Well, this morning is the perfect time for us
to pause and reflect on what we've learned so
far in Paul's first letter to the Corinthian
church. And I'll tell you why that's uniquely
important on a Sunday like this. We are about
six months into this series, and we have now
covered the first six chapters of the letter.
And over those six chapters, we've seen Paul
address problem after problem that he has seen
taking place. in the church at Corinth. In fact,
I've grouped them into seven things that we have
seen him address in these first six chapters.
Take a look at the screen, and I'll just read
them to you. First of all, he talked about divisions
in the church, this idea of factionalism, people
clicking up and then opposing one another within
the same body. Secondly, leaning on worldly wisdom
rather than godly wisdom. Third, fleshly thinking,
fleshly living. Fourth, prideful judgment of
leaders. Looking down on this leader while following
this guy and separating the church because of
that. Failure to practice church discipline.
We saw all of chapter 5 was this bout of incest,
really, and the church's failure to address it
with church discipline. Then we saw the horror
of lawsuits among believers taking place in secular
courts. where we left off last Sunday, the last
couple weeks, actually talking about rampant
sexual immorality, porneia, about how our bodies
now belong to Christ as temples of the Holy Spirit,
and yet in Corinth there was all kinds of sexual
immorality taking place. So it's been quite a
ride so far, right, in these six chapters? In
fact, go ahead and grab your Bibles and turn
to 1 Corinthians as we enter into chapter 7.
By the way, just a little bit of insight into
the world of the preacher. Whenever the elder
team gets together and we pray over which book
of the Bible we're going to preach through next,
the first thing that pops into my head is, oh,
all the amazing chapters and verses that I'm
going to get to study and teach on. It's very
exciting. And then there are the chapters I'm
less excited about. And 1 Corinthians 7 falls
into that latter category. Not that we should
be afraid of it or demean its importance. It
just has some difficult matters that need to
be discussed. Some things need to be worked through
and some difficult interpretations. And you'll
see that as we go along and we'll work through
it together. Now, a change takes place in Paul's
letter here. when we start reading in chapter
seven. If you look at verse one, you'll see that
he begins with these words. He says, now concerning
the things about which you wrote. Okay, interesting.
So we have a historical development here. The
first six chapters, Paul was just hammering it
away at the issues he thought were most important
to deal with. Because remember, he had heard
reports while he was in Ephesus across the Aegean
Sea ministering there. He heard reports about
all kinds of problems in the church in Corinth.
So he's been hammering away at all these problems.
But now, from chapter 7 through chapter 11, he's
going to respond to certain issues which the
Corinthian believers had written to him about.
asking for his apostolic counsel and asking for
his instructions. And the first on that list
is marriage and divorce. And so that's what we're
going to be walking through all through the month
of September, marriage and divorce. Now, remember,
there were various factions among the believers
there in Corinth, and it seems that each one
of these factions had its own little... pet group
of doctrines that they believed, and they were
constantly looking down on those who held a different
position. And so when you look at a letter that
was written to Paul asking questions, you have
to wonder about the motivation behind the questions.
Were they really looking for apostolic truth,
or is it possible that they wrote certain questions
down for Paul in order to justify their specific
views? To be able to get a letter from Paul and
look at their opposition and say, see, Paul agrees
with me. Just something to consider. And the
statement that Paul first is asked to evaluate
is right there in verse 1. And again, I'm preaching
from the New American Standard, but if you have
an ESV or a CSB or a NIV on your lap, you're
going to find quotation marks around this statement
in verse 1. And here's what it is. I'll put it
on the screen. Quote, it is good for a man not
to touch a woman. Oh, really? Okay, so that's
what they're asking about. One of the things
that they wrote to Paul about was this statement.
And this is the statement that Paul is going
to analyze in chapter 7. What follows, by the
way, is not a full treatment of God's view of
marriage, or he doesn't address every nuance
and detail about marriage and sex, but it's a
teaching that's based on this particular statement
and this question that they wrote to him about.
And as you can see by the statement, you can
kind of figure out what kind of faction in the
Corinthian church would have made that statement.
It's not good for a man to touch a woman. It
likely came from a faction in the church that
was ascetic, that was celibate. They took a celibacy
position on the subject of all sexuality. So,
warning to all, we're talking about sex this
morning. And I know that can be uncomfortable
in church, but friends, listen, this is a subject
that is frequently addressed in the scriptures,
both Old and New Testament. And so obviously
we can't ignore what Paul says here, and we can't
just skip over it. What we have to do together
this morning is face this issue and deal with
it with the maturity that it deserves. And we
can start with this very basic truth, and in
spite of how badly human beings have distorted
marriage and sex, they are both gifts from God,
from a creator who loves us and wants us to enjoy
them to the fullest. The creator gave them to
us as gifts, marriage and sex, and he desires
that we enjoy them to the fullest. But sadly,
the Corinthian believers had completely messed
this up, right? We've seen it already. Paul had
to rebuke them over fornication, over prostitution,
over adultery, over homosexuality, even incest.
And we'll look at some of the cultural reasons
for that in just a moment. But here, right out
of the gate in verse 1, we're sort of shocked
to see that there are at least some members of
the church in Corinth who believe that all sex
is immoral and that even married couples should
abstain from it. It's not good, they say, for
a man to touch a woman. So what you have in this
church, and it's so hard to imagine because,
look, we're a like -minded body. today, right?
But in the church of Corinth in the first century,
you had these libertines that don't seem to have
any standard for sex at all, right? They weren't
all that upset. They weren't upset enough to
confront the man who is sleeping with his mother
-in -law in chapter 5. They're not concerned
about joining themselves to a prostitute because,
hey, that's just my body, not my soul. So you
have libertines on one side, and now you have
celibates on the other. Right? Aesthetics who
want to abandon all sexuality, and somehow these
folks are all living together in the same local
church. Can you imagine the chaos? Okay, let's
read the whole passage. We're going to look at
verses 1 to 7 here. Here's what it says. Now
concerning the things about which you wrote,
it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But,
Paul says in verse 2, because of immoralities,
porneia, each man is to have his own wife. And
each woman is to have her own husband. The husband
must fulfill his duty, his marital duty to his
wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
The wife does not have authority over her own
body, but the husband does. And likewise also
the husband does not have authority over his
body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another.
Except by agreement for a time so that you may
devote yourselves to prayer and come together
again so that Satan will not tempt you because
of your lack of self -control. But this I say
by way of concession, not of command. Last verse.
Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself
am. However, each man has his own gift from God,
one in this manner and another in that. Okay,
before we break this down, and there's a lot
here, we should spend a few moments talking about
the cultural background for all of this. This
teaching, this question that gets sent to Paul
does not happen in a vacuum. There is a cultural
background to it. Why did asceticism, why did
celibacy set into the church back in this day?
Well, let's not forget that Corinth is a quintessential
Greek city. Remember, we did a whole introduction
about this six months ago. Wealthy, bustling,
cosmopolitan, it's a crossroads for trade across
the ancient world, and its people and its culture
and its practices were deeply rooted in both
Greek and Roman ways of life. And marriage in
those days, in that part of the world, looks
almost nothing like marriage in the modern West
today. So that means we have to dig in a little
bit to figure out what was going on so that we
can fully understand why Paul writes as he does.
Marriage today is mostly, I say mostly, mostly
based on romantic love, right, and compatibility.
But that was not the case 2 ,000 years ago in
the Mediterranean world. Ancient Greco -Roman
marriage was less about love and more about things
like economic interests, alliances made between
family lines, and of course producing legitimate
heirs. Fathers and male guardians generally arranged
marriages back then between young men and women,
including the use of dowries and links to property
and other family possessions. And unless you
were one of the elite class, women had almost
no say and no choice in the matter. It was, by
definition, a very patriarchal structure. I know
that today I hear women all the time talking
about, oh, the patriarchy. Trust me, what you
have today. is amazing compared to the ancient
world. Trust me on that. And of course, slavery
was rampant throughout the Roman Empire. And
if that had varying degrees of slavery, there
were completely disposable field slaves, and
then there were highly trusted household slaves.
But slavery was rampant in the Greco -Roman world.
Whether you were a free citizen, a foreigner,
or a slave, definitely impacted how you could
get married back in the day. By the way, we should
never forget that a substantial portion of the
early church were slaves. Historians have looked
at this. They generally agree it's somewhere
between 10 % to 20 % of every early church congregation
was a slave. So consider that as we go along.
Now, slaves could only marry with their master's
permission. technically wasn't even legal. They
called it a tent marriage or a cohabitation marriage,
and the slave owner could break up that marriage
any time he wanted for any reason. He could just
sell off the husband or sell off the slave for
any reason he wanted. Among the lower classes,
there was a type of marriage that today we would
call common law marriage, where a man and woman
would just settle down, cohabitate, and after
a year, they were declared to be married. Then
there was the what we call marriage by sale,
where fathers literally had the right to sell
their daughters into marriage for promises of
economic advancement. And then there's the process
for the elite class that was basically marriage
among the elites in the equestrian class was
about one thing and one thing only, establishing
power. Everything was about family lines. It
was about family alliances that would strengthen.
Power. Now, what's interesting about the weddings
of the Greco -Roman elites is that our modern
day weddings today are pretty much patterned
off the way they did weddings. If you don't know
about all the connections between the Roman Empire
and America, it's worth a study. It really affects
our legal system and many other things. But weddings,
think about this. Here's some of the things involved
in an upper level, elite level Roman wedding.
A bridal procession, matrons, vows, Prayers offered
to the gods, the joining of hands, a veil, flowers,
shout out Vibe Flowers, exchange of rings, and
the feast after the ceremony. These were all
marks of an elite Roman wedding and things that
have carried on into our culture today. The sad
part is what was missing, and that was the issue
of covenant monogamy. Covenant monogamy. That
was not... highly valued among either the Greeks
or the Romans. And in terms of sexual access,
there was two completely different standards
for men and women, completely. While the culture
insisted that a man could only have one wife
at a time, concubines were just an accepted part
of life, as were prostitutes, as was at times
sexual mistreatment of slaves. And these could
be female or male in that part of the world in
that time. Homosexual affairs, even pederasty,
were not frowned upon, especially if the man
was powerful and part of the elite class. He
could pretty much do as he pleases. The very
famous Athenian statesman Demosthenes says this.
He says the really ugly part out loud. This is
in his day. He says, we have courtesans, which
is a fancy word for prostitutes, courtesans.
for the sake of pleasure. We have concubines
for the sake of daily cohabitation. And we have
wives for the purpose of having children and
a faithful guardian for all of our household
affairs. Suddenly, everything looks really good
today, doesn't it? Because that is an ugly, ugly
situation for a woman. Imagine being a woman
back in this period of time. Not surprisingly,
divorce was rampant, widespread. In fact, we
have records of men who literally counted their
years by the names of their wives. So Paul is
writing to the Corinthians in the midst of this
very confused culture when it comes to both marriage
and sex. And you can imagine, and I can imagine,
how difficult it would be for a man like Paul
or Apollos to minister in the midst of that culture.
to minister to new believers who are coming out
of the pagan world with all these ideas and now
being told they need to conform to biblical standards.
And you had all these overlapping views, citizens,
slaves, lower class, upper class, Greeks, Romans,
and yes, even Jews in the Corinthian church.
And that would have added a whole nother cultural
layer to the milieu there. You had some marriages
that were legal, some were common law, some were
just slave marriages. And then you had young
people dating and considering marriage. How do
you address all this if you're Paul? So I say
all that so that you can sort of empathize that
this is not an easy thing, right? And not an
easy problem to fix. So before we break all this
down, I'm going to ask this question as well.
Where did this issue of celibacy or asceticism,
where did that come from in the church? Let's
talk about it. The issue of asceticism is an
ancient one. And first, let me define that term.
It comes from a Greek word, which is not found
in the New Testament, but is found in ancient
Greek literature. And the word generally refers
to training or exercise. And in a Christian sense,
it was adopted in terms of spiritual training.
Spiritual training. How do I turn my attention
away from myself and focus my attention on the
Lord alone? So an ascetic would intentionally
engage in spiritual disciplines like extended
times of prayer and extended times of fasting,
all forms of bodily discipline. And they would
probably point to certain aspects of the New
Testament. They would say, well, look at the
life of John the Baptist, for example. He seems
very ascetic. Well, look at the fast that Jesus
engaged in in the wilderness, 40 -day fast. Look
at Paul. He lived as a single man. and he had
all these ministry hardships, they would look
at those examples and say, we should pattern
ourselves after them. Although, let me just say,
none of us are the Messiah, the forerunner to
the Messiah, or an apostle. So we should be really
careful about that, right? Okay. But you would
find various ascetics sprinkled throughout the
first two centuries of the church, but they didn't
really stand out among their communities of faith.
They just practiced ascetic disciplines within
the local church. In the early fourth century,
you begin to see asceticism really take hold
in the church, and especially in the East. You
find it particularly in Palestine, in Syria,
and most importantly, in Egypt. In Egypt, asceticism
becomes the hotbed of what we call hermit life.
Have you ever heard the term hermit? Actual hermits
who would go out into the desert, swear off all
worldly comforts, and live in caves for the rest
of their lives, And interestingly, one of the
reasons why historians look at this, what seems
to be strange behavior, this idea of breaking
off from society and going into the desert and
suffering to a degree that we can hardly even
imagine, one of the reasons behind this was because
when Constantine issued his famous edict in the
year 313, which gave Christians the freedom to
openly worship, The church suffered from this
sort of collective sense of guilt. It's like
they looked around and said, well, who's going
to persecute us now? And so they thought to themselves,
if we can't suffer at the hands of the state,
if we're not going to be martyred for our faith
anymore, we've got to find ways to make ourselves
suffer. This was a real mindset in the early
church. We'll find ways to make ourselves suffer.
So they chose ascetic practices, all kinds of
forms of bodily suffering. And then it gets sort
of codified over time. In the late 4th century,
church fathers like Basil of Caesarea began to
organize what we call today monasteries, this
movement of monasticism, which was, by the way,
a less severe form than hermit life, right? But
still a way for men and women, both monks and
nuns, to sacrifice and suffer. So men would break
away from their local churches. They would go
and live in a communal system. cut themselves
off from the world for the purpose of study and
prayer. They would copy manuscripts. Yes, they
would care for the sick and the abandoned as
well, but they were basically cut off from society.
And then eventually that would move to the West
as well. Very famous Benedict of Nursia in the
early 6th century brings monasticism to the West
as well. Now the question is, in the midst of
these ascetic practices, what about singleness?
What about celibacy? Where did that come? Again,
the idea of voluntary celibacy and remaining
a virgin for life becomes an honored form of
practice in the second and third centuries. Some
of the early church fathers in both the East
and the West speak of these things as a way to
fully consecrate yourself to the service of Christ.
But in the following centuries, the question
became broader. The question was, should celibacy
become mandatory? Sure, it can be voluntary.
If a person wanted to really devote themselves
to Christ, go for it. Deny yourself. But it has
to be voluntary. In later centuries, well, maybe
it should be mandatory, especially for those
in clergy. And so that question comes up between
the 7th and 8th centuries in the East, and the
answer in the East was, well, maybe. A man could
be ordained as a deacon or priest if he was married.
So yes, there are married men who do serve in
the priesthood in the Eastern Orthodox Church.
But if a single man becomes ordained, he cannot
marry. And any bishop in the Orthodox Church
has to be celibate. Then in the West, the Roman
Catholic Church made celibacy a binding discipline
for all clergy at the second letter in council
in the 12th century. So that's the status of
things today in the other branches of Christendom.
Now, what did the reformers of the Protestant
Reformation say about this? And more importantly,
what does God's word say about it? Well, not
surprisingly, the reformers who fought the battle
to return the church back to her proper anchor,
which is God's word, they were united in condemning
mandatory singleness and mandatory celibacy.
Why? Because the scriptures don't call for it.
In case you wondered, the scriptures don't call
for mandatory singleness or celibacy. While at
the same time, they affirm the value of voluntary
singleness and voluntary celibacy because that
too is found in the pages of scripture. The fact
is the New Testament does not prescribe a single
ascetic lifestyle for all believers, nor does
it prescribe a unique program for those in positions
of spiritual authority. Spiritual leaders are
called to character qualifications in the New
Testament, right? 1 Timothy 3, Titus 1, 1 Peter
5. That's what the qualifications are. They're
character qualifications. They're not some type
of lifestyle qualifications. Certainly, Scripture
never calls us to break off all contact with
society, to live in deserts and caves. How do
you live out the one another's in Scripture if
you're living in a cave? That's a challenge,
right? It also doesn't call us to form ourselves
into monastic communities. And so we can look
at church history and we can say, well, we sort
of understand why these things happen. We can
even admire the men and women who were so committed
to the cause of Christ that they would cut themselves
off in that way. But we should also affirm there
simply is no biblical mandate for it. Amen? In
the New Testament, marriage is honored. Sex within
the covenant of marriage is strongly encouraged,
and we'll get to that in just a moment. And yet
the Bible also lists up the idea of voluntary
self -denial. So yes, there is a place for ascetic
practices in the church today. You and I should
be striving after spiritual disciplines in both
a positive and a negative sense. On the one hand,
we should be denying certain things that, yes,
we might have the freedom to do that. Did we
look at this recently? All things are permissible,
but not all things are profitable. So there's
things we have freedom to see as to, but we say
no to, right? Because we want to avoid temptation.
We want to practice self -discipline. And then
on the positive side, we put into practice certain
disciplines like focused prayer, like fasting,
like sacrificial service to others because these
things help us grow in our love for God and our
love for others. But here's the key. This is
what you have to understand. And this is where
we differ from the Roman Catholic Church and
from Eastern Orthodoxy. We engage in spiritual
disciplines freely and voluntarily and not as
a means of earning merit in God's eyes. not adding
to our salvation. We practice spiritual disciplines
out of love for Christ, out of devotion to Christ,
and from a heart of thankfulness for what he's
done for us. Does that make sense? So we've got
to find a good balance on this. So back to Corinth
now. It seems from the opening statement in chapter
7 that some in the church there were literally
arguing that singleness and celibacy were a higher
form of worship. And that everybody should pay
attention to this. And that they, the celibates,
they were the elite class of worshipers. The
ones who said no marriage and no sex whatsoever.
Wow, it's no doubt there were people in the same
church banging the drum for marriage. Like, you
guys should get married. So, what's Paul going
to say? How's he going to resolve this? Okay,
let's start up in chapter 7. Let's start by looking
at singleness in verse 7. Let's start there.
Here's what Paul writes. I wish that all men
were even as I myself am. However, each man has
his own gift from God, one in this manner and
another in that. So Paul is telling us here that
he himself is unmarried and celibate. And he
wishes that all Christians were living as he
lives. Now there's a reason for that, but first
let me address the question that always comes
up. Whenever we talk about Paul and marriage,
the question is, was Paul always unmarried? He's
clearly unmarried now. Was he always unmarried,
or did he at one time have a wife? And the answer
is, we don't know. And so honestly, it's best
not to speculate too much on this. I've heard
all the arguments. I've heard the argument that,
well, he's an observant Jew. He was a leader
at the time, so he must have been married. There's
the argument that, well, he was connected to
the Pharisee party while he was persecuting the
church. And as a Pharisee, he must have been
married. And so then the argument goes, probably
at some point, he was widowed. And so at the
time he's writing this letter, he's unmarried.
Those arguments are historically plausible. but
they are not biblical proof, okay? They are historically
plausible, but not biblical proof. What the Bible
does say and doesn't say is this. There's no
mention of him having a wife in the book of Acts.
He doesn't mention his wife in any of his letters,
and he's clearly stating that he's unmarried
here in 1 Corinthians. So those are the clear
and positive statements that we have to go on,
and we should probably leave it at that. Maybe
in heaven we'll find that out, right? All right,
I have an appointment with Paul. on that day.
He's in my list, my short list. I have questions.
I know I say that a lot. I can't wait to get
answers. All right, the big news that comes out
of this verse is, you ready? In Paul's mind,
being single and celibate is a very good thing.
It's a very good thing. It is not unnatural.
It is not less than God's best. And that's an
important thing to say because in the church
today, we have a tendency to look at single people
and go, what's wrong? And that's unfair and it's
unbiblical. So be careful. That's not the case.
From Paul's perspective, remaining single and
celibate actually has some real practical advantages.
Namely, that being single gives a man or woman
more freedom. from the distractions of the world,
from the entanglements of the world so that they
can serve Christ and his church more effectively,
right? They just have more time and energy to
devote themselves to those things. And that's
all I'm gonna say about that because this issue
is gonna come up later in chapter seven where
he'll expound more on this and also in chapter
nine. So I'll leave it at that. But it's important
to see at the end of verse seven that even though
Paul wishes that everyone were unmarried, he
doesn't impose that standard on the believers
in Corinth. He's like, I wish you were like me,
but I'm not going to impose that standard on
everybody. That's important. Nowhere in scripture
is either marriage or singleness a binding ordinance
upon believers. And it's so important that we
always distinguish between those two things.
What is a divine command or a biblical imperative
versus what is a preference? We have to be very
careful about that because sometimes we conflate
those things and we can put unnecessary burdens
on people. What Paul does here, he obviously
has a preference, right? He says, I wish everybody
was like me, but he shows great integrity here
by not saying, well, because of my preference,
I'm going to tell you this is a command from
God. He doesn't do that. And the second half
of the verse, he recognizes the key to why some
can remain single and celibate while others need
to get married is because of God's calling and
gifting. That's important. God calls and gifts
people with different capacities. according to
his sovereign wisdom. It's as if Paul is saying,
look, I don't need to be married. I don't need
it, and I'm not consumed by thoughts of marriage
or consumed by lust, and I wish more of you were
like me, but I also know that my situation is
a special gift from God, and most of you don't
have it. Does that make sense? That's basically
what he's saying. That's really what this is.
Singleness is a calling from God. To live a single
life and to have a strong equipping from the
Holy Spirit for self -control and discipline
in the area of sexual expression. Not only that,
but to desire and enjoy that kind of lifestyle
so that you can focus on serving Christ and his
church. So it's the equipping and the gift not
to struggle in this area, but also the desire
to say, you know what, I see this as a great
gift from God so that I can devote more of my
time and energy. to serve my Savior. And so each
man and each woman has his or her own gift and
calling. And some, we live out his gifts and
calling through marriage and others through singleness.
And both of those two callings have advantages.
And both of those two callings have disadvantages.
Right? But they're unique from God. So the important
thing to recognize from this statement, number
one, single and celibate is good and right for
some in the church. But also number two, being
single and celibate is not spiritually better
than being married. It's just a different gifting
and calling. So what Paul's doing here, if you
look at it, if the celibates in the Corinthian
church wrote this question, he's chopping down
their pride here and letting them know this is
not a binding ordinance and you're not superior
to those who went out and got married. Good?
All right, let's go back to the top of the passage
now, back to the middle of verse one. And again,
some of you have a translation with quotation
marks there. It's good for a man not to touch
a woman. Obviously, that is a euphemism for sexual
relations, right? Verse two says, but because
of pornia, sexual immoralities, each man is to
have his own wife. Yay. And each woman is to
have her own husband. Yay. I mean, that sounds
like a really good arrangement. So clearly marriage
is upheld here as another of God's good options,
right? A second option. And in fact, when you
see Paul say, I wish more were like me, it tells
me something that marriage is probably the norm
because he's saying, I wish more were like me.
So marriage is going to be the norm. It's still
the norm in the Christian church today, right?
And you can see why it's the norm there in verse
two, because sexual immorality is all around
us. Temptations are everywhere. Being unmarried
in a world like ours today or in first century
Corinth is not easy because you're surrounded
by this sexualized culture. And so Paul says,
okay, yeah, that's a reality we live in. So each
man should have a wife and each woman should
have a husband. Now, some of you know that here
at Oak Hill, a couple times a year, we host a
marriage workshop called Heartwood. And in that
small group, we talk about God's three purposes
for marriage that go all the way back to Genesis
1 and 2. One of them is specifically related
to what we're reading in 1 Corinthians 7. But
the first one is partnership, right? The first
great purpose that God has in marriage is partnership.
This goes back to when God says, look, he looks
down at Adam and says, you know what? If you're
going to fulfill your mission, it's not good
that you're alone. partner, helper who will correspond
to you. God brings them together and he says,
look, one flesh, right? I don't have time for
a whole marriage sermon, wedding sermon. I've
done that one too many times. So marriage was
designed by God as this one flesh partnership
of male and female, two people who correspond
to each other, who are committed to the other,
and they're committed to a common set of goals,
relationship and companionship. And listen, if
you are married to your best friend, You know
how important this partnership one is. The idea
that we can walk through life in such an intimate
way with our best friend is invaluable. It is
an amazing gift from God. So that's the first
one. The second one is procreation. I won't spend
a lot of time on this because we all don't need
a whole lesson on the birds and the bees. But
know this, in Malachi 2, very interesting passage.
God is rebuking Israel for their covenant unfaithfulness
in marriage. And in this passage, he declares
his desire for godly offspring. It's a really
important passage. Basically meaning that believing
couples should have children and train them up
in the ways of the Lord in order to raise and
preserve future generations of believers. God
works through family lines oftentimes. And so
procreation is an important part of God's purposes.
Now the third one, and this is the important
one for our passage today, that is protection.
God designed marriage for protection. As Paul
tells us, marriage is given to us in part as
a way to avoid falling into sexual sin and dishonoring
our bodies. And we saw this last Sunday, right?
If you're a Christian, when you engage in porneia,
you are sinning against your own body and you
are dragging Jesus into it. Because your body
now belongs to him. On the cross, he purchased
you at a costly price, and he made your body
a temple of the Holy Spirit. And in that, you
see how marriage has a protective element to
it. Paul says, because of sexual temptations,
a man can be married and turn to his wife for
sexual satisfaction, and a woman can turn to
her husband for sexual satisfaction. There's
a protective aspect to it. It's not like I have
to wander through this life, sexualized culture,
and have no sexual outlet because I have a wife,
because I have a husband, right? It's really
a very simple design, but very effective in terms
of protection. Now, we've got to look at verses
3 and 4, okay? This is where it gets really interesting.
Honestly, verses 3 and 4, this is where we get
one of the biggest cultural shocks in the biblical
text. This is really quite shocking. Verse 3
says the husband must fulfill his marital duty
to his wife. Hmm. A wife has needs. Husband,
get to it. Interesting. And likewise also the
wife to her husband. We kind of know, we tend
to know that one. Right? Verse 4, the wife does
not have authority over her own body, but the
husband does. Man, in the ancient world they'd
be going, amen. But likewise, the husband does
not have authority over his own body, but the
wife does. Wow. So there's this threefold parallel
structure in verses 2 to 4 that comes with, wait
for it, mutual obligations. Mutual obligations
in marriage and sexuality. Each man should have
a wife. Each woman should have her own husband.
The husband should fulfill his duty to his wife
and the wife to the husband. And the husband
has authority over his wife's body and the wife
has authority over his body. Guys, you cannot,
I gave you all that background about marriage
and sex in the ancient world for a reason. You
cannot understand what a, I'll call it a cultural
missile that Paul is firing at the Greco -Roman
world in writing out these mutual obligations.
This would have been shocking. To a Greco -Roman
man. Mutual authority, mutual submission of the
husband and wife in marriage. What they would
have expected to hear was this. Yes, the husband
has authority over his wife's body, period. And
that the wife's role is to satisfy her husband
and the husband's role is to be satisfied by
his wife. That's what they thought. That's what
they wanted to hear. But Paul says, no, that's
not the way it works among Christians. It's not
to be like that. Among you, you're to be set
apart from the world. In Christ, both husband
and wife subordinate their own interests to the
interests of the other. Shocking stuff. Revolutionary
way of viewing marriage and sex. But notice,
that's just a plain biblical principle, isn't
it? We sometimes forget that the Bible, the New
Testament is written to couples as brother and
sister in Christ. You know that, right? Yes,
we're one flesh, but we're still brother and
sister in Christ. Well, what does Philippians
2 say? Do nothing from selfishness, right? But
with humility of mind, regard one another as
more important than yourselves. Don't just look
out for your own interests, but also for the
interests of others. Well, that applies to marriage
and applies to sexuality within marriage. The
implication in verses three and four is that
husbands and wives should always seek to satisfy
each other sexually so that their eyes and hearts
have no need to look elsewhere. Satisfy your
spouse sexually so that they won't have to roam
and fall into adultery. Neither has the authority
to deprive the other sexually. You are one flesh.
Your bodies are surrendered to each other. That
means both husband and wife should view sex as
a joyful obligation to their spouse. A joyful
obligation. They should approach it with eagerness
and excitement, and both husband and wife should
prioritize bringing pleasure and satisfaction
to their partner. Both. It's not just for the
guy, right? Both. Yes, sex and marriage is given
to us for pleasure. I was wondering if I was
going to get an amen there. It's a gift from
God. for our pleasure within the boundaries of
covenant marriage. And we shouldn't be afraid
of that, and we should guard against coming to
the conclusion that sex is dirty, which I know
sometimes in conservative Christian homes, we
get raised with that, right? Our parents are
constantly telling us it's wrong, wrong, dirty,
dirty. And then at the wedding altar, we have
to flip a switch, which is hard. It's difficult.
So we should think carefully about this and make
sure we see it as a gift from God for our pleasure.
Have you read the Song of Songs? The beauty and
the pleasure of sex. And again, shockingly, from
both the perspective of the man and the woman.
It's not just what the guy sees and thinks. but
the woman as well. We heard from Proverbs 5 in
our call to worship earlier, right? Very poetic
terms about the joy of sex. And my favorite line
from that, it's Proverbs 5, 19. It says to the
husband, be intoxicated always in your wife's
love. Man, imagine if that was your focus, husbands,
as you woke up every morning. I want to be intoxicated
in my wife's love. On the flip side, if we ignore
what God says about sex, and we choose instead
to be selfish about it, we're going to reap what
we sow, and that is an unfulfilled marriage.
And where does that lead us to? It leads us into
danger. Unfulfilled marriages sexually lead us
into temptation. It weakens the protective aspect
of God's gift of marriage. It leaves the door
open to immorality. So if you truly love your
spouse, you would never intentionally put them
in a place of vulnerability. Out of your own
selfishness, right? Think about that. And if
you say, of course not, well then trust God with
what he says here. In recent messages on this
topic, we've been talking about how God defines
sex as more than just physical, right? There's
this deep emotional and spiritual bond that happens
when two become one flesh. And as Christians,
we should be free to embrace that, enjoy that.
In fact, author Stuart Babbage puts it so beautifully.
Look at, oh man, I'm way behind. Look at this
quote. He says, from one point of view, it may
be spoken of as a safety valve for irresistible
desire, but for the Christian man, the sexual
life is infinitely more than that. It is a breathtaking
experience, a bold and blessed intoxication.
Wow. Is that the way you see your sexual relationship
with your wife, with your husband? So first we
affirm that sex is a gift from God. By the way,
there's... There's so many more things I could
say about this. I'm running out of time. But
there's so many more, so many important nuances
that we could talk about. I'm just going to give
you a few rapid fire ones to sort of help you
with this. So first one is this. We affirm that
sex is a gift from God. And because it's a gift
from God, it has to be handled carefully. It
has to be expressed in love. That means care.
That means respect. That means sensitivity. We
call it making love for a reason. If love is
missing, you're doing it wrong. If it's just
a purely physical thing and your spouse's body
is just an object to be used, you're doing it
wrong. Amen? Second thing, please don't use Paul's
teaching here as a weapon that you can pick up
and wield against your spouse. Don't use it as
a demand for sex anytime you feel like it. Just
forcing that upon your spouse without care or
concern for where your spouse is at. We talk
about in Heartwood how you have to constantly
be a student of your spouse. Become more and
more attuned over the years to one another's
unique cycles and needs and growing and understanding
them better so that you don't have to get to
this place where I'm demanding things. Also,
don't use Paul's words here as a way to justify
putting off sex with your spouse. I've heard
people claim, well, look, I've got all these
spiritual concerns going on in my life, and I
really do need to pray a lot more, so I'm going
to put off the sex. Don't use that as a weapon.
That is manipulative. Third thing, when it comes
to sex, communicate, communicate, communicate.
Husbands and wives need to talk about their needs.
Talk about their struggles. Yes, talk about the
issue of frequency. Consider planning out your
sex life if you have to so that you're not relying
on spontaneity that doesn't always happen. You're
one flesh. Open up to each other. Share what's
going on in your heart. Share what's happening
with your body. This is your closest friend,
your one flesh partner. Open up. Have time to
share with one another. Fourth thing, keep working
at being attractive to your spouse. That means
flirting. You can flirt with your spouse. That
means sharing kind words, compliments of one
another. That means romance, date nights. That
means taking care of your body. Those things
don't end just because you got married. Stay
physically attractive to your spouse. Fifth,
realize that the overall quality of your relationship
is a huge contributing factor to your sex life.
If a husband and wife aren't biblically healthy,
if they're disconnected, if they're not communicating
well, if they're living independently, then any
sex that does happen is going to feel like a
chore. It's not going to feel like joy. And worse,
if there's unresolved anger or bitterness or
resentment or hurt feelings in the relationship,
sex is probably off the table. And again, that
puts both of you in a dangerous place. So focus
on getting spiritually healthy and you will see
your sex life begin to improve. And then finally,
don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Don't be
embarrassed. This is a tricky issue. It's more
complex and trickier than most people think.
So if you're struggling, don't stay silent and
just sin against each other. Come to a trusted
friend, come to an elder, come to a member of
our women's council. and ask for help. Amen?
All right, I gotta wrap up. Look at verse five.
Stop depriving one another, except by agreement
for a time, so that you may devote yourselves
to prayer and then come together again so that
Satan will not tempt you because of your lack
of self -control. But this I say by way of concession,
not of command. Now notice, present imperative
here. Stop doing this. Stop depriving yourself.
He's basically telling us that the celibates
in the church in Corinth are doing this. He's
like, stop it. He's rebuking them here. Notice
at the end of verse six, again, that Paul's not
claiming this as a divine command from God, but
something he views as a concession, an application
of wisdom. If a husband and wife are not engaging
in regular sexual activity, there should be,
wait for it, important ground rules in place.
If a couple's not having sex regularly, there
should be some important ground rules. Number
one, it should be by mutual agreement. You shouldn't
have just one spouse going no. It should be agreed
upon. That's number one. Number two, it should
only be for a time, and I would say a set time,
not indefinitely, not left open -ended, well,
I'll let you know when I feel like it again,
but a set time. Number three, it should be for
spiritual purposes. like prayer. Basically, it's
an agreed upon fast from sex because of some
burden or obligation that for a time takes a
priority in your life. You're going to focus
your energies on that and not on sexual relations.
And finally, number four, that you recognize
that when you choose to abstain for a time, you
are opening yourself up to the temptations of
the enemy. You've got to be aware of that. You've
got to be aware of that. How the enemy loves
to establish a wedge between husbands and wives
in the church. Man, what a victory for him that
is. He knows that a couple who's struggling in
the area of sex is a weakened target. They become
more susceptible to adultery, more susceptible
to pornography. So if we're in a season of deprivation
in this area, both husband and wife have to be
on alert. Yeah, we're doing this for a specific
reason, but we're on alert. Because we know we're
weakened in that place. And then we come together
as soon as possible to reestablish that protective
aspect of marriage. Amen? Listen, I have to end
it there. But again, a lot more could be said.
For now, let me just challenge you. Whatever
stage of life you're in, as we close. Singles.
Singles, read this chapter on your own. Meditate
on this chapter. Take it before the Lord in prayer.
Flesh out your heart before him. Be honest before
God. Lord, are you calling me to this? I'm discontent.
Whatever's going on, singles, take it before
the Lord. Consider sharing maybe with a trusted
friend how you feel about your singleness, whether
you think it's a calling from God or is it something
else. Don't ignore it. Don't ignore it. Take
it to the Lord. Talk to your friends in the body
of Christ. To the married, there's a whole lot
here that you can and should discuss together.
And I would strongly... encourage you to set
up a time today, tomorrow, this week, without
distractions, and just check in on each other
on the area of your sexual life. It's always
a good thing to do a checkup, right? And to talk
it through. Share your hearts openly and honestly.
Share your bodies with one another afterwards.
There's nothing better to get your marriage back
on track than to come back together in sexual
activity. So, have a discussion. Speak honestly.
You're one flesh. Right, couples? Okay. Let's
pray together. Father, I thank you for the practical
nature of your word. In your sovereign purposes,
Lord, you brought about a letter from... these
sinners in Corinth to Paul to address these issues.
And 2 ,000 years later, here we are learning
from it, Lord. So thank you for your wisdom in
teaching us these things. And these are hard
things, God. We admit that. Hard for me. Hard
for all of us. These are sensitive areas. These
are vulnerable areas. And we struggle so much
in this culture that we live in. So, Lord, my
prayer for myself, for my wife, for... For those
in the audience here today, for our singles,
my prayer is, Lord, that you would speak to our
hearts about the deep truths of this passage,
that we would be open to spending time with you
by the Spirit, to pray through these things,
and to open up our hearts and minds to you and
then to others in the body, that these things
would not be issues that we hide under the carpet.
but they would come into the light and we would
talk well about them and seek after truth. So
help us to do that, Lord, because sometimes we're
just not good at this. We need you to carry us
through. So again, thank you for our time together
this morning. Be glorified in us as we sing praises
to your name. In Christ's name we pray, amen.