1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:27,280
Hi and welcome back to Tell Me What Happened, the podcast that features folks from all walks

2
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:34,760
of life telling us one true childhood story and how that event, that experience, has impacted

3
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,240
who they are today as an adult.

4
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:43,840
I'm your host Jay Rehack and like everyone who listens, I've had my share of childhood

5
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,720
experiences.

6
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:52,800
Some of them traumatic, some of them dramatic, some of them actually quite pleasurable.

7
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:57,520
But as I always tell my audience, I like to think that everything that's ever happened

8
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,880
to me has made me a better person.

9
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:05,360
And as I also mentioned everybody, I realized that's probably not true.

10
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,600
But anyway, that's the way I like to think.

11
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:11,280
I'm going to skip my sponsors today and focus on my guest.

12
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,280
My guest today is Melissa Willett.

13
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:21,640
Melissa is the president of SCU Local 521 in Central California and she's a trustee

14
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:26,880
on the CalPERS pension board, one of the largest pension funds in the world.

15
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,240
Welcome to the show, Melissa.

16
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:30,920
Thank you so much, Jay, for having me.

17
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,600
I appreciate you coming on the show.

18
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:33,600
I know you're a busy woman.

19
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:38,680
I know that you're trying to help save the world out there in California, help the workers,

20
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,280
et cetera.

21
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,880
So I know you're busy.

22
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:44,880
I'm going to ask you, are you ready to tell your story?

23
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:45,880
I'm ready, thank you.

24
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,080
All right, I'm going to get out of the way, Melissa.

25
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:53,120
And at the end, I'm going to ask you absolutely one question and that one question is this.

26
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:58,600
How do you think that what you're telling me has impacted who you are today?

27
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,800
But take it away, Melissa Willett.

28
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:02,800
Thank you so much.

29
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:08,880
So thinking back on events that have really shaped my life and who I am today, I go back

30
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,840
to one of my earliest memories.

31
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:18,440
And when I was in third grade, I really strove to be a great student.

32
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:24,920
So I was about eight years old and I used to walk to elementary school about Jefferson

33
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:28,440
Elementary and I strove to be the very best.

34
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,600
I wanted to be the superlative student.

35
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:41,240
And so in that endeavor, I really remember staying after school, staying between recess

36
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:46,200
to help the teacher with special projects, doing everything I could to be the best student

37
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,720
I could be.

38
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:51,680
And it was noticed and I thought my hard work was really paying off.

39
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:56,280
I really dedicated myself to being a hard worker, to being the best student.

40
00:02:56,280 --> 00:03:01,800
And one day I got called into this counselor's office who I'd never met before and they said

41
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:07,240
that they wanted to do some test with me and asked me to take some tests.

42
00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,560
And so I said, sure, of course, I want to be the best.

43
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:13,560
I want to be a good representative citizen of my elementary school.

44
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:16,760
And of course, I would love to take some tests and little did I know that, of course, it

45
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:21,480
was an IQ test to determine what's going on with me.

46
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:25,920
And that test was one of the hardest things I had done up until my life at that point.

47
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,360
I remember seeing things like long division.

48
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:31,280
I remember seeing things like geometry.

49
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:36,760
And at the time, I didn't know what it was, but I did know that I needed to figure out

50
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:37,760
how to do this.

51
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:44,120
And I started making up all kinds of theorems of Melissa and other types of work to see

52
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,320
if I could solve these equations.

53
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:53,680
And a few weeks later, that, well, I'll say that that test sat with me for quite a while.

54
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:59,600
And I remember looking up in like the encyclopedias on my parents' home to try to figure out what

55
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:03,920
should I have done and reflect on if I got those answers right, because it really was

56
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,840
about being the best I could be.

57
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:12,240
And so a few weeks later, I did get called into the principal's office and my parents

58
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:16,960
were there and they said that Melissa is really, really smart.

59
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:21,240
And that's how I remember it is that Melissa was really smart and they had asked permission

60
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,880
of my parents to advance me in grades.

61
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:28,680
So they wanted to have me skip some grades and go up because they knew that I was too

62
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,640
smart to be with my peers at that point.

63
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,600
And my IQ was really high.

64
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,120
And so I was really excited.

65
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:37,120
I was super excited.

66
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:41,520
I was like, all of my hard work has definitely paid off, right?

67
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:42,520
That's what you're supposed to do.

68
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,800
You live, we live in a meritocracy where if you work really hard and you're really smart,

69
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,280
you get rewarded.

70
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:53,200
And so I was just on cloud nine and at the end of the conversation, my parents said,

71
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,200
thank you very much.

72
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,520
We will not be pursuing that.

73
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,360
Melissa's fine, just where she is.

74
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,440
And I remember being devastated.

75
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,920
I couldn't believe that that was the end of the conversation.

76
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,800
I thought that I was supposed to get rewarded for doing really good on an exam, for doing

77
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,960
really good on a test.

78
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:13,200
And I remember talking to my parents about it and asking them, why can't I, you know,

79
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,520
I want to go to fifth grade now.

80
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:16,040
I don't want to stay in third grade.

81
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:17,400
And I'm ready for it.

82
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,520
And I will work really hard.

83
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:24,520
And my parents told me I have an older sister and my older sister was in fourth grade.

84
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:29,840
And so for them, they didn't want me entering fifth grade at the same time as my older sister

85
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:31,560
and being the same grade as her.

86
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,680
It would have been a hardship on her.

87
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:39,280
It would have been essentially just not right in their mind for everyone involved.

88
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,200
So it was really devastating.

89
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,360
I became really resentful of my sister.

90
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,160
Just as an FYI, she's my best friend today.

91
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:51,640
So it's not like this was a long standing, but I became really resentful for a lot of

92
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:53,400
years of my sister.

93
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:56,200
And I stayed in that third grade and I did just fine.

94
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:57,600
And that's my story.

95
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:04,440
Well, I love it because I could almost feel the end of that story, like your mother or

96
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:09,480
your father was going to say, no, I just had a bad feeling when you were telling it because

97
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,360
it is a difficult decision.

98
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:15,320
I'm sure for parents, my parents never had to make that decision.

99
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:20,880
But I'm just saying it must be very difficult to have the opportunity to advance your child

100
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:26,920
at the same time, say this probably isn't in the best interest of the sister, but maybe

101
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,880
even not you.

102
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:32,920
So how long do you think it took to get over it before I ask you how it's impacted your

103
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,000
life?

104
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:38,320
I would say it took me a very, very long time to get over it.

105
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:43,120
I kept that chip on my shoulder for many years.

106
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:47,560
My sister and I began speaking when I was in college.

107
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:48,560
Wow.

108
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:50,280
Wow.

109
00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:57,840
So the question of the show is how do you think that experience has impacted who you

110
00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:58,840
are today?

111
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:04,640
Yeah, I think that the experience has been really fundamental to who I am today and my

112
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:08,000
values and what I fight for and where I've kind of ended up.

113
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:14,800
I just remember thinking this idea of fairness and that it wasn't fair that I couldn't be

114
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:21,880
valued for my individual contributions and I think that that really formed this idea

115
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,400
of having that we don't live in a meritocracy.

116
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:30,800
We don't live where someone's best efforts gets them ahead and you can't pull yourself

117
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:36,560
up by your bootstraps if you don't have the structures and institutions in place to support

118
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,000
to you in success.

119
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:44,640
So I think it really shapes my concept of what is fair and the concept that outside systems

120
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:52,240
exist that we have to overcome in order to have a society where things are just.

121
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:58,320
And I'm not trying to put my parents as a system of villainhood or anything, but it

122
00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,600
really was detrimental.

123
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,640
I didn't see it as one person's decision.

124
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:08,240
I thought of it as an environmental scenario where the environment wasn't okay for me to

125
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,320
do that.

126
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:15,680
So follow up question, this may be difficult as well, and I don't know you well enough

127
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:22,480
to know, but if you had a child that was in third grade and was brilliant and the school

128
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:27,320
system called you and said, we want to advance this child to fifth grade or sixth grade or

129
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,920
whatever, what would your answer be now?

130
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:36,240
Today I probably would let that person, I would let my kid advance and I would support

131
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:37,240
them fully.

132
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,880
I do still have that fundamental belief that kids need to be challenged.

133
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:46,200
I know that growing up, I was really bored in school a lot and ended up struggling with

134
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:52,320
grades, not because I wasn't bright, but because I just didn't care and I knew I shouldn't

135
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,240
be where I was supposed to be at.

136
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:59,040
I also, in that vein though, I did pursue other intellectual pursuits, if you will,

137
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,000
that were interesting to me when I was in middle school.

138
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:06,080
I fought for girls having access to play on the football team.

139
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:09,440
When I was in high school, I actually held a rally.

140
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:14,920
I organized a rally against corporal punishment because I was just bored essentially and I

141
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,040
was looking for things to do.

142
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:21,200
I remember my teachers in high school always just knowing that I was never in class, but

143
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:25,440
I was just doing things that were bigger than school.

144
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:30,320
So I want my own kid to have that opportunity to be intellectually challenged and essentially

145
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:34,160
stay a kid, but at the level that they would want to be at.

146
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:40,040
All right, I do have to ask one other question, only I probably shouldn't, but anyway, here's

147
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,920
my question to you.

148
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:47,320
One of the ideas in school systems is that if you advance the child, the problem is,

149
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:53,240
is they go through puberty at a later date than the other students in the class.

150
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:59,600
So let's just, for the sake of argument, we re-roll the tape and they say, okay, you

151
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:06,240
can go to fifth grade, but then you're in seventh grade with a fifth grade physique or a fifth

152
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,760
grade mindset, you know, socially I'm saying.

153
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,800
You think that that might have harmed you?

154
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:17,440
I think about this because I was a school teacher and parents would ask, they have their

155
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:23,800
child go ahead and sometimes if the child was doing great, I would say, if that's your choice,

156
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:24,800
that's fine.

157
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,040
I don't know what the implications are socially.

158
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:31,080
I'm not talking about educationally, but socially.

159
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,080
So what do you think?

160
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:38,120
You think that might have been harmful for you to go through middle school as a younger

161
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:42,160
child than everybody else or you think that would have been okay?

162
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:46,760
So I think the first thing I would ask is to challenge you on the reverse.

163
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:51,440
If the reverse was true and we had a student not reading at grade level that needed extra

164
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:56,480
assistance by going to a lower class to get caught up to grade level.

165
00:10:56,480 --> 00:11:00,080
And even though they were bigger than everybody or more advanced socially, we would still

166
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,480
want them to get caught up and get the resources they wanted, right?

167
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:09,080
So in the opposite, we would definitely, I think, encourage the students' individual

168
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:15,640
success by putting them in a grade where they were able to get the resources they need and

169
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,040
achieve the success that they deserved.

170
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:21,040
So I see it kind of the same way.

171
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:24,600
I think the problem is that we're talking as one-off individuals.

172
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,360
If we were to reform our school system and put kids where they needed to be based on

173
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:33,280
their own, what resources they have, their backgrounds, their ability, their strengths,

174
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:37,240
their weaknesses, I think then it's a different kind of conversation and it wouldn't be a

175
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,400
one-off, right?

176
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:45,600
But like I said, I think at least for me individually, it ended up also being kind of detrimental

177
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:49,640
in the sense that staying at grade level, I was bored.

178
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:55,480
I was definitely and struggled socially anyways because I had this chip on my shoulder.

179
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,400
I knew that I could do something different.

180
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:03,520
I knew that I could put in the minimum I needed to put in and get into all kinds of trouble

181
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:04,880
in other ways.

182
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:10,320
So I think that we are at a kind of place where we don't know what would have happened,

183
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:14,800
but I think I would be comfortable with saying that, yeah, I would, you know, advancing somebody

184
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,520
a grade or maybe not a full two grades, right?

185
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:22,040
And someone a grade or getting, if we had the right resources in our public school system,

186
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,280
I would, to a public school, if we had the right resources in our public school system

187
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:30,880
where you could still acknowledge and give that kind of intellectual, what's the word

188
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,440
I'm looking for, sorry, the rigor, right?

189
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,920
An intellectual rigor for all of our students and meet them where they're all at.

190
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,840
Then I think we would, we would be in a much better place.

191
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:40,840
All right.

192
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,080
Well said.

193
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:47,600
It doesn't surprise me that you should have been jumped two years, two years ahead.

194
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,840
You're one of the smartest people I've known through the years.

195
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:56,920
I only met you a few months ago at Harvard, but I was very impressed and through your

196
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,760
energy, et cetera.

197
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,280
So I'm sorry it happened to you at the same time.

198
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,000
Who knows how it would have played out.

199
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,200
I understand that you have your own perceptions and I, I can't say or whatever.

200
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:13,040
I guess what I'm saying to you is as a parent, I can feel your parents.

201
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:20,880
Parents' pain of trying to decide how best to deal with a daughter who is clearly advanced

202
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:25,080
and yet you have another daughter who you have to be careful, I suppose, of how that

203
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,080
plays.

204
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,080
I don't know.

205
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,080
I'm not here to analyze it.

206
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,200
I'm only here to tell you that I respect the story.

207
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,200
Thank you for the story.

208
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:35,200
I'm going to have to think about it for a while.

209
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,000
I'm glad as a parent now my children are old enough.

210
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,680
I don't have to worry about those issues.

211
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:45,720
I never had to deal with those issues, but it is one to think about.

212
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:50,400
I think with a better school system, of course, things would be different, but we definitely

213
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:53,000
don't live in that world right now.

214
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,640
So thank you for coming on the show, Melissa.

215
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:55,640
All right.

216
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:56,640
Well, that's our show.

217
00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:01,120
Again, I'd like to thank Melissa Willett for coming on the show, telling us that personal

218
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:07,320
story, one that doesn't, I can't say it fully resonates with me.

219
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:13,400
I wanted to be pushed ahead when I was young, but nobody offered me the opportunity.

220
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:23,440
But anyway, if you'd like to come on the show, by the way, you can email me at jaycehack.com.

221
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:29,960
And let me know why you'd like to be on the show, what particular story you have to tell.

222
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:35,840
But until next time, this is Jay Rehack asking you all to please stay safe out there and

223
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,840
try not to hurt anybody.