WEBVTT 00:00:06.560 --> 00:00:12.619 One little act of kindness Can go a long, long 00:00:12.619 --> 00:00:18.539 way Two little acts of kindness Can brighten 00:00:18.539 --> 00:00:24.859 anyone's day Three little acts of kindness Can 00:00:24.859 --> 00:00:31.179 make a beautiful sound Many acts of kindness 00:00:35.299 --> 00:00:40.539 Hi, and welcome back to season two of Tell Me 00:00:40.539 --> 00:00:43.280 What Happened, the podcast that features people 00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:46.600 from all walks of life talking about childhood 00:00:46.600 --> 00:00:49.719 experiences that have impacted them as an adult. 00:00:50.359 --> 00:00:53.939 I'm your host, Jay Rehack. And like you, I've 00:00:53.939 --> 00:00:56.299 had my share of childhood experiences that have 00:00:56.299 --> 00:00:59.079 impacted who I am today. Some of them great, 00:00:59.299 --> 00:01:02.899 some of them not so great. Tell Me What Happened 00:01:02.899 --> 00:01:06.099 is sponsored by Sidelining Publishing, publishers 00:01:06.099 --> 00:01:09.620 of quality books, including Susan Salador's classic 00:01:09.620 --> 00:01:12.519 children's book, One Little Act of Kindness, 00:01:12.739 --> 00:01:15.439 which is also a song which is available on Spotify. 00:01:16.480 --> 00:01:20.280 Today I have as my guest, Dr. Efrain Martinez. 00:01:21.480 --> 00:01:23.840 He's the principal at Northwood Middle School 00:01:23.840 --> 00:01:28.239 in Highland Park. Dr. Martinez is also the host 00:01:28.239 --> 00:01:32.620 of the podcast, Wisdom and Productivity. He's 00:01:32.620 --> 00:01:35.019 a friend of mine, and the story he has to tell 00:01:35.019 --> 00:01:38.500 me today from his childhood is extremely painful, 00:01:38.879 --> 00:01:41.959 but it's one in which he's sort of come out of 00:01:41.959 --> 00:01:46.379 very impressively. So, doctor, are you ready 00:01:46.379 --> 00:01:49.680 to tell your story? I am so ready to tell my 00:01:49.680 --> 00:01:52.980 story. All right, well, listen, doctor, I'm going 00:01:52.980 --> 00:01:55.129 to get out of the way. I'm going to listen to 00:01:55.129 --> 00:01:57.450 the story. And then at the end, doctor, I'm going 00:01:57.450 --> 00:02:00.810 to ask you one question. And that question is, 00:02:01.230 --> 00:02:04.989 how has the story that you told us impacted your 00:02:04.989 --> 00:02:07.969 life as an adult today? But let me get out of 00:02:07.969 --> 00:02:11.050 the way and hear your story. Thank you, Jay, 00:02:11.129 --> 00:02:13.689 for having me here. Such a great honor to be 00:02:13.689 --> 00:02:16.370 in your presence. I have learned from you. I 00:02:16.370 --> 00:02:18.909 admire you for a long time. I'm so honored that 00:02:18.909 --> 00:02:22.659 you were in my podcast to tell your story. So 00:02:22.659 --> 00:02:25.039 let me tell you something about my story, right? 00:02:25.060 --> 00:02:28.599 I love the title. Tell me what happened. So put 00:02:28.599 --> 00:02:31.060 your seatbelt, because this is going to be a 00:02:31.060 --> 00:02:35.360 long journey. So my father was born in 1927. 00:02:35.699 --> 00:02:40.180 He was a second World War veteran. And he married 00:02:40.180 --> 00:02:43.659 quite young, had two children. They were adults. 00:02:43.900 --> 00:02:46.819 And when he got in a better financial situation, 00:02:47.080 --> 00:02:50.680 he started exploring with a woman outside of 00:02:50.680 --> 00:02:54.840 his marriage. And one day he met one who had, 00:02:54.860 --> 00:02:58.659 he always said a yellow dress and he fell in 00:02:58.659 --> 00:03:03.539 love immediately. He had a special relationship 00:03:03.539 --> 00:03:06.819 with this person who happened to be a prostitute. 00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:11.840 And this specific person had other motives in 00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:18.139 terms of like if she had children with another 00:03:18.139 --> 00:03:23.039 person, there will be a continuous flow of financial 00:03:23.039 --> 00:03:26.360 stability. So she had children with multiple 00:03:26.360 --> 00:03:30.159 people. And by the time my sister and I were 00:03:30.159 --> 00:03:33.659 born, she already had four other children with 00:03:33.659 --> 00:03:38.159 four different individuals. My father, when I 00:03:38.159 --> 00:03:45.800 was born, had, I guess, a some sort of calling. 00:03:46.120 --> 00:03:50.680 And he decided to say, I'm going to take this 00:03:50.680 --> 00:03:55.360 child with me. So he put, I was two weeks old. 00:03:55.800 --> 00:04:00.919 I was a change for an old car and $2 ,000 with 00:04:00.919 --> 00:04:04.639 the agreement that she will relinquish any and 00:04:04.639 --> 00:04:08.919 all rights to this baby. So he put me in a basket 00:04:08.919 --> 00:04:11.960 and he went to his wife, naive at that time. 00:04:12.159 --> 00:04:15.199 and said, hey, he will travel for businesses, 00:04:15.439 --> 00:04:18.139 and said, they gave me this baby in the Dominican 00:04:18.139 --> 00:04:22.819 Republic. They put it by my door. And his wife 00:04:22.819 --> 00:04:26.899 was a very religious person, I'm assuming, believed 00:04:26.899 --> 00:04:30.360 the story, and everything was going fine with 00:04:30.360 --> 00:04:36.699 the child. It was a story where in my birth certificates, 00:04:36.860 --> 00:04:39.500 you know, they had switched some of the names 00:04:39.800 --> 00:04:43.480 uh with liquid paper and make copies so I was 00:04:43.480 --> 00:04:47.339 at least 12 years of my life living with false 00:04:47.339 --> 00:04:52.339 documentation but when my father was working 00:04:52.339 --> 00:04:56.319 one day and his wife who at this point I'm a 00:04:56.319 --> 00:04:59.720 baby right so that's all I can see as my mother 00:04:59.720 --> 00:05:04.279 someone calls her and says hey your husband has 00:05:04.279 --> 00:05:08.199 a woman with other children living in this address 00:05:09.000 --> 00:05:13.759 So his wife went there and she put a clipboard 00:05:13.759 --> 00:05:17.459 in her hand. She put a white shirt and she knocked 00:05:17.459 --> 00:05:20.480 on the door and said, I'm here from the electric 00:05:20.480 --> 00:05:24.759 company. I'm here to check. And it's funny because 00:05:24.759 --> 00:05:28.560 you start learning that is a lie after a lie 00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:32.819 after a lie. So my father's lover who was living 00:05:32.819 --> 00:05:35.120 in this apartment that he was paying with the 00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:39.160 children of other of other individuals. knew 00:05:39.160 --> 00:05:42.980 who she was because you know she has seen pictures, 00:05:43.040 --> 00:05:46.220 she has seen them abroad and she allowed her 00:05:46.220 --> 00:05:49.660 to come in and they were having a conversation 00:05:49.660 --> 00:05:52.740 and about the electricity who ended up being 00:05:52.740 --> 00:05:57.860 hey I know who you are and they both waited patiently 00:05:57.860 --> 00:06:02.079 until my father who would go every every now 00:06:02.079 --> 00:06:05.839 and then to have his relationship with his with 00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:10.120 his lover found them too, like sitting on the 00:06:10.120 --> 00:06:12.560 same couch in the apartment that he was paying. 00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:19.360 So his story was uncovered. And the myth is that 00:06:19.360 --> 00:06:23.759 in that meeting, my father basically said, well, 00:06:23.860 --> 00:06:25.920 now you know the truth, this is the way it's 00:06:25.920 --> 00:06:30.560 going to be. And somehow that continues through 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:34.569 life. and it did be impacting me, and I will 00:06:34.569 --> 00:06:40.750 tell you how. So I truly believe that my father's 00:06:40.750 --> 00:06:45.629 wife, who I will call mother all my life, was 00:06:45.629 --> 00:06:50.110 deeply hurt for, I guess, this loss of innocence 00:06:50.110 --> 00:06:53.050 of what marriage is supposed to be. They already 00:06:53.050 --> 00:06:59.029 had children in their early 30s. So... I believe 00:06:59.029 --> 00:07:03.990 I became that midpoint of contention between 00:07:03.990 --> 00:07:07.490 them. My parents were both born where there was 00:07:07.490 --> 00:07:12.750 extreme poverty in Puerto Rico. So I cannot judge 00:07:12.750 --> 00:07:16.610 them by the way they were raised. And that included 00:07:16.610 --> 00:07:21.490 physical abuse and beatings. So my mother will, 00:07:21.629 --> 00:07:25.550 for example, I was a very rambunctious kid. on 00:07:25.550 --> 00:07:27.949 like the children that she had and remember they 00:07:27.949 --> 00:07:31.350 were already in their 30s. So I would get beatings 00:07:31.350 --> 00:07:35.689 and when my father will come my mother will tell 00:07:35.689 --> 00:07:37.790 my father what I would have done and my father 00:07:37.790 --> 00:07:41.290 would beat me again and then she will say she 00:07:41.290 --> 00:07:44.449 will come behind my ear and say write that in 00:07:44.449 --> 00:07:48.149 the book of your life. See what your father did 00:07:48.149 --> 00:07:51.750 and that will continue throughout my childhood 00:07:51.750 --> 00:07:56.839 and what I didn't realize is that You know, not 00:07:56.839 --> 00:08:00.759 because perhaps she was just an evil person who 00:08:00.759 --> 00:08:05.500 wanted to hurt me, but maybe in her psyche, she 00:08:05.500 --> 00:08:10.300 was trying to do this to see if somehow her relationship 00:08:10.300 --> 00:08:13.660 with her spouse will improve. And then I was 00:08:13.660 --> 00:08:16.639 in that middle between them. I'm talking about 00:08:16.639 --> 00:08:19.680 beatings like my father would put me on my knees 00:08:19.680 --> 00:08:22.879 with books. And if my one of the hands will... 00:08:22.519 --> 00:08:25.259 he will slap, he will hit me with a stick on 00:08:25.259 --> 00:08:29.459 the back or with the belt or with whatever he 00:08:29.459 --> 00:08:33.480 will find. And she will do it too. I think the 00:08:33.480 --> 00:08:36.679 most significant beating that I had, and I'm 00:08:36.679 --> 00:08:40.299 not talking about this to, for people to say, 00:08:40.299 --> 00:08:43.919 Oh, poor Efrain. It's just that all of this go 00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:48.100 accumulating and they build the adult I am today. 00:08:48.759 --> 00:08:52.909 The most significant beating where I, It was 00:08:52.909 --> 00:08:57.629 the first time that I suspected there was something 00:08:57.629 --> 00:09:01.789 more than parenthood trying to raise a child. 00:09:02.789 --> 00:09:07.710 I was maybe at an age where the Nintendo came 00:09:07.710 --> 00:09:12.250 out the first time. And for my birthday, I was 00:09:12.250 --> 00:09:16.769 supposed to get this. the Nintendo, the Super 00:09:16.769 --> 00:09:19.789 Mario. Oh, I was so excited, so I was trying 00:09:19.789 --> 00:09:23.730 to behave well in school, so bad. And then my 00:09:23.730 --> 00:09:27.129 mother, who would usually go to school with a 00:09:27.129 --> 00:09:29.470 little bag, and every kid know that inside that 00:09:29.470 --> 00:09:32.610 bag there was a belt. You know, it was like constant 00:09:32.610 --> 00:09:35.149 terror in my life. One day I'm not gonna get 00:09:35.149 --> 00:09:37.509 beat. My mother went and talked to the teacher 00:09:37.509 --> 00:09:39.929 on that day of my birthday, who I was supposed 00:09:39.929 --> 00:09:42.549 to receive. And I guess the teacher, you know, 00:09:42.720 --> 00:09:45.120 said the truth right that they did something 00:09:45.120 --> 00:09:48.220 terrible right because when you have a child 00:09:48.220 --> 00:09:51.159 who is being afraid at home and you leave them 00:09:51.159 --> 00:09:54.419 in school school is like opening that cage you 00:09:54.419 --> 00:09:57.679 know so i will bother other people want attention 00:09:57.679 --> 00:10:00.980 or it was all things from you know my parents 00:10:00.980 --> 00:10:04.399 were not educational psychologists so my mother 00:10:04.399 --> 00:10:07.080 one came to pick me up and she said get in the 00:10:07.080 --> 00:10:11.860 car i have a surprise for you and i was convinced 00:10:11.860 --> 00:10:15.279 it was the Nintendo, right? I was talking about 00:10:15.279 --> 00:10:18.519 it in my car. My mother was talking to me about 00:10:18.519 --> 00:10:21.659 entertaining me with the ideas. And when I came 00:10:21.659 --> 00:10:23.840 home, she said, go upstairs. I have this surprise 00:10:23.840 --> 00:10:27.639 for you. And when she started coming up the stairs, 00:10:27.700 --> 00:10:32.700 I will hear a boom, boom, boom. And it was her 00:10:32.700 --> 00:10:36.440 with the stick that she had, like hitting the 00:10:36.440 --> 00:10:39.059 stairs that she was coming up, like announcing, 00:10:39.399 --> 00:10:42.460 here it comes. And I couldn't understand, like 00:10:42.460 --> 00:10:45.320 I was thinking I was gonna get, so that was the 00:10:45.320 --> 00:10:48.100 second time my birthday was not celebrated due 00:10:48.100 --> 00:10:51.600 to these things. And that really impacted me 00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:56.259 because that's when I first started to unravel 00:10:56.259 --> 00:11:01.759 the book and say, oh, you know, I might be in 00:11:01.759 --> 00:11:05.259 the middle of something because my parents will 00:11:05.259 --> 00:11:09.309 usually tell me, you know, they were like, In 00:11:09.309 --> 00:11:11.809 comparison to the parents of my friends, they 00:11:11.809 --> 00:11:16.210 were great grandparents. So I will always wonder 00:11:16.210 --> 00:11:19.570 why we were different, why, how come my parents 00:11:19.570 --> 00:11:22.549 was much older? And every time we would go to 00:11:22.549 --> 00:11:25.049 an event, I was told a story. They will say, 00:11:25.289 --> 00:11:29.210 don't say this, or don't mention that. This family 00:11:29.210 --> 00:11:32.009 thinks we are this, or they think your father 00:11:32.009 --> 00:11:36.429 is that. And there was always a performance everywhere 00:11:36.429 --> 00:11:40.090 we will go because everywhere has someone different. 00:11:41.330 --> 00:11:44.990 When I was 12 years old, no, when I was seven 00:11:44.990 --> 00:11:49.529 years old, all of a sudden, out of the blue, 00:11:50.610 --> 00:11:53.889 from one day to another, my father says, look, 00:11:54.230 --> 00:11:58.230 this is your sister. She's like two, three years 00:11:58.230 --> 00:12:01.149 older. And I will see her face and she looked 00:12:01.149 --> 00:12:05.590 just like me. It's like seeing a twin for the 00:12:05.590 --> 00:12:08.669 first time, and I had no clue that my father 00:12:08.669 --> 00:12:12.309 had another child with this same individual I 00:12:12.309 --> 00:12:15.769 was talking about. And that's when I started 00:12:15.769 --> 00:12:19.149 suspecting, whoa, there has to be something way 00:12:19.149 --> 00:12:21.509 beyond. How come I all of a sudden have a sister 00:12:21.509 --> 00:12:24.950 who is two or three years older than me? And 00:12:24.950 --> 00:12:28.590 when I was closer to 12, all of a sudden a psychologist 00:12:28.590 --> 00:12:32.629 arrives to the home and sits down and says, hey, 00:12:32.700 --> 00:12:34.740 that person that has been raising you that's 00:12:34.740 --> 00:12:38.500 not your real mother. Your real mother is so 00:12:38.500 --> 00:12:42.120 and so and so and so. So for me that was like 00:12:42.120 --> 00:12:45.059 that's where I think my biggest depression started 00:12:45.059 --> 00:12:48.940 because I had been trying for 12 years to try 00:12:48.940 --> 00:12:53.320 to to be a better son to try to please my parents 00:12:53.320 --> 00:12:59.740 to try to to understand how come her other like 00:12:59.740 --> 00:13:03.200 my brother and sister who were now like almost 00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:07.700 40 years old who we couldn't really have a relationship 00:13:07.700 --> 00:13:11.480 because I was always like the black sheep, right? 00:13:11.480 --> 00:13:13.700 So I was always trying to get their attention 00:13:13.700 --> 00:13:16.919 or their acceptance. And it was because I was 00:13:16.919 --> 00:13:19.500 the product of the unhappiness of their mother. 00:13:20.980 --> 00:13:25.759 So slowly I'm understanding this and I couldn't 00:13:25.759 --> 00:13:30.559 take it. It was hard. I remember standing in 00:13:30.559 --> 00:13:33.259 front of the mirror and yelling, like, why do 00:13:33.259 --> 00:13:36.740 I exist? Like, why do I have to go through this? 00:13:37.200 --> 00:13:43.659 And when I was 17 and had my first chance to 00:13:43.659 --> 00:13:48.100 go to college, I registered to summer school 00:13:48.100 --> 00:13:50.519 remediation, even though I graduated with honors, 00:13:50.580 --> 00:13:54.419 because I just wanted to get as far away as possible 00:13:54.419 --> 00:13:58.860 from this mess and this argument and the love 00:13:58.860 --> 00:14:03.419 of trust of truth. And that's when I got into 00:14:03.419 --> 00:14:07.379 the books and into the philosophical thinking, 00:14:07.580 --> 00:14:12.440 like really trying to understand the psyche of 00:14:12.440 --> 00:14:15.620 these people. So of course, when I'm 18, the 00:14:15.620 --> 00:14:18.440 first thing I want to know is I want to know 00:14:18.440 --> 00:14:23.320 my real mother at least have an awareness of 00:14:23.320 --> 00:14:26.080 where I come from. And that's when I learned 00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:29.419 when I was 18. that she was not Puerto Rican 00:14:29.419 --> 00:14:32.000 like I thought in my life she was Venezuelan. 00:14:32.259 --> 00:14:35.320 So I'm also Venezuelan even though I don't know 00:14:35.320 --> 00:14:39.059 nothing about Venezuela. So she was living in 00:14:39.059 --> 00:14:43.899 the Bronx by that time and when I met this person 00:14:43.899 --> 00:14:49.820 all dressed in white and tarot card reader things 00:14:49.820 --> 00:14:54.129 like completely opposite my mother was. super 00:14:54.129 --> 00:14:59.049 religious, Catholic, we would pray rosary. I 00:14:59.049 --> 00:15:01.769 was praying like half of my childhood all the 00:15:01.769 --> 00:15:04.809 time. I remember one of the prayers that will 00:15:04.809 --> 00:15:08.629 say something in este valle de lagrimas, basically 00:15:08.629 --> 00:15:13.330 in this world where we're always suffering. And 00:15:13.330 --> 00:15:19.259 somehow I was saying, well, if Jesus suffer for 00:15:19.259 --> 00:15:22.440 us, then it is my duty also to suffer. It's part 00:15:22.440 --> 00:15:26.620 of the world. And that perspective that I had 00:15:26.620 --> 00:15:32.279 that suffering was okay landed me in one of my 00:15:32.279 --> 00:15:34.879 worst depressions because I couldn't understand 00:15:34.879 --> 00:15:38.019 why I couldn't be a happy, fulfilling person 00:15:38.019 --> 00:15:41.700 like anybody else because I was carrying all 00:15:41.700 --> 00:15:48.120 this process. So this came with me to adulthood, 00:15:48.460 --> 00:15:53.320 like I will, for example, sometimes like break 00:15:53.320 --> 00:15:57.600 down crying, thinking about all my childhood 00:15:57.600 --> 00:16:01.679 misery. I couldn't let it go, even though I was 00:16:01.679 --> 00:16:05.860 an educator, I was married, I was trying to raise 00:16:05.860 --> 00:16:11.879 children the best I could. And then in this ginormous 00:16:11.879 --> 00:16:15.649 depression in my life, One day I'm driving to 00:16:15.649 --> 00:16:18.450 work, not really wanting to work. I was the principal 00:16:18.450 --> 00:16:22.850 already. And all of a sudden I see a car on fire. 00:16:23.250 --> 00:16:25.269 When I see the car on fire, the first thing that 00:16:25.269 --> 00:16:27.490 comes to mind is like, how can I move to the 00:16:27.490 --> 00:16:32.250 side? So if it explodes, right? But then I see 00:16:32.250 --> 00:16:35.970 a man coming out the back of the car, like full 00:16:35.970 --> 00:16:40.470 of fire. And the first thing I think is, like 00:16:40.470 --> 00:16:43.789 I am not going to see my children anymore. I 00:16:43.789 --> 00:16:49.330 rewind my whole life and I saw my parents, I 00:16:49.330 --> 00:16:52.710 saw the good times, I saw the bad times, like 00:16:52.710 --> 00:16:56.669 I saw the whole movie, but somehow in that microsecond, 00:16:56.690 --> 00:17:00.509 I also thought, well, if I go and do this and 00:17:00.509 --> 00:17:03.149 go there, I might be able to save this person, 00:17:03.870 --> 00:17:06.809 but I might not see my, like I had a whole conversation 00:17:06.809 --> 00:17:10.859 and when they say flow, Absolutely. Like in that 00:17:10.859 --> 00:17:14.579 second, I thought about calculating how much 00:17:14.579 --> 00:17:19.220 and that's where I came with my mindset of anticipatory 00:17:19.220 --> 00:17:22.779 mindset, trying to anticipate what's going to 00:17:22.779 --> 00:17:25.859 happen. So I literally try it and it worked. 00:17:26.180 --> 00:17:31.279 The guy was safe. He went with the ambulance 00:17:31.279 --> 00:17:34.480 to the hospital and I took my car and went back 00:17:34.480 --> 00:17:37.740 to school, like went straight to school and Everybody 00:17:37.740 --> 00:17:40.980 was looking at me like I was a monster. Because 00:17:40.980 --> 00:17:44.819 I was all covered in dust. And I was so out of 00:17:44.819 --> 00:17:48.400 place that I couldn't even realize how dirty 00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:54.700 I was. So I went into a work life for the first 00:17:54.700 --> 00:17:58.779 time in my life. For the first time. Because 00:17:58.779 --> 00:18:05.259 I was broken. I was absolutely broken. I couldn't 00:18:05.259 --> 00:18:11.440 function. So I researched what the most affluent 00:18:11.440 --> 00:18:15.079 people in society do when they go in a retreat 00:18:15.079 --> 00:18:18.240 to cure themselves. And I couldn't afford it. 00:18:18.460 --> 00:18:24.160 So I designed a amateur home -based retreat of 00:18:24.160 --> 00:18:28.119 a whole month in my house. And the first day, 00:18:28.200 --> 00:18:30.920 my wife and the children went to work. My wife 00:18:30.920 --> 00:18:34.599 is a teacher. When they went to school and she 00:18:34.599 --> 00:18:38.730 locked the door, I heard the silence in the house. 00:18:39.289 --> 00:18:41.849 For the first time I have witnessed that because 00:18:41.849 --> 00:18:46.450 I have worked all my adult life. And the first 00:18:46.450 --> 00:18:51.289 thing that I did was I took a plastic plate and 00:18:51.289 --> 00:18:54.230 I wrote, the first name I wrote was the name 00:18:54.230 --> 00:18:59.069 of my mother. And it's because I knew I was carrying 00:18:59.069 --> 00:19:04.940 a ginormous cross. thinking about the pain I 00:19:04.940 --> 00:19:08.680 had gone through, that I was not able to heal, 00:19:09.119 --> 00:19:13.319 and it was killing me. And after her name, I 00:19:13.319 --> 00:19:16.980 wrote my father's name, and I wrote the name 00:19:16.980 --> 00:19:21.940 of everyone in my life that I remembered that 00:19:21.940 --> 00:19:26.640 have hurt me. And then on the other side of the 00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:31.619 plate, I wrote the names of everyone I have hurt. 00:19:32.170 --> 00:19:37.430 by any of my actions. So during that month, I 00:19:37.430 --> 00:19:42.369 will have imaginary conversations with those 00:19:42.369 --> 00:19:48.210 people. I imagine myself like truly immerse myself 00:19:48.210 --> 00:19:52.470 in visiting that place and observing myself as 00:19:52.470 --> 00:19:57.230 the child who could not do much. And I didn't 00:19:57.230 --> 00:20:02.460 only forgive them, but I forgive myself. for 00:20:02.460 --> 00:20:05.720 everything because I was carrying all this process. 00:20:06.740 --> 00:20:14.279 So what I learned is that in life we tend to 00:20:14.279 --> 00:20:18.640 suffer for things that are in our imagination, 00:20:19.039 --> 00:20:23.400 in memory lane, in life. And I was not giving 00:20:23.400 --> 00:20:27.660 my spouse, my children, my school community, 00:20:27.779 --> 00:20:32.180 or myself the best because I was still that child 00:20:32.180 --> 00:20:36.460 suffering trying to find love and I couldn't 00:20:36.460 --> 00:20:40.180 see the love I had in front of me and the love 00:20:40.180 --> 00:20:44.819 I could give to others. So it was after that 00:20:44.819 --> 00:20:49.619 fire that I was able to address the issues of 00:20:49.619 --> 00:20:54.420 my childhood and finally write the end in that 00:20:54.420 --> 00:20:59.019 book and put it in the bookshelf. And from that 00:20:59.019 --> 00:21:04.059 moment, Jay, my life has been absolutely different. 00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:09.579 I have been able, like Epictetus say, to concentrate 00:21:09.579 --> 00:21:15.240 in the areas that I have full control and accept 00:21:15.240 --> 00:21:20.740 the areas that I don't. And that's the story, 00:21:20.880 --> 00:21:25.079 Jay. Oh, my God, that is so beautiful. And yet 00:21:25.079 --> 00:21:28.599 so painful, doctor, so painful, that little boy. 00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:35.940 I feel so bad. Little guys, especially little 00:21:35.940 --> 00:21:38.599 people have to go through things that have nothing 00:21:38.599 --> 00:21:41.200 to do with them or whatever. And, you know, that 00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:44.200 experience, those experiences that you had, I'm 00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:47.559 really, really impressed that you were able to 00:21:47.559 --> 00:21:49.579 survive. I guess I don't know the right word 00:21:49.579 --> 00:21:51.579 is emotionally survive. Maybe that's the right 00:21:51.579 --> 00:21:54.400 word, you know. your experiences and to come 00:21:54.400 --> 00:21:57.539 out on the other side and to be a great educator, 00:21:57.960 --> 00:22:01.500 to be a father and a husband, et cetera. That's 00:22:01.500 --> 00:22:05.200 really amazing. And that transformative time, 00:22:05.339 --> 00:22:10.000 that ability to forgive is really, I think, the 00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:12.000 most important part of everything you've told 00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:14.420 me today is that if everybody could do that, 00:22:14.559 --> 00:22:17.079 how much better we'd all be living our lives. 00:22:17.420 --> 00:22:21.319 But thank you for that story. just moved and 00:22:21.319 --> 00:22:24.039 sort of stunned right now, so forgive me for 00:22:24.039 --> 00:22:27.640 my mumblings here. No, no, no problem. It was 00:22:27.640 --> 00:22:31.359 great to hear your story. Again, very painful. 00:22:31.980 --> 00:22:34.039 Sometimes my wife asks me, goes, why are you 00:22:34.039 --> 00:22:36.319 asking people to tell painful stories? I say, 00:22:36.319 --> 00:22:38.099 I'm not asking them to tell painful stories. 00:22:38.099 --> 00:22:40.220 I'm saying, tell me a story. It can be painful. 00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:43.720 It can be, but this is cathartic, doctor. What 00:22:43.720 --> 00:22:46.460 you've done by telling your story is there's 00:22:46.460 --> 00:22:48.640 catharsis because there are elements of your 00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:52.279 story that I can. feel on a personal level for 00:22:52.279 --> 00:22:54.839 different reasons that I won't go into. As we 00:22:54.839 --> 00:22:56.599 listen to each other's stories, I think we do 00:22:56.599 --> 00:22:59.480 find that there are connections, you know, experiences 00:22:59.480 --> 00:23:01.980 that are shared in some way, not that I don't 00:23:01.980 --> 00:23:05.759 believe in exact ever, but I do believe in similarities. 00:23:06.599 --> 00:23:10.099 And so thank you for that story, doctor. And 00:23:10.099 --> 00:23:12.359 thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for 00:23:12.359 --> 00:23:15.880 having me here. It has been such an honor and 00:23:15.880 --> 00:23:17.700 I'm looking forward to listen to the rest of 00:23:17.700 --> 00:23:22.359 your shows. Thank you. Well, that's our show. 00:23:23.980 --> 00:23:26.019 First and foremost, I'd like to thank our listeners 00:23:26.019 --> 00:23:29.180 for tuning in. Second of all, I'd like to thank 00:23:29.180 --> 00:23:33.059 our sponsor, Sidelining Publishing, publishers 00:23:33.059 --> 00:23:38.119 of quality books. And finally, and most importantly, 00:23:38.140 --> 00:23:42.920 I'd like to thank our guest, Dr. Efraín Martinez. 00:23:44.819 --> 00:23:47.319 Northwood Middle School is the principal there. 00:23:47.559 --> 00:23:51.900 in Highland Park. Thank you for that profoundly 00:23:51.900 --> 00:23:55.200 impactful story, doctor. So I'm gonna end this 00:23:55.200 --> 00:23:57.319 show as we often do with some music. We're gonna 00:23:57.319 --> 00:24:00.940 end with Susan Salador's classic, One Little 00:24:00.940 --> 00:24:05.240 Act of Kindness. And so until next time, this 00:24:05.240 --> 00:24:09.500 is Jay Rehack asking you all to stay safe out 00:24:09.500 --> 00:24:20.480 there and try not to hurt anybody. One little 00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:27.460 act of kindness can go a long, long way Two little 00:24:27.460 --> 00:24:33.900 acts of kindness can brighten anyone's day Three 00:24:33.900 --> 00:24:38.640 little acts of kindness can make a beautiful 00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:45.720 sound Many acts of kindness help the world go 00:24:45.720 --> 00:24:54.240 round One little loving word can go a long, long 00:24:54.240 --> 00:25:01.960 way Two little loving words can brighten anyone's 00:25:01.960 --> 00:25:08.079 day Three little loving words can make a beautiful 00:25:08.079 --> 00:25:15.660 sound Many loving words help the world go right 00:25:18.349 --> 00:25:25.190 One little seed sown Can go a long, long way 00:25:25.190 --> 00:25:32.289 Two little seeds sown Can brighten anyone's day 00:25:32.289 --> 00:25:37.710 Three little seeds sown Can make a beautiful 00:25:37.710 --> 00:25:45.329 sound Many seeds sown Help the world go around 00:25:49.640 --> 00:25:54.759 children's laughter can go a long, long way. 00:25:55.460 --> 00:26:01.099 Two little children's laughter can brighten anyone's 00:26:01.099 --> 00:26:06.099 day. Three little children's laughter can make 00:26:06.099 --> 00:26:12.940 a beautiful sound. Many children laughing help 00:26:12.940 --> 00:26:18.460 the world go round, and many see its own.