1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:29,140 Hi and welcome back to Tell Me What Happened. 2 00:00:29,140 --> 00:00:30,140 What happened? 3 00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:34,860 The podcast that features folks from all walks of life telling us one true story from their 4 00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:40,860 childhood and how that event, that single experience, has impacted who they are today. 5 00:00:40,860 --> 00:00:46,820 I'm your host, Jay Reahack, and like you, I've had my share of childhood experiences 6 00:00:46,820 --> 00:00:48,660 that have impacted who I am today. 7 00:00:48,660 --> 00:00:53,780 What I'd like to think, that everything that's ever happened to me, good and bad, is maybe 8 00:00:53,780 --> 00:00:54,780 a better person. 9 00:00:54,780 --> 00:01:00,060 Now that might not be true, but that's what I'd like to think. 10 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:06,060 Tell me what happened is sponsored by Sidelining Publishing, publishers of quality books including 11 00:01:06,060 --> 00:01:13,300 Susan Salonar's classics, I've Got Peace in My Fingers, and One Little Act of Kindness. 12 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:16,460 Both are the perfect gift for young children. 13 00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:17,460 Alright! 14 00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:22,500 Today I have as my guest, Gail Petrel. 15 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:25,700 Gail is a career and confidence coach. 16 00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:29,980 She's the author of the book The Accident, and she's a noted speaker. 17 00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:32,300 Welcome to the show, Gail. 18 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,300 Thank you so much, Jay. 19 00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,700 I'm excited to be here. 20 00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:38,380 Well, Gail, I know that your story is actually quite painful. 21 00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:41,060 I haven't heard it yet, but I know a little bit about it. 22 00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:43,540 So I'm going to leave it alone and allow you to tell it. 23 00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:46,380 So take it away, Gail Petrel. 24 00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:48,540 Thank you so much, Jay. 25 00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:55,300 So I have a background in healthcare administration. 26 00:01:55,300 --> 00:02:02,500 I've been a leader in a zillion healthcare arena positions for over 30 years, much of 27 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:06,220 it including in the human resources area. 28 00:02:06,220 --> 00:02:12,540 So I've been a director of human resources for a large medical organization. 29 00:02:12,540 --> 00:02:18,020 I've run large hospital departments and large medical groups as well. 30 00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:26,740 When I was born, way back when, my mom says I was an outgoing child who loved meeting 31 00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:29,500 new people and going new places. 32 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,780 And that all changed when I was two and a half. 33 00:02:32,780 --> 00:02:38,580 My mom was taking me to a neighbor's house, so she was taking me next door to a neighbor's 34 00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:41,020 house for an adult tea party. 35 00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:45,180 And all the moms who didn't work were bringing their little kids. 36 00:02:45,180 --> 00:02:50,420 And so we were growing up, I grew up in upstate New York and it was October. 37 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:54,940 The fall leaves were just beautiful and we were playing in the leaves in our winter 38 00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:58,220 snowsuits because it was cold. 39 00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:02,700 And we could smell the cookies that were in the oven. 40 00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:06,420 The aroma was just coming through the screen door. 41 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:13,660 And so we all ran into the kitchen and went to the kitchen table, which as I remember 42 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,060 was a long picnic table. 43 00:03:16,060 --> 00:03:20,540 Hi, they had about six kids, so it was a large kitchen table. 44 00:03:20,540 --> 00:03:26,100 And I was using my elbows as a two and a half year old, very small, to climb up onto the 45 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:30,180 table and I saw cookies. 46 00:03:30,180 --> 00:03:37,500 And as I went to reach for a cookie, I toppled a full percolator full of hot coffee off the 47 00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:39,660 table and all over me. 48 00:03:39,660 --> 00:03:47,660 I permeated through my clothes and burned right down to the bone, 40% of my body. 49 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,900 I was in the hospital for months. 50 00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:52,860 My parents didn't know if I would live or die. 51 00:03:52,860 --> 00:04:01,060 I obviously lived and I struggled for years with the effects that burn survivors struggle 52 00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:02,060 with. 53 00:04:02,060 --> 00:04:03,900 We isolate. 54 00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:06,420 We don't share our story. 55 00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:12,100 We have tons of fears and phobias, rational and irrational. 56 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:18,540 And in my book, I talk about stories that have never been shared by me before. 57 00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:28,660 And even though my scars are on my body to this day, they're invisible to most people. 58 00:04:28,660 --> 00:04:31,300 They're hidden by my clothes. 59 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:41,180 And so going to be 70 next year, and I was at a fundraiser just before COVID. 60 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:44,860 It was September of 2019. 61 00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:52,180 And I was on stage and somebody had just mentioned that they as a nurse had supported 62 00:04:52,180 --> 00:04:59,380 burn children survivors at Phoenix Children's Medical Center just an hour and a half north 63 00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:01,580 of us, I'm in Tucson, Arizona. 64 00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:07,380 I didn't have time to respond and I stood at the podium and I looked at the 200 people, 65 00:05:07,380 --> 00:05:12,020 most of whom I knew in the audience, and I just the tears started to come. 66 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,740 I said, I'm so sorry. 67 00:05:13,740 --> 00:05:17,500 I have a script, but I'll veer off of it for a second. 68 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:22,060 And I will just share that I wish my family and I had had that kind of support when I 69 00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,620 was burned as a toddler. 70 00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:29,500 Dead silence in this auditorium, you could air a pin drop, no rattling of tea cups or 71 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,740 spoons or any of that. 72 00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:36,100 And then we proceeded with the event. 73 00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:41,660 And afterwards a woman who I did not know in the audience came up to me and said, girl, 74 00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:42,660 you have a story to tell. 75 00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:47,900 And I said, no, I don't have any story, but I'm happy to hear yours. 76 00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:53,180 And over coffee over the next three months, now it's December. 77 00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:55,740 She got my story out of me. 78 00:05:55,740 --> 00:06:04,340 And she said, you need to write a book because your story, while horrific, would be inspiring. 79 00:06:04,340 --> 00:06:08,140 And I want you to encourage others to tell your story. 80 00:06:08,140 --> 00:06:15,660 Because as you can imagine, holding a secret of that magnitude for over 65 years doesn't 81 00:06:15,660 --> 00:06:18,300 allow you to be a whole person. 82 00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:25,380 And so during COVID, I sat down at the computer and I wrote my story. 83 00:06:25,380 --> 00:06:27,660 And it was cathartic. 84 00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:30,420 It was transforming. 85 00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:33,660 It took a weight off my shoulders. 86 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,380 And now I'm telling my story. 87 00:06:35,380 --> 00:06:41,300 So sad for you just to think about, well, the event itself, I can't imagine it months 88 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,300 in the hospital. 89 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:49,460 And also years of not showing anybody or talking about it to anybody. 90 00:06:49,460 --> 00:06:54,180 And the idea that 40% of your body was burned is burned. 91 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:59,900 And you had to grow up and deal with it as a young woman and as an older person. 92 00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:02,980 It must have been incredibly difficult. 93 00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:08,220 I mean, I'm not trying to be a Ruby, I have a beautiful face. 94 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:13,980 So you were spared having scars on your face, I would think, is that right? 95 00:07:13,980 --> 00:07:14,980 Right. 96 00:07:14,980 --> 00:07:16,780 They are from my chest down. 97 00:07:16,780 --> 00:07:17,780 Right. 98 00:07:17,780 --> 00:07:23,860 So then I understand from your story that you're able to sort of hide, and for, I guess 99 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:27,620 that's the right word, or shield, you know, nobody sees the scars. 100 00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:33,220 I would think that going to the beach or something might be problematic or other elements, but 101 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,860 I'm not going to tell your story. 102 00:07:35,860 --> 00:07:39,700 I'm going to ask you how you think, you've already sort of expressed it in the sense 103 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:44,060 that you haven't talked about, you didn't talk about it for many years, but how do you 104 00:07:44,060 --> 00:07:51,100 think that event impacted you not only now, because now you are telling the story, but 105 00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:56,740 as you were maturing as a young person and then as an older person, how do you think 106 00:07:56,740 --> 00:08:00,780 that impacted who you are, who you were then, who you are today? 107 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:06,820 Well, I can tell you growing up, I was fearful of everyone and everything. 108 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:13,980 I had fears and phobias so big it impacted my everyday life, hour by hour. 109 00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:20,500 When you say, you know, how were you able to go to the beach or whatever, I wore a one 110 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,660 piece bathing suit. 111 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,980 I had to stay out of the sun. 112 00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:28,860 My scars, my burns were irradiated as a treatment. 113 00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:30,660 They don't do that anymore. 114 00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:35,540 So it definitely had a huge impact on my life. 115 00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:39,380 I had no self-confidence as a young person. 116 00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:41,500 Dating was atrocious. 117 00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,900 Dating was scary. 118 00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:49,740 Dating was, this is great, but how do we get to the next step when I can't tell you what 119 00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:52,980 I look like and I certainly don't want you to see that? 120 00:08:52,980 --> 00:09:05,220 And now coming full circle, I recognize the struggles I had as a young person, as a teenager, 121 00:09:05,220 --> 00:09:10,460 college, marriage, all of that. 122 00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:18,420 And as I said a few minutes ago, sharing my story has really lifted a huge weight off 123 00:09:18,420 --> 00:09:20,260 my shoulders. 124 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:25,380 I have gained a tremendous amount of self-confidence. 125 00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:29,380 That's why I'm a career coach and a confidence coach. 126 00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:38,900 I've overcome huge confidence issues, feeling different, being distrustful of people, certainly 127 00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:41,260 body image issues. 128 00:09:41,260 --> 00:09:47,540 Think about today how many young people, men and women, boys and girls struggle with the 129 00:09:47,540 --> 00:09:53,780 way they look in large part because up until especially a few years ago, everyone we saw 130 00:09:53,780 --> 00:10:04,420 on TV, model, actor, actress, was blonde, blue-eyed, five foot three and 120 pounds. 131 00:10:04,420 --> 00:10:06,580 How many of us look like that? 132 00:10:06,580 --> 00:10:10,420 Now we see in commercials, heavy set men and women. 133 00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:16,460 We see black women and white men together and the reverse. 134 00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:21,020 We see Asians together with white people or with black people. 135 00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:27,780 Our culture is really changing and that's wonderful and it makes it easier for people 136 00:10:27,780 --> 00:10:35,980 like me to come out and share my story because we've all been burned one way or another. 137 00:10:35,980 --> 00:10:42,860 We've been burned physically or mentally, emotionally, whether we've been through a divorce or physically 138 00:10:42,860 --> 00:10:44,060 burned. 139 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:49,340 Even when you take that first sip of coffee from your Starbucks cup and you burn your 140 00:10:49,340 --> 00:10:51,620 tongue, that's painful. 141 00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:57,900 Then you bring that out to 40% of a body being burned and that pain not just then in the 142 00:10:57,900 --> 00:11:04,900 moment but for years struggling with as you grow, those burns changing and growing as 143 00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:05,900 well. 144 00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:12,060 Yes, it's had a huge effect and impact on my life. 145 00:11:12,060 --> 00:11:16,900 But I'm really grateful to the people that have always supported me. 146 00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:24,020 My husband and I have been married going on 43 years this month and he's my biggest supporter, 147 00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:31,060 my best friend and he didn't know my whole story until a year and a half ago either. 148 00:11:31,060 --> 00:11:32,060 My goodness. 149 00:11:32,060 --> 00:11:33,060 Oh my goodness. 150 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:39,460 Well, I'm so happy that you're able to find a partner who understands you even though 151 00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:43,100 the depth he improved over the last year and a half as you said. 152 00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:48,820 I think that's just so great. 153 00:11:48,820 --> 00:11:51,300 It's just what came up to my mind. 154 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:57,420 When I was a little boy, I was at a campfire and I had a marshmallow and it was lit on 155 00:11:57,420 --> 00:12:04,180 fire and I flicked it and I got my sister in her face and she has a scar above her eye 156 00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:10,260 that is very hard to see, I think, but she tells me about it not all the time but occasionally 157 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:14,380 she'll say, you know, this is where you scarred me and I feel this tremendous guilt. 158 00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:18,780 I was a little boy, I wasn't a malicious action. 159 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:19,900 I'm a mistake. 160 00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:24,380 But yeah, I mean, I just, I say on this micro level, I understand where you're coming from 161 00:12:24,380 --> 00:12:28,940 and I certainly do appreciate the fact that you said and I agree with you a thousand percent 162 00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:31,820 that we've all been burned in some way or the other. 163 00:12:31,820 --> 00:12:37,620 And sometimes it's physically obvious and sometimes it is not, but as you mentioned also, 164 00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:42,300 I think what happened to you was an internal burn as well as an external burn. 165 00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:46,980 It really did impact you in terms of your perspective or whatever else. 166 00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:54,100 I'm so glad you're able to overcome the ideas that you may have felt of not being confident. 167 00:12:54,100 --> 00:13:00,460 Can I just ask you very briefly how you were able to overcome your self-confidence issues? 168 00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:03,740 I mean, I know I'm sure it's not just a one day thing. 169 00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,740 I'm not suggesting that. 170 00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:07,420 What how did you achieve that? 171 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:15,420 Well, it took a lot of years and as I said, a lot of it I reflect back and appreciate 172 00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,180 my husband's support. 173 00:13:17,180 --> 00:13:19,260 So I'll give you a quick story. 174 00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:26,300 When he and I live back in upstate New York, his job had him traveling a lot and I would 175 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:31,660 tag along and in the evenings there would be networking events for the people, the attendees 176 00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:35,340 of the conference to mingle and whatnot. 177 00:13:35,340 --> 00:13:42,940 And he would bring me to those events and I would head in a corner and not talk to anybody. 178 00:13:42,940 --> 00:13:46,300 He'd bring me to the bar and say, you know, would you like a glass of red wine? 179 00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:47,300 I'd say yes. 180 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:50,940 And then he'd go and introduce me to other people and say, nice to meet you and I'd go 181 00:13:50,940 --> 00:13:56,260 back either to the bathroom to escape or back into a corner or to where the food was. 182 00:13:56,260 --> 00:13:58,380 So I didn't have to talk to people. 183 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:04,340 And eventually he got wind of, okay, she's really not good at this. 184 00:14:04,340 --> 00:14:08,620 And he would bring me to a group of three or four people, introduce me and then walk 185 00:14:08,620 --> 00:14:09,620 away. 186 00:14:09,620 --> 00:14:15,860 It was the best thing he ever did for me in a way because I had to learn that everyone 187 00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:18,860 likes to talk about themselves. 188 00:14:18,860 --> 00:14:23,180 So it's not so much about you talking, it's about asking questions. 189 00:14:23,180 --> 00:14:25,020 So what are you doing here? 190 00:14:25,020 --> 00:14:27,940 How long have you been involved with this organization? 191 00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:29,700 What do you think of dinner? 192 00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:31,860 What are you doing tomorrow? 193 00:14:31,860 --> 00:14:32,860 Whatever. 194 00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:36,260 And so then you become a really good listener. 195 00:14:36,260 --> 00:14:37,940 And I will say I'm a very good listener. 196 00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:39,740 I have to be as a coach. 197 00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:45,780 But those skills took a lot of time to build and that was one way we built those skills. 198 00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:53,740 The other thing I would say is I had great mentors as I was growing up in my career and 199 00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:59,780 those mentors, when I did something great, they would be very complimentary. 200 00:14:59,780 --> 00:15:06,060 Of course, we're not perfect and there would be times when people would say, oh, there 201 00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:13,100 was a better way to do that or, but I never felt really bad about what I had done when 202 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:16,380 I had made mistakes because my mentors were so amazing. 203 00:15:16,380 --> 00:15:20,340 Of course I had people that weren't, but I'll only talk about the people that were very 204 00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:21,620 supportive. 205 00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:24,540 Because it makes you more confident. 206 00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:29,980 It builds your confidence and your self-respect when you're working with people that support 207 00:15:29,980 --> 00:15:31,860 you and encourage you. 208 00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:38,460 And one of the things I work with my clients in the confidence realm is talk to them about 209 00:15:38,460 --> 00:15:41,340 what's the last compliment you received? 210 00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:44,220 Oh, you have beautiful blue eyes. 211 00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:46,740 That shirt's a great color on you. 212 00:15:46,740 --> 00:15:48,940 I love your red lipstick. 213 00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:49,940 Whatever. 214 00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:56,460 When you're able to draw on those compliments, when you're having a bad day, when someone 215 00:15:56,460 --> 00:16:01,420 has said something negative of you, when that little voice in your own head says, wait, 216 00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:05,780 you're not good enough, you're not smart enough, you're not strong enough, I encourage people 217 00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:11,180 to go back and think about the compliments they recently received. 218 00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:13,340 That tells you you're doing something right. 219 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:16,140 It also tells us we're not alone. 220 00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:19,580 And it's very important for all of us to know we are not alone. 221 00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:25,420 We don't know what the person in front of us in line at the grocery store is going through. 222 00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:32,580 But I can tell you, if you smile at someone as you're passing them, smile at the hostess 223 00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:37,980 who's seating you, smile at the cashier at the register in the grocery store, or the 224 00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:43,860 waitress or water boy that's serving you, your smile is contagious. 225 00:16:43,860 --> 00:16:47,660 They will smile back and you've made someone's day. 226 00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:48,660 Well said. 227 00:16:48,660 --> 00:16:52,780 Well, I want to thank you very much for being on the show. 228 00:16:52,780 --> 00:16:53,780 You've made my day. 229 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:56,660 I do want to try to tell you I tried that. 230 00:16:56,660 --> 00:17:02,500 I try to be that person if I can't be, because I do know that the power of words, my last 231 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:07,540 guest was telling me that she believed that all of us cast spells on one another with 232 00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:13,380 our words, that our words either make us feel, the other person feel great or not so great, 233 00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:14,380 et cetera. 234 00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:15,380 And I hear what you're saying. 235 00:17:15,380 --> 00:17:17,300 You've actually made me very happy today. 236 00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:21,420 I was in pain thinking about what the pain that you've been in, but you certainly come 237 00:17:21,420 --> 00:17:27,820 across as a very confident, happy person, which makes me happy because I'm so scared 238 00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:32,020 you'd be buried in your pain, but you seem to be doing quite well. 239 00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:36,460 And I think you make a heck of a great career and confidence coach. 240 00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:37,460 So thank you for being here. 241 00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:38,460 Thank you so much. 242 00:17:38,460 --> 00:17:40,060 I appreciate that. 243 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,060 Thank you. 244 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,060 All right. 245 00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:43,900 Well, that's our show. 246 00:17:43,900 --> 00:17:48,460 Thanks again, Gail Petroa, for telling us that inspiring story. 247 00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:54,060 So until next time, this is Jay Rehak, asking you all to please stay safe out there and 248 00:17:54,060 --> 00:18:13,580 try not to hurt anybody.