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Viewer Warning! Use of violence, profanity, rude humor, and the portrayal of drug and
alcohol use.
Welcome to the Dummies with Dice, a Dungeons and Dragons actual play podcast that follows
four not-so-average dummies of our world that get caught up in a magical storm and are transported
to the world of Dungeons and Dragons where they must survive and try to find a way back
home. Or just keep fucking off.
Go ahead.
Hey everybody, R2 here, Ryan Tucker. Here I play as fleastick sockjelly. I am the
hobo trash master cleric of the god rumpke. I am the MacGyver of all things trash and garbage.
Fun fact, my hero growing up was Oscar the Grouch. I would always watch him on TV through
alleyway windows.
Aw.
Poor little fleastick
Hey, Nate here. My character's Duke Crystal. He's the 32 year old drug addicted level
four barbarian of the group. Fun fact about Duke, he's desperate for a family but doesn't
trust people.
Aw. Poor little guy.
We love you.
Poor big guy.
Did you steal my shit?
Hey guys, it's Ryan, R1. I'm playing as Archie Ortiz, the 76 year old MMA gym owner. He's
also the monk of the group. Fun fact about Archie, he also wants to fight Jake Paul.
Oh no!
Hey there dudes, I'm Kelli Lee. I play Miss Muffin. She's a crazy cat lady rogue. Fun fact,
Miss Muffin's been eating random bugs this whole time when her group's not paying attention
to her.
What the fuck?
Wait what?
She's just been eating random fucking bugs.
This one looks good crunch. This one looks good crunch.
Did you post that video where the chick was eating flies off the fly trap?
Ew no.
I'm trying to get my fun fact out of it.
Fun fact, actually we just leave her here.
That's Miss Muffin, not me.
She's probably picking bugs off her cat's wings and shit.
You guys are too funny.
It's more like Hakuna Matata.
Oh wow.
So that's why you were so upset that her hair is gone.
My name is Trisston Hayes and I am the dummy master and my fun fact is that Nike's slogan
Just Do It was inspired by the last words of a murderer on death row named Gary Gilmore.
What the fuck?
Is that true?
Yes, that is a real true fact.
That is insane.
Just do it.
Because he uses it on death row.
Hell yeah.
You know the chick is actually a wing.
It's supposed to represent... who is that?
The flying god Ares?
No not Ares.
Hermes.
Hermes, yeah.
That's interesting too.
Hell yeah.
Alright.
Winners.
I press record.
So where we left off you guys had thrown a dude crystal through the pink crystal emanating
in power to a spaceship thing found in the cave.
You guys fucked up the monster with the help of Globogool and killed it and cleared the
camp and started to leave the town as you noticed the... what is he called?
The owner.
The camp owner.
The guy that kinda gave you guys a weird creepily smile and his eyes went black and before you
know it kind of like a flash of light happens and the camp is gone as you start to leave.
It's whole entire camp itself starts to just kinda like fade away as if it wasn't even
there.
What the fuck?
Like as if it was a dream or something.
A hallucination.
Something weird happened.
So make me a history check.
All of you.
No!
I'm confused and scared!
Make a history check.
History history let me find it.
Found it.
Oh it's a plus zero.
No not you Archie sorry.
Not you.
Nineteen.
Nineteen?
Okay.
That's pretty good if you ask me.
While I'm freaking out realizing the place I was just at is gone.
Ten?
Okay.
Miss Muffin you rolled a pretty good history check.
Yeah.
Didn't you come here with a woman that's not sitting with you any longer?
Yeah I'm freaking out about it.
Because as you look around as you remember this woman who brought you here she's not
in the wagon.
Hazel's literally like where'd she go because she petted me so good.
Hazel said that?
Yeah that's what she said.
Wow but yes uh but Duke and Flea Stick you have no memory of a woman bringing you to
a camp.
You have no memory of any of this kind of happening.
Like it's just kind of.
Gosh.
You were like we went here to do something but it's gone there's nothing here what
are we doing?
That kind of situation.
Yeah.
Flea Stick you stuck with me the whole time though bro.
I was too scared to split up so you remember that.
You remember that bro.
I don't know I think you're going crazy.
I mean no.
Maybe it was the bugs.
No.
You keep tripping on them bugs.
It's the bugs.
Um okay so I'm assuming you guys will head back to Dark Haven then from your adventure
here.
Is there anything else you want to do?
How do we get back from a place we don't know where we're at?
Well you know the area of where you're at.
You came here.
You remember coming here.
You remember doing stuff but you just don't have it's just like something in the back
of your head that's just like not quite right.
Where's Globigul and where's Bones?
They're with you.
They're pulling the wagon.
Globigul is inside of Bones.
Do they remember?
Globigul can talk.
No they do not.
You don't remember?
Doope?
You're going crazy.
You crazy.
I'm so confused.
So yeah what would you guys like to do?
I don't know I'd say she dragged us all the way out here for nothing.
Let's go back to the loo.
Yeah sounds about right.
Okay so you guys kind of key on start to move back to the village and we're doing a GTA character
swap to Archie Fortese back into Darkhaven.
Archie you were in a coma my dog.
You've been asleep.
You've been out cold.
But make me a history check now.
I thought it was just a good night's sleep but I'm right here.
Fighting the sleep paralysis theme.
I thought it was just a good night.
Natural 20.
Really?
Wow.
Okay so Archie, well I guess this isn't great but Archie so you wake up out of bed and you
realize like something's weird but you have memories of seeing this.
You're like really tall.
Like you're seeing through the eyes of something.
Like you're real tall.
You look down and you see heads hanging from like your waist and stuff and then you see
like this woman's figure and they're like pulling her up and just splaying her open
and splicing her open and pulling her across this like cave opening and then goes inside
of the cave and you're walking towards this big ship and he kind of reaches out.
You kind of reach out and kind of crank on the pink crystal glowing and the ship kind
of emanates and starts vibrating and floating a bit and then you cut out and that's all
you remember.
You half slinging slasher.
You're the slasher.
We have to get back to camp.
So yeah you definitely have memories of something crazy fucking happening but you don't know
what it was or what happened.
So you got heads around your waist bro?
You guys aren't with him yet.
He's still back in camp.
But yeah you guys can all take a long rest.
The three traveling back if you would like to do that because you got about two day travel
to get back to where you were.
Yes.
I don't know if you did that Kelly.
Long rest.
Mismuffin.
You're Kelly.
You got a long rest for Mismuffin.
So after a couple days travel you guys begin to arrive back to Darkhaven and Lilith Darko
is outside and she's kind of just talking and doing some prayers and what not and she
waves you over and says hey your friend Archie he woke up.
He's awake and he's alive.
So where is he?
He's in where Archie?
Where you at in Darkhaven?
Are you still in the inn?
Are you in your room?
Yeah just chilling in the room.
Yeah he's in his room.
He's in his room.
He's just chilling because he was in a coma.
So let's go see him.
Is there anybody who was born in Globogul?
Globogul is with you guys.
Okay yeah that's right.
Sorry guys.
I'm going to be like.
I'm still tripping.
I don't remember.
Lilith do you know what happened?
Do you know where we were?
So you guys are in the dark haven.
Do you know what happened?
Do you know where we were?
So you guys left on your own to go do some kind of adventure thing or something to help
Archie because he was asleep.
He was in some kind of coma.
What was it called?
Camp Crystal?
Um, roll a history check.
I was asking you for what it was called.
Yeah I know you were.
20.
Clear water.
Camp Clear Water.
Oh yeah yeah yeah.
Lilith do you know what Camp Clear Water is?
It's Camp Clear Water.
Um, one second.
She goes yeah.
She goes weirdly that does sound familiar.
She goes why?
Why?
Okay because that's where we were at Lilith and none of these bitches remember and I'm
all by myself here with all these thoughts and memories and craziness.
So like.
So you're just normal miss muffin stuff.
You're just kind of losing your mind or what?
Yeah because we went there and we had to kill this giant slasher man and save all these
kids and counselors and shit and these bitches don't remember.
Huh.
Okay well I don't know what I can do about that but um yeah that sounds fucked up.
But good job it worked right?
Archie's awake.
Yeah let's go see him.
Okay.
Um yeah so Archie you're alive and you're back to the party and you're back to the crew
from them saving your life apparently.
Appreciate it.
So as you guys kind of do your thing and you kind of are together again Lilith kind of
enters the inn where you guys were at and she goes so I have a little bit of a problem.
We sent some people down into the tomb, the stairway of you know fucked up hell that we've
been sending all of our people to and they keep dying and she goes we just sent some
more down and they're not returning so would you guys please go down there and try to figure
out what's going on inside of this dungeon under the church.
I'll tell you the only way that's going to happen is if you stock this up with all the
supplies that are necessary to do so.
So yeah she actually goes yes I was going to do that.
She goes I've already had a talk with you know the owner of Tiefling dirt bag and she
goes we're going to give you guys each two greater healing potions so each of you will
get two of those.
She goes and that's pretty much all we got to give you guys for now.
You know just to help you heal up if you need it but because I'm sure you'll need it.
Are you sure?
I feel like you could do a little bit better than that.
I mean your whole town's in jeopardy here.
Because I will also pay you.
I will pay you money out of my own pocket to help take this down.
How much?
200 gold pieces.
A piece?
Yeah.
All together to divide amongst yourselves.
Nope.
Each.
You broke?
Each 200 each.
Okay try to roll persuasion to see if you can rob her for more of her money after.
Persuasion persuasion.
See she could have just let me down there whenever I said I wanted to go down there
and said I wasn't allowed down there.
This would be your result.
14 plus 5.
She goes no.
She goes sorry.
She goes I've given you health potions which I bought.
I bought from Tiefling dirt bag.
She goes I bought them myself.
So I'm giving you those and I will pay you 200 gold pieces and you guys can keep whatever
you find in this place.
Yeah yeah you just don't know what we've already been through.
Archie do you know what we've been through?
Were you asleep the whole time?
Were you able to see us the whole time?
Browsing a coma.
Kelly roll insight.
Check.
There's no way you would ever really know that.
What?
Who wouldn't know what?
She's paranoid.
20.
Natural 20.
I wrote it.
It might roll Dre.
Archie roll a deception check.
Roll a deception check Archie.
1 plus 1 so it's 21.
Okay so Kelly or Miss Muffin you definitely can tell that when he said I was in a coma
he was definitely lying but not lying.
Something not there.
Telling the truth.
Do as much as you may but yes something's up.
I'm going to wait until another time and pull that information back up for later.
Another time.
Okay so are you guys going to go do this fucking shit?
Yeah but did you hear Flea Steak sock jelly and what he said?
What?
I did not.
If I beat Big Bones I get to take you on a date.
Oh shit.
Oh.
I'm going to bring my best tux for my doctor.
Lilith blushes big and go for it.
Roll persuasion.
Oh she blushed.
Advantage.
Go with advantage.
Would we know it's Big Bones?
No.
You would not know it's Big Bones.
I mean the characters wouldn't.
Plus what you got.
6.
6?
Yeah.
She goes, she like looks at you and she like, she goes maybe don't pick a tux out of the
dumpster and we'll see what happens.
And then kind of walks away.
No way.
But we'll say you know.
You bagged her.
Insert that what is it.
Dumb and dumber.
So you're telling me there's a chance.
There's a chance.
Yes.
Okay so are you guys ready then?
After your.
I'm going to leave the horses outside.
Give me something to remember you by, Lilith.
A handkerchief, a scarf, anything.
She like takes off this like red, this black glove that she's wearing and like tosses it
to you.
Yes.
There you go.
Yes.
I can wipe back in front with this.
Wipe back in front.
No don't do that.
Don't do that.
Poor Lilith.
I don't know what she's getting into.
What the fuck.
Okay.
What the fuck.
As you approach the temple and see the door open, see a long set of stairs start to lead
down and down and down.
As you descend these stairs, it's like stone stairs going down and then as you keep getting
deeper and deeper you start to see like grass and like fungus and like mushrooms kind of
like growing off of the ground and the next in the areas of it and you can tell that you're
getting pretty deep, like pretty pretty deep into the earth here or not the earth but the
ground yeah.
But you're getting deep and then make me perception checks.
I'll ask a quick question.
So if like right before the fight I put on this glove it gives me like some heroic inspiration
because I'm in love with Lilith Darko.
Probably not.
Damn it.
You can do that for yourself.
I try.
For your own personal being.
16.
20.
Nice.
17.
Fuck you.
Forward.
Okay so Duke, you're looking ahead and you see along the right side of the wall as you're
descending down there is like this little gap in the wall and you see a little bit of
spikes sticking out of the wall.
Like in the wall there.
It looks like some kind of trap is set up with your natural 20.
There is a spike trap in the wall.
Sticking out and hitting you guys.
So how do you want to proceed?
Who's walking and what order are you guys walking?
I'm usually taking points.
I was going to say that's what I figured.
And you hit a natural 20.
I really hope Lilith is right behind me because I'm going to pick up a quarter that's not
there so I'll let her.
Let her just walk by?
It depends on if she's behind me.
Okay what did you roll Kelly?
What did you roll?
A 16.
Okay so you can you actually see that there is a little bit of a gap in the wall too up
there.
You don't really know exactly what it is but you see something up in the wall yeah.
Up ahead.
And you see Duke Crystal bend over to pick up a quarter.
I guess when I see her notice it I'm like oh there's a trap here guys.
Okay so now it's, fuck.
Oh there's a trap here.
There's a spike trap in the wall up ahead.
Oh nice.
You guys want to proceed?
How do you do this?
How do you handle this?
Globogold is the only one that can get poked and survive.
Globogold can't really get past you right now.
You guys are in like these tight stairwells.
He can go through us.
He can't go through you.
Yeah we have to make a roll.
Yeah make a roll to not be stuck inside of him.
What about Bones?
He can get real small.
The horse is not with him.
What's the layout here?
What's the layout?
Like you're looking at like a tight wall.
Kind of like yeah but it's like stairwells.
So it's like stairs going down and down and down.
Spikes coming out of the shit.
And then you're seeing like on the right side of the wall there's a gap in the stone wall
work like in the wall there.
And there's like spikes coming out of there like one of those swing out traps.
So the stairs obviously are buttons probably.
It's probably a pressure plate somewhere.
Possibly.
You can figure out a way to test that.
You got to stab those sheets.
Yeah.
Wait.
Poke it at the floor with it I guess.
But would I have to roll every time I poke the stair?
No.
You can do that if you're going to walk ahead cautiously with the stick.
I'm super stealthy and have slight of hand.
Can I use that in some way to find it without me?
I would step through that spot to find the pressure plate.
I definitely go poke it around near it in front of it.
Yeah I'll just use my stab kind of poke way out in front of me like really cautiously.
You poke out you know right you know kind of like you know a couple feet in front of
you a couple feet in front of you and you realize that when like you're like right next
to the spike trap like it's like right in front of you and you still haven't hit a pressure
plate yet so you continue on pressing?
No.
Moving forward?
No.
Okay.
Because it's going to be that whole thing that comes out.
Okay make me a perception check just you please stick with advantage because you're kind of
walking up and poking at the ground you know focusing on trying to see if there's a pressure
plate.
Okay.
So that's what we're.
Okay yeah so you're like poking the ground on the floor with your staff and you're right
there like next to the spike trap and you look up ahead and you can see that there's
like a little bit of a stonework past the spike trap.
There's like a stone bumped up that you could tell is probably the pressure plate.
So do we got anything we could throw at it peeps?
Yeah so I've got a hammer.
Maybe a cat?
No.
So what you're noticing is the pressure plate is past the spike trap is what you're noticing.
How big is this pressure plate?
That's just like a stone plate in the ground.
Is it the whole step or is it just a spot in the middle of the step?
Yeah like that whole front step right there you can tell it's just like a raised.
So we just jump past it.
I just get that step.
I jump past it after that step.
Okay yeah you could do that.
What?
What are you doing?
You can jump the step.
I use my brain.
Yeah.
And I jump the pressure plate step.
Everybody started to panic a little bit and I was like we could do this easily.
We don't need to like make a bag of flour.
What you could tell from this is where you would have walked up and the first person
would have stepped on that the person behind you would have been stuck to slowly eliminate
some of your party.
Gotcha.
Because one person would have walked and stabbed the next one.
So we just have to jump over it.
So now.
Even if I did step on one.
You guys lost a guy.
Exactly.
Damn that's the order.
Can they make a trap to where you kill your friends?
Yes.
There's plenty of them.
I'll show you another one ahead for the lone wolf that survived.
So you descend some more and you all jump over this little trap.
The simple trap that took some extra brain power to work through.
But you jump over this trap and you start to descend more and you feel this like wave.
Who's here who uses magic?
I guess only one is cleric.
So flea stick.
Roll me an arcana check to see if you can feel just like kind of what's going on with
this air and this aura.
Two.
Two?
There's nothing going on with this air or this aura.
You don't feel anything.
I figured I'd buy a little like tail blood.
Well it doesn't really.
It's just a matter of.
It's an off intelligence.
Yeah but it's just you know that has kind of a connection to magic so I just figured
I'd go for it.
So you feel nothing.
Nobody feels anything.
You just start to walk through and you continue down and you start to see an opening in the
head.
There is this circular or this like little square room with a circular sun symbol like
in the middle like this like looking ritualistic symbol in the middle.
And you see a stairwell it cuts to your right and a stairwell it cuts to your left as you
enter.
And when you step up to this room a skeleton ahead of you just kind of arises and comes
up and.
Let me find my thing real quick and then I'll tell you what happens.
Yeah okay so the skeleton pops up and he goes, welcome welcome to my big stone door.
I'll tell you some riddles and it won't be a bore.
Answer my riddles correctly and I'll let you through the door.
So what do you guys do once you see this?
And when you walk up to him the skeleton like he's not just a normal skeleton.
He's like nimble and he's like hopping and he's got like you know good athletic movement
and his skull has like a little blue glow inside of it.
What do you do as he yells this shit to you about riddles?
Ask him what them riddles are.
He goes, oh you're a brave one so you want to do the riddle?
The first riddle would you like to guess and I'll let you through the door?
What's your name?
You're freaking me out.
Don't be a pussy do.
I'm Miss Muffin and yeah I'll try out that riddle.
Okay he goes, okay well this first one is an easy one so you got this and he goes, what
gets wetter the more it dries?
As he stares you in the face Miss Muffin and this blue light in his head starts to glow
a little brighter.
What do you say?
What gets wetter the more it dries?
That doesn't even make sense does it?
Are you asking your friends?
Duh.
I would guess a towel.
The sky.
A towel?
Or the towel.
What gets wet?
The more you dry.
The more you dry with a towel.
The towel.
The more it gets wet.
Ah.
Okay so are you saying that?
A towel.
Okay he goes, ooh that is correct and his blue light on his head glows a little bit
and he goes, but I asked you the question and then you take three lightning damage,
just like a strike from his skull comes at you and hits you with a little bit of lightning.
What a butthole.
But he looks to Duke and he goes, that was correct but it looks like you're up next.
Haha Duke Crystal is a smart one.
He goes, this one's a hard one, it's going to be tough so let's hope you can get it.
Yeah but he's going to hurt him if he gets it wrong and I'm going to have to freaking
dagger his head off.
Duke's a meth cook, there's no way that he should be good at riddles.
How much damage?
Seven?
Three damage.
Three?
He goes, okay now this one's tough.
It occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment and yet it never appears in 100,000
years.
What am I?
Say it again bro.
It occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment and yet it never appears in 100,000
years.
What am I?
This is weird I'd ask you for help but it's you this time bro.
He goes, would you like a hint?
I can give you a hint for a little bit of a, and his head like glows a little bit blue.
A little bit of help.
You give hints?
Let me have a second.
Okay.
He goes, I'll repeat it if you needed to repeat it.
It occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment and yet it never appears in 100,000
years.
Am.
Yes, that is correct.
What?
He goes, am, once in minute, twice in moment, never in 100 million years.
100,000 years.
100,000 yeah let's say.
So his light glows blue and it like kind of dimmers down and he goes, good dude, good,
or he goes good, what is your name?
What is your name?
Duke Crystal.
Duke Crystal, I will keep that one in my brain.
And then like you see his like little blue glow and then you see like the outline of
like brain veins inside of his head.
He goes, so who's up next?
Who has a question, who wants to answer the next riddle here?
I have two for two brother fuckers.
Those are the same.
I'm gang.
Police stick?
Okay.
He steps forward, you step forward and he goes, he goes, oh, he goes, I'm glad I don't
have a nose.
Are you ready for the riddle my friend?
This guy's a meanie.
Let's get it jerk.
What are 10 things you can always count on?
Your fingers.
What's up?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, his, his, uh, his blue light glows bright and then it dims down.
He goes, good, good job.
Good job all of you.
And then, uh, he kind of spins around in a circle and dances up and his headlight glows
bright and the doors all like kind of unlock.
And he goes, there you go, now you can get through my door without taking a little bit
of extra damage except for some and like looks up at Miss Muffin.
Um, but yes, the doors are unlocked and you're able to continue on whichever way you'd like.
Why did I feel like I was the only one who didn't get an obvious riddle?
Yeah, you did.
I suppose.
I don't like him.
I literally had to stop thinking of the meanings of the words and like picture the fucking
words in my mind like letters.
He didn't tell me I couldn't ask my friends for help.
He didn't say you were asked the answer to the question.
He didn't say this is a test you can't cheat.
This isn't the fucking taxi fucking games where you can call a friend for help.
I have friends and no brain.
What was that, Cash Can?
Whatever.
We're playing No Look A Strawberry.
No, not the strawberry, we already said it.
No, do you have to, for the recording.
No Look A Strawberry.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, I said no look a strawberry look a strawberry
look a strawberry
so as the doors magically unseal there is a stairwell to your left, stairwell to your
right, long path that goes straight ahead.
What would you like to do? Mr. Riddle's as he
To the left to the left, okay
Are you gonna go to the left then?
All you sure leave the log always like the way we hit the sides lose
loot
Yeah, so as you enter this room you see a bunch of
Sarcophagi no right no do crystal don't open
I'm leaving. Oh, yeah, you see a lot of sarcophagi and
Kind of in a very very like ritualistic room. It's like
There's like stairs that kind of dipped down lower into the floor with two more in there
Then there's two towards the north end of the room and two towards the south end of the room
Six six sarcophagi in the room
I'm gonna go the closest one and I would knock on it. You're gonna knock on it. Yeah, I'm probably either sleeping
Oh, okay, you knock and nothing happens
No, not me. I'm a strength check
Hey, I knocked and I ran out that room first
Let's see the 20 15 plus fun. Yeah, so you pull it open and you crank it open and it's empty
Oh, okay, okay, you knock on it nothing else. Oh, yeah crank it open
I'll just give it to you because I know you're gonna get it with your strength check
And it's empty. Yes, they're all empty
Yay, no acid go to the other little stairs to the two down room. Please one of them. Okay
Yeah, you're gonna just do the same same system. Yeah empty
Yeah, empty fuck this place
I'm doing our kind of checks if there's any magic going on. Yeah, I will let you make an arcana check. Go for it
That was just a straight workout. That's what I was getting more of the curls
Sorry check was not anything. Yeah, you feel nothing. No, nothing changes
We go back to the middle room, I'm gonna ask that fucking skeleton. Is there anything that
No, you can't talk to that skeleton again
Yeah, I'm gonna ask that skeleton to do something else
No, you can't talk to that skeleton again. Fuck that guy
He looks at you. He looks at you and he goes I'm gonna be completely honest with you
Duke right? Yeah, I've never left this fucking spot. Hey, I've been stuck right here for a long time
Guarding these doors with this fucking magic
That's the one riddles for a long time for a lot of like look look over there
And he like points in the back corner and you see like a couple of like dead halfling emo like emo
People like laid in the corner. He's like they didn't fucking they didn't fucking pass the riddles
They died because they just kept doing he goes. That's my job. I just have to stand here
You killed people. Is that people until they yeah, is that people until they fucking you know, get the riddles right? Uh
Luckily you guys were smart
Do you have free will
He good. No, I can't I can't leave the spot like I'm stuck here magically
I like walk tries to walk and you just see him like like stop like in place
Like he's like can't step away from I free from your I guess magical confinement
would you
Willingly serve me he goes
He's like he's like honestly guys. He goes. I don't even have skin. He's like but like do you not feel
The the energy in this place do you not feel that?
like this place is this place is a like mixed up with all kinds of magic and it's it's
It's it's it's chaos like I don't think you can shut down the magic that's seeping through this place. I pull out my
Dark great sword not by the handle and I'm like what like this type of energy and I hope that he like looks at it
He like looks at it and he's like he was like like like hisses a little bit. He's like no whoa
He goes no not that kind of magic like this. This is just kind of like
You know, it's got energy magic in the air. I guess there's just something here that magic is different. It's different here
It's different here. I don't really feel it. Yeah, he goes I then that's probably why he says most people feel that when they come through
Here and they kind of you know
Are deterrent but you guys came through and you passed the riddles and people haven't for a long time. So hey, he's like
Like clacks its bone hands together and like it's like good job. Good job with that
So you get a question or?
Because you know what if you're able to free me sure like I'll see what I'll see what happens
But I mean you get to leave this spot and like travel and see things and do things with them
I already got a skeleton horse. So it's not like you won't fit in roll insight do crystal
Offboard he might just die when we break the magic that's got a seal
He could die with hope in his heart. That's fine. What was everyone for you insight?
Do crystal does like to collect undead evil things that would be flat 16
16
So while he's talking to you about all this like, you know, every time you ask that about his free will
He like kind of looks over shoulder down the hallway like he's like
Yeah, the long hallway. He's like he's like looking over his shoulder. I kind of like like I guess there's nothing I can do
But if you guys want to try go ahead and he keeps like looking over his shoulder every time he does it
You're like noticing that
Let's go down that hallway
Yeah
So are you gonna check this other room then are you done with him? I'll peek in if it looks like the other one
Okay
As you peek in you see I feel like it's a mean exact copy of the other side
You see
As you step in there is like this long kind of
wall stairwell that kind of just like loops around the room until you get to the bit dipped in floor there and
there is a
Ritualistic looking table standing at the far end with like jars of like
there's like empty jars like urn looking things and
Like a wooden staff sitting on this table with blue crystal
Stuck into the tip of the staff and that is what you see in this room
So the blue
I'll tell them that stupid stick with a blue rock
You know that's what's controlling the skeleton
I was gonna say this doesn't the skeleton have a blue crystal in his brain. Well do crystals magic
I bet this is about negative
He can yield magic right please tell if it was down there so please someone wants to be trying to get it
No way anybody could will the staff possible they could use would be like
Ask the skeleton what happens if you take the staff
Ask the skeleton if he even knows about it
Do you know about the staff skelly?
He goes skelly it's mr. Riddles
Like when he said that he's like you see him like
You see him like scoff like as if he hates the name, but he's like it's the only name god damn it
But he goes yeah that staff in there he goes
I don't I don't know what it does he goes um you know it's been laying there for a long fucking time
Just a long time laying in there, and I can't really leave this spot
So it's not like I can check it out and he goes I just know that there's you know
There's a staff in there. I've heard people talk about it ask about it apparently
It's got like a blue crystal or something on it. I don't know what it does
I feel like he's deceiving us because he wants that staff in his hand to do what he wants
Or it's gonna free him they put it this part of the day
Maybe he'll be a gangster skelly friend with a staff
But what I could tell he was given a shitty day with a shitty job
You know far like now that's so if I was him I bet I'd give it a staff
So I move for this spot cracked by a boss's head
What do you guys want to do then?
Is anybody got investigation just kind of like check out the staff
Close to it
If you want to detect like if there's anything magical with I can you would be arcana but
Investigations kind of like look at see if there's a trap
Or like yeah, look it over and see like if there's markings on it or something like that
I have plus two
Sure, you can try if you want if you want to go investigate this
13 plus 2
So yeah, you you kind of look over this staff and
And the bottom handles like or like the you call it a shaft the whole pole
The pole part looks like it's made from like a tree like it's still got like twisty
Like it's like twisted down it and it's got like branches down the side of it and the blue crystal looks like it's kind of like
Caressed by the top of the tree and it's like a sharp arrowhead crystal
When you're looking at it over you see
That it's not like strapped down or anything that it's just laying here
But it's definitely like manufactured like someone definitely put a lot of work into making this like it looks unique
Okay, should I do an arcana check first you can probably
What is it no one natural one, you know, okay
So yeah, you go to blow negative one zero
Huh?
Okay, I'll let you do one
Okay, so you reach out to it and as flea sticks reaching out to it and you kind of like reach out first and feel like
This uh, there is like a strange aura of magic coming off of it
You can't really tell what it is, but it's definitely got this like emanating like radiance to it
like it's got like a
Wave of something around it. So I'm not to say full fucking man. Just run over
And wield this thing
Unless someone else wants it
You can't you want to go ahead and pick it up. Okay. All right. I'm gonna see if I'm worthy
okay, you reach out and you grab it and you pick it up and
Like when you're holding it you feel this like wave
Around you. You don't really know what this wave is doing
But there is like a bubble of some sort just kind of an energy around you
But you don't know what it's doing. So I just kind of sheath it
Yeah, you can put it in your back. Like if it's out of your hands the bubble kind of like you feel that energy fade off
You should throw rocks at you and see if they hit you
See if it's a shield
You can try
You all want to throw a rock at me?
Yeah let's throw a rock at you
You're about to just get smacked in the face with a fire rod
Are you gonna go for it?
Well just don't make me take damage
Throw a rock at his leg
I'll hold my trash can up
How big of a rock?
Are you holding the staff?
Yeah I'm holding the staff and my trash can with it
Okay, make me an attack roll with dexterity
An attack roll
Don't try to kill me sir
So just throw your 20 plus your dexterity
Do that
Oh god
13 plus 4
Okay
13 plus 4? Okay
So you expertly hit him in the leg
So like you have this bubble around you
And when you throw this rock
It goes flying, goes right through the bubble
And just hits you in the leg
Ah fuck my shin
No I hit you in the thigh
I'd say it blocks some sort of bad chick
Or maybe telepathic shit
Alright I'm just gonna wield the staff
For a while, kind of figure it out
See what's going on
You guys gonna head back to where Mr. Riddles is?
Yeah
Okay so as you guys walk back into the room
Actually I almost think we should give it to him
You're risking it
That bubble might block out the mind control
For this fucking bastard
Give me a second here before you
What if he's evil though and kills us? Because he already hurt me
So
As you guys are making this
Plan talking up as Duke Crystal is saying
We should probably do this
You get up close in that bubble
As soon as it touches Mr. Riddles
His body just goes limp and falls to the ground
Okay near moon
So you step away and he goes
And comes back up, he goes what the fuck
What the fuck, what did you just do
What was that, what the hell
And I hold out the staff and I say with my sheer will
You are free
You step forward towards him again
Free, just killing
Is that what you do, you step forward and just kind of
Show the staff again or
Well no, I'm not gonna like come in the bubble
But I'm just like using the aura itself
Just to kind of tell him to follow us
Like you don't have to stand here no more
He goes
I think, I think for a second I died
For real died, like I was not here
What the fuck was that
What happened
My bad dog
The spear got close to you, so apparently
You know what, that to happen
So that spear thing
That spear staff thing
You're holding it, it killed me
It made you, it made me that for a second
It's aura did bruh
He's like huh
He goes did the doors magically
Seal when I was dead
I don't know, let's find out
Okay so
He goes wait a second
And he just kind of like fumbles down
And when he falls, when he disappears
His life essence goes away
And you stand there for a second, the doors go
And you see like the blue field go over the doors
You completely fucked us
Okay I pull it back
Okay so you pull it back and he goes
Oh god, I fell, I fell
I thought you meant his essence was just
No I just mean he is dead
So he kind of jumps back up
And he goes why, what the
What are you doing, what are you doing
I'm sorry buddy, I had to figure this thing out
I'm gonna try to get us a fucking companion
And grab magic, and he's like
Let's just fucking torture him psychologically
Kill him over it
I will never do that to you again, I promise
He goes okay so what is going on
Why are you, what are you doing this for
For some reason, every time I hold
The staff
Every time I hold the staff towards you
And you go unconscious
You're not dead, cause you do come back
They seal, the chambers seal
He goes ah
Okay yeah that makes sense
I'm connected to the doors cause the doors are connected to me
It's through the magic, it's yeah, okay so that makes sense
But let's not kill me again please
I won't, the essence did leave his body
The essence did leave his body
And then it came back
I wouldn't do it for very long
Well does this work, I command you to not stand here anymore
To follow our party
If you want
He's like I think it did
He takes a step forward and he goes no it didn't
He like steps back and he goes no I can't
I can't move back, this is it
Sorry bro, we'll figure it out for you
What that's gonna do is anytime you get near
Your skeletons, he's gone under his control
They will collapse when they get near you
Okay, so now that you know
That we have this
And you'll die when we're near you
Tell us what's down the hallway
He doesn't know, he can't leave that spot
Why do you keep looking down that
Hallway when you tell us that shit
Because that's down there is where
He's hinting that's where the big ball is
Down there is where you know
I assume is the big stuff
I figure the big thing is going on
Is down there and he goes I can't leave the spot
So I really don't know exactly what's down there
But
I'm alive, so let's keep me alive
Give me free will
Like you know Duke said
You know, I thought we were gonna do
I'm usually the asshole of the group
I don't know what their deal is to do
You do tend to gravitate to collect
Undead and evil characters, so
You got an undead horse
You got a skeleton, you got Glavagul
Which is
He understands the torment they went through
They look for the dog once and he's a slave
In death, and they're like let's play guinea pig
With him
I'm like hey buddy, you want me free
And not be locked in
Well yeah, I'm just building an army
But it doesn't mean they don't want freedom
Okay, so what are we gonna do then?
I guess
I guess we're gonna push it through the main door
Without the staff?
With the staff, I'm wielding it
But the doors gonna seal when he drops dead
We're walking around him
He's in front of the doorway there
He's kind of like
In the doorway
Yeah, we'll just sheath it
Alright, so you sheath it and you walk past him
And you're gonna head down the main hallway?
Yep
Okay
You guys make it past him
And you continue down
Into this
Path, straight forward
There's nothing else, it's just a long straight path
And then
Let me un-raise my map here so I can see what I'm doing
Okay, you come into this huge path
And you see, ahead of you
Ha ha ha
Big bone
From our bonus episode of the Adventure Skeletons
Go join Patreon
To listen to the episode
So
Before you, you see this mass
Of skeleton and it's like
Bones are on the ground, like scattered across the floor
And you kind of see it
Like shift and move and there's like a head on top
And a head on the side
And they're looking at you and then you see bones start to like
Move off the ground and kind of pull towards it some more
And it's like getting kind of a little bit bigger and bigger
And it looks at you and it goes
You hear like all the voices at once
Kind of talking at the same time
And it's like, what are you doing down here
And how did you get to
My big bone layer
Answered your grade school riddles
Oh that hurts
I know, I heard
He goes
He like kind of like shifts
And like flips a little bit of the bones onto his back
And like shifts up and turns and he goes
You want to fight don't you, you
You want to fight me
And like gets all super pissed off and starts to grow bigger and bigger
He goes, you want all my
Treasure, that's all you care about
It's my treasure and my things, this is my
Tomb, this is big bones layer
And starts to
Charge at you, like he starts
Running like all of his body weight at you
And you guys need to make a dexterity save
I almost pity him
He's got an IQ of about 20
What happens when he reaches fully snakes aura
Oh, natural 20
I know I did salt as intelligence
I am on the 20
16
17
2017 16 16
You all come moving out of the way
Even though you see this creature has a lot of speed
It kind of just moves quick in a real fast
Fashion, straight at you and you guys kind of all
Expertly jump out of the way
This muffin, you got a natural 20?
Yeah
I will let you take an attack roll as you dodge
Out of the way to slice at him
And see what happens
Hell yeah, I would love to do that
19
Plus 5
19 plus 5
And then it's a 1d4
Pause
I'm going to sneeze
Oh
4 damage
4 damage to the big guy
Sliced his Achilles tendon
4 damage to him as he runs by you
And you kind of jump and slash and cut at him
And let's all
Roll initiative
18
Oh wait, initiative is plus
4
18
I actually have a 22
18 plus 4
5 plus 1 is 6
24
Okay, let's do this again
Archie, what was yours?
24
Not 245
Do it Crystal
8
Flee stick
6
And miss muffin
22
Okay
You've got
Where's the second wave?
16
Which is Big Bone, is that 16?
Where's the second wave?
I'm going to use that step block because that's the line
Okay
First up would be
Archie Ortiz
Big Bone is engaged, you know, he ran at you
He charged, he's here to kill, he's ready
I'm going to hit him with the fist of unbroken air
The fist of unbroken air
Okay, what does that work?
Does that attack roll and then deck save or something?
Doesn't that like be knock prone
or pushed back for some shit?
No, that's the
Strength saving throw
I have to make a strength saving throw
And if you fail, you take
3d10 bludgeoning damage
plus an extra 1d10 bludgeoning damage
I don't mind, so
I'm only going to use 2, so just
If you fail, you take 3d10
Okay, so deck save?
Is that what you said?
Strength save
I think it moves them back depending on their size
He's very big
That's a 15 plus 4
No, that's his strength
on your save
He rolled a 19 for strength
He saved
Good thing you said strength instead because
his strength is
Okay, is that it?
Is that all you can do, right?
Do you have a bonus attack?
Does it do that much on save and half on save
or half on save and that much on normal?
Sometimes it does half damage
on a save
Oh, on a fail?
Since he saved, it should be
either half damage or nothing
On a successful save, the creature takes half as much damage
So you got to roll 3d10
and then half of that
Go ahead
I ain't scared
9
1
No way
Okay, so you
You do this
Fist of Unbroken Air and you
throw this force of
monk power that you just didn't know
you had in you and it comes out and it hits
him and did what was it? 11 damage
total? And you see
it kind of hit him and just kind of shrug it off for a second
and he takes a lot less
damage
So, yeah
You see that it doesn't hurt him too bad
But you
discovered your awesomest foot
Told you to do that
Okay
Next up is Miss Muffin then
Okay, I have
bonus actions that says
2 weapon fighting
So that's my double daggering, right? Yes
Alright, so I'm going to
whip out both my daggers and
run up and
dash back away for safety
Yes? So, wait a minute
Here, hang on
Okay, but you're going to attack
with both weapons, so that means action and
bonus action? Mm-hmm
So then you're not going to be able to run away
Because it's bonus action to disengage
I mean you can run away
but you're going to get a chance of being hit
Well, one's a sneak attack
and then dash away
So I can just do that
So I can just do that but it's one dagger
You don't have a sneak attack because you don't have advantage
He either has to be like surrounded by us
or you have to sneak on him
You can make a normal dagger attack
and then not attack with your second one and then
disengage with a bonus action or you can just
attack him with both and then stand there and hope
the godly don't poke you up Yeah, no, I don't want to do that
So I'm going to backtrack what I said, I'm going to use
one dagger Okay, you're still
holding your hand, you don't, but
Yeah, but then I can run away So you're going to attack him? Yeah
Okay, roll your attack
I'm going to use my natural 20
Okay, that hits
Do your double damage
But only one damage now
Roll it twice Oh, I can roll it twice
Three
Three damage
Wowza
You guys are hitting him good
but the damage outcome
just doesn't look like it's doing great damage
But I'm safely running
You see that the attack fully does hit
It doesn't shrug it off quite as much
Disengage and move
What is it? You got 30
30 left? Is that what it is?
Or you got 30 total?
I got total movement speed 30
So I don't know how that works I'll give it to you
Because he was surrounding, kind of ran
at you guys and you just jumped out of the way
and turned around and tried to attack
So you're all kind of pretty close up I don't really know how big this room is anyways
It's a big room
You've got a pretty big area
It's like a huge
What do you call it?
Kind of like, looks like a tomb temple
like ritual, you know, church room
He was up by the
top sarcophagus and
charged through the doorway
at you guys into this room, other room
Nice
But
if that's all you're doing
and running away
Next is the big bones turn
Oh snap
So
He already did it that
So
So he, you see one of these
skeletons inside of him
Like an arm that's kind of shifting and moving
out and it like comes inside
and it comes back out and it's got an axe in its
hand and it's going to
swing, wait a minute what's his movement
speed here? He's going to be able to make it
to you
Who?
Wait no, the other two are still
on him. Okay so he's going to turn to Duke
I forgot, you guys were still
close to him, yes. Oh snap
How close are you to Duke?
Yes, yes he turns to you and he goes, you
fight man, we do this now
and he swings his axe at you
He gets a... Swing and a miss
Swing and a miss? Nine plus
six
Fifteen? Yeah
On the money, damn
Barely. Okay
I think it's very
One
damage, oh well, well
One plus four damage
Five damage, slashing
You call it fight bitch? You cut him
And then you
As you say that, you see him come around
and you see like another
one of these bones come out of the other side and it's
like a sharp point
and it comes back for his multi attack and his second
attack comes swinging through at you
That is a 17
plus four
So that will hit, yes
Okay
Six, one, damn
You're lucky, two
So three plus four
Piercing damage as this bone hand
comes out and stabs at you
Slice and stab, what a jerk
one! But next up is
Duke Crystal, so ready for
revenge? Yes
Yes
Alright
So
Alright
I think I'll clean it
Okay
Just clarify something
Whenever I use frenzy
it just turns my bonus action into an
attack action, not
gives me an extra bonus action
So what I'm saying is if I use my bonus to
activate rage, then do frenzy
it won't give me another bonus till next turn
for the attack, it just turns
gives me an option to use the bonus
as an attack, gotcha
I'll go ahead and rage
Okay
Frenzied rage? Yeah, frenzied rage
And then
It's basically super saiyan
I'll do by uh, yeah
Super saiyan, do my reckless attack
with Dark Raid Sword on me
Okay, that's advantage right? Yeah
But I also have disinvited his next
attack too, so that's the way it goes
For the time being
You're fucking a deep shit
That is a crit, first drill, I'm not rolling again
You're rolling so good today
So with savage attacks on critical hit
I roll one extra damage die
plus the double damage
And that is on 46 plus 6
So
Let's see, this bounces up to
5, get it
5, 10
11
4, 15
plus 6, so
19
And then an extra damage die
So
3, what does that put?
22, so it was at 19
19, 22
22, and then
double that I guess
Because of the crit
You're fucking Dark Raid Sword and
Ragn Krit and Savage Attacks
Special Barbarian Bullshit
11, 12
plus 6
18 plus the
22, and then
Yeah, that should be it
So 4d damage total
Roll your own damage
Which one was that?
D10? Is he not dead?
I think so, we did
We can do D10
No, he is not dead
Hell no, he's not dead
But you can land on 5
On the D10
So 5 damage to yourself as you feel
The kind of blood drain from you
Because this thing doesn't really have much blood
No, that's what I was thinking about when I first swung
I was like, he's gonna be pissed if I don't swing this
And a skeleton
So 5d
So you did a lot of damage
Just enough damage that I had set
So as you're
Coming in with this sword and just hacking
And breaking bones and it's just shattering
And you know
Fucking going ham on this thing
You're seeing pieces of him falling off
And you see some skeletons start to rise
And to jump into the combat
As he sheds off some more
Skeletons
Oh gross
Ok, I gotta roll initiative for these two fuckers
Christ
One, two, three
I'll go with it
So bad that I'll do it
So we rolled a one for our skeletons
That have joined the fray
Because they suck, but
But Big Bone did take a lot of damage
So
Flea Stick, it is your turn next
Unless Duke, I think you're done right?
Yeah, that's what I was looking for
How far from them are we?
You are right up on Big Bone
When he charged and
They've moved
Oh the skeletons?
He's kind of one fell off to the side
And it's kind of about 10, 15 feet from you
On the other side of Duke Crystal
So can I just hold this
Spear staff out and see if it
Kills Big Bone
Yeah, if you pull your staff out
You don't see anything really affect
Big Bone with it
It'll hurt him
But it'll work for the ones he's controlling
Remotely
The skeletons are about 15 feet from you
So if you want to run closer to them
They're getting their eyes all blue
You see them kind of shifting off
And glowing up and their eyes start to glow
Alright, like
Off board
Fuck
I don't have any specs
On this staff, am I just wielding it
Yeah, it's just a normal
It's kind of just a normal staff
It's just a basic staff
Other than the effect it's giving off
For damage at least
I guess I will
It's probably about the one head
That have another weapon
And the other head versus like
The doco and the coxas
Me, I would just stop
And they'd go straight
Well, they keep walking around
Still got your magic too
You guys are all long rested
So your spell slots are full
Well, I'm going to move back
At least 15 feet
I'll be careful how I use my head
And I'm going to
Bless the team
Bless?
Bless you
Whenever a target makes an attack roll
Or a saving throw before the spell ends
You can roll a d4 and add the number roll
To the attack roll
Or a saving throw
Is it like you give that to everybody?
Yes, you select up to like 3 or something
Yeah, okay, fucking A dude
I guess that just happens, right?
So when you make an attack roll or a saving throw
You can add a d4
To make the number higher
Because he just blessed you all
It's up to one minute
So what is it?
Do you get it completely?
I said for a minute
So 10 turns
Well, I'd say once you use it that first time
It's done
You have up to 10 turns to use that attack
Each one of us get one use of it
It says you're next
So what does that look like for Fleece Dig?
How does he
How does he cast that?
What does this look like for Fleece Dig?
I pull out my holy water
And I just
Oh, that dumpster juice
Yeah, this dumpster juice
It's like an old dumpster juice
To everybody, but yeah, you guys get hit with this
You guys get hit with this
Kind of stinky
Yeah, this rumpke sauce that flies and hits you
But as it's hitting you
It's kind of like got this like
This glow to it, you just feel like a little bit of extra
Power flow into you
So yeah
Anything else you want to do there?
Do I get any bonus action?
I think all you got is spiritual hammer and healing stuff
Healing word
I don't know why I'm telling you
Can I
Am I still able to swap staffs?
No, I'm just gonna end my turn
I'm just gonna end my turn
But I did move far enough back away from them
That I can kind of watch everybody
And just kind of watch the field and see what I need to do
That takes us back to the top of the round
With Archie Ortiz
Alrighty then
I'm gonna
Take one of these firewalls off my necklace
And I'm gonna chuck it at Big Bone
It was said at such a pace
He does seal the deal
He does three little fuckers
So make me, what does it say?
I don't remember
It says DC 15
Okay so
It's like a 15 foot
Well good because I moved back like
Deck save?
I was 5 foot away
I moved back like 20 foot from them
I think so, deck save
I mean I guess I'm throwing it at you
So, do crystal
Me, you, skeleton
Everybody third
Throw me a deck save
I forgot he was out there
Yes, the first fireball fuck up
Yay
That's not great
Six
That's not a save
Plus a d4
Yeah, you can do a saving throw
You're welcome
A seven
Damn it
Big Bone and Duke Crystal fail but
The two skeletons succeed
I'll go with that for sure bro
So throw me a fireball damage I think
It's a lot
I've got potions of healing you'll be fine
I have 29 health
He's gonna throw like 8d10
It's only a d6
Plus 3 for one of the fireballs
No that's wrong
It's a necklace
Of little fireballs
No, it's a third level
Fireball spell
That is a fireball
It was
1d6 of how many
You got that many
I think you have like 5 of them
Yeah I have 5
They're a third level explosive
Like 8d10
It's like a necklace of Grenada's
I did not remember the universe
Fireball is like an arrow of fire
I have a potion I can give you
Well I have an ability as
A fucking barbarian
I can come back with one health
After I go to zero
So Big Bone, Duke Crystal
Failed and the skeletons
Did their thing
I got danger sets
You want to do me a justice
Yes, okay
I'll let you roll your advantage
Come on dice gods
Give me a chance here
18
I think you remembered
Okay so that's half as much damage at least
Yeah, still 8d10
So 8d6 for fireball damage
Oh my goodness
Goodness
Wow
Are we happy or are we sad
Another 1
3
1
Carbogods are like
How many have I rolled now
That's four or five
I think
3
6
We have like 4 1s and a 3
We have another 3 I think
So I have one more
Two more I think
Yeah, we're at 17
5
You better roll a fucking 12
3
25 total damage
We got half of that
For you
So you have to round
12 damage
So that's
25 to Big Bone
Though
Was anyone else caught then
No, just you guys
I'm going to back
Just the perfect amount at the end of my turn
I've been toast
You're knocking him away
You're knocking him down
You're tearing him up
So let's see here
These skeletons are fucking dead instantly
Okay so
The skeletons are fried from the fire
Even saving
They took half damage and it was well over enough to kill them
So
Big Bone sees that and kind of lets out a roar
You see like bones on him like scorched
And burnt
Duke Crystal like kind of is burnt
Shirts like burnt a bit and there's like a hole in it
It's kind of scorched, his hair is a little fried
Covered by a gooch pouch
Covered by a gooch pouch while the flames were coming
That was the save
Slow mo dive
Holding the gooch pouch
Archie, that was your turn
Right?
Miss Muffin, it is your turn
A lot of shit just happened
Yeah, a lot
What do I know she's going to do?
She'll fucking stab a gigantic skeleton creature
With a dagger
A tiny dagger
No, I'm reading something
I'm reading something
Uh oh
She's so interested in kiddies and not weapons
She made more gods
Just as she would have walked into the spheres
I should have kept walking and stepped on the fucking trap
Okay
So
When he fireballed him
He leaped away, got some damage
But now he's far enough back
Right, that I can pour oil
And slipperyness
No, it's not so much like he jumped like 20, 10 feet
He just kind of like
I didn't really jump
I just kind of like shielded by face
This is a 10 foot
This is a 10 foot square
What does that do though?
It can be poured on the ground
As an action where it covers 10 foot square
Duplicating the effect of grease spell
In the area for 8 hours
So you can light it on fire or
Make it also save and not fall down
If he's out of the way enough I can put a 10 foot
Square of oil in front of this
Beast
Bone beast
He actually takes up like 10 feet
So
I'd say you could pour it pretty much on him
Throw it in the bottle
I'm sure it's a glass bottle
This one can't be thrown
The other one I had as a kid
This one doesn't say anything about it being thrown
The oil flask I had
Said I could throw it and shatter it
This one doesn't say anything
It says oil of slipperyness
It talks about rubbing it on yourself
Or a creature for 10 minutes
To get the effect
Of freedom of movement spell for 8 hours
Or pouring it on the ground
I'd say pour it thrown again
I guess it's too thick to throw
It is
That's why
If you were to go crouch underneath it
Slowly pour glasses
In a container
Even it's heavy
You'd have to spend your action
To pour it under his feet
What do I roll?
Just 20?
Roll me a slide of hand
A dexterity slide of hand
To see if you can slide under his feet
And pour this shit out
With advantage?
Don't I have that thing?
For pick locking
You mean with his thing?
You get 1d4 to add to it
1d4 to add to it?
8 plus 8
16
You were able to slip away as he's fighting
And crushing with Duke
You do a little roguely
Pour it onto the ground
And you stand up
What do you do now?
Are you going to move away from him?
I'm going to dash away
Disengage away?
Disengage and move away
That way if they light the oil on fire
I'm getting burned up
Look at Duke
He's still on fire
What are we supposed to do?
We're going to fucking step on him
For sure
Next up is BigBonesTurn
So he's going to need to make a dex save
To see if he can not fall
He's got 28 fucking legs
Probably 1d4 to fall
I have a picture of his legs stabbing into the dirt
Just like fever bones
I think he'd have much skin
To be slipping on
Or shoot bottles
He's like, oh my bones going to slip
His bones going to slide right through the big thick coopy
Or he's going to stick to it and get stuck
All I know is I was tired of gagging
That's my last oil of slipperyness too
I need to take it out of my inventory
Remove
Hey
It just acts like grease
I think
When we restart
For 8 hours
I also have 50 feet of rope
So actually
I did my disengagement
But I should have
The rope for when he slips and falls
And I can tie him up
You can try to tie up a skeleton
With a bunch of body parts
But he does need to make his dex save
To see if he doesn't fall prone
I'm not going to do that then
But I have rope for another time
Ok
Well it's Duke up next
And then FleaSticks
I'm just going to go ahead and go with this
I'm going to go ahead and continue until
Even with him coming back
Because we still got their turns
So making his dex save
It's an 11 plus nothing
So he fails
And he falls prone
Yeah
That's right
Duke it's your turn
So if I had to just lie taxed toward him
You're welcome
Miss Muffin
I'm going to use my action to drink a potion of greater healing
Doing the moonwalk
I'm going to use my action to drink a potion of greater healing
Which is
That's a bonus action
Is it a bonus action?
Potions are bonus actions I believe
Yeah I thought so too actually
Because he's done it like that before FleaSticks
I think it depends on class
What is it 4d6
Or greater
Greater I think is 4d4 plus
I think it's greater
Greater I think is 4d4 plus 4
Normal is 2d4
2
1
8
9 plus 4
13
13 health back
Decent
Fucking mint
It says audio media but you can't see that I'm doing it
So who
How's the layout right now
Dex2 up in his shit
Archie's kind of back a bit
Who's kind of doing his thing
Miss Muffin ran up and fucking
Ran back about the rest of her movement
Speed's about 10-15 feet away from him
And FleaStick is far back
About 25 feet from you guys
Is anyone directly
Across from me on the other side
No
It is a wall behind him and a doorway
I'm hitting it with lightning bolt
That's DexA right?
Let's see
DexA
I believe that would
14-15
17
That's half
Which I know is a lot
8d6
Fireball
And lightning
5
7
9
11
12
13
14
21
27
Half of that
Half of 27
Okay
13
That's gonna take
One
Okay
He took 13 damage
So half of that
Is looking crispy
The fucker is burnt with flames and burnt with lightning
But
Next up is FleaStick's
Sock Jelly
Rumpky Juice Thorough Muffin
I wanna move to where no one's in front of me
Okay
Nobody's in front of you currently
Nobody's in front of me and just a big bone
Just straight ahead
Deux on the right of him and Archie and Miss Muffin
To the left of you
Alright so I'm gonna hit him with
Fighting Bolt
12
That will not hit
I'm gonna use inspiration
Okay yeah you still have yours
So roll again
Inspiration gone
19
That one will hit
Is that what I use? My inspiration?
Hold up
Oh yeah
So don't I get bonus anyways?
That dude is pro so
He's advantage on a deck save while he's pro'd
I mean he would just hop up
For pro'd and just jump the hell out of there
I forgot all about that
So I get to keep my relic as inspiration
Yeah you can go ahead and roll
Yeah that was advantage
Yes that was advantage we'll do that
Damn we forgot all about that
Alright
He's already knocked around
4
6
Yeah I remember we had advantage
Attack with that it just
Activates I think about
16 damage
16 damage? Yeah
So you cast this bolt
Of guiding light
And it flies forward and hits him
And just kinda like blows a hole through him
And you see like bones starting to kinda like try to
Reform and reform then they just kinda like
Break and shatter and crumble and fall
To the ground and you hear just like
This like lowly growl as the life leaves it
And Big Bone is dead
Yay! Woo!
Way to go party
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