WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.360 It is possible to be thankful every moment, every 00:00:04.360 --> 00:00:08.439 day. It is possible to be thankful every moment, 00:00:08.679 --> 00:00:12.439 every day. It takes practice and humility. It 00:00:12.439 --> 00:00:16.679 takes vision and civility. Hi, and welcome to 00:00:16.679 --> 00:00:19.219 Tell Me What Happened, the podcast that features 00:00:19.219 --> 00:00:22.320 people from all walks of life talking about real 00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:25.100 events from their childhood and how those events 00:00:25.100 --> 00:00:28.660 impacted their lives. I'm your host, Jay Rehack. 00:00:28.920 --> 00:00:31.219 And I love listening to stories from people's 00:00:31.219 --> 00:00:33.579 childhood, which also helped me understand who 00:00:33.579 --> 00:00:37.020 those people are. Tell Me What Happened is sponsored 00:00:37.020 --> 00:00:40.299 by Sidelining Publishing, publishers of quality 00:00:40.299 --> 00:00:43.659 books, including Susan Salador's children's book, 00:00:43.820 --> 00:00:47.320 I've Got Peace in My Fingers, available worldwide 00:00:47.320 --> 00:00:50.560 wherever quality books are sold. Tell Me What 00:00:50.560 --> 00:00:54.579 Happened is also sponsored by laughsaver .com. 00:00:54.960 --> 00:00:58.320 Visit laughsaver .com and record your laughter. 00:00:58.640 --> 00:01:01.880 LaughSaver .com will keep it for you, now and 00:01:01.880 --> 00:01:04.700 forever. Your family will appreciate it. It's 00:01:04.700 --> 00:01:08.120 free and it's easy to use. That's LaughSaver 00:01:08.120 --> 00:01:12.719 .com. Today I'm going back to my own childhood. 00:01:13.700 --> 00:01:17.939 Tell you a story of my first arrest. I thought 00:01:17.939 --> 00:01:20.060 it was kind of fitting because it demonstrates 00:01:20.060 --> 00:01:27.980 a white privilege that I think translates into 00:01:28.719 --> 00:01:33.120 what I call the benefit of the doubt. And my 00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:37.079 hope is that everybody in the world gets the 00:01:37.079 --> 00:01:40.079 benefit of the doubt when people are uncertain 00:01:40.079 --> 00:01:42.239 about whether they're the good guy or the bad 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:45.359 guy, whether they're guilty or not guilty. And 00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:48.980 I'm afraid that we live in a society where some 00:01:48.980 --> 00:01:51.859 of us are given the benefit of the doubt and 00:01:51.859 --> 00:01:57.040 some of us aren't. I think that is sort of a 00:01:57.040 --> 00:02:00.310 huge element. of what I would call white privilege 00:02:00.310 --> 00:02:03.390 or the idea of privilege. People sometimes struggle 00:02:03.390 --> 00:02:05.609 with the word privilege. So I'm just going to 00:02:05.609 --> 00:02:08.150 try to ask people to consider whether or not 00:02:08.150 --> 00:02:10.689 in their own lives they get the benefit of the 00:02:10.689 --> 00:02:14.849 doubt or not. So today what I'd like to do is 00:02:14.849 --> 00:02:21.150 tell you the story of my arrest. My first arrest 00:02:21.150 --> 00:02:25.650 when I was in high school. When I was 16 years 00:02:25.650 --> 00:02:29.800 old. I want to start by saying that because I'm 00:02:29.800 --> 00:02:33.280 a school teacher and my students may hear this 00:02:33.280 --> 00:02:37.479 That arrest means my first stop the first time 00:02:37.479 --> 00:02:42.759 I was stopped by a police officer so when I was 00:02:42.759 --> 00:02:47.919 16 I Had a good friend of mine his name was Shawn 00:02:47.919 --> 00:02:53.800 and Shawn had a brother named Mike and Mike Was 00:02:53.800 --> 00:02:56.319 a little older than we were we were 16 he was 00:02:56.319 --> 00:03:00.639 17 going on 18 and Mike had just signed up to 00:03:00.639 --> 00:03:04.719 join the military and I think he was having second 00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:07.699 thoughts I May have nothing to do with the story, 00:03:07.719 --> 00:03:09.479 but I've always thought that's what happened 00:03:09.479 --> 00:03:14.699 because One day one evening When I was riding 00:03:14.699 --> 00:03:18.979 around with my friend Shawn in his car Shawn's 00:03:18.979 --> 00:03:22.580 brother Mike was also with us and Mike asked 00:03:22.699 --> 00:03:26.199 Shawn and I, if we could drop him off at a local 00:03:26.199 --> 00:03:29.360 restaurant where his friend worked. And what 00:03:29.360 --> 00:03:33.180 Mike told Shawn, and I suppose me because I was 00:03:33.180 --> 00:03:37.800 in the car, was that he'd planned on either talking 00:03:37.800 --> 00:03:41.539 with his friend or stealing his friend's car 00:03:41.539 --> 00:03:43.960 battery. He was upset with his friend for some 00:03:43.960 --> 00:03:45.919 reason and he was thinking about stealing his 00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:49.129 car battery. I've always thought that maybe his 00:03:49.129 --> 00:03:51.650 plan was to steal a car battery and get caught 00:03:51.650 --> 00:03:53.710 and then somehow not have to go into the military. 00:03:53.810 --> 00:03:55.729 That may have had nothing to do with anything, 00:03:55.750 --> 00:03:58.650 but it struck me as a very weird thing to do 00:03:58.650 --> 00:04:02.530 to want to steal your friend's car battery. Anyway, 00:04:02.830 --> 00:04:06.009 Shawn was a law and order kind of a 16 year old, 00:04:06.129 --> 00:04:09.050 believe it or not, and I certainly was too. And 00:04:09.050 --> 00:04:14.370 Shawn said to his brother, he said, Mike, we're 00:04:14.370 --> 00:04:17.759 going to come back in an hour. and if you have 00:04:17.759 --> 00:04:20.240 a car battery in your hand we're just going to 00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:23.319 keep on driving but if all you've done is gone 00:04:23.319 --> 00:04:25.920 in and talk to your friend we'll come and pick 00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:29.459 you up so that was the agreed upon decision that 00:04:29.459 --> 00:04:31.779 we would come back if he had a car battery in 00:04:31.779 --> 00:04:34.439 his hand we'd just keep driving because we weren't 00:04:34.439 --> 00:04:38.399 going to help him steal a car battery anyway 00:04:38.399 --> 00:04:44.279 an hour later we pull into the restaurant parking 00:04:44.279 --> 00:04:51.220 lot and as we did eight suburban squad cars came 00:04:51.220 --> 00:04:55.500 screeching into the parking lot with their sirens 00:04:55.500 --> 00:04:58.519 blaring and their lights flashing and they circled 00:04:58.519 --> 00:05:04.199 our car and they grabbed both Sean and I out 00:05:04.199 --> 00:05:07.240 of the car rather forcefully and they threw us 00:05:07.240 --> 00:05:10.879 up against the car and had us spread our legs 00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:13.959 as if to check to see if we had any weapons I 00:05:13.959 --> 00:05:22.459 suppose and me in my in my stupidity I turned 00:05:22.459 --> 00:05:27.699 around and looked the cop in the face and said 00:05:27.699 --> 00:05:31.060 relax I'm innocent or something like stupid like 00:05:31.060 --> 00:05:36.399 that and the guy quickly pushed me back into 00:05:36.399 --> 00:05:42.199 the car drew a gun and put it to my head and 00:05:42.199 --> 00:05:48.050 said Do not take your hands off of the hood of 00:05:48.050 --> 00:05:52.170 the car again. So I stood there and I was just 00:05:52.170 --> 00:05:55.569 shaking, thinking I was in some kind of a dream. 00:05:56.670 --> 00:06:01.269 And then they handcuffed us and put us into the 00:06:01.269 --> 00:06:04.990 squad car, rather forcefully, not gently, let's 00:06:04.990 --> 00:06:08.110 just say, and drove us to the local police station. 00:06:10.540 --> 00:06:14.779 It was a suburb of Chicago by the name of Lombard. 00:06:15.379 --> 00:06:18.860 And when we got there, they put Sean by himself 00:06:18.860 --> 00:06:22.519 in one room, Mike in another room, and me in 00:06:22.519 --> 00:06:26.439 another room. And then they had each of us tell 00:06:26.439 --> 00:06:30.720 our version of the story. Mike confessed immediately 00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:33.579 and said we had nothing to do with it. Sean told 00:06:33.579 --> 00:06:36.259 the exact same story that I just told you, which 00:06:36.259 --> 00:06:40.730 was we said, if you have the... Car battery Mike 00:06:40.730 --> 00:06:43.170 were just gonna keep on driving. I said the same 00:06:43.170 --> 00:06:47.829 story Shawn said the same story in the meantime 00:06:47.829 --> 00:06:51.870 Shawn's parents came in to pick up Shawn and 00:06:51.870 --> 00:06:58.430 Mike And as we're waiting to be picked up Shawn's 00:06:58.430 --> 00:07:01.370 father turned to Mike and said Michael Michael 00:07:01.370 --> 00:07:03.529 Michael, why did you steal the car battery? You 00:07:03.529 --> 00:07:06.089 know, I would have given you the money for it 00:07:06.089 --> 00:07:08.449 and Mike looked at his father and said no you 00:07:08.449 --> 00:07:11.860 wouldn't And I don't know why I thought that 00:07:11.860 --> 00:07:16.439 was funny, but I never forgot it and Then my 00:07:16.439 --> 00:07:21.459 parents came to pick me up And my mother's crying 00:07:21.459 --> 00:07:25.459 and she says something like JJ. What did you 00:07:25.459 --> 00:07:28.720 do? What did you do and it hurt me to think that 00:07:28.720 --> 00:07:32.939 way but my father and his In his beautiful moment 00:07:32.939 --> 00:07:39.189 from my point of view said I know You didn't 00:07:39.189 --> 00:07:46.209 do anything and That moved me because my father 00:07:46.209 --> 00:07:49.790 and I were Not particularly close when I was 00:07:49.790 --> 00:07:53.889 16 years old, but the fact that he had a hundred 00:07:53.889 --> 00:07:57.449 hundred percent confidence in me made me feel 00:07:57.449 --> 00:08:08.479 really good so Here's the thing I Call it White 00:08:08.479 --> 00:08:12.120 benefit of the doubt because both Shawn and I 00:08:12.120 --> 00:08:17.860 were honor students in school and We didn't really 00:08:17.860 --> 00:08:20.060 I would say we didn't look like the criminal 00:08:20.060 --> 00:08:22.660 type. I don't know what exactly but our stories 00:08:22.660 --> 00:08:26.980 match, but we got lucky Because it turned out 00:08:26.980 --> 00:08:30.439 that my friend Shawn was taking karate classes 00:08:30.439 --> 00:08:33.759 with the chief of the Lombard Police Department 00:08:34.659 --> 00:08:40.639 And so the chief of police Not only took care 00:08:40.639 --> 00:08:42.840 of the fact that we didn't you know, we were 00:08:42.840 --> 00:08:45.799 there were no charges filed but there were absolutely 00:08:45.799 --> 00:08:51.059 no records around of the incident Mike still 00:08:51.059 --> 00:08:53.899 got in trouble, but Shawn and I were nowhere 00:08:53.899 --> 00:09:00.019 to list it anywhere and So I believe it was because 00:09:00.019 --> 00:09:05.769 We were basically Yeah, given this benefit of 00:09:05.769 --> 00:09:08.850 the doubt At the time I wouldn't have called 00:09:08.850 --> 00:09:12.190 it privilege, but maybe I'm just parsing words 00:09:12.190 --> 00:09:17.409 Because I did get arrested But I've often thought 00:09:17.409 --> 00:09:19.909 as I mentioned I'm six foot three and I've often 00:09:19.909 --> 00:09:23.350 thought And I also have a face that, when I'm 00:09:23.350 --> 00:09:26.029 resting, my resting face is one that sometimes 00:09:26.029 --> 00:09:28.649 people ask me if there's something wrong or if 00:09:28.649 --> 00:09:31.129 I'm angry. And I'm not, but they think I am. 00:09:31.649 --> 00:09:34.190 And I've often wondered if I were a black man, 00:09:34.549 --> 00:09:38.149 a young man, or an African -American who'd had 00:09:38.149 --> 00:09:41.830 this similar experience, if I'd turned around, 00:09:41.950 --> 00:09:45.909 would that cop have shot me? Or I would have 00:09:45.909 --> 00:09:49.549 been able to, quote unquote, talk my way out 00:09:49.549 --> 00:09:52.929 of some sort of a charge against me. Somehow 00:09:52.929 --> 00:09:55.750 that I'd have had to have to fought or had to 00:09:55.750 --> 00:09:58.669 fight, you know, get a lawyer for it, etc. But 00:09:58.669 --> 00:10:01.870 instead, absolutely nothing happened to me at 00:10:01.870 --> 00:10:07.009 all or to Sean. Fast forward 48 years, my good 00:10:07.009 --> 00:10:10.070 friend Sean is very, very high powered attorney 00:10:10.070 --> 00:10:13.250 in New York City. He was also a prosecutor in 00:10:13.250 --> 00:10:17.250 New York City. Highly successful. And I've been 00:10:17.250 --> 00:10:21.440 a school teacher for 35 years. Suppose because 00:10:21.440 --> 00:10:24.720 we were juveniles at the time if we had you know 00:10:24.720 --> 00:10:27.259 faced some charges and had somehow lost the case 00:10:27.259 --> 00:10:31.100 or whatever that maybe we'd still be The people 00:10:31.100 --> 00:10:33.360 we are today or the professionals that we are 00:10:33.360 --> 00:10:37.960 today, but I do believe that We because we were 00:10:37.960 --> 00:10:41.279 given the white benefit of the doubt I'm not 00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:43.320 dismissing that it isn't privileged, but I just 00:10:43.320 --> 00:10:47.200 there's a subtlety of the language here That 00:10:47.200 --> 00:10:53.820 we were given a break that meant that the mistakes 00:10:53.820 --> 00:11:00.399 that we made didn't really cost us and That's 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:05.159 what I think everybody is entitled to the benefit 00:11:05.159 --> 00:11:10.220 of the doubt And I don't think that our culture 00:11:10.220 --> 00:11:15.799 Provides that benefit of the doubt for everybody 00:11:15.799 --> 00:11:23.799 So that's my story I hope you enjoyed it. I also 00:11:23.799 --> 00:11:26.919 want to thank everyone for taking the time to 00:11:26.919 --> 00:11:31.059 listen to the story. Really appreciate it. Also 00:11:31.059 --> 00:11:34.820 like to thank our sponsors, Sideline Inc. Publishing, 00:11:35.340 --> 00:11:37.340 publishers of quality books, including Susan 00:11:37.340 --> 00:11:40.240 Salador's children's book, I've Got Peace in 00:11:40.240 --> 00:11:45.720 My Fingers, and Scott Summa's timely work, Don't 00:11:45.720 --> 00:11:49.100 Act Like the President. available worldwide through 00:11:49.100 --> 00:11:51.899 Amazon .com or wherever quality books are sold. 00:11:52.440 --> 00:11:55.440 I'd also like to thank our other sponsor, LaughSaver 00:11:55.440 --> 00:11:59.519 .com. LaughSaver .com invites you to go to their 00:11:59.519 --> 00:12:03.720 website, Record Your Laughter, for free. They'll 00:12:03.720 --> 00:12:07.899 keep it for you, now and forever. Your grandchildren 00:12:07.899 --> 00:12:10.519 and their grandchildren will thank you for it. 00:12:10.700 --> 00:12:14.019 That's LaughSaver .com. Now we're going to end 00:12:14.019 --> 00:12:18.240 this show as we often do. with Susan Salador's 00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:22.940 classic Every Moment, Every Day, which is available 00:12:22.940 --> 00:12:27.440 on Spotify, BTW. Until next time, this is Jay 00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:30.700 Reheck asking you all to stay safe out there 00:12:30.700 --> 00:12:38.740 and try not to hurt anybody. It takes practice 00:12:38.740 --> 00:12:42.600 and humility. It takes vision and civility. It 00:12:42.600 --> 00:12:45.940 takes practice and humility. It takes vision 00:12:45.940 --> 00:12:49.539 and civility. It takes beauty and the wisdom 00:12:49.539 --> 00:12:54.220 to see it everywhere. It takes practice and humility. 00:12:54.419 --> 00:12:57.960 It takes vision and civility. It takes beauty 00:12:57.960 --> 00:13:02.220 and the wisdom to see it everywhere. It takes 00:13:02.220 --> 00:13:06.240 practice and humility. It takes vision and civility. 00:13:06.860 --> 00:13:10.860 It takes practice and the wisdom to see it everywhere. 00:13:20.940 --> 00:13:26.539 It is possible to be thankful every moment, every 00:13:26.539 --> 00:13:27.000 day.