WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.220 Hi, and welcome to Tell Me What Happened, the 00:00:02.220 --> 00:00:04.559 podcast that features people from all walks of 00:00:04.559 --> 00:00:07.099 life recalling painful childhood experiences 00:00:07.099 --> 00:00:09.839 that have impacted the way they view the world 00:00:09.839 --> 00:00:13.220 as an adult. Today's episode of Tell Me What 00:00:13.220 --> 00:00:15.960 Happened is sponsored by Sideline Inc. Publishing, 00:00:16.460 --> 00:00:18.579 the publisher of the popular middle grade Sideline 00:00:18.579 --> 00:00:22.480 book series. Sign up at sidelineincpublishing 00:00:22.480 --> 00:00:25.260 .com for a chance to win a free Audible book 00:00:25.260 --> 00:00:28.260 of Sideline, a novel about a young entrepreneur 00:00:28.489 --> 00:00:32.350 who secretly builds a fortune. I'm your host, 00:00:32.469 --> 00:00:35.270 Jay Rehak, and today on Tell Me What Happened, 00:00:35.549 --> 00:00:38.929 I have as my guest, Miss Julie Beale. Besides 00:00:38.929 --> 00:00:41.810 being a great personal friend of mine, Julie 00:00:41.810 --> 00:00:44.310 is the director of the Children and Family Justice 00:00:44.310 --> 00:00:47.049 Center at the Bloom Legal Clinic, Northwestern 00:00:47.049 --> 00:00:50.409 University Pritzker of Law. Julie's also the 00:00:50.409 --> 00:00:53.090 interim dean of clinical education at Northwestern. 00:00:53.229 --> 00:00:56.890 I think. Is that right, Julie? Yes. Well, Julie, 00:00:57.429 --> 00:00:59.600 welcome to the show. Thank you. I'm happy to 00:00:59.600 --> 00:01:02.960 be here. Julie, I really appreciate you coming 00:01:02.960 --> 00:01:05.640 on to tell me what happened and sharing with 00:01:05.640 --> 00:01:08.420 us a very painful story from your childhood. 00:01:09.159 --> 00:01:11.420 I know because we talked before I started taping, 00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:14.260 today you're going to tell us about the worst 00:01:14.260 --> 00:01:16.340 thing that ever happened to you when you were 00:01:16.340 --> 00:01:20.420 growing up. I want you to know I appreciate your 00:01:20.420 --> 00:01:22.459 willingness to share your story with our listeners. 00:01:23.319 --> 00:01:26.079 It makes me cry to think about it, but I'm going 00:01:26.079 --> 00:01:29.900 to try my best. to not speak and just listen. 00:01:30.140 --> 00:01:32.540 Are you ready to tell your story? Yep, I am. 00:01:32.920 --> 00:01:37.819 So my story begins when I was a 10th grader at 00:01:37.819 --> 00:01:40.560 New Rochelle Public High School. New Rochelle 00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:44.019 Public High School begins in 10th grade because 00:01:44.019 --> 00:01:46.819 New Rochelle is such a huge I mean, it's not 00:01:46.819 --> 00:01:49.079 a huge city in comparison to Chicago, but it's 00:01:49.079 --> 00:01:52.219 a large suburban city, and our high school was 00:01:52.219 --> 00:01:55.400 so large that it began in 10th grade. In 10th 00:01:55.400 --> 00:01:58.400 grade, when I went there, we had about 1 ,100 00:01:58.400 --> 00:02:02.640 kids in my high school class, in my grade. And 00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:05.480 I think it's relevant to the story that I was 00:02:05.480 --> 00:02:09.120 a very tiny 10th grader. In fact, I hadn't gotten 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:11.900 my period yet, and so I was really a little girl 00:02:11.900 --> 00:02:15.280 in 10th grade. I was probably... I don't know, 00:02:15.479 --> 00:02:19.340 4 '10", 4 '9", and I was not yet, as they say, 00:02:19.400 --> 00:02:21.800 a woman. Nonetheless, I went to high school, 00:02:21.800 --> 00:02:24.020 and I was super excited about going to high school, 00:02:24.139 --> 00:02:27.500 and the first high school dance happened, and 00:02:27.500 --> 00:02:30.780 that was very exciting for me to be invited to 00:02:30.780 --> 00:02:33.419 a dance. And a young man in my grade invited 00:02:33.419 --> 00:02:36.680 me to the dance, and I was so excited. It was 00:02:36.680 --> 00:02:38.719 the first time a boy had ever asked me out, and 00:02:38.719 --> 00:02:41.919 I got all dressed up, and he asked me to meet 00:02:41.919 --> 00:02:44.219 him at the front door of the high school. And 00:02:44.219 --> 00:02:47.039 I thought, okay, great. But when I got to the 00:02:47.039 --> 00:02:48.580 front door of the high school, where all the 00:02:48.580 --> 00:02:51.259 kids were sort of going into the building to 00:02:51.259 --> 00:02:53.699 go to the dance, he said, let's take a walk. 00:02:54.379 --> 00:02:57.819 And I, he was, I did it. I took a walk with him. 00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:00.400 And then he said, and he handed, he tried to 00:03:00.400 --> 00:03:03.060 hand me a pill, some kind of drug, I assume. 00:03:03.580 --> 00:03:06.099 And I was like, oh my gosh, I can't possibly 00:03:06.099 --> 00:03:08.819 take a pill of some kind. I don't even know what 00:03:08.819 --> 00:03:13.250 it was. But then, He said, okay, which was good. 00:03:13.370 --> 00:03:16.710 And then he took out some beers. And of course, 00:03:16.729 --> 00:03:19.610 as I said, I was very young, a young, I guess 00:03:19.610 --> 00:03:22.030 I was probably 14 because my birthday is late 00:03:22.030 --> 00:03:25.009 in the year and I was a young person in my grade. 00:03:25.650 --> 00:03:29.650 He offered me a beer and I took it and I drank 00:03:29.650 --> 00:03:32.750 the one beer. Now, I think because I probably 00:03:32.750 --> 00:03:34.689 hadn't drank very much in my life at that point 00:03:34.689 --> 00:03:37.430 and because I was teeny tiny, I think it impacted 00:03:37.430 --> 00:03:41.169 my consciousness. Nonetheless, I told him, and 00:03:41.169 --> 00:03:43.370 he wanted to walk, there were woods right by 00:03:43.370 --> 00:03:45.210 our high school, and he wanted to walk in the 00:03:45.210 --> 00:03:46.909 woods, farther, deeper into the woods, and I 00:03:46.909 --> 00:03:49.870 said, no, I didn't want to do that. I wanted 00:03:49.870 --> 00:03:52.770 to go back to the dance, because I actually am 00:03:52.770 --> 00:03:54.729 a dancer, and I love to dance, and I thought 00:03:54.729 --> 00:03:56.650 it'd be super fun, and I wanted to see all my 00:03:56.650 --> 00:04:00.669 girlfriends. He said, okay, and we left the woods, 00:04:01.069 --> 00:04:03.289 as they were, and we were walking back to the 00:04:03.289 --> 00:04:06.550 high school. and we got to the perimeter of the 00:04:06.550 --> 00:04:09.610 high school which had a perimeter like of trees 00:04:09.610 --> 00:04:12.509 along the edge of the fields where the must at 00:04:12.509 --> 00:04:14.550 those days girls didn't really do a lot of sports 00:04:14.550 --> 00:04:17.110 unfortunately but they were the big fields where 00:04:17.110 --> 00:04:19.389 the boys must have played football and soccer 00:04:19.389 --> 00:04:23.009 and other sports like that and we got back to 00:04:23.009 --> 00:04:26.889 the perimeter as i said and we were walking towards 00:04:26.889 --> 00:04:30.410 the building itself and we were in the as we 00:04:30.410 --> 00:04:32.730 entered the perimeter he knocked me down on the 00:04:32.730 --> 00:04:37.079 ground And he raped me. And it was scary and 00:04:37.079 --> 00:04:39.319 horrible and awful. And as I said, I hadn't even 00:04:39.319 --> 00:04:41.160 got my period yet. So you can imagine that I 00:04:41.160 --> 00:04:43.079 was still a virgin. So it was very horrible. 00:04:43.160 --> 00:04:45.819 And when I realized what was happening to me 00:04:45.819 --> 00:04:49.860 because of the pain in my body, I screamed at 00:04:49.860 --> 00:04:53.480 the top of my lungs, no. And it was interesting 00:04:53.480 --> 00:04:57.579 to me as they talk a lot about how Person's I 00:04:57.579 --> 00:04:59.699 think it's endorphins. I think that's the word 00:04:59.699 --> 00:05:02.199 gets in your body and you become incredibly strong 00:05:02.199 --> 00:05:05.399 and when I screamed No I took my arms on either 00:05:05.399 --> 00:05:09.019 side of my body and I pushed him off of me and 00:05:09.019 --> 00:05:11.600 I was really impressed actually and in retrospect 00:05:11.600 --> 00:05:13.579 as I'm telling you this story I'm impressed with 00:05:13.579 --> 00:05:16.500 my physical prowess that I was able to do that 00:05:16.500 --> 00:05:20.920 and then I ran like lightning into the building 00:05:20.920 --> 00:05:24.180 crying hysterically and Ran into the bathroom 00:05:24.180 --> 00:05:27.540 the girls bathroom And because I was a virgin, 00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:30.860 there was blood everywhere and that was really 00:05:30.860 --> 00:05:34.100 horrible and frightening and just another injury, 00:05:34.699 --> 00:05:37.620 psychological injury to myself. My girlfriends 00:05:37.620 --> 00:05:40.540 came to the bathroom and they were, I have to 00:05:40.540 --> 00:05:43.300 say, the way girls are at that age. Sometimes 00:05:43.300 --> 00:05:46.319 they're mean, but my girlfriends were unbelievably 00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:47.980 supportive. I don't think I could have gotten 00:05:47.980 --> 00:05:51.339 through it without them. I don't remember going 00:05:51.339 --> 00:05:53.480 to the dance after that. I remember one of my 00:05:53.480 --> 00:05:55.220 friends saying, let's just go back to her house 00:05:55.220 --> 00:05:57.360 and I would sleep over there. And that's what 00:05:57.360 --> 00:06:00.699 happened. I unfortunately, well, there's so many 00:06:00.699 --> 00:06:02.300 things that are unfortunate about this story, 00:06:02.779 --> 00:06:05.060 but he was in my, I guess you call it social 00:06:05.060 --> 00:06:07.000 studies. I think that's what we called it back 00:06:07.000 --> 00:06:09.959 then. He was in my social studies class. And 00:06:09.959 --> 00:06:13.379 so I was super scared to go to social studies 00:06:13.379 --> 00:06:19.240 that next Monday or at all. I guess because I 00:06:19.240 --> 00:06:21.920 was new in this very large high school I didn't 00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:26.740 have a guidance counselor or a teacher yet that 00:06:26.740 --> 00:06:29.420 I trusted and felt close to. Eventually obviously 00:06:29.420 --> 00:06:32.259 I would because I loved high school but I didn't 00:06:32.259 --> 00:06:35.339 and so I didn't really tell my mom or dad because 00:06:35.339 --> 00:06:38.399 I was scared that it was my fault because I had 00:06:38.399 --> 00:06:41.779 accepted this date and I had not gone into the 00:06:41.779 --> 00:06:44.180 building when I knew I should have and I drank 00:06:44.180 --> 00:06:48.920 the beer so I I felt responsible on some level 00:06:48.920 --> 00:06:52.759 which made me not tell my mom and dad or anyone 00:06:52.759 --> 00:06:56.100 except my girlfriends. And the thing that was 00:06:56.100 --> 00:07:00.139 nice was my girlfriends escorted me around the 00:07:00.139 --> 00:07:02.720 building for the next couple of weeks and waited 00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:06.079 for me outside my social studies class in case 00:07:06.079 --> 00:07:09.300 he was going to try and talk to me because he 00:07:09.300 --> 00:07:10.959 did try and talk to me. Now we didn't have cell 00:07:10.959 --> 00:07:14.670 phones back then. He did... I can't remember 00:07:14.670 --> 00:07:18.009 if he called the house or if he just came up 00:07:18.009 --> 00:07:21.410 to me, but he was very much like, I want to date 00:07:21.410 --> 00:07:24.509 you. And I was like, oh my God, I never want 00:07:24.509 --> 00:07:26.769 to see you again as long as I live. Are you out 00:07:26.769 --> 00:07:30.209 of your mind? So it was really complicated for 00:07:30.209 --> 00:07:33.329 me to navigate the aftermath of the situation. 00:07:33.790 --> 00:07:36.529 I don't remember how I thought to do this if 00:07:36.529 --> 00:07:39.689 it was my girlfriends or whether I just needed 00:07:39.689 --> 00:07:43.769 to talk to an adult. But what I decided to do 00:07:43.769 --> 00:07:47.329 was I went back to the junior high school because 00:07:47.329 --> 00:07:49.670 I'd just been there for three years and I was 00:07:49.670 --> 00:07:53.290 very close to my honors biology teacher. Maybe 00:07:53.290 --> 00:07:55.110 I was close to him because it was honors and 00:07:55.110 --> 00:07:57.370 we had to spend so much time passing that class 00:07:57.370 --> 00:07:59.889 because it was so incredibly hard. But I was 00:07:59.889 --> 00:08:02.050 very close to him. Unfortunately, right now, 00:08:02.269 --> 00:08:04.740 being 60, I can't remember his name. although 00:08:04.740 --> 00:08:06.660 I remembered it for a long time because he was 00:08:06.660 --> 00:08:10.019 so wonderful. And he sat down and spent a long 00:08:10.019 --> 00:08:15.519 time talking to me about that men were not necessarily 00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:19.939 like this, that I had to sort of put this behind 00:08:19.939 --> 00:08:22.720 me and think that men were nice people and I 00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:24.939 shouldn't be scared of all men. And I also think 00:08:24.939 --> 00:08:28.079 the virginity issue was really on the top of 00:08:28.079 --> 00:08:32.259 my mind because I wanted to consider myself a 00:08:32.259 --> 00:08:35.330 virgin because Being raped is not how a girl 00:08:35.330 --> 00:08:38.330 wants to start their sexual... And so he and 00:08:38.330 --> 00:08:41.169 I talked a lot about it and he was very helpful 00:08:41.169 --> 00:08:44.289 to me. So he said to me that I should consider 00:08:44.289 --> 00:08:48.370 myself a virgin and even though it was magical 00:08:48.370 --> 00:08:50.850 thinking, it was interesting that it was very 00:08:50.850 --> 00:08:54.230 important to me and I did consider myself a virgin 00:08:54.230 --> 00:08:57.090 at that time. It would have, in retrospect, I 00:08:57.090 --> 00:08:59.289 think that it would have been nice for him to 00:08:59.289 --> 00:09:02.840 refer me to a counselor. He didn't do that. And 00:09:02.840 --> 00:09:05.659 that's okay. Luckily when I went to college they 00:09:05.659 --> 00:09:09.539 had free student health counseling and I took 00:09:09.539 --> 00:09:12.279 advantage of it and that counseling was very 00:09:12.279 --> 00:09:15.820 helpful to me. I also actually went to the YMC 00:09:15.820 --> 00:09:18.700 rape counseling center when I moved to Chicago 00:09:18.700 --> 00:09:22.879 and went to law school because I needed again 00:09:22.879 --> 00:09:26.259 to be thinking about it and I think I went again 00:09:26.259 --> 00:09:28.600 because that's when I fell in love with the man 00:09:28.600 --> 00:09:32.559 that I married and I think that When you're a 00:09:32.559 --> 00:09:35.039 rape survivor, it comes up at different points 00:09:35.039 --> 00:09:37.320 in your life. And so I've gone to counseling 00:09:37.320 --> 00:09:39.820 twice for that, both times with social workers 00:09:39.820 --> 00:09:44.539 at college and then again at the YMCA Rape Counseling 00:09:44.539 --> 00:09:47.659 Center here in Chicago. I think that it's wrong 00:09:47.659 --> 00:09:51.440 to put people on a registry because they committed 00:09:51.440 --> 00:09:54.019 an act such as the boy that committed this act 00:09:54.019 --> 00:09:58.399 on me. Because a registry does not keep me or 00:09:58.399 --> 00:10:01.620 anyone else in society safe. and all it does 00:10:01.620 --> 00:10:06.440 is make those people's lives more difficult to 00:10:06.440 --> 00:10:09.279 be a functioning member of society and therefore 00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:12.779 become better criminals. And if we can have a 00:10:12.779 --> 00:10:15.639 society where, well, it'd be great if we could 00:10:15.639 --> 00:10:17.820 prevent men from doing things like this to women, 00:10:17.820 --> 00:10:20.220 that would be the ideal. Instead of putting money 00:10:20.220 --> 00:10:22.399 into other things, if we put money into healthy 00:10:22.399 --> 00:10:26.320 relationships and into education and those kinds 00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:28.750 of things instead of into cops, You might have 00:10:28.750 --> 00:10:31.929 a better society where young men and women have 00:10:31.929 --> 00:10:36.389 better functional relationships. And it's just 00:10:36.389 --> 00:10:39.389 interesting to me that this is such a major part 00:10:39.389 --> 00:10:41.850 of my career when it actually happened to me. 00:10:42.690 --> 00:10:45.429 Well, it makes me sick to hear you tell that 00:10:45.429 --> 00:10:48.549 story. As you know, I have two daughters myself. 00:10:48.549 --> 00:10:51.110 I've got three sisters. And I understand more 00:10:51.110 --> 00:10:53.690 than half the world are women. It breaks my heart 00:10:53.690 --> 00:10:55.950 to think that anyone has to endure what you endured. 00:10:56.149 --> 00:10:58.090 I do have to ask you, or I would like to ask 00:10:58.090 --> 00:11:00.529 you just in closing, how has it affected you 00:11:00.529 --> 00:11:04.070 personally in your life? Well, besides for the 00:11:04.070 --> 00:11:06.690 career piece of it, I think personally the two 00:11:06.690 --> 00:11:08.950 things that I would say is it took me a long 00:11:08.950 --> 00:11:13.509 time to trust men. And I wonder what would have 00:11:13.509 --> 00:11:16.789 happened if I hadn't met Bruce, my husband, because 00:11:16.789 --> 00:11:20.690 he's the kindest, sweetest, most caring, gentlest 00:11:20.690 --> 00:11:24.950 man I've ever met. And I think that was a big 00:11:24.950 --> 00:11:27.730 reason I fell in love with him was that he made 00:11:27.730 --> 00:11:31.929 me feel safe. And I've not really felt safe with 00:11:31.929 --> 00:11:36.190 men before Bruce. I did go on to have lots of 00:11:36.190 --> 00:11:38.590 relationships in high school and in college. 00:11:38.769 --> 00:11:43.129 I dated, not a lot, but I had, you know, I dated 00:11:43.129 --> 00:11:46.289 and I had boyfriends in high school and in college. 00:11:47.210 --> 00:11:50.350 But none of it really felt right to me. It all 00:11:50.350 --> 00:11:53.279 felt like I was tentative and not able to really 00:11:53.279 --> 00:11:57.960 be myself and felt guarded. And the first time 00:11:57.960 --> 00:12:00.379 I ever was in a relationship where I didn't feel 00:12:00.379 --> 00:12:02.519 that way, where I felt like I could just be me 00:12:02.519 --> 00:12:05.940 and be vulnerable was with Bruce. And I think 00:12:05.940 --> 00:12:07.960 that if I had, I don't know what would have happened 00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:11.960 if I hadn't met Bruce because I really didn't 00:12:11.960 --> 00:12:14.700 feel very trusting towards men. And I think the 00:12:14.700 --> 00:12:17.600 other sort of funny thing about it is that being 00:12:17.600 --> 00:12:20.460 a small person as I am. Bigger than when I was 00:12:20.460 --> 00:12:25.700 15, but not much. I am fearful of tall people. 00:12:26.340 --> 00:12:28.299 And I know you, Jay, are very tall, and we're 00:12:28.299 --> 00:12:32.700 very close friends. But I often feel intimidated 00:12:32.700 --> 00:12:36.539 by men and women. I was not in color of skin, 00:12:36.559 --> 00:12:39.919 but in height. And I think that that height in 00:12:39.919 --> 00:12:43.120 my mind, and especially with men, makes me feel 00:12:43.120 --> 00:12:47.240 small and scared. And I am a very powerful person. 00:12:47.500 --> 00:12:49.759 But I think it makes me feel physically small 00:12:49.759 --> 00:12:54.700 and vulnerable, which is not a good feel. Well, 00:12:54.700 --> 00:12:56.659 thank you, Julie, for sharing that story with 00:12:56.659 --> 00:12:59.480 us. I'm really sorry that it happened to you. 00:13:00.019 --> 00:13:02.960 And, you know, I love you, and I wish in some 00:13:02.960 --> 00:13:05.759 ways I was shorter so that we feel terrible. 00:13:06.399 --> 00:13:09.419 But anyway, I just want to thank you for sharing. 00:13:09.559 --> 00:13:13.240 I also want to thank our listeners for listening 00:13:13.240 --> 00:13:15.399 to and subscribing to Tell Me What Happened. 00:13:15.629 --> 00:13:17.909 And I'd like to take a minute here to invite 00:13:17.909 --> 00:13:20.690 any of you out there who'd like to come onto 00:13:20.690 --> 00:13:24.070 the show and share your painful childhood memory. 00:13:24.470 --> 00:13:27.389 Just drop me an email at jcreac .gmail .com. 00:13:27.750 --> 00:13:32.549 That's j -a -y -c -r -e -h -a -k at gmail .com. 00:13:33.070 --> 00:13:35.289 I wish all of the bad things that have happened 00:13:35.289 --> 00:13:38.149 to people didn't happen, but I honestly believe 00:13:38.149 --> 00:13:40.850 that there is some value in repeating those stories. 00:13:41.610 --> 00:13:44.230 I'm going to end this show now, as I always do. 00:13:44.409 --> 00:13:47.250 with the full version of Susan Salador's classic 00:13:47.250 --> 00:13:52.070 song, Boo Boo Blues. And remember, stay safe 00:13:52.070 --> 00:16:49.620 out there, and try not to hurt anybody. I'ma 00:16:49.620 --> 00:16:50.799 fix it for you.