered by sunlight from the
other person, I guess. As long as you keep that
beam to where they can run back around. I'd probably
use stealth. What I'm seeing is... His troll
got smacked by it ran backwards. You guys see
him cut down the tunnel and it's black back there
So if you want to stealth roll up to that corner
in the dark and Then try to do a double bank
shot. Yeah, but the thing is yes You would have
to do a dexterity sleight of hand to hit and
then another dexterity sleight of hand to hit
yours back down that path Yeah, any bad roll
and the whole thing goes happen and you have
to deal with consequences of Getting out of the
tunnel before a big boy snatches you and pulls
you and does his shit. Your decks are shit? Well,
there's another player. Well, my stealth and
dex is quite good, so I can be the guy that risks
it. A ranger of the north. That's a very ranger
thing to do, too. Do you have good dex? You have
good dex, don't you? Do you want to borrow my
light? I got my coming action, too, where I can...
I can use it for a dex buff as a bonus action.
My dexterity is 17 plus 3. I think I can do it
to use an item, too. My dex is plus 3. Oh, okay.
17. 17, yeah. So technically, if I boof it, I
can use my cunning action. To do what? Because
I can use it to buff a... Boof it? Yes. It means
fuck it up. Boof it. No, no, no, no. No, it means
to shove it up your ass. Yeah, we know what the
thing is around here. Essentially... Could I
use my cutting action that allows me to either
buff a dexterity check or use an item? Could
that count as trying to reflect the light again?
Yeah, you can use your bonus action. Like, if
he's shining successfully, I mess up first time.
Can I try that second try to, like, line it back
up before I get snatched? You're allowed to use
your bonus action to do a sleight of hand check,
right? Yes. That's the thing. Then, yeah, you
can do it twice, but then that would mean...
I didn't have any escape route. If you fail twice,
yes, you're out of routes. things so that's up
to you yeah and it could be bad if they have
nowhere to go and i start shining light they're
probably gonna come at me more than a way because
they're doing it i could just scan it left and
right yeah just yeah like resident evil style
all right i'm gonna go for a stealth approach
down there give me while you try to shine the
light down the tunnel as i'm going maybe i'm
gonna do the light first well i'm thinking if
he sees the light shining where i hit him in
the shoulder well he won't approach that spot
because she's got good decks that's true since
your dex is bad so what shiny am i doing you
don't need to shine then you can be back up i
run we got a rope we got a rope yeah i'm sure
you ever tie a rope to me all right okay if they
come charging and it didn't work out just like
so what do i do roll straight check well i don't
know if that would work you might just pull me
down and be dragging me Delindra and Gul Darn
need to give me dexterity sleight of hand checks.
Or you need to give me a stealth check. So I'll
do a stealth first and then you guys will do...
I roll a 13. Oof. Twelve. Okay. You got inspiration.
Are you going to use it? Yes, I will. Okay. That's
what I need. All right. So how about 24? 24.
Okay. Yeah. They do not detect you. So you are
stealthily sneaking inside the cave and you are
at the corner of the edge. Okay, so I'm in position.
You're in position, yes. That was a good stealth
roll. So, now you need to both give me dexterity
slide a handshake to bounce, reflect the sunlight.
Well, one of them, and then I do too. Yeah, she's
going to and then you're going to. I rolled already.
You mean roll again? No, if you're in roll mode.
Okay, I rolled a 13. Okay. I'm not even going
to attempt unless the light is successfully coming
towards me. The light, yes. The light comes down
and shimmers and bounces towards you. Okay. What
am I doing right now? Do I need to roll higher
than a 13? I don't know. We will find out. Go
ahead. Roll yours. You see the light coming at
you. Sliding. 19. Okay, so. Thalindra's accuracy
was slightly, you know, it was good. You were
aiming for a troll when you got a 12, so that
was an easier target, but aiming a direct sword
at another sword of light was a little bit harder.
So Shurza's off just a smidge, but you rolled
good enough to kind of counter it and direct
the light and bounce it. So yeah, this light
shines down the tunnel, and you see this troll,
and it lights up the wall, and you see it's probably
about 30 feet deep into this. tunnel and uh you
see the edge of the wall and you see this two
trolls just like standing there he's like oh
i don't know what happened he goes and hits his
arm again and pulls his whole left arm to stone
and he's like oh you seem to kind of like fall
over heavy he turns around he goes that where
he sees the light come from him i need you all
to roll initiative actually do you want to do
your strength check to try and yank him out you
can but that's how far away are they they're
about 30 feet Like deep at the end of this tunnel.
Should we attempt the light still or just keep
doing another one? Well, if I'm still shining,
can I just scan across like a kill box? That
was it. Well, isn't there a female that's untouched?
You can do it again if you want because you got
the bonus action. He's heavy. Where's the female?
She's also back there. I'm going to attempt to
use that bonus action and do it again. So let
me roll initiative then. Would that be like you
don't have your bonus action and stuff? I mean
I'll rush off initiative I mean if it's gonna
be that way then I just want to do it and I'll
wait to get a full fresh turn and initiative
I guess No, go ahead and do your bonus action.
Yeah, because you get you snuck up on them. It's
kind of like a surprise 15 plus 8 Yeah, so yeah,
you bounce this light off of it again. It shoots
down there, and you see it hit the other woman
in the arm, and it kind of turns her arm a big
chunk to stone, and then she's kind of heavy
down, so they're going to have a bit of a disadvantage
on some things, but they are weakened and hit
with a little bit of stone. I'm satisfied. Now
we need to roll initiative. Yes, I am satisfied.
Six to initiative. Well, I rolled horrible, so...
I rolled horrible as well. A nine. I still beat
you. Thirteen. Three plus six, nine. I got five
minus one, four. Okay, what was yours, Griffin?
Four. Four? Your initiative bonus is worse than
theirs. Okay, so what's yours, Gildar? Five minus
one. Nine. Nine? Yes. Okay, and Philindra. Start
playing. Oh, okay. In order. Let me start counting.
All right, so. First up is Thalindra. It is your
turn. You are not inside the cave. Dang it. So,
you can move inside the cave if you'd like. I
don't see what they see then? That's what you're
saying? It's dark. Yeah, it's dark in there.
You guys can't see, so you'll be at disadvantage
for sure until you get some light. We need the
stone. I got one stone. You want me to roll my
stone all up and down your weapon? You'd have
to wait for his turn. Right now, you don't have
the light. Yeah, the moment you guys start moving
into the tunnel, it's going to be pitch black.
I'm standing right next to him. You two are outside
of the cave, yes. Okay, can I have your glowstone,
rub it all over my stuff, and give it right back
to you? Yeah. That works for me. Huh. I mean...
Huh! If you want to be a glow worm inside of
a dark tunnel is a perfect target. I mean, I
guess yeah you can. Does it emit light or is
it just glow itself? It emits light. But if it
touches a person, it makes them also emit light.
So if she goes rubbing it all over herself, she'll
be like a glow stick walking in there. Just a
weapon. That's fine if you want to do that. I
like that. You might become a target. It's not
sunlight. It's just still. We're just going to
creep in. No, it won't hurt them. It's just going
to give us visual light to see. I mean, if you
want to be able to see, so you're not at a disadvantage.
We just need to stay close to him while he's
holding it with one hand. I mean, how big is
the light? How big is the... How much does it
weigh? Oh, we're fine. It's a 30 -foot tunnel,
so yeah, once we get toward him, it'll be fine.
So we can just rub it on pebbles and toss it
in front of us. No, he can just hold it in one
of his hands. And then when they run to the light,
it won't be... coming to us. It'll be coming
to those random ass pebbles. They don't know
where we tossed them from. True. She's got a
point. You guys can do that. Sure. Go for it.
Alright, so here's my handful of pebbles. Give
me a dexterity check. Attack roll or something.
They might just laugh at you. Dexterity check,
attack roll something. What do you want me to
do? Dexterity check. Dexterity check? Side of
hand. Do side of hand because you're throwing
a bunch of rocks and we'll see how well you're
away. With a damage? No. Ten. 10? Yeah, so you
gotta throw these rocks that are glowing light
and they roll forward and they just kind of and
hit the ground but they're only lighting up like
about 10 feet in front of you. That works. That
works. Yeah, there's like a small little chunk
of light. Hopefully it lasts more than like 30
seconds. I think it lasts one minute, so 10 turns?
10 turns, yeah, we're just gonna keep picking
them up and tossing them. That's gonna take your
actions and stuff. What did I just run in there
with this stone? I'll keep it close Well, we
already did the throwing the rocks. Oh, yeah,
we'll just leave them together. They only worked
for ten feet Yeah, okay. So what is going on?
Are you you threw rocks of light? Well, you ran
into the cave Now what are you doing? I Still
can't see shit guys. You can't see them. No,
they are past they are passing like fine Glyndon
What do I do pass your turn? You can pass your
turn. You have no movement speed. You don't have
anything else You can not do anything. You cannot
see them. You cannot shoot them with a bow. You
cannot walk. That's what I'm saying. I can't
do anything. What do you want me to do? Nothing.
If you have a bow, you can wing off a random
shot. But it would be disadvantage attack to
try and hit them. I do want to try that. I didn't
know if that was okay. Do it. Yeah, okay. So
I shoot my bow to where I saw them last. Where
I think they were. I'll twice pick the most.
So it would be 8 plus what? Because it's my short
bow. 8 plus 5. 8 plus 5? 30. No, that will not
hit. Either of them. So, yeah. Your turn's over.
Next. What are those sticks flying around in
here? I tried. Okay. So how far does this light
radiate in front of me? About 10 feet in front
of you. So they're about, you know, 20 feet of
light, then you'll see them. They're still 30
feet from you. Damn it. Toss the rock. It's on
the discerning, can't throw it yet. Let's see
here. They're going to be coming to us real soon,
so I guess I'll just try the short bow approach
like you did. Disadvantage. Yep. I just rubbed
my stone all over your bunny. 16. Four. So...
That'd be ten. That ain't gonna hit. Yeah. Yeah.
Anything else? No. I'll hold guard and ready.
Okay. It is the male's turn. It is, yeah, the
male's turn. So... He's half rock. His arms are...
Yes, he is gonna have disadvantage, that's for
sure. He can still kick. Try and get me the heaviest
arm. Troll. I'll just stay in the gateway. You
guys lure him to the door. I'll just beam it.
They don't have to move. They won't come to us.
Yes, he's going to come to you. What is his movement
speed, though? Oh, decent. Okay, so he's going
to not just attack you, but he's going to do
a charge attack, which is going to be strength
contested against your guys' athletics or acrobatics.
He's going to charge because he's got 20 feet
of movement, so as long as he moves 20 feet...
he can do his charge attack instead of his normal
attacks. Is there a wall 20 -foot behind us?
Yeah, uh, no. What? What I'm saying is if I dodge
out of his way, will he run square into a wall
like an idiot? He will run past you guys and
then turn around. He's not a rhino. Well, I didn't
know how close my back was to the wall. No, you
guys got some decent room behind you. About 10
-foot behind you. How about I back up toward
the... It's on your card! Give me a strength
or athletic... Give me strength, athletics, or
acrobatics. Dexterity. All of you. saves. Nineteen.
I'm not even in the cave yet, am I? You're not
in the cave, so yeah, just you two. Nineteen
athletics. Strength, athletics, or what? Or acrobatics,
dexterity. Strength. You're dealing. Grabbing.
I don't even know what my strength is. I can't
find it. You're dexterity will be higher. You're
going for strength? Are you psyched? No, I just
wanted to see what it was. It's at 11. Oh, it's
literally a plus zero. That is sad. Acrobatics
plus five. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do.
Okay. 14 plus five, 19. Okay, so he did not roll
higher than either of you, so he comes running
past, and you guys are able to just kind of jump
out of his way and hug the wall, and he runs
forward and kind of pushes his hands against
the wall and stops himself from doing a full
rhino headbutt and spins around, and that was
his turn, so. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.
Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Okay, so you have
to give me a dexterity slide to hand check. He
said he wanted to twerk him up against that wall.
It's like he is a 12 -foot tall troll with light.
Use that Riz! all right now i'm gonna run in
about 10 feet and then hit him with my short
bow how about that how about that with the short
bow yeah that catch me out if you're running
in you can like he's up close that one is So
I want to get close. Oh, I just didn't know if
you meant like you were running into the cave.
I'm like a little insect to which you're all
aware of. Yeah, that's fine. What did you roll?
What did you get? 17 plus 1, 18. Oh, yeah, that
I can. That's why when you said pin him against
the wall, I just pictured like a little guy like
pushing the door. The door, he pushed on his
knees. He just sat on you like. I was literally
like, never mind. It's actually, it's the way
all of them fight. All right, so I rolled a four.
Four damage. We need Legolas. Alright. Four damage.
As you're sticking with a short bow arrow and
he kind of picks it off and roars. It is now
the lady's turn. Wait, no. Who you calling a
lady? My turn. That's what she said. Who you
calling a lady? Yeah, you might. I don't know.
I can take the help action to help these guys
out. Oh, as a bonus? Yep. What is that exactly?
It gives them advantage. Yeah, we'll do that.
Do I only get one of those? Nope. I'm good. I
get just one charge. To give them help? I think.
Is that good for that? No, you don't have to
use a charge for that. oh that's just saying
you can do the help action as a bonus instead
of a main action so yeah you can give a bonus
or you can give a help action to whoever you
want which one are you giving it to let him roll
for it okay you guys rolled it twice so he's
gonna get the help 18. he gets it i got a seven
okay what do you say to inspire gildar and to
have an advantage Fuck up the kneecaps. You'll
get that next turn because it's the female's
turn now. The voice is traveling slowly. So you're
a little bit closer. This woman is going to walk
up her movement to you guys. So she's on the
other side of you two. She's going to attack.
With what? Her hand. Let me pull up her thing
here. Or her foot. She starts walking towards
you and you see her reach down and grab this
big tree trunk. Start walking towards you with
it. And she comes overhead and starts swinging
it down. She's going to try to hit you with her
old arm. That's a 17 plus 5. It is. With a tree
trunk. Dodges it. Well, I did not dodge it. I
have luck points to give you. 10 damage. How
do I use my luck points? Is that not how I do
it? I read it so many times and I still don't
know. I feel the same way sometimes. You have
two luck points that you can spend on the benefits
below. You regain expanded luck points. Expended
luck points after a long rest. But then what
is a... Let me read it. You can get advantage
when you roll a d20. You can spend one luck point
to give yourself advantage on the roll. Or when
a creature attacks against you, you can give
them a disadvantage. So you can spend a luck
point to give yourself advantage or give an enemy
disadvantage. Yeah. So... I forgot where we were
at. Damage was dealt to you, right? Ten. Ten.
It hurt. Okay, so. And it hurt, huh? That was
its attack. He needs to know. Next up is the
lindra. Yeah. And there's a cave troll on both
sides of you. I was going to say, I can see them
now, so I'm going to. They're definitely up close.
Short sword. Wait, is my sword short? No, it's
not. It's just a regular sword. Okay. Kill it
with that sword. Okay. Or attack them with that
sword. Fifteen plus five. With your sword? With
my sword. Fifteen plus five? Yeah. Sorry, I wasn't
even thinking. Yes. I forgot what you were rolling
for. I'm just kind of staring. You really didn't
have to ask. 9 damage! What's the 1d8 plus 3
for? That's for if you're wielding it with two
hands, but you're a dexterity build, so you're
wielding it with one. Which one are you attacking,
the female or the male? Yeah, the female. How
much damage? Um... 9. Okay, good hit. Slice her
belly. Bleeds a little. Yeah. Bleeds a little.
Put that belly button away, bitch. Anything else
you want to do? Bonus actions of any kind? Swing
back. You can't do that again. That's rude. What
would my bonus actions look like? Give AIDS.
I give AIDS to you. Okay, Grand Thread, you have
advantage on your next thing you do. Alright.
And now it is Gul Darin's turn. Also has advantage
with the bonus action aid that he gave you. Well,
the big guy, I'm guessing he's pretty much equal
distance from me as the chick is. Yeah, they're
both about right up on you, yeah. Okay, well,
I'm going to use advantage and I'm going to go
for the back of his knees, try to cut some tendons.
Okay. Get the Achilles. Alright, so... Does a
21 hit? No, yes. Yes, it does. 21. Let's call
that a stealth attack. What? Can I use a stealth
attack, technically? Yeah, because you have advantage.
As long as you have advantage, you're allowed
to use a sneak attack once per turn. Yeah, before
I do damage, we'll say that was a stealth attack.
Yeah, that's fine. So, 6 plus 4, 10, and then
2 more d6. 2, 5, so 17. No, it was 2, 5, so 7,
and 10. 17, that was 2. Big boy? Big boy, back
of the knee. That's a good sneak attack. So yeah,
you slice his knee, he falls down to the one
knee, and he's kind of like leaned over, and
he goes, come on, woman, help me! He stands up
and is ready to attack. So it's his turn. And
I use my cunning action to disengage into the
shadows. Oh. oh yeah you have a bonus action
so what you're gonna disengage and get out of
the light radius that's near but are you going
to run out of the cave mouth or are you gonna
like because they're deeper in the cave it's
like she's in there so if like here's the opening
and they're right at the opening i'm gonna go
deeper toward like where they came so this is
how it is you guys ran in and then it's like
a little gap there where you cut around yeah
so he's on this side of you the opening is straight
out past you and she's on the other side of you
guys covering the entrance to the deeper part
so if you were so you have them on your front
and back and then to your side is the exit of
the cave where you guys are the nearest opening
to a dark area is there any opening towards the
opening of the mouth of the cave is the only
place you can really move if you were small you
could cut under their legs but they are both
blocking both sides of you because they moved
close we're not picturing them huger enough Like
you're in this like cave entrance so you do you
can go outside of the cave if you want But they
will follow they will not be able to follow you
because they know that somebody's go And they
smell like smelly then I won't disengage. I'll
go for stealth. It's gonna hide. Yeah, okay.
Give me such a See how perceptive they are my
surroundings Are they retarded? Are they dumb?
Blind? So, yeah, no, they both see you. Oh, okay.
Yeah, they both see you. You kneel down and try
to hide in the shadows, and he's, like, kneeling
down still from where he cut you, and he just,
like, looks up, and he's like, what the hell
are you doing? And he stands up the rest of the
way. So, yeah, now it's his turn. Well, okay.
You're fucked. He is going to do a bite attack.
Maybe you can get in there and help. You're one
of the hard -hitting rogue types, too. He's going
to try and grab a hold of you and just take a
chunk out. oh that's a seven plus five that doesn't
work doesn't work okay he tries to bite you and
just kind of like you're wiggling and moving
out of the way and he's that's scary wiggles
out of his hands it's frightening i don't like
it his hands yeah yeah or his hands you know
what you're right but he already failed but i
forget he does that disadvantage so i was saying
he grabbed me with rock he's got he's got one
arm all like a oh half rock yeah so one full
rock yeah all right Gryffindor, your turn. Alright,
how far am I from the patrol, uh, the dude? Quite
close, probably. Uh, you are still kind of right
on the edge of the, out of the cave, so you're...
How far in is he? He is about... Because I want
to run up and hit him in the kneecaps. He's about
10 -15 foot inside the cave. Alright. Yeah, you
can run and hit him if you like. You have advantage
as well. Alright, so I'm going to run up and...
I feel like a crawling troll is still a dangerous
troll. So I'm going at him with the hammers.
Okay. 18 plus 5. Yeah. Alright, so... I'm using
both hammers, so should I just roll? Yeah, you
can go ahead and roll both attacks if you're
doing your bonus action for the second hammer.
Alright. Go for it. Go for it. Let me think about
this. I can use my, I can do that, and I can
use my charge down here to add additional damage.
Two additional weapon damage dice. Yeah, you
can use one of the craft charges. Or whatever
it is. Weapon. Craft. Artificial kneecap. You're
going to need a craft. Faulty kneecap. When you
hit a creature with a chosen weapon, you can
spend a craft slot to roll two additional weapon
damage dice on the damage roll. Okay, so that
first roll... So is that four for each, or just
two? First hit will be the one that it doesn't
roll. It's not both hits. You'd have to use it
twice. Alright, so here's my second roll for
my other hammer. That one will not hit. So first
one, you can stay under damage, then you can
roll your damage die two more times. Alright.
So three times plus your your plus gets added
once. Yeah off your normal setup. That's two
segments You know, what's your damage? I get
it you get one d6 plus three and then two more
d6 is yeah, okay added to it Fifteen 15 damage
and that's two hammer The one you're already
kneecapped for once? Yep. Yeah, you run in and
he's like kind of getting up and like weak from
where he just tried to pick him up and bite him
and his stone hand's hurting and it's weighing
him down. You run in. And he just, boom, blows
his kneecap out and it explodes and he falls
to the ground instantly dead. He's laying there
like, his legs off almost. Because he cut the
back of the knee. And then the other dude came
in with a hammer and just blew it off the rest
of the way. He's fully unconscious immediately.
I just picture it falling and him going down
like, neck on the side of the game. Down on the
ground, yeah. That's the downside of being heavy.
Good job. His old lady's like now. Yes, his old
lady is very like now she's very distraught Yeah,
she sees him fall and she goes you Sons of bitches
we were gonna mate and then she comes with her
club and she's gonna try to hit you Yeah, so
she misses completely I'm trying to hit you with
her tree club. I want vengeance for the first
headshot I took. And Thalindra, it is your turn.
Sward. Sward? Always. Always. You have advantage.
Advantage? Well, that sucks. I rolled an eight
plus five. No. No, that will not hit. Can I use
a luck point? To reroll? Yeah. Advantage? You
can... I think it has to be before I declare
if it's a miss. You mean I should have asked
before I told you? Yes. I think if you roll and
you're like, damn, that looks low, then you have
to say it. Dang. So, no. Sorry. You already missed.
It would be like seeing the future if you could
do that. Yeah. So, anything else? Are you done?
I really can't do anything else, so I'm done.
I'm just going to back up a little bit. You can't.
You're in combat with a female angry lady. So,
Gildar, your turn. Time to get your vengeance.
So I guess that she's right up on the female
one. Yes, they all three pretty much are now
since he ran in and blew out the kneecaps, spun
around. Now it's like you three and then the
bitch. So advantage will still... Yes. Alright.
Let's see. What do I want to cut? Huh? So what
do I want to cut? We'll go for the guts since
the belly's already slashed. We'll just disembowel
this one. 6, 9. So what about 15? Is that it?
Yeah, all the money. Okay. Nice. Very nice. So
6 plus 4, 10, 12, 17. 17? 17 with guts. Sneak
attack, guts. Just wait until I get a crit. This
one, you come through with that sword and you
give it a good heavy slice and you see some stuff
start to start falling out. She's using her bit
of stone arm to hold in some stuff. Okay, I'm
going to use my cunning action to sleight of
hand, grab some guts and yank them. Okay, give
me a sleight of hand check and I'll do a contested
sleight of hand. can do is slide a hand really
right now miss i'm gonna shatter her hand uh
how about a a 24. uh yeah that beats my six okay
six uh plus zero so yes yeah yeah you uh you
you grab and you reach and you grab some intestines
and you're like what do you say as you're like
about to yank these out what's the nice like
ranger yeah ranger of the north like breathing
out Let's see. We yank them out and say, sorry
to leave you hanging. Okay, yeah, that's good.
Yeah. Yeah, you yank out a bunch of intestines
and, like, you see, like, visible pain, like,
reach her whole body. Like, she's, like, shivering
and it, like, falls to the ground, the intestines
do, and she's like, she's like, I'm gonna kill
you with my last breath, I swear to God. And,
uh... Now it is Grinthrin's turn. Alright, you
know what I'm about to do. Hammer, hammer! To
the back! Like a movie scene. 16 on the first
one. And 15 on the second. You know what's bad?
When I picture troll guts, it's going to be like
barge rope. It's the biggest sausages you could
ever make. Six and seven. Six and seven. They
made some slaps when they hit the floor. Yeah,
so this all happens in a quick, like, it's almost
like a movie scene. Yeah, combo scene where it's
like... Would they give us stats for the teamwork
stuff? Yeah, you're all doing, like, some solid,
like, slicing. You see the intestines fall out.
Ranger of the North reaches in and rips them
out and they fall to the ground. And as he's,
like, spinning away, you see the hammer come
in and just blow the intestines out the back.
explodes like the intestines back inside of her
as she falls back and dies no mating yeah what
was that one that was like uh we had to be like
coordinate teamwork to get like uh yeah like
the fellowship points yeah yeah that was pretty
fellowship Thank you for listening to part one
of our first mini -series, Lord of the Dummies.
The system we used for this is a Dungeons & Dragons
5th edition conversion of the Lord of the Rings
role -playing game, if you'd like to try it out
yourself. This episode features Kelly Lee as
Thalindra, Nate Chambers as Gul'dan, and Ryan
Tucker as Grinthren Mountainpast, and Tristan
Hayes is the Loremaster. If you enjoyed this,
be sure to join our Patreon as a paid subscriber
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Part 2 and 3 when they release, only for paid
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well. The artwork for Lord of the Dummies mini
-series was created by Al Sorenson. It can be
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