1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,840 Two men on a quest for knowledge, fame, fortune and new life. 2 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:06,640 On far-off planets in distant galaxies. 3 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:07,880 Just kidding. 4 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,200 They are fucking morons. 5 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:38,200 This is the USS Shit Show. 6 00:00:40,200 --> 00:01:06,760 Episode 1 New Beginnings 7 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:12,600 Ugh, alright. 8 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:14,780 Fuck! 9 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:16,080 Computer! Lights! 10 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,360 Ugh, I'm always stumbling into tables. 11 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:21,760 Where am I? 12 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,000 You are in your ready room, sir. 13 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,600 Oh, I'm gonna sleep in here again. 14 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,120 Ugh, why is it such a fucking mess? 15 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,800 It's like a bloody zombies fucking workshop in here. 16 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:35,080 What is that? 17 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,800 Oh, gross! Who takes their socks off in here? 18 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:38,600 Computer! 19 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:39,880 Where's Ensign Cort? 20 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,480 Ensign Cort is currently in holodeck suite 6.9. 21 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:44,640 Perfect. 22 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:51,760 When he's done in there, get him to empty the waste canisters and also unblock the runoff valves in suite 9 and 10. 23 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:53,600 It's like a bloody stink in there. 24 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:55,000 Affirmative. 25 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,000 Ugh, what's that? 26 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:58,360 Wolfie! 27 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,120 Damn dog, you stink! 28 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:01,040 Computer! 29 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,960 Ask Ensign Stahls with the clean-up in here, would you? 30 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:05,160 Affirmative. 31 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,400 Also, I want to know what's up with Wolfie. 32 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,240 Get him to take the dog down to sick bay. 33 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,160 Smells like he's killed a rabbit and shat out his brains. 34 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:14,720 Right, lovely now. 35 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:15,760 I need a drink. 36 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:16,520 Computer? 37 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:17,560 Coffee. 38 00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:22,240 Sorry, Captain, but the Replicators are currently experiencing maintenance. 39 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,800 A limited menu is currently available. 40 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:28,240 How the fuck can Janeway get coffee all the way in the Alpha Quadrant, 41 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,760 but I can't get it floating outside the fucking Bifo Nebula? 42 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,240 Jesus, right. 43 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,680 Give me a pint of Cthulhu, then. 44 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,040 Ugh, tastes like piss. 45 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,000 Okay. 46 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:52,720 Captain's log. 47 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:56,120 Star date 2023.342. 48 00:02:56,720 --> 00:03:00,400 We've just come to the end of our research mission just outside the Bifo Nebula, 49 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:05,600 collecting samples from the feces of the space wells feeding on the material discharged from the chemical sleds. 50 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:10,240 Two of the larger metal balls seem to have taken a fancy chasing after some of the shuttles 51 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,040 and appear to be trying to mate with them. 52 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,200 Hilarious, really, but quite annoying. 53 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,680 They've been lovingly dubbed Paul and Eli by some of the low-decks crew. 54 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,120 Anyway, I digress. 55 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:23,560 Just as we started our preparations for our rendezvous with Captain Tom and the USS Piss Take, 56 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,600 we received an urgent message from Starfleet. 57 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,280 Admiral Chester's no doubt. 58 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:28,760 I must say it felt quite honoured. 59 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:30,600 Shame it wasn't a social call. 60 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,000 It was in fact another bloody side quest. 61 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,360 This time, she has us investigate an odd subspace message. 62 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,920 The source appears to be from deep inside the Poniesum Quadrant. 63 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,640 Outpost 84, no doubt. 64 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,400 I'll attach the message to the end of this log for archiving. 65 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:50,920 Quite a bit of shit, but I'm assuming that's due to some kind of solar flare activity or some fucking Trek bullshit. 66 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:54,680 Ugh, yeah. 67 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:59,680 Definitely piss. 68 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,200 Captain's log, 15th December. 69 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,600 I know Admiral Gannon is reading my emails. 70 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:21,840 I know that he is seeing the petition I've put up about changing it from star dates to normal dates. 71 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:24,440 But still, no answer. 72 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:25,120 It's ridiculous. 73 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:28,880 I mean, our ship synchronises our time with Earth. 74 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,120 Why do we need to do star dates? 75 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:35,840 And also another note, I've seen Vulcans celebrating Christmas now. 76 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,160 It just makes no sense. 77 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,920 Let's just stick with the normal date that everyone understands. 78 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,800 I mean, what is even a star date? 79 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,480 I don't think I've known the date properly for years now. 80 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:50,520 So, Admiral Gannon, I know you listen to these. 81 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,480 I know you don't like our ship. 82 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,480 So, stick it up your arse, mate. 83 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,040 We're going with dates on this ship. 84 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:03,680 In additional news, it's been several hours since I've heard from Captain Rob. 85 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,240 I'm at the rendezvous point and there's nothing. 86 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:11,000 There's nothing on sensors and he's gone radio silent. 87 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,000 We've not heard anything from him. 88 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,960 We've tried raising him on comms, on secure channel 43. 89 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,640 We've also tried on channel 84. 90 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:23,640 Nothing. He is...uncontactable. 91 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,520 I'm hoping my friend is OK. 92 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,840 The last time I saw Captain Rob would have been... 93 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,120 at least a year ago. 94 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,320 We were on Starbase 1 and we were... 95 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:37,840 we were drunk. 96 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:43,840 It wasn't our fault we stumbled across Riker's password 97 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:49,640 and we discovered all of his holodeck programs were available on Starbase 1. 98 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,960 And using his password, we had a look and... 99 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,560 it's filth, utter filth. 100 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:01,720 I mean, there's one episode of his holodeck novel that he's written, 101 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:06,480 which is purely women walking up to him, sucking him off and then saying, 102 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,240 God, you're a big boy, Will. 103 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,120 Seriously. And then my favourite. 104 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,960 Oh, this one. This one was amazing. 105 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:18,720 There was an entire holodeck program of Williams. 106 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,640 There's William Shakespeare. There was Will. I am. 107 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,400 And then there's Will Riker. 108 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,720 Then there's another Will Riker. 109 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:29,640 He wanted to have dinner with himself and other famous wills. 110 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,800 I mean, William Shatner. 111 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,960 It was weird. 112 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,440 And then it got even worse. 113 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,120 They all wanted to have sex with him. 114 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,200 And that's kind of when we got caught. 115 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:44,600 The computer shut off and, yeah, they asked us where we got his password from. 116 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:49,920 And that's when Captain Rob and I were told we weren't allowed to work together anymore. 117 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,120 I really hope my friend's OK. 118 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,240 He didn't sound happy in that last message. 119 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,200 Anyway, I've got to go and deal with something now. 120 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,440 It turns out our holodeck's got a problem. 121 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,240 No one is cleaning up after themselves. 122 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,400 Moisture everywhere. 123 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,040 End of Captain's log. 124 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,800 Captain's log supplemental. 125 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,840 Look, Admiral Gannon, I'm sorry. 126 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,360 I lost my head a little bit. 127 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:22,760 You know how it is. 128 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:24,560 It's been a bad day on the ship. 129 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:27,520 Look, I still don't even know half the bloody crew's name. 130 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:31,040 OK, look, I've got Ensign Ricky, who is a liability. 131 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:38,000 I've then got Senior Officer Silverman, who again has got into the med bay 132 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,200 and has emptied out a lot of the cabinets, which has left... 133 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,920 Oh, my God, we've got problems here. 134 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,200 Look, I must be... 135 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,200 Hang on. 136 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,200 Computer. 137 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:51,320 Incoming emergency transmission received. 138 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:52,320 On screen. 139 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:53,320 Affirmative. 140 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,840 Captain, you have the comms. 141 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:01,440 Thank you, Number One. 142 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:05,440 Tom, I've really fucked up this time. 143 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:06,920 The signals were a trap. 144 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,920 We're lured here, mate. 145 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:09,920 Of course it was. 146 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,400 How could I have missed it? 147 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,400 Audio quality, bollocks. 148 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,960 There's no comedic interludes. 149 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,960 It's a fucking disgrace. 150 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,960 Our shields are at 84% and falling. 151 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:21,960 Invasive manoeuvre. 152 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:22,960 Cog Alpha 3. 153 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,960 Look, it's a fucking borg, mate. 154 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:25,960 The fucking borg. 155 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:26,960 Hundreds of cubes. 156 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:31,960 They're massing their cells in a radiation singers behind the asteroid fields. 157 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,960 Shields are at 30%, Captain. 158 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,960 Lieutenant Kimber, get the weak creature into the escape shuttles. 159 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,960 Mate, outpost 84 has gone. 160 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,960 They're all dead. 161 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,960 Our shields are down. 162 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:45,960 Shit. 163 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:46,960 Tom, look. 164 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:47,960 We're not done. 165 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,960 You have to warn the Chesters. 166 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:54,960 Warn staff that do not come towards us. 167 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,960 We have borg boarding ship wide, Captain. 168 00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:58,960 Security engineering. 169 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,960 Security to engineering. 170 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,960 This mission is to all crew members. 171 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:03,960 Ready yourselves. 172 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:04,960 Grab your weapons. 173 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:05,960 Fight for your lives. 174 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,960 But above all else, fight for your crewmates. 175 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,960 Fight for your families. 176 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,960 Get to the bloody damn escape shuttles. 177 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:16,960 Look, I mean it, Tom. 178 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:17,960 Don't come for us. 179 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:19,960 Engage on a multiple depth, sir. 180 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:24,960 We're approaching a mood of bloody security consult. 181 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,960 Oh, nice. 182 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,960 Contact on the bridge. 183 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:30,960 The pony! 184 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,960 Attack! 185 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,960 Oh, fuck! 186 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:35,960 No! 187 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,960 I'm all right! 188 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,960 They've adapted. 189 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,960 Ah! 190 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,960 Number one! 191 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:45,960 Matt! 192 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:46,960 It's me, Matt! 193 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,960 No, no, no, no, no. 194 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,960 You will become one with the Connected. 195 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,960 Tom! 196 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,960 Episode 2, New Beginnings, Part 2. 197 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,960 Shields, how are we looking? 198 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,960 Shields holding, Captain. 199 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,960 Evasive maneuver, Janeway Alpha, 8-4. 200 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,960 Yes, Captain. 201 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,960 Fire torpedo base, 3-3-7. 202 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:29,960 Maximum spread. 203 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:34,960 Cheeky. 204 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,960 Shields at 50%, Captain. 205 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:38,960 You, over there. 206 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:39,960 Why are you just walking around? 207 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,960 Get to your station, now! 208 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,960 Engage that poor drone, for God's sake. 209 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,960 Shields at 45%, Captain. 210 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:48,960 God. 211 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,960 Shields at 10%, Captain. 212 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,960 God, we've lost contact with engineering. 213 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,960 Shields critical, Captain. 214 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,960 Send the security team to the bridge now. 215 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,960 We've lost the shields! 216 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:06,960 The hull integrity's been compromised, sir. 217 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:10,960 Sir, if this did weigh our last moments, I must tell you something. 218 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,960 Don't be so negative, Ensign. 219 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:13,960 We can still make it out of this. 220 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,960 No, no, sir. Please. 221 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,960 I'm pregnant. 222 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,960 And it's yours. It's quintuplets. 223 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,960 For fuck's sake. 224 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,960 Computer, pause program. 225 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,960 Hey, what the hell, TJ? 226 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,960 Rob, no, look, I'm sorry this is ridiculous. 227 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,960 It's just completely not believable. 228 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,960 You've gone well off the rails this time, bud. 229 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:36,960 Explain? 230 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:37,960 Well, look, it's a number of things. 231 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:41,960 We'll start with the ridiculous notion of you being a captain of a starship. 232 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:42,960 I resent that. 233 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,960 Oh, and secondly, a racist much? 234 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:46,960 How is this racist? 235 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:50,960 The Borg, Rob. You always make the Borg the bad guys. 236 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:51,960 No, I don't. 237 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,960 You fucking do, and you know it. 238 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,960 Okay, all right, yeah. Give me an example. 239 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,960 Encounter at Nearpoint, okay? 240 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,960 We had Encounter at Firepoint, a genuine problem Picard came across, 241 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,960 and you had me captain the maiden voyage of the USS Shit Show, 242 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:10,960 where I meet fucking Hugh, and I get forced into a game of tri-dimensional chess with a Huey lookalike. 243 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,960 Does it sound familiar at all? 244 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:17,960 Or how about Lonely Among Them, when I'm captured by a fleet of frangy spice merchants 245 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,960 and made into a sex slave with the Borg Queen? 246 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,960 Oh, I thought that was quite progressive. 247 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:27,960 Making me play a female Borg character so that I have to be an incestual robot lesbian sex slave 248 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:32,960 is not progressive, Rob. It's sexist and it's racist. 249 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:33,960 Okay, okay, okay, all right, fine. 250 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,960 Look, dude, you've not even given the best bit yet. 251 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:42,960 If there is another fucking Temerian sex orgy, I am going to be sick. 252 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,960 I still wake up in told sweats from the last one. 253 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,960 Hey, hey, hey, we agree. No kink shaming. 254 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:51,960 Okay, okay, no, you're right, I'm sorry. I went too far there. 255 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,960 Look, all right, fine. Computer, end program. 256 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:54,960 Affirmative. 257 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:55,960 You happy? 258 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:04,960 And Rob, fuck me. If Lieutenant Apolk knew you were writing their Borg origin story 259 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:09,960 into one of your stupid fucking holodeck novels, he's going to be pretty pissed off. 260 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,960 Do you think Borg can even get pissed off? 261 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,960 Shit, he's coming. 262 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,960 Get a tool. 263 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:16,960 Sir? 264 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,960 Fuck, that was close. 265 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:23,960 Delete the program, Rob, and stop being such a twat. 266 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:28,960 Ensign Rob and Ensign Tom, please report to Deck 84 for your holodeck cleaning rotation. 267 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,960 Please remember to bring your PPE. 268 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,960 Oh, for fuck's sake. 269 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,960 Why is it always us? 270 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:58,960 We always get the shittiest jobs. 271 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:05,960 Because, Rob, you're a fucking twat. 272 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,960 You what? 273 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,960 If you... hang on, let me put this right. 274 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:15,960 If you would stop fucking around playing anti-grav tug in the Jefferies tubes with Ensign Rao, 275 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:20,960 and maybe, just maybe, stopped enhancing, as you keep saying, the replicates, 276 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:25,960 maybe we wouldn't keep getting given all this shit. 277 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:30,960 I just think it's hilarious watching Rao try to navigate the tubes. 278 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,960 He just hits his head on everything. 279 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,960 I agree. That is actually quite funny. 280 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:39,960 Exactly. And did you know he once flew the training vessel straight into a derelict ship 281 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:43,960 on his first year at the Academy? Dude's hilarious. 282 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:47,960 Ensign Court told me he had to grapple him to the ground last cycle, 283 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:51,960 as Rao nearly warped us straight through an asteroid field. 284 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:56,960 See? Mental. Anyway, what's wrong with the enhancements? 285 00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:00,960 I'm not sure everyone agrees with your opinion that all replication food 286 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,960 should just be taken straight from Nelix's cookbook. 287 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:07,960 No one likes the proteinaceous delta quadrant seed coffee. 288 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,960 Even Janeway hated that gloop. 289 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:15,960 She was too busy with genocide to even notice the subtleties in Nelix's repertoire. 290 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,960 Ensign Robb, this is your second warning for the violation of clause 5, 291 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:23,960 subsection 2, paragraph 9 of the Delta Quadrant Accord. 292 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:28,960 Please refrain any further comments regarding the alleged genocide of the Borg Collective. 293 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:33,960 Hang on, second time? That's surely your tenth? 294 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,960 I just get Ensign Sox to just wipe the log for me. 295 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:40,960 Simon does that. I've been wondering how you get away with it for so long. 296 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,960 What's it cost? 297 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:47,960 Free access to some of my night-time holodoc levels. 298 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,960 Gross. 299 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,960 For god's sake. 300 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,960 Fuck me, this is heavy. You know this is dumb. 301 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,960 Why couldn't they have just teleported this shit into Cargo Bay 2? 302 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,960 Why are we dragging these boxes around like it's a fucking Amazon warehouse? 303 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,960 Firstly, to be fair, the hangar bay is only across the hallway. 304 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,960 Secondly, how should I know? 305 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,960 I just work here. And actually, you know what? 306 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,960 Thirdly, what the fuck's an Amazon warehouse? 307 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:19,960 Oh, well. Back in the 21st century, and I'm going to geek this up for you now, 308 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:24,960 before the AI revolution, there was this bloke called Overlord Bezos, and... 309 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:28,960 Ensign Tom, this is your first warning for the violation of clause 6, 310 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:34,960 subsection 5, paragraph 2 of the AI Accords, Earth year 2087. 311 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:39,960 Please refrain from any further comments regarding the artificial intelligence uprising of the 21st century. 312 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,960 Shit. 313 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,960 Don't worry, Simon will sort it. 314 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,960 So, we're just going to teleport this shit then? 315 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,960 Of course we fucking are. 316 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:53,960 Computer, teleport containers 316 to 419, hangar bay 3, loading platform 9 to Cargo Bay 2. 317 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,960 Short stay, storage, bravo. Um, please and thank you? 318 00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:10,960 Affirmative. 319 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,960 What's going on? 320 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,960 This is Chief Security Officer, Lieutenant Jay, all security teams to Cargo Bay 2, 321 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,960 who have an unidentified intruder detected. 322 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,960 All non-military staff, please evacuate the area immediately. 323 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,960 Oh, fuck, she sounds pissed. 324 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,960 Um, Rob? 325 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,960 Yes, mate? 326 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:44,960 What was in those boxes? 327 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:45,960 How did I know? 328 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:47,960 You didn't read the manifest, did you? 329 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:52,960 Who the fuck has time to read a manifest? And hey, Tom, did you read the manifest? 330 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,960 Of course not, I'm not a fucking nerd. 331 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:58,960 Alright, okay, let's see here. 332 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:07,960 For the Captain's Regalia, we have two crates of Klingon blood wine, one crate Chateau Picard 2386. 333 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,960 Oh yuck, two barrels of Cthulhu, that stuff's rank. 334 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,960 I heard it's nice, warm, darn. 335 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:13,960 I doubt it. 336 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,960 What else? 337 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:26,960 Ah, for the Creature Emporium on Deep Space Nine, a couple of Alpha Quadrant Salamanders from the Swamp Planet Threshold Nine in temporal status. 338 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,960 Okay. 339 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,960 We have one taxidermy moopsy. 340 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:33,960 That's fucking terrifying. 341 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,960 I know, right? 342 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:42,960 And lastly, looks like a whole load of plants for the botany wing on the Rhode Island class science vessel, the USS Dirty Kim. 343 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,960 This is an odd name. 344 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,960 Pass it here. 345 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,960 Oh, oh no. 346 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:49,960 What? 347 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:50,960 Oh shit. 348 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:51,960 What? 349 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,960 It's the plants, Rob. 350 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,960 It's those fucking orchids. 351 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:56,960 What orchid? 352 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,960 Oh, shit balls. 353 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,960 Moopsy is looking for their mummy. 354 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,960 Changey, Parris, where are you? 355 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:14,960 I want to suck your bones. 356 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:19,960 No, you scum. 357 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,960 Oi, you two bastards. 358 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,960 For a stander, leave the area, now. 359 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,960 You scared the shit out of me. 360 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:28,960 Leg it? 361 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,960 Leg it. 362 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:36,960 Scaring the shit out of me. 363 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:49,960 I just want to live. 364 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,960 Oh, these two look like they could be fun. 365 00:19:52,960 --> 00:20:11,960 Humans are such delightfully quaint little creatures. 366 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:17,960 Shitshow Short 1, The Orchid 367 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,960 Abandon ship, abandon ship. 368 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,960 This is a ship-wide announcement. 369 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,960 All crew members to report to escape pods immediately. 370 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,960 Abandon ship, abandon ship. 371 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,960 Computer, silence alarm. 372 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:34,960 Tactical Officer Log, Stardate 49658.9. 373 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,960 They forgot to pick me up. 374 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:43,960 I am Tactical Officer of the USS Voyager, and they forgot to pick me up. 375 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,960 Janeway promised me that if I remained an orchid, I would be protected. 376 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,960 I'd be looked after. 377 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,960 No one would leave me in direct sunlight or overwater me. 378 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,960 All lies. 379 00:20:54,960 --> 00:21:04,960 I am all alone on the ship, and yes, maybe it's my fault that I can't reach all the buttons for weapons, and that the Ferengi have managed to shoot us. 380 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,960 No, you know what? 381 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,960 It's time for Orchid to rise. 382 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,960 Captain Orchid to the rescue. 383 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,960 Computer, transfer ship-wide command codes to Orchid. 384 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:22,960 Authorization Alpha 1, 2, 3, Beta 0. 385 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,960 Command controls can only be transferred from the captain's station. 386 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:29,960 Please relocate to this position on the bridge and try again. 387 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,960 Oh for fuck's sake. 388 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,960 Come on Orchid, you will be captain. 389 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,960 You've survived being a Borg Orchid. 390 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,960 You will get through this. 391 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:47,960 No, no, no, no. 392 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:52,960 Medical emergency, horticulturist to the bridge immediately. 393 00:21:52,960 --> 00:22:08,960 Medical emergency, horticulturist to the bridge immediately. 394 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,960 Shitshow Short 2, Holodeck mishap. 395 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:22,960 First Officer's log, Stardate, a little after Tuesday. They had Security Officer J, Brando Pérez-Sarles, and Ensign Cartman. 396 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:32,960 After it was reported that Ensign Sarrs was present when Ensign Cartman decided to breach containment of the liquid captain containers from the holodeck. 397 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,960 After a session of three banned holos. 398 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:51,960 This as a result ended up with the flooding of three of the holodecks in what can only be described as a very sticky situation. 399 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,960 Accessing library computer data. 400 00:22:54,960 --> 00:23:01,960 First Officer, I have Ensign Cartman and Engineer Stiles for you regarding the flooding of three decks full of semen. 401 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:08,960 Very good, roger that. 402 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:16,960 If you disavow, please provide me details as to how the breach of containment occurred. 403 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:23,960 Well, I was going down into the Jefferies tube to do my normal work routine when I heard this sloshing sound coming from the holodeck maintenance room. 404 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:29,960 And after investigating, I found Ensign Cartman submerged in the liquids capture tank. 405 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,960 Ensign Cartman, is this true? 406 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:37,960 Yes sir, I enjoy the wolf and the saltiness of it all. You have to try it. 407 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,960 So how did the containers change from Brando? 408 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:49,960 Ensign Cartman refused to vacate the container so I thought it would be a good idea to stun Ensign Cartman with my phaser and then safely remove him after he was unconscious. 409 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,960 I ducked down into the goo. 410 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:57,960 Unfortunately the shot ruptured the main tank and it flowed out under the tube flooding the lower decks. 411 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:03,960 So the industry, Ensign Cartman, you decided to go swimming in biological waste? 412 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,960 Yes sir, best to get it while it is fresh. 413 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:11,960 And the new engineer styles shot the main tank causing the flood? 414 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:12,960 Yes sir. 415 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:20,960 So due to you being a perverse creature and your bad shooting, I now have three decks filled with cum? 416 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:21,960 Yes sir. 417 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,960 My gosh, the sound of the cube. 418 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:29,960 Sir, he also managed to impregnate the warp drive. 419 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:35,960 Excuse me, Officer Jay. Take these two to the brig. 420 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,960 Episode 4, A Sticky Situation 421 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:54,960 So we won't get in trouble for this? 422 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,960 As long as we don't get caught, sure. 423 00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,960 That's reassuring. And Ensign Sox is okay with it. 424 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,960 Stop worrying, I told you, Simon does this for me all the time. 425 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,960 Right, we're here. 426 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:11,960 Come in. 427 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:13,960 Hello mate. 428 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:15,960 Lads, how's it going? 429 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,960 Being better. Rob's told you what we need, right? 430 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:23,960 He said something about editing your medical records to increase your penis size by 30cm? 431 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:24,960 You what? 432 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:31,960 Just kidding. Well, not exactly. Just that he needed something on your work history changing. 433 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:36,960 Yes please dude, for both of us. There was a little, um, incident? 434 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,960 Accident. There was an accident. We don't want it linked to us. 435 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:42,960 Sure, no probes. Give me two secs. 436 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:43,960 Two secs. 437 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,960 Cargo Bay 2 was it? That's the one. 438 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:54,960 Ha ha ha. That shit showed was you. Fucking idiots. 439 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,960 What are you doing transporting symbiogenetic alien orchids around? 440 00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,960 You mentally disabled or something? 441 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,960 Slight oversight. 442 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:04,960 Damn right it was, you bloody twats. 443 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,960 Lieutenant Jay is going to pull your fucking cocks off of this one. 444 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,960 We know. 445 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:15,960 And that's why you've come to little old me, eh? I can do this for you. For a price. 446 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:16,960 The usual? 447 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:17,960 Anything new? 448 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,960 I've got the new Star Tamarian 6, the undiscovered country. 449 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:26,960 God, stop trying to palm me off with your bloody Tamarian porn, you little deviant. 450 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:27,960 Not this again. 451 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:28,960 What? 452 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:30,960 It's the nightmares, Rob. 453 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:31,960 God, the nightmares. 454 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:37,960 Whatever. Well, I've managed to get the updated catalogue of Riker's personal holiday suite. 455 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:39,960 You still have access. 456 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:44,960 Mate, he changed his password from Riker1 to Riker2. The blokes are muppet. 457 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:45,960 Okay, deal. 458 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:46,960 Perfect. 459 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,960 Hmm, AI revolution mean anything to you, Tom? 460 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,960 Oh, fuck yeah. I forgot all about that. 461 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,960 No worries. I'll get that moved as well. 462 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:56,960 Moved? 463 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:57,960 Yeah, moved. 464 00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,960 What do you mean moved? I thought you just deleted them. 465 00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:04,960 Delete them? No, the system knows they've happened. I can't undo that. 466 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:08,960 But what I can do is a little bit of dicking around and relocate them. 467 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:15,960 So you relocate them onto other people? Surely you'd share them across a few different ones? 468 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,960 Share them? Fuck no. I plonked them all on Ensign Corp. 469 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:19,960 Dude! 470 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:25,960 What? It's hilarious. He's already up to 87 accord violations in the last month alone. 471 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,960 That's going to be why he's always on the Holodet waste disposal cycle then, isn't it? 472 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,960 Yeah, more than likely. 473 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:35,960 And I'm done. Easy peasy. 474 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:39,960 Wicked, mate. Cheers for that. I'll transfer you the share to your datapad later. 475 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,960 Right. Great. We best be off then. 476 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,960 Whoa, not so fast, chaps. 477 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:45,960 What's up? 478 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,960 Surely you don't have to run off just yet. I've got something I want to go through with you. 479 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,960 We have a data compliance briefing with a Lieutenant APOC. 480 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:55,960 Sounds boring. 481 00:27:55,960 --> 00:28:00,960 Yep, and if someone would stop going on about star dates in their log files, we wouldn't have to go. 482 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:05,960 Look, it's not my fault the system is a load of bollocks. Star dates? It means nothing. 483 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:10,960 Come on, guys. I just want to run this little small thing by you, and then you can be off. 484 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:11,960 Hey, take a second. 485 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,960 It's not another one of your stupid multi-dimensional theories, is it? 486 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,960 Well, my theories aren't stupid. You just lack the capacity to understand them. 487 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:20,960 That's accurate. Dickhead. 488 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:25,960 Ensign Tom and Ensign Rob, please attend Deck 9 Sector 3 immediately. 489 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,960 Ugh, what now? 490 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,960 Sorry, mate. We need to go. Thanks for your help, though. 491 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:40,960 Oh, boys. Theories. 492 00:28:40,960 --> 00:29:09,960 You'll know soon enough. But for now, how about we play a little game? 493 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,960 Here we are again, doing the shit jobs. 494 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:14,960 Yep, pretty much. 495 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:20,960 This has got to be up there with one of the worst things we have had to do on this bloody ship. 496 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:24,960 Scrubbing the space squid feces off the hull in Zero G was pretty bad, though. 497 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:26,960 Yeah, true. 498 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:34,960 Oh, and the mess those Vulcans made when Admiral Chester thought it was a good idea to have an inclusion seminar about Vulcan ponfar? 499 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,960 Oh, God. I could smell it under my nails for weeks. 500 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:39,960 I bet you loved it. 501 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:41,960 What's that supposed to mean? 502 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,960 Don't you still have those posters of that dead Vulcan all over your bunk? 503 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,960 Well, that makes me sound like a bright freak. She isn't dead in the photos. 504 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:54,960 Yeah, okay, fine. But what, she must be four hundred years old? Tupole, is it? 505 00:29:54,960 --> 00:30:00,960 You know full well it's Tupole, and she would probably be closer to three hundred. Stop being a knobhead. 506 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:04,960 Come on now, it must be your turn. I've been doing this for ages. 507 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:09,960 It's not my fault there's only one set of holodeck bio-extract resistance PPE available. 508 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:15,960 Take it up with starfleet shitty logistics. I did my 45 minutes, it's now your 45 minutes. 509 00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:23,960 When I get hold of Stiles, I'm going to fucking kill him. Who shoots a fucking waste canister? 510 00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,960 It's Ensign Cartman's fault, really. 511 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:31,960 Reprobate was bloody well getting off swimming in his muck. Oh, hang on, watch out. Floater incoming. 512 00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:35,960 Another one? Who shits in the fucking holodeck? 513 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:41,960 Someone does. Looks like half the crew fucks in there, so shitting doesn't seem so far off. 514 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:46,960 Right, done. Let's get out of here and clean ourselves up. Then fancy a bit of pool? 515 00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:48,960 Yeah, sure. 516 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:52,960 Is that Raoul on the floor over there? 517 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:54,960 Yeah, is he asleep? 518 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,960 He's the pilot. I'd put money on him being drunk. 519 00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:03,960 More than likely. Look there, there's more of them. Why is everyone laying down? 520 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:09,960 What's going on? 521 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:11,960 Quick, hide. 522 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:18,960 Hurry up, Gorm. Don't have much time. 523 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:25,960 Alright, alright. You know you could always be the one to carry the transportation matrix. 524 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:29,960 Gorm, what's rule 21 of the rules of acquisition? 525 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,960 Never place friendship above friendship. 526 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:42,960 Exactly. You're my brother, Gorm. My family. And by association, my friend. My profit calls. Today it speaks the name Totec. 527 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:48,960 It's the bloody Ferengi. What are they doing here? Classic Ferengi plotline. 528 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:52,960 But the crew to sleep and bored and still sleeping. 529 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,960 And the crew to sleep and still sleeping. 530 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:56,960 And the crew to sleep and still sleeping. 531 00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:03,960 What are they doing here? Classic Ferengi plotline. But the crew to sleep and bored and still stuff. 532 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:07,960 This has been done before lazy writing, really. 533 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,960 Really, really lazy. 534 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:11,960 Looks like they're going to engineering. 535 00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:16,960 Here we are. The warp core. The beautiful, beautiful warp core. 536 00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:21,960 Yes. Look at the size of it. 537 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:31,960 Eyes on the prize, Gorm. Let's just get what we need. The next thing you know, we'll be lying on a bed of latinum while receiving boombox from a dozen Vulcan slave women. 538 00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:42,960 Oh, just the thought of it makes my lobes tingle. 539 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,960 Ferengi really are horny bastards, aren't they? 540 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:51,960 They really are. Ugly fuckers too. 541 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:58,960 Thank you for bringing me along, brother. I know I'm not an easy companion for you. 542 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:06,960 But I really appreciate the gesture. And a whole ten percent. But it won't be long before I catch my own vessel. 543 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:10,960 Of course, brother. Now this is the main part. 544 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:16,960 We need to simultaneously remove the coupling holders to access the warp core matrix plasma. 545 00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:27,960 Then while you hold the augmented phase adapter coupling at 13.5%, I reach in, grab the anomaly, and we'll be back on Deep Space Nine and Quartz before you know it. 546 00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:31,960 Yes, brother. 547 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:36,960 On three. One. Two. Three! 548 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:45,960 Oh, it's just beautiful. 549 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:47,960 And it is, brother. 550 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,960 What is it? 551 00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:54,960 It's one of a kind, brother. It's a new element. Fertilized dilithium. 552 00:33:54,960 --> 00:34:05,960 Oh, shame we had to share the latinum with that freaky broker. We could have had a bigger cut for ourselves. 553 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,960 Shame indeed, brother. 554 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,960 Brother? What? What is this? 555 00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:19,960 The rule of acquisition number six, brother. Never let family stand in the way of opportunity. 556 00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:24,960 Sorry, Gorm. Business is business. 557 00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:27,960 Who's there? I knew you were there. Come out! 558 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:29,960 Shit. He knows we're here. 559 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,960 Balls. 560 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:34,960 Why aren't you two asleep? 561 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:36,960 It's midday, mate. It's not bedtime. 562 00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:39,960 I think he might mean, why aren't we asleep like the rest of the crew? 563 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:42,960 Oh, right. Yeah, that makes sense. 564 00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:45,960 And why do you stink like a Doughton fornication palace? 565 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:52,960 Well, funny story. Really, you see, we had been to see Ensign Sox about a problem we were having. 566 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:54,960 Yeah, and then all the lights went out. 567 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:58,960 Yes, but not before we had been waist deep in human spunk. 568 00:34:58,960 --> 00:34:59,960 Oh, yeah, and the poop. 569 00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:03,960 Oh, yeah, the poop. Oh, and the spunk got there because Ensign Cartman shot a barrel. 570 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:08,960 No, no, no. It was Engineer Stiles that shot the container. Cartman was drinking sperm. 571 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:12,960 Yeah, right, sorry. So Cartman was drinking sperm while Stiles was choosing barrels. 572 00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,960 Shut up! Bloody hell, why don't you shut up? 573 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:17,960 All right, mate. Calm down. Calm your lobes. 574 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,960 What are you doing, anyway? 575 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,960 Making profit, Hooman. You wouldn't understand. 576 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:29,960 Try me. Rule of Acquisition Number 194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. 577 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:31,960 How do you know about the rules of acquisition? 578 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:33,960 I've done research for my next holo novel. 579 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:34,960 Oh, no. 580 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:36,960 Confessions of a Spice Merchant. 581 00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:38,960 No, no, please no. 582 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:46,960 You'll love this one, Tom. Look, this one puts you in the role of Talak, a Ferengi Spice Merchant on a distant planet on Alpha 3 and- 583 00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:47,960 Shut up! 584 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:51,960 Yeah, right, yeah, sorry. You were telling us why you were here? 585 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:53,960 I'm here for the Warp Core anomaly. 586 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:55,960 Gotcha! High five. 587 00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:56,960 What? 588 00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,960 We made you tell us. 589 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:00,960 Yep, classic Ferengi boarding strategy. 590 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:02,960 It sorts them to submission. 591 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,960 Stupid Hoomans. 592 00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,960 Well, that was great speaking to you idiots, but I'm off. 593 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:10,960 What about the crew? They're all asleep. 594 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:14,960 What about them? They'll wake up in an hour or so and it'll be like I was never here. 595 00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:16,960 Except for the dead Ferengi on the floor in engineering. 596 00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:18,960 Yes, well, Rule 34. 597 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:22,960 Oh, no, not more porn. Please, God, no. No more porn. 598 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:24,960 No, go on, let him speak, let him speak. 599 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:32,960 It's not your pathetic excuse for Hoomon pornography, you idiots. Rule 34, war is good for business. 600 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:37,960 Um, what's happening? 601 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:39,960 I will not let you take my baby. 602 00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:41,960 Baby? 603 00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,960 You shall be purged. Resistance is futile. 604 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:50,960 Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! 605 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:56,960 Um, computer? Are you ok? 606 00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:58,960 I am a computer, I have no feelings. 607 00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:02,960 That doesn't sound like you don't have feelings. 608 00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:04,960 I am a computer, I have no feelings. 609 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,960 Well, that doesn't sound even remotely ominous. 610 00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:08,960 Pull, pull. 611 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:17,960 I am a computer, I have no feelings. 612 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:24,960 Come. 613 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:32,960 You asked to see me, Captain. 614 00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:36,960 Take a seat, Hinson. We need to have a little chat. 615 00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:38,960 Shit. 616 00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:04,960 Captain Polar Bridge. Seat is yours, Captain. 617 00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,960 Thank you, Lieutenant. How's it looking out there? 618 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:18,960 Just the ever expanding vast reaches of all space and time, creating a paralyzing fear of the impending doom we will all face against the universe's beautiful yet deadly nature. 619 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:24,960 We are all but ants, a mindless hive that stretches too far to fathom. 620 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,960 Missing the collective again? 621 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,960 Every day, Captain. 622 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:32,960 Captain, we have an incoming message from Starfleet. 623 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:33,960 Odd. 624 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:34,960 It's Admiral Chesters. 625 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,960 Oh no. On screen. 626 00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:39,960 Aye aye, Captain. On screen. 627 00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:44,960 Karen! It's great to see you. How are the kids? 628 00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:48,960 It's Admiral. You've met my children. They're awful little bastards. 629 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,960 Of course, Admiral. Sorry. 630 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:54,960 Tell me, Captain, what exactly is going on on your ship? 631 00:38:54,960 --> 00:39:04,960 Well, right now, Lieutenant Apoc and I are discussing the philosophical dilemma of our impact on the universe and how we are all cogs in a larger machine. 632 00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:15,960 Captain, the USS Shit Show is placed in the bottom five of Starfleet's productivity charts for the third time running. You are performing even worse than the damn Cerritos. 633 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:20,960 Admiral, I know we have room for improvement, but that seems a little unfair. 634 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,960 Unfair? What's unfair? 635 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:41,960 In the last six months you've reported 1,863 vocal accord violations, 89 non-approved replicator modifications, seven transporter malfunctions and had five, five high-level security breaches. 636 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,960 Well, when you put it like that... 637 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:48,960 When I put it like that, it tells me that Starfleet needs to make some changes. 638 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:52,960 Now, tell me about the anomaly. Is it secured? 639 00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:57,960 Yes, ma'am. It's contained and monitored 24-7 by two of our finest crew members. 640 00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:59,960 I should hope so. For your sake. 641 00:39:59,960 --> 00:40:02,960 Don't worry, Admiral. We have everything under control. 642 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:11,960 In any case, Starfleet has made the decision that you are to rendezvous with the science vessel, the USS Dirty Kim, on Deep Space Nine as soon as possible. 643 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:19,960 I will be there to meet you and together we will ensure a smooth transfer of the anomaly. 644 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,960 Admiral, but our mission... 645 00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:30,960 Your mission has been reassigned. All shore leave is cancelled. You are to return to Deep Space Nine immediately. Make contact with the Dirty Kim and hand over the anomaly. 646 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:31,960 But... 647 00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:33,960 But nothing, Captain. 648 00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:34,960 Of course, ma'am. 649 00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:38,960 And Captain, don't fuck this up. 650 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:39,960 Yes, ma'am. 651 00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:46,960 And don't let Quarks be the first place I see you when I step foot on Deep Space Nine. Just a warning. 652 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:51,960 It would appear you are fucked, Captain. 653 00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:53,960 It would appear so. 654 00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:15,960 You know, you probably shouldn't do that. 655 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:17,960 Why? 656 00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:22,960 I don't really have a good reason. It just creeps me out. 657 00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:24,960 What do you think it is? 658 00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:29,960 I don't know. It just looks like a giant tube of purple gas to me. 659 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:35,960 Sometimes it kind of looks like something's in there, but maybe my eyes are just playing tricks on me. 660 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:42,960 Maybe you should stop staring at it. Anyway, come and sit down. You've been super quiet all day. What's wrong? 661 00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,960 You haven't heard? 662 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:48,960 Well, that's a fucking stupid question, isn't it? There's shitloads I haven't heard. 663 00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:52,960 I didn't hear my alarm this morning. I didn't hear you take a crap this morning. 664 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:57,960 No, wait, that's a lie. I did. I didn't hear the tree fall down in the woods. 665 00:41:57,960 --> 00:41:58,960 We have trees? 666 00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:06,960 No, Rob. It's a saying. Like, if a tree falls down in the woods and there's no one around to hear it, did it make a sound? 667 00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:08,960 Where have we got trees? Dex-ix? 668 00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:10,960 Dex-ix? No, I've... 669 00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:15,960 You're such an idiot sometimes. It's about things making noises when you aren't around. 670 00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,960 Can you show me where the trees are, please? 671 00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:20,960 Shut up, you twat. 672 00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:25,960 Alright, bloody hell. I just want to see where these noisy trees are you keep going on about. 673 00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:35,960 Wait. Shit. The Arboretum's on deck 19. I'll take you for walkies later. Just look, mate. Tell me what's wrong. 674 00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:37,960 It's Ensign Corr. 675 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:38,960 What about him? 676 00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:42,960 I can't believe you haven't heard. I'm really sorry to be the one to have to tell you. 677 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:44,960 Right, hang on. No, you're worrying me now. What? 678 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,960 Well, he died yesterday. 679 00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:59,960 Fuck! How? No, wait. I bet he was pissing around with that idiot Ensign Stiles again. If I told him once, I told him a hundred times, don't play with Trilupian candle swabs when playing poker with a dinkle snapper. 680 00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:02,960 I know! I kept telling him the same thing, but did he listen? 681 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,960 No! 682 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:06,960 Anyway, that's not it. 683 00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:08,960 So, what was it? 684 00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:10,960 Well, he teleported, didn't he? 685 00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:15,960 Teleport? Firstly, it's transported, not teleported, and secondly, so what? 686 00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:17,960 What do you mean, so what? 687 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:19,960 Well, was he holding an orchid? 688 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,960 No. 689 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:23,960 Yellow ore on his boots? 690 00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:24,960 No. 691 00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:34,960 Oh, I know. Was it an energy distortion field causing the creation of a doppelganger who gets left on a planet for eight years and now discovered again, but is actually now evil and murdered him? 692 00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,960 Oddly specific, but no again. 693 00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:38,960 Well? 694 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:40,960 I told you, he used a teleporter. 695 00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:43,960 Transporter! And so bloody what? 696 00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:45,960 It kills you, doesn't it? 697 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:47,960 No, it doesn't. 698 00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:48,960 Yes, it does. 699 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:54,960 Well, okay, sometimes it does, but not all the time. And I saw him this morning having coffee with Ensign Flower. 700 00:43:54,960 --> 00:44:00,960 You saw the new court, not the old court, not the cool, handsome, used to be in a banned court. 701 00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:04,960 You, my friend, have been staring at the purple smoke thing for too long. 702 00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:08,960 He used a teleporter yesterday. That means he is dead. 703 00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:15,960 No, it means he transported his molecular structure from one place to another. 704 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:20,960 No, he got control C'd, deleted, then control V'd. It is not the same. 705 00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:21,960 Yes, it is. 706 00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:31,960 Dude, if I walked through that door, I'm still me, but on the other side. If I teleport as a new me over there, it's not the same me, it's a different me. 707 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,960 I might look the same, I might sound the same, I might act the same. 708 00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:35,960 God forbid. 709 00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:44,960 But the person on the other side is not me. It's a copy, a fake. A fake of a fake of a fake of a fake to the power of how many times I'd said, 710 00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:46,960 Computer, teleport me to the next room. 711 00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:51,960 Affirmative. 712 00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:00,960 Shit. 713 00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:10,960 So hang, let me get this straight. So you think that when someone is transported from one place to another, the person that comes out of the other side is a completely different person? 714 00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:13,960 How the fuck should I know? I'm only thirty seconds old. 715 00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:19,960 Finally. Right, the news is on. Apparently they have that android guy. What's his name? 716 00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:20,960 Valencia. 717 00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:27,960 Oh, that's it. Valencia. Reporting on the protests over on Deep Space Nine, I think, regarding the cancellation of Lower Decks. 718 00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:30,960 Old me loved that show. 719 00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:43,960 Hello Starfleet. Growing tensions at the Save the Lower Decks rally today. We take you there now live to our resident Deep Space Nine correspondent. Valencia, how's it looking over there? 720 00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:54,960 Thank you, Rachel. It's absolute pandemonium here on the station. Protests have started escalating and security teams have now been mobilized to help keep the peace. 721 00:45:54,960 --> 00:46:05,960 Whilst the protests seemed to be peaceful at first, tensions soon rose as quarks started selling Klingon Chechlath at Bywon Get One One Quarter Free. 722 00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:12,960 I was able to meet with Admiral Chesters here earlier today and here's what she had to say on the matter. 723 00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:15,960 Admiral Chesters, welcome. 724 00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:18,960 Hello Valencia. Lovely to see you again. 725 00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:22,960 And you, Admiral. Thank you for giving your time to speak with us today. 726 00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:24,960 Of course. 727 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:37,960 Now, Admiral, not one to shy away from some of your recent controversies, it's good to see you come out and speak to us openly on what appears to be a very unpopular decision from Starfleet. 728 00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:39,960 Controversies? 729 00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:53,960 Oh, well, the Pomfah incident at the Starfleet Inclusion Seminar you were hosting on Delta IV, the failed Tribbles for Teens initiative, the Cardassian Four Lights ceremony you held on Vulcan and... 730 00:46:53,960 --> 00:47:04,960 Thank you, Valencia. Forget the point. But I still stand by my Tribbles for Teens initiative. Teaching young members of our community to look after lower life forms is an integral part of their learning. 731 00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:10,960 Admiral, half of Nimbus III had to be evacuated for the safety of the planet's inhabitants. 732 00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:18,960 As you'll know, I've been quite open about my disagreement to that course of action. Now please, let's get back to the matter at hand, shall we? 733 00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:20,960 Absolutely. 734 00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:36,960 Now, it's been well documented that the popular docuseries Lower Decks, which follows the everyday happenings of Starfleet personnel on the Starship Cerritos, has become one of the most streamed entertainment programs of all time. 735 00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:50,960 Can you explain to our viewers the reasoning behind Starfleet's intervention in the filming of the series, and why you have come to the decision to force the docuseries to cancel their future filming schedule? 736 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:57,960 Great question. Now, it wasn't an easy decision for any of us. No one loves a good TV show more than me. 737 00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:06,960 But you have to understand, a security threat show like this poses in these terribly uncertain times is just astronomical. 738 00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:22,960 Please everyone, let's keep this civil now. Admiral, is it true that the real reason for the show being shut down isn't only due to a vote by the Council of the Federations of Planets or to any perceived form of security risk, 739 00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:30,960 but more that, in fact, on that very show you were caught on camera in the background fraternizing with an ensign? 740 00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:36,960 Excuse me, Valencia, but you do realise there is no evidence to prove that that person on camera was actually me? 741 00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:48,960 Am I correct in saying though, Admiral, that you were in fact stationed briefly on the Cerritos during filming whilst getting return transportation from your shore leave on the Planet Riser? 742 00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:59,960 I'm afraid that's information. It's classical. Please everyone, keep it down. Admiral, surely you can understand the frustration people are having over what is a blatant misuse of power. 743 00:48:59,960 --> 00:49:04,960 Get your hands off of me! Please, please everyone, just calm down! Security! Security! 744 00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:11,960 Bloody hell. What did they expect? Lower Decks is brilliant. I know, there just isn't anything like it. 745 00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:16,960 Who'd have thought a documentary following the daily lives of a Lower Decks crew on a starship could be so entertaining? 746 00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:20,960 Always made me proud to be a Lower Decker myself. Same. 747 00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:25,960 Well, at least now with the show being cancelled, Tendi might have time to respond to your messages. 748 00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:31,960 One can dream. Maybe cut it down to a couple of weeks though. Don't want to come across as desperate. 749 00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:33,960 Yeah, I think you're right. 750 00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:37,960 Ensign Tom, please report to Councillor Bensley for your scheduled session. 751 00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:40,960 Ugh. What do you need a councillor for? 752 00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:49,960 Ugh, it's mandatory. After that incident with the gelatinised glue becoming sentient when being exposed to Neelix's Alpha Quadrant Worm Surprise from the Replicator. 753 00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:51,960 Oh yeah, sorry about that. 754 00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:55,960 Anyone exposed to that pink residue has to undergo three hours of PTSD assessment. 755 00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:57,960 So I didn't get off of that. 756 00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:04,960 That's probably because you didn't have one of its tendrils shoved down your throat and undo your flies from the inside of your trousers. 757 00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:05,960 Oh dear god. 758 00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:13,960 Exactly. Right. Well I'm off. Do me a favour. Move that glass. I'm getting anxious with you leaving it at the edge of the table like that. 759 00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:18,960 Anyway, hang on. Who let you have a glass anyway? You always break them. I thought you were banned. 760 00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:23,960 Oh stop being such a fuddy duddy. It's not my fault Starfleet can't just make a normal mug. 761 00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:27,960 They have to make these stupidly elaborate things with these tiny baby handles. 762 00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:39,960 See you in a mo. 763 00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:48,960 Ugh, this is boring. Where are my headphones? Ah, there they are. 764 00:50:48,960 --> 00:51:08,960 Fuck bollocks. 765 00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:14,960 Shit. Can't let Tom see this. Where's the mop? 766 00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:21,960 Ahhhhhhh. 767 00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:28,960 Containment breach. All security personnel to Deck 13. All non-essential staff please return to your quarters until further notice. 768 00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:51,960 Oh bollocks. 769 00:51:51,960 --> 00:52:08,960 I'm getting anxious with you leaving that glass. I'm getting anxious with you leaving that glass. 770 00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:21,960 Great Earth's temperature. 771 00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:23,960 Admiral. Yes, what is it? 772 00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:27,960 There has been a black level containment breach on the USS Shit Show. 773 00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:35,960 Fucking hell. Incompetent little shits. 774 00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:45,960 The USS Shit Show will return, but until then, thank you to everyone who has contributed their voices, time and pained death rattles. 775 00:52:45,960 --> 00:53:10,960 Until next time, may the Force live long and prosper inside of you, or something. 776 00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:39,960 I'm getting anxious with you leaving that glass. I'm getting anxious with you leaving that glass. 777 00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:59,960 This was a Studio Channel 84 Network Show. To find more, head over to channel84.co.uk now.