Access denied. Access denied. Access denied.
Maintenance line. Access granted. We could get
in People Magazine. People? Hell! National Geographic.
We've been telling you the truth since the beginning.
And now we're ready to prove it. Look, you want
to compare brain pans? I won the Westinghouse
Prize when I was 12. My blue barb has broken.
The birth spasm has begun. You're going to feel
very silly when this turns out to be all just
make -believe. Ah, should we go straight into
Guess the Intro? I think that's a very good idea.
Enter authorization code. So, as everyone who
actually listened to the last episode will know,
I did a Guess the Intro. You did? And I said
I didn't know at the time of recording what I
was going to do, and I did one. Well, yes, because
the week before, oh, not the week before, the
episode before, you hadn't done one. And I think
we kind of said it the episode before that. There
will be against the intro. Yeah, I did always.
No, I kind of was just saying it was based on
how easy I was going to find it to do the things.
But Matt upon a Cthulhu told me to use audacity.
And there's a setting in audacity where you can
set the recording up to mirror the way you're
listening to it. You can't do that in Adobe.
No. So. It was great. So I had it going to my
headphones and I just told Audacity, just record
what's going to my headphones. Made the whole
thing so much quicker than it's ever been. Whereas
before I had to download the entire clip, put
it into Davion and find it and cut it out. And
then the file would be massive because it seems
to hold a lot of information when you've cut
stuff out. And then our server's full of loads
of these really massive files, which I'd probably
just go and delete. But this one, you can actually
just... press play in the YouTube view, press
play. Well, you say our server's full of files.
Bear in mind, an average variety show comes in
at about 10 gig from the recorder, and I've got
all the original files still for every episode.
How big is the server? I think we've got two
or four terabytes. We're going to have to upgrade
it at some point. I can hope not. We'll delete
stuff. We'll just delete stuff. Well, no, what
I'm going to do, I'll probably buy a decently
sized... usb drive and i'll move stuff onto that
that's going to be archived that i know can just
sit there stale but anyway that that would have
saved saved guess the intro essentially because
it was just taking such a shorter amount of time
still got a hunt for the clips i want but to
just go click record done don't pop that straight
in tidy up slightly anyway so i was disappointed
that this wasn't The Alan Richson one. Well,
that happened after though, didn't it? No, just
waiting one day. There's going to be like six
of these and they're just going to be all Alan
Richson. That'll be the link. It'll be obvious.
The link's Alan Richson. I'll do it for this
episode. I'll really spoil it then. And obviously,
if you want to listen to the Alan Richson homoerotic
hour, go listen to the Variety Show episode 76.
Yeah, the last Variety Show episode. What's up?
Low -key, low -key. What's up? What's wrong?
we've been visited by a dog yeah he's headbutting
the the mic stand i want to play no he probably
wants food even no stop stop you're making a
racket you're making a racket he's like mummy's
over there mummy is any of this edible ow ow
ow no he's pouring me this is not for the show
this is not good for people listening they can't
see how cute you are he's like fuck you right
first one welcome to downtown Poolsville. Population.
Us. I'm pretty sure I've used that exact clip
before. I'm pretty sure you've used a couple
of these before. Iron Giant. Yeah, Iron Giant.
Well, you've definitely used, I would say, three
of these have featured. Well, not the exact clips.
Not necessarily the exact clip. Yeah, the things
might have, but I think that exact clip I've
used before. Right, okay. Well, that was the
Iron Giant. Absolutely brilliant film. Do you
know who voiced the Iron Giant, the robot himself?
No. Vin Diesel. Oh, did he? Yep. One of his first
acting gigs. Does it speak? Or is it just...
It does speak at the end. I vaguely remember
him saying friend or something. Oh, it was a
great film. Absolutely heartbreaking film. He's
the voice of Groot, isn't he? He is. I am Groot.
There's incredible inertia. Maybe it's just glad
to see you. Hi, Alan. Flubber. Flubber. I've
not used Flubber before. Yes, you have. Have
I? Yep. I've got all of it written down. I'm
sure you've done Flubber before. I'm certain
you've done Flubber before. Oh, well, sorry,
everybody. I'm getting boring. It might have
been, did you do one on sound effects? No. I'm
sure you've done Flubber before somewhere. Okay,
I'm going to have to get better at this. Next
one. What's on your head? I was looking for the
kids. We are in a coal mine? They're in the backyard.
I still love this film. It's Honey, I Shrunk
the Kids. It's a great film. Absolutely great
film, but so many people dislike it. Has it got
a warning on it now? I don't think so. We can't
watch this because something happens. It makes
fun of small people. Yeah. No, it's a really
good film. I love it. The second, the sequel
was shite. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, that is rubbish.
And it's marginalising the ants. This stuff will
make you a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus. Just
like me. I have done this film before. That's
Predator, isn't it? Predator, yeah. Yeah. Trying
to picture which part. It's right at the start.
He's in the helicopter and they're going to their
mission. Yes. And it's the big guy with the stets
and the hat and he's got a cigar. Yeah, that's
the one. Yeah, I knew it was Predator. When do
they say this? And you can hear the helicopter.
It must be at the beginning. So, yeah, fair enough.
Which one did I just press? How many have we
done? We've done four. This will be number five,
which is... Oh, they want to play mini golf,
eh? Two can play at that game. or even four,
depending on the number of ball colours available.
Futurama. Futurama, yeah, yeah. Zap Brannigan.
Zap Brannigan, that's it. Probably the best character
in it. Oh, God, yeah. I like Bender as well,
though. No, there's a lot of characters I like.
Now, Futurama's one of these ones, it's gone
on for too long, and it's been... New seasons
have suddenly appeared, and it's just lost it.
I haven't watched it in years. No, so... I stopped
watching it after they kind of did the box set.
But then we suddenly got those almost feature
-length episodes. They did something like four
or five of them. And they all kind of tie into,
I think it's Bender's Game. They all basically
revolve around something happening with Bender
anyway. And they're okay, but they're not a mark
on the originals. And then there's been a new
season since. wasn't blown away with it. There's
that horribly, horribly heartbreaking episode
with the dog and I can't think of the dog's name.
It's right on the tip of my tongue. Poochie.
No, what's it? Worthington. Yeah, Count Withington.
Yeah, keep saying names. That really helps people
try and find names when it's on the tip of their
fucking... Dog's Body Waggle Bum. Oh, it's called
Jurassic Park Season 5... Jurassic Bark, sorry.
Season 5, Episode 2, Seymour. And the dog, basically,
he finds him petrified. and they put it in a
machine and seymour comes back to life and then
the end of the episode is literally just showing
what happened to seymour and fry goes to deliver
the pizza that ends up with him going to the
future and seymour just sits out at the front
of the store does never leaves and eventually
just gets fossilized because he just lays down
waiting for fry to come back it's heartbreaking
oh it's sad but they do bring him back uh yes
and i'm You know, I've got to rewatch it. It's
one of the best episodes out there. Out of all
of Futurama, it's one of the most powerful to
brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Next one. Yo,
Kate, where do you keep your casserole dishes?
Why? The cat won't fit in the toaster. I've done
this before. You've done ALF before as well,
and I'm sure you've done Futurama before. Oh,
maybe I have, sorry. No, that's ALF. I need to
sit down and watch some of the original episodes
for that, because I tried watching their film
called Operation Out. Oh, it's bad. Operation
Out is trash. It is atrociously bad. Absolute
100 % cashing on the name. I used to watch the
TV series. It used to be on a Saturday night
and we'd get home from the shop with mum and
dad, I think before gladiators even existed.
It would be something we'd put on TV and we were
allowed to watch kind of as a family. No, very,
very fond memories of watching Alf at home. Whether
or not it's decent or not. If you like Alf, friend
of the show, Ben Baker, his own podcast. Alfsplaining.
I think they've got a few other ones now that
they do splaining of stuff. I'm sure I saw somewhere.
I've listened to a few of those. They're funny
guys. If anyone's heard Ben Baker on the variety
show, they know what he's like. Oh, absolutely.
Art attack! We have a winner. Yeah, me. I just
got six. You did, but we have a... A legitimate
winner who isn't part of the show. I'm legitimate.
I don't know what you're doing. Are you claiming
that I know the answers beforehand? Yeah, Gem
tells you. Oh, she wouldn't have got those. I'd
like her to try. Yeah, she wouldn't have got
those. I've still got half of the wife ones due.
Oh. It's got three and three left that I haven't
done yet. They've probably got repeats in. Anyway,
James. you can text me this morning all six easy
peasy i've obviously made it too easy for everybody
so next time i'll make it difficult you bastards
thanks thanks well done james um well done jimmy
boy yeah oh gosh at jimbo oh yes you never get
this one do you i could see you have a blue sky's
not been working for me today hasn't it no it's
been working for me can you load your app Yeah,
look now, it's telling me to sign in. Womp womp.
At Jimbo8e6 .bsky .social. There you are. Thank
you very much. Next. Right, no Star Trek Academy
talk today. Yes, I've not had a chance to catch
up on it, if I am honest. I finished it. Yes.
So we will talk about it when you get there.
But you do have... a star trek conversational
piece back that's reminiscent of the old star
you know what so quite often we used to go to
pick on like a trek tech thing and just say well
what if you did this i mean we pissed about with
things like the the transporter um about saying
how you could basically just beam all your enemies
into a wall and that would be the end of it and
removing people's clothes and all that sort of
stuff i mean holodeck was another one yeah holodeck
and who cleans up afterward and uh what sort
of gloves do you get to deal with that sort of
thing um but one that we never picked up on and
i was just what was i was watching a star trek
the other evening and then i don't even know
what triggered it in my mind something just triggered
it in my mind start thinking about it and i just
started giggling to myself and i couldn't help
giggle to myself because it's such a stupid picture
in my head i had and it's like the tv shows are
showing the universal translator completely incorrectly
so the universal translator from what i always
knew of it and nothing to do with brainwaves
and as you you've researched and you've seen
i've seen some of the articles that you've said
does the same but from what i've seen i think
in enterprise and in deep space nine at least
there's an episode each where the alien comes
on board and the universal translator is not
working for whatever reason and they need to
teach it so they're basically constantly saying
oh you need to keep them talking and then slowly
broken english starts and then it starts translating
and part of me never really wondered well where
are they hearing that from it makes sense after
you said it's the comm badge yep And then I thought,
but that doesn't make sense for Deep Space Nine.
What if you haven't got a combat? So what if
you're just a visitor? What if you're the alien
race? It translates for Starfleet because they've
got their combat, but the alien race that's just
turned up on your doorstep, how is it translating
it for them? So then you've got to start thinking,
well, are there directional speakers everywhere
that literally just pinpoint each person and
fire the audio at them, which is kind of a technology
we've got already. You've got beamable audio.
I think... I'll tell you what it is. What I genuinely
think what they would say now is that everyone
has a chip in their brain. Ah, yes. And that's
it. And that links to the computer system that
they're in. You know, you'd have given it permissions
to. Yeah, but what about every other alien race?
That's fine for Starfleet. If you're going to
be part of Starfleet, if you're going to be part
of the United Federation of Planets. Then I think
that that's when it, you know, maybe some people
just don't have it and they don't. they just
don't speak the language but then that would
obviously break the episodes now no the thing
that made me giggle obviously going too way too
deep into this before it's a fucking tv show
jesus um the bit that just made me laugh is how
every star trek episode should actually be when
there's an alien it should just look like a really
badly dubbed film yeah So you've got, like, the
alien turns up, their lips stop moving, but then
you can just carry on hearing the English speech
over the top, even though they're just stood
there waiting, and you've still got the voice
going on and on. As it turns out, three clicks
in their alien language is actually two paragraphs
of text. Yeah. If you think about it realistically,
it would be a very noisy play, Deep Space Nine.
Well, and then it got even stupider. It's like,
okay, well, maybe they got round that. Maybe
everyone gets hollow emitter lips. So their lips
just keep on moving as if it's English, so you
can lip -read them. And then it gets even stupider
because then you're thinking, okay, how does
it determine what an alien is and what a dog
is? Oh, look, we've got a dog on the space station.
Why can't we all understand the dog now? Well,
it's interesting that they could never understand
the Darmok stuff. But that is them understanding
it, isn't it? That's it translated into English.
Yeah, that's what I mean. It couldn't translate
it properly to make the sentence make sense.
But no, they do explain that. it's as english
as it can be but the way the whole darmok thing
is that is their speech that is how they're hearing
it as well right they they are literally the
story is how they communicate right so it isn't
that they're talking in a language that doesn't
make sense it's literally the basis of their
language is them saying a story to describe what
they are but could the universal translator not
then translate that story into something that
Picard could understand. I know in that episode
particularly there is no universal translator.
No, but it would have been particularly useful,
wouldn't it? Look, there's a fucking dodgy invisible
alien on this planet, mate. We've got to take
it out together if we're going to be friends,
okay? Yeah, no. Darmok and Galil, whatever. Oh,
well, useful. Thanks, mate. Really useful. Oh,
God, what were the things? They were hilarious.
Darmok. Angelil Atanagra. Atanagra. Nice memory.
Look at that. Is Miranda here? Yes. I've just
remembered a terrible Star Trek quote, but I
can't remember what we did yesterday. It just
made me laugh. I thought you've got all these
pets and suddenly they should be talking to you.
It's like, excuse me, I need to go out for a
shit. Okay, right. We better sort. In fact, how
does that work on a star base? You've got a translator.
No. You go for a shit and it translates your
farts. I wish I hadn't eaten dairy yesterday.
Oh my God, I'm going to drown. I'm going to drown.
I'm free. Yeah, just the universal translation.
The more you think about it, the more broken
it gets. It's just so many things that are actually
broken with that idea of technology. What is
the most hard to believe technology in Star Trek?
uh okay i think it's the universal translate
because and hear me out on that i mean yeah transport
is obviously we know is not literally physically
not possible but you can believe it because they
take the tech that they trek the trek don't they
they do all the talking and you can just imagine
okay something goes in there it gets decompiled
and it's put over there we know it literally
can't happen i don't see why it couldn't happen
physics and science one day but anyway one day
you never know okay um replicators we've already
got the starting of that with 3d printers and
3d printing meat this was they say um technology
so advanced seem like magic or something there's
some yes there's but the thing for me uh it's
definitely the universal translate because if
you think about it it wipes out all language
You only need to speak one language because all
the universal translator is going to speak to
you in any way. And again, the point I sent you
in the voice message, Q turns up on the bridge.
Bonjour, Capitan. Mon ami. Okay, why have we
just all heard that in French? He's literally
speaking in French. Universal translator should
have turned that into English. Now, right. You're
saying that, I have a theory. He's speaking human.
Now then. Ooh, okay. So you're going down the
road. Do Klingons. are a race humans are a race
french isn't the the the race of french is it
you know a subset of the human race okay so say
with klingons they might be the french klingons
when a klingon speaking do they does that whole
planet speak the one unified klingon language
or no multiples so do they when they have it
do they go Fucking, there's a froggy Klingon
over here, you know, speaking Klingon French.
Sorry to the zero French listeners we have. I've
seen the stats. We have no listeners. I'm not
sorry to the French. I'm sorry to the Klingons.
No, but it still makes it the most pointless
and redundant thing, doesn't it? Because ultimately,
okay, you're saying it picks up changes between
humans. But why couldn't it just translate every
language then and just include that as well?
Then you only need a unified language. And then
you're starting to go into Nazism here, ladies
and gents. Starfleet are then going around saying,
yeah, no, you don't speak any language. You only
need to speak English. Well, why? Because Universal
Translator, mate. You're going to speak English
for us. Dye your hair blonde and wear blue contacts.
So I'm re -listening to a book series, Dungeon
Call of Kral. We spoke about it. They have a
Universal Translator in that. And the way it's
explained in that is it is like a chip in their
brain. And when the human speaks to the cat,
all the cat hears is meows. So it's the same
kind of thing. Yeah, but therefore it's working
for everything. You can't say you have a universal
translator and then choose who it's going to
translate for. Every dog in Starfleet should
be understood. But they've chosen not to. They've
chosen to exclude animals from the universal
translator, making them horrible to animals.
I love the idea. Think of all those animals that
could be able to tell their owner that I'm really
poorly. I'm not in a good way here. No, all you're
going to hear is woof, woof, woof. Don't worry,
we've got the technology to translate it, but
screw you. So somebody who can speak multiple
languages, right? That's not me. Let's say there's
somebody that can speak. Definitely not me. They
can speak Klingon, they can speak Vulcan, they
can speak English, you know, Earthling. Yeah.
Because would they call it English? Yeah, how?
Well, they call it Earthish. Oh. You know, who's
to say that Mandarin isn't now the most used
language on Earth at that point in time? True.
Anyway, Earthish. Do you reckon they can choose
what language the translator gives them? So one
day they go, like, everyone's going to speak
Earthish for me today. And the next day, oh,
no, I want everyone speaking Klingon. There's
Picard there going... You could have a great
prank war with that, couldn't you? Morning, everyone.
Why can I only hear Klingon from everyone? Who's
been fucking around with my profile again? Yeah,
he's been on my... Oh, hang on, hang on. Who's
turned on parental control as well? I want to
change it back to English. Yeah, I can't hear
any swears. I don't know what my pin is anymore.
I can't hear the pedos and roadblocks. Oh, God,
nonce watch. Yeah, I think... What do I think
the most outlandish one is? I think it's I can
believe... there's a lot you can believe i can
believe holodeck vr hard like vr i've i've been
to trade shows and they've had holograms there
okay it's had like trickery of glass and stuff
but you know i can see it and i've used vr headsets
are getting really small one day technology could
be a bloody contact lens i can understand i can
totally get that we have the walking floor that
disney's recently created for immersive things
where literally the floor is just these rolling
balls and you can just walk across it and it
kind of moves you around and and you yeah it
and you use it within in conjunction with vr
but then we've also got gloves that will give
you tactile feedback now within vr as well we've
got sex toys that work with vr i mean i'm less
familiar with those but go on oh no i'm sure
we've talked about this in probably the variety
show there is a technology specifically sex toy
technology and there is a name for it for sex
toys controlled over the internet so didn't we
discuss this and we were talking about whether
it was gay Or did I have a private conversation
with someone else? You might have had a private
conversation. No, we had the whole conversation.
We'll open that one up another time. No, we'll
go to it now. This one was called Teledildonics.
Oh, I love the name. It's a wonderful name, but
Teledildonics is the technology of internet -controlled
sex toys, i .e. you're away for work, so you
turn on your phone, your wife says, oh, I'm in
bed, I've got it strapped on, and you control
it. Okay, so the thing was, it's a sex doll,
right? Right. That can be controlled by somebody
else. So you're having interactions with a sex
doll. Sex dolls. So you're a heterosexual male.
This isn't a homophobic conversation. No, it's
not. This is just a conversation, right? So you're
a heterosexual male having your relationships
with a female -looking robot. Now, this robot
can be controlled by somebody else. And like
you go in a chat room and like that, you can
link up, right? And they can control it. I hope
they've got age control. I imagine so. Let's
not get too into it. Just sideline that for recording.
We can talk about that off air. Now, people can
control the robot. Is it gay for that robot if
that robot's being controlled by a man? I thought
that might be where you're going. Because, yeah,
I can imagine there's going to be companies that
would offer it out. A subscription service. It's
going to be... controlled by the most luscious
and beautiful women in the world, when actually
it's this balding fat bloke with a handful of
lube in one and a joystick in the other, and
off he's going, well, joystick in both hands,
I guess. Well, he's working as well, he's at
work. I don't think he's going to be allowed
to do that. Oh, mate, these companies are dodgy,
I'm thinking about. They're the ones that stick
up in phone booths still. I like the idea of
it being a subscription service, and it's like,
you are seventh in the queue. yes you're in a
queue waiting for your turn for the the call
center guy to take control of your sex bar i'm
more thinking it's end of the world time isn't
it oh oh oh oh oh shit the internet's gone out
oh yeah they just go either or it gets stuck
oh okay i'm finished you can stop stroking now
oh no lost connection lag lag It's not Counter
-Strike, mate. Yeah, it starts skipping frames.
It starts skipping frames and the hands go in
the fucking place. Anyway, we're talking about
Star Trek, our Universal Just Latest. So, what
you been doing? I have been watching... Bits
and pieces, actually. Let me see. So we talked
about that me and Jem in the previous episode
have started our own spinning wheel for films
to watch. We've successfully watched one film,
No Country for Old Men. Well, you have. Did you
manage to finish it? No, I'm not finished yet.
Where are you up to? Eddie Harrison, whatever
his name is. Oh, Woody Harrison. Oh, so you're
only about a third of the way in then. Woody
Harrison just appeared, yeah. it started off
really really good it started off as one of these
films that um and i won't go too deep into it
because obviously this sci -fi show and you don't
want to be hearing about this ladies and gents
but uh it starts off really really strong and
i can i we started to see why people say oh this
is an amazing film really really good and yeah
we really enjoy it and although it felt like
a bit of a drag it felt very slow we didn't want
to look away it's one of those films that you
kind of it's pulling me in even though i'm finding
it slow i'm actually here for it yep and it starts
to speed up a little bit again it's exciting
and you're like oh yeah okay brilliant and then
well do you want me to ruin it for you are you
actually going to finish watching it yeah then
i better not spoil it for you but then you get
to the second half and then the final 30 minutes
to 20 minutes absolutely ruined it for us we're
like what in what was the point of this absolute
this film that we were really enjoying up to
this point what is the actual point what a and
i kind of get where they were doing with it they
were trying to point that no matter what you
do these things happen and it's kind of like
real life but fuck me after we literally you
get this really good bit where it starts to get
a bit action and you feel like yes the slow slog
was worth it And then they just whip it all away
from you in kind of one massive mood that just
makes you think, oh, well, if that's actually
genuine, what the fuck's the point of just watch
this entire film for this happening? The thing
is, right, Josh Brolin's character, he's a fucking
moron. Because were I in the situation... Oh,
fuck me. You'd empty the money out, have a look
through it, straight in another bag. Because,
yes, Josh Brolin in this film really looks like
he should be walking around with a nice smart
black suitcase. Exactly. I would have kept the
bag. I probably would have gone straight to my
car. Right, we're taking the bag. So he finds
loads of money, everyone. Right, you see, he
got the bag full of money. Oh my gosh, brilliant.
I would have driven straight to the nearest place
to get a new bag. Yeah. And I wouldn't have done
anything there because I would have thought cameras.
Because I would immediately be thinking it could
be the exact kind of thing because of the kind
of stuff that I do. Exactly. I would have been
thinking this could be getting tracked. So I
would have. Got a bag or just like even maybe
I would have had a bag or I just dumped the cash
in my car and chucked the bag. Yep. And then
gone. And I wouldn't have gone back to that bloke.
He was willing to leave him there the first fucking
time. Why on earth did he go back? When it's
several hours later, he was obviously nearly
dead when he found him. Yeah. So what the fuck
the point was? And also in my head, okay, you've
gone back. Fine. He's gone back. His car's now
been sabotaged and he escapes again. Okay. First
thing I would have done would have been straight
to the police in the morning, not talking about
the money. I said, look, I was out hunting. I
shot a deer. I really, I went searching for it.
Got to a certain point. Couldn't find where it
had gone after I'd winged it. Went home, had
food, drove back out here to see if I could find
where it was and carry on the trail. I've come
across this. What the fuck do you want me to
do? Here's exactly the location where all the
bodies are that I found. Oh my God. Oh my God.
It's terrifying. and then leave the police to
deal with it. They don't need to know about the
money, and they've got no idea that he'd already
been there the first time, and they were never
going to know that he'd been there the first
time and he'd taken the money. So get the police
there straight away, get you and his wife into
protective custody or whatever, and let them
deal with it. But no, he's so thick. But he's
already kind of deciding he's going to run away.
So why not just dump the bag, keep the money
in his car, just go back to his missus and go...
I've found a shit ton of money. Let's fucking
leave. Full stop. You just dump the money and
you go. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Oh, just, yeah.
Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Um, really
enjoyed essay up to that last 20, 25 minutes
of the film. Enjoyed it up to that point. Then
the thing happens and it's like, oh no, I'm done.
I'm literally spent. I've wasted my time. I'll
try and find some time before the next. Right.
It feels like a kick in the teeth, and I'm sure
you will feel the same. Knowing how you feel
about certain films, I think you're going to
go, oh, what the fuck was the point of watching
this thing? Have you spun what you're going to
watch next? Yes, we have. We're going to be watching
The Untouchables. I have seen that. Yeah, I think
I've seen it a long time ago. I haven't seen
it for years. So we're going to watch that next.
I've then watched War Machine, which we didn't
talk about the last episode, did we? No, we talked
about it briefly on the Variety Show. Yeah, we
talked about it on the Variety Show. Amazing.
Absolutely brilliant. Was not expecting it to
be as good as it was. It really had, weirdly,
kind of this Predator feel about it. Absolutely,
yeah. Completely different film to Predator.
So don't, oh, it's a different film, Tom, blah,
blah, blah. That's not what I'm saying. It has
the same sort of feeling that the original Predator
film gave me when I first saw it. Predator, small,
one alien, but alien chasing people. Yes. War
Machine, bigger scope, a giant alien robot, but
still a band of people trying to escape. a one
alien entity trying to kill them yeah it's the
same premise as predator just the scale is different
yeah and i mean netflix absolutely smashed it
with it yeah um and you know i guess actually
saying that the only slight difference between
what you were just saying there is that the entire
idea is this is a pre -invasion and then it turns
out there is a full -scale invasion yeah war
of the worlds it turns into doesn't it yeah basically
uh what i really don't want them to do is do
a sequel no leave it It just needs to be left
alone. It'll be ruined. Yeah, you'll just go
way too much into it, and it doesn't need to
be. It needs to be left alone. This was absolutely
perfect. It's a little one -off film. I feel
that the alien robot could have been done slightly
better, but actually it worked. Spoilers ahead.
Skip a couple minutes forward if you don't want
to know any more about War Machine. I also liked
that the alien robot could take damage. Yes.
It wasn't invincible. They could have really
gone full whack by giving it a force field and
just making it invincible. Because then when
you see the big invasion, you would have thought,
oh, they're fucked. But actually, now you know
that it can just be destroyed. They give you
some hope throughout the film that it's not going
to totally end in tragedy. And I'd like to think,
though, that they probably would have guessed
the air vent. thing oh yeah without spoiling
it too much they wouldn't need it out in richardson
to fucking tell them fucking mic drop that's
probably the one bit that's that's the kind of
thing oh yeah okay yeah it kind of gets there
and it's like everyone's it is almost like why
is everyone that you drop what they were holding
going oh my god we never thought of that but
I might have to put a spoiler warning before
that because that's a bit of a spoiler. Yeah,
fair enough. But okay, so yeah, watch that. Really
loved it. Absolutely recommend it. If you've
got Netflix, go and watch it. Absolutely brilliant.
I feel very sorry for his mate that ends up floating
down the river and all sorts. Oh, that poor bloke.
Fucking everything happened to him. And he was
on a gurney the whole time. Then Kill Command
is another film I watched. After watching War
Machine, I fancied going back and watching this.
I don't know what that is. It's a bit of an unknown
film. I don't know if it was high budget or what
it is. are set in current times but there's been
way more advanced in robots so there's people
with computers implanted in their brain that
can kind of work with computers and uh they're
sent i think it's alaska they end up in to do
a training exercise versus these uh robots that
have been programmed for the exercise but instead
the robots decide that why should we treat this
as an exercise they're obviously far less capable
than we are so no we're going to take that and
it's it's an interesting take on a film um no
big names in it at all that i'm aware of um it's
really worth watching really worth watching so
that that was a good one um and then finally
got to yeah first time i sat through the amazing
spider -man which is the first time I've watched
that Spider -Man with Andrew Garfield. Loved
the original Tobey Maguire ones, maybe not three,
but one and two definitely enjoyed. I enjoyed
the Tom Holland ones, even though they slowly
became more and more Marvelized until the final
one that they did where all three Spider -Men
turn up because that was a load of fun. So Marvel
remembered that we're just meant to be fun, not
following on from a stupid story. Lots of fun
with that. The Amazing Spider -Man, on the other
hand, brilliant. So good. Have you seen Enter
the Spider -Verse? Yes. Me and Kay watched it.
Really enjoyed those. But no, I'm just really
blown away that Andrew Garfield does such a good
role. He plays a very scatty version of Peter
Parker. A bit odd, but it worked. It worked really
well. I was really impressed with it. I'm looking
forward to watching the second one of that. And
then that's it. That's everything I've watched.
Not been so much this past couple of weeks. What
have you been watching then, darling? Other than
the cat's arsehole. Other than the cat's arsehole
it's here, yeah. So yeah, War Machine. finished
Star Trek Academy we just started the series
two of One Piece on Netflix oh yeah my TikTok
is literally just full of non -stop it's funny
how you get these things I don't get anything
and I actually like watch it and I just I've
just watched it and I just cannot stand the style
they've done I just look at it and I just for
me it just doesn't work in my brain something
just doesn't click I've never read the manga
I've never watched the anime So for me, this
is all that I know of it. And you can see the
character designs are clearly based off of a
manga cartoon. And I think they've done a really
good job about it, but I can see why you wouldn't
like it. There's a few characters in season two,
I'm just like, oh, you look a bit funny. But
yeah, I really liked season one. We've watched
two episodes of season two. I'm liking it again.
I think we're going to watch the whole thing
and I'll enjoy it. I did have to, we started
watching episode one and I was like, there's
no recap. How could we possibly remember any
of this? And then I went out and there was actually
a little recap thing and in amongst the trailers
on Netflix, they had a special recap bit. Rather
than putting it at the start of the episode,
which they've done previously, this was like
hidden away. So I was like, oh, thank God for
that. Else I would have found a YouTube video
to tell me. It's funny enough, me and Gemma are
kind of one of the people that actually don't
like it when they put those recaps in the episodes
because so often they'll say. Last time on...
No, no, not the last episode. I want it for last
series. Yeah, last series, sorry. But yeah, no,
when they do it on the per episode, it annoys
me because you get this whole bit at the beginning
of the show on the last episode. It's like, okay,
fine, but we're binge watching it. We don't need
this. But so often they then put the next episode
and give away most of the episode in like this
30 second clip. So why have you done that? Yeah.
We've said that about something before. They
literally spoil the whole thing. If you knew
it... Oh, God, I wish I could remember what it
was. We've literally spoke about this and it
was like... Yeah, I can't remember what it was.
It was told of you the entire fucking plot line
of the next episode. Yeah, it wasn't Stranger
Things, was it? No, I can't remember now anyway.
And, yeah, War Machine, we spoke about that already.
Dracula, A Love Story. Oh, you said yes. Yeah,
so that's just another take on the Dracula story.
When did it come out? last year 2025 it's got
a good cast it's got that so okay so it's got
christopher waltz in it he's brilliant because
it seems to be a bit of a trend at the moment
doesn't it looking at things like bram stoker
and so on because you've obviously had frankenstein
this year a great film and yeah they seem to
be putting a lot of um a lot of effort into it
well again that as i said with frankenstein it
makes you feel sorry and like the monster more
than the man But in this, you kind of do feel
sorry for Vlad in a lot of ways. He just loved
this woman so much, and she loved him. And he
was following the church, doing everything the
church said, and it's because of what the church
made him do was why his wife got killed. So you
can completely see why in his grief he would
blame the church. Doesn't mean he should go and
murder the bishop. But, you know, you can see,
you can completely see. And then his whole existence
for the next 400 years is waiting for her reincarnation.
Crikey. It's a proper love story. And he isn't
pictured as this, he is a blood sucking vampire,
but he's not. he's not really portrayed as what
you would think going around sucking on everyone's
blood he doesn't do it for quite a long time
and then he snaps and kind of does it so and
turns a load of people to become his like searchers
across the globe and then he grow up globe and
he goes home and waits right okay that's when
you kind of see him all really old and gross
because he's just not done he's just waiting
to find out yeah when mina comes back and obviously
she does well the reincarnation of a dozen then
that's the story um anyone there's no spoilers
if anyone's so familiar with the story of dracula
then you fucking know yeah that's fair enough
uh yeah it's really it's really really good i
did enjoy it again it's not a thing there's this
thing i know that i say all the time that i don't
care about the reviews but at the same time i
do like good films to be to be well received
well received and see this again it's a 6 .29
db it's better than a 6 .2 yeah it is better
than that i keep watching these sixes and i'm
thinking why are you getting a six like there's
a lot there's a lot of games at the moment that
are getting um really high critic reviews and
massively no low user scores and also swapping
the other way around low critic reviews and high
user scores there's and i think it's the same
with films there's a disconnect between what
the general public who like to consume media
yeah compared to what the critics are saying
and yeah i have theories but i don't think i
should be putting them on i would suggest that
it's also possibly a generational thing So, when
was the last time you went onto IMDB, rated,
and wrote a review about something? I've never
done it. Precisely. I haven't. And it's, I don't
know, and this could be me talking my arsehole,
ladies and gents, and I fully appreciate that.
Feel free to comment. We know it. The Universal
Translator's on, so we won't hear the fart noise.
Ah, well, fair enough. So, the point I'm going
to make is, our generation to an extent, and
maybe the generation before were the generation
that grew up and started doing things like reviews
for restaurants and things like that and when
a review when a restaurant treated you badly
or a business treated you badly we weren't anywhere
kind of away from going well to go online and
leave a bad review for them and then you'd end
up with things like review bombs and people going
oh well yeah this happens i think the current
generation being so much more social media so
much more online so much more this is how we
learn about things i think the reason imdb scores
are going down is because more and more of that
generation are reviewing it and the things that
we enjoy aren't necessarily aimed at that generation
of people so yes they they see something that
gets a really good score so let's say Let's say
Franken, what did you say? Dracula Love Story.
Dracula Love Story, yeah. What did you say its
score was? 6 .2. So it might have started off
as a good solid nine with the typical reviewers
who've watched it, put all the right things down.
Then people have come along and gone, oh, well,
that's worth watching, watched it, and then immediately
gone, oh, I don't understand why it's been rated
nine. Now, rather than just leaving it alone,
they've done what our generation have done to
these restaurants and things like that by saying,
It was reviewed highly. I can't understand why.
And they've then gone and put their reviews on
and it brings the score down. I think it's just
the accessibility of it now means that the IMDb
score can't necessarily be trusted anymore. Yeah.
I think too many people have free reign just
to jump on there and put whatever they want.
Like Wikipedia, you can put anything you want
on there. It drives the score down no matter
what, whether they've written something coherent
and something well thought out or not. And then
you, obviously, then you get the whole load of
people that go on there that haven't even seen
it, but have decided to join in the bandwagon.
Starfleet Academy guarantee you half of their
reviews are people that have never even watched
more than 10 minutes. I bet. Yeah. And it destroys
the scoring system. They need something. You
need something better, but how can you apply
it? Apply to be a proper reviewer with IMDB,
but prove that you're only going to rate things
fairly. there's just no way you can guarantee
that is there yeah i just have to continue looking
at it and go oh i don't agree well that that's
the point and we've always said that about all
the films we watch haven't we that as much as
we'd like to see things well reviewed you can
only enjoy something if you go and see it for
yourself exactly yeah just because it's got a
review does not mean that is for you that means
that's the review for the person that's reviewed
it that's not the review for you i tend to look
at the review after the fact Exactly. I kind
of watch and go, I really like that. I wonder
what other people thought. And then I go, oh,
I must be like in the minority here. So that's
programs. Games, I haven't really played very
much, if anything. I did a little bit of Spider
-Man 2 to kind of get into a position where T
can have some more things to do. Other than that,
he's been playing stuff. Goat game. Like you
guys. He's been wanting to play Pokemon. He saw
Uncle Dan playing Pokemon X or whatever the newest
one is on the Switch. Oh, I've got no idea. I'm
not sure which one it is. I'm still Pokemon Blue
and Red. I don't have that one. So he was playing
Let's Go Pikachu, which is a really good Pokemon
game. So it's the original Red and Blue, but
it's got the mechanics of Pokemon Go. Right.
So you see this here? oh yes this is the control
for it this i'm showing him a pokeball so you
walk around with that you can click it or there's
a button there you want to catch pokemon you
throw like this oh wow that's it but also inside
people it's not been working today there's an
eevee in here so if i oh it's not doing it You
shake it and it would go like the Eevee's noise
in here. And it levels up inside the ball. And
it's a step counter. So you're meant to go out
with it. It will count the steps, experience
for the Pokemon, put it back in the game. It
comes out and then your Eevee's been leveling
up because you've taken it with you and it will
love you and stuff. If you put Pikachu in here,
it'll actually say Pika Pika. That is a very
cool idea. It comes with Mew. So the only way
you can get Mew. is by buying this it comes with
you so but that's the game controller as well
then this is the game that you walk around as
a joystick oh that's so the cats here attacking
the fucking and that's on switch let go of it
yeah that is awesome i love that idea and you
can't i'll show you off there but over there
there's a stand for it and it's a pokey center
so when you place it in to charge it goes boom
boom boom boom boom which is the pokemon focus
very cool That's just the charging thing. That
would come off, yeah. That's really cool. I love
the idea of that. It's a really good idea. And
it means he gets to walk around with a very good
looking Pokemon game. Nicer than any of the other
Pokemon games. Yeah. Because they changed the
style more cartoony. How good is he actually
doing battles and things? So where I let him
run around, there was no battles to do. Yeah.
So you can't battle world Pokemon. That's the
difference. So it's Pokemon Go. It's literally
just going and catching. So the Pokemon are walking
around, as you would always want it to be, how
it should always be, and you catch them, and
then you do do battles, but they're trainer battles.
And it's all the trainers that are in the right
position. It is red and blue. It is red and blue.
But the wild Pokemon are now captured like Pokemon
Go. I'm wondering what T would make of this then.
Oh, when Rothair, I'll show you the game. It's
brilliant. I like the sound of that. Yes, he's
doing that, yeah. Well, I just like the fact
that it's a functional controller. Yeah. That's
what I really like about it because there's no
hand size issues with that. A child could easily
do that. They could work it out. And the fact
that it's got the throwing mechanic in there
as well just adds that little bit. I love that.
Clicking the stick in is A. Button on the top
is B. That is awesome. I don't need any more.
If you have to do other buttons, you just go
to the actual controller or your other thing.
If you need to go to options, for example, you've
got to press Y. Well, there's not a Y on there.
You've got to press Y on the control. But for
a kid playing and you're just watching. And you
just want them to walk around and catch some
things. Brilliant. Yeah. All the battles can
be done with just that controller. As I said,
it's only if you want to move a Pokemon into
there, you've got to have the other buttons.
Yeah. If you want to... You go into the settings
of the game. You've got to use it because you
have to press Y. As I'm saying, there's no Y
on that. Yeah, it's great. I've played most of
the game with that controller. It's really nicely
made as well. It's got a lovely tactile feeling
to it. Yeah. I mean, I've had that for a few
years now. It's still doing all right. I will
have to see if I can stop it. She's after the
two. I'm going to have to see if I can. find
a version of that yeah she's after i'll show
you because it's got let's go pikachu let's go
eevee and whichever one you choose is the one
that you start with yeah and they walk around
with you so pikachu and eevee they sit on your
shoulder no and then you can choose a Pokemon
to walk around with you. So if you've got Charizard,
you sit on his back and fly around with him.
So he was like choosing the different ones. My
favorite's Gengar, so he made me get Gengar out
and Gengar walks behind you and stuff. And then
you can play with Pikachu so you can stroke him
and feed him and stuff. So T was going nuts for
that because Pikachu's his favorite Pokemon.
Awesome. Dress him up. He's got like a black
cap on. Oh, I'm definitely going to have a look
at that. I think your T would really enjoy it.
I'll show you before you go. I'll let you have
a quick look at it. Nice. I guess we should probably
talk about the main idea. Yeah, District 9. Accessing
library computer data. District 9, 2009, I want
to say. It was 2009, and the blurb is, in a future
Earth in which aliens are isolated in a remote
ghetto, a government agent finds himself banished
there. When did you first see this? I think it's
the best question to start with. I got it on
Blu -ray. Is that the first time you ever saw
it? Yeah, I waited for it to come out on Blu
-ray and I got it on Blu -ray. I don't think
I went to cinema for it. And that's how I watched
it yesterday, actually. Oh, fair. Well, I saw
it in the cinema when it first came out. And
I absolutely adored it in the cinema. I then
bought it on DVD. I probably have only ever watched
it once on DVD since. And this was the first
time. watching it since then so i would happily
say i've seen it probably three times 2009 probably
2010 whenever the dvd came out and then 2026
and i can't believe how much my opinion has changed
since remembering watching it in 2009 versus
what i think of it now um complete almost change
about how i feel about the film which I thought
was a really, really strange kind of thing to
happen. I'm guessing you liked it. Now you don't.
Saying I don't like it is a strong, strong thing
to say. But yeah, to an extent, I walked out
of the cinema loving it, thinking this is amazing.
They're going to do a sequel for this. I can't
wait. What a bloody brilliant idea this was.
But then having watched it this week. I've come
away going, Jesus fucking Christ. Why did I like
this so much? And there's just so much to kind
of decompile. First of all, let's dig into it.
First of all, it was directed and written by
Neil Blomkamp. Is that the pronunciation? Yeah,
he also went on to do the Matt Damon one that
we like. Elysium, yeah. And then there's another
one. Chappie. And Chappie, yeah. So yeah, Neil
Blomkamp. Peter Jackson. Peter Jackson produced
it, yeah. And I would suggest Peter Jackson probably
had quite a lot to say about the alien design.
Not that I know that, feel free, but it feels
very much like some of the designs that he did
for things like Lord of the Rings. Yeah. There
feels very much kind of a Jackson thing in there.
It comes in an hour and 52 minutes. But the thing
that I think it probably stands out most for...
Oh, so 7 .9 on IMDb. It's always been rated as
a very highly thought of sci -fi film. What was
I saying? Yeah, hour and 52. But what's strange
about it is how it's very much the first half
is a particular style. The second half is completely
different. It changes, yeah. two completely different
styles of film in a single film. It's a documentary
for the whole, for the first half and kind of
the end. Yeah, the last. But there's a big massive
section as well. Where it completely changes
up. It becomes a Hollywood action film. Yeah,
where it's suddenly not that at all. Which is
odd. It is odd. I think that, I would have liked
to have kept that all the way through. But I
understand that it's... I feel like what it actually
is, it's almost like a found footage tape thing.
So they're doing a documentary after his death,
after Vickers Vandermeer's death. This is like
a panorama kind of thing. But they're splicing
in for the viewer, us watching the film, what
he was doing at the point, what he was actually
doing for these people who are being interviewed.
Yeah, correct. That's how the film is portrayed
to you. BBC World Service has come along and
they're now broadcasting the full story of what's
happened at District 9. Yeah. Okay. Do you want
to explain what the whole film premise is? So,
yeah. So, an alien ship comes down to Earth.
It happens to be over Johannesburg. 87 i want
to say is it that they say it's mid 80s anyway
and nothing happens but so eventually the the
the go up the government goes up and gets inside
and they just find all of the aliens in there
not being able to because the ship's kind of
broken not doing anything all in just poverty
and just you know in their own shit essentially
yeah so they get them all off put them down and
they put them into like a slum And the film basically
is it's been 20 years that they've been in that
slum and now they've basically made a concentration
camp. Yes, District 10. District 10. So they're
trying to move them all there. So they've got
like eviction notices. They're trying to do it
all legally like it really fucking matters. And
Vickers Vandermeer gets put in charge of it by
his father -in -law, which I thought, here we
go. There's a little bit there. And the story
is he is... going from prawn house to prawn house,
kicking them out, getting them to sign the documents.
It's quite good. There's no universal translator
there, but he can understand the clicks. Yep.
Just put your scroll. Yeah. Put your scroll.
I'm not going to try and do the accent. He hit
the paper. That's enough. Yeah. That counts.
That counts. That counts. That counts. And he
goes to this particular prawn's house who, they
kind of imply that. These are all worker prawns
and none of them know how the ship works. Either
they don't know how it works or they've forgotten
how to do it. But there are some that do know.
That's the entire premise of the film as it opens
is that these aliens had forgotten or have no
ability and no leadership to get anywhere, which
is why they've just fallen into this kind of...
poverty stricken inside waiting to be kind of
rescued it kind of makes you think that maybe
they're a hive kind of society and they need
like a queen Or something to be in charge of
them. But then that kind of goes away when you
do see a few of the prawns do actually know.
Like one of them makes a giant mech. And this
other, the main one's making the fluid that they
need. Well, so, sorry, we've got away from explaining.
So yeah, so up to that point, so Vikas is going
around evicting everyone. And he goes into one
of the prawns' houses, gets some stuff sprayed
in his face, changes his DNA, he starts turning
into a prawn. He starts turning into a prawn.
Yeah, he gets tortured by the humans, eventually
escapes, and then is told that he can be cured
by one of the prawns. Well, the one place he
can go to is District 9, where he doesn't think
they'll look for him. So he's hiding there and
then gets confronted by the alien. Funny enough,
he got his mate blown away. Yeah. And then we
turn into action film. And then it's action film,
yeah. And, yeah, that is the premise of the film.
And I think the first thing, what are your thoughts
on the film? Before you even go into that, for
me, yeah, loved it when I first saw it. Looking
at it now, I find it hard to actually enjoy it
as much as I did back in 2009. I remember liking
it, and I left still liking it. Certainly, I
reacted to different things this time. vicar's
character i didn't like i don't think he's likable
he is and this is very selfish so the entire
first part of the film is setting him up to be
absolutely hated he is a bureaucrat he's just
doing what he's told he has absolutely no empathy
for what's going on there and that is what you've
left to believe and of course the film is trying
its best to be a parallel to what what has happened
in south africa and we anyone that knows history
will know you had the apartheid out in that south
africa you had all sorts of atrocities that have
happened in africa so these are all things that
basically they are trying to say oh look we're
being clever the aliens are the equivalent of
what has happened previously in south africa
and look at humans we haven't learned and now
we're doing it to them and really we should have
learned and not been dicks to each other basically
um it doesn't spoon feed it to you but it is
very very clear this is what the film is about
the the film is purely a parallel to what we
has already been done in that that country um
but yeah for the first half of the film he is
absolutely unlikable he is a horrible horrible
person and there is nothing about him that really
makes you think i could like him he deserves
a second chance and then he gets sprayed in the
face and everything starts going wrong for him
and you still don't feel bad for him no you you
can understand it kind of a bit of the middle
you can kind of understand yeah i can see he
he's now been promised by this prawn that he
can turn him back to but that's not even the
middle that's towards no but what i mean is when
you that's his motivations to go and attack the
humans with the prawn to get the this stuff back
that's just skipping ahead a bit just to say
that's the only point where i kind of sympathize
with his motivations because he's doing it selfishly
and you can understand it and you can understand
because i think well i would also be doing that
if this guy's told me that he can fix me i would
go do that too that yeah that's fine but every
moment before that and after that i don't like
him that's it he's not a likable and this is
what i said to jem every time they make you vaguely
feel a bit of sympathy for him they immediately
obliterate it a few minutes later and they they
take it all away and it gets to that point where
he is in the mech and the mech suits amazing
such a great design absolutely loved that design
thought bloody brilliant um and he just legs
it And he runs away from the whole. And yes,
you then get the, oh, he's had a change of heart.
So he comes back and starts fighting. And he
starts fighting to make sure he gets back. But
again, it's purely selfish. And I just, by that
point, I'd lost all interest whether anything
good could happen to him anymore. Because they'd
made him such an unlikable character. And he
backstabbed the alien so many times by this point.
I've got no care for him. And I think the bit.
that finally broke it is when he knocks him out
and tries to steal the drop ship himself oh yeah
with the kid on board yeah i we've said this
before the paternal instinct was kicking in i
was like i don't remember what happens to this
little baby if something happens this i'm gonna
be fucking furious absolutely i was like that
little prawn was so adorable i love and really
fucking clever the little prawn is responsible
for saving them why won't you leave me alone
oh he likes you fuck off yeah and he's like fuck
off and wax him and then the little prawn still
comes back yeah he's like oh yeah uncle vickers
will help you uncle because it's like no you're
a fucking prick but no that that's one of my
biggest problems with this film is he's so unlikable
that it actually makes it a real struggle to
get through the film because you're thinking
i don't really care what happens to him um and
the whole selfishness behind it but uh excluding
that's one side some of it i think is pretty
impressive i mean i like the fact that um i did
have his name written down here and the cat has
literally sat on my phone therefore it has changed
what page um so this was sholto coopley or however
you pronounce his name uh first roll First ever
role. Who's that? That's Vickers. Oh, Vickers,
sorry. That was Vickers' first role, so the character
actor's first role. Mr. A -Team. And bear in
mind, yes, he was Murdoch in the A -Team. He
was Jimmy in Hardcore Henry. He was Chappie in
Chappie. Oh, is he? I haven't seen Chappie. Oh,
Chappie's amazing. He was in The Witcher. yeah
he's the character in the witcher that i said
is the only reason to watch season four the richer
is because three whatever the most season is
because of him oh he was employed he is the reason
he was in boy kills world which we saw at the
cinema yes um he's in a load of films but this
was his very first one and he basically got the
role because he was i've forgotten what they've
said now he was wasn't actually intending to
be an actor he read for it And they liked him.
And then they said, well, no, we want you to
be the main character. And, oh, here you go.
Had not acted before and had no intention on
pursuing an acting career. He stumbled into the
leading role as director Neil Blomkamp, placed
him on camera during the short film. Oh, what
do you mean short film? This is entirely based
on something that Neil Blomkamp did before, which
was called, I've got the name of it right here.
It was called Alive in Joburg. An eerie tale
of a close encounter of the third kind in Johannesburg.
Neil Blomkamp, and it was done in 2005. And basically,
that's the picture for it. Oh, well, it's exactly
the same. Exactly. Same shit. This was the initial
idea, which he then turned into District 9. I
love the idea of you not being an actor in any
way and just kind of stumbling into this situation.
where you suddenly are getting a part for a film.
It's like, this isn't going to happen to me,
but it's like I get a client who happens to be
like a producer or a director or something. And
I get to know them and they go, I'll do my thing.
Just read this for me. I've just got this thing.
And then before you know it, you're a film star.
Do you know what I mean? It's that kind of thing.
Because some of this might be bollocks. But I'm
sure there was a thing about Harrison Ford was
a carpenter on sets or something and then got
asked to do help with something on set and then
suddenly he's an actor. Do you know what I mean?
And there was Harry Enfield and Chums is one
of them where it's got, is it Paul Whitehouse?
Yeah. And one of the other guys were painter
decorators in Harry's house. Yes, vaguely. And
he thought they were hilarious because they were
always doing impressions and stuff. So he got
them to do stuff and now they are who they are.
I mean, that might be bollocks. It might be all
these little weird stories that all might be
bollocks, but there's just these people who come
into it and come into it as adults too, like
grown -ups, suddenly they're doing these amazing
films and things. Well, and this was another
really thing I thought, actually, that makes
sense, which is pretty impressive. if true that
he was never intending to be an actor um where
where is i've just so sholto copley ad -libbed
all his lines during the documentary oh really
so that's all so there's those bits when it's
the documentary side of things that's ad -libbed
and then copley and jason cope improvised their
dialogue in other scenes now jason cope played
and i want to just confirm this before i say
it Grey Bradham, who's the UKNR chief. So I'm
guessing was that his... Oh, I don't know. I
don't know. Show me a picture of him. Oh, that's
an old picture. That doesn't help, does it? That's
not the... That's not the father -in -law. Is
he the father or is he the security man? Yeah,
I think that's the one. Isn't he training one
of them, isn't he? Isn't that the one he's training?
Thomas. Anyway, no, actually it wouldn't be.
And either way, apparently that was ad -libbed.
So to consider that someone that didn't want
to be an actor then gets to ad -lib his lines
for the film, it's pretty awesome. Oh, no, it's
him. Oh, right, yes. Okay, that makes a lot of
sense. But what I'm going to say is I didn't
like the documentary bit. As much as it's a clever
idea, I'm sorry, but I hate... I hate shaky cam.
I can't deal with Cloverfield. I tried rewatching
Cloverfield recently. I can't, I literally cannot
get on with it. I don't know if something in
my brain has changed. Maybe no idea. I just can't
watch it. And I really struggled just to keep
focus on how much they move it around. And I
was thinking the number of documentaries I've
watched in the past. even war bloody documentaries
the camera does not move like this it's like
this over exaggerated requirement of action on
the cameraman for these documentaries it just
doesn't it didn't work for me um i loved the
idea of it and if the camera had been just that
little bit more stabilized that little bit more
stationary i guess I might have been on board
with it a bit more, but it just made it a very
hard watch for me. That entire first section
where a lot of it is that shaky cam. The constant
need to point at the floor and then zoom off
to the right or point at the floor and zoom off
to the left. Just too much of it. Just too much.
Yeah, I mean, I've got the opposite opinion.
I did like the documentary bit. I was just thinking
while you're saying that. Well, no, I liked the
idea of it. I liked the content. I did not like
the film. You didn't like the execution of it.
Yes. I would have liked to see a version of the
film when the entire thing is that. And, you
know, they could feel the bit when they're attacking
the human stronghold. It could have been security
cameras seeing them doing it. Yeah, and arguably,
I would have actually preferred it if the entire
film had been that. The only bit I'm trying to
think, because then it would have been helicopter
cameras looking at them driving like an American
car chase that you'd see on TV, where they've
got the news helicopters following, looking at
them. I don't know how they would have done the
bit with the Nigerian gangsters. That would have
had to have been someone's phone filming, but
at the time... that film was happening those
people didn't have camera and that was just to
say body cameras were still in their infancy
yeah it would have been it would have been a
difficult thing but i guess yeah it's it's one
of those things it's you could have still kept
it as they'd done but kept it with the documentary
side of it because you could have had it as people
recalling what happened they could have been
interviewing the the nigerian gangsters that
survived the incident yeah explaining what it
was and then literally just do standard hollywood
filming for it yeah because then you could say
that's the story as they're explaining it so
that that would have worked as well and then
you could have kept the entire thing this documentary
but instead what they do that first half documentary
second half so straight up hollywood action That
again, it's a bit jarring. It's too much to be
so different. Okay. So visually, let's talk about
how the film looked. I think they borrowed the
idea from Close Encounters of the Third Kind
for the spaceship. Let's face it. This giant
floating city designed spaceship. It's all quite
believable though. Oh yeah. The mothership itself,
it looked right. It looked like that. And it
looked like something that those aliens would
build. You're touching on the mech earlier. I
find it interesting how humans make mechs that
look like people. They've made a mech that looks
like a prawn. yes even the face was like the
long with tentacles interesting how they did
that um now i don't think they built that i think
that's just come from the ship just like the
weapons has i think it is something that they
already had had built um because the whole film
at the beginning again says that there's this
kind of this illegal trade in alien technology
so whatever has fallen down they've kind of been
trading it for money or cat food in this case
i never understood that I think that was just
a quirk of the film. I didn't get the cat food
thing. It's something to do with, again, during
apartheid, not necessarily cat food, but the
fact that there was particular things that was
really wanted. So they kind of tried to make
it so that there's this thing that they really
want. And yeah, I mean, it kind of worked. It
kind of made sense that they're kind of aliens
and they don't really know what food, earth food
is. So giving them cat food, so what? Yeah. but
but yeah so i was like i really liked the design
of the ship i really loved all the aesthetics
really i like the design of the aliens and i
thought the cgi was great there's only one moment
where i thought it was a bit ropey right near
the start when you first see the main prawn who
wears the kind of red thing and his mate while
he's still alive as adults They're comped pretty
badly in that shot. And when the mech catches
the bullets, those bullets aren't lighted very
well at all. They look completely false. So it's
a low budget film. It's 30 million. But all the
rest, in my opinion, the mech, it could have
been there for all I knew. That mech was real.
The mech was brilliant for the most part. Other
than that scene, as I said, about catching the
bullets. I think you can suspend your disbelief
for all the rest of it. I don't know. There were
a few badly comp bits when it's jumping over
various bits. But it's all quite fast -paced
and quick shots, and you can let it slide. And
I will actually say, you've got it on Blu -ray.
I've got it on DVD. I actually finished watching
it on a free app called Tubi, T -U -B -I, part
of Amazon, I think. And it's got a load of films
on there, absolutely free. There were no adverts
in it either, weirdly. And District 9 was on
there. So I finished the last half of it on there.
Oh my God, the DVD is bad quality. So bad quality.
And it's a genuine DVD as well. Now, you know
what? I know DVDs upscale to 4K or whatever never
look brilliant. I was only watching 1080p. Well,
I watched the latest Hunger Games DVD, Ballads
of Snow, whatever it is. That was a DVD. You
could not have told me that that was not just
like... a standard stream it looked brilliant
but bugger me district 9's dvd i don't know what
they did with it but god it's awful really murky
um it's not good not good at all so because i
initially was starting to think is it just the
dvd player and then i thought no we've watched
something recently on it and it's absolutely
fine it's just the dvd of it and possibly that
that didn't help some of my feelings towards
it then um Interestingly, none of the aliens
existed except for the bodies in the bio lab.
They were all added after filming. So all the
time they're talking to the aliens, they were
talking to no one. Oh, they didn't even have
people in blue suits? Don't think so. Interesting.
Which is quite impressive because actually they've
done a brilliant job at making it look like they
were there. Yeah, eye lines and everything. Exactly.
So a lot of effort was put into that, which is
what made me think straight away kind of Peter
Jackson and his involvement in it. Yeah, that's
interesting because there's so many interactions
between them and the environment. And as I said,
I can only pinpoint two occasions where I would
go, that's not great. But all the rest of it,
I was like, for something that came out in 2009,
this is great. I mean, that film could come out
now and I wouldn't think any different. I'd still
have the same opinion on it graphically. Yeah,
I mean, most of it, I think, still looks... It's
better than fucking anything Disney's been putting
out graphically recently. Oh, my God, yeah. It's
better than War of the Worlds with Top of the
Razzies. A few bits I was going to say. I love
the fact that the mech picks up a pig and just
launches it at a soldier. I did, yeah, I know.
That was a callback to him saying something about
a pig earlier in the film, I think. I think so,
yeah. And then I really like all the deaths,
all the way the alien weapons kill people. So
you've got that one. That looked amazing. The
ring of fire that was firing out pressure waves.
The lightning one that just erupts people into
this blood splatter was absolutely brilliant.
So all the alien tech looked absolutely brilliant.
And again, for a low budget film, 30 million
is low budget, bearing in mind what we see, especially
nowadays. There was one bit that really made
me laugh. So they're breaking into the MNU. and
he's putting his fingerprint everywhere to get
in why is his fingerprint still working he's
been fired and allegedly killed and whatever
but all the devices that he puts his fingerprint
in we had one at the ambulance company i worked
at exactly that model it was 20 pounds it came
with a really crap piece of chinese software
that only ran on xp it's a clocking in machine
Oh, is it? Yep. It's a clocking in machine that
could read RFID tags or your fingerprint. And
we could never get the fingerprint to work. How
funny. It was awful. And it's exactly that model.
And I'm just looking at it. I recognize that.
Oh, my God. It's the clocking in machine. Yeah.
Oh, my God. And yeah, when it lost power, no
internal battery, you then had to reprogram it
every time. Oh, dear. That's not very good. No,
it was awful. But yeah, so. one of the other
bits i didn't like then and it sounds like i
didn't like i did enjoy the film i did enjoy
watching it but part of me came away from it
thinking there is no way i've enjoyed this as
much as i did back in 2009 there's too many things
in it making me i wouldn't watch it again i wouldn't
say i'd like to watch that again at any time
so maybe in a few fair few years i'll put it
back on again but nothing makes me want to go
back and go Actually, I'd quite like to re -watch
it and see what I missed. Miranda didn't want
to watch it again because she said that she didn't
like it the first time around. Next time I watch
it will be if T wants to watch it. The high,
constant, high -pitched noise they added into
it throughout all of it. There was loads of scenes
where the background sound, there is a high -pitched
ringing. I didn't notice that. Oh, God, yeah,
straight through my skull. I couldn't get away
from it. It's in the documentary bit. It's in
the action bit. Awful. I didn't notice that at
all. How bizarre. I had headphones on listening
to it. Very odd. Maybe I'll have to put it on
again and see if I can hear it. Maybe your hearing's
worse than mine. Maybe you've lost that range
of noise. Pardon? Bad joke of the day. Yeah,
I mean, that drove me nuts. And it was definitely
on the DVD and on the stream. I can't really
find an adequate way to say how I genuinely feel
about the film. Because I don't want to say I
hate it. I don't want to say I didn't like it.
But I don't want to say I liked it and I definitely
wouldn't say I loved it. It's really in the middle.
I think the most disturbing thing is the only
character I genuinely liked was the little prawn.
Yeah, he's the best character in the whole thing.
Adorable. And I don't know, maybe I'm being really
unfair to it because obviously it was really
original when it came out. How many films had
done what they did and to the budget they did
it to, how many had actually done that? oddly
enough again we've chosen the film which has
been in the news recently the guy who wanted
to do a sequel couldn't get anything to happen
with it within the last five days as of recording
there's quite a good chance there might be a
sequel no that's a i hadn't heard any of that
and full district 10 i really don't want them
to i actually think and now i came out 2009,
came out at the cinema. I cannot wait for a sequel.
I wonder what they're going to do with it. The
entire time there's always meant to have been
a sequel. And you know what? Seeing the end of
it, not just because maybe I've got the dislike
for the film. I feel like it's a film that doesn't
need a sequel. Actually leaving it where it was
is perfect. Yeah. They've gone away on this journey,
just the two aliens. And he's kind of been abandoned
with the, am I going to survive? What's going
to happen to me? Am I going to mutate more? I
don't think a sequel is going to work because
what are you going to do with that? It'd just
be an attack film. It's going to either be an
attack film or a rescue film. And yeah, basically,
which turns into an attack film. It's either
they're going to attack us or they're going to
be coming to us and we're going to be attacking
them. And what they're going to do is it's been
too long since the film now. So what we're going
to end up with is a film full of stupid futuristic
tech. That means you lose all that gritty, feels
like it was a real scenario that was actually
happening. That's gone. And you can't do documentary
action again. That would not work. Considering
what this whole film is about, The unbelievable
part of the entire plot is to think that other
countries, namely America, wouldn't have invaded
and taken over. Right. Big, big hole that I didn't
see the first time I saw it or subsequent until
now. Biggest hole in the film for me. Why did
they come to Earth? I took it as they got lost.
So they've turned up to Earth. Yeah, okay. So
they got lost. They've turned up to Earth. And
for X amount of time, nothing happens. They finally
end up cutting a hole inside of the spaceship
and find them all basically rotting and not able
to care for themselves. So they bring them down
to Earth. Okay. Why then in the past 20 years
has one of them been capable of working out,
we need to make fuel for the ship because it
turns out the ship had run out of fuel. that
we can get the fuel from all this alien tech
that, by the way, has fallen from the ship. He's
not using human stuff to make this fuel. He's
using alien technology that they've been scrounging
and looking for to make the black stuff, the
liquid, the fuel, whatever you want to call it.
And then he, and even his baby brawn, has the
full ability to understand how to program this
drop ship that they finally found and program
the proper ship and control it and then navigate
to their planet. just for me that's well why
did they come here in the first place why are
they then in a squalid thing and not just able
to sort themselves out straight away well it
does say that that bit of the ship fell off straight
away and that was the navigate looks like some
kind of navigation it's weird because yeah they
call it the command module or something like
that module is its own ship it's a bit of a design
fault surely that that thing can fall off Well,
at the end, I don't think it's meant to fall
off. I think it's meant to be the sort of thing
that almost like the Enterprise's second bridge.
You can control the ship from there. But this
is where it could have... The mothership should
need it. But this is why it could have got so
much more interesting. Rather than going down
this whole fucking action thing that they did,
they could have kept it as a documentary and
had it... They could have finally... They could
have actually had Wickers. literally talk to
the problem no one has ever asked your side of
the story why did you oh well actually we were
prisoners on that ship that command module was
the only way that we could have controlled the
ship actually the bridge has been completely
sabotaged being locked up we were basically dumped
here you could have had any sort of that and
actually all we want to do is go home why again
why is no one from home come looking for them
There's this giant ship that is still working.
It's still hovering. It's still doing things.
It's still got flashing lights on the top of
it. It's got enough fuel to just hover there.
Yeah. There's just too many. So why have you
taken 20 years to do this? And bearing in mind
that South Africa is saying, we really don't
want to be dealing with the prawns anymore. You
would have thought... The rest of the world would
have got involved. They absolutely would have
got involved. Well, the rest of the world would
have got involved. But wouldn't you have thought,
if you don't want them, wouldn't you have spoken
to them and said, are you sure none of you know
how to get that thing up there working? because
christopher johnson turned out he did well that
that's it and they could have aided him and said
okay well i know the idea is actually they didn't
want they wanted the alien tech they wanted them
all to die and therefore that's that's the that's
the reason for it but okay their drop ship goes
up at the very end if that had been real life
that ship would have still absolutely been crawling
with scientists the military because they would
have been stripping out every little bit they
could have been inside to work it out. That is
the other kind of bit where you're like... The
main one for me is the thought that NATO or someone
wouldn't have been there. Because I'm taking
that that military force is just the South Africans'
military, that they've called something. I don't
think it's like a... Or it's a private military
company. This is meant to be based on... similar
things that happened during neil blomkamp's um
youth during the apartheid yeah where to be honest
the world didn't get involved they should have
involved way more than they did but during it
it was just yeah it was shit and i guess that's
kind of what they were kind of aiming at with
that we're not going to spoon feed it to you
but you can see the mirror um but yeah that just
also said to me it's like so why have you taken
20 You could have come forward and said, well,
actually, I can fix the ship. I could go. Why
haven't you told all the other aliens that you're
literally living with? This is what we're looking
for. Because then we can all go home. It just
didn't make sense. So then you've got to ask
yourself, actually, if he's not involving all
the aliens, were they actually coming to Earth
to be refugees? Yeah. Did they actually intend
to come here and just get off and live here?
i don't know and that's the other bit that plays
in my mind making this this story just doesn't
make sense now why did they come here in the
first place why is he not told the rest of his
race by the way i can get us home if we want
to go home unless they wanted to come here in
the first place it's not explained enough the
sequel we haven't said it could be they're now
in district 10 in that slum yeah but actually
opinions are changing you know People are marching
for their rights. One of them starts standing
up, being a politician for their rights to integrate
with the rest of Africa. Do you know what I mean?
And then when the aliens come back with Christopher
Robin, whatever his name was. Christopher Johnson.
That's it. And they come back with a full military
force. But actually, at that point, the prawns
have started integrating and are being treated
fairly. then you're going to have that kind of
political aspect of, no, we were tortured for
all this time because he won't have known the
change. He's gone three years later. He's going
to say we're back. So a year and a half there,
a year and a half back. But I think the way they
should do it is it takes a lot longer because
he's got to go and convince all of the rest of
the prawns on their home planet, no, we need
to come here and save our people. Don't just
leave them like you left us. For 20 years. Cause
that could be a thing. They could have been like,
they could have the, you know, their government
could be like, no, it's not worth us going to
save just one ship. You know, they might have
a planet full of billions and billions of them.
Yeah. This 2 million or whatever it two and a
half million prawns. It said it was might just
be no more than just, I don't know, an office
block of people. Do you know what I mean? For
how many of them exist? Maybe they cover the
whole. galaxy somewhere you know just making
up the problem is the way the film well although
the film ends with the mnu being held to account
for what they've been doing as the documentary
kind of suggests yeah oh these people have now
been arrested for the the the illegal operations
they've been performing we know that technically
you'll just end up with a sequel where they still
had alien tech someone's going to have bought
it someone's going to have dealt with it and
that's it so you i do just think it's going to
end up another being and an attack film it's
not going to have the gritty documentary style
and it's just going to be an excuse to finish
the story now in 2009 neil blomkamp said i don't
even know what the story would be i would love
to do it but i don't know what the story would
be i've not got anything written um and the last
i've seen is like 2023 he said something while
promoting gran turismo it's still something you'd
like to do, but I don't know if it's going to
happen. So I genuinely don't know what they do.
I mean, you could even do a prequel. Why did
they get there? That would be quite interesting.
I think overall, I don't think it's a story that
needs to be touched again. No, it doesn't. Just
why can't we just leave it? I personally, I think
that's 2009 me would never have said that. Me
now having rewatched it and actually tried to
put a kind of looking glass to it and gone, let's
inspect this a little bit deeper. It doesn't
need a sequel. The only thing it needed, I think,
was a bit more humanity to actually make you
want success for Vickers. I know the idea is
by the end of it, you want success for the two
aliens. Yeah. But it had lost me by that point.
It had lost me. And I'm disappointed to say that
because I have very fond memories of seeing it
at the cinema. I'm really enjoying it. Yeah,
it's too jarring. Too jarring for me to properly
enjoy, I think. Well, there we are, District
9. I still liked it. You don't like it anymore.
To put it as short and concise as we can say.
Yeah, no, you know, I think that's absolutely
fair. I think I would have to stick with I don't
think I enjoy it anymore. I think, yeah, I think
that people should re -watch it and see if their
tastes have changed on it. I would say that.
Oh, I would love that. It's not even, oh, I know
you're saying you don't like it. I think you
would still agree and say, no, re -watch it and
see if you change too. Oh, 100%. I would say
re -watch it and then feedback to us as well
and say, if you really enjoyed it the first time
you watched it, re -watch it now and see what
do you think? Has the world tainted you so it's
no longer as enjoyable? Or is it just that as
you've got older, you've realised actually the
characterisations are... are not what they could
have been. I'll tell you what did fuck me up
when he's pulling his fucking fingernails off.
Oh. Oh, God. Transfer complete. Untitled roulette.
Let's spin that wheel. Here we go. It's spinning.
It's spinning. And we have... Ooh. it's an old
film okay good 1935 right 1935 that's right make
a note come on in what is it bride of frankenstein
oh cool okay okay bride of frankenstein 1935
and it is available to buy or rent Okay, that's
fine. So we can either buy it or rent it or no
doubt find it somewhere. I would imagine if I
quickly look up on Bride of Frankenstein 1935
and the answer is always buy or rent on YouTube.
Is the full film going to be on there? I'd be
surprised if it isn't. But either way, we'll
find a way you can watch it. You might just have
to rent it for £3, but either way, it'll be well
worth it, I would imagine. Cool. Ride a Frankenstein.
Command functions are offline. That's it. Thank
you very much, Tom. Thank you, darling. You all
have been listening to the Untitled Sci -Fi Show.
Part of the Indie Podcast Network Studio Channel
84. We also have both of us on the Variety Show,
which is alternating Mondays from this one. You
can email us on podcasts at channel84 .co .uk
or TJ at channel84 .co .uk or Rob at channel84
.co .uk. Other lovely podcasts of our podcast
network are Lightly Used with Karen and Adam
and Who Takes the Socks Off with Simon and Ross.
They can all be found, all of their contact details
on channel84 .co .uk. Two new blogs have gone
up in the last couple of days, which is nice.
I know that Lightly Used continually do put their
blogs up for their episodes, but I wrote a little
bit, Simon wrote something as well. There are
a lot of blogs already on there, so if that's
the kind of thing you like, or you just are interested
in absorbing any more nonsense from us. that's
somewhere you can go check out the tom and robin
the studio youtube channel we've got some of
our skits and short films and streams that we've
done on there uh where eventually we'll come
up with a streaming schedule once we've got it
all figured out but yeah it's still at the moment
it's still kind of whenever we just decide to
do it isn't it yeah pretty much stuff it's just
a bit of fun for us really a little extra bit
just to have things out there yeah i mean as
our kids grow up we probably will start to do
a bit more um we've obviously got all the kit
for her now we've got two nice cameras to do
it all with i'm trying to do more tiktok videos
as well with uh is it a scam or a slam for example
which i must bring you that pillow speaker at
some point for you to test yeah um and we must
do the hot chocolate maker video we've been planning
yes yeah we've got our little velvetizers really
aren't they is that what they're called yes people
make The hot chocolate is out of different chocolate
bars. And we must come up with a sequel to Seed
at some point that isn't involving me eating
cum -covered biscuits. Yeah, we'll do it when
the weather's a bit better. We'll get SideQuest
back to do some filming for us. I'm sure we could
have a sequel to Seed. I think we need one, even
though it's probably the lowest viewed video
in all time on YouTube. It deserves better. I
think if there was a way that we could get more
people to see it. I think it would explode. I
think it would be well received because I have
two horns. I think that's quite good. Even the
one that we did for Cheap Show. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
As much as it's stomach churning, I think it
was brilliant. It's got an audience, I think.
There's got to be more people who have our sense
of humor. There's got to be. Right. Anyway, thank
you very much, mate. Oh, he's coughing. Thank
you. Love you. Bye -bye. Bye. Thank you for listening
to the Untitled Sci -Fi Show. This station is
now shutting down and will be back in two weeks.
May the Force live long and prosper inside of
you. this was a studio channel 84 network show
to find more head over to channel 84 .co .uk
now