Christmas bonus! Yay! What George Lucas tried
to have removed from the world. He banned it
for sale. He sues people he finds it for sale.
And this was bought years ago, this copy. This
is the Star Wars Holiday Special. November 17th,
1978. And it's a true, true beacon to all sci
-fi shows to say you don't do Christmas in sci
-fi. I didn't realise it was a cartoon. It's
not. Why is it showing as a cartoon? There's
some cartoon. There's some live action. Okay.
I've never seen it. Stiddy has told me to watch
it. There's some Wookiee porn. Oh dear God, that
looks awful. Okay, I'm excited for this. They
sing. Don't tell me anymore because it's going
to be a surprise. I have no idea. So I'm going
to unmute. So suddenly you're going to hear whatever
music is playing, probably just the standard
Star Wars music. At some point it will be, yep.
Okay. Right, so I'll grab the PlayStation controller.
And you're going to be... We are... watching
this and talking over it. We're not pausing,
I don't believe, unless we need to. I'm not going
to pause it. We're just going to talk over it.
And in the edit, I'll probably just cut dead
space. So for everyone else, it might just kind
of fade out, fade in, fade out, fade in. Because
this is going to get... I don't want George Lucas
coming after me. Do you know what I mean? I want
George Lucas to come after me and say, why did
you even think this was a good idea, George?
Because that bit we just saw there was basically
someone spinning a cartoon cell round on the
floor. So what we're seeing, right, it has like
a DVD kind of title screen. It's a homemade DVD
of the copy, basically. Oh, okay. And on the
left, it says the Star Wars film. And top right,
you've got the Muppet Show with the Star of Star
Wars. The Star of Star Wars. Stars of Star Wars.
Oh, Stars. And then below that, it says 56 Kenner
toy commercials. 56 toy commercials. Oh, my gosh.
What's the time? I haven't got my watch on because
it's charging. What's the time? It's 10 to 10.
10 to 10. Okay, well, let's watch the film. Any
idea how long the film is? Maybe an hour? I've
got no idea. I'm hoping it's not more than an
hour. Oh, nice yellow block. Right, I'm just
going to go and press OK on here. I used to make
these sort of menus in Nero. Word. This video
is not produced or authorised by the owner of
the copyright work contained... I have to cut
this. La la la. Okay. Oh, seven, six, five. Four.
Three. Two. Oh, God, it sounds terrible. Oh.
We've got no sound. Oh, oh, oh. Right, let's
hit pause and change your PS5 to non -Dolby.
Non -Dolby. Okay, hold on. I think this just
needs PCR linear. i'm just sorry i've just pressed
i've unpaused it oh dear well multiple issues
have happened here the first being that the system
wasn't working as you would have heard so we've
now after a few minutes of fucking around yeah
we have a bootleg copy of the holiday special
which seems to have actually encoded the yo -yo
with security yeah so the playstation wouldn't
play it we're now on the xbox which will play
it but badly but badly uh and then we've actually
ended up just the dlz creator is now bluetooth
to the television and it's playing great and
it's playing great and then we realize the bug
is bombshell of all this is this is 98 minutes
this is 1 hour 48 uh we're gonna do this and
we were gonna do a calendar thing you got from
tiktok too weren't we well that's gonna take
about 30 seconds of you just bursting okay well
let's get through this all right Jesus Christ.
Okay, are we ready to start again? Yeah, right.
Copyright notice. Word. Word. I don't know how
loud it's going to be either. I'll put the volume
down here. Okay. I love it when you fiddle with
my knobs. The volume up. Eight, seven, six, five,
four, three, two. Okay. That's pretty good, isn't
it? That's better. That's alright, I think. Reused
clips notice. Oh, it is. That's it, I'm turning
back. I know your family's waiting. I know it's
an important day. All right, we'll give it a
try. Okay, so we've got a handkerchief. Yeah,
Harrison Ford doing his best to take this seriously.
And this is... Is this... The CGI's taken. Is
this new acting? This bit's new. I would suggest
anything done by industrial light and magic,
so the external shots of ships and stuff. That
would have been reused. A long time ago in a
galaxy far, far away. Star Wars. The holiday
special. What have they done to him? They've
cut his makeup. Look at the girl. He looked like
a Barbie. He looked like Ken doll. What does
she look like? She's bald. I can't say that word,
can I? She looks like she was stoned off her
tits. R2 -D2 as R2 -D2. And James Earl Jones
as the voice of Darth Vader. Yep. Introducing
Chewbacca's family. His wife, Mala. What the
fuck? His father, Itchy. Hi, Itchy. His son,
Lumpy. Lumpy? Hitchy and Lumpy. With special
guest stars. Describing Chewie's cock. Beatrice
Arthur. Who's she looking at? Art Carney. So
these were big names. Diane Carroll. No, she's
going to be seen. They're going to stay in there.
The Jefferson Starship. Oh, no. Harvey Korman.
Harvey Weinstein. They filmed it like it's Cannon
and Bowl or something. Well, I think this went
out kind of Thanksgiving that time. Okay, now
is this a cartoon? Nope, this is just a painted
scene. Okay, so we're zooming in probably on
Kashyyyk, I'm assuming. Oh, dear God, it's horrifying.
Big, mushy -faced, grey... What's Chewbacca?
What race is he in? He's a Wookiee. Wookiee,
that's it. Are we going to get subtitles for
this fucking enraged mess Lumpy's doing over
there? To be fair, actually, he's doing a good
impression of a typewriter whilst holding an
extra. So Itchy's carving an X -Wing. Fuck off,
Lumpy. Shut up, boy. Twat. Come here, old shady.
Get over here, you little shit, she's saying.
Yeah. Now as the dulcet tones of Chewbacca's
wife. I can't get over what he looks like. I
can't get over what this old Wookiee looks like.
He's got a massive underbite. I know what he
looks like. What? He looks like the alien resurrection.
Final alien. That's the shit he does with hair.
It's the cross between. It is. You're absolutely
right. It does look like. Wow. You know what?
I wonder if they use the same record. It was
just in the back of my mind. That's resurrection.
Are they stealing food off the counter? Why's
she got an apron on? Like, Chewbacca doesn't
wear clothes other than a bandolier. They force
women to wear clothes in their culture. Leave
them alone. You should have got bareback arse.
You wouldn't stay there. You'd get nothing on
the back. It's like a stripper or something.
Imagine having to wash off after that. This reminds
me of... Do you remember Bigfoot, the American
TV show? Harry and the Hendersons. That's it.
Loved it. Yeah. This is what this is. Except
it's reversed. A human's going to come in. They're
keeping a human secret in the house. Oh, Lumpy's
having to take the rubbish out. Look at that
thing on the wall there. It looks like one of
those stone faces. Don't do it, Lumpy. Don't
jump. Don't jump. Oh, my God. Look at that. Go
on, mate. It's for the best. He's thinking, one
day. What a day. He's doing it, look. He's doing
it. He's trying to... Right, so they're in a
treehouse. He's trying to climb over the... It's
a kind of balustrade. Oh, you're so dumb. Yeah,
he's on the banister and he's literally... Just
balancing the circus. He's got some bottle, isn't
he? I mean, what's he think he's going to have?
This is why kids are stupid. Because, like, this
is... He's doing it for a bit of fun. You fall,
you die. Bad parenting, don't know where a kid
is. I should say, we've had, what, five minutes
so far? Fucking this is... Of no language. This
is appalling so far. They've got one of those
tables, those CGI chess tables. That's how Chewie
got so good at it. I tell you what, they aren't
represented like this in the episode, what is
it, two or three? When they're fighting. What's
she holding, a picture of Chewie? A picture of
Chewie. Look how small he is. They must have
the same issue that adult humans do. As we get
older, we shrink. Shrinking down, hunched over.
She's not very ample in the old chest apartment,
is she? What a shame for Chewie. Oh, what's Itchy
up to? He's had a cheeky idea. Shrugging his
shoulders as he's walking over to some horrendous
-looking machine. He's just... Is there music
on? I'd love to know what Wookiee music sounds
like. It's not music. So you've seen this before?
I've seen this bit, and I'm pretty sure he's
asking for where the Kleenex is. Oh, look, the
kid survived. Oh, that's a shame. Or is this
a different kid? No, it's the same one. It's
Lumpy. Fucking hell, this is really going on,
isn't it? George Lucas thought this was a good
idea, ladies and gentlemen. It's dreadful. Here
we go. I mean, what's happened? Now he's gone
to the chess machine with a little one. Sit down
here. I'm going to tell you a story. Oh, is it?
Someone is dancing on the table. Oh, that was
a dirty, sleazy look, wasn't it, for Mitch? It's
like a load of dudes' stilettos. So basically
the virtual chess table that you see on the Millennium
Falcon is actually just this holographic projector
and they're watching a circus display go on at
the moment. That's what he's just put on for
Lumpy. Oh, it's quite cool. It's cleverly done.
It's a brilliant idea for the era. He does have
like a tape cassette player. Did you notice that?
Yeah. Oh. And now he's ruined it by moving it
into the room. Now it's in the room somehow.
So we're looking at some big green monster. It
looks like... Oh, we've got a furry. The fairy
from Legend of Zelda. What's he called? The fat
one. He's a boy who tends to be fat. Oh, I know.
And Humvee's watching it quite well, seeing that
it wasn't actually there. Yeah. This is just
beyond weird. And people said Flash Gordon. They
just have never seen this. Yeah. Okay, we've
now got acrobats doing part of the human pyramid.
Lumpy is incredibly excited. Tingle is who I
was thinking of. Oh, right. Okay, yeah, yeah,
yeah. I guess I'll do some juggling now. This
is good. But is this what you think of when you
think of Star Wars? No, I don't really. This
is like some kind of acid trip. I didn't even
want to know what Darth Vader's going to do in
this. Is he just going to say, okay, you know
what? Merry Christmas. Day off. I'll go back
to getting you next week. Luke, I am your father.
The father of jazz. Luke, I am your father. And
I have still not got you a Christmas present.
You haven't given me your list. I am your father
and I bring you fire. I bring you burn. You just
start going into some kind of ram steam, guys.
Luke, tell your sister to call me. She doesn't
anymore. Tell her I'm sorry. Wait, hang on. Leia
knew all along? Yes. Well, I've only just found
out she was my sister, to be fair. Okay, so we're
talking over. It's now finished. He's now upset
because the mum's making him do the washing up.
And he snaps the towel. I feel like he just said
a catchphrase there. He looked at the camera
and shrugged. What would his catchphrase be?
We have reached traffic. You have reached traffic
control. Why is it in English? Now we're being
graced with the English language. However, how
long into this are we? Not long enough. So, you're
12 minutes. No starships, no. Okay, so she was
basically looking out for a traffic report. In
the entire planet? No starships in the entire
planet? It's a forest planet. Why would they
have starships? Well, they're the only people
there. Maybe bookies don't like travelling. Maybe
Chewbacca was different. He was like snail on
the rail. He wanted to get out there. But there
were other snails and other whales. Oh, R2, look.
It's Chewbacca's family. I can't understand a
fuck they say. How did he get back? He didn't
even answer. Hello, Marla. Where's Chewbacca?
Okay, right. No, sorry. Mark Hamill. That doesn't
even look like Mark Hamill. He's so make -up.
How much foundation did they use on that poor
guy? He looks like a bowling ball. He's got three
holes. I know that this is awful quality, but
come on. Yeah? Not now, R2. Fuck off. You're
on fire. Has he got, like, a plug -up? Oh, wait
a minute. I don't like the looks of this. No,
it is actually Mark Hamill. Oh, R2. You're supposed
to be watching that. Jesus Christ, look at the
state of it. When's this situated? When did they
film this? Which film was this between? I've
got no idea. 1979. So between the second and
third? Or fifth? I've got no idea. You don't
know where he is? Oh, well, I shouldn't really
tell you. He's with another Wookiee. He's with
an Ewok. He's with an Ewok, yeah. He's on a stag
deal. Oh, my God. What's going to happen? Oh,
no. R2 is breaking something in the background
there. So, A New Hope was 77. Yeah. So, this
was before Episode 5, The Empire Strikes Back.
79, they said, didn't they? Yeah. Now, in all
seriousness... Oh, you just missed the name of
their holiday there. Life Day. Life Day. In all
seriousness, wasn't Mark Hamill in there because
of the collars? And that's why he looks quite
scarred in the fifth episode five? I don't know.
Which would imply why he's so fucking covered
in makeup. Because he looks terrible. I've got
to get back to this engine. I think we might
have it solved. I'm sure there was something
there because he looks a bit scarred. 1977 car
accident. That was two years before this. Why
is he blaming R2? He's the one he was fucking
not looking for. I've got to say, they've got
a very human fecal. Fetched his nose and cheekbone.
I might explain why it's a cake to make up. Oh,
what now? We're going to check for that one spaceship
again. Bub Terminal. We're now contacting the
Bub Terminal. They have a perfectly good screen
on the computer. Yeah, I know. Get to something.
It looks like they're using an apple. Wookie
Planet C. Or is it called the Apple Watch? Well,
now we're contacting the fucking... So we've
just contacted Wookie Planet C, apparently, and
now there's... Oh, an Imperial Guard. I suppose
you want to see my identification? No, I'm off
duty. I've come to look around your shop. Oh,
good, good, good. Look around. Browse around.
Make yourself at home. I'm off duty, but I'm
wearing my helmet for you. Yeah, I've still got
my helmet from my spaceship. Magnificent. What
on earth is happening now? So everyone, they're
in a shop, and there's a guy who is clearly the
owner, just cleaning bits of plastic. Pocket
-sized equipment. Oh, that's cute. It's a tiny
little thing with a fish in it. And you can take
it with you anywhere. And the tank is a snap
to clean. I hate fish. It would have been funny
if you just shanked it. I take a drink once in
a while. I hate fish. I just thought I'd show
you some of the stupid stuff those Wookiees purchased
for me. Oh, here. Oh, so he's a looking news
agent. Yeah, here we are. This is where... rammish
in the land of stars. But he wouldn't be racist
to the workers who say horrible things about
Yoda. Oh, shut up. Oh, my God. I mean, that...
The way I heard it was that he just got a hand...
Yeah, he just got a solo handjob from another
woman for Planets Over. By the way, I'll be by
later to drop off that extra proton energy pack.
You're welcome. And why does the shopkeeper know?
What's the matter? Would you like this? Well,
he's obviously a rebel, isn't he? Just a groomer.
A groomer. Just a groomer. A groomer? He's looking
for a groomer. Oh. Stain removing. Stain removing.
Why the hell does the grooming device need to
be able to do the penal code? Is it free to start?
Is he about to just brush this man's moustache?
I really hope it comes off. Oh, another outstanding
feature of this little model. Look at the state
of it. You can recharge it by simply plugging
it into any ordinary laser outlet. I'll take
it. Good, I thought you would. Now, would you
like to pay me something for it or give me something
in trade? I said I'll take it. He's just nicked.
That's a lot off my mind. I thought I might embarrass
you, but I told you to accept it as a gift. I
don't like embarrassing people. I don't like
being embarrassed myself. That's why I like to
embarrass people. I just said that. This is what
happens when you live on a planet of Wookiees
all on your own. How did they give him another
film after this? Why the Imperial on the Wookiee
planet? Well, they're from around the world.
They're like the police. It's just a matter of
time before we find the rebels. I want the rebels
located and identified. If it means searching
every household and assistance. True. Because
that's where Yoda is and he loses before he goes
back. Oh, you know what? They must have filmed
this at the same time of doing The Empire Strikes
Back. Which is why they've got all the actors.
Yeah. Obviously not the same make -up team. Poor
Luke. Oh, we're fucking back in the house. I
think it's going to be an hour and 48 of this.
He's finished the washing up. Can you imagine
the carpets in the house? You know what's going
to happen? Chewbacca's going to get home and
he's going to be like, oh, fuck it. And you're
going to go in and we're going to have either
a horrendous sex scene. Or she's going to just
chuck a tea towel at him and go, are you fucking
vagabond? What the fuck is this? Whoa. Oh, it's
that dude. It's a cooking show. Today we are
going to be preparing a very succulent dish called
Bantha Surprise. Bantha Surprise. She's turned
the television off. And there's a flat screen.
Flat screen, yeah. Extremely voluptuous alien
lady who addressed her directly. I'm going to
be using the tenderest cut of the bantha, the
loin. What's a banther again? I've got no idea.
Oh, isn't that the two -legged thing from Hoth?
The ice thing, yeah. Oh, it's a big... It looks
like a... It's a big... Like a big ox or something
like that. Yeah. That the sand people go on.
Big curly horns, big flat mouth. Looks like a
mammoth. Mm -hmm. Our chunks. Into our pots.
Into our pots. Oh. Mm -hmm. Well, it's so disgusting.
I should put it in. Yep. It's very clever. You
like the flat screen. That's well ahead of its
time. And just a little whisper of shelter. Shelter.
Looking very nice. Guess what I forgot? A bit
of the colorantrum root. Where she's holding
in her tits. Of course she is. Very nice. Right,
the chewbuckle used way too much. Now we've got
enough liquid to cover. She's doing it in a bucket
too. And guess what we're ready for now? The
cooking. Step one, we stir the mixture. Stir,
stir, stir, stir, stir, stir, stir. Stir, stir,
stir. Very nice. Now step two, while we're stirring,
we also whip. So it's stir, whip, stir, whip,
whip, whip, stir, stir, whip. What was George
thinking when he made this? I have seen pantomimes
better than this. But this is fucking stupid.
It's got a Christmas special, right? Could have
just been a side quest. They could have just
picked a random... Like a random character in
the Star Wars universe. Yeah. And just gone with
that. And didn't have to have any Christmas elements
at all. I'm guessing this bit was meant to be
better. Oh look another hand's come out. She's
beating her meat. Yeah beating her meat. The
third arm has arrived. With a big pizza. Right
the order in this bit is different. Okay now
it might even get filmed. This was meant to be
a holiday special. This was meant to be bringing
families together. A fauna, a fauna. Can you
imagine our parents putting this on and going,
oh, this is a family. The kids will like this.
It wouldn't have made it past the first shoot.
Bloody wookie scene. One for the pot. Coming
along. Using one hand to taste, one hand to put
more in, to keep eating from it. Yeah, it's shit.
Good, you've turned it off. Yeah, thanks. What
I would do is throw that out of your tree and
down onto the garden down below. Yeah. Just so
you know, we're only about 20 minutes in. I know.
Oh, oh. Oh, action, right. Would you like to
go home? We've got some TIE fighters shooting
at him. That's a shot screen from the first film.
Oh, we've got a TIE fighter shooting at him.
He's like, come on, mate, I'm going to get back
to that fucking piece of the world. Yeah, come
on, it's Life Day. Don't you know it's Life Day?
Please stop pissing about hard. You can't kill
me on Life Day. How ironic. I know you don't
like my family, but we're a couple. You've got
to come back and meet them. You've got to meet
my mother. And wife. They're polygamous. They
keep telling each other it's no use. I just don't
believe it. You're like her, honestly. You're
like her. Attention, all viewers. Due to suspected
rebel activity on the Kazook planet, the Empire
has declared martial law. Itchy didn't need a
stick then, did he? No ships will be permitted
to land or take off until further notice. Oh,
no. Well, none were anyway, according to her
computer. What fucking difference does that make?
Back off, numby. No more doorbell. There's fucking
everything else. There's someone knocking on
their door. Oh, God, this isn't Schindler's List
of bloody Star Wars, is it? Itchy's hiding there.
Oh, yeah, maybe. What are you saying? Well, Schindler
didn't have Jews in his basement, did he? What
film was that? No, I'm trying to think what film
that is. That was Liam Neeson, wasn't it? Well,
Liam Neeson is in general. Inglourious Bars says
they've got some Jews on the floor. Is that what
you're saying this is? Quentin Tarantino has
directed this. No, you're not. You're not apparently.
You were just calling them rugs or something.
Oh, so we're to believe that he's just flown
there. Who the fuck is he? He's the shopkeeper.
Oh, he kissed him. It's like a puke down the
throat. Where have you got it? A box. Where does
an old friend get it? I'm going to kiss him.
I don't like that. That's not right. He forced
her to do that. I'm not comfortable with that.
What did he say before he died? A Venus razor.
How many blades is she going to go through? She's
keeping the stock high on Venus razors. Stars.
Venus for women. 20 laser razors. Henry's got
a repulsive. He shoots his eye out. What has
he got? A spectrum. Lego. Edgy. I know what you'd
like. Yeah, I know. Yeah, we're going to go to
the back room. I'll sort you out, Itchy. Come
with me, old man. What the fuck is that? Looks
like one of them. I thought you might like this.
One of those... It's kind of hard to explain.
It's getting the rinse done. Wow. No. Do you
know what I mean? Oh, no. He's putting him into
a porn VR. This is a holiday special for family,
ladies and gents. He's in a VR chair, right?
And it looks like he's getting his hair done.
You know, one of those old things that women
used to do. The old women used to do at the salon
for the blue rinse. Didn't they? They used to
sit and put their heads in those things. You
don't see them anymore, do you? His chin is blocking
his vision. So the guy is... The weird shopkeeper's
put drugs in the VR machine. He's given him a
VR video that he's described... I can't describe...
Wow. Yeah, with a kind of war face on him. He's
doing this so he can have his way with Chewie's
missus, while the old man's on a toxic mushroom
trip. We're looking through a kaleidoscape right
now. Yeah, we are. I'm feeling like marijuana
may have made this a lot easier to get through.
We're halfway through. Well, only one hour and
eighteen left to go. What is that? Spurn. It's
going to certainly start to spunk as we're blowing
around. We're definitely looking for a glidescape.
It's those people swimming, and they've got,
like, long fabric on their hands and feet. So
they do look like sperm. Do you think Itchy has
a fetish? So most people watch porn of their
species, you would think. He's watching pornography
that isn't his species. He gets turned on by
naked fresh people. My voice is for you alone.
I am found in your eyes only. I exist for you.
I am in your mind as you create. Oh, it's that
woman with pink hair. Oh, it's Diane. Diane Caron.
I can feel my creation. I'm getting your message.
Are you getting mine? This. This is porn! Excited,
aren't we? Excited, aren't we? She hasn't got
any clothes on, TJ. So he didn't want a Wookiee,
he wanted a human female. I'm pretty sure that's
beast yet. I'm gobsmacked. What? He's beating
the button. Itchy wants to be told he's adorable.
I don't need to ask how you find me. You see,
I am your fantasy. I am your experience. So experience
me. I'm a gasp. Absolutely a gasp at this. This
is our moment together in time. What? No. Do
you think Luke's into this? She's now laying
down on some invisible bed. If he appears on
the spinning bed... Oh, dear. This is... What
the fuck is this? Oh, she's stood up now. Luke's
not allowed to use this. He keeps getting his
fantasy sister on there. He keeps getting his
fucking, like, family on there. Dad, what are
you doing here? You're not the step -sister,
it's your real sister. I always fancied we sung
it as well. I'm just looking at the sofa at Rob
and he is broken. My brain isn't working. I can't
compute what I'm watching. This is pornographed.
This is like some softcore porn. This is softcore
porn. This was for the dads. I don't know. I
think my old man would be sat there awkwardly
watching. Dad, why are you crossing your legs
over and over again? Sit properly, Dad. We're
waving a pillow at you. Don't touch me, son.
Me and your mother are going upstairs to look
at Christmas presents. Don't come up. We're wrapping
presents. Stay here. Pick our tunes on and do
not leave this room. There might be a tickle
fight. Don't you come up and ask questions. Do
you think anyone told her this thing you're going
to be singing to is going to look like a reject
shoe bucket? Did no one ever tell George Lucas
that it was shit? No. He must have surrounded
himself with yes men. Okay, right. I know that
the first Star Wars, I'm sorry, was very good,
right? How popular was it for them to allow this
to happen and still give him two other movies?
After this? After this? That someone allowed
him to make two more movies? I think the world
should go on the attack and just tell George
Lucas this is getting a 2026 Christmas release.
A line five more movies George had after this.
Five. Yeah. And then Disney brought it. After
this. Yeah, the song's still going on by the
way. It's in the background. He needs to finish,
doesn't he? He's going to keep going until fucking
Papa John over there shoots his load. I'm hoping
we don't hear another... The thing is, he's doing
it in the middle of the living room. Yeah. So
the kid's going to come... What's Grandad doing?
Stay upstairs, son. Has she got a third nostril
or is it just a bad shadow? Why is she still
going on about this fucking movie? It is a bad
shadow. It looks like she's got a third nostril.
Which is not overly unattractive, sir. Oh, I
think we're getting there. Oh, Climax is coming.
And this is what they call a proton pack. No,
proton pack was a battery, right? Yeah, so he
could watch porn. Right, so he needs to charge
it up. So what they're also saying is Itchy has...
blown the battery by watching porn videos. So
what I'm getting is, right, Chewbacca's house
is like the hub of the show, and it's forking
off to all these different things. Oh, look at
the state of it. All right, so now we've got
C3PO layer. Layer in a cloud of smoke, which
is most likely marijuana. the connection you
may speak now if you wish mala it's so good to
see you happy life day i think she was doing
drugs at the time wasn't she so i think she's
either chewbacca or han solo to the screen please
i think she is she says that she would like to
grant your request but is quite unable to do
so You mean they haven't arrived yet? Honestly,
she's the same. If you weren't insisting to me...
Yes, I think I understand her message. ..that
it was Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill. I would
not think it was, because they don't look like
them. Mala, are you alone? No, she's got her
depraved father involved. Her annoying son and
the local shop. Could he come to the screen,
please? I'm just keeping a, I'm just keeping
a word for Chewie. They're leader. Because I
trust everyone who talks to me over a video stream.
They're leader. What, is it Chewie's leader of
the Wookiee? Who the fuck are they? I'm getting
a bit fed up with the noise now. I feel the same
way about you two, pal. Hands, hands. That was
your lap. I've never seen so much imperial traffic
in this system. Better land on the north side,
it'll be safer there. So it's a long walk. Little
exercise never hurt anybody. Oh, now that's new.
Well, now they just changed the colour of the
other planet. Happy life day, pal. Happy life
day. Now you've got to walk across half of your
planet. Well, the Imperials aren't doing a great
job, are they, stopping things landing? Well,
considering they're coming, they have to walk.
They're literally parking next to the house.
What's he complaining about? Oh, I can't wait
for this. The meeting at last. No, a stormtrooper.
Aren't you short for a stormtrooper? That one
is short. Oh, what was that? Was that an ad for
it? Was that a TV ad for it? That would have
been a TV ad. Craft making cheese. Oh, the cats
are fighting. Scuba, that was horrible. Hey,
that was horrible. Don't you meow at me. We're
getting more action here from the cats than this,
buddy. Yeah, we've got our own rogues to strike.
We've got a cage. We've had reports that someone
was watching an underage porno in here. Yeah,
we've got reports of somebody watching VR porn.
with children in their vicinity. I'm going to
put you on this list. Maybe I'm going to speak.
Somebody speak. This unit is occupied by four
Wookiees, two adult males, one adult female,
and one male child. I hope he's got a funny accent.
Please, please, please. Hello. Where is the other
Wookiee male? I was hoping he was going to be
like, Have a really strong regional understanding
of some kind. No, it's really hard to use the
word. You speak like a wiki. The truth of the
matter is, she had a terrible fight with her
husband. He just stormed right out. Your identification?
I said... Your identification? Oh, identification,
yes. It's a very important thing, identification.
I never leave the shop without my identification.
It's very important. Just in times like this,
I just found my identification. I think it's
in my pocket there. Search the dwelling. Is he
implying that this guy's like Hansel and Gretel?
I don't fucking touch their shit, mate. I think
my nan had a cabinet. Yeah, dude, the only thing
behind there is a TV. Oh, it's a secret communication.
Oh, is it someone in the Imperial? The picture
you're looking at right now was taken quite a
few years ago. That's one of me. I've gained
quite a bit of weight. Is he in resistance? He
is. No, the other Stormtrooper who's just found
that secret thing. Where's your daddy? Where's
your daddy? These things have no respect for
authority! Excuse me, I beg your pardon. Maybe
you know my brother's boy. He's a member of the
Imperial Militia. He must be 24 or 25 years old
by now. He loves the service, right, little guy?
Your identification is in order. You can go now.
Thank you. Thank you very much. I just have a
little more work to finish up here. Oh, by the
way, while I'm finishing up here, why don't you
boys take it easy, relax, put your feet up and
make yourself at home. Wookiee food isn't the
greatest, but I'm sure that I can whip something
up in the kitchen there that we can all eat.
You don't mind, do you, Mala? Good God, this
is forced acting. We still don't know what the
fuck that is that you blow up. It's a ghetto
boss. He doesn't like a ghetto boss, does he?
They're not putting guns in people's faces. So
the stupid black hatted guy in the Imperial is
trying to have a look at the female Wookiee's
gift that the shop owner got him. Right, he's
opened the back of it. Let's fill in lots and
lots. We'll get on with it. There's a lot of
hand action going on here. Yeah, he's doing a
lot of acting. A lot of acting is happening.
Okay, okay. There's a TV. Oh, we've got Jefferson
Starship coming in now. So do they just have
TVs that only do certain things? So you want
to watch something else, you've got to get a
different TV. Yeah, they've already got the holo
table, so why do they now need... Is this the
portable holo player? Oh, it's fucking quite
cool. Look at that thing. Right, so what are
we looking at? A black kind of void space with
a pink light. And now some pink rings have appeared.
Now the band is suddenly starting to appear.
Who did you say this was? Jefferson Starship.
Right, should I know who that is now? No, they
were a big glam rock band. It was a glam rock
band. And again, they've missed a trick. They
should all be singing. How much have they paid
for this? Not enough. I wonder how many careers
this broke. People who play more workings than
cross -chairs. I don't know how entertainment
is for people. Because they've got to just listen
to the Star Wars Christmas special. That's very
true. We're listening to it. We're the unlucky
fuckers. We have to watch it. Ellie is thrusting.
So who is this Amy? What's the target audience
of the Christmas special? I don't think anyone
actually knew. That's the thing. playing this
one. They used to be called Jefferson Airplane
and then became Psychedelic Rock. And then they
became Jefferson Starship. I like every time
the dude's playing on his guitar, it's like doing
like waves coming out. Oh, really? Is that this?
No, I know that this is a problem. It's exceptionally
porn, is that because it's blown up to a big
screen TV today? Probably doesn't help, yeah.
In the extra big screen. Oh, right, so they became
Jefferson Starship, then they became Starship,
and we all know a song with Starship. Oh, yeah.
Same people. Now, is this song made just for
this film? I don't think so. Oh, do you know
what I went and got? Which I haven't got now.
I went to Aldi. Oh, yeah. I haven't got any of
those snacks. Liebkuchen. I did, yeah. I love
a Liebkuchen. I'm just going to go and fucking
walk up and get one of those. This is... I can't
actually tell with the quality of this if Jefferson
Starship are clothed or unclothed. It's just...
This is... It is just a music video at this point,
ladies and gents. We're not looking at anything
Star Wars. They were just obviously, this was
their hit for the year. Is he singing into a
lightsaber? It does look like a bright pink dildo,
but I think it was meant to be he was singing
into a lightsaber. Oh, look at this. If you haven't
listened to the variety show, we're eating the
cooking rounds, which are delicious. Oh, God.
I had one earlier. I tried to get T to nibble.
He wasn't interested. Oh, they're so good. They're
luscious, aren't they? He's tapping his fingers.
So this actually introduces a whole different
thing. So... We've seen the bar in classic Star
Wars. This sort of music also exists. Well, the
bar is a particular kind of music, isn't it?
It's got a name. No, it's the Bar and Mosaic.
I can't see what name it is. No, I think it's
got a name. This is the canteen. Jizz Whaler.
Yes, it is. Yeah. Jizz Whaler. Yeah, the term
Jizz as the name of the musical style was not
introduced until the publication of Tales from
the Asylum Cantina two years later. Yeah, so
this isn't Jizz. But it's shit. You're not allowed
Jizz in their household. It gets stuck in the
hair of all sorts. Oh, yeah, magic, actually.
That's probably a pretty... Have to brush it
out. Your work here is finished. They leave now.
I guess you're right. About all I can do for
now. I hope you guys find what you're looking
for. Keep up the good work. Oh, what's happened?
Oh, no. It stopped. Hang on. Pause time. I'm
just going to start this recording again while
I have to fast forward it. Can I just skip to
chapters? Yeah, we've just... Oh, it is chaptered.
Oh, my God. What were we about? Oh, I don't...
Oh, I don't like it. Oh, dear. There might be
something wrong with the disc. Oh, that's such
a shame. Oh, I'm so upset. Well, we're going
to give it one more go, everyone. One more go.
It looks like it will get to about chapter 10,
which is, what, 45 minutes in. Oh, hang on. Hang
on. No. Caught up. It's really slowing down,
though. It's not happy. It's not happy. Well,
I'm lucky to say. It's also on YouTube. Oh, dear
God. Are we going to YouTube now? We might have
to. It actually looks like it's better quality.
Oh, fucking hell. Okay, right. Pause in. Turn
this off. I'm going to put it to YouTube. Hang
on. We can do that on the Xbox, though, can't
we? Okay, third time's a charm. We've now got
it on YouTube. Here we go. So I'm going to press
A. Here we go. We're only like two seconds different
from where we were. I know you'd like it. Holy
shit, it looks a million times better. What the
fuck? I can actually see it now. There's definition.
Oh, wow. What have we been missing? It's going
to be even more terrifying when we see Mark Hamill.
Oh, God, yeah, we've got to look at Mark Hamill
and Carrie Fisher again. At least we haven't
got the wank scene. Oh, I almost forgot. I want
to leave you my card in case you need any. Investigate
the upper area. Check for any rebel material.
Anything to connect this household with the Alliance.
Oh, don't forget about these protective cases
for your identification card. I got a good item.
That's it. I'm gone. Yeah, that joke's been outplayed
the first time it was done. He did it three times,
didn't he? Do you want another one? Yes, please.
You take the upper area. No, that's where his
new Lego is. And that's where my porn is. We
don't want to have to hurt anyone. That's not
what we're here for. No, he's got a scar on his
face. I couldn't see that before. It looks like
he's got a rubber face on. It does. What's going
on with his upper lip? We are going to continue
our search. Oh, God, he looks terrifying now.
Holy shit, the kid looks terrifying. Don't forget
this ever happened. Did he just ask for a blowjob?
I think he did say do me a favour. Get down your
knees and show me your dedication. What the fuck's
happening now? They're making the kid watch something
with headphones so he doesn't hear what's going
on. No, there's a lot of subtext to this. That
is horrible. There's a lot of subtext to that.
We're on cartoon. He's watching a show about
his dad. I'm gonna fucks up with his eyes. No,
that mouthful of food, sorry. Why does everyone
look so surprised? No one's got eyelids! No one's
got B -tools! No one's got fucking eyelids! What?
It's like a mix between the animation they did
for the B -tools films. Why is Dr. Eggman there?
Sonic crossover. This is a very stylized animation.
Very. Well, look how C -3PO's standing. Oh. Wow,
they've camped him up. He would camp already,
but they've really... We've got a wide wing out
now. I know, I've never closed my eyes in my
life. Someone did laser eye surgery with a lightsaber.
No, I don't dislike this. What the fuck? They
just landed in pink custard. I don't dislike
the style at all. It's just very odd. We're heading
into Planet Prolapse. What is that thing? Looks
like a Jinju from Banjo -Kazooie. Yeah. Not fun
to that noise. This is a bit louder. So he's
not done a very good job of keeping this a secret
considering it's on YouTube. I do think he's
probably given up the gold on it now. So do you
think he made any money on this or lost money
on this? Oh, he must have lost money. Oh, that
looks cute. Oh, shoot first, ask questions later,
then. Oh, they've got Ness from the Ness family.
Oh, the family Ness. Yeah, he's attacking. Hang
on. I did not know Y -Wings did that. Separates
like it's in Star Trek. Oh, they've got Boba
Fett here. Zapping. He's riding on his own. What
the... two droids we've come in search of a ship
oh this must be a different man maybe i can help
you i am boba fett the ship you seek is nearby
no no no no no no they are here friend and growing
more powerful how far away settle down all they
do is eat this is all we have i don't well neither
do i it will be easy to find the ship you seek
follow me friend don't you think it might be
imprudent to trust him so quickly sir yeah he's
our only chance and besides he seems like a friend
indeed friend is merely a term that is often
misused did r2 say that words to that effect
He said, friend my arse. The Millennium Falcon's
also got flotation. It's got armbands. Yeah.
Chewie, you've got the talisman. On his lap.
No, don't destroy it. Towers. Booba Fett, no.
He's a friend. Booba Fett? Who's Booba Fett?
He didn't do anything. Oh, the walking animation's
not right. No. But if you must, come on. He's
got a great cock piece on. Yeah, I mean... But
why is Boba Fett helping them? Yeah, I'm not
understanding that. Oh, that was one of those
trash monsters. Turns out this is where Grogu
turns up for the first time. What the fuck is
that? This is rhyming. You stay here. It kind
of looked like a Star Wars show now. Yeah, well,
I wonder how close to like... There were two
or three animated series. There was Ewoks and
there was a couple of others. I wonder how like
this was. Yeah. Oh, what the fuck is that? It's
the Beatles. A big blue face just went past.
It was like a face at one end and a face at the
other. We had no idea of his real plan. Just
in the shop? Oh, his real plan. There you go.
So he's a bad guy. Yeah. He's after Han, isn't
he? I thought it was after Luke. He's after Luke.
Oh, no, they're after the princess, aren't they?
Yeah, the princess and Han, because he wants
to give Han to... What is it now? No, yeah, because
he hands over... Oh, I crashed then. The princess
to... And Luke to Darth Vader, isn't he? Oh,
no, it's not him. What is it now? What's that
guy who... Lando Calrissian, is that? Yes. Look
at how he instigates the show. Into his headset.
This isn't Phantom Menace, is it? Well, I'm going
to say these characters are all still better
than Jar Jar Binks. I've got a little bit of
a love for Jar Jar Binks nowadays. The older
I'm getting, I appreciate him. I still don't
think he's a particularly good character. But
I don't think it's fair to be as mean to him
as they were at the time. C -3PO doing a bit
of copy scanning there. We've said about this
before, people forgetting that he's aiming this
at new generations at times. He wasn't there.
Jar Jar wasn't there for us. R2 -D2's managed
to hack the frequency that Boba Fett's using
to speak to Darth Vader. He shot that into the
skull. I didn't ever comprehend it was going
to be all me. There you go. Chewie just murders
them straight up. So they're escaping something.
I'm not sure. What the hell's happened to Han?
What the fuck's up with Han? Well, somebody must
know something. Han literally looks like he's
going to cry because Garfield's stolen his lasagna
in a minute. He's the opposite. He hasn't got
it. You must come back with us. Everyone is nothing
but Ali, and Han has no allies. It's because
you said Boba is a friend and faithful ally.
That simply does not feed properly into R2's
information bank. What are you talking about?
We intercepted a message between Boba and Darth
Vader, sir. Boba Fett is Darth Vader's right
-hand man. I'm afraid this whole adventure has
been an imperial plot. We'll meet again. trusted
droid to get to the bottom of things. Boba sure
fooled the rest of us. Can I just point out,
the best part of the holiday special has been
this animation. Yeah. It's a bit funny, but I'm
not really disliking it. We were laughing at
the eyes. I'm going to accept it. And Han looks
like... He just had an eye there and then he's
gone back to squinting. You know who Han looks
like, though? He looks like... Lawrence Lewis
Bowen? He does look like Bowen. Absolutely. He
looks like Adam Driver. Oh, yes. Okay, I wasn't
too disappointed with that. I'm alright with
that. The kid's a bit cute there, too. They've
smashed up the kid's bedroom. What are you doing,
you fucking prick? Oh, he didn't need to do that.
Do you think that's the same actor that was in
the shop earlier, just without his moustache?
No, I don't think so. Oh, he's got a banter.
Oh, yeah, look, there's the banter. Got a toy
one. Why exactly are they doing that? Now available
from Keller Toys. He ripped his head off. Oh,
well, that's a dangerous toy. You see the giant
metal spike sticking out of it. I don't think
he's too worried about it. He walks along the
balustrade on top of the... 700 foot high tree.
They're walking so slowly. Got a cool design
of a house. Yeah, I guess they can't see out
there. And the height difference between them
both. I feel sorry for the little kid, you know,
now. Look at his face. Looks like a Ewok. Turns
out it's not Chewie's son. Yeah. Well, she doesn't
want to use it away all the time, you know. She's
got needs. Oh, look. That will keep him busy
for a while. Oh, I feel really sorry for him.
This is horrible. This is horrible. She could
rip them apart. Yeah. We've seen Chewie, like...
Well, they say he'll rip your arms from your
sockets. He's trying to put his toys back together.
Oh, and he's put the now decapitated Bantha on
his bed with a rug on top. Oh, putting him to
sleep. Kissing it. This is heartbreaking. Or
yellow. Call them the C word. Drop a C bomb.
I wonder what the Wookiee C bomb sounds like.
That looks like the egg from Mork and Mindy.
He obviously, he's walking around like he knows
that they didn't find out. Oh look, there's a
screen. Oh, he's got a flat screen TV in his
bedroom. He's got a flat screen, something's
going to happen. This product was packed under
strict quality control on the system Amorphia,
and this instruction cassette provided by the
manufacturer. Oh, so that was his present. It
offers a unique chance for consumers everywhere
to meet an Amorphian being. The motor abilities
of Amorphian citizens are frequently impaired
by malfunctions, which result in a temporary
loss of power. This in no way reflects on the
safety of our product. Rather, it should serve
as a guarantee of our high standard of long wear
and durability. Thank you for selecting our brand
of mini transmitter. If you assemble it properly,
following the instructions I am about to give
you, it will provide many years of fun and valuable
service for you. But now let's get started, shall
we? What the? Why did he do that? So he's some
kind of robot that's malfunctioning. But what
was the arse slap about? What the shop man gave
to the kid is some kind of machine to fix him.
A transmitter? No, it's a transmitter. Oh. Try
not to rip it open. because it makes a very handy
storage case for your tools until you need them
again or for your marijuana it's a drug bag yeah
the pocket size the clear sound now this is the
first thing you'll need screwdriver please be
careful not to hurt yourself on the sharp edges
so what the is he doing Okay, so he just shoved
the screwdriver into his chin. And he's chewing
this thing. Is this why the film's so long? We've
got to put up with this for like half an hour.
This is fucking dreadful. What's he doing now?
He's like fucking licking his lips. Licking his
head. Every one of the 10 ,000 terminals on your
circuit breaker module is marked in a particular
color. Beautiful, aren't they? Like a rainbow.
These must be connected to the wires with the
corresponding colors. 10 ,000. Red goes to red.
Blue goes to blue. Can't even see them. No. Watch
me closely. And we'll assemble our mini -transmitters
together. Let us work slowly. It's really, really
disturbing. Are these like... It's going to give
kids nightmares. Is he some kind of comedian
doing a bit that we don't get because we weren't
watching comedians in the 70s? I have no idea.
And this is actually absolutely fucking hysterical.
I thought we were 50 year olds and 60 year olds
listening to this. Well, it'd be 60 for me, I
suppose. I'm very, very battered by this. Uh,
Star Wars Holiday Special. Did you actually see
what just happened there? He fell onto the table
and pushed his leg and fell over. He fell face
first on the table and then he pushed against
his nose and fell off the table. Oh, I'm glad
that bit's over. Fucking hell. How long's left?
Too long. Happy Christmas, Alan. Yeah, Merry
Christmas. Until I release this on Christmas
Day. He'd suffer for two hours of this on Christmas
Day. I'm going to do minimal editing. I might
just let everyone experience it. It just gets
blocked on YouTube. Yeah, well, why not? Oh,
we can hear the jizz. and has hereby begun without
further comment as to its lack of moral value.
The weird bug -looking thing. Right, so the person
that was playing the android, Harvey Corman,
was a lanky popular TV comedy veteran with a
flair for broad comic characterisations, who
shone for a decade as leading man in Second Banana,
Par Exit and The Carol Burnett Show. There we
go, he's in a bit. It's like it's only a puppy.
It's a puppet. Brian Connolly. Is that a scout?
Oh, that's a plant. So we're now in the canteen.
And he's about to... He's giving a really ugly
looking plant a bite. Can we talk? Well, of course
we can talk. We are talking. You're not ordering.
I'm not pouring. We are not drinking. We are
talking. I'm moving this to make room for...
Is there a hole in the top of the bag? There
is a hole in the top of the bag. Did you notice?
It's some weird bowl cup that literally is a
bowl. It's really creepy. I'm sorry I couldn't
get back before. Before what? Until now. Until
tonight, I thought about it a dozen times, but
I had to be sure. Excuse me. I have a question.
Come back soon. I'll be waiting. What? No. He
just poured it into the hole on his head. This...
I'm dying inside, bro. How's your drink? It's
all gone. Look, there's a flower on top of it.
I see there is. Do you want another drink? Flowers
for you. I wanted to bring you something and
that's all I could think of. I don't get many
flowers, but you didn't have to bring me anything.
Krellman. Krellman. Right, who plays this one?
The same actor that we just saw as the Amorphian
instructor. No, he's the same guy who played
the four -armed chef. And he's the same person
who played the android that we just saw fix himself.
Oh, he's got six fingers. I decided what you
meant was exactly the thing I needed to hear.
Well, I'm glad about that. You know, it's funny.
A man can live as long as I have. Through all
the ups and downs. And just when he thinks it's
all over, someone cares for him again. Oh, he's
stepping behind the bar. He's stepping behind
the bar. That's a no -show. He would have been
out. Glass him. Yes, he would have been out.
No chance. He wouldn't have even been allowed
to grab the barmaid. That would never have happened.
Oh, now he's actually hugging her. now you stay
just as long as you go that's like me oh giving
you the cup and pouring it in the map that's
the same he's making that oh it's like sexual
but i have business it's grim i really have no
time really grim you'll change your mind i just
know you will six simple little words i can wait
forever to hear it again because i know come
back soon i'll be waiting We still don't know
why they're here. They're looking for Chewie.
Due to increased activity among subversive forces,
we are placing a curfew on the entire Tatooine
system effective immediately. No, hang on, they
were just watching the bar on TV. Oh, no, good
thing. They were just watching the bar on TV
and it wasn't a TV show. It was actually happening.
Look at his head on the table. OK, barbering,
take a break. I don't know how long. Maybe forever.
Closing me down again. Please, I have enough
aggravation. Ooh. All right, one more round before
you leave, and this one's on me. Talk. His fingers
were circumcised penises. They look disgusting.
We've got circumcised for a head, that guy. Gentlemen.
Gentlemen, I don't know how to tell you this,
but I guess the wall screen said it all. I wasn't
actually listening to what the guy said on the
phone. Basically, too many things still going
on, so we're closing everywhere. Ludlow? That's
not his name. It looks like the same kind, doesn't
it? Weedo? What the fuck is this bit all about?
Dunno, I'd like to break out into song. Sorry
everyone, I don't know how I understand this
because we haven't said very much in this bit.
We're trying to work out what's going on. Fucking
hell, you're on that closing and you've been
on free beer. Yeah. They were all willing to
pay for it. Jizz is tired again. It's the most
jizz -filled cantina in the world. There's fucking
jizz everywhere. It's the same song, just a different
style. Excuse me. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, in fact,
we haven't heard Luke Skywalker sing yet. What?
I think he sings. Oh, dear Lord. Look, the saving
grace is we're an hour and 20 into the show.
This is only an hour and what, 48? 37, according
to you. So we've probably got about three quarters
of an hour left. Yeah, this is... Do you want
to guess the IMDB score? 2 .3. 2 .2! I gave it
too much. The lead review. Don't talk to me about
episode one until you've seen this. Give us some
more. Give us some more to get us past this fucking...
There's a rat. That's a rat. Is that one of those
things from Warhammer? What's the rat race in
Warhammer called? Yeah, I can't think. According
to Carrie Fisher... George Lucas gave her a copy
of the special as a gift for recording the DVD
commentary for Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope.
She claimed that she played it at parties when
she wanted her guests to leave. He gifted her
a copy. George Lucas famously tried and failed
to buy up all master copies to make sure it was
never broadcast again. Arthur, who this is, claimed
she only appeared in this special because her
younger son was a big fan of Star Wars. Well,
that's how everyone was in the Spice World movies.
George Lucas remarked at an Australian convention,
if I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would
track down every bootlegged copy of that programme
and smash it. Well, he hasn't got himself to
blame. Who can he blame? Right, so one of the
writers I'm guessing is Bruce Villanch. has admitted
that he was using cocaine heavily whilst helping
to write the special. What was he doing with
Carrie Fisher? Well... Harrison Ford was particularly
reluctant to appear in the special, but was convinced...
Yeah, because he's a good fucking actor. Oh,
there you go. Mark Hamill's face was heavily
made up as he was recovering from reconstructive
surgery after a near -fatal car accident. Here
we go. I thought that must be the case. Because
it just looks too wrong. So, I mean, they are
all actually good actors. Oh my God. But Harrison
Ford is particularly a big dude. I've got something
before it here for you from this scene. The cantina
sequence took an entire day to shoot. The actors
in alien costumes began to pass out due to lack
of oxygen. Oxygen tanks were provided for them
to use between takes. I mean, we've talked over...
It's arguably not a bad song. She seemed to be
singing it reasonably well, to be fair. It would
have been better if it was kind of a master of
the house kind of song, like from the mix. That
would have been better, rather than this kind
of... Oh, sweet Jesus. Right, George Lucas came
up with the idea of focusing on Chewbacca's family,
so it was George Lucas's fault. Writer Bruce
Valanche objected because the dialogue would
all be in Wookiee language. He feared that the
special would turn into one long episode of Lassie.
But Lucas refused to change it. According to
Valanche, Lucas originally intended the story
of Chewbacca's family to appear somewhere in
the Star Wars saga. Oh, thank God it was only
on this. Imagine. But why? What does Chewbacca's
family... Add to what is essentially the Skywalker
family. Ah, the Wookiee planet is called Kazook.
One of the names George Lucas considered before
it became known as Kashyyyk. Oh, so it is Kashyyyk
then. So that's why they said Kazook earlier
then. Okay. Hang on. How are we still hearing
the jizz music when no one's playing? Have they
been miming? Oh, well, this tells you everything.
Kenner was going to do a line of toys for the
special and then saw how badly it didn't release
them. It would just be knobby and lumpy, wouldn't
it? Itchy and his VR porn set play set. Return
to base. Return to base. Return to base. Make
Itchy do the dirty. Yeah, you know how you get
a buzz like this when you press the button and
his arm goes like this? Like a chop. With him,
he'd be like that. He'd be doing the same. The
large rat puppet in the Cantina season was made
for The Food of the Gods 1976. It's referred
to as a Tintin dwarf in the Star Wars universe.
Interesting. It was a very good animatronic costume.
Very good. There was talk of a possible spin
-off television series. Han Solo's in there.
Han Solo's in there. Yeah. Which is why he opened
the thing and closed it. Yeah, it was aired at
Thanksgiving. Right, so the stormtrooper who's
still in the house has gone up to the kids' room
because he's just finished making things. What?
No, we should stop it then and go watch all the
adverts, all 52 adverts. Oh my god, right. So,
the woman, Diana Carroll, whatever her name was,
that did the VR porn singing, do you know who
offered it originally? Who? Cher. Oh dear. That
would have been interesting. God, yeah, I bet
there was no health and safety check done on
that. Well, Chewbacca's arrived. Alright, you're
belling? What are you doing to my son? Right,
hands here. Chop. Got the gun. Judo, chop. Wilhelm
scream. Wilhelm scream, yeah. They use quite
a lot in Star Wars. I know it's like an in -joke
with the fucking hell, how strong is Han? Like,
I know it's like an inside joke that they all
use it, but I actually hate it. It really removes
the immersion of every single film I ever hear
it in, and it's in fucking everything. Oh yeah,
sorry, so Chewie and Han have just killed her.
Stormtrooper. Yeah, do as you're told, Chewie.
And I'm in your house. Really hairy, smelly family.
Oh, what the fuck. She wants him. That is so
not Han. So not him. Oh, the way he's looking
at Han. His lumpy Han son. Yeah, the way she
looked at him really was like, I want a piece
of that, mate. Hug him. Be careful. And then
choking him. And then fucking choking him, yeah.
Fetishes again. It's all about the fetish. No
one's going to query that a stormtrooper's gone
and found dead at the base of their tree. Yeah.
Don't shoot me, husband. Please. What's that
crossbow thing called? It's got a name, like
a bow crossbow. It's a laser bow, isn't it? Or
something. Some bolt. Late bolt thrower. Let's
guess. Let's unique guess, because we don't know.
Guess what his laser crossbow gun is called.
I'll get it up on here. Come on, we've got to
give ourselves some entertainment. We're not
getting into the holiday special, are we? Everyone
listening, what's Chewbacca's crossbow gun called?
Chewbacca crossbow. Oh, no. Oh, this is awkward.
Oh, they're about to kiss. I don't think they
can work out where each other's mouth is. animatronic
it's got a bow caster everybody bow caster oh
look at your teeth darling you haven't brushed
so i won't kiss you and also you've been told
not to by george lupus yeah i'll turn it into
12. he waxes cock out although he's naked so
oh no we've got some handheld camera Yay, threesome.
He's got to be a bad guy. No, he's not a bad
guy. They're not going to have some kind of twists.
There we go. This is a general alert. Calling
officer B4711. Officer B4711. We are unable to
reach you on your comm link. The one that's just
been pulled into his death. You are instructed
to turn on your comm link immediately. And they'd
put that over the air? I don't think that's a
very good idea, is it? No. Then he took off in
the hills. Very well, we'll send out a search
party. You're right, he is a bad guy. Yes, sir.
Identification is very important. I hope you
maintain contact with the Empire at times like
this. I'm so confused, he's a double agent. No,
sir, he is... He is a member of the Resistance,
he's just... He's also a member of the Empire.
He just had a code that could speak directly
to that man on the TV. Have a wonderful celebration.
Is he got a hearing aid? He's got a hearing aid.
Yeah, from the look of it. Or do you think because
everyone's roaring, it's just like... I think
it's more like he's turned it off and he fucking
answered it. He's never been so happy that he's
got a hearing impediment. Oh, thank God I didn't
charge my hearing aids. Oh, it's nearly the end,
Rob. I can see it's one hour 30. Yeah, but we
talked for a bit beforehand. Oh, no. So we've
got about 20 minutes left. No, well, don't forget,
while we were messing around with the consoles,
we stopped and then restarted. So three minutes
of our original talk as we went into it. Oh,
look, we've got less than 10 minutes. Oh, thank
the Lord. Thank the Lord. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh,
what's going on now? What's happening now? They're
all holding a weird globe and they've turned
the lights off. That's not a globe. It's a thermal
detonator. You know what? It looks like a thermal
detonator. It fucking does. But the way they're
stood as well, I know obviously they're doing
it for the camera. They're all pointing towards
the camera. Yeah, it doesn't matter. But like,
you'd all be looking at each other, wouldn't
you? Is this what they all do on Family Day?
What's it called again? Life Day. Life Day. Oh,
God, it's got boots on it. Oh, here we go. Is
this going full -on Bohemian Rhapsody? They're
all in red clothes. They're all in red clothes.
Oh, there's loads of them. Oh. Little thunderbolt
of lightning, very, very lightning. Galileo.
Oh my God, we'll have to do that. Lumpy was doing
it earlier. For the Untitled Sci -Fi Show, we'll
do Can I Wookiee It? rather than Can I Cluck
It? for the Brats. Okay, we'll do an episode
of that. Oh, Jesus. That'll be on the OnlyFans.
It's Space Jesus. This is the nativity. It looks
like Jesus there, look. And they saw a star in
the sky. And they went across Chewbacca's homeworld.
That's not a star. That's the Death Star. That's
the Death Star. Who are the three kings? Happy
Life Day. The three wise men in Star Wars. Who
are they? Happy Life Day, everyone. We don't
know enough about Star Wars to be able to actually
answer this. Obi -Wan Kenobi. Yeah. Yoda. Yeah.
And we're certainly glad that we're alive to
celebrate. maybe qui -gon jinn and qui -gon jinn
or mace window presents we bring you um I thought
it was Luke. It might be Leia. Leia's going to
sing. I'm not sure it's one of them. I really
hope they've got a good payday for this. I really
do. They've got two more films. A fair few more
films out of it, actually, thanks to Disney.
Why is she... Oh, no. Not a bad singer. Yeah,
and she's looking at the camera. I don't like
it. Look, I've got to give them all props because
none of them are laughing. I think that shows
what good actors they are. Look at Han. Look
at him. Harrison's like, why am I here? Can I
just say, Leia must be off her tit. And she's
just looking around seeing all these hairy things
going, I've got no idea what's going on at the
moment. She doesn't know she's filming. She thinks
she's at home. She thinks she's at home. She
thinks this is real. Yeah. She's at home with
her mum watching some of the movies her mum was
in. And she thinks she's singing along a bit.
What were the movies her mum was in? I don't
know. Her mum was an actress. Yeah. Shows how
little I know. So her mum was Debbie Reynolds.
Oh, listen, it's the Star Wars theme song. I'll
tell you where I got the idea of that. It's The
Simpsons, isn't it? Well, singing in the rain.
Debbie Reynolds is singing in the rain. Mark
Hamill sings in The Simpsons, doesn't he? Because
he's like, George Lucas makes us buy the lightsabers,
doesn't he? That's the joke in it. Don't break
my lightsabers. George Lucas makes us buy these.
Fucking hell, you've got me. So she just sung
that in the theme of Star Wars. Didn't even notice.
Oh, now we're... They've finished singing and
now we've kind of got a weird vignette going
on on the screen and everyone's getting on the
ship. Is this tying into The Empire Strikes Back?
Are we literally going into Empire Strikes Back
at this point? Are we getting clipped from the
first Star Wars? They're not implying this was
before because they haven't met yet. Oh, I hope
he got a payday. Oh, what's his name? Playing
Obi -Wan. Oh, yeah. His face has been in this.
I hope he got some money. Of course he did. I
don't know. He got paid in a percentage. He got
paid in a percentage of profit. You know what?
I genuinely feel like they're doing this as a
recap so you're ready to watch The Empire Strikes
Back. Oh, so this is like... Star Wars 4 .5.
This happened between 4 and 5. Well, it has to,
because the end of 4 and 5, Han is in Carbon
Night, or whatever it's called. Yes. Sorry, everyone.
Oh, if I've got that wrong. I hope it really
upset you. Oh, no, their life tables are full
of Christmas tree. Chewie's looking at Lumpy
and he's trying to decide, yeah, you really are
my son, aren't you? I just don't know. Just none
of my family have that colour eye. You sound
more Ewok. I know you're not, but you sound it.
You're so small for a wookie. Carbonite. I mean,
your fur isn't the same colour as mine. Put your
heads down, everyone. Pray to your empty bowls.
And that monstrosity that the mum made. Oh my
god, yes, she made that, didn't she? Oh, they
fixed the balustrade. Oh, no. Everything's giving
up. It's giving up. Good. Oh, thank god it's
finished, Rob. It's finished. It's the credits.
Rob, it's finished. Thank fuck for the mum brothers.
Oh, dear Lord. I thought Ewoks were in this.
No, apparently not. Gary Smith, you've got lots
and lots of them. All of these people have them.
Steve Binder. This is like... Rod Warren Brief,
all of you. Now it's just a list of people who
are lucky they continued working in the industry.
Maybe they didn't. Maybe this killed lots of
people's careers. Maybe the fifth one is so good
because after they made this one, they were just
like, we need to fix this. Yeah, we fired everyone
and we've got a new crew. No, no, it's going
to be all the same people, right? And George
is there like, look, I'll put my hands on it.
The Christmas special, mistake, I'm going to
own up to it. But we own the planet as something,
you know, a resolution to this fucking mess.
Now, I'm going to take the responsibility. I'm
going to buy all of them out. And no one's going
to watch it again. Everyone, don't worry about
that. Your CVs are going to be safe. Your LinkedIn
profile, we can fix that for you. That's fine.
But what we have to do is make the next two films.
And everyone's like, oh, my God, we're doing
two more films. I can't believe they managed
to give us some money for two more films. How
have we managed to do this? Don't worry. I just
had to show my dedication to quite a few management
at 20th Century Fox. But it's okay. My knees
are okay. I was using pads. Now, also, that bad
throat of mine has really cleared up. And I will
fix this for the world. You just do your job,
do your best, and I'm very sorry. The wrap party,
it'll be worth it. We'll have strippers. Right,
that was fucking dreadful. It's the still frame
of Carrie Fisher. She is off her tits. Off. Can
I just say as well, this is like my most recent
watched we've got on YouTube. Yeah. So we've
got the Star Wars special here. 664 ,000 views
from the channel called Star Wars Holiday Special.
Right. The very next one is a short from Caleb
Hammer. 2 .7 million views. Yeah. What a difference.
What a difference. Okay. So. So what we're saying
is Caleb Hammer needs to do a holiday special.
I would like Caleb Hammer to do a Star Wars holiday
special and see how well he does. Merry Christmas,
everybody. Merry Christmas. This year, for the
Christmas special on the Sci -Fi Show, I'm not
forcing any of you poor bastards to sing again.
What Tom and I are doing is we're going to be
doing a watch -along with the film. I just want
to get your opinion on it. It's a Star Wars Christmas
special. I've not heard very good things about
it. Have you heard of it? Any words of advice?
A Star Wars Christmas special? How does that
even work? Oh, hello cat. Sorry, the cat just
came and headbutted my phone and me. Mate, that
does not sound festive at all. I mean, is Yoda
going to be bouncing around in a red cape and
hat? A Star Wars Christmas special? I wish you
luck. My advice? Don't. What do I think? I think
I've heard nothing good about it. I've never
seen it either, despite being a Star Wars nut,
really. How do you feel about softcore Wookiee
porn? This is a kid's show as well.