One little act of kindness can go a long, long
way Two little acts of kindness can brighten
anyone's day Three little acts of kindness can
make a beautiful sound Many acts of... Hi, and
welcome back to Tell Me What Happened, the podcast
that features people from all walks of life talking
about childhood experiences and how those experiences
have impacted them as an adult. I'm your host,
Jay Rehack, and like you, I've had my share of
childhood good times and traumas. I'd like to
think that All of the events of my childhood
have made me a better person, but I know they
certainly have impacted who I am today. Tell
Me What Happened is sponsored by Sideline Ink
Publishing, publishers of quality books, including
Susan Salador's classic One Little Act of Kindness,
which is also a song and available on Spotify.
Tell Me What Happened is also sponsored by LaughSaver
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laughter today. All right, well today I have
as my guest a good friend of mine, actually a
family friend, a man I've known really his entire
life, almost from the day he was born. I did
actually know him on the day he was born. Our
friend, my friend, great guy, Eli Boyer. Are
you ready to tell your story? Yeah, absolutely.
All right, Eli, I'm going to stop talking. You're
going to take over and we'll talk to you in a
few minutes. OK, sounds good. So, you know, you
asked me this to come onto the show, I don't
know, a week or so ago, but so I've been thinking
a little bit about it. And, you know, there certainly
is. A single story, I guess, you know, it's obviously
as many stories do, it spans over, you know,
a certain amount of time, but there's certainly
one story in my life that has had a profound
impact on me and the trajectory of my life and,
and many of the relationships in my life as well.
So it sort of starts back in high school. You
know, I was an athlete. I think, you know, that
I was played baseball in high school and really
identified myself as an athlete and During my
junior year, I came across some struggles as
many teenagers do in terms of, hey, I'm not playing
enough. I don't know what I need to do to get
on the field and that sort of thing. And I ended
up quitting baseball. And so to me at that point,
it was really just a loss of identity. And for
a 17 -year -old kid who's developing an identity
and developing a sense of self, that that was
a real challenge for me. And I admit that I fell
into a pretty heavy depression. misbehaving,
you know, in terms of smoking weed, drinking,
doing dumb stuff like that, and, you know, not
doing great in school. And I think that my attitude
towards the people closest to me, family in particular,
and even more so my parents in particular, those
relationships became very strained. I think that
I, you know, I manifested my depression through,
you know, anger and lashing out and... and sort
of just trying to skirt my way around facing
what I was dealing with. I was in therapy and
I had been in therapy for some time, starting
therapy as a young child, dealing with different
types of things, anger, jealousy, whatever. As
a middle child, we're riddled with lots of things
that we need to address in therapy. So I was
in therapy and my therapist suggested to me that
I... consider this leadership or wilderness therapy
program, you know, which was up in Minnesota
and 17 year old kid. I said, I don't want to
spend my summer like that. Get out of here. Like
I got girls and I got a job. I got to screw around.
You got to do dumb stuff. Like, come on. I don't
want to waste my summer like that. You know,
I sort of left it at that. And at that point,
I guess I thought that it was maybe my decision,
but It was something that sort of was in the
back of my mind. A few months later, my parents,
as we got closer to summer, my parents, you know,
brought it back up. And, you know, and I sensed
that it was, it seemed a little bit less like
a, you know, a suggestion at that point in time,
a little bit more like a, you're going to go
to this thing. And I of course put up my fight,
you know, refused. I actually even went out to
the suburbs. My, one of my best friends from
grade school was living out in the suburbs. And
I thought, hey, I'm just going to hide out there
until they promise me that I don't have to do
this thing. So they ended up saying, like, you're
going to come back. And I think I had to come
back for a work shift anyway. And so it was the
day before Father's Day. I was working my shift
at that ice cream shop. I think it was called
Sweet Occasions. I think it's long gone by now.
But I came home about one o 'clock in the morning.
I had closed up the shop. My mom was up waiting
for me, and I did think that that was a little
strange. I remember thinking, like, why was she
waiting for me? As parents tend to do, I was
just waiting for you to make sure you're home
safe. I didn't think too much about it. Then
as I went upstairs and found, you know, neither
of my brothers were there, I continued to think,
hey, something's going on. But, you know, I said
whatever and, you know, went into my room that
was covered with, I don't know, you ever went
into my room when I was in high school? pictures,
sports. I'd cut out every single Sports Illustrated
picture, you know, imaginable. And it was like
wallpaper and ceiling paper. You couldn't, it
was the, it was the artwork of a, of a kid going
through some stuff for sure. So, you know, I
got into bed and about three or four hours later,
it was probably like four 30 in the morning,
my dad woke me up and he said, Eli, you're, you're
going today. You're going to this program. He
woke me up and said this to me and I sort of
brushed him off. I said, look out of here. What
do you think? You're just gonna make me go like,
get out of here. And he said, I love you and
I hope this works. And he touched my back and
left the room. At that point, there were two
large gentlemen that came into my room and they
picked me up pretty aggressively in teenage.
boxers and t -shirt, whatever, and dragged me
out to the car that they had and threw me in
the back seat. You know, at this point, you know,
the tears, I'm like, UJ, I can't stop crying.
I just keep going. I keep going. So my mom and
dad had had vacated. They weren't there. You
know, so I, I just had, I got into this car and,
you know, drove, I guess it was like seven hours
and they took me up to, uh, Minnesota and I was
crying, I'd say probably 85 % of the way. My
mom being the loving mother that she is had packed
a, she had packed a cooler with all my favorite
snacks. I had like Arnie Palmer's, she had baked
pumpkin bread, Swedish fish. So, you know, I
think the first, you know, five, six hours I
refused to touch it because I was so angry. But
then I was like, oh man, that's my favorite shit.
I got to get after it. So I, you know, I got
to the hotel. this program was supposed to start
the next day. And they allowed me to make one
call and it couldn't be to my parents. And so
I called my grandmother, my mom, I called my
mom, my mom's mom. And I said to her, why is
this happening? I don't want to do this and come
and get me and all this sort of stuff. And she
just, she promised me that it would be okay.
And she sang me the, I see the moon song that
I have tattooed on my back. And, you know, I
think at that point, I sort of had accepted,
you know, the reality that this was going to
happen. And, you know, so the way it was set
up is I, you know, when my dad left the room
that day, I was not to have any communication,
verbal communication with my folks for seven
and a half weeks while I was exploring the boundary
waters of Minnesota. and immersing myself in
this therapy program. I was with several other
young guys, everybody sort of dealing with different
types of challenges. As this program progressed,
I got to know some of these guys and was one
of the older ones and certainly one of the ones
who having been a guy in sports. I happily stepped
into like a leadership role and was always very
excited about, you know, the camping and hiking
and canoeing. That stuff was great. You know,
the therapy program itself was, it wasn't, you
know, great, to be honest with you. I mean, even
in retrospect, 13 years later, I think about
that program and some of the things that the
therapists that would come in, you know, every
couple of days, you know, had us doing that.
I don't know if that was really all that effective,
but I'll sort of wrap up the story before we
can kind of get into the next part. But the hardest
thing for me in that, you know, that entire experience
was I left on Father's Day. To me, that was just,
you know, the hardest thing because that was
a day in which you're supposed to celebrate with
your father. And yet it got to the point where
our relationship was so strained that, you know,
he had to send me. to the middle of nowhere,
Minnesota, to sort of sort my shit out a little
bit. So I went through that program and I remember
the last day, and certainly there was a lot of
tears along the way, but the last day, we actually,
right before the last day, we had what was called
a solo trip. They sent us out into the woods
by ourselves for three days. They would periodically
come check on you, but you had your own little
campsite. and you know they gave you parameters
and you couldn't leave and it was it was pretty
intense and so you know we get to that last day
and it's sort of like it's like one of those
like reality shows like there's the big reveal
like the parents and the kid coming together
and you know and i i like broke down like really
broke down uh just in in joy in in happiness
and sorrow and i mean like just you know i'm
an emotional guy and this was One of the most
emotional times of my life was seeing my parents
after seven and a half weeks, having not seen
their faces or heard their voices. It was quite
emotional. So that's the story, essentially.
I mean, of course, there's a lot of intimate
detail that we don't necessarily need to go into.
But it was a pretty difficult time. And that
was a challenging thing to do, to face the reality
that that's where I was in my life. you know
it had gotten to that point so that's uh that's
my uh that's the summer after my junior year
a little different than most but you know oh
my god i remember it because i was i am tight
with your family and yeah and uh i i must have
blacked it out that it was father's day but my
father's day has never been the same thinking
about what you guys have been through and the
courage that your whole family and everything
and And I appreciate you telling me this story
because I think it does, I think it helps a lot
of other people who actually will hear this.
But I got to ask you, because now you're 30 years
old and you're, you know, highly successful.
And, you know, I know at least as far as I can
tell, you're tight with your mother and your
father now. So how has it impacted your life,
would you say, that that particular moment? Yeah,
for sure. So I point to that as, you know, the
biggest sort of as I said early on, the change
of trajectory in my life. I don't know where
I would have been. I mean, I was always a very
smart kid, but I was not a hard worker. I sort
of breezed through high school with charming
teachers and skating by and relying simply on
just whatever intelligence I had in my head as
opposed to putting my best before. You know,
one of the one of I'd say there's really two
things that I would say in terms of a broader
impact that have been long lasting. And, you
know, one is is sort of that work ethic. I realized
that I was just basically wasting time in my
life and like whatever was in my head. As you
know, I come from a family of very intelligent
people, very academically inclined, very successful
people in very different ways. And. you know,
I had always felt like I was different, but I
was only different because I wasn't, I wasn't
applying myself. And I think that feeling of
being different than the people that you love
most. And it's not, you know, it's okay to be
different. Don't get me wrong. Like, you know,
I, we're all very different in our own ways and
that's a beautiful thing. But it sort of, it
was a gift that my parents gave me that just
wasn't music, right? Just this ability to put
my best foot forward, to be a hard worker, to
be engaging with people and to be engaging with
learning and things like that. But that was a
big takeaway. And certainly, you know, when I
went to college, I completely committed myself
to being the best student that I could be. skipped
many classes in high school. I didn't skip a
single class in college. I was really devoted
to my studies and that sort of thing. So that's
definitely one thing that I point to that time
as being the catalyst for setting me on that
course. But I think even bigger than that is
just my family. I say that that program and the
specifics of the therapeutic aspects of that
program. I don't necessarily think were that
effective. I learned a lot of I mean, I went
on to get a degree in psychology and adolescent
psychology nonetheless. So, you know, I feel
like I understand that a lot. But I wouldn't
say that the program, though, wasn't effective
because it was it was effective. And and for
me, it was actually pretty simple. It took me
out of my home and and took me away from the
relationships that that were most important to
me, but that had been strained due to this depression.
And And I just realized it didn't take me very
long to realize how much I missed everybody,
how much I valued my relationships with my parents,
you know, not just as being parents, but as that,
you know, them as individuals, they're like having
those types of people as your parents and you're
doing like, and you're treating them that like
that. It just made no sense, you know? And so
I think that it just, it allowed me to take a
step back and sort of reorient my, you know,
myself. I think, you know, well as anybody that
I'm a family man, I, I would probably take us
girls and you guys sitting in the backyard over
just about anything. You know, that's just like,
that's my happy place. And I think that if I
hadn't gone through that, if I hadn't gone through
that experience that I don't know, I don't know
if that would, that would be my happy place.
I don't know if I would have ever been sort of
pulled out of those depths. And so, you know,
I mean, I, I remember, you know, we I did communicate
with my parents, but it was always via letters.
And in those early letters, I was so angry. I
was defensive and blaming and all these different
things. And before I began to realize that they
were the ones that were saving me. They saved
me by sending me to this place. And how hard
that must have been for them and you and Susan
and my brothers and Hope and Hannah. My parents
only told two of my friends and my family that
what was happening. Everybody else, I got all
these text messages. People thought I was dead.
I came back to 300 text messages. People just
be like, where are you? What's going on? But
yeah, I just really think that it sort of brought
me back to center. sort of helped me rediscover
my heart a little bit, you know, and my identity.
I mean, my identity as an athlete was gone, but
I sort of found my identity as a Boyer, as a
Beal, as Eli Boyer in this family. And certainly,
look, there have been bumps along the road. Of
course, like since then, you know, we've had
a lot of things we've worked through, but I always
have that to come back to. I always have the
fact that I have incredible parents incredible
brothers, I have incredible uncles, you know,
I call you an uncle, I call Susan an aunt, and
I'm beyond grateful for that. And so it was it
was, as I said, it was pretty, pretty impactful.
That's all incredibly. I just can't stop thinking
about, honestly, for years, I've actually, I've
always thought about the courage of all of you.
I mean, your mother and your father, particularly,
you know, what it took for them and your mother
and your dad, because they're so tight with you
and they just wanted the best. They want the
best for all their kids, of course, obviously,
and everything. And it's sort of a, it's a really
sad story that ends pretty well, because I know
that you are tight with you folks. And I know
that you're very tight with your brothers still
and the whole family and their community. You
do have a larger community than that. You've
always been one of those guys who I think builds
his family. Your friends are I know are really
important to you as well. You have you have some
very, very good friends who endured different
things and you're able to help them with what
they with some of what they go through. I know
you're very generous in that respect. And anyway,
I really appreciate you telling me the story.
I'm sorry. I know it's one of those stories that
might even hit a nerve for you. You probably
have your own memories from that day, but certainly
it's a powerful one and I think one that not
just brought me closer to my parents, but it
brought all of us closer together. I mean, we
all went through it. It wasn't just me. We all
went through it. So I have a pretty profound
appreciation for that too. Well, thank you, Eli,
for telling us that story. Absolutely. Thank
you for having me on. Yeah, it's an honor to
have you on because, you know, like I said, I've
known you for so long and to be honest with you,
when we talked about it, I was thinking about
that story. I was like, there's nothing more.
No, you knew a story. I kind of knew that. I
go, if he goes there, you don't have to go there,
you know, on this. No, I mean, I don't know if
you remember, but I ended up writing sort of
that short play. Yeah. by senior year that was
performed in front of our entire school. That
was terrible. I feel like if I could get through
that, man, I can tell a story to anybody. I mean,
500 of my classmates watching me get my quote
unquote had dumped. I had the Gatorade dumped
on me. But yeah, I think part of what this podcast
is about is sharing these stories to allow people
to connect. You know, there's always some piece
of a story, if not, you know, the whole thing
that you can relate to. And you can pick a piece
and say, I felt that I understand that. And,
you know, and it's had that same impact on me.
Or maybe you understand it and it hasn't yet
had the impact. And maybe it will in the future.
So like always, woo, this is the type of stuff
that comes out of the out of the rehack households.
Just true. and powerful, emotional, loving, all
that good stuff. Oh, man, I'm exhausted. But
thank you. I know, I know. And I want to keep
talking. But as you know, I've got I got now
I've got my father's birthday upstairs. So I
do have to I do have to get out of here. Well,
I love you. Thanks for being on the show. We'll
talk later. See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow.
Well, thank you, Eli, for being on the show.
That's all we've got for you this week. I'd like
to thank our sponsors, Sidelining Publishing,
publishers of quality books, including Susan
Salador's One Little Act of Kindness, and I've
got peace in my fingers. I'd also like to thank
laughsaver .com for supporting us. Visit laughsaver
.com and record your laughter. We'll keep it
for you now and forever. It's free and your children
and your grandchildren and your great grandchildren
will appreciate it. That's laughsaver .com. Go
and record your laughter today. And of course,
I'd like to thank the listeners as well. Now
I'm going to end this show a little differently
than what I usually do. Rather than use one of
Susan Salazar's classic songs, what I'm going
to do today is listen to Kathy Beal, Eli's grandmother,
sing I See the Moon. So until next time, Be safe
out there and try not to hurt anybody. see I
look down from up above to see the one the one
I love I see the one of all the rest and that
is why I love you best I see the moon and the
moon sees me and the moon sees somebody I want
to see God bless the moon and God bless me and
God blesses somebody I want to see