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Dude, chill out man!

2
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Dude, you're getting his brains everywhere!

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All of the blood!

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It's in my mouth!

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Please stop!

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Oh my god, fuckarse is dead!

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Viewer warning, use of violence, profanity, rude humor, and portrayal of drug and alcohol

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use.

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Welcome to Dummies with Dice, a Dungeons & Dragons actual play podcast that follows

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four not-so-average dummies of our world that get caught up in a magical storm and are transported

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to the world of Dungeons & Dragons, where they must survive and try to find a way back

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home.

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Hey guys, Ryan, R1.

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I'm playing as Archie Ortiz, the 76-year-old MMA gym owner.

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He's also the monk of the group.

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Fun fact about Archie, he is at the age where he can no longer trust a fart.

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Hey everybody, Ryan Tucker here, R2.

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Here I play as Fleastick Sockjelly.

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I'm the hobo trash master cleric of the group.

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Of the god Rumpke.

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I'm MacGyver of all things trash and garbage.

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Fun fact, I only date trashy women.

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Hey Nate here, my character's Duke Crystal.

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He's the 32-year-old drug addicted level 4 barbarian of the group.

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Fun fact about Duke, his first psychiatrist committed suicide.

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Jesus.

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Jesus.

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Hey, I'm Kelli Lee.

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I play Miss Muffin.

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She's a crazy cat lady level 4 rogue.

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Fun fact, Miss Muffin often sneaks her cat's treats for herself.

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She got some treats?

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How about the liver flavor?

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I want to be more like the kitties

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Tuna.

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My name is Trisston Hayes and I am the dummy master.

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And my fun fact is that the unicorn is the national animal of Scotland.

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I don't know how they got there.

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The unicorn?

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Yes, the unicorn.

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That's true.

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That is a true story.

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I'm looking forward to it.

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I guess you have a fun fact.

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Fun fact.

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So, William Wallace should have been riding the unicorn.

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So, the unicorn's real.

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That's what I'm hearing.

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I can hear rhinoceros.

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Where we left off?

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With Duke Crystal's violent outburst of murder and destruction on Orctagon's body.

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He killed fuckars.

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The goblins and the orcs are all screaming and running and freaking out and going crazy

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because their leader just got killed.

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So, there's a lot of panic happening in this area.

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You guys are in the fighting pit still as everyone runs and loses their shit.

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There are a few orcs that stand at the door and they're like smacking and throwing shit

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at the goblins as they're running out the door.

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They're like, you are supposed to stay and fight.

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Just because Orctagon's dead doesn't mean that we all leave.

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But they haven't fully engaged you guys yet.

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They're kind of just standing at the cave mouth waiting.

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So, what do you guys like to do?

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Obviously finish them off.

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Actually, I'm sorry.

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Not what you guys like to do.

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Duke, make me Constitution safe from the sword sucking your life essence.

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You're going to die.

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Crimp fail?

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Oh my god.

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Are you serious?

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He's dead.

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Okay, so the sword starts laughing maniacally.

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It's like, oh Duke, oh Duke, oh Duke, oh Duke, that felt good.

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And you feel your hands grip to it and it's almost like you feel little needles stabbing your hands

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as you fall to your knees and you lose four maximum health points.

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So, your maximum HP will drop four points.

78
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And you are stuck right now in a state of your body is frozen.

79
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It's failing.

80
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It's not frozen.

81
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It's not frozen.

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It's failing you.

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So, it's like what you try to do now from your actions until you're able to kind of

84
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re-get yourself standing might have different outcomes from what you're trying to do.

85
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So, know that.

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Your body isn't fully...

87
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You aren't in full control of what you're doing because you're like so fucked up right

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now.

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Nice.

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But only four damage, right?

91
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Yeah, four maximum HPs.

92
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Like your maximum HP number will drop four.

93
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Oh, okay.

94
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Permanent number.

95
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Yeah, yeah.

96
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Because it's got like a permanent like leech on you right now.

97
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Well, why wouldn't he want me stronger?

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You just find someone else to do the killing after you're gone.

99
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He drank like this in years.

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Man's got a problem.

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Man's got a problem.

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He kills me and I'll probably be thirsty.

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Okay, so that happens.

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Anything else any of you would like to do?

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Resurrect fuckars again.

106
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Fuckars is...

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He's fried.

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You can smell him from down in the pit from the lightning wire.

109
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I want to search the main dude.

110
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Main dude Orc yarn?

111
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Yeah.

112
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I'm doing a theory and investigation or perception.

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When it hits a bad roll, I'm doing perception.

114
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Six plus six or four.

115
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Six plus four?

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Ten.

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Okay, so you don't really find much on him.

118
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You find like 910 copper pieces.

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That's all you're finding right now.

120
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So yeah, anybody else wants to search him?

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I'll give one more search on him.

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You're going to search?

123
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Yeah.

124
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Let's see if I just keep butchering his corpse.

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Okay, let's go.

126
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15.

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15 plus anything?

128
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What are you basing it off of?

129
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Perception or investigation?

130
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17.

131
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17?

132
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Okay.

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You're safe.

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You find 541 silver pieces, 66 gold pieces, and you find nine like little jewelry gem

135
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type stuff.

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It'll be 50 gold pieces each of the nine gems.

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And you find two potions of greater healing.

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Where did you find this, Duke?

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In this keister?

140
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In the gooch pouch.

141
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How many of the healing?

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Two potions of greater healing.

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This is a warchief of an Orc in Goblin camp.

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He was carrying some good gems and some money.

145
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One more question.

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Yes?

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You said 541 silver pieces.

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Yes.

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What was the other currency?

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66 gold pieces.

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And then Flea Stick found some copper pieces.

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He found 910 copper pieces.

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Okay.

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So he's got those.

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Did he have a right hand man?

156
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No, not that you know of.

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All you saw was just the Orcs you kind of fought in the area.

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Actually, you know what, roll a history check.

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Roll me a history.

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See if you can remember seeing anybody up there when you were being kind of like drug

161
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through 14.

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14 plus anything in history?

163
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15 minus one.

164
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Oh, okay.

165
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So you do remember seeing like an Orc standing next to him, but you don't remember anything

166
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of like, you know, resemblance or like value to him.

167
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You don't remember anything about him.

168
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But you do remember seeing an Orc standing to his side.

169
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Anything else you guys want to do in this place?

170
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:34,000
Time to dip out of the fighting pit or you want to keep searching anything?

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Do anything else?

172
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You know that there's like three Orcs kind of standing up at the cave mouth like just

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kind of yelling at goblins that are running and stuff.

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Me and the sword probably have the same idea.

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We slaughter every goblin or any living creature that's not our party in this facility.

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So you guys are going to go up and kind of move towards the cave mouth where the Orcs

177
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are standing?

178
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Anywhere there's meat to be cut down.

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Okay.

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Duke, are you going up first then since you were kind of the one, one of the slaughters?

181
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I'm sure the sword's probably leading the fight.

182
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Okay.

183
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:09,000
So yeah, so as you climb the ladder, your sword comes up first and all they see is like

184
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the sword in your hand and then like Duke climb up and it's like his white shirt is

185
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now red, like his hair's red.

186
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Roll me an intimidation just out of this.

187
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,000
I'm proficient.

188
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,000
I don't know.

189
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,000
Ten plus four, 14.

190
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:32,000
Okay, so they are like standing there and they're like, hey, you get to fuck, you get,

191
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:36,000
alright, you know what, fuck this and they all just take off running out because yeah,

192
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you intimidated them with the power of that fucking sword.

193
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,000
Ryan, do I chase?

194
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,000
He's just touching food.

195
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,000
Do you chase?

196
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,000
I don't know.

197
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,000
That's up to you, I guess.

198
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,000
No, you do not chase.

199
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,000
I'm sure my legs are longer.

200
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:55,000
You're able to keep kind of your composure right now of what you're wanting to do, unless

201
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,000
you want to fucking chase them.

202
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,000
Do you want to chase them?

203
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,000
If you, if you, if you do want to chase them, that's you.

204
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,000
How hard are they running?

205
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,000
They're running.

206
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,000
They're running pretty good, but if you want to do this, you can, you can catch them, yes.

207
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,000
Damn.

208
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,000
You want to run?

209
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,000
Okay.

210
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,000
That sounds tiring.

211
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,000
Alright, the orc's kind of like running and you see like sweat and he's like, the back

212
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,000
one's like, I think the one's going to chase us.

213
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,000
I think he's coming with the sword.

214
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,000
He looks back and he like sees you standing in the cave mouth.

215
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,000
He's like, oh, he's not, we're okay.

216
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,000
Just keep running.

217
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,000
Just keep running.

218
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:28,000
Okay, so you guys, anything you want to do here now that there are no enemies or immediate

219
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,000
threat that you know of?

220
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:33,000
I want to go over to the throne place where the big dude was sitting.

221
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,000
Okay.

222
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,000
And?

223
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,000
See if he got any loots.

224
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,000
Just perception then?

225
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,000
Yeah.

226
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,000
Perception or investigation, I guess.

227
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,000
Well, then perception.

228
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,000
Depending on how you're going to do it.

229
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,000
Poof.

230
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,000
Five?

231
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,000
No, you don't see anything.

232
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,000
There's a chair.

233
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:50,000
Yeah, there is a, yes, there's a throne there that somebody probably sat on.

234
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,000
Alright.

235
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,000
Moving on to the thrones or fours for some.

236
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,000
Okay.

237
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,000
Anything else you want to do over there?

238
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,000
There is a dead body of a fuck arse.

239
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,000
I know, I was going to ask maybe...

240
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,000
Should we bury the fuck arse?

241
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,000
Kiss him goodbye or what?

242
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,000
Maybe check him for anything, but he got fried.

243
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,000
Use his guts for a moat stream?

244
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,000
You can bury the fuck arse if you'd like to.

245
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,000
You do have a cleric.

246
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,000
I feel like we should probably bury the...

247
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,000
Can we bury him or will he turn to ashes when we touch him?

248
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,000
Will he eat his horse's hoof?

249
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,000
No, he's fried.

250
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,000
Oh, his doggy hoof, sorry.

251
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,000
Horse and doggy meat pride day.

252
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,000
He's already cooked.

253
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,000
I mean, yeah, he's cooked.

254
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000
No.

255
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,000
I'm going to grab a slice.

256
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,000
No.

257
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,000
Peel a piece of tenderloin out of there.

258
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,000
He's going to disintegrate when you touch him.

259
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,000
He's ashes.

260
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,000
I don't like it.

261
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,000
Well done.

262
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:41,000
Yeah, so, yeah, so Duke, yeah, you going to take a slice of him?

263
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,000
You going to take a slice of fuck arse?

264
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,000
How's he cooked?

265
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,000
No.

266
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,000
He's cooked.

267
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,000
He's charred.

268
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,000
Well done.

269
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,000
Don't eat my fuck arse.

270
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:52,000
Let me get a piece of tenderloin out of there and see what it looks like.

271
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,000
No.

272
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:58,000
So Duke with his sword just kind of instilling slaughter into him.

273
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:02,000
Right now all that's on Duke's mind is what?

274
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,000
Murder and hunger?

275
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,000
So he takes a chunk.

276
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,000
Flabbergasted.

277
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,000
Yeah, he tastes good, honestly.

278
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,000
Fuckin' A.

279
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,000
He tastes good.

280
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,000
You evil bitch.

281
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:18,000
Who else can say they ate a half donkey half man that was cooked by lightning?

282
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,000
Does that mean you're half cannibal?

283
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,000
Well, he's not Hannibal technically.

284
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,000
He ate the donkey half.

285
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,000
There's literally nothing I can do to stop this.

286
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,000
He ate the donkey half, so I'm going to say he's not cannibal yet.

287
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,000
People don't have tenderloins like that.

288
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,000
He's not cannibal yet.

289
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,000
Yeah, I'm not eating his face meat.

290
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,000
He's not going to see my face.

291
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,000
You sure you don't want to try?

292
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,000
I can wear his face if that's what we want.

293
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,000
He'll remember it that way.

294
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:48,000
Now that you've done that, is there anything you want to do with Fuckars or are you just leaving him there?

295
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:52,000
After he just ate a piece of him, I say just leave him there.

296
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,000
Just stick him on the throne.

297
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,000
Hey, I'm going to carry him with me for the rest of my days.

298
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:01,000
Actually, we could put Fuckars on the throne and let him have his victory and his death.

299
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,000
I literally have a piece of him with me.

300
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,000
For at least eight hours.

301
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,000
You should have that one.

302
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,000
I'm going to have a pencil stay within me somewhere.

303
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,000
Yeah, that's what he wanted.

304
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,000
He could help his friends fuel them.

305
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:22,000
Okay, so you guys are going to head back to Darkhaven or anything else you want to do in this place.

306
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,000
You're going to head back to your little hometown and see if everybody's alive still from the attack.

307
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,000
Are there any other paths nearby other than the one there?

308
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,000
Is there any stuff we can check out on the way in?

309
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,000
Is there any curious foot trails?

310
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:37,000
Roll Perception. You can probably see lots of foot trails up there.

311
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,000
I'm talking beaten down.

312
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,000
No, there's kind of the one path.

313
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:47,000
Where you guys are is that quarry area that went down into it.

314
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,000
Your path led up to it from Darkhaven.

315
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,000
There is more to explore if you'd like to do that.

316
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:58,000
I'll do a Perception roll and see if I see anything that sticks out, I guess.

317
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,000
14?

318
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:08,000
Not enough that you'd probably be able to track a specific one because there was a lot of people that ran out of that place.

319
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:11,000
So there's footprints everywhere.

320
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,000
There is a path heading back towards Darkhaven.

321
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:23,000
You can go the opposite way, but as of now it looks like there's only one beat-off trail that goes through the wood into Darkhaven.

322
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,000
I guess we can kind of wander around here a little bit.

323
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:34,000
You can wander or you can go back to Darkhaven and see Lilith, what she's got going for you and whatnot, or you can do as you please.

324
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,000
What would you guys like to do?

325
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,000
I want to do as I fucking please.

326
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,000
What do you please?

327
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,000
I want exploration.

328
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:49,000
Well, okay. Would you like to roll Perception on that?

329
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,000
What are you looking for?

330
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:55,000
We want to go on an adventure.

331
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,000
Go on an adventure.

332
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,000
Which direction?

333
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:05,000
So you got, when you come off this little area you're in, there's a trail that's going back towards Darkhaven and a trail going the opposite way.

334
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:09,000
So you can choose to go that way or you can choose to go back to Darkhaven to see anything.

335
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:13,000
Opposite way. Opposite way. Opposite way.

336
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,000
If you care as fuck about Darkhaven, we're over them days.

337
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,000
Well, we're gonna go back eventually.

338
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,000
I'd say you're never gonna find out what's in that dungeon.

339
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,000
No.

340
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:25,000
We're gonna take the loot, excuse me.

341
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,000
We will get them.

342
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,000
But we can do a little adventure first.

343
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:33,000
Kill some wanders in the woods and come back.

344
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:37,000
Okay, so as you guys start to exit out, you have a path to adventure.

345
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,000
Are you gonna take the path that's kind of beaten through the woods there?

346
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,000
Yeah.

347
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,000
Yeah.

348
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:48,000
Okay, so you start moving west out of the woods and you see a long trail.

349
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,000
And this is kind of like where you guys first came out.

350
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:57,000
You came out way more kind of northern up this road and crossed over into the woods

351
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:02,000
and was brought up to Darkhaven by the emo chick outside.

352
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:06,000
And then just really have kind of been in these woods this whole time roaming around.

353
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:11,000
So you come out there and you see the sea, the ocean out there, and the road and the path.

354
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:14,000
So the road goes north and it goes south.

355
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,000
This is like a main used road.

356
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,000
So like highly traveled wagons.

357
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,000
There's people that go on it.

358
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:24,000
It's not like a city road or nothing, but yeah, it's been traveled.

359
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,000
So what would you guys like to do from there?

360
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,000
Running to the sea.

361
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,000
Clean off our nasty bodies.

362
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,000
You can do that.

363
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,000
You can go clean in the water if you'd like to do that.

364
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,000
Crap, is this a musical?

365
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,000
Dupes do.

366
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,000
Yeah, I probably should.

367
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,000
He's bathed in blood.

368
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,000
I guess I'm gonna wash my old ass.

369
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:48,000
Not me, I'm trashy.

370
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,000
I gotta say, I guess I hope I can.

371
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,000
I put my stash bag in my mouth.

372
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,000
Good.

373
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,000
Smart choice.

374
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,000
Can't lose the stash in the ocean.

375
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,000
I could hold your stash.

376
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,000
No.

377
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,000
No.

378
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,000
You're putting your gooch pouch stash in your mouth?

379
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,000
Yes.

380
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,000
Mmm, flavorful.

381
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,000
It's my gooch.

382
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,000
Extra seasoned.

383
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,000
My gooch in my mouth.

384
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,000
Marinated.

385
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,000
My gooch in my mouth.

386
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,000
You gonna put it in your mouth?

387
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,000
My gooch in my mouth.

388
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,000
No, not my gooch, no, my problem.

389
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,000
That's the deal.

390
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,000
I'm gonna hold it in your mouth.

391
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,000
I don't have a mouth.

392
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,000
Okay, I hold it in my mouth.

393
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,000
Okay, so you guys do that.

394
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:25,000
You clean off.

395
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,000
What would you like to do then after you guys get done washing your asses?

396
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,000
Dry them off.

397
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,000
It's logical to dry them.

398
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,000
Can I get a roller, bro?

399
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,000
Yeah, go ahead, roll a d20 and see how well you dry off.

400
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,000
I dry my ass off.

401
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,000
You might get chafed for the rest of the day.

402
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,000
18.

403
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,000
Bad chafing.

404
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,000
18, no way.

405
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,000
We both dry our asses the same.

406
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,000
You dry it off.

407
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,000
You dry it off.

408
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,000
You both equally hit jacks and go.

409
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,000
You just got those.

410
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,000
Sturkey.

411
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,000
I just air dry it.

412
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,000
I get a couple wetter ass crack.

413
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,000
Yeah, you dry it off.

414
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,000
So it in the wind.

415
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,000
So it in the wind.

416
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,000
Gooch bag in mouth.

417
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,000
I feel better.

418
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,000
All right.

419
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,000
That was a good ass adventure for me.

420
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,000
Good adventure.

421
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,000
Time to go back home.

422
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,000
Was that the salt water or fresh water?

423
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,000
I don't know.

424
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,000
I don't know.

425
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,000
I don't know.

426
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,000
I don't know.

427
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,000
I don't know.

428
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,000
I don't know.

429
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,000
I don't know.

430
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,000
I don't know.

431
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,000
I don't know.

432
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,000
I don't know.

433
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,000
Was that the salt water or fresh water?

434
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,000
Salt.

435
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,000
Salty.

436
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,000
It was very salty.

437
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,000
Gritty.

438
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,000
Yeah, we're going to have a chafed ass.

439
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,000
Not me.

440
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,000
I'll be fine.

441
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,000
Just sweat it out.

442
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,000
We'll go south.

443
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,000
Yes.

444
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,000
Okay.

445
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,000
All right.

446
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,000
So look at that.

447
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:35,360
So as you go south, you keep hitting this main road, main road for a long time, and

448
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,360
you see...

449
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:37,360
Oh, shit.

450
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:38,360
I don't have this open.

451
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:39,360
I rolled a four.

452
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:40,360
I didn't see nothing.

453
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,360
Una Momento, poor poor.

454
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,360
Bridge South is down.

455
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:43,360
Bridge South is down.

456
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:44,360
I guess we're going back.

457
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:45,360
You guys are going back to town.

458
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,360
Good adventure.

459
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,360
Wait, are we...

460
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:48,360
No.

461
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,360
No, that was a joke.

462
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:56,040
I rolled a C. I got a 13.

463
00:17:56,040 --> 00:18:02,840
So you guys want to go south a bit from where you were and coming out of the woods.

464
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:13,680
As you approach, as you approach, okay, so as you approach, you see a 30 foot high hill

465
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:19,360
that rises ahead of you and its top is like too flat to be a natural occurrence.

466
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,480
It's jutting from the grassy hilltop.

467
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,200
It's a row...

468
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,880
Grassy hill...

469
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:30,040
Natural occurrence jutting from the grassy hilltop is a row of 10 foot tall bone white

470
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:34,720
rocks that are arced towards the stormy sky like outstretched talons.

471
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,080
As you approach, a centaur comes walk...

472
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,080
What are the odds?

473
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:41,200
A centaur comes walking up.

474
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:45,640
He goes, ho ho ho, ho travelers, my name is Xanth.

475
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:46,640
What are you guys doing through here?

476
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:53,400
First I have to ask, is that a horse ass or a donkey ass on your back ass?

477
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,600
He looks back and he's severely fucking offended.

478
00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:02,440
He's like, this is not a donkey ass, this is a horse ass.

479
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,040
This is a little horse ass.

480
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,040
Move aside woman.

481
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:10,040
He walks up to the rest of you and he goes, what are you all doing here?

482
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,040
What's your business?

483
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,040
Excuse me, no, I'm not done yet.

484
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:13,040
What's your name?

485
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:14,040
It can't be fucking ours.

486
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,040
Kelly, roll a perception check.

487
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,040
Didn't you tell us his name?

488
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:17,040
Oh boy, we're going to get slaughtered.

489
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,040
Did he tell us his name already?

490
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:19,040
She's about to get kicked in the fucking head.

491
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,040
Kelly, you're going to get a little bit of a hard time.

492
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,040
I'm going to get a little bit of a hard time.

493
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,040
I'm going to get a little bit of a hard time.

494
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:23,040
I'm going to get a little bit of a hard time.

495
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,880
Did he tell us his name already?

496
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,880
She's about to get kicked in the fucking head.

497
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:30,880
Kelly will be the first to die.

498
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:31,880
Seven plus five.

499
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:32,880
Seven plus five?

500
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:33,880
Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no.

501
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:34,880
Perception, seven plus three.

502
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:35,880
Even worse.

503
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:36,880
That's ten.

504
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:37,880
Ten flap.

505
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:38,880
You just got kicked in the face.

506
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:39,880
So you got five damage to you.

507
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:40,880
Oh yeah.

508
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:41,880
They do call it a donkey kick for a reason.

509
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:51,200
He turned around to talk to someone else and you snuck up behind him and started giving

510
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,920
him attitude and you scared him.

511
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:53,920
You just got a little spooked.

512
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:54,920
Well it died.

513
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:55,920
That's what horses do.

514
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,360
So he goes, I am so sorry about that.

515
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,320
You scared me.

516
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,920
You scared me.

517
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:04,920
But honestly, what are you guys doing?

518
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:05,920
What are you guys doing here?

519
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:06,920
What's going on?

520
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,920
I'm here for blood donations.

521
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:18,040
He goes, okay, so you guys have, I don't know what to do about that.

522
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:22,040
He kind of like points back towards over the hilltop and says, you see that place up there?

523
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:25,480
Because there's strange witch lights that hover over that place.

524
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:26,880
It's called Dragon Barrow.

525
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,920
And at night these like strange witch lights, they flow around.

526
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:34,080
He goes, this hill is haunted by restless spirits of the dead.

527
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:38,760
Because Neverwinter Wood has become overrun with orcs and league with half orc spell casters

528
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:39,760
deep in the forest.

529
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:44,320
Atop a cave riddled hill is a circle of standing stones where the evil half orcs perform their

530
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,200
dark rites.

531
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:50,520
He kind of like, you can tell that his face is like, he's saying like, I don't want to

532
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:53,040
do this by myself, but I need to go stop these guys.

533
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,720
So he's just kind of standing there staring at you all as he tells you about all of these

534
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:57,720
orcs in the woods.

535
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,380
What do you guys say about the information he's giving you?

536
00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:03,400
Slap him on the ass and say, I'll help you partner.

537
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,600
Are you going to slap him on the ass?

538
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,600
Are you really going to do that?

539
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,600
Roll me a Dex save.

540
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,600
Because you're prepared for it.

541
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,880
13 plus 4.

542
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,080
Okay, you don't get kicked, but he tries.

543
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:24,480
He's like, I'm going to slap him and he goes, okay.

544
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:29,480
And then I say, sir, sir, sorry, sorry, I just really miss fuckars and you don't know

545
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:34,720
who that is, but like, you're one of him but a horse, but still one of him.

546
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,880
He goes, oh, you mean like he had the donkey ass?

547
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:38,880
Is that what you mean?

548
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,960
He did have a donkey ass, but I loved him.

549
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,160
I don't care if it was a donkey butt or a horse butt, I loved it.

550
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,640
He goes, oh god, he goes, hot, it's on the ground.

551
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,960
He's a fucking donkey mixed with a breed.

552
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:52,960
It wasn't his fault.

553
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:53,960
He was resurrected.

554
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:58,000
He starts to really turn his ass towards you.

555
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,000
He's like, stop, I don't want to hear from you anymore.

556
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,000
So rude.

557
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,000
Here's a dude who says, I hate him.

558
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,000
He goes, oh, you do?

559
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,000
Yeah, good, good.

560
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,000
He puts up a fist bump and he's like, please.

561
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,000
I ate him.

562
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,000
Oh, you ate him.

563
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,000
Oh, me and Sam.

564
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:25,080
He's got his fist up and as your fist comes to touch his, he's like, what the hell, you

565
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:26,080
ate him?

566
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:27,080
Just a piece.

567
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:30,000
It's his fault he died too.

568
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,960
He's seriously taken back and he goes, honestly guys, have fun.

569
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:34,960
He just walks off.

570
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:35,960
He's like, I don't need any help.

571
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:36,960
It's a fucking shit.

572
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:37,960
I don't need any help.

573
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,760
We could have helped Jimson there.

574
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,480
I'm going to go do something completely other than this.

575
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,480
If I notice you at a party, I'll eat you.

576
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:46,480
Proletimidation.

577
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,480
Oh no.

578
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,080
And you're going to get kicked in the face.

579
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:50,080
We just want another fucker.

580
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:51,080
Sit.

581
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,080
Let's see.

582
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,080
13?

583
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,080
No.

584
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,080
Damn.

585
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,080
He was a shot.

586
00:22:56,080 --> 00:23:00,200
So he goes, you're going to eat me.

587
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,480
He instantly pulled up his weapon.

588
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,480
Roll initiative.

589
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:13,480
Fuck yes, let's kill him.

590
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:24,040
No, I don't want to kill him.

591
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,040
I'm going to eat him.

592
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,040
I wanted him to be my friend.

593
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,040
He was already leaving.

594
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,040
We dicked around too much.

595
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,040
Dicked around too much.

596
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,040
All righty, well, I rolled a six.

597
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:31,040
What do I roll, Pee-Pee?

598
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,640
I rolled a six.

599
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:33,640
What do I roll, Perception?

600
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:34,640
Initiative.

601
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:35,640
I mean initiative.

602
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:36,640
That's what I meant.

603
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:37,640
I rolled a ten actually.

604
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:38,640
Six plus four.

605
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:39,640
Okay.

606
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:40,640
I'm rolling initiative.

607
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:41,640
Where is mine?

608
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:42,640
Eighteen.

609
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:43,640
I got an eighteen.

610
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:44,640
Give me one second.

611
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:45,640
I rolled a fourteen plus four.

612
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:46,640
Sixteen plus ten.

613
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:47,640
Nice.

614
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:48,640
I got a ten.

615
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,640
Nine plus one.

616
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:50,640
Oh, me too.

617
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:51,640
Well, you go first because yours was nine plus one.

618
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:52,640
Mine was six plus four.

619
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,640
Yeah.

620
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:54,640
Okay.

621
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:55,640
I can't remember.

622
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:56,640
Did we have a rest before we came back?

623
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:57,640
Nate, me, and Jimson.

624
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:58,640
I rolled a ten.

625
00:23:58,640 --> 00:23:59,640
I rolled a ten.

626
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:00,640
I rolled a ten.

627
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:01,640
I rolled a ten.

628
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:02,640
Me, right, right.

629
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:03,640
No, you did not.

630
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:04,640
We had to set up camp after we...

631
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:05,640
Yeah.

632
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:06,640
So, butchered this horse man.

633
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:07,640
Well, at least we'll have something to eat when we set up camp.

634
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:08,640
I know.

635
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:09,640
I'm going to eat a piece of him too.

636
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:10,640
See the difference.

637
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:11,640
I want to know the difference.

638
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:12,640
I bet the donkey wasn't as good.

639
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:13,640
Yeah, I'm not.

640
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:14,640
You're going to say them.

641
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:15,640
It's going to be tougher.

642
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:16,640
I thought you were putting us in order.

643
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:17,640
I bet the donkey was tougher.

644
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:18,640
For sure.

645
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:19,640
I would have said that he was so offended.

646
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:20,640
Like, Dad, you should have been like, yeah, look at my horse ass.

647
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:21,640
I would have shown it off.

648
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:22,640
Jerry?

649
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:23,640
Well, now you're going to die.

650
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:30,640
Nice.

651
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:31,640
Okay.

652
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:32,640
So, what's your initiative?

653
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:33,640
Start with Miss Muffin.

654
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:34,640
Mine's also an 18, but I got 14 plus four.

655
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:35,640
Okay.

656
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,640
So, 18.

657
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:37,640
Duke, what's yours?

658
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:38,640
18, but it was a 16 plus two, so I go first.

659
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:39,640
Okay.

660
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:40,640
Fluke's take?

661
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:41,640
Nine plus one, ten.

662
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:42,640
Okay.

663
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:43,640
Archie.

664
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:44,640
Six plus four, ten.

665
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:45,640
I go last.

666
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:46,640
Okay.

667
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:47,640
All right.

668
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:48,640
So, first up is...

669
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:53,640
Duke, correct?

670
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,640
Yeah, obvious.

671
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:57,640
Obvious.

672
00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:58,640
Obvious.

673
00:24:58,640 --> 00:24:59,640
Okay.

674
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:00,640
Obvious.

675
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:01,640
Obvious.

676
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:09,200
Yeah, so the centaur is standing at you and he's got like a big pike raised up.

677
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:10,200
What would you like to do?

678
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:11,200
You want me to attack him?

679
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,200
Yeah.

680
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:18,200
I'm going to try and duck under that pike and cut off his front legs with the dark wraiths

681
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:19,200
one already.

682
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,200
Yes.

683
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:21,200
Oh my God.

684
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,200
Okay.

685
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,200
He's suicidal.

686
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:24,200
Do your attack.

687
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,200
Should have even written down the initiatives.

688
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,200
I might miss.

689
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:31,200
13.

690
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:32,200
Yeah, see?

691
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:33,200
Oh, it hit.

692
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,200
Yeah, yeah.

693
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:38,520
Oh, it's a little bit of a school band.

694
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:39,800
He's not like armor in armor.

695
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,200
His fucking legs are coming off.

696
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:42,200
The front ones are.

697
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:43,200
Yeah.

698
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:44,200
Oh, sharp.

699
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:45,200
Depending on the damage you do, it might.

700
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:46,200
All right, let's see here.

701
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:47,200
Four D6 plus four.

702
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:48,200
Four D6 plus six.

703
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:49,200
Full cleavage.

704
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:50,200
Two.

705
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:51,200
Full cleavage.

706
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,200
Three.

707
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:53,200
16 damage, not much.

708
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:54,200
He came out all right.

709
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:55,200
Yeah, he's got some bad rolls.

710
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:56,200
So what's he looking like?

711
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:57,200
He's alive.

712
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:58,200
That hurt him pretty good.

713
00:25:58,200 --> 00:25:59,200
He's still good.

714
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:00,200
Missing one leg.

715
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,200
Now we got to do.

716
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:02,200
Missing leg?

717
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:03,200
Like the dangling leg?

718
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:04,200
My thigh backlash.

719
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,200
He hinds up on his back legs and his.

720
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:06,200
What did you do?

721
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:07,200
Got two legs of dinosaur nubs.

722
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,200
16.

723
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:17,200
She's fucking lost it.

724
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:24,200
And he's like, no.

725
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,200
What is it?

726
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,200
D12, correct?

727
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,200
For your damage back?

728
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:30,200
I thought you said.

729
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,200
It's like a horse and then dinosaur.

730
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,200
Okay.

731
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:42,200
It's five damage as the blood soaks from your body into the sword.

732
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,200
All right.

733
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:46,200
All right.

734
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,200
Next up is Miss Muffin.

735
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,200
Quick question.

736
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,200
Is the sword fused to my hand?

737
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,200
No, it's not fused to you.

738
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,200
But when you're holding it, you feel like the leech.

739
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:58,200
That's important.

740
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,200
Because if it's fused to me there, I'm going to be.

741
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:01,200
You don't feel compelled to drop it.

742
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:05,200
And you may have to roll to see if you want to drop it to use something else.

743
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,200
But we'll see when we get there if your decisions happen.

744
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,200
Miss Muffin, it is your turn.

745
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:14,200
I'm going to be like, oh my God, I can't believe that just happened.

746
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,200
I actually liked his ass.

747
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,200
So I guess I'm going to help.

748
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:19,200
Are you going to help or are you going to not attack?

749
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:24,200
I'm going to help Duke out so we don't lose our friends to this freaking jerk.

750
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:25,200
I did too for a second.

751
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,200
I was like, you're going to help?

752
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,200
No, I'm helping my friends.

753
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:36,200
So I'm going to freaking dash up to him and plus one dagger him right across the gut.

754
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:37,200
Plus one dagger him.

755
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:38,200
Plus one dagger him.

756
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,200
16.

757
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,200
Plus seven.

758
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:45,200
That's 1d4 plus five.

759
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,200
He's really strong.

760
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:50,200
Eight damage to his gut.

761
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,200
Eight damage to his gut?

762
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,200
He was horse belly.

763
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,200
All right.

764
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,200
Good hit.

765
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,200
He's like wailing.

766
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,200
He's like, why is this happening?

767
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,200
Because you were an asshole.

768
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,200
Next up is...

769
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,200
You all have gone before him so please stay.

770
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:08,200
And he kicked me sometimes.

771
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:09,200
I told him I'd eat him if he wanted.

772
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:14,200
I'm going to run up and crack him in his little horse head with the Eclipse.

773
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:15,200
He's got a human head.

774
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,200
Well he has a huge overbite.

775
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:21,200
Crack him in his little horse brain.

776
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:29,200
So Eclipse staff and I miss probably because I rolled a ten.

777
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:30,200
Wait, hold on.

778
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,200
What's my...

779
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,200
Do I get a bonus?

780
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,200
You should have a plus with your staff.

781
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:36,200
Oh yeah, 16.

782
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,200
All right, cool.

783
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:42,200
All right, so 1d6 plus three.

784
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:43,200
Six.

785
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:44,200
So nine damage.

786
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:45,200
Nine.

787
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,200
Nine.

788
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:47,200
He dead.

789
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:48,200
He dead?

790
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:49,200
No, he's still standing.

791
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:50,200
Oh shit.

792
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:51,200
He's still standing.

793
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:52,200
He's just toothless.

794
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:56,200
So I'm going to try to break his freaking ribs.

795
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:59,200
Wait, his human ribs or his horse ribs though?

796
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:00,200
Because he's got two sets.

797
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,200
Damn, I have never thought of that.

798
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:03,200
Holy shit, that is true.

799
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,200
Does a centaur have ribs in the body part too?

800
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,200
They all have human ribs.

801
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,200
But they don't breathe from there, do they?

802
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,200
I would say it's probably just like more giant rib cage.

803
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,200
Are they human lungs or are they horse lungs?

804
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:15,200
Hang on one second.

805
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,200
We're going to look this up for ourselves and the listeners to know.

806
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:19,200
Probably both.

807
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:23,200
I mean, it's probably like, it's like it tapers up into the human.

808
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:27,200
Where are centaur's lungs?

809
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:32,200
The rib cage of the upper are located in their two plural cavities.

810
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:36,200
Centaur's respiratory system are similar to the gastro tracts of common trachea.

811
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,200
This splits the third and fourth vertebrae.

812
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:42,200
So the rib cage of the upper body hosts the respiratory and circulatory system.

813
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,200
This is where you'll find a centaur's impressive capacity of lungs.

814
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:46,200
Okay, so they're in the upper body part.

815
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:47,200
Okay, cool.

816
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,200
Well, that makes no sense.

817
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,200
Their lungs would not be impressive.

818
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:52,200
I don't know.

819
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,200
So go for the human torso.

820
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,200
Break one of the sets of ribs.

821
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,200
I'm breaking the human ribs.

822
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,200
They say it more important.

823
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,200
You're about to get fucked.

824
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,200
Oh no, he's not.

825
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,200
Plus anything?

826
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,200
Twelve.

827
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,200
Okay, that will not hit.

828
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,200
Oh wait, no, that will hit.

829
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,200
Oh, that's fucking good.

830
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,200
That will exactly hit.

831
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,200
Get it.

832
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,200
Oh wait, where's the ones that hit?

833
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,200
Shit.

834
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,200
I think it's that one.

835
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,200
Is that the...

836
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,200
Yeah, no.

837
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,200
It would be the diamond shape.

838
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,200
Yeah, pyramid assed ass.

839
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,200
The stereotypical diamond.

840
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,200
And then 12 is pyramid assed ass.

841
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:38,200
That's the one?

842
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,200
Yep.

843
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,200
The standard, like, when you're a kid drawing a diamond shape.

844
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,200
Yeah, and an eight, yeah.

845
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,200
Alright.

846
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,200
What scene is assed assed rib complete?

847
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,200
Wow.

848
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,200
One plus four is a five.

849
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,200
Five damage.

850
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,200
Big money, on the scene.

851
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,200
He bruised the ribs.

852
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,200
He bruised him slightly, no.

853
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,200
Okay, so it's a centaur's turn.

854
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:06,200
I'm just going to roll a d4 and see who he's going to attack.

855
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,200
Because you literally all swarmed him.

856
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,200
Why is there two?

857
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,200
Archie, he's going to attack you.

858
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,200
Of course.

859
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,200
Four damage is two handed.

860
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:20,200
He makes a multi-attack, one with its pike and one with its hooves, or two with its longbow.

861
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,200
So he's going to smack you with his pike and his hooves.

862
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:24,200
No, he's done.

863
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:30,200
His pike attack is a nine plus six.

864
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,200
So I get to roll a two.

865
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:36,200
Okay, so now he's going to swing with his pike, miss, come up and just try to kick you in the face with his hooves.

866
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,200
The higher damage is two handed.

867
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,200
Eleven plus six.

868
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,200
Eight hits me.

869
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:46,200
But wouldn't one d8 plus three be higher than one d6 plus six?

870
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,200
I'm scared. What happened?

871
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:50,200
Why'd you make that face?

872
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,200
No! Stop!

873
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:54,200
You were going to take 13.

874
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,200
That would be two handed.

875
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,200
Somebody murthy as fuck.

876
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:08,200
Alright, so with his round, he swung with his pike, missed, but then came up and kicked the living shit out of Archie and did like 13 bludgeoning damage, I believe.

877
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,200
Of course, go for the old man.

878
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,200
So that was his turn.

879
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,200
Up first now is Duke.

880
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,200
You again.

881
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,200
He's like, I'm going to finish this bitch.

882
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:22,200
I'm going to try and put away the dark greatsword.

883
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:26,200
So roll a constitution save.

884
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,200
You got good constitution, right?

885
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,200
Yeah.

886
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,200
Go for a constitution save.

887
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:34,200
13.

888
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,200
13?

889
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,200
I'll say you get it.

890
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:42,200
You kind of feel it grabbing you, like pulling off of your hand.

891
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,200
Hesitating.

892
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,200
Yes, you are able to drop it and put it away.

893
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,200
I'll pull out the emerald fury.

894
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:52,200
I believe it is an action to pull out a weapon.

895
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,200
It is.

896
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,200
Alright, so that's fine. You can do that. Just so you don't die trying to use your sword.

897
00:32:56,200 --> 00:33:02,200
Alright, anything else? I don't know what's bonus actions, but I don't think you have much of anything for bonus.

898
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,200
No, I don't sound man frenzied.

899
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:08,200
Alright, so then... Muffin. Miss Muffin. Your turn.

900
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:13,200
I'm just going to have to freaking go after him with my dagger again.

901
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,200
Go after him with your dagger again.

902
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,200
Slice of ice.

903
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,200
13 plus 7.

904
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,200
Yes. Plus 7.

905
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:22,200
1d4.

906
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:26,200
Oh yeah, your dexterity went up from your level up, so you've got good hits.

907
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,200
7 damage.

908
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,200
So I'm going to run up and just jab, jab, jab him.

909
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:34,200
Okay, um, how do you kill him?

910
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,200
Oh, snipe. It kills him.

911
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:41,200
As I'm freaking jabbing him, I realize like, whoa, I just stabbed him right in the heart.

912
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,200
He just dropped.

913
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,200
Okay. Alright, you guys killed a centaur. Good job.

914
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,200
Good. Fucking...

915
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,200
I want to search him.

916
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,200
Does he have pockets?

917
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:56,200
He has a gooch pouch.

918
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,200
Yeah, you can search him.

919
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,200
Vestigation or perception, whatever you like.

920
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:06,200
18 plus 4.

921
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,200
Yeah, that works.

922
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:11,200
Give me one moment and I'll tell you what you find here.

923
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:13,200
Nice.

924
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,200
Horse nuts.

925
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,200
Yes.

926
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:19,200
Roasting.

927
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:21,200
You going to eat him?

928
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:23,200
Not the nuts.

929
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,200
Gear factor.

930
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,200
It is tender, willing to compare.

931
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,200
So, I'll cook it first.

932
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:33,200
You weren't harvesting him, so you were looting him.

933
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,200
Bookers was friendly.

934
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:41,200
You find 19 silver pieces and you could have his pike if you wanted.

935
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:43,200
I'll take the pike.

936
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:46,200
So, are we deciding to camp out here?

937
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:48,200
You're welcome to, if you would like to camp out here.

938
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:52,200
There is the wood kind of nearby here.

939
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:56,200
So, yeah, I figured we'd just make a little camp in the woods, but I'm going to harvest.

940
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,200
Oh boy, for dinner.

941
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,200
Everything manned down.

942
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,200
Okay, so.

943
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,200
If it ain't got horse hair on it, I don't want it.

944
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:06,200
Harvesting.

945
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,200
No man parts.

946
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:14,200
So, give me a nature check to see if you can harvest off a good piece of this monster.

947
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:18,200
Also, we're going to camp here and he said something about witchy stuff in the woods.

948
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,200
What did you get?

949
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,200
12.

950
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,200
We're on the hill that he said was haunted, right?

951
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:26,200
12?

952
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,200
No, you're not on the hill. You guys are like way down the bottom of the hill.

953
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,200
So, we're not where he wanted us to go.

954
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,200
No, that was way up by the rocks.

955
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:36,200
It's like a 30 foot hill up there.

956
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:40,200
We'd have to go up the path, so if we get off the road we'll probably get there.

957
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,200
So, we'll take a good old nap and then we'll go get spooky.

958
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,200
So, you gave me 12, is that what you said?

959
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,200
Okay, so you find four centaur hooves.

960
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,200
You are able to cleave off four of his hooves.

961
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,200
That's it?

962
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:52,200
Yes.

963
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:54,200
I'll roll some meat too.

964
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,200
I'll roll to help, Duke.

965
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,200
You can't tell me all the meat stuff.

966
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,200
Yeah, you get some meat too.

967
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,200
Hooves? Interesting.

968
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,200
I'll throw them in my bag.

969
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,200
Of course, hoof soup.

970
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,200
Yeah, you can make some glue.

971
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,200
Centaur hooves?

972
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,200
That would be magic spell shit.

973
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,200
Maybe you can grind them up.

974
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,200
No, no, no.

975
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,200
I have the strength of ten horses.

976
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,200
One horse.

977
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:22,200
I don't know what centaur hooves would do.

978
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,200
No, I'd have to ask one specialist.

979
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:26,200
One horse power, one man power.

980
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:32,200
So, this creature produces 27 pieces of meat, weighing a total of 108 pounds.

981
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,200
So, if you want to carry all of that, I don't know what your weight is, but you...

982
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,200
We're making a flyer, he's going to take the meat.

983
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,200
I'd say a couple pounds a person.

984
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,200
Not as much as it takes maximum.

985
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,200
Enough to cook a meal for everybody.

986
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,200
I'll take some for Hazel, but I ain't eating it.

987
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,200
You've got a couple pieces of meat.

988
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,200
I ain't eating it.

989
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:51,200
You're not eating it.

990
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:53,200
Just a regular pike.

991
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,200
Oh, wait.

992
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,200
Yeah, just a regular pike.

993
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,200
You sure you weren't a vicious pike?

994
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:05,200
No, it was just a regular pike, built by some centaur man who wanted to go kill some orcs, but you guys did not help him.

995
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:07,200
Well, he was rude, and he hit me.

996
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:11,200
And he gave you some information about that haunted place, trying to not meet you, goes there, but...

997
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:15,200
And then he tried to walk away from us in a shitty way.

998
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:19,200
But you want to go rest, you say, into the woods?

999
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:20,200
Yes.

1000
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:21,200
Into the wood?

1001
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:23,200
Are you going to long or short rest?

1002
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:24,200
Long.

1003
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:25,200
Long rest.

1004
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,200
Into the thick of it.

1005
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,200
Into the thick of it.

1006
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,200
Get all of our shit back, yeah.

1007
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:32,200
Oh!

1008
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:34,200
Blah, blah, blah.

1009
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,200
Yeah, get all your guys' stuff back.

1010
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,200
The thing of the long rest.

1011
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:44,200
Let me roll, because you guys are in the wilderness.

1012
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,200
Yes.

1013
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,200
Nothing happens as you guys rest away.

1014
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,200
That's why you get off the rune.

1015
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:52,200
Yes.

1016
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:54,200
So, long rest.

1017
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:56,200
Until we get full health.

1018
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,200
Full health, spellsloth back.

1019
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:03,200
We need that, we're going to be fighting some dark magic orcs, half orcs.

1020
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:04,200
Kill my brother.

1021
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:08,200
Well, that depends, that's not where he was pointing to.

1022
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:12,200
Where he was pointing was saying, hey, this place is fucking haunted, don't go up there.

1023
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:18,200
And was also explaining, hey, there's also these fucking orcs over here that are causing some crazy shit over here if you want to help me.

1024
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:20,200
You guys kill these asses.

1025
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,200
Tell me we can't kill the orcs.

1026
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:27,200
You can go hunt them down, you just don't really know exactly where they're at.

1027
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,200
He said they're in the Neverwinter Wood.

1028
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:32,200
So, you guys are in the area, you killed the ones at the camp.

1029
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,200
Who's torture wonderful, you know.

1030
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,200
Or that are in an area.

1031
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,200
Let's find a half oracle torture.

1032
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:44,200
So, as you guys awake from your long rest, what is it you decide that you want to do?

1033
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:56,200
Are you going to advance towards the 30 foot high hill side up to the spiky rocks across the top or back to Darkhaven or continue on somewhere else?

1034
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,200
I guess we'll go up the hill.

1035
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:00,200
Up the hill.

1036
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,200
Exactly Jill.

1037
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:04,200
After.

1038
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:15,200
Okay, so as you get up top, you see that these rocks coming out that look like giant spikes or talons, almost like a spine, like waving down the hillside.

1039
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:22,200
Someone give me a perception check for whoever would be looking out here.

1040
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:24,200
The most highest perception.

1041
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,200
I got plus one.

1042
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,200
I have a plus two.

1043
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,200
That's pretty good actually.

1044
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,200
Did you say plus four?

1045
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,200
Do you have good perception?

1046
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:37,200
I just full had.

1047
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:41,200
Alright, please give me a rule.

1048
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,200
15 plus four, 19.

1049
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:46,200
19? Oh, okay.

1050
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:51,200
My perception is plus three.

1051
00:39:51,200 --> 00:40:02,200
So as you're walking across the hilltop, you kind of like notice one of the rocks coming out is like off centered from the others that it seems that it could be moved.

1052
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,200
Like it's not locked into the ground.

1053
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:07,200
It's like big but like cut in the top.

1054
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:08,200
Like a doorway.

1055
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:09,200
Almost.

1056
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:12,200
But it is very, very big and very heavy.

1057
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,200
So what would you like to do?

1058
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:15,200
Let's push it.

1059
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:19,200
You're going to push it with your hands? You're all going to just push on it?

1060
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:22,200
Who's going to do the strength athletics?

1061
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:26,200
Because I'll give you an advantage for like the team helping.

1062
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:27,200
Okay.

1063
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:28,200
Duke's probably got the best strength.

1064
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:29,200
Yeah.

1065
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:30,200
I'd roll for strength.

1066
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,200
Advantage because they're all helping.

1067
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:33,200
I'm going to give them up.

1068
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,200
Athletics plus four.

1069
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:36,200
I didn't realize.

1070
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,200
I don't even have strength on my skills.

1071
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:39,200
I have minus one strength.

1072
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:40,200
18?

1073
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:41,200
18?

1074
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:42,200
Yes.

1075
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:43,200
You push hard.

1076
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:45,200
You push really hard but you don't.

1077
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:50,200
It starts to do the Thor picking or Captain America picking up Mjolnir.

1078
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,200
You're like eeeh and then it kind of drops back down.

1079
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:59,200
You can tell that if you maybe just pushed one bit higher you would be able to push it.

1080
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,200
So I'll give you another roll if you would like but not advantage because you guys are

1081
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,200
tired to try and push this over.

1082
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,200
Otherwise you'll have to find another way to move this rock.

1083
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:08,200
Can I try?

1084
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:09,200
You are not strong.

1085
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:10,200
No.

1086
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,200
Duke is the best chance to do it.

1087
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:14,200
You can roll again if you like but you don't have advantage.

1088
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:15,200
You think both roll though?

1089
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:18,200
Will it add us together if we're rushing at the same time?

1090
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:19,200
No.

1091
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,200
It's more the way the mechanics work is like help.

1092
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:25,200
So he's going to push but you guys are helping him so he gets to do it with advantage but

1093
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:29,200
we're going to go no advantage because the first one failed and you guys are tired from

1094
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:30,200
pushing once.

1095
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:31,200
I'll try one more time.

1096
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:32,200
That won't do it.

1097
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:33,200
15.

1098
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:34,200
Okay.

1099
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:35,200
Yeah.

1100
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:36,200
It won't do it.

1101
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:39,200
Any other ideas that you'd like to try with this thing?

1102
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:40,200
You can get creative.

1103
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:43,200
Let's use what you got from the syntax.

1104
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:44,200
Yeah.

1105
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,200
Let's use my pike to lever it up.

1106
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:48,200
Yeah.

1107
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:49,200
Lever it up.

1108
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:50,200
Lever it up.

1109
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:51,200
Okay.

1110
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:52,200
So yeah.

1111
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:53,200
Give me strength with advantage.

1112
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:54,200
Go ahead.

1113
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:55,200
Is that wisdom?

1114
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:56,200
Yeah.

1115
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:57,200
Go ahead.

1116
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:58,200
Strength advantage.

1117
00:41:58,200 --> 00:41:59,200
Strength roll.

1118
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:00,200
Athletics.

1119
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:01,200
You can do that.

1120
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:02,200
I'll do athletics.

1121
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:03,200
Athletics?

1122
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:04,200
That's you like trying to like lift something up.

1123
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:05,200
Yeah.

1124
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:06,200
Alright.

1125
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:07,200
That'd be a 19 plus.

1126
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:08,200
There you go.

1127
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:11,200
So as you guys are all leveraging and like shoving down on the pike, the pike bends like

1128
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:16,200
hard but then the rock kind of starts to leverage and flip off and you see an opening that leads

1129
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:17,200
down into some tunnels.

1130
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:18,200
Whee.

1131
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,200
And the rock goes down the hill and destroys the woods.

1132
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:21,200
Yes.

1133
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:24,200
And the rock goes down the hill and you just hear like some screams.

1134
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:25,200
Crashes the entire corpse.

1135
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:26,200
Yeah.

1136
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:49,760
You hear some screams from like animals in the woods.

1137
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:54,040
As that falls over you see the opening beneath the rock and it's got like a two foot wide

1138
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:58,040
spiral staircase with flagstone steps that descend down.

1139
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,040
Would you like to get on down?

1140
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:01,040
Run down them.

1141
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,040
You're going to run down them?

1142
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:04,040
Whish.

1143
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:05,040
Okay.

1144
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:08,040
Give me a dexterity save.

1145
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:09,040
Twelve plus four.

1146
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:10,040
Twelve plus four.

1147
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:11,040
Look at my map.

1148
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:12,040
You drew a fucking shit.

1149
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:13,040
I'm the map.

1150
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:14,040
I'm the map.

1151
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:15,040
I'm the map.

1152
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:16,040
You fold your.

1153
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:17,040
So as you, now you make it.

1154
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:18,040
You start running down.

1155
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:19,040
You start running down.

1156
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,040
You start running down.

1157
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,040
You start running down.

1158
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:32,280
You get to like almost the bottom of the steps and you see three like little light beings

1159
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:36,520
come out of the wall and they're like making like little hee hee hee hee.

1160
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,800
Like flying away and then they take off down the paths around you.

1161
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:45,640
There's a like a circular room around the staircase exit and each one goes different

1162
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:46,640
paths.

1163
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,520
It's north, south, west, and east.

1164
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,800
I'm just like oh my fucking god guys get down here faster.

1165
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,240
There's things down here we have to chase.

1166
00:43:54,240 --> 00:43:56,880
Can I just come running down?

1167
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:57,880
Follow the ghosts?

1168
00:43:57,880 --> 00:43:58,880
Fast walking.

1169
00:43:58,880 --> 00:43:59,880
Fast walking.

1170
00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:00,880
You lazy, lazy.

1171
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:01,880
Okay good.

1172
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:03,720
Why is she running down those stairs?

1173
00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:06,320
You're able to go down the stairs easily.

1174
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:10,080
Okay so what do you guys want to do from here?

1175
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:19,240
So as you step out of the staircase to like directly east there is two doorways that kind

1176
00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:22,240
of converge to the same point a path going that way.

1177
00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:27,320
There's a south path going downward and then there is a path to the west that is kind of

1178
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:31,120
the same as the other sides with two doorways that converge on the same point and a path

1179
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:32,320
that goes north.

1180
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:37,320
You're in like a circular room where the stairs came out down the middle of the room and then

1181
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,640
you guys are in like an outer circle of that.

1182
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:40,640
Nice.

1183
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:43,640
So what would you like to explore?

1184
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:48,000
You saw the I'll say the wisps, the creatures that flew.

1185
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:50,680
One went north, one went east and one went west.

1186
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:51,680
So they're anywhere.

1187
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:52,680
You want to go north?

1188
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:53,680
Are you guys splitting?

1189
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:54,680
No I want to stick together.

1190
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:55,680
Yeah I want to stay.

1191
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:56,680
I don't know what do you guys think?

1192
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:57,680
Stick together or we're going to die.

1193
00:44:57,680 --> 00:44:58,680
You can always move towards other person.

1194
00:44:58,680 --> 00:44:59,680
You won't be in an issue technically until you arrive.

1195
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:00,680
You can split if you want.

1196
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:01,680
You want to split part of the way.

1197
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:02,680
I want to split.

1198
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:03,680
You want to split part of the way.

1199
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:04,680
I want to split.

1200
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:05,680
You want to split part of the way.

1201
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:06,680
I want to split.

1202
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:07,680
You want to split part of the way.

1203
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:08,680
I want to split.

1204
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:09,680
You want to split part of the way.

1205
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:10,680
I want to.

1206
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:11,680
I literally don't want to.

1207
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:12,680
I don't want to.

1208
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:13,680
Okay.

1209
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:14,680
Alright.

1210
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:15,680
Do you two go north either way?

1211
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:23,400
So Duke you see this preacher like floating there like into the hallway and it's like

1212
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:24,400
ooo ooo ooo ooo.

1213
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:29,080
Like you just hear like these little sounds like coming from it like it's like kind of

1214
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:30,080
like trying to like.

1215
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:31,080
Cute sea fancy.

1216
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:32,080
Yeah being cute.

1217
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:33,080
What do you do?

1218
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:34,080
Do you advance?

1219
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:35,080
Well of course.

1220
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:38,920
You can be like ooo ooo ooo to you.

1221
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:39,920
What are you doing?

1222
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:40,920
Do I sense any traps?

1223
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,920
Uh make a perception check.

1224
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:44,920
Eight.

1225
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:45,920
No.

1226
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:46,920
No.

1227
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:47,920
You think it looks fine.

1228
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:48,920
Like you think the hallway looks fine.

1229
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:52,320
That the thing is looks like it's trying to lure you back down this path.

1230
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:53,320
But it's.

1231
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:54,320
I follow.

1232
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:55,320
You follow?

1233
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:56,320
Okay.

1234
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:57,320
Um.

1235
00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:58,320
I see what you have to do.

1236
00:45:58,320 --> 00:45:59,320
I'm going to follow too.

1237
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:00,320
You're going to follow too?

1238
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:01,320
Yeah.

1239
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:03,320
Okay make me deck saves with you.

1240
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:04,320
Swings.

1241
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:05,320
Oh no.

1242
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:06,320
Three plus four.

1243
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:07,320
That was a perfect roll.

1244
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:08,320
Okay.

1245
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:09,320
I got seven.

1246
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:10,320
Thirteen.

1247
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:11,320
Thirteen?

1248
00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:12,320
Yeah.

1249
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:20,320
Okay so uh as you guys are walking like you're running up and you know you're kind of like

1250
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:24,240
taking it cautious walking and looking for stuff and Miss Muffin comes like running up

1251
00:46:24,240 --> 00:46:28,680
behind you and like kind of trips and pushes you in the ass and you like trip forward and

1252
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:32,420
stumble just a bit but then Miss Muffin's like oh you're okay and then steps over where

1253
00:46:32,420 --> 00:46:37,360
you stumbled and falls through some wooden boards and starts to fall down a little concealed

1254
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:38,360
pit.

1255
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:39,360
Well shit.

1256
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:40,360
But you make it through dude.

1257
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:41,360
Thanks for the push.

1258
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:42,360
Yeah you're welcome.

1259
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:43,360
I mean.

1260
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:44,360
Hurry up.

1261
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:45,360
Hurry up.

1262
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:50,360
I'm doing a lot of math here hang on.

1263
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:52,360
You shut your fucking mouth.

1264
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:54,760
Fall damage can hurt.

1265
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:55,760
I land on my feet.

1266
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:56,760
I'm a cat woman.

1267
00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:57,760
Three, five, and four.

1268
00:46:57,760 --> 00:46:58,760
That's twelve damage.

1269
00:46:58,760 --> 00:46:59,760
As you fall and you uh.

1270
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:00,760
That's some bummer.

1271
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,520
Dramaties of merciless things.

1272
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:08,320
You fall and you kind of it's not a super deep pit but it's only ten feet deep but.

1273
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:09,320
It was unexpected.

1274
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,800
You fall and you kind of like hit your arm and shoulders off the wall as you fall a bit

1275
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:17,200
and then you land on uh two swords that were sticking up and they gave you.

1276
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:18,200
Damn.

1277
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:19,200
Pierced me with.

1278
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:20,200
Fushy bob.

1279
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:23,200
It was a fucking bungee pants we fell in.

1280
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:24,600
Pierced me on my hips.

1281
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:30,120
So you got uh you had if you went specific you had three bludgeoning and five and four

1282
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:31,120
piercing damage.

1283
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:32,800
Did they put poop on the swords like bungee sticks?

1284
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:33,800
No.

1285
00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:34,800
No there was not poop.

1286
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:35,800
No.

1287
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:36,800
They swore for it.

1288
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:37,800
That's what I was seeing.

1289
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:38,800
There was poop on them swords.

1290
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:43,000
Um so yeah Kelly or Miss Muffin you did that but you are easily able to climb out it's

1291
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:44,480
not a super deep pit um.

1292
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:47,480
Yeah I'm gonna climb the fuck out obviously.

1293
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:48,480
Okay.

1294
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:49,480
Alright.

1295
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:50,480
Oopsy.

1296
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:52,200
Alright anything else are you guys gonna continue on?

1297
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:55,240
I'm guessing the rest of you are following behind them and just gonna kind of hop over

1298
00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:56,240
the trap.

1299
00:47:56,240 --> 00:47:57,240
Mmhmm.

1300
00:47:57,240 --> 00:47:58,240
Concealed pit.

1301
00:47:58,240 --> 00:47:59,240
Okay.

1302
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:00,240
Oh you went this way.

1303
00:48:00,240 --> 00:48:03,240
I picked the fun paths.

1304
00:48:03,240 --> 00:48:04,240
Okay.

1305
00:48:04,240 --> 00:48:10,480
Actually yeah okay so um as you guys approach through this room uh you see a path split

1306
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:16,200
two ways converge to the same room but on both sides there's a sarcophagi like there's

1307
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:22,280
one sarcophagi on each side like of the side and then um as you walk past the sarcophagi

1308
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:27,820
kind of looking over the room you notice that there are the bones of a dragon that lay inside

1309
00:48:27,820 --> 00:48:34,120
the wall ahead of you like like a huge bone dragon inside the wall and it's head is uh

1310
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:40,600
like half out of the wall with a um a long sword resting inside of it's skull like stuck

1311
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:41,600
in the top of the skull.

1312
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:42,600
I want it.

1313
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:46,160
Um so what do you like to do here?

1314
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,560
Can I yank it out?

1315
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:49,560
Um.

1316
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,200
Or at least tempt to.

1317
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:52,600
Actually can I check the sarcophagi first?

1318
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:53,920
I'll cover it in case we get ambushed.

1319
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:55,560
Okay so you're gonna go try and pull it out?

1320
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:56,560
Can I check the sarcophagi first?

1321
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:57,560
Oh yeah.

1322
00:48:57,560 --> 00:48:58,560
Okay go ahead.

1323
00:48:58,560 --> 00:48:59,560
Investigation.

1324
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:00,560
Alright.

1325
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:03,400
Um do I have to wait hold on.

1326
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:04,960
Do I have to do investigation?

1327
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:08,040
Um yeah just to search the inside of you.

1328
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:10,600
Well yeah cause this is more of like opening and like looking.

1329
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:11,600
Eleven.

1330
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:13,600
Perception is more of just like eleven.

1331
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:14,600
Yep.

1332
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:17,480
Okay so yeah um.

1333
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:19,520
You find.

1334
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:26,280
You find what looks like to be a dead bard and it's inscribed uh my faithful squire and

1335
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:31,080
uh it's like you can tell that this guy was a squire of somebody important.

1336
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:36,040
And uh you find the loot of illusions which is his loot.

1337
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:39,040
Loot of illusions?

1338
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:40,520
Yes.

1339
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:42,080
Um.

1340
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:46,800
Should I check the other one or somebody else want to check?

1341
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:48,280
Oh then what?

1342
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:49,280
Sarcophagi?

1343
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:50,280
Oh yeah.

1344
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:51,280
Sure I'll check hold on.

1345
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:52,280
Okay.

1346
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:53,280
Uh give me investigation.

1347
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:54,280
Not great.

1348
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:55,280
Nine.

1349
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:56,280
Nine?

1350
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:57,280
Yep.

1351
00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:00,680
Somebody else might want to search it.

1352
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:01,680
I'll search it.

1353
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:06,680
Um uh what'd you say you got?

1354
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:07,680
Nine?

1355
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:08,680
Oh yeah.

1356
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:09,680
This is why I got a nineteen.

1357
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:10,680
I would have got that shit.

1358
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:12,680
Yeah if you would have got a better roll you would have gotten something better.

1359
00:50:12,680 --> 00:50:13,680
Fuck.

1360
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:14,680
Someone else might have got a better roll on it too.

1361
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:19,040
Uh yeah you actually only find like a hundred gold pieces inside this sarcophagi but as you

1362
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:26,440
walk up you notice that this says uh it's got like uh the name on it says you find rusty

1363
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:31,920
armor inside as well and it contains the moldy bones of Tanamir Alagondar.

1364
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:33,640
Mold.

1365
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:37,240
And then her faithful squire on the other side so now you know her the name of the important

1366
00:50:37,240 --> 00:50:38,240
person.

1367
00:50:38,240 --> 00:50:39,240
Why did your bones mold?

1368
00:50:39,240 --> 00:50:44,680
You don't know anything about this person but that's what the tomb says.

1369
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:45,680
Sarcophagi.

1370
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:46,680
I'll take a phalange bone.

1371
00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:47,680
Take a phalange bone?

1372
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:50,680
He can have a phalange bone that's fine I guess.

1373
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:53,280
Just in case and uh yeah.

1374
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:54,280
Okay anything else?

1375
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:55,280
Nah.

1376
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:56,280
Are you going for the sword?

1377
00:50:56,280 --> 00:51:01,480
Someone else is going to search the sarcophagus that he said might possibly have some really

1378
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:02,480
nasty shit.

1379
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:03,480
I'll search it.

1380
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:04,480
Go for it.

1381
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:06,480
He was going to be upset that I would have it.

1382
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,320
Yeah but you can get a better search.

1383
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,320
We want to search you can.

1384
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,800
He leaked confidential information.

1385
00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:17,600
We must utilize.

1386
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:18,600
16.

1387
00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:19,600
16.

1388
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:20,600
Um.

1389
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:21,600
Maybe.

1390
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:22,600
Yes.

1391
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:25,600
You will get it.

1392
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:26,600
Yes.

1393
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:30,600
You find a necklace and uh.

1394
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:42,120
You find a necklace and it's like got this like gold chain around it and it has like

1395
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:47,720
gold chains hanging around the bottom edge of it and there seems to be a little orange

1396
00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:55,000
like reddish almost looks like fire inside of them hanging from the necklace.

1397
00:51:55,000 --> 00:52:00,800
So yeah you will have to study this thing to figure out what it is.

1398
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:03,800
Before I tell you what it does.

1399
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:04,800
Constant butters.

1400
00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:05,800
It's called the neck.

1401
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:06,800
No.

1402
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:07,800
We'll give it a name.

1403
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:08,800
It's called Viagra.

1404
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:11,800
We'll give it a name here in a little while.

1405
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:18,000
Just put a necklace orange or orange balls.

1406
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,880
You can check the one I checked.

1407
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:21,880
It's unchecked a second time.

1408
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:23,360
Well you already found some stuff.

1409
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:24,360
I'd say we're done checking.

1410
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:25,360
Okay.

1411
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:26,360
It didn't have as important things.

1412
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,920
You found the one thing it had really.

1413
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:33,040
Um okay so who's going for the sword here?

1414
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:34,040
Not me.

1415
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:35,040
Who can and usually.

1416
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:36,040
I'll go for it.

1417
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:37,040
I'll just stick one and hit the lungs.

1418
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:38,040
Okay.

1419
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:39,040
That'll work.

1420
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:41,960
I'll just stick it once a lung so I guess I can give it to anybody.

1421
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:43,320
You're going to go pull it out?

1422
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:44,320
Yeah I'm going to try.

1423
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:45,320
Give me a strength check.

1424
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:46,320
Strength.

1425
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:47,320
17.

1426
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:48,320
15 plus 2.

1427
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:49,320
Oh yeah.

1428
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:55,360
So you like pull it and you start to feel it break off some pieces of the bone that

1429
00:52:55,360 --> 00:53:01,520
it's stuck through and you snap it out of its head and you kind of come to the ground

1430
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:04,680
with it and you're holding it in your hands and this sword.

1431
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:10,120
Oh the sword it says across the Lady Alan Gondar's Dragon Slayer as like someone had

1432
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:14,280
like runic runen into it.

1433
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:16,200
So yeah you got that.

1434
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:19,960
But I just got to pull this bad bitch up.

1435
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:20,960
Cursed.

1436
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:21,960
You kidding?

1437
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:22,960
What?

1438
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:25,640
You lose a limb every time you use it.

1439
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:26,640
You're horrible.

1440
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:32,400
You're now haunted by horrible dreams and murderous nightmares of dragons and fire and

1441
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:33,400
skulls.

1442
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:36,360
Well fun fact I'm turned on by dragons.

1443
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:39,800
So it is a boner sword.

1444
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,640
It is a boner sword.

1445
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:47,480
Okay so as you pull the sword out and you look at the sword you feel like wind blow

1446
00:53:47,480 --> 00:53:49,240
across the back of your neck.

1447
00:53:49,240 --> 00:53:50,240
Make me a dexterity save.

1448
00:53:50,240 --> 00:53:51,240
It whispers to your kid.

1449
00:53:51,240 --> 00:53:52,240
It is cursed.

1450
00:53:52,240 --> 00:53:53,240
Cursed whispers.

1451
00:53:53,240 --> 00:53:54,240
Someone's whispering.

1452
00:53:54,240 --> 00:53:58,800
The whole dragon is trapped inside.

1453
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:01,800
Oh wait dexterity just rolled.

1454
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:02,800
17.

1455
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:03,800
Okay so.

1456
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:04,800
Plus two induction.

1457
00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:06,240
Oh yeah well 18.

1458
00:54:06,240 --> 00:54:15,040
So you'll take one damage as this.

1459
00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:22,480
It looks like this wind just manifests and it comes behind you and just like slings wind

1460
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:26,080
at the back of your head and it feels like you just got punched by a brick and it does

1461
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:27,620
one damage to you.

1462
00:54:27,620 --> 00:54:36,480
As this invisible stalker appears to destroy anyone who's taking the lady's dragon slaying

1463
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:38,480
sword.

1464
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:43,080
This episode of Dummies with Dice features Kelly Lee as Miss Muffin, Nate Chambers as

1465
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:48,920
Duke Crystal, Ryan Hart as Archie Ortiz, Ryan Tucker as Flea Stick Sock Jelly, and Tristan

1466
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:50,600
Hayes is the DM.

1467
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:53,400
The episode is edited and mixed by Tristan Hayes.

1468
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:57,600
The artwork for Dummies with Dice created by Al Sorensen can be found on Instagram under

1469
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:01,640
ARCSI0.

1470
00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:04,840
The theme song is The Intense Fiddle by Ben Caldera.

1471
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:09,560
When it comes to Dummies with Dice you can find our website on rss.com slash podcast

1472
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:13,720
slash dummies with dice and on Facebook at dummies with dice.

1473
00:55:13,720 --> 00:55:20,160
Most importantly join our Patreon at patreon.com slash dummies with dice for free or for $3

1474
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:23,880
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1475
00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:50,440
Come back in two weeks for new episodes of Dummies with Dice.