Welcome to Dummies with Dice, the Dungeons and Dragons actual play podcast that follows
four not-so-average dummies of our world that get caught up in a magical storm and are transported
to the world of Dungeons and Dragons where they must survive and try to find a way back
home.
Viewer warning, use of violence, profanity, rude humor, and a portrayal of drug and alcohol
use.
Hey everybody, Ryan Tucker here, R2.
I am Flea Stick Sock Jelly.
I'm the hobo trash master of the group.
I am a cleric as well.
Fun fact, I served in Desert Storm.
Hey, I'm Ryan R1.
I'm playing as Archie Ortiz, the 76-year-old MMA gym owner.
He's also the monk of the group.
Fun fact about Archie, he was drafted to fight in the Vietnam War and re-enlisted for Desert
Storm.
Hey, I'm Kelli Lee.
I play Miss Muffin.
She's a crazy cat lady level three rogue.
Fun fact, Miss Muffin's family and friends have all left her over time due to her crazy
cat-obsessed life.
Hey here, my character is Duke Crystal.
He's the 32-year-old drug addict of the group.
He's a level three barbarian.
And fun fact about Duke, he hates fun facts.
Yes.
How do you mind, friend?
I'm Trisston Hayes and I'm the dummy master.
And my fun fact is, there's a wood frog species in Alaska that is known to be able to hold
its bladder for eight months at a time and the urine actually keeps it alive while it
hibernates.
Warm urine.
You're welcome.
All right.
So as we left off, you guys had escaped from the demogorgon, the lemmigugoon.
And have made it out of the dark lake and are on your way to escaping the underdark.
You have directions from Shushar, which he valiantly gave his life to defend Slugdilob
and got smashed by the demogorgon.
You guys have the map, so you're on your way.
So with that, one of you give me a perception or survival, one of the two.
You have plus three in survival?
And perception.
Okay, go for it.
You want to do perception or survival?
16 plus three.
So you're able to easily track what his map shows and what the tunnels are showing and
what the paths are showing.
So you're easily able to guide through.
You can kind of see the light opening up at the end of the exit of the underdark.
You are almost there.
You're to the end.
Duke Crystal, give me a strength check because you were the one rowing this boat.
Yeah.
It is 14.
14?
All right.
So you fluently push that boat through.
You guys are cracking out to the edge of light and you finally see the bright sun just hit
your face.
And this is the first time you've seen light in three days.
So it's a lot.
But you are out of the underdark.
You have successfully escaped from that giant cavernous hellhole full of Daemon Lords and
Drow and the brave Ku'otoa.
So as you exit the underdark, you see a shoreline and you see a very large, dark, twisty forest.
And as you look down the shoreline, you see just mountains ranging up the sides.
And you guys choose to go ashore.
Yeah?
Yeah, of course.
Get off this boat and get over here.
All right.
So as you take your first steps of the outside world of Faerun, the Dungeon and Dragons world,
you step onto the sand and behind you, you hear a trumpet blare.
And it is actually Ilvara, the Drow who captured you all, and a couple of Drow fluently flying
through on their boat coming after you guys.
So we're going to roll initiative right off the jump because these motherfuckers are ready
to kill you.
Oh, that's bad.
Get the Natura 1, my friend.
4 plus 3.
3 plus 3.
6.
Oh, I'm sorry.
7.
19 plus 1.
I'm sorry.
Nate got a 2.
What's your guy's skin?
20.
Flea stick got a 20.
Miss Muffin?
7.
All together.
Archiex.
OK.
Money.
Ilvara got a 19.
First one got...
OK.
Bada-bling, bada-boom.
Let's do this.
The Drow are pissed.
She's coming on her boat.
She said, you thought you'd escape me, but you're not getting anywhere.
It's time to go.
Shut up, boy.
And she...
She's gonna do it.
Shit.
He fucked him up.
Sorry.
Pissed me off.
She's keeping her horns around my ass shut.
All right, motherfuckers.
Let's get ready to combat the lady who fucking took you in and captured your fuck asses.
I gave her a hole.
And I'm gonna get in the mine hole.
So first up is...
It's not me.
R2, Flea Stick Stocking Jelly.
Fuck him up.
How close were they?
You guys are on the shore and they are still approaching on their boat.
So they're still about 20, 30 feet out into the water.
Just came out of the tunnel.
Sacred Flame, that bitch.
I'm gonna catch the whole boat on fire.
Sacred Flame, one of them?
What are you doing?
Well, ain't it a radius thing?
No, it's one person.
They have to make a dexterity saving throw.
Just one of them, I guess.
Okay, which one?
Whoever's the big...
There is Ilvara, the leader of the people who...
The drow who took you, the priestess.
Correct, there is.
There is Asha, which is the woman you guys saw speaking to Ilvara while you were in the prison cell.
The one that held her up to a higher standard, that woman.
And there seems to be a drow scout with her.
They all do look kind of like... Ilvara looks very damaged and the drow looks...
The other two look okay, but Ilvara looks like she is hurt.
And their intent is to fight, right?
Yes, she's screaming at you guys.
I will take you back or I will kill you.
One of the two is gonna happen.
Alright, I'm sacred.
No one escapes Ilvara.
Okay.
What you got?
Oh wait, I don't need to do that.
You gotta roll.
Oh yeah, I gotta make a DC save, don't I?
I'm gonna roll with her.
Moller in the face.
Alright, so let's do this DC...
Is it wisdom?
What does it say?
I don't know how to read that.
Target must succeed a dexterity saving throw.
Okay.
Dexterity saving throw.
That is an 18 plus 2.
She saves, no damage dealt.
But, good, it was a good shot.
Alright, sacred flame.
I mean, next up it is Ilvara.
So, it's just as she actually has.
She's a bitch.
Perfect.
She is going to cast a second level spell, Web.
So, I don't think that calls for anything.
Web fills a 20 foot cube from that point for the duration.
The webs are difficult terrain and lightly obscure their area.
So, everyone needs to make a dexterity saving throw not to be restrained by the webs.
No.
Which means you just can't move.
You can still do everything, but you can't walk.
Oh my gosh, crit.
Plus 3, so 4.
I think you made crit fail.
4 plus 5, so 9.
Crit fail.
5.
9.
Okay, so yeah, you all are stuck to it.
You are restrained.
Yay.
Kelly, you got a natural 1, so you are stuck prone for one turn.
So, you can't do anything on your turn.
Well, that sucks.
You need to get rid of your die.
No, it's too beautiful.
They are failing you incredibly.
I know one way to get rid of this shit.
So, now she holds you in place until it ends.
Okay, I can archer your T's at your turn.
Yep, that is a neat.
This is for them.
You want to be restrained or do you want to take fire damage?
I'm going to try and rip out of this.
Well, my torch or my flaming maze.
Normally cobwebs are flammable, so most of the time you hit them with fire, they tend
to all kind of burn up.
I'm going to try to rip out first.
We would all take one fire damage.
If I don't rip out, then yes.
Okay, I'm going to try to rip my way out of this.
Okay, that will be a strength check.
Yes.
High one.
14.
All together.
All together?
Yep.
We'll make it.
This is a lot of strength to break the wood.
They're very elastic.
She's got some good spell cast potifiers.
I've only had my sword short.
Oh, wait, what did you get?
What did you get on your save?
What did I just say?
I got 14.
Okay, never mind.
I said sword.
16 or higher.
Sword short, I said.
Sword short.
They're sword short.
All right.
That means next up is the two drow or the drow and Asha.
Asha.
Okay.
Asha is going to go up first.
Okay, she's going to return the favor with a sacred flame at the cleric who cast one at
them, her leader, Flea Stick Soft Jelly.
So you need to do a dexterity seven throw.
And win.
No.
That would be a seven.
Oh, plus.
Wait, hold on.
Plus.
Dexterity?
One.
Eight.
Okay.
You take one d8.
That's what it is, right?
You probably beat a disadvantage anyway since we went out.
True, true.
All right.
That is five damage to you, Flea Stick, from the sacred flame.
Burn.
Let it boom.
That means next up is the regular dragon.
You gave me five damage?
Yes.
You just gave it to me?
Yeah.
Okay.
I gave it to you.
You gave it to me?
Okay, so he's going to have to roll us a disadvantage, but the dragon's going to shoot a hand crossbow
at you, Archie.
Roll a disadvantage.
Six plus four.
Negative two.
All right.
Poopy poop butt.
All right.
Now it's going to Miss Muffin.
Oh my goodness.
Isn't this our first turn?
I thought she can't do anything.
You can't do anything.
Yeah, that's what I was going to say.
Anyways.
Good job.
Thanks for reminding me.
Wow.
Well, then it's back to Flea Stick, sock jelly.
You're up first then.
All right, sacred flame.
To which one?
The leader.
Okay.
Twenty.
Natural twenty.
Now you got to roll against me.
Shit.
What is it?
Sacred flame.
Oh, sacred.
Damn.
That would have been awesome.
That would have been so awesome.
That is a fail.
Wait, what is that?
Now I got to roll.
Yeah, it's a fail.
Give me those sweet damage, baby.
Six.
You're going to have to roll for that.
Okay, six damage.
Good hit.
Next up is Ilvara.
She's going to see her beautiful attacks.
Oh yeah, okay.
So she is going to cast levitate and she's going to fly the remainder of the duration
to the shore.
And that was her action.
Fancy.
The bar is up on your asses.
Next up is Archie Ortiz.
All right, well I guess I got to try to rip out the split again.
I don't know how else I'm going to get out.
Ilvara is also up on you guys too.
Can I try to hook her with my cane and use her to rip me out of the whip?
Possibly.
Hook her with your cane?
Yeah, with the hook of it.
Like pull her or what?
How are you going to do that?
Pull her by four.
I guess I'm going to try to rip out again.
Okay.
Oh gosh.
Don't do it with your cane.
It didn't work.
Nine plus three.
Not going to get out.
Nine plus three?
Yeah, not happening.
Not happening.
All right.
All righty.
Burn this crap, Nate.
Duke?
No.
Duke is two in initiative.
Ilvara went, you went, now it's the drow's turn which...
I feel like I've been skipped a turn.
It's like the drow all went, old girl went, he went.
I think he did.
I got confused because we all switched it around.
You tried to find the webs out twice and I've been just sitting here in the webs.
All right, go ahead, Nate.
Well I want to burn them with my flaming mace.
And I'm guessing I shouldn't have to really roll to touch my burning mace for the webs.
I don't know.
The webs actually do, I think they have an AC.
You guys were towards fire?
I thought they were weak towards fire.
Fuck it.
Any five foot cube of webs exposed to fire burns away in one round, dealing 2d4 fire
damage to any creature that starts its turn in the fire.
2d4, wow.
That's a little ridiculous.
Yeah.
Considering my mace's fire damage is one fire damage, I don't see how the webs would...
It must be volatile cobwebs.
That's your options.
Flammable.
I'll just break them.
Break them.
Strength ticket.
You can do that.
Nope.
What is it?
Nine.
I already know it.
Nope.
Unless it's fucking 15 or higher.
Right.
After getting hit.
All right.
All those ways do they come to us, they'll get you trapped if they get in the webs too.
They do not have ranged attacks.
All they want is to do something.
Throw a shit at them.
All right.
Asha, it is her turn.
She's going to cast...
They do have spells, so they do have ranged attacks.
Oh crap.
I could take the 2d4 fire damage, but I don't really want to force you guys to eat 2d4.
Sometimes you get hit, which you get hit.
We'll see what happens.
We will see what happens.
As long as the DM doesn't keep giving them double turns.
I'm fucking sliding.
I know, it's like, how's this bitch already on the ground?
She done fucking attacked, and now she's flying over here.
What is happening?
I'm like, am I still high?
I'm trying to look at where she's going.
Like, what's happening?
The effects are wrong.
She's faced out for a turn.
What's going on?
That's primal pride.
I'm fucking...
All right, so she's going to cast Sacred Flame at Archie Ortiz.
Make a dexterity saving throw.
Son of a bitch.
B to 13.
A dexterity saving throw?
Yeah.
Oh my God, 10 altogether.
Nope.
You're going to have to roll this advantage if you would've remembered.
Damn, damn Dungle.
Two damage.
Yeah, go ahead, two damage.
That's right, sorry, go ahead.
Indubitably.
What?
I was reading something, but it wasn't pertaining to that.
The drow, it's turn.
Normal drow.
He'll shoot his hand crossbow at Muffin, but he's going to do it with disadvantage,
because I guess the drow can't do anything if that's an after 20.
Oh, you motherfucker.
13 plus 4 to miss Muffin.
That's a hit.
That a hit?
Big hit, big hit.
Yeah.
Bleed that tub a little.
That's a hit.
4 damage.
Never recover.
Piercing hand crossbow launched at you and just stuck you in the shoulder.
Oh, my shoulder.
My shoulder.
Specifically the one Hazel doesn't ride with.
Right, my kitty.
All right, so that's 15, so that would mean next is...
Not me.
Miss Muffin.
You're 7.
Yeah.
Okay, so I was out for my last turn, and am I still stuck in the web?
Yeah, you guys are strange.
Can I use my dagger to cut myself out of the web?
Try to hit the web.
With my dagger?
Yep.
Slice it?
All right, so...
Nope, 2 plus 6.
Well, that sucks.
I'm going to assume that won't hit.
That was fucking AC.
That's what I'm about to look at.
Oh, wait, what'd you get?
2 plus 6.
I was about to say.
Got a 10.
It's got a 10 AC.
So I'm still stuck in the webs.
I should've been able to rip out that 14.
Oh, no, that's strange.
That's how I get the roll to break its armor and actually do damage to the webs.
Yeah, that's why hitting webs is fun.
Like I said, Evara is up in your shit.
Yeah, and I'm stuck in web, vulnerable.
And now it's you.
All right, well, she's up in my face.
I guess if I can, I'm going to swing and try to crack her in the freaking head.
Crack head.
Crack that fucking head.
Clap that, you fat bag bitch!
12 plus 5.
Crack her!
So 17.
Yeah, that'll hit.
Yeah, fuck that bitch.
Crack her!
Crack her, Kotoa!
Ready.
D8 plus 3.
7 plus 3, 10 damage.
10 damage to Evara.
Get it, get it.
Don't fuck around.
All right, next op is Duke Crystal.
Beatstop.
What the?
How close is that horde?
I'll say she's kind of right in front of you in our G.
And then we'll say Miss Muffin is about 10 feet, 15 feet back and next to the clerk.
Yeah, but trapped in a web.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
Crack her in the head with my gooey mace.
Gooey mace?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Did we look up the damage and stuff?
It is 1d6.
Okay.
Plus 5.
Good shit.
Plus 5.
Plus the 1.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he has a 15shot gauge because I'm fucked reckless attack.
Why not?
Random drugs.
That's — yeah, that's probably going to hit with a 21 — or another one 21 deal.
So it's a natural 24.
No, it was with the bonuses.
All right.
Love the swinging.
Time.
It would be 11 damage, 10 of it being physical, 1 being fire.
Alright so, uh...
Nice.
She sees you like coming up with your, this mace going with the green flame.
She's like, you found the mace?
Aw shit, I fucked up!
And then you smack her in the head and she dies like...
Oh my god!
You found the mace?
Like you just...
She gets cracked right in the head and splits her brain out.
I told you, option three, that bitch's brain's on the dirt.
Alright, we need to submit an extra one and see what the mace is for.
Plane's on the dirt.
Yeah, fuck around and find out how.
She said, oh fuck the gooey mace.
Um...
Ocean nose.
I knew we needed that gooey mace.
Asha.
Alright, so that means...
I was picturing her in like a safety crew.
Talking around, so...
Archie Ortiz.
Or no, it's uh, Pleastig.
She said, oh fuck the gooey mace.
The boat is approaching so they are about to pull up on shore.
But you're good to...
Sacred Plane.
Which one? Asha or Drow?
Asha.
Okay.
19.
She like blocks it with her hand.
Sacred Flame as it comes.
Anybody got good... history?
Uh, I believe I do.
Maybe.
I'm kinda curious about this fucking mace now.
I have a plasmon on history.
I know, she made it sound like millnir.
She shed her pants when she saw it right before her hip flopped out.
It's been like a watermelon so...
I don't know.
I'm kinda curious.
Dude, is the blob still with us?
He can spit that dude out still and we can loot him.
I'm sure he has some information.
He's probably been digested by now.
Just a skeleton with armor.
So Asha just saw you kill her leader.
And she kinda stops the boat for a second.
And she's like looking on in horror cause she just saw you kill Ivarra.
And this is the one that she was going to take the place of.
So she looks on and she kind of hesitantly starts to push forward again.
And inspiration that she's going to be able to take the spot of her leader by killing you guys.
That was a fucking mistake.
Delusion.
Delusion mace.
I was gonna try to do some nightmare shit and hook something onto her boat and like...
You don't escape.
Like Freddy Krueger.
And cast cure wounds on herself.
No!
How dare she?
Catch some flaked wounds.
How about that?
Yeah.
Well it ain't gonna help her leader.
Reverse, reverse.
There's no healing there.
Damn son.
Hell yeah.
Hello.
She's looking fucking different directions.
She's got blue eyes now.
Slept a silly.
Alright so she got four health back.
I'm taking that shit.
Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick.
You're going in?
Okay.
Well won't she slowly roast the boat towards us?
Alright yeah.
And then the other drow is going to take a fucking hand crossbow that is in push shot.
What a whore.
He's gotta do that with disadvantage.
Fuck yeah he does.
That boat's a be a rockin'.
That's a natural disadvantage.
He's frightened.
After watching what just went down.
Duke 13 plus.
Luckily he was disadvantaged because he got a natural 20.
Four.
Yeah that's it.
Six.
Shit fuck.
Four damage.
Not too bad, not too bad.
Old barbarian.
I was gonna say old barbarian shrugs that off like a fly smacking.
So that means next up is Miss Muffin.
Yeah.
I'm still trapped in the webs.
My strength is minus one so I feel like I should just go for my dagger again.
So I'm gonna definitely do that.
Okay.
Slice myself out of the webs.
20 bro.
Oh you know what I think.
20 plus six.
26.
Natural 20?
Yeah.
Alright so the webs you just sliced them all away.
Finally.
They're gone.
Everybody's out.
You went like rogue spin.
Sliced them all.
The webs have just been ripped up so you guys are all not restrained.
Good action Kelly.
Good turn.
Fucking Archie.
Your turn.
And they're on land now?
Yeah I'll say the boat is pulled up now.
What's her name?
Asha.
I'm going after that dumb hoe.
That dumb hoe is going down.
Go for that dumb hoe.
I am going to sprint towards her and rear my cane back to get rid of the cracker in her
head.
Cracker.
11 plus five.
16.
Yes.
Oh baby you're about to freak your foot up.
Whip crack.
Freaking your foot up.
Oh my.
What?
Four damage.
She's getting kind of maybe a little fucked up.
Bunk.
Alright fucking do crystal.
Alright.
Do your worst.
Asha and the drow are now on land about ten feet in front of you and Archie just went running
up and attacked.
Does that last a while on this?
With a whip crack of a cane.
I'm going to do an intimidating walk towards the drow with the base in my hand.
No.
It's a good swift walk.
I summon it.
I'm going to drag it in.
Do you have to walk for intimidation?
What is it?
I'm going to do a decent steady aggressive walk towards the drow while dragging my fucking
birdie base.
Are you doing that with like are you trying to do an intimidation roll?
Is that what you're doing?
Or are you just trying to attack?
There ain't no try in the matter.
That motherfucker is just sweating.
Okay.
To which one?
The drow.
The normal drow?
Yes.
Alright get it.
That would be twenty one.
Twenty one for intimidation.
No that was nineteen.
Nineteen?
Okay yeah.
No no no that was an attack.
I ain't trying to actually intimidate.
I was like what's going on here?
He's sweating whether I'm actually intimidating or not.
I was going for an attack.
That will definitely hit.
No I just wanted to add some dramatic effect to my approach.
That would be ten damage, one fire damage.
Ten physical, one fire, one total.
Money.
Weasel.
Alright so you cracked her and lit a little bit of green flame onto her.
That was you so now we're back to fucking flea stick.
Fucking flea stick.
Alright.
Stop telling me.
How close is she to me?
About ten feet.
Ten feet.
Alright I'm going to bump up five feet and I'm going to hit her with my flea mace.
Give her the flea mace.
Right in her suck hole.
Tasha.
Right in her suck hole.
There's an episode title.
Eight.
Eight?
That will not hit.
No.
You got to swing at her with the suck hole smacking flea mace and missed.
Hit the brown eye instead.
I bet your suck hole wouldn't suck her.
Alright that means it is Asha's turn.
Asha's turn.
Hold on what this bitch has for a flesh.
Oh she doesn't have anything.
She doesn't have a mace.
Alright she's going to swing at you.
Do crystal for killing her leader and giving her the chance to show that she can hold it.
19 plus two.
Okay.
Hit.
She's a weak bitch.
What's the rate she got?
Five.
Five alright.
I'm folding her fucking knee in next turn.
She's got a fucking door.
It's the second trial's turn.
Her other trial.
Regular trial.
He's going to melee weapon attack at Archie.
Damn they're rolling hot.
17 plus four.
You can go fucking shit off.
Ah damn.
Great damage.
Don't worry.
Bitch's knee is getting folded.
What'd you say three?
Yep.
One more extra.
Alright that's like the worst way to punch a liar.
Brazilian style.
Brazilian.
Alright fist muffins it's your turn.
Alrighty I'm going to freaking dagger but how close am I?
Do I need to dash up?
You are also about ten feet up.
You can just walk.
Okay I'll just walk up and slice through with my dagger.
Dagger dagger.
17 plus six.
To Asha or to Ralph?
Who am I closer to?
They're about standing side by side.
So to Asha.
Okay get it.
So 17 plus six and then.
Definitely would hit.
Four.
If it doesn't and you're fighting something way bigger than that.
Three plus four damage.
Seven.
Ah throwing pencils.
Four damage.
Three plus four.
Seven.
Seven damage.
Good hit.
Good eye.
Good hit.
Alright um Archyortes.
It's your turn son.
Good turn.
Alrighty.
I'm still on the what's her face name.
Or Asha.
What's her face.
Yeah what's her face her name.
I'm on what's her face.
Yeah you killed it.
You know she doesn't deserve to know her name.
Alright I'm going back at it.
Oh do you like to forget I have bonus actions.
I bet you do.
Alrighty I'm going to crack her with the cane right in the ribs.
Okay crank it.
Oh.
Did I have to.
Yeah reel it.
Go again.
Okay thank god.
No.
Yeah.
That's dirty.
It's natural 20 plus 5 so that's a 21.
Alright get it.
I should have said just keep the four roll.
I want to defold in these.
Depending on the damage.
Uh 4 plus 3 and then.
It's going to be double.
My bonus action I am going to.
Hit.
I don't think I should waste that she's probably pretty weak by now.
I'm just going to.
I'm going to wait until after that first hit actually like does damage because you'll have
to re you'll have to roll a second attack on her.
It does damage.
She's still standing.
Fist off.
Oh yeah but how it'll be double damage from what he rolled because it was a crit.
Oh did you roll your damage again.
Oh no.
Yeah roll your damage twice.
4 plus 3 again.
Alright she's fucking dead.
Alright.
Crank her again with double damage.
I was going to say with double damage that should have hit.
Alright Asha is dead the last draw remains fucking terrified.
He's mine.
It's all yours.
Dude Crystal.
Good.
Get him Duke.
I'm going to grab him by the neck bare handed.
I'm going to squeeze with all the strength I got.
Give me a strength check.
A really good strength check.
Call me Dr. Pimple Popper.
I was almost wondering if I had anything that would let me re-roll or die when I needed it.
Now would be the time for your fucking bull rage or whatever.
Crit.
20?
Really?
Natural crit.
Alright.
Well why does it always like that too?
It's like the cards you just like twist to the neck with a natural 20 intimidation.
Dude he's like sweating.
He's nervous as hell.
What do you do?
How do you kill him by grabbing him by the throat?
What does Duke Crystal do in this moment of fucking murder?
Is he still at the boat next to the boat?
Yeah he's just jumped out of the boat.
I grab him by the neck, I pick him up off the ground while I'm looking him in the eyes,
and then I just slam his neck on the edge of the boat and just pull his shit in.
Good deal.
Curb stone.
Drow's dead and he's also busted through a boat.
There goes our means of travel.
I figured he pissed himself while I had him up in the air too probably so.
Alright you completed that, you killed all of them.
Somebody else can search him, he's wet and droll.
I do want to loot the chicks whose head I cantaloked.
Yeah I want to loot some people.
Yeah.
Okay.
I definitely want to loot the dude inside of Blob.
Probably should do a history check on my old mace as well.
Considering she saw it like it was from her nightmares or something.
Oh my god, I fucked up.
Please no sir.
So you got to roll a history check?
Someone?
He is on my mace, I'm searching ogre ogre.
Alright we'll do that first if you want to do the history first on the mace.
Who wants to roll history on a mace?
I only have a plus one.
Kelly what's your history?
Mine's a negative one.
Plus one on my history.
Let me check real quick.
Mine's plus zero so.
I can gain some insight on it, plus five.
Would that be the same?
Whoever's got plus one on their dude.
I wouldn't say insight would really tell you much about it.
Kelly do a history check on her.
History check.
You have plus one.
15 plus one is a 16.
Alright I'll give it to you.
So as you examine this mace you kind of look over its like markings and a little bit of the intricate designs on it.
And you realize that you've heard of this from your time as criminal acts and you know whatever.
And you know this mace, it was used to vanquish a great darkness and evil.
And they imbued the mace with the essence of the element they used to burn the creature with.
And it was the fierce green flame.
It was wielded by a great hero who used it to defeat a powerful demon lord and save the world from destruction.
And since then you've heard talk of an emerald fury which is the name of the mace and its legendary power.
Hence the green flame.
Emerald fury.
The fury emerald.
Very good history.
Alright, okay so you did that thing with your mace.
Now what's happening?
What are you guys doing now?
I wanted to search the leader chick.
Leader chick?
Give it to me.
Okay.
Fuck.
And what was it going to be investigation?
Yeah.
Go for it.
Three.
Three?
You don't find anything very good.
I'll give one more person a search if they want to.
I would like to search the lady I killed.
Okay.
Asher?
Yeah.
Asher.
So wait what's that again?
What am I rolling here?
Investigation.
Okay.
Yes ma'am.
Let's just do the full roll.
15 plus 1 is 16.
16?
Yes ma'am.
Okay so you find a drought poison and a refining weight.
No a drought, two drought poisons.
Yep.
And five gold pieces.
Very nice.
That's all that bitch got.
Now can I loot the dude inside a blue blob?
Well yeah, globagool.
Globagool.
He'll spit them out for you if you want.
It's mostly just digested body parts.
So I can't really loot it?
Not really, there's not much to loot.
Alright.
You might as well loot that one chick.
I'll loot her one more time.
Alright.
I'll loot her.
I'll loot her chick.
Okay she's got something.
I just got a shit hole.
I didn't check her gooch.
What do you add to this?
Dexterity.
Investigation.
I didn't check the gooch.
14.
That's pretty good.
You'll find something.
14?
You find...
She should have something decent.
One scale mail and one whip.
And...
Scale mail and whip.
Does that drought poison go in equipment or backpack?
It can go in bed.
When drought poison calls asleep.
Alright, you're going to have to tell me what.
You also find 900 gold pieces.
Alright, first item.
Whip.
Any certain type of whip.
One, no just a whip.
May I investigate?
No.
There's not really anything else to investigate on here.
How rude.
They write a search for bodies.
Description.
Just a whip.
So as you guys are looting the bodies of this stuff.
These guys.
Yep.
What?
I'll let you go ahead and do your thing.
I was just asking what all I found.
One whip.
900 gold pieces.
And...
Scale mail.
Alright, just a type of armail.
I think it may be heavy armory.
I see the heavier medium.
I think it's heavy.
She can use a claret.
Actually it might be medium.
Yeah, I don't know.
I think there might be both.
There's a scale mail medium and a scale something heavy.
I think plates when it starts to get heavy.
Yeah, true.
Alright, so...
You guys kind of brush yourselves off and get done looting these bodies.
You guys hear from behind you a female voice.
And she says,
Gah!
Are you guys the Eternal Four?
Have you finally come from your world to assist us?
Thank the darkness.
And she quickly runs over to you guys and starts touching and patting.
Almost praising you as if you are some kind of special being.
Get off me!
I hold the mace up in the air while it's burning and I say,
By the power of grace, God!
Alright, she drools out the mouth.
She is so...
She can't believe that one of the Eternal Four just spoke to her in this power.
She quickly tells you that you have to go back to her village of Darkhaven and meet with her leader.
That her leader has had visions of you and visions of your world.
And has been looking for you guys and has been waiting for you guys to show up.
What do you do? What do you say?
F**king hell, man!
I'm king already in this bitch.
Alright.
All I gotta do is just like...
Zom!
It's the legends!
The great Foggers!
Alright, so you guys are going to...
You say you're going to follow her up to Darkhaven?
Sure, why not? Let's see what happens.
Okay, Gucci.
F**k.
As you approach, you start walking into this forest and...
Duke Crystal, give me a history check.
Dukie.
Uh, a history?
Yeah.
Sorry.
It's like a...
Okay, so...
It's not good.
You don't recognize this place.
No, it's a building.
So you're walking through this big, dark, twisty, creepy-ass forest.
And you come across this dark, dark village.
I think I know the forest, but...
Player may know.
Duke Crystal does not remember.
So as you approach, you see lots of people with their shoulders slouched.
They've got spiked collars around their necks, like cuffed black long clothing, like trench coats.
Everybody's kind of walking around going, gah!
Gah!
God, we're in California.
So as you approach, the woman you found outside, she says,
My name is Gah, with two H's.
So she says, a lot of us around here just go by Gah or Gah, because we don't like names.
And you know, Gah and Gah, it really expresses your feelings.
And she starts to walk you through their little town and tells you,
We have the tavern over here. It's called the Blink's Tavern.
Be sure to check that out for any shitty things, because everything sucks.
Why is it called the Gah Tavern?
The man who owns it is actually named Blink.
His name is Blink.
He's actually 182 years old.
Oh, so it's before the time of no names.
Yeah, so don't blink.
As you walk on, she kind of points over and says,
That building over there, that's our general store of where you can get, you know, dark shit.
And she says, that's called Tiefling Dirtbag.
Tiefling Dirtbag. Dark shit.
The general store.
As you guys continue on, you kind of see people walking around,
because it is starting to get to nightfall,
and people start more coming out of their houses,
and they're walking around chanting and looking at the moons and praising darkness.
They're all walking around saying, wish this never ends.
And it starts to lead you towards this huge church building with gargoyles and skulls and all kinds of stuff.
There's a big cemetery outside with broken gravestones.
All kinds of just dark shit.
You guys going to enter the church with her to go meet her leader?
Dark shit, bro. Let's get this off.
So as you enter into this church, you see like pews just lined, but like scattered crookedly.
They're not lined up good. Everything looks like it was half-assed done.
And as you approach, you see this woman standing at the end of the altar,
and she's got her hands up in the air, and she turns,
and it's like her face goes more pale than her emo pale face looks already.
And she says, hello there. The angels from my nightmares.
The unsuspecting victims of darkness.
Well, what are you doing here?
What do you guys say?
We're here to slay.
And then she kind of throws her hands up at just the one line of the one of the eternal four.
And she goes, oh, the eternal four. Oh, we wish this never ends.
And she kind of like explains to you guys.
She says, I have been having visions in my dreams constantly of you all.
I've seen you in different moments. I've seen aspects of your world.
And the dark part of it is the only part I enjoy.
The darkness, the emos, as they call themselves, we are the eternal emos.
And you are the eternal four, the dark ones from our visions.
And she basically goes on to explain to you guys that she has been seeing visions of your world like a lot,
like the tears in your world. She's been seeing pieces of your guys' lives.
And the rift.
Saw different, you know, cults and shit and chose that she liked the way the emos lived their lives.
So they started to bring it here.
Oh my goodness.
And so she's been seeing our homeworld for a while now, Craig.
She has clues to what happened.
So she kind of goes to explain that there has been a wizard in this area.
And he has been casting, he built this huge tower and put a big beacon of light on top of it.
And he's been using that to try and break out the darkness in this area.
He's trying to shine light on their darkness. And they want their darkness.
They don't want the light.
So she asks you if the eternal four would be willing to take out this wizard and she could give some information on what's happening, why they're here and what's going on.
But she needs proof of the eternal four's power.
Well, honey, she has really good weapons.
She tells you that you are welcome to check out the general store, Tiefling dirt bag.
If you would like to check it out, they have all sorts of free, right?
Because I'm doing her favors.
Persuasion check, persuasion check, persuasion check.
She says, well, you know, I would give it to you for free, but the people here work for that.
They need their money. They need their money.
But I'm about to work for it, too. I need my weapons.
All right. One more try. Persuasion.
Last try.
Shit.
Let's see if we can get a little bit of a better picture.
Nope. All right.
So she says, yeah, you guys, if you guys can take out the wizard, that would be extremely helpful to all of us.
Cape X letting us spread our darkness.
So as that happens, she kind of tells you guys that there is a place for you to stay.
You guys are welcome to rest and stay here.
You also are able to check out the stores and various shit that they've got.
But I'm the angel from your nightmare.
I need free weapons.
With the infamous four.
The eternal four.
With the internal four.
That's not very eternal four of you to say.
So she kind of pushes you on and tells you to go rest.
If you will, the rest go enjoy the grump camaraderie of this place.
If you feel the need to.
God.
OK.
I brought my own weapon.
I don't need shit.
All right. What would you guys like to do?
Do you like some coke, dude?
So how does she is she gone?
Can we ask her one more question?
Sure.
Like, how powerful is this wizard?
She says he's he's he's pretty strong.
I mean, he's pretty strong.
We can't take him, but we're we're not fighters.
We're growners.
Is he from this world?
Yes, he is from this world.
Could he be the reason why we're in this world?
She says she doesn't think she doesn't think that that's a part of his power.
He's just trying to spread light to get rid of the darkness.
Let's take him.
He's a good guy.
They want their darkness.
Not to do keys.
Yeah.
You're at a pivotal point here.
Do you help the darkness to get your answers or do you help the light?
And that's up to you guys.
Let's go talk to the wizard.
I'm going to be the new king of the darkness.
Can we talk to him?
We go talk to the wizard.
It's up to you guys to try.
I got a weapon that was used to slay the being of darkness.
I'm going to go check the shop out and a couple things around town.
You're going to go check out the general store then?
Yeah, let's see that inventory.
Okay.
I missed that part I guess.
So as you walk in you see the same dressed people, black clothes, black hood on, collars around the arms, shoulder chokers.
And she walks in and she goes, Gah, what would you like to get today?
And she tells you that they have various, you see obviously black clothing.
There's emo attire of plenty made from faerun style.
She says she's got a few magic supplies, a few emo themed weaponry.
We've got some very gothic home decor.
And some poisonous plants.
You know, all the good emo shit.
Get you some blackout blinds for your tweaker nights.
She kind of points out a few, she points out a few like various things.
Sorry, that was uncultivated.
Do they have any cute cat collars for my kitty?
Yeah, I'm sure you could get a collar that could go on your cat.
I would love to get a collar to go on my kitty.
Okay, that's five gold pieces.
What kind of master weapons?
I have 42, so perfect.
Is it a black one with crumbs bags?
Yeah.
Oh, sweet.
I want to go get the pearl.
What kind of weapons?
Perfect size for my little engine.
See the weapons that we have here.
Okay, so looks like the main weapon she has is a whistle that summons a murder of ravens to attack enemies.
But also can possibly attract unwanted attention from dark forces.
That is 200 gold pieces.
Expensive.
Pretty cool, this mode and power.
She also points out some other stuff.
She has like a cloak that grants invisibility.
But if you wear it, you also are vulnerable to light based attacks for 100 gold pieces.
Vial of black tears, the tears of the dam, that grant temporary hit points but also inflict a random curse.
50 gold pieces.
Who the fuck would want that?
These are like black handed things.
You have poison laced lipstick, 25 gold pieces.
A pen that writes in invisible ink and only the selected people can see it, 25 gold pieces.
A blackened heart pendant that grants dark vision but also causes the wearer to become increasingly paranoid and isolated for 40 gold pieces.
Already been that way.
A sorrow song, a loot that charms up to four enemies but also slowly drains the wielders happiness and joy.
And a mirror that reveals hidden secrets but also slowly drives the wielder mad with visions of past tragedies.
400 gold, 50 gold pieces.
I don't like any of this stuff.
Yeah.
I just want the cat collar.
This is a, I mean you're in a place full of darkness.
It's not good stuff, it's not great stuff.
It's got good shit, but it's gotta cost.
Yeah, it's gotta cost.
Consequences.
Except for the pen.
Black magic.
The pen that writes in invisible ink.
That don't have a cost, does it?
No, the only selected people can see it, it's 25 gold pieces.
So I can take that and we can draw maps and only we can read them.
Yeah, true.
You can do anything, yeah.
Alright, I'll buy it.
Alright, 25 gold pieces.
Smart.
I have five gold pieces.
Well he's got like 900 so I'm sure there's shit to share from the fight you guys got.
You just gotta ask your friend to please stick.
Why, what do you want there Archie?
What is your?
Nothing.
I don't think anything really caught my attention.
That all sounded pretty bad.
Backhanded gifts.
Alright, so invisible ink pen, is that what it's called?
Yep.
It's not a real D&D thing, it's just something I got wrote up.
It is now.
Yeah, I guess it is now.
You're the master.
So is that all you want from there?
Anybody else think of anything interesting in there that they want to?
You got any drugs?
Drugs?
They are evil.
You don't need anymore drugs.
They got any good piss.
Touch your mouth.
You know what?
Of course I need drugs.
This guy.
He's a fiend.
Do they have any rehabs around you?
I ain't got a lot of money but I'll give him a lick off the elbow.
I'll bone him some money bro.
Can we force the crystal to get a rehab?
I wanna see if he'll take a lick of the elbow for it.
They could probably take away some of his strength.
I'll have glopagoos in this moment.
Yeah.
I'll be in there eating glopagoos ass.
I'll lick the elbow.
No, no!
Now it's called glopagoos ass.
I'd say you do have a steady supply of drugs.
No, that's what I'm gonna trade.
Him?
I'm gonna see if I can trade a lick off his elbow for whatever drugs he's on.
Yeah, well $5 a lick.
What's the invisibility club?
Dude, you can make money off this town with $5 a lick.
Dude, that will be fucking breed.
We'll get on the line going.
Hell absolutely like it because remember it gave me imminent dread.
That's what they need.
I'm gonna do like a lemonade, do like a glopagoos lick.
Buy glopagoos the invisibility club so then people will just think you're licking the air and getting high off the air.
Oh my god.
That'd be funny.
Alright, so you walk up, do crystal, and you're saying you wanna do a trade for some, a lick of glopagoos elbow for some drugs.
Okay, she says, so what does this do?
What is licking his elbow gonna do for me?
Only make crystals do crystal glopagoos.
Of course, I like getting high.
I hate getting low.
It will be the most intense, extreme, surreal, mind-blowing, world-changing, soul-altering high you will ever experience.
Oh my.
Okay, so she kind of looks at you and nods and then kind of walks to the back out of the room for a second and comes back and she's holding Raven's wings, like Raven's wings,
and you see her put it into a bowl and start shredding it up and crushing it and doing all kinds of alchemical crazy shit,
and she hands it to you and she goes, if you wanna get high, this thing will definitely make you fly, and hands you like this dark powder and says, this is the Raven's wings, you'll fly high with this.
So, we have that now.
That's a good pouch right there.
Making bad choice suits.
How many grams, Madagascar?
Is that a play on words, like fly high, or is that the ability of the...
Oh, I'm saving it.
...to see whenever he takes it.
If they're gonna fly or I'm gonna be way too high.
You're gonna sink your flight.
Now I gotta decide whether to save it for a moment, I might wanna fly.
So, are we done here then?
Did he take the lick?
Yes, he did take a lick.
You see his eyes like dilate and then go completely cross-eyed, like pennywise, like opposite directions, and he just like leans against the wall staring at the ceiling.
Yep.
Time to tip pocket.
I'm hoping when he said he doesn't like being low.
Yes, he's completely out.
He's like unconsciously in here.
We're gonna just rob the fucking store.
Yeah.
I'd like to check how much money he's got in the registry.
So, what'd you say about an ink pen you guys were looking at?
He already bought it.
Oh, shit, get your money back, huh?
Yeah, I'm taking my money.
Wait, what's happening?
We're robbing the store.
God.
What a fucking series of unfortunate events.
How rude.
Okay, so I'll give you each a pick of one of the items that they had for sale.
You can each pick one.
Oh, I can't go in the back room for them?
You can if you want, yeah, sure, go right ahead.
I'll give something special for you if you want the drugs.
I'll go in the back room.
If any of you want to take one item from that list of items, I'll...
I want to check the register.
What we got going on?
Okay, maybe I do want to take something into that.
What's the repercussions of the invisibility cloak?
That's why I skipped that and went to the drug room.
Grants invisibility, but you will be vulnerable to light-based attack.
So if anyone hits you with radiant damage, you'll take double damage, but that's only from radiant.
Or anything that has to do with light, I guess.
I'll take the invisibility cloak.
Okay, I don't blame him.
This store fucker's gonna have to be a store owner?
He's gonna wake up and I'm gonna do like a save and be like, did he ever have a store?
Did I own this place?
Did I sell this shit?
He'll be like, I might have.
Wait, I was only in here shopping.
Yeah.
I don't know how to spell that.
Grim the fuck up.
Like he just... no one runs the store.
Okay, so you two each gonna take one item?
Oh, I'll just take the drugs, please.
What's the mirror hidden?
It shows you what?
It reveals hidden secrets, but also slowly drives the wielder mad with fast visits of past tragedies.
Okay, take that mirror.
Be careful when you look in it.
What is the thing that drains my happiness?
A loot that charms up to four enemies.
But slowly drains... I'll take that.
I ain't got much longer to live.
Who cares about the happiness?
Actually, I want the lipstick.
Sorrow's Song.
It's not gonna be on there.
Oh, okay.
You have to probably add it in later or write it down for right now.
You said sorrow what?
Sorrow's Song, but it's not gonna be on there.
Sorrow's Song.
I took the poison lipstick.
Yeah, because that's a loot, like a musical instrument.
Now can we rob him for his money?
Um...
Yeah, just give me a D20 roll.
This poor fucking guy.
I'll see how much money you can find in the fucking register of his poor die.
I almost feel bad for him, but Duke shouldn't feel bad.
What you got?
Uh, 14.
My first one was sitting on the edge, so I re-rolled.
I found 140 gold pieces.
Woo!
How long do I get to be invisible when I wear it?
As long as I wear it?
Um...
I'll say you can grant, like, when you're wearing it, you can cast invisibility.
And that'll last like for 10 minutes.
Or, 10 turns.
Yeah, 10 turns, yeah.
I like how you did that.
So yeah, it won't make you invisible while you're wearing it.
It'll just give you the ability to make yourself invisible.
Yeah, so I can wear it all the time anyway.
How many times can I use the sorrow song?
This was, uh, pardon?
I'll say, what do you call it?
Four for the longest.
Yeah, probably like...
Yeah, so basically you have four charges of it.
So you can use them all at once to charm up to four enemies.
Or you can use one on one enemy, two on another, one on another.
So you have up to four a day.
The charm means they can't attack you.
But as long as I...so if I use it, that drains my happiness?
Or as long as I just have in possession of it?
No, just owning the thing.
Yeah, it'll slowly drain your happiness.
So you better utilize the charm.
It says it slowly drains everyone's happiness.
Which is very helpful.
Will it be made from attacking anyone?
Or just him?
Yeah, they will be charmed by you.
You didn't think that you guys are acquaintances.
That's what it says when someone's charmed.
Question.
What was my health potion called?
Like, added my inventory.
We are greater.
The potion of greater healing.
Okay, so you fucking robbed that man.
These are the drugs you're looking for.
What'd you take?
You took the mirror, right?
Lipstick.
Oh, you took the lipstick.
You gonna be fucking kissing somebody?
Yeah, I'm gonna be smooching.
Alright.
I went in the back room.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, I went in the back room.
So you're going into the back room.
Well, you already took your item.
Shit's going down.
No, I didn't.
You took the lipstick.
I don't wanna poop.
I don't wanna bite.
I ignored all the actual stuff.
I was like, what's the option?
I thought we were doing both.
So you see...
Shit, I'm gonna throw mine.
You see some kind of...
Like, you can see like a shelf, and then like above the shelf is a sign that says,
My drugs, stay the fuck out.
I like his style.
You see like a lipstick thing sitting there.
You see this weird, dark, tar-like substance.
And you see a strange glowing liquid sitting there.
You don't know what these do, and he's not here to tell you, so...
Can we get a glowing liquid?
You want the glowing liquid?
Strange glowing liquid.
Okay.
Those.
Alright.
Well, it's called...
No, I'm not gonna tell you that.
Ectoplasm.
Nah, I was about to say, if that gives away what it is.
Yeah.
I don't know how you wanna write that down, but glowing liquid or whatever.
Alright, so, fuck this guy, alright.
You definitely fuck...
Now, you gotta go over to the tavern, fuck it, have some drinks while you're...
I am.
...well-earned money.
I am.
Well, I don't have money, but I'm gonna find a way to get drinks without paying.
Who can I...
Whether he gets another lick, this guy too, or...
We can start passing out licks in the bar.
I use the sorrow song to charm the bartender to give us all the drinks.
I think I can talk him into it.
Oh, I can charm him.
That is true.
I mean, we are like the four fucking special people, so we could probably play on that.
Yeah, let's go to the tavern.
But...
Yeah, if you can.
I might just be able to give him another lick.
I think we kinda already have one charmed, don't we?
They like worship us like deities, basically.
We probably should have an advantage on like, persuading, since we are like...
Yeah.
If I'm given to.
Celebrities in the town.
Yeah, I'm gonna do it.
Let's go to the tavern.
I'm gonna keep robbing mofos, let them just generously...
Perth Figs to us.
As you walk in, you see the sign hanging, it says Blink's Tavern.
As you walk in, it's very dimly lit, it's smoke filled, black walls, dark wood accents,
and crimson curtains, candles are flickering, it's casting eerie shadows on the walls,
and all you can smell in the air is just like incense, smoke, and desperation.
Talkin' to me.
You hear somber melodies just playing on a lone guitar sitting in the corner, patrons
whispering and crying, there's a bartender standing there, a hooded figure with black
lipstick and nail polish, he starts drinks with a somber expression and a long grayish
beard that you can tell he's just been making black, because he is, I said, 182 years old.
His name is Blink.
Um, what are you guys doing here?
Where's his friends 182?
Why are you casting light on all the darkness?
That is not where we're at.
That is not him.
Okay then.
You said Blink!
We're in the tavern.
We're in a tavern.
He is the bartender.
I'm gonna try to charm him to give us all free drinks.
Are you gonna try to charm him?
Yeah.
Alright, go for it.
I think he has to make a save or something.
So is that just, um...
I think he has to make a save.
Did you like roll off?
I don't think you did.
I think I did.
He just has to make a save.
He either saves or doesn't.
No fair noise.
Um, so what is...
If it's anything like Baldur's Gate, you won't charm him for fucking nothing.
What's your wisdom?
The guy who owns everything?
What's your wisdom?
The guy who owns the tavern.
What's your wisdom?
The front one.
Oh shit.
Plus two, it's a 15.
15?
Okay, so they need to roll over 15.
Double two.
He fails.
He's charmed.
Alright, free drinks forever for all of us.
What do you say to him when you charm him?
Because you walk up and he goes, uh, uh, hey, I know you.
You're my old friend that I knew.
We're pals.
You guys want some drinks?
Oh god, what do I say?
Like hey, old friend, we're here to get some drinks.
We'd appreciate some on the house.
Alright, he says, oh boy, do I got the thing for you.
He pulls up this really sweet crimson red wine.
He says this is the sorrow's embrace.
Go ahead and take a swig of that and hands you all a glass of sorrow's embrace, the sweet
crimson red wine.
You got your drinks for free.
Good job.
Mission accomplished.
Hey buddy, have you ever tried a leek on a wienis?
What's the strongest drink you got?
Oh, the strongest drink.
He goes, oh, that's the tears of the damned, there, as we named that one because, fuck.
You drink it, you're going to be having some tears that are going to make you wish you were
damned.
I bet you I could drink it and not cry.
That was the item that was in the shop.
He says, alright, alright, go ahead.
I'll give you one free just so you can take Mr. Eternal and hands you the tears of the
damned.
It is the blackest ale you've ever seen in your life.
It's like thick, looks like syrup almost.
I'm a brewer, I know a lot of the fucking ale blocks.
I'm just making a bet.
He does it.
He does a special swiffing.
He's like, do a little.
The wine taste.
What the fuck?
He's like, he's swapping.
So as you take a drink of this, give me a constitution save.
That would be 11.
11?
Alright, so you take a drink of it and you feel like the shutter, this cold shutter over
your body and you're now casting darkness in your vicinity for one hour.
I'm fucking over it.
So you're obscured standing inside anywhere because you have darkness surrounding you.
Oh yes.
Except for me, I have dark vision.
But I didn't cry.
Might as well smash that wine while I'm at it.
Might as well.
Butt chug.
Butt chug it.
Alright, that's a minus one charisma for everybody though.
If someone I meet really, really, if I meet someone I really like, I might give them a
taste of the American ice.
So you guys are kind of just walking around looking at everybody, drinking their drinks
and crying and whining.
You hear this one person say, have you guys heard of the poet?
I heard he's been trying to perform the dark rituals but boy he doesn't know how to do
it and he's going to do something real bad.
Because I really hope somebody takes care of that quickly.
What do you do to hearing that?
It's his name that's here.
Who's this poet?
They say, we don't know him but he's living on the outskirts of town.
He's got his own little building and he's been, I guess, trying to call forth some dark
spirits but he doesn't know how.
So he's just in his building performing rituals without knowing what he's doing.
The only one who knows how to do rituals here is Lilith Tharko, our leader.
Which you guys spoke to her, that's the woman in the church.
Lilith Darko.
Darko.
I guess we'll go clap that phone.
So welcome to rest and do that because you guys were given a place to sleep.
Sure.
So you head back and you guys get laid down and start to begin to rest because you know
tomorrow's going to be a big day, having to stop a dark ritual and possibly stop a light
wizard.
And you all kind of drift off into a good rest.
This episode of Dummies with Dice features Kelly Wee as Miss Muffin, Nate Chambers as
Duke Crystal, Ryan Hart as RG Ortiz, Ryan Tucker as Flea Stick Sock Jelly, and Tristan
Hayes as the DM.
The episode is edited and mixed by Tristan Hayes.
The artwork for Dummies with Dice created by Al Sorensen can be found on Instagram under
A-R-C-S-I-ZERO.
The theme song is The Intense Fiddle by Ben Caldera.
When it comes to Dummies with Dice, you can find our website on rss.com slash podcast
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Come back in two weeks for new episodes of Dummies with Dice.