I've had some Hi, and welcome back to Tell Me
What Happened, the podcast that features folks
from all walks of life telling us one formative
story from their childhood. I'm your host, Jay
Rehack, and like you, I've had my share of childhood
experiences, some of them happy ones, some of
them really sort of painful. But I'd like to
think that everything that's ever happened to
me has helped make me who I am today. Tell Me
What Happened is sponsored by Sidelining Publishing,
publishers of quality books, including Susan
Saldar's classic, One Little Act of Kindness,
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.com. All right. So today I have as my guest,
another one of my daughter's good friends and
a friend of mine, someone who I've seen perform
on numerous stages in Chicago, including Logan
Square and at Second City, Kennedy Baldwin. Hi.
Hi, Kennedy. Listen, let me ask you something.
Are you ready to tell your story? I'm absolutely
ready to tell my story. I'm looking forward to
hearing you, Kennedy. What I'm going to do in
a minute is I'm going to let you take over. And
when you're finished, I'm going to ask you absolutely
one question. How do you think that one childhood
story impacted who you are today? So take it
away, Kennedy. All right. Thank you. Yeah. So
when I was in high school, I went to Whitney
Young, as you may be familiar with. Freshman
year, I tried out for the dance team. and I did
not make it sort of build spectacularly. And
around the same time that I was trying out for
the dance team, we also had Jim swimming. So
we were, you know, it was this section of swimming
for I think like a month where we had to be in
the pool every day. And I... I remember this
one day very specifically because I was walking
out of gym swimming with my two friends Deja
and Lene who both were on dance teams. My friend
Lene was on the palms team and my friend Deja
was on guys and dolls. And when we were walking
out Deja and Lene were saying that also it's
important to say that Deja and Lene are both
black women. When we were walking out of gym
swimming. Lene was like, this is so frustrating
because my hair keeps getting messed up from
having to go in the pool in the middle of the
day. And Deja was like, yes, like this is super
frustrating. Like I don't know how to manage
it, all this stuff. And I, I'm also a black woman
and I was like, yeah, like this sucks. And both
of them like paused and like looked at me and
they were like, you don't. That's not, no, like
you don't understand what we're saying. And I
was like, uh, what? And they had just like, there
was like such like a, like a dead arrow. We both
were like, both parties were like, what is the
other person saying right now? When they specifically
was like, well, you're not, you're not really
black. You're more like, like you're Puerto Rican.
Like your mom is Puerto Rican. My mom, my mom
is Puerto Rican and my dad is black. And that
has given me a different hair texture. than the
two of them. And so I understand now that they
were trying to make the point that my hair texture
was a little different than theirs and I'm certain
that we had different problems with our hair
in terms of gym swimming but the way they communicated
that in this moment was that I was not black
and this was the first time that anybody had
said this to me. I had no idea that like these
two people who were very good friends of mine
saw me that way. And it was really taken aback.
And it like, I bring up, you know, that we had
just auditioned for the dance team because the
two of them made it and I did not, but what I
did make in fact was the water polo team. If
there is the stereotype that black people can't
swim, mostly because. Black people live in areas
where there aren't like community pools. So they
they just don't have access to being able to
swim as much. And like this happened to be true,
like Deja and Lene, like when we were in gym
swimming, they were in the shallow and learning
how to swim. And I have swum my whole life. I
was in the deep end. The swim coach noticed that
I was a very good swimmer. And that day was like,
you need to come to water polo practice. I want
you on the water polo team. So like I. I've just
been told I'm not black and I've been put on
the water polo team. It's very confusing. It's
very confusing. Yeah. And that's my story. I
mean, I love that story in the sense of the,
like, what are you talking about moment? You
know, that idea that you didn't really quite
understand what they were saying. It hurts me
to think that friends would somehow misinterpret
and misunderstand. I actually, I think I know
the two young ladies that you're talking about
because I taught Lene and Deja back in the day.
Because I was at Whitney Young with you, as you
know. And I know them to be really kind human
beings, etc. But I can understand sort of the
dual whammy that you're talking about of the
idea that friends that you have been hanging
out with suddenly, they don't, what, acknowledge
your... your background or who you are. I'm not
sure exactly. And then secondly, that interesting
duality of being in the swimming pool and being
a competent swimmer and somehow the stereotype
or whatever. That must have been an amazing,
amazing day. Can I just ask you before you tell
me how it's impacted your life? Did you stay
friends with Lene and Deja subsequently or did
it become an issue for you? No, we became we
were still friends Deja I was definitely closer
with Deja like throughout high school like it
didn't I sort of like in that moment I was like
Well, if both of them agree there must be some
truth to what they're saying Maybe I'm wrong.
I don't know what I'm talking about and I was
sort of quiet I just like didn't talk about My
identity around them anymore, but we were still
friends Wow, I mean really what you're talking
about is so profound and so deep that I I can't
even. It's beyond me to say anything except for
a while, so I'm just going to leave it at that.
But let me ask you, how do you think that event,
that moment, those moments impacted who you are
today? Yeah, so I think it definitely like started
a journey of reckoning with my identity and what
it meant to me and sent me on the path of like
learning about what being Black is. because my
mother is Afro -Latina and my dad is black. So
even if my dad was not black, even if my dad
was white, I would still be black because my
mother is Afro -Latina, which is not something
that they understood, nor was it something that
I understood. And I remember when I was a kid,
my mother was saying like, we are black. And
I kind of just didn't know what she was talking
about. I kind of was like, I think that I know
I'm black because my dad's black, but I don't
understand how this side of my family is black.
And after they said that to me, I told my mom
and she explained, you know, how so many Latinos
are in fact black and like how there's like racism
in the Latino community in this in a way that's
like truly insane to me because so many Latinos
are black and so many Latinos are racist. It's
such a confused thing. situation. And so there's
that reconcile. And then there's also being black
and being African American are not necessarily
the same thing. Black is a race and African American
is an ethnicity. And like, it took explaining
all of this during all of my research talking
to all of my family to like understand exactly
where my identities intersect, what this makes
me, and essentially just to realize that Deja
and Lene were wrong. Yeah, and it's been like,
to this day, I think I still have some insecurity
about it because even if that's something I know,
even if I know I'm black and I can say that,
I recognize that not everyone perceives me that
way. And it comes from both sides, white people.
don't always perceive me as Latina and Black
people don't always perceive me as Black, which
is like a weird place to be. And so that has
definitely fostered insecurity and like where
in these communities do I belong? And it's made
me very passionate about learning about myself
because the more I know about myself, the more
I know about my family, the more confident I
can be. in whatever spaces I choose to occupy,
because I'm certain. And it's like the reason
that I am, I'm hell bent on learning Spanish.
My mom didn't really, she didn't teach it to
me and my mom's family also speaks it, but since
my dad didn't speak Spanish, it wasn't like spoken
in my household. And so like I took, I took Spanish
all through high school and up until now I still
have like a Spanish tutor because I really want
to gain fluency. That's a huge like cultural
touchstone. being able to share language. That
experience has made me like, I never want somebody
to be able to tell me about myself and me think
that they're right, you know, or like be unsure
about whether or not they're right. Yeah, that
makes perfect sense to me. Again, I'm sort of
sorry you went through that experience. I don't
know it on a personal level to the depth that
you've experienced. I've had DNA tests where
I discovered a little bit more about my background
than I ever thought. But nothing where a friend
came up to me and said, you're not something.
I'd be like, I don't even know. I don't even
know how to even answer those questions if somebody
came up to me and challenged me for my background.
But it's a very powerful story that you tell.
I'm sorry to say that others may have experienced
what you've experienced. Not exactly, of course,
but similar instances. And it's unfortunate.
But if it led you onto a journey of even deeper
self -discovery and deeper self -understanding
of who you are, then as painful as that story
is and as that experience was. it turns out to
be a good thing because I think the more we kind
of know about ourselves, the more hopefully powerful
we feel. That's my goal with everybody I've ever
met was to make them feel more powerful and not
less secure. Yeah, I don't know what they were,
what Deja and Lanay were thinking about when
they're telling you about your hair or whatever
else. But to be fair, like I also did not know,
I did not know what I was talking about. And
like we were We were 14. Everybody was just kind
of saying shit at that time. And they didn't
know they were going to spark an entire identity
crisis for the rest of my life. Well, my hope
is that they listen to this podcast, and then
they text you and say, sorry about that from
back in the day. Well, thank you for your story.
Again, very powerful, Kennedy. I really, really
appreciate it. Appreciate you coming on this
show. Thank you for having me on. Your story
is one of the reasons I do this podcast, because
I'm always moved by childhood experiences that
I say to myself, I didn't exactly experience
this, but I understand it to an extent. And then
I think somebody out there in the listening audience
goes, I know a lot of what she's talking about.
Nobody knows everything for sure. Exactly. Nothing's
exact, but I'm just saying they can identify.
And you probably help them understand themselves
a little bit. So thank you for being on the show.
Yeah, thank you for having me. Thanks so much.
Well, all right. That's our show. I'd like to
thank my guest, Kennedy Baldwin, former Whitney
Young student. I never actually had her, but
I knew her back in the day. And I'd also like
to thank our sponsors. Sideline Ink Publishing,
publishers of quality books, and laughsaver .com.
Visit laughsaver .com and record your laughter.
We'll keep it for you now and forever. It's free
and your family will appreciate it. All right,
I'm gonna end this show as I often do with Susan
Salador's classic Boo Boo Blues. So until next
time, this is Jay Rehack asking you all to please
stay safe out there and try not to hurt anybody.
fixing it for you.