1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:14,560 Pull up a chair and tell me your memory Why does it matter to you? 2 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:20,560 I want to hear your story, your point of view 3 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:27,560 Tell me what happened to you 4 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,560 Hi and welcome back to Tell Me What Happened 5 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,560 The podcast that features folks from all walks of life 6 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,560 telling us of one childhood experience 7 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,560 and how that event has impacted who they are today 8 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,560 I'm your host Jay Rehack 9 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:47,560 and like you I've had my share of childhood experiences that have impacted who I am today 10 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:52,560 but I'd like to think that everything that happened, good or bad, has made me a better person 11 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,560 that may not be true but that's what I'd like to think 12 00:00:56,560 --> 00:01:00,560 Tell me what happened is sponsored by Sightlining Publishing 13 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:04,560 Publishers of quality books including Susan Salazar's classics 14 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:09,560 One Little Act of Kindness and I've got peace in my fingers 15 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:14,560 Alright, today I have as my guest Tina Elgomal 16 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:19,560 Tina is an artist, educator and arts administrator in Chicago 17 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:23,560 She believes in the power of a good story and a good cup of coffee 18 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:26,560 Welcome to the show, Tina 19 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:28,560 Thank you so much for having me 20 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:34,560 Tina, I'm fired up, you know, I'm going to add very briefly to your bio that you're a good friend of my daughters 21 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:35,560 Yeah 22 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:41,560 As a consequence, a good friend of mine as well or at least a friend I want to overstate my relationship 23 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,560 No, please add that, I love it 24 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:48,560 Alright, so take it away, Tina Elgomal 25 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:56,560 So this is a story that I tell a lot that my mother and I co-tell a lot together 26 00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:04,560 And it has become a bit of a legend in our lives that we sort of repeat over and over again 27 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:09,560 So it goes, once when I was, I think about seven or eight 28 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:14,560 I was going to an after school program at the Lincoln Park Cultural Center 29 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:21,560 And it gave my mom a little extra time between work and having to pick me up from the end of the school day 30 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:26,560 We did all sorts of programs there, it was really nice, I got to hang out with other kids 31 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:32,560 She would usually come get me in the evening around five, I think, five thirty 32 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:41,560 And it was the middle of winter, and we all know Chicago winters, it gets dark at 4pm and it's really, really cold 33 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:46,560 And sometimes there's lots of snow or slush or ice 34 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:52,560 And this particular day there was all of that, and so my mom comes to pick me up 35 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,560 And we're supposed to go to my dad's apartment that night to have dinner with him 36 00:02:55,560 --> 00:03:01,560 They're already divorced at this point, so we're visiting him a few times a week and doing things like dinner or going out 37 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,560 And this was a night to go have dinner at dad's 38 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:11,560 And my mom was running late, which was frequent occurrence in my childhood and something I inherited from her that I'm now trying to course correct 39 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:17,560 She was running late and was in a huge rush to get to my dad's because he was cooking dinner and she didn't want to be late 40 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,560 She wanted to respect his time, so she comes to get me 41 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:24,560 We haul out of the Lincoln Park Cultural Center, I've got my backpack, all my stuff 42 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:29,560 I'm sure I'm like taking my coat off and causing all sorts of mischief the way a seven or eight year old does 43 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:35,560 And the way my mom tells it, she had spoiled me up to this point 44 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:45,560 In that she used to always open the car door for me and put me in the seat and buckle my seat belt for me 45 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,560 My whole life up to this point 46 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:56,560 And around this time she said that she was trying to break that habit because she decided I was old enough to do those things for myself 47 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:09,560 And she said that one day it really occurred to her when we went to get into the car and I just walked up to the door and stood there and did nothing and just waited 48 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:14,560 And she was like, oh, this kid needs to be able to let herself into the car and buckle her own seat belt 49 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,560 So this is the habit I have to break 50 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,560 And she's starting to break that habit 51 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:23,560 So we're walking to the car, she's not opening the door for me and not going to put me in the car 52 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:28,560 And it is snowing and it's the pretty Chicago snow which is rare 53 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:33,560 But it is a winter wonderland and it is like glittering and it's about to be a blizzard actually 54 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:37,560 There had been blizzard warnings all day and it was starting 55 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:46,560 It was really beautiful and the snow was fresh, it had just fallen, there were a couple inches and so there weren't like a lot of car tracks or footprints in it yet 56 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:53,560 And being a kid that I am, I'm like looking at it and trying to turn it into art 57 00:04:53,560 --> 00:05:00,560 So I'm like staring down at it, standing by the car and stomping around in my boots, making a pattern in the snow 58 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:06,560 Trying to make a picture, I guess, and I'm so hyper focused on what I'm doing 59 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:13,560 And stomping around and looking at the way the snow glitters, making this probably what I thought was a masterpiece 60 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:18,560 And I look up and my mom's grey station wagon is gone 61 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:25,560 And I am alone in the middle of Lincoln Park, it's dark outside and a blizzard is starting 62 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:32,560 And the after school building is across the street and I hadn't learned how to cross the street by myself yet 63 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:36,560 I was always told to cross the street with an adult still at this point 64 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:42,560 And so my first thought is, oh no, oh no, this is bad, I don't know where my mom went 65 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,560 I can't cross, I'm not allowed to cross the street 66 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:52,560 And I didn't have a phone, I was seven and this was really before cell phones were a common thing to have 67 00:05:52,560 --> 00:06:00,560 I don't even think my mom had one yet, so I realized I was going to have to get back to the after school building 68 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:06,560 And have someone find a way to contact my mom, which involved crossing street, which I didn't know how to do 69 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:12,560 And I'm in the middle of Lincoln Park and it's busy and it's blizzering, so I'm terrified 70 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:18,560 And as I'm doing all this deliberation, my mom's side of the story is she's in the car and it's dark 71 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:22,560 So she can't see into the back seat really well through the rear view and she's talking to me 72 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:28,560 She's like, oh Tina, I am hungry, are you hungry? I really hope dad made a good dinner 73 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,560 What do you think he made? And I don't respond 74 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:38,560 And I had a black winter coat at the time and she had some also black bags in the back seat of the car 75 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:43,560 So she said when she looks in the rear view, it looks like I'm slumped over, maybe falling asleep 76 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:48,560 So she goes, oh Tina, are you tired? Do you have a long day at school? No answer 77 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:52,560 Tina, Tina, you're scaring me, answer me 78 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:57,560 She gets the next red light, turns around and realizes that I'm not there 79 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:06,560 And I wind up crossing the street by myself, I'm terrified, I'm like, gonna get hit by a car 80 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:10,560 And I'm like remembering everything I've ever been taught about crossing the street 81 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:14,560 And I'm like, okay, look both ways, keep looking both ways 82 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:18,560 And thinking to myself, maybe I could ask someone for help but then I've been told not to talk to strangers 83 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:25,560 So I'm like really caught here, and I finally make it across the street and then go inside and tell the folks who run my program 84 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:29,560 My mom left without me, I don't know why she would do that and I'm really confused 85 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:34,560 I thought she did it on purpose, maybe like she was trying to teach me a lesson, I don't know 86 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:39,560 I'm really freaked out and riled up and they call my mom and I'm waiting, waiting, waiting 87 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:43,560 I'm probably there for maybe five or ten minutes but it's much longer than that 88 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:48,560 And I'm sitting there and I hear my mom's keys as she kind of walks through the door 89 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:54,560 That's like one of my core memories as a child is the sound of my mom's keys and it was always the same 90 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,560 The whole time I was living with her 91 00:07:56,560 --> 00:08:00,560 So I remember hearing her come into the building before I saw her 92 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:05,560 I was so relieved, I was like, oh my gosh, okay, my mom is here, everything's fine 93 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:10,560 And we reunited, went and go had dinner at my dad's 94 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:19,560 And it is sort of now this lore that we tell and we think it's really funny now but at the time we were both really freaked out 95 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:26,560 And yeah, we tell that story at parties and with friends a lot and it always gets a good laugh 96 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:32,560 And I remember how stressed I felt in the moment, I can only imagine how stressed my mom felt in the moment 97 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:40,560 Knowing that I was seven alone outside in a blizzard with not a lot of my own skills 98 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,560 That's my story 99 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:51,560 You know, I'm a father so that story resonates with me, I know you're okay because I'm looking at you so I can't find you 100 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:57,560 But it's the nightmare of every parent as I'm sure you can imagine, I'm sure your mother 101 00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:03,560 It's burned in her memory almost every sentence she said to the black bags behind her 102 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:09,560 You know, that she thought you were there and then finding out or realizing it to stop light that you're not there 103 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:16,560 Must have been caused for great panic but thankfully it sounds like it was relatively short period of time 104 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:21,560 Which doesn't matter when you're a kid, it's forever and when you're a parent, I think it's forever too 105 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:25,560 But Tina, how do you think that story has impacted who you are today? 106 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:28,560 I think that experience did two big things for me 107 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:35,560 One, it highlighted the importance of cultivating independence on a lot of levels 108 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:42,560 We wouldn't have found ourselves in that situation if I had learned how to just open my own frickin' card or let myself in 109 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:54,560 And I think it also taught me that sometimes I'm going to have to do something that's scary or that I don't know how to do yet 110 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:59,560 But I will have no choice but to do it and that's how I'm gonna learn how to do it 111 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:06,560 When you're seven or eight, the world feels really really big and there are so many things that you don't know how to do yet 112 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:14,560 So having to cross the street, having to deliberate whether or not this is a good and acceptable appropriate moment to ask a stranger for help 113 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:24,560 At that time in life feels like really big decisions and trying to figure out skills that you may or may not have yet 114 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:33,560 And I think that that process comes up all the time no matter how old we are. Sometimes we're faced with decisions or having to do things that we haven't had to face yet or haven't had to do yet 115 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:39,560 And sometimes the only way to figure it out is by being brave and doing it, learning through the doing 116 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:42,560 So I think I really got that from this 117 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:52,560 So those are sort of like two peas in a pod to me and then the other piece of it is realizing that parents are human and that parents are fallible 118 00:10:52,560 --> 00:11:03,560 And that even though from a young age, for those of us who are lucky, we see them as the people who are going to protect us 24 seven no matter what without fail 119 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:12,560 They're also human and they're going to make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes are going to come at your expense or your own expense or the expense of others 120 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:26,560 And there is sort of a huge revelation in realizing that our parents are people too and that just because they're grown ups or just because they're our parents doesn't mean that they don't make mistakes 121 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:40,560 And I think that that has really shaped my relationship with the adults in my life in my family specifically my mom but I think all of them realizing that they're all humans that had a life before me 122 00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:55,560 And now that I'm an adult and not living with them and directly under their care continue to have a life without me and now I am a part of their life whereas maybe at one point I was what felt like their whole life and vice versa 123 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:59,560 I think that's a really powerful thought realization 124 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:15,560 I think you're right I think everything you're saying is 100% right and every every child does have that moment at some point where they go, oh, my parents don't know every darn thing, or they do make mistakes, and it can shake you up as a little guy or a young lady 125 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:26,560 But at some point a young person but on the other hand it is a lesson that we have to learn so I definitely felt your pain there I'm so happy that was a small window wasn't too long 126 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:42,560 I think people experience you know getting lost or getting separated from loved ones in different forms and so your story resonates of course to me on a slightly different level than somebody else but I think everybody can relate to your story in some way 127 00:12:42,560 --> 00:13:06,560 And that person that young person who's watching or turns her way and says, wait, where did mom go? Sorry, but that's something that all of us to a certain extent experience in some way where we realize, oh, mama can't be there 24 seven 128 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:18,560 In your case that she can't open the door she's not gonna be she's gonna stop opening the door for you putting your safety belt on but yeah it's a great story and I'm glad that it ended well so your mother's doing okay these days 129 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:26,560 She is she's doing great she just moved down to part time at work I think retirements on the horizon so I'm excited for her 130 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:32,560 Fantastic. Alright well I'd like to thank you Tina for being a guest on the show really appreciate it 131 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,560 Thank you Jay this was fun 132 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:46,560 Alright so that's our show I'd like to thank Tina Elgamar for coming on the show and telling us her story and also like to thank our sponsors, Sidelining Publishing and LafSaver.com 133 00:13:46,560 --> 00:14:06,560 So until next time this is Jay Rehack asking you all to please stay safe out there try not to get lost but if you do hope you get found fast and try not to hurt anybody.