Well, Mercer, I've got a little surprise for you.
You're feeling it, aren't you?
The survival instinct.
Attention all colonial units.
Cylon, attack underway.
Nice to have you back with us, Mr. Brubaker. Would you like the same suite?
Definitely.
I must confess I find it difficult to believe in a disease of machinery.
I don't want to know your name. I don't want to know anything about...
Hello and welcome to the untitled SoFo show.
Hey, we're doing voices, are we?
Hell.
Well, this is going to be an interesting episode if we are left to speak like this.
Do you know how I love to say hello, darling? You're right.
I'm very well, darling. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Have you had a nice week since the last time I saw you?
Not too bad, thank you. Not got stuck in France this week, so we're winning.
Hooray. Tune in to the variety show to know what we're talking about.
To find out why Tom was angry about everything.
Yes. So hello and welcome.
Yes, welcome.
What's happening, dudes?
We are talking Jape of the Decade.
We are talking April, May, June, July and August full.
Yes, that's right. I am Queek.
What?!
The cat's already started. We've only just started and the cat's already meowing at you.
The dog's already moving microphones around.
To be fair, the cat doesn't normally get verbal.
It normally just starts bunting the microphones, and this is like a new thing.
Is she meowing at you?
Yeah. She's like, you're not stroking me.
Your animals love me. I don't know why.
I do love you.
I come into this house and I genuinely think, do you not love your cats sometimes?
I'll tell you what, these animals get so much fucking attention.
Because they all swarm me and it's like, you've got to pay attention to me.
Love me.
Right, guess the intro. No one got them all right.
Except for me, who did get them all right.
You did get them all right, so you get a shout out. Shout out to Tom.
Yeah, bring it bitch.
I did have one entry who got all but one.
So that person doesn't get a shout out.
No, they don't.
Sorry.
Womp womps.
But they know who they are.
So they don't get a shout out.
So I'm going to play it and we're going to one by one, you're going to tell me what they are.
Yes, I believe I am.
That was very quiet now.
Yeah, so I fiddled with all the fucking dials.
Oh dear, he's been fiddling with his knob again.
The next one will be louder.
Right, well that was Closing Encounters of the Third Kind by good old Steven Spielberg.
It was. And it's the part where they're trying to communicate and the French dude, you can just hear him at the end going, privet.
It's the moment where they're like, hmm, we couldn't get a techno artist.
So who can do five notes and make it sound like a musical aid?
Yeah.
Next.
Layman's Terms.
Well, fuck Layman's Terms.
Do you speak English?
Well, that was good old Event Horizon.
It was.
Event Horizon is a tough one because there's so many big actors in that.
Everyone is a big actor, pretty much.
And there's a lot of cobalt bits.
And I thought it would be quite easy.
So I did try and pick one that.
Yeah, I mean, you can tell it's Samuel L. Jackson at that point as well, can't you?
It's what the bit is where Scientist Guy is explaining the machine in Layman's Terms.
Exactly.
That's it.
I mean, it's really difficult.
You could have made it even easier because as soon as you hear Sam Neal's voice in it, you know exactly.
Yeah, it would have been too easy if you'd done that.
It's a great film as well. Great actors in it.
Absolutely brilliant.
Every single person cast in that was just gold.
I put that in for Karen's benefit too because she'd just watched it.
And I hadn't made the intro yet.
So see if she got that.
She hasn't said.
Next.
Message from aliens results in a magical machine that whisks you away to the center of the galaxy to go windsurfing with your old dad.
So that was a really weird one.
I had to really rack my brain on that.
And it's actually the windsurfing with dear old dad bit that basically took me back to where it is.
And that's contact that I felt I had to leave that bit in.
If I did weird old film.
Yeah, I had the clip even longer and I thought if I leave it too long, they'll definitely get it because of the court scene.
So yeah, that was that one.
Hello, Mr. Yakamoto.
Welcome back.
I had only just watched this film recently, about two or three weeks ago when I was on the train to Kent.
And it's quite a key moment of the film because he just got the new eyes.
He goes into the gap and you hear it straight away and it's it's a minority report.
I think that was the hardest clip.
Really? Yeah, because it's just so random.
You possibly. If you hadn't seen minor part, you wouldn't have got it, I don't think.
No, 100 percent.
I think you are right there.
If I hadn't seen it recently, I may not have tweaked that.
And I couldn't do anything with the wee well poo poo pee pee women in the milky water, as you say.
Can I just make a point about that film very, very quickly?
We have that entire bit where he's getting the eye transplant.
The bloke is literally.
Shouting at him and telling him, I hate you.
You got me put in jail, you wanker and then does a good job anyway.
But he knows I think the point is he knows how horrible he's about Tom Cruise is about to have the next few hours or days or whatever.
You know, he's got a moldy sandwich in this.
So he's a bit like, I'm this is I'm not going to kill you, but I'm going to fuck you up.
I'm going to. He's what's it they called?
It's it's the compliance thing that people say when they they're doing it, but they'll you know, they'll do it, but they'll make it shit.
Yeah, I know. I can't remember what the phrase is.
I know what you mean, though. Anyway, sorry. Right.
Next one.
Explain, as you would a child Galaxy Quest, we only just watched it.
So that was fresh on the mind. Malicious compliance.
That's what's called malicious compliance. Yeah. Galaxy Quest. Yes.
That's one hour for lunch, everybody.
I think I know I love the original TV series of this is absolutely wonderful.
Then they did the film and I loved the film, not only because Zoe Dishon was hot.
Yeah, but the film is amazing.
Just lots and lots of fun.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and still makes me laugh the whale scene.
We'll get to watching that eventually.
It's going to be on the whizzing past me.
I think I'll call it air.
This coming towards me.
I wonder if it does.
Hello there.
It's just so stupid, but wonderful.
It's a wonderful film, isn't it?
It really is.
Dwayne Divley. How can I recall Dwayne Divley?
It's true. It's got your photograph, your name, address on it and everything.
It's tied.
Sorry, I just press record. I just completely didn't tell you.
You're a prick sometimes.
Sorry, I didn't even look up to see what you were doing.
You were getting yourself ready.
Well, at least I wasn't tugging myself off. Yeah. Hi. Hello.
Well, we're back.
So what have you been up to?
Not much. No sci-fi this week, except for obviously Red Dwarf.
I just haven't had a chance.
It's been a busy few kind of days of work and busy family time.
So I've not watched anything really sci-fi.
I've just been sticking with bog standard kind of YouTube and telly in the background.
Otherwise, now I'm good as gold really.
I've been playing more TGC card simulator.
Yeah. What day are you on?
I'm only on day 50.
There's been like a week where I've not played it and I've just picked it up for the past couple of days.
I think I'm up to level 25.
I've managed to start selling the dream packs now for the card game.
I've expanded the shop a little bit more.
It's just really novel, just good fun still.
And it's a nice way to kind of lose half an hour, do a couple of days and then go back to whatever I was doing.
Yeah, I've not played it for, I know, probably four or five days, but having early nights, which has made me feel wonderful the next day.
You're so unlike me. I'm such a night owl and that I've always struggled going to sleep.
And then I looked at my Fitbit and it did an average sleep for the last year was five and a half hours.
Jesus.
I thought I need to probably change that.
That definitely needs to change.
Yeah. And I had two days, I will not be very well.
So I had like, I don't get migraines, but fucking hell, I had some bad headaches a few days ago.
So I went to one night, I went to bed at nine thirty and then the next night I went to bed at ten thirty.
And I'll tell you what, the next day I felt fucking great.
So it's funny that you mostly get more and trying to do better at that.
Yeah. So that's it.
So nothing, nothing for you.
So we've gone from forty five minute sections of you talking to two minutes.
Yeah, I know. It's amazing.
It's amazing. Don't hold it all against me saying I'm the one that does all that. You also go through that sort of stuff as well.
So I normally talk too much on your show and ruin the ruined.
Yeah, you ruin the time.
The variety show.
But normally I'll just say, oh yeah, we watched the aliens.
But then you start the conversation.
I don't say that I started.
I like tangents. I think tangents are good.
I think tangents are fucking brilliant.
We are the most tangential podcast out there if you can use it in that way.
I don't see why not.
No.
Tangential.
Well, we've passed the test. Rema, you can let us out.
I can't let you out.
Why not?
Because the king of the potato people won't let me.
What have you been up to?
Well, I have watched stuff.
Fuck me, I've watched stuff.
Oh my God.
I should have added it to the what makes me angry on yours.
But then we would have had an hour long show of me just ranting.
So I've never had so much whiplash from two separate films that I watched this weekend, one on Saturday and one on Sunday.
The first one, wonderful, funny, brilliant action film.
The second one, one of the shittiest sci fi films I've ever seen.
Oh, oh.
So the first one, let's get the good stuff over with, fight or flight with whatever the fuck his name is, Josh Hartner.
Right.
He is, imagine John Wick, but it's comedy and it's stuck on an aeroplane.
That was the film.
It was so funny.
I'd never heard of it.
It just was there on the television.
I was like, let's watch it.
I've seen some trailers of it.
We watched the trailer and yeah, let's watch this.
Oh, I'm so glad we did.
It was so funny, rude.
Like one minute you're laughing and the next minute, instantly you're going, ah, because someone's arm has just been snapped in half.
It is so good.
I don't really want to say too much because it would spoil it for you.
You know, I think there is much more room for action comedies.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, one of my favourite ones, it's possibly more towards action than it is comedy, but there are fantastic comedic points in it.
It is a film called Night and Day, which is little Tommy Cruise again.
And it's just wonderful.
It's just so much fun.
You can just really enjoy all the action.
Then you've got the little bit of comedy thrown in there and it's just, it seems to be one of those categories that if done well, it's bloody brilliant.
The thing is, the comedy all comes from Josh Hartnett.
All the other characters are almost like the straight characters.
And he is just funny because he's just a bit of an idiot.
And the film is meant to be funny.
It's meant to be.
But he is the central comedic pillar to the film.
Everything about him and the way he fights.
I mean, there's a bit where a chainsaw gets thrown across the fucking plane.
It's so good, TJ.
I really want you to watch this so we can talk more about it because someone has spoiled it for you.
But this is why I really want you to watch Snakes on a Plane.
OK, I have watched it.
I just don't remember it.
How can you forget it?
Yeah.
Honestly, anyone listening to this, you go watch Fight or Flight.
Where can they find it right now?
I'm pretty sure it's on Netflix.
I think that's where we watched it.
I can't really remember.
It's on a streaming thing.
OK.
Whatever. Everyone will find it.
I don't know if I've ever brought this up.
Justwatch.co.uk, brilliant web page, top you film in and it tells you where you can stream it for free, where you can stream it for the paid version or if it's just not available in your country at the moment.
So it's absolutely brilliant.
So it will list it as it's available on Netflix.
You can buy it on Apple TV.
You can buy it on Prime or also there's no free streaming, but you can buy it if you go to YouTube or Google.
Really useful.
Before I get into the shit things, I've been watching and listening to a lot of Ren this week as well as audiobooks.
Dungeon Crawler Carl, I'm on the fourth book, literally just finished it today on the way home.
So I'm going to download the fifth one.
That's great.
Anyone's into audiobooks.
Ren stuff.
He did this thing called Fire in the Booth.
Yeah, I used to listen to that.
And there's a great lyric in it, right?
It goes condom, large size, finger jaw mom in five guys.
I don't know why I find that so funny.
It's just really immature and funny.
Ren's amazing.
Everyone knows what I think about Ren.
He's like my musical Jack Reacher.
Jack Reacher can pin you down and just take you.
Ren can take you.
Ren will be the playlist.
So I just smacked my face on the microphone.
Okay, so what bad thing have I been watching?
Fucking section 31.
I'd just like to say the main thing about it is I'm afraid to say it's undone.
I've done all the goodwill I had for Discovery.
That's how much I hated it.
That is how much I think is a bad film.
I mean, I saw the trailer and I remember sharing this trailer to our studio chat.
Oh, shit, it looked bad.
You had some bloke walking around in what looked like some sort of half Borg, half mech suit sort of thing straight out of,
oh, we want to do the Avatar kind of big robot walker suit, but we haven't got the budget.
So just strap a couple of bits on him and say it's done.
I think Michelle Yao is the only one that's worthwhile.
And I bet you she basically got poorly written for and because of the story, it kills her character.
This, if she hadn't just won an Oscar, this is like a career ending film for somebody.
She must have been locked into a contract to do this.
And I don't actually know this is true or not, but this is my headcanon.
The writers for what's the series called again?
I'm so angry. I kind of remember.
Strange New Worlds.
No, no, no, no, no. Discovery.
Discovery.
They got fired at season three and then they went and wrote fucking this.
That's my head.
I don't know if that's true.
It's all probably loaded blocks.
I'm making it up.
That's my headcanon because season four and five are really good.
I think Discovery. Great.
They cannot be the same people who wrote this.
They can't be.
I don't think it is.
It's so bad.
Just every part of it was boring.
The fight, boring.
The story, boring.
The acting, boring.
I was writing notes.
I had three lines of notes and I deleted it.
This is shit.
Why am I even writing notes about this?
I don't want to sit here for the next 45 minutes talking about this like I would do other stuff.
I thought it was so rubbish.
I'm not saying that because of everyone jumping on the hate train for Discovery.
I've been quite open in the fact that I actually really, really liked season four and five.
But this is awful.
I encourage you to watch it so you can agree with me.
Right.
I will do.
Just purely so you can agree.
I will agree with you.
And I know I will because we are very, very similar in our likes and tastes.
I just dialed up an IMDB.
It scores out of a 13,000 reviews.
3.8.
Yeah.
That's generous.
That's got too much.
I'm going to try and read the first sentences of some of these reviews.
Two stars.
Absolute rubbish.
Seriously, I had high hopes for this movie, but it was a complete waste of time.
Unlikeable characters, bad acting, blah, blah, blah.
One star.
Not Star Trek.
I liked Michelle Yow as Jojo on Discovery.
So did I.
But on this, she's a different character completely.
Absolutely.
This isn't Star Trek of any kind.
This is Mission Impossible, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Hold on.
No.
How can they even remotely compare?
It's also not Mission Impossible in space, as was suggested by one of the cast.
Sorry.
Three stars.
Please stop doing Star Trek.
As a massive Star Trek fan, I am deeply disappointed by the continued involvement of Oland Tundi and Susan Mee in directing Star Trek projects.
So, okay, I don't know if there's bad blood from him and the community, but the reviews just go on.
Yeah, I don't know anything about that.
And on.
Wow, is a lifelong Trekkie.
I've sat through some bad Trek over the years.
I don't even know what this is, but it isn't Trek.
Whoever at Paramount approved this needs to be forcibly ejected into the mirror universe.
This is bad.
It's not Star Trek and it's certainly not Section 31.
I'm pretty sure my title says it all.
The title is Bath.
B-A-R-F.
Um, not Trek, not even Section 31.
I watched it to enjoy it.
Sometimes like others watched it just to hate it and that's an 8 out of 10.
I didn't watch it to hate it.
I watched it because I wanted to watch it.
The worst Star Trek movie ever.
Yeah.
Right from the get go.
This is definitely not Star Trek.
It's enough.
It is.
It's as though someone decided to describe Star Trek in English tone, a person who only speaks Esperanto and not very well.
That ties in what we're talking about today.
Esperanto.
I can hear the heads rolling down the Paramount studio corridors as I write this.
Yeah.
10 out of 10 fun space adventure.
Oh, fuck off.
They should have titled it a Section 31 adventure.
It was a fun space adventure.
It was an event in the life of the former Emperor Giorgio.
It had a mix of spy and action filled with a good fun adventure in the 23rd century.
It didn't really mess with canon with those that worry about stuff like that.
And it centered on work outside the Federation.
Oh my god.
The TV has entered the review section.
John Wick in space.
One out of 10.
That's not how this mess ever got the green light.
It's totally beyond me.
Four out of 10.
Someone told AI to create Star Trek.
I would have done better.
One out of 10.
I might buy the DVD just so I can burn it with fire.
Yes, if they're going to waste their finance money on fucking the final title.
Please remove Star Trek from that movie title.
Right.
So let's let me talk about what was good about it.
It ended the end when the credits finally came up and I could instantly remove it from the screen.
No.
So Michelle Yow is the only thing that made that even remotely watchable.
And this has got to be the worst thing she's ever been in.
As I said earlier, she must have been contracted into doing that.
And I hope she got paid loads and I hope she can just forget about it and just move on.
And it's such a shame because she's great in Odyssey.
Why do I keep calling it Odyssey?
In Discovery, she's really good in it.
Her character is great in it.
And there are parts of this which are quite cool.
He has a whole backstory for her, how she became the Emperor in the mirror universe.
It's a good plot line and a good idea for an episode of Discovery.
Exactly.
All the rest of it can be removed.
And then you would have had a Discovery episode, which would have been a good Discovery episode.
Now, I'm going to say first of all, this is not putting whatever they're calling this new recruits series that they're building in a good light.
If it's got any relation to this, it's going to be fucking awful.
Yeah, because so far how you've described Section 31 is a car crash.
And oh my God, we're coming from the end of the series of Strange New Worlds with the Gorn attacking.
They're stuck in the village or the town that they're in.
And we're still waiting for this new series.
Section 31 comes in and ruins any sort of want to watch Star Trek at the moment from the sound of it.
And that's really horrible because Strange New Worlds is doing it right.
And like you said, these last two series of Discovery, in your opinion, are really, really good.
Therefore, so why, oh why are they risking all of this to do?
I don't know. I can't even explain what this is meant to be.
Is it meant to be comedic Star Trek? Is it meant to be?
It's not funny.
The way the trailer put it, you either thought it's going to be,
this is kind of the Suicide Squad of Star Trek is kind of how I took the trailer to be.
These people are basically the worst of the worst and they've just been teamed up as part of Section 31.
And they go and do the job no one else wants to.
That's what I took from it.
So I was expecting, okay, maybe we're going to get a little bit of the sort of comedy injected from lower decks maybe.
Maybe we'll get a bit of the comedy from Strange New Worlds,
but we'll get the writing quality of these last two good seasons of Star Trek we've had.
And obviously not.
That's really worrying, the Paramount are bouncing around like this.
It's more Ocean's Eleven-sy, I suppose, like setting up this supposed grand scheme of how to capture someone at the beginning
and going through how they're going to do it.
And then suddenly Michelle Yeoh is going, no, we're going to do this way and do it her way.
Just every beat of the film was so incredibly predictable.
And I'm not very good at predicting shows and stuff.
I'm normally surprised by twists.
I'm a bit of an idiot when it comes to it.
I get so engrossed in the moment I don't see ahead.
I saw fucking everything coming in this because it was so obvious.
They literally were telling you what was going to happen before it happened.
It's the plot line of just this little character who's like teeny, teeny, tiny little character controlling this mech suit thing.
Just the plot points with that character were so fucking obvious.
It was just shit.
Now, I will say this.
You said, Michelle Yeoh, she's a well-established actress.
Let's face it, it was the three-body problem, wasn't it?
No.
Oh, no, that was...
The film with her and the guy from Indiana Jones, both got Oscars for...
No.
Everything all at once.
That was it.
That was the film that she did recently.
As well as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
Yeah, so everything, everything.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Cucumber, Crazy Rich Asians, Wicked.
Yeah, she's got a back catalogue that is not going to be a problem.
She's a brilliant actress.
Yeah, exactly.
So she's not got a problem.
Can I just point out something, though?
And I don't know if we've talked about this before.
Do you like Tom Hardy?
I do like Tom Hardy.
Did you know his Star Trek role nearly meant he lost any chance of being an actor?
I think you might have told me that before.
Yeah, so he was in Star Trek Nemesis.
He played young clone Picard.
And it bombed so badly, he genuinely struggled to get acting work.
And people warned him, don't take that role.
He did it.
And it nearly bombed his entire career.
It was a few years before he really got his big breaks coming in.
So it's interesting to see.
As you say, Michelle Yeoh, fairly certain she's safe.
But if that had been someone else, that could have killed their career.
I think if she didn't have the Oscar and hadn't done,
well, I fucking know anything about the film industry.
But from my perspective, it's that bad that if she hadn't got that Oscar and done that film,
I think there's another one that she's in, that came out, I don't know the names of the films.
If she hadn't done those and this had come out, you wouldn't see her if I get anything.
No, exactly.
The film is that bad.
Damn.
Okay, well, I will add it to my list.
I will try and watch it this week.
And I will give you a very short rundown in comparison to this as to what my thoughts were on it.
Aside from that, nothing else.
I'm just too depressed for it.
It's just to say it was so bad, TJ.
Well, let's move on to happy things.
I am Holly, the ship's computer with an IQ of 6,000, the same IQ as 6,000 PE teachers.
Ah, it's cold outside.
Do you want to do Red Dwarf or do you want to do cards?
Oh, yeah.
Let's do the cards.
You've brought a gift for us.
So because we've been playing TGC card simulator, part of that game and part of the thing that I really like is not only that you build your shop,
is that you've got these card packs on the table, blister packs, just like Pokemon cards.
Yeah.
And you can open them and all the cards are their own game.
And they've obviously got a lot of thought into it because all the cards are different.
You've got all the, I think it's over nearly a thousand to collect on the cards in the game.
And I thought, you know, I haven't opened a blister pack of cards.
Are you ready for this?
Since Magic the Gathering, and I would have said that would have been 1999, early 2000s, I haven't opened a card blister pack like these in years.
So I stopped by Aldi on the way over.
They've got some cheap Pokemon cards going.
I thought we should open them and see if we get any foils.
Cool.
Is it still foils that are cool?
I guess so.
It's like full art ones they do now as well.
So this is like, it's got three closed packs and a single open card.
So I've got an Arcanine on mine.
I've got like a shiny Arcanine.
I have a Dondazoe with a nice shiny foil outside.
It's glittery.
I mean, for me, yeah, it was always, I wanted the special cards.
So the ones that were shiny, just like the stickers in the old Panini sticker albums.
I always wanted the shiny sticker.
It's all they do nowadays is that they give you code so you can add them to the trading card game.
Oh, OK.
Not to the one I play on my phone, but to the old one that you used to have.
I used to play, I didn't play anymore.
Fair enough.
So you don't get this exact, that might be for this card, but it'll give you like a pack to open.
You'll get different cards inside it.
This Pokemon is a Glosson, but it's bad at getting food.
It teams up with Tatsuguri to catch prey.
Great.
Means fuck all to me.
Are you reading that right in the bottom?
Yeah, bottom right corner.
Fucking hell, are they magnifying glasses?
No, it just, they stopped me from being blind.
An ancient, oh fucking hell, I can't read that.
OK, an ancient picture scroll shows that people were captivated by its movement as it ran through prairies.
Can I point out you might need glasses?
Yeah, maybe.
I think maybe if the light was bright, I might be able to, I cannot read that.
Now, interesting, I was reading on, I say interesting, I was reading online.
Is there a way?
I'll be the judge of that.
That's interesting.
I just, I put down online earlier, is there a way to tell if a pack has a rare card in it or not?
And there's an entire database dedicated now to all the different best of packs.
And the likelihood of them having a hologram card versus a non hologram card, and they've got the weight ranges for the packs.
I was going to say, it must be weight.
It's all by weight.
The amount of depth people go into these.
I mean, watching the couple of people, there's a couple of people on TikTok that pop up, opening up packets to see what they get.
So there's a way you're meant to do it.
You're meant to like move like a top card to the back or something.
It puts it in a different order, but I don't remember what it is.
No, well, I don't care.
So I've opened up my first pack.
How many cards do you get?
Got 10.
Oh, you do get a generous amount of cards then.
I think Magic the Gathering used to get six cards and that was kind of it.
I've got, oh, I've got ones that are a bit shiny.
Oh, well, I've got a shiny one.
Sorry, she said.
I've got a Bog Stand, a Basic and Energy.
I've got a couple.
Are they just all going to be shiny?
I've got like some that have got like glossiness to them and then like weird holographic patterns.
Well, the ones that don't have any sort of holographic pattern, I'm going to ignore.
I've got one that's called Flawjies or Flawgies and that's kind of a holographic patterny one.
I've got one called Toxtricity, which again, I think is rather cool, holography one.
And then I've got Cloth, which is kind of a shiny holography one as well.
Well, I've got the cutest thing ever.
It's a little pig called Lechonk.
Lechonk.
You see how up to date we are on Pokemon, isn't it?
I've got something called a Floret.
That's kind of a little bit shiny.
Oh, this guy looks cool.
Oh, I've got that one.
Oh, no, I've got the Flawgies.
This guy, Craydon.
Oh, he's the bike.
Yeah, he's the bike thing from the game.
There's a bike thing?
So these are, so yeah, Scarlet and Violet.
He's this guy.
He's him.
There's the legendary, you know, each one has a legendary Pokemon, doesn't it?
He's the one from the Scarlet one.
Right.
Like you ride around a Pokemon who's also a motorbike.
Oh, look, I've got Floret, but not the special one.
Oh, has he got the same card?
That's the same card.
That's a boring one.
Boring one.
I don't know.
I don't know if these are.
Yeah, I guess those are special.
Oh, and I've got what I consider a boring one.
Professors Research.
Discard your hand and draw seven cards.
And that's a kind of shiny one.
I have a Croagunk.
Oh, cool.
Which has come kind of shiny, I guess.
And a Drifloon.
Drifloon.
So I've got a Chloritza.
A Whistle that looks kind of like a Weasel or a Ferret or something.
And we know this one, Slowbro.
Oh, yeah, Slowbro.
Now, if I get a chance this week, I will jump online and I will put all of the bots I've got through
and see if any of them are worth anything.
I've got the app on my phone.
Oh, have you?
Yeah, because I went for my old ones.
I will have to do that at some point then and see if any of these are worth anything.
It would be funny if we suddenly pull a card that's worth a good chunk of money.
We don't know.
There was somebody listening going, oh my God, he's got the Drifloon.
Yeah, why is he ripping it up?
What are you doing, you fucking idiot?
Oh, right.
OK, so there seems to always be at least three kind of hologram ones.
And this time I've got a Gryavard, which looks straight up out of kind of a Hanna Barbera card.
It does, it's like an evil dog.
Realu.
And this one looks quite funky, a Horlucha.
So I've got the Miradon, which is the other bike.
So I've got both of the legendary bikes, which is quite cool.
And they're on the shiny cards.
Yeah, Sandile, which is like a weird little crocodile thing.
And then a Cyclizar, a basic Cyclizar.
Very nice.
Yeah, it's got some shiny things.
I can understand why people kind of get addicted to things like this.
Now, for me, if it had stayed as it was with the original kind of Pokemon, it would have been...
I would have quite enjoyed that, especially if you...
Can you still buy the basic blisters of the original game?
I imagine you can. I don't know if it might be really expensive.
Yeah, I just genuinely don't know.
But if you can, then brilliant, I will.
But it kind of feels like there's so many different blister packs and different games now.
I mean, can all of these cards be played in the same game as each other?
Yeah, I think so. I think they can.
Oh, OK. That's a little bit better then, because I was just assuming that because they're so different, it's not the case.
Right, so people are trying to get for at least...
Oh, no, that's different artwork of mine.
OK, so it's not that one.
You're just looking at where the ones were.
I'm just having a quick look to see if there's one that is for sale that actually matches mine.
And... Oh, wow!
OK, well, my card is selling on eBay.
Bear in mind, this is selling. It's not sold.
£47.52.
Well, that's all right. That's paid for it. You get that on eBay. Off you go.
So, yeah, if I stick it in at £20, that will piss this seller off.
I'll tell you what, let's have a competition to see who's got the most value in there.
No, have you got an eBay account? eBay is now free to list. For normal users, it's all free to list now.
Let's see who can make the most money out of the Pokémon cards.
Don't sell our cards.
Brilliant. Oh, wow, I like that.
OK, we'll keep those safe. I'm going to go and buy some penny packs for them and wrap them all up nicely.
Like fuck.
Fucking hell. Hurry up, nerds.
All right, everyone. So we have just we've just gone through Rare Candy and scanned all of our shiny ones and it gives us a value.
So mine has come to a total amazing value of $1.80.
So, do you beat $1.80?
No!
So out of the special ones we scanned, I scanned one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Is there ten there? Yeah, I've scanned ten special cards.
Yeah, I've got ten.
I think. Oh, hang on, hang on.
You can click it to make it the same one.
Yeah, I'm making sure they are all set to Scarlet and Violet because that's what this is.
Oh, God, that's actually taking it down.
I did that. I changed one to what it was meant to be and it took it down from like 12p to 6p.
$1.11, allegedly.
Winner, winner.
So the one that someone's trying to sell for 50 quid on YouTube on eBay is 12 cents.
Oh, dear.
But I don't know. Can you trust this or is this?
This is this is like an official valuing thing, I think.
Oh, dear.
That guy's.
What I'm going to do, actually, let me just very I'm going to very quickly scan just a really random card.
You know, one of the cards that we didn't consider special just to see.
Like a trainer card.
Yeah. So this is not even a foil one.
So all the cards I've scanned.
It's like a person.
Oh, right. Yeah.
11 cents. So exactly the same value as pretty much all of the foil cards I got in that pack.
That's upset you, isn't it?
No, it's not upset me.
It's just it's it's so weird seeing people trying to sell stuff on eBay for 50 quid.
Yeah. The official marketplace.
That's just weird.
Hmm.
That's fun.
Thank you.
Howdy doodly doo.
How's it going?
I'm talky talky toaster.
Your chirpy breakfast companion.
Talky is the name.
Toasting is the game.
Anyone like any toast?
Yay.
You can say it now.
It's cold outside.
No kind of atmosphere.
It's all alone.
More or less.
Anyway, Red Dwarf.
Yay. Oh, God.
Now, if this had been a Disney show, there would have been at the beginning of it.
This show does not reflect the current thoughts of the generation.
It did give you a load of fucking stuff on the iPlayer.
Where did you watch the iPlayer?
iPlayer. But as I did on the Apple TV and I just did it from the Apple TV main screen.
I didn't get any of that.
It just goes straight.
It gave me loads of fucking bollocks to click through.
But maybe I just couldn't use the iPlayer on this phone yet.
Maybe that's why.
Okay.
No, fair enough.
No, no, no, no, no, no bollocks for when I watched it.
I was texting Adam, lightly used, a little bit before I watched these.
And I was saying to him, God, I just need something to get, you know, I need something to just
re-bring my, what was the word I used?
Trust or whatever in sci-fi after watching fucking Section 30.
Yeah.
The Red Dwarf was going to be like my savior and fuck it was.
Oh God.
I watched it on my lunch breaks today, both episodes.
Oh God, that's so good.
I love Red Dwarf. It's so funny.
For those of you that don't know who or what Red Dwarf is, which I'd find very hard to believe,
if you didn't, but possibly if you aren't a UK person.
I know the US did get a version of Red Dwarf.
They tried to remake it with US ads and it was an absolute abject failure.
Red Dwarf is a 1988 BBC TV show.
It's a sci-fi comedy about the last man in the human race, basically.
And the stories that follow after that.
Interestingly, I'm just looking at IMDB.
I've got to stop saying interestingly all the fucking time.
I haven't noticed.
I do.
Artificial Intelligence Dark Comedy.
High Concept Comedy.
High Concept?
Yeah.
Interesting.
Yes, sitcom, slapstick, space sci-fi, comedy, sci-fi.
Those are great.
High Concept Comedy.
No.
No, not really.
There's a man pretending to be a humanoid cat.
High Concept.
Yeah, there's a robot with a Hoover attachment for a cock.
High Concept.
Only from season two.
Oh yeah, because it's a different actor, isn't it, Crichton?
The very first one's different and then yeah, it comes back as What's His Face?
Who?
From Scrapheap Challenge.
Robert Llewellyn.
Robert Llewellyn, that's the one.
First of all, massive love for Red Dwarf.
Maybe not the modern stuff.
I haven't watched the super modern stuff.
Series one through to about six are absolutely wonderful in my books.
Season seven for me is when it starts to get a little bit ropey.
That's when they lose Red Dwarf.
Then we had the Made For Dave series, I think, where Red Dwarf comes back and they're imprisoned
on Red Dwarf and that all gets sorted out.
And then it's not terrible.
It's just not the standard that the others were.
And I've not seen any of the really, really new Red Dwarf because I just fear that they're
just a bit like Top Gear.
Old men trying to do something that should have died a while ago.
Yeah.
Because it's just not allowed to be the same or it won't do the same things that they used
to.
Yeah, I haven't watched the newer stuff either.
I was on the iPlayer looking through it.
There's fucking a lot of series there and they've got like an 80 odd minute special
as well.
Yeah.
Not sure when that was.
I think I have seen that.
That's the one I think I bought on Amazon Prime because there was nowhere else to watch
it after.
They aired it on Dave and it's back to Earth.
And that's where Craig Charles gets mistaken for his Coronation Street character, I think
it is, or Emmerdale, whatever he's in.
So he gets mistaken for that character at one point.
All of this.
It was a bit weird.
It wasn't bad.
It just wasn't the quality it should have been.
That's only funny at that period in time.
Yeah, exactly.
Isn't it?
That's not like that really dates it.
But what would have been funnier?
Aren't you the bloke from Robot Wars?
Yeah, that would have been funnier.
Yeah, that would be better to be fair.
Because more people would know from that.
But even if they didn't, Robot Wars was dated at that point anyway.
So actually it's funny that he's being remembered from a really old show.
And he's in a really, really, really old show.
That would have worked better.
Whereas he's being this current actor instead and a soap opera.
For me, it just didn't gel.
I think, yeah, if you think about it, like say someone in America who watched this, seems
unlikely.
But if they did, they had their own Robot Wars.
So they'd get a little bit of a reference even though they wouldn't know who Craig Charles
was.
Whereas Emmerdale, they probably never heard of.
If it's Emmerdale.
I'm not sure.
I think The Coronation Tree is one of those two, isn't it?
Yeah, it's one of those two.
I sent a text to you earlier, a voice note.
You did.
As we do.
Do you know what I was on about?
Vaguely, I'm pretty sure.
So there's a joke in both of these.
And I don't know if we just happened to be quite unlucky with the ones we chose.
I think we chose two of the best episodes.
I think we still are favourite.
100% we did.
But there are, there's two jokes about Jewish people.
One about circumcisions in the polymorph one.
And then one about, I didn't really actually get the joke, but it was about Jewish people
and teeth.
I'm not sure what the joke was, but it was, it was definitely an anti-Semitic joke.
Both times made by the cat.
Yes, that's true.
Was that a comedy of the time that people did a lot of jokes about Jewish religion?
Or is it just red dwarfed in it?
Or did we just happen to fall upon two episodes?
Because you don't, there was no other jokes about anything else outside of the show.
I think you're thinking about it too much.
And I think possibly this is the problem when you see so many warnings on things about this was created in X day and therefore it doesn't represent the current thoughts and trends of things.
The polymorph episode, he basically says, this is a scalpel.
He's like, yeah, well, it's all been sterilised.
This could have been used for a Jewish procedure.
Just talking about circumcision.
I don't think there's anything negative.
There's no negative connotation behind that.
It's just a funny joke.
I just noticed it.
They could have said anything.
But this is the point, isn't it?
We didn't notice it back then because they just, that was the joke they landed on.
The joke could have been, this could have been used to remove someone's appendix.
This could have been used to do a tummy tuck on someone.
So it could have been anything.
But I think the thing is, the funny thing is, you're talking about a cock.
You're talking about a cock.
So what procedures are there that revolve around that and that?
Circumcision comes around.
So I don't necessarily think that was aimed at a Jewish kind of thing.
As for the back to reality one, I'm trying to actually remember what the exact quote is.
I know that they regularly make fun of, I know, again, polymorph.
Don't fuck around with, well, not don't fuck around with, they don't use that sort of language.
But don't mess around with something that's got more teeth than the Osmond family.
It's a brilliant line.
But that's all that's stuck in my head now.
I cannot think of the back to reality line.
So it's when they're looking, they're out of the VR and they are sat there figuring out who they are with their suitcases.
Dwayne Dibbler.
I don't want to be Dwayne Dibbler.
You've got to do it with your teeth out as well.
That's how you do the voice.
And it is Dwayne Dibbler's there and he's like looking through his bag.
At what clothes he's going to be given, like Craig Charles was handing the bag or something.
It's that moment and he just says something that's...
So I've got what the hell happened to my teeth?
I could open beer bottles with my overbite.
No, no, I don't want to be Dwayne Dibbler.
We could all put our heads together and the bullet could go down the line.
Brilliant, brilliant line on that one.
Of his price, it's designed to be quotes.
Right, OK, so do you mean...
So this is really me, a no-style gimbal with the teeth the Druids could use as a place for worship.
Oh, he says Druids. I thought he says Jewish.
No, he says Druids because he's talking about them.
That's why I didn't get the joke.
Stonehenge.
Oh, I'm so... let's just take back everything I've said then.
So what we now realise is Rob is anti-Semitic because he hears Jewish everywhere.
Guys, I'm the problem.
It's me, I'm the problem, of course.
Everyone's been telling me all these years I'm the problem and now I've finally realised.
No, but it's so easy to overhear something than overthink it.
And I think that is part of the conditioning that's sort of been happening to all of us
because you've got to be so careful with what you say now in case you do upset someone.
Yeah, but I didn't then go on fucking X and start ranting and raving and saying that
Red Dwarf is anti-Semitic propaganda and that they're all fucking Nazis.
That's the difference.
That is the difference, absolutely it is.
But you can understand why people start to err about things they hear,
especially if it's easily misheard.
I can see where you're coming from because especially as he's thinking like this with his teeth out.
Oh, it sounded like Jewish.
Yeah, I can understand that.
I think if I wouldn't have thought anything about it if I hadn't just watched the other episode.
Because when I watched the other one and heard the joke,
it's funny because it's cutting someone's cock off and I thought nothing of it.
It was then because I then thought I heard it in the second one, I thought, hang on,
two episodes, two Jew jokes.
That's a coincidence.
But let's move on from that.
What do you want to do first?
Do you want to talk about?
I watched Polymorph first.
Well, should we talk about the show first or should we just talk about the episodes?
I just talk about the episodes that we watched, what we like about them
and the show in general really doesn't have to be anything.
So Polymorph season three episode five, I want to say.
It was three, three.
Three, three, sorry.
Right.
So it's one of my all time favourite shows.
Now, Red Dwarf, I grew up watching.
I wasn't quite sure mum should have let me watch these, but I did.
Now, season three is 1989.
It was released 28th of November according to IMDB.
So I wouldn't have watched it the first time around.
I would have been five years old.
So I was watching it early 90s.
And I would have said about 93, 94.
So I was coming outside at 10 years old.
And these are just some of my favourite memories of my oldest brother having these on VHS
and stealing from the room, putting them downstairs and just watching those three episodes.
I think I actually managed to get four episodes on the tape actually.
Four episodes or three episodes on the cassette and just watching them back to back.
And they were just, just the comedy was absolutely me.
And it's interesting in comparison to a lot of the comedies, some earlier than this, granted,
how well this stands up still for me.
So Red Dwarf, I've gone back and I've watched and I love it.
And I laughed and I couldn't take my eyes off it.
And I enjoyed it.
Let me, and I know this is personal opinion.
Growing up, I loved Dad's Army and I loved 40s Hours.
I cannot watch either of them anymore.
Dad's Army, I want to literally stab Corporal Jones in the face with his bayonet.
I know they don't fucking like it up and mate, and I'm going to shove this so far up you that you won't like it up you.
As a kid, I don't think I realised how annoying a cunting character he is.
But it's too much for me.
I cannot watch it anymore.
And same with 40s Hours.
I get very much, as a kid, I loved it.
I thought it was funny.
I didn't get the cringe factor that was there.
And very much like The Office, it's too close to the bone for me and I get too cringey.
Oh my God, I can't believe he's doing this sort of thing.
That puts me off wanting to watch it.
Whereas Red Dwarf doesn't have any of that.
I could watch it back then, I can watch it now, and I love it just the same.
I watched it when I was younger.
And I think my dad was just like, it's just stupid, whatever.
It's just one of those things, just let me watch.
Yeah, I mean the worst word you can hear from that is smeg.
Yeah, that's why I can't look at those fridges.
Yes!
Yeah, it's that exact thing, whenever I see them, it just has something that's funny.
It's a lot of innocence, but a lot of...
I think dark comedy is quite an apt word for it, actually.
I think that suits it.
And coming into Polymorph, I mean it's quite obvious that they had a lot of fun with this.
More fun than some of the other episodes for the early series at least.
You've quite obviously got the alien references, the polymorph with an extending inner jaw.
Everything about it, being from Earth because they're trying to create the ultimate warrior creature thing.
All of the little alien references to it, but it's a beautiful model as well.
It might be badly green screen, it might be badly dubbed in, but it's a great looking fucking monster.
As they call it, the eight foot armour plated killing machine.
Yes.
But it just opens so nicely as well, so you've just got this floating pod.
And again, because it's a model, it just looks super good.
And this is like, yeah, extreme caution. Do not approach.
Everything about it was just really, really nice.
I enjoyed the microwave where he was just chucking all the ingredients in and pressing button.
And then suddenly he had a meal that come out of it. I like that.
Yeah. Did you notice it turns itself into a kebab on the plate?
Then they go out and then they come back in and Crichton walks in.
He's only got one kebab on the plate.
Because he's eating one. Because he's telling you how nice it tastes.
Has he eaten one? Is that the point of it?
He says that it tastes amazing. And I think the implication was he's eaten one and he's got one left.
Right. Okay. Because I just kind of gone for the idea that actually, you know what?
It's a mistake. They filmed it in a particular order and they hadn't put the second one on there.
Because obviously you needed the one that was not technically an animatronic.
Animatronic sausage kebab.
It looked like a turd.
It did look like a turd. It didn't look like anything like a kebab that I've ever seen.
Maybe a kofta, but even then crikey.
I do love the fact that he just throws everything in the microwave and then quite clearly someone has thrown something in it.
You almost see them put it there, don't you?
It's still bouncing from being put there.
And they haven't cleaned the microwave either. They just didn't fucking bother.
That's the wonderful thing. It's just done on the chip and it works.
It's funny.
Was it actually filmed in front of an audience? Because I thought I'd read somewhere that it was.
I believe it was. And well, the very top trivia point here.
The studio audience laughed so long during the scene in which the polymorph morphs into Lister's boxer shorts that Chris Barry had to wait several minutes to say his line.
It took more time than usual for the editors to put the scene together due to the long laughter.
So yeah, it looks like Robert Llewellyn is fucking him on the floor.
I guess it is nice. It's not canned laughter. I'm sure there is canned laughter.
Some of it probably is for airing.
Yeah.
How can you not laugh at the alphabetti spaghetti?
That's what he's talking about.
His mum's shagging Lister.
What can he do without spaghetti?
It's just absolutely brilliant.
Yeah.
It's just really hard to really talk about as an episode because to give the idea of the premise for people that haven't seen polymorph then, there's this rotating toxic waste pod, genetic waste pod thing.
Something's burst out of it and we basically see it, a little version of it again straight up out of Alien as if it's the chest burster going around and it can turn into anything.
We get that it turns up in the quarters, it sucks out Lister's fear.
It feeds on negative emotions.
It feeds on negative emotions. It steals Lister's fear. They then go around looking for it. It then sucks out.
Crichton's guilt.
Is it Crichton's guilt first? No, it's the cat first.
The cat's vanity.
Then it takes Crichton's fear, guilt, sorry, and then eventually it takes Rimmer's...
What is it in Rimmer?
It's anger.
It becomes that hippie.
Yeah, and they manage to still destroy it working as a team and then their emotions come back.
But that is the premise of the entire thing.
It's them versus this giant eight foot armor-plated alien and then you get the idea at the very end that there's a second one.
Yeah, the capsule spins round. It says times two written on the capsule.
And then you get two Lister's Warp.
Two Lister's Warp, yeah.
Just a nice little ending and it doesn't ever need to be referenced again, which they never do.
I mean there is a...
Polymorph two.
It's Polymorph two, but it's not strictly Polymorph.
And again, that kind of pissed me off when they did that because it's like...
You called it Polymorph two, but I think it's the emo hawk is the creature in it.
And it's like, hang on a moment.
The Polymorph episode was called Polymorph because that was what was created in the pod.
This is just an alien creature.
Don't call it Polymorph.
Just leave it alone.
It's not a sequel in any way.
So I've got some trivia for you, question for you.
Oh, go for it.
So when Rimmers had his anger taken out and he sat there doing the round table explaining everything
and he wants to create a team of people to...
Yes.
You know, when the signs don't work and the t-shirts don't work and all the other stuff.
Can you remember what the committee's called and what it's...
I know it spells clitoris.
It spells clitoris.
Would you like me to tell you what it is?
The committee for the liberation and integration of terrifying organisms and their rehabilitation into society.
That's it.
And the problem is that it abbreviates to clitoris.
It's just wonderful, isn't it?
The fact that they can say it so straight faced as well.
Well, he gets some really difficult lines.
He has to say that whole thing.
Yeah, 100%.
As an actor saying lines.
He has some difficult ones in that episode.
Right, so hang on.
So just looking up here.
So I was right.
It's called Emohawk Polymorph 2, fourth episode of season six.
And it's when they basically, Lister ends up marrying a gelf leader tribe's daughter.
Oh, yeah, I know the episode.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's got here.
Oh, yeah, and she changes.
Angered at their actions, upsetting his daughter.
The chief sends his pets a domesticated polymorph.
And it's like, no.
Oh, yeah, I remember that one.
The whole point of polymorph was...
See, they're snogging it.
Yes, that is it.
It annoys me because it was a genetic...
I mean, obviously, where did we get the...
Anyway, that doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
Season six is where I think it does slowly start to go downhill anyway.
So we'll talk about that later.
But any other trivia questions you want to ask me?
No, that was the only one.
No, actually, OK, Kryton's cock attachment.
Yeah.
Can you remember what it can be used as?
A whisk.
That's an egg whisk, yeah.
Vacuum cleaner.
Yep.
Oh.
Three others he mentions, specifically mentions, yeah.
Oh, shit.
I know he said it's a power attachment.
It's...
No, go on, tell me.
A buzz saw.
Yeah.
Power drill.
Oh, it was a power drill.
A hedge trimmer.
Yeah.
I like just like no-one wants to have the omelettes he makes with his egg whisk.
Yeah.
Would be quite funny if he said, well, I like a hair trimmer.
Yeah.
Imagine standing behind you just going...
And he calls it his groinal socket.
Groinal socket, yes.
And you get reference to that when...
I think it's a later season.
I think it's called human, and it's the one where they come across the...
Again, it's a human spaceship and it's got a genetic manipulator on board.
And it turns Crichton human and it creates a curry monster.
Curry monster.
And Lister ends up as a half human, half Robocop, but he's really, really short.
He's really, really tiny, very funny episode.
And he's going...
He's saying, is this normal?
And he's looking through an appliance and he says...
He shows him a double Polaroid of a giant goth face.
That's the joke to it.
That's the entire joke.
Is this normal?
No, it's not normal looking at an appliance magazine and you're getting a double Polaroid.
But yeah, anyway, Polymorph, that's a good one.
It is a really good one.
I wouldn't suggest it was one that you start with.
No.
I would actually say with Red Dwarf, it is best just to watch it in order.
The only ongoing story is that he's the last human.
But if you want the canon and the reason why they're there, absolutely watch the first season.
Watch the first six episodes.
Then any of the season afterwards, between let's say two, three, four, five, and six,
it doesn't matter what order you watch them in really in my opinion,
because none of those stories affect each other.
In season one, it's very much serial.
You've got to follow it in the right order.
Maybe even season two to an extent.
But the rest of them, you can watch them in any order and you'll still have fun with them.
But that first season at least gives you the canon, the history, why and what has happened to get to this point.
And yeah, explains the characters a bit more.
Exactly.
So the next one was season five, episode six, Back to Reality.
Back to life.
No, sorry, that's a no, that's something else.
I was thinking that in my head too.
So this one is they've, I don't think explain why they're there,
but they're in Starbuck and they've landed on the floor of this ocean planet,
investigating this crashed ship or something.
And everyone in there has committed suicide.
Yeah, so season five is the start of when we kind of move away from,
oh sorry, the episode was called DNA, not human.
No, that's the next season.
So season five is when it starts more and more that they are basing it off Red Dwarf
and they are literally almost every episode going somewhere different.
So looking here, you've got episode one of season five was Hollow Ship.
So it's pretty much all around Starbuck and Rimmer being on the Hollow Ship.
Then you've got the episode called The Inquisitor,
which is where they go to the prison.
They go to the prison and they get decided whether or not they should be,
oh actually no, is that the one?
I thought very much that Inquisitor one was one where they end up on the prison ship.
And they've got, I'm a bit lost now.
I'll have to read up on that one again.
But then Terraform, they're on the planet where Kryton's been broken into pieces
and Lista fixes him and it's all based on Rimmer's emotions again,
that the planet is based on Rimmer's horrible part of his brain.
You've got Quarantine, which is mainly Red Dwarf,
but they start off on the planet looking for the Doctor and the virus.
And it almost kind of comes across that this season they're exploring
and looking for something.
And in fact then we get to season five, Demons and Angels,
and that's the one where they split Red Dwarf into three
and they've got to work out which is the right Red Dwarf.
They've got the white Red Dwarf where everything is perfect,
the Red Dwarf where everything is absolutely rotten,
because they're trying to, that was it, they're trying to extend their food supply.
They're trying to clone the strawberries, if I remember right.
And then you get back to reality and you're right,
no explanation why, but again they're searching for something.
They've come across another ship that's at the bottom of an ocean
and it suddenly becomes that they've been playing a game.
Yeah, and there's a haddock that's committed suicide by closing his gills.
That again is just stupid, but really, really funny.
Yeah, and then they get them, they kind of, while they're in their star bug,
a giant octopus or something is coming to the despair squid.
The despair squid, that's it.
And then yeah, then suddenly they wake up and actually it's all been virtual reality
and they are these other people, they've been in there for four years.
Can you remember what everyone's name is?
No.
Okay, so you've got Dwayne Dibley.
You've got Dwayne Dibley, yeah.
Crichton is called Jack Bullitt.
Jack Bullitt is the part of the cyber, which that's traffic, isn't it?
Yeah, detective in the cybernautic division.
Cybernautic division, which turns out to be traffic.
Which is just traffic.
And you've got Billy Doyle.
Yes.
And you've got Sebastian Doyle.
That's it, Sebastian's listed and he's the rich one.
And yeah, Rimmer's one, his poor brother.
Sebastian Doyle, he's a section chief of CGI,
chief of the Ministry of Alteration, the voter colonel.
There you go, that was his full title.
Yes, that was it.
Basically the head man from 1984, basically.
Yeah, basically.
It's kind of a...
Sorry, my...
You're just going to watch something.
Yeah, sorry.
That probably won't get picked up, to be fair.
It won't do, it won't do.
I'm still trying to find out what that Billy Prison episode is now.
I don't know which series it is.
It's really not...
Oh, it's Justice and it's season four.
There you go, that's it.
So ignore me a little bit there.
So the Inquisitor is the one where you've got the bloke
with the giant kind of very cool skull helmet on.
And he goes around removing you from history
if he decides that you're just not worthwhile.
So we get a cameo in this from Timothy Spall,
who is a very big actor.
Alveda Saint-Pet and a lot since...
Harry Potter.
And lots of other things.
He's in loads of stuff.
And he is the guy, he's like the engineer in the VR room, isn't it?
He's basically just telling them all the things
that they should have been doing in the Red Dwarf game.
How long did it take you to work out Rimmer then?
Oh, I had him straight away.
Did you?
It's just like, no, oh shit.
And yeah, you realise, I love it as well.
So for anyone that's ever played a ZX Spectrum game
or Commodore 64 version of The Hobbit,
at the end of the game, they've got down in the bottom left-hand corner,
it's like score 4%.
And at the end of The Hobbit, I could never get past it.
It's like, you've completed X percent of this adventure.
It's like, oh, that's such a nice little touch.
But the fact that they've been playing it for four years
and they've managed to complete 4%.
Yeah, it's a really nice touch.
And one of my actual favourite bits of the episode is right at the end
where you see them hallucinating on Starbuck.
Of the car scene.
And the car scene, you actually see Lister nearly laugh.
Right at the beginning.
It looks like Craig Charles is laughing
and they kind of, he quickly moves on to the next bit.
I do wonder, there's also a bit when they first set off in the car
and he throws himself back and rocks,
it almost looks like he's gone too far.
Yeah, that's the bit I'm talking about.
I think that's the bit that makes him laugh
because he then tilts himself back
and they change to a different angle.
And it's like, yeah, they go back to actually what's going on in reality.
But I do wonder if he just broke out laughing.
Whenever you see those compilation shows on Channel 4,
Let It Night going, oh, 1995, people were watching this,
number 10 is this, number 8 and 9 is this.
And Red Dwarf will come on to one of these things.
They always show that scene of them pretending to drive the car and stuff.
I don't know why, it just seems like a really played,
like replayed scene when people talk about Red Dwarf.
Now, very interestingly, Polymorph scored 8.8 on user reviews.
You're saying interesting again.
I'm the judge of whether you are being interesting or not.
Right, Polymorph, he isn't.
User reviews 8.8, this gets a 9.3.
Nice. It is a great episode.
It is a great episode.
It's also the final episode that Hattie Hadred as Holly appears.
Lost.
Yep, apparently not until then she came back to series 7.
And I'm just reading the facts here.
Doug Naylor expressed guilt over the fact that her role was often
a little more than a couple of lines.
So, yeah, disappeared off until season 7.
But that's the weird bit because they get Holly back at one point
in either the next season and it's, I can't think of his name now.
You get the original Holly back.
So, yeah, it's a bit sad because I like both Hollies.
I don't know which one I would say I prefer.
I think I do prefer the original male Holly.
Yeah, probably only because it was the original.
Maybe because they gave him more lines.
Well, exactly. He got more kind of storylines.
I mean, there's an entire episode based around him.
Queeg, when he gets replaced, this just turns out to be a big April Fool.
But this has a, I can understand why this episode gets a lot of love.
There's a lot of kind of throwbacks as well.
So, the throwbacks when Timothy Spauld says,
oh, well, Rimmer knows or was meant to know Esperanto.
The name of the ship was the SS Esperanto.
You should have got that as a clue, should we?
Yeah.
And yeah, you find out about the Esperanto early on
and he struggles to learn it.
He can't learn it and he's useless at it.
He's been learning, God knows how many years and still can't.
That's the joke.
So, it's nice to see little kind of throwbacks.
First appearance of Dwayne Dibley.
Now, I would argue, is it because actually the polymorph one was very similar to Dwayne Dibley.
No, but the polymorph one, he just run down drunk.
Oh, fair enough. Okay. Yeah.
So, that's the first time Dwayne Dibley. Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I suppose, yeah, because that's when he finds out his name is Dwayne Dibley, isn't it?
It's not like he goes, oh, I'm Dwayne Dibley. Oh, my God.
As he finds out, that's his name, isn't it?
True. Oh, I like this.
Although the budget for the series had increased, certain sets were still able to do double for different scenes.
The corridors of Hollow Ship from the episode of the same name were grunged down and made up for the artificial reality suites.
I like that though. I don't see any problem with that.
I like those sort of things.
I didn't notice.
You just don't because set people are brilliant.
Well, plus as well, you're focusing on what's happening as well,
because it's just engaging, the acting is engaging, the writing is engaging.
It's, you know.
Now, one thing, so the Despair Squid is what's caused all of this hallucination.
Yes.
Do you think the writers wrote in that they thought it was a VR game because previously they had played,
I think it must be season two, the VR game Better Than Life in the very early series where they get sent their new video.
The post finally arrives and they play Better Than Life, which is a VR game where, as advertised, people spend their lives in it
because it's this realised full kind of you have the life that you want.
I don't remember the episode, if I'm honest.
Oh, it's a great episode and Rimmer ruins it as always.
So yeah, Lister's going around and he's like brilliant. Rimmer starts off brilliant.
He's got stripes and he's really high up and kind of respected by everyone.
And then by the end of it, his kind of depression has kind of come forward and it starts moulding the game towards that.
So he loses all his money.
He ends up in a horrid marriage that he doesn't want to be and he got kids crying.
He's an alcoholic and then he starts dragging Lister into it as well and Cat into it and they're just all then miserable because of him.
And he just, they really ruins the game.
But I just wondered if anything was kind of in the back of their mind thinking, how could we make this kind of fit?
And yeah, the VR game kind of makes sense that Better Than Life existed in the series.
So it's a similar idea.
Yeah. I don't remember the episode, but I guess so. Yeah.
But coming back to what we were saying then, where do you think Red Dwarf started going downhill?
And that's a hard thing to say because ultimately I still love Red Dwarf very, very much.
Even the later stuff, I still have love for it.
I don't think it's as good, but I don't think it's terrible.
I just think it's starting to go away from what genuinely was very clever and very funny.
I don't know whether I would, there's any bit where I'd go, oh, it started to get bad.
I just think when it came back, I actually wasn't that really fussed about watching it.
When I knew that it was going to be, you know, it was a Dave thing, I was like, oh, I'm not going to have much.
Okay, it's a free to air channel, but I didn't have any way of recording it at the time.
So I was like, well, I'm not going to be able to watch it when it's on.
I've got to wait for a repeat of it.
Well, this is it. I only got to watch these, I guess, initially on VHS and then good old, again, BBC Two.
It would have been BBC Two and it was, I think, what was their comedy night?
Was that a Thursday night sci-fi?
So they used to have Friday night was comedy and you had things like The Farce Show on.
Thursday night, I think, used to be kind of the sci-fi.
So you had Star Trek, you had Sliders.
And then I think later into the evening you then had Red Dwarf.
I'd need to double check. It might have even been on Friday night then.
But yeah, I got to see the reruns then.
And then obviously, as I got older, I then got the ability to start watching the seasons as they came out, which for me, I'm just looking here.
I think it was going to be, yeah, season six, which was released 93.
I think those are the first ones I remember watching on TV.
Maybe not so much, maybe one or two of them.
But I definitely had season six on VHS.
And I remember buying it from W.A. Smiths in Watford.
It was a summer holiday trip, as always.
Mum used to take us on summer holidays and we'd go the day shopping.
And we'd go and walk around the harlequin. It was a day out, wasn't it?
And back then you had lots more shops that were much more interesting in my opinion.
And I remember that, gee, you can buy one video from W.A. Smiths.
And I bought that season on VHS and went back and remembered watching it over and over again.
And even then, looking at that series now, so season six is Sirens.
And this is the first season where they wake up and they've lost Red Dwarf.
And you've got Sirens, you've got Legion, you've got Gunmen of the Apocalypse, Emo Hort, Polymorph 2, Rimmerworld, and Out of Time.
Out of all of them, I think Rimmerworld is the funniest.
And I think it's probably season six that I start thinking things are starting to go downhill.
And it would be a further four years until season seven came along with Ticket to Ride, Stoke Me a Clipper.
And that's when they brought back Kaczanski.
So they got rid of Rimmer. Chris Barry wasn't in it much.
And you ended up with Episode Blue, which is the one where they bring up the roller coaster ride with Little Rimmer marching.
And so on and so on.
And that's what ends in Red Dwarf being recreated.
And that's when the old Holly comes back from the look of it.
And then, yeah, episode series eight is when they're in the Red Dwarf and in prison.
And I... 99, wow. Later than I thought.
Yeah.
But not as late as I thought as well, because I would have been watching that on...
Oh, maybe that was the BBC then, 99.
It would have still been on the BBC 99, I think.
Yeah, when did digital TV come in?
Because I was very early to the digital TV world.
I went to a... shows you how classy.
My parents wouldn't let me have a TV area in my room, so I had a little portable TV.
And it had one of those little round metal aerials on top.
And it was OK. It didn't get me great reception.
So I remember walking into town, walking into Wilkinson's because that had newly opened,
bought an aerial kit, and my room had a loft hatch.
Climbed into the loft, strapped that aerial to a loft beam with duct tape,
then ran the cable out.
First time I'd done a coaxial cable, ran it to my TV.
Perfect signal. Loved it. Absolutely brilliant.
Fun fact, it's still in that room and my nephew uses it to watch TV,
and it still works perfectly.
Oh, wicked.
Which is just... it's proper, proper going ghetto technology style there.
But it worked, really liked it.
Went back to town for some reason, and I saw this thing called a digital TV receiver.
And I was like, oh, no, that was it.
The TV aerial said, designed for analogue and digital TV.
And it's like, what? Digital?
So I went back and I paid 50 quid for this half...
it was a semicircle kind of thing with a giant cable like that.
Went back, stabbed it in, and got all of these weird extra digital channels as they were back then.
Bugger all on them, but yeah, that was just the introduction to it.
I'm just wondering when Dave first appeared and when Back in the Red aired.
We had an aerial on TV.
My dad at some point, who fucking knows when, had had an aerial guy come and wire every room.
And the way they'd done it was you had a weird socket on the windowsill.
Did you ever see that?
So the guy had obviously gone and brought the cable in through the bloody window kind of frame to this little piece.
And I've worked on it since, particularly one in their bedroom.
The cable's so fucking short, it was impossible to work with.
You can't do anything with it, can you?
And they had little resistors in, and to make it work with Magic Eyes, you had to cut the little resistor off and try and...
like solder bits together.
I had to change them and repair loads of them.
Anyway, that's a different story.
But I had, I think it was called Play TV, which was a digital receiver that you'd attach to your PlayStation.
So then you could record onto your hard drive of your PlayStation.
And I got that way later on.
Like, as I said, I couldn't record Dave and stuff at the time to watch those ones.
Yeah, so Dave appeared in 98 apparently.
Did it?
It was part of the UK gold sort of things.
So actually, I've been around a lot longer than I thought.
Is it still around now?
It's now called You and Dave, I believe.
It doesn't sound, I'm just looking at the Wikipedia here to see if it was...
Isn't that what Taskmaster's from, Dave?
No, that's Channel 4.
Taskmaster's...
I thought it was originally on Dave.
Oh, no, I think it was always a Channel 4 thing.
Dave just shows whatever it can get its hands on.
Maybe that's why...
It used to show Top Gear over and over again.
Yeah, it did, yeah.
Yeah, you could kind of guarantee whatever time of day it was, you'd know what it was.
So if it was the morning, it would be Top Gear.
If it was the afternoon, it would be quiz shows.
If it was the evening, it was comedy shows.
I imagine that's quite how quite a lot of those channels would have started
by just buying up the rights to show good shows or popular shows,
have them on constantly, get the ad revenue in and then start making their own.
Yeah, I just can't remember whether series eight was the BBC
or whether it was Dave or it was the next seasons after that that were Dave,
because there was very specific series made for Dave
that the BBC weren't, well, were involved in, but weren't, if you get what I mean.
Anyway, we've kind of gone on the tangent there, which is a tangential podcast.
Yeah.
I still love Red Dwarf.
Everything about it is brilliant.
The two episodes we chose, I think, were some of the best ones out there.
If I had the chance to choose a different episode, I might do.
I might do, actually.
There are so many good ones.
I mean, didn't you, you had a list at one point, didn't you?
I've got them on my phone, yeah.
Yeah, what were your favourite ones?
Let me bring it up on here.
Sorry, I'm too far away from the microphone.
Sorry, everybody.
I've got, well, these aren't my favourite ones that I, notable ones.
So season five of Sephora, quarantine, the virus makes them go mad.
Yeah.
And there's a great scene with Rimmer kind of dressed up as a little school girl
with a little duck or something.
Yeah.
Mr. Flurr.
Is it Mr. Flurr?
The duck's name?
It's Mr. Floppy, isn't it?
Something like that.
Goodness.
Yeah.
Anyways, so yeah.
Season six, episode four, Rimmer world.
We go through, Rimmer goes through a wormhole.
Everyone follows him and it takes them 600 extra years to get there.
And the whole planet's now populated with Rimmer clones.
Yeah.
So it's a good day.
And season seven, episode five is called Blue, which you said.
It's just because I like the ride, the Arnold Rimmer ride.
They're the ones that I happened to write down on here.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm going to, this is just from the first six series.
I'm going to just choose one from each series.
Season one, obviously the first season, difficult because it's still building up on the characters
as we know them.
And it is a very raw season.
It's very funny, but it is very different to all the seasons we got after that.
Confidence and paranoia from season one.
Absolutely brilliant portrayal from so many different actors in there.
Lister gets sick and they basically his confidence is paranoia become real life people walking
around the ship.
And it's just the confidence keeps killing things and paranoia keeps telling him, oh
no, you're not good enough.
Are you?
And confidence kills paranoia.
Very, very clever episode.
Really good.
Season two, a little bit more difficult.
You've got better than life.
Season three is the second series.
Thanks for the memories, a really nice one because they basically get pissed up on, I
think it's Rimmer's death day and they give Rimmer the, like Lister's memory of his like
first kiss or something to try and make Rimmer happy.
That's just a really nice episode.
It's a very funny one because they wake up and they've all got things like, I think Lister's
got a broken, no, the cat's got a broken foot and various things.
Everyone remembers why because they wipe their memory of it, all of these things.
Season three, now we talked about Polymorph.
Looking at what's on season three, I'd almost say actually, I think as much as I loved Polymorph
and it's the rated highest on IMDB, timeslides from that series is just a brilliant episode.
I almost regret not choosing that one.
Basically, they find some mutated film negative processing liquid and it makes all the pictures
that's processed with it come alive.
If they put it on the projector, they can walk into that scene and Rimmer eventually
persuades him from his younger life to create the tension sheet rather than Thickey Holden
and it changes the timeline.
It all goes back to normal at the end, but again, brilliant, brilliant episode and probably
a bit stronger than the Polymorph one.
Season four, lot to it.
I would go with DNA just because Cryon Becomes Human, really, really good episode.
Five, just speeding this up a little bit.
I'll stick with that as a reality with what you've chosen because actually it's between
that and quarantine for that episode, for that season.
Then season six, as I say, this is where it gets a little bit rough for me and I didn't
enjoy it as much.
Either Legion or Gunmen of the Apocalypse.
Gunmen of the Apocalypse is where they get hit with the virus and Cryon decides to plug
himself in and they turn it into a game, again, a bit like VR from the other one.
Whereas Legion, they come across another ship and he's built up of all of them and he just
doesn't want them to leave, but that's getting very good.
It's a bit up with either Cryon's.
So no, Legion, they arrive on the ship and he appears and he's like, oh no, and he knows
what makes all of them happy.
They lock his face off.
He's part of all four of them and that's why he doesn't want them to leave.
I think we've got to knock you all out, but Rimmer's hard light beam means they can't
knock him out.
They keep trying to knock him out with this giant polystyrene, which is meant to be kind
of marble statue, but they can't.
There is an episode where it's all Crytans on the ship, right?
Different, like a woman Cryton and a different kind of Cryon.
There's a couple.
So there's Camille.
He comes across a female version of a Cryson unit, but that is because Camille is a shapeshifter
and you see what you want to see.
So Cryon sees a female unit, Lister sees a sexy version of a Lister woman.
Rimmer sees a sexy hologram woman instead and a pleasure gulf, I think he calls it.
So again, related to gulfs later on.
And it just turns out she looks like a giant lump of snot in earth-true form.
And then the other bit that you kind of see is when he goes to see his heads, because
he's got lots of different heads in a cupboard and they've all gone a little bit strange
from rot.
There's a lot to it.
It's one of the best British comedies out there.
Even now, I would say it beats a hell of a lot of what comes onto our TV nowadays.
Agreed.
What are these guys going to do to us?
Whatever it takes to find out about the Paddle.
Hey, if you mean torture, then say the word torture.
I can take it.
Okay, they may torture us.
They torture us.
They probably won't, man.
They're probably not even interested in the Paddle.
They'll just take us outside and execute us.
You're just saying that to make me feel better.
So, sorry everyone, this is another long one.
I think this is just going to be a long show each time.
Yeah, it is, I guess.
A bit up and down.
So, what are we going to watch next week?
You've chosen something for us for next episode.
I need to get back into...
IMDb should be sponsoring this, I think.
They should.
Right.
We are going to watch the Quatermass experiment.
And I need to just quickly double check which one we are going to be watching.
We are going to be watching Quatermass experiment, the 1955 version, which is the black and white film.
It's the first time we're going to be venturing into the world of old school sci-fi.
So, bear in mind this is 1955.
Just stick with it because it is a absolutely fantastic film.
If anything, you could almost go for it's a sci-fi horror.
And actually IMDb lists it as space sci-fi, horror sci-fi.
It's very of its time.
I guess you could almost say it's a British version of The Thing almost,
if The Thing was to land in a populated area instead.
I'll leave it at that.
Now, I will need to obviously get you my copy of it so you can see it
because it's not on streaming anywhere as normal.
And it is spelled Q-U-A-T-E-R-M-A-S-S for Quatermass.
And experiment is experiment without an E at the front.
Oh, so it's trendy.
It's trendy, mate. The Quatermass experiment.
Experiment. Very iPhone.
Very, very, very much so.
Ricked.
It's a small off-duty Czechoslovakian traffic board.
There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you.
Oh, yeah. Hi, mate. Hi, mate.
You know we're late for our shift in engineering.
Huh?
Engineering, spaceship, our job, any of this ring a bell?
Saying engineering makes it sound way cooler than it is.
It is cool. So our first day shift, that isn't scrubbing floors.
Dude, we're changing biopacks in Jefferies Tube 84.
It's hardly an engineering shift.
OK, fine, but it's our first day shift.
Yay.
Fuck me.
Why do we even have biopacks? Didn't they learn anything from Voyager?
Are you implying Starfleet learns anything from past mistakes?
Have you read any of the captain's logs since Kirk?
No, nor did anyone else but the Zowdy things.
Touche. Anyway, what are you doing?
Ah, just stuff.
Stuff?
You know, sci-fi stuff. You wouldn't understand.
Cheeky prick. Try me.
Well, after all that stuff that we aren't meant to talk about, but do talk about,
but only when the thing that we can't talk about can't be heard by people who don't know the thing that we can't talk about happened,
I've been wondering, what if things were different?
What if none of those things that we can't talk about, but do talk about, but only when the thing we can't talk about can't be talked about?
I get it. I get it.
Right, well, because of that, I've made this.
It's a quantum time-field manipulating mirror, created using hyperactive mycelium spores that react violently when adjacent to negative quark variants at a temperature of 8,000 Kelvin.
You're right. I don't understand. But the word violent sounds ominous.
Don't worry about it. Look, look, look. Put this watch on.
What's this for?
With that on your wrist, it re-phases the wearer to match other dimensions, and when phased correctly, the user can then look into the mirror and glimpse other dimensions.
Without it, it just looks like a normal mirror.
How the fuck did you figure this out?
Followed a tutorial on Trektube. You can find anything on there.
You know, there's this wicked channel on there where this guy and his girlfriend get stalked by some random alien, and then they have to keep changing planets to escape.
That sounds so shit.
Don't knock it till you've tried it.
Right then. Watch is on. What do I do?
Hang on, hang on, hang on. Let me get mine on.
Right, okay. Right, ready, right. Now turn the outer ring to any number you like. Then you press the big red screen in the middle. You'll then re-phase and hopefully the mirror will show us something.
Will you see it?
Yep. I paired the watches, so whatever one setting is, the other will match and we should both be able to see what's going on.
Cool.
Just one thing. Don't break the glass when the system's active.
Why?
Oh, no. I skipped that bit of the video anyway. Go on. Give it a spin.
Look. It's us.
Ha! It works! What are we doing?
Looks like... looks like we're on an away mission.
Nice! We never get to go on away missions.
Wait. Hang on.
Oh no.
We've got red uniforms on.
Shit. Quick, change it, change it.
It looks like you stepped in something.
Oh, now we appear to be arguing. Is there no sound?
It's just a mirror, mate. No audio.
There's some kind of giant green blob appearing out of the ground. It... shit, it's got you.
Oh, change the dial.
It's slamming you on the ground!
Change the dial!
Over and over and over and over and over and over!
Change the fucking dial! Oh, for fuck's sake, I'll do it.
Boo! Oh, shut up, knobhead.
Oh look, it's Admiral Chesters.
Is that a crown on her head?
Yeah, it looks like it.
Why's everyone bowing to her?
Oh, sweet sword!
That's Adam. What's he kneeling at her feet for?
She... she bent that sword into the fire.
Ah! Fucking burned his face off.
What the fuck?
That was fucked up.
Look, it's me, and I'm Captain.
Oh, wicked.
And I'm kissing T'Pol?
You fucking what? Let me see you wanker.
Don't! I'm watching this.
Don't... change the... the dial.
Get off me!
No!
T'Pol's mine!
You fucking idiot.
Me? You're the fucking idiot.
It's pulling us in!
Oh, oh, oh!
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Thank you very much. Send your answers for the six sci-fi items in or shows, I should say, in Guess the Intro.
Now, is this the one I'm thinking of?
I'm just going to very quickly check my notes because I have a slightly special Guess the Intro coming up.
Is it this one?
No. Episode six is the next one.
Yeah. So this is one, two, three, four, five.
There's six in this one for you to get. And that's it. Thank you very much.
Remember, email or DM me on one of the socials. If you get them all right, get a shout out.
Yeah. Thank you.
Thank you, everybody. Love you. Bye. Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Untitled Sci-Fi Show.
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I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is what are we going to call ourselves?
And I think it comes down to a choice between the League Against Salivating Monsters or my own personal preference,
which is the Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation into Society.
One drawback with that, the abbreviation is clitoris.