I dearly hope we're never too busy to stop and
smell a rose Though life is hectic and most of
us have our ample share of woes Life's full of
joy, do you agree? There are many more highs
than lows You do? That's great, it's never too
late Sing with me, here's how it goes I said
hello, hello I like to say hello, hello, hello
It's fun to say hello, I said hello We must make
time to say hello Hi, and welcome back to Tell
Me What Happened, the podcast that features folks
from all walks of life telling us of one childhood
experience and how that event impacted who they
are today. I'm your host, Jay Rehack, and like
you, I've had my share of childhood experiences
that have impacted who I am today. Some of those
experiences were quite painful, and others were
actually quite pleasurable. Tell Me What Happened
is sponsored by Sidelining Publishing, publishers
of quality books, including Susan Saladar's classic,
One Little Act of Kindness, available now wherever
quality books are sold. Perfect for the holiday
season. Tell Me What Happened is also sponsored
by LaughSaver .com Visit LaughSaver .com and
record your laughter. We'll keep it for you,
now and forever. Your children, your grandchildren,
and your great -grandchildren will appreciate
it. So download the LaughSaver app today. Alright,
today I have as my guest, a good friend of mine,
Timothy Bernard Felton. Timothy is a comedian,
improviser, actor, husband, and dad here in Chicago.
I met him here through the comedy scene and he
has become a family friend over the years. If
you want to catch him live around town, you can
find and follow him at Timothy Felton Comedy
on Instagram. Welcome to the show, Tim. You mind
if I call you Tim? Tim is great. All right. Let
me get out of the way. I'm going to ask you at
the end one question. And that question is, how
do you think the story that you've told me has
impacted who you are today? So take it away,
Tim. I'm gonna tell you a story from when I was
19 years old I think a freshman in college which
qualifies as child I think at this point being
39. So I was a studier in college I really liked
studying spent a lot of time in the library and
so one evening at a school night I had been in
the library until pretty late and I was on my
way home I decided to go back to the dormitory
to write my biology lab report. So I head home
on the way I decide to stop and get a coffee
because I know it's bound to be a long and kind
of hot evening with me and my studies. Come to
think of it, I think I kind of was dating studying
in college now that I'm saying it out loud. So
I stopped at Reed Dormitory, the name doesn't
matter to any listeners, but that's where I was
because they had a cafeteria slash Starbucks
and that coffee was going to be my fuel for the
rest of the evening. While there, I noticed that
there is a woman across the cafeteria who I believe
is kind of like making eyes at me. I knew her
from just briefly, had seen her in passing in
my dormitory in the weeks leading up to that,
but we had never talked. Now it's important to
know here that I didn't have my glasses on at
the time. I had only been prescribed glasses
a year before and I wasn't wearing them regularly.
So when I thought she was quote -unquote making
eyes at me, which is just the way I talk, It
could have been that she was just kind of turning
her head in my general direction, and I thought
she was making eyes at me because my glasses
are for distance vision. Nonetheless, I was sure
that the game was afoot. So I would drink a little
bit of my coffee, think about what I was gonna
do in my biology lab report, and then look up,
hoping to catch her gaze again. This went back
and forth for a little bit. But ultimately I
decided I felt the pull of my studies and I knew
I needed to get home so I could get this lab
report done and this romance could wait for another
day. So I take my large Starbucks coffee from
the cafeteria slash Starbucks and I head to my
dormitory which is nearby but in another building.
I get back to my dorm, I collect my stuff, my
essentials for doing my lab report, which were
at the time the Amadeus soundtrack from the 1984
classic Amadeus, which I had never seen, but
it was a hand -me -down CD from my father, and
so I used it for studying, some pretzels, a notebook,
and an old Gatorade bottle filled with water,
because I've always been an old man at heart,
and I will not pay for bottled water even back
in 2001? So I take all of my supplies, I head
down to the middle building in my dormitory.
It's two towers connected by a building in the
middle where the computer lab exists. This was
before I didn't have a laptop. It was before
a lot of people had personal computers. So going
to the computer lab was essential for me. So
I head down there. And I open up the door to
the lab, which is by the way hot, with 1999 Dell
computers all running full blast. There were
maybe 12 of them in this. small 10 by 15 foot
room, all on these two tables and all running
with their fans closed, not well ventilated.
So it was steamy in there and it was full of
bodies at the time. There was only one empty
seat in that computer lab and who was sitting
next to that empty chair? None other than the
woman from the Starbucks slash cafeteria in the
other dormitory. At that moment I realized These
are the hands of fate. This is not a coincidence.
I'm a person who when the first time I saw a
rom come, I thought How did someone capture my
story? I was all in when it came to rom -coms
and I, that's just how I always was. And so when
I see this empty seat next to this person who
I had a steamy session of making eyes at in the
Starbucks earlier that evening, I realized, okay,
this is my meet cute. So I coolly and calmly
as 19 year old Tim can, I wander over or I walk
over there to that empty seat, sit down. log
in, open up my notebook, and pop in my Amadeus
CD and put on my headphones, and I get to working
on my lab report next to this future love of
my life, no doubt. I'm working on this lab report
and I'm typing, or I'm trying to type, but nothing
is coming to me. I get the title page done and
that's it, consisting of the title, the section
that I was in and my name and that is it and
then I'm frozen there fingers hovering over the
home row on the on the keyboard and doing nothing
for probably five six seven minutes which if
anyone is aware of What I'm doing is fishy, I
think. No one sits there frozen like that, doing
nothing on their computer. I'm stuck in the prison
of my own mind thinking, oh my gosh, this person
next to me, this is my moment. This is my meet
-cute. I'm here for a reason to meet this person.
Wow, things are really looking up for me. But
as I'm there in my own head, I'm getting more
and more nervous. I'm getting... An upset tum.
I'm sweating a lot. Like I said, all those Dell
computers are running, so it's already hot. And
I'm getting a nervous sweat, which is not a good
smelling sweat. That's a B .O. sweat. And I'm
just stuck in this cycle of being like, you gotta
do something, but why aren't you doing something?
Why aren't you saying something? Say something.
Why haven't you said something yet? It gets so
bad that I have to... go to the bathroom to talk
myself down. I go to the bathroom out of the
computer lab and I splash water on my face and
I talk to myself in the mirror which if you're
at all self -aware is a very embarrassing thing
to do. I literally give myself a pep talk like
you're gonna go in there you're gonna... This
is your chance, you know, there's a little bit
of chemistry happening here, or I thought was
happening here. Go in there, talk to this woman,
be yourself. This is your person. The universe
has put this person here, so you two are sitting
next to each other for a reason. So I calm down
a little bit in the bathroom by myself, and I
walk back into the computer lab, and she's gone.
And without thinking about it, I turn and immediately
run down the hallway. I run down the steps. I
run out of the center building. This is my running
through the airport moment in my head. I run
out in front of the dormitory. People are like
smoking and hanging out and being, you know,
general college students. And I'm looking left
and right trying to figure out where is she?
Where has my love gone? And I'm waiting and I'm
like, why is she not? running back why why is
she not showing up where is the where's the swell
in the music what's happening here this is not
how this is supposed to work and after standing
there looking back and forth probably like a
dog watching a tennis match or something just
and everyone who knows what the people out in
front are thinking after doing that for long
enough i realize it's not happening so i go straight
upstairs leave all of my stuff still in the computer
lab i go straight upstairs to calm to calm myself
down and come down from this like tizzy that
I've worked myself into and I check in with my
roommates who are playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater
I believe because they don't they don't have
their same sort of relationship that I do with
studying and going to class but nonetheless I
hang with them for a little bit don't mention
anything about what just happened just try and
kind of get my mind off it So I can return to
the to the real consistent partner in my college
experience, which is my studies. So I eventually
calm down. I go back downstairs into the computer
lab where I've left all of my stuff. And as I
come into the computer lab, it's probably about
maybe an hour later. I come into the computer
lab and now it's mostly empty. There is the attendant
who's there to help folks kind of looking at
so much hentai pornography that it seemed like
he must be doing research. Two other people in
the computer lab and the rest of the chairs are
empty. But who is back in the computer lab? This
woman back in the computer lab. She's sitting
next to one other person and they seem to be
working on like a K201 project, which is something
that I don't understand and business students
took. They're sitting there and my stuff is still
at the end of the row. Amadeus CD open, notebook
open, bottle of water, left unattended for an
hour and a half at this point, and I realize
the universe has given me a second chance. So
I go and I sit back at my computer and I put
my headphones on, the soothing sound of Amadeus,
and I again assume my position, frozen, fingers
hovering over the home rope, and I don't do anything.
I'm once again stuck and I think it must be I
mean if you're in a computer lab and there's
someone there not typing anything that's not
necessarily a weird thing but that someone would
become aware of but for them not to be typing
anything and not to be surfing the internet or
using the mouse at all or doing anything else
not writing in a notebook just staring at a blank
word document, mostly blank, just a title page,
is an odd thing. So I am sure that I became aware
that the other folks in the computer lab became
aware of my presence and kind of the oddness
or the odd energy that I was surely emitting.
Nonetheless, I sit there and I tell myself I'm
not gonna let what happened earlier happen again.
And then I get my great idea of the evening.
and I take my little mouse and I go down to the
lower part of the computer and I open up a Word
document and I quickly minimize it because I
get cold feet and I return to my home row hovering
in my frozen state. After another couple of minutes
I realize, okay buddy, it's now or never. So
I go back and I open up that Word document, that
blank one, and I type which at the moment I thought
was ugh. perfectly romantic, but now I can barely
bring myself to say, I type on this blank word
document, hey, comma, what do you say we go out
sometime? Question mark, and then I immediately
minimize it again. Afraid that someone will see
or that, really just so uncomfortable with myself
and what I'm doing at this moment. After sitting
for another couple of minutes, frozen, sweating
in that current state with that little minimized
Word document just burning a hole in my in my
psyche I get my second great idea of the evening
and I decide to open that Word document and I
go up to the corner file print and so I hit print
and it's it's 2001 so on these old printers immediately
it starts This loud sound in the computer lab
as this word document with one sentence is printed
and I do not move so everyone hears the printer
go and typically what happens in that situation
is someone whoever has printed the document walks
over and retrieves their print but I was not
moving, not flinching. So these folks are probably,
I don't know what they're thinking, but this
is not the way they expected anything to work.
No one is moving, is budging for that print.
Eventually I get enough courage, I stand up,
I take off my headphones, and I walk over to
the printer. And there is my romantic gesture
sitting face down on that printer. But I don't
do anything. I'm... my feet are locked again
i'm standing there next to the printer i'm sure
attracting the attention of the attendant if
he can remove himself from the pornography that
he's consuming or this woman or her k201 partner
i'm sure they're aware that i am just standing
there like a mannequin next to this printer not
touching the document that's in it After being
frozen there for what seems like an eternity,
I get my third great idea and I decide to leave
the document there. I still get uncomfortable
telling this story every single time. I decide
to leave the document there and I walk slowly
and deliberately over to these two innocent college
students and I stand them seated me standing
a very uncomfortable power dynamic in a conversation
I stand next to them eventually they turn towards
me because it would be wild and unthinkable to
not acknowledge someone's presence so they turn
to me and I look this woman in the face for the
first time up close and I say hey Can you give
me some help with the printer? And she stares
back at me, understandably confused. One, because
that's what the computer lab attendant is for.
And two, why is a stranger asking her or even
approaching her in this computer lab when she's
involved in this clear project with her K201
partner? Who is this guy standing next to me?
So she's confused, nervous, who knows, but not
comfortable, I would say. And she replies, I
don't think so. But I double down. Because again,
this is my romcom, I'm thinking. And I say, oh,
I think you can. Which is, in 2022, what year
is it? A much creepier thing, I think, to say
and just probably inappropriate thing to say
in our current context. But I say, oh. I think
you can. And she, being a relatively normal,
run -of -the -mill human being, agrees. And it's
like, whatever will get this interaction over
soonest, I'm thinking is what she was probably
thinking. So she gets up slowly and is like,
okay, and so we walk over to the printer together.
Who knows what her partner is thinking, her lab,
or her K201 partner. But we walk over together
to the printer, and we're standing there, and
she's looking at me like, okay, what, what do
you need help with that this lab attendant couldn't
help you with? What's going on here? What are
you, what? And I gesture to the piece of paper
lying face down on the printing tray, and I say,
I think that's for you. It's so creepy. It's
so creepy to retell this story. I kind of can't
believe that I'm doing it right now, but she
looks at me confused and slowly goes for the
paper, picks it up, reads my Cyrano de Berger,
reads my perfect romantic statement. Hey, what
do you say we go out sometime? Looks back at
me blankly, no smile. No smile. How could she
have a smile? He looks back at me and says, sure,
I am probably all smiles, sweaty, red faced,
and I respond, cool, and that's all I say, and
I hold a writing utensil in her direction. She
takes it. writes down her number, and I immediately
leave the computer lab. Again, leaving my headphones,
blaring Amadeus just out into the ambient space.
There, all of my stuff, unfinished. I just have
to leave. I've got so much energy. It's like,
this is the beginning. This is the beginning
of my story. And I go upstairs, and I don't tell
anyone about it, but I'm buzzing for like an
hour and a half later before I can return. I
don't finish this actual biology lab until two
or three in the morning because of this detour
I've taken, this romantic detour. So fast forward,
we go on the date. We go to a Starbucks, a brick
and mortar startup, Starbucks, because I am,
you know, a classy guy. And there is no chemistry
at all. It goes fine, but it doesn't go great.
And it was one day and done. And that's my story.
Alright, I was listening to that story and feeling
my own pain of my own experiences, of course.
It's a sad story, but I'd like to know how do
you think that that story impacted who you are
today? When I think of myself now being a performer
and a comedian, up to that point I didn't realize
that the way I perceived the world around me
or like in my own kind of dealings with anxiety
that the thoughts that would go through my head
and the ways that I would react to those thoughts
were not how everyone else was behaving and it
wasn't until I told that story live that I realized
or like two friends I started telling that story
and sharing all what was going on in my head
which was a couple of years later the first time
I told it to friends it wasn't until that point
that I realized oh The way that I react and what's
going on in my head is not how everyone else
feels and there's something that's kind of entertaining.
People like to have a window into that and I
think now it makes me, what makes me gravitate
towards work that is a realistic representation
of... humans interaction in the world so like
on stage I think that's why I tend to like to
portray I like to play in the world of realism
whether I'm an improviser or a comedian I'm not
looking for the fan the fantastical I just kind
of want to see a normal interaction and Feel
all of the things that those normal interactions
caused me to feel So I think that's how it's
kind of like, it kind of gave me a hint that
that was something a little unique about my experience
of this life. And so I have been exploring it
ever since I tried to explore it in my own comedy
and my own work. All right, very quickly. How'd
you meet your wife? We grew up in the same town
and then went to the same college, kind of our
last, each of ours last choice. We ended up there
and she studied religious studies which my best
friend and roommate were studying. It's a small
program so they were in a lot of classes together.
So she ended up hanging out at our house that
I lived at quite a bit between classes and junior
year. We started hanging out and became friends,
and then that friend, my best friend, our mutual
friend, went away for the summer, and it was
just the two of us. So we kept hanging out as
friends, and then it was like, oh, I feel differently
about this person than I do a friend. That sounds
like a rom -com to me, Mike. I'm going to end
it on that, because that does sound like a rom
-com to me. All right. Well, I'd like to thank
my guest, Tim Felton. Timothy Bernard Felton,
professionally. If you want to catch him live
around town, you can find and follow him at Timothy
Felton Comedy on Instagram. So thanks a lot for
telling your very painful story. Like I said,
I feel that pain. I know it. I think that a lot
of our listeners do as well. The sort of a visual
of what you expect to happen, not exactly coming
through the same way. I hope whoever that lady
is, she's happy wherever she is. Me too. I suppose
you could probably find her on social media if
you needed to. Probably, but I haven't tried.
Good man. Stay away from that. You don't need
all that. All right. Well, that's our show. Again,
I thank Tim Felton. I'd also like to thank my
sponsors, Sidelining Publishing, publishers of
quality books, and laughsaver .com. Visit laughsaver
.com and record your laughter. We'll keep it
for you now and forever. Your grandchildren,
your great -grandchildren, everybody you know
will be grateful that you did. So I'm gonna end
this show a little differently in honor of Tim's
sad but ultimately redemptive story with Susan
Salvador's classic Love Reveille. So until next
time, this is Jay Reac asking you all to please
stay safe out there and try not to hurt anybody.
Love Reveille. It's supposed to wake up our hearts.
I love you. I love you. I love you. Every single
day I hear you, I hear you, I hear you And all
that you have to say I see you, I see you, I
see you And all the kind things you do I love
you, I love you, I love you Just because you're
you