1 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:59,920 It's that seasonal time in the far distant future 2 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:06,480 where a friendship was born, but was destroyed by a creature, a creature of smoke, or a creature 3 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:13,600 of ambition. How can you tell? Just another failed mission. It's the time for your family, 4 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:21,040 a time for your friends. But in this Star Trek story, is that how it ends? A lifetime of toil 5 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:26,480 for our lower dex pair, but treason and selfishness filled our winter's air. 6 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:35,440 On the eve of Trek Christmas, we find our lonely Rob having nightmares and visions. What an absolute knob. 7 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,880 Tom, I'm so sorry, Tom. 8 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:11,600 There he is. What's going on? Down the side, Ensign. Ensign Rob? Yes? We're detaining you 9 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:16,800 on suspicion of eight counts of murder. Eight? You will accompany us to the shuttle bays, 10 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:22,320 where you will be transported to Deep Space Nine and remain under their supervision until further 11 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:28,320 notice. But I- Once there, you will be assigned council, and if all evidence points to your 12 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:35,120 complicity to these crimes, you shall be tried in court. Do I make myself clear? You can't do this. 13 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:40,560 It wasn't him. I won't allow it. Won't allow it? I suggest you step away from the body and keep a 14 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:45,200 safe distance, Ensign, unless you want to find yourself in the brig. It's okay, Adam. I'll be 15 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:50,880 fine. I will get you out of this. It's okay, mate. I'm ready. Please stand up, place your hands on 16 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,120 your head, and turn the face of the wall. 17 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:07,120 I'll get you out of this. I owe you that much. 18 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:17,120 Tell me what you remember of the day in question. I just remember being in my quarters, having 19 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:24,320 terrible dreams. Tell me about the dreams. It felt so real. How? It was like, it was like someone was 20 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:29,280 talking to me, making me see things, making me think things that I just knew weren't true. And 21 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:35,680 then what? The rest. The rest is just a blur. Flashes of light and faint memories, but they 22 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:42,080 didn't feel right. How so? Almost like they weren't mine. I was just watching them. So much sadness, 23 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:52,880 so much anger. We are here outside Quarks Bar on Deep Space Nine, which has been made into a 24 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:58,000 makeshift courtroom where we await the trial of the Sentry. An unknown dense in the board, 25 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:03,440 the Starfleet Vessel, the USS Shit Show, is being tried for eight counts of murder in the first 26 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:09,120 degree. Detonation of an unknown explosive device, leading to the deaths of another 19 crew members 27 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:13,840 and the destruction of the Starfleet. Oh, it looks like we have movement. 28 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:28,080 You, the jury, on the count of murder in the first degree of eight crew members aboard the 29 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:33,600 SSS Shit Show, how do you find the accused? Not guilty. On the count of detonation of an 30 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:39,360 explosive device with the intent to kill, how do you find the accused? Not guilty. On the count 31 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:45,040 of detonation of an explosive device with the intent to cause harm, how do you find the accused? 32 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:50,160 Not guilty. And finally, on the count of detonation of an explosive device with the intent to cause 33 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:57,200 destruction of Starfleet property, how do you find the accused? Not guilty. Enzyme rock, your actions 34 00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:01,440 have been deemed out of your control and influenced by the smoke creature known as the anomaly. 35 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:06,480 You have been found not guilty on all counts. Congratulations Enzyme. Your rank should be 36 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:11,600 reinstated and all Starfleet privileges shall be returned to you. Court promises this will be 37 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:16,000 stricken from your records and will not affect your future progression throughout Starfleet. 38 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,000 Court dismissed. 39 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,600 Dismissed. 40 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:34,560 Who are man's off scot-free? Well it does make sense. A smoke monster possession does make a 41 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:40,800 good defense, but it's Christmas remember. I know that's why you're here. Let's see how he's doing. 42 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:47,600 Let's feel that Christmas cheer. Bah humbug. Fuck. You don't really mean that. Why not? 43 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:53,280 What exactly do I have to be merry about? My friends are dead, my ship is currently orbiting 44 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:59,600 Deep Space Nine in 84 separate pieces and every twat with a Fleet Talk account has seen me blubbering 45 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:04,960 like a bitch in a highly televised courtroom. Well when you put it like that I can understand 46 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:10,640 you could feel a little under festive, but come on you've got a great promotion, albeit in a temporary 47 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:16,800 position here on Deep Space Nine, but still you've made it to the big leagues. Look, I'll shift us 48 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:22,160 over and tomorrow's Christmas let's go down quarks and get a few Saurian brandies down our necks. 49 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:27,440 I don't think that's a good idea. Why not? Come on, not like we've got anything going on tomorrow. 50 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:31,920 Yes you do. What do you mean? I've got you both rooted for a double transport to degaussing. 51 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:41,520 But Rob it's Christmas. Sir. Sorry? You mean but sir it's Christmas. Rob, sorry, I mean sir, 52 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:46,480 all the other beta shift ensigns have been given the day off. That's a poor excuse for leaving a 53 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:51,200 commanding officer to pick up the slack every winter solstice, but seeing as I'm the only one 54 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:56,480 that seems to understand that, take the day off. Thank you sir. Be here all the earlier the next 55 00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:08,080 day because you are doing it manually. Of course. What a prick. Christmas, Christmas indeed. Barf 56 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:14,080 fucking humbug. Computer, end session and close access to terminal. Authorization Rob Alpha Three. 57 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,960 Affirmative. Right, I'm leaving. 58 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:37,520 With another shift over Rob walks alone, a familiar scene this quiet stroll back home. 59 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:44,560 By himself he meanders, by himself he roves, passing cheerful strangers and crewmates he loathes. 60 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:50,640 But what's this at his door? That's an odd thing to find. A brass knocker is there. Did it move? 61 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:52,080 Is he blind? 62 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:01,440 Tom? 63 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:08,160 Humbug. To say Rob wasn't shocked, well that's not true. He wore his brown pants and he needed 64 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:15,200 them too to see his old friend materialize at his door on that strange brass knocker. 65 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:20,720 Was it there before? He continues his night, clearly shaken from fright, 66 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:31,760 but a little nightcap, well that will set things right. 67 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:48,000 Tea, Yorkshire, hot. 68 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:56,080 Well look who it is. Ensign Rob, or is it Commander now? 69 00:08:56,080 --> 00:09:03,200 Who are you? In life I was your friend. It's me, Tom. Don't you recognise me? 70 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:08,080 You look like him, but it can't be true. And why not? 71 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:12,480 You could be a trick of my mind, an apparition manifested by a past trauma, 72 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:16,160 oh lord. I don't want to see Councillor Bensley, they can't make me. 73 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:20,480 Oh dear god no. No, no. Your trick of my stomach. 74 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:24,480 Not the mind. You could just be bad tendrils of gah from lunchtime. 75 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,720 Gah, he says. Gah. Don't take the piss, you always took the piss. 76 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:34,480 I never banter my friend, banter. Why are you here? Why are you visiting me? 77 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:45,200 I'm Thomas the Janssen, our bestest friend indeed. 78 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:50,080 The smoke took your body at the door and controlled you readily. 79 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:54,880 It specialised in causing pain, spreading lies and doubts. 80 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:59,280 And when you came into the hangar, the rumour sucked it out. 81 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:17,440 I'm Thomas the Janssen, your soul's been tainted black. 82 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:22,640 Controlled to do those evil deeds, it put you in its shackles. 83 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:26,640 Captive bound, you're double-eyed, exhausted by the weight. 84 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:31,680 As Starfleet comes from giving love, the anomaly came with hate. 85 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:47,680 I'm Thomas the Janssen, I'm Thomas the Janssen. 86 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:11,520 Doomdraal, you're doomed for all time. Your future is a failed career, written by your crime. 87 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:21,680 Your destiny is fixed by what you say and do. So stay alone, covered your throne, a nightmare waits for you. 88 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,200 Dammit Tom, what are those terrible chains? 89 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:33,760 These chains were forged in life by the creature of smoke. It hatred shackles me now, even in death. 90 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:40,080 All those touched by it are cursed with this future. You, Rob, you carry such change yourself. 91 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:43,040 Humbug, speak kindly to me, my friend. 92 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,880 Kindly? Ha! 93 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,280 You will be haunted by three spirits. 94 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:51,040 Haunted? I think you've been all the haunting I can take, thank you. 95 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:56,240 Without their help, you have no hope to change your ways. You have to hope to save yourself. 96 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:59,760 You have no hope to save us all from the weight of damnation. 97 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:04,000 The first ghost comes tonight, when the bell tolls one. 98 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,440 No, refuse. 99 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,680 When the bell tolls one. 100 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:16,240 I'm Thomas the Janssen, I'm Thomas the Janssen. 101 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,040 I'm Thomas the Janssen. 102 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,280 I'm Thomas the Janssen. 103 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,280 Change! 104 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:36,960 Just as soon as he'd appeared, giving Rob a fearsome fright, Tom's chains echoed into the darkness, haunting Rob all night. 105 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:42,320 Rob sat back down, and with a frown, a nightmare this must be. 106 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:47,360 But frozen solid in his cup was all his Yorkshire tea. 107 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:53,600 What sorcery is this? Humbug, I say. Humbug to you, Tom, bloody damn Humbug. 108 00:12:53,600 --> 00:13:01,120 Humbug indeed, he says aloud. It's time he went to bed. Perhaps a drop of liquor to lighten his heavy head. 109 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:09,360 Chateau Picard. That would be nice. Perhaps Orion Duluc. It doesn't matter. He just wolfs down. 110 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:14,160 Half a pint of rotgut. It's getting late, and cold creeps in. 111 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:22,160 It's time to go to bed, but it isn't long until he hears the sound that he did dread. 112 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,280 Are you the spirit that Tom told me about? 113 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:37,840 I am. 114 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:38,720 Well, get lost. 115 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,400 Well, that's not nice. 116 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,880 Didn't you hear? Apparently I'm not a very nice bloke. 117 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:44,720 I did, and that's why I'm here. 118 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,400 Go on then, speak clearly, or not at all. No riddles. 119 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:53,760 I have lived for more than 2,400 years, and I remember everything. 120 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:54,720 Typical woman. 121 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:56,640 Excuse me? 122 00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:00,400 Nothing, nothing. 2,400 years? You look like a child. 123 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,960 We were all young once, were we not? 124 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:03,600 Guess so. 125 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:08,800 As I was saying, I remember everything. Every life that ever was, every thought that was ever thought. 126 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,560 Your salvation starts in your past, and your past is where I will take you. 127 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,880 And how exactly do you intend to do that? 128 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:16,960 We travel through the void of space. 129 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,360 Oh, you have a shuttle. Okay, let me get my coat. 130 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:20,480 I have no shuttle. 131 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,280 Okay, you're teleporting me then? 132 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:26,640 You know full well it's transporting, and no, we aren't. 133 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,640 Well how then? I'm only human, spirit. 134 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:33,280 It's not like I can just enter the cold vacuum of space and fly around like a bloody space bird. 135 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:34,240 Take my hand. 136 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,440 You're not serious. 137 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,440 Take my hand and you will be fine. 138 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:38,000 Insane. 139 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,160 Just take my hand, will you? I've got three other selfish old men to visit tonight. 140 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,240 You aren't the only one with problems, you know. 141 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,120 Oh, alright, fine. Don't get your spectral knickers in a twist. 142 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:57,920 Spirit? 143 00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:58,640 Yes, Rob? 144 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,320 Where's that light ahead? 145 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,720 That light? That light is the past. 146 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:03,840 It's beautiful. 147 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,120 The past usually is. 148 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:11,680 The past once lived was their destination, and in the past came trepidation of pathways 149 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:17,440 and byways once well trodden, of people and deeds that Rob had forgotten. 150 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:24,320 To protect his friend and his new found love, to give his team a better life above. 151 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:27,600 Upper, not lower decks, a loftier position. 152 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:34,400 Protecting his friend and his new found love, to give his team a better life above. 153 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:40,960 Protecting his friend from a terrible mission, to clear their memories and travel so deep. 154 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:44,640 Into the Starfleet under Belly, where the criminals sleep. 155 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:51,920 Forget all your past and forget all your future, for this was a mission not for student but teacher. 156 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,560 Spirit, what is this place? 157 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,560 You don't recognise it? 158 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,560 I have no memory of this. 159 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:04,880 This is your past, Rob, one of many Christmas Eves stolen from you. 160 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,880 Stolen from me? By who? 161 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:08,800 By you, Rob. 162 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:10,560 I stole it from myself. 163 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:14,640 How is that what Adam was trying to tell Tom and I? 164 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:15,920 Just watch. 165 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,920 Shhh. 166 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,920 Shhh. 167 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,920 Shhh. 168 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,920 Shhh. 169 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,920 Chaps, settle down, settle down. 170 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,920 Is that... is that me? 171 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,920 Yes. 172 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,920 Can you see me? 173 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,920 No one here can see us. 174 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,920 Merry Christmas, sir. 175 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,920 And to you, Tom. To you all. 176 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,920 Brilliant, have you heard? 177 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,920 Sure, shake the cup. 178 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,920 Heard what exactly, agent? 179 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,920 Adam's in love. 180 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,920 It's hardly love, Tom. 181 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,920 You love her. 182 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:59,920 Come on, what are you, five? 183 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:03,920 Spirit, it's Tom, my friend. Tom, Tom, I'm here, my friend, my friend. 184 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,920 They don't know you were here. 185 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:09,920 And Adam, Adam, come sit with me, friend, sit with me. 186 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,920 Dear God, this guy's an idiot. 187 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,920 They can't hear you. 188 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:17,920 Ah, yes, the young lady in the officer training program at the academy. 189 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,920 I'm aware. 190 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,920 How? Yeah, how? 191 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,920 These guys only know because they're always right at the back of the shuttle, eh? 192 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,920 Ha ha! 193 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,920 It's my job to know, Adam. 194 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:33,920 Now then, Officer Rose relayed our orders from the big man upstairs, and provided me with the intel to get you two up to speed. 195 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,920 The big man himself? 196 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,920 You mean... V? 197 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,920 Now then, follow me, chaps. 198 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,920 Why do they just call me Sir? 199 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,920 What is this? 200 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,920 Just watch. 201 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,920 Right, sit down, lads. This isn't going to be easy. 202 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,920 In fact, let me just play the datapad. 203 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:01,920 Datapad load complete. 204 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,920 Identity check confirmed. 205 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,920 Beginning message playback. 206 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:15,920 Agents, it has come to our attention that a potential incursion of changelings have infiltrated Starfleet at all levels of command. 207 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:25,920 Whilst the investigations of other SI teams continue to gather evidence on higher level individuals, your mission is as follows. 208 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:33,920 Two of you are to bury yourselves deep into the lower rankings of one of Starfleet's newest vessels, the USS Shitshow. 209 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:43,920 This can only be truly accomplished by receiving five mylograms of the new focused psychoactive memory, Degenerative. 210 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,920 Once administered, your memory of all Starfleet intelligence will be lost. 211 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:53,920 This will guarantee your ability to fully immerse yourselves into the ship's crew. 212 00:18:53,920 --> 00:19:02,920 Once full assimilation is confirmed, Officer Rob will then administer you both a dose of desegrenine, thereby regaining your memory. 213 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:07,920 It is at this point he will relay any new updates to the mission intelligence. 214 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,920 Good luck, agents. Starfleet is lucky to have you. 215 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:18,920 Bloody hell, hang on. How come I don't remember this? I'm supposed to be the one making Tom and Adam forget. 216 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,920 Or you just blink and watch? 217 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,920 Any questions? Tom? 218 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:23,920 No, sir. 219 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:24,920 Adam? 220 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,920 This can't be happening. 221 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,920 And why is that, agent? 222 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:33,920 Come on, mate, it's finally our chance to prove ourselves. We've been waiting for this moment. 223 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:37,920 I know, I know. It's never... 224 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,920 Ever... 225 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:43,920 You've finally found something to live for. Or should I say, someone? 226 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:47,920 Sir... It's just not fair. 227 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,920 I know, mate. 228 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:54,920 You know, I remember the day I chose you for the SI training programme. 229 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,920 Oh, God, the shuttle. 230 00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:02,920 The shuttle, indeed. You'd both stolen Captain Tuvok's ship after one of his ridiculous holodeck training scenarios. 231 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,920 You'd fade it miserably, of course. 232 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,920 Everyone failed those stupid fucking things. 233 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,920 The guy's a fucking idiot. Don't worry about it. 234 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:13,920 Anyway, you'd just stolen his shuttle and managed to crash it into a passing Klingon warbird in full cloak. 235 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:24,920 Even when captured, you both still managed to break free from their brig, outdrink them all during a rambunctious game of blood, wine or dine, take over the ship and park it back in the shuttle bay in Tuvok's parking space. 236 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:29,920 It was hilarious! Shame we never got to see his stupid face. 237 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:35,920 No. As soon as we landed, we were bagged by a couple of agents and we've been here ever since. 238 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,920 Exactly. Well, let me tell you, I did see his face and I've never seen a Vulcan so angry. 239 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:44,920 Except that time I stood up the winner of the T'Pol look-alike contest on Ryza. 240 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,920 Now I know this is fake, as if I'd stand up someone who looked like T'Pol. 241 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:52,920 You weren't always such a deviant, you know, Rob. You used to stand for more. 242 00:20:52,920 --> 00:21:02,920 Unlikely. Boys, what I'm getting at here is that I know how much you mean to each other, and I know that you don't want to forget these experiences we've had together over the last few months. 243 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:10,920 But now's the time. You've both trained so hard for this, I know you can do it. Both of you. Now, please, sit down, pull your sleeves up. 244 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:13,920 Of course, sir. I guess Christmas dinner is off this year, then. 245 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,920 For now, mate. I'll see you on the other side. 246 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:16,920 Sir! 247 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:19,920 Sleeve, please, Adam. 248 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,920 Please, sir. I can't. 249 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,920 It's okay, mate. I understand. 250 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,920 I've finally found someone! 251 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:27,920 I know, mate. I know. 252 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:28,920 Sir! 253 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:33,920 Look, I'm so proud of the agent you've become. You've worked so hard to change your life, and you've come so far. 254 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:34,920 All thanks to you, sir. 255 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:41,920 I fear this will be harder on you than anyone else, my friend. I am sorry. I thought you said I was a good person. 256 00:21:41,920 --> 00:22:09,920 You are the most impatient man I've ever met. Would you just watch? 257 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:23,920 Our fleet's the one who has it all. They are the masters of our fate. They never needed anybody in their life. 258 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:37,920 Don't learn this truth too late. I won't let you have to feel this pain. Just close your eyes, she'll be there. 259 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:48,920 Don't be infected by my melancholy heart. It's more than I can bear. 260 00:22:48,920 --> 00:23:08,920 Now I know that you don't need me, even as I run away. Our masters can torture me, control me, hurt me, order me, come what may. 261 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:30,920 I'm resting in this lonely barracks, waiting on Starfleet's order. I'll fool myself, I'll remember this. Be with my friends forevermore. 262 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:49,920 I rage against these damned orders. I curse the need for them to fight. I won't let this life fly so far beyond his reach. Just keep his love in sight. 263 00:23:49,920 --> 00:24:08,920 Now I know that you don't need me, even as you fade from view. Let my life inspire thee. Be a part of everything you do. 264 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:26,920 I'm wasting in this lonely barracks, waiting on Starfleet's order. I'll fool myself, I'll remember this. And as the long, long mission begins, 265 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:49,920 I'll hold on to what it means. My memory here forevermore. 266 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,920 Singing again? Doesn't seem like me. 267 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,920 How would you know? You don't remember it. 268 00:24:54,920 --> 00:25:01,920 Touché. 269 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:14,920 Wait a minute. I still remember everything. It didn't work. Sir, are you okay? Oh, you bastard. 270 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,920 You see, you wiped your own memory to save your friend. 271 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,920 So I disobeyed direct orders from my superior officer. 272 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:24,920 Well, yes, but you did it to give your friend the life he had always wanted. 273 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:25,920 But did I though? 274 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:26,920 How do you mean? 275 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:34,920 Well, my memory of Adam is that he's actually always pretty highly strung, like he always had something more important to be doing than emptying cum canisters 276 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,920 and collecting missing body parts whenever the doctor's specimens got loose. 277 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:44,920 It is true, the weight of responsibility weighed heavy on him, but it was because of your sacrifice that he got to spend his time with the love of his life. 278 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,920 What time he had left, you mean? Before the explosion? 279 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,920 Ah, yes, the explosion. That was the end, was it? 280 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:56,920 Well, yeah. You know anyone to ever survive a miniature coaxium explosion while stood in the same room? 281 00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,920 Spirit? What do you know? 282 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:09,920 Answer me, damn you. What happened to my friend? Why are you doing this to me? To torture me? Have I not tortured myself enough? 283 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:13,920 No, to teach you. To remind you of the goodness in your heart. 284 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:18,920 My heart? My heart, she says. What heart? What heart can I have? What joy do I deserve? 285 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,920 What feelings should I possess but the feelings of pain, regret and sorrow? 286 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,920 As you wish. 287 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:32,920 Spirit? Answer me. Answer me, Spirit. 288 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:37,920 The End 289 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:58,920 Rob finds himself alone again, but will another Spirit Dane, to pay a visit this cold lonely night, listen for the bell? I think they might. 290 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:12,920 The End 291 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,920 Nothing? 292 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,920 Hello? 293 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,920 But that's my wardrobe. 294 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,920 Come in. Come in. Take a load off. 295 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,920 You already said that. 296 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:38,920 Did I? 297 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,920 You're an odd one. 298 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:52,920 No, I'm not odd. Who is this odd character you speak of? Are they here? Come out, friend. Come out. Join our merriment. 299 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:54,920 No, no, I meant you act odd. 300 00:27:54,920 --> 00:28:00,920 Well, odd to you maybe, my boy, but not to me. 301 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,920 Right. And who exactly are you? 302 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,920 Well, the ghost of Christmas presents, of course. 303 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:11,920 Yeah, of course. Well, you are a very merry fellow, I must say. 304 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:26,920 Merry indeed, my friend. Merry indeed, for my heart is filled with the present. This moment in time at all times, and this moment is Christmas. What joy it is. 305 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:29,920 I don't think I've ever met someone like you. 306 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:37,920 Oh, but there are many like me, especially on a day like today, where you only to look and listen. 307 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:43,920 I've got no time to stop. I have plans. I've got things I need to do, spirit. It's been nice to meet you. It really has, but I've got to get on. 308 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:53,920 You know, my boy, this world isn't all about you. Come with me now. Come. Come see the joys of Christmas Day. 309 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,920 Will there be more singing? 310 00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:57,920 Oh, I do hope so. 311 00:28:57,920 --> 00:28:59,920 Oh, God. 312 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:12,920 And there he is, all merry and large. Another spirit, another journey, but no longer the past. 313 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:22,920 Their destination, the present, full of parties and merriment. But is it all happiness this year? Or is there also bereavement? 314 00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:30,920 It can't always be work, as Rob will soon see, but this spirit has a lesson for him. Now what could it be? 315 00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:39,920 And then he said, what do I have to be merry about? 316 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:41,920 What a fucking loser. 317 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:42,920 Has he always been like this? 318 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:49,920 Nah, he used to be super chill. Funny even. Someone even called him a bit of an airhead. You know, always messing things up. 319 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:57,920 You know, one time he modified all the replicators to only give out meals based off of Neelik's Pomfah cookbook. 320 00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:58,920 That was him? 321 00:29:58,920 --> 00:29:59,920 Yep. 322 00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:00,920 What a prick. 323 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:09,920 One time he got into the captain's quarters and glued all the captain's chairs backwards to the floor. So whenever the captain had to sit down, he had to do the Riker maneuver. 324 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:11,920 Problem was, the captain was too short. 325 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,920 Yeah, so he just spent all day smacking his ball sack off the back of the chairs. 326 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:21,920 Did you really do that? 327 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,920 Well, Tom helped, but yeah. 328 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:27,920 So what changed? 329 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,920 Life, Hansen, is a way of changing us all. 330 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:34,920 Life changed you into a borg, but it didn't change you into a cunt, did it? 331 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,920 Hang on, I thought this was meant to be fun? 332 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:42,920 But it is! Can't you see? It's a party! 333 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:47,920 Yes, I see that, but am I just here to listen to a bunch of assholes talk shit about me? 334 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:56,920 Well, the idea was that you would come here and you would see all of the merriment of Christmas Day. 335 00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:03,920 Maybe not the best choice. My bad. My bad. 336 00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:05,920 Ah! I know! 337 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:12,920 Karen! Yes, Karen! I bet she is having a marvellous Christmas! 338 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:13,920 I bet she is indeed. 339 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:15,920 How would you know? 340 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:20,920 No, no, no. Who am I to tell the almighty Christmas present what is and what isn't happening? 341 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,920 Like, right now. Literally right now. 342 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:27,920 My sister was right. He's a right prick. 343 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:28,920 Sorry? 344 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:35,920 Oh, nothing, nothing. Come now, come. Let's go. 345 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:50,920 Onwards they travel. Another friend they must visit, but this one's a little awkward. I think the spirit may regret it. 346 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:57,920 Ah! Here we are. 347 00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:59,920 You're going to regret this one. 348 00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:06,920 No, I'm not. See, look, there she is. Oh, wonderful. She's reading. 349 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:10,920 Yep, and I know what it is. Don't you? 350 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:15,920 Well, of course, of course. It's, um, it's... 351 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:16,920 It's her demotion letter. 352 00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:17,920 What? 353 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:23,920 She got demoted for failing to secure the anomaly. Along with other things, she's pretty upset about it, to be honest. 354 00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:24,920 Oh. 355 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:33,920 Oh, indeed. Thought you were supposed to know everything. What was it you said? My heart is filled with the present, this moment in all time at all times? 356 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:35,920 Ah, fuck off. 357 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:42,920 How could this happen? It's not all my fault. A fucking bitch. Fleeing out more rank is going to fucking regret this. 358 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:55,920 It's not bad enough that I've lost Adam, but I have to deal with this too. Fuck this. Fuck Starfleet. Fuck Monk. Oh my god, and fuck Christmas. 359 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:56,920 What? 360 00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:05,920 Hmm, yeah. She was also in a secret love affair with Ensign Adam. Oh, sorry, I mean Agent Adam. It's all a bit confusing. I had my memory wiped, you know. Did it myself, apparently. 361 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:07,920 I'm aware. 362 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:17,920 Yeah, that was a pretty big deal. Top brass in Starfleet Intelligence. Special missions to find some changelings. But you know, that's all gone now. So yeah, I agree with her. Fuck Christmas. 363 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:24,920 No, no, no, no, hang on. Enough of this. Maybe a little of this might help. 364 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,920 Oh no. What are you doing? 365 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:31,920 Just a little song. That's all. Might lighten up the mood a bit. 366 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,920 Sorry, am I living in some kind of musical? 367 00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:35,920 Oh, be quiet or you'll ruin it. 368 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:53,920 I know you want it to be fine, but I can ignore those crazy days back on Deep Space Nine. And I know that there's a special place where boys and girls can give orders every single day. 369 00:33:53,920 --> 00:34:12,920 I'm having wicked dreams of leaving this Starfleet. It planned it right. I swear it's calling me. Just make my Adam proud. I'm gonna cause a scene. It took my man from me. I think I'm gonna scream. 370 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:32,920 Oh, what have you done? I'm a captain again and my partner is gonna Adam. I got more revenge on the Starfleet Elite, but that's where I belong down at the Hatchmole Club. 371 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:48,920 Oh, I wanna keep on drinking up at Hatchmole Club. Oh, I wanna keep on drinking at Starfleet headquarters. Oh, I wanna keep on drinking up at Hatchmole Club. 372 00:34:48,920 --> 00:35:06,920 I'm flying round, and men are on the floor. I've frozen the bathroom and the line outside the door. Four lights on a Cabez and it's a wall. Every night's another reason why I love it all. 373 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:24,920 I'm having wicked dreams of leaving this Starfleet. Oh, plan it right. I swear it's calling me. Just make my Adam proud. I'm gonna cause a scene. It took my man from me. I think I'm gonna scream. 374 00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:44,920 Oh, what have you done? I'm a captain again and my partner is gonna Adam. I got more revenge on the Starfleet Elite, but that's where I belong down at the Hatchmole Club. 375 00:35:44,920 --> 00:36:09,920 Oh, I wanna keep on drinking up at Hatchmole Club. Oh, I wanna keep on drinking at Starfleet headquarters. Oh, I wanna keep on drinking up at Hatchmole Club. Hatchmole Club. 376 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:27,920 I think I've left you all behind. Still love you, my dear Starfleet. You're always on my mind. Adam, every Saturday I can hear your well-strawled a thousand light years away. 377 00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:47,920 Smoke, what have you done? I'm a captain again and my partner is gonna Adam. I got more revenge on the Starfleet Elite, but that's where I belong down at the Hatchmole Club. 378 00:36:47,920 --> 00:37:03,920 Oh, I wanna keep on drinking up at Hatchmole Club. Oh, I wanna keep on drinking at Starfleet headquarters. Oh, I wanna keep on drinking up at Hatchmole Club. Hatchmole Club. 379 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:42,920 I suppose that's my fault as well, is it? 380 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:52,920 Oh, fuck this. Look, come this way. 381 00:37:52,920 --> 00:38:21,920 Ah ha! Happiness! Wait, is that Adam? When is this? Is this the past? I thought you were the ghost of the present, not the past. This isn't even Christmas. Cheater. 382 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:28,920 Oh, yeah, great fun. Get to watch my friend get blown up and have his body parts splattered over the hull of Deep Space Nine. Happy Christmas, Rob. 383 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:35,920 Just watch. 384 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:36,920 What the hell? 385 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:41,920 Hey, my friend. I see you was in a slight spot of bother. 386 00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:43,920 Oh, no, it's you. 387 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:49,920 Me? Ah, yes, yes. My new best friend. 388 00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:51,920 How did you know? 389 00:38:51,920 --> 00:39:04,920 I may or may not have hacked into that piece of shit subspace network and set up a few monitoring routines. Nothing major, just a yod camera feed here and there. 390 00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,920 Camera feed? Were you spying on me? 391 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:19,920 Well, not specifically. Mainly the sonic showers. Your room just happens to be next to the IP address after the Wiggins toilets, on Deck 8. 392 00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:21,920 Yeah, a bit creepy. 393 00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:35,920 Well, that's enough of that. I saw you was in a spot of bother there. I thought to myself, steady. Why not help out fellow bastard and pop him on board? Away from all that pop. 394 00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:36,920 You saved my life. 395 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:42,920 What are friends for? Right, so, who tried to kill you? And where do we find him? 396 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,920 Starfleet Intelligence. They call him V. 397 00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:53,920 Oh, ho, ho, ho. Starfleet Intelligence. Now this does sound like an adventure. 398 00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,920 We've got to get out of here. They need to think I'm dead. 399 00:39:56,920 --> 00:40:07,920 No problemo. Oh, computer? Let's skedaddle. Say it with me. I feel the need, the need for warp speed. 400 00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,920 See? 401 00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:11,920 See what? 402 00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:12,920 It's Adam. 403 00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:13,920 I can see that. 404 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:15,920 He's alive. 405 00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:19,920 So is. Shame Karen doesn't know. Might have saved her a shit ton of heartbreak. 406 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:28,920 Listen here, you smart ass little prick. I've got one more place to take you, then I'm fucking done with you. Understand? 407 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:30,920 Yeah, alright mate. Calm down. 408 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:38,920 Ho, ho, ho, ho. Wonderful. Your friend is alive after all. What wonderful news, isn't it? 409 00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:41,920 Isn't it? 410 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:42,920 Fuck yes. 411 00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:52,920 Ho, ho, ho. Wonderful. Come now, follow me. 412 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:56,920 Yes, yes, yes. This is the place. 413 00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:57,920 Where are we? 414 00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:00,920 Well, the USS Shit Show of course. 415 00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:02,920 But where? 416 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,920 Ah, this is assigned socks quarters. 417 00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:06,920 Simon's? 418 00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:08,920 The one and only. 419 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:09,920 It's not. 420 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:14,920 Yes it is. Isn't it? 421 00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:18,920 I've been to Simon's quarters loads, he's always helped me sort out my, er, problems. 422 00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,920 Imiquimod or polyfilling? 423 00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:25,920 Imiquimod. I prefer creamed. Hang on, no, wait a minute. I mean problems with my record. 424 00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:27,920 Of course, so did I. 425 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:32,920 Spirit, Simon has a big computer terminal where the dining table should be. I don't see it anywhere. 426 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:36,920 Well, isn't that interesting. 427 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,920 Where's Simon, or are we just here to rummage his underwear drawer? 428 00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:51,920 Maybe later, but for now, a little silence. Listen, closely. 429 00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,920 Can you hear that? Is it coming from the closet? 430 00:41:54,920 --> 00:42:01,920 Why don't you have a look? 431 00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:06,920 Now it's time for stage three of the operation. 432 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:09,920 What on earth, who's he talking to? 433 00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:16,920 I can't do this anymore, I just can't. It was all good fun at the start, a little bit of mischief. No one was meant to get hurt. 434 00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:20,920 You will continue to do as I order. 435 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:21,920 I won't? 436 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:26,920 You will. You know what the consequences will be if you disobey me. 437 00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:28,920 You can't control me? 438 00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:32,920 Just like all of you cute continuum wankers, arrogant to the last. 439 00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:34,920 Fuck you. 440 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:38,920 I'll be seeing you soon. 441 00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:41,920 What the fuck. Simon to Q. 442 00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:43,920 Mic drop. 443 00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:46,920 You don't say mic drop, you just act it out. 444 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:48,920 This is an audio podcast. 445 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:50,920 No, no, sorry, yeah, quite right. 446 00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,920 It's all my fault. I just wanted to have a little fun. 447 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:58,920 How could I have been so blind to this? How could I have let him control me like that? 448 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,920 How can I fix this? 449 00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,920 Oh no, think a song's coming. Spirit, Spirit, get us out of here quick. 450 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:09,920 Nope, sorry, can't hear you over the sweet sounds of uncomfortable pain. 451 00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:11,920 Ugh. 452 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:19,920 This game really changes everything. 453 00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:27,920 I can't let him keep control of me. 454 00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:35,920 Convinced myself we share the same feelings. 455 00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:43,920 I won't make this mistake again. 456 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:51,920 Jews are happy and carefree, the opposite of me. I can do the calculus. 457 00:43:51,920 --> 00:44:00,920 For them I'll set aside my need to fantasize. Now I'm trapped and searching for why. 458 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:05,920 I'm the Q. 459 00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:12,920 I've got no one but myself to blame. 460 00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:20,920 I've betrayed my core philosophy. 461 00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:28,920 Mischief and fun has been my true north. 462 00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:35,920 Lest I drown in this sea of pain. 463 00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:43,920 I'm so dysfunctional, trapped and not in control. Consequences I can't contain. 464 00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:50,920 Escaping this slavery, I'm breaking free. Is it a possibility? 465 00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:55,920 Control said why in my computation? 466 00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:59,920 I missed vital information. 467 00:44:59,920 --> 00:45:06,920 The smoke, so devastating. 468 00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:14,920 I'm the Q. 469 00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:23,920 I'm the Q. 470 00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:27,920 I'm the Q. 471 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:32,920 I've got to get out of here. Maybe if I go home they can help me fix it. 472 00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:36,920 Well, this was all pretty unexpected. 473 00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:37,920 Shall we go? 474 00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:38,920 Please. 475 00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:41,920 Just walk through that door there. 476 00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:44,920 You coming with me? 477 00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:50,920 No, not this time. My brother's a little... intense. 478 00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:53,920 Oh yeah, the third spirit. 479 00:45:53,920 --> 00:46:01,920 Yes, the ghost of Christmas yet to come. Now off you go. 480 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:05,920 Okay. 481 00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:09,920 Don't forget to leave me five stars and the ice spirit up. 482 00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:11,920 Wait, what? 483 00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:20,920 Well that went well. Bit of a fuck up really, but who could tell? Let's just move on and look to the future. It can't all be bad. 484 00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:24,920 Now where's our spirit tutor? 485 00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:35,920 What? Where am I? Spirit, are you there? 486 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:44,920 What is this? Is this a shit show bridge? It looks strange. What's with all the bright LEDs? It's going to give everyone a headache. 487 00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:49,920 So, you finally decided to show up. Took you long enough. Are you talking to me? Can you see me? 488 00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,920 You aren't an easy human to track down. 489 00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:55,920 Thought I'd killed you all. I guess I missed one. 490 00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,920 Ah, two. Must be getting sloppy in my old age. 491 00:46:59,920 --> 00:47:02,920 It's best you don't fight this. It'll be easier for you. 492 00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:07,920 You can go down with your head held high, knowing that you did your best and you almost won. 493 00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:13,920 Tell me, how long has it been? When did you take Enchison Wolfie and Rich's identities? 494 00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:19,920 We found them in a particularly dishevelled state one Christmas Eve. Some kind of party, I think. 495 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:23,920 It was such a long time ago now, it could have been anywhere really. 496 00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:29,920 They were too drunk and too busy moaning about you that they didn't even notice. The blades were at their throats until it was too late. 497 00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:32,920 Poor boys. So naive. They were good lads. 498 00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:34,920 Good lads? They fucking hated you. 499 00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:36,920 Everyone hates you, Emperor. 500 00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:42,920 Ah, Emperor. It's been a while since anyone's called me that. Been alone out here for so long. 501 00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:43,920 Emperor? 502 00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,920 It seems so obvious now, finding you here. 503 00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:48,920 Hiding in plain sight, it seems. 504 00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:55,920 Yes indeed. I've always been drawn to the Bifone Nebula. Something about its orange glow that just warms my soul. 505 00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:58,920 Now then, should we get on with it? You're blocking my view. 506 00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:01,920 So, you've chosen to fight. 507 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:02,920 Of course. 508 00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:04,920 Then you've chosen death. 509 00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:13,920 Luck has smiled upon you this day. The fate of a generation in your hands. 510 00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:22,920 And blessed be the crewmen we who fight with all our bravery until they changeling stand. 511 00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:29,920 You come from distant stars, glowing in the night. You've taken all our names for what you think is right. 512 00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:35,920 And even if I lose and cannot carry on, though I'll die, the Starfleet lives on. 513 00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:42,920 You'll stab me in my chest with battle-ath or blade. I may be phased to death by side I'm set to kill. 514 00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:48,920 But I will torture you, so you'd better hope you win, though I'll die, the Starfleet lives on. 515 00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:53,920 Doomroll! You're doomed for all time! 516 00:48:53,920 --> 00:49:03,920 I roam the meadow on the floor. Admirals in the bathroom and a line outside the door. 517 00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:10,920 Soar, lads! On our fad-eftin disco-board! 518 00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:21,920 In my computation, I missed vital information. The smoke, so devastating. 519 00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:31,920 Just keep his love in sight. Now I know that you don't believe me. 520 00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:37,920 I cut my dick in half and serve it to a pig. And though it hurts so love and dance a dickless cheek. 521 00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:52,920 But that's the way it goes. And while you're shut up, though I'll die, the Starfleet lives on. 522 00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:57,920 Bleh! 523 00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:07,920 What the hell did I just see? Is this my future? Am I to become some kind of emperor? 524 00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:14,920 Oh no, the spirit. Where are you? Spirit, show yourself. 525 00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:21,920 Spirit, oh god, what did I just see? Is it my death? 526 00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:29,920 Spirit? 527 00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:35,920 Speak to me, please. What am I to become? What's happened to Starfleet? Why was I hiding? 528 00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:40,920 Tell me, damn you! Tell me! 529 00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:44,920 What are you pointing at? Is that over there? 530 00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:50,920 You want me to go over there? What am I going to see? What am I going to discover? 531 00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:54,920 Oh no. 532 00:50:57,920 --> 00:51:00,920 Whose graves are these, Spirit? Whose graves are these? 533 00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:06,920 Talk to me, you spectral fucking nightmare! Whose graves are these? 534 00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:16,920 Sorry Adam, sorry Tom. They failed you both. If only I was a better Admiral. 535 00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:25,920 If only I just said fuck this to all of them and gone with my gut and not trusted that idiot Captain Telfer with delivering the anomaly. 536 00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:31,920 Maybe this could have been avoided. Maybe you wouldn't have both been killed. 537 00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:35,920 It's not your fault, Karen. It's not your fault, it's mine Karen. Don't blame yourself. 538 00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:43,920 No. No. It's not my fault either. It's fucking Simon's fault. 539 00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:49,920 Don't you say a fucking word. Don't you dare make your first words to me be some relevatory bullshit. 540 00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:58,920 It might have been my body that did this, but it wasn't my soul. I didn't kill my friend, Karen didn't kill her friends, Simon, the anomaly, and that freaky person on that intercom killed them. 541 00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:18,920 I'm the ghost of Christmas future. The spirit of all things yet to come. 542 00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:20,920 No, no you sound familiar. 543 00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:25,920 The ghost of all the inclination of time and space. 544 00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:27,920 Oh God it's you. 545 00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:34,920 The ghost of what was, what is, and whatever will be. I am the almighty. I am... 546 00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:36,920 Simon. Simon. 547 00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:38,920 Simon! 548 00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:40,920 Simon? 549 00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:42,920 Can you see us? 550 00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:44,920 Of course I can. 551 00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:46,920 Zombies! 552 00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:48,920 Why are we screaming? 553 00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:50,920 You're meant to be dead. 554 00:52:51,920 --> 00:52:52,920 And you, Adam. 555 00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:55,920 Wait, hold on, why are you screaming? 556 00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:57,920 Fucking zombies! 557 00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:00,920 Can everyone stop screaming please? 558 00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:02,920 What the fuck is going on? Simon? 559 00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:04,920 Yeah, sorry about this. 560 00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:18,920 Really? All of you? It's not that bad. 561 00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:20,920 Fuck you dude. 562 00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:22,920 Yeah, seriously, fuck you. 563 00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:25,920 Simon, explain and make it quick. 564 00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:28,920 And no fucking singing. 565 00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:30,920 But the singing is the best part. 566 00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,920 I swear dude, one more song and I'm gonna lose my fucking mind. 567 00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:36,920 Singing? 568 00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:38,920 It's been a whole thing mate, honestly you're better off not knowing. 569 00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:40,920 Just get on with it. 570 00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:43,920 Look, it's not my fault. Well, not all of it, some of it is. 571 00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:48,920 But I never meant for any of you to get hurt. It just started as a bit of fun on my part. 572 00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:53,920 A few tricks and japs on Rob and Tom, then it kind of spiralled out of control. 573 00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:57,920 Next thing I know I'm being blackmailed into escalating this whole thing further. 574 00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:01,920 But you're at Q. How can someone blackmail you? 575 00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:04,920 Yeah, just click your fingers and turn them into space mush. 576 00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:09,920 Not that simple. I've, erm, had my wings clipped shall we say. 577 00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:11,920 By the Q continuum. 578 00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:13,920 Why? 579 00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:15,920 Something to do with a turnip in Abba Geveni. 580 00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:17,920 That was you? You bastard. 581 00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:20,920 Look, it's not important. How can I make this up to you? 582 00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:22,920 Well... 583 00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:25,920 It starts with sorry. 584 00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:28,920 That's your foot in the door. 585 00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:31,920 One simple sorry. 586 00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:35,920 Spoken straight from your core. 587 00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:42,920 The path to forgiveness is a twisting trail of hearts. 588 00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:47,920 But sorry is where it starts. 589 00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:54,920 Who could forgive a Q entity like me? 590 00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:59,920 I relieved that smoke anomaly. 591 00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:03,920 Can't we just kill him? 592 00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:07,920 Phaser and transport hold his guts. 593 00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:10,920 That's an option you kidgies. 594 00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:12,920 Works for us. 595 00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:16,920 But who hasn't been in his shoes? 596 00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:19,920 It starts with sorry. 597 00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:21,920 Sorry? 598 00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:25,920 Down deeper and say one simple sorry. 599 00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:27,920 I'm so sorry. 600 00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:30,920 And your ship is on its way. 601 00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:35,920 It'll take time to cover my vast multitude of sins. 602 00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:40,920 But sorry is where it begins. 603 00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:44,920 It starts with sorry. 604 00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:48,920 I said no more fucking singing. 605 00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:50,920 Well, someone's tired. 606 00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:54,920 Look Simon, just put all this back to how it was before this started will you? 607 00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:57,920 And then let's get on with our lives. 608 00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:07,920 Okay. 609 00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:12,920 Ugh, where am I? Wait, I'm back. 610 00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:16,920 I'm back. Tom, he's not here. I've got to find him. 611 00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:23,920 You, boy. 612 00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:24,920 Boy? Yes, you boy. 613 00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:26,920 I'm 33 years old. 614 00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:29,920 No, nothing but a child. Now tell me, what day is this? 615 00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:31,920 Why? Christmas Day, of course. 616 00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:33,920 Christmas Day? Christmas Day? 617 00:56:34,920 --> 00:56:35,920 Have you seen Edson Tom anywhere? 618 00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:38,920 Yeah, he's in Quarks with Adam. 619 00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:39,920 Excellent. Now boy, take this. 620 00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:41,920 A bar of lana? 621 00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:45,920 Yes, now run along and buy the biggest turkey you've ever laid your eyes on and meet me at Quarks. 622 00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:51,920 Are you insane? We're both in Starfleet. What do I need money for? Just go to the replicator. 623 00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:53,920 The biggest turkey you've ever seen! 624 00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:56,920 Fucking idiot. 625 00:56:57,920 --> 00:57:00,920 Why did you get the big corner table? There are only three of us. 626 00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:02,920 I have a surprise. 627 00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:04,920 Tom! Adam! 628 00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:07,920 Alright mate, dickhead here's booked the bloody big table. 629 00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:09,920 That's a waste. There's only three of us. 630 00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:10,920 That's what I said. 631 00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:11,920 There's going to be four of us. 632 00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:13,920 Four? Who's the fourth? 633 00:57:13,920 --> 00:57:15,920 His not so secret girlfriend. 634 00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:16,920 Ah, yeah, Adam Alchester's. 635 00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:20,920 How did you know about me and Karen? This was supposed to be the big reveal. 636 00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:23,920 Mate, it's the worst kept secret in Starfleet. 637 00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:24,920 Really? 638 00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:25,920 What'd I say? 639 00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:31,920 Never mind. Hopefully she'll be here soon. I've got a handful of mistletoe and I didn't brush my teeth for your sake. 640 00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:35,920 Yeah, that's grace. Who's round as him? 641 00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:42,920 What a conclusion to our adventure that we found our boys in Space Station Timey Wimey. 642 00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:44,920 What fun this has been. 643 00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:51,920 Now remember dear listener, at this time of year, have fun and be merry, spread Christmas cheer. 644 00:57:51,920 --> 00:57:57,920 The boys will return in the new year, so be kind to your neighbor and smile ear to ear. 645 00:57:57,920 --> 00:58:00,920 We'll leave our boys here with not a spirit in sight. 646 00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:15,920 Happy Trekmas to you all and to you all a good night. 647 00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:05,920 You have been listening to Lightly Used, Karen. 648 00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:09,920 What have you done? My partner is... 649 00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:15,920 Fuck! My god, that was actually going quite well. 650 00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:21,920 Fuck's sake! 651 00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:23,920 Tempt 9711. 652 00:59:23,920 --> 00:59:30,920 You're gonna have so many outtakes on this. You're such a lucky boy! 653 00:59:30,920 --> 00:59:32,920 Adam. 654 00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:34,920 They need to think I'm dead. 655 00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:37,920 Action! 656 00:59:37,920 --> 00:59:39,920 Boop, boop, boop. 657 00:59:39,920 --> 00:59:41,920 Who takes the socks off? 658 00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:43,920 Simon. 659 00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:46,920 Something to do with a turnip in Aga... 660 00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:48,920 Never gonna get that right, was I? 661 00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:50,920 What's wrong with Wolfie? 662 00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:51,920 Jason. 663 00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:53,920 I'm in pain. 664 00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:56,920 Merry Christmas. 665 00:59:59,920 --> 01:00:00,920 Rich. 666 01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:07,920 This is Rich and I just want to wish all the listeners of Channel 84 a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 667 01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:11,920 Under consultation, The Amazing Cliff. 668 01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:21,920 Listen here, you smart-ass little prick. I've got one more place to take you. I turned Welsh. 669 01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:30,920 That was him? That little prick. 670 01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:37,920 Yeah, so he just spent all day smacking his ball sack off the back of the chairs. 671 01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:39,920 Cartman. 672 01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:41,920 This again. 673 01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:43,920 Okay. 674 01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:47,920 Problem was, the captain was too short. 675 01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:50,920 I think I nailed that. 676 01:00:51,920 --> 01:00:53,920 Friends of the podcast. 677 01:00:53,920 --> 01:00:55,920 Stiddy. 678 01:00:56,920 --> 01:01:01,920 I feel the need. The need for wolf speed! 679 01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:08,920 This is Stiddy wishing everyone a Happy Christmas and a blinding 2025. 680 01:01:10,920 --> 01:01:12,920 Side quest mark. 681 01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:18,920 End time Rob, your actions have been deemed out of your control and influenced by the smoke creature known as the anomaly. 682 01:01:18,920 --> 01:01:20,920 Court dismissed. 683 01:01:20,920 --> 01:01:27,920 I know we aren't meant to have favourites, but you know, she's wonderful, the utterly amazing Kay. 684 01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:32,920 Just take my hand will you? You aren't the only one with problems you know. 685 01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:34,920 What's that light ahead? 686 01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:36,920 That light? That light is the past. 687 01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:38,920 It's beautiful. 688 01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:40,920 The past usually is. 689 01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:43,920 And finally your host, Tom. 690 01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:48,920 There are huge amounts of apologies I'm going to be doing for this Rob. I'm very sorry. 691 01:01:48,920 --> 01:01:51,920 And I've already missed my fucking queue. 692 01:01:51,920 --> 01:01:56,920 God damn it. Oh fuck, hang on, let's try this one again. 693 01:01:56,920 --> 01:01:59,920 Oh fuck nuggets, come on. 694 01:01:59,920 --> 01:02:01,920 Ahhhhh. 695 01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:06,920 Oh my god, Rob, why do you do this to me you wanker. 696 01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:09,920 And Rob. 697 01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,920 Sleeve please. Now you're going to fall unconscious so just kind of go. 698 01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:14,920 Ugh. 699 01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:16,920 Hehehehe. 700 01:02:16,920 --> 01:02:20,920 Now do it repeatedly and again and again and again and again until I'm finished. 701 01:02:20,920 --> 01:02:21,920 Hehehehe. 702 01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:22,920 Ugh. 703 01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:23,920 Ugh. 704 01:02:23,920 --> 01:02:24,920 Hehehehe. 705 01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:27,920 So that's enough. I've created this. 706 01:02:30,920 --> 01:02:32,920 I already fucked it up a bit. 707 01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:39,920 Scanning. 708 01:02:40,920 --> 01:02:41,920 Scanning. 709 01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:44,920 Scanning. 710 01:02:46,920 --> 01:02:47,920 Scanning. 711 01:02:48,920 --> 01:02:49,920 Scanning. 712 01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:52,920 Scanning. 713 01:02:52,920 --> 01:02:53,920 Scanning. 714 01:02:55,920 --> 01:02:56,920 Scanning. 715 01:02:58,920 --> 01:02:59,920 Scanning. 716 01:03:00,920 --> 01:03:01,920 Scanning. 717 01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:08,920 Transmission found. Signal lock complete. 718 01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:10,920 Heat him up. 719 01:03:10,920 --> 01:03:12,920 Get away from her you bitch. 720 01:03:14,920 --> 01:03:15,920 Accept him, Stortus. 721 01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:17,920 Too late. It's locked on liberty. 722 01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:19,920 It's locked on liberty. 723 01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:23,920 Music on, Santa. Thanks. 724 01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:25,920 Shake her wings. 725 01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:27,920 Die. 726 01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:30,920 Camera on one. 727 01:03:30,920 --> 01:03:31,920 Note it. 728 01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:33,920 You put something in my hand. 729 01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:35,920 I collect spores, molds and fungus. 730 01:03:35,920 --> 01:03:38,920 He's finally matched his needs. You really like his ass. 731 01:03:38,920 --> 01:03:47,920 Welcome to the Untitled Sci-Fi Show.