Pull up a chair and tell me your memory Why does it matter to you?
I want to hear your story, your point of view
Tell me what happened to you
Hi and welcome back to Tell Me What Happened
The podcast that features folks from all walks of life
telling us of one childhood experience
and how that event has impacted who they are today
I'm your host Jay Rehack
and like you I've had my share of childhood experiences that have impacted who I am today
but I'd like to think that everything that happened, good or bad, has made me a better person
that may not be true but that's what I'd like to think
Tell me what happened is sponsored by Sightlining Publishing
Publishers of quality books including Susan Salazar's classics
One Little Act of Kindness and I've got peace in my fingers
Alright, today I have as my guest Tina Elgomal
Tina is an artist, educator and arts administrator in Chicago
She believes in the power of a good story and a good cup of coffee
Welcome to the show, Tina
Thank you so much for having me
Tina, I'm fired up, you know, I'm going to add very briefly to your bio that you're a good friend of my daughters
Yeah
As a consequence, a good friend of mine as well or at least a friend I want to overstate my relationship
No, please add that, I love it
Alright, so take it away, Tina Elgomal
So this is a story that I tell a lot that my mother and I co-tell a lot together
And it has become a bit of a legend in our lives that we sort of repeat over and over again
So it goes, once when I was, I think about seven or eight
I was going to an after school program at the Lincoln Park Cultural Center
And it gave my mom a little extra time between work and having to pick me up from the end of the school day
We did all sorts of programs there, it was really nice, I got to hang out with other kids
She would usually come get me in the evening around five, I think, five thirty
And it was the middle of winter, and we all know Chicago winters, it gets dark at 4pm and it's really, really cold
And sometimes there's lots of snow or slush or ice
And this particular day there was all of that, and so my mom comes to pick me up
And we're supposed to go to my dad's apartment that night to have dinner with him
They're already divorced at this point, so we're visiting him a few times a week and doing things like dinner or going out
And this was a night to go have dinner at dad's
And my mom was running late, which was frequent occurrence in my childhood and something I inherited from her that I'm now trying to course correct
She was running late and was in a huge rush to get to my dad's because he was cooking dinner and she didn't want to be late
She wanted to respect his time, so she comes to get me
We haul out of the Lincoln Park Cultural Center, I've got my backpack, all my stuff
I'm sure I'm like taking my coat off and causing all sorts of mischief the way a seven or eight year old does
And the way my mom tells it, she had spoiled me up to this point
In that she used to always open the car door for me and put me in the seat and buckle my seat belt for me
My whole life up to this point
And around this time she said that she was trying to break that habit because she decided I was old enough to do those things for myself
And she said that one day it really occurred to her when we went to get into the car and I just walked up to the door and stood there and did nothing and just waited
And she was like, oh, this kid needs to be able to let herself into the car and buckle her own seat belt
So this is the habit I have to break
And she's starting to break that habit
So we're walking to the car, she's not opening the door for me and not going to put me in the car
And it is snowing and it's the pretty Chicago snow which is rare
But it is a winter wonderland and it is like glittering and it's about to be a blizzard actually
There had been blizzard warnings all day and it was starting
It was really beautiful and the snow was fresh, it had just fallen, there were a couple inches and so there weren't like a lot of car tracks or footprints in it yet
And being a kid that I am, I'm like looking at it and trying to turn it into art
So I'm like staring down at it, standing by the car and stomping around in my boots, making a pattern in the snow
Trying to make a picture, I guess, and I'm so hyper focused on what I'm doing
And stomping around and looking at the way the snow glitters, making this probably what I thought was a masterpiece
And I look up and my mom's grey station wagon is gone
And I am alone in the middle of Lincoln Park, it's dark outside and a blizzard is starting
And the after school building is across the street and I hadn't learned how to cross the street by myself yet
I was always told to cross the street with an adult still at this point
And so my first thought is, oh no, oh no, this is bad, I don't know where my mom went
I can't cross, I'm not allowed to cross the street
And I didn't have a phone, I was seven and this was really before cell phones were a common thing to have
I don't even think my mom had one yet, so I realized I was going to have to get back to the after school building
And have someone find a way to contact my mom, which involved crossing street, which I didn't know how to do
And I'm in the middle of Lincoln Park and it's busy and it's blizzering, so I'm terrified
And as I'm doing all this deliberation, my mom's side of the story is she's in the car and it's dark
So she can't see into the back seat really well through the rear view and she's talking to me
She's like, oh Tina, I am hungry, are you hungry? I really hope dad made a good dinner
What do you think he made? And I don't respond
And I had a black winter coat at the time and she had some also black bags in the back seat of the car
So she said when she looks in the rear view, it looks like I'm slumped over, maybe falling asleep
So she goes, oh Tina, are you tired? Do you have a long day at school? No answer
Tina, Tina, you're scaring me, answer me
She gets the next red light, turns around and realizes that I'm not there
And I wind up crossing the street by myself, I'm terrified, I'm like, gonna get hit by a car
And I'm like remembering everything I've ever been taught about crossing the street
And I'm like, okay, look both ways, keep looking both ways
And thinking to myself, maybe I could ask someone for help but then I've been told not to talk to strangers
So I'm like really caught here, and I finally make it across the street and then go inside and tell the folks who run my program
My mom left without me, I don't know why she would do that and I'm really confused
I thought she did it on purpose, maybe like she was trying to teach me a lesson, I don't know
I'm really freaked out and riled up and they call my mom and I'm waiting, waiting, waiting
I'm probably there for maybe five or ten minutes but it's much longer than that
And I'm sitting there and I hear my mom's keys as she kind of walks through the door
That's like one of my core memories as a child is the sound of my mom's keys and it was always the same
The whole time I was living with her
So I remember hearing her come into the building before I saw her
I was so relieved, I was like, oh my gosh, okay, my mom is here, everything's fine
And we reunited, went and go had dinner at my dad's
And it is sort of now this lore that we tell and we think it's really funny now but at the time we were both really freaked out
And yeah, we tell that story at parties and with friends a lot and it always gets a good laugh
And I remember how stressed I felt in the moment, I can only imagine how stressed my mom felt in the moment
Knowing that I was seven alone outside in a blizzard with not a lot of my own skills
That's my story
You know, I'm a father so that story resonates with me, I know you're okay because I'm looking at you so I can't find you
But it's the nightmare of every parent as I'm sure you can imagine, I'm sure your mother
It's burned in her memory almost every sentence she said to the black bags behind her
You know, that she thought you were there and then finding out or realizing it to stop light that you're not there
Must have been caused for great panic but thankfully it sounds like it was relatively short period of time
Which doesn't matter when you're a kid, it's forever and when you're a parent, I think it's forever too
But Tina, how do you think that story has impacted who you are today?
I think that experience did two big things for me
One, it highlighted the importance of cultivating independence on a lot of levels
We wouldn't have found ourselves in that situation if I had learned how to just open my own frickin' card or let myself in
And I think it also taught me that sometimes I'm going to have to do something that's scary or that I don't know how to do yet
But I will have no choice but to do it and that's how I'm gonna learn how to do it
When you're seven or eight, the world feels really really big and there are so many things that you don't know how to do yet
So having to cross the street, having to deliberate whether or not this is a good and acceptable appropriate moment to ask a stranger for help
At that time in life feels like really big decisions and trying to figure out skills that you may or may not have yet
And I think that that process comes up all the time no matter how old we are. Sometimes we're faced with decisions or having to do things that we haven't had to face yet or haven't had to do yet
And sometimes the only way to figure it out is by being brave and doing it, learning through the doing
So I think I really got that from this
So those are sort of like two peas in a pod to me and then the other piece of it is realizing that parents are human and that parents are fallible
And that even though from a young age, for those of us who are lucky, we see them as the people who are going to protect us 24 seven no matter what without fail
They're also human and they're going to make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes are going to come at your expense or your own expense or the expense of others
And there is sort of a huge revelation in realizing that our parents are people too and that just because they're grown ups or just because they're our parents doesn't mean that they don't make mistakes
And I think that that has really shaped my relationship with the adults in my life in my family specifically my mom but I think all of them realizing that they're all humans that had a life before me
And now that I'm an adult and not living with them and directly under their care continue to have a life without me and now I am a part of their life whereas maybe at one point I was what felt like their whole life and vice versa
I think that's a really powerful thought realization
I think you're right I think everything you're saying is 100% right and every every child does have that moment at some point where they go, oh, my parents don't know every darn thing, or they do make mistakes, and it can shake you up as a little guy or a young lady
But at some point a young person but on the other hand it is a lesson that we have to learn so I definitely felt your pain there I'm so happy that was a small window wasn't too long
I think people experience you know getting lost or getting separated from loved ones in different forms and so your story resonates of course to me on a slightly different level than somebody else but I think everybody can relate to your story in some way
And that person that young person who's watching or turns her way and says, wait, where did mom go? Sorry, but that's something that all of us to a certain extent experience in some way where we realize, oh, mama can't be there 24 seven
In your case that she can't open the door she's not gonna be she's gonna stop opening the door for you putting your safety belt on but yeah it's a great story and I'm glad that it ended well so your mother's doing okay these days
She is she's doing great she just moved down to part time at work I think retirements on the horizon so I'm excited for her
Fantastic. Alright well I'd like to thank you Tina for being a guest on the show really appreciate it
Thank you Jay this was fun
Alright so that's our show I'd like to thank Tina Elgamar for coming on the show and telling us her story and also like to thank our sponsors, Sidelining Publishing and LafSaver.com
So until next time this is Jay Rehack asking you all to please stay safe out there try not to get lost but if you do hope you get found fast and try not to hurt anybody.