You are ambassadors for Christ. Did you know
that? That's what Paul said to the Corinthian
church way back in the first century. Wherever
you go in this world, you represent the truth
of God's word, he said. Let me say that again.
Wherever you go in this world, you represent
the truth of God's word. That is true of us today.
Whether we're consciously aware of it as we sort
of stumble into our day, that is true of us.
And it's a biblical truth that we should not
take lightly, something that we should intentionally
try to keep in the forefront of our thinking,
that we are walking models of what it means to
know Jesus as Savior and Lord. Paul puts it this
way, it's as though God himself were making an
appeal through you. Through us, he is appealing
to the people around us. to become as we are,
reconciled to God through the sacrifice of His
Son, who became sin on our behalf. And as a result,
by His grace, His righteousness has been credited
to our account before the Father. That's the
appeal that God is making through us, that the
people around us too can be reconciled in that
same way. And what an amazing reality that we
possess. First, positionally, that we are actually
really seen as righteous before the Father. And
second, practically, that we now have the privilege
of showing the world what it looks like to live
out that identity as a son or daughter of God,
to let people around us see the changes in our
lives, to have them see that the Christian life
is beautiful and that it's consistent with the
way God designed us. in his image, that we're
flourishing in that design that he gave us. It's
a beautiful, beautiful thing. So we have a positional,
beautiful status and a practical, beautiful status.
So it's true, the world is watching. Today, tomorrow,
when you go to work, when you go to the mall,
whatever, the world is watching, the people you
know, the people around you, especially the people
to whom you have professed that you are a Christian.
Those people are really watching, the ones who
know that you go to church, the ones who know
that the life of the church is central to who
you are. They're watching. And we should be glad
that they're watching because God has saved us
in part for that very purpose that we would be
ambassadors, living, breathing, walking gospel
tracks to a lost and dying world. Here's the
way Dr. MacArthur once put it. I like this. He
said, if the saving grace of Christ is to reach
all men, it's going to depend on the character
of the church. If we honor the word, silence
the critics, and demonstrate that God is a saving
God by our transformed lives, then the gospel
will be powerfully effective. That's a great
truth. Now, there are many ways that the world
is watching, and most of the time, it's just
in the daily moments of life under the sun. But
when they judge our lives, know that they're
not just judging us, they're judging what we
say we believe. They're judging what we have
told them we put our faith in. So that means
who God is, who Jesus is, what the gospel is,
and whether or not we truly believe that the
Bible is true. Is Christianity real, they ask,
or is it just empty religion? So they look to
you and I. To answer that question. So they ask,
how does that guy conduct himself in his neighborhood?
And they watch. How does she speak to people?
How does she speak about people? Is he kind to
strangers or is he uncaring and indifferent?
What does her social media say about her character?
How does he spend his free time? What things
does he prioritize in his life? How does she
disagree with others? with patience or with anger.
Friends, there's a million ways that the world
is watching because they've identified you, as
Paul has, as an ambassador for this thing that
you say you believe. And so they're watching.
And one of the most important ways that we represent
Christ as they watch is in our marriages and
in our families. And that's where we are headed
this morning. Do our marriages and families bring
honor to God's word or does it send a mixed message?
Grab your Bibles. We're going to Titus chapter
two. If you're not there already, if you're newer
with us, welcome. We have been sort of, can I
say loitering in these verses? Is that fair?
Hanging around, spending time in this beginning
section of Titus chapter two, because Paul is
walking through categories of believers in the
church. And two Sundays ago, he addressed the
older men in the church. We talked about that.
And then last Sunday, We addressed the precious
older women in the body of Christ. We spent quite
a bit of time talking about the importance of
spiritual mothering. How in verses 3 and 4, Paul
specifically tells the older ladies that they
have a huge and important role to play in helping
families and by doing so in building healthier
churches. The specific call for the older ladies
was for them to take the younger women under
their wing and to teach them. and teaching both
by word but also by example what it looks like
to be a Christian woman. So important to healthy
churches. So today we move on, but let's back
up to verse 1. We need to start there because
that's the foundation. Then we'll drop down to
verse 3, read through verse 5, and our key verses
for this morning will be verses 4 and 5. Remember,
the foundation for everything that Paul says
in this section is rooted in this thing we call
sound doctrine. In other words, Paul's instructions
are not just practical. They're not just pragmatic
things that will make your life go smoother.
This is divine truth. And therefore, it's not
just a suggestion. These are actual commands,
and we should look at them as such. Verse 1,
but as for you, Titus, speak the things which
are fitting for or consistent with sound doctrine.
Got it? That's good. That's the foundation. Now
verse three, older women likewise are to be reverent
in their behavior, not malicious gossips, and
a better translation as we talked about last
week, not slanderers, nor enslaved to much wine.
And here comes the key to this morning's lesson,
teaching what is good. Older ladies, teaching
what is good so that they may encourage the young
women to do the following. And here's the list
we're gonna walk through this morning. To love
their husbands. to love their children, to be
sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being
subject to their own husbands so that, purpose
statement, so that the word of God will not be
dishonored, will not be slandered or discredited.
So tons to work through here, you guys. In fact,
I almost thought about making this two Sundays,
but then I... You guys have already shown me
enough patience. So we're going to try to get
all this in here, but this is going to be a challenge.
Now, as we've done the last two weeks, we should
start by saying, well, what is a younger woman?
How is Paul defining that? And once again, darn
it, he doesn't give us a number. That would have
been super helpful. But it's obviously clear
here that he's talking about women who are old
enough to be married and old enough to be in
this stage of either bearing children or raising
children. So the range of ages back in his day
would have been different than today because
back then life was shorter and life started earlier.
So back then he may have had in mind like 17
to 30. We're very different today. So for today,
just as a guide, and you can quibble, you can
send me an email later, whatever you need to
do. The best way maybe to think about this is
in that age range, that sweet spot of maybe 25
to 45. I know some of you who are 46 or 47, you're
like, did you just leave me out in the cold?
Sorry about that. You're going to have to decide
which category you're in. Anyway. Okay, 25 to
49. How's that? Just because I don't want to
get those emails. Okay. Now, before we dive in
deeper, let me state the obvious here. There
are parts of this passage. that if some people
from our culture would walk in here this morning
and hear me read that, they would gasp in horror.
They would just be aghast at us as Christians.
Love your husbands? What if he's not worthy of
love? Be pure? Well, what if she doesn't feel
like being pure? What if she wants to be something
else? Be subject to your own husband? Not a chance.
Not going to give up that power. That's what
so many would say. Now, what's interesting is
there have been times in human history where
everything in this passage would have been almost
universally accepted. These were the basic standard
norms of society. But as you know, today it's
become very muddled and very confusing, even
for younger Christian women who are trying to
figure out this world that they've been born
into, how to navigate their identity. in this
world, their role in this culture. And it's especially
hard for younger women who have come into the
church who didn't grow up in Christian homes,
who didn't have these values, weren't raised
in them, didn't have unique Christian examples
to look at. For them to have been raised in the
world and spending so many years being told by
the culture what they're supposed to be. But
then coming to know Christ and reading passages
like this one, this is a shock to the system.
And so those of us who were blessed to be raised
in the church should acknowledge that and understand
this is not easy for everybody. For some of you,
you're like, I've been studying this all my life.
But for many who come into the church, these
are really hard principles. This was the case,
by the way, in first century Crete. Coming out
of pagan culture and into the church would have
been a radical change for young mothers and young
wives. They'd have to become accustomed to a
whole new set of values and priorities taught
by the apostles. And if they had a husband who
had not responded to the gospel and he was unbelieving,
it would be incredibly hard for them to sort
of reorient their thinking and their lives around
what Paul says here. So we have to understand
that. We have to be gracious towards one another
in receiving the truth of this text. It is true.
It is God's design and God's plan, but we need
to be gracious because everybody's going to receive
this. in a unique way based on their background
and what they've been taught. Now, last Sunday,
I mentioned that preaching a message directed
to older women was a bit of a minefield. For
any man to stand on a pulpit and say, okay, ladies,
I'm talking to you, that is a minefield because
this is really sensitive stuff. When we get to
today with younger women, this is even more difficult.
And so prayer is appreciated. Because this is
very sensitive stuff. And by the way, I know
that in the time that I have, I can't address
every one of your situation, ladies. There's
going to be unique situations, and so I've got
to speak kind of generally today. But if you
have a particular situation where you come up
to me or to one of our women's counsel later
and say, look, I appreciated what Jeff said,
but it didn't quite fit my situation, please
feel free to do that. And we'll give you wise
counsel based on Scripture to help you in your
unique situation. But we're going to speak kind
of generally today. But know this, this simple
set of commands, and they are simple and straightforward.
This is not, well, you know, it could mean this
or could mean that. These are pretty straightforward.
If these things are embraced and obeyed by the
younger women in the church, it has immense implications
for the kingdom of God. And it potentially has
a huge role in being a wonderful witness to the
world about how the Christian life can transform
us from the inside out. Make sense? Okay, now
let's think about this for a moment. We just
dropped ourselves into the middle of the New
Testament and looking at God's plan and design
for women. But obviously, this goes back much,
much further, doesn't it? It didn't just show
up here in Titus. Paul's not teaching anything
new. In this passage, you have to know that.
And his teaching didn't come out of nowhere.
It's all built on the foundation of the book
of Genesis, which I'm sure you thought about.
Back in Genesis 3, after the fall, you might
recall that God cursed Eve, everybody's favorite
ancestor, right? Cursed Eve in two ways, right?
To the woman, God said, I will greatly multiply
your pain and childbirth. Thank you, Eve. In
pain, you will bring forth children. Now, look
at this. Yet your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you. Now, the gut reaction
to that is, well, why is that a bad thing? Shouldn't
a wife have a desire for her husband? But the
language can be deceiving here. In the very next
chapter, in Genesis chapter 4, God speaks to
wicked Cain, and he says this. Sin is crouching
at the door, and its desire is for you. Now,
we would obviously say that's not a good thing.
So built into the Hebrew phraseology here for
desire is the concept of, wait for it, wanting
control. So sin wants to control the sinner.
And the curse upon the woman would be the temptation
to want to control the relationship with her
husband. To want control. And yet God says to
Eve, you're going to struggle for that. You're
going to want that power. You're going to want
that position. But he is going to exercise dominion
over you. So what does that sound like? It sounds
like conflict, doesn't it? Now, before the fall,
God established a divine order for the sexes.
Adam was made first. Eve was made from Adam.
By the way, Paul picks that up. In 1 Timothy
2, as part of the reason for why he instructs
the church, because of that divine order, it's
important to God. He made Adam first. He made
Eve second from Adam. And Adam is originally
tasked to subdue and cultivate the earth. And
then God gives him Eve as a helper, that together
they might complement each other and together
they might fulfill the purposes that God had
ordained for both of them together as one flesh.
So that structure of things was given before
the fall, which means that male headship and
female submission were good and healthy. And
we'll get to more of that later. But once sin
entered into the created order, everything got
wonky and everything got contentious. From that
point on, conflict would ensue in marriages.
There would be this struggle where the wife would
want to gain power and control over her husband
and where her husband would respond in bad ways,
wanting to exert his authority and rule over
his wife in ways that aren't loving, in ways
that aren't healthy. And this is part of our
fallen nature. So Paul reminds Titus, you have
to make sure that the older women who have walked
through this will now go to the younger women
and help them battle against this desire that
is rooted deep within their flesh. Help them
battle against it, this desire to control their
husband and to lead in the relationship. So that's
the foundational understanding. Again, Paul's
not teaching anything new here. It comes out
of the book of Genesis. So look back at the end
of verse 3 for a moment. Notice the older women
are supposed to teach what is good. Well, we
have to decide what does that actually mean?
What kind of good teaching does Paul have in
mind? And that begins in verse 4. Paul says the
older women are to encourage the younger women
to do this whole list of things. Now, three of
those things, or seven total, three of them are
what I would call general character traits that
a younger woman ought to develop. And then four
of them are specifically applied in the home.
So that's where we're headed for before we're
done. Now, we looked at that word that Paul uses
for encourage last Sunday, the Greek verb sophronizo,
and it has this amazing range of meaning, including
the idea that older women should help the younger
women, get this now, come to their senses about
God's expectations for them. Come to their senses
about what God expects from them as Christian
young women. So when the younger women get wobbly
in life, as we're all prone to do, the older
ladies are called to come alongside them and
put them back on track with their experience,
with their wisdom. And that process implies that
there is a strong ongoing relationship between
the older and the younger, life -on -life training,
including support and advice and affirmation
and, if necessary, correction to get them back
on track. Does that make sense? Love when people
talk in church. It's wonderful. Okay, so three
general character traits beginning here in verse
five. Let's go through them here. Put them on
the screen as well. First, Paul wants the younger
women to be shown how to be sensible. Sensible.
Now that word comes from the same root as the
word encourage, sophron. So there's an obvious
connection here. Basically what he's saying here
is older women help the younger women to come
to their senses and start being sensible again.
Get them back on track. That means helping them
to think rightly. Okay, if their thinking has
gone wonky, get them back on track. Help them
to think rightly. Help them to make sure they
establish right priorities. And helping them
produce the fruit of self -control. This is what
Paul is aiming at. Older ladies, help them understand
to be sensible and self -controlled. And we all
need that when we're younger. Self -control,
right? Self -awareness, self -control. We need
this when we're younger. And the older folks
can help you with that. They can look back and
say, look, I get it. I was there once. Let me
tell you a wiser way. That's number one. Second
thing, he wants them to be pure. Hagnos in the
Greek. So this means to live in a way that is
modest and morally virtuous. And in relation
to marriage, it means living a life that is faithful.
To your covenant husband. Faithful to your husband.
By the way, this is the same Greek word that
Peter uses in his first letter where you might
recall he talks about this interesting situation
where women who are believers are now married
to disobedient men, he says. He talks about how
they have an opportunity in the midst of that
very difficult situation. And some of you ladies
know this. You're a believer, you're striving
to please God, but your husband is disobedient.
Peter's advice is, win your husband over by a
combination of your purity, that's the word he
uses, and respectful behavior. Your purity and
your respectful behavior. And he goes on to describe
what that looks like. And the focus in Peter's
letter is on the woman's inner self, her heart,
her character, and how her beauty doesn't just
come from outward adornment, but it comes from
within. It's the beauty of having a gentle and
quiet spirit, which is precious in God's sight.
So he says, if you're in that situation, focus
on those things. And he says, look, this is how
godly women of all ages have adorned themselves
with beauty that is inside out. Not that outside
beauty is bad, but it starts within, inside out.
And so Paul then picks up on that same theme,
saying, therefore, Titus, make sure that the
older woman in Crete are teaching and showing
the younger women how to be pure in that same
way, to develop that strength of character that
makes her beautiful, both inside and out. That's
what I want you to do, Titus. Make sure the older
women are causing that to come to be. So that's
the second thing, pure. Third thing, general
characteristic, the older women should teach
the younger women to be kind. Now, that seems
like a slam dunk, an obvious thing, right? The
Greek word agathos. And it can be translated
as good. It can be translated as pleasant or
agreeable. But I love the use of the word kind
here because this is one of my hot buttons that
I talk about a lot, especially in our Heartwood
Marriage Workshop. I have found that in many
marriages, kindness is missing. Kindness to our
spouse is not there. And it's amazing how we
often treat the ones closest to us with the least
amount of kindness. Have you noticed this? We'll
be kind to the person who comes up and takes
our order at the restaurant. We'll be super kind.
We go to Target and this cashier is maybe struggling
to ring us up. We'll be super kind and gracious.
And then we get home to our spouse and we're
anything but kind. Right? But we're Christians.
We're supposed to be kind to everybody, right?
We get home to our spouse, and what do we do?
We're so comfortable with them that we feel like
we can be grumbly and rude and short -tempered
with them. But why? Why do we do that? The question
is, were you faking it with the cashier? Were
you faking it when you were kind to that stranger,
or was that real? And if it was real, how can
you be patient and gracious with that stranger
but not with the one you're in covenant marriage
with? There's something wrong there, correct?
Just basic kindness with your spouse. If your
marriage is a struggle right now, ladies, here's
a great place to start. Be kind. Be pleasant.
Be a joy to be around. Find ways to bless your
husband with kindness and God will reward you.
Even if it's difficult, God will reward you.
Do what God says you should be doing as a younger
woman in marriage. Be kind. So those are the
three general character traits, and those are
good challenges, aren't they? Now, the next four
that Paul gives to us are specific to the home,
and this is where it gets a little bit more controversial.
Now, before I get into those things, let me preface
it with this thought. I want to enter into your
pain, ladies. Being a young woman today is not
easy. I know this is true because our culture,
our culture both out there in the world and in
the church, are constantly sending you subtle
messages, sometimes not so subtle messages, about
who you are and what you should be. In fact,
everything from on one side, feminist voices
that are telling you to be this dominant career
woman, independent of men, and to not let bearing
children get in the way of you fulfilling your
dreams and your wants and desires, that's on
the one side. And then the other extreme, and
I'll put this on the screen. That's AI, I think.
On the other extreme, hyper -traditional voices
telling you that you must stay at home and that
your only calling in life is to become some type
of super homemaker and super mom. And you've
got to look like one of those two pictures. Don't
buy that. Because of these voices, I know that
there are many young Christian women who are
not sure about what to do in the future, what
they're truly supposed to be. And guys, this
is so typical of Satan's tactics. Remember, he
always wants to destroy the building block of
society, which is the home. He wants to destroy
the family unit. And one of his most powerful
weapons is confusion. He will try to confuse
you. He will want to try to pit men against women
and women against men. He will want to tempt
women to abandon the home and tempt men to wander
away from their families. He will want to cause
feelings of inadequacy and fear to rise up within
you and then to stir things up with all kinds
of cultural pressure and social media. And it's
one thing if he can orchestrate those things
in the world, that's bad enough. But when he
can do it in the church with believers, that's
where he really wins. Causing the word of God
to be slandered and the name of Christ to be
blasphemed because we bought into lies and extremes.
So we have to look at what God's word actually
says about marriage and about children and about
the structure of our homes. And then, ladies,
you have to embrace it and wipe away all that
confusion and say, I know these voices are coming
at me, but I can shut those out. I can look at
God's word and I know exactly who I am and what
I'm supposed to be. Do you trust God enough to
do what he says and not what these other voices
are saying? That's a really important question.
I'm going to get that picture off the screen
soon, I promise. So let's look at the four commands
for the home in verses 4 and 5. So sandwiched
in between pure and kind is the instruction for
older women to make sure the younger women are
functioning as workers at home. Workers at home.
Now, as we've seen before in this series, You
have this phrase in English that if you go to
the original Greek, it's just one word, and this
is another one of those examples, a compound
word, oikorgas, which comes from two root words,
oikos, which means home, and this word oros,
which is a word that is usually applied to, it
could be applied to a guard or somebody who keeps
watch over something. So keeping watch at home.
That's the calling here. And so Paul is encouraging
the younger women. to focus their attention on
the home, to make the home their priority and
their domain and to do it for the benefit of
others. Do it for the benefit of their husband
if they're married and for their kids if they
have kids. Make the home your domain and then
extend it even beyond that to others in the body
of Christ through generous hospitality to keep
watch over your home. Now, this is why we did
the Proverbs 31 woman as our call to worship
this morning. How could we not look at the Proverbs
31 woman? It's the description of an excellent
wife according to what the Lord says. And if
God says this is an excellent wife, we should
closely examine her and look at both what she
does and what she doesn't do. Now, I know it's
common for young women today to sneer just a
little bit. At the Proverbs 31 woman. And I get
it. I actually understand why young women sometimes
go, please don't do that to me. Because it seems
that she sets such an impossible standard for
any woman to reach. And so ladies, let me say
this. God has not given you the Proverbs 31 woman
to make you feel bad or to discourage you. I
know the temptation is to feel that. That is
not God's purpose. She's presented to us as what
we call an archetype. Or an ideal type in poetic
form. And it's important to note that. The goal
in looking to this woman is not to compare yourself
and start feeling inadequate, but to see her
as an ideal. Something to shoot for. And to be
inspired and challenged, listen now, to excel
in certain areas where she excels. Because here's
the reality. Not every woman out there is...
gifted or skilled to do all the things that the
Proverbs 31 woman does. And not every woman out
there is in a position in life to be able to
do everything that the Proverbs 31 woman does.
So don't get discouraged. It's actually more
important that you see the principles behind
what she prioritizes than the details of what
she does. And that's so often true of Scripture.
What's the principle behind this? We get lost
in the weeds and sometimes we miss the forest,
right? To me, what's beautiful about the Proverbs
31 woman is that she's capable, she's talented,
she's ambitious. To be honest, when you look
at it, she's a woman ahead of her time, isn't
she, in many ways. This is the ancient world,
right? But having said that, the critical point
about the way she views her life and her role
is in all of her dealing, she makes her home
a priority. She makes her home the priority,
which is what Paul is telling the older women
should help the younger women with. You can be
a worker at home and still do many things, ladies.
That's possible. The Proverbs 31 woman, she buys
and she sells. She makes investments. She imports
goods. She even helps the poor. But in all that,
she's not driven by a spirit of career building.
She's not driven by a spirit of trying to be
independent from her husband. Today we would
say she's not seduced by the secular voices and
culture that tell her what it means to be fulfilled.
She doesn't buy that. For the excellent wife,
it comes back to her household. That is the place
where she wants to pour her heart into. And all
the other things she does is for the benefit
of that place, for that domain. It says she works
with her hands in delight. She delights to work
with her hands at home. She cares for, she feeds
her family there. So while she has lots of interests
and she has freedom to do all kinds of things,
the home is her beautiful, flourishing domain
where she honors God and serves others. It's
a beautiful model. It's a beautiful model. And
I know in this current world where you're hearing
all these feminist voices, you're like, is that
enough? God says it is. And that's a point of
prayer for every one of you ladies. To receive
that well is a divine word. Most notably, what
comes out of her example is a few incredible
statements in this chapter, and I'll put them
on the screen. The heart of her husband trusts
in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She
does him good and not evil all the days of her
life. What a beautiful thing for her husband
to trust in her. That is, I can tell you as a
husband, what an amazing sense that is to know
that I... 100 % trust my wife. Strength and dignity
are her clothing. She's not a weakling, right?
She's not a doormat being kicked around. Strength
and dignity are her clothing. She smiles at the
future. She's optimistic about where God is taking
her and her husband. She opens her mouth in wisdom
and the teaching of what? Kindness is on her
tongue. She's wise. She's smart. Her children
rise up and bless her, her husband also, and
he praises her saying, many daughters have done
nobly, but you, my wife, you, my dear, you excel
them all. I mean, how many wives don't want to
hear that from their husbands? She's incredible.
So for the younger women of today, know that
you have lots of freedom to do a lot of different
things, but like this woman in this chapter,
this ideal, again, let me just stress that, this
ideal. You have to make wise choices to prioritize
the right things if you want to please the Lord
and live out this calling for your life and that
of your family. You've got to make the right
choices. You've got to prioritize things. And
every woman's situation is going to be unique.
Let me just say that again. absolute blueprint
for this. Many times what you're going to have
to do is say, okay, well, I see that example,
but this is my life. These are my skills. This
is what I'm able to do. And you're going to need
to go talk to a godly woman, one of those older
women, 50 plus, and say, help me. And that's
what we long to do as older people to say, okay,
look, I've tried this. I've done this. Here's
the mistakes I made. Here's the things I did
right. Here's where God gave me victory. Let
me walk. through this with you. And that's the
whole purpose of this. Okay, is that workers
at home? Everybody get that? That was a lot.
Second thing, encourage the young women to love
their husbands. Now, there's an important historical
context that goes with this. Remember, we are
talking about first, an island in first century
Greece, right? And we already talked about the
character of the Cretans. Right? They're awful,
right? By the way, we know that even, did you
know that, this is a rabbit trail, the Philistines
that the Israelites battle with all throughout
the Old Testament, probably from Crete originally,
from the Aegean Sea. Anyway, that's an aside.
Think about the historical condition, the men
and women on this island in the first century.
This is a very patriarchal society, much more
than ours is today. So men and women on Crete
that are being saved out of that culture mostly
would not have even an idea of what romantic
or emotional love would look like. It's really
not part of their radar. Their marriages back
in that day would be based on family and tribal
connections. For women, it would be a matter
of, can I find a man to be betrothed to who will
provide for me in this harsh life that we're
living? Because women needed to survive. And
in return, the wife's role was, you know what?
I'll bear children. We need lots of children
to survive. We'll bear children. I'll be the
keeper of the home. So picture this. Marriage
in this context is mostly functional and not
romantic and not emotional. We always put that
sort of modern layer on top of it, but that's
not the case here. This is why Paul has to instruct
the young ladies to love their husbands. Because
it wouldn't be automatic. And it might have to
be an act of their will, a deliberate effort
to love this man that I'm now in covenant with.
So Paul says to Titus, look, I want you to tell
the older women, and if they have to go house
to house, door to door to do this, tell them
to do it. Teach the younger women how they can
become their husband's best and most intimate
friend. Did you catch that? Teach them how to
become their husband's best and most intimate
friend. And that comes out of the language in
the text because the word that Paul uses for
love here is exactly that. He does not use agape
here, which is the word for love that we're so
used to seeing. It's not agape. He uses phileo,
which when you combine it with the word for man,
which is aner, you get philandros. There it is.
It basically means love your man. Love your man,
philandros. Notice again, this is not agape.
I'll put these words on the screen. Agape is
the highest form of love. It's self -sacrificial
love. It's also not eros, which you might expect
here, which is romantic or erotic love, sexual
love. It is philia, and that is the love of a
deep friendship. Now, isn't that interesting
that in writing love your husbands, this is the
word that Paul chooses. I want you to have a
deep and intimate friendship with your husband.
Now, by using that word, Paul's not saying don't
be self -sacrificing. He's not trying to avoid
the romantic side of it. He's simply highlighting
this one aspect of marriage. So, younger ladies,
listen to this now. You should strive to love
your husband as his closest friend. His companion
and his partner. And I can testify, now heading
into my 35th year of marriage, that... It just
means I'm old, y 'all. But I can testify that
over the years, this is the thing that tends
to be the most important ingredient in a healthy
marriage. A level of friendship and affection
for each other that is deep and satisfying. To
long to be with that person. There is nothing
in this life that I do on my own that I don't
say, I wish I could share this with Tanya. That
deep and satisfying friendship. So you're not
always going to feel the rush of emotion later
on that you felt in those early years. But over
time, it becomes this beautiful, satisfied commitment
that goes beyond just what you feel in any given
moment. I know when you're young, you just feel
so many things. But later it's a committed, satisfied
feeling towards your wife. It's years and years
of living side by side as one flesh, both in
the good times and the bad and the ups and the
downs, but in all of it celebrating what God
has done in us. I once read this article and
this statement really struck a chord with me
about marriage. Listen to what it says. Marriage
is not so much falling in love as it is committing
to love and over time learning to love even more
deeply. I think that's beautiful. And that really,
I can just tell you from my experience, that's
what it is. That's what it is. So ladies, if
you don't love your husband in this friendship
way, you've got to start cultivating it. You've
got to plant it. You've got to tend it. You've
got to nurture it. You've got to be intentional
about this. Again, this is not just a suggestion
for marriage. It's a command from God. It's got
to be intentional. It requires effort. It requires
care and attention to detail. It's going to require
that you strive to be pure and kind and respectful
in the power of the Holy Spirit as you ask him
to help you do this well and to grow in it. What
you want to do is to build up your husband. You
want to be, change your thinking, be thankful
for him. Even if he's hard to love, to be thankful
for him. to seek to fill your home with peace
and joy, to make your household a place that
he longs to be in with you. This is what Paul's
getting at here to Titus. Make sense? Now, again,
I fully realize that some husbands are not very
lovable, and it's hard. But notice Paul doesn't
talk about the lovability of the man here. It's
a command to the ladies, find a way to love him
by the power of the Holy Spirit. And the reality
is it's a marriage we all sin against each other,
right? We do all the time. So any friendship
love in a marriage is always going to be by grace
and seasoned with constant forgiveness. This
is just relationships in a fallen world. There
have been times in my marriage, ask my wife,
when I wasn't all that lovable. But Tanya never
wavered. And so we still stand 35 years later
as one flesh by God's grace. developing that
friendship. Okay, the other command here that
you see with love, also in verse four, is to
love your children. Now, this one might seem
strange. You're like, well, that's just a completely
normal, natural thing. Doesn't every mother love
her children? But I think what Paul's getting
at here is he's encouraging not just feelings
of affection for her children, but he wants these
moms to implement certain actions that flow out
of that love. You love your kids, great start.
Now what actions flow out of that? Namely, cultivating
in her children godly character as they grow.
Godly character as they grow. The assumption
in Paul's instruction here is that young women
are going to need spiritual mothering in this.
They're going to need help. They're going to
need wise counsel from older ladies who now have
grown children. I mean, look, if you're a parent,
you know this. Raising kids is the hardest thing
that God has ever given me to do. It is incredibly
difficult. We all need help. And if you can find,
ladies, an older woman, if she's operating from
biblical principles, who can get in there and
help you with parenting, that is an invaluable
source of help. And so that's what Paul wants
the older women to do. Get in there and help
them with parenting. Set as your goal helping
your kids to see you as an example of what it
means to know Jesus and to walk with him. Help
them develop that godliness in their lives by
looking at your life. This is at the core of
a mom's most important calling. Practically,
this is what love looks like in parenting. So
listen, if you thought, and man, there was a
day when I thought this, so I'm just gonna, moment
of transparency. If you thought that raising
kids was just about making sure they're polite
and obedient, that they get good grades in school,
That they say all the right things to adults
and that they don't embarrass you. If you thought
that's what godly parenting was, let me help
you come to your senses. All those things are
good. But the most important way a mother can
love her children is to point them to Christ.
To be an example of what it means to know Christ
and then to point them to him. And that means,
moms, you've got to be growing in the Lord. Right?
The best gift you can give your kids, moms, is
for you to be growing personally in your walk
with Jesus so they see that, and then when you
teach them, they see that connection between
your life and what you're saying. And that's
a great challenge as well. That's how you love
your children. So, there's one more instruction
now for younger women. And let's see, can I just
share this with you, ladies? This is something
I've been thinking about all week. There is no
way to overstate the importance of the role that
God has given you in building families and building
healthy churches. It is amazing. God has designed
you magnificently and wonderfully, and he has
such an important role for you to play if you'll
just embrace it and not fight against it. Men,
we need you. We need you as compliments. We need
you as helpers. We need you to fulfill God's
purposes. Men need you. You are a blessing to
us. You're a blessing to the world. You glorify
God in all the ways that he's designed you. So
don't ever accept this idea that you're somehow
just a second -class citizen in this marriage
or in this church or whatever, whatever lie you've
been told. You are fearfully and wonderfully
made. Okay, one more instruction here. Now, I
even hesitate to jump into this now. at 11, 14,
because this last thing is so complex and so
full of nuance, but I can't ignore it either.
So let's look at it. Look at the end of verse
five. Paul says to Titus, make sure the young
women are being subject to or submissive to their
own husbands. So this could be a sermon series,
right? It's so... It's difficult. This is hard.
This is controversial. But listen now, it is
also so essential to a healthy marriage. It amazes
me that something that is so essential, the correct
ordering of a marriage, has become so controversial.
And again, why is that? Because of our flesh,
because of our sin, because of what happened
in Genesis. We fight against it. Even though
it's God's design, and even though when you see
it happening in your marriage, this beautiful
design of headship and submission, when you're
in that sweet spot where both husband and wife
are fulfilling their roles well, it is the best
thing in the world. It is so sweet. And yet,
what do we do? No thank you. Kick against it.
Ah. It's just stuck in my flesh. So for today
here, I'll just say a few things. And I shared
this earlier. Male headship. And female submission
is God's divine order for marriage. And it is
rooted in his perfect creation before the fall.
Does not mean that the wife becomes a husband's
slave or doormat. It definitely does not mean
that she should follow him into sin. She does
not lose her voice or her opinion or her wisdom
when she submits to her husband. In every way,
the wife is ontologically equal to him, equal
in being, equal in value, yet with a different
function and role to play. Correct? And we see
this modeled even in the Trinitarian Godhead.
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Absolutely equal
in every way, yet with different functions. One
submitting to the other, right? And just to define
this more clearly, oh, and by the way, This should
be said as well. By submitting to her husband,
a wife is actually submitting to Christ. You
almost have to look past the knucklehead. No,
I'm just kidding. You have to look past the guy
and his faults as a sinner and see Christ. You're
submitting to Christ. This is a hard thing to
grasp, but when you submit to your husband, it's
actually an act of worship. I'll just let that
sit there. That's a hard one. But to define clearly
what this means, when the New Testament authors
use this word for submission, it's hupotasso
in the Greek, and it needs to be understood.
It means to order yourself or arrange yourself
under another. It was often used in military
context where, look, everybody in the military
is of equal value, but they rank one another
below each other based on some functional order.
So what that means is... Submission is a voluntary
act on the part of the wife. She submits not
because her husband demands that she submit.
She submits because God calls her to do that.
And so she voluntarily says, because God said
it, and I want to be obedient, I will arrange
myself underneath him as his helper, which is
a beautiful picture. She submits because God
commands it, and her response to that is freely
given. to order herself under her husband. And
again, we know it again. It begins with a heart
posture and an attitude within that then determines
how she acts. And none of us gets this right,
by the way. Men don't lead perfectly. Women don't
submit perfectly. But this is the model we've
been given, and it's beautiful if we'll embrace
it. And as many of you know, by the way, the
ordering of Christian marriage is actually has
a higher purpose in that it reflects the relationship
of Christ and his church, right? Right? The husband,
with the husband loving their wife sacrificially,
as Christ has loved you and I sacrificially,
and then the wife submitting to their husbands
as we as a body are called to submit to him.
So again, this is so nuanced and so complex and
so important, but there's all these layers of
meaning to this idea of submission. Let's embrace
it, can we? All right. I got a yes from my wife.
Winning. All right. Turning red again. Okay,
I'm going to close with this because I know my
time is short. If you look at the end of verse
5, you'll notice that Paul ends these commands
to younger women with a warning. Look what he
says. He says, ladies, do all these things. Live
this way so that the word of God will not be
dishonored. So the world out there doesn't slander
God's word or discredit God's word. Blow it off.
As I said at the outset, the world is watching,
and they're watching our marriages, and they're
watching our families. And if I could just draw
the puzzle of what we face in choosing to either
obey these things or not obey them, it's a good
question to ask, ladies. Do you shy away from
striving to be this type of woman for some reason?
Would you shy away from this for some reason?
And only you can answer that question. Let's
just say that you look at these commands and
you think to yourself, this is too antiquated.
This is too traditional for who I am. And I don't
see how living this way would ever actually draw
people to Christ. It doesn't make sense to me.
Wouldn't it be better if I was a little more
like the world to draw the world? But if I'm
this traditional wife doing these things, am
I actually going to repel people? Maybe I'll
do it my way here in my family, and that way
more of my friends will start asking questions
about Jesus. Let's just say that's your thinking,
because I've heard that before. Literally women
who say, yeah, I can kind of see why this is
good, but I don't see how it actually attracts
people to Christ. Let's just say that, though.
What happens then if one of these people you
have in mind starts to look into the things of
God? Isn't it likely that at one point they're
going to open up a Bible and see the commands
about marriage and family and say, you told me
you believe in everything this book says, but
you don't do this in your life. Hmm. Basically,
you revere yourself as a functional hypocrite.
You say you trust in Jesus, but you're intentionally
ignoring his word in the most personal aspects
of your life. In your own wisdom, you thought
that would be best. And two things come out of
that. First of all, it becomes a legitimate question.
If you truly love him, why would you ignore his
commands? But secondly, might your friend think,
well, what else does she believe but not do?
Are there other things that she says she believes
but she doesn't do and therefore is the Christian
life about picking and choosing what works for
me? Is that what I'm supposed to grasp from this?
Now the harder path that you can take is to say,
you know what, I'm going to trust God's wisdom
and I'm going to conform to God's design for
my marriage and for my family, albeit imperfectly,
but I'm going to strive for that. And even if
some people out there, my friends, neighbors,
whatever, sort of mock me for it or turn up their
nose at how I choose to live, I'm going to remember
that Scripture says I'm blessed for that. I'm
actually blessed when others persecute me for
doing what God says. And I'm going to hold to
that because I'm walking in a way that's consistent
with my profession of faith. I'm not going to
be a hypocrite. I'm not. I'm going to be a faithful
servant who takes God's word seriously. And when
it comes to drawing people to the gospel, I'm
going to trust that God is sovereign in that.
I'm not going to try to manipulate that or try
to be something I shouldn't be in order to draw
people. That's God's business. I'm simply going
to live faithfully before my friends. And then
if one of those mockers someday starts to read
the Bible or comes to know Christ for themselves,
guess what? They're going to look at it and go,
oh. This is why you live that way. Now I get
it. And that's what you want, friends. So which
is it going to be? Will you allow God's word
to be dishonored in pursuit of your own way?
Or will you trust that his way is always best?
His way is best for you personally, and it's
best for your witness to the world because they
are watching. Again, Dr. MacArthur had it right.
If the saving grace of Christ is to reach men,
it's going to depend on the character of the
church. And let me add to that, in a very unique
way, it's going to depend on the character and
the heart of our younger women. So you have a
huge and important role to play in your marriages,
in your families, as an ambassador for Christ.
Embrace it. Believe it. And live it. Amen? Let's
bow our heads. Father, once again, I'm amazed
at just the practical nature of your word. Lord,
you give us these lofty truths, these beautiful
principles for us to see in the text, but then
also the street -level things that we need to
do, Lord, to please you and to be a good witness
in the world. And Lord, as I said in the sermon,
I know how hard it is, how difficult it is to
be any young person today, but to be a younger
woman, to have to, Try to figure out life in
the midst of all these voices. Lord, would you
just bless each of these younger women who are
here today in a special way? Would you help them
to shut out those voices that we know are not
of you, voices that are lying to them, manipulating
them, and help them to just center themselves
on the things that you have called them to be
and the things that you've called them to do
and to rest in that. knowing that your divine
instructions are always best for us. Father,
we thank you that you are in the process of continuing
to put in order this local church. And I pray
that all of us will arrange ourselves under your
perfect design. Help us to do that, male, female,
older, younger. Help us to submit to you in all
things. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for our time together
this morning. Do a great work in us because of
this time we've had in your word. In Jesus' name
we pray. Amen.