1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,760 Well, today I'm fulfilling a promise that I have publicly mentioned countless times 2 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:09,780 for probably 10 years now. 3 00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:14,340 Almost every time I've preached a message in any way related to the church, I have threatened 4 00:00:14,340 --> 00:00:19,060 to one day preach a sermon about how to leave a church well. 5 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:21,260 And today is that day. 6 00:00:21,260 --> 00:00:22,340 Why now, you ask? 7 00:00:22,340 --> 00:00:27,120 Let me give you four reasons why I'm choosing to preach this message this morning. 8 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,980 First of all, there's a very practical reason. 9 00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:32,960 We've come to a place in our series in the book of John where it just makes sense for 10 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:37,320 me to hit the pause button and you'll find out why in the coming weeks. 11 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:44,200 Second, I'm convinced that how to leave a church well is a vastly overlooked and neglected 12 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:50,320 subject matter, primarily because most churches and most pastors don't want to deal with the 13 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,520 messiness of it. 14 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:57,440 But if unity in the church matters to Jesus, and trust me, it does, then we should be willing 15 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,780 to take this topic on. 16 00:00:59,780 --> 00:01:05,100 When to leave a church, why that decision might be right or wrong, and if you decide 17 00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:10,680 to leave a church, how to do it in a way that pleases the Lord. 18 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:14,920 Third reason, the spirit and the culture of the American church right now. 19 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:20,000 Because of recent events in our world, more and more churchgoers are feeling unsettled 20 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,760 and shifty. 21 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:25,980 And far too many are jumping around right now searching for all the wrong things for 22 00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:28,240 all the wrong reasons. 23 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,920 So I think this type of teaching is timely. 24 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:36,240 And then fourth, the Oak Hill Elder Team believes that this message can help in our membership 25 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,040 process moving forward. 26 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:42,200 The plan is, hopefully, is to have anyone considering making Oak Hill their home in 27 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:48,160 the future, have them listen to this message before committing to membership. 28 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:53,440 And the idea being this, that we want to shepherd you folks well into the body, we want to shepherd 29 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:57,920 you well while you're here, and if the day does come that you need to leave Oak at some 30 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:02,360 point, we want to make sure that we help you do that well too. 31 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:06,680 And listen, it's important that we work hard at maintaining unity, not just here in our 32 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:12,420 body, but among all of the churches in the Santa Clarita Valley and beyond. 33 00:02:12,420 --> 00:02:16,000 And let's be honest, for those of you in your 20s and 30s right now, you're likely going 34 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:20,880 to be a part of, I don't know, three, four, five more churches in your lifetime. 35 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:26,480 So if we're all going to have to leave churches at some point in the future, why not learn 36 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:31,320 how to do it well now in a way that glorifies Jesus? 37 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:35,280 So it's my hope and prayer that today's message and the conversations that will surely come 38 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:40,400 out of it will have a long-lasting impact on your spiritual walk and on your conduct 39 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:44,840 as good citizens of the kingdom of God. 40 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,400 So let's grab our Bibles. 41 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:52,480 I want to turn to Ephesians chapter 3. 42 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:56,160 Ephesians 3, before we get into the really practical instructions, what I want to do 43 00:02:56,160 --> 00:03:03,620 is lay a biblical foundation for God's passionate desire for unity in His body. 44 00:03:03,620 --> 00:03:10,060 So Ephesians 3, look at the final two verses, verses 20 and 21. 45 00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:11,060 Now here's the context. 46 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:15,960 Paul has just spent the first three chapters in Ephesians arguing that God's eternal purpose 47 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:19,880 is to sum up all things in Christ. 48 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:25,920 And in the process of doing that, he has talked about some of the highest and loftiest concepts 49 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:32,200 in the entire Bible, things like predestination and election and adoption and redemption, 50 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,800 the work of the Holy Spirit in the new birth. 51 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:39,720 And he has talked about this thing called the mystery of the gospel, which is this, 52 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:45,120 how God has brought together two formerly hostile groups, Jews and Gentiles, and made 53 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:49,000 them into one body, this thing we call the church. 54 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:53,200 And toward the end of chapter 3 here, Paul prays that the believers in Ephesus would 55 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:58,640 be rooted and grounded in love so that they might comprehend with all of the saints across 56 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:03,640 the entire world just how infinite the love of Christ is. 57 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:07,120 And then he sits back and he reflects on those glorious truths. 58 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,840 And it causes him to break out into a doxology of praise. 59 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:16,760 Verse 20 says, Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask 60 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:24,500 or think according to the power that works within us, to him be the glory in the church 61 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:28,760 and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. 62 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:29,760 Amen. 63 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:30,760 Wow. 64 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:32,440 What a beautiful doxology that is. 65 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,240 Now the subject of God's glory, it's a massive one. 66 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,200 We could do a whole series on it. 67 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:42,480 But notice in this passage how Paul points to the glory of God where? 68 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,240 In the church. 69 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:48,600 He says to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus. 70 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:54,920 So a huge aspect of God's glory is what he's done in gathering his elect into the one true 71 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:55,920 church. 72 00:04:55,920 --> 00:05:01,200 And by that I mean the one true people of God from all ages made up of people from every 73 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,920 nation, race, tribe and tongue. 74 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:07,880 That was God's sovereign plan established before the foundations of the world were even 75 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:08,880 laid. 76 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:13,920 To be glorified in this gathering of his people into one body through the person and work 77 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,240 of God the Son. 78 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:20,600 So the church is, listen to this, the church is God's masterpiece of grace. 79 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:25,600 It's designed to extend as we see here in verse 21 to all generations. 80 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,600 Catch that. 81 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,720 Forever and ever. 82 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:33,760 So the redeemed of God will be praising him and glorifying him for all of eternity because 83 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:39,560 of what he's done in gathering us into his church. 84 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,040 Friends this is really big stuff. 85 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:46,440 The church is such a lofty concept and that means you and I are part of something so much 86 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,120 bigger than ourselves. 87 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:53,760 But sadly, here's the point, sadly the average church goer today doesn't understand these 88 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,000 things. 89 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:59,320 Most people view the church in a very casual, very practical way. 90 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:03,200 They see it through a consumeristic me centered lens. 91 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,760 They think what works for me? 92 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,520 What am I going to get out of it? 93 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,280 What do I like or dislike about the church? 94 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,220 How am I being served? 95 00:06:11,220 --> 00:06:13,360 Do I connect with these people or not? 96 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:17,880 Is my church being run to meet my specific needs? 97 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:23,000 And for the past 40 or 50 years that has been the constant emphasis in the American evangelical 98 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:29,000 church and so now those ideas are deeply deeply rooted in so many of us. 99 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,560 So why are we surprised by conflict among believers? 100 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:37,080 If everyone in a group is focused on their own needs and their own wants and their own 101 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:41,900 feelings about everything, there's little hope for unity. 102 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:46,860 Is it any wonder that so many of us have experienced church splits today? 103 00:06:46,860 --> 00:06:51,360 Any wonder why people are hopping around from church to church or deciding you know what 104 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,680 I'll just stay home and watch online? 105 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:59,120 Because then I don't have to actually commit to anything or anyone or put myself out for 106 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,840 others. 107 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:06,360 Is it any wonder why the witness of the church in America today has grown so feeble? 108 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:11,600 And important for today's message is it any wonder why when Christians decide to leave 109 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:17,880 a local church that most don't feel the least bit concerned about how they do it? 110 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:22,560 Okay, so at the end of chapter 3 Paul has laid out the vision of God's glory in the 111 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:23,560 church. 112 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:28,300 The question now is this, how then should we live life in the church? 113 00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:31,380 How are we supposed to live life together in the church? 114 00:07:31,380 --> 00:07:34,340 Turn the page over to Ephesians 4 now. 115 00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:35,820 Look at Ephesians 4. 116 00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:42,080 Paul says, Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy, 117 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,480 worthy of the calling with which you've been called. 118 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:50,200 That calling that Paul speaks of here is the effectual calling of God in our lives, that 119 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:56,280 process where he sovereignly drew us to himself, where he caused the scales to fall off of 120 00:07:56,280 --> 00:08:02,320 our eyes so that we're able to see for the first time and believe, whereby his mercy 121 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:06,520 he made us alive in Christ and granted us eternal life. 122 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,660 That is a big deal. 123 00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:13,520 So in light of all that undeserved work that God has done in our lives, Paul now says, 124 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,920 walk in a manner worthy of that. 125 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:22,000 Conduct yourselves, especially in the church, in a way that lines up with the glorious height 126 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:26,200 of what God has done for you in Christ. 127 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,000 And how do we define that type of conduct? 128 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:34,820 Well, we have a clear description in verses two and three, with all humility and gentleness, 129 00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:42,480 with patience, showing tolerance for one another and love, being diligent to preserve the unity 130 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,280 of the spirit in the bond of peace. 131 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,920 Guys, those are relational terms, aren't they? 132 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:54,420 To walk in a manner worthy of God saving work in your life requires you and I to grow in 133 00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:57,640 relationship with others in the body. 134 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:04,000 And it requires putting on certain character traits that seek to preserve unity as of the 135 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,280 most important things we can do. 136 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:12,840 In fact, verse three says we're to be diligent about this, be diligent to preserve the unity 137 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,200 of the spirit in the bond of peace. 138 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,200 Here's what that means. 139 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:22,560 Listen now, that means that unity is not going to be easy and it's not going to happen automatically. 140 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:26,520 We have to be diligent about it, meaning most of the time it's going to take some work. 141 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:32,200 It will take a deliberate choice on each of our parts to obey God by submitting to one 142 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,960 another for the sake of unity and peace. 143 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:40,140 And to do that well, we have to put on the four character traits that Paul lists there 144 00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:41,700 in verse two. 145 00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:46,880 He says preserving unity requires all humility, all humility, it says. 146 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:51,400 That means we can't be half-hearted about humility. 147 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,200 We is first and foremost a posture of the heart. 148 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:58,760 It's expressed on the outside, but it's rooted deep within us or not. 149 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,000 It's literally a lowliness of mind. 150 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:06,320 It's not thinking more of yourself than you ought to, not making your needs and your wants 151 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,280 and your feelings the end all. 152 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:15,360 In Philippians two, Paul uses Jesus as our example saying to do nothing out of self-centeredness 153 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,520 but to regard everyone else as more important than yourself. 154 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:23,400 That is a difficult thing to do, but that is the example we're to follow, to regard 155 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,560 everyone else as more important than ourselves. 156 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:31,200 Imagine how powerful a church would be if every single member was seeking to live out 157 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:34,960 that command at the same time. 158 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:41,320 In addition to all humility, he says we also need all gentleness, meaning mildness of disposition. 159 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:46,160 This is a person who doesn't get bent out of shape easily, doesn't get upset or grumbling 160 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,720 when things don't go their way. 161 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,840 A gentle person doesn't start fires. 162 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,360 That's so important. 163 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:58,840 And when a fire does break out, they seek to put water on it, not gasoline. 164 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:03,600 A gentle person doesn't seek to retaliate when wronged, but seeks reconciliation and 165 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,880 peace and is quick to forgive. 166 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,760 So wow, that's all humility, all gentleness. 167 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:13,120 And then the third trait here is patience. 168 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:16,960 A Christian who is patient always plays the long game. 169 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:21,160 As they operate within the church, they focus on the big picture, not every little bump 170 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,500 in the road and every bruise they have to endure. 171 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:29,400 And therefore he or she walks with Jesus in a way that is steady and stable, not overly 172 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:34,440 emotional and not prone to high highs or low lows. 173 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:38,340 They're also patient, it says, with others in the body, always striving to think the 174 00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:43,660 best of their fellow church members and giving the Spirit time and room to mature them without 175 00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:49,160 making snap judgments and then sticking those judgments on people for the rest of your life. 176 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,340 They're patient. 177 00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:55,480 And then fourth and finally, we need to be a people who, it says, tolerate one another 178 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,840 in love. 179 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,000 And this one is hugely important for the church today. 180 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,940 Now that word tolerate has a bad connotation in our day. 181 00:12:02,940 --> 00:12:03,940 Don't be confused. 182 00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:09,200 He's not ordering us to tolerate sin in the body because tolerating sin is not love. 183 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:14,560 What he means here is that we need to bear with people who are different from us. 184 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:20,880 Remember, the church is beautiful in both its unity and in its diversity. 185 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:25,320 And in any church family you'll ever be a part of, there's going to be diversity. 186 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,320 What do I mean by that? 187 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:31,800 Well, people with different backgrounds, different church backgrounds, different traditions, 188 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:36,120 different personalities, different preferences, preferences, there will always be people who 189 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,320 seem quirky in your eyes. 190 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,320 Okay. 191 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,360 Or just plain difficult to connect with. 192 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:45,000 The question is, can you still bear with them? 193 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,680 And listen, I have news for you. 194 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:48,680 You are quirky too. 195 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:49,680 So am I. 196 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,800 And you want people to bear with you, right? 197 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:58,600 And not just bear with them as in grit my teeth and just put up with these people. 198 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:02,160 But as Paul says, tolerate them in love. 199 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,160 What does that mean? 200 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:08,040 Well, that means as much as I might struggle to connect with a particular person, if I 201 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:13,200 love them, I'm still going to seek their highest good and not my own. 202 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,920 And it means I want, I'm not just going to write them off or, or even be indifferent 203 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,240 toward them either. 204 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:23,000 If I love them, I'll be active in serving them despite my personal feelings. 205 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,360 Again, considering others more important than myself. 206 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:30,600 Friends, I know these things aren't easy, but be aware of this truth. 207 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:35,160 The beauty of the church on the earth and the power of our witness to the unbelieving 208 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:41,380 world is most clearly shown when we live out this call to unity. 209 00:13:41,380 --> 00:13:46,420 And as an ambassador for Christ, you're commanded to do your part towards establishing that 210 00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:50,840 type of unity and community here at Oak Hill. 211 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:56,140 And likewise, you're commanded not to be a person who divides the body or disrupts the 212 00:13:56,140 --> 00:14:01,640 unity that God is so passionate about establishing here. 213 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:02,640 Now let's keep going. 214 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,360 Look at verse four in the passage. 215 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:09,520 There is one body and one spirit just as also you were called in one hope of your calling 216 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:16,000 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and father of all who was overall and through 217 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,000 all and in all. 218 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:24,000 Now I almost spent a lot of time on these three verses because the meaning is so obvious. 219 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:28,600 Eight uses of the word one and four uses of the word all. 220 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:32,600 So how can we possibly miss what's being communicated here? 221 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,680 There's one body of Christ and we're all parts of that body. 222 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:42,140 There's one kingdom of God and we are all fellow citizens of that one kingdom. 223 00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:46,240 There is one household of God and we are all family members. 224 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:51,360 There's one bride of Christ and we are all united to our heavenly groom. 225 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:55,880 There's only one hope spending eternity and fellowship with Christ. 226 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,880 There is only one Lord and Savior. 227 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,200 There's only one faith and one baptism. 228 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:04,920 There's only one father who is sovereign overall through all and in all things. 229 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:10,200 So one, one, one, one, one, one and all, all, all, all. 230 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,680 Guys we are members of one another in Christ. 231 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:20,600 We are inseparable brothers and sisters in the truest sense linked together for all eternity. 232 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:25,080 We've got to keep that in mind as we talk about life in the church and the possibility 233 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:30,760 of having to leave a church that we are linked together for all eternity. 234 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,760 So that's high level stuff. 235 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,920 Big time theological stuff. 236 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,460 Let's now bring it down to the application level. 237 00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:43,320 How does this inform our actions when we consider leaving a church? 238 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,360 Well here's the first thing to say. 239 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,360 Being a part of a church has never been easy. 240 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,320 It's never been comfortable. 241 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,960 And that's due to who's involved in a church. 242 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:58,460 It is a bunch of sinners saved by grace on a journey in sanctification but still wrestling 243 00:15:58,460 --> 00:16:01,720 with the flesh and not always walking by the Spirit. 244 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:06,320 And that is, if you step back, that is a recipe for conflict. 245 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:11,280 Now the modern American church was already struggling with unity when the events of the 246 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:14,360 past few years came along and really destabilized things. 247 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,600 And what do I mean by that? 248 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,720 Well, we have the Trump presidency. 249 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,420 We have the rise of Black Lives Matter and the summer riots. 250 00:16:22,420 --> 00:16:28,120 We have the fear of COVID-19 and the lockdowns, the 2020 election and the sharp polarization 251 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,140 of our political landscape. 252 00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:33,240 And sadly, those things had a massive impact on the church. 253 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:37,840 And I say sadly because if we as the church had been walking in a manner worthy of our 254 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:44,240 calling we wouldn't have been as shaken as we have been by these things. 255 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:47,440 But the American church was already weak. 256 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:48,620 Already weak. 257 00:16:48,620 --> 00:16:51,120 So when all this hardship came our way, guess what? 258 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:54,960 We discovered gaping holes in our unity. 259 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:59,640 And suddenly our worldview, which is supposed to be guided by scripture alone, was being 260 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,100 guided by a whole list of other things. 261 00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:07,560 We saw Christians begin to turn against each other over politics. 262 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:12,640 Believers began looking with suspicion at other believers of a different race. 263 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,880 Unbiblical fears seeped into the church. 264 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:19,160 Christ followers began putting their opinions and their preferences on the same level of 265 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,240 scripture and then condemning each other. 266 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:27,040 Really, really shameful stuff for a people who ought to know better. 267 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:30,260 And these things put many Christians on the move. 268 00:17:30,260 --> 00:17:36,360 Many Christians began gravitating towards new church homes, not based on biblical principles, 269 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:42,320 but to places where their preferences and their politics would be affirmed. 270 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:47,860 And it's caused a lot of painful departures from local churches, most of which were not 271 00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:52,080 handled well and certainly didn't promote unity. 272 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:55,820 And it's caused a lot of discouragement among those trying to stay faithful. 273 00:17:55,820 --> 00:18:00,760 It's caused a great deal of frustration and hurt among those who are called to be shepherds. 274 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,400 Now here at Oak Hill, we've been affected too. 275 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:07,560 We've seen more departures in the past few years than in most previous years. 276 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,680 And by the way, some of those are what I call good leaves. 277 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:15,220 They were good, meaning people and family who departed from Oak Hill for good reasons 278 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:21,320 and did it in the right way with joyful tears and prayers and blessings. 279 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:26,160 But we've also had some not so good leaves and that's been hard on us. 280 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:30,040 So let's take some time here to go over the right reasons and the right way to think about 281 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,800 this important topic. 282 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:36,000 What I'm going to do is I like to follow the lead of a wonderful preacher by the name of 283 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,000 H.B. 284 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,760 Thomas, who recently put together a list of reasons to leave a church and he did it in 285 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:48,000 the form of a traffic stop light, meaning red lights don't leave, green lights you're 286 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:54,280 free to leave, and yellow lights you may leave but proceed really slowly. 287 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:59,080 Now I'm not going to replicate his list, but I hope that image will help us sort of work 288 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,880 through some of these important categories. 289 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:01,880 So here we go. 290 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:05,760 Let's start with the red lights, the ones that says no, do not leave. 291 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,160 Let me give you some red lights. 292 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:10,280 Number one, personal offenses. 293 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,920 That is not a reason to leave a church. 294 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:18,700 Friends, being offended is inevitable in any church, so don't be surprised when it happens. 295 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:22,840 Be ready to respond biblically, not in the flesh. 296 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:26,520 And just moving to another church is not going to solve the problem because going to a new 297 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:31,920 church will put you into contact with a new group of people who will also inevitably offend 298 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,160 you in some way. 299 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:38,800 So I want to encourage you to do the hard thing and work through personal offenses in 300 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,920 the church when they come up. 301 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,800 Don't just run away. 302 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:43,800 That's number one. 303 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,400 Personal offenses, that's a red light. 304 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:52,720 Number two, disagreements over preferences or disagreements over non-essential issues. 305 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:58,360 Now it's true that biblical convictions, they do matter, they're very good, but we're not 306 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,800 to die on every single hill. 307 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:06,600 Consider any disagreement with appropriate seriousness, but don't go silent, don't brood 308 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:07,600 over it. 309 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:12,400 Meet with an elder to discuss the issue and to get clarification. 310 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:17,880 Here's the thing, at the end of the day, it's not helpful to make molehills into mountains 311 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:22,760 and then break fellowship over things that we can just disagree about in brotherly love 312 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:26,760 and say, well, that's your preference, this is mine, and we can continue to live together 313 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,160 in good fellowship. 314 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,860 So that's a red light or a red light as well. 315 00:20:31,860 --> 00:20:36,720 Don't leave just because there are differences in preferences or non-essential issues. 316 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:37,720 Here's a third one. 317 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,520 Well, I heard about a church that I might like better. 318 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,360 No, that's a red light. 319 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:47,560 This feeling often comes because we live in such a restless culture right now. 320 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:53,720 We struggle to be content and to be thankful for just a simple, steady, faithful Christian 321 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:54,720 church. 322 00:20:54,720 --> 00:21:00,200 Instead, what we want is whatever is trending, whatever is new and shiny. 323 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:04,000 There's a preacher on the other side of town, you know, he's got a cool beard and he wears 324 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,000 torn jeans. 325 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,780 He has better illustrations than Jeff. 326 00:21:07,780 --> 00:21:09,560 Or it's a look, they've got a building. 327 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,200 It's a nice, comfortable building. 328 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,800 It's bigger. 329 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:17,600 The band is a little bit better, a little bit more upbeat music, whatever, right? 330 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:21,760 More people in my age range or life stage, so maybe that's a better fit for me. 331 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,720 Or there's a small group designed for my particular need. 332 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:32,600 But we shouldn't be wooed away from our current family with whom we have roots and relationship 333 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,280 by those types of things. 334 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:35,700 And you know what? 335 00:21:35,700 --> 00:21:39,760 If you feel like there's something really valuable going on at another church that should 336 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:43,720 be happening here, then be a part of the solution. 337 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:47,200 Jump in and work with the elders to see if it might work here at Oak Hill. 338 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,880 By the way, just don't ask me to grow a cool beard. 339 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,880 I can't do it. 340 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:52,880 But that's a red light. 341 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,480 Well, I just heard about some really cool church somewhere else. 342 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:57,480 Here's a fourth one. 343 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,720 Well, I can't serve the way I want to serve. 344 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:05,440 And this one usually, you know, you file this under spiritual, you know, people say, well, 345 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:09,140 you know, I've got certain spiritual gifts, so if I can't use them here, then I've got 346 00:22:09,140 --> 00:22:10,140 to go. 347 00:22:10,140 --> 00:22:15,240 But more often than not, it's really not an issue of giftedness, it's an issue of pride. 348 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:20,680 This happens when folks demand that leadership recognize what they think is their gift and 349 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:24,320 then demand that they be allowed to serve in that particular way. 350 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,720 It becomes an ego thing. 351 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:31,000 And the time may come when that gift can be put into practice, but in the meantime, you've 352 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,120 got to trust leadership. 353 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:37,400 It may be that the church's greatest need is not what you think your gift is, but it's 354 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:42,680 just simply setting up chairs on a Sunday morning or helping with the children's ministry. 355 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:48,360 So as Paul said, be patient, be humble and gentle and bear with others. 356 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:49,520 So that's a red light. 357 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,520 Okay, let's get to the green lights, the other side of the spectrum. 358 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,440 These are the things where you say, well, yeah, if these things are going on, you are 359 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:56,440 free to leave. 360 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,800 And this list is pretty simple. 361 00:22:58,800 --> 00:22:59,800 You're free to leave. 362 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:03,160 Number one, a failure in gospel teaching and preaching. 363 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:08,020 Yeah, you should leave right away if your church isn't consistently communicating the 364 00:23:08,020 --> 00:23:10,260 truth of the gospel. 365 00:23:10,260 --> 00:23:14,200 And it goes without saying that any church that embraces and teaches a false gospel is 366 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,680 not even Christian, so run for your life. 367 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:22,120 Number two, an error in essential doctrine. 368 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,120 This goes hand in hand with that first one. 369 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:28,760 There are, as we say in our official doctrinal statement, certain historical doctrines that 370 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:34,120 define Christianity, things that we will stand upon and refuse to compromise. 371 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:38,600 If a church isn't teaching the essentials of the faith, the very things that define 372 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:42,780 Christianity, then yes, you should leave. 373 00:23:42,780 --> 00:23:48,820 Number three, a change in personal situation or a calling to a new ministry or mission. 374 00:23:48,820 --> 00:23:49,820 This one's pretty obvious. 375 00:23:49,820 --> 00:23:50,820 This is a green light. 376 00:23:50,820 --> 00:23:55,040 You're free to leave if you're moving out of the area because of a job change or because 377 00:23:55,040 --> 00:24:00,720 you know, it's smart to be closer to family or because God is calling you to a particular 378 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:05,960 mission or ministry somewhere, then it makes sense to leave one church and connect to another. 379 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,840 Now, if that happens, here's a few things to consider. 380 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:13,000 And by the way, we've seen folks not do this and suffer for it. 381 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,800 So listen carefully. 382 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:19,120 If you start to think about moving to a new location and you start to research that new 383 00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:24,200 location, don't just look at the area and the job you're going to and the schools and 384 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,600 the shopping and all that other stuff. 385 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:33,760 Make identifying your future church the number one priority before you commit to leave. 386 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:38,040 Otherwise, you might go through all the work to relocate and go, oh, this is going to be 387 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:39,560 a great place for us. 388 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:44,200 But then you get there and you find yourself stuck in a spiritual oasis because there aren't 389 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:48,560 any solid Bible teaching options in that area. 390 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,020 So look at that first. 391 00:24:50,020 --> 00:24:53,640 Make sure that is at the top of your priority list. 392 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:54,900 And you can ask for help with this. 393 00:24:54,900 --> 00:24:59,160 Our elder team has helped a number of relocating families to do this just recently. 394 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,580 It's been very helpful. 395 00:25:01,580 --> 00:25:04,760 So we've had red lights and yellow and green lights. 396 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,200 Let's talk about yellow lights now. 397 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:12,280 Now again, these are things these are proceed slowly because these things are a little bit 398 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:13,600 harder to discern. 399 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:19,280 They require wisdom and time and opportunity to see if you can be part of shoring up a 400 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,200 weakness in a particular church body. 401 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,000 OK, and that just takes time. 402 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,980 So let me give you I think I got three or four of these things. 403 00:25:28,980 --> 00:25:31,480 Number one, yellow light. 404 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:35,640 Well it's hard right now for me to trust and follow leadership. 405 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,680 Now there's a million reasons why you might bump into this type of situation. 406 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:44,720 Of course, you should never, ever, ever sit under unbiblical leadership, immoral leadership 407 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:46,160 or abusive leadership. 408 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,080 And yes, those types of men are definitely out there. 409 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:54,680 On the one hand, the call on your life biblically is a concrete is to yield to your leaders 410 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:55,960 and to follow them. 411 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,640 That's Hebrews 13 17. 412 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:02,560 But on the other hand, you have to recognize that your leaders are never going to be perfect. 413 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,680 They're never going to meet all of your needs. 414 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:05,680 Right. 415 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,980 So you have to weigh things really carefully. 416 00:26:07,980 --> 00:26:13,260 Do you believe your leaders are qualified according to scripture, meaning their character, 417 00:26:13,260 --> 00:26:18,360 and can you follow them without being critical and divisive? 418 00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:19,920 That is key. 419 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:25,440 Listen, if you can't follow your leaders because you don't believe they're qualified, you should 420 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:26,960 leave that church. 421 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:27,960 Here's why. 422 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,840 You can't choose to stay and then grumble against them. 423 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,960 That is a sin against the body of Christ. 424 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:34,960 So you've got it. 425 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,520 You've got to settle this in your mind. 426 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,760 These guys are not perfect, but you know what? 427 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,400 They're qualified by scripture. 428 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:44,000 I may not agree with everything they do, but I can follow them. 429 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,000 Wonderful. 430 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,840 But if you come to the conclusion, I don't think they're qualified according to scripture. 431 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,000 I don't think I can follow them. 432 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,680 Then don't stay and grumble. 433 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,680 You've got to make that change. 434 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,180 That's number one. 435 00:26:56,180 --> 00:26:57,180 Another yellow light. 436 00:26:57,180 --> 00:27:01,160 Number two, it's hard to live out biblical mandates because of the size of the church. 437 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,500 And this is one of the main reasons why folks end up at Oak Hill. 438 00:27:04,500 --> 00:27:08,720 Their heart is for serving in the church and for living life with others, for knowing their 439 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:09,800 shepherds. 440 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:14,840 But because the church that they're in right now is so large, it just seems too difficult 441 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:19,800 to get connected, almost impossible to find a place to serve, and almost impossible to 442 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,680 live out the one another's of scripture. 443 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,240 The caution here is this. 444 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:30,300 Have you made every effort possible to fix that problem before you decide to make a move? 445 00:27:30,300 --> 00:27:34,300 If at the end of the day, the size of the church prevents you from living out biblical 446 00:27:34,300 --> 00:27:39,300 commands, then yes, you may need to seek a smaller place where you can be plugged in 447 00:27:39,300 --> 00:27:42,800 and find opportunities to serve others. 448 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,660 So that's a yellow light. 449 00:27:44,660 --> 00:27:46,320 Proceed slowly, but you may need to leave. 450 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:50,400 Number three, growth is difficult under the teaching and preaching. 451 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:55,760 Spiritual growth is difficult under the teaching model that's taking place there. 452 00:27:55,760 --> 00:28:00,880 This does happen in some places, particularly churches that are organized around the principle 453 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:08,960 of just staying with simple entry-level type of church teaching where the depth is intentionally 454 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,640 not the goal. 455 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:15,740 And you get to a point in your spiritual growth where you need more. 456 00:28:15,740 --> 00:28:20,200 Make sure before you leave a church like that, that you don't see a possible change coming 457 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:25,280 in the strategy in the future or that you can't be a part of changing that culture for 458 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:26,280 the better. 459 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:30,000 But if there's no ability to affect change and you sense a need that you need to be fed 460 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:33,040 in the Word in a deeper way, then proceed slowly. 461 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:36,160 You may need to leave that church. 462 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:40,360 Fourth one, the structure of the church is unhealthy. 463 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,280 This is one to really watch for. 464 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:45,060 How is the church organized, especially leadership? 465 00:28:45,060 --> 00:28:47,020 Is it biblical? 466 00:28:47,020 --> 00:28:51,000 Have they given way to the culture when it comes to, I don't know, things like gender 467 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:52,880 roles, right? 468 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:58,400 Where male and female are mixed up or combined into one thing. 469 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:03,580 Is there a plurality of elders or is there just one guy in charge? 470 00:29:03,580 --> 00:29:07,040 Is the church structured in a way that lacks accountability for leaders? 471 00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:08,800 Those are important questions. 472 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:13,800 It's good and healthy to approach leadership and ask good questions with a humble spirit 473 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:15,640 and a desire to learn. 474 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:16,780 Okay. 475 00:29:16,780 --> 00:29:20,480 If you look at the structure of your church and you're like, I'm not sure if it's biblical, 476 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:24,340 I'm not sure if it's healthy, then go ask good questions. 477 00:29:24,340 --> 00:29:25,840 Be humble when you do that. 478 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,960 But if the answer is coming back, don't line up with the Bible and you can't see, again, 479 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,920 a way to help remedy that, then that's a yellow light. 480 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,880 Yeah, maybe you should consider leaving that church. 481 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:40,240 Now, as you consider those things, remember the principle. 482 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:44,900 Being a member of any church is always going to be uncomfortable to some degree. 483 00:29:44,900 --> 00:29:49,620 That's because no church does everything well and no group of gathered believers is without 484 00:29:49,620 --> 00:29:51,440 weakness and sin. 485 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:56,960 See, the consumerism of the church would tell you, you know what, if anything just gets 486 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,320 tough, just go ahead and bounce. 487 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:01,460 Start looking for something better and more comfortable. 488 00:30:01,460 --> 00:30:06,080 But in time, whatever new church you find will also become uncomfortable to some degree, 489 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:10,360 maybe in a different way, but it will present its own set of challenges because every church 490 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:11,660 does. 491 00:30:11,660 --> 00:30:13,560 And then are you just going to bounce again? 492 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:18,160 At what point do you stop bouncing and just say, you know what, churches are imperfect. 493 00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:19,160 I'm going to stay here. 494 00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:23,800 I'm going to dig in and I'm going to try to be part of the solution. 495 00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:28,380 And the reality is some discomfort in church life can actually be a benefit to us. 496 00:30:28,380 --> 00:30:29,380 Isn't it? 497 00:30:29,380 --> 00:30:33,240 Isn't that how we normally grow and mature through trial and challenge and sometimes 498 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,160 even pain? 499 00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:40,440 So before you just bounce because things got a little bit choppy, see if God might be using 500 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:44,960 that little bit of discomfort to stretch your faith in the areas we've already talked about 501 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:53,040 in humility, in gentleness, in patience and in tolerance of others in love. 502 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:57,880 Now notice I didn't address race or politics because that should be obvious. 503 00:30:57,880 --> 00:30:59,460 I'll just make these simple statements. 504 00:30:59,460 --> 00:31:05,560 If you leave a church to find another church based on racial demographics or preferences, 505 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:07,920 that is sin. 506 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:13,420 That is betraying the mission of Christ to bring his children together as one body. 507 00:31:13,420 --> 00:31:15,060 And the same goes for politics. 508 00:31:15,060 --> 00:31:19,420 We don't abandon one church family in order to find a new group of people who will think 509 00:31:19,420 --> 00:31:23,600 exactly as we do politically. 510 00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:27,160 Here's the only place race and politics fit in today's discussion. 511 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:31,660 If you're ever part of a church that stops teaching scripture and begins to preach every 512 00:31:31,660 --> 00:31:37,880 Sunday on cultural issues of the day and politics, then go back to number one in our green category 513 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:42,880 – they are starving you of gospel teaching and preaching and you are free to leave. 514 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:49,560 Sundays and midweek studies are for the Bible, not for politics. 515 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,120 Okay, deep breath. 516 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:56,120 Let's say you and I, you or I are seriously considering leaving a church now. 517 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,760 Let's look at the steps and how to do it well. 518 00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:02,760 Here's the whole message that I really want to get to the practical stuff. 519 00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:06,000 If you've gotten this far in, 32 minutes in, well done. 520 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:11,320 Here are the practical steps in how to leave a church well. 521 00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:14,260 Here are two big principles that serve as a guide for us. 522 00:32:14,260 --> 00:32:19,960 Number one, you always want to leave a church in a way that your conscience is clear and 523 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:26,040 allows you to move to your next church home without any spiritual baggage. 524 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:31,200 That means you've left for a solid reason and you've done everything possible to leave 525 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:37,240 in fellowship and in peace with that church family and the leadership. 526 00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:39,920 You've got to have a clear conscience. 527 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:44,680 Number two, you want to leave that church in the same way you came in, meaning through 528 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:48,240 the front door not slipping out the back. 529 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,240 This is a big one. 530 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:50,760 We see this a lot. 531 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:55,640 What that means is communicating clearly and openly with the leadership, not hiding from 532 00:32:55,640 --> 00:33:01,560 them, not avoiding them, and ultimately seeking to leave with their blessing. 533 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,200 Now, let's backtrack for a second. 534 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,160 How do we get there in those two things? 535 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:11,040 Well, you want to start by analyzing any discontent that you're feeling about your church. 536 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:14,920 Analyze the reason or reasons why you're thinking about making a change. 537 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,520 Hold it up to scripture to see if you're thinking as biblical. 538 00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,820 It's got to start there. 539 00:33:19,820 --> 00:33:21,920 Then identify what your reasons are. 540 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:26,080 Where does it fit into the red, yellow, green matrix? 541 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:30,680 As you do that, make sure to look for biases or blind spots in your thinking. 542 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,920 Try to be honest and objective in the way you're approaching this. 543 00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:38,880 Remember, the root of sin in our hearts will often lead us to think in a self-centered way, 544 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:44,520 thinking that we see things correctly and everybody else is misguided. 545 00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:45,520 Self-awareness matters. 546 00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:51,080 Ask yourself, is the motivation behind me wanting to leave good and healthy? 547 00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:52,720 Be honest with yourself and with God. 548 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:58,720 Are your emotions maybe getting the best of you or is there rationality behind your reasoning? 549 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:01,380 Test it carefully. 550 00:34:01,380 --> 00:34:05,280 Maybe expose yourself to the best versions of the other side of the argument. 551 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,080 Consider what are the best reasons for staying put instead? 552 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:12,600 Or would that be more biblical if I stayed? 553 00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:16,020 And if you're dealing with a really heavy issue, what is known as, we call it church 554 00:34:16,020 --> 00:34:20,580 hurt, these things become especially important. 555 00:34:20,580 --> 00:34:25,120 Because when we're hurt by somebody in the church, be it a congregant or a leader, the 556 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:29,880 temptation is going to be towards anger and bitterness, towards the idea of leaving that 557 00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:34,900 church with guns blazing and fingers pointed at everybody else. 558 00:34:34,900 --> 00:34:40,580 But as Christians committed to the scriptures, we have to recognize the command to resist 559 00:34:40,580 --> 00:34:43,360 what our flesh wants to do. 560 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:47,200 And your flesh might want to lash out when you've been hurt. 561 00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,960 We have to remember how strongly the Lord feels about unity in his church. 562 00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:56,280 And as always, we have to recall how much we've been forgiven by Christ and how much 563 00:34:56,280 --> 00:35:01,480 that truth requires us to extend grace and forgiveness to somebody who might have hurt 564 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:02,480 us. 565 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:07,840 Now, as you're walking through that process, you're going to need to be very intentional 566 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:08,840 in prayer. 567 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:13,420 You want to ask God to search your heart, to make known to you any improper motivations 568 00:35:13,420 --> 00:35:15,160 that you have. 569 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:19,440 You want to constantly ask God for clarity in your thinking and an awareness of what 570 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:20,720 his word says. 571 00:35:20,720 --> 00:35:23,840 The decision to leave a church family should never be made in haste. 572 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:29,320 It is a big deal with lots of implications for your life and the life of others. 573 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:35,120 So take the time to process in prayer seriously and don't rush it. 574 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:39,200 And by the way, at that point in the process, I would suggest just praying quietly and not 575 00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:40,320 involving others. 576 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:41,800 Not yet. 577 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:42,800 Not yet. 578 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:48,400 That's why unprocessed thinking, what we often called venting, we call that venting, can 579 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:51,200 actually do more harm than good. 580 00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:55,360 Early on, at that point, you want to stay quiet with the Lord, asking him for wisdom, 581 00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:59,380 searching the scriptures and checking your own heart. 582 00:35:59,380 --> 00:36:01,720 Pray for a submissiveness to his will. 583 00:36:01,720 --> 00:36:05,280 If he makes it clear to you that you should stay and not go, then tell him that you'll 584 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:06,920 obey. 585 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,860 Pray that he would guard your heart so that bitterness doesn't rise up as you process 586 00:36:10,860 --> 00:36:13,880 through a difficult decision. 587 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:17,880 And if you still believe that leaving is the right call, you're leaning in that direction, 588 00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:19,960 then it's time to take a few more important steps. 589 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:23,080 And number one on that list, cannot say this. 590 00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:27,560 I cannot say this more clearly than I'm going to say this. 591 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:28,900 This is so important. 592 00:36:28,900 --> 00:36:33,960 The number one thing to do before you leave a church is to communicate with the leaders 593 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,600 of that church. 594 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:39,480 And I know that's hard, but this has to be done. 595 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,200 Reach out to an elder. 596 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:45,480 Ladies, if you're more comfortable, reach out to a godly older woman, maybe somebody 597 00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:52,600 on our women's council, somebody with experience and insight who can give you wise counsel. 598 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:57,180 Don't go to just anyone because if they're not mature enough to handle your concerns, 599 00:36:57,180 --> 00:37:00,180 you might end up sowing seeds of doubt in them. 600 00:37:00,180 --> 00:37:02,560 And that's not good. 601 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:05,660 So make sure you pick the right person. 602 00:37:05,660 --> 00:37:09,760 One big thing, never make a decision to leave a church before you go to your leaders and 603 00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,120 ask clarifying questions. 604 00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:19,720 Man, this this is the one that's probably frustrated me the most in my decades of ministry. 605 00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:24,300 Never make a decision to leave a church before you go to your leaders and ask clarifying 606 00:37:24,300 --> 00:37:25,480 questions. 607 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:31,320 Recognize you can come to a leader and say, look, I'm frustrated with this or that and 608 00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:36,000 I'm thinking about leaving, but recognize that you may not have all the facts. 609 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:41,320 You may not know all the circumstances that have led to your concerns because the church 610 00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:43,800 is sort of like a water line on a pond. 611 00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:48,360 You see some things above the water line, but there's a lot more going on below. 612 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:51,080 And so you got to ask questions to clarify. 613 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:53,520 You might come to leaders and say, hey, here's my concern. 614 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,080 This is what I see. 615 00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,160 Is there something I'm not seeing? 616 00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:02,320 Leaders may very well be able to address your concerns and remedy the problem. 617 00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:06,120 They may be able to clear up a misunderstanding that you've had. 618 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:11,120 You owe it to them to give them that opportunity to address your concern and say, let me give 619 00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,600 you another perspective. 620 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:18,240 And if they've fallen short in their love for you and their care for you, and that's 621 00:38:18,240 --> 00:38:19,240 possible. 622 00:38:19,240 --> 00:38:21,240 You may say, look, I don't feel loved or cared for. 623 00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:23,320 I feel hurt by the leadership. 624 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:29,240 And you owe it to them to tell them that so that they can apologize and that they can 625 00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:30,880 ask for your forgiveness. 626 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:34,740 That's that's what healthy biblical relationships look like. 627 00:38:34,740 --> 00:38:39,620 You have to give opportunity for that to happen if that needs to happen. 628 00:38:39,620 --> 00:38:43,240 And you still might leave, by the way, but at least tell the leadership so that they 629 00:38:43,240 --> 00:38:45,940 can apologize. 630 00:38:45,940 --> 00:38:50,160 Always approach your leaders with sincerity and with humility. 631 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:53,040 The goal is unity and resolution. 632 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,600 We don't go to leadership just to accuse and criticize. 633 00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:58,920 Go with an eye towards mutual understanding. 634 00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:03,480 Again, even if at the end of the conversation, you still feel like you ought to leave that 635 00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:09,300 church and when you meet with a leader, give him give him honest feedback. 636 00:39:09,300 --> 00:39:10,540 Tell him what's going on. 637 00:39:10,540 --> 00:39:15,960 You can be kind in that, but but share your feedback so that so that he and the church 638 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,040 leadership can learn something from it. 639 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:22,800 Listen, in a conflict situation, there's always things that you can learn from your leaders 640 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:26,440 and there's always things your leaders can learn from you. 641 00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:31,720 So let that be a good, healthy, biblical, mutual conversation. 642 00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:36,680 OK, let's say after all that you've gone to leadership, you're convinced it is time to 643 00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:37,680 leave. 644 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:38,680 Now what? 645 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,360 Again, let the leaders know that that is your decision. 646 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:47,080 OK, if at all possible, have a face to face meeting with an elder to say, look, I have 647 00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:48,800 here's the process I've walked through. 648 00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:49,800 Here's the steps. 649 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:50,800 Here's what I see. 650 00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:53,440 I don't feel like I can stay. 651 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,440 Have a have a have a face to face conversation with that. 652 00:39:56,440 --> 00:40:00,160 I know that's hard, but when you're leaving a church, you have to be willing to do hard 653 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:03,480 things for the glory of God and the unity of the body. 654 00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:08,800 What you want to do is walk out face to face with a leader with blessing and with prayer 655 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:11,420 and with mutual love for for one another. 656 00:40:11,420 --> 00:40:15,640 That is what I mean, by the way, when I said earlier, leave the same way you came in through 657 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,520 the front door, not slipping out the back. 658 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:23,200 Listen, too often today, church members, what they do is they'll drop a text message or 659 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:25,600 an email to an elder and they will fly. 660 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:27,160 They will bounce. 661 00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:28,280 Why? 662 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:29,680 Because that's the easy way to do it. 663 00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:32,640 I just send a text or an email and then I'm gone. 664 00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:37,600 But what that communicates is this, that the church family really didn't mean all that 665 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:39,140 much to me. 666 00:40:39,140 --> 00:40:42,920 And I'm not all that concerned about what I'm leaving behind. 667 00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,560 So the hard thing to do is to meet with the leader face to face and leave through the 668 00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:49,320 front door. 669 00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:54,900 Next as you're in the process of leaving, guard what you say carefully as you depart 670 00:40:54,900 --> 00:40:57,200 one church to go to another. 671 00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:58,200 Watch your tongue carefully. 672 00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:02,680 As James tells us, the tongue is a wildfire that sets things ablaze. 673 00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:10,760 When you get to that that new church, be careful not to gossip or grumble about your last church. 674 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,200 Don't poison others as you leave. 675 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:17,600 Don't sow seeds of doubt in their minds because what happens a lot of times is as you leave 676 00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,800 a church, people from your church will reach out and go, why are you leaving? 677 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:22,900 What's going on? 678 00:41:22,900 --> 00:41:24,400 Watch your words carefully. 679 00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:29,060 Don't be a divider of the body who tries to drag others with you. 680 00:41:29,060 --> 00:41:31,680 Always keep in mind, God is witnessing how you leave. 681 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:36,320 And for those who do damage to the bride of Christ out of a selfish heart, there will 682 00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:38,580 be an accounting for that someday. 683 00:41:38,580 --> 00:41:43,960 So don't sow seeds of doubt in the minds of the people you're leaving behind. 684 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:47,760 And when you get to your new church, don't poison the reputation of the church you just 685 00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:48,760 left. 686 00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:51,800 It's the bride of Christ, folks. 687 00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,520 You do not want to stand before Jesus someday. 688 00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:55,720 And that's on your resume. 689 00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:59,400 I was one who divided the bride of Christ. 690 00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:04,320 All right, a few more quick things and then I'll be done. 691 00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:08,080 Number one, you should know where you're headed before you part ways with the church family. 692 00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:11,040 At least you know there's some options out there. 693 00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:15,240 Don't leave without a plan and then just float aimlessly for months or even years. 694 00:42:15,240 --> 00:42:16,960 Listen, I've seen that happen. 695 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:21,280 It's dangerous for any Christian to be out there in the wilderness among the spiritual 696 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:22,280 wolves. 697 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:23,720 So have a plan. 698 00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:27,540 In all of your processing, say, look, if I'm going to leave this church, I have some ideas 699 00:42:27,540 --> 00:42:30,680 where I might try and then go try. 700 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,100 Get out there right away. 701 00:42:32,100 --> 00:42:34,760 Don't be stuck in the wilderness. 702 00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:38,600 Same thing, make sure you've resolved any outstanding conflicts in the body that you're 703 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:40,420 leaving for your part. 704 00:42:40,420 --> 00:42:45,240 Make sure you've repented of sin, apologized to anybody that you know you've hurt or offended 705 00:42:45,240 --> 00:42:46,880 in the past. 706 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:50,640 And don't leave angry or bitter towards others who've hurt you. 707 00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:54,680 Unreconciled relationships in the body are displeasing to the Lord. 708 00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:59,160 And when Christians fall into this area, they bring the leaven of unforgiveness and bitterness 709 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,020 into their new church family. 710 00:43:01,020 --> 00:43:03,880 And that's not fair to that body. 711 00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:09,640 I've seen that folks leave angry, bitter, unreconciled, and then they walk into their 712 00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:10,640 new church. 713 00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,120 And what do they what do they bring? 714 00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,360 All of those things. 715 00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:18,800 As far as it depends on you, make sure that you're leaving things in the past in a good 716 00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:20,840 place. 717 00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:21,880 Make sure here's another one. 718 00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:27,280 Make sure to express your thankfulness for the time you've had at the church you're leaving. 719 00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:30,080 And again, I know that that sounds kind of strange because if you're leaving, you're 720 00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,320 like, I wasn't it wasn't the right fit for me. 721 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:36,280 Still, there were people there that were a blessing to you. 722 00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:41,400 Might be leaders, might be fellow congregants, but thank those who had been faithful to serve 723 00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:44,160 you and care for you over those years. 724 00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:48,580 Listen, shepherding the hearts of others takes an emotional toll on one's life. 725 00:43:48,580 --> 00:43:51,680 It's hard work filled with long hours and sleepless nights. 726 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:53,820 I can testify to this. 727 00:43:53,820 --> 00:43:56,220 And chances are the leaders in the church are leaving. 728 00:43:56,220 --> 00:43:59,560 They tried their best to teach and disciple and care for you. 729 00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:02,760 Not perfectly, of course, but they've worked hard to build you up. 730 00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:04,920 So thank them. 731 00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:09,760 When folks just take off to find a new church body without a kind word or an expression 732 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:13,880 of gratitude, it can be hurtful. 733 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:17,840 And then finally, once you've left, learn how to simply answer the inevitable questions 734 00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:18,840 that will come your way. 735 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:23,200 When people ask either at your old church or your new church, when they say, why did 736 00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:24,200 you leave? 737 00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:26,700 Because people will ask, right? 738 00:44:26,700 --> 00:44:29,400 Tell the truth, but be careful. 739 00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:30,400 Don't point fingers. 740 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:33,160 Don't attack the character of your leaders. 741 00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:36,000 Don't trash the reputation of that church. 742 00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:40,280 Find a way to have an answer that is simple and short and honest. 743 00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:44,680 Remember, you should still want what's best for those who've stayed at that old church. 744 00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:46,760 So don't burn bridges. 745 00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:51,200 Don't alienate fellow Christians, especially here in the Santa Clarita Valley, where you're 746 00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:56,340 likely to run into those folks in the market or at the mall or at a restaurant or something. 747 00:44:56,340 --> 00:45:00,400 Because if you've handled yourself biblically and you haven't burned bridges, those chance 748 00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:02,440 meetings aren't going to be awkward. 749 00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,240 And that's a good place to be. 750 00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:09,600 Okay, let me just close with some scripture because that's a bit a lot of practical teaching 751 00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:11,720 there, but some scripture, Psalm 133. 752 00:45:11,720 --> 00:45:20,480 One, behold how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity. 753 00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:28,120 Verse 1419, pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another. 754 00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:36,160 First Peter 3, 8 and 9, be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted and humble in spirit, 755 00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:43,080 not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead. 756 00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:47,040 And our call to worship from this morning, Colossians 3 verses 12 to 14. 757 00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:52,760 So as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, 758 00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:58,820 kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving each 759 00:45:58,820 --> 00:46:03,480 other, whoever has a complaint against anyone. 760 00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:08,180 Just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. 761 00:46:08,180 --> 00:46:14,040 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. 762 00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:20,520 May we all work diligently to glorify God here at Oak Hill for as long as he causes 763 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:26,360 us to be here at this church in the Santa Crita Valley living life together. 764 00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:27,360 Amen. 765 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:46,280 Amen.