WEBVTT

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Christmas bonus! Yay! What George Lucas tried

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to have removed from the world. He banned it

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for sale. He sues people he finds it for sale.

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And this was bought years ago, this copy. This

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is the Star Wars Holiday Special. November 17th,

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1978. And it's a true, true beacon to all sci

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-fi shows to say you don't do Christmas in sci

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-fi. I didn't realise it was a cartoon. It's

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not. Why is it showing as a cartoon? There's

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some cartoon. There's some live action. Okay.

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I've never seen it. Stiddy has told me to watch

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it. There's some Wookiee porn. Oh dear God, that

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looks awful. Okay, I'm excited for this. They

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sing. Don't tell me anymore because it's going

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to be a surprise. I have no idea. So I'm going

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to unmute. So suddenly you're going to hear whatever

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music is playing, probably just the standard

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Star Wars music. At some point it will be, yep.

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Okay. Right, so I'll grab the PlayStation controller.

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And you're going to be... We are... watching

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this and talking over it. We're not pausing,

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I don't believe, unless we need to. I'm not going

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to pause it. We're just going to talk over it.

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And in the edit, I'll probably just cut dead

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space. So for everyone else, it might just kind

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of fade out, fade in, fade out, fade in. Because

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this is going to get... I don't want George Lucas

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coming after me. Do you know what I mean? I want

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George Lucas to come after me and say, why did

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you even think this was a good idea, George?

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Because that bit we just saw there was basically

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someone spinning a cartoon cell round on the

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floor. So what we're seeing, right, it has like

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a DVD kind of title screen. It's a homemade DVD

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of the copy, basically. Oh, okay. And on the

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left, it says the Star Wars film. And top right,

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you've got the Muppet Show with the Star of Star

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Wars. The Star of Star Wars. Stars of Star Wars.

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Oh, Stars. And then below that, it says 56 Kenner

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toy commercials. 56 toy commercials. Oh, my gosh.

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What's the time? I haven't got my watch on because

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it's charging. What's the time? It's 10 to 10.

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10 to 10. Okay, well, let's watch the film. Any

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idea how long the film is? Maybe an hour? I've

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got no idea. I'm hoping it's not more than an

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hour. Oh, nice yellow block. Right, I'm just

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going to go and press OK on here. I used to make

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these sort of menus in Nero. Word. This video

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is not produced or authorised by the owner of

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the copyright work contained... I have to cut

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this. La la la. Okay. Oh, seven, six, five. Four.

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Three. Two. Oh, God, it sounds terrible. Oh.

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We've got no sound. Oh, oh, oh. Right, let's

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hit pause and change your PS5 to non -Dolby.

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Non -Dolby. Okay, hold on. I think this just

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needs PCR linear. i'm just sorry i've just pressed

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i've unpaused it oh dear well multiple issues

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have happened here the first being that the system

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wasn't working as you would have heard so we've

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now after a few minutes of fucking around yeah

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we have a bootleg copy of the holiday special

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which seems to have actually encoded the yo -yo

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with security yeah so the playstation wouldn't

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play it we're now on the xbox which will play

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it but badly but badly uh and then we've actually

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ended up just the dlz creator is now bluetooth

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to the television and it's playing great and

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it's playing great and then we realize the bug

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is bombshell of all this is this is 98 minutes

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this is 1 hour 48 uh we're gonna do this and

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we were gonna do a calendar thing you got from

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tiktok too weren't we well that's gonna take

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about 30 seconds of you just bursting okay well

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let's get through this all right Jesus Christ.

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Okay, are we ready to start again? Yeah, right.

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Copyright notice. Word. Word. I don't know how

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loud it's going to be either. I'll put the volume

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down here. Okay. I love it when you fiddle with

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my knobs. The volume up. Eight, seven, six, five,

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four, three, two. Okay. That's pretty good, isn't

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it? That's better. That's alright, I think. Reused

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clips notice. Oh, it is. That's it, I'm turning

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back. I know your family's waiting. I know it's

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an important day. All right, we'll give it a

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try. Okay, so we've got a handkerchief. Yeah,

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Harrison Ford doing his best to take this seriously.

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And this is... Is this... The CGI's taken. Is

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this new acting? This bit's new. I would suggest

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anything done by industrial light and magic,

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so the external shots of ships and stuff. That

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would have been reused. A long time ago in a

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galaxy far, far away. Star Wars. The holiday

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special. What have they done to him? They've

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cut his makeup. Look at the girl. He looked like

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a Barbie. He looked like Ken doll. What does

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she look like? She's bald. I can't say that word,

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can I? She looks like she was stoned off her

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tits. R2 -D2 as R2 -D2. And James Earl Jones

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as the voice of Darth Vader. Yep. Introducing

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Chewbacca's family. His wife, Mala. What the

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fuck? His father, Itchy. Hi, Itchy. His son,

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Lumpy. Lumpy? Hitchy and Lumpy. With special

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guest stars. Describing Chewie's cock. Beatrice

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Arthur. Who's she looking at? Art Carney. So

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these were big names. Diane Carroll. No, she's

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going to be seen. They're going to stay in there.

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The Jefferson Starship. Oh, no. Harvey Korman.

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Harvey Weinstein. They filmed it like it's Cannon

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and Bowl or something. Well, I think this went

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out kind of Thanksgiving that time. Okay, now

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is this a cartoon? Nope, this is just a painted

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scene. Okay, so we're zooming in probably on

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Kashyyyk, I'm assuming. Oh, dear God, it's horrifying.

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Big, mushy -faced, grey... What's Chewbacca?

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What race is he in? He's a Wookiee. Wookiee,

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that's it. Are we going to get subtitles for

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this fucking enraged mess Lumpy's doing over

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there? To be fair, actually, he's doing a good

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impression of a typewriter whilst holding an

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extra. So Itchy's carving an X -Wing. Fuck off,

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Lumpy. Shut up, boy. Twat. Come here, old shady.

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Get over here, you little shit, she's saying.

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Yeah. Now as the dulcet tones of Chewbacca's

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wife. I can't get over what he looks like. I

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can't get over what this old Wookiee looks like.

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He's got a massive underbite. I know what he

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looks like. What? He looks like the alien resurrection.

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Final alien. That's the shit he does with hair.

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It's the cross between. It is. You're absolutely

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right. It does look like. Wow. You know what?

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I wonder if they use the same record. It was

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just in the back of my mind. That's resurrection.

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Are they stealing food off the counter? Why's

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she got an apron on? Like, Chewbacca doesn't

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wear clothes other than a bandolier. They force

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women to wear clothes in their culture. Leave

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them alone. You should have got bareback arse.

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You wouldn't stay there. You'd get nothing on

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the back. It's like a stripper or something.

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Imagine having to wash off after that. This reminds

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me of... Do you remember Bigfoot, the American

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TV show? Harry and the Hendersons. That's it.

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Loved it. Yeah. This is what this is. Except

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it's reversed. A human's going to come in. They're

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keeping a human secret in the house. Oh, Lumpy's

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having to take the rubbish out. Look at that

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thing on the wall there. It looks like one of

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those stone faces. Don't do it, Lumpy. Don't

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jump. Don't jump. Oh, my God. Look at that. Go

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on, mate. It's for the best. He's thinking, one

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day. What a day. He's doing it, look. He's doing

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it. He's trying to... Right, so they're in a

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treehouse. He's trying to climb over the... It's

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a kind of balustrade. Oh, you're so dumb. Yeah,

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he's on the banister and he's literally... Just

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balancing the circus. He's got some bottle, isn't

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he? I mean, what's he think he's going to have?

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This is why kids are stupid. Because, like, this

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is... He's doing it for a bit of fun. You fall,

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you die. Bad parenting, don't know where a kid

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is. I should say, we've had, what, five minutes

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so far? Fucking this is... Of no language. This

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is appalling so far. They've got one of those

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tables, those CGI chess tables. That's how Chewie

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got so good at it. I tell you what, they aren't

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represented like this in the episode, what is

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it, two or three? When they're fighting. What's

00:11:07.610 --> 00:11:08.990
she holding, a picture of Chewie? A picture of

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Chewie. Look how small he is. They must have

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the same issue that adult humans do. As we get

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older, we shrink. Shrinking down, hunched over.

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She's not very ample in the old chest apartment,

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is she? What a shame for Chewie. Oh, what's Itchy

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up to? He's had a cheeky idea. Shrugging his

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shoulders as he's walking over to some horrendous

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-looking machine. He's just... Is there music

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on? I'd love to know what Wookiee music sounds

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like. It's not music. So you've seen this before?

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I've seen this bit, and I'm pretty sure he's

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asking for where the Kleenex is. Oh, look, the

00:11:55.259 --> 00:11:58.700
kid survived. Oh, that's a shame. Or is this

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a different kid? No, it's the same one. It's

00:12:01.019 --> 00:12:13.470
Lumpy. Fucking hell, this is really going on,

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isn't it? George Lucas thought this was a good

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idea, ladies and gentlemen. It's dreadful. Here

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we go. I mean, what's happened? Now he's gone

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to the chess machine with a little one. Sit down

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here. I'm going to tell you a story. Oh, is it?

00:12:32.330 --> 00:12:35.370
Someone is dancing on the table. Oh, that was

00:12:35.370 --> 00:12:40.679
a dirty, sleazy look, wasn't it, for Mitch? It's

00:12:40.679 --> 00:12:43.120
like a load of dudes' stilettos. So basically

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the virtual chess table that you see on the Millennium

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Falcon is actually just this holographic projector

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and they're watching a circus display go on at

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the moment. That's what he's just put on for

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Lumpy. Oh, it's quite cool. It's cleverly done.

00:12:58.740 --> 00:13:02.799
It's a brilliant idea for the era. He does have

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like a tape cassette player. Did you notice that?

00:13:05.100 --> 00:13:08.600
Yeah. Oh. And now he's ruined it by moving it

00:13:08.600 --> 00:13:10.360
into the room. Now it's in the room somehow.

00:13:12.039 --> 00:13:16.759
So we're looking at some big green monster. It

00:13:16.759 --> 00:13:19.639
looks like... Oh, we've got a furry. The fairy

00:13:19.639 --> 00:13:24.500
from Legend of Zelda. What's he called? The fat

00:13:24.500 --> 00:13:27.820
one. He's a boy who tends to be fat. Oh, I know.

00:13:29.840 --> 00:13:32.460
And Humvee's watching it quite well, seeing that

00:13:32.460 --> 00:13:39.590
it wasn't actually there. Yeah. This is just

00:13:39.590 --> 00:13:49.529
beyond weird. And people said Flash Gordon. They

00:13:49.529 --> 00:13:57.289
just have never seen this. Yeah. Okay, we've

00:13:57.289 --> 00:13:59.769
now got acrobats doing part of the human pyramid.

00:14:07.039 --> 00:14:11.879
Lumpy is incredibly excited. Tingle is who I

00:14:11.879 --> 00:14:14.379
was thinking of. Oh, right. Okay, yeah, yeah,

00:14:14.379 --> 00:14:16.320
yeah. I guess I'll do some juggling now. This

00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:23.120
is good. But is this what you think of when you

00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:25.940
think of Star Wars? No, I don't really. This

00:14:25.940 --> 00:14:28.559
is like some kind of acid trip. I didn't even

00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:30.279
want to know what Darth Vader's going to do in

00:14:30.279 --> 00:14:32.100
this. Is he just going to say, okay, you know

00:14:32.100 --> 00:14:36.159
what? Merry Christmas. Day off. I'll go back

00:14:36.159 --> 00:14:38.980
to getting you next week. Luke, I am your father.

00:14:39.539 --> 00:14:47.100
The father of jazz. Luke, I am your father. And

00:14:47.100 --> 00:14:49.080
I have still not got you a Christmas present.

00:14:49.220 --> 00:14:54.000
You haven't given me your list. I am your father

00:14:54.000 --> 00:15:03.399
and I bring you fire. I bring you burn. You just

00:15:03.399 --> 00:15:05.940
start going into some kind of ram steam, guys.

00:15:07.740 --> 00:15:10.820
Luke, tell your sister to call me. She doesn't

00:15:10.820 --> 00:15:17.000
anymore. Tell her I'm sorry. Wait, hang on. Leia

00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:20.679
knew all along? Yes. Well, I've only just found

00:15:20.679 --> 00:15:23.519
out she was my sister, to be fair. Okay, so we're

00:15:23.519 --> 00:15:25.580
talking over. It's now finished. He's now upset

00:15:25.580 --> 00:15:27.379
because the mum's making him do the washing up.

00:15:27.559 --> 00:15:32.080
And he snaps the towel. I feel like he just said

00:15:32.080 --> 00:15:34.919
a catchphrase there. He looked at the camera

00:15:34.919 --> 00:15:40.240
and shrugged. What would his catchphrase be?

00:15:44.720 --> 00:15:50.899
We have reached traffic. You have reached traffic

00:15:50.899 --> 00:15:54.820
control. Why is it in English? Now we're being

00:15:54.820 --> 00:15:58.379
graced with the English language. However, how

00:15:58.379 --> 00:16:05.120
long into this are we? Not long enough. So, you're

00:16:05.120 --> 00:16:10.019
12 minutes. No starships, no. Okay, so she was

00:16:10.019 --> 00:16:11.899
basically looking out for a traffic report. In

00:16:11.899 --> 00:16:16.539
the entire planet? No starships in the entire

00:16:16.539 --> 00:16:18.080
planet? It's a forest planet. Why would they

00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:19.799
have starships? Well, they're the only people

00:16:19.799 --> 00:16:23.000
there. Maybe bookies don't like travelling. Maybe

00:16:23.000 --> 00:16:26.340
Chewbacca was different. He was like snail on

00:16:26.340 --> 00:16:29.879
the rail. He wanted to get out there. But there

00:16:29.879 --> 00:16:34.080
were other snails and other whales. Oh, R2, look.

00:16:34.620 --> 00:16:37.340
It's Chewbacca's family. I can't understand a

00:16:37.340 --> 00:16:40.440
fuck they say. How did he get back? He didn't

00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:45.639
even answer. Hello, Marla. Where's Chewbacca?

00:16:46.220 --> 00:16:50.639
Okay, right. No, sorry. Mark Hamill. That doesn't

00:16:50.639 --> 00:16:53.860
even look like Mark Hamill. He's so make -up.

00:16:54.279 --> 00:16:56.539
How much foundation did they use on that poor

00:16:56.539 --> 00:16:59.120
guy? He looks like a bowling ball. He's got three

00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:02.799
holes. I know that this is awful quality, but

00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:10.059
come on. Yeah? Not now, R2. Fuck off. You're

00:17:10.059 --> 00:17:12.880
on fire. Has he got, like, a plug -up? Oh, wait

00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:14.220
a minute. I don't like the looks of this. No,

00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:17.440
it is actually Mark Hamill. Oh, R2. You're supposed

00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:20.130
to be watching that. Jesus Christ, look at the

00:17:20.130 --> 00:17:23.490
state of it. When's this situated? When did they

00:17:23.490 --> 00:17:26.170
film this? Which film was this between? I've

00:17:26.170 --> 00:17:29.730
got no idea. 1979. So between the second and

00:17:29.730 --> 00:17:36.069
third? Or fifth? I've got no idea. You don't

00:17:36.069 --> 00:17:39.390
know where he is? Oh, well, I shouldn't really

00:17:39.390 --> 00:17:42.589
tell you. He's with another Wookiee. He's with

00:17:42.589 --> 00:17:45.660
an Ewok. He's with an Ewok, yeah. He's on a stag

00:17:45.660 --> 00:17:57.720
deal. Oh, my God. What's going to happen? Oh,

00:17:57.720 --> 00:18:00.400
no. R2 is breaking something in the background

00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:09.859
there. So, A New Hope was 77. Yeah. So, this

00:18:09.859 --> 00:18:12.740
was before Episode 5, The Empire Strikes Back.

00:18:13.660 --> 00:18:20.000
79, they said, didn't they? Yeah. Now, in all

00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:21.339
seriousness... Oh, you just missed the name of

00:18:21.339 --> 00:18:25.740
their holiday there. Life Day. Life Day. In all

00:18:25.740 --> 00:18:28.799
seriousness, wasn't Mark Hamill in there because

00:18:28.799 --> 00:18:31.660
of the collars? And that's why he looks quite

00:18:31.660 --> 00:18:35.880
scarred in the fifth episode five? I don't know.

00:18:35.980 --> 00:18:39.940
Which would imply why he's so fucking covered

00:18:39.940 --> 00:18:43.390
in makeup. Because he looks terrible. I've got

00:18:43.390 --> 00:18:44.690
to get back to this engine. I think we might

00:18:44.690 --> 00:18:51.589
have it solved. I'm sure there was something

00:18:51.589 --> 00:18:54.990
there because he looks a bit scarred. 1977 car

00:18:54.990 --> 00:19:02.930
accident. That was two years before this. Why

00:19:02.930 --> 00:19:05.069
is he blaming R2? He's the one he was fucking

00:19:05.069 --> 00:19:13.299
not looking for. I've got to say, they've got

00:19:13.299 --> 00:19:17.599
a very human fecal. Fetched his nose and cheekbone.

00:19:19.779 --> 00:19:25.680
I might explain why it's a cake to make up. Oh,

00:19:25.799 --> 00:19:27.579
what now? We're going to check for that one spaceship

00:19:27.579 --> 00:19:34.420
again. Bub Terminal. We're now contacting the

00:19:34.420 --> 00:19:36.799
Bub Terminal. They have a perfectly good screen

00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:42.720
on the computer. Yeah, I know. Get to something.

00:19:42.880 --> 00:19:44.480
It looks like they're using an apple. Wookie

00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:49.480
Planet C. Or is it called the Apple Watch? Well,

00:19:49.559 --> 00:19:51.759
now we're contacting the fucking... So we've

00:19:51.759 --> 00:19:53.799
just contacted Wookie Planet C, apparently, and

00:19:53.799 --> 00:19:57.839
now there's... Oh, an Imperial Guard. I suppose

00:19:57.839 --> 00:20:00.599
you want to see my identification? No, I'm off

00:20:00.599 --> 00:20:03.539
duty. I've come to look around your shop. Oh,

00:20:03.539 --> 00:20:05.779
good, good, good. Look around. Browse around.

00:20:05.980 --> 00:20:09.589
Make yourself at home. I'm off duty, but I'm

00:20:09.589 --> 00:20:11.750
wearing my helmet for you. Yeah, I've still got

00:20:11.750 --> 00:20:16.549
my helmet from my spaceship. Magnificent. What

00:20:16.549 --> 00:20:24.809
on earth is happening now? So everyone, they're

00:20:24.809 --> 00:20:28.009
in a shop, and there's a guy who is clearly the

00:20:28.009 --> 00:20:36.090
owner, just cleaning bits of plastic. Pocket

00:20:36.090 --> 00:20:38.150
-sized equipment. Oh, that's cute. It's a tiny

00:20:38.150 --> 00:20:39.470
little thing with a fish in it. And you can take

00:20:39.470 --> 00:20:42.410
it with you anywhere. And the tank is a snap

00:20:42.410 --> 00:20:45.150
to clean. I hate fish. It would have been funny

00:20:45.150 --> 00:20:47.069
if you just shanked it. I take a drink once in

00:20:47.069 --> 00:20:50.369
a while. I hate fish. I just thought I'd show

00:20:50.369 --> 00:20:52.210
you some of the stupid stuff those Wookiees purchased

00:20:52.210 --> 00:20:56.549
for me. Oh, here. Oh, so he's a looking news

00:20:56.549 --> 00:21:02.529
agent. Yeah, here we are. This is where... rammish

00:21:02.529 --> 00:21:07.450
in the land of stars. But he wouldn't be racist

00:21:07.450 --> 00:21:09.349
to the workers who say horrible things about

00:21:09.349 --> 00:21:32.779
Yoda. Oh, shut up. Oh, my God. I mean, that...

00:21:32.779 --> 00:21:35.400
The way I heard it was that he just got a hand...

00:21:35.400 --> 00:21:38.279
Yeah, he just got a solo handjob from another

00:21:38.279 --> 00:21:40.500
woman for Planets Over. By the way, I'll be by

00:21:40.500 --> 00:21:43.019
later to drop off that extra proton energy pack.

00:21:43.579 --> 00:21:48.240
You're welcome. And why does the shopkeeper know?

00:21:48.380 --> 00:21:50.640
What's the matter? Would you like this? Well,

00:21:50.660 --> 00:21:53.859
he's obviously a rebel, isn't he? Just a groomer.

00:21:53.859 --> 00:21:56.660
A groomer. Just a groomer. A groomer? He's looking

00:21:56.660 --> 00:22:11.029
for a groomer. Oh. Stain removing. Stain removing.

00:22:15.690 --> 00:22:27.390
Why the hell does the grooming device need to

00:22:27.390 --> 00:22:29.069
be able to do the penal code? Is it free to start?

00:22:29.740 --> 00:22:31.839
Is he about to just brush this man's moustache?

00:22:31.859 --> 00:22:34.740
I really hope it comes off. Oh, another outstanding

00:22:34.740 --> 00:22:36.900
feature of this little model. Look at the state

00:22:36.900 --> 00:22:38.339
of it. You can recharge it by simply plugging

00:22:38.339 --> 00:22:41.000
it into any ordinary laser outlet. I'll take

00:22:41.000 --> 00:22:44.480
it. Good, I thought you would. Now, would you

00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:47.640
like to pay me something for it or give me something

00:22:47.640 --> 00:22:52.039
in trade? I said I'll take it. He's just nicked.

00:22:52.339 --> 00:22:56.000
That's a lot off my mind. I thought I might embarrass

00:22:56.000 --> 00:23:00.029
you, but I told you to accept it as a gift. I

00:23:00.029 --> 00:23:03.190
don't like embarrassing people. I don't like

00:23:03.190 --> 00:23:05.970
being embarrassed myself. That's why I like to

00:23:05.970 --> 00:23:12.269
embarrass people. I just said that. This is what

00:23:12.269 --> 00:23:13.809
happens when you live on a planet of Wookiees

00:23:13.809 --> 00:23:15.869
all on your own. How did they give him another

00:23:15.869 --> 00:23:18.529
film after this? Why the Imperial on the Wookiee

00:23:18.529 --> 00:23:20.670
planet? Well, they're from around the world.

00:23:20.990 --> 00:23:25.470
They're like the police. It's just a matter of

00:23:25.470 --> 00:23:28.329
time before we find the rebels. I want the rebels

00:23:28.329 --> 00:23:31.329
located and identified. If it means searching

00:23:31.329 --> 00:23:35.730
every household and assistance. True. Because

00:23:35.730 --> 00:23:38.250
that's where Yoda is and he loses before he goes

00:23:38.250 --> 00:23:39.910
back. Oh, you know what? They must have filmed

00:23:39.910 --> 00:23:41.690
this at the same time of doing The Empire Strikes

00:23:41.690 --> 00:23:44.470
Back. Which is why they've got all the actors.

00:23:45.089 --> 00:23:50.289
Yeah. Obviously not the same make -up team. Poor

00:23:50.289 --> 00:23:54.450
Luke. Oh, we're fucking back in the house. I

00:23:54.450 --> 00:23:57.410
think it's going to be an hour and 48 of this.

00:24:01.109 --> 00:24:09.690
He's finished the washing up. Can you imagine

00:24:09.690 --> 00:24:12.349
the carpets in the house? You know what's going

00:24:12.349 --> 00:24:15.210
to happen? Chewbacca's going to get home and

00:24:15.210 --> 00:24:17.869
he's going to be like, oh, fuck it. And you're

00:24:17.869 --> 00:24:19.069
going to go in and we're going to have either

00:24:19.069 --> 00:24:21.019
a horrendous sex scene. Or she's going to just

00:24:21.019 --> 00:24:22.640
chuck a tea towel at him and go, are you fucking

00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:26.980
vagabond? What the fuck is this? Whoa. Oh, it's

00:24:26.980 --> 00:24:32.019
that dude. It's a cooking show. Today we are

00:24:32.019 --> 00:24:34.960
going to be preparing a very succulent dish called

00:24:34.960 --> 00:24:40.420
Bantha Surprise. Bantha Surprise. She's turned

00:24:40.420 --> 00:24:45.640
the television off. And there's a flat screen.

00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:48.880
Flat screen, yeah. Extremely voluptuous alien

00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:52.200
lady who addressed her directly. I'm going to

00:24:52.200 --> 00:24:55.200
be using the tenderest cut of the bantha, the

00:24:55.200 --> 00:25:01.609
loin. What's a banther again? I've got no idea.

00:25:02.289 --> 00:25:05.230
Oh, isn't that the two -legged thing from Hoth?

00:25:05.250 --> 00:25:14.869
The ice thing, yeah. Oh, it's a big... It looks

00:25:14.869 --> 00:25:19.150
like a... It's a big... Like a big ox or something

00:25:19.150 --> 00:25:22.119
like that. Yeah. That the sand people go on.

00:25:22.200 --> 00:25:23.700
Big curly horns, big flat mouth. Looks like a

00:25:23.700 --> 00:25:37.220
mammoth. Mm -hmm. Our chunks. Into our pots.

00:25:37.400 --> 00:25:47.420
Into our pots. Oh. Mm -hmm. Well, it's so disgusting.

00:25:47.420 --> 00:25:52.009
I should put it in. Yep. It's very clever. You

00:25:52.009 --> 00:25:54.829
like the flat screen. That's well ahead of its

00:25:54.829 --> 00:25:59.869
time. And just a little whisper of shelter. Shelter.

00:26:00.049 --> 00:26:06.950
Looking very nice. Guess what I forgot? A bit

00:26:06.950 --> 00:26:09.829
of the colorantrum root. Where she's holding

00:26:09.829 --> 00:26:16.069
in her tits. Of course she is. Very nice. Right,

00:26:16.150 --> 00:26:18.549
the chewbuckle used way too much. Now we've got

00:26:18.549 --> 00:26:23.369
enough liquid to cover. She's doing it in a bucket

00:26:23.369 --> 00:26:26.049
too. And guess what we're ready for now? The

00:26:26.049 --> 00:26:31.089
cooking. Step one, we stir the mixture. Stir,

00:26:31.130 --> 00:26:34.990
stir, stir, stir, stir, stir, stir. Stir, stir,

00:26:35.009 --> 00:26:37.890
stir. Very nice. Now step two, while we're stirring,

00:26:38.049 --> 00:26:41.670
we also whip. So it's stir, whip, stir, whip,

00:26:41.809 --> 00:26:47.690
whip, whip, stir, stir, whip. What was George

00:26:47.690 --> 00:26:50.430
thinking when he made this? I have seen pantomimes

00:26:50.430 --> 00:26:52.809
better than this. But this is fucking stupid.

00:26:52.849 --> 00:26:57.150
It's got a Christmas special, right? Could have

00:26:57.150 --> 00:27:00.109
just been a side quest. They could have just

00:27:00.109 --> 00:27:05.710
picked a random... Like a random character in

00:27:05.710 --> 00:27:09.349
the Star Wars universe. Yeah. And just gone with

00:27:09.349 --> 00:27:12.009
that. And didn't have to have any Christmas elements

00:27:12.009 --> 00:27:15.779
at all. I'm guessing this bit was meant to be

00:27:15.779 --> 00:27:23.460
better. Oh look another hand's come out. She's

00:27:23.460 --> 00:27:27.500
beating her meat. Yeah beating her meat. The

00:27:27.500 --> 00:27:33.039
third arm has arrived. With a big pizza. Right

00:27:33.039 --> 00:27:37.339
the order in this bit is different. Okay now

00:27:37.339 --> 00:27:40.230
it might even get filmed. This was meant to be

00:27:40.230 --> 00:27:42.950
a holiday special. This was meant to be bringing

00:27:42.950 --> 00:27:49.150
families together. A fauna, a fauna. Can you

00:27:49.150 --> 00:27:51.269
imagine our parents putting this on and going,

00:27:51.289 --> 00:27:53.930
oh, this is a family. The kids will like this.

00:27:55.150 --> 00:27:57.190
It wouldn't have made it past the first shoot.

00:27:57.369 --> 00:28:02.410
Bloody wookie scene. One for the pot. Coming

00:28:02.410 --> 00:28:06.980
along. Using one hand to taste, one hand to put

00:28:06.980 --> 00:28:13.339
more in, to keep eating from it. Yeah, it's shit.

00:28:13.420 --> 00:28:16.920
Good, you've turned it off. Yeah, thanks. What

00:28:16.920 --> 00:28:19.299
I would do is throw that out of your tree and

00:28:19.299 --> 00:28:23.779
down onto the garden down below. Yeah. Just so

00:28:23.779 --> 00:28:25.720
you know, we're only about 20 minutes in. I know.

00:28:26.019 --> 00:28:29.740
Oh, oh. Oh, action, right. Would you like to

00:28:29.740 --> 00:28:31.970
go home? We've got some TIE fighters shooting

00:28:31.970 --> 00:28:34.029
at him. That's a shot screen from the first film.

00:28:37.369 --> 00:28:39.210
Oh, we've got a TIE fighter shooting at him.

00:28:43.630 --> 00:28:45.009
He's like, come on, mate, I'm going to get back

00:28:45.009 --> 00:28:47.910
to that fucking piece of the world. Yeah, come

00:28:47.910 --> 00:28:51.509
on, it's Life Day. Don't you know it's Life Day?

00:28:53.349 --> 00:28:55.910
Please stop pissing about hard. You can't kill

00:28:55.910 --> 00:28:59.740
me on Life Day. How ironic. I know you don't

00:28:59.740 --> 00:29:02.480
like my family, but we're a couple. You've got

00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:04.720
to come back and meet them. You've got to meet

00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:10.380
my mother. And wife. They're polygamous. They

00:29:10.380 --> 00:29:14.640
keep telling each other it's no use. I just don't

00:29:14.640 --> 00:29:17.880
believe it. You're like her, honestly. You're

00:29:17.880 --> 00:29:47.799
like her. Attention, all viewers. Due to suspected

00:29:47.799 --> 00:29:50.539
rebel activity on the Kazook planet, the Empire

00:29:50.539 --> 00:29:53.769
has declared martial law. Itchy didn't need a

00:29:53.769 --> 00:29:57.470
stick then, did he? No ships will be permitted

00:29:57.470 --> 00:30:02.349
to land or take off until further notice. Oh,

00:30:02.349 --> 00:30:04.569
no. Well, none were anyway, according to her

00:30:04.569 --> 00:30:06.890
computer. What fucking difference does that make?

00:30:09.190 --> 00:30:15.369
Back off, numby. No more doorbell. There's fucking

00:30:15.369 --> 00:30:16.730
everything else. There's someone knocking on

00:30:16.730 --> 00:30:19.069
their door. Oh, God, this isn't Schindler's List

00:30:19.069 --> 00:30:22.940
of bloody Star Wars, is it? Itchy's hiding there.

00:30:23.839 --> 00:30:28.839
Oh, yeah, maybe. What are you saying? Well, Schindler

00:30:28.839 --> 00:30:31.819
didn't have Jews in his basement, did he? What

00:30:31.819 --> 00:30:34.500
film was that? No, I'm trying to think what film

00:30:34.500 --> 00:30:37.420
that is. That was Liam Neeson, wasn't it? Well,

00:30:37.420 --> 00:30:41.079
Liam Neeson is in general. Inglourious Bars says

00:30:41.079 --> 00:30:43.539
they've got some Jews on the floor. Is that what

00:30:43.539 --> 00:30:47.119
you're saying this is? Quentin Tarantino has

00:30:47.119 --> 00:30:55.039
directed this. No, you're not. You're not apparently.

00:30:55.940 --> 00:30:58.819
You were just calling them rugs or something.

00:31:11.489 --> 00:31:13.430
Oh, so we're to believe that he's just flown

00:31:13.430 --> 00:31:17.269
there. Who the fuck is he? He's the shopkeeper.

00:31:20.549 --> 00:31:29.009
Oh, he kissed him. It's like a puke down the

00:31:29.009 --> 00:31:39.420
throat. Where have you got it? A box. Where does

00:31:39.420 --> 00:31:43.579
an old friend get it? I'm going to kiss him.

00:31:45.839 --> 00:31:51.279
I don't like that. That's not right. He forced

00:31:51.279 --> 00:31:53.319
her to do that. I'm not comfortable with that.

00:31:53.700 --> 00:31:58.019
What did he say before he died? A Venus razor.

00:32:00.079 --> 00:32:04.839
How many blades is she going to go through? She's

00:32:04.839 --> 00:32:09.119
keeping the stock high on Venus razors. Stars.

00:32:09.660 --> 00:32:14.819
Venus for women. 20 laser razors. Henry's got

00:32:14.819 --> 00:32:21.880
a repulsive. He shoots his eye out. What has

00:32:21.880 --> 00:32:32.220
he got? A spectrum. Lego. Edgy. I know what you'd

00:32:32.220 --> 00:32:35.240
like. Yeah, I know. Yeah, we're going to go to

00:32:35.240 --> 00:32:37.680
the back room. I'll sort you out, Itchy. Come

00:32:37.680 --> 00:32:40.900
with me, old man. What the fuck is that? Looks

00:32:40.900 --> 00:32:47.339
like one of them. I thought you might like this.

00:32:47.500 --> 00:32:51.160
One of those... It's kind of hard to explain.

00:32:51.299 --> 00:32:54.990
It's getting the rinse done. Wow. No. Do you

00:32:54.990 --> 00:32:57.029
know what I mean? Oh, no. He's putting him into

00:32:57.029 --> 00:33:00.289
a porn VR. This is a holiday special for family,

00:33:00.369 --> 00:33:01.329
ladies and gents. He's in a VR chair, right?

00:33:01.329 --> 00:33:02.910
And it looks like he's getting his hair done.

00:33:03.069 --> 00:33:04.569
You know, one of those old things that women

00:33:04.569 --> 00:33:06.410
used to do. The old women used to do at the salon

00:33:06.410 --> 00:33:09.309
for the blue rinse. Didn't they? They used to

00:33:09.309 --> 00:33:10.670
sit and put their heads in those things. You

00:33:10.670 --> 00:33:12.609
don't see them anymore, do you? His chin is blocking

00:33:12.609 --> 00:33:16.690
his vision. So the guy is... The weird shopkeeper's

00:33:16.690 --> 00:33:20.049
put drugs in the VR machine. He's given him a

00:33:20.049 --> 00:33:23.470
VR video that he's described... I can't describe...

00:33:23.660 --> 00:33:27.640
Wow. Yeah, with a kind of war face on him. He's

00:33:27.640 --> 00:33:29.599
doing this so he can have his way with Chewie's

00:33:29.599 --> 00:33:33.440
missus, while the old man's on a toxic mushroom

00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:36.480
trip. We're looking through a kaleidoscape right

00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:41.779
now. Yeah, we are. I'm feeling like marijuana

00:33:41.779 --> 00:33:44.599
may have made this a lot easier to get through.

00:33:45.680 --> 00:33:49.940
We're halfway through. Well, only one hour and

00:33:49.940 --> 00:33:53.450
eighteen left to go. What is that? Spurn. It's

00:33:53.450 --> 00:33:56.390
going to certainly start to spunk as we're blowing

00:33:56.390 --> 00:33:58.630
around. We're definitely looking for a glidescape.

00:33:58.849 --> 00:34:00.789
It's those people swimming, and they've got,

00:34:00.789 --> 00:34:06.630
like, long fabric on their hands and feet. So

00:34:06.630 --> 00:34:10.769
they do look like sperm. Do you think Itchy has

00:34:10.769 --> 00:34:15.969
a fetish? So most people watch porn of their

00:34:15.969 --> 00:34:19.570
species, you would think. He's watching pornography

00:34:19.570 --> 00:34:23.989
that isn't his species. He gets turned on by

00:34:23.989 --> 00:34:28.610
naked fresh people. My voice is for you alone.

00:34:29.530 --> 00:34:34.550
I am found in your eyes only. I exist for you.

00:34:35.329 --> 00:34:38.929
I am in your mind as you create. Oh, it's that

00:34:38.929 --> 00:34:42.050
woman with pink hair. Oh, it's Diane. Diane Caron.

00:34:42.409 --> 00:34:48.329
I can feel my creation. I'm getting your message.

00:34:48.690 --> 00:34:55.969
Are you getting mine? This. This is porn! Excited,

00:34:55.989 --> 00:35:00.150
aren't we? Excited, aren't we? She hasn't got

00:35:00.150 --> 00:35:07.869
any clothes on, TJ. So he didn't want a Wookiee,

00:35:07.869 --> 00:35:13.010
he wanted a human female. I'm pretty sure that's

00:35:13.010 --> 00:35:27.800
beast yet. I'm gobsmacked. What? He's beating

00:35:27.800 --> 00:35:30.780
the button. Itchy wants to be told he's adorable.

00:35:30.880 --> 00:35:33.820
I don't need to ask how you find me. You see,

00:35:33.940 --> 00:35:39.739
I am your fantasy. I am your experience. So experience

00:35:39.739 --> 00:35:45.199
me. I'm a gasp. Absolutely a gasp at this. This

00:35:45.199 --> 00:35:54.340
is our moment together in time. What? No. Do

00:35:54.340 --> 00:35:58.030
you think Luke's into this? She's now laying

00:35:58.030 --> 00:36:01.150
down on some invisible bed. If he appears on

00:36:01.150 --> 00:36:07.170
the spinning bed... Oh, dear. This is... What

00:36:07.170 --> 00:36:11.769
the fuck is this? Oh, she's stood up now. Luke's

00:36:11.769 --> 00:36:13.630
not allowed to use this. He keeps getting his

00:36:13.630 --> 00:36:15.429
fantasy sister on there. He keeps getting his

00:36:15.429 --> 00:36:19.989
fucking, like, family on there. Dad, what are

00:36:19.989 --> 00:36:21.449
you doing here? You're not the step -sister,

00:36:21.510 --> 00:36:27.119
it's your real sister. I always fancied we sung

00:36:27.119 --> 00:36:40.059
it as well. I'm just looking at the sofa at Rob

00:36:40.059 --> 00:36:45.820
and he is broken. My brain isn't working. I can't

00:36:45.820 --> 00:36:51.800
compute what I'm watching. This is pornographed.

00:36:51.820 --> 00:36:54.659
This is like some softcore porn. This is softcore

00:36:54.659 --> 00:36:59.420
porn. This was for the dads. I don't know. I

00:36:59.420 --> 00:37:01.159
think my old man would be sat there awkwardly

00:37:01.159 --> 00:37:04.619
watching. Dad, why are you crossing your legs

00:37:04.619 --> 00:37:06.900
over and over again? Sit properly, Dad. We're

00:37:06.900 --> 00:37:10.460
waving a pillow at you. Don't touch me, son.

00:37:13.340 --> 00:37:15.119
Me and your mother are going upstairs to look

00:37:15.119 --> 00:37:17.280
at Christmas presents. Don't come up. We're wrapping

00:37:17.280 --> 00:37:22.400
presents. Stay here. Pick our tunes on and do

00:37:22.400 --> 00:37:25.559
not leave this room. There might be a tickle

00:37:25.559 --> 00:37:33.579
fight. Don't you come up and ask questions. Do

00:37:33.579 --> 00:37:41.980
you think anyone told her this thing you're going

00:37:41.980 --> 00:37:44.960
to be singing to is going to look like a reject

00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:49.480
shoe bucket? Did no one ever tell George Lucas

00:37:49.480 --> 00:37:54.579
that it was shit? No. He must have surrounded

00:37:54.579 --> 00:38:02.179
himself with yes men. Okay, right. I know that

00:38:02.179 --> 00:38:07.539
the first Star Wars, I'm sorry, was very good,

00:38:07.679 --> 00:38:12.500
right? How popular was it for them to allow this

00:38:12.500 --> 00:38:16.099
to happen and still give him two other movies?

00:38:17.079 --> 00:38:21.820
After this? After this? That someone allowed

00:38:21.820 --> 00:38:25.239
him to make two more movies? I think the world

00:38:25.239 --> 00:38:28.260
should go on the attack and just tell George

00:38:28.260 --> 00:38:31.760
Lucas this is getting a 2026 Christmas release.

00:38:32.079 --> 00:38:36.079
A line five more movies George had after this.

00:38:36.739 --> 00:38:44.679
Five. Yeah. And then Disney brought it. After

00:38:44.679 --> 00:38:47.199
this. Yeah, the song's still going on by the

00:38:47.199 --> 00:38:50.260
way. It's in the background. He needs to finish,

00:38:50.360 --> 00:38:52.440
doesn't he? He's going to keep going until fucking

00:38:52.440 --> 00:38:55.420
Papa John over there shoots his load. I'm hoping

00:38:55.420 --> 00:39:01.320
we don't hear another... The thing is, he's doing

00:39:01.320 --> 00:39:03.099
it in the middle of the living room. Yeah. So

00:39:03.099 --> 00:39:06.679
the kid's going to come... What's Grandad doing?

00:39:06.940 --> 00:39:15.440
Stay upstairs, son. Has she got a third nostril

00:39:15.440 --> 00:39:17.400
or is it just a bad shadow? Why is she still

00:39:17.400 --> 00:39:21.440
going on about this fucking movie? It is a bad

00:39:21.440 --> 00:39:23.559
shadow. It looks like she's got a third nostril.

00:39:26.500 --> 00:39:29.960
Which is not overly unattractive, sir. Oh, I

00:39:29.960 --> 00:39:32.420
think we're getting there. Oh, Climax is coming.

00:39:36.920 --> 00:39:42.380
And this is what they call a proton pack. No,

00:39:42.400 --> 00:39:44.360
proton pack was a battery, right? Yeah, so he

00:39:44.360 --> 00:39:46.659
could watch porn. Right, so he needs to charge

00:39:46.659 --> 00:39:50.079
it up. So what they're also saying is Itchy has...

00:39:50.510 --> 00:39:53.590
blown the battery by watching porn videos. So

00:39:53.590 --> 00:39:55.769
what I'm getting is, right, Chewbacca's house

00:39:55.769 --> 00:39:59.969
is like the hub of the show, and it's forking

00:39:59.969 --> 00:40:02.349
off to all these different things. Oh, look at

00:40:02.349 --> 00:40:10.070
the state of it. All right, so now we've got

00:40:10.070 --> 00:40:15.849
C3PO layer. Layer in a cloud of smoke, which

00:40:15.849 --> 00:40:22.340
is most likely marijuana. the connection you

00:40:22.340 --> 00:40:25.699
may speak now if you wish mala it's so good to

00:40:25.699 --> 00:40:30.239
see you happy life day i think she was doing

00:40:30.239 --> 00:40:32.760
drugs at the time wasn't she so i think she's

00:40:32.760 --> 00:40:42.840
either chewbacca or han solo to the screen please

00:40:42.840 --> 00:40:47.320
i think she is she says that she would like to

00:40:47.320 --> 00:40:49.460
grant your request but is quite unable to do

00:40:49.460 --> 00:40:52.860
so You mean they haven't arrived yet? Honestly,

00:40:53.300 --> 00:40:57.239
she's the same. If you weren't insisting to me...

00:40:57.239 --> 00:40:58.960
Yes, I think I understand her message. ..that

00:40:58.960 --> 00:41:03.039
it was Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill. I would

00:41:03.039 --> 00:41:05.280
not think it was, because they don't look like

00:41:05.280 --> 00:41:11.500
them. Mala, are you alone? No, she's got her

00:41:11.500 --> 00:41:16.500
depraved father involved. Her annoying son and

00:41:16.500 --> 00:41:18.320
the local shop. Could he come to the screen,

00:41:18.440 --> 00:41:30.000
please? I'm just keeping a, I'm just keeping

00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:42.719
a word for Chewie. They're leader. Because I

00:41:42.719 --> 00:41:44.599
trust everyone who talks to me over a video stream.

00:41:44.599 --> 00:41:48.159
They're leader. What, is it Chewie's leader of

00:41:48.159 --> 00:42:12.039
the Wookiee? Who the fuck are they? I'm getting

00:42:12.039 --> 00:42:17.880
a bit fed up with the noise now. I feel the same

00:42:17.880 --> 00:42:23.400
way about you two, pal. Hands, hands. That was

00:42:23.400 --> 00:42:26.519
your lap. I've never seen so much imperial traffic

00:42:26.519 --> 00:42:29.030
in this system. Better land on the north side,

00:42:29.070 --> 00:42:34.670
it'll be safer there. So it's a long walk. Little

00:42:34.670 --> 00:42:38.909
exercise never hurt anybody. Oh, now that's new.

00:42:40.250 --> 00:42:41.750
Well, now they just changed the colour of the

00:42:41.750 --> 00:42:45.550
other planet. Happy life day, pal. Happy life

00:42:45.550 --> 00:42:47.989
day. Now you've got to walk across half of your

00:42:47.989 --> 00:42:52.329
planet. Well, the Imperials aren't doing a great

00:42:52.329 --> 00:43:00.260
job, are they, stopping things landing? Well,

00:43:00.300 --> 00:43:02.579
considering they're coming, they have to walk.

00:43:03.860 --> 00:43:05.780
They're literally parking next to the house.

00:43:06.940 --> 00:43:11.280
What's he complaining about? Oh, I can't wait

00:43:11.280 --> 00:43:16.980
for this. The meeting at last. No, a stormtrooper.

00:43:18.019 --> 00:43:20.199
Aren't you short for a stormtrooper? That one

00:43:20.199 --> 00:43:22.920
is short. Oh, what was that? Was that an ad for

00:43:22.920 --> 00:43:23.940
it? Was that a TV ad for it? That would have

00:43:23.940 --> 00:43:33.599
been a TV ad. Craft making cheese. Oh, the cats

00:43:33.599 --> 00:43:37.360
are fighting. Scuba, that was horrible. Hey,

00:43:37.519 --> 00:43:41.880
that was horrible. Don't you meow at me. We're

00:43:41.880 --> 00:43:43.619
getting more action here from the cats than this,

00:43:43.619 --> 00:43:46.039
buddy. Yeah, we've got our own rogues to strike.

00:43:50.119 --> 00:43:56.599
We've got a cage. We've had reports that someone

00:43:56.599 --> 00:43:59.280
was watching an underage porno in here. Yeah,

00:43:59.280 --> 00:44:02.039
we've got reports of somebody watching VR porn.

00:44:02.400 --> 00:44:05.300
with children in their vicinity. I'm going to

00:44:05.300 --> 00:44:09.440
put you on this list. Maybe I'm going to speak.

00:44:10.139 --> 00:44:13.059
Somebody speak. This unit is occupied by four

00:44:13.059 --> 00:44:15.639
Wookiees, two adult males, one adult female,

00:44:15.780 --> 00:44:23.280
and one male child. I hope he's got a funny accent.

00:44:23.619 --> 00:44:28.019
Please, please, please. Hello. Where is the other

00:44:28.019 --> 00:44:31.159
Wookiee male? I was hoping he was going to be

00:44:31.159 --> 00:44:34.349
like, Have a really strong regional understanding

00:44:34.349 --> 00:44:36.369
of some kind. No, it's really hard to use the

00:44:36.369 --> 00:44:40.469
word. You speak like a wiki. The truth of the

00:44:40.469 --> 00:44:41.909
matter is, she had a terrible fight with her

00:44:41.909 --> 00:44:43.769
husband. He just stormed right out. Your identification?

00:44:44.309 --> 00:44:48.670
I said... Your identification? Oh, identification,

00:44:48.969 --> 00:44:50.750
yes. It's a very important thing, identification.

00:44:51.090 --> 00:44:52.869
I never leave the shop without my identification.

00:44:53.329 --> 00:44:55.010
It's very important. Just in times like this,

00:44:55.050 --> 00:44:56.809
I just found my identification. I think it's

00:44:56.809 --> 00:45:00.780
in my pocket there. Search the dwelling. Is he

00:45:00.780 --> 00:45:02.940
implying that this guy's like Hansel and Gretel?

00:45:03.179 --> 00:45:12.679
I don't fucking touch their shit, mate. I think

00:45:12.679 --> 00:45:24.260
my nan had a cabinet. Yeah, dude, the only thing

00:45:24.260 --> 00:45:28.900
behind there is a TV. Oh, it's a secret communication.

00:45:31.679 --> 00:45:34.940
Oh, is it someone in the Imperial? The picture

00:45:34.940 --> 00:45:36.300
you're looking at right now was taken quite a

00:45:36.300 --> 00:45:38.440
few years ago. That's one of me. I've gained

00:45:38.440 --> 00:45:40.960
quite a bit of weight. Is he in resistance? He

00:45:40.960 --> 00:45:43.519
is. No, the other Stormtrooper who's just found

00:45:43.519 --> 00:45:47.619
that secret thing. Where's your daddy? Where's

00:45:47.619 --> 00:45:50.380
your daddy? These things have no respect for

00:45:50.380 --> 00:45:54.130
authority! Excuse me, I beg your pardon. Maybe

00:45:54.130 --> 00:45:55.670
you know my brother's boy. He's a member of the

00:45:55.670 --> 00:45:58.469
Imperial Militia. He must be 24 or 25 years old

00:45:58.469 --> 00:45:59.889
by now. He loves the service, right, little guy?

00:45:59.989 --> 00:46:02.690
Your identification is in order. You can go now.

00:46:03.050 --> 00:46:05.170
Thank you. Thank you very much. I just have a

00:46:05.170 --> 00:46:07.690
little more work to finish up here. Oh, by the

00:46:07.690 --> 00:46:10.550
way, while I'm finishing up here, why don't you

00:46:10.550 --> 00:46:12.630
boys take it easy, relax, put your feet up and

00:46:12.630 --> 00:46:14.789
make yourself at home. Wookiee food isn't the

00:46:14.789 --> 00:46:16.250
greatest, but I'm sure that I can whip something

00:46:16.250 --> 00:46:17.909
up in the kitchen there that we can all eat.

00:46:18.989 --> 00:46:27.250
You don't mind, do you, Mala? Good God, this

00:46:27.250 --> 00:46:31.789
is forced acting. We still don't know what the

00:46:31.789 --> 00:46:38.610
fuck that is that you blow up. It's a ghetto

00:46:38.610 --> 00:46:41.250
boss. He doesn't like a ghetto boss, does he?

00:46:45.530 --> 00:46:52.920
They're not putting guns in people's faces. So

00:46:52.920 --> 00:46:57.980
the stupid black hatted guy in the Imperial is

00:46:57.980 --> 00:47:00.860
trying to have a look at the female Wookiee's

00:47:00.860 --> 00:47:07.420
gift that the shop owner got him. Right, he's

00:47:07.420 --> 00:47:09.119
opened the back of it. Let's fill in lots and

00:47:09.119 --> 00:47:15.880
lots. We'll get on with it. There's a lot of

00:47:15.880 --> 00:47:18.719
hand action going on here. Yeah, he's doing a

00:47:18.719 --> 00:47:20.400
lot of acting. A lot of acting is happening.

00:47:25.339 --> 00:47:32.719
Okay, okay. There's a TV. Oh, we've got Jefferson

00:47:32.719 --> 00:47:34.840
Starship coming in now. So do they just have

00:47:34.840 --> 00:47:36.659
TVs that only do certain things? So you want

00:47:36.659 --> 00:47:37.519
to watch something else, you've got to get a

00:47:37.519 --> 00:47:39.739
different TV. Yeah, they've already got the holo

00:47:39.739 --> 00:47:41.539
table, so why do they now need... Is this the

00:47:41.539 --> 00:47:45.920
portable holo player? Oh, it's fucking quite

00:47:45.920 --> 00:47:48.460
cool. Look at that thing. Right, so what are

00:47:48.460 --> 00:47:51.400
we looking at? A black kind of void space with

00:47:51.400 --> 00:47:54.519
a pink light. And now some pink rings have appeared.

00:47:54.559 --> 00:47:56.679
Now the band is suddenly starting to appear.

00:47:59.380 --> 00:48:02.380
Who did you say this was? Jefferson Starship.

00:48:03.159 --> 00:48:05.599
Right, should I know who that is now? No, they

00:48:05.599 --> 00:48:08.960
were a big glam rock band. It was a glam rock

00:48:08.960 --> 00:48:11.820
band. And again, they've missed a trick. They

00:48:11.820 --> 00:48:19.260
should all be singing. How much have they paid

00:48:19.260 --> 00:48:24.679
for this? Not enough. I wonder how many careers

00:48:24.679 --> 00:48:30.420
this broke. People who play more workings than

00:48:30.420 --> 00:48:47.480
cross -chairs. I don't know how entertainment

00:48:47.480 --> 00:48:50.579
is for people. Because they've got to just listen

00:48:50.579 --> 00:48:53.760
to the Star Wars Christmas special. That's very

00:48:53.760 --> 00:48:57.019
true. We're listening to it. We're the unlucky

00:48:57.019 --> 00:49:01.219
fuckers. We have to watch it. Ellie is thrusting.

00:49:03.000 --> 00:49:06.880
So who is this Amy? What's the target audience

00:49:06.880 --> 00:49:10.659
of the Christmas special? I don't think anyone

00:49:10.659 --> 00:49:23.489
actually knew. That's the thing. playing this

00:49:23.489 --> 00:49:25.469
one. They used to be called Jefferson Airplane

00:49:25.469 --> 00:49:29.210
and then became Psychedelic Rock. And then they

00:49:29.210 --> 00:49:35.949
became Jefferson Starship. I like every time

00:49:35.949 --> 00:49:37.889
the dude's playing on his guitar, it's like doing

00:49:37.889 --> 00:49:43.190
like waves coming out. Oh, really? Is that this?

00:49:43.190 --> 00:49:51.909
No, I know that this is a problem. It's exceptionally

00:49:52.570 --> 00:49:57.849
porn, is that because it's blown up to a big

00:49:57.849 --> 00:50:01.530
screen TV today? Probably doesn't help, yeah.

00:50:03.429 --> 00:50:07.329
In the extra big screen. Oh, right, so they became

00:50:07.329 --> 00:50:09.849
Jefferson Starship, then they became Starship,

00:50:09.909 --> 00:50:19.949
and we all know a song with Starship. Oh, yeah.

00:50:21.050 --> 00:50:24.849
Same people. Now, is this song made just for

00:50:24.849 --> 00:50:27.469
this film? I don't think so. Oh, do you know

00:50:27.469 --> 00:50:28.989
what I went and got? Which I haven't got now.

00:50:29.610 --> 00:50:32.010
I went to Aldi. Oh, yeah. I haven't got any of

00:50:32.010 --> 00:50:35.969
those snacks. Liebkuchen. I did, yeah. I love

00:50:35.969 --> 00:50:37.250
a Liebkuchen. I'm just going to go and fucking

00:50:37.250 --> 00:50:41.250
walk up and get one of those. This is... I can't

00:50:41.250 --> 00:50:43.849
actually tell with the quality of this if Jefferson

00:50:43.849 --> 00:50:49.469
Starship are clothed or unclothed. It's just...

00:50:49.469 --> 00:50:54.829
This is... It is just a music video at this point,

00:50:54.869 --> 00:50:56.750
ladies and gents. We're not looking at anything

00:50:56.750 --> 00:51:00.190
Star Wars. They were just obviously, this was

00:51:00.190 --> 00:51:05.050
their hit for the year. Is he singing into a

00:51:05.050 --> 00:51:10.150
lightsaber? It does look like a bright pink dildo,

00:51:10.150 --> 00:51:12.550
but I think it was meant to be he was singing

00:51:12.550 --> 00:51:16.630
into a lightsaber. Oh, look at this. If you haven't

00:51:16.630 --> 00:51:19.030
listened to the variety show, we're eating the

00:51:19.030 --> 00:51:24.659
cooking rounds, which are delicious. Oh, God.

00:51:24.820 --> 00:51:27.480
I had one earlier. I tried to get T to nibble.

00:51:27.480 --> 00:51:30.280
He wasn't interested. Oh, they're so good. They're

00:51:30.280 --> 00:51:40.219
luscious, aren't they? He's tapping his fingers.

00:51:44.179 --> 00:51:47.960
So this actually introduces a whole different

00:51:47.960 --> 00:51:51.750
thing. So... We've seen the bar in classic Star

00:51:51.750 --> 00:51:58.269
Wars. This sort of music also exists. Well, the

00:51:58.269 --> 00:52:00.130
bar is a particular kind of music, isn't it?

00:52:01.690 --> 00:52:05.429
It's got a name. No, it's the Bar and Mosaic.

00:52:05.710 --> 00:52:07.530
I can't see what name it is. No, I think it's

00:52:07.530 --> 00:52:26.820
got a name. This is the canteen. Jizz Whaler.

00:52:27.940 --> 00:52:31.780
Yes, it is. Yeah. Jizz Whaler. Yeah, the term

00:52:31.780 --> 00:52:34.079
Jizz as the name of the musical style was not

00:52:34.079 --> 00:52:36.559
introduced until the publication of Tales from

00:52:36.559 --> 00:52:40.019
the Asylum Cantina two years later. Yeah, so

00:52:40.019 --> 00:52:49.519
this isn't Jizz. But it's shit. You're not allowed

00:52:49.519 --> 00:52:51.420
Jizz in their household. It gets stuck in the

00:52:51.420 --> 00:52:53.360
hair of all sorts. Oh, yeah, magic, actually.

00:52:53.420 --> 00:52:56.199
That's probably a pretty... Have to brush it

00:52:56.199 --> 00:52:59.679
out. Your work here is finished. They leave now.

00:52:59.960 --> 00:53:02.480
I guess you're right. About all I can do for

00:53:02.480 --> 00:53:05.119
now. I hope you guys find what you're looking

00:53:05.119 --> 00:53:15.000
for. Keep up the good work. Oh, what's happened?

00:53:15.639 --> 00:53:22.829
Oh, no. It stopped. Hang on. Pause time. I'm

00:53:22.829 --> 00:53:24.429
just going to start this recording again while

00:53:24.429 --> 00:53:27.530
I have to fast forward it. Can I just skip to

00:53:27.530 --> 00:53:31.269
chapters? Yeah, we've just... Oh, it is chaptered.

00:53:32.269 --> 00:53:39.730
Oh, my God. What were we about? Oh, I don't...

00:53:39.730 --> 00:53:44.210
Oh, I don't like it. Oh, dear. There might be

00:53:44.210 --> 00:53:46.489
something wrong with the disc. Oh, that's such

00:53:46.489 --> 00:53:51.389
a shame. Oh, I'm so upset. Well, we're going

00:53:51.389 --> 00:53:53.230
to give it one more go, everyone. One more go.

00:53:53.769 --> 00:53:55.750
It looks like it will get to about chapter 10,

00:53:55.869 --> 00:53:58.750
which is, what, 45 minutes in. Oh, hang on. Hang

00:53:58.750 --> 00:54:05.590
on. No. Caught up. It's really slowing down,

00:54:05.730 --> 00:54:11.030
though. It's not happy. It's not happy. Well,

00:54:11.230 --> 00:54:16.980
I'm lucky to say. It's also on YouTube. Oh, dear

00:54:16.980 --> 00:54:21.380
God. Are we going to YouTube now? We might have

00:54:21.380 --> 00:54:23.579
to. It actually looks like it's better quality.

00:54:23.880 --> 00:54:25.360
Oh, fucking hell. Okay, right. Pause in. Turn

00:54:25.360 --> 00:54:26.480
this off. I'm going to put it to YouTube. Hang

00:54:26.480 --> 00:54:28.860
on. We can do that on the Xbox, though, can't

00:54:28.860 --> 00:54:30.900
we? Okay, third time's a charm. We've now got

00:54:30.900 --> 00:54:33.019
it on YouTube. Here we go. So I'm going to press

00:54:33.019 --> 00:54:36.460
A. Here we go. We're only like two seconds different

00:54:36.460 --> 00:54:38.289
from where we were. I know you'd like it. Holy

00:54:38.289 --> 00:54:40.570
shit, it looks a million times better. What the

00:54:40.570 --> 00:54:43.309
fuck? I can actually see it now. There's definition.

00:54:44.170 --> 00:54:49.010
Oh, wow. What have we been missing? It's going

00:54:49.010 --> 00:54:51.670
to be even more terrifying when we see Mark Hamill.

00:54:53.550 --> 00:54:55.610
Oh, God, yeah, we've got to look at Mark Hamill

00:54:55.610 --> 00:54:58.829
and Carrie Fisher again. At least we haven't

00:54:58.829 --> 00:55:03.309
got the wank scene. Oh, I almost forgot. I want

00:55:03.309 --> 00:55:10.000
to leave you my card in case you need any. Investigate

00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:12.199
the upper area. Check for any rebel material.

00:55:12.739 --> 00:55:15.679
Anything to connect this household with the Alliance.

00:55:16.039 --> 00:55:18.199
Oh, don't forget about these protective cases

00:55:18.199 --> 00:55:19.940
for your identification card. I got a good item.

00:55:19.960 --> 00:55:24.079
That's it. I'm gone. Yeah, that joke's been outplayed

00:55:24.079 --> 00:55:26.760
the first time it was done. He did it three times,

00:55:26.880 --> 00:55:28.599
didn't he? Do you want another one? Yes, please.

00:55:28.820 --> 00:55:35.360
You take the upper area. No, that's where his

00:55:35.360 --> 00:55:39.739
new Lego is. And that's where my porn is. We

00:55:39.739 --> 00:55:44.119
don't want to have to hurt anyone. That's not

00:55:44.119 --> 00:55:46.619
what we're here for. No, he's got a scar on his

00:55:46.619 --> 00:55:51.400
face. I couldn't see that before. It looks like

00:55:51.400 --> 00:55:53.579
he's got a rubber face on. It does. What's going

00:55:53.579 --> 00:55:56.019
on with his upper lip? We are going to continue

00:55:56.019 --> 00:55:59.559
our search. Oh, God, he looks terrifying now.

00:55:59.820 --> 00:56:05.800
Holy shit, the kid looks terrifying. Don't forget

00:56:05.800 --> 00:56:11.840
this ever happened. Did he just ask for a blowjob?

00:56:13.360 --> 00:56:18.039
I think he did say do me a favour. Get down your

00:56:18.039 --> 00:56:22.659
knees and show me your dedication. What the fuck's

00:56:22.659 --> 00:56:28.719
happening now? They're making the kid watch something

00:56:28.719 --> 00:56:30.320
with headphones so he doesn't hear what's going

00:56:30.320 --> 00:56:34.659
on. No, there's a lot of subtext to this. That

00:56:34.659 --> 00:56:40.039
is horrible. There's a lot of subtext to that.

00:56:45.159 --> 00:56:55.619
We're on cartoon. He's watching a show about

00:56:55.619 --> 00:57:02.059
his dad. I'm gonna fucks up with his eyes. No,

00:57:02.079 --> 00:57:05.980
that mouthful of food, sorry. Why does everyone

00:57:05.980 --> 00:57:09.840
look so surprised? No one's got eyelids! No one's

00:57:09.840 --> 00:57:16.059
got B -tools! No one's got fucking eyelids! What?

00:57:25.840 --> 00:57:31.639
It's like a mix between the animation they did

00:57:31.639 --> 00:57:42.050
for the B -tools films. Why is Dr. Eggman there?

00:57:42.969 --> 00:57:50.650
Sonic crossover. This is a very stylized animation.

00:57:50.909 --> 00:58:00.429
Very. Well, look how C -3PO's standing. Oh. Wow,

00:58:04.489 --> 00:58:07.230
they've camped him up. He would camp already,

00:58:07.369 --> 00:58:12.409
but they've really... We've got a wide wing out

00:58:12.409 --> 00:58:20.110
now. I know, I've never closed my eyes in my

00:58:20.110 --> 00:58:26.829
life. Someone did laser eye surgery with a lightsaber.

00:58:26.989 --> 00:58:35.289
No, I don't dislike this. What the fuck? They

00:58:35.289 --> 00:58:38.980
just landed in pink custard. I don't dislike

00:58:38.980 --> 00:58:43.019
the style at all. It's just very odd. We're heading

00:58:43.019 --> 00:58:48.440
into Planet Prolapse. What is that thing? Looks

00:58:48.440 --> 00:58:55.239
like a Jinju from Banjo -Kazooie. Yeah. Not fun

00:58:55.239 --> 00:59:04.480
to that noise. This is a bit louder. So he's

00:59:04.480 --> 00:59:06.460
not done a very good job of keeping this a secret

00:59:06.460 --> 00:59:11.519
considering it's on YouTube. I do think he's

00:59:11.519 --> 00:59:19.940
probably given up the gold on it now. So do you

00:59:19.940 --> 00:59:21.440
think he made any money on this or lost money

00:59:21.440 --> 00:59:25.619
on this? Oh, he must have lost money. Oh, that

00:59:25.619 --> 00:59:33.639
looks cute. Oh, shoot first, ask questions later,

00:59:33.739 --> 00:59:38.780
then. Oh, they've got Ness from the Ness family.

00:59:39.000 --> 00:59:41.360
Oh, the family Ness. Yeah, he's attacking. Hang

00:59:41.360 --> 00:59:45.519
on. I did not know Y -Wings did that. Separates

00:59:45.519 --> 00:59:48.440
like it's in Star Trek. Oh, they've got Boba

00:59:48.440 --> 00:59:57.239
Fett here. Zapping. He's riding on his own. What

00:59:57.239 --> 01:00:03.789
the... two droids we've come in search of a ship

01:00:03.789 --> 01:00:05.849
oh this must be a different man maybe i can help

01:00:05.849 --> 01:00:09.550
you i am boba fett the ship you seek is nearby

01:00:09.550 --> 01:00:14.530
no no no no no no they are here friend and growing

01:00:14.530 --> 01:00:20.289
more powerful how far away settle down all they

01:00:20.289 --> 01:00:37.860
do is eat this is all we have i don't well neither

01:00:37.860 --> 01:00:40.960
do i it will be easy to find the ship you seek

01:00:40.960 --> 01:00:45.300
follow me friend don't you think it might be

01:00:45.300 --> 01:00:47.860
imprudent to trust him so quickly sir yeah he's

01:00:47.860 --> 01:00:51.219
our only chance and besides he seems like a friend

01:00:51.219 --> 01:00:57.099
indeed friend is merely a term that is often

01:00:57.099 --> 01:01:01.179
misused did r2 say that words to that effect

01:01:02.539 --> 01:01:04.920
He said, friend my arse. The Millennium Falcon's

01:01:04.920 --> 01:01:07.880
also got flotation. It's got armbands. Yeah.

01:01:09.739 --> 01:01:13.019
Chewie, you've got the talisman. On his lap.

01:01:16.219 --> 01:01:21.980
No, don't destroy it. Towers. Booba Fett, no.

01:01:22.119 --> 01:01:28.340
He's a friend. Booba Fett? Who's Booba Fett?

01:01:30.300 --> 01:01:45.250
He didn't do anything. Oh, the walking animation's

01:01:45.250 --> 01:02:04.519
not right. No. But if you must, come on. He's

01:02:04.519 --> 01:02:08.760
got a great cock piece on. Yeah, I mean... But

01:02:08.760 --> 01:02:12.119
why is Boba Fett helping them? Yeah, I'm not

01:02:12.119 --> 01:02:13.940
understanding that. Oh, that was one of those

01:02:13.940 --> 01:02:18.920
trash monsters. Turns out this is where Grogu

01:02:18.920 --> 01:02:25.340
turns up for the first time. What the fuck is

01:02:25.340 --> 01:02:30.659
that? This is rhyming. You stay here. It kind

01:02:30.659 --> 01:02:33.260
of looked like a Star Wars show now. Yeah, well,

01:02:33.360 --> 01:02:37.480
I wonder how close to like... There were two

01:02:37.480 --> 01:02:39.880
or three animated series. There was Ewoks and

01:02:39.880 --> 01:02:44.099
there was a couple of others. I wonder how like

01:02:44.099 --> 01:02:51.239
this was. Yeah. Oh, what the fuck is that? It's

01:02:51.239 --> 01:02:53.840
the Beatles. A big blue face just went past.

01:02:53.920 --> 01:02:55.559
It was like a face at one end and a face at the

01:02:55.559 --> 01:03:01.019
other. We had no idea of his real plan. Just

01:03:01.019 --> 01:03:04.099
in the shop? Oh, his real plan. There you go.

01:03:04.159 --> 01:03:07.480
So he's a bad guy. Yeah. He's after Han, isn't

01:03:07.480 --> 01:03:12.239
he? I thought it was after Luke. He's after Luke.

01:03:15.159 --> 01:03:16.880
Oh, no, they're after the princess, aren't they?

01:03:17.300 --> 01:03:19.019
Yeah, the princess and Han, because he wants

01:03:19.019 --> 01:03:23.000
to give Han to... What is it now? No, yeah, because

01:03:23.000 --> 01:03:27.360
he hands over... Oh, I crashed then. The princess

01:03:27.360 --> 01:03:32.559
to... And Luke to Darth Vader, isn't he? Oh,

01:03:32.559 --> 01:03:36.940
no, it's not him. What is it now? What's that

01:03:36.940 --> 01:03:41.900
guy who... Lando Calrissian, is that? Yes. Look

01:03:41.900 --> 01:03:45.960
at how he instigates the show. Into his headset.

01:03:47.179 --> 01:03:52.260
This isn't Phantom Menace, is it? Well, I'm going

01:03:52.260 --> 01:03:54.380
to say these characters are all still better

01:03:54.380 --> 01:03:58.090
than Jar Jar Binks. I've got a little bit of

01:03:58.090 --> 01:04:00.090
a love for Jar Jar Binks nowadays. The older

01:04:00.090 --> 01:04:03.510
I'm getting, I appreciate him. I still don't

01:04:03.510 --> 01:04:06.010
think he's a particularly good character. But

01:04:06.010 --> 01:04:08.130
I don't think it's fair to be as mean to him

01:04:08.130 --> 01:04:10.429
as they were at the time. C -3PO doing a bit

01:04:10.429 --> 01:04:12.750
of copy scanning there. We've said about this

01:04:12.750 --> 01:04:14.809
before, people forgetting that he's aiming this

01:04:14.809 --> 01:04:19.550
at new generations at times. He wasn't there.

01:04:19.690 --> 01:04:33.610
Jar Jar wasn't there for us. R2 -D2's managed

01:04:33.610 --> 01:04:36.690
to hack the frequency that Boba Fett's using

01:04:36.690 --> 01:04:58.570
to speak to Darth Vader. He shot that into the

01:04:58.570 --> 01:05:01.269
skull. I didn't ever comprehend it was going

01:05:01.269 --> 01:05:04.869
to be all me. There you go. Chewie just murders

01:05:04.869 --> 01:05:07.889
them straight up. So they're escaping something.

01:05:08.250 --> 01:05:13.309
I'm not sure. What the hell's happened to Han?

01:05:13.329 --> 01:05:15.510
What the fuck's up with Han? Well, somebody must

01:05:15.510 --> 01:05:21.090
know something. Han literally looks like he's

01:05:21.090 --> 01:05:23.610
going to cry because Garfield's stolen his lasagna

01:05:23.610 --> 01:05:26.449
in a minute. He's the opposite. He hasn't got

01:05:26.449 --> 01:05:30.510
it. You must come back with us. Everyone is nothing

01:05:30.510 --> 01:05:33.750
but Ali, and Han has no allies. It's because

01:05:33.750 --> 01:05:36.349
you said Boba is a friend and faithful ally.

01:05:36.610 --> 01:05:39.230
That simply does not feed properly into R2's

01:05:39.230 --> 01:05:41.289
information bank. What are you talking about?

01:05:41.570 --> 01:05:44.050
We intercepted a message between Boba and Darth

01:05:44.050 --> 01:05:46.849
Vader, sir. Boba Fett is Darth Vader's right

01:05:46.849 --> 01:05:49.650
-hand man. I'm afraid this whole adventure has

01:05:49.650 --> 01:05:57.859
been an imperial plot. We'll meet again. trusted

01:05:57.859 --> 01:06:00.239
droid to get to the bottom of things. Boba sure

01:06:00.239 --> 01:06:02.179
fooled the rest of us. Can I just point out,

01:06:02.219 --> 01:06:04.000
the best part of the holiday special has been

01:06:04.000 --> 01:06:08.300
this animation. Yeah. It's a bit funny, but I'm

01:06:08.300 --> 01:06:10.079
not really disliking it. We were laughing at

01:06:10.079 --> 01:06:12.739
the eyes. I'm going to accept it. And Han looks

01:06:12.739 --> 01:06:15.519
like... He just had an eye there and then he's

01:06:15.519 --> 01:06:17.019
gone back to squinting. You know who Han looks

01:06:17.019 --> 01:06:19.599
like, though? He looks like... Lawrence Lewis

01:06:19.599 --> 01:06:23.940
Bowen? He does look like Bowen. Absolutely. He

01:06:23.940 --> 01:06:32.130
looks like Adam Driver. Oh, yes. Okay, I wasn't

01:06:32.130 --> 01:06:33.690
too disappointed with that. I'm alright with

01:06:33.690 --> 01:06:37.449
that. The kid's a bit cute there, too. They've

01:06:37.449 --> 01:06:43.250
smashed up the kid's bedroom. What are you doing,

01:06:43.349 --> 01:06:48.929
you fucking prick? Oh, he didn't need to do that.

01:06:49.269 --> 01:06:50.849
Do you think that's the same actor that was in

01:06:50.849 --> 01:06:52.769
the shop earlier, just without his moustache?

01:06:53.150 --> 01:06:56.840
No, I don't think so. Oh, he's got a banter.

01:06:57.079 --> 01:06:59.619
Oh, yeah, look, there's the banter. Got a toy

01:06:59.619 --> 01:07:09.900
one. Why exactly are they doing that? Now available

01:07:09.900 --> 01:07:14.940
from Keller Toys. He ripped his head off. Oh,

01:07:14.960 --> 01:07:16.739
well, that's a dangerous toy. You see the giant

01:07:16.739 --> 01:07:19.460
metal spike sticking out of it. I don't think

01:07:19.460 --> 01:07:21.300
he's too worried about it. He walks along the

01:07:21.300 --> 01:07:24.809
balustrade on top of the... 700 foot high tree.

01:07:25.909 --> 01:07:30.449
They're walking so slowly. Got a cool design

01:07:30.449 --> 01:07:32.610
of a house. Yeah, I guess they can't see out

01:07:32.610 --> 01:07:36.489
there. And the height difference between them

01:07:36.489 --> 01:07:57.639
both. I feel sorry for the little kid, you know,

01:07:57.679 --> 01:08:04.079
now. Look at his face. Looks like a Ewok. Turns

01:08:04.079 --> 01:08:09.460
out it's not Chewie's son. Yeah. Well, she doesn't

01:08:09.460 --> 01:08:11.159
want to use it away all the time, you know. She's

01:08:11.159 --> 01:08:19.239
got needs. Oh, look. That will keep him busy

01:08:19.239 --> 01:08:25.909
for a while. Oh, I feel really sorry for him.

01:08:25.909 --> 01:08:30.909
This is horrible. This is horrible. She could

01:08:30.909 --> 01:08:35.590
rip them apart. Yeah. We've seen Chewie, like...

01:08:35.590 --> 01:08:40.029
Well, they say he'll rip your arms from your

01:08:40.029 --> 01:08:48.170
sockets. He's trying to put his toys back together.

01:08:48.430 --> 01:08:51.329
Oh, and he's put the now decapitated Bantha on

01:08:51.329 --> 01:08:54.659
his bed with a rug on top. Oh, putting him to

01:08:54.659 --> 01:09:05.260
sleep. Kissing it. This is heartbreaking. Or

01:09:05.260 --> 01:09:08.880
yellow. Call them the C word. Drop a C bomb.

01:09:09.340 --> 01:09:11.600
I wonder what the Wookiee C bomb sounds like.

01:09:20.079 --> 01:09:22.340
That looks like the egg from Mork and Mindy.

01:09:22.439 --> 01:09:24.399
He obviously, he's walking around like he knows

01:09:24.399 --> 01:09:26.060
that they didn't find out. Oh look, there's a

01:09:26.060 --> 01:09:27.840
screen. Oh, he's got a flat screen TV in his

01:09:27.840 --> 01:09:28.600
bedroom. He's got a flat screen, something's

01:09:28.600 --> 01:09:30.960
going to happen. This product was packed under

01:09:30.960 --> 01:09:33.420
strict quality control on the system Amorphia,

01:09:33.500 --> 01:09:35.760
and this instruction cassette provided by the

01:09:35.760 --> 01:09:37.380
manufacturer. Oh, so that was his present. It

01:09:37.380 --> 01:09:39.399
offers a unique chance for consumers everywhere

01:09:39.399 --> 01:09:42.800
to meet an Amorphian being. The motor abilities

01:09:42.800 --> 01:09:45.640
of Amorphian citizens are frequently impaired

01:09:45.640 --> 01:09:48.420
by malfunctions, which result in a temporary

01:09:48.420 --> 01:09:53.039
loss of power. This in no way reflects on the

01:09:53.039 --> 01:09:55.899
safety of our product. Rather, it should serve

01:09:55.899 --> 01:09:58.680
as a guarantee of our high standard of long wear

01:09:58.680 --> 01:10:04.560
and durability. Thank you for selecting our brand

01:10:04.560 --> 01:10:07.539
of mini transmitter. If you assemble it properly,

01:10:07.840 --> 01:10:09.760
following the instructions I am about to give

01:10:09.760 --> 01:10:13.560
you, it will provide many years of fun and valuable

01:10:13.560 --> 01:10:25.500
service for you. But now let's get started, shall

01:10:25.500 --> 01:10:34.640
we? What the? Why did he do that? So he's some

01:10:34.640 --> 01:10:36.840
kind of robot that's malfunctioning. But what

01:10:36.840 --> 01:10:40.359
was the arse slap about? What the shop man gave

01:10:40.359 --> 01:10:43.699
to the kid is some kind of machine to fix him.

01:10:43.859 --> 01:10:48.199
A transmitter? No, it's a transmitter. Oh. Try

01:10:48.199 --> 01:10:51.460
not to rip it open. because it makes a very handy

01:10:51.460 --> 01:10:54.039
storage case for your tools until you need them

01:10:54.039 --> 01:10:57.140
again or for your marijuana it's a drug bag yeah

01:10:57.140 --> 01:11:02.899
the pocket size the clear sound now this is the

01:11:02.899 --> 01:11:06.399
first thing you'll need screwdriver please be

01:11:06.399 --> 01:11:09.060
careful not to hurt yourself on the sharp edges

01:11:09.060 --> 01:11:25.800
so what the is he doing Okay, so he just shoved

01:11:25.800 --> 01:11:29.220
the screwdriver into his chin. And he's chewing

01:11:29.220 --> 01:11:39.199
this thing. Is this why the film's so long? We've

01:11:39.199 --> 01:11:40.720
got to put up with this for like half an hour.

01:11:40.800 --> 01:11:45.960
This is fucking dreadful. What's he doing now?

01:11:46.060 --> 01:11:50.340
He's like fucking licking his lips. Licking his

01:11:50.340 --> 01:11:54.380
head. Every one of the 10 ,000 terminals on your

01:11:54.380 --> 01:11:56.880
circuit breaker module is marked in a particular

01:11:56.880 --> 01:12:01.359
color. Beautiful, aren't they? Like a rainbow.

01:12:02.000 --> 01:12:04.680
These must be connected to the wires with the

01:12:04.680 --> 01:12:09.359
corresponding colors. 10 ,000. Red goes to red.

01:12:11.720 --> 01:12:16.600
Blue goes to blue. Can't even see them. No. Watch

01:12:16.600 --> 01:12:22.239
me closely. And we'll assemble our mini -transmitters

01:12:22.239 --> 01:12:25.979
together. Let us work slowly. It's really, really

01:12:25.979 --> 01:12:30.819
disturbing. Are these like... It's going to give

01:12:30.819 --> 01:12:33.119
kids nightmares. Is he some kind of comedian

01:12:33.119 --> 01:12:36.140
doing a bit that we don't get because we weren't

01:12:36.140 --> 01:12:42.039
watching comedians in the 70s? I have no idea.

01:12:42.600 --> 01:12:45.579
And this is actually absolutely fucking hysterical.

01:12:47.789 --> 01:12:50.710
I thought we were 50 year olds and 60 year olds

01:12:50.710 --> 01:12:53.909
listening to this. Well, it'd be 60 for me, I

01:12:53.909 --> 01:13:04.989
suppose. I'm very, very battered by this. Uh,

01:13:05.369 --> 01:13:11.890
Star Wars Holiday Special. Did you actually see

01:13:11.890 --> 01:13:13.810
what just happened there? He fell onto the table

01:13:13.810 --> 01:13:17.699
and pushed his leg and fell over. He fell face

01:13:17.699 --> 01:13:19.319
first on the table and then he pushed against

01:13:19.319 --> 01:13:22.220
his nose and fell off the table. Oh, I'm glad

01:13:22.220 --> 01:13:24.520
that bit's over. Fucking hell. How long's left?

01:13:25.460 --> 01:13:31.100
Too long. Happy Christmas, Alan. Yeah, Merry

01:13:31.100 --> 01:13:32.000
Christmas. Until I release this on Christmas

01:13:32.000 --> 01:13:38.279
Day. He'd suffer for two hours of this on Christmas

01:13:38.279 --> 01:13:47.039
Day. I'm going to do minimal editing. I might

01:13:47.039 --> 01:13:51.100
just let everyone experience it. It just gets

01:13:51.100 --> 01:13:59.220
blocked on YouTube. Yeah, well, why not? Oh,

01:14:01.779 --> 01:14:07.680
we can hear the jizz. and has hereby begun without

01:14:07.680 --> 01:14:10.859
further comment as to its lack of moral value.

01:14:33.319 --> 01:14:37.640
The weird bug -looking thing. Right, so the person

01:14:37.640 --> 01:14:42.159
that was playing the android, Harvey Corman,

01:14:42.260 --> 01:14:46.039
was a lanky popular TV comedy veteran with a

01:14:46.039 --> 01:14:49.239
flair for broad comic characterisations, who

01:14:49.239 --> 01:14:51.739
shone for a decade as leading man in Second Banana,

01:14:52.000 --> 01:14:54.659
Par Exit and The Carol Burnett Show. There we

01:14:54.659 --> 01:15:01.220
go, he's in a bit. It's like it's only a puppy.

01:15:02.259 --> 01:15:13.460
It's a puppet. Brian Connolly. Is that a scout?

01:15:13.579 --> 01:15:22.119
Oh, that's a plant. So we're now in the canteen.

01:15:22.659 --> 01:15:25.119
And he's about to... He's giving a really ugly

01:15:25.119 --> 01:15:31.529
looking plant a bite. Can we talk? Well, of course

01:15:31.529 --> 01:15:34.550
we can talk. We are talking. You're not ordering.

01:15:34.609 --> 01:15:37.229
I'm not pouring. We are not drinking. We are

01:15:37.229 --> 01:15:40.210
talking. I'm moving this to make room for...

01:15:40.210 --> 01:15:41.890
Is there a hole in the top of the bag? There

01:15:41.890 --> 01:15:43.590
is a hole in the top of the bag. Did you notice?

01:15:44.270 --> 01:15:46.890
It's some weird bowl cup that literally is a

01:15:46.890 --> 01:15:49.909
bowl. It's really creepy. I'm sorry I couldn't

01:15:49.909 --> 01:15:53.989
get back before. Before what? Until now. Until

01:15:53.989 --> 01:15:55.930
tonight, I thought about it a dozen times, but

01:15:55.930 --> 01:15:58.220
I had to be sure. Excuse me. I have a question.

01:15:58.279 --> 01:16:11.220
Come back soon. I'll be waiting. What? No. He

01:16:11.220 --> 01:16:20.659
just poured it into the hole on his head. This...

01:16:20.659 --> 01:16:26.739
I'm dying inside, bro. How's your drink? It's

01:16:26.739 --> 01:16:29.300
all gone. Look, there's a flower on top of it.

01:16:29.420 --> 01:16:32.479
I see there is. Do you want another drink? Flowers

01:16:32.479 --> 01:16:34.680
for you. I wanted to bring you something and

01:16:34.680 --> 01:16:38.720
that's all I could think of. I don't get many

01:16:38.720 --> 01:16:41.600
flowers, but you didn't have to bring me anything.

01:16:43.699 --> 01:16:47.380
Krellman. Krellman. Right, who plays this one?

01:16:48.859 --> 01:16:52.039
The same actor that we just saw as the Amorphian

01:16:52.039 --> 01:16:55.760
instructor. No, he's the same guy who played

01:16:55.760 --> 01:16:59.500
the four -armed chef. And he's the same person

01:16:59.500 --> 01:17:01.380
who played the android that we just saw fix himself.

01:17:02.779 --> 01:17:21.449
Oh, he's got six fingers. I decided what you

01:17:21.449 --> 01:17:23.949
meant was exactly the thing I needed to hear.

01:17:24.409 --> 01:17:27.590
Well, I'm glad about that. You know, it's funny.

01:17:27.750 --> 01:17:30.390
A man can live as long as I have. Through all

01:17:30.390 --> 01:17:32.949
the ups and downs. And just when he thinks it's

01:17:32.949 --> 01:17:35.930
all over, someone cares for him again. Oh, he's

01:17:35.930 --> 01:17:37.369
stepping behind the bar. He's stepping behind

01:17:37.369 --> 01:17:40.270
the bar. That's a no -show. He would have been

01:17:40.270 --> 01:17:42.489
out. Glass him. Yes, he would have been out.

01:17:42.489 --> 01:17:44.750
No chance. He wouldn't have even been allowed

01:17:44.750 --> 01:17:47.880
to grab the barmaid. That would never have happened.

01:17:48.000 --> 01:18:17.090
Oh, now he's actually hugging her. now you stay

01:18:17.090 --> 01:18:25.989
just as long as you go that's like me oh giving

01:18:25.989 --> 01:18:28.289
you the cup and pouring it in the map that's

01:18:28.289 --> 01:18:30.529
the same he's making that oh it's like sexual

01:18:30.529 --> 01:18:32.789
but i have business it's grim i really have no

01:18:32.789 --> 01:18:35.489
time really grim you'll change your mind i just

01:18:35.489 --> 01:18:39.170
know you will six simple little words i can wait

01:18:39.170 --> 01:18:41.670
forever to hear it again because i know come

01:18:41.670 --> 01:19:04.229
back soon i'll be waiting We still don't know

01:19:04.229 --> 01:19:06.850
why they're here. They're looking for Chewie.

01:19:06.909 --> 01:19:09.489
Due to increased activity among subversive forces,

01:19:09.689 --> 01:19:13.130
we are placing a curfew on the entire Tatooine

01:19:13.130 --> 01:19:16.180
system effective immediately. No, hang on, they

01:19:16.180 --> 01:19:18.859
were just watching the bar on TV. Oh, no, good

01:19:18.859 --> 01:19:21.119
thing. They were just watching the bar on TV

01:19:21.119 --> 01:19:23.500
and it wasn't a TV show. It was actually happening.

01:19:33.539 --> 01:19:36.100
Look at his head on the table. OK, barbering,

01:19:36.100 --> 01:19:40.420
take a break. I don't know how long. Maybe forever.

01:19:41.260 --> 01:19:45.149
Closing me down again. Please, I have enough

01:19:45.149 --> 01:19:49.409
aggravation. Ooh. All right, one more round before

01:19:49.409 --> 01:19:52.010
you leave, and this one's on me. Talk. His fingers

01:19:52.010 --> 01:19:54.670
were circumcised penises. They look disgusting.

01:19:55.449 --> 01:20:01.829
We've got circumcised for a head, that guy. Gentlemen.

01:20:04.390 --> 01:20:06.130
Gentlemen, I don't know how to tell you this,

01:20:06.229 --> 01:20:27.739
but I guess the wall screen said it all. I wasn't

01:20:27.739 --> 01:20:29.380
actually listening to what the guy said on the

01:20:29.380 --> 01:20:31.760
phone. Basically, too many things still going

01:20:31.760 --> 01:20:54.850
on, so we're closing everywhere. Ludlow? That's

01:20:54.850 --> 01:21:01.829
not his name. It looks like the same kind, doesn't

01:21:01.829 --> 01:21:31.359
it? Weedo? What the fuck is this bit all about?

01:21:33.180 --> 01:21:40.520
Dunno, I'd like to break out into song. Sorry

01:21:40.520 --> 01:21:41.640
everyone, I don't know how I understand this

01:21:41.640 --> 01:21:43.159
because we haven't said very much in this bit.

01:21:43.640 --> 01:21:50.239
We're trying to work out what's going on. Fucking

01:21:50.239 --> 01:21:57.520
hell, you're on that closing and you've been

01:21:57.520 --> 01:22:01.060
on free beer. Yeah. They were all willing to

01:22:01.060 --> 01:22:06.079
pay for it. Jizz is tired again. It's the most

01:22:06.079 --> 01:22:08.659
jizz -filled cantina in the world. There's fucking

01:22:08.659 --> 01:22:12.270
jizz everywhere. It's the same song, just a different

01:22:12.270 --> 01:22:26.029
style. Excuse me. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, in fact,

01:22:26.050 --> 01:22:29.050
we haven't heard Luke Skywalker sing yet. What?

01:22:29.970 --> 01:22:38.289
I think he sings. Oh, dear Lord. Look, the saving

01:22:38.289 --> 01:22:40.350
grace is we're an hour and 20 into the show.

01:22:40.970 --> 01:22:45.069
This is only an hour and what, 48? 37, according

01:22:45.069 --> 01:22:47.149
to you. So we've probably got about three quarters

01:22:47.149 --> 01:22:52.729
of an hour left. Yeah, this is... Do you want

01:22:52.729 --> 01:23:00.430
to guess the IMDB score? 2 .3. 2 .2! I gave it

01:23:00.430 --> 01:23:04.420
too much. The lead review. Don't talk to me about

01:23:04.420 --> 01:23:11.140
episode one until you've seen this. Give us some

01:23:11.140 --> 01:23:13.560
more. Give us some more to get us past this fucking...

01:23:13.560 --> 01:23:17.000
There's a rat. That's a rat. Is that one of those

01:23:17.000 --> 01:23:21.239
things from Warhammer? What's the rat race in

01:23:21.239 --> 01:23:25.779
Warhammer called? Yeah, I can't think. According

01:23:25.779 --> 01:23:28.760
to Carrie Fisher... George Lucas gave her a copy

01:23:28.760 --> 01:23:31.039
of the special as a gift for recording the DVD

01:23:31.039 --> 01:23:34.399
commentary for Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope.

01:23:35.060 --> 01:23:37.899
She claimed that she played it at parties when

01:23:37.899 --> 01:23:42.680
she wanted her guests to leave. He gifted her

01:23:42.680 --> 01:23:45.560
a copy. George Lucas famously tried and failed

01:23:45.560 --> 01:23:47.659
to buy up all master copies to make sure it was

01:23:47.659 --> 01:23:54.659
never broadcast again. Arthur, who this is, claimed

01:23:54.659 --> 01:23:56.340
she only appeared in this special because her

01:23:56.340 --> 01:23:59.479
younger son was a big fan of Star Wars. Well,

01:23:59.500 --> 01:24:04.560
that's how everyone was in the Spice World movies.

01:24:05.020 --> 01:24:07.460
George Lucas remarked at an Australian convention,

01:24:07.859 --> 01:24:10.520
if I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would

01:24:10.520 --> 01:24:12.720
track down every bootlegged copy of that programme

01:24:12.720 --> 01:24:15.399
and smash it. Well, he hasn't got himself to

01:24:15.399 --> 01:24:19.199
blame. Who can he blame? Right, so one of the

01:24:19.199 --> 01:24:22.180
writers I'm guessing is Bruce Villanch. has admitted

01:24:22.180 --> 01:24:24.699
that he was using cocaine heavily whilst helping

01:24:24.699 --> 01:24:27.279
to write the special. What was he doing with

01:24:27.279 --> 01:24:35.060
Carrie Fisher? Well... Harrison Ford was particularly

01:24:35.060 --> 01:24:38.300
reluctant to appear in the special, but was convinced...

01:24:38.300 --> 01:24:40.220
Yeah, because he's a good fucking actor. Oh,

01:24:40.239 --> 01:24:41.840
there you go. Mark Hamill's face was heavily

01:24:41.840 --> 01:24:43.920
made up as he was recovering from reconstructive

01:24:43.920 --> 01:24:45.960
surgery after a near -fatal car accident. Here

01:24:45.960 --> 01:24:47.859
we go. I thought that must be the case. Because

01:24:47.859 --> 01:24:51.329
it just looks too wrong. So, I mean, they are

01:24:51.329 --> 01:24:54.609
all actually good actors. Oh my God. But Harrison

01:24:54.609 --> 01:24:57.189
Ford is particularly a big dude. I've got something

01:24:57.189 --> 01:25:01.109
before it here for you from this scene. The cantina

01:25:01.109 --> 01:25:04.710
sequence took an entire day to shoot. The actors

01:25:04.710 --> 01:25:07.750
in alien costumes began to pass out due to lack

01:25:07.750 --> 01:25:10.710
of oxygen. Oxygen tanks were provided for them

01:25:10.710 --> 01:25:24.130
to use between takes. I mean, we've talked over...

01:25:24.130 --> 01:25:27.649
It's arguably not a bad song. She seemed to be

01:25:27.649 --> 01:25:31.829
singing it reasonably well, to be fair. It would

01:25:31.829 --> 01:25:33.329
have been better if it was kind of a master of

01:25:33.329 --> 01:25:36.329
the house kind of song, like from the mix. That

01:25:36.329 --> 01:25:37.829
would have been better, rather than this kind

01:25:37.829 --> 01:25:41.770
of... Oh, sweet Jesus. Right, George Lucas came

01:25:41.770 --> 01:25:44.189
up with the idea of focusing on Chewbacca's family,

01:25:44.329 --> 01:25:47.470
so it was George Lucas's fault. Writer Bruce

01:25:47.470 --> 01:25:49.569
Valanche objected because the dialogue would

01:25:49.569 --> 01:25:52.270
all be in Wookiee language. He feared that the

01:25:52.270 --> 01:25:54.670
special would turn into one long episode of Lassie.

01:25:54.949 --> 01:25:57.869
But Lucas refused to change it. According to

01:25:57.869 --> 01:26:00.770
Valanche, Lucas originally intended the story

01:26:00.770 --> 01:26:03.029
of Chewbacca's family to appear somewhere in

01:26:03.029 --> 01:26:06.590
the Star Wars saga. Oh, thank God it was only

01:26:06.590 --> 01:26:14.069
on this. Imagine. But why? What does Chewbacca's

01:26:14.069 --> 01:26:18.989
family... Add to what is essentially the Skywalker

01:26:18.989 --> 01:26:23.590
family. Ah, the Wookiee planet is called Kazook.

01:26:23.729 --> 01:26:28.189
One of the names George Lucas considered before

01:26:28.189 --> 01:26:31.270
it became known as Kashyyyk. Oh, so it is Kashyyyk

01:26:31.270 --> 01:26:33.170
then. So that's why they said Kazook earlier

01:26:33.170 --> 01:26:40.250
then. Okay. Hang on. How are we still hearing

01:26:40.250 --> 01:26:42.529
the jizz music when no one's playing? Have they

01:26:42.529 --> 01:26:48.229
been miming? Oh, well, this tells you everything.

01:26:48.850 --> 01:26:50.909
Kenner was going to do a line of toys for the

01:26:50.909 --> 01:26:53.470
special and then saw how badly it didn't release

01:26:53.470 --> 01:26:57.590
them. It would just be knobby and lumpy, wouldn't

01:26:57.590 --> 01:27:01.609
it? Itchy and his VR porn set play set. Return

01:27:01.609 --> 01:27:06.350
to base. Return to base. Return to base. Make

01:27:06.350 --> 01:27:11.010
Itchy do the dirty. Yeah, you know how you get

01:27:11.010 --> 01:27:12.310
a buzz like this when you press the button and

01:27:12.310 --> 01:27:15.100
his arm goes like this? Like a chop. With him,

01:27:15.119 --> 01:27:17.739
he'd be like that. He'd be doing the same. The

01:27:17.739 --> 01:27:20.739
large rat puppet in the Cantina season was made

01:27:20.739 --> 01:27:24.100
for The Food of the Gods 1976. It's referred

01:27:24.100 --> 01:27:27.840
to as a Tintin dwarf in the Star Wars universe.

01:27:28.159 --> 01:27:32.060
Interesting. It was a very good animatronic costume.

01:27:32.460 --> 01:27:35.840
Very good. There was talk of a possible spin

01:27:35.840 --> 01:27:38.680
-off television series. Han Solo's in there.

01:27:38.920 --> 01:27:42.159
Han Solo's in there. Yeah. Which is why he opened

01:27:42.159 --> 01:27:51.630
the thing and closed it. Yeah, it was aired at

01:27:51.630 --> 01:28:04.050
Thanksgiving. Right, so the stormtrooper who's

01:28:04.050 --> 01:28:06.289
still in the house has gone up to the kids' room

01:28:06.289 --> 01:28:09.189
because he's just finished making things. What?

01:28:13.539 --> 01:28:15.460
No, we should stop it then and go watch all the

01:28:15.460 --> 01:28:18.579
adverts, all 52 adverts. Oh my god, right. So,

01:28:18.739 --> 01:28:22.359
the woman, Diana Carroll, whatever her name was,

01:28:22.539 --> 01:28:25.880
that did the VR porn singing, do you know who

01:28:25.880 --> 01:28:31.479
offered it originally? Who? Cher. Oh dear. That

01:28:31.479 --> 01:28:41.680
would have been interesting. God, yeah, I bet

01:28:41.680 --> 01:28:43.500
there was no health and safety check done on

01:28:43.500 --> 01:28:50.640
that. Well, Chewbacca's arrived. Alright, you're

01:28:50.640 --> 01:29:00.039
belling? What are you doing to my son? Right,

01:29:00.060 --> 01:29:06.260
hands here. Chop. Got the gun. Judo, chop. Wilhelm

01:29:06.260 --> 01:29:08.520
scream. Wilhelm scream, yeah. They use quite

01:29:08.520 --> 01:29:13.689
a lot in Star Wars. I know it's like an in -joke

01:29:13.689 --> 01:29:18.069
with the fucking hell, how strong is Han? Like,

01:29:19.050 --> 01:29:20.970
I know it's like an inside joke that they all

01:29:20.970 --> 01:29:25.350
use it, but I actually hate it. It really removes

01:29:25.350 --> 01:29:27.590
the immersion of every single film I ever hear

01:29:27.590 --> 01:29:33.930
it in, and it's in fucking everything. Oh yeah,

01:29:34.029 --> 01:29:37.409
sorry, so Chewie and Han have just killed her.

01:29:38.140 --> 01:30:03.520
Stormtrooper. Yeah, do as you're told, Chewie.

01:30:04.760 --> 01:30:11.039
And I'm in your house. Really hairy, smelly family.

01:30:11.039 --> 01:30:14.340
Oh, what the fuck. She wants him. That is so

01:30:14.340 --> 01:30:19.760
not Han. So not him. Oh, the way he's looking

01:30:19.760 --> 01:30:23.100
at Han. His lumpy Han son. Yeah, the way she

01:30:23.100 --> 01:30:25.819
looked at him really was like, I want a piece

01:30:25.819 --> 01:30:33.859
of that, mate. Hug him. Be careful. And then

01:30:33.859 --> 01:30:35.600
choking him. And then fucking choking him, yeah.

01:30:36.119 --> 01:30:43.289
Fetishes again. It's all about the fetish. No

01:30:43.289 --> 01:30:44.869
one's going to query that a stormtrooper's gone

01:30:44.869 --> 01:30:47.670
and found dead at the base of their tree. Yeah.

01:30:52.569 --> 01:30:54.930
Don't shoot me, husband. Please. What's that

01:30:54.930 --> 01:30:57.970
crossbow thing called? It's got a name, like

01:30:57.970 --> 01:31:00.329
a bow crossbow. It's a laser bow, isn't it? Or

01:31:00.329 --> 01:31:06.189
something. Some bolt. Late bolt thrower. Let's

01:31:06.189 --> 01:31:08.649
guess. Let's unique guess, because we don't know.

01:31:08.829 --> 01:31:11.810
Guess what his laser crossbow gun is called.

01:31:11.949 --> 01:31:13.949
I'll get it up on here. Come on, we've got to

01:31:13.949 --> 01:31:16.489
give ourselves some entertainment. We're not

01:31:16.489 --> 01:31:18.470
getting into the holiday special, are we? Everyone

01:31:18.470 --> 01:31:21.250
listening, what's Chewbacca's crossbow gun called?

01:31:24.329 --> 01:31:29.789
Chewbacca crossbow. Oh, no. Oh, this is awkward.

01:31:30.770 --> 01:31:32.329
Oh, they're about to kiss. I don't think they

01:31:32.329 --> 01:31:35.000
can work out where each other's mouth is. animatronic

01:31:35.000 --> 01:31:40.180
it's got a bow caster everybody bow caster oh

01:31:40.180 --> 01:31:42.859
look at your teeth darling you haven't brushed

01:31:42.859 --> 01:31:46.920
so i won't kiss you and also you've been told

01:31:46.920 --> 01:31:50.100
not to by george lupus yeah i'll turn it into

01:31:50.100 --> 01:31:55.659
12. he waxes cock out although he's naked so

01:31:55.659 --> 01:32:10.319
oh no we've got some handheld camera Yay, threesome.

01:32:11.199 --> 01:32:14.840
He's got to be a bad guy. No, he's not a bad

01:32:14.840 --> 01:32:17.880
guy. They're not going to have some kind of twists.

01:32:19.119 --> 01:32:24.520
There we go. This is a general alert. Calling

01:32:24.520 --> 01:32:30.060
officer B4711. Officer B4711. We are unable to

01:32:30.060 --> 01:32:31.479
reach you on your comm link. The one that's just

01:32:31.479 --> 01:32:34.359
been pulled into his death. You are instructed

01:32:34.359 --> 01:32:37.829
to turn on your comm link immediately. And they'd

01:32:37.829 --> 01:32:39.590
put that over the air? I don't think that's a

01:32:39.590 --> 01:33:07.789
very good idea, is it? No. Then he took off in

01:33:07.789 --> 01:33:11.810
the hills. Very well, we'll send out a search

01:33:11.810 --> 01:33:19.390
party. You're right, he is a bad guy. Yes, sir.

01:33:20.750 --> 01:33:23.729
Identification is very important. I hope you

01:33:23.729 --> 01:33:25.810
maintain contact with the Empire at times like

01:33:25.810 --> 01:33:30.630
this. I'm so confused, he's a double agent. No,

01:33:30.630 --> 01:33:33.670
sir, he is... He is a member of the Resistance,

01:33:33.949 --> 01:33:36.859
he's just... He's also a member of the Empire.

01:33:36.979 --> 01:33:38.600
He just had a code that could speak directly

01:33:38.600 --> 01:33:41.800
to that man on the TV. Have a wonderful celebration.

01:33:42.579 --> 01:33:45.220
Is he got a hearing aid? He's got a hearing aid.

01:33:49.659 --> 01:33:53.819
Yeah, from the look of it. Or do you think because

01:33:53.819 --> 01:33:56.300
everyone's roaring, it's just like... I think

01:33:56.300 --> 01:33:58.119
it's more like he's turned it off and he fucking

01:33:58.119 --> 01:34:03.380
answered it. He's never been so happy that he's

01:34:03.380 --> 01:34:07.340
got a hearing impediment. Oh, thank God I didn't

01:34:07.340 --> 01:34:10.180
charge my hearing aids. Oh, it's nearly the end,

01:34:10.220 --> 01:34:13.840
Rob. I can see it's one hour 30. Yeah, but we

01:34:13.840 --> 01:34:17.899
talked for a bit beforehand. Oh, no. So we've

01:34:17.899 --> 01:34:23.260
got about 20 minutes left. No, well, don't forget,

01:34:23.359 --> 01:34:24.739
while we were messing around with the consoles,

01:34:24.800 --> 01:34:27.260
we stopped and then restarted. So three minutes

01:34:27.260 --> 01:34:30.260
of our original talk as we went into it. Oh,

01:34:30.279 --> 01:34:31.640
look, we've got less than 10 minutes. Oh, thank

01:34:31.640 --> 01:34:36.590
the Lord. Thank the Lord. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh,

01:34:36.590 --> 01:34:38.369
what's going on now? What's happening now? They're

01:34:38.369 --> 01:34:41.369
all holding a weird globe and they've turned

01:34:41.369 --> 01:34:43.630
the lights off. That's not a globe. It's a thermal

01:34:43.630 --> 01:34:46.010
detonator. You know what? It looks like a thermal

01:34:46.010 --> 01:34:48.609
detonator. It fucking does. But the way they're

01:34:48.609 --> 01:34:49.829
stood as well, I know obviously they're doing

01:34:49.829 --> 01:34:51.470
it for the camera. They're all pointing towards

01:34:51.470 --> 01:34:55.550
the camera. Yeah, it doesn't matter. But like,

01:34:55.649 --> 01:34:58.930
you'd all be looking at each other, wouldn't

01:34:58.930 --> 01:35:01.319
you? Is this what they all do on Family Day?

01:35:01.399 --> 01:35:03.380
What's it called again? Life Day. Life Day. Oh,

01:35:03.460 --> 01:35:08.979
God, it's got boots on it. Oh, here we go. Is

01:35:08.979 --> 01:35:11.500
this going full -on Bohemian Rhapsody? They're

01:35:11.500 --> 01:35:13.420
all in red clothes. They're all in red clothes.

01:35:14.079 --> 01:35:19.539
Oh, there's loads of them. Oh. Little thunderbolt

01:35:19.539 --> 01:35:22.859
of lightning, very, very lightning. Galileo.

01:35:29.520 --> 01:35:31.579
Oh my God, we'll have to do that. Lumpy was doing

01:35:31.579 --> 01:35:37.140
it earlier. For the Untitled Sci -Fi Show, we'll

01:35:37.140 --> 01:35:40.399
do Can I Wookiee It? rather than Can I Cluck

01:35:40.399 --> 01:35:42.760
It? for the Brats. Okay, we'll do an episode

01:35:42.760 --> 01:35:47.960
of that. Oh, Jesus. That'll be on the OnlyFans.

01:35:48.020 --> 01:35:53.020
It's Space Jesus. This is the nativity. It looks

01:35:53.020 --> 01:35:55.300
like Jesus there, look. And they saw a star in

01:35:55.300 --> 01:35:58.909
the sky. And they went across Chewbacca's homeworld.

01:35:59.050 --> 01:36:01.189
That's not a star. That's the Death Star. That's

01:36:01.189 --> 01:36:09.229
the Death Star. Who are the three kings? Happy

01:36:09.229 --> 01:36:12.569
Life Day. The three wise men in Star Wars. Who

01:36:12.569 --> 01:36:16.630
are they? Happy Life Day, everyone. We don't

01:36:16.630 --> 01:36:18.010
know enough about Star Wars to be able to actually

01:36:18.010 --> 01:36:22.430
answer this. Obi -Wan Kenobi. Yeah. Yoda. Yeah.

01:36:22.569 --> 01:36:24.310
And we're certainly glad that we're alive to

01:36:24.310 --> 01:36:28.340
celebrate. maybe qui -gon jinn and qui -gon jinn

01:36:28.340 --> 01:37:04.750
or mace window presents we bring you um I thought

01:37:04.750 --> 01:37:09.229
it was Luke. It might be Leia. Leia's going to

01:37:09.229 --> 01:37:18.390
sing. I'm not sure it's one of them. I really

01:37:18.390 --> 01:37:20.390
hope they've got a good payday for this. I really

01:37:20.390 --> 01:37:25.750
do. They've got two more films. A fair few more

01:37:25.750 --> 01:37:27.489
films out of it, actually, thanks to Disney.

01:37:27.930 --> 01:37:40.630
Why is she... Oh, no. Not a bad singer. Yeah,

01:37:40.649 --> 01:37:42.149
and she's looking at the camera. I don't like

01:37:42.149 --> 01:37:50.520
it. Look, I've got to give them all props because

01:37:50.520 --> 01:37:52.979
none of them are laughing. I think that shows

01:37:52.979 --> 01:37:56.039
what good actors they are. Look at Han. Look

01:37:56.039 --> 01:37:59.060
at him. Harrison's like, why am I here? Can I

01:37:59.060 --> 01:38:02.760
just say, Leia must be off her tit. And she's

01:38:02.760 --> 01:38:04.159
just looking around seeing all these hairy things

01:38:04.159 --> 01:38:06.680
going, I've got no idea what's going on at the

01:38:06.680 --> 01:38:07.899
moment. She doesn't know she's filming. She thinks

01:38:07.899 --> 01:38:10.479
she's at home. She thinks she's at home. She

01:38:10.479 --> 01:38:12.939
thinks this is real. Yeah. She's at home with

01:38:12.939 --> 01:38:15.399
her mum watching some of the movies her mum was

01:38:15.399 --> 01:38:19.619
in. And she thinks she's singing along a bit.

01:38:19.819 --> 01:38:22.779
What were the movies her mum was in? I don't

01:38:22.779 --> 01:38:26.279
know. Her mum was an actress. Yeah. Shows how

01:38:26.279 --> 01:38:38.779
little I know. So her mum was Debbie Reynolds.

01:38:41.340 --> 01:39:00.770
Oh, listen, it's the Star Wars theme song. I'll

01:39:00.770 --> 01:39:02.470
tell you where I got the idea of that. It's The

01:39:02.470 --> 01:39:04.449
Simpsons, isn't it? Well, singing in the rain.

01:39:05.010 --> 01:39:06.869
Debbie Reynolds is singing in the rain. Mark

01:39:06.869 --> 01:39:09.090
Hamill sings in The Simpsons, doesn't he? Because

01:39:09.090 --> 01:39:12.170
he's like, George Lucas makes us buy the lightsabers,

01:39:12.189 --> 01:39:14.550
doesn't he? That's the joke in it. Don't break

01:39:14.550 --> 01:39:16.409
my lightsabers. George Lucas makes us buy these.

01:39:16.510 --> 01:39:19.189
Fucking hell, you've got me. So she just sung

01:39:19.189 --> 01:39:23.760
that in the theme of Star Wars. Didn't even notice.

01:39:26.579 --> 01:39:29.520
Oh, now we're... They've finished singing and

01:39:29.520 --> 01:39:32.560
now we've kind of got a weird vignette going

01:39:32.560 --> 01:39:34.279
on on the screen and everyone's getting on the

01:39:34.279 --> 01:39:38.380
ship. Is this tying into The Empire Strikes Back?

01:39:39.500 --> 01:39:42.239
Are we literally going into Empire Strikes Back

01:39:42.239 --> 01:39:45.039
at this point? Are we getting clipped from the

01:39:45.039 --> 01:39:50.119
first Star Wars? They're not implying this was

01:39:50.119 --> 01:39:54.359
before because they haven't met yet. Oh, I hope

01:39:54.359 --> 01:39:57.500
he got a payday. Oh, what's his name? Playing

01:39:57.500 --> 01:39:59.880
Obi -Wan. Oh, yeah. His face has been in this.

01:39:59.899 --> 01:40:04.500
I hope he got some money. Of course he did. I

01:40:04.500 --> 01:40:09.020
don't know. He got paid in a percentage. He got

01:40:09.020 --> 01:40:11.520
paid in a percentage of profit. You know what?

01:40:11.539 --> 01:40:13.699
I genuinely feel like they're doing this as a

01:40:13.699 --> 01:40:16.159
recap so you're ready to watch The Empire Strikes

01:40:16.159 --> 01:40:20.819
Back. Oh, so this is like... Star Wars 4 .5.

01:40:20.880 --> 01:40:26.020
This happened between 4 and 5. Well, it has to,

01:40:26.100 --> 01:40:30.539
because the end of 4 and 5, Han is in Carbon

01:40:30.539 --> 01:40:34.180
Night, or whatever it's called. Yes. Sorry, everyone.

01:40:34.420 --> 01:40:38.279
Oh, if I've got that wrong. I hope it really

01:40:38.279 --> 01:40:41.579
upset you. Oh, no, their life tables are full

01:40:41.579 --> 01:40:49.680
of Christmas tree. Chewie's looking at Lumpy

01:40:49.680 --> 01:40:51.279
and he's trying to decide, yeah, you really are

01:40:51.279 --> 01:40:54.960
my son, aren't you? I just don't know. Just none

01:40:54.960 --> 01:41:00.720
of my family have that colour eye. You sound

01:41:00.720 --> 01:41:03.659
more Ewok. I know you're not, but you sound it.

01:41:03.859 --> 01:41:08.140
You're so small for a wookie. Carbonite. I mean,

01:41:08.140 --> 01:41:24.439
your fur isn't the same colour as mine. Put your

01:41:24.439 --> 01:41:27.319
heads down, everyone. Pray to your empty bowls.

01:41:27.539 --> 01:41:30.859
And that monstrosity that the mum made. Oh my

01:41:30.859 --> 01:41:33.260
god, yes, she made that, didn't she? Oh, they

01:41:33.260 --> 01:41:39.079
fixed the balustrade. Oh, no. Everything's giving

01:41:39.079 --> 01:41:45.520
up. It's giving up. Good. Oh, thank god it's

01:41:45.520 --> 01:41:47.359
finished, Rob. It's finished. It's the credits.

01:41:47.640 --> 01:41:51.180
Rob, it's finished. Thank fuck for the mum brothers.

01:41:53.420 --> 01:41:57.819
Oh, dear Lord. I thought Ewoks were in this.

01:41:58.680 --> 01:42:04.159
No, apparently not. Gary Smith, you've got lots

01:42:04.159 --> 01:42:06.500
and lots of them. All of these people have them.

01:42:06.840 --> 01:42:10.479
Steve Binder. This is like... Rod Warren Brief,

01:42:10.659 --> 01:42:14.859
all of you. Now it's just a list of people who

01:42:14.859 --> 01:42:17.119
are lucky they continued working in the industry.

01:42:17.340 --> 01:42:22.079
Maybe they didn't. Maybe this killed lots of

01:42:22.079 --> 01:42:26.069
people's careers. Maybe the fifth one is so good

01:42:26.069 --> 01:42:28.229
because after they made this one, they were just

01:42:28.229 --> 01:42:31.869
like, we need to fix this. Yeah, we fired everyone

01:42:31.869 --> 01:42:34.829
and we've got a new crew. No, no, it's going

01:42:34.829 --> 01:42:37.949
to be all the same people, right? And George

01:42:37.949 --> 01:42:41.170
is there like, look, I'll put my hands on it.

01:42:41.369 --> 01:42:43.810
The Christmas special, mistake, I'm going to

01:42:43.810 --> 01:42:47.829
own up to it. But we own the planet as something,

01:42:48.050 --> 01:42:50.989
you know, a resolution to this fucking mess.

01:42:51.550 --> 01:42:53.289
Now, I'm going to take the responsibility. I'm

01:42:53.289 --> 01:42:55.270
going to buy all of them out. And no one's going

01:42:55.270 --> 01:42:57.510
to watch it again. Everyone, don't worry about

01:42:57.510 --> 01:43:00.189
that. Your CVs are going to be safe. Your LinkedIn

01:43:00.189 --> 01:43:02.829
profile, we can fix that for you. That's fine.

01:43:03.390 --> 01:43:07.010
But what we have to do is make the next two films.

01:43:07.649 --> 01:43:09.170
And everyone's like, oh, my God, we're doing

01:43:09.170 --> 01:43:10.409
two more films. I can't believe they managed

01:43:10.409 --> 01:43:11.810
to give us some money for two more films. How

01:43:11.810 --> 01:43:14.729
have we managed to do this? Don't worry. I just

01:43:14.729 --> 01:43:17.569
had to show my dedication to quite a few management

01:43:17.569 --> 01:43:21.520
at 20th Century Fox. But it's okay. My knees

01:43:21.520 --> 01:43:25.340
are okay. I was using pads. Now, also, that bad

01:43:25.340 --> 01:43:29.279
throat of mine has really cleared up. And I will

01:43:29.279 --> 01:43:32.180
fix this for the world. You just do your job,

01:43:32.239 --> 01:43:35.979
do your best, and I'm very sorry. The wrap party,

01:43:36.260 --> 01:43:38.979
it'll be worth it. We'll have strippers. Right,

01:43:39.100 --> 01:43:45.600
that was fucking dreadful. It's the still frame

01:43:45.600 --> 01:43:50.779
of Carrie Fisher. She is off her tits. Off. Can

01:43:50.779 --> 01:43:54.119
I just say as well, this is like my most recent

01:43:54.119 --> 01:43:57.899
watched we've got on YouTube. Yeah. So we've

01:43:57.899 --> 01:44:02.180
got the Star Wars special here. 664 ,000 views

01:44:02.180 --> 01:44:05.359
from the channel called Star Wars Holiday Special.

01:44:05.819 --> 01:44:08.739
Right. The very next one is a short from Caleb

01:44:08.739 --> 01:44:13.079
Hammer. 2 .7 million views. Yeah. What a difference.

01:44:14.800 --> 01:44:20.430
What a difference. Okay. So. So what we're saying

01:44:20.430 --> 01:44:22.710
is Caleb Hammer needs to do a holiday special.

01:44:22.930 --> 01:44:26.170
I would like Caleb Hammer to do a Star Wars holiday

01:44:26.170 --> 01:44:33.569
special and see how well he does. Merry Christmas,

01:44:33.729 --> 01:44:53.640
everybody. Merry Christmas. This year, for the

01:44:53.640 --> 01:44:56.739
Christmas special on the Sci -Fi Show, I'm not

01:44:56.739 --> 01:45:00.020
forcing any of you poor bastards to sing again.

01:45:00.300 --> 01:45:02.039
What Tom and I are doing is we're going to be

01:45:02.039 --> 01:45:06.699
doing a watch -along with the film. I just want

01:45:06.699 --> 01:45:11.439
to get your opinion on it. It's a Star Wars Christmas

01:45:11.439 --> 01:45:14.000
special. I've not heard very good things about

01:45:14.000 --> 01:45:20.060
it. Have you heard of it? Any words of advice?

01:45:25.920 --> 01:45:29.300
A Star Wars Christmas special? How does that

01:45:29.300 --> 01:45:33.359
even work? Oh, hello cat. Sorry, the cat just

01:45:33.359 --> 01:45:38.640
came and headbutted my phone and me. Mate, that

01:45:38.640 --> 01:45:42.880
does not sound festive at all. I mean, is Yoda

01:45:42.880 --> 01:45:45.720
going to be bouncing around in a red cape and

01:45:45.720 --> 01:45:53.380
hat? A Star Wars Christmas special? I wish you

01:45:53.380 --> 01:46:10.020
luck. My advice? Don't. What do I think? I think

01:46:10.020 --> 01:46:13.779
I've heard nothing good about it. I've never

01:46:13.779 --> 01:46:16.739
seen it either, despite being a Star Wars nut,

01:46:16.819 --> 01:46:25.670
really. How do you feel about softcore Wookiee

01:46:25.670 --> 01:46:28.270
porn? This is a kid's show as well.