He's finally finished drinking. He has finally finished drinking and now he's gonna go and
piss on your floor or something. He's gonna take a crap or something. He's got a towel
around there that he was like don't let anyone knock it over, don't let dogs in. I was like
well the hoover's going around, the little furagan was going around. He's like turn it
off, turn it off. He was on the toilet earlier. So insight for people, we've already started
by the way, insight for people that I sometimes send to our Studio 8 For group chat audios
of T and I talking on the toilet. Have you listened to any of them? They're like quite
long and he just goes on and yeah he suddenly had a revelation whilst on the toilet earlier
that the furagan rumber hoover might knock over the blocks. He's like turn it off, turn
it off. So I was like turning it off, sending it to go back and he's like oh. Oh that's
genius. Oh bless it. So cute. At that age towers are the most important thing. It's impressive.
You should go round and look. I will go and have a look and we'll try and get a picture
of it as well. Dogs haven't. I've got a picture. I can show you the picture. Oh yeah, picture.
Oh I pose it to a photo in case the dogs knocked it over and I could do a sneaky little rebuild
of it. Nice. There he is. He built it himself. It's quite cute. That's very impressive. And
when you open up it's got me, him and mummy inside. Oh nice. Three that he put in there.
There's me, he needs you, there's my knee, put the roof on. Yeah very cute. Oh that's
very cute. Okay well this is the Untied Trek show, not the Rob talking about his son on
the toilet show. No that's another week. Before we get started, we've got some admin to do.
Elephant in the room. What happened last week? Last episode. So Rob has learnt his lesson
about making edits on an SD card before copying them. So in the future Rob, your workflow
goes like this. SD card goes in. You copy the raw files. You don't change anything to
your hard drive. You then take SD card out and you go, I predict this with my soul. Put
it to one side and then change all the names. And I would normally do that. And for some
reason that week I was just, I don't know, maybe it was just I felt it was off because
they were doing it so early because we recorded super early. We did because I was going away
on holiday so we needed to do it the week before. Now I'll be honest though, what you
created was so much more entertaining than us talking about Picard for the second half.
I really didn't mind. I know we had some really good points we brought up about Picard. Don't
get me wrong. And maybe we'll talk about them in the future. But what you created was just
fucking beautiful. I loved every second of that. I'm glad you liked it. I hope everyone
else did. It was stressful because I felt so guilty that I, it was 22 minutes of audio
footage and you'd offered like on two occasions that we could redo it. And I was just like,
I just don't think it would work. I'm glad we didn't because people will have, yes, we
would have put a Valentino in saying, oh dear, something's gone wrong and this is a re-record
of what they previously did. And you just don't get that same energy. You don't get
the same flow. It would have felt very different to what we had done on the night. So in the
end, I'm kind of glad you said no to that. Yeah. Because yeah, you're right. I don't
think it would have worked.
But the bit where we both go on about the noise in the background, that was legitimate.
There was a noise. And it's a toy. It's what it is. No it wasn't. It was your vacuum. Oh
yeah. The vacuum got stuck. It was beeping. But also what you can hear on occasions, you
hear a click, click, click in the background. Oh, okay. That's a Play-Doh dinosaur. Oh yes,
you said. That makes a noise and it's gone funny. Oh. And it just makes a noise on its
own. So you can, so you'll hear a glass smashing noise. I added that. Yes. But our reaction
is the genuine reaction, which I think it works quite well. It worked really well. It
was the best acting we've ever done. It's not acting. Exactly. It was legitimate. So
yeah, I, long story short, I changed the name of the files on the SD card before moving
them. And then I thought I selected every one and, but somehow didn't select one of
the ones in the middle. I can not tell you how I didn't do it because I would either
do select all or drag and grab them all and they're in order. So I don't know how I got
the two after it and not that one in the middle. Well, what I don't understand is why it was
deleted from the card either. Well, I copied them and put them all there and then I deleted
them from the card. I actually deleted them from the card. Oh my God. You hadn't told
me that. No, because I don't know what I just kind of like was just doing it. And then off
I went. You never delete from the card. I've got, I have never deleted a card. What happens
is I do the whole edit and then the card just gets put back in the bag. And then the next
time we record, I put the card in the recorder and hit format then. Yeah. So just in case
something goes right there. It's literally the first time I've ever done it. First time
I've ever renamed them on there. First time I've ever deleted them off because I don't.
I just copy paste and then I go off and do it. And it'll be the last. It'll be the last.
Yeah. I'll be really like. It happens to others. I know there's like people out there that
would get pissy with each other. I don't get the point of that. Shit happens. We tried
our best to get it back and it was really weird. All I could think of was because you'd
renamed them on the card that had done something to the file table on the card. Because when
I was recovering it, it was saying, Oh no, this folder is really good. You can recover
it. No problem. And then recovering it, it then would change to yellow and go, no, it's
not so good. And then listening to it, it would, you'd think, Oh, are we going to get
away with this? And then all of a sudden it would be, yeah. Hello. Yeah.
No, that's fucked. That's exactly the experience I had. We must be using the same recover.
No, I used, um, Oh God, what is it called? I used a different one on, um, Mac OS that's
all command line, but, uh, but we got the same result. Same result. Exactly the same
result. Disc drill. That's the one I use. Yeah. So it meant that because with the shit
show stuff, I'd planned two episodes before Christmas because there's stuff that we want
to do at Christmas. I'm not spoiling it, but I needed to get the plot there and I needed
two episodes to do it. But things that come out in that shit show for anyone that's bothered,
the stuff with, with Adam's character, uh, was our plan for a long time, wasn't it? We
were going to have him as actually not be the whipping boy, but actually he was like
this super intelligent agent guy. It was really kind of, at one point he was going to be the
super baddie. You've, we'd have heard the Ferengi's talk about the broker. And the time
I wrote that that was going to be Adam's character. Or in fact, long time ago, we even decided
we're toying with him being a certain God-like character of didn't we? Yeah. We had, he was
always going to be the something, but then we eventually, after we really enjoyed those
two, um, agents that sounds like, okay, we've got to do something with this. And then that's
why Adam became this thing, but it was always going to be something. It just sped it massively
along. Yeah. But you know what? Sometimes that's for a good reason. And actually it's
lined us up nicely. We're being ready to do something for Christmas, which we weren't
expecting to do, which we are now going to do. So yeah, no spoilers, but it has actually
lined up quite nicely. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, sorry about last week, but I think it was
quite good in the end really. It happened. It was phenomenal. Enter authorization code.
Right. As usual, what you've been watching. Well, I was going to say, we've got kind of
another thing in the room. What have we both been watching? Not discovery. Oh yeah. Not
discovery. Okay. Yeah. Slight change of plan. Neither of us got around to watching discovery.
And I was it yesterday. I sent a voice note to you saying like, I've not been that fussed
about watching. Oh yeah. I've not been that fussed about watching an episode. I know I
don't like. Yeah. So we've had a little play. So we'll tell you about that in a moment.
What have I watched this week? I'm not going to say not much because I have been watching
quite a bit, but sci-fi wise, the only thing that's probably of note is I finally got around
to watching Alien Romulus. After having it booked, Kay had an accident with her water
bottle and it was her favorite water bottle. And basically the long and short of it, Nanny
handed it to her. She thought she had it. Nanny thought she had it. So she dropped it
and it smashed the bottom out of the water bottle, destroyed. And she had this really
stiff upper lip, really good girl, got in the car, drove home from Nanny's and said,
are you being very quiet? Are you okay? Was it like a pattern or something? No, it was
just this big chunky pink water bottle. There's like 1.5 liters and she just grown very attached
to it because she, we tell her she's got to drink a lot of water and it was big, which
meant she only needed to refill it once most days. And she could see how much she'd drunk
and anyone that's vaguely neuro spicy will understand why that becomes an important thing.
So obviously I was like, oh crap, my films in 30 minutes. I'd scheduled to get you home,
get you into bed and then get straight on the road and make it just as maybe the ads
are playing. No, it's dad point time, right? Let's go to Tesco and see if we can, I couldn't
find one that she wanted anyway. And we ended up buying it on Amazon. So it came the next
day, but that's why I then missed it. So I then booked it for the next night instead.
And I'm so glad I did. It was, it wasn't perfect. I'm going to do a bonus episode for the variety
show where I just walk and talk about it and it will be full of spoilers. So if you don't
want to know about it, it's probably not the one you should listen to. And I'm not going
to do too many spoilers here. In fact, I'm not going to do any spoilers. Don't do any
spoilers here. All I've got to say about is the scenery and the design of the world was
perfect straight out of the 79 movie in the eighties film. So straight out of alien and
aliens. Unfortunately, they tried to do fan service, which just was not required. And
there's one point in the film that's just like, why did you even do that? That is so
cheesy and unrequited, not required at all. And the last 15 minutes is a complete jump
the shark, which is a shame because the rest of it up until that point is really good.
Really, really good. It feels not quite a perfect sequel to alien and prequel to aliens,
but it definitely didn't feel like it. It didn't not feel like it didn't belong. If
God, there's so many double negatives in that it felt like it belonged. That would actually
be the right way to say shit like that. It felt like it belonged. And yeah, I think that's
all I can really, it felt like it belonged. And the thing is they even tried really hard
to kind of tie in Prometheus and covenant into it as well, which kind of leads to the
jumping the shark at the end and weirdly also kind of almost fan service. He sort of steals
a chunk from resurrection as well. Really? Yeah, it's all a little bit odd, but I would
watch it. I'm going to watch it again. I'm probably going to add it to my collection
of the DVD. So I've got all of them. Is it the best? Absolutely no way, no way near.
But is it worth seeing? 100% Yes. I was going to say, did you go into it expecting
a certain thing from it or did you read my mind? I had to go in open minded because if
I went in there expecting something as good as alien aliens, I would have walked out there
disappointed and knowing what I've seen now, I would have been a hundred percent disappointed.
But going in there with not an open heart, but the open mind to say, I know this is not
going to be anywhere near the original two films, but with Ridley Scott behind it, there's
a good chance it's going to be salvageable or good. I walked away happy. But if I'd gone
in there thinking this is going to be a phenomenal entry to the alien series, I would have come
away disappointed just like I did from Prometheus and from Covenant. Again, hate's a strong
word. Prometheus, I've gone back and watched again several times and I can just about kind
of accept it. It's not terrible. Covenant on the other hand, it just wasn't required.
I've got to say, I've seen them. Don't remember very much about them other than Fassbender.
Yeah. I mean, Covenant really just didn't feel like it was required. Prometheus, it
could have been so much better as it is and tying it in with Alien Romulus. Actually,
they did a good job and helped make that story matter a little bit more.
Is Romulus the ship?
It's a whole mythology from Roman times, Romulus and Remus. They suckled at a wolf, I believe
the story is. The teat of a wolf. The space station involved, half of it is called Romulus,
the other half is Remus. Again, I can't go into too much because it does kind of spoil
it for you. Suffice to say, the ad doesn't ruin it, surprisingly. It's actually left
quite a lot out for once. I would go into it, but that's pretty much all of the sci-fi
stuff I've seen.
Any monkeys in it?
No monkeys.
How supernatural?
Season three, episode eight.
Still going then.
I checked it, we were literally watching it before you go in. It was a really good episode.
It was a Christmas one, a supernatural Christmas.
That exists? It sounds such a bullshit name.
It was all about the two...
The brothers?
Yes, these two brothers and they kill monsters. These two Celtic, that kind of old gods.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
And about the old lords of Christmas. They sacrifice people to these gods and they give
you a mild weather at Christmas. They're so well acted by these two older people, being
really 60s slash 70s perfect home people.
Okay, yeah.
They're just beautifully acted and then the brothers get tortured, get a fingernail pulled
off. Oh, it's so grim because it's such a stark contrast between the two elements of
the show. Really hyper gory violence and proper super fun Christmas right there happening
at the same time. Oops, banged the mic. Yeah, good episode. Yeah, we're watching a lot of
Supernatural still. I have been playing a few games.
Okay.
So I've got...
I haven't turned the PlayStation on or the Xbox on in three weeks.
The Xbox went on the other day just to... I wanted to update it. That was the only reason.
I'll leave mine on that weird standby mode they created so it stays up to date. In fact,
the Xbox probably hasn't been on for a couple of months.
I turned that off on mine because they're in a cupboard now.
Ah, they're toasty.
And they will get too hot. So if I play them, I leave the doors on it open. So I was playing
Elden Ring.
Yeah.
I've stopped playing that bit. It's so stressful. I absolutely think the game is fantastic,
but I am not good enough. There's no amount that I can practice and practice that will
get me good enough now. I think I'm just past that point. Does that make sense?
Yeah. I know what you mean.
I can't see the moves coming from the enemies. I just can't judge what they're doing.
You're not good enough at working out the patterns.
I'm not quick enough. I just... I want to be able to sit down and if I play a game for
an hour, feel like I've progressed, whereas I can be fighting a boss on there for four
nights.
Oh no.
And when your four nights is across two weeks...
Yeah, I can't do that.
I just... It takes it away. People complain online about, oh, we don't put easy modes
in our Souls-like games. No, for me, can you put an easy mode in Elden Ring? So if I had
it on the computer, I'd put a mod on so I had infinite health.
It's funny you say about computers. I'm genuinely at that point that I'm almost tempted to get
rid of the consoles and go back to PC gaming. There's so little appeared on the gaming market
that I would like to buy and I looked at the back catalog for both of them for Game Pass
and for whatever the PlayStation 1 is called. Gold. And there's nothing I really want on
either of them, to be honest. And I was just thinking, you're just sitting there not doing
anything.
Well, I need to cancel my Xbox subscription because I'm not played it. It's like, yeah,
I've got access to all these games, but I can just, when I want to play one, just start
the sub up again. It's not like I'm going to lose anything because I haven't played
it in probably, I don't even remember.
Well, this is it.
Months and months and months.
But this is why I'm thinking, do I get rid of it and just go for a gaming PC? But then
I'd be like, then I'd have to go and get out the top graphics and I wouldn't be able to
stop myself trying to max it out. And then in six months time, we all know what happens.
It's now at the bottom of the pile and it's, I've got to improve it, don't I?
I'm not going to get rid of my consoles because I collect them. So I won't be trading a console
in or just selling one. Once I've got one, I keep it. But I moved from that and then
I started playing a really good game, which I've paused because we're going to stream.
Oh yes, I'm looking forward to this.
Thank goodness you're here.
Crikey, look at the size of this lad's Mara. Andy's got a huge car.
And it's so, it's right up our alley. Honestly, it's like, it's so funny. I've played it for
about half an hour, saw it originally from what's wrong with Rolfi. They reviewed it
and I read their review and I was like, oh, this looks really cool. I like the art style,
very cartoony.
It's by the same people that did the Untitled Goose Game, which was one of my favourite
games of a couple of years ago.
Yeah, we loved that, didn't we? We spoke about the podcast a little bit.
Possibly. Yeah, I remember we recorded one night and then watched Soviet Womble.
Yeah, that was so funny.
With his additional animation.
We finished the podcast really late and then we watched like a half an hour YouTube video
of a guy playing it. Soviet Womble is hilarious, by the way, if anyone's into watching gaming
YouTubers. So yes, by then it's all like heavy, I think it's Yorkshire accent.
It is, it's Yorkshire.
You can turn it on or off, so I turn it on obviously. The very first thing it comes up
with is that it says something to you, I don't remember now, and then you've got two options.
The one on the left, which I'm assuming is like, yes, is written in slang.
Right.
And the one on the right is written in normal English. So of course I'm going to take the
slang one. So I don't know what difference that makes, but at the moment everyone talks
beautifully and it's hilarious.
So the only things you can do is jump and slap.
Yes.
That's your interaction with the entire world. So you want to talk to someone, you want to
slap them in the ass. There was a, there was a, don't go too much, I went up, walked past
a fence and there was a little hole in the fence and someone's just pushing, pushing
sausages.
I was like, this is brilliant.
Oh, I know I've run out of sausages. I'll go get some more.
Yeah, it's so funny. Just these cute little things. And I was like, and then you said
that you wanted to, I was like, okay, right. I'm going to pause this. I don't want to get
too far. So I want to be able to see bit. I've got enough in it that I know I can explain
to you what's going on.
Right.
And then we can enjoy, watch like a couple of hours together.
I think we need to make that soon then because I don't want you waiting on a game just because
I've asked you to. So let's make that soon then because that's, that's a hundred percent
worth it.
And then I've finally started playing Final Fantasy Rebirth properly now.
Finally.
Finally, final, final, final, finally, final.
And what you'll notice, ladies and gents, is that that game that we used to play lots
and lots doesn't feature in our lives anymore.
Oh dear. I promised myself I wouldn't do this. I said, Valentino, you are a strong and beautiful
woman. You don't need to get involved. Live your life. Just stick to the script. Get your
money. But these two, they had to drone on about fucking hell divers for a full 11 minutes
on a Star Trek podcast, a Star Trek podcast. I tell you, look, do yourself a favor, skip
ahead. You don't need this in your life. I know I don't.
No, I logged in a couple of days ago, collected 150 medals.
Yeah.
So and then I turned it off. I didn't actually even spend them. I should have spent them
because if I log in again, I've probably got another hundred. It will max you out to 250
and then you won't get any.
The problem is they fucked about too much with it. And for me, it got boring. Though
I was enjoying our sessions and then we turn it on and suddenly my weapon loadout that
I was really super comfortable with and had fun with is ruined. We have exactly the same
missions going on that we had at the very beginning of the game, still going on and
botched weapons to work with instead. And it's just, why do you keep doing this?
The thing is, if anyone ever played with me, they'll know I loved the flamethrower. I chose
it. I had napalm grenades, I had the napalm bomb drop thing. I used the flamethrower all
the time. I loved the fire. Then they did that massive update and the war bond that
came with it was a fire one. I was like, oh, this is going to be so good. So now I could
have a sidearm, which is a flamethrower. So I can have the big flamethrower, a sidearm
flamethrower and an assault rifle, which is a flamethrower. So every single one of my
weapons could be a flamethrower. Brilliant. They nerfed fire. So barely does it. You can't
damage bar titans with it. No, it barely does any damage now, even if you hit a charger
from the rear with fire. And then they did another update and it broke the flamethrower
even further to the point where everyone doesn't use it anymore because it's useless. And like,
well, the one weapon that I loved more than anything, I now can't use. And they made all
the really good guns have less magazines. So I feel like I've got to have the pack
on my back. So then that stops me using other things, other strategies I might want to do.
And yeah, I just, they've made it on a shit engine. We spoke about it before. There's
an engine that is really old. They don't support it anymore. It's by its own Autodesk, Maya,
if you remember that software. It's that engine for that. And just like, I wish you just made
it in Unreal, Unreal four or something. And then you could have upgraded it to five and
it would have looked brilliant. It wouldn't change anything. And, but things would just
work and it would be supported. And every time you make one change, it's not going to
make some catastrophic change that you could butterfly effect further down the road on
something that has got no relation to what you've changed.
Yeah. I mean, I'm just looking here at an article from about 11 hours ago, allegedly
on games radar, which I didn't realise was still a thing. They've now confirmed that
they are building a test server. They said they already had one. I'm pretty sure. Well,
the games directors finally confirmed that a test server is being worked on at Arrowhead
and for the users they invite a NDA will be forced upon them if they wish to take part
in the test, which is understandable because they're sick of things being leaked. But what
I was actually looking for was the article that I read about three or four days ago.
And this has only got a little bit of it, which is elsewhere in the discord question
and answer pile stead, which is one of the lead developers, I think, or the creator and
whatever said that criticism of helldivers too was perfectly valid of late following
a patch earlier this month that actively nerfed fire based weapons again, which players were
absolutely loving up until then. The worst thing would have been if we fucked up and
no one cared. Pile stead added. So at least it's not all bad news then. No, but it has
stopped a huge number of people I know, including us from playing it now because I'm sick of
these updates and I know this hour we're building a test server. Great. What if you've got the
wrong people testing it? Yeah, that's the problem, isn't it? You can't just go about
unless the weapon is truly bugged. So let's say you had the flamethrower and they didn't
realize that if you used three canisters in a row, suddenly you blew up and got launched
across the map. Fine. That is a bug. Fix it. Don't go and do an update and go, right. We've
adjusted all the weapons to make them fairer. No. If that's how you've put it out, that's
how you've put it out. Leave it alone. It's not like we're playing against other players.
It's because it's a very vocal, small minority of people at the very top who won't let you
in their group and they should bring the exact perfect weapons. Whereas the majority, like
the 90% of the rest of us, who just want to pick whatever gun we want. Apparently on the
box, I've got it digitally so I haven't seen the box, it says something like play with
overpowered weapons and feel like a god. It says something like that. It hasn't felt like
that since launch. No. They've absolutely taken that away from us. What's the harm in
making the weapons overpowered? What's the harm in giving us more ammunition? That's
what I'm saying. If it was PVP, fine. I understand that. I hated, and that's one of the reasons
I stopped playing COD, I hated day one being, right, brilliant. I've just about afforded
a new game. Let's not lie, they're expensive and people need to take that into consideration.
It's not like, oh, I'm going to buy this game and that's pocket money. It's not pocket money.
Some of us have to save up money for that sort of thing, even as adults. I've ordered
COD let's say. I sit down and I play it. Really fancy a multiplayer game. Day one, servers
have been live for what, an hour? You walk in and immediately you get destroyed because
there's 70 million other kids out there who haven't got money worries, have bought all
the day one DLC and been given lots of bonus super powerful weapons. That pisses me off.
I understand that, but Helldivers 2 is not PVP. The computer's not sat there going, it's
unfair. It's bullying me. No, it's a fucking computer. It doesn't care how strong the weapons
are.
You find it too easy, go up a difficulty. It had seven difficulty levels.
Which exactly what we did. We all started. I remember me and you were really tough going
around going, oh look, we've got 10 samples on this map. That's really cool. Then a month
later it's like we're playing difficulty level. We've got five samples. I've got three super
samples. I'm well happy with it. Because we moved up and it didn't detract from the game
for us. We felt like we were at that stage, but now the weapons are completely nerfed.
You want to go back to the early levels, but you can't go back to the early levels if you
want to progress your ship or get further weapons because you can't get the things you
need. But then if you go to the levels for the things that you need, it's absolutely
miserable. I remember the last time we played, it was not fun. We were really stressed because
it just hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of things get swarming us. Our weapons were
doing fuck all.
Because we started playing it after they did the update where they said, when you have
less people, we're making more spawns. Because they wanted to encourage people to play as
groups of four.
But why? I don't want to.
Yeah, why? Well, you should scale it up the more people there are.
Yes.
Let people play on their own. Because I played a lot of time on my own.
I did.
Because I don't want to play with randoms. Because then you see all these videos about
people playing with randoms and then they get to the end of the match and just boot
them out at the death of the game.
But you see that starts to stink of, pardon me, that starts to stink of Arrowhead going,
oh crap. If we have lots of people just playing one player, that's server space that's being
used up that we need another three players in with them to make that server value worthwhile.
So I'm like, no, sorry. If you make a game possible to play on your own, leave it as
being able to play it on your own.
Yeah. Shame. Because really, I mean, even that game, you could be completely single
player really. Just take it off offline. You could easily do it. But one last thing on
it, it's quite a funny thing going on at the moment where the robots have got one section
away from super earth. They're now one section away.
Oh are they? Because the last time I heard they'd only got one planet.
No, they're like one segment away from being in the orbit of super earth. And there's a
big thing on Reddit saying, let them do it. So there was a mission that came out where
they were telling you to go over and stop them. And everyone was like, no, we're going
to do this without even trying because now you can see like each planet had like a regeneration
rate of the enemy and it had been put at the lowest lowest number for like those planets
in there. It's like, we're going to do this without even trying. All the people that aren't
on Reddit are going to do it and we're not going to help them. They'll still manage it
because it's just going to be too easy. But yeah, there's a lot of people and they're
like, let's see if they've made super earth. Can we?
I was going to say, can you imagine if everyone actually just stopped playing and no, go on,
show us what happens if we've got to go super earth. That would destroy the game because
I can guarantee you they have not got that created.
They've not got it created, no. Because they never thought people would.
No, but that's because they've upset too many people. I think genuinely if it got to super
earth, they'd probably just say, server off time, sorry, game's over.
Yeah, or restart it or they would do what they're doing now. They get to a point where
they'll just pretend that you're on the back foot, stopping it from getting in.
What will happen? What will happen is it will get super earth and don't worry, super earth
develops a super weapon just in time. Or that's when they'd introduce the next race and it
would be some sort of meteorite that would go across the universe, destroying all the
planets nearest super earth for the bots and then build itself at the south of the map.
But yeah, you're right. They'll never let that happen.
I think they're, let's say, at a fair shake, two or three months late bringing out the
new faction.
Yeah.
Because I think had it been two or three months ago, the four of us would have gone, I've
still got enough interest.
I've got no interest in it now.
Whereas now if they released it, I'd be like, maybe TJ and I will play it at some point.
Let the bugs get out first. We'll let them release all this shit and we'll come back
in a month when potentially the bugs have been sorted.
I will start playing it when my TikTok or my Twister or my threads feed starts saying,
they haven't fucked it up.
Yeah.
And at the moment it's daily I see posts saying, what have they done? So that will be when
I do it.
See, wasn't worth it, was it?
Should we talk something about Star Trek?
We probably should, yeah.
So this is supposedly a Star Trek podcast. So let's talk something about Star Trek.
Star Trek Roulette.
Well, firstly, we'll tell you how we haven't watched Star Trek. We didn't watch Discovery.
We did mention it earlier. Sorry. That can be the next one.
Yeah, we will watch it. It's just, it's been one of those, it's the summer holidays. There's
a lot going on. Get over it. We have.
Right. Trek Roulette.
Trek Roulette.
I'm excited to hear what's going on. So people who weren't listening last time, there's a
new game. It's going to, it's, I've got interest from five or six people now.
Which is amazing. That's so cool.
Who have shown interest and they're not all studio people too, which is quite cool.
I'm going to-
Are those names that we don't recognise?
Yeah. There's some that I've not actually spoken to before. I've, there's a few people
I'm going to eventually chase. I'm going to give them a long breath because I've been
annoying. So I'm going to give them months rest because the amount of people we've got
so far, you know, these aren't going to be coming out every fortnight.
No. And you never know what I've written here may kill it dead.
I don't know. So what is it? We've got a spreadsheet. You automatically chooses a Star Trek series,
two main characters from that series, a plot point, a antagonist, and then you have to
make an episode. It has to be comedy. That is the real rule of it.
Or does it have to be comedy?
No, I want it to be funny.
Oh, fine. Okay.
Yeah. Cause I think that, I mean, it's going to be funny anyway, but I think it should,
I think they should all be funny.
So to give you an idea, the one that you chose for me, I know we kind of had a little hand
in things that got picked because the spreadsheet wasn't fully working. The series was the next
generation. The main character was, well, I didn't do it as main character and sub character.
I just did character one.
That's just two characters that have to be in it.
Pickard and Data. Plot was sexual encounter and antagonist was Freddy Krueger. I had a
lot of fun writing this and I wrote it in no more than an hour because I just sat there
on some holiday, kids had gone to bed and I was just in our little holiday home and
thought, you know what, I'm going to power this out. And I had so much fun writing it
and I've gone back over it today, chuckling myself.
So I've been thinking how we're going to do it. Do we say the episode or do we go through
the episode and when we get to a skip point, do the skip? How do you want to do it? Cause
you've prepared it.
I've got five acts and each of those acts is basically us to do backwards and forwards
of the speech in it. I've actually written the five acts of script.
So good. Okay. I was expecting, what I was expecting is you just telling me basically
the plot, explain the plot and then we kind of pick apart the plot together and then there's
going to be a couple of elements of it where you've made a script.
I thought it would be much more fun to make you try and guess what's going to be going
on.
Oh, this is going to be good.
So first of all, let's go for it. So next generation, obviously late eighties, early
nineties was the series that ran our main character of that was good old Captain Picard.
So obviously with Picard, there's so much you can do with him full stop and the same
with Data. There's a lot you can do with him. And when you said sexual encounter, it's like,
who is it a sexual encounter between Picard and Data? Who is it? No, it's not. It's not
at all. Is it Data having a sexual encounter? No, it's not. It's Picard having a sexual
encounter. So I had a lot of fun with trying to decide what I'm going to do with that.
And then it's like, how the fuck am I going to fit Freddy Krueger in? Bearing in mind,
I've actually never seen a nightmare on Elm Street or any of the films.
It's got to be a post-coital kind of nap element.
No, oh yeah, you guess based on what you know of me and what you know this is meant to be,
what do you think happens in the episode?
Well, from what I know of you, firstly, I'm going to find it very funny because I think
you're very funny.
Okay.
It's going to be rude, I imagine, because believe it or not, you're very rude.
No, really?
Yeah, well, I don't know. It's got to be sleep involved because Freddy Krueger is a sleep
monster. It comes in your dreams. Did you know that?
I did know that. So I know enough about Freddy Krueger and I've seen enough to know what
Freddy Krueger is and about. And I've seen enough of a couple of the films to kind of
get a rough idea about what I was going to do with it.
Does Picard sexually assault Freddy Krueger or something?
No, there is no sexual assault involved.
Okay, good. I don't want to have to cut a whole act from this.
No, none of this is going to get cut. I'm pretty happy with this. I will say, I was,
who did, originally there is a character that does die or is going to die in this, potentially.
Yeah, the lady.
Who do you think I would have killed off in this, that I was planning on killing off,
I should say.
Oh, so one of these characters dies?
Out of the TNG crew, not either Picard or Data, but one of the crew.
Oh, you'll kill La Forge.
No.
Wouldn't you kill La Forge?
I was really tempted to kill-
No, I know you'll kill the counsellor.
Oh dear, actually there's quite a lot of people I would have killed. Maybe I should have a
quick rewrite.
Does Worf try and fight and lose?
I was going to kill Wesley.
Oh, Wesley.
I like Wesley.
Fun fact, I didn't know, and I don't know if this is true or not. You know when he finally
gets given a job role on the Enterprise, basically they illegally employ him even though he's
underage and he wears that stupid multi-coloured jumper. Do you know why he wears that?
No.
It's the every colour of all the departments within the Enterprise. You've got command,
engineering, science, red, yellow, blue. So basically it's to signify that he's an ensign
and he's learning the job and as he doesn't have a fixed role or whether he's going to
do science or whether he's going to do command or if he's going to do science, he's got all
the colours on show.
That's a neat touch, isn't it?
It's quite neat if it's true.
Was that an IMDB trivia?
I think it was a Twitter trivia actually. I think he actually might have quoted it. So
I think there is some truth behind it.
Will Wheaton's a great audiobook reader.
Yes, he's got a good voice for it doesn't he? But anyway, I didn't kill him in the end.
Instead I came up with Ensign Gary. Is he an ensign? I don't know. I can't remember
where I made him.
There was ensigns.
Do you want to get into it then?
Yeah, let's get into it.
Or have you got any questions for me about anything? Oh actually you haven't really given
me any ideas what else it might be.
I don't know, I'm just excited to listen to it. I'm going to try and give it the shit
show treatment too when we actually edit it.
Yes please, it really needs it.
Right, let's get on with it.
Accessing Library Computer Data.
Okay, what's this? Act 1, has it got a title? Has Act 1 got a title?
No, no, there's no...
Have you given the title to the episode?
I haven't. I've really just... I should have...
Maybe we'll think... We'll workshop at the end.
We'll workshop at the end. I do not want you reading ahead. So you must only keep your
eyes to Act 1 in fact. Hang on. As I did some research, and typically it's five acts apparently
Star Trek, or the Next Generation is typically in five acts. So this act is the very first
one that the episode has started, you've got a little bit of the blue text at the bottom
saying who directed it, and you're into a scene and we haven't had the...
Okay, I'll have to remember this from when I'm editing it, okay.
So...
Who am I playing?
Who do you want to play?
So we've got Picard and Guinan.
In Act 1 it's Picard and Guinan.
Am I going to do an impression? I can't even do impressions of either of these.
I can't do an impression of either of them, so...
I'll be Guinan.
Okay, so just put on a slightly feminine voice.
It's time to play Trek Roulette.
Interior of the shuttlecraft Hawking.
And yes, that was one of the shuttlecrafts of the Enterprise D.
Okay.
So would you like a cup of Earl Grey?
Picard, you confuse me.
How so?
We've been friends for many years and you've never had that issue.
Well, since the Borg.
No, that's not it. You use your Borg experience to excuse yourself too often. This was different.
Picard stands up revealing Federation-issued leather pants.
We can try again.
This is going to be difficult because I'm going to laugh.
Oh, one more time.
Picard goes under the console as Guinan sets her chair to recline.
Oh, so gross. Who's eating her out?
Intro plays.
What do I do in Act 2?
Okay, yeah, Act 2. Now you can unfold it and get into Act 2.
Well, we've got Data and Gary in Act 2.
Data and Ensign Gary are walking down the corridor of the Enterprise D.
Data walks to a panel on the wall.
Computer, start program Data 195, Dream and Nightmares.
Affirmative.
Nightmares?
Yes, to experience everything humans do, I concluded that nightmares should also be part of my dream program.
Who gave you the content?
The Enterprise computer has thousands of records of people's dreams and nightmares.
Wait, those are personal data. You can't just go through people's logs like that.
Don't worry, I set my database search to 1980-2010. The historic data is valid.
Wow, we've got logs from then?
Yes, during the 1900s, humans often shared their dreams for others to watch in places called cinemas.
Computer, start program.
Affirmative.
So bear in mind, 1980-2010 is the eras that all the Nightmare on Elm Street were released, including the modern ones.
The doors slide open.
Wow, this is amazing, Commander. This bedroom is so ancient. I can't believe people had these things in their rooms.
Yes, they were not as minimalist as we are now. Possessions often took priority.
Computer, where are we?
The date is November 9th, 1984. You are in 1428 Elm Street, Springwood, Ohio, United States of America.
The whole holodeck shakes and glitches. Ensign Gary has gone from wearing a gold uniform to red.
Commander, what was that? Why is my costume changed to red?
Computer, explain the anomaly just experienced on this holodeck.
No error or anomaly was found.
Is this part of the program?
Yes.
Reddy's iconic glove penetrates through the back of Ensign Gary and out of his chest, blades facing forward.
Computer, stop program.
Ensign Gary's body drops to the floor. A huge hole in his chest. Data picks his limp body up and hits his communicator.
Data to Dr. Crusher, medical emergency on holodeck three. Ensign Gary is dead.
Brilliant. I think the bits you're narrating, I'm going to have to have Valentino say.
And I'm going to have to change the computer to the computer's voice.
I think so. Absolutely.
Wicked.
Actually, you can be Dr. Crusher, I think.
I'm liking this so far. So let's just do a little bit of a recap here.
So we've had...
So Picard's getting horny with Guinan on a...
Muff diving Guinan.
So we don't know where they've been, but they've been on a sex journey, basically.
They've been out dogging.
They've been off dogging on a shuttlecraft.
And then yeah, Data has programmed a dreams and nightmares sequence in the holodeck to help experience dreams and nightmares.
Okay.
Where do you think it's going to go? Before you read any more, where do you think it's going to go from this point?
So he's just killed Ensign Gary.
Well, the thing is, so far you've met all the criteria. We've had a sexual encounter and we've got Freddy Krueger.
So we've met the criteria.
And we have three acts left.
And we still got three acts to go.
Okay, so...
I could have killed Keiko as well. Shit, there's so many people I could have killed.
So is this a holodeck mishap?
And actually Krueger's going to get out.
Wait and see.
Let's find out. Right, okay.
So into act three.
So I'm Dr. Crusher. So I'm a lady again.
You are. And the rest of act three is...
Oh look, and Ryker's here too. And Worf.
Act three extends onto that page.
Okay, well who are you playing?
As I said, I kind of got lost in writing.
So you can be Dr. Crusher and Ryker. I'll be Data and Worf.
Okay, this is going to get different. We're going to be talking to ourselves.
Data, why would you disable the safety controls in your program?
We can't just sweep the...
What accent am I giving Ryker?
Okay, Ryker's going to be a cockney.
He's going to be a cockney.
Now I'm not going to be able to do cockney.
We can't just sweep this under the carpet, Data.
I'm going to have to put you in the brig.
I understand, sir. I shall report to the brig at once.
Ryker to security. I need an escort to the brig from the medical bay.
On our way, commander.
That was Worf by the way, everybody.
Data, I take no pressure in this.
Thank you. I'm sorry if this has stopped our friendship.
Just to point out, Data has said that several times through the series
because of his constant fuck-ups he does that they sweep under the rug.
I'm really sorry if this has affected our friendship.
Stop doing shit like that then, Data.
Ryker walks over to Beverly and with one swift punch knocks her out.
Commander what are you doing?
Say goodbye to your friend, you pale bastard.
So that's Ryker in Freddy's voice.
Yeah.
I don't understand.
Ryker peels his face off, revealing Freddy Krueger.
I'm your worst nightmare.
Beverly explodes into flames and starts screaming.
Data runs over to Dr. Crusher, but it's too late.
Her chard remains, stare back at him, with jaw locked open in a scream.
Worf bursts into the medical bay with phaser drawn.
Commander, what have you done?
Lieutenant Worf, you must shoot him. That is not Commander Riker. Sir?
Riker appears to be back to himself.
Worf, Commander is having some sort of issue. Please escort him to the brig where we'll be charged with murder.
Commander, if you'll come with me.
Worf explodes into a mist of blood, covering Data's face. He brings his hands to his face and sees blood on his fingers.
Okay, so he's still dreaming. This is still the dream.
Act Four.
This is still, I'm calling it still the dream. You've M. Night Shyamalan'd me.
You can be Geordi.
Oh.
And Riker. I'll be Geordi. You can be Riker.
I'll be Geordi.
I'll be Riker and Data. You...
I was going to do like...
No, you be Riker, I'll be Geordi and Data, okay?
I was going to do the voice from Monkey Dust, you know, the guy on the computer.
No, come on.
In Data's quarters.
Geordi, it's no use, Commander. I can't wake him. He seems to be in some sort of positronic lock.
Star Trek words.
Positronic, yeah, we've got some Trek in.
Geordi, I know he's our friend, but how many hours do you dedicate to fixing the fuck-ups he causes?
I know, Commander, but where else can we find someone who can fix issues in seconds round here?
Geordi fiddling with a cable attached to Data's skull.
Wait, I've got an idea. If we reboot the ship's computer, that will disconnect Data safely.
Don't we always do that, though?
It works, though, doesn't it?
Do it.
Computer, recognise Geordi LaForge, code 1-3-omega-7. Reboot main computer now.
Stand by.
The power goes off and on again.
Commander Riker, Geordi, why are you in my room?
You're two hours late for your shift, Data. What is all of this?
I was attempting to experience dreams and nightmares.
Did it work?
Yes. You were there, Commander. You brutally killed our crewmates and called me a pale bastard.
Well, that does sound like a nightmare.
How do you feel, Data?
I cannot say. I find myself hoping there aren't multiple sequels to this nightmare, each getting worse until a complete remake where I skip myself.
Why did this happen?
Get to the bridge, Data. I've got some logs I need you to delete before the Captain comes back.
We're using the Captain's personal 1980s view screen again.
You know it. We've made Riker such a deviant.
Oh, yeah. And then we're into the final act.
OK, we can write. Who's in this, right? Picard and Geidling?
Yeah, you're Geidling again.
The interior windows of the shuttlecraft are steamed up. Picard's leather shorts are on the console.
A pile of what looks like space dildos cover the floor behind the seats.
Where did you learn that? I've never felt so wide.
Oh, that's so gross.
I've been around, you know. That particular trick was from the Wild West. I remember it well as it was the first time I caught gonorrhea.
Gonorrhea, I said by the way, everyone.
You got cured of that, right?
Each and every time.
Picard looks disgusted. Guy-nan looks quizzically at the console in front of her.
Let me give him a second to compose myself.
I may not be a fancy pilot, but doesn't that button mean an active subspace link?
Computer, show ongoing transmission.
The screen comes to life. Benjamin Sisko is sat there watching with Dax, Kira and Bashir.
I knew I'd get something on you in the end, Captain. I just never knew you'd like it in your end.
Now, Commander, let's be sensible about this.
Goodbye, Captain.
Computer, end transmission.
Picard places his head in his hands. We see the shuttlecraft approaching the Enterprise as the credits roll.
So it's getting spied on by Sisko.
Sisko's got some dirt on him after killing his wife at Wolf 359.
Oh yeah, are you telling me?
Yeah, that's the whole reason Sisko hates Picard. Because as an acutus, the Borg killed Sisko's wife.
Wow, that was brilliant. That was brilliant.
I had so much fun writing that.
Well, TJ.
You didn't see that coming?
That was flipping brilliant. Oh my god. People obviously can't see because we don't record our faces, but my face now hurts from smiling so much.
Is everything I hoped it would be?
I honestly wanted to do the whole, okay, I wanted to Shamalama Ding Dong you with the whole, Ensign Gary's dead, then they're on the medical bay and it's like, why did you turn off the safety things?
Because that's the sort of thing Data would do.
Yeah, yeah.
And then have it, oh no, they're still on the holodeck. But actually, no, it's all in Data's head.
You could have very easily inceptioned it as well and just kept it going.
That's true.
And then the dream energy, because when they do that in the films, they think they're out of a dream at one point.
Yeah, that's true.
They do stuff like that. So you could have easily done that. But yeah, I do like the Guinan Picard stuff with Sisko.
I just wanted Sisko to get his own back on Picard. And yeah, that was just kind of, that was the least enjoyable bits to write about. I enjoyed all of it.
But it's like, right, sexual encounter. Let's just have Picard get it off his chest and just do Guinan, because you know they blatantly do.
So just to do some on live, live recorded workshop of this.
So I'm deciding whether I'm going to, when I ask people to get involved, where people have come and said they want to be involved, whether I do two recordings, whether I record with them, give them the thing so they can get the reaction live.
Or if I just present them with it and say, this is what it's given you. And then we only meet once.
I think I'm going to have to do it per person because the other guys that are podcasters, we're busy doing bits.
So we don't, it can be very difficult. And I know one of the guys is in America as well.
So his time zone is going to make it difficult to record twice in the space of a week.
So it might be that I just send him the thing. But also I'm going to let people say, because not everyone's watched Prodigy, for example.
So I'm going to say that what are the series that you're familiar with? Oh, it's these three.
Okay. Well, I'll randomly generate it till I get one of those series. And then that's what you get.
So I'm going to be fair to people.
Almost like we give them a one get out of jail free card almost.
If there's something in there that you particularly don't like or don't feel you could do, we'll regenerate it for you.
Well, I'm not going to give you that. I'm going to give you, you have to just know it.
So if you said to me, look, I only know the original series. I only know Deep Space Nine and I only know lower decks.
Okay. Then they're the only three that I'm going to let it pick from.
So I'll keep randomly generating until one of those three comes up and then you get what you get.
Because that's the whole point. It's got to be, it's meant to be something to challenge all of us to do this kind of creative thing.
Fair enough. As an extra. But what I'm going to do is now you've done it, acting like a guest.
I now want you to give me something to add to the list.
So I'm putting you on the spot here. So maybe you can just tell me later.
But you are now going to give me something that we can add to the pool.
So either approach, you could give me an antagonist and a plot point or just one or the other or something that we can add to it.
And that's what I'm going to ask everybody. So when I actually contact people specifically about say, you know, at the end, you're going to give me something that we can add to the pool for everyone else.
I'd be part of the pool for people. Okay. So then it will keep growing.
I've got one for you for plots. Okay. Go on. Genocide. Genocide. Okay.
Because let's face it, if you get a Voyager episode, that's going to be really easy to do.
And I'm going to write who is added by. So when it does come up, we can say, this is the plot point. Oh, and it's been added by this person.
The same as when we finally get it on the website where people can submit and send us the form and we add it. I'll put who it was that added it.
Yeah. Okay. And can I have an antagonist as well? You can add an antagonist.
The Chuckle Brothers, which I know won't mean anything to the American audience, but for the British audience, that's going to make a very interesting episode.
He's been in the news recently, isn't he? Yes. He's haunted by his dead brother. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm not sure what I feel about that. Sad.
Command functions are offline.
Thank you everyone for listening. I know it wasn't what you were expecting. Two episodes in a row. Not what you were expecting.
Hopefully you enjoyed it though. And also if you can come up with an adequate name for the name of my episode, that'd be really appreciated.
Oh God. Yeah. We even thought of an episode. Yeah. There's no way I could think of a name on the spot.
No, not right now. But this episode is just going to be called Trek roulette. So that's that spoilers.
What spoilers? You would have already seen it. What are we talking about? Spoilers for you and me.
You know, I had every intention to write down all the things that we're supposed to say at the end of the episode before this and I didn't bother. So can you save me one last time, please?
Of course I can. We are part of the Studio Channel 84 network. We are a small indie network of podcasts that includes the Untitled Trek Show, the Variety Show podcast, Who Takes the Socks Off and Lightly Used.
Head over to channel84.co.uk to find out everything about each of those podcasts. If you would like to find out more about the Untitled Trek Show, head over to channel84.co.uk, click on shows, click on Untitled Trek Show and you can find out more about us there.
All our social media links are also on our contact page in exactly the same place. Those social medias include Twitter, threads, Facebook, TikTok, Instagram and everything else that we can get our dirty paws onto.
And that is that. The only other thing that's left to say regarding contact is if you would like to email us. If you would like to email Rob directly, you can do rob at channel84.co.uk.
If you would like to speak to me, you can do TJ at channel84.co.uk. Or if you would like to speak to both of us at the same time, send it to podcasts, that's plural, podcasts at channel84.co.uk.
We're good. Thank you very much for that, TJ. And yeah, if you want to be involved in Trek roulette, my DMs on Twitter are open. You can message us on Instagram, Facebook, all these places that you just heard of. We will get the message and we'll have a chat. 100%. Thank you very much, mate. Thank you very much. And send Rob Cockpix in his DMs. Love you. Bye. I'm going to rub my choddy.
Thank you for listening to the channel 84 Untitled Trek show. This station is now shutting down and we'll be back in two weeks.
Excelsior.
This was a studio channel 84 network show. To find more, head over to channel84.co.uk now.