WEBVTT

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It is possible to be thankful every moment, every

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day. It is possible to be thankful every moment,

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every day. It takes practice and humility. Hi,

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and welcome to Tell Me What Happened, the podcast

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that features real people talking about real

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events from their childhood and how those events

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impacted their lives. I'm your host, Jay Rehech,

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and like you, I've had a lot of experiences in

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my childhood that still resonate with me today.

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I have as my guest today Eileen O 'Farrell Smith,

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a woman I have known for more than two decades.

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Eileen is someone that I met at Old St. Pat's

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in Chicago after she had helped organize a group

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of Catholic and Jewish parents who were trying

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to raise their children, both Catholic and Jewish.

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with an appreciation for both faiths. I feel

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Eileen's pain as she tells us her story. Welcome,

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Eileen. Hi, Jay. What a treat to be with you.

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It's a delight. Just a delight. It's good to

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reconnect. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I'm sorry

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we're still in the middle of a corona, but it's

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good to be able to see your face on Zoom anyway.

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Absolutely, I'm grateful for the technology,

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for sure. Well, Eileen, are you ready to tell

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your story? I think I am. I think I am. I'm grateful

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for the opportunity. All right, I'm going to

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try to kick back and not say a word. My wife

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tells me I talk too much, so I'm going to put

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my hand over my mouth and just listen to your

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story. So take it away. Sounds great. Well, and

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I have to say that when I first became aware

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of this opportunity, I knew immediately what

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I wanted to talk about. And so here's the way

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the story goes. And that I was raised, I grew

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up not here in Chicago, but on Long Island in

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a very typical Irish Catholic middle class suburban

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family in the 1950s. So I'm dating myself. I

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lived with my mother and father. One older brother,

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15 months, almost Irish twins, two dogs, large

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extended family of aunts and uncles and cousins,

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two sets of grandparents, and everybody really

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lived within driving distance from the house.

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My childhood was idyllic. Well, I take that back.

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There was one major force that dominated my childhood

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with memories that really were fearful and shameful

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and humiliation. And that source was the Roman

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Catholic Church. I went to public school in my

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elementary years, kindergarten through sixth

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grade, because in seventh and eighth grade I

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went to Catholic high school. My parents made

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a commitment to engage in a CCD program, which

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CCD stands for the Confraternity of Christian

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Doctrine. And once that decision was made, it

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was going to be a rocky journey. Every Saturday

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morning, starting probably about the age of six,

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I was bundled into the car with my brother off

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to the local church where I was schooled and

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drilled with the Baltimore catechism. I remember

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the basement space was dark, it was dank, and

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I recall it being scary. We didn't linger there.

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We moved through that space through to the classroom.

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It took the entire morning of Saturday, every

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Saturday, and once home, after a lunch of a cream

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cheese and jelly sandwich, which really was my

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favorite, no peanut butter in our family, we

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all headed back to church for the weekly experience

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of penance. Again, it was a time that I really

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dreaded. Did it year round. I remember being

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dragged, not dragged, but encouraged to get out

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of the pool on a hot summer day. And I remember

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fearing the dark space, that box, knowing that

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I had spent some time discerning the difference

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between what was being a sin versus a mortal

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sin and hoping that I had gotten it right. I

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was six, seven, eight. And I remember lying about

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confessing how many times I might have hit my

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brother. And that is... True. Was it two? Was

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it six? Was it 20? That was Saturday. Sundays

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began with Mass at 10 a .m. and back in those

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days there was no breakfast because you had to

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fast. I think it was either the night before

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or three hours before, but you had to fast. The

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Mass was in Latin, which felt mysterious and

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very foreign. The highlight of the morning, ironically,

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aka the reward, was the visit to the local Jewish

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bakery, Flackowitz's, on the way home, which

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was so glorious and so delicious. We would buy

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just a bounty of crumb cakes and pralas and black

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and white cookies and jelly donuts, and it was

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wonderful. No surprise I married a Jewish man.

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That afternoon, fresh from Mass, I usually would

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sit with my dad and review the memorization from

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the day before of the Baltimore Catechism. And

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I remember that being very tender, very tender

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experience, sitting with my dad in an easy chair.

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He was a gentle teacher. There was no aspect

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of it feeling punishing at all. But at the same

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time, to this day, I laugh that I can remember

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the basic lessons of why God made me. And of

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course, we all know the answer was to know, to

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love, and to serve Him. And that's Him with capital

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letters. All of these rituals and practices were

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leading me to my first Holy Communion in second

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grade. When at last the preparation was complete,

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the dress and the veil and the gloves were all

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purchased and they fit right, the day finally

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arrived. I don't remember how I was feeling the

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morning of the event. I probably was excited

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and looking forward to look. That's what we were

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supposed to look like in these glorious little

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gowns and veils. They really made a point of

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it. I might have been scared. And again, I think

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because at the time my take on God was it was

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an angry guy seeing everything from heaven. Not

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to be confused with Santa Claus. at the same

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time declaring me to be worthy, only if he decided

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to give me his grace. There was nothing I could

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do to merit it. I was taught mea maxima culpa,

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of course meaning through my most grievous fault.

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I think it's hard to be a theologian when you're

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six years old. Being the tallest in the class,

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I was always, I'm tall now, I was tall then,

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I was the last in procession to approach the

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church altar. I imagine my anxiety grew a bit

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as I got closer to kneeling at the altar. Remember,

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this is the fifties. To be served the body of

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Christ, the blood and body of our Lord by the

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priest, assisted by his altar server. I was probably

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thinking, will I do it right? Will I be able

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to swallow it without choking? Oh my gosh, can

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my family see me? What's going on? Where are

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they? I imagine, and I feel even as I'm calling

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this, that I was roiling with the fear of failure.

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And so, by the time I returned to my pew after

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receiving the host, I was in such a frenzy that

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I vomited. Oh no, I couldn't swallow it. We were

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taught, don't let it touch your teeth. Don't

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let it touch the roof of your mouth. My throat,

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I panicked. And so it came. I threw up. Peace

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landing on the floor, a peace landing on the

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back of the pew in front of me. What do I do?

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What do I do? Do I hide it? Do I step on it?

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Oh no! You can't do that! That's the body of

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Christ! I couldn't do that! That was Jesus! And

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from what I remember, before I could make a decision,

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it happened so quickly. I was surrounded by what

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felt like a platoon of the Sisters of Mercy,

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cleaning, praying and here's the kicker because

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in a heartbeat I was marched back up to the altar

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again to receive surrounded by the murmurs and

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whispers about what had happened throughout the

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church and truthfully I don't remember the rest

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really it was traumatic though the cloak of personal

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shame has followed me and colored my entire life

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And, Jay, that's the story. So, thank you. And

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it's so sad that poor little Eileen, that poor

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little six -year -old Eileen, or seven -year

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-old Eileen on it, poor little girl. Oh, my God.

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And yet I know, Eileen, because I've known you

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for a million years, that you are a woman of

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deep faith. And so that event, it's the question

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that I ask all my guests. As you look back on

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that event and you ask yourself, or I ask you,

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how has that event impacted your perspective

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on the world, or who you are today, or who you

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have been throughout your life? So if you could

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just give us a little bit of how you think that

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moment impacted you, because I won't speak for

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you, but I... I know you didn't just quit the

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church that day. Tell us how it impacted you

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and I again I will get out of the way here. Yeah,

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thanks Jerry. You know I have to say that this

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memory has continued to play out in my life.

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As you just jokingly said, no, we continued the

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same practices for many years, for actually all

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of my life. I went on to Catholic high school

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and then a Catholic college. And I think the

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lessons of Catholicism, not so much this experience

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of being humiliated, was alive. And I think after

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college, My career path followed as being a servant

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to social justice. I joined the Peace Corps.

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When I came home, I joined VISTA, worked in a

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job corps in Cave City, Kentucky, went on to

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get a bunch of other degrees. And I think in

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some distorted way, all of that work, the jobs

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I held, they all were emblematic of me atoning.

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That if... If I did one more thing, I would discover

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God's grace. And I think playing out the story

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in its entirety to this day, how it shaped my

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life. I think marrying a Jewish man. and exposing

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me fully and deeply to this day, I belong to

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a Jewish community, that some of those foundational

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lessons, like there is no savage, the one true

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story, that I realized that that might not be

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my truth, could be their truth, but it wasn't

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mine. And that there was another way. to be,

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to see things, and to begin that journey of forgiving

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myself for not catching on faster. It's a sense,

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I mean as we're talking, it makes me feel so

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sad and yet at the same time grateful that I

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get it now. I get it. Grateful for what I had

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been taught and The irony isn't lost on me that

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I was just smitten with the work of a Jewish

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man. And it wasn't the canons and the creeds

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and all of that followed, but rather his core

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teachings of love one another, love one another,

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serve one another, reach to the margins. And

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it wasn't those lessons. of the Baltimore Catechism.

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And again, it's a mixed blessing in that I'm

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grateful and yet sorry that it took me 50 years

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to figure it out. Well, that was a very powerful

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story and I think to a certain extent the world

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benefited by the fact it took you 50 years to

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work it out because you want all that cool stuff

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for people. Maybe it's been inspiring you to

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do all the wonderful things you did to help people.

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So that's our show. Thank you so much Eileen

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O 'Farrill Smith for telling us your story. I'd

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like to invite everybody who listens in to consider

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coming on to tell me what happened and telling

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us your story, your childhood memory, your formative

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event. Also, just want you to know that Sidelining

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Publishing will be publishing these stories,

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some of these stories. in a book, tell me what

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happened in the spring of 2021. And I invite

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all the listeners to send us a copy of their

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story if they would prefer not to speak it out

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loud. You can send it to sideliningpublishing

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at gmail .com. We're going to end the show with

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the full version of Susan Saladon's Every Moment,

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Every Day, available on Spotify, BTW. Until next

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time, this is Jay Rehaq asking you all to stay

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safe out there and try not to hurt anybody. It

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is possible to be thankful every moment, every

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day. It is possible to be thankful every moment,

00:14:19.730 --> 00:14:23.529
every day. It takes practice and humility. It

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takes vision and civility. It takes beauty and

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the wisdom to see it everywhere. It takes practice

00:14:31.529 --> 00:14:35.529
and humility. It takes vision and civility. It

00:14:35.529 --> 00:14:39.509
is possible to be thankful every moment, every

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day. It takes practice. It takes practice and

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humility It takes vision and civility It takes

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beauty and the wisdom To see it everywhere It

00:14:49.830 --> 00:14:53.629
takes practice and humility It takes vision and

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civility It takes beauty and the wisdom To see

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it everywhere It is possible to be thankful Every

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moment, every day