Short stories from the world of the USS Shitshow.
First Officer's Log, Star Date, Monday after Tuesday. They had Security Officer Jay Brown up Engineer Stiles and Ensign Cartman after it was reported that Engineer Stiles was present when Ensign Cartman decided to breach containment.
After a session of three banned hollers, this as a result ended up with the flooding of three of the holodecks in what can only be described as a very sticky situation.
Accessing Library Computer Data.
First Officer, I have Ensign Cartman and Engineer Stiles for you regarding the flooding of three decks full of seamen.
Ah, very good. Remaining.
Engineer Stiles, can you please provide me details as to how the breach of containment occurred?
Well, I was going down into the Jefferies Tube to do my normal work routine when I heard this sloshing sound coming from the holodeck maintenance room. And after investigating, I found Ensign Cartman submerged in the liquids capture tank.
Ensign Cartman, is this true?
Yes sir, I enjoyed the warmth and the saltiness of it all. You have to try it.
So how is it the containers became to be broken?
Ensign Cartman refused to vacate the container so I thought it would be a good idea to stun Ensign Cartman with my phaser and then safely remove him after he was unconscious.
Like duck down into the goo?
Unfortunately, the shot ruptured the main tank and it flowed out under the tube flooding the lower decks.
So you hit the street. Ensign Cartman, you decided to go swimming in biological waste.
Yes sir, best to get it while it is fresh.
And the new engineer styles shot the main tank causing the flood?
Yes sir.
So due to you being a perverse creature and your bad shooting, I now have three decks filled with cum?
Yes sir.
My gosh, the stain on the cube.
Sir, he also managed to impregnate the warp drive.
Excuse us sir J, take these two to the brig.
I've caught the yawn.
Was that recording? I just caught that yawn.
It was recording Rob, it was.
Hello everyone, welcome to the Untitled Trek Show.
Hello.
How's your Trek Fortnite been? I nearly said week.
I wish you'd said week so I wouldn't be the only one who did it.
You know what, it's not been bad. I haven't really watched much Trek.
I watched this obviously. I watched it on the plane out to Spain.
And sci-fi wise I think I'm only watching Spaceman on Netflix, which is a really weird serious Adam Sandler film
where he plays a Chechen astronaut who's been sent out to look at a space anomaly.
And it's from the Czech Republic, which doesn't exist anymore I don't think.
So it's a little bit weird and all I can tell you is he's alone on a spaceship and now a giant spider is talking to him.
Okay.
It's weird and it's him serious. I was half expecting it to be some sort of piss take film because it's Adam Sandler.
But it's quite a serious kind of sci-fi film. I'm quite enjoying it at the moment.
I thought it was that big beard. It's hard to recognize him in the picture they give you.
It's very hard to recognize him. You can see it's him.
But at the same time, it's very easy to find yourself going, I'm not sure that is him actually.
Does he ever do his voice in that? Adam Sandler.
No.
What kind of comedy do you do?
Well, my comedy is just basically soft to loud.
Soft to loud?
Yeah. I go, you know what I mean?
So he's doing, I don't really know what accent he's doing because he sounds American.
He doesn't sound Czech. He's meant to be married to an American, I think.
The voices are all off, but we're just going to kind of ignore that, I think.
And the IMDB ratings have been a bit unfair. I think 5.8 out of 10.
I'm quite enjoying it. It might be a bit of a lemon later.
So I'll let you know two weeks time when I've finished watching it.
There are a few things on IMDB where the ratings are just off.
Well, it just takes a handful of people to go on there and just hate-raise it.
No review, no actual criticism.
Just, I don't like it because it's Adam Sandler, so I'm going to give it a one star.
So that's the dangerous thing with it, I guess.
But yeah, same with me, really. What have I watched? Nothing really sci-fi.
Only this was the only sci-fi.
You don't watch much TV, if I'm honest. Well, I've been playing Helldivers.
I can't keep talking about Helldivers every fortnight.
Say hello to democracy!
No, we can't keep talking about Helldivers.
It has made me want to re-watch Starship Troopers, though.
I think I'd quite like to watch that again, actually.
Maybe we should watch that one together, then, at some point.
I've never seen Number 2, either. I have heard that is terrible.
Yeah, it's a straight-to-TV film.
Just like Universal Soldier 2, Universal Soldier 3, Universal Soldier 4.
All of those were straight-to-TV.
What, like Police Academy 3?
Who was 3? One of the good ones.
I don't know. I bought them all on Blu-ray recently, and I'm going to watch them all
because I've realised that there's two or three I may not have seen.
Is it true that the guy that does the voices can actually do those voices?
That's amazing.
What are you in for?
I'll show you.
Goddamn it! Stop that!
Oh, no, sir. No, not you.
That's terrific. Really. What's your name?
James. Laravel Jones.
He can do those sounds.
And, you know, this was on Threads, and I know this has nothing to do with sci-fi.
Actually, it kind of is.
What's her name? Hang on.
I'm going to dial it up on Threads while we talk because we're that classy of a podcast.
There was an actress on Threads, and here we go.
She started a thread.
Jool State. Do you know who Jool State is?
No.
Did you ever watch Firefly?
I've seen the film, and I wish I'd seen the series.
She plays the engineer in the film and the series.
I know who it is, though.
And she put, showing your child a movie from the 80s that were geared towards kids is fun
because they get to hear classic phrases such as, son of a bitch and up yours.
And then I've put on their ha-ha, and then you realise, oh, boy, this was way more risky than I remember.
Which is true.
And Police Academy, I'm sure I watched that as a kid.
Obviously, in the UK, we got pre-Watershed, and they would heavily edit films.
And it was only a few years ago, I remember watching Police Academy for the first time
and realising just how rude it is with, like, Lissard getting a blowjob
because Mahoney's hidden a hooker under the desk.
Things like that.
There's just so many things. It's like, I never knew that was in this film.
So, oh.
Enterprise. Our first episode away from the I Would Call Him The Big Two.
Okay, well, actually, no. I'm sorry.
I know we're going off on tangents, but first of all, last week you called this Star Wars by mistake.
Yeah.
So I'm just going to...
I did, yeah.
I didn't own it, though.
You did own it. You did own it.
Oh, no, in the text message, I did.
So I thought I'd say on the episode.
We've got a record about Star Wars, do we?
Oh, yeah. What else have I done?
No, no, and the second thing is...
These are really IRL corrections. You know I don't do corrections.
We stopped doing corrections because of how many mistakes we make.
We opened the first three episodes with, we made a mistake last week, we made a mistake last week.
I teleported them to a different dimension.
Oh, no. This one is because we got an email.
Right, so this is Teddy. So this is my friend.
He said he was going to start watching Star Trek based on the fact that he listened to the Unsighted Trek show.
And I sent him three or four weeks ago a list of what order I would do it with and how I would watch it.
So he's just put from the last episode two thoughts. So this was rascals.
Yep.
If the phasers, any gun has stun, why don't they just shoot people instead of fighting?
Yep.
Which is 100% actually.
All phasers are always set to stun as standard. So why is that? Oh, no, he's coming towards me.
Worf, just shoot him.
Yeah, well, Worf's rubbish anyway.
Yeah, that's true. And then also I always thought of all the ships as Navy vessels like Rob.
A bit given to TJ's description, it now seems like they may be more like cruise ships.
Yeah.
And actually that ties in with this episode because we'll talk about Enterprise.
As you say, this is our first time talking about Enterprise.
But yeah, the whole, I think the idea was Gene Roddenberry based this on Navy and military.
And actually I quite like that. I think he's right.
The Enterprise D is like a cruise ship. It has dolphins.
Yeah, the D is for dolphins.
Oh, there you go.
The Enterprise D.
Dolphin. Yeah, they have to have an animal for every letter.
Oh, OK. So you've got, let's see, the Enterprise Aardvark.
Yeah.
We're not going to do the whole alphabet.
Badgers.
Badgers. Nice.
Are they doing animals? I mean, dolphins aren't extinct, obviously, but maybe in their time they are.
Oh, Kay would love it. 7001P, the panda at Enterprise.
E.B. Elephants.
Yeah, OK. The zebra.
Anyway, we'll get to X and you've got X-ray fish and pretty much that's it.
So is that the Enterprise X-ray fish?
I always thought it was funny when they put all the kids' cards for animals.
X-ray fish.
X-ray fish, yeah, because we all talk about X-ray fish all the time.
Oh, that's, yeah, I know what you mean on that.
Xenomorph.
Oh, that's much better. There you go. Right. We solved that.
Anyway, I am not going to disturb you again.
Enterprise. We haven't...
Yeah, for those who couldn't see that, he tried to interrupt me visually.
Enter authorization code.
So all we've done is TNG and Voyager so far, I think.
Yeah, we've not done anything else. We've discussed Discovery.
We did a lot of lower decks.
Yes, but as actual picking an episode to talk about.
No, 100%. We haven't done anything but TNG and Voyager on that.
So I'm glad we've done something different, and it was Enterprise, which is a good one.
I, history of Enterprise, never really watched it.
I can't particularly remember that single episode.
So from my point, I watched a handful of them.
It didn't captivate me enough to say I want to be home in time to watch it.
So I then missed episodes, and we looked it up earlier.
It was 2001 to 2004, I think I said.
So that was kind of me, aged 17 through to 20.
So I was out drinking, doing various other things, and out with friends a lot.
So that's probably why I didn't watch this.
So I've tried re-watching it a couple of times through.
I know, for example, season three is possibly the worst season,
but apparently it gets better in season four.
I've got to get through all four seasons at some point.
I think Miranda said something pretty similar. She's seen most of them.
A bit like Deep Space Nine.
I just haven't given it a chance to get to the end when I should do.
Yeah. As I said, I've not really watched any episodes,
so I was kind of just looking forward to watching an episode, basically.
Something new.
Yeah.
So seeing that you've only just watched this for the first time,
I don't like the negative feedback people give about Enterprise,
because I don't agree with the loss of it.
Yeah, it was a little bit hammy, but you know what?
It genuinely feels like the early days of the Federation.
The ship is exactly as I picture it.
They've kind of got scaffolding bars and stuff up.
I've written that, yeah.
As things like the handrails, and everything feels like it's technology
that's been shoved into something new,
rather than everything is brand new, shiny, and really good.
It felt like they'd made a ship solely for the purpose
of getting it into space and just going,
almost as quick as they can.
They haven't made it to make...
They haven't got soft furnishings everywhere.
When you see the bridge and it's all very much, this is a console.
That's what this is.
It feels like you're on a submarine or a warship.
It feels naval now.
Yes, I felt submarini.
And that's why I wanted to do Teddy's email before we got into this.
It felt really naval, which I think, as I said,
falls with what Gene Roddenberry imagined the series and the ships to be from.
Hence the reason you've got the names like USS and everything like that.
I like it.
It feels different.
That's why I like Deep Space Nine.
It wasn't just the standard corridors of the Enterprise that we were used to,
which, let's face it, in Voyager, it looks slightly different,
but it just feels the same with looks.
Whereas Deep Space Nine, you have this Cardassian, Bajoran space station,
which is completely different to anything we've got before.
So it's visually interesting as well as somewhere that you don't know what to expect to exist.
And then coming to Enterprise, it's exactly the same.
We've got this old ship that's pre-Kirk Enterprise, pre-Pike Enterprise even.
And it feels closer to the technology that we have now than we see in future episodes,
future seasons even, or series.
Well, they don't have the transporter, do they?
They only have a grappling hook or something.
So yeah, they've not got the...
Yes, they've got a grappling hook, which is in place of the tractor beam.
The tractor beam, sorry, this one.
And the transporter is in still the phase of, we use it for cargo.
They've heard rumours of people going through it, but no one would like to risk it.
And it's all done with almost like a joystick controlling it,
trying to target them if you ever see it in an episode.
And again, it feels naturally like you feel it should at that stage of the Federation.
So that's why I quite like Enterprise.
It has probably more value to the we are explorers than the next generation does.
By the time the next generation's come, you've got the Kirk era that's done exploration.
Really, I know space is meant to be huge and there's always things they're going to come across,
but it never feels new.
It never feels that exciting, the exploration anymore in the later series.
Even in Voyager when they're out in the middle of nowhere,
the exploration kind of takes a sideline more for the stories they give.
Whereas Enterprise, when they come across the new races,
it's quite nice because we already know what that race is that we'll find out in today.
But they've never met them.
Exactly. And I just liked it.
I liked that idea.
I liked that they didn't just solely go with races that no one had ever heard of because they could.
They went with familiar ones.
Yeah. Oh, and as we'll get into it, that tied into why I was very confused at the start of the episode.
Oh, so let's just crack on then. Go for it.
That's my... I know I'm going to put in there.
Transition.
Accessing library computer data.
So Enterprise season one, episode 19.
Yes, as I think we've said 18 a couple of times.
We might have said 18. We might have said it right on the last episode.
But I think when I asked for a reminder, you said 18 to me, but I think you might have said the right word.
But you named the episode.
We have said the name, so acquisition.
Acquisition. So the reason we chose this, because you said it was very similar to The Rascals one in the premise of Ferengi taking over the ship.
Exactly.
And that's exactly what it is. I can't make it any shorter than that. Ferengi take over the ship.
And it... Spoilers. I liked this.
Good. And I like this episode compared to Rascals.
We actually laughed out loud a couple of times in this.
Yeah. So compared to Rascals, actually this makes Rascals look like a train wreck.
Yeah. Well, it was anyway.
Yes, it was. Okay. I don't think there's any really...
You're being too nice to it. It's like you're trying to be gentle like the kids are watching you.
There's very little to save Rascals. Whereas this, you're right. It just was.
And let's go with what Arnoud Diehl has said from the Netherlands from the look of it.
On IMDB.
Yeah, that pretty much sums up the episode.
And I'm glad I suggested we look at this one and that it came to mind when we were talking about Rascals.
Because it genuinely does feel like someone at Paramount and the whole Star Trek side of things said,
remember that episode we did on TNG? Bit shit, wasn't it? Can we try it again, please? And do it right this time. Boom.
So the reason I said I was confused is because I haven't watched any of these.
I didn't know if it was like an episodic thing in that one episode leads to the next, leads to the next.
And this starts immediately in the thick of it. Yes.
The Ferengi are on the ship. It starts with everyone unconscious and the Ferengi are on the ship.
Or you see the ship flying towards them. And completely in Ferengi language.
And there's no subtitles. No. And that really messed with me.
Miranda and I both sat there and were like, do we need to turn the subtitles on to hear it?
And I put them on and there's no subtitles. And I then googled it and I had to Google it to find it.
And it was like everyone was like, why have they no subtitles? And then someone actually wrote,
it's because they have never met them before. The whole premise of it makes total sense.
They've never met them before. No one, Hoshi's not in front of the computer to say, let's turn on the translator.
So why should the listener get to hear what these Ferengi are saying if no one else on the ship?
Yeah, you see it later. They train their own one to learn Capturonata anyway.
But yeah, so that was very confusing.
And so really you're just seeing the Ferengi talking to each other, going around stealing stuff in the ship.
Yeah. First note, great sets. Really, really happy with the sets.
The Ferengi makeup is really good.
So the Ferengi makeup matches that of TNG and Deep Space Nine.
It's obviously a later series to both of those. So they've just got the same artists in and absolutely brilliant.
You're right. It's a great design of an alien. The giant ears, the fact that the ears, they're kind of...
They're kink.
...erogenous zone. Yeah. They like them being stroked in ear massages.
It's a bit creepy, but it was a good idea.
They get a lot of that from Deep Space Nine. They go on about that. Oh, yeah.
And yeah, that's really all that happens. And then we go into the intro.
I'm pretty sure it's the only Star Trek that's got vocals in the intro.
It is. So it's Russell Watson singing whatever the song is.
I'm not ashamed to admit it. I quite like the song.
I quite like the song.
I like the acoustic guitar to it. I like the words. I like the meaning behind it.
I think it deserves the hate it gets.
It took me a little while to warm up to the actual visuals that were on display until I understood, oh, it's showing through time.
Allegedly all enterprises that have ever existed.
I thought the CGI looked like dog shit.
Yeah.
That's harsh. When you compare it to the others, it looked rubbish.
Clearly they were trying to just, I think that this must be the only one that Discovery is probably the same.
Well, they haven't used models and done the old style.
Yeah, they stopped using models towards the end of Voyager.
I think the last few seasons of Voyager is CGI only.
And then everything else for it, I think.
I think everything after First Contact film wise is all CGI as well.
What a shame.
Which is a real shame. Absolutely. Because it looked so much better.
Industrial Light and Magic did an amazing job on all those ship scenes that get reused over and over.
They don't age. They look fantastic.
It's all practical.
Exactly. And we've talked about that many, many times before.
But yeah, you're right. And talk about the sets and the fact, the thing I really loved is all the doorways look like bulkheads that you have on the ship, like we were saying.
So you've got the oval shape you've got to kind of climb through.
I love the fact that knowing and how we know that the Fringies are just nasty little bits of shit that are constantly robbing people.
I like the fact that on their ship, they come out with ramps to get over bulkheads.
They're already prepared for all instances of what could be on a ship.
Yeah, that was a nice touch. They weren't trying to lift it over. They just put these little ramps down and can wheel their stuff on and off, on and off, which is brilliant.
And things like the torpedoes as well that they've got, actually just look like rockets.
Yeah, because when they roll that out and I said to myself, the bloody hell's that thing? It must be a torpedo.
It's an early torpedo.
It's actually a torpedo.
So yeah, don't forget, photon torpedoes don't exist at this point.
Or they don't for the Federation anyway.
So the only torpedoes we see in this look like them off a jump jet, off something like that.
They're not like the candy bar phone shape that we see in kind of the original series films, which is just a big black oblong with a Federation icon on it.
I liked it.
Everything about the set, I just really like it fits with it. But you're right, the CGI, especially considering the era 2001 to 2004, I just feel like they budgeted for the actors rather than the effects.
It feels like Paramount might have said, we will not give you any more money. This is all you've got. Work it out.
I think that's fine. It's just such a shame because when you compare it to stuff that was earlier, the earlier stuff is better.
Oh, 100%. 100%.
We've said before, when you're watching the next generation intro and you see the Enterprise then, it looks just as good or better than anything you'd get now.
Absolutely.
It looks like it's in space.
But at least the practical effects they do use, so the ship inside itself, the stages, look brilliant.
Yeah, everything when the people are there, spot on.
It's not even engineering. They end up in engineering at one point, don't they? And the fact there's the little cramped desks in there to work on components and stuff, felt exactly like it should do.
Well, the Ferengi's on the bridge at one point, stealing the chair and it's like a chair on the slidey thing.
Yeah, I love it, it steals the bench.
It could have just been a chair with like a computer chair with wheels on. It could have done, but no, it's like a whole track.
A slightly over engineered chair, but that's probably the only thing that has been over engineered on that ship.
Yeah, and that's the idea of that is they want the maneuverability, but if the ship's getting shaken around, you don't just wheel off into the distance.
Maybe, maybe, but yeah, anyway, sorry, I caused you to digress.
Yeah, so really everyone's, so yeah, we've done the intro. Yeah, as soon as that ship come on and I went, ooh, that was my reaction. Oh, I don't like that.
No.
But the song made up for it.
Yeah, and as I say, the internal effects are fine. It's just that CGI when you see outside is the disappointing thing.
And you will get to it. There's a couple of episodes, earlier episodes. There's a couple of aliens. Oh, it's bad. It's bad CGI. They're CGI aliens. They're not actors.
That's a shame.
They are. It's not, it's not good.
So intro's over and they are now still just rummaging around. But now we see more of the crew kind of plonked on the ground, particularly one of them. I don't remember any of their names has said they've collected loads of the women and lumped them into a pile.
And there's T'Pol.
Yes.
And he is creepy AF, touching her ears up.
Yeah, it's horrible.
It's horrible. I was genuinely uncomfortable with that.
And the actress must have been as well. It must be so uncomfortable to go through that.
Yeah.
I mean, even knowing that obviously nothing's going on and that's all just part of the scene. It's just, it's icky.
Yeah, I've said here, creepy ear play is what I've actually been. So yeah, and then he starts touching her ears up because that's when our first implication that they've all got ear fetishes, at least this dude has.
Yes.
And then they're on the bridge and they're fudging around on the bridge. And yeah, it looks, my first instinct was this looks like a submarine.
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. And I like this, actually, they come to the bridge.
And they don't know what to do on the bridge. Now, we get it a little bit in Rascals, the frengi comes on and they require Riker to show how to manage the war penjune, for example.
But you get the idea that in Rascals, he says, you told us they wouldn't have time to lock out the computers, which suggests they knew what they were going to come and do and they'd be able to control them.
And we see it nonstop when they board an alien ship with the crew from the next generation. Oh, we're on a Klingon ship. Don't worry, I know how to do this. Now we're flying or they're onto a Borg ship and they can work out exactly what buttons to press on there, you know?
And that really pisses me off. How are you working all of this out without a universal translaser, without knowing exactly how it works? For all you know, this alien might shove his cock in that socket over there to fly it and use his fingers to control anything else, you know?
It's always a big jump that they can just fly the ship. Yet these frengis get onto the ship and they're like, I don't know what to do. Shit, an alarm's going off. What do we do? He shoots it.
He doesn't try and press a button to fix it. He just shoots it till it stops. Yeah, I like that. That was a neat touch. I thought it was exactly the same thing. Yeah, they wouldn't know. Yeah, they've never come across the human race before. Yeah. So this is all new. It's all a language they don't understand. Yeah.
And then we get to see sexy man in his sexy pants. Trip. In the room that at this point in time, I didn't know what it was and I was thinking to myself, is he just having a tan? Because it's like a big room getting like heat lamps on him or something.
And he's just in his pants and a sleeping shirt or something. But even that I quite like. The fact that there's uniform, then there's under uniform. It just works. Yeah, all one colour.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So you weren't aware that that's the decontamination room. So whenever they go on an away mission, Dr. Flock basically makes them go in the decon room and they've got to spend an X amount of time in there to be decontaminated from wherever they've gone.
Okay. And that makes sense because he wasn't in the medical bay. Because when he comes out of that room, the doctor's not there. He goes into the doctor's room later. And that's why I was like, where was he?
Yeah, but doesn't he break out of the room through a back wall or something? Oh, is that what he does? Yeah, I don't think he goes through the normal door, which might be into the medical bay. But then it depends. No, he's not. And it makes sense. Hear me out. It wouldn't be in the medical bay because you wouldn't be in the medical bay.
Because you wouldn't let someone walk off a struttle, walk through the ship together. You would come out the shuttle straight into a decon room.
Yeah, that's what I thought was happening. But it confused me later when he was like, you know, the doctor told me to go in or whatever. I was just a bit confused about what that room was. I'm saying it, I thought it was a tanning room. I just thought it was just some weird room.
Yeah, but that just shows again, thought in TNG, we have the transporters fix everything. Don't worry. Oh, you had a contaminant on it. Transporter dealt with it. Oh, you had a blood sucking parasite in your shoe. Don't worry. It's been isolated by the transporter.
You know, oh, that person had a major weapon on them. It's been made inert by the transporter. They don't have the luxury of that in this. They've thought about it and said, right, yeah, they come off their shuttle. Just like if you came up from a submarine, you'd go in a decompression chamber.
That's what they're doing here. So again, it goes with the whole naval theme of it, which I just think it works. Yeah, it's neat. So he's, we just get quite a lot of scenes now of him running around with not much clothes on.
Trying to work out what's going on.
What's happening. And then he does get into the doctor's room. Yeah. The thing I saw about this one is it's basically a glass door. How they did not see him run across the grass door as they're coming through it. I have no idea. Unless it's not see through on the other side. I can believe that.
You could believe that as a privacy thing. Maybe you can't see into the medical bay, but medical bay can see out maybe. But it doesn't feel like it would do. Knowing how the rest of the ship is built, it feels like it would just be a glass door.
And they start rummaging through the medical supplies and then they open up this box. What's in the box? The creature that's in the box.
I saw you with a box. What was in the box? Because I envy your normal life. Put the gun down David. It seems that envy is my sin. No, what's in the box? What's in the fucking box? Give me the gun.
Oh, that's so yeah. You find out about that in an earlier episode. The doctor is called Flox. He has various alien pets he's bought with him that he uses for occasionally. I think he gets medicine from one of them or uses something that they can produce to treat someone with something.
So he kind of keeps them as pets, but they're also useful little tools for him to get kind of cures from them and stuff like that. It makes sense. It's like doctors using leeches. I mean, I guess because it might be, it's before replicators, right?
Well, that's the point. So there's no synthetic medicines of certain kinds in space that they might need. And he's not human for this reason as well. So you find out that he's basically on board the Enterprise because the Federation in first contact make Vulcan contact.
Vulcan then starts introducing us very slowly to the world of outer space. And they're basically the whole premise of the whole first series is really Vulcan saying, you're not ready, you're not ready, you're not ready. And Earth saying, yes, we are. We're now going to ignore you.
Yeah. And one of the things they're doing is like a swap of medical personnel with other races. So there's a human doctor that would have been on the Enterprise is off with flox's alien race being a doctor there and flox's with the Enterprise.
So it's kind of this exchange they've done. So he's bought that race's ideas with him. And I presume there's probably like kind of rules that were meant to be, I mean, we're probably looking maybe a little bit too deeply into it.
But if you kind of follow the whole idea of the prime directive, which doesn't exist yet, remember, his race wouldn't bring something that could maybe fix cancer on Earth, for example. Whereas our doctor wouldn't take something that we've developed that alien race might not have.
That was the whole idea of the prime directive is not to swap technologies unless there's a very good reason to, because it might change the route of evolution for that alien race. But it feels like he's kind of bought his own little toolkit with him and that's it.
Yeah.
So, yeah, so they're rummaging through the stuff, stealing torpedoes.
I've written, I hear throws dude off of Hemel, dear.
What?
I don't know what on Earth I've got.
Oh, yeah, so there's a guy, I think he's unconscious and he just like pushes him off.
Oh yes, yes.
I don't know if I wrote Hemel, dear.
You hear him hit the ground quite hard.
Is that on the bridge?
Yes, I think that's on the bridge. He's over the one of the consoles and he just scoots him off.
Oh yeah, yeah, that's it. And then he goes back and he starts touching up to Paul's ears again.
Yes. And now they're discussing how should we just go because we could get more with slave labor of the women.
And then there's a guy going around essentially with a bin bag and he's in the mess hall and you notice he just chucks a cake in his bin bag.
Yeah, I love it. So he tastes something, he's like, oh, this is disgusting. Then he tastes something else, oh, this is nice.
So he puts the plate with like lemon meringue pie or something.
Yeah, straight in the bin bag.
Another little touch there, no replicators. So the enterprise has got a cook, which we find out later.
Well, cook will make something for you.
And they've got that old fashioned idea of drawers on the wall that the cook would put food into and it's first come first serve.
That drawers got something in, you can take it.
Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of good touches, isn't there?
They've obviously gone and looked at all the other Star Trek's and be like, OK, well, what have they got?
The replicators, we don't have that. What would they have instead?
But they must have just worked backwards rather than trying to think of what's in the ship.
They've just gone, what have they got? Well, what would you have instead of that?
Well, that's it, isn't it? They've gone kind of.
We know what Christopher Pike's Enterprise would be, not because of the latest series,
but because that's how the original series started with Christopher Pike basically being in charge of the Enterprise, then Kirk.
And I know it's not quite and we go backwards and forwards on that episode instead.
But they know from that point, there's a cook on the Enterprise then and replicators don't exist.
But then we get replicators and TNG. So they've kind of gone backwards from the TOS era and gone,
let's take it back a little bit more and make it a proper mess hall situation rather than cook and having a woman bring us our dinner,
because apparently that's all they're allowed to do.
So they've kind of gone back a little bit from there, but they've also gone a little bit forward as well with what we've got on Earth at the moment.
OK, if we go back and look at First Contact, which was what 1995 is a film,
we know that the first warp cable ship was basically just a missile with some seats strapped to the front of it.
So we can definitely go up from that, but we can't go too far, which is why I never really could never accept Discovery so much.
You can't say it's a pre-Enterprise series and have the technology on the ship as everything is ahead of it.
Yeah.
OK, and you can't then just wash it away by saying, oh, it's a super secret and no one's allowed to know about it anymore.
Because, OK, the whole Spore Drive, I can kind of understand. OK, fine.
Keep that hush hush super section, whatever it is.
But the fact that it's got holographic displays and all the touch, it's just too much.
If you're trying to be in the same era.
And I know you're just trying to make it look good because that's what people want now.
People want super shiny, new looking things.
But then say it's its own timeline or something else.
Don't try and say, but it is the same time.
Because it's almost like Enterprise on that new Star Trek. I can't think of its name now.
Why can't I remember the name with Pike?
We like it and I can't think of what it's called.
Strange New World.
Strange New World. Thank you.
That Enterprise feels old fashioned, which is exactly what I want.
Yeah, it's got a few new things to it.
Fine.
But it's not over the top.
Whereas I found Discovery over the top.
And they could have easily done that for this.
They could have easily put 2001, 2000.
They could have had flat screens everywhere.
They could have made it look really, really modern.
They didn't.
They made it look dingy and old fashioned.
Yeah, just like chuck together to get in space quickly.
This is when we noticed first, I think, the scaffolding around the...
Yeah, so around the bridge, you've got around basically that house of rim of the bridge.
You've got metal fencing, basically.
And in engineering, the way the warp core is, is where there's got literally a scaffolding tower.
Yeah.
That's exactly what it is.
Actually, as many faults as there is, and these films did exactly the same as Discovery,
the new Star Trek films, as much as they had holographic everything and everything like that,
they said it was their own timeline, which is good,
but you felt like it was a properly industrial ship.
So when you get down to their engine bay and things like that,
it feels like an industrial building.
It feels like you've walked into some sort of power plant.
It doesn't feel really nice and clean and super futuristic.
It feels like that's a nuclear reactor.
Yeah, because like with TNG, it's very much the core is there, the big, tall core is there,
but the rest of it is really just computer interfaces.
Exactly.
It's like a big hall almost.
Yeah, it doesn't feel like there's going to be someone walking around with a tray on wheels
covered in oil and dilithium residue because they had to take a little valve out and repair it.
Whereas you could quite believe this enterprise could break down in the middle of nowhere
and they strip the engine and they've got just chunks of valves and piping and everything else
just laid out that they're repairing.
So they've taken now, they've taken Captain whatever his name is, what's his name?
Archer.
Archer from the bridge and they've got him now trained up in engineering.
Yep.
And they wake him up with their special zippy pen thing they put in his neck.
So interesting, I couldn't wear that one out.
So they do it with a hypo spray, but when Archer tells Trip,
oh, they did it with a hypo spray down in engineering or wherever they did it in cargo bay,
he kind of makes it sound like that it's their own hypo spray.
Yeah.
Not the Ferengi's.
I must have been writing a note when he says that later because I make a comment later going,
how does Trip know that's what that is?
He just picks it up and does it.
It could be anything in that spray.
Although he does then try to go over to do it to Hoshi and obviously it's run out,
but he's there keeping trying and trying.
So maybe it is the Ferengi's, but you get, if I were to choose, say, and be really picky,
knowing what the Ferengi's are like, they're not going to just put down a piece of medical equipment
and leave it on the floor to be forgotten.
They're going to put that in their pocket and take it because it's worth something.
Everything they have is profit.
But finally, the translator starts working.
They get a little machine out and as he's talking, they then partially start talking English
and then they start, and that was a nice touch.
They beat him around a bit, really bright blood in his mouth, really bright red fake blood in his mouth.
Almost, I wish they hadn't done it because it looked so hand up with the red.
He was like, okay, yeah, just give him a bit of a bruise.
And then they start talking about the slave market and vaults.
And they never really explained the vaults to him.
He just makes the thing like, I'm getting an idea of who you are.
Yeah, we have a vault and he's a real good manipulator.
Yes.
He's very good.
All of them are.
Trip and T'Pol later.
They're all very good at playing the Ferengi in their own game.
What I feel like they did with Archer, they basically said in the original series, Kirk did a lot of waffling.
He would talk his way out of everything.
And that's how the majority of the original series got through whatever problem it was.
And they kind of, I feel like they said to the script writers and to Scott Bakula, who's Archer, you've got to do the same.
It's going to be a trait that we've give Captain.
To be fair, we see it with Picard, we definitely see it with Janeway, seeing as she persuades the vault not to kill anyone.
So yeah, it's a trait that's been carried on through all the seasons that they have the gift of the gab.
Yeah, I think that's a good trait to have as the captain, I guess.
Oh, definitely.
He's got to defuse all the situations, doesn't he?
Yeah, so Translate is working.
Okay, so there is the Ferengi go on about the rules of acquisition.
Yes.
How many are there?
149?
Oh, 173.
Oh, damn it.
Wasn't far off.
Did they say 149 is one of the ones he quotes?
Maybe.
I've only got two of them written down.
One can never have too much.
The rules of acquisition say expand or die.
Rules of acquisition?
That's rule number 45.
I've memorized all 173, including the most important one.
A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.
Well, I could find them online and we could be really geeky and go through all of them.
I have got some of them written down.
So yeah, so he's now probably manipulating the dumb one.
They're making the captain drag all the stuff around.
Well, I don't think it's fair to say he's the dumb one.
I think it's fair to say he's the...
I think he'd come across as dumb.
I think that's how they were playing it.
He came behind as kind of wet behind the ears.
He hadn't been allowed to do anything a Ferengi normally does to this point.
So it's like he's learning the ropes.
It's like having an apprentice on a building site.
Ask him to put a door up and you go and open the door and you find out he's put it on backwards.
Yeah.
I just got the impression that he was a bit simple in some way.
That was the way I thought he was playing it.
Because he was so easily manipulated.
Yeah.
And I would say that might actually be a trait of the Ferengi.
And I don't think that's a fault in the episode.
I think that's more that the Ferengi have always been fairly easy to talk around.
Because the idea is they're greedy.
So if you could say something to a Ferengi that makes them prick their ears up and go,
what do you mean there's profit involved?
They will stop what they're doing and they will literally stop torturing someone
to talk to you to find out what you're talking about.
So I think we get the idea that they're willing just to stop
if they've got the idea that something profitable is involved.
Yeah, I guess so.
I mean, he's now managed to manipulate the guy to go and get him a drink of water
and some food from the mess hall, hasn't he?
And Tripp has made himself known.
Yes. And we get that very cool electric whip.
Is that not yet?
Oh, no, sorry. Tripp's making himself known to Archer.
Yes, you're right. Sorry.
Because then he goes on about the 14 weapons lockers and he's like,
well, I've checked them all.
And he's like, I think Archer's right.
How did they get them all so quickly?
How did they know where they were?
But I think the idea is the Ferengi know what they're looking for.
They're like the people that go to a car boot sale specifically looking for one item.
And if you've ever queued up at a car boot sale, you'll know them.
You'll see them. They'll have a bag in each hand.
And it won't be just like, oh, I'm going to have a nice little walk around.
They power walk and they know exactly what they're looking for.
And you can just see them like left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right.
And then suddenly they'll just stop.
Boom. Money comes out, item in the bag and they're gone straight away.
And that's exactly what the Ferengi are like.
They are taking over your ship.
They're looking for very specific things to start with.
And then if they've got time, they then go back and look at what else there is.
So obviously weapons are a saleable thing, which makes sense.
It is now, isn't it?
So it makes sense that weapons are medical stuff as well, I guess,
is also a sensible thing for them to steal to start with,
which is why we get them in the medical bay to start with.
And then anything after that is a bonus, I guess.
But we get a lot of moments now where I just keep thinking, why didn't he just attack him?
Why doesn't he just grab him?
Like when they're on the Ferengi ship and he literally walks straight past Archer really close,
Archer could very easily have grabbed him.
Or Tripp could easily just jump out of nowhere.
And there's two against one.
I would say, yeah, that's one of the biggest faults with this episode is there's only four Ferengi
and quite often they are spread apart.
Yeah.
So yeah, idiot one could have easily been taken out and those three wouldn't know at all.
They would basically be, well, where is he?
Oh, he's probably sleeping it off somewhere.
He's going and stealing something.
And they wouldn't know where he is.
And they'd probably just then carry on doing what they were doing.
So him being knocked out wouldn't have been a problem.
And then as we see later on, they kind of start getting grumpy with each other.
One of them goes off on his own again, whack on the head.
Another one gone. They wouldn't know where he is.
And then, yeah, you're right.
Two versus one or two versus two at that point because Archer could be released.
Yeah.
It feels that I would say if that was the only down point to this episode, it's not that bad.
Yeah, exactly.
We've got a load more scenes of Tripp running around his pants still.
He's not made any efforts to get some clothes on yet, which I've really enjoyed.
Yeah, this is where he grabs the hyperspray.
I don't know where he's grabbing it from. He's just grabbing it.
So he's grabbing that from the cargo bay where the majority of people seem to have been dragged to.
Yeah. And then he goes and use it on to pull straight away.
Which is the sensible choice.
I would choose her too. Yeah.
So, yeah, I'm glad you would say that you've got a little crush on...
Her name is very difficult to say.
Yeah, I'm just looking up here. Jolene Blalock.
Blalock, yeah. I mean, to be fair, she's a model as well.
Yes.
She's 49, so she's not even that far away from us in age.
No, that's true, but she does play the role really well.
From day one of Enterprise, she is brilliant and she truly carries the whole...
She got the memo, definitely.
She definitely got the whole Vulcan idea down. I appreciate it as well.
Does the pole end up getting with Tripp?
I honestly don't know.
It's getting with... 16.
They actually start like...
They go behind the bike sheds and get a finger.
Do they go to where the dolphins are? Do they go to the dolphin room?
I don't think this Enterprise is dolphins yet.
Oh, no, this would be in A, right?
No, this is before A. A is Kurt's area.
This is not the aardvark room.
Or the armadillo room. Yeah, the armadillo room.
I like armadillos!
Smooth on the inside, crunchy on the outside. Armadillos!
Quick, deploy the armadillos!
Ptoo, ptoo!
So he wakes her up and tries to put it on the other lady and doesn't work.
I've got a note here. I don't know why. It says,
Bioscanner. Sure, mate. Sure it is.
I'm sure I wrote Bioscanner. I don't know what that note is referencing.
No, I'm not. I know the Ferengi have a scanner at one point that they're scanning things with.
Maybe that's what he's doing. He's scanning her.
And then he touches her up.
Yes, very possibly.
He touches her up this time.
And the...
Yeah, I've just wrote gross.
It was really... The guy's playing it very well.
He's super creepy. It's really bad.
And I thought she was going to wake up and death grip him there and then.
That's what I was expecting to happen.
And I wrote here she could easily batter that freak.
Exactly. She could do the Vulcan nerve pinch on him, which she does later.
And then Archer Call says something. I wrote it down later.
He says she's... Oh, yeah. She's got no sense of humour and always complaining.
That's what he says specifically about to Paul, to try and get him to not take her to his ship.
Which was quite funny.
Yeah, here you go. I've got the thing here.
Crem. This female is different from the others. What species is she?
Archer. She's a Vulcan. Crem. Vulcan.
Jonathan Archer. They're really not all that interesting once you get to know them.
I'd like to get to know this one. Maybe I won't sell her.
Not right away. Trust me. She's got no sense of humour.
She's always complaining.
Yeah. It was a good... I thought that was quite funny.
But again, first part of the season, yes, she is always complaining.
Second part of the season, she starts to soften up.
She starts to do a bit of a spock.
Well, this is only season one and she makes a joke later.
She does play a joke on Archer, which he doesn't not like, which I thought was good too.
Oh, there you go. Not that interesting. No sense of humour.
Always complaining. I'll make it up to you. To Paul. How? Archer. Five bars of gold?
Yeah. But then later he tells her off just to get her in Muntide, doesn't he?
Yep. And in fact, this is the bit actually you're talking about where she's just been
felt up and Tripp comes to check if she's okay afterwards.
There are times I wish Vulcans hadn't learned to repress their violent tendencies.
Yeah, she says it. Yeah. And she's right. Yeah. She was clearly...
Well, she's full Vulcan though, isn't she? She is full Vulcan.
Because I think Spock would have reacted.
Strange New World Spock would have reacted.
Strange New World Spock absolutely would have.
Yeah. So we're now... Yeah, Boo, he's putting his clothes on.
So he's now being convinced probably by to Paul to put some clothes on.
What do you think of the Enterprise uniform?
It's a giant onesie, isn't it, for men?
But all of them are, if you think about it.
I don't dislike it. I think it makes sense. It looks like they're wearing overalls.
Well, that's it, isn't it? They are overalls. They're flight suits.
Yeah, I like them.
That you could expect kind of a helicopter pilot or a jet pilot to be wearing something similar.
Yeah.
Well, that's what they're based on, really.
If you look here, that's an old medical style suit.
Yeah.
It's basically... You're right. It's a onesie with lots of pockets.
Yeah.
Again, just another thing I liked of Enterprise, really.
I liked the design. It wasn't over the top.
It just fit in with the ship, just like all the uniforms have.
Each series, the uniform has fit in with what you really expect of it.
Yeah.
So, just another little thing they did a good job on.
Yeah. So, to Poland, Tripp, they've now left engineering and are kind of deciding, I think, to each other what they're going to do.
Yes.
To each other. Ho, ho, ho.
We're back in the medical bay because they managed to convince them that...
The archer managed to convince them the vault's in the medical bay.
Oh, yes. I do like that.
And they're trying to open the door.
Now, they say I've written down the rule that they say in there.
Oh, okay.
Rule 23. Do you remember what they say?
No. No, not a clue.
Nothing is more important than your health except your money. Rule 23.
So, I was just seeing there. So, apparently, by Voyager, there's 285 rules of acquisition.
Oh, so they've put it up.
But the idea is it is meant to have grown over time.
So, it's 23, correct? Nothing's more important than your health except your money.
We're just looking up and it's showing the source of those as well.
So, you can see. Rule 23 only appeared in enterprise acquisition.
Nothing is more important than your health except your money.
Back on my home world, that kind of thinking almost destroyed our civilization.
You should have managed your businesses better.
Where are we now? Yes, they're looking for that vault.
She's hiding and she starts setting noises off and that's when he shoots.
That's when he shoots the console.
But then she's basically playing a joke on them.
So, she goes over and steals the scanners out of his bag and puts them in the other friend's bags.
And then keeps one for herself.
That triggers up the whole pack rat mentality of, hang on a moment.
I said these were mine. Why are they now in your bag?
You've stolen from me. We had a contract.
So, you get the idea that the friendgy don't even like each other and can't be fair with each other unless a contract's involved.
So, they're having a big argument and that's when the friendgy in red really starts to move away from the rest of them.
Showing the arguments.
And then we're back in the engineering again.
Yes.
And we get another rule in here.
We do.
I don't remember the number but it is never allow family to stand in the way of profit.
A very funny bit happens now.
They're talking to the dog.
They're trying to ask the dog where the vault is.
It's a subspecies. It's not intelligent enough for the translator to work.
We laughed at that. That was a really funny touch.
Because, yeah, they don't know what a dog is.
Where is the vault?
Do you understand me?
I can't lock onto its language.
It's a lower life form, you fool.
Probably the captain's next meal.
Don't be so sure. Look at the size of its ears.
I like the fact the dog's on board.
I've always liked the dog.
There's a constant joke going on because Archer keeps feeding him cheese and he ends up always off in flocks and flocks saying you've got to stop feeding him things he likes.
Yeah.
Where does his poo go?
He's probably got some bosen that comes and cleans it up for him.
Yeah, I guess so.
Hello, Captain Archer. I'm here to take the dog for a walk.
Yeah, some poor Lower Decks crew is just going around clearing up dog crap.
Early Lower Decks.
Yeah.
That could be the start of Lower Decks.
The first Lower Decks staff member was Ensign.
I want to actually want to know who or what he did because if you look here in the list of actors, uncredited, Solomon Burke Jr. was Ensign Billy.
Yeah.
I think he's just one of the guys that's laying on the ground.
Yeah, I think Ensign Billy is the first Lower Decker.
He is the first one that basically was assigned to Archer's dog.
Yeah, he's the poop scoop.
And then something really sad happens because they pick the dog up and the dog's tail is underneath him, which means the dog's scared or doesn't like it, which I didn't like that little bit of scene.
But has he been trained to do that?
Maybe he was trained to do that.
I would like to think he was trained to do that because I would say Paramount's got quite a good, and I will stand to be corrected if they haven't, but I thought Paramount had quite a good record with, or at least Star Trek did, with animal safety.
The guy isn't being mean to the dog.
It's just the body language of the dog implied it wasn't enjoying it.
And then they put the dog in the box.
I was like no! And the whole episode was like the dog's still in the box.
And at the end when they're getting things out, they're like they haven't got the dog out of the box yet.
Can you tell Rob's a dog lover, everyone?
Yeah, I thought that was horrible, but again, it's what you'd expect.
They basically, they're just subspecies. No one really cares about him.
It's an animal, so put it in the box.
Or sell it on another planet.
I could completely see myself on an alien planet picking up a random animal, putting it in a box and not really realising it might be the most loved pet of some god.
Not knowing it's a moopsy.
Yeah, oh god, imagine.
Moopsy!
And I was convinced now that Trip got spotted on purpose because he starts running away.
Yeah, it feels like he's kind of run onto there to say, Kui, look at me, look at me.
To take away from the idea that T'Pol's also up and no longer there.
Well, I thought he was running him into a trap to get to T'Pol. He doesn't, but I thought that's what was happening.
Oh, maybe.
I thought they'd set a trap and get him to follow, but really he just goes into the mess hall, pretends he's asleep and then attacks the guys he goes past.
And it's a shit fight.
And I only think it's a shit fight, but I think because they don't want to mess up the dude's make-up.
Yes.
I think that's the instantly impression I got, particularly when they're on the floor.
I'd be interested to know how fragile the Ferengi make-up is, as in if you weren't paying attention and you caught your head on the corner of a wall, let's say, are you going to spend the rest of the day with the dents in your head?
Or are you going to have to go back into six hours with a make-up?
Do you think they've got a dent puller on hand? Hang on a suction cup on.
A good touch. He bit his ear.
So he already has a...either it's because it was just there or he's already noticed that they like their ears.
And imagine that really probably hurt that Ferengi and you get that impression, don't you, that that actually really did hurt him.
He did a full on Mike Tyson.
And then the whip comes out.
The electric whip is brilliant.
Wicked.
I think we see it in a couple of other areas because it's meant to be kind of one of the weapons of choice of the Ferengi is this electric whip.
Yeah. I think that fits with them quite well.
It fits with the fact that they do slave labour and slave trading, doesn't it?
When you kind of speak about slavery, the conversations of Earth and our history and the whole slave labour from Egyptians through to Africa to America and all of those sorts and everything in between and plus, you picture slave owners with whips, don't you?
So you kind of get the idea that that's where they got this idea from for the Ferengi.
So we've got IMDB up in front of us.
This is the moment I properly realised that the one called Muk who's in red is that guy there, Clint Howard, who is the guy from Austin Powers.
Yes.
Yeah. Who sees the penis ship on the Dr. Eva's penis ship on the thing.
Colonel, you better take a look at this radar.
What is it, son?
I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant dick.
Yeah.
Take a look at a starboard.
Oh my God, it looks like a huge.
Pecker!
Oh, wow.
Wait, that's not a woodpecker. It looks like someone's...
PIVOTS!
We have reports of an unidentified flying object.
It is a long, smooth shaft, complete with...
Two balls!
What is that?
That looks just like an enormous...
Wing!
Pay attention.
I was distracted by that enormous flying...
Willy.
Yeah.
Wow, it looks like a giant...
Johnson!
Yes, sir.
Get on the horn to British intelligence and let them know about this.
That's what I prefer because I think the whole episode I was like, I recognise him.
I recognise him. He's got such a recognisable face.
That's a bad picture of him on IMDB.
It is a very bad picture of him.
And you're right, Jeffrey Coombs, sorry, who played Krem, he was...
He played several Starfleet officers.
He was also one of the Nagus's right-hand men in Deep Space Nine on that episode.
So he has played a Ferengi before as well.
And we haven't even said...
Ethan Phillips, have we?
The main Ferengi of the day, Ulysses...
Yeah.
...is Neelix.
Neelix.
Good to meet you.
I didn't recognise him.
Didn't you?
I didn't recognise him, I don't think I did.
I knew he was in it...
Yeah.
...when I saw the credits because I didn't notice it at the beginning.
I recognised him straight away and his voice is pretty easy to pick up on.
What's difficult is obviously they all quite struggle to talk with the sharpened teeth in their mouth,
so the dentures that they're made to wear,
but that does help kind of make their speech sound a bit more as you'd expect it to.
What I didn't realise, and this was using IMDB, is he's played Ferengi's twice before,
one of which is there's an episode in TNG where good old Bevy Crusher
invites a Ferengi on board the Enterprise with scientists from the Klingons and the Vulcans and Earth
to witness a Ferengi who says,
I've created a warp bubble which means I could fly a ship into the corona of the sun
and back out again without getting damaged.
And they all poo poo it and he decides I'm going to prove it,
and he does it and he dies and it turns out it's because there's another alien on board
who wants to steal the technology and doesn't want it associated with the Ferengi and no one else to have it.
That was Ethan Phillips as well. I didn't know that.
I didn't recognise him then, but I did recognise him now.
Now I wonder if it's a similar thing as the, I always forget his name, the Teleporter Man.
Oh, um, O'Brien.
O'Brien. I heard that he ended up getting a much bigger part.
He was only meant to be a very small part, but he was such a nice guy, well liked by all the crew
and all the other that they kept writing him in to get him back on.
Interesting.
And I wonder if that's the same for Ethan Phillips.
Maybe the makeup guys, maybe they said he's really good at putting the makeup on.
He just sits there and let us does it.
Get him back for the Ferengi costume again.
And if he's been in so many and then he gets, yeah, that's it, Carl Menier.
Yeah, Carl Menier, who's just been in so much, 173 episodes of Deep Space Knight.
He was in Undersea, he's in Con Air, he plays the asshole FBI bloke.
You know this guy?
Haven't had the pleasure.
He's a piece of work, a real piece of work.
Duncan, good to see you. She sure is beautiful.
Hey, beautiful. Sunsets are beautiful. Newborn babies are beautiful.
This, this is fucking spectacular.
Duncan, this is Vince Larkin. He's overseeing the Transpo.
Vince, Duncan Malloy, DEA.
Nice to meet you.
I'm sure we're going to have a good time working on this together.
They've now got Trip and Archer in the same room in engineering.
Yes, it's a post-doe free.
What we did miss, Trip's already gone and put that funky flashing light metal thing on a door.
Which I thought, I didn't know what that was at first.
Later on, I think it's an air lock.
I think, yeah, it's a locking device to lock a door, basically.
Yeah. Like I thought he was like later on when he's going to open it later on.
I thought he was opening a door to an air lock to shoot them into space because that's what I would have done.
Yeah.
But I never understood what that device was. It's just a pretend device.
You wouldn't understand unless you've watched earlier episodes.
So there is the whole first season that has a bit of a time travel series bit to it going on.
So you're right in saying that a lot of the episodes you can just watch outright.
There is an ongoing story.
Like Voyager does.
Yeah.
And at one point, a person from the future appears on Enterprise and becomes a crewman for a while.
Traveler?
No, it's not, sadly.
But ends up being a crew on the ship.
And basically what happens is no one is allowed in his room because we don't know what's in there.
We know there's stuff potentially from the future that we're not allowed to know.
So therefore to stop destroying the future, they just put a giant lock on his door.
And that's that same thing basically.
So you kind of get the idea. It's a deadlock for a door.
Yeah. So they've got the trip and Archer in the engineering.
And I didn't notice them do any face to each other, but they just start arguing.
Yes.
Don't they? And it's like you instantly know that they're doing it on purpose.
But this goes hand in hand with what you're saying.
I think you're right. He gets caught on purpose.
Because he wants to now go down and kind of go with this whole, I hope Archer knows what I'm going to do, but follow the lead.
And again, they're both very good manipulators.
And it still it portrays the Ferengi as not being particularly clever in the social aspect of what these two humans are trying to do to them.
Which to you and I is obvious.
It's obvious to us, but it wouldn't be obvious to them.
They've written it well, the Ferengi are greedy.
They've never met humans. They don't know are we a greedy race? Are we not a greedy race?
But what they now know is that Archer said, I'll give you half if you let me keep half.
So, oh, maybe humans are greedy.
And then Tripp suddenly arguing for the women and saying you can have all the gold as long as you leave the women with me.
And Tripp goes, what do we make of this? I don't know what to do.
And then they're arguing and they're like, you get that kind of uncomfortable.
They are arguing. So I'm going to take a little step back and I don't know what to do here, which is what you get the feeling of.
Yeah. And then Muck tries to stand up for himself. Doesn't he?
And they laugh at him.
And fails miserably. Tripp basically wins the argument and takes the three main Ferengi off on a wild goose chase.
And he just starts walking around every single corridor, which is brilliant.
And then meanwhile, to Paul is being sexy.
Oh, we get sexy to Paul.
Yeah, that's it. She's like, why have you have you come to rescue me?
Yeah, she's probably having it up to him. Yeah. Making him more horny.
That's what's so great. That's what someone thinks so grace about him.
I think art just says something about him being able to keep to Paul. He literally shudders in ecstasy at one point.
And I was like, oh, it's just gross. It was gross. He played it so well. It made me feel really uncomfortable.
Obviously, that's the point.
As I said, it's got major ick factor to it. It's just gross.
And so he calls it, she says that he calls it something and she says, I'm versed in all the arts of pleasure.
Yes. And it's like his lobes, stroke my lobes.
So we laughed at that as well. We found that hysterical when he's like, stroke my lobes.
So grace. Yeah. All while that. Oh, then then she death grips him finally.
Yeah, she finally nerve pinches him and sends him into the land of sleep.
Have you come to rescue me? How did you wake up?
Whatever. But the others to sleep didn't affect me in the same way. My body works differently than the humans.
Who, mom? That's the name of their species. They're a terrible race. Deceitful. Cruel.
Why do you live with them? It wasn't my choice. I'm a captive here. They've enslaved me.
Please take me with you. You would make a handsome wife.
Do you know how to perform? I'm well trained in the arts of pleasure.
But I'm not familiar with the marks. My lobes. Stroke.
My lobes. Like this? Yes. And this? Oh, yes.
And now we're back to going around the corridors and then we have the magic door. Yeah.
Open it up and there's the pole. I don't think she needed to be in there. I wasn't expecting this to lock them in.
I thought it was an airlock. I was expecting to open the airlock, close it and then just walk through them.
That's exactly what I would have done and what I thought was going to happen.
Too dark. Too, too dark for Star Trek. Discovery would've done that.
But Enterprise, this is still meant to be semi-kid friendly and adult friendly at the same time.
But I would have seen it as locked it and then flood it with what's TNG always.
Oh, we're going to flood it with the anesthetize gas and knock them out.
But yeah, totally.
He's like got them pew pew.
They're all dead.
She's just hiding behind the door.
Classic move.
Classic Vulcan move hiding behind a door.
And then he has a great one liner.
I rate the one liner.
I've got them right.
What was it?
Sorry fellas, bank must be closed today.
Oh God, yeah, that's such a terrible line, but it worked perfectly.
It was proper like diehard.
Oh, actually we missed that one as well.
Just because a guy's in his underwear, you think the worst.
Oh yeah.
That was really good.
That's what he said when he was getting changed.
Yeah.
And now we just kind of get the end.
We get the great scene of T'Pol going to let Archer free and she questions him on having
no sense of humour and always complaining.
And he says what you said back.
And then he does actually get a bit annoyed with her.
Yes.
So it's just undo me, whatever.
And then he names her rank or whatever, doesn't he?
Yeah, he actually puts his foot down over it.
And this is where the whole time I'm like, where's the dog?
Get the dog out.
Because they're doing everything but get the dog out.
And eventually they do get the dog out.
Yeah, so all the crew are now awake.
What I don't get, okay.
And this is across the whole episode.
Yeah.
T'Pol kind of comes across the idea that, or it comes across to me anyway, that T'Pol
doesn't know who or what the Ferengi are.
Is that what you kind of got the idea?
That's the impression I got and I feel like she would know.
You feel like she should know.
Okay.
The Ferengi ask what race is she?
They do, don't they?
So Archer says she's a Vulcan.
Why is Archer's threat then, if you come near any of our ships again, we will tell the Vulcans
what you've done.
That means what to them if they haven't come across the Vulcans themselves?
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah.
T'Pol is meant to be on the Enterprise because she knows as much about the Vulcan space program
that you can do and she's meant to be guiding them.
So if the Vulcan space program know about Ferengis, T'Pol should be saying to them,
these are Ferengis.
We know about them.
She doesn't.
So this whole threat Archer gives them at the very end, we will tell the Vulcan and
it will be a bad day for you.
Such an empty threat.
Yeah, it's an odd one.
Yeah, I didn't really pick on that.
Pick up that you're saying it.
Yeah, that's a little bit of a mistake.
It's a really empty threat.
But again, it doesn't really matter too much because again, they get the idea that actually,
look, T'Pol's a pretty hard ass bitch.
She's just shot three of us and she nerve pinched one of us to her unconsciousness.
The Vulcans aren't good news.
So you can kind of accept it that way and just say their first meeting of a Vulcan didn't
end well.
So maybe if the rest of them know about us, it's not going to end well.
I did like them making the Vulcans put it, they're making the Ferengi put it back themselves.
Yes.
Yeah, they're making them.
Actually forcing them to put everything back was a good touch.
And then giving Krem the ship.
Yeah, I like that too.
I was surprised they were releasing them at all.
Maybe they're just like, well, we haven't really got a brig to hold these four alien
race that we don't know.
Well, that's it.
We don't know if there's a brig on it.
I don't know.
I don't know if there's a brig on the Enterprise at this point.
I'm sure there probably is because what happens if you court marshal someone, but then again,
you might just lock them in the room with a special locking doodah.
I don't know.
But if that had been TNG or even potentially TOS, that would have been into the brig and
dropped off at the nearest star base.
Yeah.
And the authorities contacted.
And obviously, yeah, then you'd speak to ambassadors and say, well, we've got four of your race
in our brig.
What do you want us to do with them sort of thing?
But that's because star bases and all those contacts exist.
I kind of get why they don't in this because why would you?
Yeah.
You don't have contact with their race.
You don't know who's in charge.
You don't know if their entire race is basically no government at all and everyone's out for
themselves, which to be fair, the Ferengi's come across like, or even if they are going
to be punished if you contact them.
So you might as well just send them on their way with the one they hate the most in charge
as a punishment.
It kind of, it does make sense.
And he still tries it on with her again.
Yes.
Come with me.
I've got a ship now.
Yeah.
I'm sure the Vulcan would make a great wife or something.
Doesn't he say something like that?
Something along those lines.
She just walks off though, doesn't she?
I think she just literally just kind of gives them a funny look and walks off.
Yeah.
Raised eyebrow the way a Vulcan does.
And they're great for audio.
We're both doing it.
We're both doing the eyebrow.
It's a definitely a podcast thing.
And that's it.
The CG at the end there is actually a little bit better than the other bits.
Especially when the ship flies off.
I've liked it enough to make a note.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
And that's the episode.
And that is the episode.
So, overall, comparing it to Rascals, which I have a million times better than Rascals.
Oh my God.
It pees all over Rascals.
And in general, I liked the episode completely.
I laughed.
I enjoyed a lot of it.
T'Pol's a very sexy Vulcan.
Trip is a very sexy human man.
I was happy with every aspect of it other than the poor dog being put in a box.
Yeah.
I agree on that.
I would say it's interesting that...
Not interesting.
I'm glad they went with T'Pol with how they did.
As they could have just gone straight away with another male Vulcan.
Yeah.
And just had it as, yeah, it's another man thing.
They didn't and it works really well.
And she played, like I said earlier in the episode, she plays the Vulcan perfectly.
You get the idea.
She's really invested in making the Vulcan in her stand out.
Yeah.
I liked it.
Funny.
I'm glad you did.
And I'm glad you're going to give it a chance to watch because it really is pretty good.
Well, we were watching it while you were streaming and we finished the episode as like,
I'm going to go watch, you know, join to the streamers.
But then we just started watching this episode and we watched about 20 minutes of it.
Well, the very next episode, the one called Oasis, the one that we accidentally started
watching and then actually was enjoying, I instantly made the point that I've made to
you on this podcast before, the captain, the main pilot of the ship to pole and trip, probably
the four main members of the crew all go on the away mission.
Now I understand it's a TV program, but when you were saying about, you know, how I keep
saying how it's a military ship and then you're saying more like a cruise ship, it actually
makes a bit of sense for the next gen that it is the bridge crew going because they're
the only military personnel.
Yes.
So then going on those away missions actually makes sense to me if I put it in that context,
but I'm pretty sure there is a load of security team members on TNG because they're wharfs
cronies.
Well, they rarely ever let Picard go down on away missions because it's against the
law basically, it's against the rules.
He's the planking captain, he shouldn't be going on any of the missions.
Enterprise, as I said, the prime directive doesn't exist.
So all of these directives about captains not going anywhere don't really exist at this
point.
But it's just the argument doesn't work with Enterprise because I think on the Enterprise
in this enterprise, everyone's military.
I don't think you've got dolphins.
I think you're right.
So it's like, so those four people should not be on this away mission.
Is my point.
Fair enough.
I'll just note this thing here.
Series one, episode 25, the members of the Enterprise crew are faced with various misadventures
and challenges while taking a two day break from their duties on the planet of Riza.
So that's tied into TNG because they're always off to Rikers, always talking about Riza.
Basically, it's a sex planet.
Sex planet, of course it is.
I mean, look at the picture there with her in just a strapped top shockwave is 8.4 out
of 10.
It's a two parter and it's a really good end of the season.
Well, speaking of two parters.
Mr. Authorization code.
Mr. Court has requested us to watch two episodes.
Oh, okay.
Let me bring it up.
Yeah, bring it up.
So yeah, so Adam and Karen have been going through a lot of the Star Trek's.
Excellent.
Together.
So where are we at?
I'd like to pitch a two part crossover for you to watch.
The Next Generation season three, episode eight and Voyager season three, episode five.
Ooh, right.
Okay, so hang on a minute.
Let's call up the next.
So the price.
While the Enterprise hosts negotiations for control of a stable wormhole, Troy forms a
personal...
Oh, of course she does.
With an opposing negotiator.
Oh, I know this episode.
Yeah.
Okay.
She basically bangs someone who then drops her in it.
And Voyager season three, episode five.
And this is a crossover episode, did you say?
I haven't finished reading his thingy.
Three episode five, yeah.
Voyager comes across a pair of Alpha Quadrant Ferengis who have set themselves up as gods
on a primitive planet.
Voyager wants to end their reign to use an Ivo wormhole to return.
Ah.
So they're right here.
Karen and I watched them in the wrong order.
When we watched the TNG episode and Ferengi showed up, I asked, ooh, I wonder if this
is how they got trapped in the Delta Quadrant.
So it must be those Ferengi.
That's interesting.
And that must be the wormhole.
Okay.
And I'll look forward to watching that.
So at some point we should watch those too.
But the one I also want to watch is on season three, episode two.
Flashback.
Captain Janeway participates in a mind-boggled Tuvok who relives his experience on the USS
Excelsior under the command of Captain Sulu at the time of Star Trek six, the undiscovered
country.
Oh, cool.
Now I love the undiscovered country.
It's a brilliant film and I love seeing Sulu at the helm.
It's such a lovely thing to see because he's just perfect Captain material.
Now Tuvok, did we say this before here?
He's turned up in all sorts of Star Trek.
So we have an idea of what we might want to watch next.
Do we do what Adam and Karen asked for or do we stick with what we said, which was you
were going to choose a episode of Discovery?
Yeah, I haven't chosen episode of Discovery.
So we can't do that.
Because the thing about Discovery, it's difficult to pinpoint a particular episode unless you
do see the most recent season because they are, it's a continuing series.
They've proper done it like a continuing show.
It's one whole episode or one whole show, isn't it?
With no individual storyline.
I want you to watch the last episode, but it will just spoil the whole thing for you
to do it.
Well, no, if you think that's the one to watch, then I'll watch it.
Just don't forget, I've got no, not love, that's not fair to say for Discovery.
I've got no real passion for it.
So I don't care if it's somewhat ruined by knowing what the ending is going to be.
I just don't think the episode is going to be as good for you because you haven't watched
all the others to get the payoff.
Right, okay.
Of why I think it's good episode, you have to watch the whole season to then be like...
Well, I mean, we can avoid doing Discovery for the time being until I've actually watched
the seasons.
We could choose something else.
It's your choice.
Okay, so there's a great episode in it where I've told you about before where the ship
AI is sentient.
Oh, right, yes, you did.
And they have that whole conversation about whether it's allowed to continue being it.
Why don't we watch the data one where they have the guy tries to take data and they end
up...
Oh, the legal episode, yeah.
I really like that episode.
It is a really good episode.
I'm going to say...
I'm trying to think of what it's called now.
It's not...
Because we could do that and then the one after could be the Discovery's version.
Okay, yeah.
If you want.
We can do and then we could also do the Strange New Worlds episode of it.
Oh, what's the Strange New Worlds episode of it?
Last series when we get the whole court episode of she should be in...
Yeah, that is so good.
That might be the best one of all of them.
Exactly.
So actually...
I like the Strange New World.
Well, we could do Strange New World then if you want.
I think it's 9.1, the Measure of a Man.
The Measure of a Man, that's exactly it.
I knew it was something man, but I couldn't think of the name of it yet.
Command functions are offline.
Anyway, look, next episode is going to be the Measure of a Man, TNG.
Look out on Twitter and on the web page and we'll tell you what episode and series that
is when we can find it.
Over to you Rob to do the outro.
That's Loki I think drinking water.
Thank you everybody for watching.
Speaking to the microphone would kind of help at this point.
Not speak to the left of the microphone.
I'll stop it.
Yeah, thanks everybody for, I said watching as well, for listening to the Untouchable
Exo.
Season 2 episode 9.
The Measure of a Man, yes.
Next generation of season 2 episode 9.
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Thank you.
Thank you for doing that for me.
You're welcome.
You haven't done the email yet.
I'm going to let you do the email.
Oh, yeah, if you want to email us.
It's plural.
Yeah, it's podcasts at channel84.co.uk for both of us or just TJ.
It's TJ at channel84.co.uk.
It is.
And for me, it's Rob at channel84.co.uk.
I'm still after people to send me stuff.
Hopefully I edited a little skit for you for this one that was sent in by the Pinecothula
guys.
So if that is in this one, thank you very much.
Else I'll be cutting this out.
Thank you very much, guys.
I really appreciate it.
That's it, I guess.
Nice.
It's quite late.
It's time to go to bed.
It is time to go to bed because I'm up in six hours for work.
So definitely, definitely, definitely worth going to sleep now.
Bye.
Thank you for listening to the channel84 Untitled Trek Show.
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Thank you very much, Alɣs adia Scotia.