My name is Kino Lloyd. Basically zero earthquake
activity in Southern California, which is very
rare. Starfleet does not do assassinations. Take
your stinking bar off me, you damn 38! Belief,
like fear or love, is forced to be understood
as we understand the theory of relativity. The
Chinese station's about 100 miles. Just a little
Sunday drive. Never make me watch that shit again.
War of the Worlds. Ice Cube's War of the Worlds.
He's a twat. I've lost all respect for him now.
Did you notice that they put loads of lines from
his songs in? Yeah. I also noticed he's slowly
becoming Iced T. Or Iced T, whatever his name
is. What? Ah, yeah. Ice -T's the actor. Ice Cube's
the musician stroke producer. They're different
people. What? They are different people. My mind's
being, is that not the same person? It's not
the same person, no. Ice Cube has never been
in Law & Order Special Victims Unit, whereas
Ice -T is. Who's Ice -T then? Ice -T's been in
loads. Are you calling him Ice -T or Iced -T?
It's Ice -T. I -C -E. hyphen T. The letter T.
As you can see, Ice Cube is slowly becoming him.
Oh, of course that's Ice T. Oh, God, I feel like
such an idiot. Anyway, nothing's changed. Hello.
Hello. Welcome to the Untitled Sci -Fi Show.
Right, anyway, let's get on with it. Enter authorization
code. Guess the intro. Oh, let me open up my
notes. Guess the intro. Unmute the thing. Okay,
well, somebody nearly got them. They missed one.
Not saying the names. So tough. Bob, Dave, Gary.
Keep saying it because every one time you do
that, that's how many R's I'm going to drop into
the next show. I beeped that one. I already beeped
the one you did. And I've just given away what
word I said. Right, are we ready? Yes. Oblivion.
Yeah, so that was Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman.
Where he's captured little Tommy Cruise. Little
Tommy Cruise. Now, I didn't not like that film.
I didn't mind it. I guessed within the first
three minutes of it that, right, he's a clone
and there's lots of them. Because as soon as
it says, but you're not allowed outside of the
border, little Tommy Cruise. So basically, it's
moon but on earth and whatever else. I remember
you saying a while ago that you... You clocked
that. I didn't clock it, I don't think. Yeah,
it's one of the rare occasions I did. I think
it's not that the film's bad. I think it didn't
get very good reviews, more for the fact that
I think it cost a fortune and it wasn't as popular
as they hoped it would be. Yeah, more than likely.
You consider the bill for Little Tommy Cruise
and Morgan Freeman alone. Yeah. But I liked it
and I don't think the CGI was rubbish in it.
I know, it was a very pretty film, very cleverly
done. I like his little floating house. Yeah.
Right, next one. Let's go on with the next one.
The nuclear bomb in Los Angeles was a coding
error. You know that? I did know that. Human
error. Because I watched The Creator. The Creator,
yeah. Great film. Nearly made me cry. Bit of
a weird ending. I think I did cry. Did I cry
watching The Creator, Miranda? The Creator, yeah.
I'm pretty sure you told me you cried. It's got
Tennant, the guy from Tennant in it. I thought
you could say it's got David Tennant in it. And
it's got the little kid who's a robot. Realistically,
though, you cried at the suicide bots. Don't
make them blow themselves up. Yeah, no, I did,
yeah. That's horrible, that bit. Yeah, yeah,
I did. I think I was sad at that bit, but I'm
pretty sure I cried at the end of it. I'm such
a wimp. Next one. Confusing piece for terror.
Well... You have to start somewhere. Rogue One.
Rogue One. I didn't think... Well, I thought
you'd get it, but I thought that'd be the hardest
one for you because you probably haven't seen
it. Rogue One's one of my... Actually, I would
say it's probably my favourite Star Wars film
out of all of them. Oh, so you have seen it?
Oh, yeah. Rogue One's... I think Rogue One's
brilliant. I think it's brilliantly done. It
looks the part. It feels how you'd want it to
be. No, I really enjoyed it, actually. No, I
like Rogue One. Oh, he's got three out of three.
I just felt my rear iris pucker and my testicles
tighten. My taint remains unchanged. It's Alan
Tudyk in Resident Alien. You cannot avoid his
voice. It's just Alan Tudyk. It's Alan Tudyk
in Resident Alien. Yeah, you're always going
to get that. Resident Alien's just brilliant.
Next. By and large, everything you need to be
happy. Your day is very important to us. So this
was hard only because... the music made it really
hard to hear by and large at the beginning. So
from the sound of it with the music, it sounds
by and large. It's like, what the fuck? It's
WALL -E. It is WALL -E. Yay, well done. You got
it. Well done. I had to listen to it about four
times as headphones before I could work out what
it was. I thought I did much better with the
levels on this one than the last time. No, you
did. It's just, it's a difficult clip. So I'll
never leave here. You'll leave at five. Well,
actually, they stagger our exit, so 5 .15. Another
show I introduced you to, Severance. Yeah, Severance.
And I really like that clip as well. I think
the show's really funny. I don't know how funny
it's meant to be, but I find it really funny.
Well, no, it is. It's dark sense of humour in
it. Hang on, did I get all six right? You did,
well done. Right, so it's at... Variety Show
pod on all social media networks. And you can
find my show, the Variety Show podcast. And I'll
invite you to the Winners Club Discord channel.
Because you might not be in it. I better install
Discord again. Oh, that's why he doesn't do any
admin on it. What have you been doing? Not much.
Every week, mate. Every week. Right. Alien Earth.
Up to episode four now. I've watched episode
one, two and three. You know, I'd say Alien Earth
because that's on my list. We literally just
spoke about that. It's the top of my list. I've
only got three things on my list and two of them
are going to be on your list as well. I haven't
caught up with Star Trek. No, no, no. That's
on my list. And I saw Jurassic Park. Fuck, what
was it called? Re -Kingdom Rebirth? Four. Is
it the fourth or the new ones? I don't know.
Jurassic World Rebirth. What were they? So you
had Jurassic World, Jurassic World Raptor Revenge,
Jurassic World Spike Guy, Jurassic World... You
know the word I want to say, dinosaur. Right,
so to put it very clearly, after watching it,
and we'll talk about it in a moment, I've decided
my favourite films in the Jurassic Park franchise
are as follows. The ones without dinosaurs. Jurassic
Park, Full stop, number one, top film. Okay.
Followed by Jurassic World. Which is which one?
Which is the first of the new ones. With the
guy who's... Bryce Dallas Howard, ginger -haired
woman, and Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt. Yeah. Then
Jurassic World Rebirth. Then Godzilla vs. King
Kong. Then Jurassic Part 2. Jurassic Park 3 and
then Jurassic Park Dominion. Dominions? Dominion.
Jurassic Park Minions 3. That goes around riding
on blue. I will work them out a little bit more
another time and say why. But that's the order
of how I see it. And actually, Rebirth might
actually come before Jurassic World. It may be
the second best out of all the franchise. It
was really good. Oh, good. Really good. Although,
I said to Jem, literally watching it, it's hard
to believe that the film from 94, 95, whenever
it was, looks better. Yeah, because lighting.
No. And not seeing much of them. And not CGI.
Well, yeah, as well. Some of it looked... I think
the Raptor bit is the main CGI bit, I think,
in the first one. Some of it looks brilliant
in this new film, Jurassic World Rebirth. Some
of it looks awful. The idea of the film is really
good, and I wish they'd gone maybe a little bit
more horror -esque with it, but then they wouldn't
have got as many people. And to give you an idea,
it must have been doing well. It went into the
cinemas in the beginning of July. it's still
in the cinema every day now. Yeah, to still be
there now. They must be doing something right,
and it's not just Scarlett Johansson's tits.
So it's something else about it. And, yeah, it's
really enjoyable. It's a really good film. I
mean, it comes in at about an hour and 45, two
hours, I think. Right. And it could have easily
been made 20 minutes shorter if you got rid of
the family side of it. So they've done what every
bloody Jurassic Park does, which is we have to
introduce annoying children and family to this.
They didn't need to do that. They could have
happily not done that and the film would have
still been absolutely brilliant. But instead
what they've got is they've got the mercenaries
who are going to go and collect DNA, blah, blah,
blah. And then, oh, they rescue a family whose
boat has sunk and then take them along with them
for the ride. I think it's weird, though, how
they do have sloth from the Goonies in it. Right.
I know what you're talking about. The D -Rex
is actually... He's called the D -Rex. He's called
the Douche -Rex. Like Dick. Yeah. But it's a
really good idea that they ran with really well.
Basically, the world is sick of... So the dinosaurs
are, again, dying out because it turns out they
can't survive in what we've kind of created as
a shit show of a world. They all survive around
the equator. So where they're surviving, there's
no one allowed to go. What a surprise. But it
turns out 17 years before all of this, InGen
were still at it making new dinosaurs. And because
the theme park idea had kind of taken off and
dinosaurs were now in like main cities because
they'd been released, all the theme parks were
making the most of these dinosaurs. People got
bored. So what InGen asked to do, can you make
some mutant dinosaurs and make new dinosaurs
to bring in the crowds? And the whole lab you
see are like these mutant dinosaurs. They've
got a raptor with two heads in a kind of alien
-style glass tube full of liquid. And then they've
got the T -Rex, which is obviously the T -Rex
paired with something else. It's so funny because
it's got these four legs and it's got its little
T -Rex arms as well. So are the pterodactyls
just flying around cities? No, they've all buggered
off the Equator now. There's not many left in
the main cities anymore. They've all kind of
died off. But they were in the cities eating
people probably. Pretty much. But yeah, basically
the whole premise of the film opens with... dinosaurs
don't seem to be very fun anymore. People are
actually pretty sick of this shit going on and
they wish they'd just bugger off back to being
extinct. Yeah, imagine just walking down to the
park and then you've got to worry about a pterodactyl.
Oh, little Jimmy's gone. Yeah, he goes, little
Jimmy, little Jimmy. Exactly. So it's kind of
that. But it gives you, there's a brilliant,
there's a brontosaurus that's kind of collapsed
in a street causing this massive tailback and
he's being tagged by graffiti artists. Oh, God.
But it's true to nature. That's the worst thing.
But there's so many throwbacks in it. So many
of the scenes are replications of the first film.
So there's a bit where they're in a petrol station
and there is a, not a raptor, but this mutant
pterodactyl raptor thing that's chasing after
them. And yes, they use the reflection to confuse
it. They're running down aisles while it's looking
around for them. Straight up Tim and Lex in the...
That's it. And the original one. And there's
lots of bits like that. So proper fan throwbacks,
but it is its own film as well. So I was pretty
impressed. It's worth watching. So would you
like them to give you the D, Rex? Ooh, always.
Anything else? No. That's it. You're putting
me off because you're so obsessed with the D,
Rex. I think Rob wants some D. I'd like a bit
of D, Rex. Me, me, me. We've watched Alien Earth.
So have you. You've already talked about it in
my one. Move on. It's still really good, isn't
it? It is still really good. I mean, I've only
just finished episode three, so Nibs has had
the close encounter with the eyeball. Poor old
brother is on the chopping table having lung
removal. I presumed, I didn't think they were
going to put the lung in the chamber and put
the alien. I thought they were going to put the
alien in the empty space from where the lung
was so they could take it out of his chest when
it had formed without killing him. Oh, right.
Yeah, no, they put it in that. It was like a
weird little egg sack. But what just doesn't
make any sense at all at this point is why is
she connected to the aliens? Yeah, well, I'm
ever so heavy, and I still don't have an answer
to that question either. We may never get an
answer. It's just one of those weird things.
I think they're starting to more and more hate
the... What do they call the millionaire kid?
Oh, uh... The young prodigy, whatever they call
him. Boy Kavanagh. Yeah, that guy. Can you see
now as well that the other guy is... Is Ade Edmondson.
Yeah, you can see it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,
Boy Kavanaugh is a good character. He's a great
idea. Like on the Boy Genius. Boy Genius, right.
And he's a brilliant idea and he's brilliant
for the show, but he is just the person you want
to hate. Oh, yeah. It gets worse. You want to
hate him. even more by the end of the next episode
right okay he's well he's doing a good job because
he's meant to be someone that you hate but that's
it his his acting is brilliant he is portraying
exactly what he's meant to be doing he's just
um yeah he's just a pain in the ass um so sorry
hermit was the brother wasn't it i'm just looking
at here cavalier sorry boy cavalier not cavanaugh
yeah The one I'm just looking for and I'm trying
to find him is not A. Edmondson. Who's the android
I like? I can't think of his name. What? The
main android that's, well, synthetic, sorry,
that's looking after the children. Oh, yeah,
I know who you mean. He is, oh, Kirsch. Yeah.
Is it Kirsch? Yes, Kirsch. He is brilliant. He's
good all the way through. Every episode he's
good. He's just... He looks the part. I mean,
he looks like he's straight out of Bloody Blade
Runner, but he looks the part. He acts the part.
I get the idea he's going to be a very dark character
and there's something more going on. Whether
or not he's Weyland -Yutani, there's something.
The thing about him is, though, is he's not...
There's no emotion at all. He is very much like
he's receiving the input of what's around him.
And then he's going with it. Cause the boy, the
boy Cavalier, where we just called him is really
horrible to him in the next episode. And he's
just stands there, takes it. He's like, okay.
And just moves on. It doesn't bother him. It's
like, well, I'm, you know, I've just had a thought.
If we follow, we're following all the, um, kind
of the films. Now this has taken place after
alien. So is Kersh one of the synthetic, which
you remember when, It gets to aliens. Ripley
won't be on the ship with a synthetic. And if
you remember what the bloke says to us, oh, yes,
you had a bad experience. And, oh, shit, which
android is it in aliens? I can't think now. The
Ian Holmes one. No, it's the other one in aliens.
Ian Holmes is the first one. Right. But anyway,
so the alien synthetics, oh, I understand. We
had problems with those units. Is he one of those
units? And is this going to be the synthetic
uprising? You get the idea that the synthetics
basically stopped serving humans. They just didn't
want to do it anymore. Yeah, because that hasn't
happened yet, has it? No, so that's what I mean.
So is this all tying in with timeline? Is that
what this is going to be? Okay. Yeah, maybe.
Bishop. Bishop. Yeah, that's it. So yeah, is
that what it is? For all I know, it's like Kersh
is just biding his time and he's now got these
children synthetics that look to him as a parent.
Are they going to kind of start this uprising?
Yeah, because he let that kid have his own...
No, you haven't got that far yet. I haven't got
that far yet. Yeah, I've got to be careful. I
don't want to say too much. And I'm not sure
when it's turned up, but there's apparently a
map gets shown. And basically, Weyland -Yutani
is the whole of the Americas. Oh, I haven't seen
that. It may be out of a comic then, I'm not
sure. All of the Americas are Yutani. England
and Europe are a company called Threshold. Asia
and Australia is Prodigy. Africa's their own
company as well. Russia's their own company.
So it's literally these companies own these areas
now. I just think it's a really cool idea that,
yeah, basically you've got Prodigy, which owns
all of this area. It's very much like... um i'm
re -listening to bobby verse books and that has
the world split up into five groups basically
not companies but political parties right a lot
of the world's collected into sections and there's
only like five of them across the whole world
uh so yeah alien earth still brilliant it's probably
a new episode now we haven't watched yet uh star
trek you've got to really catch up with star
trek i think this is the best one they've done
this series I'm so happy with it. Because so
much social media has been saying, oh, that last
episode is an absolute joke. What are they doing?
They've lost the plot. Oh, they can get stuffed.
It's meant to be fun. That's what Star Trek is
always meant to be. There's an episode where
people are running around getting naked in the
original series because of a space virus, which
ends up with Sulu running around with a katana
blade. I sit there and enjoy. Every single episode,
I think they've all been brilliant. There's not
a single one I've gone, oh, that was a bit rough.
Like, the TARDIS is in the background. Yeah,
I sent you the picture. Yeah, that's amazing.
We watched that episode and there it is. And
then Jim Henson, there's going to be a Muppet
episode. That's their next series. I can't wait
for that. Yeah, that'll be a good one. I'm really
hoping the entire episode is Muppets and if Kermit
doesn't turn up in it. I'm wondering what the
funny episode would be because it would do a
silly episode. We've had a singing episode. We've
had the flashback episode with Lower Decks. We've
had... That one's going to be coming up, the
one you're saying. So was the Q one this season
the silly episode? I hope not. Oh, I don't know.
Actually, you know what? You haven't seen it.
You know what? The one I'm thinking that might
be the funny episode is... Is it Spock becoming
human or something? No, I think this season's
funny one. You haven't seen it yet. And it's
just come to me which one it would be. Right,
okay. No, no, I will catch up on it this week.
And when we get to the next filming, recording
even, I will, of course, up buy it. Yeah. But
anyway, Star Trek's still brilliant. And then
the one thing that we've been doing that you've
now got me addicted to. is what is it police
police simulator patrol officer that's it it's
such a stupid game and i honestly i just downloaded
i thought this is going to be a really big pile
of poo and i'm going to play it for five minutes
think it's funny and then delese it and i am
so probably addicted to it now i never in a million
years would have ever downloaded i would have
looked at it and got trash yeah exactly what
i said I was just bored one evening and it's
because now we've got, both of us got gigabit
internet connections. That's no longer the hold
back. It used to be, if that was like, oh, that's
a 10 gigabyte game. Well, I want to play something
now. It's 10 o 'clock at night. Well, that's
going to be done by one in the morning. Oh, I
can't be bothered with that. It was done in minutes.
It's like, oh, okay, brilliant. So I can play
this. I can play any of these games really quick.
So I gave it a chance and it's so involved. Yeah.
I mean, I only got it as well, obviously because
you said about it, but. I'd paid for PlayStation
Plus for a month because I wanted to play Helldivers.
So I played Helldivers because you have to have
the PlayStation Plus one. I was like, okay, well,
then you said that. I was like, okay, well, I've
got the PlayStation Plus, which means I can download
it for free. Yeah. Yeah. To be honest, if we
keep playing it, I might wait till November,
which is Black Friday. I bet it goes into for
sale with all the DLC and then I can stop PlayStation
Plus. Oh no, we need PlayStation Plus to play
remote though. To play it together. That's the
only problem, isn't it? But I might buy it anyway
because apparently it's continually being developed.
Well, there's a lot of bugs. It needs it. So
for those who don't know, graphically, engine
-wise, I'm pretty convinced it's the same engine
as the trading card game. It's Unreal Engine.
And it's using just a load of Unreal assets.
It's like a farm simulator kind of look to it.
truck simulator like you said it's one of those
that's what it looks like if you know what they
are though that's what it's like you play a copper
and you take shifts you level up but you've got
to do every single aspect of it. And it doesn't
hold your hand. You can't just pull over a car
and go, oh, I pulled it over, I'm done now. You've
got to speak to the driver. You check their license.
Well, you've got to tell them why you've pulled
them over. Tell them why you pulled them over.
You can't just randomly search them because then
you lose points. You can't just shoot them because
apparently that's proofs brutality. However,
it doesn't matter because it will just say, come
back for your shift tomorrow. American police,
there you go. Who would have thought? But yeah,
you have to do literally every step of investigation.
So when you come across an accident, you've got
to photograph the scene, interview everyone,
and only when you've done it and it says, right,
this report is as full as it can be, then you
go around and give everyone the accident report.
But then you might have to arrest someone and
then you've got to go through all those procedures.
It's absolutely... so much more in depth than
we thought like when they've had an accident
their license plates fall off you can find them
on the floor and you can still search the license
plate what's on the floor to see if it's expired
or not that's one thing found out and then i
found out that you can press a trackpad and get
your police computer out so you can do background
checks on people and it will say like when you
pull them over it will say stuff like you can
smell alcohol in their breath or they're acting
you know they one of them said to me um they
can't keep eye contact with you Yes. So I got
them out of the car and they'd had marijuana.
Yeah, and then I searched someone on the night
that we first played and she was drunk. She had
drugs in her system. So we searched the car,
we searched her and she had, here we go, this
is the middle of the night, this is about three
o 'clock in the morning, in game. She had a handgun,
wasn't licensed, got an extra charge for that.
Keys, that's not unusual. A cucumber? Yeah. The
developers definitely know what they're doing.
And a bag of amphetamine. And what did I find?
Someone had a load of soggy raisins. Soggy raisins.
I mean, look at the picture. I'm showing Rob
the picture of the one that I found, the amphetamine.
She definitely uses a cucumber. What's that kind
of haircut called? A bowl cut. No, Miranda, what's
the haircut called? You have a flat fringe, and
then it's really short. It goes up at the back.
What the Americans call bangs. You know what
I mean, Miranda? A bob. Yeah, it's a something
Bob. Pixie Bob. Graduated Bob, thank you. Oh,
yeah, okay. Yeah. But yeah, she... She's got
the death eyes. There's nothing in there, is
there? No, there's nothing in there. I mean,
the graphics aren't brilliant. Every time, whether
you're being nice to someone or not, often they
put their head down first and then they look
up and their eyes do this weird thing and it
just looks like they're burning into your soul.
You can call the ambulance out. Obviously, once
you've reached someone, you've got to get rid
of the cast and you can call them to come and...
tow the car away but the game is so buggy and
everything's got such a massive hitbox vehicles
won't go around each other so you just have to
we end up with traffic jams that we couldn't
resolve we had three cars needing towing an ambulance
a police car Bear in mind, it was our police
car. The accident, people laying on the floor
needing treatment. And all we were getting told
was the tow truck trucks can't get there because
there's traffic. Yeah, the ambulance can't get
through. So then we went to go and tell people
to reverse and they can't reverse into an intersection.
So it's like, oh, so we're stuffed. So we just
got in our police car and drove off. And you
realise that if you crash the police car, as
long as you don't stop, you don't get reprimanded
for crashing the police car. You get no reprimands
if you just drive away really quick. I crashed
the... at slow speed into a lamppost and completely
wrecked the police car. Just a slow... What I
just loved was we were playing it last night
and I got a new police car because mine was smoking
and I drove it, crashed almost immediately, came
across another police station and went, oh, look,
a new police car. Stole that one and they put
a sign right in front of it so I immediately
broke it off. What else did you try to do? Well,
we had a van that was stuck. You needed the van
to move, so you just got in the car and rammed
the police van. All you were doing was just blowing
your own car up because the game's got no physics
in that way. In GTA, if you crashed into a parked
car, the car would move. They're like solid objects
in the middle of nowhere. Once they've been set
by the game to be kind of an NPC, something you've
got to deal with, a mission, let's say, you can't
do anything with it. You're free to go, sir.
Oh, yeah, you tasered that guy. But the first
thing I did when I ever got into the game was
I tasered that poor woman in the... We both did
exactly the same thing. Both of us got the game.
Oh, what does right... No, I didn't use the tutorial.
What does right one do? Oh, I pulled out a gun.
Where can I shoot a woman in the very first room
you walk into? poof oh i've tased her i had to
say she was sat down waiting for her turn i guess
and i was like okay well let's just see if i
can just if i can just attack random people and
tase this poor woman in the police station you
can yeah you can okay that's just very very fun
it's as as you say it's a bit of a shoddy game
but it's very fun and especially when you play
online as you act as partners then So there's
a number of times we've been running up and down
the road, ticketing cars on both sides. And it
turns out you can run any, there's no energy
bar. So you just hold down run and you just run
everywhere. Oh yeah. And then we found that you
can change the costumes. Oh yeah. Beaver and
horse, a police drum. So I had a horse head and
you had a beaver's head. That was our serious
playthrough, wasn't it? That was actually. And
we did really well. We like scoring like a thousand
points a day. Yeah, we did run that one. Well,
we went to a traffic stop point, and almost every
car broke the law. Every time we pulled someone
over, it's like, they're drunk, they have drugs,
they have illegal weapons. Oh, yeah, the crime
in this place. Brighton's a shithole, apparently.
So much crime. Yeah, I think you'd stop one for
an expired license plate, and before you know
it, you've got them in handcuffs, because, yeah,
because they've got... like a kilo of methamphetamines
in the back of their car they're all drunk that
final one we did last night every door i opened
it was like marijuana i'll open the back door
marijuana open the boot marijuana and it is individual
each door is searchable and its own separate
contained thing so it's like this bloke has lots
of weed yeah i'm ticketing you for what is it
they say it says um excessive amounts of marijuana
And yet you've got to get it right as well. So
if you get it wrong, you get lose points. And
if you get to zero on your, I think it's like
CP points, then it says shifts over. Come back
tomorrow. And then you lose everything. You lose
everything, yeah. Which happened when we spent,
we got all those points and you decided to shoot
what you thought was a parked car and it had
someone in it. It didn't have anyone in it. You
killed someone. I did not. I shot an empty car
and it came up and said, police brutality. Exactly.
It must have been someone in there. Ricochet.
Who knows? It could have been anything. You can
run shooting parked cars. I can in my neighbourhood.
Accessing library computer data. Never again,
Rob, never. 2025, Amazon Primes, War of the Worlds.
Fucking hell, that is one of the worst films
I've ever seen in my life. There's no NWA. No,
and this isn't... I'm not jumping on the bandwagon
of hating this film. I went into it thinking,
I can watch this. And you know what? Even the
first maybe five minutes, I was like... It's
not as bad as people are saying. It didn't take
long for that to change. No, I disagree. I absolutely
disagree. It opened with Windows 10. I already
hate this. And then basically I put, did a kid
get taught how to do Zooms in Premiere? I was
willing to give it a chance all the way up until
it started showing the weather storms and it
was just sped up footage of thunderstorms. And
I was like, straight away, I was like. There's
no effort's been put in here. 90 % of this film
is stock footage. It was, it was, wasn't it?
It absolutely destroys it, and I'll explain that
in a moment. But the bit that it lost me is when
he's first setting up and you're seeing all the
little boxes about people and their magic system
that's listening to everyone. And you've got
the bloke that's walking across going, I swear
I'm being listened to. Fuck off. Seriously, fuck
off. This is what we're meant to believe, is
it? And then the fact that what really bugs me
is UI design. Good UI design sells it. Alien
Earth, it's a modern thing, but they're following
on from where Ridley Scott and all of the whole
Alien franchise went. So everything looks dated.
Everything's that beautiful amber display look.
It works. Looks brilliant. Cannot fault it. This,
everybody's surrounded by little green boxes
with random moving bar charts that mean... Nothing.
I cannot stand that. It's just, why? Why would
you program something to draw a box around someone
and just have random bar charts that are doing
nothing? Oh my God, excuse me. So one of the
most egregious and unbelievable things about
the whole thing was how much minimal effort he
had to do into the computer system to get it
to do stuff. Oh my God, yeah, just right click
and do everything. Yeah, every single tool tip
and drop down menu had the exact thing. Commandeer
drone. Yeah. Transfer phone to our satellite.
Exactly. Oh, shut up. No engineer would ever
have written that in that program. Never in a
million years. Hi, DHS tech support. Can I have
the super inclusive password for a drone that
we own? Yeah, there it is in plain text straight
into Teams. It's straight into Teams. It's Windows.
Teams? That is so ridiculous. So, as you know,
I've used AI to help me a little bit here. I
just put all my notes into it. And literally
the first thing it has come up with is chart
for quick recap. Chart one, product placement.
Brand, Amazon. Vans, Prime Drones, AirAdverts.
Microsoft, Teams, the Surface earphones. Apple,
AirPods, FaceTime. Zoom, multiple. Tesla. gmail
dgi fpv um juggles facebook and tiktok it's just
there's a lot now you're saying it yeah because
the tesla one was obvious oh the tesla one's
fucking stupid as well as oh did the person he's
hacked her car oh isn't it lucky that the person
he hacked the car has the magic Seat covers in
the back so the blood that he let her daughter
leave scattered everywhere won't ruin the seats.
It looks awful. There is no way that's what it
looks like in a real Tesla. So why have you done
it so badly? What were those earphones that she
was wearing with the flap? So the daughter's
wearing, they're the Microsoft Surface earphones.
Okay, what's special about those? Nothing, they're
just Microsoft and they're shit. I've played
with them. They're not very good at all. The
AirPods piss all over them. They were just like
weird flat discs in her ears. At first, I didn't
realise they were headphones. I thought they
were some kind of weird earring thing. But then
she had earrings on. I was like, they must be
headphones. No, they are the Microsoft headphones.
Yeah, and the AirPods that weren't in his ears
properly. Because when AirPods are in your ears,
you can't really see them the way that they do.
No, and then I've seen Amazon Prime Air, okay?
The drone. It's a big -ass specialist drone.
Yeah. It's not an FPGV. What the fuck? That entire
bit. He's flying an FPV drone. That is not a...
What? He just has it in the back of the van because
just in case Amazon Prime sale, can you deliver
something by drone? That's not how it works.
How fucking ridiculous was it when he's like,
oh, the only way the drone activates is you order
something. Can you order something? And I instantly,
I was like, okay, well, how does Amazon know
to allocate that specifically to that guy and
that drone? How does it know that? Because you
just picked a random fucking item. So actually,
it's got to go to the warehouse first, because
that's where it will go. Not to a delivery driver.
We are jumping the gun massively. There's too
much to hate. Do you want me to say what the
film was, or do you want to say what the film
was? I'll let you do it. Right, so it is beyond
loosely, and I mean the loosest in common parlance
as it can be, linked to War of the Worlds. Ice
Cube, not Ice T, Ice Cube. All of H .G. Wells'
coffin will be rolled. Works for the Department
of Homeland Security as someone who monitors
and listens and information gatherer. Turns out
he just spends most of his day spying on his
own family. Yeah, prick. And the entire film
is based on him sitting at his desk while the
War of the Worlds film is going on outside. And
he's just trying to save his family while also
then magically saving the world at the same time.
And we get fed it via Zoom meeting, team meeting,
WhatsApp phone... Oh, yeah, WhatsApp as well
as a brand. WhatsApp phone calls, FaceTime phone
calls. And it is... abysmal i think that the
concept of it there's there is a there is a there
is a point that this could have been good if
it only been the family part okay you've got
to remove the word the concept okay because the
concept of this film is aliens came to take over
earth because we stored information about everyone
and they were coming to steal our data That is
the concept of the film. Okay, get rid of that
bit. What I mean is a end of the world scenario
and the guy is a surveillance expert and he's
using those abilities to protect his family.
Now, if that was all it was, that's not bad.
Because there is a film where a guy does that.
The guy who he's looking for, his daughter is
missing and he's on the computer. Oh, taken.
not taken... Firewall? No, not Firewall. You
know which one I'm talking about. I know which
one you're talking about. Yeah, that's kind of
all like that. And that could have been it. But
it didn't have to be Ice Cube, this super hacker
who... No, the right clicker. Yeah, the right
clicker. You know what I mean? He didn't have
to do all this other stuff. He didn't have to
be the guy that saved the fucking world. The
point is, what Amazon Prime were trying to do,
they were trying to make a film... Bearing in
mind how invasive fucking Prime is about data
anyway, they were trying to make a film saying,
we've got to be careful about how data is being
stored about us. And it fails in every single
way to kind of make that point at all important.
I'll tell you what, it's really lucky that the
person who is basically the single person in
charge of all of American surveillance, by the
sound of it, like it doesn't have a team. His
son is also the superstar hacker and his daughter
also happens to have generated a special design
that can kill things. Called it. I called that
the son was the disruptor. I called it instantly
too. I called that it was then going to be a
computer virus to bring them down. I didn't call
that, yeah, the daughter with her DNA engineering
would be the one that would finally bring them
down because they're hybrid cyber and genetic
animals. Fuck off. Seriously. And then the CGI.
Oh, my good God. Abysmal. So when it's not stock
footage, it's stock footage with tripods added.
And they look awful. I've literally said in my
notes, this looks like something the asylum has
created. It looks like one of those fake knockoff
films. You know what it looks like? The actual
design of the tripods. It's cool. should be in
oblivion. They do think they, because they're
white, they don't look alien to me. That was
my real issue. They look like they're human created.
I thought to start with, you know what the tripod
design, that's quite cool. I like the tripod.
And then all of a sudden they start doing the
thing. It's like, what the fuck is that? Yeah.
Where basically they've got two. So imagine an
egg and it's a white egg and it's got three legs
coming out of it with some tendrils as well.
On the left and the right of each egg are two
smaller eggs that look like Canadian heads from
South Park. And then when it gets angry and it's
about to fire its heat ray, they start going
up and down, up and down like they're just jabbering
away with lots of electricity. And it just goes,
and it just, it looks just really shit. It looked
really, really bad. And then they turn into egg
flying ships. Yeah. My sixth note. So the sixth
line of my notes is Dave's the hacker. My sixth
note. Yeah. What else? I laughed quite a lot
at Space Force being mentioned in there. Oh,
yes, yes. They are an actual thing. But at the
same time, I don't know them being something
that you'd actually... Well, you weren't laughing
at the FBI search warrant dot PDF. Oh, yeah.
You know, the PDF file that doesn't have any
reference number attached to it or anything like
that. They've just sent me the FBI search warrant.
Great. Yeah, James noticed that, didn't he? That
was funny. These superstar hackers that they've
been chasing. You get the idea they've been chasing
the disruptors for years. Yeah. No one's using
a VPN. Okay, no one's using VPNs. Turns out Dave
is at the end, but all his friends are dead.
He didn't tell them about VPNs. No, he didn't
tell them out. You know what I really hated?
When they had the president there. And he was
trying to create this tension, like, what do
we do? And there's a bit of silence, like a five
second or maybe a little bit less silence. It
felt like fucking forever. And he's like, oh,
here we go. And he says, the war of the worlds
to save us all. Yeah, I know. And he's like,
oh, it's just not earned. It's like a shit line.
Peter Griffin wouldn't even shout, oh my God,
he said the name of the film. Even Peter Griffin
would just go, no. In Family Guy, it would just
be a groan and everyone would walk out and leave.
I love the fact that the world is literally going
to shit. It is already gone to shit and there's
meteorites and people are dead and one of the
highest people in the Zoom call is still just
stood on the golf course. Yeah. Wouldn't you
have been travelling by now? You know what? I
just think that's a political kind of... Oh,
that's just a dig. Fuck you. That's a dig. That's
an absolute dig. Oh, and there's so much. So
this is listed into tech nonsense, acting and
characters, product placement bingo, CGI and
visuals. It's got here. Oh, no. The aliens have
down... Oh, so when you download data, it just
deletes it, doesn't it? That really annoyed me.
They're draining our servers. They're consuming
it, yeah. So yeah, servers are being downloaded,
all data deleted. Oh no, our cloud -powered cannons
have stopped working. Really? Is that really
what we're saying? The cannons that the army
has used, you know, those things that are made
out of metal that have no technology except for
a firing pin. stopped working because the aliens
downloaded the daiser. And did you see what it
did after the humans started losing? It was doing
all those stock footages of blown up stuff and
they just had a load of rusted tanks. Yeah. It's
like, well, where's that? What I really liked
as well, the best one. When they say the army's
going to go forward. They're taking down tripods
as well, which just doesn't fit with the story
at all. Yeah, they haven't got force fields.
But they're like the military's going into towns
and cities across the US. And they show tanks
driving through the street. Spanish flags all
along the flagpoles. I spotted that too. So that's
Spain, not the US. Well done, guys. I spotted
that too. Before we knew that they were eating
the data. Oh, that's so stupid. My point was
like... Data has a calorie count. Yeah, these
aliens have got enough information to pinpoint
exactly where all of our data centres are and
all of our military positions are. They know
all of that stuff, but yet they don't know what's
in the data. So you know where all the stuff
is, but they don't know what's actually in the
data. Because at first I thought they were stealing
the data. I know where every bit of ice cream
in the UK is because I like eating ice cream.
That's the same premise. They like eating data
so they just know where it is. Also, we're jumping
around the place now. The B2 bombers being sent
to blow up the house. So they've got live footage
of the DHS. And it's sunny outside. There's cars
driving on the streets. That's just a normal
day going on. There is nothing bad going on in
this place at this moment. And then what does
he say? He say, well, hang on. I've got to find
where it is now. Shit. It's basically they say
we're going to send two bombers. So we destroy
it twice as hard. Yeah. Did you really just say
that? Can I? put this film up for worst aeroplane
crash in cinematic history, where it showed you
the airport and the plane just falls out of the
sky. I'm so sorry, but the plane not having data
doesn't turn its fucking engines off. No. The
guy would have been able to fucking land it.
If they're flying in the air, how did they steal
the plane's data? Well, yeah, I suppose, yeah.
There is an air gap. Sucking it through wireless.
Oh, well, then the air gap that they were saying
about this. whatever the system the goliath system
doesn't matter if it's got an air gap or not
apparently they're wireless now as well no there's
oh there are so many um plot holes in this um
oh the the rap quotes throughout the film where
he attacks the the thing that comes out the ground
he goes move bitch get out the way oh my god
all of them were so cringy he's like he was so
okay so i I'm getting confused. Ice Cube's character
was so incredibly unlikable. Way more unlikable
than little Tommy Cruise's character was. Yeah.
And they really were trying to force a redemption
arc in with that email story. It was so not earned.
Oh, yeah, no, no. It was just like, ugh. As soon
as he started writing the email about being a
father, I just thought, fuck you. Let's talk
about this email, shall we? Let's talk about
this email. All the data in the world has been
consumed. It's been eaten. We get this wonderful
scene of his wife being erased off Facebook and
then Facebook being erased. Oh, but Gmail's fine.
Oh, yeah, Gmail's all right. So Gmail stayed
running throughout the entirety of it. Yeah,
Google Cloud servers are much better. It's so
fucking full of plot holes. Then the B -2 bombers
flying in to blow them up. When you see all the
flying scenes... The world looks absolutely fine.
Very sunny, no aliens, no smoke, no damage anywhere.
It's like, this is just stock footage again,
isn't it, guys? And then no one would drop the
phones. There's a scene where he's crawling to
put the USB stick into the thing. And it's like,
just put the fucking phone down, mate. Oh, the
tentacles as well in that scene. They looked
so awful. Every aspect of every moment of CGI
in it was fucking dreadful. It's literally just
like, we'll stick some filters over it and make
it look really bad because let's say the network
is being a bit glitchy at this point. Oh wait,
hang on a moment. We have a terrorist drop a
bomb on a London Underground train and London
loses all phone signals and all networks. How
the fuck is the worldwide internet still working
for these people? Yeah. So yeah, I've got here
phone networks, computer networks, all still
working. They're all still able to make normal
phone calls to each other. Yeah. That just wouldn't
be happening at this point. So how is that all
working? You know, more like ridiculous stuff.
His daughter has made this DNA code thing and
then they use it as a virus and stuff. And like,
oh, but how are we going to get it to go into
Kona? I don't know. We just give it to dad and
he'll translate it. What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give it to Dave. He'll turn it into computer
code. He's got like 20 million fucking supercomputers
in his NSA office that he can just instantly
make up this program. I'll rewrite the DNA program.
Dave, you turn it into computer code. Yeah. Yeah,
okay. Of course. Well, what she's got in her
hands is like an iPhone, which has probably got
no battery left, probably. Well, and bear in
mind, she's also lost a huge amount of blood
at this point, which she decided to pull a piece
of rebar out of her leg, which, by the way, the
boyfriend fixes with sellotape. Yay, tourniquets
are with sellotape. To be honest, I found that
the least, the most believable part of the entire
film. And then we get the drone bit, which we've
already talked about. And then the fucking drone
bit. Oh, my God. Jesus, oh, there's a bogey on
your tail. Do a barrel roll. Oh, fucking hell.
Who are you aiming this at? Like, we're millennials.
We get it. Fuck off. We hate this film. The acting
was so wooden as well. No one acted well in it.
No one. The guy who played Jeffreys, he obviously...
needed some money. Maybe he must have a tax bill
come through for him to have gone for this. That
terrible Photoshop image of him allegedly in
the... Grinning at the camera. Grinning at the
camera. It's so badly Photoshopped and then they've
just used Pixelate. But like, why were some of
the people's faces blurred out in some of the
stock footage and stuff? Like, random people's
faces were like, blurred out. Because it's stock
footage and they're probably not allowed to use
it. Well, they probably didn't get permission
from that person, maybe. It wouldn't surprise
me. I hated it. I hated it. I hated it. I hated
it. I hated it. Yeah, the tripods walking, they're
all doing the same animation. They've just timed
it differently. So when you see the three of
them striding across the countryside, they're
all at different frames of animation, but they
are all doing the same animation. So the tendrils,
the legs are all moving exactly the same way.
The bit where they're nearer the end, where I
think it's when he shoots one of the drones or
something. The tripod does an instant 180 in
one frame. In one single frame, he does a 180
and shoots something up the sky. It was really
jarring. I hate the bit as well. Dave crashes
whatever he's flying into the tripod and you
get the Amazon Prime Air drone fly through the
fire and the world's worst transition to then
being inside in basically an Amazon office somewhere.
That drone would have crashed then. It wouldn't
have survived that. It would have instantly melted
some circuitry. How has it got that far? The
remote controller he's using is a standard remote
control used for FPV drone flying. You'd be lucky
to get 100 or 200 metres on it. Yeah. It's just...
It's awful. Is it worse because you know all
of the tech they're using and the whole thing?
Is that what made it worse for you? I think just
what made it worse for me was it being shit.
Oh, there you go. We're going to hit it twice.
Twice as hard just in case. Odd. So when Dave
turns up alive and goes, oh, yeah, no, I'm just
crashing at Kieran's house or whoever it is.
And the dad ice cube gets angry because his house
has been blown up. They blew up my house with
my dead wife's stuff. You prick, Dave. Yeah.
So yeah, you've got all of that. Yeah, the disruptor's
not using the VPN. Let's hope the aliens don't
have, hmm, antivirus, seeing that they're obsessed
with data. Oh, the war games reference. Shall
we play a game? Yeah, again, another reference.
Another reference to a film far superior than
this ever will be. Yeah. And then all the shit
of, oh, these are the aliens that came in Roswell
looking for data. And again, you could say that
that's a reference. Short circuit. He's constantly
going around going, input, input, as he's reading
all the books. The voice decryption. Oh, the
voice decryption. No one thought to do a voice
decryption. It's not even voice decryption. He
literally did what we do in audition to make
the chipmunk voice. He went in and was like,
huh, let's change the pitch. Oh, it's my son.
Yeah, the thing is, you can make any voice sound
like any voice by fucking around in audition.
But it's like, but he did the decryption software
first to break through whatever, I don't know,
whatever they used to do the voice. Like, you
at no point thought to do that. For you should
have done that from the very, very beginning.
He's just shit at his job, mate. oh and then
i got her can sandra please just die i'm getting
sick of him hanging up the calls from her when
really important things are going just so he
can reconnect with his daughter and children
yeah to be fair there might have been a film
in it if it'd been following her she's out on
the ground she's discovering that that's next
year war of the world sandra's view yeah like
and yeah she's the one who discovers everything
about the little creatures Oh, yeah, the little...
So there's no aliens, it's just those little
bugs. Yes, there wasn't any aliens, was there?
No, it's the little bugs. They just like data,
they eat them. So those little bugs made the
big tripods. Well, the tripods are aliens as
well because they're genetic. They've got blood
and they've got circuits. Oh, yeah. They are
the alien. Just... Oh, I've got 28 minutes. He's
like... His daughter's been injured. And he's
like, I'm coming, I'm coming. And he runs up
and he opens, tries to open the door. He's like,
oh no, we've been locked down. But when he opens,
tries to open the door, the entire frame and
door just wobbles. He's like, oh no, a wobbly
door has stopped me leaving the premises. Yeah,
saw that, yeah. I thought exactly the same thing
as I said, shit. And then the first 15 minutes
of the film, it's just like, okay, this is pretty
rubbish. Right, so the disruptors have gone live
on YouTube and he's got the search warrant and
they're in the house, yeah? And then he brings
up the floor plan of the house and it's got cameras
everywhere. And did you notice, he clicks on
one camera and it's a meme video. He clicks on
another camera, it's a meme video. And then he
clicks on the camera that allegedly the disruptors
is in the disruptors room and it's just the YouTube
video of the disruptor. Yep. But all the other
cameras then show his team entering the house.
It's like... What sort of system is this? Yeah.
It deserves all the hate it's getting. Absolutely,
yeah. The fact that it's just immediately open
with Windows 10 and then Microsoft Teams just
grated straight away. And then it ends with the
doors looking at a Mac laptop. And it's the same
login animation they've used for Windows, but
for Mac OS instead now. That's not how it works.
Oh, so, so angry. So, so angry. Oh, and he didn't
die. No injuries on him. No, not a scratch. Not
a scratch at all. Didn't even put him in a sling.
And then for some reason we needed Mark overacting
in the van again because he can't understand
where, for the second time, Will is talking to
him randomly. Oh, yeah. It's like, hang on, you've
already had this. And you're basically doing
the whole Disney princess thing where everything
has to be over exaggerated, looking around like
a dick. And my favorite, favorite, favorite plot
point to this, it was a really big thing that
he hadn't been invited to the baby shower, the
baby shower of five people of which four of them
were in the fucking film with him. And then there's
a fifth random character. We don't know who that
is. No, that was Sandra. Was that Sandra? Yeah,
it was Sandra. So are we saying the baby shower
he didn't get invited to, his NASA friend got
invited to? Or are we saying that everyone in
the baby shower got killed in this tragedy? I
think everyone got killed and they redid it.
I think they all got killed so they've redone
it and they've invited Sandra. Well, they had
an extra size of cake. They made a t -shirt for
her so she'd already got an invitation. Oh, you're
right. And I doubt the T -shirt printing shops
had opened. And it said NASA. It said NASA on
it too, didn't it? Oh, of course it did. NASA,
yes. I thought it was like that. NASA. Oh, who's
that? Okay, fair enough. Of course it's fucking
NASA. Shit. And I liked saying I like. But yeah,
they'd already made her a T -shirt. So it's like
Sue was expected, but these two were going to
invite the one connection to the family they
had. Now, I don't use Microsoft Teams, but when
he called FBI agent whatever, their name was...
FBI agent whatever yeah and then as soon as the
call connected it put their name on the right
hand side the name was different yes so that
doesn't make sense also this person who's going
around saying saying to his son you don't know
what I do here I'm in the world's most secure
place that's why we don't have thumb drives yeah
they also wouldn't let you have whatsapp on your
own computer because guess what you might be
sending really important secret documents to
people yeah like oh You just did that, didn't
you? You put it live on YouTube. The unencrypted
PDF file saying exactly what it was that you
just sent via WhatsApp to an agent's phone. Exactly,
yeah. And I think they would have somebody watching
what he's doing. Yes. He would be logged. Okay,
so we saw today that you... access to this camera
footage to follow your daughter around. Would
you like to explain that to us? Yeah. We've looked
at your logs and for the past three years of
working here, you've followed your daughter,
followed your son, followed your daughter's boyfriend,
which we think is even weirder. Yeah. You've
hacked into three cars. Oh, it's just ridiculous.
And of course, the daughter kicking off at him
when she's bleeding death in the back of the
Tesla. Yeah. You don't do anything for us, dad.
I'm a grown woman now. I can do it on my own.
I really want him to say, okay then. You go and
hack a Tesla and get it to drive you somewhere
safely. Go on. I've stopped the car. Off you
go. Ungrateful bitch. Right now, I'm saving your
life. So accept that I've just hacked your car
and got you going where you're going. Let's put
all of this quite valid criticisms of my behaviour
to one side just for a moment while the world
is ending and let me get you somewhere. Which,
of course, by the way, the Tesla could outspeed
the tripod, whereas all the helicopters and jet
planes that had flown around it had just been
blown away. But her Tesla... It just looked and
went, I can't be bothered to shoot that. I'm
sure it also said destination is one mile away.
Yeah, but then he changed his destination to
go somewhere else. But I thought it said that
after he changed the destination. Oh, I don't
know. No, destination range left one mile, which
is why he then puts it to low battery mode. That's
what I missed. Low battery mode. Oh, you have
19 miles now. Yeah, as you can tell, I gave up
a lot of the time, so I did miss a few things.
Oh, yeah. Where did the B -2 bombers take off
from, bearing in mind that the tripods, halfway
through the film, he says, they're attacking
all our military bases. They've destroyed all
the runways. Well, the problem was they ate all
the data, so then they wouldn't be able to find
any information anymore. But they literally said
we blew up all the runways and then we get stopped
footage of the B2s taking off on a beautiful
sunny day with no smoke in the background already.
You could have just had their CGI artists. The
CGI was shiznuff already. Just have them put
some smoke in the background. I am not letting
them get away with saying that this is a COVID
film for it being the way it is. Because Mission
Impossible was a COVID film. Yeah, exactly. And
everyone criticised Tom Cruise for shouting at
that actor or the group of actors. He was in...
Tom Cruise loses it. Rude to film production.
He did that for a reason because he saved, and
I don't stand up for him often, but he saved
huge amount of people's jobs by making sure people
follow the COVID rules and then making them all
isolate. and then they could film, which meant
they carried on getting paid. There are people
that say he's basically responsible for saving
the industry during that time because of the
way he was and was making them do these particular
things. He gets quite rightly so lauded up for
how he actually was during that time. And he
had to be strict. Yes, absolutely. He had to
be strict, though, because, yeah, in... hindsight
2020 we all know a bit different now but at the
time we didn't and he just was working with what
he got and this isn't a we shouldn't be glazing
little tommy cruz when we're talking about a
shit war of the worlds film over here but you
know no but when his film but when mission impossible
2005 pisses all over this Even the bloody 60s
film pisses all over this film. Oh, sorry. Yeah,
sorry, with Tommy Cruise. But no, going back
to what you were saying, yeah, you can't fault
him. And this is just, this is disgusting. This
is fucking awful. Absolutely awful. I've not
often sat in a film and just been watching the
clock. I think I stopped at one point. It was
45 minutes in. The depression that hit me knowing
that I still had another 45 fucking minutes of
this. I messaged the group going 41 minutes in.
Oh my God, this is painful. Literally, it got
to 49 minutes and I thought half an hour had
passed. It's been eight minutes. I wish I was
joking. It's not an exaggeration. Because it's
following from this weird choice they made of
following from his screen, just looking at him
like you're watching a webcam. It's bizarre.
Oh, it's so boring and rubbish and shit. Acting
is shit. The plot is shit. The CGI is shit. Everything
about it is fucking shit. What did you think
about it? You know what? I'm going to read just
what ChatGPT has given me as the final verdict
for the podcast. Score half a star for unintentional
comedy. The best description that it could give
it was a Microsoft Teams training video with
tripods. And if I want to rant about it, this
film proves the real war of the worlds isn't
aliens versus humans, it's me versus product
placement. Oh, God. It's shocking. It's so, so
much. Just, I'm, yeah, it's awful. Just awful.
I can't find anything positive about it. No,
me neither. Let's just end it there. Fucking
hell, I hated it. Transfer complete. Okay. That
was the end of our War of the Worlds trilogy.
No more War of the Worlds. Yeah, no, I don't
think I could face it. No, we're having a break
from that. Well, we're not having a break from
aliens in particular because we're going to watch
something, a film I have not yet seen. I've been
desperate to see it. This is finally a reason
that I can see it. And it's 2022 was its release
date. And it's by director and writer Jordan
Peele, and it is Nope. And I saw this at the
cinema, and the soundscape, the sound design
is terrifying. And you, on your system especially,
will thoroughly enjoy one scene because it really
made me feel so uncomfortable in the cinema,
I nearly got up and left. Not because I hated
it, the film, but because I felt so uncomfortable
by the sound. Yeah, so I've not seen... I know
so little about this, barely even that it's got
aliens in it. Well, it's a very, very stupid
alien, but actually it works. Yeah. And then
after this one, I think we'll workshop, but I
want to go back to like the 80s. Maybe we'll
watch like Running Man or something. Could I
choose something? Yeah, you can choose something.
Absolutely, you can choose something. Yeah. Okay,
I'll choose something. Yeah. Anyway, next time,
2022, nope. Bye. Command functions are offline.
Goodbye yet? We've got to actually say our proper
goodbyes. Now you can say it. We're in the goodbye
section. Now he doesn't want to talk. He's going
to say goodbye. He's going to say goodbye. He's
not going to talk. Who are we? We are Rob and
Tom. We are part of Studio Channel 84, along
with Karen and Adam from Lightly Used. Simon
and Ross, or Ross and Simon, from Who Takes the
Socks Off His China Does Anything, and James
from Super A to Z. Our podcasts specifically
are what you've been listening to, the Untitled
Sci -Fi Show and the Variety Show. You can find
us on all social medias, everywhere that there's
a computer that can be used to navigate the...
world of words but it will store your data we
will have your data and aliens will eat it your
data will be mine give me your data you can find
us on channel84 .co .uk all the links are there
email podcast channel84 .co .uk send in your
guesses for the next guess the intro to the usual
place try and do it privately so we don't spoil
it for other people that's it we'll be back next
week with the variety show back in two weeks
for the next sci -fi show what's your final good
save what's your final words tom don't watch
this film don't watch this film love you bye
-bye bye thank you for listening to the untitled
sci -fi show This station is now shutting down
and will be back in two weeks. May the Force
live long and prosper inside of you. This was
a Studio Channel 84 network show. To find more,
head over to channel84 .co .uk now.