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New morning.
Use of violence, profanity, rude humor, and the portrayal of drug and alcohol use.
Welcome to Dummies with Dice, a Dungeons & Dragons actual play podcast that follows four not-so-average
dummies of our world who get caught up in a magical storm and are transported to the
world of Dungeons & Dragons where they must survive and try to find a way back home.
I don't remember who's going first.
I was.
My bad.
Hey, I'm Kelli Lee and I play Miss muffin.
She's a crazy cat lady rogue.
Fun fact, Miss muffin smells like sugar cookies.
Smells like sugar cookies?
Yes.
Good, keep that in mind when you're around animals.
Okay, who's next?
I guess I'll go.
Hey guys, Ryan, R1.
I'm playing as Archie Ortiz, the 76-year-old MMA gym owner.
He's also the monk of the group.
Fun fact, Archie used to have a pet tiger.
Oh shit.
Used to.
He's Mike Tyson.
He's got a face tat
Hey, Nate here.
My character's Duke Crystal.
He's a 32-year-old drug addicted level four barbarian of the group.
Fun fact about Duke, he hates drinking water.
Shit tastes like ass.
No, it doesn't, Duke.
Shit tastes like ass.
Wrong.
It tastes like nothing.
It's ass.
No.
It definitely don't taste like ass.
It tastes like selling white people to drink.
No flavor.
All people, all people, all colors, drink water.
You have flavor.
We gotta add flavor to Duke.
I hate bland water.
Put something in it.
Cut up some fruit, drop it in that shit.
We can do it.
All right.
It doesn't even have to be fun.
Just a fact.
Hey everybody, Ryan Tucker here.
I play as Fleastick Sockjelly and I'm the hobo trash master cleric of the God Rumpke.
I am the MacGyver of all things trash and garbage.
Fun fact, I forgot almost instantaneously.
Fun fact, police stick's a badass.
My name is Trisston Hayes and I am the dummy master and my fun fact is that the blue bird
in the Twitter logo, his name is Larry.
What?
Fuck Larry.
That's really a thing.
Twitter's no longer Twitter.
Twitter don't exist anymore.
It's now X.
So he's dead.
Larry's dead.
He's been eight years.
But they still call messaging or posting on X, Tweeting.
So he lives on.
He lives on.
Larry tweets.
No, they just recorded his voice before they killed him.
He's the nice one.
They're like, here, sing some for us.
Shouting in the back today.
Telling off the rabbits, George.
What is the Twitter whistle?
What's it sound like?
I don't know.
That.
I'm good at it.
I don't know.
All right, DMD.
So where we left off, you guys have came through the tunnel using Flea Stick as a undead repellent.
And when this encased form of undead ran into this room, they all kind of frozen in place.
They all turned hard again.
The undead got hard.
So you stand in this room and you see a circle oval area full of plants and little passageways
for water.
And there's like fruits, there's plants, there's all kinds of stuff growing in this little
area.
And in the three corners of the room, opposed to where you guys walked in, there are three
statues of someone standing there holding a brazier with flames inside of them.
And there is a well.
A brazier?
Did you say a brazier?
That's a bra.
A bra?
A brazier?
A brazier.
Okay.
There's holding braziers, flames, with flames in them.
And then there was a small little like well with water shooting out of it into the floor.
The well is like, is Johnson shooting water while the braziers?
Machine gun to please.
The flames are being held up by their boobs on the statues.
No.
And the well is a penis shooting water into the floor.
Into the floor, huh?
Into the floor, yes.
We took a turn, guys.
Yes.
So what would you guys like to do as you enter this room?
I forgot what you said the room was because of all the rooftop.
Stick my finger in the fountain hole.
You want to stick your finger in the fountain hole?
Yeah.
Okay.
Can I drink from the fountain?
No, this place is full of booby traps.
When you put your finger up to this, when you put your finger up to the urethra, poke
it in there to the stock of water, you see like this glowing yellow light kind of form
over your finger as you're, well that turned out to be odd.
But yeah, you see this yellow light kind of glow over your hand.
And then when you pull your finger out, the glow is still there, but then it fades away.
That's your only hand and you risk it like that.
For the business.
It didn't look bad.
It was like a yellow, like radiant light to kind of pour through.
You can tell this water is like really bright.
Like it's golden shower.
Yes.
It was a golden shower now.
When you.
Oh my God.
I tasted it.
Taste it.
The water.
So when you like, how do you taste it?
You just like hold finger in there.
You're going to taste the water.
So yeah.
When you put your hand up to it, it gets that glow of yellow again.
And then when you go to taste it, like you just feel like cleansed and good.
It just tastes like plain water.
Yeah.
Really good water.
Really good.
Yes.
It's not nothing water.
There is a good flavor there.
But every time you touch it, you see a yellow kind of glow.
How nice.
I feel rejuvenated.
I'm going to fill up a statue with the water skin.
Water skin.
Okay.
That's fine.
You can do that.
You fill it up and yeah, it has like this just radiant kind of glow inside of it with
this water flowing.
You got a flashlight.
Yeah.
Okay.
What else would you like to do?
I'm going to check out one of those statues.
Okay.
So yeah, when you, when you walk up to this statue, you can see that it's lit.
The flame is bright.
But as you get closer to it, you realize that there is like, are those things they do to
put over flames that like put them out?
It's like one of those little cap things kind of like sitting there next to it that's used
to cap it out.
So you can tell that something's been here in lighting these things and then something's
been capping these things out.
So they've been lit.
Cap it out and save the gum.
Cap it.
You're going to cap it?
Okay.
So yeah, you cap that one.
And when you cap it, you see the well start to push a little harder.
So he's peeing a little bit stronger.
Cap the other ones.
See what happens.
Let's cap them all.
Are you going to cap them all?
One by one.
I cap mine.
Slowly.
Okay.
So do you, who's doing what?
Who's doing what in this scenario?
What's going on?
I cap mine.
I let them go.
I cap mine and I let them decide what they want to do.
Are you just like keeping the cap on it?
Like holding it there?
Are you taking it off when you're done?
Yeah, I guess I'm holding it to keep it unlit.
Still, I'll decide.
Who else is going to go cap some lights?
How many is there?
There's three.
Three lights, one well that's pushing a little bit harder with one cap light.
Sure, I'll cap a light.
Okay.
You cap a light.
Are you holding the cap on?
Yeah.
Okay.
Now what happens?
Yeah, the water pushes a little bit harder.
You just hear it kind of flowing harder and harder.
Hmm.
Is it still draining somewhere?
Almost there.
It's going into like the floor of the green.
The garden.
Yeah, the garden.
We got to water the other side of the garden.
Yeah, hell yeah.
I've capped that.
So I'm putting that thumb on the hose.
So you're capping the other one?
Yeah.
Okay.
So when you, so I guess please take your own when I didn't cap, right?
Yep.
No cap?
I'm holding the cap.
So you have to make a save.
So as soon as the final light comes, gets like capped on there and it goes dark in the
room that you all hear the encased undead start to break apart and start to kind of
lay their limb like they were before.
So we need to relight these bitches.
But when you see the final, I forgot this part, sorry.
When you finally cap that last one, the water pushes so hard and he's peeing all he can
pee out and the grass and stuff starts to just kind of overflow with water and that
area fills and then the middle area that was inside of the floral kind of floats up to
the top and you see it kind of floating like a chest there.
So the middle is kind of floating with a little chest in there.
But there is encased undead kind of in between you, the chest and then them three human corners.
So they should be fleeing from you though.
Well, yeah, I guess they would.
So let me make a wisdom save for them since we're in a new scenario.
Twelve, what was your save?
Fourteen?
So they start to move away from you and head to the other hallway and get up there towards
that.
So good job.
I forgot about that.
So I'd say that's probably almost about the end of that because it's only one minute and
been like a couple turns now.
So skip the loops.
Yeah, so that's not going to last too much longer.
And then put the fucking lights back on.
Okay, so you're going to go investigate your thing?
Yeah, my objective is just out.
Okay, give me an investigation.
Secondary.
Seventy sixteen.
All right, so you you open this chest and nothing's inside of it, but you see this kind
of yellow light glow out and kind of just shoot past you up into the ceiling.
And then the three that were holding the caps on there, their rings appear on your hands.
So Miss Muffin, your ring is a preserved and shrunken eye that is set inside of the ring.
So when you look at it, that's what you see.
While you wear this, you have advantage on deception checks and you can mimic animal
sounds.
So you can mimic animal sounds and have advantage on deception checks.
See here?
Flee stick.
No, not me.
Oh, hang on.
I'm sorry.
I'm the one that opened it and viewed through.
But I'll make sure you get through the next room.
That's why we don't just go to the main mission.
It's the side of our house.
We do it.
Even if they're dark and scary.
I'll do what my friends do.
Okay, so please take this ring forms on your hand and you look at it and it looks like
a wait, no, not fleas.
Sorry, Archie Archie.
This ring forms on your hand and it looks mechanical like it's like gears and little
things in it.
And when you look at it, this little tiny automaton automaton automaton, a little robotic
little spider thing kind of hops out and kind of crawls up your arm and you hear it whispering
in your ear and it's like, anytime you want to talk to somebody, I've got your back.
I'll tell you if it's right or if it's wrong.
And then it kind of crawls back down your arm and crawls back into your ring.
So you've got a little automaton that might try to help you in persuasion checks or such
if you're going the wrong direction.
Did we all notice the spider go up and talk to him?
I don't know.
Were you looking?
I was.
Okay, then yeah, I'd say you would.
You were the other one, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
This is the first ring that it popped up on my random roll table.
So dude, you get a ring that pops onto your finger and you hear this little little like
gnomish monotone voice and it's like, uh, when you're going to miss your target, I'm
going to let you know you're going to miss your target.
And then it just kind of like silently goes away.
So yeah, you have a thing that says like, if you're going to miss, you're probably going
to miss and it's going to let you know you're going to miss or what chance you're going
to have to miss.
So it's got a little persuasive like hiding.
And yeah, as they all kind of flow onto you now, what do you do?
You got all these rings.
You got to uncap your lights or you're there to leave them capped?
I don't know.
I guess I've had them since we got the lead.
Okay.
So when you uncap them, like when you pull the cap off, the flame automatically flicks
to life and lights up again.
Which is part of the puzzle.
If one of you would have let off firsthand.
That's why I think it would happen.
So I wasn't going to.
Is there anything above on the platform?
No, there's no like platform in here.
It's just like, oh, I thought you said it shot a platform.
No, it just shot a light.
That's what's kind of flowed through the magic of the statues and put their rings onto you
guys.
So activated the spell, I guess.
Yes.
Now the fucker is going to be coming back into this room soon.
Yeah.
So that's what I was about to get to.
So as you guys kind of bring the lights back on though, you hear the mass start to kind
of move its way back because of the channel divinity.
Like you feel your magic kind of calm down and they start running back into the room.
But as soon as they step in through the doorway of the hallway, the light hits them and they
freeze again and they come stop in place.
In the doorway?
Like right outside the doorway.
They got into the room, into the light.
Can we get around them?
Yes.
All right.
Yeah, they're not blocking the doorway.
They just kind of crawl out to come after you guys.
They hear a movement and then froze when the light hit them.
So tell that the fire is probably meant to be on.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
So now what would you like to do?
You guys can progress through the tunnel ahead or you can go back to check out the other
tunnel you passed up.
Let's smash these motherfuckers.
You going to smash them?
The light?
No, the marble fucking blob thing is going to fall as soon as it leaves its room with
this light.
Yeah.
Well, they're frozen in place with the light.
Yeah because the light is so long.
That's what I'm saying.
But at the moment, well let's just smash them.
That's XP.
If we smash them and kill them, that's free XP.
If it's frozen here.
But they're contagious.
It's going to be a heavy AC.
If they hit us.
Yeah, it's going to be a heavy AC.
But I thought it was like locked still in the light.
True.
I don't know.
So it should just be a cheese.
You should just be like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, til it breaks I thought.
They have a heavy AC, but you can try.
All right.
It's all sweetened up.
The old Emerald Fury fucking mace.
Oof.
I don't think a tan's going to help.
Your hand bleeds as you crack that thing.
It's hard.
Harder than what, it's like hard, hard.
Like marble.
It is hard encased stuff.
That head butt to Flea Sticks forehead hurt pretty good.
It was solid.
It was stuff.
And there's still a piece stuck to his forehead.
I think I was wearing a helmet.
That's why you wear helmets.
So what would you like to do?
You're just going to keep whacking it until it breaks or are you going to...
Does it have legs?
It's literally like a bunch of undead just like...
They're just bruised.
So when they un...
Like my doodoo set.
They all start to kind of creep around and walk and then they just freeze back together.
Rat King style.
Yeah, I don't know.
It would take a while to sit here and just bash them if they're that tough.
Yeah, they're tough.
So would you like to move on?
Sure.
Okay.
As you push on through this hallway, you come to this big open circular room and there is
a giant statue of this... looks like this man kind of like holding up the ceiling.
He's like a touch to the ceiling.
So when you walk in here, you see that and you see some like tables and sacks of flowers
and some crate and shit just kind of scattered around the room.
Nothing crazy important, but you can make your checks if you want to check anything
out.
If you want to check out the statue or whatever.
You guys check out the statue?
Yeah.
Just see what... what would that be?
You can roll religion if you want.
You can roll perception and investigation to kind of just like check it out.
Perception.
Yeah, if you want to try to roll one of those, you can.
Ten.
Ten?
Yeah, just you don't really notice anything special about it.
Just that it's... it looks like it's holding up the ceiling.
It's the support.
What about the stuff on the table?
It just looks like... this looks like kind of like sacks of food and shit.
There's just like sacks of like flower and cabbage and such in this room.
Is that a path to the right of us?
That's where you came from.
The other path.
This one here?
Yes.
Yes, this is a path.
Another path opens up in there.
If you'd like to progress out of this room or if you'd like to do anything else.
I'll check this path out.
Okay.
Looks like Miss Muffin's coming.
So as Miss Muffin and Duke firstly start walking through this hallway, when you pass through
that doorway, the door behind you slams shut.
I had to be with her.
But Flea Stick and Archie, you are still in the statue room because you did not follow
ahead.
But the door slams shut and the path below you is still available because it's the path
you came where you didn't take before.
Because when you first walked into this place, there was a path straight ahead.
You guys went right into the dark path, found the encased undead, circled around.
So there's still the path below you in this room.
So who am I stuck with?
Archie.
You and Archie are together.
So I guess I'm going to have to take the path to go back to round the room.
It was like ch ch ch.
Yeah, I guess I'll go with him.
Okay, so the party is split into two areas.
So we will go with Archie and Flea Stick.
What do you guys want to do as your cutoff?
You guys going to head to the path down to your south or you going to head back the way
you came up one way?
Let's go through this first and then we'll go to your guys' next place.
Yeah, we got to go back this way.
That's the room.
Oh, below.
We got to go this way.
So you're going to go south?
We are going south.
Okay, so you guys are going to take the path to the south?
Okay, so yeah, you guys get down there and you see the kind of stairwell that drops down
to the ledge and into the open to the west.
So you're going to take that path down there?
Okay, so when you walk through this little rectangular room, the door, you feel like
a pressure plate kind of drop and then the doors close right behind you and in front
of you.
And you guys are locked in this little tiny room here with two big gears you see on the
walls that start to crank and turn and you feel the walls start to get closer and closer
on you.
Oh shit.
So yeah, now, do Crystal in this moment.
What would you guys like to do?
You don't know anything's happening to your friends.
I guess we're just going to keep moving down this hole until we find some sheep.
So as you walk in here, you see some doorways kind of lining this whole area.
It looks like we're going blind.
It's like a cat under the couch.
Okay, so yeah, you walk through and you see some bedroom doors like it looks like there's
a line of bedrooms and just looks like a small bunk and that is it.
There's nothing else inside really but bunks.
As you peek in this other room, you see what looks like kind of just a solitary mat on
the ground with a table with some food on it.
This place looks like it's been deserted for some time.
You see a couple other doorways heading down.
Would you like to go in any of those rooms?
Peek in.
Yeah, we'll peek into them.
Peek into them?
See what's in there.
We're sneaky geeks.
Okay, I'm just going to peek in the rooms.
I don't have much time to do that.
So you peek in the rooms and you're seeing lots of like what seemed to be maybe like
a mining company or an excavation type company or something like the holy, whatever unholy
thing happened to this place took over this place because it looks as if people were literally
living here and working here.
There's beds lined on both sides.
There's kitchens.
And then when you look into this bigger room, you see a stairwell that kind of goes down
lower.
Okay, I guess we keep moving forward keeping that stairwell in mind.
Okay.
As you cut the hallway, you cut down and you see a large locked door and you hear loud mechanisms
cranking down the hallway, which is where your friends are.
We are likely to investigate that.
So, make me if all of you want to do an investigation check to kind of check out the inside of
this room you're trapped in and the outside before you're crushed up.
18.
Six.
Who's punching the wall?
Punching the cards.
Six.
Four.
Four?
Okay, so you guys all see nothing but Miss Muffin, you're investigating the outer side
of this locked door where you're hearing the cranky coming from inside?
And you feel this piece of cobblestone on the right kind of loose, but it's kind of
wedged in there.
I think I'm going to rip it out.
Are you going to rip it out?
Yeah.
All right, give me a strike, Joe.
Oh, not a strike.
Well, that's what ripping out takes.
14.
Okay, yeah, so you kind of put your feet up on the wall and just pull this bitch out and
you pull it out and you see this long hole.
It's Indiana Jones style hole inside there with a lever inside.
Oh, God.
I'm going to use my stealth and I'm going to...
You're going to use your sleight of hand?
Okay.
Yeah, sleight of hand.
That's what I meant.
I'm going to sneak and put my hand inside.
So I'm going to turn my hand invisible.
The trap will...
Sleight of hand so you can grab this lever.
You can do it.
Do I have an advantage?
I don't know.
I don't think so, no.
No, you just get a bunch.
Nine plus eight.
Nine plus eight?
That's pretty good.
Why would you want an advantage?
Because I want a four.
17.
I'm scared.
You stick your hand in here and you grab the lever and you yank it and as you quickly pull
your hand out, you see a bunch of these spikes come down with green ooze on them.
That's why I was scared.
And stick down into the thing and then retract back up.
But the door is unlocked and you guys jump out of the doorway before the walls fully
close in.
When the walls do close, they stay closed.
They locked.
So this path behind you is closed off.
That green ooze was poop.
Those are bungee sticks.
Dude.
Poop.
Yeah, nasty poop.
Okay, so this door is locked.
That one's busted.
Yep.
So now what would you guys like to do?
Oh yeah, and prisoner 13.
I forgot.
She's running along with you guys.
I'd say she was with Dookie.
I didn't forget.
I've been watching it.
Dookie missing on poop.
Yeah.
I guess backtrack the opposite way.
See what's down the other hall.
Is this a dead end or what?
There's another room in there.
Yeah, this room looks like a bunch of sleeping mats.
Yeah, like a kindergarten room.
Yep, there's a bunch of sleeping mats on the ground.
I said this place looked like it was well used and had lots of workers.
I guess we check out the basement.
The stairwell you found?
Okay.
Yeah, go down the stairs.
So when you step onto the stairs, you step down and you keep walking down some steps
and you get further and further down and then you feel the steps lodge and click and then
they turn into flat like a slide and you guys start sliding down these stairs and pop out
at the bottom of them into another hallway room.
Wow.
That opens into another room full of paths.
You have paths.
I don't like having lots of options.
I do.
Okay.
Now that you're down here, you see this open room.
It kind of opens up and you walk in.
There's a single lit brazier on the ground burning in the middle of the floor.
I guess I'll go walk to the room with the brazier there.
You see a path to your south and to the north that goes up.
Just looks like a small bedroom with a small table and then the bottom south room looks
more like a storage room.
Check the storage room for anything yummy.
You may check it.
So make me a message and check this one.
Looking for something yummy.
Just a look around the bedrooms if there's anything of any value or use.
16.
16?
Yeah.
So you kind of roll it around, pop them open the lid and you just get this awful rotten
green gassy smell that just flows out of this barrel.
Not yummy.
So yeah.
You tell her something's very wrong with what's inside of those barrels.
It's kind of just flowing out of it.
It's probably poison.
No it is.
I'm just going to go mend the barrel.
Okay.
How's that say?
So what are you going to do dad?
Yeah, you can mend the barrel.
It's a good idea.
It doesn't fill up the whole cavity with gas.
So yeah, what would you guys like to do now?
There's a path to the north and to the east actually.
I'm checking that bedroom.
That bedroom?
Okay, it looks like it's just a small bedroom.
There's nothing special.
There's a little table in there.
But as you're deeper down, you're starting to see the stuff get a little bit fancier
on the walls.
It's starting to look more like...
A kitchen.
Yeah, more elite carved stuff rather than just cobblestone walls and such.
And on that brazier, does it look like it's frequently put out?
There is a cap next to it, but it's been lit since you've walked in.
Should we try capping it?
You can try capping it.
So yeah, when you cap it, nothing seems to happen in this room.
You don't notice anything.
The mechanism really changes.
You don't really notice anything change.
Okay, then we cap it I guess.
In this room, yeah.
Okay.
And we'll move to the next room.
Well, this is multiple.
Yeah.
I guess I'll move north since I was already in that room.
Okay, so you're going to move north?
I'll stay at the thing and cap it again if need be.
If need be.
Okay, so as you progress through Duke, you see an open room that's got a long table.
A long, long table with big skin rugs under it.
The dining hall.
Yeah, but across the table there is a bunch of little lit lanterns all across it.
We need those.
And there's a path to the south of the room and that path that goes north.
These lanterns look special.
No, east, sorry.
South and east.
Do the lanterns look special at all?
They just look like they're kind of like carryable lanterns, a little like old timey fantasy
flame inside.
We'll go ahead and grab one.
You're going to grab one?
Yeah.
Okay.
So, yeah, you pick up this lantern and you are able to see a little bit better.
Yeah, yeah, even though they have dark vision.
It's an unnatural darkening.
Okay, anything else anybody else wants to do while we're still doing this?
An unnatural darkening.
I want to get a lantern.
You got to follow, please, or follow Duke to get a lantern.
Actually, what's straight from to the right through this room?
You walk forward and you see a large white door and it is locked.
I might have a path to get behind it.
What is it?
A labyrinth or whatever.
I'll move south a little bit.
Duke Crystal, you see the same thing, a large white door that is sealed locked.
What's that?
Home.
Home, home, home.
Are we capped?
No, you are not capped.
Cap it.
It's my only option is east.
Flee stick, you tell Miss Muffin to cap it.
Yeah.
Okay, when you cap it, you hear the door right in front of you, flee stick, unlock.
Do you enter?
I enter.
Okay, you enter and you see kind of like what was in the other room, a large statue
of a man of some sort holding the ceiling up.
Okay, is there any goodies in here?
You're seeing some crates and such across the floor, but it looks like some of the ceiling
has kind of broken away.
There's like crumbled pieces on the ground around the area.
Okay, can I investigate what's going on up there?
The ceiling?
Yeah.
Yeah, you can take a look up at the ceiling and see if it's in structural integrity.
Do me a perception check.
She's out of, she's in disrepair.
14.
14?
So you look up and you kind of like looking at the ceiling, looking at the shit on the
ground, and you're realizing that it looks recent, like it's recently crumbled down.
Okay.
Like this stuff doesn't look like it's been just resting here.
It's freshly crumbled rock, cobblestone, stone, Minecraft.
But yeah, you see all that.
What else would you guys like to do?
Anybody else?
I'll continue moving.
Kelly, Mr. Muffin, are you remaining capped?
Uncap it.
Okay, when you uncap it, the door locks.
Yeah, so if I cap it and walk away, will it stay capped?
You can try.
Okay, I'll try.
As you walk away with your hand off of it, the flame ignites and kind of pops the cap
off the top of it.
Is there anything nearby heavy enough to place on it?
There's a route around it.
You can try?
Yeah.
To place something on it?
Yeah, I'd say there is.
There's a bolt.
Yeah, one thing really around you though is maybe some chairs in the one room and barrels
of gas.
Wait, so where Duke Crystal's at, I can just go that way.
You can try?
Yeah, just make sure I can get out first.
Yeah, I'd let him out of the room you locked him in.
I can let him out.
Oh yeah, Archie's still behind, so.
Alright, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
I'm going to go up to where Duke's at.
You are?
Yeah, through that locked door.
Remember, there's two doors locked.
I came through one, I'm going to go left out the other one.
So you're going to go up where Duke was?
Yeah.
That door is still locked, sealed.
Well, he let me out.
I think that one only unlocks the...
Oh, then I'm going back where Archie was.
Okay.
Alright, then, Duke Crystal and Miss Muffin, let's do you guys since you're up here.
Right quick, up here in this shit.
Place it on his way.
Yeah, you come across this room and it looks like it's a master suite.
Like there's big bedrooms, there's a large, another long table with the fancy skins under it.
But the rooms all have like colored beds and they're looking a little bit nicer than the rest.
What would you guys like to do?
And a path down to the south of the room.
Look for any loots in this.
Okay, just give me an investigation check.
Roll me a double one.
Just so you can say you're searching these rooms.
13.
13, 13?
No, it's a 13 and a 2.
Oh.
There you add them together.
I got a nat 1.
And then I got a 14 plus whatever my investigation is.
Okay, so you got a nat 1.
So when you walk into this room, Kelly, this muffin, you step inside and you walk in there and you start to look for stuff.
And then you don't find anything.
And when you step out to walk, you trip.
You're going to take three damage.
Jesus.
Nat 1, I'm tripping out of the room.
You ever heard of using your hands?
His face.
Yeah, his whole arms, legs, and just smack into the ground.
Dude, you check this one room and you see this blue kind of wrapped clothing almost like on this couch shelf here.
But it looks like it's a robe of some sorts.
It's glowing blue.
Interesting.
Go ahead and grab it.
Okay.
Smack it.
All right.
Now, what would you guys like to do?
Press down?
Yeah.
South?
Keep moving down.
Okay, you get to this door and it is locked.
It doesn't look like it's sealed like the other ones were, but it is locked.
So if you had these tools or some sort, you can try to pick it.
Or break it.
Or you can try to break it.
It is just a wooden door.
It's not like the others, like big.
I'm trying to break it.
Yeah, that's fine.
19 plus five?
Yeah, that's a good enough strength check.
You shoulder check that door and blow it down.
You can tell it was not very strong.
No, it just broke the latch on it.
When you cross into this room, you can tell that this room, it looks like it's like an
escape passage almost.
Flipping through there.
But you come ahead to the front to another door that is sealed and locked.
Gotcha.
Now, are lanterns in the room that you were just in across the long table?
So should we head that way and grab a lantern?
You can if you want or whatever you'd like to do.
Whatever you think you should do to get these doors unlocked.
Can I investigate this escape room?
Or should we?
See if there's any mechanism to unlock the door?
Yeah, you can check.
Cap it.
I'm going to cap.
Aren't you going to cap?
It's still back.
It's only unlocked one door.
Yeah, you searched this room thoroughly and there doesn't seem to be any mechanisms to
open the door.
What would you guys like to do, sorry?
You got to cap the big light, that first one?
Yeah.
Okay, you'd cap it, but nothing seems to happen for anybody.
Except for the front door you were in front of with the light.
Original.
Yeah, that door locks but the rest do not.
I guess it does.
I'm going to go and catch up with everybody else.
You guys are going to leave that room?
Yeah, I had to torch everybody.
Well, we're going to do it.
Somebody should go in that room and go south in the ring around that room.
Cap it, let one of you in, and then inside there look.
All these doors out here are locked and the cap, capping it won't open.
Oh, is that a door?
I think it is.
Oh, I'll go.
Unless you want to go.
You're black out.
It barely clipped what looks like an opening.
Oh yeah, that's a path down there.
If it was supposed to be seen.
It's fine, close enough.
That's the only path we got.
All right, so what's going on?
Who's doing what?
I'm going to cap it and he's going to go through.
You're going to cap it and he's going to go through into the center circle of your room?
Yeah.
Okay, then what are you going to do?
Go inside there.
Go south.
Yeah, you see a door down there that's lit up, but it is sealed and locked.
Let's have a bitch.
Uncap it.
I'm going to uncap.
You're going to uncap?
Yeah.
Okay, when you uncap that and the lights are all on, that door unlocks.
Yeah.
Oh, crazy.
So I'm going to go through it.
You're going to go through it?
The south door.
Okay.
Everybody else is getting left behind.
I'm just going to peek-a-boo.
Okay, well, let's see here.
Where are we at?
Yes, so as you peek down this room, you're seeing the inside of the Golden Ball.
You're seeing the paths that are storing all the chests with magical items and everything
inside there.
This is the deepest part of the underground dungeon and it's holding all the magical equipment.
But the problem you guys are facing is getting inside to there, but you need Prisoner 13
to get in there to fully unlock this whole thing because there's...
So, I'm going to go all the way back around to where Archie is.
Damn it.
Does any of us have any reverse speed mobility?
It does stay kept for a couple seconds before it pops open.
So the door that unlocked right there, it unlocks and opens, but when you step through,
because you didn't walk through, I guess.
I'll wait.
You didn't walk through into the vault?
Well, I was kind of going to wait for everybody since I peeked and checked.
I just want to get our situation going.
All right.
So what's the plan then?
What are you guys planning to get through into here with him?
Is Archie just going to let you all in through that one door?
No matter what, when we're near these other doors, they never unlock these other two...
None from the first kept light?
No.
From the first kept light.
I'm going to go to the table in this room where there's lanterns over and I'm going
to put all the ones on this table out.
Okay.
I'm going to put all those out.
Since they're just the normal lanterns, you can kind of just turn off the flame and you
feel like the magic that was burning it kind of just like get cut off for a second and
you hear the door unlatch.
Okay.
I go through the door.
Yeah.
So now, Ms. Muffin, did Archie let you in?
Yeah.
I went all the way around.
I just changed it.
Me and prisoner 13 walked in.
Okay.
So then Archie, how are you getting inside?
You're going to have to walk around and go the way to do a crystal cave.
Yep.
Yeah.
Okay.
You're going to go loop all the way around and come through the doors he unlocked?
Okay.
So as you guys all are approaching the golden vault, you come up to the door that you unlatched.
Oh wait.
No, it is not.
The door is sealed and locked again.
Why did they come back on?
Because you have a light set out.
When you had all the lights on, this door unlocked.
See what I mean?
Oh, so the ones I put out.
To get in.
Yes.
So you guys need to get back out and light those again.
But it's going to lock that door.
Grab all the ones that are on that table.
Yeah.
Grab them.
Grab them, bring them in here and light them in this room.
Yeah.
Let's do that.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Do that.
So you bring them all in here and you light it up.
And you've got these lanterns lying around this statue guy here.
And she kind of looks at what you're doing and she's like, what the fuck are you guys
doing?
You guys all light up these lights and then the door unlatches.
And you're all standing there and you see the golden vault door swing open.
And she goes, oh my god, you're geniuses.
And she kind of steps inside and she goes, well, I said I would give you your share,
but I lied.
And then she like rips off her collar on her neck.
Crack the dish.
I've been ready.
And rolls her initiative.
I should have advantage on that because I've been ready to beat her at any moment.
Roll advantage.
Roll 20.
He said roll advantage.
20 plus 4.
Nat 20 plus 4.
19 plus 2.
21.
21 for Duke.
20 plus 4.
16 plus 4.
Please stick.
What was yours?
17.
Miss Muffin.
8.
4 plus 4.
And she got, let's see.
Nice doing it.
19.
Prisoner did.
Yes.
13.
Alright.
This guy is not in hand out.
Wasn't that bitch supposed to open something in here?
She opens all of the magic that holds all of these things locked in place.
So the golden vault is open, but she has not unlocked the chests.
Like the vaults.
You know what I mean?
You're in the vault, but she has not unlocked the vaults.
Holding all of the things.
She's got those like magically locked.
So Archie Ortiz, it is your turn.
I'm going to mace that bitch.
You're going to mace that bitch.
You better hope it works when she's dead.
Get in there and mace her.
Get me a tackle.
She done fucked up.
She's all the way off and then did to mine.
Oh no I'm not.
So.
I got a 2.
No, that does not hit.
Okay, so next up is Duke Crystal.
I fucked up.
And you are holding the.
You know what I'm swinging.
The wretched sword because you can.
Unless you're swinging with an off hand.
No, I'm two handed by this.
That's a 17 plus 8 to hit.
17 plus 8 to hit?
Yes.
Okay, so that will hit.
What damage do we usually do for your sword?
4d6 plus 6.
Okay, do 2d6 plus 6.
You're on.
Trust me, it's okay.
6, 4, plus 6 so 10.
10 damage.
16.
Oh 16 damage.
6, 4, then 6.
Okay, so you do the slice to her and you cut down on her.
But you do not feel anything drain from you.
But when you hit her, roll a d4.
4.
4?
Yes.
You feel 4 health come back into you.
Nice.
That is awesome.
Can I use that as over health?
No, there's no bonus health.
It's just if you are hurt.
It just maxes you out.
And it's only going to be based off of a certain amount of damage dealt to their thing.
So it's better to take it like from me.
If you do enough damage, you will get life back.
So, prisoner 13's turn.
Duke, you're up in our face.
That's the best.
I'm the barbarian.
I take the damage.
I got a healing sword and a healing potion.
Okay, she's going to do a melee tattooed strike.
So you see her magic arm kind of light up.
She's doing some avatar shit.
Yeah, light up.
She raises her arm and her tattoo blows blue.
She comes down with a huge backhand.
And let's see.
15 plus 6.
Definitely.
Yeah, that hits.
Let's see.
Okay, that is 3, 2, plus 3.
So yeah, 5 plus 3.
And then, see here.
I got to read what this other one does.
Okay, I can't do that.
Alright, so yeah, that's her turn.
She is done.
Next turn is flea stick sock jelly.
What do you want to do?
Alright, so she just slapped my dude.
Yeah.
Well.
Donkey punched me with her magic blue fist.
Getting the old siren backhand.
I'm trying to see if I wanted to amp up Duke over here.
I was going to make him a bear.
How do you make him a bear?
Huh?
What do you mean make him a bear?
Enhance ability.
Oh, make it.
What does that do?
Like make his bear strength?
Bear's endurance, bull strength, cat's grace, eagle's sponge.
Fox's cunning, owl's wisdom.
Yeah, I mean you can do that.
And it lasts up to an hour.
Fucking Jesus Christ.
Yeah, I can't give it to him.
I can have it if you want.
What was it again?
Bull strength.
The target has advantage on strength checks.
And his or her carrying capacity doubles.
I mean, usually doing strength checks.
How long does that one last?
An hour.
That would probably be the best one.
The strength one for my guy.
Give me the bull strength.
If I said I want to grab the bitch's arm and snap it, that would be a strength check if I wanted to do stuff like that.
Okay, so you do that?
Yeah.
Is that an action or a bonus action?
It's an action.
My bonus action would be my shield of faith.
Shield of faith?
Yeah.
Okay, we heard.
Or my spiritual weapon.
Okay, so spiritual weapon. Spawns. Where do you spawn it?
I guess the gnome knew I wasn't going to miss.
He didn't come out and say anything about you're going to miss.
I'm trying to understand how that works.
He knows my rolls before I roll.
What is it?
Where you're spawning it?
Can I make it like a mask on her head and it just tightens slowly as it goes on?
That could be its attack, sure.
It's a popper head.
It could just like pop it in her head and try to catch it.
No, I'm just going to brace it in front of me and kind of use it as like a shield as well.
Yeah, spawns with you. All right, Miss Fentcher, your turn.
He said I want to equip the Shrieking Helmet.
You do have advantage on your attack.
And I'm still invisible.
And she is swarmed by your team.
Well, we're finished.
So you are able to advantage attack for stealth, first sneak attack if you'd like.
So yeah, I'm going to dagger dagger her, both daggers, slice slice if I can.
Do your first attack.
My first dagger is my plus one dagger because I always hit with my right hand first.
Roll with advantage.
Huh?
Roll with advantage.
Yeah.
Five plus seven.
Five plus seven to hit?
No, will not hit.
So you make your offhand attack with your other dagger.
If I do that, do I still get to sneak away now?
No, you have to use your bonus action to disengage to get away.
I'm just going to do that then.
Okay, so you're going to step out.
Smart move.
I'm going to sneakably step away from you.
Well, you can disengage.
That's not stealth.
That's getting away from them safely.
Disengage basically so that you can walk away without being hit.
Because they can make an opportunity attack if you walk away while in combat.
You know what I mean?
So you can disengage to get away from them so you don't get smoked in the head and die.
That's fine.
Makes it easier to hide because they're not focused on you.
Exactly.
So if that's it then for your disengage turn, RG, back to you.
Alright, I guess I'm going to try to mace this mofo again.
Don't forget about your magic attacks too.
Alright, so your turn or you get geetied.
Alright, I'm going to use my fist of unbroken air.
And I have to do a saving throw.
What's your hurt in the next week?
What is it?
Saving throws twelve?
Yeah, twelve.
She got a three, six.
She got six.
So she's getting a hit.
Wait, D10.
Three D10s, right?
Yeah.
Is that it?
Yeah, she gets one.
This one has a zero on it.
Yeah, okay.
One.
Another one, wow.
Heavy damage.
And a two.
Wow, that was depressing.
Okay.
Is it plus anything?
Plus an extra one D10.
Well, that's for if you spend another key point.
Because it takes two key points to use it and then you can spend another one to...
No, it says on a failure it takes three D10 bludgeoning damage plus an extra one D10.
Oh, nevermind, you're right.
Well, fuck it, I'm going to use another key point.
Alright, go for it.
Another key point for an extra one D10.
Oh, another one D10.
We'll follow her in the next week.
Or maybe tomorrow.
And seven on top of that, so...
That's decent.
Four plus seven, so 11 damage.
Decent amount of damage.
She's pushed back 20 feet and knocked prone.
Decent.
So, what's 20 feet Jesus?
No, Jesus is Jesus.
Okay, so she would have hit a wall actually at this point.
So yeah, she's pushed back about 15 feet and then smoked a wall.
So, yeah, now it is Duke Crystal's turn.
Lightning Bolt.
Lightning Bolt!
Pikachu!
So I do a dexterity second throw.
We went off of...
My dexterity.
Yeah, so what is it?
14.
14?
Okay.
It's 11 plus three.
So 14 on the dot, so it takes half damage.
Half damage of 86.
So...
Decent.
It's a lot.
It does not consist of that.
So we're going to angle.
So five, nine, nine, 13, there's four of those.
So, yeah, that's 37.
And then, yeah, 32.
32 half?
Half, yeah.
What would that be?
16.
16?
Okay.
I didn't do a math.
Damage!
Blow!
It's hit with lightning and fucking lightning's bouncing off the walls in this fucking hall.
Unholy darkness.
And Prisoner 13's turn, so...
Fuck.
He pushed her back 20 feet.
So...
Where's that at?
I'm going to sit right here while the brown...
She does a ranged tattoo strike called Firestorm Tattoo.
Prisoner 13 magically unleashes a flame from the tattoo of...
Each creature in the area make a DC 15 dexterity saving throw.
So, Doof and Archie, you guys need to make a 15 dexterity saving throw.
I made a five.
You can do it.
Wow.
Seven.
Seven?
Okay, you're both going to take some damage.
We got clipped.
As flames shoot out of her body and start flaming towards you.
Saving throw?
Seven plus six, so...
No.
Still didn't do it.
So...
I had a 15.
Yeah, yeah, nevermind.
One.
I was like, wait.
Three or two, so three damage.
Five.
So eight damage.
Yep, just eight damage.
You guys take eight fire damage.
And you are knocked prone.
No, just me and Archie.
Okay.
Alright, I see how it is.
And you are knocked prone, so you're knocked to the ground.
Let's see how you guys do this next one.
Please stick.
Your turn.
Alright.
Heal them.
Heal them, Free.
Please stick.
Not necessary.
We got a couple hits left in here.
Quick note, Ryan.
Did you do long rest earlier?
Oh, I did not.
Okay, I was going to say, your health is like low as fuck.
I'm pretty sure it was from that last fight.
Okay, so hold up.
Hold up.
What would you do?
Have you taken damage yet?
That's the only damage you've taken, right?
That first one.
So just put yourself in full health and then take off whatever damage you just took.
Eight.
Yeah.
Am I clear for a guiding bolt?
Yeah, go for it.
Guiding bolt is perfect.
You and Ms. Muffin are like still diving in the room.
In the doorway, just.
You're smart.
Well, they'll close the range of base.
Alright, roll your attack.
No, Damien, that's not what I wanted to do.
Fuck.
Oh, you're dead.
Haha.
So I hit zero.
You're dead.
What?
Crit fail.
Crit fail?
Seven.
Let's see here what I got for her.
One plus seven.
Or one plus eight.
Okay, so she's going to use her reaction with a free reaction, which is actually, since
you're at one, she's going to fly towards you, like sprint super fast towards you with
this like magic and just punch you right in the mouth.
Well, my spiritual weapon jumps in front of me and blocks all the damage.
A twelve plus six to hit.
Did that hit?
Twelve plus six?
I don't remember what your AC is.
Yes.
Yes?
Okay.
And you're going to take.
Three.
Six plus three.
She's fighting back hard.
A magical punch that she like fucking almost teleports right in your face and punches you
in the mouth.
Six plus three?
Yeah.
She fucked up though.
She got range.
But you can bonus action.
That's damage?
Yes.
Okay.
And then you sit back and bonus action.
Yeah, my spiritual weapon's about to fucking slap this shit out of her, dude.
Suck the shit out of her.
Alright, it morphs into this big beefy fucking baseball bat and it flies at her head.
Make her attack.
Like flying sideways?
Like it's rearing back.
Like a helicopter.
Just like a helicopter.
Yeah.
It's just like a helicopter.
It's just ready to clap.
It's a roll to hit.
Alright, what is the roll on this anyway?
It should say on the spiritual weapon.
Okay, gotcha.
That is on the edge.
You want to verify that's a re-roll?
Yeah, go for it.
That's also a re-roll.
Alright, so that is a eleven.
No.
Son of a bitch.
Oh no, I'm scared.
She's right up in police thick's face right next to you.
Save me.
You got advantage because they are surrounded.
She is completely surrounded.
Well that ruins my plan.
Yeah, she's too close.
She used her Nat Pia to Nat once.
She used her reaction expertly.
Close enough to dagger.
You said with advantage.
19 plus seven plus one daggering.
Okay, that will definitely hit.
So it's a 1d4 plus five.
Yes, plus some damage.
What's the sneak attack?
Three plus five is eight plus sneak attack damage.
Eight damage and then roll your 2d6's for your sneak attack.
Let's work on her dagger.
One, five.
Five plus six, that's the sneak attack.
Good deal.
Now are you disengaging again or are you?
Double daggering.
Double daggering?
I'm going to double dagger because all my men are right here next to me.
All of them are next to you.
All of them.
Crick fail.
Crick fail?
Okay, so.
Do you get advantage with crick fails?
No.
So she's going to do the same thing she just did to the flea stick.
She's going to flip around like super speed.
I run up to you and just punch you right in the mouth.
15 plus like six.
So yeah.
That is three and three plus.
Go for the fucking worm.
Three plus three.
So take six damage.
Bitch busted my lid.
Bitch busted my lid like that?
Alright next up is Archie back to you.
She's now well behind you in the doorway because she ran past you all.
Can't hurt the ass.
I guess I'm going to.
What?
No.
I guess I'm going to turn around and try to mace her in the face.
Mace to the face bitch.
Yeah.
Eight plus eight.
What is it?
16.
No.
What the fuck?
17.
What the fuck?
17 over coming.
What the fuck?
Alright, Duke.
Your turn.
Alright, I'm going to go over there and I'm going to reckless attack the back of that
bitch's neck and take her head clean.
That gives you advantage on the attack but she has disadvantage against me next turn.
And his little man will tell him before he misses.
That's true.
Is it eight?
Oh yeah that's in.
15 plus five.
Bitch is hit.
Is a hit.
I'm going to say she got more than 20.
But with the advantage, so your first roll lands, like comes down.
With an advantage it's kind of like a thought of like you're swinging and then swing again
with your advantage swing.
You hear that little ring go, you're going to miss.
Then you swing after you miss the swing you hear him say, you're going to miss.
Then you swing.
So then the next one comes through and he goes silent.
Interesting.
So he might not be too helpful.
So we're doing the 2d6 again.
2d6.
That's six and three so nine plus six.
Nine plus six.
That's a 15 damage.
15 damage.
So that is, yep you get roll your d4.
One.
You get one health back.
Anything else?
I think that's it for you right?
Yep.
Okay.
Prisoner 13's turn.
No.
Yes.
She is up close so what is she going to do here?
Hopefully trip over a ladybug and break her ankle.
A ladybug.
She is going to do her firestorm tattoo again.
Oh wait no I'm not.
Wait one second.
She is not.
So it does not recharge.
She is going to do a melee tattoo strike at...
Fist stick sock jelly.
Oh fuck.
13 plus six.
That will hit I'm pretty sure.
Eight.
And six plus three.
Eight and six plus three.
I'm dead.
14 plus six.
Yeah I'm dead.
Are you down?
I'm conscious.
Nice.
14 damage plus six damage.
Yep.
What the fuck do you mean?
It's like a whole entire health bar.
Alright so.
Literally 20 health points.
Play stick it is your turn make a death saving throw.
Oh it's nice knowing the peeps.
They got this in the bag.
He failed.
Huh?
He failed.
Failed?
Alright that's one death saving throw failed.
Miss Wafford your turn.
One death saving throw down.
Can I just dump a bunch of beer healing on him?
Bust one on his fucking head and let it through your bottle.
I have a healer's kit.
Can I throw it out on him while I still dagger her?
I don't think I know how a healer's kit works.
You can spend an action.
He throws a fucking first aid kit at a dude.
If you want to use a healer's kit you can roll medicine to make him stable so he's not
going to die.
What about health potion?
Or if you want to use your action and bonus action to put him with a health potion you
can do that.
What's better potion of healing or healer's kit?
Oh greater potion of healing probably would be faster.
But I'm going to say it's going to take your action and bonus action.
Yeah.
To use that one.
Just don't throw them at kids.
It would be more effective if he butt chugged it.
So I can give him the huge hit and then use my action.
Just like follow him up and then walk off.
I just figured it would be quicker.
You'll have to roll medicine to see if it works.
He just waits up like, huh?
Alright.
What's next?
Pulse it in.
I'm good to go.
So roll medicine.
She's under a healing kit.
So good luck.
This is plus one.
Eighteen plus one, that's nineteen.
Okay, yeah.
So you are expertly able to patch him up and you are up with one health.
Put some bad data on this for me.
And then I use my bonus action to disengage to a safer location.
She's like, I feel better.
Okay.
She said I feel pretty good.
You only have one HP because it was just a healer's kit so it just...
Can I do bonus action to hide?
On your next turn.
But she might get a turn before then.
Archie, your turn.
Yay!
Alright, well, you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to mace her.
I'm going to mace you.
Use your freaking bone mace or whatever it is you got.
Yeah.
God damn!
Seven plus eight.
Seven plus eight?
Yeah.
Wait, does that...
Does it hit?
No.
No, fuck!
Yeah, I had to count my head.
I'll let you know.
I had to count on the fingers there.
Crystal, your turn.
Sword again.
Wrickless attack.
Maybe I should stop using this.
That's 13 plus five so 18.
Okay.
And crit.
Yeah, that hits.
You hear your little whisper in your ear and you go, that's going to fucking hit.
And on...
That's a good one.
I got Savage Attack so on critical roll...
You're so good, Duke.
On critical roll, roll one extra damage die so it would be 3d6.
Okay.
And then double it right there.
Yeah, this bitch is dead.
So one plus five plus six so 12 plus six and then let's see, three plus nine plus ten
plus six is 16 on top of what the fuck was the other number?
18 and 16 together?
Yeah.
So how does she die?
How do you kill this bitch?
When your fucking head comes clean off.
When your head comes clean off?
When you're wanting to see a bitch hit her head wrong.
Decapitation.
Okay, so yeah, you come through and you just fuck this.
Head comes clean off.
Roll a d4 up for your damage, or your health if you want.
One or two.
What?
You going to let me do a double on health?
No, just one.
Yeah, for sure you're full health, aren't you?
Motherfucker!
June 5th.
One.
Okay.
I guess you can roll another one.
You did a fuck ton of damage.
Anyway, the head comes off and as the head decapitates you still see the arm glowing.
So the arm is still like laying there from her body dead, but her arm is still glowing.
Someone else gets to cut off an arm.
I cut it off and then did to myself.
Mend the arm to yourself?
Yeah, I want three arms.
He wants a third grafted arm.
So you can cut your own arm off and mend that one in place.
Yeah, if we were on your body you just chose your shoulders.
So you're going to have two arms coming out one shoulder.
How good is his mend?
I think mend is only for like a small area of something.
I don't think you could mend an actual arm.
Reattach nerve and shit.
If I can fix a leaking wine skin I can fix my skin.
I think I just have to carry the arm around.
Yeah, but you can take the arm off if you'd like.
I'd like to loot her corpse.
Okay, give me a investigation.
Check the anus.
15.
15?
Okay, give me one second.
Check the anus.
He said you got a key straining bitch.
She's got to wear your gooch badge.
Okay, so you find, Duke, I'm picking her up with a 15, picking her up, looting her up.
You find a horn of Valhalla and it is a silver, a silver horn of Valhalla and it's like a
tri- it kind of looks like her tattoo.
It's like inscribed with blue magic.
So when you blow this horn you don't exactly know what it will do but you know that it's
got some kind of crazy magic so you'll have to just test that out.
But you find that on her and you find no gold because she has no gold because she was in
the cave.
But you find her special horn.
Very nice.
Okay, you find her special horn.
Alright, and you guys take her arm off, I'm assuming?
To kind of unlock all these things here?
Yes.
Okay.
I'm going to strap to it so I can hold it on my back.
Yeah, it's a strap to your back.
So in total, I'm just going to tell you guys what you find in this place because you're
not going to have to search for it.
It's there, it's you found it.
So you get 2,100 copper pieces, 1,100 silver pieces.
Are we talking like split up or just...
This is all together.
Oh gosh.
Oh shit.
I can divide it in four.
I'll divide it in four.
Yeah, divide it.
I was going to say because we're going to have to do some math here.
Do the math.
Sorry.
Do the math.
You each get 525 copper pieces.
Copper?
525.
You get 275 silver pieces.
275 silver pieces.
Each are going to get 200 gold pieces.
An electron?
I didn't know that's four.
And you each are going to get four blood stones.
Blood stones?
Yes.
What are you using?
I guess you're using...
What was the gold that you got?
200 gold.
Okay.
And then...
Each get four blood stones.
Belgium blood stone or just blood stone.
Just blood stone.
450 gold pieces each.
And on top of this...
How many?
Four.
You guys have these items and equipment to disperse amongst yourselves.
You get a cap of water breathing.
A dust of disappearance.
A gem of brightness.
Two mythril armor.
Four potions of resistance to lightning.
And one slippers of spider climbing.
So those are all the gear that you are going to get out of these magical containers and
chests and stuff.
Who wants a what?
All right, hold up.
Can we have like a universal group pack?
We just got everything on.
She should probably get the fucking boots of...
Slippers of spider climbing?
Yeah, because she won't...
That means...
She can literally just...
Oh, really?
I thought it was like...
It's literally like spider climbing.
You can wear these light shoes.
You can move them up and down and across vertical surfaces and along ceilings while
leaving your hands free.
As long as she don't just get on the ceiling and fucking hide there while we do the whole
climbing.
You have a climb speed equal to your speed.
However, the slippers don't allow you to move this way on a slippery surface such as
one covered by ice or ore.
So if it's covered in ice, you'll fall.
But you can literally climb anything at any time.
That's cool.
That'll help a lot.
Slippers of spider climbing.
What else was there?
Two mithril armor.
Two mithril slippers.
Oh, those are like a heavy armor?
I'm slipping off.
So mithril armor can be any kind.
So I'll say whoever wants the armor can have that in their form of...
In that type of like armor, like leg armor.
So it's a light flexible metal.
Full chain shirts or breast plates can be worn.
So it's medium and heavy.
Those are the two types of house.
Medium armor and heavy armors.
I will say that it is either...
One is a breastplate, medium breastplate, and one is a heavy chainmail.
So breastplate, medium will do 14 plus dex modifier.
And the chainmail will give you 16 AC on top of it.
Or no, it's a splint mail.
Sorry, splint mail.
It'll give you 17 AC.
You have to have a strength of 15 to use it though.
I'll take that.
The heavy one?
Okay.
Yeah.
All right, so splint and go to the heavy.
Is it heavy?
I thought it was medium.
Now the medium one is breastplate, or half plate, 15 plus dex 30 modifier.
How's another lower one?
I'll do that too.
Okay, so half plate.
So it's 15 plus dex modifier.
Yeah.
Yeah, that gets me to 17.
Okay, and I think the only one that can wear heavy is you.
Because that's medium.
Please do.
Yes.
So do you want the splint armor that'll put your AC at 17?
My AC is at 17.
Oh, okay.
Well, then we have splint armor for something.
All right.
It won't put me higher than 17.
I don't know.
You have to look, maybe you put it on there.
It might add to some of your other modifiers and put you higher.
It might be at 17 right now, but your armor may only be like 16.
You know what I mean?
I don't know.
Just go ahead and put that in your inventory.
What is your GP?
It's called splint.
What's mine called?
Medium, half plate.
Half plate.
Yep.
Okay.
You also got a dust of disappearance, cap of water breathing, and each of you can have
a potion of lightning resistance and a gem of brightness.
Who wants the cap of water breathing and the dust of disappearance?
What the heck is that shit?
Dust of disappearance found in a small packet is powdery resembles very fine sand.
There's enough of it for one use.
When you use an action to throw the dust into the air, you and each creature and object
within 10 feet of you become invisible for 2D4 minutes.
So basically you sprinkle this fairy dust on you and you all become invisible.
Well, hell yeah.
I'll take that shit.
What's it called?
Dust of disappearance.
What's the water one?
Cap of water breathing.
Is it the hat that lets you breathe in the water?
I would love that.
Okay.
In a second.
It's pretty trans.
You guys can kind of whoever needs that at the time can also use it.
Yeah.
Those kind of things.
She's just taking it because she falls in the water.
All right.
So you guys have full blown looted this place and then there's one final chest at the end
of the vault.
You walk down there and you open it up and it's this fucking magical glowing like scroll
like super glowing blue yellow.
There's like lights tracing across the edges like it's magic as fuck and you hold it up
and you look at it and it almost looks like it's starting to draw you guys all in like
you're looking at it and it's turning into like a scene in a movie like starting to play
before your eyes as you all start to get entranced into this scroll.
This episode of Dummies with Dice features Kelly Lee as Miss Muffin, Nate Chambers as
Duke Crystal, Ryan Hart as RG Ortiz, Ryan Tucker as Flea Stick Sock Jelly and Tristan
Hayes is the DM.
The episode is edited and mixed by Tristan Hayes.
The artwork for Dummies with Dice created by Al Sorensen can be found on Instagram under
ARCSI0.
The theme song is The Intense Fiddle by Ben Caldera.
When it comes to Dummies with Dice you can find our website on rss.com slash podcast
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