Thought crime does not entail death. Thought
crime is death. When you open your mind to the
impossible, sometimes you find the truth. To
the lake! Take a little swim. I was not pure.
The teleporters used to need a purity. I was
not pure. Whatever happens, we can't let the
new guy find out about our powers. What do we
do if he finds out? We kill him. So, what would
you little maniacs like to do first? Hello and
welcome to How to Upset Your Neighbours podcast.
Featuring me, Rob, that, Tom and Miranda's over
there listening to the Gessie intro. So my idea
is a pillar of light in the middle of your garden.
Super powerful. Good. well i don't know six thousand
lumens doesn't sound like very much actually
thirty thousand lumens oh i think it would if
you if it was a pillar directed straight out
of bedroom window like when you see those things
in the distance and you always look at those
lights going up in the sky like you know like
a fairground or something yeah yeah just 90 degrees
straight oh sorry it fell over again bloody foxes
I really got tight in that hinge. Bloody foxes.
What do you mean? Oh, yeah, the thing that's
smoking next to it. Yeah, that was the fox. It
gets a bit hot, I'm afraid. That's why nothing
grows in the garden. Let's start talking. Enter
authorization code. Guess the intro. Another
guess the intro. Again, we had six. clips from
sci -fi slash fantasy as adjacent to that as
I can possibly get clips from films or TV. And
at this time, they were all connected again.
I didn't realise there was a connection. I completely...
I did say last week. I'm sure you did. I'm sure
you did. Okay, you ready for the first one with
our new special fancy colourful pad? He's got
buttons to press. Not using my phone this time,
so I press it like five times, it'll just do
it like... Should we do that? Oh, you're editing
it, not me. Well, I won't edit it out. I don't
edit anything out. I know you don't. I can't
even remember what I said in the variety show
that you massively beeped out. I said something
at the end of the last show and he massively
cut it out, but he didn't cut it, but beep, massive
long beep, and then us in hysterics at the end.
I don't remember what it was. I could say it
now and get your show cancelled. Yeah, I'm not
going to. Beep it, and it'll be you that said
it, so you'll get to cancel it. True. I'll say
it when we're not recording. Yeah, something
about the Spice Girls. Anyway, here's the first
one. I don't know what the heck is going on.
That's how I felt watching the Spice World movie.
I don't know what the hell is going on. Did you
hear that okay? Why is Scary Spice getting touched
up by an alien? Come on then. Everything, everywhere,
all at once. Everything, everywhere, all at once.
Yeah, we have. We have seen that. And welcome
to Marital Problems. Yeah, she's in everything.
Yeah, she's in everywhere. She's everywhere all
at once. Okay. Well, that wasn't Michelle Liao
talking. That was... A woman. No. That was Roel,
whatever his name is, from Indiana Jones. Really?
Oh, okay. He's the little boy in Indiana Jones.
Short round. Short round. Not roll. Yeah, cheese
roll. Short round and cheese, mate. Cheese roll.
Right, well done. Yes, it was everything, everywhere,
all at once. Next one. I can tell you that it's
impossible to translate from an audio file. I
would need to be there to interact with them.
Oh, Amy Adams. Amy Adams. Arrival. It's Arrival.
It's even a remote chance. We haven't seen that.
At least I haven't. It's not bad. It's a bit
of a slog of a movie. You've got to be in the
right mood for it. She's like translating the
aliens, right? Yeah, basically they are weird,
squiddy, inky alien things. Yeah. Next one. Take
better care of your teeth and fuck a lot more.
Take care of your teeth and fuck a lot more.
We have seen this, so Guillermo del Toro is the
director. It's the shape of water. The shape
of water. So this is the main lady who's deaf,
if you remember, talking to a mate who lives
opposite. Yeah. Yeah. That's the scene. Next
one. Hey, we don't serve their kind here. Right,
come on. Extremely famous scene in an extremely
famous sci -fi film. I'm going to play it again.
Star Wars, yes. Well done. But which one? Which
one? Hey, we don't serve their kind here. What?
New? Nope. New Hope, number four. The first one
released, episode four, is when they go into
the cantina just before the man's arm gets cut
off by a lightsaber. We don't serve those kind
around here. Next. You mustn't be afraid to dream
a little bigger, darling. You mustn't be afraid
to dream a little bigger, darling. That's what
she said. That is what she said. Dream's a clue
to what the film is. I don't think that's meant
to be a pun on the fact that... DiCaprio. The
United DiCaprio's in it. That's not who's speaking.
No. It is Inception. Well done. Last clip. You
will ride eternal, shiny and chrome. You'll ride
eternal, shiny and chrome. And then he gets out
a spray can and sprays Mickey Blue Eyes' mouth
with silver paint. And then he instantly fucks
it up. And he's a mediocre. We watched the kind
of newer version, like whatever, it's like a
prequel. Yeah, we watched a prequel of it fairly
recently. What a lovely day. Okay. The same actor
is in the film that that was clipped from. It
was Inception who just spoke. It's the same actor.
Tom Hardy. Mm -hmm. Previously played by Mel
Gibson. Mad Max. There you go. Before the sugar
tits era of Mel Gibson. Yeah, before sugar tics.
Tics? Tits. Okay. So, excuse me. I'm just going
to go through the list I have. So I've got Inception.
We've got The Shape of Water. We've got Star
Wars. We've got Arrival. We've got Mad Max. We've
got everything, everywhere, all at once. Why
the fuck is that not in order? I'm sorry. Because
no. So that's the order I find them, that I choose
them and write them down. But then I move them
to make them fit better in the thing. So then
my list is never the same as what they are on
the thing. Because I know what they are. It's
easy for me. But, you know. Anyway, they're the
fair. these six things, they all have something
in common. What is it? I had no idea, so I just
asked Gemini. That's cheating. And then Gemini
started giving me, there's a lot of connections.
For example... I'd like to hear what it thinks.
Every actor in at least one of the films is in
the DC Universe, the Marvel Universe. Oh, really?
That's interesting. All the films were nominated
for Best Picture. That's pretty much it, actually,
from the look of it. They were all nominated
for Best Picture. Yep. That's an interesting
one. Let me have a look. Everything Everywhere
All at Once and The Shape of Water won, but the
others were just nominated. Right. Miranda, any
other clue? Any ideas? Can't leave it in silence.
Can we have a clue? You were pretty close with
one of the ones that Gemini gave you. Oh, what,
the Marvel... But you're not going to get any
points for it because you've asked AI, so...
But she's taking part. Every single one of those
films won a minimum of one Oscar. Every single
one. Inception got Best Visual Effects as one
of them. The Shape of Water got Best Picture,
as you said. Star Wars also got Best Visuals.
Arrival got Best Sound. Mad Max and Fury Road
got Best Picture. Everything everyone else got
one of their awards was Best Actress. Every single
one of the films got a minimum of one Oscar.
Well, I've just told Gemini she's shit. So interesting
that they were all nominated for Best Picture.
That's a better connection than I had. I mean,
I probably would have noticed that if I actually
focused on it more. Whereas what I just wrote
into Google, list me every single sci -fi and
fantasy film that won an Oscar. No, fair enough.
And then I picked the ones I wanted to get clips
for. Oh, she's trying to say, my apologies for
not stating that more clearly. No, you didn't
state it correctly at all. It was stated clearly,
just not... Okay, so somebody did get them all
right on their very first go. Was it Bob, Dave?
Bob, Dave, Jim, Phil, Brian... No, it was James.
Yes, you just said James at the end. Oh, fuck,
now I've got to beep stuff. Stop, stop, stop,
stop. Or I will mute you and then that will be
the end of the show. Yeah, James, again, well
done. But he didn't get the connection and he
was using Google to help him find the connection.
That's cheating. So well done. He does get to
return again to the winner's lounge and get his
tea and biscuits. Miranda, sorry, no tea and
biscuits for you. You can come because you did
get them. Good. But you've got to put your own
sugar in or something. Get your own milk. That's
fine. No, bring your own biscuits. Not soggy
ones. Come on, come on. Come on, come on, come
on. Come on, TJ. What you been doing? What you
been doing? People won't know what I'm on about
unless they watch the Variety Show. Well, I'm
just looking at our songs from the Variety Show.
Your song has been played. four times oh one
has been played four times yeah one was by me
on both of those so great skewing the data sorry
everybody else i've screwed the data right what
have i been up to well let's not talk films to
start with i rebuilt my legion go because i was
a bit pissed off that emu deck was fucking about
and It just seemed to have a load of bugs with
RetroArch for no particular reason. So I bought
a TikTok shop remote, not remote, a controller.
And you felt it. It's a really nice controller.
Yes. Fairly cheap. I had a grip of your controller.
You did. Oh, it was a tight grip. Plugged it
into it. And while it was running EmuDeck, as
soon as it's plugged in, port one was saying
Legion Go controller, but was actually... the
Mamba controller, and then the Xbox 360 controller
that was meant to be the one that I was holding
was then the Legion controller. And then when
I swapped them around, it completely broke and
I couldn't get RetroArch to accept any input
full stop. I've got to say, RetroArch, as wicked
as it is, it can actually be really fucking finicky.
And I've numerous times fucked up the controller
stuff and just hit reset the defaults. Or I've
had to, like... seen there's an update and do
an update and that must sometimes fix my issues
as much as i love my legion go i'm almost a couple
of times now being tempted just to buy a raspberry
pi 4 put um oh what's it called it's not pi cade
um it might be arcade pi anyway put whatever
one it is on there and just stick it to my tv
and just that have at it and just say that's
it and then for portable buy one of those cheap
little pocket ones that can just do The bits
that I need. I like the deck because I do play
it in bed. Yeah, fair enough. It's a key time
while I use it. Yeah, well, that's fair enough.
Anyway, so I've rebuilt that. That's up and running
almost. I'm just having to do an hour here, hour
there. So there's a bit more to do on that. Battlefield
6 is out. It is. Very excited by that. Watched
a lot of videos. Realised that we're already
going to be bottom of the pile when we decide
to buy it. Yeah, I'm going to wait until my birthday.
I mean, you can get it whenever you want. I think
I'll wait till my birthday and treat myself on
my birthday for it. Oh, happy birthday, Robert.
So that's out. Xbox have fucked us. Well, they
fucked everyone else. Not me, because I'm getting
it for free with EA. Well, there you go. But
if you have a current subscription, you're fine
for the time being, which is a very big user
and they've done pretty quick. Yeah, that came
out quick, didn't it? But yeah, they ramped their
prices up. That's going to destroy their market.
Oh, absolutely. Everyone that I watch online,
that even remotely has any kind of talk about
games, all of us, I've said it on the show, I
think, before, Game Pass was such an amazing
deal for gamers. And they were so ahead of everyone
else. It was so much better than PlayStation
Plus or whatever it was called, PS Plus. They
were ahead of the game on everyone. And it was
so good for so many years. And it's finally hit
that wall. And someone's literally, dropped a
bollock well it was creeping and creeping and
it did start to get a bit like because i started
cutting it off and then only turning it on when
i wanted to was before i would have just kept
it rolling and then when it did go to like the
ultimate version was creeping up and i was like
you know what i've not been playing it i'm going
to cut it off and then if anyone in the house
wants to use it i'll add it for a month and delete
it again because that's how i do the playstation
one but of course now you're not going to do
that because a it's on ee but b It's going to
cost you a lot more because they'll count you
as a new customer each time. Yeah. And now I
probably will never sign up to it again, ever.
I'll sign up to the most minimum one so I can
play online. Yeah. And I'll go back to buying
the games that I want. I mean, doesn't that fuck
you off? It fucks me off. We came from an era
that we had, okay, the first Steam library was
kind of out there. Counter -Strike, you name
it, kind of came out. Multiplayer games. didn't
cost money to play and they still don't on the
pc platform why on earth did we accept as a entire
gaming community to let game console say but
by the way if you want to play online it's going
to cost money because you don't have a choice
i know they didn't give us a choice there was
no choice well you can't you can't fight against
it because if you wanted to do it that was what
the choice was but how it's just ridiculous though
isn't it that we yeah it's not good we accepted
that and we just went yeah well you're forcing
it on us we haven't got a choice we're just going
to go with it where's the fucking horse armor
isn't it it's Bethesda and the horse armor which
is what brought us to the place that we're at
now and there's going to be I've been predicting
it for a long time there's going to be another
crash in the gaming market there's got to be
because I am a great example of somebody that
would buy And it's not because I've got old and
I've got a kid and stuff and not much time. It's
not that because even when I did have time, I
stopped doing it. I wasn't buying the big games
anymore. No. I'm paying £10 to play Megabonk.
That's me now. I'm going to these, you know.
The indie games. The small creators. Basically
the gaming version of our podcast, you know.
And playing these really bloody cool games. Yes.
Like really cool. We've had this discussion.
Okay, well, the Lamb one we were playing. Cult
of Lamb, yeah. That's not technically an indie
game. I think it started as that. Yeah, they're
slightly, well, they're called... It's kind of
in the middle, isn't it? It's not quite indie,
but it's not also quite... I've heard some say
like triple indie or something, like one of the
higher kind of indie. Not AAA, but they're somewhere
lower down. But the 20 quid game market, essentially,
how many hours of gameplay did you and I get
out of fucking Cult of Lamb? And they're making
a second one. I can't wait. You know, just so
much less of it. And with the price of Game Pass
now, is it, what, 30 quid a month or something?
Is that right? It's going to be somewhere in
that region. But my point is, I don't think,
like you said, with AAA games, I think Battlefield
6, since Helldivers, was, is the next big purchase
I'll make. Back in the day of the 360 and the
original Xbox even, I was happy buying games.
Every month I might buy a game. It's just not
the case anymore. And it's not because of Game
Pass and that, yes, there's loads of games on
there. I am a very firm believer that the game
market is going to crash because AAA games are
actually shit. Oh, absolutely. And you've...
are going to get the joy of starting Goat Simulator
3 shortly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you'll realise
that every AAA game that you've played that is
basically a collect -a -thon, because that's
the majority of the bloody game. Do a mission,
collect something, bring it back. You'll suddenly
realise that, oh shit, Goat Simulator is like
the premium version of this, but it's funny at
the same time. And then you realise, why would
I buy a premium AAA title over this? Yeah, well...
yeah yuka replay just came out we spoke about
this yes we did yes yes so i've been kind of
thinking where am i going to get it because i'd
quite like to play it so i could use on the steam
deck maybe i get it on steam if i get it on steam
i get a discount of 30 because i had the other
one and apparently i've just found out i got
it on pc so that's where i'm allowed the discount
but i'm like well And I was thinking about it,
and you know how much I hate digital purchases,
I like having discs, thinking, when was the last
fucking disc I brought? The person who moans
about buying digital, I think the last thing
I got was Final Fantasy, two years ago. And I'm
like, okay, Yooka Replayee might be one I get
physically instead. Oh, instead of getting my
discount Steam, maybe I'll just get the PlayStation
or the Xbox disc and providing it's on the fucking
disc. That's the thing. And not just a download
code. I need to find that out. I might do that.
So then when all this stuff breaks, I have a
platforming game, which I think I'm going to
like because it's the Banjo -Kazooie people and
I can play it and T can play it or whatever.
But with Battlefield, it doesn't matter so much
because they turn the servers off. So in 10 years
time. I'm not going to be able to play Battlefield
6 whether I've got the disc or not. And this
brings me nicely on in a minute to what we were
talking about when it comes to films. I'm not
going to buy GTA 6. I probably eventually will
end up buying it, but I may actually just wait
until it's a Game Pass or a PS Plus game. Because
honestly, A, I'm not going to pay 90 quid, which
is what it's currently trending at and the likely
price of it's going to be. B, I'm not happy to
run it on the hardware I have at a fixed 30 frames
a second at barely 1080. And C, I didn't actually
have that much fun in GTA V. I had more fun with
the multiplayer of that than I did actually doing
the missions because, like you said, we're at
a point in our life now that, basically, if I
get an hour in front of a game, I want to be
doing something fun and co -op with you or Dan
or Mark because... It's a lot more fun. It's
a lot more chaos. I sit down for an hour with
Grand Theft Auto. You've just about managed to
start one of the scenarios where you're doing,
let's say, the bank heist. And it's like, oh,
well, now I've got to turn it off. Brilliant.
It was too much. And then tying that in with
what you were saying about turning servers off,
what's going to happen to GTA V when GTA VI comes
out? Yeah. Are they going to keep it running?
Are they? I genuinely doubt it. Eventually it
will get switched off. At least for GTA 1, 2,
3, Vice City, San Andreas, I can still play those.
I can turn them on and I can play those. They
don't need a fucking server. They're good. There
was a time where you had to use the Rockstar
launcher and they stopped it working and you
couldn't play some of those games because more
people were downloading them than GTA 5. Or was
it GTA 4? Either way. But moving from gaming,
We've started watching some cool films with Kay.
We watched Free Guy. Oh, cool. That's a good
film. Me and Gem loved it anyway. It's a good
film. So we showed her that, and that ties in
with their game's called Free City, and they're
going to release Free City 2, where he's going
to turn off all the servers, so you've got to
buy Free City 2. It's just exactly what we're
talking about. She thoroughly enjoyed that, and
we've... Got 45 minutes left of Ready Player
One. Oh, great. So before I came over here, it
was just the best scene in the film, which is
the giant battle scene. Yeah. Is she a reader?
Oh, she reads nonstop. Get her to read the story
too, because they're adequately different. Oh,
good. Okay. That will do. Because I had listened
to the story first before the film, and I'm not
somebody that kind of really holds those. things
like you've got to have you've got to do it and
um it's it's the story but not at the same time
it's they get the plot points but they do a different
way and but it works wonderfully in the film
because you can understand when you've read or
listened to it how they couldn't possibly do
that yeah and that's fair enough but i think
still again any film that uses twisted sister
we're not going to take it as the soundtrack
brilliant in the first place yeah it's a very
every single little bit in that film just seeing
every little bit of fan love given to every single
kind of yeah like the battle toads running charging
ahead of everyone in the very beginning of that
battle scene um the whole fuck it's chucky scene
is just absolutely brilliant and then throughout
the entire film just spotting all the little
bits as well things like she's using the pulse
rifle from alien in the dancing scene um The
Robert Zemeckis cube playing the Battle of Future
music because it's turning back time. Absolutely
brilliant. And there's just so many tiny little
things that even now re -watching going, I never
noticed that. And I've watched this like five
times now and saw it on the big screen. Well,
I like to get like Iron Giant in it and Gundam
and Mechagodzilla and to get... I think R2 -D2
is in it, is the DJ. At least he's in the story.
Yeah. You know, to manage to, I mean, because
it's Spielberg is the only real reason. The Halo
Spartans. Yeah. The T -Rex from Jurassic Park
at the very beginning. Yeah. King Kong. There's
just so much in that film. So no, we're having
a lot of fun with that. And then me and Jem,
this is a non -K viewing thing, obviously. It's
not porn. Don't worry, it's not porn. Okay. Dexter.
I've never seen it. I've never seen it either.
So we're making, started our way through that.
So we're on episode two of that and it's really
good. I know Telf has watched them all. He used
to go harp on about it all the time, how good
it was, but I've never seen it. Very, very good.
It's well worth watching. I suggest you and Miranda
would enjoy it. Yeah. And they've got a new one
out, right? Yeah, apparently they're not very
good, but watch the original series. You'll enjoy
them. And that is it. It, it seemed to cut out
when I said it. It did cut out, didn't it, when
you said it? That was odd. Yeah, it, it, it,
it. Don't take too many signs, you might turn
up. No, that's Candyman, Candyman, Candyman.
It's kind of for me as well because I'm not quite
close to the microphone. And not being loud when
you're trying to pretend to be the child molesting
clown. Yeah, I know. We all know what I'm like.
I talk too quietly. Okay, so what have I been
doing? I mean, we spoke a lot about the games
already. More Megabonk. I'm kind of a little
bit, not addicted to it, but I'm super into it.
Oh, pardon me, excuse me. Yeah, so lots of Megabonk.
I watched a few videos of people playing it.
There's a very good gamer called Shroud. Have
you ever heard of him? He's like a... Yes. God,
anybody who knows who he is... tell me off i
think he was like a professional counter -strike
player or something like that a professional
one of those shooty games player very very good
and for whatever reason it because i've you know
watched a few megabytes he turned up and i watched
him on it now i the highest level i think i've
got to is maybe 30 character level he was at
level 500 with basically disintegrating things
on the screen. I'm going to have to re -watch
that video to understand exactly what I'm doing
wrong when I'm playing the game. But this is
how we feel when we play with our friend Mark,
isn't it? We'll buy a new game. It's like, right,
okay, we're going to get Helldivers. There's
me and you. It's like, yeah, look, we've got
a level 13 and our character's brilliant. Oh,
look, here comes Commodon Mark at level 75. Yeah,
he's good. He's got more medals than character
at this point. Well, he's also really good at
them as well, which also kind of adds to it because
he plays a lot of COD. Yeah. Which I can't stand
playing that game online. It's just, if I wanted
to be shouted at by a child, I'd just go and
wake T up and he can do it. That's why I'm a
little bit hesitant about Battlefield still.
I want to get it, but there's still a little
part of me that's going to be... am i just going
to get pissed off with this within five minutes
because yeah we've left it a month and that means
everyone's already got the whatever it was the
psr fucking sniper rifle and it's like you walk
down the street you're dead you walk down the
street you're dead i'm at the spawn but oh i'm
dead i think you might be surprised i think there'll
be two waves of people buying it the people who
got it on day one which is what all the people
are playing it now is and then the people who
have waited for payday And we're essentially
the payday people. True. Because we're going
to be getting it towards the end. In a week's
time, I'm going to buy it. Yep. I'm going to
buy it Friday on payday. So there'll be another
influx of people then. And also, you know, you're
going to have a lot of people like us that are
just kind of, you know, not able, even if we
had brought it, there hasn't actually been that
many times I would have actually been able to
sit there and play it. No. In the last week.
So, and also we're... I've already said I'm not
playing it in this cross praise off. I'm not
playing it as the PC people. They're far too
good. I completely agree. And it's one of the
things I'm actually looking at. What I'm going
to do before I buy it, I'm going to see if playing
some traditional Counter -Strike source fills
the hole. And if that fills the hole, I might
not even buy Battlefield. If it doesn't fill
the hole, then I'll get sick and tired of it.
playing DE, Dust 2, and CS Office all the fucking
time, then I'll go and buy it. Or we get it on
the PS5 or Xbox. Again, this was another discussion.
Because of what Xbox is doing, I feel like I've
actually played more PS5 this year than I have
Xbox, which previous years, it's been complete
vice versa. I've barely touched the PS5, but
genuinely, you're right, PlayStation, Sony feel
like they're finally kind of coming out of the...
kind of shadows and showing no look we've got
something really good to offer here so i'm always
saying i think we'd look at ps5 but i think we
should look at pricing if it's cheaper on xbox
it's the same price post like 69 .99 which is
disgusting yeah that is disgusting a lot of money
that's the annoying thing about it and they have
a hundred pound one which has got, like, skins
and stuff. It's like, who's buying that? Come
on. £100. But it's instant rank up as well. If
you buy that, you get an instant higher rank.
But that's the game, though. Ranking up's the
game. I've never understood that. But you get
the higher rank, which means then you can get
the more powerful weapons straight away. Oh.
Well, no, because you get the weapon. Oh, no,
you're right. You unlock them as you level up.
You unlock them as you level up. Oh, God. It's
all just to fuck over the dads, isn't it? It's
to screw over the casual gamer. Okay, I've had
enough of talking about fucking upsetting things.
What have you been watching? We have been trying
our best to watch Monster Ed Gein. I have no
idea what this is. So Netflix do this Monster
series. This is series three. And it's biopics,
essentially, of serial killers. Okay. God, don't
ask me who the other two fucking were. I tell
you what, I'm going to pause it and I'm going
to tell you what they are. Will you remember
where the pause button is? He doesn't remember.
I don't remember because it's not on the screen.
Yes, it is. Oh, it is. Okay, we're back. You
didn't notice anybody. So the first season was
about Jeffrey Dahmer. Of course. Yeah. And the
second series was called The Lyle and Eric Menendez
Story. It's about the two brothers that allegedly
killed their parents. They said like... Jeffrey
Dahmer was killing people and cutting them up
and leaving the Parsons house. And the Menendez
kids claimed that their father was physically
and sexually abusive to them. And just a terrible
person. The mum apparently knew all about it
and let it happen. So they killed them. I mean,
they went to prison for it. They're still alive.
These two guys are still alive. They're still
in prison for it now. But they're claiming that
they did it. because of all that abuse. And I
think it was difficult for them to prove whether
that was the case because they were very wealthy,
rich twat kids. Gotcha. And their own words kind
of fucked themselves over, basically. And then
this one is about Ed Gein. So Ed Gein is basically
the person, oh, fucking hell, he did everything.
If you've seen Psycho, if you've seen Texas Chainsaw
Massacre, they're all based on him. Oh, is he
the one that kept vaginas in a drawer? That's
him. Hey! Yeah, chased around people with chainsaws,
wore their skin faces. Yeah, and he was the one
that was found with actual hand gloves made out
of human hands. Yep, and he had a sofa made of
human skin and lampshades made of human skin.
Yeah, that's him. So now when I say I'm trying
to watch it, we're trying, because we were sat
there, a lot of the times we'll, have like sometimes
we'll sit on the sofa and watch tv while we have
something to eat and we started watching it and
it was all fine at first and then we had to pause
it because we couldn't watch it and eat our tea
and that happened twice and then the third time
was like i'm not watching that show but let's
sit at the dinner table eat our food, and then
we can sit down and watch it, which my dad found
hilarious. I couldn't watch it. It was so sick
watching this guy cut people up and you're there
with like a fucking doll in front of you. Don't
fancy me chicken breast anymore. It's like Miranda's
made this amazing doll and then we've got fucking
Ed Gein over there cutting someone's guts out.
Yeah, no thanks. So we are struggling through
it. Because we're on episode five out of eight
now. Yeah. It's never taken us this long to watch
a show we like. Put it that way. Liar. Liar.
Why is that a liar? Because you've not finished
Supernatural. Oh, shit. Yeah, you're right. I
suppose that's the winner. That's still got another
30 years. That's like 20 years. That's got 20
years on it. Yeah, you're absolutely right. I
am a liar. I watch Superman. Oh, yes, you watched
Superman. Yeah, that was directly after we recorded
the last episode. So good. Oh, isn't it? Isn't
it brilliant? Superman is brilliant. It's not
Henry Cavill. Henry Cavill is the Superman. No,
he's not. He's a Superman. He's a Superman. He
was a very good Superman. He also paints Warhammer.
He's a cool dude. David, whatever his name is,
fucking brilliant Superman. It's a great film.
I said to you privately, it's made me want to
watch superhero movies again. Yeah. Not Marvel.
DC. It's very specifically, I have got so little
interest. I know that you keep telling me that
the Guardians third film is brilliant. I've seen
a few clips. It looks great. I don't want to
watch it. No, fair enough. I'm so overdone with
mine. I am giving you the DVD to watch Peacemaker
because you've got that. I know I do want to
watch Peacemaker. It's so good. It's just the
right amount of comedy. Isn't it? Yeah. Well,
it's all James Gunn's. So, I mean, I think you've
watched the new Suicide Squad. I've seen all
the Suicide Squads, I think, yeah. So this isn't
the one with Will Smith, it was the one that
is... It's got Peacemaker in it. Yeah, John Cena
as Peacemaker. Yeah, so I have seen him in that.
Yeah, so it's the perfect mix of comedy and serious,
because I don't know how James Gunn really does
it. He does seem to manage to make films that
have a really good part of comedy, but then as
you kind of move away from there, it's like,
actually, it's got a really good story. It's
a good story in there too, yeah. And I love the
fact with Superman, they finally made a Superman
who... doesn't feel invulnerable. And I know
everyone fucking moans and groans and goes, well,
he's meant to be invulnerable. Then what's the
point of watching a fucking film? You watch any
of the Henry Cavill films of him as Superman,
he portrays it brilliantly. At not one point
do I think, oh, he's going to lose. Yeah. Whereas
this, you genuinely feel like, I know he's not
going to lose, but I actually feel like he could.
there's a word i'm trying to think of in my head
that it's completely because i'm so fucking useless
i can't think of what it is but yeah you're not
worried about it no but you still watch and you
think this is this is good and okay there are
a couple of moments where you think yeah okay
this isn't this isn't the best way of doing this
i'm sure how it should have ended did or they
did cover this sorry so you know when they're
plummeting back to earth when um That's the one
character I didn't like funny enough. The woman
that could... The nano lady. The nano lady. I
didn't feel she was brilliantly done. And then
you've got his... I'm going to do you. His retarded
Superman. I'm not going to cut that. I know you're
not. You've got Superman clone and nano woman.
They're plummeting to earth with Superman who's
just gone as high as he can and he's now falling.
Both of those characters can fly. So why aren't
they just... Flying again? Now, he's a Superman
clone, so he has a name. Ultraman. No, so he
is called... Namribus? Hang on, pausing it. Bizarro.
So I think that was meant to be Bizarro, because
Bizarro is a Superman clone. Oh, of course it
is. Yes, you're right. But yeah, both could fly,
so why, when they're falling to the earth, do
they not just go, oh yeah, we can fly? Yeah.
So that's probably one of the plot points I could
have picked up on. But Mr. Terrific, what a fucking
cracking character. You know what? So... The
two characters that I was most concerned about
in the entire film, because I thought they were
going to be shit, was the Crypto the Dog and
Mr. Fantastic. And they were my favourite characters
in the film. Mr. Fantastic was... Terrific. Terrific,
sorry. Fantastic's Marvel. Mr. Fantastic's a
fox. Oh, yes, he's a fox as well. George Clooney.
He's George Clooney. It's Roald Dahl. Is it Roald
Dahl? Roald Dahl. And they did the weird stop
motion animation. Yeah, it was odd. Which I don't
like. He was the best character, I think. He
was the most fucking badass character. How he
absolutely wrecks that encampment when he goes
to the portal. Barely breaks a sweat most of
the way through. And then they all drop dead
and he just gradually walks off. And she's the
one out of breath. That was such a good touch.
Brilliant bit of music they chose for it as well.
So, so, so much. Nicholas Holt as Lex Luthor.
Yeah. What? When you think he started in that
crappy UK British TV series that did really well,
Misfits. Yes. That's where he started, I think.
And then, yeah, it's just absolutely brilliant.
And then a lot of people worried about Green
Lantern. What was Green Lantern going to be like?
And I'm sorry, but Nathan Fillion embodied that
character. I mean, let's forget about Ryan Reynolds'
attempt at that one. Sorry, Ryan, but you go
back to Deadpool. You did a good job with Deadpool.
Yeah, he did great Deadpool. Yeah, yeah. But,
oh, what a brilliant Guy Gartner. It's just absolutely
fantastic. I mean, the bit where he's like smashing
the tanks out of the ground and it's just fists
coming up with middle finger. It's just like,
this is just brilliant. Oh, and he lands, doesn't
he? And says to kids, I'm not Superman. You got
an upgrade. Yes. Yeah, he was a good touch. I
like Nathan Fillion. Anything Nathan Fillion's
been in, he's brilliant. And yeah, I'm really
glad you saw Super. I'm really glad you liked
it. It's such a solid film. It has relit the
spark in me for some superhero stuff. But as
I said, DC, it's really made me want to keep
saying it. I want to watch that Batman film again.
I really want to watch Penguin. And you've said
there's going to be a second Batman film. I'm
so happy for that. I really would like to watch
Peacemaker. I'm interested in seeing all this
stuff. So... Peacemaker, you have to watch because
you will thoroughly enjoy it. And for a character
that's meant to be vaguely unlikable, you end
up feeling really bad for him. And I've got to
say, John Cena's just the perfect actor for it.
You cannot fault him in it. He's just absolutely
perfect in every step of it. He's just brilliant.
Yeah. Well, that's it, really. I think we're
going to have to... Delayed enough. We're going
to have to drink a can of Rubicon, aren't we?
Accessing library computer data. Alien Rubicon
2024. I don't think it was made by Amazon, but
we watched on Amazon, so that's close enough
to the Amazon fucking shit bucket that you could
tell it rubbed off on it. I think one note I've
got is the Amazon interrupting adverts were better
than the film. I preferred watching the VIX advert
twice than seeing this. Can I just say the biggest
fucking fuck you to the person who made the poster
has no relevance to the film whatsoever. Absolutely
none. So I got within six minutes at the end
of the film and went, that alien on the poster
hasn't turned up yet. And then the real kick
in the teeth, if you watch the trailer for this,
big pile of shit watch the trailer and at the
very end of the trailer you see the aliens coming
out of the sphere and you think right they're
invading breen that's going to happen in the
film no what you see in the trailer that's the
amount of alien you see in the film because that's
the clip from the film and then they just disappear
and they you don't hear about them ever again
they're allegedly destroyed yeah we were proper
hoodwinked by that it fucking hell It was like
watching War of the Worlds again. I didn't realise
I'd accidentally made us watch another War of
the Worlds film. I've got to say, this was better
than War of the Worlds. It was better, but not
by much. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. They were close.
I mean, it was bad in different ways. Oh. This...
Oh, Jesus Christ, this was bad. OK, so in War
of the Worlds, I was clock -watching. Yeah. I
wasn't clock -watching in this. It... The time
went past. You did text me saying that you had
20 -something minutes left and I still had over
an hour or something, and I was like, you're
fucking lucky. I'd already got that. And then
when I got to the 23 minutes or something, I
was like, oh, this is where TJ was. Oh, yeah.
It's nearly over. Yeah, stuff does happen, but
fuck the acting is dreadful. All right, so...
Alien Rubicon, meant to be a play on Independence
Day, War of the Worlds. You're meant to believe
that it's going to be an Aliens film as well.
Not a fucking chance. And the alien doesn't even
look like one of the... In the smallest vague
once upon a time, third cousin married the fifth
cousin. And then they had a baby. Might look
slightly like an alien from the Aliens franchise,
but that's as close as you get with that. They
were just dogs. They were just ugly dogs. They
were just an asset that they bought from Blender
and said, that's what we're using. And just copy
and pasted it a hundred times. Just like all
the helicopters in the film. But anyway, so the
story is really simple. Dr. Dad has two kids,
single dad, just like War of the Worlds. His
mum left him, you know that, right? There's no
way to... It wasn't a tragic thing like she died.
She fucking left him because I would have left
him in a fucking second and those kids. I just...
Yeah, so we've got Dr. Dad and his two kids.
They're meant to be going camping and they're
pissed off. I was unfair there. The daughter
was fine. That fine. Not like she was attractive.
She was... Appeared normal. Yeah. You may continue
now. She said some stupid things. Okay, so they're
going camping and they're pissed off that the
uncle's going to get the best camping spots again.
But they've got to stop by the observatory where
their father works. His son magically knows how
the system works and identifies a sphere coming
towards Earth. It turns out the sphere is deadly.
He gets drafted in by the US. It's basically
Independence Day at this point. Drafted in by
the US to help. The sphere... gets pissed off
at a drone flying near it and starts just destroying
everything in its path. And then it's basically,
the rest of the film is the dad being dragged
around by G .I. Joe. The president not making
up his mind whether he knows shit or doesn't
know shit. And eventually them destroying the
aliens and everything being absolutely fine.
And everyone getting a job with the president.
I hated that scene. That end scene, I really
cringed. The president gave you a job. You take
it. Oh, okay, I'll take it. What about you, son?
Do you want a job? I'd like to work for NASA.
I hear paid intern. Daughter, I'd like a job
as well. Oh, that's my job. I need an assistant.
You've got the job. Oh, so she gets a job, but
he gets an internship. Nice. Yeah, it's like,
this is Nepo Baby's fucking sensual here. I hated
that scene. I really did. But the dad, right,
he had no special knowledge at all. Throughout
the film, non -stop, all of a sudden, he can
do something new now. So he's in the helicopter
for the first time with Sergeant... Colonel fucking
Sanders, whatever the fuck this guy's name was.
Captain Jeffy. Captain Sean Jeffy. Jeffy, which
I first heard as Jack. They haven't gone with
Captain Jack. Jaffa. We'll just call him the
Jaffa Cake. Well, that's how it's handled. Captain
Jaffa Cake. They will call him Jaffa, but it's
spelled J -E -F -F -E. He's in the helicopter.
He's like, yeah, I'm a space person, space analyst.
Then he becomes a xenobiologist. And then when
they're in the helicopter, he's like, do you
know how to fly a drone? Oh yeah, I bought my
son one. So I'm sure it's fine. So yes, now I'm
piloting via a laptop, a top of the range series
of drones owned by the military, full of sensors.
Whilst in a helicopter. While in a helicopter
being scared of flying. What was funny about
the helicopter, right, is that... It's the same
helicopter. Even though it crashes each time,
the interior is the same every time. They only
had the... What's it? The chassis of a helicopter.
Trebuchet of a helicopter for like two weeks.
They had to get all the shots in. The audio in
it. Clearly, obviously, there was no noise when
they were filming it. And they had to pretend
there was noise. But the guy who edited the sound
didn't put the rotary blades loud enough. So
there's just a very light background noise. I
can't hear what you're saying. Little puff of
smoke. We got hit by some shrapnel. Are we all
right? There's some shrapnel in the helicopter.
There's so many moments like that. I mean, you're
right. The sound artist forgot to put any kind
of sound in. He forgot to turn it up. There's
bits when they're in the White House, they're
sat around the table with the president, and
they're obviously being told, right, look to
your left. You're looking over in the distance.
No one else can see. We're focusing on you. You're
looking at something in the distance, and I need
you to look shocked. I need you to show me horror
now. I need you to show me interest. And all
of their expressions, it's like... you don't
know how to make a motion do you it was like
no one knows how to look at something fakely
it was there was so much wood i thought i was
walking through like the um fence panel section
in b &q every time anybody was on that fucking
screen nothing was happening they all were botox
to the fucking nines because i didn't see no
emotion no emotion not even the eyes dead eyes
I got so annoyed with any scene that that president
was in in there. Oh, you mean President Trump?
Because that's basically they painted him orange.
Oh, absolutely. That was meant to be Trump. Absolutely.
They didn't make him act like Trump, but they
made him look like him. But they're in like this
office. Anyone that's seen any of these kind
of films, when you have these things that are
present and it's like a war room, there's screens
everywhere, there's everyone with phones and
stuff. At one point, the general just answers
a phone call and fucks off. He's like, oh, I'm
sorry. Sorry, is that the wife, is it? Where's
the rest of the war room? Oh, sorry. Sorry, Potus,
I've just got to take this call. It's the wife.
I accidentally put my red pants in with the whitewash
again. I fucked all the wash. I know that the
world is kind of fucking dying, but I've really
got to deal with this right now. I'll be right
back. I'll be right back. You're right, though.
But the whole problem is, in this universe, that's
the whole world is like that. So, yeah, you've
got a general answer on your phone. It's like,
yeah, I don't care. You just deal with it. You
had... Kate at JPL, who just did not give a fuck.
Every time you get to her on the phone, there's
smoke all around her. She's like, I've got some
more information for you, Morrow. This is what's
happening at the moment. You were right. It's
like, okay, so you're not showing any emotion.
And then stock footage, our favorite thing. Yes,
stock footage. You've got the sphere flying across
this industrial area of New York, blowing helicopters
up. And you've just got traffic driving around
normally. No one's panicking. It's just like,
yeah, just drive. oh giant sphere blowing things
up oh let's just carry on it was like a low low
budget apple tv screensaver and then it had like
a tank and then it had Probably a VHS quality,
kind of another bit of a truck going past with
people looking at... Yeah, fucking dreadful stock
footage. We've seen all that stock footage already,
I think, in War of the Worlds. More than likely.
I recognise some of it. The one thing that Agent
Rubicon didn't do is use real -life war footage.
And they didn't do that, no. And another bit,
again, in that fucking war room, again, the general,
when nearer the end, they're kind of giving out
orders to everyone, and he's just received...
The only people in the room, right, is... the
um the whoever the black dude was oh yeah the
sycophantic i i would have sex with the president
if i can fucking hell he was sucking the farts
out that guy's ass he was really fucking up for
it wasn't he that guy the woman and then the
general Because the protesters had gone and asked.
He had to go and call up. China and Russia. He
had a phone call with them. And he couldn't do
that in the room with all his advisors. He's
like, I need to go speak to the president of
Russia. And out he walks. And then so they all
give their orders. And then I don't know who
the fucking general was talking to. Because suddenly
he just went, all right, everyone, get to your
jobs. Like that. dude there's only three of you
in that room and those two are your fucking boss
why are you talking to them like that and then
they do go into the wall room eventually he's
like why haven't you not been in here yeah but
why haven't you been in here the whole fucking
time all the tvs are here the electricity cost
he's like that guy who had like fucking four
by four screens in front of him was oh god how
can you possibly concentrate on all of that fucking
mess so President McCoy was his name. And he
pissed me off. And it's not his fault. It is
continuity problems. Continuity problems. So
the first time you see the president, he's got
his advice and they're walking along. And just
why no one picked up on this? He's just like
the president has a lapel badge of the United
States flag. In the first scene we see him, it's
vertical. It's not horizontal like it's meant
to be. It's pointing upwards. Okay, he's got
it sideways. Then the next scene we see is diagonal.
And then eventually it ends up nice and horizontal
on his chest. It's like little bits like that
if you're meant to be playing the president.
Let me tell you the most egregious continuity
error I've ever seen in a film ever. So I watched
Giant Squid vs. Mega Octopus. Of course you did.
A long time ago. That has a scene where there's
some submarines, an American submarine and a
Chinese submarine. Yeah. It's the same set. One's
got blue lights, one's got red lights. They change
the LEDs, right? And then they mirror it, like
the camera gets mirrored. That's the difference.
Brilliant. It's so fucking obvious. Brilliant.
There is a scene where it cuts so sharply. So
imagine you're looking inside the submarine shop.
Yeah. And someone does a hard cut. A character...
out of thin air in the background. And then they
cut again and they disappear. And it's not just
in the background. They are the second furthest
person away from the camera. Oh, for fuck's sake.
So that's the most egregious, continually worse
editing I've ever seen in a film in my entire
life. This isn't far off, some of that, with
just how fucking appalling it is. Because Giant
Shark vs. Mega Opus of whatever it was, it knew
what it was. Yes. Everyone knew that. This is
trying to not be that. I really think that they
were trying to not be that. But the writing was
so fucking awful. You don't have to explain every
single minute detail. I'm going to get my notes
because right at the beginning, I got fucking
annoyed and I thought, here we go. When the boy
goes to the computer and sees the dot. What,
the at least 10 or 15 year old Mac that's powering
an entire observatory? Yes. He sees a dot. And
rather than just going, oh, there's something
on your screen here, he goes like, oh, do you
think this has anything to do with that anomaly
that you picked up last year? Oh, look, it's
moving. It's not just a dust on there. Look,
it's moving in a trajectory, Dad. You expect
him to just kind of look off into the distance
and do -do -do -do -do -do, and have a dream
fucking sequence. And there's loads of moments
like that where they just... give you so much
information because they want you to know about
this history that you really don't need to do
because it's completely fucking irrelevant. Like
the fact that, so later on, the president says
about how this doctor knew about the signal ages
ago. That can be the time you introduce it. That's
perfectly fine. You don't have to know that.
Okay, let's talk about that scene, shall we?
He's like, Grace, the woman advisor. I don't
know how you know her fucking name. We did have
what Dr. Morrow called the Rubicon. And the president
just said to us, well, why didn't you believe
him when he brought it to you? And she's just
so scathing. I literally wrote a note saying,
if this turns out to be his ex -wife and she
just hates him because of that, I'm going to
be really upset. But then it's almost like they
were like, we fired that writer. We've got a
new writer in now. And suddenly she's like. oh
yeah no morrow's right about everything and we
should follow what he says and we should do everything
that dr dad says i think yes he's right and he's
wonderful so hang on a moment you were so scathing
of him in the first scene we meet you but i kind
of think like it's right to not have believed
him because you've got this quack fucking doctor
well don't forget you can't decide what he does
for a living yeah he worked for the space policy
institute oh yeah The space policy. Well, I was
happy to hear about it. The guy was like saying
about Space Force. I heard Space Force be named.
And I like hearing Space Force. I'm surprised
they used NASA JPL. They actually used real names.
It's like, did NASA let them do this? I thought
they'd have to ask permission. What I really
enjoyed as well, I've got written here, daughter
deserves to die because she's not wearing a seatbelt
in the back. Just sprawled out. And then he's
like. Don't forget, this job funds your lifestyle.
Do you like your brand new phone? You've got,
oh yeah, point taken. And it just made me really
laugh that she really has quite obvious fake
AirPods in. And the reason you know they're fake?
Because they're about the size of her actual
ear. They're huge. I didn't know. I'm going to
say I didn't know this. Did you notice, though,
that when they finally decided they were going
to drop liquid nitrogen onto the spheres for
reasons, that Dr. I think only said it once because
he can't say it. Did you notice how he said it?
Nitrogen. Yes, I've got that. That's how it literally
hurts. He only said it once. Did he just say
nitrogen? He said it so weird. I was like, it
really like, oh, it kind of woke me up out of
my stupor. Dr. Dad, let's try this one again.
Nitrogen. Nitrogen. That's the best cut that
would do. It's like that family guy scene. Say
cool, cool. Say whip, whip. Now say cool, whip.
Cool, whip. Okay, so you're going to be the doctor
and I'll be the doctor. Okay, doctor fucking
twat. The line is liquid nitrogen. Say that for
me, please. Liquid nitrogen. Liquid nitrogen.
Liquid. Nitrogen. No. Okay. Scene. Oh, my God.
We need the liquid nitrogen. I tell you, it's
another one. Did you ever used to watch League
of Gentlemen? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going
to have to find a clip for this one and just
insert it here. But there's a bit where they're
filming an advert for orange juice in League
of Gentlemen. Okay. And one of the characters
goes up and it's like, right, the line we've
got is, I'd like a lovely glass of orange juice,
please. It's something like that. She says it
back. Okay, we're rolling. Oh, that was it. Can
I have a glass of orange juice is the line. And
she says, can I have a glass of orange? Perfect.
Right. Camera. That's a character that's ongoing.
She does it for loads of stuff. Yeah, yeah. That's
a good one, yeah. Oh, but that's exactly what
it reminded me of. Oh, there's just so... Okay,
so the fucking Dr. Twat knew a lot about... Like,
about the alien spaceships. Okay, where is it?
He knew about everything. Can I just point out,
I put my notes into ChatGPT again. And do you
know what ChatGPT did? Stop fucking pestering
me. Based on my notes, I also think you should
discuss on your podcast the alien Rubicon drinking
game I've created for you. So, take a sip when
Dr. Dad magically gains a new skill. Okay, yeah,
it's at least three. Exactly. Stock footage slips
and sticks in. Someone says, the sphere or anomaly.
The president's flag pin changes direction. A
helicopter appears or disappears without explanation.
We'd be twatted by this point. How does he know,
the doctor, that when they managed to get the
defences down, which I still don't really understand
how they knew they could get them down, how they
would only be down for seconds. At what stage
was there any evidence that he could possibly
know that that's a fact? How could he know that?
No, no, no, no. You've missed a really key, important
part of this. There's no key important parts.
Oh, no, there's a really, really key point you've
missed from this. And I've got literally verbatim
what I wrote. Hang on. Dr. Dad is theorizing
that the sphere is vulnerable when its force
field is off. No. No fucking shit, you waste
of space dickhead. He's like, it's got a force
field. I theorize that when that force field's
not on, it'll be vulnerable. Well, no fucking
shit. What do you think a force field's for,
dickhead? Oh, you know what? What is his name?
Shepard? Oh, yeah, Shepard. The black soldier
that gets killed immediately. He gets fucking
shep. He gets kennied. That's the one point of
the film I actually gave it credit for. The makeup.
that you vaguely see on his arm with the injury,
looked really good. I think, to be fair, he did
a good bit of acting where he got hit by the
random piece of helicopter when it exploded.
Believable that he got walloped by that and he
was off on the ground. But it was funny. But
of course, it's just like, hang on, I'm going
to get his cell phone. Don't worry, we've got
a PSA announcement now. Did you know, ladies
and gentlemen, that you can dial 911 even if
you don't know their pin? You can do that. The
more you know. And then phones it. But then literally...
They walk off scene and then they're in the war
room with the president. We don't know how Shepard
is. We don't even see Shepard in the hospital
at the end. Shepard's dead. Without upsetting
any of the listeners, it was a walking dead moment
for me when... It was the only second black character
in the film. And then the film was like, Canal
Compute must murder this other character. We
can't have more than one black character. We've
got a black character and he fist bumps the president.
We've maxed out the blackness of our film. Cool
rating at maximum. Canal Compute. We've got a
really cool soldier here who's black. Murder
him. It's just ridiculous but true, isn't it?
That's what it felt like. I mean, I don't want
to be that guy, but name any other people who
weren't fucking terrible white actors who were
just the worst actors I've ever seen. The two
guys, like, in the helicopter when it was, like,
crashing. You could tell that the thing they
were in didn't move. Like, it was worse than
Red Dwarf. it was it really was because at least
red dwarf they were doing it in sequence and
it was all kind of a bit silly and we all knew
this again they were trying to do it which made
it worse just embrace that it's jank yeah and
it would have been better you might have laughed
at it but i was just like oh god Oh, God. What
about the brilliant bit when he gets picked up
by the helicopter to start with? Give me one
of those old school frequency radios so I can
stay in communication with my children. Yeah,
I've just got one of them in the radio. There
you go, kids. And then later on, radios. It's
like he knows the sphere is destroying the world
at this point. Everything is going to shit. Daughter
answers the radio. Dad, is that you? Yes. Get
your brother. You could have just given her the
instructions of load the car with food and water
and get ready to get out of there because things
are not going well. We need to be quick. Right,
go and do it now. No, it's go and get your brother.
Oh, your brother's there. Right, son, you've
got to do this. You could have just told your
daughter that. Do you not trust her or something?
No, she's a woman. We can't have a woman doing
anything. Oh, no, no, no. It's a film, darling.
She's only there to scream and be pretty. And
I was going to say as well, Abzu could not have
been the US. Constantly. No, you can't nuke.
Yeah, we're not going to nuke. No, no nuke. We're
not going to nuke. Genuinely, you actually aren't
going to nuke? Hang on, you're the USA. Any space
film, you at least deploy one nuke, wiping out
an area of America for the next 30 years, but
at least you can say you nuked it. What they
eventually do is, of course, there's underground
bunkers and tunnels everywhere around Washington,
D .C. And, of course, the White House can generate
an EMF pulse. Whatever that even is. And of course
we have a space laser. Is it a real thing, EMF?
An EMP pulse? Yeah, an electromagnetic pulse
is real. What an EMF? Electromagnetic. Are they
looking for ghosts? It's gone to red. Quick.
They're all gunting. That was the problem with
this film. It was a film about gunting, not aliens.
That's what the fucking mistake was. You get
Paul and Sanya on here and they can talk about
this fucking shit movie. Yeah, so they've got
these fucking bunkers. I'll tell you what, they
quickly turn that around. Obviously, those bunkers
are a top secret, but they don't care about telling
Dr. Twatwick Prickhead about it. He fucking knows
about it somehow. He must be on private eye or
something all the time, knowing all the little
secrets of America. And like, we'll get three
demolition guys. No, we need four. Okay, all
right. Four blokes with a TNT. Yeah, that was
it. We need three. Make it four to be safe. Yeah.
Well, I mean... But what do they mean? They mean
four blokes. Because we only saw one bloke. We
only saw one doing it. With what looked like
a DLZ fucking creator in front of him, didn't
it? And then all of a sudden there's a huge explosion
way closer to the White House than they implied
it was, by the way. They were like, oh, it's
down the street. No, it's not. It's in your fucking
back garden. And then it falls into the hole
and they annihilate it with stuff. Okay, well,
you see the back of the White House blow up a
bit. At least they did put that in. Props to
the visual effects guys. I think there are a
few VLX guys there that we're trying. And then
they did the typical trope of, can anyone tell
us if it's destroyed? We've lost visual. There's
too much smoke, blah, blah, blah. That's such
a typical trope. We know it's basically coming
back. And then the president just says, hit it
again. So they do. And then we finally get the
aliens. No, before that, I just want to say about
how when he tells them that they have to take
it again, that fucking colonel just reels off
every stereotypical bullshit line. I've got something
here. Danger close. Exercise extreme caution.
Just fucking buzzword central. It's like, they're
not the right words to be saying at this point
in time. Danger close. But like, yeah. You're
not like... making your way through like the
fucking vietnam forests hunting for vietnamese
you know the vietcong in there you go danger
close you're shooting a landed alien spacecraft
which fucking obvious it's there just shoot the
fucking thing with the laser laser beams i got
a satellite with a laser beam on his fucking
head Something I did make a note of, which I
think is a fair thing. If they were ever to do
a Wolfenstein film, I think... This is an interesting...
Captain Sean Jaffa would make a good BJ Black.
That guy had... He was the best actor in all
of it. Yeah, I think he was hamming up a bit
again. I think he is... You get a lot of people
who are stuntmen who go and do their own films.
So if you look at his IMDb, he is a stuntman,
martial artist, action man, basically. I totally
got that. I reckon he probably does a lot of...
If we deep -dived into his IMDb, I reckon we'll
find that he's done a lot of being a lead in
stunt coordination for certain films that were
probably quite good. I bet he's been in stuff
like that. Yeah. He was the only one I could
really stomach through the whole thing. But I
mean, even he was rubbish. But at least it was
kind of like, I liked how he walked. He was enjoyable
rubbish. He was jacked. He was clearly like,
every time before he went on screen, he did some
pull -ups. I've done some pull -ups and I've...
developed my armpit muscles yeah he had the wide
arm walk that only muscly people get and people
who think they're muscly from just had a gym
workout yeah he had that walk there's another
there was another brilliant moment in it as well
when he's doing going back to a force field moment
when he's trying to explain to them what they're
seeing on the screen so if we come to frame two
here you can see the force field is up and there's
a shimmer Then if we go back to frame A. Excuse
me, sorry. Didn't you just say frame two? Oh,
is it an A, B, 1, 2? So we have 2A. Okay, well
done, guys. Brilliant, brilliant job there. Yeah,
I've got to say I didn't notice that. Fucking
hell. Army guys are doing army stuff. That was
another classic line in the film. I've had enough.
I've had enough of talking about it. I hated
it. I hated every moment of it. It felt faster
than War of the Worlds, but not by much. Because
it's a far shorter fucking film. It was only
an hour and 20 -something. Blissful. Blissfully
only that long, because it was bad. Oh, dear
God, was it. There is only ever so slightly more
redeeming than War of the Worlds. Let's give
it something. The CGI was better. In some instances.
I think the explosions were good. Some of them
were. There were a couple of scenes when the
sphere is off in the distance behind buildings.
That one shot. There's one shot that was good.
And it's behind the White House or something.
That looked really impressive and actually it
worked. Yeah. No other... Oh, that's just reminding
me of a scene I hated. When he's in the helicopter
and he gets the binoculars and he sees those
two people get zapped by the bull. What fucking
angle are you at? You're in a helicopter above.
looking for the binoculars and we're meant to
be looking for his binoculars suddenly we're
on the ground yeah looking up at people there's
magic prism ones that they they go to a prism
on the floor and then they can look all around
the room yeah but thing is at first because then
it cuts back to him in the helicopter he takes
a look at the boxes and i was like oh maybe it's
just showing us a different shot it's not meant
to be in the blockers but then it cuts back just
as he puts some binoculars to his eyes again
and watches them die and then takes and they're
like Okay, no, that was definitely supposed to
be him looking for the binoculars. Sorry, I had
to get that in because that was another one I
noticed. And there was my one favourite moment.
They're in the helicopter, sat together. They've
seen, I think what it is, is they see the news
helicopters get destroyed. Yeah. And they're
meant to be looking like sheer horror because
they've then been hit again as well and they're
going down. And they're meant to be looking like
sheer horror. And what it just looks like is
it pans to Captain Sean Jaffa. Mm -hmm. And it's
just like, look, his face goes from, oh, my God,
sir. Has someone done a shit in here? And then
it pans to the doctor dad. And he's like, oh,
I'm meant to be doing something as well. And
he just looks like, oh, someone has dropped one
in here, haven't they? It's disgusting. It's
so bad. I can't comprehend how he survived Jaffa
at the end. And just a sling. A typical sling.
They couldn't kill him. The hero's been injured.
He's in the sling. Okay, I don't want to talk
about that so much. That film was fucking dreadful.
Your final thoughts? Um... Never again. Transfer
complete. Sorry, right, hello. We're right in
the middle of something here. Rob has a massive
boner at the moment. Oh my God, okay. So I didn't
have anything planned for the next episode and
we were going through some stuff. I've been wanting
to watch this thing called Kaliki 2890 AD. It's
a Bollywood cypher film for ages, but we just
realised it's three hours long. So we're not
going to do that. It looks amazing. It really
looks good. Yeah. So I think that might appear
over time. We're going to watch that not as an
episode one, but we might just watch it and then
be able to talk about it as love stuff. And then
we'll talk about some other things like Tron
Legacy or whatever it would be. But then you
said there was one that you wanted to watch.
Yes, an 80s classic. An 80s classic. And I was
like, I've never heard of that. I don't know
what that is. And you started explaining it to
me and then I found it on IMDb. I knew you'd
remember as soon as I started explaining it to
you. I knew you would have seen it. So that film
is In a Space. And it is where the guy gets shrunk
down and goes into the guy's body. He gets injected
into a human rather than a rabbit because bad
scientists come to steal the technology. Now,
this was a film that used to be on television
late at night. And that's how I'd seen it. So,
yeah, again, we've had this conversation. This
was one of the films that I used to watch pre
-Watershed. And then when you watch the Watershed
version, it's ever so slightly different. So...
I would always see, I've never seen this all
the way through, but I've seen bits of it multiple
times because I was always like, what is this?
Because you're watching a telly, we'd never tell
you what it was. No. Because I'd already started.
So I don't think I've ever seen the beginning
or the end. I've just seen bits in the middle.
It's so good. It's Dennis Quaid and I love Dennis
Quaid. Am I remembering this correctly, where
he's going through the bloodstream and you can
see the red blood cells flowing out? Yes. Yeah.
I've got such a vivid recollection of that scene.
And that's it. Oh, I'm so excited. And of course,
Robert Picardo, our favourite doctor in Star
Trek, is in it playing the American. About to
have his career ruined. Or the Californian. No,
the Texan, I think he is. He's about to have
his career ruined anyway. Oh, I know. We didn't
even talk about that, did we? No, I just don't
want to dirty my darling podcast and sullying
it with that fucking shit. Are we opinionated?
God damn, yes. No, I'm going to make us watch
at least the pilot. No. Yeah, we're going to
watch the pilot of that. I couldn't even get
through section 31. We're talking about... That
was the toughest Wayne Kevin. You're making me
watch this. Is it called Starfleet or something?
Starfleet Academy or something. Yeah, we're going
to watch one episode of that. We're going to
watch the pilot of it. And we're going to hate
it. We're going to hate it together, brother.
Yeah, maybe we'll watch it together. We'll have
to watch it together. Just be like, oh no. Anyway,
so yeah, Inner Space, the 1987. It was 87, was
it? I thought it might have been earlier than
that. No, I was two years old when this released.
No excuse. And two hours long, I'm so excited.
I'm looking at the trailer here. Oh, yeah. It's
so funny how much of it I'm remembering now I'm
seeing the trailer. Wow. Yeah, I'm so excited.
Can't believe that I never knew. All these years,
I gave up remembering it because I could never
remember what the film was called. As a little
kid, the final scene in it. Or towards the final
scene. Scared the shit out of me. Oh, were you
shaking his head around? No, no, no, no, no,
no. There's the very final scene. We're not going
to discuss it now. We'll discuss it when we talk
about the film, but it's the death of one of
the bad guys. Oh, okay. And it freaked me out
as a kid. That's it. In the space. In the space.
Oh, God, I'm excited. Command functions are offline.
Hang on, let me just get the towel out from under
me. Thank you, everybody, for listening to another
episode of the Untitled Sci -Fi Show. I have
been Rob. That has been Tom. I have been. We
are... I suppose we invented this stupid fucking
thing called Studio Channel 8 and then invited
a lot of people that we love to come and join
in. And those people are Karen and Adam from
the Lightly Used podcast. That is... Fuck, my
brain's not working now. Simon and Ross from
Who Takes Socks and James from Superator's Ed.
You can find everyone's socials, including ours,
obviously, over on channel84 .co .uk. If you
have any idea about this episode's guest intro,
send them over on the socials, private message
or emails. And that's it, really. Thank you very
much to all of our co -fi. You're going to have
to remind me of the names. Sorry, TJ. James and
Karen at this point. Thank you very, very much.
It's genuinely very appreciated. When Tom told
me, I was extremely surprised because I didn't
know. Some reason I'm not getting the emails.
I don't know why. I will have a look into that
one. Maybe I've just got to change the emails
a little bit. Yeah, because it all goes to podcasts.
That money goes towards the... Let's see. The
payment for our Microsoft accounts, the payment
for our web page that goes towards snacks for
the variety show. It doesn't really go much for
the Untitled Sci -Fi Show. We don't need it for
this. It keeps us running, basically. It keeps
us going. This is just the side project. This
is the side hustle of the side hustle of the
side hustle. Where is it? You have a second girl.
What do they call that in America? A bitch. No,
sorry, that's actually horrible, sorry. They
call it like a side something, don't they? You're
right, and I can't think of what they call it.
Whatever, we're not American. Thank you very
much, Tom. Thank you, Robert. Love you. Love
you too. Bye -bye. Thank you for listening to
the Untitled Sci -Fi Show. This station is now
shutting down and will be back in two weeks.
May the Force live long and prosper inside of
you. 84 network show to find more head over to
channel 84 .co .uk now