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Welcome to Dummies with Dice, a Dungeons & Dragons actual play podcast that follows four not-so-average
dummies of our world that get caught up in a magical storm and are transported to the
world of Dungeons & Dragons where they must survive and try to find a way back home, but
not today because we're doing a Christmas special.
And our players are going to be playing a bunch of goblins and we also have a little
baby in the recording area with us so if you hear a little babbling from the baby it's
actually just a goblin speaking goblins in the background.
So today our players are going to roll off a D10 and that is going to be choosing which
goblin they will be.
So Nate, you want to start off and roll us a D10?
D10.
You got the very last one.
No way.
They got the best one.
Thank you my son.
You want to describe what your goblin looks like?
What's going for him?
You know your standard short and green but very dark red eyes and gnarly looking teeth
and most of all he's got an entire red like dragon costume I guess.
And a tail.
He's legit.
Toadward.
I like his name.
Yeah Toadward.
So I'm pretty sure Toadward believes that he is a dragon too.
He's fully in the shit believing he's a dragon.
You're one of those.
So yeah Ryan, R2.
I want a 6.
Ok let me see which goblin you're going to be.
I'll be the gobbler.
Oh nice.
This one's actually a class that I've never used before.
Fancy, fancy.
Ok my goblin is ugly as all get out.
Oh no.
Well he closes pretty close to my traditional character.
Where there's a skull on his head.
Looks like he walks around with a bomb in hand.
His name is Mogmerch.
Mogmerch.
Ok awesome.
Kelly.
Ok.
D10.
Yeah roll D10.
I rolled a 4.
4.
Ok.
Oh Kelly you'll be used to this one.
This is a rogue.
Oh good goody.
Oh wow.
Cute cute cute.
Chuffy lockwound.
Chuffy liquid.
Liquid.
Wound.
It's wound.
Chuffy liquid.
Oh Chuffy liquid.
Ok sorry.
Chuffy liquid.
Alright.
Sadistic.
Chuffy is horrible indeed.
He loves to sneak up on his enemies and stab them if he gets the chance.
He also likes to, what?
Light fires.
That's right.
Light fires.
What's he look like?
Green.
Chewed up ears.
Big old, what is that?
What is that?
A sword?
It looks like a little cleaver thing or something.
It tells you down there.
Yeah this, I can't read this.
It's so tiny.
It's fine.
Um one second.
There's a cage with a spider in it.
So that has to do with me.
There's snacky time.
Ok.
He's really easy.
I'm going to get the spider.
Ok.
Where does it say about what the cage with the spider is?
I don't know.
It's probably one of those things.
You tell me.
We'll get into it.
Uh Ryan, R1, roll your D10.
I'll see which one you get.
Alright.
What did you say?
Seven.
Oh boy it's G.
You want a snack?
Here's a snack.
Oooooh.
You got yourself a sorcerer.
Oooooh.
Fancy.
Sorcerer goblin.
Dog munch the magical.
So, we have a freaking angry, very angry, it looks like an angry dog.
Now he's got a weird glowing orb in his hands.
He's got his hands all wrapped up in cloth.
He's wearing this cape.
Traditional sorcerer cape.
Awesome.
He's got a hat.
He's got a cool hat.
Our goblins have been established.
So, our goblins are weak.
So, if our goblins shall fall, our players will pick up with other goblins to keep their
little horde going.
So, let's get into this.
As we begin our story, we see our four usual dummies traveling along on their way to Phandalin
after the intense journey of Duke's Mine.
You guys all notice snow to gently start to fall down from the sky.
As we fade in a drone shot, it goes up high into the sky.
We fly across through the forest and we come down quick and we see a whole...
A whole...
Yeah.
We see a whole...
Kind of like a small horde of goblins.
There's a whole 10 of them just kind of standing here at the opening of this cave, this big
cave mouth.
On the cave, you guys are inscribed.
You guys all kind of look down.
You all have invitations.
It says, you are invited to come to Dr. Claus' cave to help with a huge, huge, huge experiment
and to establish a whole new era of magic to this time.
You all are standing in this cave mouth.
What would you like to do?
Would you like to go on a journey in?
Would you like to make any special things before you enter this cave?
Yeah.
All you got is an invitation saying that you've been invited here.
The invitation says that he's asking lots of goblins to come and work for him.
As you guys enter this cave, I also have the maps up if you want the map for the inside
of this cave.
As you enter this cave, there is frozen lakes inside and there's pillars of kind of big
stone and surprisingly there is snow filled inside this cave.
The ground is covered in snow.
You see this dude standing on this pillar in the middle of this ice lake with a huge
red Christmas looking box.
It's all wrapped up and stuff.
He's mumbling and working on it and he goes, I gotta get this done.
I gotta get this done.
He goes, when are my goblins going to show up?
Then he turns around and he goes, oh my goblins.
My goblins.
All of my goblins.
He's looking at all of you guys around there.
He's like, are you here for the job?
Are you here for the job to help bring a Christmas spirit?
Of course.
I'm the kelp one.
Of course.
He goes, okay my goblins, my little goblins.
He goes, I need all of you to bring me the most special items ever known for something
I'm calling Christmas.
Christmas is going to be amazing.
But my goblins, you need to go find me a wand of snowfall.
And then you need to find me this token that makes a portable fireplace to be able to travel
through people's homes to bring them happiness is what I'm going to do.
And then I need you to bring me overall spirit.
He looks at you all deeply in the eyes.
He's like, I need you to bring me spirit.
And he goes, but my goblins, you guys can go on and find your way through.
As you go outside, because you can move to the north and kind of start to search out
there.
He goes, the wand of snowfall is hidden amongst this ritual site that was used to call in
the snow.
And I myself can't go get it, but my goblins, I'm sure you guys can all find your way there
and fight your way through what needs to be done to find me my wand of snowfall.
We can do anything.
So yeah, you guys like to take on the task for Dr. Claus to go find his items to bring
in Christmas happiness?
I hold up my flying lizard.
I have a flying lizard that's tied up.
It's the last of its kind.
I was going to eat it as a snack.
A snack.
I give it to him.
You're going to give it to him?
Yeah.
You're going to hand it up to him?
Okay, so it's a flying lizard?
Yes.
A red one.
A red one?
Yeah.
Okay.
So you kind of like our hand hold.
I like the last one.
Are you like handing it up to it and wanting to like just toss it over to him?
He said he needs special stuff, so I'm just like.
Like if it's special?
Okay, so yeah, toad wart, he like holds up this little lizard.
He goes, what is this little dragon goblin?
What is this?
Last lizard, it fly.
Last lizard, it fly?
Ooh.
He like holds his hand out and it flies to him and lands in his hand.
He goes, this does look very special indeed.
You see him turn around and he like looks over his shoulder at you and like opens up
the present and you just hear.
And then the second thing closes back up and the lizard's inside of it.
He goes, that will definitely help with the Christmas happiness.
Your bag ate lizard?
Good.
Yes.
He just kind of goes back to work and he goes, so anything else?
Anything else my goblins?
Nope.
Nope?
Nope.
Okay, then we journey outside the caves and we go to find the Wand of Snowfall.
As you guys exit, make me a perception check.
Which would be off your guys's wisdom.
I don't know.
Extra pizza?
Extra pizza.
I forgot to bring my.
I have to mark off my.
Be like a wisdom to her.
Huh?
Be a wisdom.
Oh no.
Crit fail.
Oh same.
Finish crap.
What are the chances?
You can kill you both with a roll.
If anyone asks, I kill the dragon for the silver.
I rolled a crit.
You got a 20?
What the heck?
Well I rolled a crit fail.
I failed.
Two crit fails.
So Nate, you gotta roll a crit 20.
It's the only way to counteract it.
A nine.
Okay so.
Nine?
You guys are kind of on the same page.
You guys are kind of walking through the woods here and you notice like the snow is starting
to really pile up.
Like really pile up.
And you can tell you're getting close to something magical.
But with two crit fails and one nat 20.
Two crit fails definitely counteract one nat 20.
So you guys are walking and you're walking and you feel the snow starting to pile up
more and more and then out of nowhere the sky starts raining ice.
So I need everyone to make a dexterity save.
Oh my nipples.
Raining ice?
No!
Oh man what is happening?
Oh what's saving them?
Dex.
Okay.
15.
13.
Why?
Seven.
An eight.
An eight?
Yes.
Are you adding your.
Yeah.
Okay so what did you guys do?
I rolled a four.
You guys are doing great.
So how many did you get?
That was.
Everyone's save.
Sorry.
Give me again.
Eight.
13.
Seven.
15.
Okay so what was your name Kelly?
Chuffy.
You were the only one who passes.
Yay!
Sorry guys.
Who are we going to die?
No!
You got lucky.
You're taking three ice damage as the ice storm kind of forms above you and starts coming
down and blasting you off.
Can I use advantageous distraction as a reaction?
What is that?
It says like most goblins you're easily distracted.
Unlike most goblins though, you have a knack for being distracted at the right time, especially
when it comes to avoiding pain.
Once for short rest is a reaction when you get hit by an attack, you can momentarily
distract in combat ducking an axe swing or inspecting a toadstool or steeping behind
a tree to lick some bark and accidentally avoiding an arrow.
Okay so yeah I guess you could use that because that's once for short rest.
You can get plus two AC until the end of that turn or next turn.
Okay well then I will allow it even though I think it's only for combat so the AC bonus
won't really matter but I'll let you use it.
I just didn't know after I...
Yeah.
Because it says once you're hit you can use it.
But I will let you use it to dodge this if you want.
So what does it look like for Toad Fort to get distracted and walk away?
I'm guessing they're falling straight down.
Yeah it's coming straight down like an ice storm that is smacking it.
I just see a toad jump behind a tree so I run over there to detect it.
You take a run and it's a lizard making...
It could be a timing.
Okay do you eat it?
I definitely capture it and put it in my bag.
You're going to put it in your bag?
Okay so yeah you got a toad to replace the flame.
I got my lucky pet toad, Drubbus the fifth.
Okay.
He likes to eat smaller toads.
Okay so word.
Okay.
So yeah you are able to effectively dodge the ice but you too take your damage.
What are you talking about?
You don't like...
Can I use Nimble Escape?
What's that?
And you hide under a tree with Nate?
What does Nimble Escape do?
You can take the disengage or hide action as a bonus action on each of your turns.
Oh no I can't.
Because that disengage is like to get out of a fight when you're up close to somebody.
I'm super elastic by the way.
You are elastic.
You are bouncy.
Verbal Davidge.
What's your goblin's name?
Vermon?
Vermon.
Mogmerch.
Those aren't snacks.
Those are not snacks.
So yeah as you guys do this, you did roll a nat 20.
So I'll give you this.
As toad wart decided to use his distracted advantage to slip away with a nat 20, you slip
away and you eat this toad from your distraction, toad wart.
You pick it up and you see this glimmer out the corner of your eye and you look over and
you see this wand sticking up in this tall pile of snow sticking out the top of it and
it's kind of shimmering white.
But you guys do see the wand of snowfall.
This huge area around it is like shallower snow but then it's all piled up tall to the
wand about ten foot high.
What would you like to do?
Any of you.
Kind of gallop over there on all fours.
Gallop over there on all fours.
Right up to the pillar?
No you're doing like right up to the pillar.
To the base of the hill that goes up to the base.
Are you all following along and running to the base of the tower or are you just?
Yeah I'm already with him.
Okay so everybody make me a deck save again.
We're going to run just like him too.
As you feel the outer ring of this pillar start to shift and shake and fall inward and
grab beneath you lose balance.
Oh my gosh.
Six.
Eighteen.
Crit fail?
Wow.
So who rolled the lowest with?
It's because it was on all fours.
So you got a crit one and you got a crit fail.
What did you get?
I got a three.
A three?
Okay so you two I think passed fluidly.
Didn't you 15 and 18?
13.
Oh okay so yeah you guys start to run up and with 15 you kind of like scrabble forward
a mog merch.
18.
Oh yeah with the 18.
So yeah you kind of like roll forward and bounce up.
The ground falls with your elastocene and bounce back up and latch onto the pillar.
But the rest of you all fall into this pit.
The rest of the I can't remember your guys names because you guys have crazy goblin names.
Dog Munch.
Chuffy Lick Wound.
And Chuffy Lick Wound.
You two fall and kind of grab a root and get kind of cut up a little bit but Toadworth
you fall straight to the bottom and hit the bottom real hard and you take four damage
when you fall and hit the ground.
How much did you do?
Four.
You're going to be dead soon.
I need to do the other two.
That fell and got some scratches.
You guys take the ground and you take the ground.
You guys take one damage from falling and grabbing a root and getting kind of cut up
by roots.
Kelly you take one damage.
Oh no.
You want me to read it?
How deep are we going to go?
You're about ten foot deep in the ground.
It's dark.
Yeah it is dark.
I'm in three damage last time.
No I'm the only one that did.
Can I produce flame?
Yeah you can.
It's cancer right there.
So produce flame.
So you ignite this flame up and when you ignite it up make a perception check.
You're going to light it up?
A nine.
A nine?
You don't see anything but when you light it up you instantly start hearing like little
crawling sounds all around you.
What would you like to do?
You can try to climb out but you will be at disadvantage from lots of bugs and nasties
crawling on the walls.
Who's down here with me?
You are down at the bottom and the sorcerer goblin, I don't remember his name, dog munch
and chuffy are hanging on to the roots and mog merch is hanging on to the pillar at the
top like wrapped around it.
I'd say you all do have rope and what not, normal adventurer gear.
How big is this pit in diameter?
Like wide?
It's about ten foot wide, about five foot wide.
You're right down in the middle of it and the walls are just like tight next to you.
I'm going to have dog munch jump on my back.
Jump on your back?
Yes.
From the top?
Yes.
I'm going to have dog munches down there.
No, them two are hanging on to roots.
I'm fine.
You just crit failed so you are like all the way down.
I'm going to use earth tremor, my level one spell.
To just kind of break the ground up or what?
What's your plan here?
I heard there's the creepy crawlies in this pit.
I'm killing them all with this if possible.
Well it's just going to make it really pissed off.
Go ahead and do that, do an earth tremor.
So what is it?
I have to make a deck save.
I'm just going to do one deck save for overall bugs and stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think that's what it was.
Do we have to do anything since we're like holding on for dear life?
I mean it should be just the ground, like the floor I think.
So unless it really throws some shake in.
It does.
Roll me a d20, Nate.
Oh no.
That's not his name.
Sorry.
Toadward.
17.
17?
Wow, you rolled really good.
So you pick up your foot out of anger and you just stomp this ground because you fell
and the ground kind of shakes and cracks and breaks and the wall next to you kind of starts
to splinter and shatter and then you hear bugs and shit start scattering away and the
wall next to you just kind of breaks and collapses a bit and falls down.
But make me deck saves, all of you.
You three.
Sorry.
I'm hanging.
Mogmerge, you're hanging at the time.
But the other three, yeah.
18.
Kelly, deck save.
11.
I'm not Kelly, I'm Chuffy and I got 14.
14?
Okay, you guys all passed because this was a super incredibly hard one.
You just kind of step and roll out of the way a bit as this kind of landslide happens
with him tremoring the ground and splintering the bottom of it.
You guys can crawl up the top out of this pit now because there's a wall trimmer broken
down and kind of landsliding down.
So good job, Toadworth.
Very cool, very nice.
You guys get to the top and you climb out of here and you see Mogmerge just kind of
like Spider-Man grasped, like wrapped around the pillar.
Would you like to try and climb further up?
I'm going to try to ascend, yes.
Okay, give me a strength check.
18.
18?
Okay, yeah, so you kind of do the inchworm, arms around it, moulin, wrap around grab and
start crawling to the top and you reach up and you grab the wound of snowfall.
When you grab it and lift it up, you feel that you can cast down ice storm to create
a good snow ice surface with this thing and you kind of get the containment of this area.
But you do have one of the special items needed for Christmas happiness for Dr. Claus.
Yay!
I'm feeling a little more holly jolly!
A little more holly jolly!
Dr. Nicholas Claus.
Gonna deck his halls.
Okay, so you guys know you need a portable fireplace, chinbee token, and spirit.
So make me another perception check or, yeah, just make me a perception check.
15.
What's that going for?
Wisdom.
18.
I got a 15.
11.
Can I just evolve my passive perception?
What is your passive perception?
12.
12?
Yeah, so you guys are the roll high enough too, definitely, that you kind of see this
small little village ahead and you see, you know, gentle snow on the ground.
You see people kind of walking about doing their normal lives, markets and stuff open.
It's kind of getting later in the night, but you see smoke rolling out of multiple buildings
and stuff, like chimneys and stuff with burning wood.
What would you guys like to do?
Burning wood?
I love fires.
Get one.
You guys gonna go walk up into this village or would you like to do anything special?
Is there anything special to do?
You are a little mob of goblins.
Oh yeah.
Let's see what's on fire and spread it.
This is a good sized village.
There's a decent amount of people.
There's probably about five or eight buildings.
There are about eight buildings there.
About four or five of them have good sized chimneys with rolling smoke coming out of
them.
There's a couple people you see kind of like setting up or closing up shops and whatnot.
It's getting later in the night.
So it's probably a dozen people.
Yeah, probably about a dozen people.
What would you like to do?
I think I'm starting to eat some catfish.
It's getting later.
It's like, it's still kind of that edge of getting night.
So it's still like somewhat bright out.
Let's sneak up on them.
We want to wait until it's dark and then come in there.
Yeah, you can do that.
You guys can take like short rests and stuff too if you'd like.
The heels and whatnot.
We can go to the rest of it so it's good.
Yeah, throw up a little small camp outside the town before we're waiting up tonight.
It's a little pretty.
Okay, we'll make a short rest then if you guys want to do your health.
Can we heal on short rest?
Yeah, I'll go ahead and say you guys heal up because you have, I don't know what their
hit knives were.
No, you can just get your, yeah, you just get your heel back because you are tiny goblins.
Weak little babies.
So let me see.
I'm not going to die.
Full short rest is like a good long rest for a goblin.
Okay.
Just little guys.
They don't need a whole lot of time to sleep.
There's no many guys.
We don't need beauty sleep.
We're already so beautiful.
So yeah, we're going to do like one of those Red Dead Redemption video game montage where
it fades to night as you guys all kind of sit by your fire.
And yes, it is nighttime.
Shops are closed.
People are up.
There's about a couple people you see outside talking and smoking pipes and stuff outside,
but that's about it.
What would you guys like to do?
Smoking pipes?
Yeah, there's people outside chilling, doing their thing.
Walk up to them and say, do you think I'm beautiful?
Okay.
You walk up to them and you say that and this person instantly jumps back and you're by
yourself.
Is she by herself?
Yes.
We're hiding in the shadows.
Okay.
So you guys are all hiding.
So you guys make me stealth checks.
Yeah, stealth checks.
So yeah, he, he looks down.
He goes, Oh, Oh my God, a goblin, a goblin.
Punches you right in the forehead.
And hits you.
You guys are good.
You guys are stealth checking.
You said roll to hide.
I was like, no.
Yeah, you guys can roll to hide.
But Kelly, you're going to get punched in the face by a full grown man.
That's rude.
You're going to take six damage.
19.
Better nimble escape than a chute.
What would you like to do?
I want to do a double jump.
You're going to attack, you're going to talk.
What are you going to do here?
I'm going to say like, dude, what the hell?
You're supposed to just be like, yeah, you're beautiful.
You're a goblin.
Okay.
Making a persuasion check.
Code word is pretty angry right now.
You're getting angry?
Pissed in the shadows.
Redhawks vibes.
Yeah.
What was the point of waiting around for it to get dark for her to make it?
I don't see persuasion.
What would that be?
Because she looks even uglier in the light.
Well, that's not good.
It's a minus point.
So 17.
17?
Yeah.
He like punches you in the forehead and then you say that and he's like, you know what?
You are really fucking ugly.
Get out of here.
And he like tells you to like points away and tells you to get out of here.
You going to leave?
Yeah, I'm just going to leave.
And then you walk back to your friends as they're hiding in the behind the building.
What was your guys' stealth checks?
19.
Nine.
Nine?
What was your, did you do a stealth check?
Oh, I made sure to close my eyes.
Oh yeah.
Nine.
Nine?
Okay.
So overall you guys did a good, you passed your stealth checks.
So yeah, as she comes walking back, he comes walking back.
She.
Is she a girl?
Yeah.
Okay.
So, um, kind of with a bruise on your forehead and everybody's just looking at you disappointed
like why the fuck did you do that?
So yeah, now what would you guys like to do?
Not that.
Oh, we should ram sack the shop as the shop lock does?
I'm going to smack her in the back of the head for being stupid.
I'm going to also slap her in the back of the head.
No!
Okay, so you walk up to this window.
Give me a perception check.
I'm going to try to get my toe to work.
We can't keep the little goblin behind us quiet.
18.
18?
Oh yeah, so you look through this window and you're like peeking through it like on your
tiptoes, like staring through this window and you see this fireplace with this special
coin sitting right above the fireplace and then also hanging on the doorway of the thing,
you see Spirit's shop.
Um, on the door, on the hanging sign.
Do I see any people in there as I pan my vision around?
Yeah, you see one person kind of walking by the fireplace kind of smoking a pipe and then
you see a woman walking upstairs into this upper floor, walking away.
That's all you see.
Two people inside.
Okay.
Should I start a blizzard in there?
Oh my gosh, I saw a storm inside the house.
Get her buddy out.
How much of a fire we got burning in there?
It's just like a normal, you know, little wood stove fireplace that's just got a couple
logs thrown on.
Is there any wood next to the fireplace?
Uh, yeah, he's got a good little size stack sitting next to the fireplace.
So I put his fire out hoping he'd come outside for some more wood.
Yeah, he's got it inside.
Or maybe he's put it all the way inside.
You don't like this bundle of wood next to the fireplace.
I use control flames to make a little, a little spit.
A control flame?
A spit of the flame.
What is that?
Does that spell or is that just candroids?
Candroids.
So you can just manipulate the flame?
Yeah, gently.
I'm not going to make it look like drastic.
Okay, so I'll need a D20 to see.
I just wanted to get a little over.
You wanted to spark the other wood bundle?
Yes.
That's what you want to do?
Okay.
Smoke them out.
Either that or just make a huge distraction.
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Uh, what was that real food?
Just a D20.
Just a flat?
Yeah.
That's seven.
Yeah, so you go to kind of flip this flame over and it like hits the wood and lights
on fire and then kind of flicks over again and hits like a curtain and starts to burn
the curtain.
It's like...
Even better.
I just smile.
Yeah, you see the guy go, hey, he's smiling big.
You see the guy go, oh, oh, my stars.
And he like takes off running and tries to start kind of like getting water and looking
for things to pad out the fire and he's kind of scrambling around the room, distracted
at it indeed.
What would you guys like to do?
Sneak in there.
Let me get that.
Cool.
Are we going through sneaky sneakies?
Is this window unlocked?
Give me a strength check.
See if you can kind of pop this window open.
Well, because you guys are little guys, so you're kind of just like...
See if it's locked.
What?
Criffin?
Oh, yeah.
So, yeah, you're like...
You go to like lift up on this window and you're like pushing on it and then before you know
it, your whole fist goes through the window.
Oh, my God.
And then you hear a loud shatter and you're like hanging halfway through this window.
Yeah, and the guy kind of runs around...
Something's running around the corner.
What would you like to do?
You just shatter through this window and you got about one turn before he comes in through
the doorway.
And then bull escape.
Get your old flames again.
Get your old flames again while you're hanging through the window?
Show what?
Sparkle flame in another direction?
Okay.
Okay, roll me a d20.
Which ones do you need to check?
The window or the house?
Sparkle?
The window.
Yeah, roll me another d20.
An eight.
One better than last time.
An eight.
Okay, yeah.
So you go to flick this flame and you're panicking because you're hanging halfway through this
window.
And when you flick it, it comes like really close to you and like lands on like the kitchen
floor in front of you.
It just sparks up a little bit of the floor in front of you.
So now you've got a fire burning from a fireplace onto the curtain and now a fireplace burning
in front of you in the building.
And the guy runs around the corner.
He goes, what in the hell?
A goblin?
What is happening?
It starts like running around in circles and you see him start running toward the kitchen
to grab like a knife or something.
So what would you guys like to do?
I want to chuck one of my alchemy fireballs through the window towards the kitchen.
There's going to be nothing left.
How does that work?
I can blast a five foot radius and I can throw it up to 30 feet.
Five foot radius to like on him.
Any creature in the area must have seen a DC-12 X-37.
Okay, so I'm not doing it to damage anything.
I'm doing it just as a distraction to get that corner going.
So they're like.
So are you throwing it at him or like the kitchen?
Because he's going towards the kitchen like to grab a knife and a fire on the other side
of him.
You can throw it.
I mean I guess I could hit him if he's going to come after us.
Okay, so let me make the next save.
That's all it is, right?
You throw it.
Yep, you just make the next save.
It is a fireball.
Alright.
Twelve.
Haha, does he pass?
So what does it do?
You had to roll a 12.
DC-12.
So what's it do if it fails?
Uh, nothing.
Let me read this real quick.
Alchemy fires, that's what you did.
Okay, so yeah, he just saves and doesn't take the fire damage.
Okay, so yeah, you throw this thing in there and he kind of sees it coming through the
window and goes to shatter but you create a little burn spot where he was reaching for
and he jumps back out of the way and doesn't get burnt but he doesn't get to his knife
either.
So, yeah, what would you guys like to do now?
You going to just climb through?
I'm going to throw a dart at him.
You're going to jump in here?
What are you going to do?
Can I just start a blizzard and freeze his ass into the corner?
Like an ice storm with one?
How does ice storm work?
Are you going to use the wand to do ice storm?
I'll let you guys talk about what you guys want to do.
What do you guys think?
I mean, he is just an unarmed guy.
Yeah, there's a coin on the fireplace we've got to get to and I feel like there's something
upstairs where that lady's at.
She's going to be engulfed in flames very soon.
As you guys are talking, yeah, you see the floor, the ceiling above where the fireplace
is slowly lighting on fire.
Just burning.
This whole place is starting to catch.
Someone needs to check the upstairs before this whole thing goes out against room.
There are a bunch of you, like I said, there are 10 goblins.
So if you would like to send another goblin to go do something, you can do that and I'll
roll and see how well they do or if they die.
Yeah, I need them to go check to see if something's upstairs.
You guys are also in immediate danger because this man is about to start attacking Toad
Wart hanging through the window.
We can have him.
You're going to climb over Toad Wart.
Give me a strength check with advantage since you've got Toad Wart to grab onto and pull
over him.
14, so 13.
13?
Yeah, you climb up and you flip through this window and there's a fire in front of you.
There's a fire burning through the ceiling in the background of the living room and a
man standing there around that little island on the other side where Mog Merch threw an
alchemical fire and burned that edge too.
So I'm going to hit him with acid splash.
Acid splash?
Is that a spell slot?
Can't trip?
Okay, what is it?
What do I do?
Deck save, I think.
It's here.
I don't even think it's there.
Wait, what did this place say on the door?
It's a shop.
We need to find spirit.
Yeah, upstairs.
So she's spirit.
We need to send some goblins up to check some things out.
Somebody that doesn't like fire will fire us and go get her.
You can create modifier.
Yeah.
This is a perfect storm.
Alright, give me one second.
I guess it'd be better if I go up and I'm bouncy.
I can jump out the top.
You know the whole village is going to try to put up this building that's burning down.
You guys can all take a turn if you like.
You guys don't have to, because it's all you guys kind of go in and then him.
So you guys all can kind of take a quick turn if you want.
But you do have to get inside.
So that's going to be probably a turn.
You can climb through the window.
You can go through the door.
Okay, deck save.
I need to make a deck save.
I'm going to climb through the window.
So what's your spell casting thing?
It says DC under there.
Would it take a turn now if we had someone throw us through the window?
DC 12.
Yes.
So I need to make a DC 12 deck save for your acid splash.
That is a 16.
So I definitely save.
Spell save DC 12 plus 4 to hit with spell attacks.
So I save.
Definitely.
Missed.
He dodges out of the way.
And I'll say with the kind of time that's passed, he's starting to run over and he gets
kind of right up to you.
And he goes to throw a punch at Toadwort hanging in the building with advantage and misses
terribly.
He goes to punch that Toadwort out of the window and misses and kind of falls down and
misses past and you guys get another turn to do what you want.
So far only you are inside Dog Munch.
And Toadwort are still hanging halfway through the window.
What would you guys like to do?
I don't have any weapons.
I'm going to crawl through that window.
Does this mean I can analyze that wand and get exactly everything I need to know about
it?
Or if it's going to do something if I use it?
You can but it will take you will.
An easy turn.
Yeah definitely.
It's like a spell.
You have to take a moment to analyze an item.
Okay.
Detect magic I think.
I'm trying to get through the window.
Only on his side.
I wanted to make it to where we can still see.
So are you going to climb through the window or are you just going to fling it through
the window?
I'm just going to go onto the window and head for the fireplace as fast as I possibly can.
Head for the fireplace?
Okay.
Give me a strength check with advantage since you're still climbing over Toadwort.
At this point he's become a ladder.
Growing angrier and angrier.
Alright so 15.
15?
Okay so yeah you kind of grab onto his leg and start climbing over and you flip into
the room.
And as you do this you flip in and you land and you start making your way.
What is your movement speed?
30 feet.
30 feet?
So yeah you make it about almost to the fireplace.
You're able to wiggle around the fire and make your way there but you're halfway to
it.
But as this last one flips over you, Toadwort roll me a wisdom save.
13.
13?
Okay so as he flips over and runs, you're sitting there with your anger building and
bubbling and spewing inside and then you just open your eyes and they're glowing bright
red.
Your eyes are very red.
And everyone around you, you start to notice things starting to just kind of like glow
and fizz as Toadwort's anger starts to rise a little bit higher.
What would you guys like to do now?
I think the only ones left with turns is Toadwort and you.
I don't remember your name.
Chuffy.
Chuffy Lake Wound.
What would you guys like to do?
Did I get through the window?
Not yet.
That's what I was going to say.
I need to get through that window.
Or check with advantage.
Why?
Before Toadwort does anything.
Oh I already got him on 18 but advantage means roll twice right?
Oh 20.
Now for 20?
Yeah.
Okay so yeah you fucking, you climb up Toadwort and you flip inside and with a nat 20 you like
I'm a rose.
You pull him in with you and he like does a little flip and lands so you guys are all
inside the window.
Yeah.
Inside this place.
Yeah.
Diggin' it.
But it's old dudes turn.
So he's going to turn around and he's going to take a punch at you.
It's not dope.
It's Toadwort.
Chuffy?
Toadwort.
Oh he's going to fucking deck you hard Chuffy.
Oh shit.
He comes in and he like gives you the full hammer fist right in the top of the head.
Sticking out the floor head only.
You're going to take 7 points of damage Chuffy.
Chuffy you're taking 7 points of damage.
I only had 6 laps so now I have negative 1 damage.
I mean negative 1.
Okay so yeah so now we're going dead.
So this dude comes in and as you flip inside this dude comes running up and you see him
like angry.
He comes down with a full hammer fist in the top of the head and you just see the top of
your skull just caves in and you fall over.
No!
Are you serious?
Oh my god.
Flatten the head.
Look at that one Chuffy.
I can't!
Does that mean I have to tear this?
Yeah go ahead.
No!
Whatever you say.
I just pictured the tongue like through the top of his mouth.
Okay Kelly roll me a d6.
I can't I'm broken.
A d6?
I wish she dies in the element.
Okay.
What is that?
Is that a square?
Fuck.
Five.
Five?
Okay.
Here's your new goblin.
Leadfinger.
Respawn.
Leadfinger.
As a new goblin steps forward at the ranks.
Leadfinger.
And he walks in and he's like Burt what's up guys I'm Leadfinger.
That's what he says.
Okay so as we'll make your entrance Leadfinger just kicks the door open.
He's like standing in the doorway.
Burps.
Okay so what does Leadfinger look like?
He's pretty short.
He's got pointy ears.
He wears this like knight helmet so he looks like a majestic man about to save a princess.
Okay what class is he?
I don't remember what that one is.
Oh.
He's pretty short.
Paladin.
Where does it say that at?
Is there a goblin or a real big picture of that?
Paladin.
He's male.
Male goblin paladin.
Okay.
Also his eyes are red.
Okay so yeah we got a new goblin in the fray of our horde of goblins.
But that was his turn so now you all can take your turns and what would you like to do?
You ran for the token.
Dog Munch has, no not Dog Munch, Mog Merch has ran for the token and the rest of you
are inside.
Toad warts anger bubbles.
What would you like to do?
I am going to hit him with burning hands and shoot fire at this old man.
Save.
12 to you.
He fails.
Yes.
So he is going to take 3d6 fire damage and that is a 15 foot comb.
Oh my head.
Yeah go ahead and, no go ahead and roll your damage.
Nobody else is in it but.
Okay.
Yeah cause he's still in that corner kind of over there where you just fucking caved
in her head and then standing back so.
But you may like the.
I thought it was a little tiny fireball.
Six.
It's exploding.
It's an instant cremation.
12 damage.
Yeah so.
You just see him waiting for her to.
Yeah there is this man in the corner who just.
Fuck he did.
Hammer fisted this goblin to death and turns around thinking he's big and strong and he
just sees Dog Munch's hands pointing out in front of him as sparks fly out.
Does Dog Munch have a little tune he would like to see as he shoots out some flames from
his hand?
Oh yeah.
Magic Dog Munch casts a spell.
Zapping long shanks where they dwell.
Look where Dog Munch's foe has fell.
Crispy meat with a tasty smell.
As flames fling out of your hands and just engulf this dude.
He's like screaming and flipping around the corners of the room burning to death and he
falls to the ground as his face kind of just is charred and black.
Yeah.
On the ground.
I'm going to eat him.
You're going to eat him?
I'm going to eat him.
You're going to take a bite?
Where's the first bite going to be?
Yeah.
Gooch.
This is not doing it.
Nice.
With a nice hint of Flamanda cheese.
I'm going to take a chunk out the thigh.
Out the thigh?
Okay yeah.
So you take a chunk out the thigh.
But when you do that actually you go to take a chunk out the thigh and you bite a hold
of like a wallet and you pull it out and you pull it out of your mouth and you see like
a little ID in there that says spirit on it.
It sounds like a spirit.
It's like a business card and it's like spirit shop.
So yeah.
You meant like that was the person you were supposed to bring back.
Search his body.
Yeah so.
Or is he?
It is the person you're supposed to bring.
His name is Spirit.
Well let's just bring pieces of him back.
Yeah well you got a piece of him inside you so.
Ew.
We're going to have to have you poop in a jar later sir.
Yeah.
But yeah the house is burning down.
So what would you guys like to do?
I'm going to put my hands out for Toadstool to spring up and grab that coin.
Pop out and grab the coin.
Toadwork.
Or Toad-a-work if you want to.
What's Toadwork doing that?
To do a little spring up.
I figured you're the safest near the fire.
Yeah he's a dragon after all.
Yeah.
So give me a dexterity roll with advantage.
Toadwork.
Uh thirteen.
Thirteen?
Yeah.
Okay so yeah you spring him up and he flies and you reach up and you grab this token and
you pull it off the fireplace and land.
Do your little turn around like fuck yeah we've got all the pieces we need.
And the fireplace goes and just kind of like disappears.
And then you realize that there's a huge support malfunction with the building now that the
whole fireplace has just disappeared.
And the building starts to start cracking.
And it's already on fire.
So you hear the screams of a woman upstairs as she falls through the floor of the ceiling.
Hits the ground and then the floor starts falling through and the building starts collapsing.
So everybody make me dexterity saves.
To come running out of this burning collapsing building.
Oh no.
Crit fail.
Crit fail?
Yeah.
19 plus 3.
I still have to prepare to goblin.
Nine.
Nine?
Okay so you got a crit fail.
Is that what it was?
Yeah.
So yeah you guys all take off running and you know Toadworth you and a mog merch.
I keep on saying dogma.
You keep on saying dogma.
You kind of like dive out the window and land.
You got the token and you see a dog munch come running out and he's got like a little
bit of fire like touching his ass.
You got three fire damage you're going to take as you dive out the window.
Then you guys land and you're looking around at all your goblins and you turn around and
you see a what's your name?
Leadfinger.
You see Leadfinger come running like heavy badass.
Goes to dive for the window and the whole building just collapses.
Crushes Leadfinger with a crit fail.
Do I rip this?
With a crit fail.
Go ahead and rip up that character.
Oh my god.
I got double baited.
You're so on two.
I'm here to die.
I don't like that.
Roll me a d6 again.
Didn't even get to experience life at all.
Six.
A six.
We're going to go ahead and give you this one because that's the last one we're going
to give you.
Is that a snorkel?
Stump biter?
Stump biter.
Okay.
Alright now I'm a short little fat girl and I got beautiful locks of gray weird hair cloth
looking stuff.
I have a bow and arrow, sharp teeth, red eyes and my ears are also pointy.
Okay so another goblin steps into the fray as Kelly loses another life.
I'm naturally evil.
So we got your items.
You guys escape your building.
You move on.
You get back to your cave to bring the items to Dr. Klaus.
He goes you come back and Dr. Klaus says oh my goblins, my goblins, my goblins, did you
bring my items?
So do you guys present the items to him?
Yeah.
And I'm going to make myself throw up and present him the chunk of meat I ate.
Ew.
Yeah so you throw up, make me a con save.
See if you can make yourself throw up.
Nine.
Nine?
Yeah.
So you failed.
So yeah you failed.
So you do throw up.
You throw up a chunk of thigh meat and you guys present the token and the wand of snowfall.
And you present it to Dr. Klaus and he goes oh my goblins, you brought me all the items
I needed.
And you take him and he kind of goes brrrr, brrrr, and sticks them inside this big present
box and he goes okay my goblins are you ready?
Come here.
And he like before you guys even get a chance to say anything he lifts you all up and he
kind of floats over to Dr. Klaus and he goes now is the time to help me with the ultimate
task, kill Krampus.
And he like shoves you guys all inside of this present box and you guys fall deep inside
this, it feels like you're in a never ending tunnel of just falling through darkness.
And you land and you're in this snowy desolate looking broken down rotten place and you see
Krampus standing before you with his horns and his giant, he's wearing a big Santa cloak.
And then you see on the ground behind him a jolly fat man sitting on the ground, looks
like he's impaled through a tree.
He's got Santa's clothes on him and a big white beard.
And you realize that Dr. Klaus was maybe not who you thought he was because there is a
very dead Santa Claus laying on the ground in front of Krampus.
So as all you kind of approach he turns around and he goes, ooh, they brought me more to
eat.
And you guys all need to roll initiative as you get into combat with Krampus.
I want my wand back.
What do we want?
My initiative is minus one.
Initiative, yeah.
I rolled a four minus one so I have a three.
18.
She's got a nickel.
That was my lucky book and you rolled good.
Okay, I need a pencil.
Nope.
Thank you.
Nope.
Alright, what's the initiatives?
16.
14.
Set.
What was yours, Ryan?
R1, 14.
14?
Kelly?
Three.
Meat sauce.
Ryan?
R2?
What was yours?
I should pull up.
Oh, it was 15.
15?
Plus three.
Okay.
First up is Mogmont merch.
Mogmont merch.
It is your turn.
Alright, Krampus is about 25.
Alright, well I'm gonna chuck me some, no I'm not.
Nope, no I'm not.
Yeah, I'm just gonna chuck some acid at him.
Just go ahead and roll for me.
Deck save.
Deck save?
Yeah, deck save.
Let's see what Krampus' deck is.
He's in.
Yes.
I failed big time.
Four plus two.
Nerd.
So what do I roll for your damage?
What's it say?
1d6.
1d6?
Okay.
Five.
Five?
Yep.
Okay.
Not bad.
I need to get his helper in down here.
And then I hide somewhere.
Turn infection?
You gonna hide?
Yeah.
Okay, give me a stealth check.
Ten.
Ten?
I don't know if we go by anything.
Six.
Oh, so ten plus three.
Yeah, so you take off running and like dive behind a rock and hide and he just loses complete
track of you for a minute.
Nice.
So yeah, rest of you.
Next up is Krampus, actually.
Krampus.
We're gonna run up to the one he knows who is a...well actually he's going to leap.
He just like jumps all of his power and leaps right to Dogmunch, the sorcerer.
And he's going to use his chain.
He's gonna reach out and try to attack you with his chain.
That's 11 plus five.
Has he got you?
11 plus five.
What's your AC?
That's a hit.
So this chain hits you and you get wrapped around you and does five damage.
Is he dead?
Dogmunch dead?
Okay, good.
No!
So yeah, I guess the rest of it doesn't matter.
So he goes and hits you with this chain and pulls you to you and when he goes to grab
you as your body comes back, it's just like the top torso hanging there.
And yeah, so roll me a...
I like that guy.
D4.
He's a pretty cool guy.
Roll me a D4 to get a new goblin.
I'm ready.
What are we doing?
Three.
Three?
How nice.
You're a creepy lady.
Let me see.
Red up big bad.
Mr. Bumbo Stik.
Okay, red up big bad.
Red up big bad?
I've got a nasty torn white dress on and my teeth are sharp and huge and I am ugly as
hell.
You're a one ugly lady.
Wait, let me see.
We both have the same weird hat thing.
Todor got pretty mad that he just jumped straight over me and he had a little
bit of a shock.
Todor's rage is boiling.
That was his turn.
Crampus's.
He was just blown on fire.
Oh wait, I think I did that wrong actually.
I believe you were supposed to be very first Todor.
But you can go ahead and go now then.
Go ahead.
I died.
I'm not going to press that.
I'm going to try to sickle him in the back of the knee.
Sickle him in the back of the knee.
Cut the tendon.
Alright, give me a tackle.
Getting the Achilles?
No.
That's 17 plus 4 to hit.
17 plus 4.
Oh yeah buddy, big hit.
Go ahead.
Give me that damage.
4 plus 2.
That's 1 plus 2, 3 damage.
3 damage?
And we'll do Fury of the Small.
You want to add 1 damage?
Yeah, since he's bigger.
And I'll use my bonus action to attempt to, as I come by and slash the back of his knee,
I scurry off and try to hide the shadows.
Alright, give me a stealth check.
That is 13.
13?
Yeah, 11 plus 2.
So you go to run past him and scurry and dash, but he kind of quickly catches you with his
eye and you are unable to successfully hide.
You did hit your attacks, but he still sees you.
Next up is, we're going to go with the same initiative off your last one.
So Ryan, R1, it is your go.
Alrighty.
Well, Rita is going to take her dog slicer, which is a skin dog.
A dog slicer?
Yeah, and she's going to cramp us up because he's a punk ass bitch.
Okay.
Dog slicer.
Give us the dog slicer.
He's more of a goat, but you know, we'll get the dog slicer.
Dog mate, goat mate.
Yeah, what's the difference?
Many.
Oh my gosh.
7.
7?
That does not hit.
7 plus 5?
No, 2 plus 5.
Oh gosh.
No, yeah, that does not hit.
Alright, yeah.
Okay, next up is.
Rita sucks.
I forgot your new goblin's name.
Stumpbiter.
It is your go.
I have a short bow and a broken dog slicer, short-sowing.
So how close am I?
I also got other little abilities too.
I don't know what they do, but.
How close am I?
You are probably about 30 feet from him.
So I'm going to run up and short-sort him.
Short-sort him?
Okay, give me an attack roll.
I want a short-sort.
Okay, attack roll.
19 plus 5.
That will definitely hit.
Yeah, it's like.
Okay, it says hit 6, 1d6 plus 3.
1d6 plus 3.
Well, 1 plus 3 is 4.
So 4 damage?
Yup.
Decent hit, decent hit.
Is that all I can do?
If you hear the soft whispers of Krampus's demons in the background.
Dark magic.
Yeah.
What?
Anything else you want to do?
I was looking to see if I'm able to like back away from him.
You should have Fury of the Small or Disengate or the Nimble and Escape where you can bonus
action to hide.
I have Fury of the Small and Nimble Escape.
Oh, that does plus 1.
Which one would you like to do?
I'm going to Nimble Escape away from him.
So to hide?
Yeah.
How to get back?
You have to disengage to get away from him.
We did that wrong.
We did hide immediately.
But you wouldn't be able to hide away from him.
Will the 13 be enough to disengage?
Disengage just happens.
You just walk away.
So yeah, I guess you can disengage and walk away.
Well, he kept me inside anyways.
So you want to just step away your full.
Full, yeah.
Well my bow is.
You don't have much movement because you ran all the way up to him.
Listen, my hit range is 80 to 320 feet.
You can't run away because you used all your movement to get to him.
So you're kind of just.
Okay.
You're about to get another character.
You just do it.
I guess you can take the hide.
How far did I go?
It didn't really work.
Because he jumped pretty close to where I was to get to him.
And then you dipped away?
Disengage.
I'd say you would make it a couple feet away.
About 10 feet.
At a swing.
This is the least you can do.
I think Fury of the Smog just adds one extra damage.
Did you want to do that?
Yeah, we'll just do that instead.
Minus out the rest of the garbage I created.
Yeah, so you did one extra damage to this big guy.
He's wacky.
So I think that is back to the top of the round with mog merch.
Yeah.
What would you like to do?
I guess I'm just going to do fire.
The alchemist's fire?
Yeah, I'm going to aim for his butt.
So is that dex save?
Yep.
Another dex save.
Why do you always end up with the character that has the dex?
I have no idea.
You failed the big time.
That's the same you failed last time.
Four plus two.
Three.
Three damage?
Yep.
Plus one.
Fury of the Smog, baby.
You're milling him down.
He's got a lot of health.
You're milling him down.
Okay, next up is Krompus.
Who's around him right now?
I don't know.
Okay, so he's going to take a snack right now.
So you are Archie, or not Archie.
Dog Munch.
Rita.
Oh no, Rita now.
You are Rita now.
Stump-biter.
Stump-biter is by him.
So he's going to take a snack at Rita.
Goddammit.
He's going to use, he's going to use stuff.
Stuff.
Oh no.
He's going to put you in his bag.
He stuffed you hard.
18 plus 5.
That doesn't help.
Okay, so he grabs a hold of you and pulls out this big sack.
Fucking this struggle and trying to put you in there.
So make me a strength or dexterity on check.
Making dicks.
Okay.
All day.
No bullshit.
God damn it.
What'd you get?
8 plus 3 so 11.
Going in the bag.
Yeah, I'm going in the bag.
You going in the bag.
He goes to stuff you in there and you get your hands on the edge of the bag.
And you just forcefully push with all your goblin might and you kind of flip out of his grasp and land on the ground.
So he just curses in a language you don't understand.
And that was his turn.
So, next...
He about got you.
That took me back to his career.
Next up is...
Oh, not Rita.
You.
Alright, well I'm going to go right back at him then because...
The dog slicer?
Yeah, he just pissed me the fuck off.
Dog slicer time.
Oh, sorry.
Trying to put me in here.
Zach!
That's fine.
That's a 14 plus 5.
How about a hit?
So...
Give him the dog slicer.
The goat slicer.
Turn him into dog meat.
Turn him into dog meat, baby.
Slice into dice.
Wait, what?
Hit 8, 1d6 plus 5.
Plus 8, what was it?
It says hit 8.
No, it's just a standard number.
You roll whatever the roll number dice says.
1d6 plus 5?
Damn.
She's going to stab you some bitch.
9 damage.
9 damage?
Nice!
For danger.
Her slashes are biased.
I just read that in my book.
My dude's club is 1d4 minus 1.
That's horrible.
Is that all you got?
When you're wielding a melee weapon in one hand, and know the weapons, you gain a plus
2 bonus damage roll.
Oh, so you get another plus 2, or is it just added on?
That's probably why it's a plus 5.
Or I could do the furious small and...
Add another one.
Deal extra damage.
One extra damage.
Okay.
Yes, do that.
Okay.
So far, all of us with Kelly have used that.
Yeah, we've used it once for short-term.
So next up is...
Me!
Wait, did you go for part?
No, he hasn't gone yet.
I think I skipped you again.
It's you.
It's you now.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's after me.
Because you went first.
He's technically supposed to be before you.
Yeah, but...
But yeah, go ahead.
That would work.
Okay, uh...
How close is the nearest goblin to him?
Nearest goblin?
Yeah.
I'm gonna start like right up on him.
Stumpbiter and Rita.
All right, I'm going for a sling attack.
Range?
You know what that is?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, because you're kind of still a little bit...
Like a 10 foot away or something.
Yeah, so you can still...
All righty.
Let's see.
Technically, wouldn't I be at disadvantage at close range?
Yeah.
Well, that'll...
Because you're not within...
Five feet, I think.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I think it's only five feet.
So that would be 14?
Yeah.
No, that would not hit.
Okay.
All right, that it?
Yep, that's all I got.
Yeah, so you...
You're fucking slinging this thing and you miss.
And when you see that from your sling, go flying past him, some of those little rocks
and shit, you're just launching out of it.
Just flying past him and it hits this stone rock wall behind him and you see that rock
fizzle with flame and just kind of start to spark and flame a little bit as it hits.
Because toad work's been known to have spontaneous combustions.
Next up is...
Stumpbiter.
What's ahead?
Stumpbiter, yeah.
I'm gonna use my short bow.
I'm gonna...
You are up close.
You are face to face.
Oh yeah, I forgot.
Okay.
You can disengage as bonus action and walk away if you want, but that's...
Nah, I'm already right here, so I'll just short sword him again.
Okay.
Use my dog slicer.
I also have a dog slicer.
11 plus five.
That will hit.
Awesome.
Then we'll do...
Some damage.
Oopsie.
Five plus three.
Eight damage.
Five plus three, eight damage.
Eight damage, yeah.
Are you gonna use the fury of the snow to add a damage?
I already did use it, so I have to short rest.
Okay.
So back to the top of the round and we're gonna do it correct this time.
Toad work.
It's actually you.
We've been doing it backwards.
Hmm.
Going for another slingshot attack.
Slingshot.
Oh, 11 plus four.
That will hit.
That must be his AC.
All the money.
Yeah, it is.
1d4 plus two.
What is that one?
Oopsie daisy.
1d4 plus two?
Oh, sorry.
I was like, yeah, I was like, that's a damage.
Two plus two, four damage.
Four damage.
Yes.
You hit him right in the face.
And then yeah, as before, the sling, the rock flies at him and we'll meet another d4.
Four.
He takes an extra four fire damage as it just spontaneously combusts the rock does and hits
him.
And as the anger boils, you see a Santa's dead body laying impaled on a tree.
His like robe starts to, starts to just kind of like combust a little bit and start to
spark a little with flame.
Yeah, so that happens.
He takes an extra four damage.
Next up is fleet, not flea stick, mob merch.
All right, yeah, just give me a deck save on alchemical fire.
Seven plus two.
Nice.
So 1d6.
Why doesn't it work this well for flea stick?
One damage.
Big money.
All right.
We're chipping away, we're chipping away.
And eye hot.
Yeah, you can.
You were far away.
Romy, still check.
You stayed out of the fight pretty decently.
Six.
Yeah.
Wow, he actually does not see you.
Really?
You dropped down and hide in a little bush.
The rock just exploded in his face.
Yeah, he's still kind of like firing his eyes and he's kind of looking around and you kind
of just dip into a bush and hide.
He's just getting like bombarded.
What is that, Romy?
What is going on?
Very good, very good.
Okay.
You win.
That means it's Krampus's turn.
Krampus.
Let's see.
Am I going to the leg?
Yeah.
He keeps feeling these flaming rocks smacking him, so he's going to use a ranged weapon
attack with his chain to reach back and try to grab a hold of the tow cord.
It is, what is that, nine?
Yeah.
Plus five.
Right on my ankle.
Right on the money.
Okay, so that is...
Force.
The overall plus four.
Okay, so you're going to take two bludgeoning damage as the thing kind of hits you and make
me a strength or dexterity save.
Strength or dexterity, they're both the same.
13 strength.
13?
Yeah.
So, you're going to take one shy.
So yeah, that chain wraps around you and you feel a hard tug from Krampus and you come
flying in close.
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
Okay.
Beforehand.
Let's say that when that chain hit, I happened to use my advantageous distraction.
Your reaction.
Okay, yeah, you can use reaction.
Yeah, go ahead.
Before you finalize him yanking me and stuffing me in a bag.
So we'll say you'd still take the damage, but before he was able to yank, you were able
to just distractedly whip around because you saw something really cool off to the side
and pull out of this chain and flip around and move over away from it.
So yeah, you were not...
You used your advantage distraction to grapple out of the grapple.
Yeah, very smooth, very smooth.
Saw the fat man in the red coat, he was on fire completely.
Oh yeah, he's like burning.
Flames for the dragon lord.
I want to try to eat a piece of that.
So let's see, that was...
Popped my head off of that chain.
...Francis' turn, so it is Rita.
Ryan.
How far away is...
You are still up in his shit.
You guys are right in the face.
Rita's my sister.
I'm going to get right up in that mofo.
She is my sister.
Yeah.
We're going to hit him with your skinny tire again.
The dog slicer?
The dog slicer.
I'm in the danger zone now.
I'm 15.
Yep.
That hits.
I'm ready.
His gallblades hit better than you guys do sometimes.
Shhh.
They're weak.
They have to have chance.
Seven damage.
Seven damage?
Seven.
Awesome.
That's pretty decent.
That's nice.
That'd be nice.
That's a good job.
Good job.
Pretty sweet.
Stump biter.
Kelly, your turn.
Stump biter.
That's what I said, stump biter.
Salad and butter.
Yeah.
Oh, it's your turn.
Can't mess with me.
That's how her owners do it.
Stump butter.
I'm going to also do my short sword again.
Short sword.
Get it.
Do it.
Sounds like a bad adult sound.
Seven plus five.
To hit.
To hit, right?
Yep.
Oh wait, no it won't.
It won't hit.
Well, no.
Dang it.
A swing and a mish.
Yeah, a swing and a mish.
That's back to the top of the round.
Toad ward.
You're in close vicinity now.
You are not grappled.
What would you like to be?
Nearby people.
We've got Rita and Stump Biter on the opposite side of Krampus, where you are.
Hi.
I guess I ain't got no choice but to sickle this mofo right in his wing.
Yeah, you're going to sickle in the wing.
Let's see, fifteen.
Geez.
Wow.
You guys are getting fifteen, fifteen, fifteen.
That's nice.
Five damage.
Five damage?
Yep.
To the wing.
Very good.
Okay.
He's hurting badly.
You're seeing like blood dripping from him.
And that comes up to...
Mogmerch.
Alright, Alchemy of Fire.
Alchemy of Fire.
Fourteen, plus two.
That's total mess.
That's a miss.
Fuck yeah, baby.
Krampus' turn.
And I do no bullshit.
Hide again?
No.
Okay.
Roll a stealth check.
I'm sure you're going to miss.
He sees you.
You're not safe.
Yeah, so he feels that and he's going to do a leap and he's going to jump over everyone
and leap at you from hitting him with these fires so many few times with the Alchemy of
Chemical Fire and he's going to do stuff on you.
I'm going to disengage.
Fifteen plus five.
That will hit.
I don't even need to ask.
I know.
He's going to do a contested grapple.
Strength or dexterity check.
Okay.
Is that fail?
Crit fail?
Crit fail.
I'm dead.
Okay, so usually you would be thrown into this sack and it's an extra dimensional so
he grabs a hold of you and you're full of stuff in there and it's like you're going
straight in this bag.
All you see is just void of blackness.
It smells like cheese in here.
You feel his deep claws come in and grab you again and pull you out and you're seeing your
head coming out and you're like it's a relief.
What's going on?
Then the bag closes and your head gets just decapitated and rolls out of the bag and your
head just kind of rolls onto the ground from the bag.
That's the Memphis.
Yeah, so you can rip up that character sheet.
He held on for so long.
You're the only OG.
Roll me a D4.
Damn right.
Oh, I'm going to die.
I'm going to die.
Oh my gosh, I'm so scared.
Oh no, Rana, Rana.
Rana, Rana.
Rana, Rana, Rana.
Well, he's not right up in my business now unless he decides he's going to leave too
fast.
I am Pug of Zarongo.
No.
Pug says Zarongo is the best.
He helps bomb things and heal the rest.
Zerengal's favor makes Pug blessed and Pug also stab you with knife if you make fun of
how he isn't good at riding animals.
So specific.
You said you make fun of me for not riding pig?
I will stab you with that.
Okay.
You're love pronouncing his name.
So.
Alright.
Pug of Zerengal is a male goblin cleric over the war domain.
Okay.
Alright.
So Zerengal's ramp has killed you.
So that means it's your turn.
Oh yeah.
Rida.
This guy is actually a beast.
Alright.
Well Rida is going to do a little bit of a slicey slicey with the old dog slicer.
Slicey slicey on the dog slicer.
Natural 20.
Alright.
Give me some double damage.
Double damage.
So 7 and 9.
So freaking 16 damage.
16 damage.
Yeah.
So you get this dog slicer and you guys are all just like surrounding this dude.
Just like stick stick stick.
Slice stick stick stick.
And then you see alchemel fire come flying.
You bust him in the face.
Stick.
And he starts bleeding out and falls to the ground.
And you're seeing like pieces of him falling off of him and he falls to the ground in like
a last squeal of death.
Um, as he fades away.
And as this happens you see the life essence of him just kind of like drain and start.
The life essence starts to drain from him and flow back into Santa.
And it just kind of fills his body up and he's like coming back to life and the colors
hitting him and his cheeks are getting red and he pops up and he goes, oh you guys have
brought me back to life.
That's ho ho ho indeed.
Now let's bring Christmas to all the people.
And uh, you guys have defeated Krampus and saved Christmas.
This episode of Dummies with Dice features Kelly Lee as Miss Muffin, Nate Chambers as
Duke Crystal, Ryan Hart as Archie Ortiz, Ryan Tucker as Flea Stick Sock Jelly, and Tristan
Hayes is the DM.
The episode is edited and mixed by Tristan Hayes.
The artwork for Dummies with Dice created by Al Sorensen can be found on Instagram under
A R C S I 0.
The theme song is The Intense Fiddle by Ben Caldera.
When it comes to Dummies with Dice, you can find our website on RSS.com slash podcast
slash Dummies with Dice and on Facebook at Dummies with Dice.
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Come back in two weeks for new episodes of Dummies with Dice.