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Welcome to From the Spectrum Podcast. This is a podcast about autism. It is my

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goal to explain what is autism. I intend to use a mixture of scientific literature,

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personal experience, and opinion. With opinion, I will explain why. I feel the

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way I do and give examples. I will provide links to various references for

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each episode. For each episode, we will discuss various aspects of autism. The

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From the Spectrum Podcast will mostly avoid causes of autism and I will try

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avoiding the increase of diagnoses of late. This is like playing tug of war with

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barbed wire and I don't think I want to travel down that path. For today's episode,

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we will discuss more symptoms of criteria A from the DSM-5-TR. Remember, these

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symptoms are crude and intense to capture the spectrum. Criteria A are deficits in

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social communication and interaction. We will cover criteria A as a part two

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before covering more of criteria B because of the amount of social interaction

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the world provides. In other words, criteria A captures our socialness. In

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other words, can you fit into the social norms in our environment and culture or

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not? Are you like the so-called normal people or not? Typically, autistics are

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more interested in facts, reality, and logic than they are make-believe or

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fairy tales. I am extremely methodical. I believe this is a super power. Some have

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said too methodical. It's just too much for them. It's just too much for others. I

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see bottlenecks. Bottle necks in society. I see things that are wrong or could be

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better and I try to fix that or I point those out with hopes that maybe somebody

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can fix them. And if not, if I can't do anything about it, it's very annoying.

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It's very annoying every time that I have to encounter that and whenever I do

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encounter it, it's just rapidly going through my mind how this doesn't make

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sense. And I am very much annoyed when people say, well that's just the way it

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is. I hate. Well that's just the way it is. However, we stand strong and still

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prefer the methods and structure of processes over navigating unknown

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exploration. This has vast implications to relationships and socialness. I hate

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maybe more than anything people apologizing to me. Traffic annoys me.

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Remember the B movie example. Often it feels like others are disrupting the

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flow and productivity of the day. Especially turning lanes and turning lanes

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at stop lights where time is crucial. Notice the next time at a turning lane,

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the distance in between cars as they're traveling and moving. Walking across

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parking lots or where cars travel, when people are walking diagonal and

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increasing the time in the car's path. If you go diagonal, you're increasing the

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time it takes to cross. And maybe that is disrupting the flow of traffic. Just

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walk straight across to get across and then turn towards your destination. I

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know this item has some criteria B in it as well. I am horrible with names,

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especially the names that I know I need to remember. I must associate something

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about them to them. A favorite for me is connecting a famous person to them, when

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possible. When I was younger, late teen and early adult, others would disagree

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of my famous person associations. However, it typically worked for me. The

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trouble with names remains as an adult. However, I have superpowers and remember

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silly nuances and details about others. Recently I spent the first two weeks in

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a new higher education program looking at other students in our small cohort and

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quizzing myself on their names. Later in the semester, I called someone Landon.

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Landon is not his name and that struck me as something that the other students

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was not experiencing. By then it seemed they have picked up on each other's names.

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I suspect my monotone voice and low voice saved me from many people hearing. I

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hate when people repeat things to me. You already said it at least once,

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sometimes two, three, four times. Why? I hate when people say, like I said, I hate,

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like I said. One, it is unnecessary and two, it means you're about to repeat

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something. I often say to myself, this doesn't make sense. When I'm out in

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the social world, I often say, this does not make sense. And I observe and think

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about how much verbal conveyance is unnecessary in the social world. So it's

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probably no surprise. Romantic interests are complicated. They do exist from time

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to time, but they are rare. And often I suppress them or they just don't last

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long. Thankfully. I know other autistics are the same way. So that makes me feel

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better. And romantic relationships do not exist on a spectrum. I think that was a

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decent joke. Romantic relationships or interest are either falling in love

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fast or zero interest. And typically that so called falling in love fast, and I use

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that loosely, meaning I'm just trying to capture the meaning here. It does seem to

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happen. But maybe put quotations around that. Perhaps we could put love in

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quotations to who knows what that is. Modern definitions confuse me. Examples

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include cisgender and pansexual and so forth. I've looked up cisgender, the

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definition, but I cannot seem to retain it. I just cannot understand why it's

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relevant or what purpose it is. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I hate when

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people say my name to capture my attention. It requires a verbal reply to

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them. Just say what you are going to say. Skip the other part. It is not

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necessary. This might sound silly, but lots of times that reply wears me out.

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Remember the metabolic energy. One, just say what you're going to say. But two, I

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am blasting out that energy with whatever I am thinking about. Remember, I'm

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probably within myself here. I'm fixated on something, a thought, an interest, and

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just evaluating things in my head where I want to be, where I enjoy being, and

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prefer to be. Shifting this attention requires a lot at times, even

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though I can still hear you and I can still follow you. It's not uncommon that

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people with autism have superior hearing. Remember the sensation and the rapid

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firing and the increased rate with the excitation and inhibition? We can hear

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you. I'm with you. I'm following. You cannot know about this unless this is you.

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So please don't try. This will likely sound ludicrous to you. So what? And maybe

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now you can understand why we have a propensity of being monotone too. Get it?

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Understand it? Just remember how powerful criteria B components are. Regarding the

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soundblance discussed in the first episode of criteria A, remember the

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Beatles comparison. This has a rapid onset, meaning it is here without warning.

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But however, as I have gotten older and maybe experienced and learned about

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myself, I can notice this at times. However, it's still coming on quickly. I can

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notice those slight nuances happening inside my body. Or it is just an

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overprotective factor warning me. Remember the first episode about this

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protective measure? I don't know the case, but this is coming on rapidly. Social

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media and putting good deeds out on social media confuses me. I think this

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is strange. For instance, when people give or donate something and then they

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post a picture of themselves doing that deed. I don't quite understand that. I

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know I evaluate that feeling as strange and that's my evaluation of the

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situation. But I tend to lean towards that higher power, the message of this

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higher power of saying you don't need that affirmation whenever you do these

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types of actions. Maybe even better to keep that secret. When I force myself to

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make eye contact, and I do, I try to improve this and work on this. Often I

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find myself noticing. I am staring at one eye. And I will wonder if they notice I

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am looking at just one eye. I wonder if they look at a specific eye or if

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people just look at a general area around the eyes. This whole eye contact

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phenomena is very fascinating to me. Remember I kind of went off on the

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previous episode of it's not necessary for communication. But humans say it is.

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But we're not exactly always right. You cannot look at both eyes at the same

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time anyway. We are not birds. We only have one fovea, not two. And the sixth

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peranium nerve, the easy one, the abducens prevents us from looking at both

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eyes at the same time. In social settings often I just leave. No goodbyes or

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anything. I suspect others, especially family gatherings and so forth, I expect

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they have noticed. Two things. One, enough has been enough and it's time for me to

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go. And two, I hate those standard goodbyes. Remember the awkward phone

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conversations too. This stuff is just awkward to me. But I suspect this

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manifests from questioning and communication about that. Such as where are

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you going? Or what are you going to do? Or maybe why are you leaving so soon? And

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finally, you're leaving already? Those comments and questions are just awkward.

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Yes, yes I am leaving. Enough already. And I have found out you don't need me. The

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gathering will gather without me. That's another joke, by the way. I have found, as

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an adult, I can better control this. I can negotiate having this experience or

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just avoiding it altogether. Just avoiding those seemingly pseudo

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conversations. Remember, I like and I need that out in a social setting. That

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makes the commitment to the social setting easier. It's very complicated.

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High fives and so forth are strange. Have you ever watched people doing this?

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Seems like people mostly go through the motions or reflexive emotions. Now, at

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times, these emotions do spark and they're releasing some sort of

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emotion. Yet, because they are not autistic in this motor movement or

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because they don't have a motor disorder like Tourette's or Tix or ADHD, that

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action, that high five movement is not considered stereotypy or stereotypy.

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Whatever is your preference? I hate when people do favors for me. The reciprocity

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is strange. So are the feelings of thankfulness. And I hate the feeling

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like I owe someone a favor. Really, I often pay back much greater because, just

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quite frankly, I don't know what is even or appropriate. I wonder if others feel

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this and consider comparison of the favors. Is it equal? Does your

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favor and my favor have to match? Is this appropriate? This is very awkward. How

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equal does the payback need to be? So I rather not others do favors for me.

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Remember, we are self-sufficient and can manage that isolated environment. I often

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think I would rather be Henry David Thoreau than navigate the social world.

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I think Thoreau's quote, rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. I

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think that hits autistics just right. Remember the self-sufficiency. We're very

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efficient for ourselves and this is learned over time. Remember this starts

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at a young age, maybe even before the critical period. And it just continues

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with us every moment of our life. This is preference. This is neuroplasticity. It

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kind of reminds me of this as I've observed the masses in society. We're in

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this experiment now for over 20 years, it seems, like with self-checkouts. This is

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a preference now for the masses. It's just preferring the self-checkout. We'll

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just do it ourselves. It's just, it's reliable. We know what to expect here. We

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have come to prefer this and we've learned to just incorporate this into the

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experience of whatever it is we're shopping for, wherever we are shopping at.

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And just from observations and conversations, both direct and indirect,

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it's just people prefer the self-checkout now. And this is how I think

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autistics live their life. We just prefer to be self-sufficient. Occasionally, when

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people do something for me, I get extremely thankful. And this is occurring

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on the inside and that feeling can be awkward. Experiencing emotional empathy

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is intense. I cannot convey how it makes me feel accurately, but it is intense. My

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inability to convey this is not on me or you. We are just unique with a capacity

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for different experiences and emotions. Even just a slight difference changes

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everything between humans. Okay, I have spent a significant amount of time

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reflecting over my life. I have the time and opportunity and the pleasure of

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doing this. I am not talking about rumination or harmful thinking and such.

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I'm talking about debriefing the events and my experiences. What went well, what

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didn't. Remember that critical thinking and appraisals of myself covered in the

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first episode of Criteria B. Remember others that interact with me on this

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doesn't touch my level of critic. There is no way that you are going to be more

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harmful or more critical of me than I am of me. This is opportunity to understand

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myself and understand others. However, it maintains the perfectionism and

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perfectionism is often seen in autism. Mistakes are nearly non-negotiable or

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unacceptable to me. So all of that to explain this. As far as I can remember, I

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absorb other people's lives. The interactions or observations are intense.

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I will consume them and after the interaction or observation. Remember,

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this is visual thinking. I am running their life through my head like a movie

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and it's very captivating. I will continue the thoughts and visualization

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piecing together information about their life, especially if there are future

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interactions. Plus, this is an opportunity to confirm or correct things

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about others. Often, I find it accurate to normalize this. I do it because I have

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a strong genuine curiosity of others. I can't help it. The emotional empathy, the

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emotional empathy type is intense. This activity feels a good portion of my time.

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It's like another way to supplement relationships or, of course, the lack of

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relationships. However, if it interferes with my criteria B, I can easily task

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switch and get onto my fixated interests that are perfect in intensity or focus.

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I just made another joke there. It was a shot at the DSM which uses abnormal to

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describe the intensity or focus on the fixated interest. They say it's abnormal.

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In short, emotional empathy is moving. Just physiological responses and it's very

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moving on the inside. Also, on the echolalia, this can be if we are hitched on

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a word or phrase while interacting or it can simply be something catchy, something

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that catches our attention. Sometimes it is just us slowing down time, trying to

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keep up. And sometimes it is us having words or phrases catch our attention and

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songs are brutal to me. Songs frequently get stuck in my head and it takes

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deliberate action, deliberate attempts to remove those from my head. I think the

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last thing I want to cover is fitting in. It's hard. You probably know this

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already. It's complicated for us or for me. If we don't want to generalize it,

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when younger, to ease the social pressure, I would mimic famous people or people I

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enjoyed and so forth and try to look like them and try to act like them. I was a

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teen in the 90s and New York hip-hop emerged and made its way to my small

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town and we liked it. For me it was the art of the hip-hop beat and the

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lyrical flow, just how that gelled and meshed together. We were teens and very

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malleable. At least I was or maybe I was more so than the other neighborhood kids.

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Being like others removed the pressure and stress and gave me a blueprint on how

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to act in the social world. So here I mentioned New York hip-hop and said

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blueprint. If you know, you know. Also as a young adult we were into like older

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rock and roll, like The Beatles, Free For Dead, Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan and so

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forth. So that was my blueprint. It was extreme, it was bizarre and it made

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socialness easier. So be it. So in short with the 90s hip-hop and then the older

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rock and roll, that gave me a model to how I want to present myself in social

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settings. As we wrap up today I want you to understand the complications we have

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with socialness, the social communication and interaction and how

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there's a lot going on on the inside. Remember the episodes on the excitation

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and inhibition and how difficult it is to interact and keep up, keep pace, make

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meaning of everything and so forth. If you are listening and enjoy the episode or

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enjoy the podcast please feel free to leave me a review or rating. In podcasting

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reviews, ratings and downloads are huge and I very much appreciate your feedback.

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If you would like to contact me you can reach me by email at info.fromthespectrum.com

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and before we end I would like to remind you don't try to change an autistic

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person because they are different than you or different than others and don't

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let that offend your beliefs and capacity to apply critical thinking in life.

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Thank you for listening to From the Spectrum podcast.