WEBVTT 00:00:08.840 --> 00:00:11.859 Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of 00:00:11.859 --> 00:00:13.800 the Bold and the Brave, a parent leader podcast. 00:00:14.580 --> 00:00:17.140 I am one of your co -hosts. My name is Carlos 00:00:17.140 --> 00:00:20.140 Maldonado. I'm usually not in front of the camera. 00:00:20.339 --> 00:00:22.719 This is the first time that I'm co -hosting. 00:00:23.019 --> 00:00:25.260 I'm usually behind the scenes producing the podcast, 00:00:25.839 --> 00:00:29.339 recording the interviews. So I like to introduce 00:00:29.339 --> 00:00:31.320 myself a little bit. I work with NPLight in the 00:00:31.320 --> 00:00:33.579 communications and marketing team. I'm the leader 00:00:33.579 --> 00:00:36.929 of that team. And I like to say that my job is 00:00:36.929 --> 00:00:39.649 to make the team look good, meaning that anything 00:00:39.649 --> 00:00:43.130 that gets published publicly or is shared with 00:00:43.130 --> 00:00:46.689 the outside world basically goes through me so 00:00:46.689 --> 00:00:50.250 that it's the best looking material that it can 00:00:50.250 --> 00:00:53.850 be. I'm here today joined by my wonderful co 00:00:53.850 --> 00:00:57.770 -host, my friend Melvede. Melvede, can you tell 00:00:57.770 --> 00:01:00.390 our listeners and our viewers a little bit about 00:01:00.390 --> 00:01:02.530 yourself as well? Yeah. So it's good to be back 00:01:02.530 --> 00:01:05.519 on the Bold and Brave. podcast. My name is Melvet 00:01:05.519 --> 00:01:08.859 Hill. I am a parent leader and I also get to 00:01:08.859 --> 00:01:11.599 lead the Commission on Women, Children, Seniors, 00:01:11.719 --> 00:01:13.379 Equity and Opportunity here in Connecticut. I'm 00:01:13.379 --> 00:01:17.200 the executive director and also a graduate of 00:01:17.200 --> 00:01:19.599 the phenomenal Parent Leadership Training Institute, 00:01:19.719 --> 00:01:21.620 which we know we always have a lot of listeners 00:01:21.620 --> 00:01:27.219 nationwide from PLTI and IPLI and family leadership 00:01:27.219 --> 00:01:31.810 training. So glad to be here. I'm excited today 00:01:31.810 --> 00:01:35.170 that we have another co -host with us, a great 00:01:35.170 --> 00:01:37.890 parent leader, Joshua Vaughn. Josh, why don't 00:01:37.890 --> 00:01:40.750 you introduce yourself to our listeners? Very 00:01:40.750 --> 00:01:44.189 certainly. What a pleasure. Hi, everyone. My 00:01:44.189 --> 00:01:46.989 name is Joshua Vaughn. I go by Josh. I'm from 00:01:46.989 --> 00:01:50.430 Connecticut. I am also, too, a parent leader, 00:01:50.450 --> 00:01:54.390 alumni of TLTI, if you will. I am a father of 00:01:54.390 --> 00:01:58.000 five. And I'm also to a father leader. So looking 00:01:58.000 --> 00:02:01.700 forward to being a part of today's podcast. Yeah. 00:02:01.799 --> 00:02:05.719 So we have lots to catch up on. We three, all 00:02:05.719 --> 00:02:09.300 three of us were together recently at the New 00:02:09.300 --> 00:02:12.500 England Fathering Conference in Mystic, Connecticut. 00:02:13.300 --> 00:02:17.060 It was such a good time to be there. I would 00:02:17.060 --> 00:02:19.879 love to hear your take on it, but I've been a 00:02:19.879 --> 00:02:21.379 few times. I've been, I think, three or four 00:02:21.379 --> 00:02:24.840 years. And in my role at the commission, I serve 00:02:24.840 --> 00:02:28.960 as co -chair to one of the work groups within 00:02:28.960 --> 00:02:32.439 our Connecticut Fatherhood Initiative. But Carlos, 00:02:32.599 --> 00:02:34.580 you've been there before. Josh, you've been there 00:02:34.580 --> 00:02:36.580 before. What was it like? What was the experience 00:02:36.580 --> 00:02:40.639 like for you this time around? Yeah, you're right. 00:02:40.740 --> 00:02:43.979 This is this was my second year attending last 00:02:43.979 --> 00:02:47.219 year. We were there Npl I was there I was there 00:02:47.219 --> 00:02:49.979 with a table an information table And I also 00:02:49.979 --> 00:02:51.639 got to attend some of the sessions that were 00:02:51.639 --> 00:02:54.240 part of the conference this year We also had 00:02:54.240 --> 00:02:56.919 the table. I was also able to attend the conference 00:02:56.919 --> 00:03:03.000 But we were also able to present a workshop I'd 00:03:03.000 --> 00:03:05.180 love that conference. I love seeing all the fathers. 00:03:05.340 --> 00:03:07.400 I love hearing the stories of the fathers that 00:03:07.400 --> 00:03:13.500 are in attendance. I love seeing how organizations 00:03:13.500 --> 00:03:17.039 and government entities and all those that are 00:03:17.039 --> 00:03:19.439 in attendance, how they're supporting fathers 00:03:19.439 --> 00:03:22.599 and their own communities. This is a New England 00:03:22.599 --> 00:03:25.919 specific thing. I wish this was throughout the 00:03:25.919 --> 00:03:29.219 country. I wish this was a national thing, like 00:03:29.219 --> 00:03:32.460 more states or more regions of the country were 00:03:32.460 --> 00:03:35.520 doing things like this. Second year, great experience 00:03:35.520 --> 00:03:37.909 again. We'll probably be back again next year. 00:03:39.009 --> 00:03:44.210 So, yeah. What about you, Josh? What was it like 00:03:44.210 --> 00:03:46.770 this year? This year was very interesting. I 00:03:46.770 --> 00:03:50.169 didn't get the chance to attend the entire conference 00:03:50.169 --> 00:03:52.289 as I normally do. This is my third year going 00:03:52.289 --> 00:03:54.830 this year. It was unique that I had the opportunity 00:03:54.830 --> 00:03:58.469 to co -present or be a part of, if you will, 00:03:58.550 --> 00:04:01.610 the conversation. for the breakout session and 00:04:01.610 --> 00:04:04.490 what was led regarding the fathers and the economic 00:04:04.490 --> 00:04:06.370 mobility and how to really get them partnered 00:04:06.370 --> 00:04:08.849 in the work. And so I felt like that was a very 00:04:08.849 --> 00:04:12.069 unique opportunity and I enjoyed it. I also enjoyed, 00:04:12.069 --> 00:04:14.050 you know, forging some new relationships with 00:04:14.050 --> 00:04:16.730 other fathers and other attendees and those that 00:04:16.730 --> 00:04:19.930 are also able to go to really keep the connections 00:04:19.930 --> 00:04:21.769 going, right? And so I thought it was a really 00:04:21.769 --> 00:04:23.709 good conference. I always look forward to being 00:04:23.709 --> 00:04:26.629 able to share space on subject matters. I have 00:04:26.629 --> 00:04:28.050 fathered because I believe it's an important 00:04:28.050 --> 00:04:30.529 topic and it's something that really requires 00:04:30.529 --> 00:04:33.649 our intentionality of partnership, community, 00:04:34.149 --> 00:04:36.110 and anyone that's willing to be a part of the 00:04:36.110 --> 00:04:40.529 work. I think it's important. So our workshop 00:04:40.529 --> 00:04:43.389 that we worked so hard to put together and you 00:04:43.389 --> 00:04:46.370 were actually the star of the workshop. The workshop 00:04:46.370 --> 00:04:49.410 that we did at the New England Fathering Conference 00:04:49.410 --> 00:04:52.250 was Pathways to Economic Mobility for Fathers. 00:04:52.779 --> 00:04:56.639 And really our intention was to have myself, 00:04:57.139 --> 00:04:59.060 Donna Thompson Bennett, who's the executive director 00:04:59.060 --> 00:05:01.139 for the National Parent Leadership Institute, 00:05:01.579 --> 00:05:04.100 as well as Josh, just really set the stage for 00:05:04.100 --> 00:05:07.579 people to understand how to build pathways to 00:05:07.579 --> 00:05:10.139 education and opportunity and economic mobility 00:05:10.139 --> 00:05:12.720 for fathers, as well as grandfathers and other 00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:15.850 caregivers. And so It was a really interactive 00:05:15.850 --> 00:05:18.550 session. We had some small group discussions. 00:05:19.149 --> 00:05:22.490 And I think what we laid out for people was you, 00:05:22.670 --> 00:05:25.470 Josh, as an example of someone who's an entrepreneur, 00:05:25.889 --> 00:05:29.730 someone who has taken his lived experience. and 00:05:29.730 --> 00:05:33.209 use that to inform people in government and nonprofit 00:05:33.209 --> 00:05:36.189 and philanthropy to really understand how to 00:05:36.189 --> 00:05:39.689 build those pathways of leadership, of economic 00:05:39.689 --> 00:05:43.689 opportunity, which really is encapsulated in 00:05:43.689 --> 00:05:46.170 the idea that parents are consultants and should 00:05:46.170 --> 00:05:49.110 be paid for their expertise and also their time. 00:05:49.529 --> 00:05:52.189 and what they're offering to people in leadership 00:05:52.189 --> 00:05:55.610 as they continue to change systems. And so we 00:05:55.610 --> 00:05:57.870 can't do that without the voice of people with 00:05:57.870 --> 00:05:59.430 lived experience. You do that really well. You 00:05:59.430 --> 00:06:02.670 show up in these spaces, both in our state and 00:06:02.670 --> 00:06:06.209 nationally. And I think people were really surprised 00:06:06.209 --> 00:06:12.389 not by you, but by the idea that entrepreneurship 00:06:12.389 --> 00:06:15.250 and being a consultant is a pathway to economic 00:06:15.250 --> 00:06:18.310 mobility. for fathers and others. So I thought 00:06:18.310 --> 00:06:20.509 that was really good. You represented well. The 00:06:20.509 --> 00:06:22.790 whole presentation that was put together that 00:06:22.790 --> 00:06:25.250 highlighted your journey, you know, from being 00:06:25.250 --> 00:06:29.370 a teen dad to being the exemplary gentleman and 00:06:29.370 --> 00:06:32.470 professional that you are today was really awesome. 00:06:32.810 --> 00:06:35.069 And so much so that someone said, well, can you 00:06:35.069 --> 00:06:37.370 go back to the slide that shows the book, your 00:06:37.370 --> 00:06:39.189 book that you wrote? I mean, people thought that 00:06:39.189 --> 00:06:41.970 you had written a book, Josh, because it was 00:06:41.970 --> 00:06:45.110 just such an outstanding piece of storytelling. 00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:49.740 I thought that really, you know, we all did together 00:06:49.740 --> 00:06:53.720 a great job creating this story and helping people 00:06:53.720 --> 00:06:57.680 to understand the story in that way. So I know. 00:06:57.920 --> 00:06:59.579 Are you still thinking about it? Are you still 00:06:59.579 --> 00:07:01.839 thinking about writing the book, Josh? Ah, yes. 00:07:02.079 --> 00:07:05.860 Yes, I am. I am. So much to put into it, though, 00:07:06.019 --> 00:07:09.800 and think about and where to start. Yeah, it's 00:07:09.800 --> 00:07:13.569 truly a goal. It's a goal. Was there anything 00:07:13.569 --> 00:07:16.009 from both of you? Carlos, you're also a dad. 00:07:16.189 --> 00:07:19.689 Was there anything in your roles as fathers that 00:07:19.689 --> 00:07:21.790 stood out to you at the conference this year? 00:07:22.389 --> 00:07:23.930 And Josh, I know you were there for a short amount 00:07:23.930 --> 00:07:27.350 of time, but was anything from the feel of it, 00:07:27.410 --> 00:07:29.689 the look of it, the content or the people you 00:07:29.689 --> 00:07:35.629 met, what stood out to you this year? If anything. 00:07:36.410 --> 00:07:40.730 Yeah, lots of things, but I'm always. I always 00:07:40.730 --> 00:07:44.509 enjoy the dad stories. So just to paint a picture 00:07:44.509 --> 00:07:46.930 for those that don't know what the conference 00:07:46.930 --> 00:07:49.550 or how the conference is structured. Each day 00:07:49.550 --> 00:07:52.790 of the conference, there is a, I wouldn't call 00:07:52.790 --> 00:07:54.509 it a breakout session, but it's like in the main 00:07:54.509 --> 00:07:57.889 hall, there is a group of parents or fathers 00:07:57.889 --> 00:08:01.449 rather talking about their life journey, their 00:08:01.449 --> 00:08:04.410 fatherhood journey and how some of the organizations 00:08:04.410 --> 00:08:06.970 that are there have helped them in that journey 00:08:06.970 --> 00:08:12.350 or how the networking that they'd had with parents 00:08:12.350 --> 00:08:15.649 in these spaces have helped them in their journey. 00:08:16.750 --> 00:08:22.029 So I always, again, this is my second year. Those 00:08:22.029 --> 00:08:23.649 are the things that I'm really looking forward 00:08:23.649 --> 00:08:26.649 to each year, I would say. Those conversations 00:08:26.649 --> 00:08:29.350 between fathers that are moderated by our good 00:08:29.350 --> 00:08:31.910 friend Doug Edwards, a good friend of MPLI, a 00:08:31.910 --> 00:08:34.529 good friend of PLTI. He does an excellent job 00:08:34.529 --> 00:08:36.929 of moderating those and the stories that come 00:08:36.929 --> 00:08:40.029 out of those. resonate with me a lot. So I'm 00:08:40.029 --> 00:08:44.330 always looking forward to him. Yeah, yeah. Anything 00:08:44.330 --> 00:08:47.830 else resonating with you, Josh? Oh, well, well, 00:08:48.110 --> 00:08:49.870 in the time that I was there, it was good to 00:08:49.870 --> 00:08:51.690 see some of the familiar faces of some of those 00:08:51.690 --> 00:08:53.809 kind of like, you know, those connections that 00:08:53.809 --> 00:08:56.990 were made from just the previous year going and 00:08:56.990 --> 00:08:59.070 the year before that. And so to be able to see 00:08:59.070 --> 00:09:01.429 the guys are still there, and not just in the 00:09:01.429 --> 00:09:03.830 capacity of just those that are there for the 00:09:03.830 --> 00:09:07.299 work, but just those fathers, those proud dads 00:09:07.299 --> 00:09:10.419 that are going and being a part of that conversation 00:09:10.419 --> 00:09:12.299 and being able to share their story, like Carlos 00:09:12.299 --> 00:09:14.860 said, was really, it was inviting and it was 00:09:14.860 --> 00:09:20.360 very encouraging. That's awesome. So I would 00:09:20.360 --> 00:09:23.899 say being a leader in community is what you do, 00:09:24.179 --> 00:09:29.679 Josh. And I wonder if you can share how your 00:09:29.679 --> 00:09:32.480 journey as a father shaped your leadership. I 00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:34.399 know you shared a little bit with us during the 00:09:34.399 --> 00:09:36.799 conference, but For the listeners out there, 00:09:36.840 --> 00:09:38.820 for those who are watching us, how has your journey 00:09:38.820 --> 00:09:42.500 as a father shaped your leadership? Well, great 00:09:42.500 --> 00:09:45.259 question. My journey as a father shaped my leadership 00:09:45.259 --> 00:09:49.080 in many ways, but just a few would be the opportunity 00:09:49.080 --> 00:09:52.659 to understand the experience. I started off prior 00:09:52.659 --> 00:09:54.340 to getting married and having more children. 00:09:54.340 --> 00:09:56.899 I started off as a single dad. I was a teenage 00:09:56.899 --> 00:10:00.840 single dad. And so a lot of different resources 00:10:00.840 --> 00:10:05.019 that I had experienced trying to make it. be 00:10:05.019 --> 00:10:08.500 a part of, to some of the resources to take from, 00:10:08.899 --> 00:10:11.700 they weren't as equitable, right? And so I didn't 00:10:11.700 --> 00:10:14.720 know then what I knew now, but thanks to PLTI, 00:10:14.899 --> 00:10:16.860 Peer Leadership Training Institute, that gave 00:10:16.860 --> 00:10:18.820 me the skills to really be able to understand 00:10:18.820 --> 00:10:21.659 and recognize some of those deficits that had 00:10:21.659 --> 00:10:24.940 happened. But as I think about my journey, of 00:10:24.940 --> 00:10:28.940 my fatherhood journey, I think about also the 00:10:28.940 --> 00:10:31.500 lack of representation of fatherhood. and how 00:10:31.500 --> 00:10:34.460 many times, you know, for myself being very much 00:10:34.460 --> 00:10:37.080 a weird dad and wanting to be a part of the work 00:10:37.080 --> 00:10:39.039 because I love fatherhood, it's who I am, it's 00:10:39.039 --> 00:10:41.799 not what I do, it's who I am. And so I find myself 00:10:41.799 --> 00:10:45.019 wanting to be able to hear what's happening with 00:10:45.019 --> 00:10:47.600 other dads and be able to build those bonds and 00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:51.340 connections and strengthen each other. And so 00:10:51.340 --> 00:10:53.980 I think about ways that I can take my story, 00:10:54.080 --> 00:10:56.860 my experience, and connect with other fathers 00:10:56.860 --> 00:11:00.539 and being able to see how do we, you know move 00:11:00.539 --> 00:11:04.039 forward with communicating in a healthy way that 00:11:04.039 --> 00:11:06.960 there are some ways to change and improve representation 00:11:06.960 --> 00:11:09.620 for fathers and how to ensure that our voices 00:11:09.620 --> 00:11:12.080 are heard and elevated at the table right because 00:11:12.080 --> 00:11:14.100 it's important father representation is very 00:11:14.100 --> 00:11:16.500 important and so i think about that all the time 00:11:16.500 --> 00:11:18.340 i think about that all the time i'm very very 00:11:18.340 --> 00:11:22.700 much aware of that yeah so leadership looks different 00:11:23.100 --> 00:11:26.259 for fathers in general, maybe sometimes different 00:11:26.259 --> 00:11:29.620 from leadership, how it shows up in mothers or 00:11:29.620 --> 00:11:32.779 others. What are some of the ways that fathers 00:11:32.779 --> 00:11:37.299 can lead? And I want you to encourage fathers 00:11:37.299 --> 00:11:40.559 today. What are some of the ways that they can 00:11:40.559 --> 00:11:43.000 show their leadership? Because I think sometimes 00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:46.590 society places labels on fathers. especially 00:11:46.590 --> 00:11:49.590 fathers from different racial and ethnic backgrounds 00:11:49.590 --> 00:11:52.950 or assumptions. And I think fathers can lead 00:11:52.950 --> 00:11:54.590 in different ways. I'm not a father, so I don't 00:11:54.590 --> 00:11:57.690 think I should be telling people how they can 00:11:57.690 --> 00:12:03.230 lead. I can talk to some moms, but encourage 00:12:03.230 --> 00:12:05.690 fathers today. What are some ways that they can 00:12:05.690 --> 00:12:09.549 show their leadership? in their home, in schools, 00:12:10.049 --> 00:12:12.789 in community, in their places of worship. What 00:12:12.789 --> 00:12:15.309 does that look like? What are the different ways 00:12:15.309 --> 00:12:17.789 that fathers can lead? Oh wow, that's a very 00:12:17.789 --> 00:12:23.129 good question. And you shared already, it's unique 00:12:23.129 --> 00:12:26.610 to each dad, right? But what I would say is that 00:12:26.610 --> 00:12:29.950 being able to find what it is that you're passionate 00:12:29.950 --> 00:12:32.870 about in your fatherhood, in your strength. Most 00:12:32.870 --> 00:12:34.350 times you're passionate about something that 00:12:34.350 --> 00:12:37.149 you're strong in. and us as men, that's what 00:12:37.149 --> 00:12:39.049 we're proud about. That's what makes us even 00:12:39.049 --> 00:12:40.970 more proud, right? So if you're good at cooking, 00:12:41.269 --> 00:12:43.590 and it could be one meal, and you're the best 00:12:43.590 --> 00:12:45.809 dad that makes pancakes in the morning, every 00:12:45.809 --> 00:12:47.490 week and make that your goal to make sure that 00:12:47.490 --> 00:12:49.629 you're making pancakes in the morning. If you're 00:12:49.629 --> 00:12:52.169 really good at drawing and sketching, a lot of 00:12:52.169 --> 00:12:54.090 dads outside of what they do as a profession, 00:12:54.649 --> 00:12:58.149 outside of who they show up as the provider, 00:12:58.750 --> 00:13:02.789 they're creatives, they are gifted, they're talented. 00:13:03.090 --> 00:13:06.389 And so use those gifts. Your leadership will 00:13:06.389 --> 00:13:09.129 allow for you to use your gifts, use your talents, 00:13:09.289 --> 00:13:11.230 use what you're good at, what you're passionate 00:13:11.230 --> 00:13:13.809 about to really bring that into the space with 00:13:13.809 --> 00:13:16.409 your children, your family. You know, if you 00:13:16.409 --> 00:13:19.289 like poetry, if you write poetry, write a poem 00:13:19.289 --> 00:13:21.730 and read it to your kid and have them be a part 00:13:21.730 --> 00:13:24.169 of that. If you're good at... drawing, draw with 00:13:24.169 --> 00:13:26.649 your children or go to the school and do some 00:13:26.649 --> 00:13:28.330 drawings with the schools find out if there's 00:13:28.330 --> 00:13:30.250 a way that you can connect on your day off or 00:13:30.250 --> 00:13:32.669 if you have a little time to kind of edge in 00:13:32.669 --> 00:13:35.309 there if you're at church and you're good at 00:13:35.309 --> 00:13:38.269 making voices and being animated be a part of 00:13:38.269 --> 00:13:41.389 the Sunday school essence right be a part of 00:13:41.389 --> 00:13:44.450 those different opportunities to serve in a way 00:13:44.450 --> 00:13:47.190 that you find it to be most fun most organic 00:13:47.440 --> 00:13:49.500 because leadership has to be organic. If it's 00:13:49.500 --> 00:13:51.360 not organic, then you're not coming into the 00:13:51.360 --> 00:13:53.820 role of being your authentic version of you. 00:13:54.159 --> 00:13:56.580 But if you go on finding that passion and zeal, 00:13:56.899 --> 00:13:58.940 you'll thrive. And so I would encourage dads 00:13:58.940 --> 00:14:01.200 to really be passionate about who they are and 00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:03.720 the gifts that they have and be open to sharing 00:14:03.720 --> 00:14:05.919 them with your children first, because they're 00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:10.340 your first rooters and cheerleaders, and then 00:14:10.340 --> 00:14:12.559 move on to the passions that you find green. 00:14:13.519 --> 00:14:16.320 Yeah, I love that. Move on to the pastures that 00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:19.639 you find green. I see, you know, Carlos is coming 00:14:19.639 --> 00:14:22.580 in. Carlos, I, you know, I want to invite you 00:14:22.580 --> 00:14:24.460 into this conversation, but I'm also, you know, 00:14:24.580 --> 00:14:27.799 here standing, sitting, doing whatever here with 00:14:27.799 --> 00:14:30.960 you laughing because I also want to highlight 00:14:30.960 --> 00:14:34.460 that leadership requires stretching. And while 00:14:34.460 --> 00:14:37.659 Carlos loves to be the person behind the scenes 00:14:37.659 --> 00:14:40.440 and producing and orchestrating and directing, 00:14:40.440 --> 00:14:45.000 you know, It is a stretch, right? To be here 00:14:45.000 --> 00:14:48.679 on screen, doing an awesome job, but to be on 00:14:48.679 --> 00:14:50.720 screen, right? To stretch outside of the norm 00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:52.679 and what feels comfortable. I think leadership, 00:14:52.919 --> 00:14:56.480 especially in fathers, there's a need to show 00:14:56.480 --> 00:14:59.000 young people and their children that you can 00:14:59.000 --> 00:15:01.000 stretch into something that... you might not 00:15:01.000 --> 00:15:03.759 be used to or accustomed to and it's going to 00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:05.840 be okay. Right. And I think you're modeling that 00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:08.879 for us today. You're leading us today out front. 00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:12.139 So I'm trying my best, trying my best, right? 00:15:12.519 --> 00:15:15.700 Yeah. Um, no, you're absolutely right. You can't 00:15:15.700 --> 00:15:18.360 grow without stretching, at least the way I look 00:15:18.360 --> 00:15:23.500 at it. So I just look at this little step as 00:15:23.500 --> 00:15:26.080 part of that growth journey that I'm on. And 00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:28.000 just to touch on what Josh was saying about being 00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:31.799 passionate. and using that to help in your leadership 00:15:31.799 --> 00:15:34.899 journey. That's sort of why I'm here as well. 00:15:35.019 --> 00:15:38.120 Even if I was behind the camera, I'm passionate 00:15:38.120 --> 00:15:40.879 about telling stories, about using technology 00:15:40.879 --> 00:15:45.679 to tell those stories. And so I wholeheartedly 00:15:45.679 --> 00:15:48.659 agree with what Josh said. Yeah. Find what you're 00:15:48.659 --> 00:15:52.240 passionate about and show up with that every 00:15:52.240 --> 00:15:56.200 day. Like be present, show up, make that your 00:15:56.200 --> 00:16:00.840 thing. You can't go wrong. with that so yeah. 00:16:01.220 --> 00:16:03.220 I think that's great that kind of gives us like 00:16:03.220 --> 00:16:06.460 those seeds of wisdom to plant for folks right 00:16:06.460 --> 00:16:09.620 it's you know if you have a passion and everyone 00:16:09.620 --> 00:16:12.120 has something that they like something that they 00:16:12.120 --> 00:16:14.279 are excited about something that they want to 00:16:14.279 --> 00:16:19.419 do that's what you allow to drive and fuel you 00:16:19.419 --> 00:16:24.039 to do however you want to lead and so Um, I was 00:16:24.039 --> 00:16:25.960 thinking when you all were talking, I was thinking 00:16:25.960 --> 00:16:28.019 about something my husband is really good at. 00:16:28.120 --> 00:16:30.299 He's really good with the little ones. This goes 00:16:30.299 --> 00:16:32.539 for grandparents too. So right now we have two 00:16:32.539 --> 00:16:36.700 grandsons there, three and five. And I watch 00:16:36.700 --> 00:16:38.919 how my husband is, right? Cause we're watching. 00:16:39.159 --> 00:16:40.580 This is the thing. It's not just your children 00:16:40.580 --> 00:16:43.159 watching, but others are watching how men lead 00:16:43.159 --> 00:16:46.450 and how they show up. And my husband is so good 00:16:46.450 --> 00:16:49.090 with the little ones. I think about as our children 00:16:49.090 --> 00:16:52.169 got older, it became a little harder for him 00:16:52.169 --> 00:16:55.610 to be soft with them because he had high expectations 00:16:55.610 --> 00:16:59.490 for them as they grew. But he's so gentle and 00:16:59.490 --> 00:17:03.029 kind. And he's like a big teddy bear with the 00:17:03.029 --> 00:17:05.470 little ones who are preschoolers. And he's starting 00:17:05.470 --> 00:17:08.109 to teach. our grandson, the five year old, how 00:17:08.109 --> 00:17:11.950 to tie his shoes. And he has such patience. And 00:17:11.950 --> 00:17:14.930 I'm like, he should really do like a dad's class 00:17:14.930 --> 00:17:17.950 on like, here's how to teach your child or grandchild 00:17:17.950 --> 00:17:20.930 how to tie shoes. And my husband doesn't realize 00:17:20.930 --> 00:17:22.910 I'm watching him. He doesn't realize that that 00:17:22.910 --> 00:17:26.329 is a leadership skill, patience, right? And being 00:17:26.329 --> 00:17:31.009 kind and allowing people to make mistakes. And 00:17:31.009 --> 00:17:33.890 so I think there are many things that men do 00:17:33.890 --> 00:17:35.650 well. They don't realize that they're leading, 00:17:35.670 --> 00:17:37.769 but they are. They're out front leading and we're 00:17:37.769 --> 00:17:43.990 watching. I think also that sometimes dads don't 00:17:43.990 --> 00:17:46.410 think they're leading, but they are because they 00:17:46.410 --> 00:17:48.609 don't think people are following them, right? 00:17:49.950 --> 00:17:52.809 Um, but can we talk a little bit about that? 00:17:52.910 --> 00:17:55.390 Like what does it mean to lead when you don't 00:17:55.390 --> 00:17:57.109 think that there are people behind you? Cause 00:17:57.109 --> 00:18:00.069 sometimes fathers don't have support and community, 00:18:00.490 --> 00:18:02.950 but how do you continue to push forward and lead 00:18:02.950 --> 00:18:05.289 when, when you're struggling with our people 00:18:05.289 --> 00:18:07.970 following your people, seeing me and, and wanting 00:18:07.970 --> 00:18:10.450 to do these things with me, I'm going to open 00:18:10.450 --> 00:18:14.619 that up to both of you. Well, I'll go. Well, 00:18:14.640 --> 00:18:17.200 I believe that it goes back to passion, right? 00:18:17.460 --> 00:18:19.640 It goes right back to passion. It goes back to 00:18:19.640 --> 00:18:22.700 understanding your yes and nurturing it, nurturing 00:18:22.700 --> 00:18:25.099 your yes, nurturing your why you're there. I 00:18:25.099 --> 00:18:26.980 think anytime you're going into a leadership 00:18:26.980 --> 00:18:29.140 role, you want to know why you're going into 00:18:29.140 --> 00:18:31.619 that role. And if you're already like fathered, 00:18:31.660 --> 00:18:34.160 you're there, right? And so, okay, as I show 00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:36.880 up as a dad. What do I want to do that's going 00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:39.799 to allow me to grow through this, through my 00:18:39.799 --> 00:18:41.900 prospects of being the best dad that I can be? 00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:44.640 What's my goals? How do I help to nurture my 00:18:44.640 --> 00:18:47.119 goals? If there are others that are looking to 00:18:47.119 --> 00:18:49.420 follow, whether it may be one, it may be two, 00:18:49.539 --> 00:18:51.640 it may be a brother that's going to be a new 00:18:51.640 --> 00:18:54.099 dad. It might be a cousin that may be looking 00:18:54.099 --> 00:18:57.279 to you as inspiration. You can share with them, 00:18:57.279 --> 00:19:00.980 you know, your ability to just grow, to be open, 00:19:01.079 --> 00:19:03.539 to be transparent. I think a lot of times if 00:19:03.539 --> 00:19:05.559 they're not watching, it's still important to 00:19:05.559 --> 00:19:08.440 know that you still need to show up as your best. 00:19:08.799 --> 00:19:10.859 Even during the times that you may not feel your 00:19:10.859 --> 00:19:13.380 best, you show up. I think the ability to show 00:19:13.380 --> 00:19:16.559 up is always something to be acknowledged. I 00:19:16.559 --> 00:19:19.700 think a lot of times as dads, we find the pressure, 00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:23.920 we see and we feel the pressures, but the reality 00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:27.079 is showing up really is the first step. The second 00:19:27.079 --> 00:19:29.460 step is being able to be available. And I think 00:19:29.460 --> 00:19:33.000 that if we give ourselves grace, Um, it, it extended 00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:35.359 to yourself, extended brace to yourself. I think 00:19:35.359 --> 00:19:41.079 that's what's most important to that. Yeah. Yeah. 00:19:41.420 --> 00:19:46.079 I don't know if I follow that showing up as half 00:19:46.079 --> 00:19:50.099 the battle, I always say. So, yeah. Um, Josh, 00:19:50.180 --> 00:19:53.279 you, you touched on your PLT experience a little 00:19:53.279 --> 00:19:56.779 bit, uh, earlier in this conversation. I'm curious 00:19:56.779 --> 00:20:00.490 though, as we think about systems and. the work 00:20:00.490 --> 00:20:04.170 of recruiting parents and how we can do a better 00:20:04.170 --> 00:20:06.609 job of inviting and including parents and initiatives 00:20:06.609 --> 00:20:10.470 like PLTI. And just in this type of work, I'm 00:20:10.470 --> 00:20:13.829 curious what you would say or how you would say 00:20:13.829 --> 00:20:16.569 we could do a better job of inviting and including 00:20:16.569 --> 00:20:19.829 parents or fathers in these types of initiatives 00:20:19.829 --> 00:20:25.230 and work. Certainly. So I believe it's about 00:20:25.230 --> 00:20:27.329 the intentionality of going to the spaces that 00:20:27.329 --> 00:20:30.980 dads are. We are the dads. You know, a lot of 00:20:30.980 --> 00:20:33.740 times fathers don't know what they don't know. 00:20:33.960 --> 00:20:35.779 And there are a lot of dads that want to know. 00:20:35.940 --> 00:20:37.579 And we learned this right at the New England 00:20:37.579 --> 00:20:39.839 Father Conference. That's why most proud dads 00:20:39.839 --> 00:20:41.740 go. They register to go because they want to 00:20:41.740 --> 00:20:44.759 learn more. But we have to find ways to go to 00:20:44.759 --> 00:20:47.140 the places that they are, where they are, right? 00:20:47.160 --> 00:20:50.700 Where they are relaxed, where they are ready 00:20:50.700 --> 00:20:53.160 to learn, grow, and not because they're mandated 00:20:53.160 --> 00:20:56.059 to. I think a lot of times that's the issue. 00:20:56.349 --> 00:20:58.769 It's not the dads going to the dads that are 00:20:58.769 --> 00:21:01.869 mandated to do programs and learn about civic 00:21:01.869 --> 00:21:04.369 and democracy, but going to the places where 00:21:04.369 --> 00:21:06.730 it's like, hey, you know, I see that you're really, 00:21:06.730 --> 00:21:09.430 really involved in your son's sports and your 00:21:09.430 --> 00:21:11.329 daughter's, you know, curricular activities. 00:21:11.529 --> 00:21:13.549 Did you know that there's ways of opportunities 00:21:13.549 --> 00:21:16.269 for you to share, you know, what drives that, 00:21:16.329 --> 00:21:18.430 you know, what keeps you so eager to be a part 00:21:18.430 --> 00:21:21.940 of that work? um it could be so organic you know 00:21:21.940 --> 00:21:23.920 it could be so organic it can be at a grocery 00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:26.460 store it could be a lot of the marketing materials 00:21:26.460 --> 00:21:28.859 ensuring that there's more male representation 00:21:28.859 --> 00:21:31.779 on marketing materials of finding books if you're 00:21:31.779 --> 00:21:34.079 going to distribute books find books that have 00:21:34.079 --> 00:21:36.579 dads on the front of them right if it's something 00:21:36.579 --> 00:21:39.559 to do with artwork find things that dads drew 00:21:39.559 --> 00:21:42.359 with their children i think it's an intentionality 00:21:42.700 --> 00:21:46.279 um and it goes back to also going to places and 00:21:46.279 --> 00:21:49.220 to really have other dads because you know i 00:21:49.220 --> 00:21:52.220 believe strongly that other men help to support 00:21:52.220 --> 00:21:55.299 and bring other men to the space right because 00:21:55.299 --> 00:21:57.240 they get to talk about their experience it's 00:21:57.240 --> 00:21:59.259 a difference from you know my vet here sharing 00:21:59.259 --> 00:22:01.180 the space with us she said hey listen i'm not 00:22:01.180 --> 00:22:02.859 a dad right i could tell you the observations 00:22:02.859 --> 00:22:05.079 that i've had but i'm not a dad but it's a difference 00:22:05.079 --> 00:22:07.299 from like me having a conversation with you carlos 00:22:07.299 --> 00:22:10.740 about fatherhood we can relate there's representation 00:22:10.740 --> 00:22:12.779 that is there but we can relate to different 00:22:12.779 --> 00:22:15.019 experiences it may not be the same but there's 00:22:15.019 --> 00:22:17.940 similarities and experiences and so when we go 00:22:17.940 --> 00:22:20.160 to certain spaces it may be a barbershop put 00:22:20.160 --> 00:22:24.170 the promos for PLTI and PLI, you know, on cards, 00:22:24.309 --> 00:22:25.950 see if you can talk to the barber there, talk 00:22:25.950 --> 00:22:28.430 to, you know, if you're gonna go to a pain hole, 00:22:28.529 --> 00:22:30.650 you know, like, hey, man, you know, can I just 00:22:30.650 --> 00:22:32.910 leave these here? I play pool every Friday, but 00:22:32.910 --> 00:22:34.750 I think this would be a great opportunity for 00:22:34.750 --> 00:22:37.009 dads, you know, their voices are important. And 00:22:37.009 --> 00:22:39.509 listen, how do we bring dads to this space? We 00:22:39.509 --> 00:22:42.109 can do it. It's so organic. It doesn't take so 00:22:42.109 --> 00:22:44.150 much of the host being structured and having 00:22:44.150 --> 00:22:46.910 to have a form. Then you lose it. You lose insight 00:22:46.910 --> 00:22:49.369 when you're bad. particular because that's not 00:22:49.369 --> 00:22:51.549 even a father that it's not that deep. Right. 00:22:51.650 --> 00:22:53.509 And I think that's what's really, really important 00:22:53.509 --> 00:22:55.710 goes to places that they are and then having 00:22:55.710 --> 00:22:57.569 marking materials that represent them. That's 00:22:57.569 --> 00:23:00.230 most invite to the space because you don't want 00:23:00.230 --> 00:23:01.750 to discourage him before they don't walk through 00:23:01.750 --> 00:23:05.849 the door. Right. I'm definitely taking mental 00:23:05.849 --> 00:23:09.309 notes. I'm taking notes in our document because 00:23:09.309 --> 00:23:12.970 being on the communication side, some of this 00:23:12.970 --> 00:23:14.930 resonates with me and some of the some of it 00:23:14.930 --> 00:23:16.329 is things that I hadn't I wouldn't have thought 00:23:16.329 --> 00:23:18.829 about. So I'm definitely taking notes on how 00:23:18.829 --> 00:23:23.710 we can invite fathers into this work. I'm curious, 00:23:23.950 --> 00:23:26.289 though, a little bit. So we talked about showing 00:23:26.289 --> 00:23:31.750 up, right? How that's important. Once we invite 00:23:31.750 --> 00:23:37.349 those fathers into this type of work, what are 00:23:37.349 --> 00:23:40.450 some things that you see that could keep fathers 00:23:40.450 --> 00:23:45.619 from showing up into this work? So it's... once 00:23:45.619 --> 00:23:47.940 we've organically invited him in, once we've 00:23:47.940 --> 00:23:51.400 had the conversation with him, are there things 00:23:51.400 --> 00:23:54.779 that you've seen in these spaces that we should 00:23:54.779 --> 00:23:59.059 think about changing or fixing so that we can 00:23:59.059 --> 00:24:02.339 get more fathers showing up? Yeah, no, that's 00:24:02.339 --> 00:24:05.160 a great question. I'll be honest, it's the topics, 00:24:05.559 --> 00:24:08.660 right? Fathers are very specific with topics. 00:24:09.140 --> 00:24:12.089 And so we're inviting dads to spaces. it's good 00:24:12.089 --> 00:24:14.609 to know that they're coming here for a specific 00:24:14.609 --> 00:24:17.049 reason and they want to get to that reason, get 00:24:17.049 --> 00:24:18.789 to the point, right? They don't want a whole 00:24:18.789 --> 00:24:20.450 bunch of, you know, you warming up the milk. 00:24:20.630 --> 00:24:22.549 They want to get there and the bottle be ready, 00:24:22.750 --> 00:24:25.470 right? And it's not that they don't mean any 00:24:25.470 --> 00:24:28.069 harm, dads don't mean no harm by it, but the 00:24:28.069 --> 00:24:30.650 patient tolerance, not every dad has all of the 00:24:30.650 --> 00:24:32.549 patience to kind of sit there and wait through 00:24:32.549 --> 00:24:35.809 that process. And so, you know, give them a little 00:24:35.809 --> 00:24:37.910 appetizer, right, which is important, but get 00:24:37.910 --> 00:24:40.190 to the opportunity of understanding what they're 00:24:40.190 --> 00:24:42.319 there for. if they want to learn about you know 00:24:42.319 --> 00:24:45.180 systems what about systems directly are you willing 00:24:45.180 --> 00:24:47.539 to learn are you willing to go through to find 00:24:47.539 --> 00:24:50.200 out before you get there right because when you 00:24:50.200 --> 00:24:52.160 think about even curriculum if it's a 20 week 00:24:52.160 --> 00:24:54.500 long program you know they may just be really 00:24:54.500 --> 00:24:55.859 there because they want to learn about child 00:24:55.859 --> 00:24:58.799 support but that may not be embedded in the curriculum 00:24:59.180 --> 00:25:01.960 So why have them thinking that all of them, oh, 00:25:02.099 --> 00:25:04.160 when we get to phase two, there may be a little 00:25:04.160 --> 00:25:06.559 opportunity, but no, they may not even, by the 00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:09.599 time you get to phase five, they may not go that 00:25:09.599 --> 00:25:12.059 far. They may say no, because they're checked 00:25:12.059 --> 00:25:14.819 out. They had, they had a objective, they had 00:25:14.819 --> 00:25:17.519 a goal. And that's how that hunter analysis, 00:25:17.720 --> 00:25:19.240 man, that's just like, get to the point, get 00:25:19.240 --> 00:25:21.369 me where I need to be. And I think that's really 00:25:21.369 --> 00:25:24.569 important because every dad and most men, there's 00:25:24.569 --> 00:25:27.130 a cause and there's a reason and there's an effect. 00:25:27.710 --> 00:25:29.750 Right. And so we want to make sure that we're 00:25:29.750 --> 00:25:32.069 given the opportunity for those dads to really 00:25:32.069 --> 00:25:33.910 share what it is that they're coming to this 00:25:33.910 --> 00:25:36.569 space for. And they're very open. they're very 00:25:36.569 --> 00:25:38.650 transparent that's one thing about most fathers 00:25:38.650 --> 00:25:40.170 they're not gonna sit there and be around the 00:25:40.170 --> 00:25:42.710 bush fathers are very direct they're very you 00:25:42.710 --> 00:25:44.690 know right to the point like listen i'm here 00:25:44.690 --> 00:25:46.430 because i want to learn about this or i had an 00:25:46.430 --> 00:25:48.750 experience and i need help because i need to 00:25:48.750 --> 00:25:51.190 get out of why i'm feeling this way or why systems 00:25:51.190 --> 00:25:53.690 are you know responding to me in this way so 00:25:53.690 --> 00:25:55.990 i think it's really about just being very direct 00:25:55.990 --> 00:26:02.519 yeah Melvede, are you taking notes? I am taking 00:26:02.519 --> 00:26:09.380 notes. We think we do a really good job at recruiting 00:26:09.380 --> 00:26:13.579 fathers for our parent leadership training initiatives. 00:26:14.279 --> 00:26:17.759 And I only can speak for Connecticut. And we're 00:26:17.759 --> 00:26:22.059 always wondering why fathers aren't coming. Why 00:26:22.059 --> 00:26:25.730 aren't they filling out the application? Why 00:26:25.730 --> 00:26:28.269 did they fill out the application and get accepted 00:26:28.269 --> 00:26:31.049 and didn't show up to retreat? Or to your point 00:26:31.049 --> 00:26:33.589 Josh, why didn't they make it past session five, 00:26:33.589 --> 00:26:36.690 right? And I would say there's a lot of judgment 00:26:36.690 --> 00:26:39.269 sometimes, right? Because people don't understand 00:26:39.269 --> 00:26:42.490 someone else's story. But what you're saying, 00:26:42.549 --> 00:26:44.670 what I hear you saying, and of course like you're 00:26:44.670 --> 00:26:46.890 speaking from your perspective and your viewpoint. 00:26:47.569 --> 00:26:48.930 What I hear you saying is sometimes we don't 00:26:48.930 --> 00:26:51.549 get to the point and we're not as direct as we 00:26:51.549 --> 00:26:55.569 say we are. And people, particularly dads, want 00:26:55.569 --> 00:26:59.250 to know, like, tell me what's on the menu. When 00:26:59.250 --> 00:27:02.190 are we going to have dessert? What's for dessert? 00:27:02.609 --> 00:27:05.269 Right. And get me there. Right. Like, let's move 00:27:05.269 --> 00:27:07.609 things along. Like, let's move this seven course 00:27:07.609 --> 00:27:11.970 meal along so we get to the good stuff. I also 00:27:11.970 --> 00:27:16.049 wonder, too, you know, in some families, dads 00:27:16.049 --> 00:27:18.950 have different types of responsibilities and 00:27:19.339 --> 00:27:22.480 You know, sometimes dads are working really hard 00:27:22.480 --> 00:27:25.799 and they can't come out to a three hour class 00:27:25.799 --> 00:27:28.019 because maybe they're working two jobs or maybe 00:27:28.019 --> 00:27:31.359 after the day job, they have other responsibilities 00:27:31.359 --> 00:27:35.059 as does a mom in many cases, right? I think sometimes 00:27:35.059 --> 00:27:40.819 it's capacity and trying to fit people into the 00:27:40.819 --> 00:27:43.319 shape. Like here's the square. You have to fit 00:27:43.319 --> 00:27:46.329 into this square. this is what we're offering. 00:27:46.410 --> 00:27:49.390 I'm saying this out loud, understanding that 00:27:49.390 --> 00:27:51.630 we're going to have to make some changes, right? 00:27:51.910 --> 00:27:53.750 Like everything is not a square and everything 00:27:53.750 --> 00:27:55.670 is not going to fit into a square. So how can 00:27:55.670 --> 00:27:58.950 we make accommodations? How can we think differently 00:27:58.950 --> 00:28:02.069 and innovatively about how we're approaching 00:28:02.069 --> 00:28:04.490 this conversation with dads and inviting them 00:28:04.490 --> 00:28:07.549 into this leadership development space. Josh, 00:28:07.630 --> 00:28:08.950 you and I have talked about that. We have some 00:28:08.950 --> 00:28:11.630 ideas. We won't share it now, but more to come. 00:28:12.269 --> 00:28:14.369 We'll share it with you, Carlos, because it's 00:28:14.369 --> 00:28:16.650 not fully formed, because dads like to have things 00:28:16.650 --> 00:28:18.509 fully formed before they start discussing those 00:28:18.509 --> 00:28:22.680 things. But I think what's happening too in this 00:28:22.680 --> 00:28:24.839 conversation is that, you know, I'm a person 00:28:24.839 --> 00:28:27.059 who can make something happen and make a change 00:28:27.059 --> 00:28:30.420 happen within my own purview, right? Like I'm 00:28:30.420 --> 00:28:32.160 listening and saying, oh, we should, and then 00:28:32.160 --> 00:28:33.839 Carlos, you're the same. You're like, maybe we 00:28:33.839 --> 00:28:36.460 need to communicate differently. Maybe we need 00:28:36.460 --> 00:28:38.920 to have different colors that are appealing to 00:28:38.920 --> 00:28:41.660 dads. Maybe we need to show dads more in ads. 00:28:42.180 --> 00:28:44.900 I think it's a good way to start thinking more 00:28:44.900 --> 00:28:48.299 strategically about inviting dads into the space. 00:28:48.700 --> 00:28:50.720 Absolutely. And also understanding that it's 00:28:50.720 --> 00:28:53.660 not one size fits all either. I totally get that. 00:28:54.140 --> 00:28:58.460 Right. Yeah. Here, I thought it was only about 00:28:58.460 --> 00:29:00.859 those technical, not necessarily technical, but 00:29:00.859 --> 00:29:04.640 those limitations on time or duties, like you 00:29:04.640 --> 00:29:08.039 mentioned, Milvett. But I never thought about 00:29:08.039 --> 00:29:11.440 it being like it wasn't direct enough. The curriculum 00:29:11.440 --> 00:29:15.059 wasn't direct enough or the event or program 00:29:15.059 --> 00:29:18.200 that we're hosting that it wasn't getting to 00:29:18.200 --> 00:29:21.309 the point quickly enough it's definitely good 00:29:21.309 --> 00:29:23.829 feedback great feedback actually that we can 00:29:23.829 --> 00:29:29.130 take back and and act on to sort of improve our 00:29:29.130 --> 00:29:34.769 offerings so thank you josh yeah so as we're 00:29:34.769 --> 00:29:36.990 sort of winding down the conversation if you 00:29:36.990 --> 00:29:39.549 could dream up one change for how followers are 00:29:39.549 --> 00:29:42.789 supported in your community specifically what 00:29:42.789 --> 00:29:46.349 would that be what would it be oh that's a good 00:29:46.349 --> 00:29:54.589 one Action. Action. And that's in a lot of different 00:29:54.589 --> 00:29:57.009 ways that goes, that can go so many different 00:29:57.009 --> 00:30:02.569 ways, but I'll just say these three things. When 00:30:02.569 --> 00:30:06.390 we're thinking about systems, action. When we're 00:30:06.390 --> 00:30:09.710 thinking even about local, you know, just on 00:30:09.710 --> 00:30:13.029 the ground level, day -to -day, school firms 00:30:13.029 --> 00:30:16.089 or you know, even put in the emergency contact, 00:30:16.250 --> 00:30:18.250 instead of even putting just one or two or whichever, 00:30:18.910 --> 00:30:23.369 you know, getting to that place of just action, 00:30:23.910 --> 00:30:26.430 no longer making it so narrow minded, I think 00:30:26.430 --> 00:30:28.450 about that shared about that it's not a one sided 00:30:28.450 --> 00:30:34.890 thing. It's it's getting out of those those traditional 00:30:34.890 --> 00:30:38.890 mindset that bring us traditional mindset. would 00:30:38.890 --> 00:30:41.950 allow a father to feel that he is recognized 00:30:41.950 --> 00:30:44.910 in the littlest ways because us as guys we may 00:30:44.910 --> 00:30:47.130 not share it openly like oh man that hurt my 00:30:47.130 --> 00:30:49.089 feelings or you know I didn't like that too much 00:30:49.089 --> 00:30:51.130 or that rubbed me the wrong way but being able 00:30:51.130 --> 00:30:54.430 to see oh wow you know she asked me the question 00:30:54.430 --> 00:30:56.829 or you know she didn't have I didn't have to 00:30:56.829 --> 00:31:00.369 wait you know to say you know that I am the the 00:31:00.369 --> 00:31:03.509 primary parent right or that the child is you 00:31:03.509 --> 00:31:06.990 know just with me solely right and solely like 00:31:06.990 --> 00:31:09.960 it's just being able to have the attentionality. 00:31:10.559 --> 00:31:13.079 And I think the action of that is what's going 00:31:13.079 --> 00:31:16.559 to be really that driving force for fathers to 00:31:16.559 --> 00:31:19.039 see. No longer being all the talk, talk, talk. 00:31:19.259 --> 00:31:21.500 But the action behind it is really what's most 00:31:21.500 --> 00:31:31.759 important. Action. As such a simple yet powerful 00:31:31.759 --> 00:31:36.000 word. Action in all the ways. Thank you, Josh. 00:31:36.539 --> 00:31:43.779 Thank you. Yeah, so on a similar note, is there 00:31:43.779 --> 00:31:46.519 anything that you really wanna leave with fathers 00:31:46.519 --> 00:31:49.819 that might be listening to this episode or watching 00:31:49.819 --> 00:31:51.920 us on YouTube? Which by the way, you all should 00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:55.200 be doing, watch us on YouTube. Watch us on YouTube. 00:31:55.539 --> 00:31:59.079 Yeah, you get a better feel for the flow of the 00:31:59.079 --> 00:32:01.579 conversation if you're. watching the video. And 00:32:01.579 --> 00:32:03.779 they get to speak this polo shirt that Josh has 00:32:03.779 --> 00:32:07.799 on that's pink and navy with white collar. I 00:32:07.799 --> 00:32:10.839 was actually gonna ask him after the call like 00:32:10.839 --> 00:32:13.140 where'd you get that? Primark man, Primark, Primark. 00:32:13.460 --> 00:32:15.380 I got a Primark, check it out, check it out. 00:32:15.500 --> 00:32:18.420 Will do. Yeah man. What I would definitely say 00:32:18.420 --> 00:32:22.539 is to fathers be encouraged. You know, take it 00:32:22.539 --> 00:32:24.980 one step at a time. I think that this has meant 00:32:24.980 --> 00:32:27.259 we put so much on our plates because we want 00:32:27.259 --> 00:32:29.730 to make those that are. part of our communities 00:32:29.730 --> 00:32:32.930 proud of us and We talked about it on today's 00:32:32.930 --> 00:32:36.109 podcast that we can be just just us showing up 00:32:36.109 --> 00:32:38.829 makes the difference and Then extending grace 00:32:38.829 --> 00:32:41.150 to yourself and then we share the word about 00:32:41.150 --> 00:32:43.490 Stretching as leadership anytime you're in leadership 00:32:43.490 --> 00:32:45.710 and as a father you're in leadership automatically 00:32:45.710 --> 00:32:48.589 It just comes with baggage you showing up and 00:32:48.589 --> 00:32:50.210 then understanding that you're gonna have to 00:32:50.210 --> 00:32:52.970 stretch sometimes right and then the ability 00:32:52.970 --> 00:32:56.069 to know that Every day is not gonna be the same. 00:32:56.529 --> 00:32:59.130 So how you showed up yesterday You're gonna have 00:32:59.130 --> 00:33:01.910 to change some things to tomorrow, right? And 00:33:01.910 --> 00:33:04.390 be okay with those things and just give it your 00:33:04.390 --> 00:33:08.109 best. Give it your best and, you know, give yourself 00:33:08.109 --> 00:33:11.210 grace. Really give yourself grace. And I know 00:33:11.210 --> 00:33:14.829 in how we live in the PLTI world and realm is 00:33:14.829 --> 00:33:18.430 by our hopes, right? Really understanding how 00:33:18.430 --> 00:33:21.630 to nurture our hopes daily for ourselves will 00:33:21.630 --> 00:33:23.710 really make the difference. You know, understanding 00:33:23.710 --> 00:33:27.319 how to honor ourselves even through our own you 00:33:27.319 --> 00:33:30.640 know course of thinking and actions and knowing 00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:33.359 how to be open right and being able to say hey 00:33:33.359 --> 00:33:35.859 listen you know would you mind you know putting 00:33:35.859 --> 00:33:38.220 my name down because that's gonna you know that's 00:33:38.220 --> 00:33:39.720 gonna bother me and you're gonna think about 00:33:39.720 --> 00:33:41.220 it but that's gonna bother me most men we're 00:33:41.220 --> 00:33:44.279 thinkers we and we let it rest with us and then 00:33:44.279 --> 00:33:45.660 understanding that there's gonna be times you're 00:33:45.660 --> 00:33:46.980 gonna have to participate there's gonna be times 00:33:46.980 --> 00:33:49.099 i'm gonna have to pass some things up like i'm 00:33:49.099 --> 00:33:51.200 not gonna be able to you know that's a great 00:33:51.200 --> 00:33:53.740 opportunity but plti right now may not work this 00:33:53.740 --> 00:33:55.819 this time around but hopefully we can stay connected 00:33:56.059 --> 00:33:57.539 maybe there's some other opportunities for me 00:33:57.539 --> 00:34:00.680 to share my experience right and be able to listen 00:34:00.680 --> 00:34:03.460 to others through theirs knowing that it's sensitive 00:34:03.460 --> 00:34:06.240 and safe spaces there because their stories are 00:34:06.240 --> 00:34:09.159 sensitive their stories are safe and so i think 00:34:09.159 --> 00:34:11.380 it's really important for us to be able to you 00:34:11.380 --> 00:34:13.500 know really just encourage your brother and a 00:34:13.500 --> 00:34:15.340 father when we see them hey you know doing a 00:34:15.340 --> 00:34:17.460 great job you see them in the grocery store and 00:34:17.460 --> 00:34:20.320 the kids acting up uh would just encourage you 00:34:20.320 --> 00:34:22.500 say hey you see that you know he's and you know 00:34:22.500 --> 00:34:24.880 he looks all sometimes like whoa like what you 00:34:24.880 --> 00:34:26.860 got it going on right now just give him a word 00:34:26.860 --> 00:34:28.880 of encouragement man you're doing a great job 00:34:28.880 --> 00:34:31.360 you know you got this you know and it will lift 00:34:31.360 --> 00:34:33.199 their spirits it will lift their spirits and 00:34:33.199 --> 00:34:36.079 i think that's what i would leave on today tell 00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:39.079 my fellow fathers and brotherhood you know keep 00:34:39.079 --> 00:34:43.539 going don't give up that's it that's the final 00:34:43.539 --> 00:34:47.039 word so josh where can people follow you hear 00:34:47.039 --> 00:34:49.340 more about your work and what you're up to is 00:34:49.340 --> 00:34:51.949 there Can we follow you on Instagram, LinkedIn? 00:34:53.250 --> 00:34:56.710 Oh, wow. What I got going on? Okay. Well, I do 00:34:56.710 --> 00:34:59.070 have a upcoming men's event that's going to be 00:34:59.070 --> 00:35:02.150 hosted this upcoming month of June, June 8th, 00:35:02.150 --> 00:35:04.869 from two to six. There was to be my third year 00:35:04.869 --> 00:35:06.670 men's event that I'll be hosting a free event 00:35:06.670 --> 00:35:08.769 for all men here in the state of Connecticut 00:35:08.769 --> 00:35:11.349 to come out and to be able to just enjoy one 00:35:11.349 --> 00:35:14.829 another's experiences, build connection that 00:35:14.829 --> 00:35:17.989 will forge those experiences. And so you can 00:35:17.989 --> 00:35:21.880 find me on Instagram. Vaughn Signatures, one 00:35:21.880 --> 00:35:25.739 word on Instagram. You can find me on Facebook, 00:35:26.000 --> 00:35:28.199 Joshua Vaughn. We're working on a Together We 00:35:28.199 --> 00:35:30.880 Stand page as we speak. And then my website, 00:35:31.280 --> 00:35:34.860 www .vaughnsignatures .com. You can contact me 00:35:34.860 --> 00:35:37.539 there. And LinkedIn, Joshua Vaughn. I'm an easy 00:35:37.539 --> 00:35:39.840 guy. And so I'm looking forward to connecting. 00:35:41.099 --> 00:35:44.059 Thank you this opportunity Melvin Carlos y 'all 00:35:44.059 --> 00:35:46.360 rock. Thank y 'all for you. Yeah, I couldn't 00:35:46.360 --> 00:35:48.760 ask I couldn't ask for better stretch partners 00:35:48.760 --> 00:35:51.920 Thank you for the conversations. You're both 00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:54.739 rock stars I love it and just so the folks listening 00:35:54.739 --> 00:35:57.159 at home and watching is at home once this episode 00:35:57.159 --> 00:35:59.280 is released You'll be able to find all of Josh's 00:35:59.280 --> 00:36:01.619 links in the description of the video. You'll 00:36:01.619 --> 00:36:04.619 be able to see it on social media I'll make sure 00:36:04.619 --> 00:36:07.750 to to link all of us to social media accounts 00:36:07.750 --> 00:36:10.090 and his website in the description of the video. 00:36:11.010 --> 00:36:13.329 So yeah, thank you all for joining us for another 00:36:13.329 --> 00:36:16.409 episode of the Bold and the Brave. We'll see 00:36:16.409 --> 00:36:18.429 you next time. See you next time.