It is possible to be thankful every moment every
day. It is possible to be thankful every moment
every day. It takes practice and humility. Hi
and welcome back to Tell Me What Happened, the
podcast that features people from all walks of
life telling stories from their childhood and
then explaining how those stories have impacted
their lives today. I'm your host, Jay Rehaq,
and like you, I've had my share of childhood
experiences that have impacted me as an adult.
Tell Me What Happened is sponsored by Sideline
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I have as my guest today, Jeff Holden, a buddy
of mine for over 50 years. Jeff is a 35 -year
broadcast radio veteran. His marketing company,
Multipoint Content Strategies, works with a variety
of businesses using podcasting as a tool in the
toolbox of marketing assets to grow business.
Jeff also hosts his own podcast, In Your Words,
which sheds light on the virtues and values of
business to business and business to consumer
podcast. Pretty cool to have you on the show,
Jeff. And Jay, it's great to be here. Really
exciting. thrilled to be here and doing it and
talking about something that I know you and I
haven't even discussed. So it's going to make
it even more fun. I got to tell you, Jeff, I'm
a little bit nervous about what you're going
to talk about because I was part of your childhood
as well. I hope it's nothing to do with me. But
before we get to it, I do also want to thank
you for your help you've given me in the last
few weeks about my own podcast, giving me tips,
especially regarding sound. Thank you. And you're
very kind and complimentary. I appreciate that.
Well, true story. I have heard in your words,
and I've also heard some of the other podcasts
you've produced. Today we're going to talk about
Tell Me What Happened. What we're looking for,
Jeff, is a childhood story that has impacted
your life today. I realize you probably have
a lot of those. As a matter of fact, I was there
for some of them, I think. But I'm going to do
my best to try to stay out of it. Unless, of
course, it's something that I'm familiar with
that I might... I might jump in a little bit
there if that's all right. No, I actually I want
you engaged. I'd almost like it to be a dialogue
because you'll laugh about some of the stuff
and some of it you'll relate to the story you're
not going to know. At least I don't think so
unless you are part of it. If that's the case,
I hate you. I hope I wasn't. I doubt it. So I'm
going back to grammar school. Well, first of
all, let me compliment you on the stuff that
you're doing with people who are actually sharing
significant trauma in their lives because I think
the ability for others to hear those stories
is Impactful and secondly, it's important for
the people who are telling this story in some
sort of a cathartic way to share it and I think
that is really cool for for what you're doing
the The story I'm about doesn't know where it's
nothing like that. I was blessed to not have
anything that significant happen in my upbringing.
It may be later in life, but those were different
situations. In grammar school, I was this chunky
little kid, just kind of dorky and getting my
way through school, doing my thing. Mom expected
me to do well. She was the librarian at the school
and we went to this grammar school. That was
a Catholic grammar school. So of course you do
the altar boy thing. Try to do the best in school
and you just hope that that report card comes
home with what everybody at home expects it to
be and It's probably seventh or eighth grade.
I remember, you know, everybody's going through
puberty and getting started up to care about
how they look and I remember taping my hair down
on my forehead so I could have that like beetle
look I got curly hair and I would tape it down
at night so when I woke up in the morning, it
would be flat like beetles used to wear and one
of our friends had that kind of hair, Jan, last
names to be left out of this conversation, but
it was like, I'm going to look like that. So,
you know, you're starting to care about it because
you care about how the girls are looking at you.
And I was chunky. I mean, I was a chubby kid.
And I remember when we used to go shopping for
anything, we had to go to the Husky department.
The guy would come and go like to Robert Hall.
Remember that Robert Hall store for, you know,
young men or whatever. Anyhow, so I go in and
my mom would be with me and we can go and shop.
And she goes, oh, that looks good on you, honey.
And he goes, well, this is in the Husky department.
So yeah, these will fit him perfectly well. And
so you just have all this self -conscious stuff
going on. And there was this guy in school that
was what I would look at today and see as a bully.
And for some reason, I became the article of
his affection. I should say infection for me.
But it was challenging and it went on for a while
and it got a little bit worse. And he's, I'll
say the name because you'll laugh when I say
it's Carl something. And I'm like, what is going
on here? And it got to the point where now you're
losing sleep at home, you're anxious, you don't
want to go to school. So what are you going to
do? And okay, at this stage of the game, It's
not so significant that it's something you're
going to get yourself in trouble with. My mom's
a librarian at the stinking school. I got to
be careful. You don't know that you're going
to punch him because he might kick your butt.
So you don't want to do that. And this goes on
for days and days and days and weeks. And finally,
I said, OK, what I'm going to do, I'm going to
I'm going to win them over with stuff. I'm going
to start bringing cool stuff to school because
that'll minimize it. and I remember just bringing
stupid little things from the house and then
a Pinewood Derby car, you know, your Boy Scouts
thing, those little things you carve and, you
know, I had some kind of cool ones that I had
made and that maybe got a little bit of his attention,
but it still didn't get anywhere. And he's still
badgering me and, you know, pushing me around
on the playground. And I remember as much as,
you know, we all would say, well, you just smack
him one or punch him or whatever. you know, all
I remember was getting in his face at some point
in time and just saying, you know, stop this
or whatever. Probably went home and cried or
I don't really remember. I mean, it's suppressed
all this stuff because it's not enjoyable to
think about it. And when you asked me about it,
I said, let me think about something from my
childhood. That's probably one of the biggest
things that I can even remember. The rest is
just kind of gone. It was a good childhood. But
I think as I've grown up, There's Carl's every
step along the way and there's Carl's in every
profession that you you Choose as a career. There's
Carl's in your neighborhood. There's Carl's at
the gym and As I grew up I started to do the
same thing and I found myself repeating that
sequence over and over again looked a little
bit different, but I knew if I had Made enough
money or I bought enough stuff. I could kind
of bump those Carl's out of the way without having
to really confront them And you think about that
stuff, you think of what is that? How does that
happen? And we know it's a situation on school
campuses today. It's a situation on cell phones,
on social media, however those bullies are going
to affect the kids. And in that case, you just
don't have the ability to punch them in the face.
I didn't do it because I didn't have the gumption
to do it. I wasn't that kind of kid. So you find
ways to cope with it. And the coping mechanism
became, well, okay, you know what? I can't beat
you up. That's just not my thing. Or I'm scared,
or I was kind of a wimpy kid, then I'm just gonna
go make money. And I'll build wealth around my
situation. And that will show you that I'm stronger
than you. Because I would then see you as a loser.
Where are you today, Carl? Let's see. What are
you doing today? Yeah, and that does that does
enter my mind, right? And I think that's kind
of weird. You brought this up, by the way. So
if this is cathartic, I don't know or not. I
might have some issues after the fact. In pain
for you because well, I want to just back it
up a little bit. You know, my cousin who I love,
he called me fat man my whole life. You know,
I was definitely heavier than you were. grade
school, I was taller than you were. And I do
remember Carl distinctly in it, and I wish you'd
have told me because I would have punched him
for you. Right. But I want to move back just
one step and ask you, when you finally did talk
with him, did he finally relent at any point
or you don't remember what happened? I mean,
how did it... Yeah, a little bit because I got
in his face and it kind of was... I think he
was looking for the fight. He wanted the fight
and it just... the fight never, maybe we pushed
each other around a little bit and that was,
it was kind of the end of it. You know, it never
had a big climactic end and it wasn't anything
eventful. I think only a handful of kids even
knew it because he wasn't a really popular kid,
but it just was, it stuck. It's one of those
things that stuck and I do reflect on it and
that feeling has recurred throughout my life.
Up until you know, maybe older adulthood when
I realized okay There's a way to deal with this
differently and not that you punch somebody in
the face But you can confront those issues a
lot differently as you learn and grow confident
and understand yourself a lot better but That's
an impactful thing. And I think what's sad about
it is it still exists today and Probably to a
greater degree because of the ability to hide
behind social media you don't have to even confront
the individual physically and the individual
who's the recipient of the bullying doesn't have
the ability to really respond. So how you deal
with those things that are they seem so little
at the time in retrospect but when you really
reflect on them and you say what happened there
you might have changed your life as a result
of it or a good portion of your life as a result
of it, not even knowing because it wasn't intentional
or conscious. It was more reactive. And so you
moved in a direction that really set the course
for a long point in time, whether it be a career
or a scholastic achievement or even a marriage
in some cases. That's the piece of it that I
always reflect on. It does come up. And like
I said, we were sharing that we suppress and
don't recall a lot of this stuff. It just wasn't
all that significant. But there's a few highlights
in there that you say, huh, I get that. I know
where that's coming from. Now I can figure that
out. And is that really a good way to go? In
many cases, probably not. Because it's not authentic.
It's Reactionary, you know, I was just gonna
say though that the story that you tell on the
one hand I think it motivated you to be a highly
successful person. I'm also sort of wondering
I know you're I've known you for 50 50 years
and I know that as an adult you've been like
this massive biker and connection to that. But
on the one hand, it's like, okay, great. It's
motivated, Jeff, to be a successful business
person and a successful athlete. On the other
hand, if the driving force is a negative one,
then you feel bad. Well, and the essence of the
podcast is, as people hear, some will say, wow,
that trauma that that person experienced, holy
crap, that's amazing that they ever came out
of it. I'm on the really light side of it, where
maybe a lot of people have been in some semblance
of what I'm talking about, but the people who
don't relate to some of the other elements of
people's stories, probably a lot of people can
relate to something like this, because it happens
everywhere, every day, all the time. And it's
just being aware of it. And had I known that
confronting him differently would have made the
difference, I mean, I didn't share it with my
parents. I didn't have to deal with it. I didn't
think there was going to be any benefit. I didn't
share it with anybody. And had I known that there
were options or ways to deal with it differently,
I probably would have, as hard as that might
have been, and just done whatever that would
have been at the time that would have been appropriate.
I may have been punching them in the face. But
as you grow up and... You're an adult and you
look at what you can and can't do you realize
hey some of the I just can't keep Dealing with
Carl's the same way all the time. I can only
bring so many, you know toys to the game to kind
of moderate the or discomfort of the relationship
and at some point you realize you got to confront
these things you can't You just can't let them
fester because they will repeat you can leave
that job. You can leave that at neighborhood
You can leave that school but it doesn't mean
it's gone. And I think that's the takeaway for
me is I hope for people that I deal with or grandkids
now, if I see any of that happening, I can interject
my experience and some semblance of wisdom and
say, hey, here's a good way to deal with this.
It necessarily wouldn't be punch them in the
face either, but It's going to be a different
type. It's going to be probably electronic. It's
going to be socially driven. It's going to require
intervention by others, depending on the significance
of the bullying. But you can't let it happen.
It just can't continue to go on because you'll
fester with it for the rest of your life. Yes.
You're so right, my friend. Oh my gosh, all the
stuff we carry. I wish we could just let it go.
I brought back some memories from grade school
though. Oh, we can't reach back in time and fix
it per se. Well, thank you, Jeff. Thank you again
for having me, Jay. I appreciate it. It was a
kick. It took me down memory lane. Yeah, just
sort of reminded me why I'm doing a podcast.
So thank you very much So that's our show. I
want to thank my good buddy Jeff Holden bringing
me back to my childhood Also want to thank our
sponsors sidelining publishing and laughsaber
.com We're gonna end the show as we often do
with Susan Salvador's classic every moment every
day, which is available on Spotify BTW So until
next time, this is Jay Rehack asking you all
to stay safe out there, watch out for those carls,
and try not to hurt anybody. It is possible to
be thankful It is possible to be thankful every
moment, every day.