Hi, and welcome to Tell Me What Happened, the
podcast that features people from all walks of
life recalling painful childhood experiences
that have impacted the way they view the world
as an adult. Today's episode of Tell Me What
Happened is sponsored by Sideline Inc. Publishing,
the publisher of the popular middle grade Sideline
book series. Sign up at sidelineincpublishing
.com for a chance to win a free Audible book
of Sideline, a novel about a young entrepreneur
who secretly builds a fortune. I'm your host,
Jay Rehak, and today on Tell Me What Happened,
I have as my guest, Miss Julie Beale. Besides
being a great personal friend of mine, Julie
is the director of the Children and Family Justice
Center at the Bloom Legal Clinic, Northwestern
University Pritzker of Law. Julie's also the
interim dean of clinical education at Northwestern.
I think. Is that right, Julie? Yes. Well, Julie,
welcome to the show. Thank you. I'm happy to
be here. Julie, I really appreciate you coming
on to tell me what happened and sharing with
us a very painful story from your childhood.
I know because we talked before I started taping,
today you're going to tell us about the worst
thing that ever happened to you when you were
growing up. I want you to know I appreciate your
willingness to share your story with our listeners.
It makes me cry to think about it, but I'm going
to try my best. to not speak and just listen.
Are you ready to tell your story? Yep, I am.
So my story begins when I was a 10th grader at
New Rochelle Public High School. New Rochelle
Public High School begins in 10th grade because
New Rochelle is such a huge I mean, it's not
a huge city in comparison to Chicago, but it's
a large suburban city, and our high school was
so large that it began in 10th grade. In 10th
grade, when I went there, we had about 1 ,100
kids in my high school class, in my grade. And
I think it's relevant to the story that I was
a very tiny 10th grader. In fact, I hadn't gotten
my period yet, and so I was really a little girl
in 10th grade. I was probably... I don't know,
4 '10", 4 '9", and I was not yet, as they say,
a woman. Nonetheless, I went to high school,
and I was super excited about going to high school,
and the first high school dance happened, and
that was very exciting for me to be invited to
a dance. And a young man in my grade invited
me to the dance, and I was so excited. It was
the first time a boy had ever asked me out, and
I got all dressed up, and he asked me to meet
him at the front door of the high school. And
I thought, okay, great. But when I got to the
front door of the high school, where all the
kids were sort of going into the building to
go to the dance, he said, let's take a walk.
And I, he was, I did it. I took a walk with him.
And then he said, and he handed, he tried to
hand me a pill, some kind of drug, I assume.
And I was like, oh my gosh, I can't possibly
take a pill of some kind. I don't even know what
it was. But then, He said, okay, which was good.
And then he took out some beers. And of course,
as I said, I was very young, a young, I guess
I was probably 14 because my birthday is late
in the year and I was a young person in my grade.
He offered me a beer and I took it and I drank
the one beer. Now, I think because I probably
hadn't drank very much in my life at that point
and because I was teeny tiny, I think it impacted
my consciousness. Nonetheless, I told him, and
he wanted to walk, there were woods right by
our high school, and he wanted to walk in the
woods, farther, deeper into the woods, and I
said, no, I didn't want to do that. I wanted
to go back to the dance, because I actually am
a dancer, and I love to dance, and I thought
it'd be super fun, and I wanted to see all my
girlfriends. He said, okay, and we left the woods,
as they were, and we were walking back to the
high school. and we got to the perimeter of the
high school which had a perimeter like of trees
along the edge of the fields where the must at
those days girls didn't really do a lot of sports
unfortunately but they were the big fields where
the boys must have played football and soccer
and other sports like that and we got back to
the perimeter as i said and we were walking towards
the building itself and we were in the as we
entered the perimeter he knocked me down on the
ground And he raped me. And it was scary and
horrible and awful. And as I said, I hadn't even
got my period yet. So you can imagine that I
was still a virgin. So it was very horrible.
And when I realized what was happening to me
because of the pain in my body, I screamed at
the top of my lungs, no. And it was interesting
to me as they talk a lot about how Person's I
think it's endorphins. I think that's the word
gets in your body and you become incredibly strong
and when I screamed No I took my arms on either
side of my body and I pushed him off of me and
I was really impressed actually and in retrospect
as I'm telling you this story I'm impressed with
my physical prowess that I was able to do that
and then I ran like lightning into the building
crying hysterically and Ran into the bathroom
the girls bathroom And because I was a virgin,
there was blood everywhere and that was really
horrible and frightening and just another injury,
psychological injury to myself. My girlfriends
came to the bathroom and they were, I have to
say, the way girls are at that age. Sometimes
they're mean, but my girlfriends were unbelievably
supportive. I don't think I could have gotten
through it without them. I don't remember going
to the dance after that. I remember one of my
friends saying, let's just go back to her house
and I would sleep over there. And that's what
happened. I unfortunately, well, there's so many
things that are unfortunate about this story,
but he was in my, I guess you call it social
studies. I think that's what we called it back
then. He was in my social studies class. And
so I was super scared to go to social studies
that next Monday or at all. I guess because I
was new in this very large high school I didn't
have a guidance counselor or a teacher yet that
I trusted and felt close to. Eventually obviously
I would because I loved high school but I didn't
and so I didn't really tell my mom or dad because
I was scared that it was my fault because I had
accepted this date and I had not gone into the
building when I knew I should have and I drank
the beer so I I felt responsible on some level
which made me not tell my mom and dad or anyone
except my girlfriends. And the thing that was
nice was my girlfriends escorted me around the
building for the next couple of weeks and waited
for me outside my social studies class in case
he was going to try and talk to me because he
did try and talk to me. Now we didn't have cell
phones back then. He did... I can't remember
if he called the house or if he just came up
to me, but he was very much like, I want to date
you. And I was like, oh my God, I never want
to see you again as long as I live. Are you out
of your mind? So it was really complicated for
me to navigate the aftermath of the situation.
I don't remember how I thought to do this if
it was my girlfriends or whether I just needed
to talk to an adult. But what I decided to do
was I went back to the junior high school because
I'd just been there for three years and I was
very close to my honors biology teacher. Maybe
I was close to him because it was honors and
we had to spend so much time passing that class
because it was so incredibly hard. But I was
very close to him. Unfortunately, right now,
being 60, I can't remember his name. although
I remembered it for a long time because he was
so wonderful. And he sat down and spent a long
time talking to me about that men were not necessarily
like this, that I had to sort of put this behind
me and think that men were nice people and I
shouldn't be scared of all men. And I also think
the virginity issue was really on the top of
my mind because I wanted to consider myself a
virgin because Being raped is not how a girl
wants to start their sexual... And so he and
I talked a lot about it and he was very helpful
to me. So he said to me that I should consider
myself a virgin and even though it was magical
thinking, it was interesting that it was very
important to me and I did consider myself a virgin
at that time. It would have, in retrospect, I
think that it would have been nice for him to
refer me to a counselor. He didn't do that. And
that's okay. Luckily when I went to college they
had free student health counseling and I took
advantage of it and that counseling was very
helpful to me. I also actually went to the YMC
rape counseling center when I moved to Chicago
and went to law school because I needed again
to be thinking about it and I think I went again
because that's when I fell in love with the man
that I married and I think that When you're a
rape survivor, it comes up at different points
in your life. And so I've gone to counseling
twice for that, both times with social workers
at college and then again at the YMCA Rape Counseling
Center here in Chicago. I think that it's wrong
to put people on a registry because they committed
an act such as the boy that committed this act
on me. Because a registry does not keep me or
anyone else in society safe. and all it does
is make those people's lives more difficult to
be a functioning member of society and therefore
become better criminals. And if we can have a
society where, well, it'd be great if we could
prevent men from doing things like this to women,
that would be the ideal. Instead of putting money
into other things, if we put money into healthy
relationships and into education and those kinds
of things instead of into cops, You might have
a better society where young men and women have
better functional relationships. And it's just
interesting to me that this is such a major part
of my career when it actually happened to me.
Well, it makes me sick to hear you tell that
story. As you know, I have two daughters myself.
I've got three sisters. And I understand more
than half the world are women. It breaks my heart
to think that anyone has to endure what you endured.
I do have to ask you, or I would like to ask
you just in closing, how has it affected you
personally in your life? Well, besides for the
career piece of it, I think personally the two
things that I would say is it took me a long
time to trust men. And I wonder what would have
happened if I hadn't met Bruce, my husband, because
he's the kindest, sweetest, most caring, gentlest
man I've ever met. And I think that was a big
reason I fell in love with him was that he made
me feel safe. And I've not really felt safe with
men before Bruce. I did go on to have lots of
relationships in high school and in college.
I dated, not a lot, but I had, you know, I dated
and I had boyfriends in high school and in college.
But none of it really felt right to me. It all
felt like I was tentative and not able to really
be myself and felt guarded. And the first time
I ever was in a relationship where I didn't feel
that way, where I felt like I could just be me
and be vulnerable was with Bruce. And I think
that if I had, I don't know what would have happened
if I hadn't met Bruce because I really didn't
feel very trusting towards men. And I think the
other sort of funny thing about it is that being
a small person as I am. Bigger than when I was
15, but not much. I am fearful of tall people.
And I know you, Jay, are very tall, and we're
very close friends. But I often feel intimidated
by men and women. I was not in color of skin,
but in height. And I think that that height in
my mind, and especially with men, makes me feel
small and scared. And I am a very powerful person.
But I think it makes me feel physically small
and vulnerable, which is not a good feel. Well,
thank you, Julie, for sharing that story with
us. I'm really sorry that it happened to you.
And, you know, I love you, and I wish in some
ways I was shorter so that we feel terrible.
But anyway, I just want to thank you for sharing.
I also want to thank our listeners for listening
to and subscribing to Tell Me What Happened.
And I'd like to take a minute here to invite
any of you out there who'd like to come onto
the show and share your painful childhood memory.
Just drop me an email at jcreac .gmail .com.
That's j -a -y -c -r -e -h -a -k at gmail .com.
I wish all of the bad things that have happened
to people didn't happen, but I honestly believe
that there is some value in repeating those stories.
I'm going to end this show now, as I always do.
with the full version of Susan Salador's classic
song, Boo Boo Blues. And remember, stay safe
out there, and try not to hurt anybody. I'ma
fix it for you.