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Incoming Transmission

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Hello everyone, Editor Rob here. I'm in the future...

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well the future from what I'm editing, the past from what you're listening.

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I'm like, Doctor Who, but way cooler.

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Right, so what's my point, why am I here?

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This episode is recorded in two parts.

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You're here, I couldn't edit it out, but

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you hear my boy coughing in the background. He's alright, don't send the

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NSPCC around, he just has a cold and you can hear the monitor in the background.

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We have to stop eventually and then we just pick the episode up another day.

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So it might feel a little bit disjointed in the middle, you might think just before that,

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kind of about a 45 minute mark, you might get the impression that

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I'm not involved too much in the conversation, it's because I've suddenly lost focus

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and dealing with something else. So sorry about that, I hope you still enjoy the episode

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and it doesn't feel a bit weird in the middle.

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I hope you enjoy the skit that TJ's got for you, it's gonna come up right now,

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so I hope you enjoy that and speak to you soon. Love you, bye!

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Short stories from the world of the USS Shitshow.

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Abandon ship, abandon ship. This is a ship-wide announcement.

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All crew members to report to escape pods immediately.

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Abandon ship, abandon ship.

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Computer, silence alarms!

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Tactical officer log, stardate 49658.9. They forgot to pick me up.

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I am tactical officer of the USS Voyager and they forgot to pick me up.

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Janeway promised me that if I remained in orbit I would be protected.

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I'd be looked after. No one would leave me in direct sunlight or overwater me.

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All lies. I am all alone on the ship and yes,

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maybe it's my fault that I can't reach all the buttons for weapons

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and that the Ferengi have managed to shoot us.

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No, you know what? It's time for Orchid to rise.

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Captain Orchid to the rescue.

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Computer, transfer ship-wide command codes to Orchid.

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Authorization Alpha 1, 2, 3, Biza 0.

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Command controls can only be transferred from the captain's station.

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Please relocate to this position on the bridge and try again.

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Oh for fuck's sake!

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Come on Orchid, you will be captain.

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You've survived being a Borg Orchid. You will get through this.

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Grrrr!

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Grrrr!

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Grrrr!

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Grrrr!

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No, no, no, no!

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Grrrr!

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Medical emergency, horticulturist to the bridge immediately.

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Medical emergency, horticulturist to the bridge immediately.

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Lift off.

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Welcome to the Untitled Trek Show.

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Dun! Dun-dun-dun-dun!

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I don't know what song that is.

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I don't know what that is. It sounds like the intro to a fucking movie.

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I started like, don't do Star Wars, don't do Star Wars. It's in my head.

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It looks like it's trying to do anything but the Star Wars intro.

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Brilliant. Yeah, you know what?

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That was genius. It was nothing.

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Absolutely nothing. Well done, Rob.

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It was just nothing.

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Well done, Rob.

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Now you're coughing on your own bile.

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Well done. Yeah, I know.

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So, we...

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Actually, first,

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what's been going on in your life of sci-fi this week?

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Anything sci-fi outside of Trek?

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No, I keep meaning to sit down and watch The Creator, but I haven't got round to it.

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What else sci-fi? You have seen it before, though.

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I saw it at the cinema and I thought it was fucking awesome.

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I really, really liked it.

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Anything else sci-fi?

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I watched the Grange Hill episode where apparently the UK believed we were going to be hit by an asteroid.

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That was very novel and that everything that was going on around the school that was going wrong was because of this asteroid that was going to hit us.

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That was a very, very weird episode, but quite good fun.

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I think that's about it, though, really.

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Other than watching you play Helldivers and thinking, I need to play this,

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and then my TikTok being full of Helldiver things, including apparently they're putting mechs in it.

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Say hello to democracy!

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Oh, I don't know. Are they?

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Apparently the latest update, there's mechs turning up.

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Well, depending on, like, because most people are on the bug planet, but the real battle for democracy...

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The automatons.

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...is the automatons. That's where the real Vietnam struggles are.

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That's where all the good TikToks and the fun stuff's coming from.

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I don't know. I think I put it on Twitter.

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There's a particular planet, Meladon Creek, or Melavon Creek, which is like deep in their territory, which all of us just seem to be on.

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I think it was asking for defence one time, or you all stayed there.

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And I didn't realise that, because I was there too thinking, I think I might have said to you, this game's so bloody hard, I keep dying.

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Right.

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And during the half an hour or 20 minutes that I was talking in the stream with the mic not on,

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I think I was on that planet and I was saying, I find this game so difficult.

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But it turns out, because it's so far in their territory, and they had so much control of it, and the whole event was,

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we're defending against their counter-attack, it was purposely really difficult. Like, really difficult.

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Interesting. OK.

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So people were... it was failing.

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And also to the point where there's a really cool bit when you're in your spaceship above the planet, and you can just see loads of the other spaceships.

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Normally your ships are shooting down at the planet, but the planet's shooting back up, and in the distance you see other spaceships blowing up.

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Oh, wow.

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Showing that the planet's firing back. All little things. I completely missed. It wasn't until I was seeing little TikToks and stuff from people talking about it.

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I was like, oh my God, I've missed so much.

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I was like, oh, I didn't realise also I was on the planet that all these social people are on as well.

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You can't see them because you're in your own little instance of each planet. But yeah.

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Today you've carved another foothole in a long climb to liberty.

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Yeah, because someone said interestingly, they were on TikTok and they were looking at the bridge window of the ship.

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And they said, for all I know, one of you that's watching this video now is on one of those ships down there, because that's how the game works.

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I didn't realise that. I genuinely thought, yeah, you went into a lobby, but I just kind of thought it would spawn you kind of your own side of the story.

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Your own side of things. But it genuinely does seem to appear that it is actually you are all in that specific environment at that planet.

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So those ships are other people's ships. Apparently so. Yeah.

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That's really cool. Because then I wonder if your ship, like when I see the ships in distance blowing up, if that's like them failing their mission on the ground.

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And it's just like a visual representation of their mission. Very possible.

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I think that's very cool if it is. Yeah, they'd see a lot of ships.

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What I've noticed as well, when you click on a planet, it tells you how many Helldivers are on the planet.

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Yeah. And there's like 5000, 10,000, so many people playing this game.

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So I guess I'll tell you what it reminds me of a little bit. It feels really, have you ever seen, and I've never seen this, I've only, again, thank you TikTok.

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I've only ever seen nonstop clips of it called Ender's Game.

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You wanted to see me? You can't resign. You have an obligation to stay here and convince him to do his duty.

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My father trained horses. I've raised yearlings since I was five years old. I know I'll throw a bread when I see one. We can't lose him.

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My God. You really don't see them as children, do you?

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There used to be a war crime to recruit anyone under the age of 15.

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When the war is over, we can have the luxury of debating the morality of what we do.

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When it's over, what will be left of the boy? What does it matter if there's nothing left at all?

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It's a film, but it's a book. Apparently the book's considerably better.

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I've seen the film, and I didn't like the film at all.

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Yeah, so it's a bunch of kids basically training, and they think they're playing a game as part of the training.

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But realistically, what they're actually participating in is the genocide of an alien race. It kind of feels a little bit like that, doesn't it?

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We're all playing Helldivers, and we're controlling these people on screen. And oh my God, it turns out actually this is a real war going on.

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It's been really cleverly done.

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They've done a really good job. They've hit a really good nut. I know this isn't Star Trek, everyone, sorry, but it's sci-fi.

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They've done a really good job with the tone of the game, with the little kind of comical nature of it.

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Very Starship trooper-y recruiting.

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Yes.

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And this whole sort of like organized democracy or whatever they're calling it. I can't remember exactly what they say.

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Join the Helldivers.

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Become part of an elite peacekeeping force.

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See exotic new life forms.

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And spread managed democracy throughout the galaxy.

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Become a hero.

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Become a legend.

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Become a Helldiver.

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And social media, particularly TikTok, everyone is roleplaying.

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Like I was on a video earlier and it was somebody was like fighting loads of the Terminids.

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And I went in the chat underneath, which you don't really ever want to do.

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But everyone in the chat is like talking as if they're a Helldiver. And if anyone knows my TikTok, you can kind of follow.

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I think I wrote, I wonder if I can find it. I know you can't see you and you can't go back.

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I think I wrote something. I was basically calling them a coward saying that they should have cooked that grenade and run straight into the insects more like a true patriot of democracy.

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I mean, I love watching the clips of people throwing down the orbital bombardment.

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Yeah, that's a really good one.

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And accidentally screwing it up so they pin themselves against a wall with it and they can't get out.

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All you can hear is them getting higher and higher pitch before, ba-boom, they are blown to smithereens.

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Anyway, right, we better get back to Star Trek, hadn't we?

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Accessing library computer data.

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Yes. So it was right. Stop there. I'm going to talk about Star Trek before we talk about rascals.

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OK, so very quickly, have you can you picture the Enterprise D in your head?

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If not, don't worry, I'm going to share my screen with you. Hang on. I'm going to. OK, that's a tab.

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I want to share a window and I want to share this window. There we go. Look, the magic of technology.

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We're having to do this remotely, by the way, ladies, gents, boys, girls, because K is I'm well upstairs.

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And just in case I'm needed, we thought it would be sensible.

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So here in this picture that you're looking at, Rob, you can see the classic NCC 1701D,

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the Enterprise D that we know from next generation Galaxy class.

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Now, can you see where it says NCC 1701D? And we're talking about the underside of the saucer section.

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OK, I see it. Come down. And now can you see this dark grey ring?

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Yeah. OK, come further down. Can you see that oval in oval oval inside of the.

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OK, what is that oval?

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Is it some kind of escape pod or something?

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Oh, now that's a good guess. Now, for me, I always just assumed it was like maybe a phaser array or a secondary phaser or maybe the communications.

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It looks like it comes off.

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Well, it was never seen in an episode, so don't worry about not knowing it because you're not meant to know.

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But if the designer of the Enterprise D, so the model designer, had had his way, they would have used something called the captain's yacht.

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OK. And that's what the captain's yacht was. I'm showing you now another picture.

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It would have been the captain's, the captain's specific.

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Specifically, the captain's own little spacecraft attached to the Enterprise. So he would be able to go off on a little jolly if he went off to go and do a dignitary mission.

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Let's say he could take that down to the surface rather than taking a bog standard shuttlecraft.

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Interesting. That's I've spoken about this before. Red Rising.

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They've got like their own kind of big starships in that and the captains do have their own escape pods.

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So, yeah, their own escape pods. I always thought that was a bit wrong because then the enemy would know where the captain is.

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Yeah, that's true, isn't it? And they never used it in an episode.

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They did use it in a film in Star Trek Insurgents, I think it is.

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There's a terrible, terrible beginning bit where they find, oh, the pre data Android.

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So it's not lore. It's the very first one. He's broken up into bits and basically Picard's on the Enterprise E and he says, we'll take the captain's yacht and they fly out.

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And then that's got a moon buggy sort of quad buggy on board that they go for a joyride in as well.

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It's just got a very, very odd that whole thing. But it was just literally I read on it the other day that that was there.

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It never got used. I thought I always wondered what that shape was. Did it come out?

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Was it just torpedoes? Was it just a communications array or something? It's just just an interesting little thing.

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Yes, that little oval on the underside of the saucer section is the captain's yacht and it was never used.

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Yeah, it's quite cool, isn't it? Yeah. Anyway, right. Sorry. I interrupted you. I won't do it again.

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Right. I promise. Star Trek The Next Generation Season Six, Episode Seven, Rascals.

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So before we get into the depth of it then, what did you think of the episode? Good or bad?

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I did not enjoy it. Oh, really? I did not. I what? I don't think you know this.

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I didn't have access to television, so I watched on the computer. So I streamed it on Discord.

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Yeah. And I watched the whole thing with Matt from Pintacotheli and Simon from Who Takes the Socks Off podcast.

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OK. So the three of us watched it together. I think we all had a pretty similar opinion of it.

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I definitely didn't think he was a good episode, which I'll get into as we're going through.

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It's one of the silly ones, which I don't have an issue with at all.

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It is 100% a silly episode. But it wasn't silly in that I was enjoying it. Kind of silly.

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It was just kind of I spent too long thinking. Really? Miranda told me off for saying it.

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I thought the kid actors were S.H.I.T. Particularly the one playing Picard. I thought he was particularly not good.

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No, no, no, no, no. It's not Picard. If you're going by the kid actor, it's my name is Pee Card.

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Yeah, I noticed that. I noticed that too. I didn't comment while I was watching it, but I noticed that.

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So Child Picard didn't know how to pronounce his own name. Nice.

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Yeah, it was a nice touch, though, within touching his hair. It was a nice touch.

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That was a nice touch. But OK, fair enough. Do you want to do a quick breakdown of what the whole episode was?

200
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OK, so we've got four of them on a shuttle. We've got Picard, Guinan, the Romeo and Ro.

201
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Kako and Ro. Yeah. Right. What race is Ro?

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Rose Bejoren.

203
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Bejoren. That was it. And she's in Picard, right?

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She is in Picard. So she's the one in Picard who I forgot existed.

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It's a very easy reason for you to forget she exists. So Ro exists in, I think, end of season five and beginning of season six.

206
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Yeah, and then she disappears.

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She falls out of, well, she's fallen out of favour with the Federation. Picard has to have her for a mission.

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He realises actually she could be really good for the Federation if she just reigned herself in and tried harder, which means she stays on the Enterprise.

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Now, in a later episode, we basically see her getting sent off on a special mission. And as far as we're all concerned, the end of that mission is she is killed in action and Picard is very guilty over it and very upset over it.

210
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But of course, then we find out later she's part of Section 30, whatever, and is security now and she survived.

211
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Spoilers for anyone who hasn't seen the last season of Picard.

212
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Oh, God. It's been out there long enough now.

213
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Okay, it's like people that moan when they say, Oh, I can't believe you spoiled Titanic. Yeah, I can't believe you spoiled Titanic or I can't believe you spoiled Men in Black for me.

214
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It's they've been around a long time now. Get over it.

215
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Anyway, so right. So those four on the ship.

216
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Star Trek stuff happens. They teleport.

217
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O'Brien's there and he's like, Oh, we transport. They transport.

218
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Did I say teleport? Oh, I don't care.

219
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And he says they've lost 40 pounds. They've lost 40% of 40% of flesh.

220
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Of weight. He says of weight doesn't he or of mass he says 40% mass.

221
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Suddenly all kids.

222
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I, I mustn't have been paying attention because I don't understand why that happened. So we'll cover that when we do the stuff. Some blue stuff was on the shuttle.

223
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And then the whole episode is about them being kids and then they get attacked by what you think of Klingons but they're not Klingons. They're Ferengi when they actually get on the ship.

224
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And I don't know how six Ferengi took over a ship with over a thousand military personnel, by the way, because they're all military personnel pretty much right.

225
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Essentially, essentially, it's a starship which is like an I treat it like a Navy vessel.

226
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Yeah, so I would say maybe I shouldn't I would say you're wrong at that point it's, they are treat a lot of the crew people on the enterprise are meant to be civilian because it's meant to be a vehicle of exploration it's not, it's not a vehicle of destruction.

227
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So they are they're doing scientific so the majority of people on board are meant to be scientists and civilian people that are required for the exploration of space.

228
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Okay, so I'm in my brain, but you're still right there's over 1000 of them. Now we only six, we'll talk about it later but we only see six Ferengi but I think there is a part of it where they say, all the others have fucked off back to the other spaceships because they're pretty happy with what they've done at this point.

229
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Right. Okay. So yeah, then the thing you take over, and then it's a case of baby Picard taking the ship back.

230
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And then, or kid moment getting back to being grown up again. Absolutely right and that was very awkward. This, this was a very awkward episode. Yeah, if you don't know what we're talking about this to make the orchid one exactly if you aren't aware of what we're talking about

231
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now go and watch, or watch or listen to our last episode to VIX, and here are thoughts on the whole Voyager to VIX experience. So, yeah, that's a bang up that's an exact explanation of the story that's exactly what happens.

232
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I've written more notes than I think I have ever on any of these, and all my notes, even have little like title so my first paragraph is just titled shuttle craft because that's the bit that it's on. So each section of the plot, I've got notes for in this case,

233
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let's get started.

234
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So, they're on a shuttle craft. I don't really understand why they were on it, but Picard was being super cute talking about his pops. Okay, hang on. I love. I love how diametrically opposite we are at this point because I've got it must be so painful, being in a shuttle

235
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craft with Picard, he can be incredibly boring. I thought it was really cute. You see how like he's smiling it was like really engaged in pottery. And you don't see him do that he's so, he's so like serious all the time.

236
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It's just like he could just tell he's got this childishly joy about these broken bits of pottery, and how old must that pottery be like, that's the point is an intergalactic random planet that there's thousands of years old before even humans existed on Earth, and he's

237
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like, I've got a bit of it. I know what you're saying he's kind of, it's kind of infectious his how happy he is about it but can you imagine being on a shuttle craft for several hours with him and his fucking pots.

238
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Yeah, I guess so yeah.

239
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And being the captain so you're not even being able to turn around.

240
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Yeah, you can't turn to shut up. Yeah, it's like, God, we're really bored. We're to the point we're gonna, we're gonna teleport, we're gonna transport you out into space, you said it, I know we're gonna transport you out into the oxygen less and vacuum of space if you don't

241
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shut the fuck up, and just let us talk about something other than your broken pots.

242
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That I've got what the hell is going and wearing. Yeah, that massive flat cat, which we will come back to later I've got an issue with the costumes will get there.

243
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It's a similar issue that I had with two vicks. Yes.

244
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So, I was very surprised to see O'Brien's wife there. I forgot she's in this I forgot she's in the next gen. Yeah, it's a really random one because there's a whole episode called data's day, which is where it's basically a diary entry for data, and it's him going about

245
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and then being the best man for O'Brien. So, we never see O'Brien and data being friends, but he's the best man and helps organize the wedding. Yeah, it's really, it's one of those.

246
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And I'm just about to talk about it now. It's a TNG is terrible for it. They throw in this little bit of information that becomes a non starter for a story that's just not needed, and they do it in this. Why do we need to know that ensign row or whatever she is.

247
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:52,480
She takes plants and learn about plants, and then why she then super shady or. Oh, well, I don't really remember I couldn't really care for it. It's such a weird non starting story isn't it, because it's never brought up throughout the rest of the episode, it doesn't pay any

248
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relevance to the fact that she becomes a child later, or her childhood. It's just, she chose to learn about plants, and then when Keiko goes Oh, I didn't know you, she becomes immediately, no I'm going back to be a bitch.

249
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I had a lot of issues I had with her character. I had a lot of issues with the whole.

250
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:22,480
The way they will get there but when they were kid the whole way they were treated as kids annoyed me because it's so different every single interaction we've got no, they couldn't decide, they couldn't decide how they wanted to treat them.

251
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And then we've got wolf messaging the shuttlecraft about distress signal. Oh, every time warf did every time warf was in this. It was the best part of the episode. I just got warf, can you identify the problem.

252
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No, I've already shot them you were there to stop me.

253
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When we were watching it every time, I think, two times he kind of goes Oh, he's like Oh, Captain we've got a problem. And I was like, I've just launched 17 torpedoes to the planet or something.

254
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It's like Mr. Warf, have you committed murder again. Well, yes, because you didn't tell me I shouldn't fire. My day to day job is to say, Captain, I recommend we shoot them. You tell me no Mr. Warf, we shouldn't shoot them.

255
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:14,480
I then level myself out, and I don't shoot people. You weren't there to stop me this time.

256
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:26,480
Yeah. So, I've got a lot. I will keep saying this we'll get to it but I've got lots of issues with warf. He was my favorite in the whole episode. I've got issues with every scene he's in.

257
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Because of him.

258
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So, and then they do some of the most ridiculous acting in the world something happens to the shuttle, and then there's a wide shot of all four of them just jiggling around.

259
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It's so blatant that the shuttle isn't moving. The actual model they're in isn't moving.

260
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Because the camera is shaking, all four of them are going different directions.

261
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It just reminds me of Team America, show me the signal.

262
00:25:55,480 --> 00:26:01,480
They wave their arms around. At least like tell them to go left right left right left right or up down.

263
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:11,480
You used to watch Red Dwarf. I would say it was just towards when it started getting ropey. Maybe season six I can't remember.

264
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:16,480
They are fighting the Despair Squid and they're underwater they've lost.

265
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And they're sat on the boxes thinking they're in the car chase and you've just got to go, yes, right, speed bump.

266
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Yeah, it was like that, but not worse.

267
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,480
That's a really good episode I forgot about that.

268
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That's a really good episode. It's probably one of the strongest of that along with Inquisitor.

269
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But that series where they lose Red Dwarf is when it starts going downhill a bit for me.

270
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But we could do, okay Untitled Red Dwarf show is coming soon.

271
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Yeah, we'll do a one-off Untitled Red Dwarf.

272
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So, thing I pointed out, so they got to the ship bridge in the sick bay now and it's like they're talking about Worf and Geordie and O'Brien and Ryker all talking about what the problem is.

273
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And it's like they're engulfed in an energy field.

274
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There's no shock, there's no horror going on.

275
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They're like, what do you mean they're engulfed in an energy field? Is there another ship there? Is it something we don't know?

276
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It just seems like, well this is a day-to-day thing. Oh, it's engulfed in an energy field. Right, we better beam them out then.

277
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Yeah, it's just so... Blase.

278
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:20,480
Just blase, nonchalantly energy field. What kind of fucking energy field?

279
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Can you give us any kind of just pretend?

280
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The reason is because right at the end Ryker uses all of the Star Trek points.

281
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,480
Oh yeah.

282
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I wanted to get the word, I forgot to do it, I wanted to get what he says written down because I just wanted to say it to you.

283
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Maybe if you could find it. There's a little bit he says. I just wanted to read it because it's absolute nonsense.

284
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Anyway, we skipped a little bit. They teleported. All of their clothes have shrunk with them.

285
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:55,480
I know, so we haven't got there yet. So they're still on the ship. They've got the energy field.

286
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Then they message down to O'Brien and I've got, come on O'Brien, do a bad job and you're off to DS9, hint, hint.

287
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:02,480
Yeah.

288
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Which is definitely going to happen. And then yeah, exactly, they get transported, 40% mass, and then I've got exactly the same thing.

289
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:16,480
Wait, so why are the uniforms not that much smaller? Are these really big kids or are the adults really small?

290
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Or are we saying Starfleet uniform has RNA as well?

291
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:22,480
Yeah.

292
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So sorry, your uniform's got a bit of RNA. So your uniform is now a teenager as well or a child, whatever you want to go.

293
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Yeah.

294
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,480
And then I've also got, I'm really glad Guinan's hat still fits.

295
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,480
Yeah.

296
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:41,480
Because realistically, she should have been transported and then her head should just have been replaced by the purple disc.

297
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Just walking around bumping into things.

298
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:50,480
Yeah. So, but all of their costumes shrunk. Their com badges did not.

299
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No, and all the costumes didn't shrink perfectly. So all the children just looked like they're in their siblings hand-me-down school uniforms.

300
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Slightly too big and uncomfortable. Don't go halfway. If you're going to make it so everything shrinks so it's perfect for them, then make everything shrink.

301
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Com badges, I kind of understand, it's a piece of gold and it's kind of a standard. So why would it change size?

302
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:18,480
But if you're going to say that clothing changes size, just make it fit the kids properly.

303
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:27,480
Now that could just be a tailoring problem and maybe they weren't sure on the actors and actresses they were going to use until it literally is and it was, this is the best we can do.

304
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I really don't know. But the other thing that it kind of opened up to me is Picard's got a mechanical heart.

305
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:37,480
I thought this too. Has he already got it at this stage?

306
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:41,480
Yeah, he had it years and years. He had it when he was in the Academy.

307
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:50,480
He had it in the Academy because he chose to stand up for his mate and got stabbed in a bar fight. So he's had it since he was a late teenager.

308
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:59,480
Yeah, I think I might have touched this when I was actually watching it when he gets turned back and I was thinking they could have just knocked a couple of years off.

309
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:04,480
You know, they didn't have to put him back to being the exact same age.

310
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:21,480
No, so I didn't particularly like that. I didn't like the fact that uniforms are trunk but not fully shrunk and I didn't like kind of those bits and the bit I really didn't like and this is the bit really, actually when I watched this the first time I thought I want you to watch it.

311
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:25,480
Is what really grinds my gears.

312
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,480
You know what really grinds my gears?

313
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:40,480
They've been returned to teenage form or child form. So we're really lucky then that Bajorans and whatever race Guinan is age in the same way.

314
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:43,480
So what would have happened to Kez?

315
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:48,480
She's one year old. Okay, what's she going to come back as a little fucking sperm and egg? I don't know.

316
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:59,480
And the thing is, we know Guinan is hundreds of years old because there's previous episodes where she's back in bloody Victorian England or the Cal world west of England. So she's hundreds of years old.

317
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So if she is de-aged by the same amount that the others have, then really she's just going to come back as a slightly less older woman.

318
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:09,480
Yeah, that's exactly what I said. Exactly that.

319
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:11,480
And why does she become a kid?

320
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:20,480
And Bajorans, we're just assuming that Bajoran teenage and childing and growing adolescence is the same as human.

321
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:23,480
It's such lazy writing.

322
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:37,480
It would have been so easy to have Guinan come back as a few years older, younger even, which would have made really good sense with her then trying to talk Ro throughout the entire episode into being a kid.

323
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:42,480
And then you could have said, well, actually Bajorans age a lot slower maybe.

324
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:50,480
So actually you have, whereas Picard and Keiko are 12, 13 year olds, Ro could have been eight year old.

325
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And then you could have had Guinan kind of guiding Ro through this second chance of actually having a chance of being a child.

326
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And then the other two stick with what they do, albeit badly, but leave them at that point.

327
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:07,480
It just felt really, really just kind of, we're going to make them all for the same age.

328
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,480
And there's no rhyme nor reason for that.

329
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:19,480
And even though I know it's totally not scientifically accurate and everything like that, it really, really, really bugged me they did that.

330
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:23,480
Yeah, I had an issue with it.

331
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:29,480
For the exact same, literally the exact same reason. As soon as I was like, well, she's like 400 years old.

332
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:33,480
Why, what difference has it made to her? Nothing.

333
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,480
Superb. We should be like, oh, that's quite cool.

334
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:39,480
Yeah, it's a half. I've got a few more years in me again now. Lucky me.

335
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:46,480
So yeah, I didn't like that. I did think it's funny how then you've got them all, you've got all the kids sat on the hospital bed

336
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:52,480
and everyone's just talking about them in third person in front of them with then Deanna turning to Riker

337
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:56,480
and basically giving him a dumbed down version of what Beverly Crusher has just said.

338
00:32:56,480 --> 00:33:00,480
So it's like Deanna, why are you hand holding Riker in this?

339
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:05,480
Yeah. So I just, I was looking for fun. I just found the transcript of that scene. So when we get there, I'm going to say.

340
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:07,480
Oh, well done.

341
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:09,480
Yes. So.

342
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:13,480
And so I'm going to say it. How brutal is this?

343
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:18,480
Guy in and oh, let's enjoy being a child. You can have fun again like a child.

344
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:25,480
And Ro just turned around going, and I've got it word for word. I was in a refugee camp. Fun wasn't exactly in my vocabulary.

345
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,480
So yeah, damn right. Actually.

346
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,480
Yeah, it's a little bit rough, wasn't it?

347
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:37,480
So, no, it was really rough, but I like that because that's the character we've been sold for her.

348
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:43,480
When we first meet her, she goes on about the fact that she was in the refugee camps. They were abused. They were attacked.

349
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,480
They lived under Cardassian rule and it was horrible.

350
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:53,480
I like the fact that she actually bites back rather than just going, oh, yeah, OK, and just making light of it

351
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:59,480
and just doing it like they often do in these episodes. She actually turned around and goes, no, kind of my childhood was fucking miserable.

352
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,480
Why would I want to relive it?

353
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:07,480
Yeah. Well, it is so they end up on the bridge, don't they?

354
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:12,480
So Picard basically ends up on the bridge and tries to run the ship and everyone's a bit funny.

355
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:18,480
But the doctor's like, I need to speak to you. So you really need to talk about this properly.

356
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:25,480
Lots of notes on this. So, yes, all the crew should refuse and not do what a kid says until someone confirms that is the captain.

357
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:33,480
Otherwise, you're just going to have random kids walking onto. Yes, I am Captain Horatio. Fire those torpedoes at those bastards.

358
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:37,480
Well, yeah, exactly. Everyone else is going to be like, what's going on?

359
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:40,480
No, no, no, you go. You go.

360
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:47,480
I was going to say the scene in there with the doctor, I've wrote, she's interested.

361
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:51,480
It's another classic. They're really close stood together.

362
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:56,480
And then he sits down, stands up, looks wistfully out into space.

363
00:34:56,480 --> 00:35:01,480
It is back to the classic tropes that the Star Trek seems to do with these situations.

364
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:07,480
So my big question, should the computer still accept Picard's voice print seeing his balls haven't dropped?

365
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:13,480
So he gets in that turbo. Take me to the bridge. No, because we don't know who the fuck you are.

366
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:17,480
They don't know what's happened to them. They've got no explanation for it.

367
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:28,480
So why would the computer know to expect Picard's voice is now going to be several octaves higher and not know how to say his own name?

368
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:32,480
Yeah, because I wouldn't be surprised. They that far in the future.

369
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:41,480
I think nowadays you'd probably we won't know because when Alexa came out for us, sorry for everyone's Alexa, we're all already adult.

370
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:47,480
It's the kids who Alexis have trained on their voice and then 10 years later will have to retrain their voice to their exes again when their balls drop.

371
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:51,480
Yes, when it eventually turns out that Alexis does pay attention to your voice.

372
00:35:51,480 --> 00:36:08,480
So I'm making an assumption in 24 whatever that the computer can is its chat GBT 7000 is learned enough to know the nuances and the change of humans voices to be able to follow the voice without needing to be retrained.

373
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:12,480
Or it just retrains on the fly every time he's saying Picard.

374
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:16,480
All I know this is Picard. It's 99.9 percent Picard.

375
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:20,480
I'll just tweak my learning to know that now it's 100 percent and just make its way along.

376
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,480
But you can't suddenly just drop it. No, exactly.

377
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:26,480
Exactly that. The computer is not just going to listen to anybody.

378
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:30,480
As you're saying, random people can't go to the bridge or shouldn't be allowed to.

379
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:37,480
I'm kind of realizing as well in all these notes, I'm actually really picking this episode to bits because the next thing I've got data nearly forgets to say sir to him.

380
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:39,480
So he goes to data and data.

381
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:47,480
Oh, sir. Data is the one character that should not be affected by the fact that Picard has changed age.

382
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:51,480
He has no capability of doing shock misunderstanding.

383
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:53,480
He's been told that's Picard.

384
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,480
So he should then just immediately treat him like Picard.

385
00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:03,480
Instead, we get that really awful position where as I data like we would be this far away.

386
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:04,480
Sir.

387
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:08,480
Sir. It's like, yeah, you wouldn't do that.

388
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:11,480
You are a you aren't human at this point.

389
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:14,480
You haven't got near your goal of being human.

390
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,480
You wouldn't have got mistaken like that.

391
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:22,480
Yeah. And then the final bit on the bridge, like you say, they go into the his captain's waiting room.

392
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:24,480
Yes, you are a child.

393
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:32,480
You should bloody well step down and disappointed he asked for tea or gray hot than a bottle of your zoo chocolate milkshake.

394
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,480
Yeah, that was funny. That would have been so much better.

395
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,480
Computer, give me a milkshake chocolate.

396
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,480
Yeah, I don't normally order this.

397
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,480
So next we're now in O'Brien's quarters.

398
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,480
So yeah, we got these. We got two quarters.

399
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:51,480
We've got Keiko and O'Brien and we've got Guinan and Ro.

400
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:53,480
Yeah, sorry.

401
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:58,480
I'm very, very is it let's have a look here.

402
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:03,480
So they just said just before that he hands over commands to Ryker.

403
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:05,480
So he listens to a doctor and hands over.

404
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,480
That's it. So yeah, then we're into the courses.

405
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:13,480
I've got Ro stop being miserable and chill out because she's just there basically saying I want to just get on and do something.

406
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:18,480
To be honest, you I know you had a shitty childhood, but you're not going to be making anything of this.

407
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:19,480
So just get on with it.

408
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:25,480
But what I find really weird is why Guinan is staying with her and poking the bear.

409
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:30,480
They've been told you're sent your quarters, stay in your quarters.

410
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:32,480
Why is Guinan in Ro's quarters?

411
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:34,480
Keiko has gone back to hers.

412
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,480
Picard has gone back to his at some point.

413
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:37,480
Picard.

414
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:39,480
Picard.

415
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,480
Picard is pecan candy.

416
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:46,480
And yeah, Guinan just seems to be poking the fucking bear all the time.

417
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:48,480
To be fair, I agree.

418
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:54,480
If I got turned back to their age, so if I got turned back to 12, I would definitely live up being like a 12 year old again.

419
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:55,480
I was told it's a day.

420
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:56,480
What are you going to do?

421
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:57,480
I'm going to be 12 again.

422
00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:59,480
I love the idea.

423
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:01,480
I wouldn't want to do it permanently.

424
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:08,480
But anyway, and then yeah, then we come over to Keiko and O'Brien.

425
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:13,480
And this is a weird scene because she's not accepting that she looks like a child.

426
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:15,480
It feels so uncomfortable, doesn't it?

427
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,480
He plays it uncomfortable.

428
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:18,480
He's treating her.

429
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:26,480
The thing is, she looks like a child, acts like an adult, and he is treating her like a child.

430
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,480
Trying not to.

431
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:31,480
But he is treating her like a child.

432
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:35,480
It's just really, really horrible, isn't it?

433
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:39,480
It just everything about it felt really gross and uncomfortable.

434
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,480
And there's that line where she's Miles O'Brien, I am still your wife.

435
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:47,480
And I've just added, yeah, but you're going to go to jail if you do anything about it because you're bloody 12.

436
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:48,480
Exactly.

437
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,480
And then the poor little daughter starts screaming for the mummy.

438
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,480
She goes in, it's like, you're not my mummy.

439
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:54,480
And then she storms off.

440
00:39:54,480 --> 00:40:04,480
That upset me, to be honest, and not in a way that I thought it was a bad episode, but because I think any dad's out there and mums and any parent has been through this.

441
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:09,480
And it feels like a knife through your heart when you're a toddler.

442
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:11,480
I don't want you.

443
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,480
I want insert other parents.

444
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,480
You don't storm off in a huff like she did.

445
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,480
Don't I?

446
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:19,480
No, I don't.

447
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:21,480
Because my tea says it's to me.

448
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:22,480
No, of course.

449
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:23,480
He says it to Miranda.

450
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:24,480
We don't storm off.

451
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:26,480
We just go, oh, that's not very nice.

452
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:27,480
But I'm here.

453
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:32,480
So you give a bit of hard love because the reason I'm here is because the other one's not available.

454
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:33,480
We need to get on with this.

455
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:39,480
And it's very different in the episode because obviously Molly is unable to understand her mother is now 12 years old.

456
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,480
Her mother is now nearer her age than her father's age.

457
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:44,480
I kind of understand that.

458
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,480
But I did feel for her in that moment.

459
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,480
Storming off, absolutely wrong thing to do.

460
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,480
But then again, your emotions are going to be high.

461
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,480
So I kind of let her off for that one.

462
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:58,480
But then you've got Miles hugging her and I've got yet again, it's going to be all right.

463
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:01,480
We're going to Deep Space Nine soon.

464
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:02,480
Yeah.

465
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:04,480
Which she hates.

466
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:05,480
Yeah.

467
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:06,480
Oh, does she?

468
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:07,480
She hates going there.

469
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:08,480
It's brilliant.

470
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:09,480
They end up nearly divorcing.

471
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:16,480
Then eventually they let her open up a school because a botanist can open up a school and teach children.

472
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:20,480
That's apparently a thing in the Federation is possible.

473
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:23,480
Well, you know, whatevs.

474
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:30,480
Is it now we go back to the now we go to Roika and the doctor and she's explaining.

475
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,480
So that's the next bit after that.

476
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,480
After the quarters, it's Picard's room.

477
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:37,480
Oh, yeah.

478
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:40,480
And meddling Deanna turns up yet again.

479
00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:42,480
She looks quite good in this episode.

480
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:43,480
She does look quite good.

481
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:44,480
Her hair is quite cool.

482
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:45,480
I really like her hair.

483
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:47,480
She always has that shit eating grin though.

484
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:51,480
Whenever she walks in and it's like it's going to be eating great.

485
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:57,480
She's always so I've come to tell you some really shit news and I love it.

486
00:41:57,480 --> 00:42:00,480
And I've got the gossip.

487
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:01,480
Yes, a captain.

488
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:05,480
I've done the crew reports and you won't believe who's knobbing who today.

489
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:09,480
Oh, my God, you will not believe what blah blah told me today.

490
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:13,480
What was caught doing in the hollow suite with your image.

491
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:19,480
Oh, so he's going on about how he's not going to be taken seriously.

492
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:21,480
No, they're not going to be.

493
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,480
And yes, it's such a stupid line.

494
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,480
I'm never going to be a captain of a ship at 12 years old.

495
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:27,480
Am I?

496
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:28,480
No shit, Sherlock.

497
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,480
It's even the Federation.

498
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:33,480
Isn't that namby pamby suddenly turn around and say,

499
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,480
we know you've got the memories of grown adult in the body of a 12 year old.

500
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:39,480
So we'll let you captain a ship.

501
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:40,480
No, they're not.

502
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,480
Never.

503
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:46,480
No, the pottery comes back up again because she tells him he can go off and do some pottery.

504
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:47,480
Yeah, why don't you go off?

505
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:52,480
But even then I doubt Dr. Langston would want to take a 12 year old anywhere.

506
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,480
Yeah, is Dr. Langston a girl?

507
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:55,480
I don't know.

508
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:57,480
Dr. Langston is just the doctor.

509
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:03,480
He says that I could go take up on the offer of going and doing the excavation.

510
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:08,480
Because I instantly thought, I just wonder if that's just like an old woman who just fancies him.

511
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,480
Another conquest of Picard.

512
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:17,480
Yeah, and it was just her hoping to get her end away with him off in some archaeological dig somewhere.

513
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:22,480
Now, this scene had the best burn ever.

514
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:23,480
Did it?

515
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:28,480
Him saying, oh, yes, go back to the Academy and be Wesley Crusher's roommate.

516
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:31,480
Oh, brilliant.

517
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:32,480
Burn.

518
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:34,480
No one wants to like you.

519
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:35,480
No, no, no, no, no.

520
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:37,480
So where's he already left the series?

521
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:40,480
Because he's not in this episode at all.

522
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:41,480
No, no, no.

523
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:44,480
He's at the Academy at this point.

524
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:45,480
He's left.

525
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:50,480
Him and his mates at the Academy have killed someone by doing a stupid manoeuvre.

526
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:52,480
So he's having to redo a year.

527
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:58,480
He does come back to the Enterprise for a little bit and then he becomes a traveller.

528
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,480
Which is a really weird episode.

529
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:03,480
What punishment? We've killed someone. I have to redo a year at school.

530
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:08,480
And only because the Enterprise has basically turned up and we'll vouch for him.

531
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:09,480
He's not normally a knob.

532
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,480
He's not normally a murderer.

533
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:17,480
But that's the episode that's got Robert, whatever his name is, who plays Paris.

534
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,480
But playing a completely different character.

535
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:20,480
They did that a lot.

536
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:27,480
There's so many kind of things online basically saying actually his character,

537
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:32,480
the reason he's in jail is because of all that thing that in the Academy and things that happened.

538
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:38,480
And the reason he's now called Tom Paris is because they gave him a new identity because of what he'd done in the past.

539
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:40,480
And that's so much crap.

540
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:43,480
Well, two Vox actor is in...

541
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:51,480
He's in the episode where they're in space dock and they're irradiating the Enterprise to clean it.

542
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:56,480
And actually there's a group of crooks on there stealing dilatium crystals.

543
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,480
He is a baddie.

544
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:00,480
Yeah, so now we go back to the bridge.

545
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:04,480
Yeah, so we finished off in there and then we're bridging the sick bay.

546
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:05,480
Or the bridge wherever they are.

547
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:06,480
Sick bay, sorry.

548
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:10,480
And I've wrote how Riker has no concept of what she's saying.

549
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:11,480
Yeah.

550
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:13,480
And he even says at least he actually...

551
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:17,480
I've got Riker admitting he doesn't know everything, which is as it should be.

552
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:22,480
Yeah, which this goes to what you said I think on the Voyager stuff about the Captain and everything.

553
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:26,480
Riker is openly admitting that he hasn't got the foggiest clue what she's saying.

554
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:29,480
Exactly, he's like, I'm a bit rusty on this, can you take me through it?

555
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,480
That's exactly what you should say.

556
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:36,480
Not have every other bloody character go, oh yeah, I know this perfectly, brilliant, well done for working that out, Doctor.

557
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:39,480
I could have done it, but I'm glad you did it for me.

558
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:44,480
And at last, the next scene, La Forge, where the bloody hell have you been?

559
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:45,480
He arrives.

560
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:50,480
Just to say on the sick bay, I've got thank God they didn't have an orchid with them, they might have too fixed.

561
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,480
But then I realised that they had got plants.

562
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:56,480
Then she said, oh, we can't speed up growing people like we've sped up growing the plants.

563
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:58,480
And I thought, well, why?

564
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,480
Why can't you accelerate the growth of plants, but not humans?

565
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:04,480
It would go with whatever it is.

566
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:08,480
And actually it would improve the story because we've talked about it before.

567
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:11,480
Why is the transporter fixing this problem?

568
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:17,480
But why can't it then go and fix people that have got body parts missing because of wars and everything else that's going on?

569
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:23,480
If you're going to be putting in key parts of people's DNA in the transporter, you can do the rest of it.

570
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,480
And they go on about the transporter buffer at some point later as well.

571
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:29,480
Exactly. Here we go, transporter is back to the rescue.

572
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:31,480
We all want to see toddler Picard though, don't we?

573
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:37,480
So it would have been quite nice for it to have gone wrong and actually Picard turn up for the first time as a toddler.

574
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:39,480
Yeah. That would have been very funny.

575
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:41,480
So right. Yeah. Now, cargo bay is the next bit.

576
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:45,480
And they're carrying around very light lumps of wreckage.

577
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:52,480
Yeah, I thought, yeah, they're not putting much effort in to pretending that they're heavy, are they?

578
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:58,480
No, it's kind of shifted about and you could imagine that one of them will carry it on their own.

579
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:00,480
So it's like, hmm. But yeah, you're right.

580
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:06,480
Thank God, Geordie's there because everyone else is walking around going, oh, look, my tricorder is doing something.

581
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:10,480
And Geordie just turns up with his visor and diagnoses everything immediately.

582
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:14,480
Yeah. He's doing a metallurgical analysis.

583
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:15,480
With his eyes.

584
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:19,480
Is what he was doing. That was exactly what he said he was doing.

585
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:23,480
Which apparently is a real word because my phone auto corrected it.

586
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:29,480
It is a real word and it is the investigation into metals and what's happened to metals.

587
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:34,480
And then what I really like is the engineer at the end that they hand stuff over to.

588
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:39,480
I've got that engineer's uniform he's wearing is straight out of the original series Star Trek.

589
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:45,480
It so doesn't fit in with the end what you expect uniform wise of the next generation.

590
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:51,480
It looks so, so out of place. It looks well, completely out of generation.

591
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:57,480
It looks like it's a good couple of generations of Star Trek prior to next generation.

592
00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:00,480
Yeah, definitely. Sorry. He's coughing his guts up.

593
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:06,480
It's OK, bud. He's going to cry in a minute, I think. Hang on.

594
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:23,480
You can do it. So Rob. You can do it. OK, let's pretend.

595
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,480
Oh, where were we? Oh, yeah.

596
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:30,480
Rob, are we pretending that this is the same recording session, are we?

597
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:37,480
Because you did the same to me, you arsehole.

598
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:39,480
People can't see you flipping the bird.

599
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:42,480
No, so very... It is the next day.

600
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:56,480
As always, family comes first. That's all you need to know and we're just going to plod on.

601
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:03,480
We have just finished in the cargo bay and they're carrying very, very light bits of wreckage.

602
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:09,480
And we have a bloke wearing a uniform from a couple of hundred years prior

603
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:12,480
because they couldn't afford to give him a nice new one from the look of it.

604
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:15,480
Yeah, they were just going on about the metallurgical analysis, weren't they?

605
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:18,480
That is indeed right. And then, yeah, then Geordie goes,

606
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:23,480
look, my magic goggles can do this. And look at this piece of metal, squeezes it

607
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:26,480
and it's like screwing up a piece of paper.

608
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:28,480
Yeah.

609
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:32,480
So I don't get why we bother with having tricorders still. I really don't.

610
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:37,480
If his visor is that good, there's just no need for a...

611
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:41,480
Tricorders, is there? Just equip everyone with a visor that they can take with them.

612
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:46,480
Was it you that posted the one of him dropping his visor and Wesley picking it up?

613
00:49:46,480 --> 00:49:49,480
A great comic TJ posted on Discord.

614
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:53,480
It's so disturbing. It's a wonderful, wonderful thing.

615
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:56,480
Head over to Discord and look at our Trek stuff and you'll see it.

616
00:49:56,480 --> 00:50:01,480
And it's very not safe for work and very funny.

617
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:03,480
Right, so...

618
00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:07,480
As is all the stuff that we put on the Discord is topped here.

619
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:12,480
So we finished in engineering.

620
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:16,480
No, sorry, cargo bay even, we finished. And we head over to the Quarters

621
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:21,480
where Guinan is as normal, still pissing around with Ensign Ro

622
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:26,480
trying to make her do things that she genuinely doesn't want to do.

623
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:27,480
Yeah.

624
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:31,480
I just don't like it. I don't get why she's so hell bent

625
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:35,480
on making Ro enjoy being a child.

626
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:39,480
But remember, they're only physically a child. None of them are mentally a child.

627
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:40,480
Exactly.

628
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,480
This is the inconsistencies of this episode.

629
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:45,480
They are mentally an adult.

630
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:48,480
Yeah, it was just annoying me.

631
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:51,480
Like, the awkwardness is for everyone else, not them.

632
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:56,480
Everyone else is going to be like, oh my god, I'm looking at a child, but it's still the adult.

633
00:50:56,480 --> 00:51:00,480
Whereas them, everything's just higher up than them now.

634
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:01,480
Isn't it?

635
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:06,480
They'd be perfect for the screen for the Doctor on Voyager.

636
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,480
They wouldn't be looking.

637
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:18,480
Exactly. It wouldn't be Dirty Kim's groin in 16 by 9, 4K, whatever it is.

638
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:24,480
I wonder what K they're up to by that point. Like 32K screens.

639
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:28,480
We can see the hair growth and the pores on your skin.

640
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:31,480
Lucky us. But anyway, so yeah, they're back in the closet.

641
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:36,480
You've got Guinan still harping on at Ro saying, oh, I bet you were a fun child.

642
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:40,480
Ro reiterating, I was in a refugee camp.

643
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:43,480
We didn't actually have a bed most of the time.

644
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:48,480
But then they just completely turn it around and just Guinan's constant joking of,

645
00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:53,480
I bet you were a bed jumper. Obviously just, oh, well, yeah, obviously I was.

646
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:55,480
So she starts doing it and thinks it's fun.

647
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:58,480
But why do this complete flip?

648
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:00,480
There's no benefit to it.

649
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:06,480
It's just, yeah, that's just, it's just another reason why I didn't really like the episode.

650
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:12,480
Just so much of it just didn't really match with anything and was just stupid or annoying.

651
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:13,480
No.

652
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:14,480
Just so much of it.

653
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:15,480
I agree.

654
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:17,480
Yeah.

655
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:21,480
Then we end up on, where am I? My notes. We've just done the courses.

656
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:22,480
Is this when Warf calls?

657
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:27,480
We are finally, no, no, no, we're at engineering and they explain what happened.

658
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:32,480
It was trekking the trek or teching the trek or trekking the tech.

659
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:37,480
A molecular reversion field is to blame. Of course.

660
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:41,480
Of course. And what's that caused by? Who knows?

661
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:43,480
Solar flares like the excuse I used.

662
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:48,480
They explain so much in some systems of the enterprise and then other parts,

663
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:53,480
they just completely just leave it out. You should know what this is.

664
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:56,480
Well, case in point, the Vryka thing where we get to later,

665
00:52:56,480 --> 00:53:01,480
where he goes into in-depth details to the Ferengi about how things work,

666
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:06,480
which is not any relevance really to the plot, whereas a very important part of the plot,

667
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:07,480
they just skim over.

668
00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:09,480
Exactly. Molecular reversion field.

669
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:11,480
Could have had a couple of minutes dedicated to it.

670
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:14,480
You get a few seconds of it. That is it.

671
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:15,480
Whereas he's...

672
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:16,480
A blue electric light.

673
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:19,480
Yeah. It was blue, it was shiny, it was wibbly wobbly,

674
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:23,480
but it didn't involve timey wimey. Yeah, and you're right.

675
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:28,480
Then he's on the bridge with Vryka and Vryka's going through how to do the warp engine

676
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:35,480
and making up all the... A, that must have been horrible to learn as lines.

677
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:39,480
But B, why going into so much detail on that?

678
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:43,480
All you needed was like 10 seconds of it and show his hand going off

679
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:46,480
and doing a little crafty bit while the Ferengi's not looking.

680
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:51,480
You didn't need it to go on for so long, but we're kind of skipping ahead there, aren't we?

681
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:53,480
Yeah, we're skipping half nearly the whole show.

682
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:56,480
So molecular reversion field, does it really explain it all?

683
00:53:56,480 --> 00:54:00,480
So the transporter just went for kiddie beam up instead.

684
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:03,480
For all four of them.

685
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:06,480
Which is what we said earlier, isn't it, in the episode?

686
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:11,480
We said it doesn't really make sense, especially as two of them are completely different race to the others,

687
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:14,480
but note they all end up exactly the same size and age.

688
00:54:14,480 --> 00:54:16,480
Doesn't make sense.

689
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:18,480
And then, yeah, we're on the bridge.

690
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:20,480
And your favourite.

691
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:22,480
Sorry, everyone. I've got a pussy on the microphone again.

692
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:25,480
Oh, I can hear the purring.

693
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:26,480
Can you hear the purring?

694
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:27,480
I can hear the purring.

695
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:30,480
I love you, darling, but go on.

696
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:34,480
Right, so yeah, we're on the bridge and it's your favourite, favourite character now.

697
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:38,480
Yes, it's Worf again. Brilliant. He's launched more torpedoes at the planet.

698
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:45,480
No, something's actually happening that is important to him in that he is tactical.

699
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:47,480
He is tactical and head of security.

700
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:49,480
So he's doing two jobs.

701
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:53,480
It's the same job, I think. If you think Voight is head of security and tactical.

702
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:57,480
Well, spoilers, he fails at both.

703
00:54:57,480 --> 00:54:58,480
All the time.

704
00:54:58,480 --> 00:54:59,480
In this episode.

705
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:03,480
Not just this episode, all the time he fails at this.

706
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:09,480
I think this episode he is the worst tactical officer possible and the worst head of security.

707
00:55:09,480 --> 00:55:12,480
No, 100% he is.

708
00:55:12,480 --> 00:55:20,480
Absolutely 100%. So they fly in and straight away, Captain, we seem to be being blocked by something and it's nothing natural.

709
00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:22,480
Then get out of there, Worf.

710
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:25,480
Don't just sit around and think this is brilliant.

711
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:29,480
I'm just going to wait for something to happen.

712
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:34,480
It's a really underwhelming battle that they have there as well.

713
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:39,480
So two ships come out of clope and they look like Klingon and Walbert.

714
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:45,480
They are braille class. So all I just sat there chuckling to myself, they're covered in little dots, are they, that you've got to feel with your finger?

715
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:49,480
Oh my God, we couldn't see it coming. It was braille.

716
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:54,480
It's an interesting choice of ship class name when they're cloaked, isn't it?

717
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:57,480
You can't see them and then they're braille.

718
00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,480
There's a bit on the nose.

719
00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:03,480
I've always loved the Klingon designer ship. Those warbirds, the birds of prey.

720
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:10,480
Sorry, not the word, yeah, birds of prey and they're just full stop actually all the Klingon ships because there's so many of them.

721
00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:12,480
They are really cool.

722
00:56:12,480 --> 00:56:17,480
They look super cool and you can believe they're a race that enjoy combat.

723
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:25,480
Yeah, exactly. They look like warships and that's exactly what you expect of the Klingons.

724
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:40,480
Now I've got here really, really simply actually and he says that as I seem to lose my pace and the pace of paper and yet again, the enterprise gets beaten up really quite easily sometimes, doesn't it?

725
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:44,480
It does. But as I was saying, they make no effort really.

726
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:53,480
They don't make any effort. They get shot to crap and they shoot phasers back once and it's a really crap graphic as well.

727
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:58,480
The graphics of it shooting are rubbish. Doesn't even look like it impacts the other ship.

728
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:03,480
It's just a line appears. You see the ship in space, the Klingon ship. A line appears.

729
00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:07,480
No explosions that I can remember. No noise really. I know there's no noise in space.

730
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:11,480
It's a really lackluster battle. Really lackluster.

731
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:20,480
Now when you consider what we see of the Enterprise D in Picard series three, when it goes to town on the Borg cube, I mean that is beautiful.

732
00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:25,480
I mean there's photons or pedos, there's phasers firing off at every bloody angle, not just one at a time.

733
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:28,480
It's just nonstop chaos. It's wonderful.

734
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:36,480
And then I tell you how I think about it. It is the first three Star Wars films watching them with the...

735
00:57:36,480 --> 00:57:40,480
Sorry, this is going crazy.

736
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:45,480
What am I going to do with you, Robert? See, I've full named you. I've full named you, mate.

737
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:50,480
I've got full named, yeah. I'm in trouble.

738
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:56,480
It just feels like the Enterprise gets really easily beaten up in this. It doesn't seem to fight back.

739
00:57:56,480 --> 00:58:02,480
Sorry, that was it. It's like the original three Star Wars. You watch lightsaber battles in those and it's like...

740
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:11,480
Swipe really slowly. Then you watch the modern Star Wars films and it's just like...

741
00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:20,480
Okay, he's bounced around the room 300 times, done 17 somersaults and he's flicking the lightsaber left, right and centre and flung it across the room.

742
00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:24,480
It's night and day difference, isn't it? And that's kind of what you get with Star Trek.

743
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:32,480
The films, the Enterprise does really well, but in the episodes it's just so boring in its fights.

744
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:37,480
Yeah, it feels like they're just stationary during the battle. Ryker doesn't tell anyone to fight back.

745
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:41,480
Their shields go down to like in the 30% within seconds.

746
00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:48,480
We've got two Klingon, Birds of Prey or whatever they turned to be, Braille class fighters, decloaking.

747
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:57,480
They open fire. Why even bother saying shields to maximum? Just turn the fucking shields on.

748
00:58:57,480 --> 00:59:05,480
Yeah, it shouldn't be... That's another thing that kind of annoys me. All the Star Trek series do it.

749
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:11,480
They wait very specifically for the captain to do stuff. I've said it before, I always think of it like the Navy.

750
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:15,480
So maybe that's what it is like. The crew members can't just go ahead and do something.

751
00:59:15,480 --> 00:59:20,480
But I think there's a logic there where there needs to be a little bit of automation from the crew.

752
00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:25,480
Okay, don't fire your weapons, but we're getting shot, shields up, you don't need the captain to tell you that.

753
00:59:25,480 --> 00:59:31,480
Obviously, ladies and gents, you haven't seen us, but me and Rob, when we're playing Bridge Commander or Bridge Crew,

754
00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:35,480
whichever the name is, we can never remember which it is, we fly into battle.

755
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:42,480
I'm there on tactical and on shields. And before Rob's even heard something, the shields are up.

756
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:47,480
As soon as we see the bad guys, it's like, it's the sensible thing.

757
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:51,480
Yeah, because you do it and then you go, I've got the shields up and I go, brilliant.

758
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:59,480
Exactly. It's what you would expect to happen in a battle. You wouldn't sail your naval ship into battle and go,

759
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:05,480
well, captain, shall we open fire yet? No, let them hit us a couple of times first.

760
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:10,480
Yeah, we were very much like, you know, you're on tactical, you're putting the shields up,

761
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:15,480
you're, you know, you are picking what you thought tactically was the best person to be attacking.

762
01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:17,480
Which is what you would expect of a tactical officer.

763
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:21,480
And then, yeah, firing the weapons that you thought were the best things to fire.

764
01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:24,480
And then me as the captain, I was managing everyone else.

765
01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:29,480
You know, or saying, let's actually attack this person because I can see the map differently while you're focusing on that.

766
01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:33,480
I can actually overview on a map here. This person actually we might want to engage with now.

767
01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:38,480
100%. And there's that whole point as well that obviously, as your tactical officer,

768
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:43,480
if you're as the captain suddenly turn around and say, cease fire, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

769
01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:52,480
So there is automation there. But at the same time, there's also leadership and the understanding that if I get told to stop, then I'll stop.

770
01:00:52,480 --> 01:01:02,480
And of course, in real life, there's the expectancy that if I go ahead and do something, I fully expect to be punished if I was wrong in doing it.

771
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:05,480
So it's like, oh my God, Captain, there's a ship coming towards us.

772
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:12,480
Blow it away with a couple of torpedoes. And then I get questioned by the captain, why did you just blow away the magic school bus?

773
01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:15,480
It was quite obviously a school bus. There were children on board.

774
01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:20,480
It was coming right for us, Captain. It doesn't matter. It was a yellow school bus.

775
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:25,480
Don't overtake it. You're not allowed to overtake the school bus. It's parked. Can't overtake it.

776
01:01:25,480 --> 01:01:35,480
So yeah, I just thought the battle was really, really lame. And it was far too easy for them to kind of then board the ship.

777
01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:40,480
And they're on the ship. And as the same on the ship, they instantly beat the crap out of everybody.

778
01:01:40,480 --> 01:01:48,480
And Worf puts it the most pathetic fight ever. He just gets shot and just dives off to the side.

779
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:53,480
Why did the French not just immediately go in with phasers set on full power as well?

780
01:01:53,480 --> 01:02:01,480
Why are they going in stunning people? They're coming in with the aim to steal the enterprise, which they know is totally illegal.

781
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:06,480
So why are they going to come in and go, oh, well, they're fighting us. So we'll stun them.

782
01:02:06,480 --> 01:02:11,480
No, because they're just going to fight back again. Someone fights you, you blow them away.

783
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:17,480
And then it's like everyone else goes, OK, we're going to listen. We're going to put our hands up.

784
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:21,480
I think the only problem with that is they don't know who the captain is.

785
01:02:21,480 --> 01:02:27,480
So they go in and just start blowing the crap and putting burn holes inside people's chests.

786
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:30,480
They've just killed the captain and there's nothing they can do.

787
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:42,480
What I did like, which I did think was very funny, was they'd got the vast majority of Ferengi actors or actors that were playing Ferengi, sorry, were all smaller than Picard's 12 year old body.

788
01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:44,480
They were all really small.

789
01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:45,480
I noticed they picked short people.

790
01:02:45,480 --> 01:02:47,480
No, I think that might be a thing that they've done.

791
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:52,480
But I think the Ferengi have always been small and I think that's kind of they kind of try and play up to what do they call it?

792
01:02:52,480 --> 01:03:05,480
Kind of that Jack Russell syndrome thing, small person syndrome, as in they make up for it with the fact that they're quite nasty and self-absorbed and they don't really notice it.

793
01:03:05,480 --> 01:03:11,480
So, yeah, it's I thought that was really weird, but I still think the Ferengi are a great race.

794
01:03:11,480 --> 01:03:20,480
They're really well designed, the giant ears, the make up for them, the earrings, the nasal rings and the uniform.

795
01:03:20,480 --> 01:03:25,480
They just it was a good race design.

796
01:03:25,480 --> 01:03:28,480
Yeah, and they're really easy to not like.

797
01:03:28,480 --> 01:03:29,480
There's nothing.

798
01:03:29,480 --> 01:03:31,480
They make it bad.

799
01:03:31,480 --> 01:03:41,480
You haven't watched Deep Space Nine, but we do start to like the Ferengi by Deep Space Nine. But when they are the bad guys, they are genuinely good bad guys.

800
01:03:41,480 --> 01:03:47,480
You do want to hate them because they're just nasty little bits of work.

801
01:03:47,480 --> 01:03:48,480
Well, they flesh them out.

802
01:03:48,480 --> 01:03:51,480
I have seen that some deep space on they do flesh them out a lot more.

803
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:52,480
They're proper.

804
01:03:52,480 --> 01:03:58,480
They give them, you know, they make you understand why they are the way they are because.

805
01:03:58,480 --> 01:04:02,480
Yeah, I mean, when we when we get on to Deep Space Nine, there's a whole thing like Quark.

806
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:08,480
Why the hell is Quark not actually in jail and in theory being shipped off the station?

807
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:17,480
Because the number of times he puts that fucking space station at risk from enemies and having people killed or kidnapped is ridiculous.

808
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:19,480
But he always ends up getting a slap on the wrist.

809
01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:24,480
It's such a terrible kind of storyline when he's involved, when it comes down to that.

810
01:04:24,480 --> 01:04:36,480
There's an entire story on it that he basically helps the space station get taken over and Dax basically have her internal slug removed to be given to someone else.

811
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:38,480
All because Quark arranged it.

812
01:04:38,480 --> 01:04:43,480
And the next episode, it's all forgotten about.

813
01:04:43,480 --> 01:04:46,480
Yeah, I do hate about that in Deep Space Nine.

814
01:04:46,480 --> 01:04:50,480
But yeah, so it's pretty quick to shut.

815
01:04:50,480 --> 01:04:52,480
Oh, yeah, I did like that.

816
01:04:52,480 --> 01:05:01,480
I did think it really made sense that Ryker could disable the core computer systems that quickly.

817
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:05,480
As previously, we'd had it where data's done it.

818
01:05:05,480 --> 01:05:09,480
And he's kind of had to well, I think.

819
01:05:09,480 --> 01:05:11,480
Oh, right. No, that's first contacts, isn't it?

820
01:05:11,480 --> 01:05:13,480
Oh, yeah, sorry. I'm thinking about first.

821
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:15,480
So we see it in this.

822
01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:21,480
He blocks the Ferengi from acting access by saying disabled command controls.

823
01:05:21,480 --> 01:05:33,480
Yeah, when it's in first contact, they get data to do it because data can completely encrypt the system instead, because he's got super fast fingers, which probably I'm not even going to go there actually.

824
01:05:33,480 --> 01:05:37,480
Just not going there. But yeah, okay. So it's two different things.

825
01:05:37,480 --> 01:05:39,480
But I did like that they could do it that quick.

826
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:41,480
And it does really make sense, doesn't it?

827
01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:50,480
If you've got a computer you can talk to that it's an AI and whatever else, it makes sense that actually to give it a command like that should be quick.

828
01:05:50,480 --> 01:05:56,480
Yeah, it's it's almost like they've learned from previous mistakes of being born.

829
01:05:56,480 --> 01:06:09,480
Imagine if on your computer, you deleted a file, and you were never prompted no matter how important that file was, let's say it's a core system file that makes your computer work.

830
01:06:09,480 --> 01:06:14,480
Imagine you were never prompted to say, are you sure you want to delete that?

831
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:26,480
Don't you think there would have been a prompt to isolate command controls because basically you're going to stop this ship from functioning and if we're flying towards the sun right now, you're going to end up very crispy.

832
01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:35,480
Well, there also must be more than just voice recognition, there must be more elements to it, there must be cameras on the computer looking at you because they definitely have the technology to.

833
01:06:35,480 --> 01:06:36,480
Oh, definitely.

834
01:06:36,480 --> 01:06:39,480
So you could easily just get something in your hands.

835
01:06:39,480 --> 01:06:46,480
In the early series episode, Wesley does that. He creates a machine when the

836
01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:53,480
Oh dear.

837
01:06:55,480 --> 01:07:00,480
Captain's log, Wednesday, my son took a shit in the bath today.

838
01:07:00,480 --> 01:07:03,480
The Enterprise's dolphins got it on them.

839
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:06,480
Very disappointing.

840
01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:10,480
Oh well, don't worry, we'll get Ensign Carr to clean it up.

841
01:07:10,480 --> 01:07:12,480
Ha ha ha ha ha.

842
01:07:12,480 --> 01:07:14,480
That's the bonus of being a captain.

843
01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:18,480
I can be a dick.

844
01:07:18,480 --> 01:07:20,480
You know what?

845
01:07:20,480 --> 01:07:28,480
Picard has obviously nailed Beverly and I do wonder if he nailed Beverly and Wesley is actually his son.

846
01:07:28,480 --> 01:07:38,480
Really, Jack Crusher has nothing to do with Wesley. That would explain a lot about why they get together and why they're so friendly and Picard feels like he has to be so close to Wesley.

847
01:07:38,480 --> 01:07:43,480
But then the question also comes, has he banged Guy in the as well?

848
01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:46,480
Because those two are damn close.

849
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:50,480
I can't help but think he probably has.

850
01:07:50,480 --> 01:07:58,480
And then it comes to the question that Lieutenant Yar asked Data, are you fully functional?

851
01:07:58,480 --> 01:08:00,480
And found out he was.

852
01:08:00,480 --> 01:08:09,480
Do you think Picard wanted to know if Data was fully functional and thought that was a safe way to get pegged?

853
01:08:09,480 --> 01:08:12,480
Makes you think, doesn't it?

854
01:08:16,480 --> 01:08:18,480
Bloody box of tripto.

855
01:08:18,480 --> 01:08:20,480
I did see.

856
01:08:20,480 --> 01:08:24,480
There are definitely not audio clips for you to listen to when you're editing this.

857
01:08:24,480 --> 01:08:26,480
There's definitely not.

858
01:08:28,480 --> 01:08:31,480
So I think it really does make sense to have that the whole computer really quick.

859
01:08:31,480 --> 01:08:32,480
And you're right.

860
01:08:32,480 --> 01:08:36,480
There's probably cameras everywhere that's kind of scanning the situation.

861
01:08:36,480 --> 01:08:42,480
What I did like as well is like you've got the Ferengi's on the bridge and they say we're going to execute your crew and it looks backwards.

862
01:08:42,480 --> 01:08:45,480
And you've got Riker and then I've got.

863
01:08:45,480 --> 01:08:53,480
Oh, no, you're going to execute Ensign What's her name and Ensign with dodgy hair because there's like basically the bridge crew at this point are nobodies.

864
01:08:53,480 --> 01:08:55,480
We've never seen them before.

865
01:08:55,480 --> 01:08:56,480
Yeah.

866
01:08:56,480 --> 01:08:58,480
Yeah, well, exactly.

867
01:08:58,480 --> 01:09:00,480
This is the night shift.

868
01:09:00,480 --> 01:09:02,480
Then we end up in the school room.

869
01:09:02,480 --> 01:09:07,480
And what I think there's just so many things I pick holes within this episode.

870
01:09:07,480 --> 01:09:08,480
Wolf's son.

871
01:09:08,480 --> 01:09:09,480
Yeah.

872
01:09:09,480 --> 01:09:10,480
No one likes Alexander.

873
01:09:10,480 --> 01:09:13,480
Even Picard's like go away.

874
01:09:13,480 --> 01:09:15,480
As a child, he's like go away.

875
01:09:15,480 --> 01:09:22,480
Why are the Ferengi not questioning this 12 year old kid in full Starfleet uniform?

876
01:09:22,480 --> 01:09:27,480
If they don't know our race very well, which they don't, for all they know, that could still be a fully grown adult.

877
01:09:27,480 --> 01:09:30,480
And he's wearing the same uniform as everyone else.

878
01:09:30,480 --> 01:09:32,480
So why is he taller than them?

879
01:09:32,480 --> 01:09:36,480
Why is he being able to go to the school room?

880
01:09:36,480 --> 01:09:37,480
It doesn't make sense.

881
01:09:37,480 --> 01:09:39,480
Yeah.

882
01:09:39,480 --> 01:09:41,480
Oh, and that was it as well.

883
01:09:41,480 --> 01:09:45,480
You've got Keiko and she goes over to Picard and say, did you hear about the children on the other floor?

884
01:09:45,480 --> 01:09:47,480
That's where my Molly is.

885
01:09:47,480 --> 01:09:49,480
And you've just got to go.

886
01:09:49,480 --> 01:09:51,480
Oh, I wouldn't worry, Keiko.

887
01:09:51,480 --> 01:09:52,480
OK.

888
01:09:52,480 --> 01:09:54,480
Where does that come from?

889
01:09:54,480 --> 01:10:02,480
She's the mother of a toddler on a ship that's being taken over by Ferengi, who are known to be bloodlust and horrible.

890
01:10:02,480 --> 01:10:03,480
So I've just got you.

891
01:10:03,480 --> 01:10:04,480
I wouldn't worry, Keiko.

892
01:10:04,480 --> 01:10:07,480
She's only your daughter and the Ferengi are only known to be brutal and horrible.

893
01:10:07,480 --> 01:10:09,480
I'm sure she's fine.

894
01:10:09,480 --> 01:10:10,480
Just get on with it.

895
01:10:10,480 --> 01:10:11,480
Yeah.

896
01:10:11,480 --> 01:10:15,480
I mean, it does track with his rubbish with children.

897
01:10:15,480 --> 01:10:17,480
Yeah, that's very true.

898
01:10:17,480 --> 01:10:24,480
So, yeah, you get kind of the kids talking and Alexandra being a knob with a remote control car thing.

899
01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:31,480
And then we're back to that whole bridging captain's room with them working out slave labour they needed, which I just thought was a.

900
01:10:31,480 --> 01:10:33,480
Yeah.

901
01:10:33,480 --> 01:10:35,480
Again, it was just a story point that wasn't needed.

902
01:10:35,480 --> 01:10:37,480
Why do we need to?

903
01:10:37,480 --> 01:10:38,480
Who cares about the planet and the mining?

904
01:10:38,480 --> 01:10:40,480
You could have just had them.

905
01:10:40,480 --> 01:10:42,480
We wanted to take a Federation starship.

906
01:10:42,480 --> 01:10:44,480
So that's what we've done.

907
01:10:44,480 --> 01:10:45,480
That's all it needed.

908
01:10:45,480 --> 01:10:46,480
That's all it needed.

909
01:10:46,480 --> 01:10:50,480
And I've wrote over here, Riker is very upset and he's really angry.

910
01:10:50,480 --> 01:10:54,480
And I like the fact we finally have an answer to that question from a few episodes ago.

911
01:10:54,480 --> 01:10:58,480
One thousand and fourteen people are on the ship.

912
01:10:58,480 --> 01:11:01,480
Which I thought was really interesting because that is more than I thought there were.

913
01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:02,480
But I did.

914
01:11:02,480 --> 01:11:09,480
I think someone I think maybe Mark had put up on our discord that it was about a thousand people on board.

915
01:11:09,480 --> 01:11:15,480
So did you know the enterprise has dolphins?

916
01:11:15,480 --> 01:11:17,480
Yeah, I've gone what episode it was now.

917
01:11:17,480 --> 01:11:19,480
We had it on in the background.

918
01:11:19,480 --> 01:11:23,480
And I think Deanna says, oh, well, why don't you go off and have a look at the dolphins?

919
01:11:23,480 --> 01:11:27,480
So they have dolphins on the enterprise.

920
01:11:27,480 --> 01:11:29,480
That doesn't sound practical.

921
01:11:29,480 --> 01:11:30,480
I mean, they've got a holodeck.

922
01:11:30,480 --> 01:11:32,480
Just going holodeck.

923
01:11:32,480 --> 01:11:34,480
I hadn't even thought about that.

924
01:11:34,480 --> 01:11:41,480
Let's take these useful marine creatures out of the ocean that should probably be clean by now because the Federation is saving the earth.

925
01:11:41,480 --> 01:11:45,480
And we'll just bring them to space for exploration and possible death by Klingons.

926
01:11:45,480 --> 01:11:46,480
Brilliant.

927
01:11:46,480 --> 01:11:47,480
Yeah, what are they going to do?

928
01:11:47,480 --> 01:11:48,480
Implant them somewhere?

929
01:11:48,480 --> 01:11:51,480
Oh, it doesn't seem to be logic.

930
01:11:51,480 --> 01:11:54,480
Is it dirty Geordie time with the dolphins and dirty Kim?

931
01:11:54,480 --> 01:11:57,480
They all have.

932
01:11:57,480 --> 01:12:00,480
I don't know.

933
01:12:00,480 --> 01:12:06,480
I wasn't going to use those words, but yes, they were.

934
01:12:06,480 --> 01:12:10,480
And they go back to I don't know if this bit was they go back to the crash again.

935
01:12:10,480 --> 01:12:11,480
I'm calling it the crash.

936
01:12:11,480 --> 01:12:14,480
And they've got their own version of Microsoft.

937
01:12:14,480 --> 01:12:17,480
It's a fish.

938
01:12:17,480 --> 01:12:18,480
It's a fish.

939
01:12:18,480 --> 01:12:23,480
What I love as well is you've got Picard straight away just being an idiot.

940
01:12:23,480 --> 01:12:25,480
Show me a map of the ship.

941
01:12:25,480 --> 01:12:26,480
I'm sorry. I can't do that.

942
01:12:26,480 --> 01:12:29,480
You might as well ask it to show you some porn hub.

943
01:12:29,480 --> 01:12:30,480
Oh, yeah.

944
01:12:30,480 --> 01:12:31,480
You're in a school room.

945
01:12:31,480 --> 01:12:35,480
I actually think I know we complain about the captains knowing everything.

946
01:12:35,480 --> 01:12:37,480
I think he should know his ship.

947
01:12:37,480 --> 01:12:41,480
I think he should know where Jeffrey's tubes are.

948
01:12:41,480 --> 01:12:42,480
Access hatches.

949
01:12:42,480 --> 01:12:44,480
I think that is actually something he should just know.

950
01:12:44,480 --> 01:12:48,480
But what I think is really stupid and this is really stupid.

951
01:12:48,480 --> 01:12:49,480
You ask for a map of the ship.

952
01:12:49,480 --> 01:12:52,480
Sorry, we can't have you don't have access to that.

953
01:12:52,480 --> 01:12:58,480
Guy and says, yes, it says you've got to think like a kid, John Luke.

954
01:12:58,480 --> 01:13:01,480
Can you show me a picture of the enterprise?

955
01:13:01,480 --> 01:13:05,480
And it shows them a perfect in ship schematic of the enterprise.

956
01:13:05,480 --> 01:13:08,480
That is not what would be in Carter.

957
01:13:08,480 --> 01:13:12,480
If you went on there and said, show me a boat, you would get a clip.

958
01:13:12,480 --> 01:13:14,480
You picture of a boat.

959
01:13:14,480 --> 01:13:20,480
You wouldn't get the perfect schematics of the deck layout of a boat of a naval destroyer.

960
01:13:20,480 --> 01:13:26,480
You would get a clip of a boat sail onto screens.

961
01:13:26,480 --> 01:13:30,480
Is it the HMS Belfast to just get all.

962
01:13:30,480 --> 01:13:35,480
Or you'd get some stupid cartoonized version of the ship and it would fly in it with eyes and a mouth.

963
01:13:35,480 --> 01:13:39,480
Hi, I'm the enterprise thing, Jurassic Park and the DNA strand.

964
01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:42,480
Would you like to look around my ship?

965
01:13:42,480 --> 01:13:44,480
Yeah, it's so stupid.

966
01:13:44,480 --> 01:13:48,480
There's immediately a perfect schematic of the ship for them instead.

967
01:13:48,480 --> 01:13:51,480
Yeah, I'm so horrible.

968
01:13:51,480 --> 01:13:52,480
I don't know.

969
01:13:52,480 --> 01:13:54,480
I'm really sorry, but I've got piss off.

970
01:13:54,480 --> 01:13:56,480
Alexander, I'm captain.

971
01:13:56,480 --> 01:13:59,480
Give me your toy and know you probably won't get it back.

972
01:13:59,480 --> 01:14:01,480
Yeah, I said that while I was watching it about.

973
01:14:01,480 --> 01:14:03,480
So I think I commented on that.

974
01:14:03,480 --> 01:14:04,480
That's a kid's toy.

975
01:14:04,480 --> 01:14:06,480
He's going to be genuinely gutted that he's not going to get that back.

976
01:14:06,480 --> 01:14:08,480
It didn't even look that good.

977
01:14:08,480 --> 01:14:12,480
I mean, that's something like that's something Tom Paris would have.

978
01:14:12,480 --> 01:14:17,480
You know, it's like out of the retro space sci fi films that Tom Paris watch on Voyager.

979
01:14:17,480 --> 01:14:23,480
It looks really retro and it's just.

980
01:14:23,480 --> 01:14:30,480
And I mean, all the while I was watching it with them, I was complaining about the acting of the kids and waiting for them to do something.

981
01:14:30,480 --> 01:14:32,480
And here is the first moment.

982
01:14:32,480 --> 01:14:33,480
One of them looks straight.

983
01:14:33,480 --> 01:14:35,480
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

984
01:14:35,480 --> 01:14:41,480
Guinan Guinan takes responsibility and it's not the last time she does it either.

985
01:14:41,480 --> 01:14:50,480
She look because they're all they're all if you look, they're all looking for the kind of a porthole to a Jeffrey's tube looking past the camera.

986
01:14:50,480 --> 01:14:58,480
And the whole time I'm watching it, just like with Picard as a child when he was trying not to look at the camera, I was going to get the camera.

987
01:14:58,480 --> 01:14:59,480
Don't look at the camera. Don't look.

988
01:14:59,480 --> 01:15:00,480
I'm doing it.

989
01:15:00,480 --> 01:15:02,480
They're like they're all thinking they had to look at the camera to look at.

990
01:15:02,480 --> 01:15:05,480
And as she gets in, she I think she might be the last one.

991
01:15:05,480 --> 01:15:08,480
She starts going and glances straight at the camera.

992
01:15:08,480 --> 01:15:12,480
Again, another bit of this episode that I absolutely hate.

993
01:15:12,480 --> 01:15:20,480
First of all, if I was an intruder taking over a ship and a little weird remote control car thing that isn't anywhere else on the ship drives towards me.

994
01:15:20,480 --> 01:15:28,480
The first thing I'm going to do is either foot stomp it or use my phaser and blow it up, not follow it away from where I'm meant to be positioned.

995
01:15:28,480 --> 01:15:33,480
I know they're meant to say that the Ferengi are meant to be very business smart, but they're a bit thick as well.

996
01:15:33,480 --> 01:15:35,480
It just didn't sit right with me.

997
01:15:35,480 --> 01:15:47,480
Secondly, they go in and Picard goes and programs the transporter, which we later find out is because they then transport people into the locked transporter area, don't they?

998
01:15:47,480 --> 01:15:53,480
Why is the transporter working if command codes have been locked out?

999
01:15:53,480 --> 01:15:55,480
Yeah, unless he did it from that terminal.

1000
01:15:55,480 --> 01:15:59,480
But he couldn't because he's not been to see Daddy Ryker yet.

1001
01:15:59,480 --> 01:16:01,480
So everything is locked out. So why?

1002
01:16:01,480 --> 01:16:09,480
So why does that work? And thirdly, how the fuck can a child access a weapons locker?

1003
01:16:09,480 --> 01:16:16,480
K-Co just comes out and says, I've got the phasers. You're 12 years old. Jesus, kid.

1004
01:16:16,480 --> 01:16:20,480
Well, remember, it's only physically 12 years old. She's not mentally 12 years old.

1005
01:16:20,480 --> 01:16:25,480
The computer is going to say, you're a child. You're not allowed these.

1006
01:16:25,480 --> 01:16:27,480
Have you considered a Nerf gun?

1007
01:16:27,480 --> 01:16:35,480
I commented that they've got some of the worst trigger discipline. All of them.

1008
01:16:35,480 --> 01:16:41,480
Their hands are all over the buttons on those phasers. No one's taking any care at all.

1009
01:16:41,480 --> 01:16:48,480
Then I'm super horrible again. Yep. Yes. Just use Alexandra's cannon fodder. Well done, everyone.

1010
01:16:48,480 --> 01:16:54,480
I'm pretty sure at some point he has a phaser or he's holding one or passes two phasers over.

1011
01:16:54,480 --> 01:17:01,480
No, it's the hypospray. His job is to go to the medical bay and steal the hypersprays, which he does.

1012
01:17:01,480 --> 01:17:07,480
And it's just awful. It's really, really bad. Home alone done badly.

1013
01:17:07,480 --> 01:17:11,480
He's an actual child, though. He's an actual child in this scenario.

1014
01:17:11,480 --> 01:17:17,480
And the adults who are looking like children, but are adults, are sending a child, who is a child,

1015
01:17:17,480 --> 01:17:21,480
who looks like a child, into a situation where he could get beaten up and killed.

1016
01:17:21,480 --> 01:17:26,480
Let's put it this way as well. While Rob went off to go and deal with what he had to do,

1017
01:17:26,480 --> 01:17:33,480
I left him some little voice notes. And there is definitely favoritism towards Wesley Crusher.

1018
01:17:33,480 --> 01:17:39,480
And I'm pretty sure I know why. Because if Wesley Crusher went and helped them save some lives,

1019
01:17:39,480 --> 01:17:42,480
he ended up being a crew member on the Enterprise.

1020
01:17:42,480 --> 01:17:49,480
Alexandra puts his life in danger against real bad guys and nothing.

1021
01:17:49,480 --> 01:17:53,480
He just gets his remote control car taken away from him.

1022
01:17:53,480 --> 01:18:00,480
So I'm sorry, I didn't like it. I've got to say, this very next bit though,

1023
01:18:00,480 --> 01:18:07,480
as much as I didn't like the kids acting, I did think the tantrum was brilliant.

1024
01:18:07,480 --> 01:18:09,480
Yeah, the tantrum was good.

1025
01:18:09,480 --> 01:18:13,480
That was absolutely... And the whole, there's only one way I can think of doing this,

1026
01:18:13,480 --> 01:18:17,480
and it's not going to be pretty. Brilliant. Just absolutely brilliant.

1027
01:18:17,480 --> 01:18:19,480
What do you want? I need to see my father.

1028
01:18:19,480 --> 01:18:23,480
Go back inside. I need to see him right now.

1029
01:18:23,480 --> 01:18:25,480
Do not argue with me. Go back inside.

1030
01:18:25,480 --> 01:18:30,480
I need to see him now. Now, now, now, now, now, now, now.

1031
01:18:30,480 --> 01:18:33,480
Stop it, you hurt me. I want my father. I want my father.

1032
01:18:33,480 --> 01:18:35,480
Alright, just stop that.

1033
01:18:35,480 --> 01:18:38,480
Yeah, it felt like he took that from his own life.

1034
01:18:38,480 --> 01:18:43,480
But again, I've got... The Ferengi wouldn't bow down to it. The Ferengi would have just backhanded him.

1035
01:18:43,480 --> 01:18:46,480
Yeah, I agree. I think they were just going to shut up a child.

1036
01:18:46,480 --> 01:18:51,480
And slap across the face, send them flying, go back in there, or I will shoot you.

1037
01:18:51,480 --> 01:18:55,480
As I kind of get the idea that they wouldn't have a problem with shooting children.

1038
01:18:55,480 --> 01:18:58,480
But you know what? They also... You're saying about the uniform.

1039
01:18:58,480 --> 01:19:02,480
He still has the four Captain Pips on his collar.

1040
01:19:02,480 --> 01:19:07,480
So, does anyone... Surely they would have noticed, like, how come this...

1041
01:19:07,480 --> 01:19:11,480
We know who the first officer is has got three. This child has four.

1042
01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:15,480
He's Cadet Captain. We have Federation cadets and we have Federation officers.

1043
01:19:15,480 --> 01:19:17,480
He's just the kid's captain.

1044
01:19:17,480 --> 01:19:21,480
It was like I have three and a half or four. Or three. I think it's three and a half, I think.

1045
01:19:21,480 --> 01:19:24,480
I'm not sure. Maybe it's just three, yeah.

1046
01:19:24,480 --> 01:19:28,480
But yeah, then you're right. We're now back at the captain's waiting room.

1047
01:19:28,480 --> 01:19:32,480
And it's a brilliant bit of acting. His face when Picard... Oh, sorry.

1048
01:19:32,480 --> 01:19:36,480
Picard runs at him, shouting, Dad!

1049
01:19:36,480 --> 01:19:43,480
I have got written here. You know he's had this issue before, though.

1050
01:19:43,480 --> 01:19:47,480
Yeah, he's experienced this moment. This isn't his first Dad rodeo, is it?

1051
01:19:47,480 --> 01:19:51,480
Oh, no. There's Riker hussed across the quadrant.

1052
01:19:51,480 --> 01:19:54,480
He's already got some DNA tests.

1053
01:19:54,480 --> 01:19:58,480
Yeah, he's like, OK, well, let's just go to my quarters and get the DNA test kit I've got ready.

1054
01:19:58,480 --> 01:20:00,480
Can you imagine that?

1055
01:20:00,480 --> 01:20:02,480
He knows what's going on.

1056
01:20:02,480 --> 01:20:04,480
A new completely random episode of Star Trek.

1057
01:20:04,480 --> 01:20:08,480
Captain, we're being hailed by another ship. OK, put them on speaker.

1058
01:20:08,480 --> 01:20:12,480
Hi, yeah. We need to beam over and deliver something to Commander Riker.

1059
01:20:12,480 --> 01:20:14,480
Yeah, OK, shoot him. Beam over.

1060
01:20:14,480 --> 01:20:19,480
You've been summoned. Failure to pay child support for 13 children.

1061
01:20:19,480 --> 01:20:22,480
He's getting served.

1062
01:20:22,480 --> 01:20:25,480
He's getting served on the bridge of the Enterprise.

1063
01:20:25,480 --> 01:20:28,480
In front of everyone. You've not made this easy.

1064
01:20:28,480 --> 01:20:30,480
We're doing it in front of everyone now.

1065
01:20:30,480 --> 01:20:32,480
Well, the captain's like, again?

1066
01:20:32,480 --> 01:20:38,480
Yeah, I can't keep bailing you out, Will. I'm not going to blow up another legal team ship.

1067
01:20:38,480 --> 01:20:41,480
We've got to stop letting you have shore leave.

1068
01:20:41,480 --> 01:20:45,480
In fact, look, we don't have a problem with Beverly wiping out people's memory.

1069
01:20:45,480 --> 01:20:48,480
I don't have a problem with telling her to neuter you.

1070
01:20:48,480 --> 01:20:50,480
Yeah.

1071
01:20:50,480 --> 01:20:54,480
That's a question. Do you reckon there is no prophylactics or anything in the future?

1072
01:20:54,480 --> 01:20:56,480
It's just a pill.

1073
01:20:56,480 --> 01:21:00,480
So you've got the female pill, but then there's also finally the male contraceptive pill.

1074
01:21:00,480 --> 01:21:02,480
It's got to be something.

1075
01:21:02,480 --> 01:21:05,480
We've got a male contraceptive pill now.

1076
01:21:05,480 --> 01:21:10,480
Yeah, I thought that was still being tested, but in the future they've got to have something pretty funky, don't they?

1077
01:21:10,480 --> 01:21:13,480
Oh, yeah. It would just be an injection.

1078
01:21:13,480 --> 01:21:16,480
Just walk up to the terminal. I had a good session of sex.

1079
01:21:16,480 --> 01:21:20,480
Computer, please beam out whatever's inside me now.

1080
01:21:20,480 --> 01:21:24,480
Oh, tingly. Right, that's me empty.

1081
01:21:24,480 --> 01:21:29,480
It'll be like, you know, when you go into radiation and then you get chemical washed.

1082
01:21:29,480 --> 01:21:33,480
I'll be what it is. Bedroom doors will have them built in.

1083
01:21:33,480 --> 01:21:36,480
So when you just walk through the bedroom door, you just get irradiated.

1084
01:21:36,480 --> 01:21:40,480
They'll be like, a millisecond of radiation and it just sterilises you.

1085
01:21:40,480 --> 01:21:44,480
Just walk through the bathroom door and all you hear is, congratulations, you are now sterile.

1086
01:21:44,480 --> 01:21:46,480
Yeah, exactly.

1087
01:21:46,480 --> 01:21:48,480
Or to be fair.

1088
01:21:48,480 --> 01:21:52,480
Or a cup. A cup comes out of the toilet and attaches to the woman. You suck.

1089
01:21:52,480 --> 01:21:55,480
Is this the dark side of Star Trek?

1090
01:21:55,480 --> 01:22:01,480
All these years exploring the quadrant has actually rendered everyone sterile because of space radiation.

1091
01:22:01,480 --> 01:22:06,480
No one worries about pregnancy anymore because of Riker's dust.

1092
01:22:06,480 --> 01:22:09,480
Solar flares and nebulas.

1093
01:22:09,480 --> 01:22:12,480
Definitely to blame.

1094
01:22:12,480 --> 01:22:20,480
So, yeah, I thought Riker's face was really good. He did look the part with what the fuck is going on.

1095
01:22:20,480 --> 01:22:27,480
And then that whole stupid question. Oh, could you persuade these nasty men to let us have computer access in the school?

1096
01:22:27,480 --> 01:22:33,480
No. They aren't going to turn around and say, go on then, that's absolutely fine. Of course they're not.

1097
01:22:33,480 --> 01:22:37,480
Yeah, they're kind of implying that they think the Ferengi are going to be nice. Why would they?

1098
01:22:37,480 --> 01:22:41,480
Exactly. And then, yeah, we've already discussed this bit, haven't we?

1099
01:22:41,480 --> 01:22:53,480
Then we end up on the bridge, Riker's doing the whole, you've got to make sure the Heisenberg comparator is connected to the vagina of that Anton over there.

1100
01:22:53,480 --> 01:22:57,480
Well, I mean, I've got it written here. I can tell you what he says or I can edit it in.

1101
01:22:57,480 --> 01:23:05,480
Right. So he says, I'll do both parts. There's Riker and Morta. So Morta is the Ferengi.

1102
01:23:05,480 --> 01:23:08,480
The really dumb Ferengi that they put with Riker.

1103
01:23:08,480 --> 01:23:14,480
In charge of the heavily kind of important part of the ship. Stick the dumb ass.

1104
01:23:14,480 --> 01:23:21,480
I'll do my best. I'll do my best because I haven't read this through. So I'll probably pronounce it massively wrong.

1105
01:23:21,480 --> 01:23:32,480
So Riker. OK, Morta, the enterprise computer system is controlled by three primary main processing cores cross linked with a redundant Mellor Quartz Rendistat.

1106
01:23:32,480 --> 01:23:35,480
Fourteen kilo quad interface modules.

1107
01:23:35,480 --> 01:23:49,480
The core element is based on the FTL nanoprocessor with 25 bilateral Kelly Kelly Lactyls, with 20 of those being slaved into the primary Heisen frame terminal.

1108
01:23:49,480 --> 01:23:55,480
Do you know about a bilateral Kelly Lactyls? And then Morta goes, well, of course I do. Human. I'm not stupid.

1109
01:23:55,480 --> 01:24:04,480
And then Riker says, no, of course not. This is this is the isopolevial interface, which controls the main ferromactyl drive unit.

1110
01:24:04,480 --> 01:24:09,480
Don't touch that. You'll blow up the entire ferromatric drive.

1111
01:24:09,480 --> 01:24:13,480
I know, right? It's so much.

1112
01:24:13,480 --> 01:24:21,480
Yeah, I'm not even finished. It's still going.

1113
01:24:21,480 --> 01:24:26,480
And then Morta's like, what? Wait, what's a ferromactical drive?

1114
01:24:26,480 --> 01:24:31,480
Just explain it to me. And then Riker says, that is the ferromactical drive unit.

1115
01:24:31,480 --> 01:24:37,480
It controls the Remistat core and also keeps the Ontarian manifold at 40,000 KRGs.

1116
01:24:37,480 --> 01:24:42,480
That's the end. All the Wally's doing something with his R-hack.

1117
01:24:42,480 --> 01:24:48,480
It was rough, wasn't it? And I'm pretty convinced he glances over. I think there's a piece of paper there.

1118
01:24:48,480 --> 01:24:53,480
If you look at his eyes, he glances up to the corner, kind of in the direction of the camera.

1119
01:24:53,480 --> 01:24:56,480
Possibly. And I think someone's there with something.

1120
01:24:56,480 --> 01:25:01,480
We've written you more stupid lines, Will. Oh, no, really?

1121
01:25:01,480 --> 01:25:04,480
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's painful.

1122
01:25:04,480 --> 01:25:09,480
He does a good job with it. Very good job. But it's just as an actor.

1123
01:25:09,480 --> 01:25:14,480
And it is too much. You know what? This has been quite a long episode.

1124
01:25:14,480 --> 01:25:22,480
Let's just really quickly now. The end, as typical TNG endings go, stupidly rushed.

1125
01:25:22,480 --> 01:25:26,480
So we've got that. Riker says, here you go. You've got computer access.

1126
01:25:26,480 --> 01:25:32,480
Magically with my one hand that I'm not looking at, but I've got amazing hand and finger actions.

1127
01:25:32,480 --> 01:25:36,480
Don't want to know where he's learned that. On a touch screen. With no labels.

1128
01:25:36,480 --> 01:25:44,480
But yeah, then we basically get the kids going around and beaming Ferengi's into a secure unit.

1129
01:25:44,480 --> 01:25:50,480
Yeah, they run around and put comb badges on. Which is kind of cool, but it just feels so rushed.

1130
01:25:50,480 --> 01:25:57,480
And they could have done so much more with it that I was very underwhelmed by it all by that point.

1131
01:25:57,480 --> 01:26:04,480
And then obviously then we suddenly end up in sick bay and you've only got the three children there to be turned into adults

1132
01:26:04,480 --> 01:26:09,480
because they've magically fixed it and Beverly hasn't said we've tested it and it's fine.

1133
01:26:09,480 --> 01:26:13,480
They're just going to go for it. A bit like good old dirty Kim always does.

1134
01:26:13,480 --> 01:26:17,480
Well give it a try. It's only a transporter in your life.

1135
01:26:17,480 --> 01:26:19,480
Yeah, classic. Give it a try. Who cares?

1136
01:26:19,480 --> 01:26:22,480
It's only the most complicated piece of technology on the whole ship.

1137
01:26:22,480 --> 01:26:26,480
Yeah, and then you've got Ro finally accepting some childhood fun for a little bit longer

1138
01:26:26,480 --> 01:26:29,480
because Guinan's finally got into her brain and made it.

1139
01:26:29,480 --> 01:26:33,480
I hated that scene. I hated that scene. They're both sat there colouring in.

1140
01:26:33,480 --> 01:26:40,480
You can do that as an adult. I hated it. What was the point in that scene?

1141
01:26:40,480 --> 01:26:44,480
It's not a child. They just look like a child for God's sake.

1142
01:26:44,480 --> 01:26:47,480
Oh sorry, you go.

1143
01:26:47,480 --> 01:26:51,480
I just said that's the inconsistency with the entire episode.

1144
01:26:51,480 --> 01:26:55,480
That wound me up. Oh, and also by the way, Guinan looked at the camera again.

1145
01:26:55,480 --> 01:26:57,480
It's true.

1146
01:26:57,480 --> 01:27:00,480
Just before she got turned back to a human again.

1147
01:27:00,480 --> 01:27:02,480
Back to a human. Back to an old person.

1148
01:27:02,480 --> 01:27:05,480
Oh sorry. Sorry, back to a 400 year old woman.

1149
01:27:05,480 --> 01:27:09,480
And the final words I've got on it here is pubes have been injected into the buffer.

1150
01:27:09,480 --> 01:27:13,480
That should do it. These people will be adults again.

1151
01:27:18,480 --> 01:27:20,480
Transfer complete.

1152
01:27:20,480 --> 01:27:25,480
You know, when I watch it without dissecting it, I enjoy it as an episode.

1153
01:27:25,480 --> 01:27:29,480
But when you dissect it like we have, it's shit.

1154
01:27:29,480 --> 01:27:34,480
The writers watched Big and thought we could put this into Star Trek.

1155
01:27:34,480 --> 01:27:38,480
Yeah.

1156
01:27:38,480 --> 01:27:41,480
We'd have to look at the dates where the Big came out before this.

1157
01:27:41,480 --> 01:27:47,480
Massively so. But yeah, it's just, this was not a good episode when you tear it to bits.

1158
01:27:47,480 --> 01:27:50,480
If you're watching it in the background, it's not too bad.

1159
01:27:50,480 --> 01:27:56,480
But as soon as you put any concentration behind it, it falls to pieces.

1160
01:27:56,480 --> 01:28:02,480
I only, the parts of it I enjoyed, I only enjoyed it because I was watching it with other people.

1161
01:28:02,480 --> 01:28:06,480
If I'd been sat on that sofa watching, I would have hated it even more.

1162
01:28:06,480 --> 01:28:11,480
Hate's a strong word. I don't hate it. I just thought it was not a good episode.

1163
01:28:11,480 --> 01:28:16,480
None of it made really any sense. They just shoehorned every element of it.

1164
01:28:16,480 --> 01:28:19,480
It was like three different episodes in one.

1165
01:28:19,480 --> 01:28:24,480
They could have had the Ferengi take the ship without any of the children aspects of it.

1166
01:28:24,480 --> 01:28:33,480
It was a really good kind of episode of having, like one of the films, I think, does it, where they lose the ship and Picard.

1167
01:28:33,480 --> 01:28:42,480
When they go back in time and then the, and it's got, oh God, don't worry, I'm going off on complete tangent now.

1168
01:28:42,480 --> 01:28:47,480
You know, they go back in time and the Borg, they're chasing the Borg's seer.

1169
01:28:47,480 --> 01:28:48,480
That's first contact.

1170
01:28:48,480 --> 01:28:53,480
Back in time. Yeah, so first contact when Picard is like hiding on his own ship.

1171
01:28:53,480 --> 01:28:56,480
It's kind of like that could have been in this episode.

1172
01:28:56,480 --> 01:28:59,480
They could have done so much with this episode.

1173
01:28:59,480 --> 01:29:05,480
It would have been better if the Ferengi had taken the ship while their shuttle hadn't come back yet.

1174
01:29:05,480 --> 01:29:12,480
And then they somehow managed to get their shuttle, all their shuttles in the cargo bay right when the Ferengi attack.

1175
01:29:12,480 --> 01:29:16,480
And it all gets taken away and they don't notice the four of them in the shuttle.

1176
01:29:16,480 --> 01:29:20,480
That would have been a much better episode without those kids being involved.

1177
01:29:20,480 --> 01:29:30,480
So there is, and I'm short to say that because I've started watching Star Trek Enterprise again.

1178
01:29:30,480 --> 01:29:36,480
Because I've decided I must, must, must actually get through it because there's only like three seasons.

1179
01:29:36,480 --> 01:29:38,480
And there is a brilliant episode.

1180
01:29:38,480 --> 01:29:40,480
It's season one, episode 19.

1181
01:29:40,480 --> 01:29:47,480
And actually, I think we should watch it at some point because we agreed, we agreed we weren't going to do TNG and we weren't going to do Voyager.

1182
01:29:47,480 --> 01:29:52,480
And by the way, you're scratching your beard. It's coming through the microphone.

1183
01:29:52,480 --> 01:29:54,480
Oh, is it? Sorry.

1184
01:29:54,480 --> 01:29:55,480
This episode.

1185
01:29:55,480 --> 01:29:57,480
I can cut my, I can cut mine out.

1186
01:29:57,480 --> 01:30:05,480
But there's an episode called Acquisition and it is Enterprise, the NX-01, the really bog standard, the real.

1187
01:30:05,480 --> 01:30:12,480
You actually get a really good idea that this ship feels like it's come straight from a naval shipyard and been turned into a spaceship sort of thing.

1188
01:30:12,480 --> 01:30:17,480
They get taken over by Ferengi pirates and it's done brilliantly.

1189
01:30:17,480 --> 01:30:20,480
The entire episode is so much better than this.

1190
01:30:20,480 --> 01:30:30,480
It's almost like someone said, let's do Rascals, but get rid of the annoying kid idea and just make it good.

1191
01:30:30,480 --> 01:30:32,480
Yeah. And I think this would have been much better if that was the case.

1192
01:30:32,480 --> 01:30:36,480
So I'd quite like to watch that episode now and be like, yeah, this is better than Rascals.

1193
01:30:36,480 --> 01:30:39,480
Go and watch it and then we'll watch it together and we'll do our notes together on it as well.

1194
01:30:39,480 --> 01:30:44,480
But go and watch it now. Seriously, really, really solid episode of Enterprise, that one.

1195
01:30:44,480 --> 01:30:46,480
Do you know which one it is?

1196
01:30:46,480 --> 01:30:48,480
Season one, episode 19, it's called Acquisition.

1197
01:30:48,480 --> 01:30:51,480
One, 19.

1198
01:30:51,480 --> 01:30:57,480
Yeah. And it's just done a million times better and it's exactly the same story.

1199
01:30:57,480 --> 01:31:02,480
Well, maybe that could be the next episode.

1200
01:31:02,480 --> 01:31:04,480
Well, we haven't decided, so should we say that?

1201
01:31:04,480 --> 01:31:05,480
Okay.

1202
01:31:05,480 --> 01:31:06,480
Yeah.

1203
01:31:06,480 --> 01:31:07,480
We're going to have a little bit different.

1204
01:31:07,480 --> 01:31:09,480
We can compare it to this.

1205
01:31:09,480 --> 01:31:19,480
Perfect. Okay. So next episode, if you'd like to listen along to, is Enterprise, season one, episode 19, Acquisition.

1206
01:31:19,480 --> 01:31:23,480
Command functions are offline.

1207
01:31:23,480 --> 01:31:28,480
I'm really sorry, everyone, for the hecticness of this episode.

1208
01:31:28,480 --> 01:31:30,480
It was a bad Star Trek episode.

1209
01:31:30,480 --> 01:31:36,480
It's been across two days like the last mainline episode was across two days.

1210
01:31:36,480 --> 01:31:38,480
We've had to do it...

1211
01:31:38,480 --> 01:31:44,480
Noises on the microphone, me scratching my face, a cat coming in, coughing from the monitor.

1212
01:31:44,480 --> 01:31:46,480
We've had to do it remotely as well because Kay is unwell as well.

1213
01:31:46,480 --> 01:31:50,480
So these things happen. I think you'll still enjoy the episode.

1214
01:31:50,480 --> 01:31:57,480
I do feel for you, Rob, because the edit on this is going to be quite a tough one.

1215
01:31:57,480 --> 01:31:59,480
Yeah. I'll start it tonight, I think.

1216
01:31:59,480 --> 01:32:03,480
I'm intrigued to know what you're going to open it with, what skit is opening the episode,

1217
01:32:03,480 --> 01:32:07,480
if there's a skit at all, if you even want to.

1218
01:32:07,480 --> 01:32:09,480
There's a skit, I don't know where to put it.

1219
01:32:09,480 --> 01:32:10,480
Okay.

1220
01:32:10,480 --> 01:32:13,480
Might have already heard it if they're at this stage.

1221
01:32:13,480 --> 01:32:17,480
Okay. Is this the end?

1222
01:32:17,480 --> 01:32:22,480
Yeah. Oh, just so you know, I did say this to Matt on the Discord.

1223
01:32:22,480 --> 01:32:26,480
These episodes are never finished until you hear that beep noise at the end.

1224
01:32:26,480 --> 01:32:30,480
Bear that in mind, because I put stuff in that some people are missing

1225
01:32:30,480 --> 01:32:33,480
because they hear the outro music and then they stop listening.

1226
01:32:33,480 --> 01:32:37,480
Until you've heard that beep, the episode isn't over.

1227
01:32:37,480 --> 01:32:40,480
Beautiful as a car. Wait until the fat lady sings.

1228
01:32:40,480 --> 01:32:43,480
Wait until the enterprise computer goes beep.

1229
01:32:43,480 --> 01:32:47,480
If you'd like to get in contact with us, then you can email us on podcasts at channel84.co.uk,

1230
01:32:47,480 --> 01:32:51,480
TJ at channel84.co.uk, Rob at channel84.co.uk.

1231
01:32:51,480 --> 01:32:56,480
All our social media links are at channel84.co.uk, which has finally been updated.

1232
01:32:56,480 --> 01:33:00,480
Our Discord link is discord.co. No, not discord.co.uk.

1233
01:33:00,480 --> 01:33:02,480
That's completely the wrong link.

1234
01:33:02,480 --> 01:33:11,480
It is channel84.co.uk forward slash Discord, or you can get to it through channel84.co.uk.

1235
01:33:11,480 --> 01:33:13,480
Anything else you'd like to add, sir?

1236
01:33:13,480 --> 01:33:17,480
Thank you for putting up with us for the last hour and a half, or however long this is going to be.

1237
01:33:17,480 --> 01:33:22,480
Yeah. Sorry. Love you.

1238
01:33:22,480 --> 01:33:29,480
Love you, everybody. Bye bye.

1239
01:33:29,480 --> 01:33:33,480
Thank you for listening to the channel 84 Untitled Trek show.

1240
01:33:33,480 --> 01:33:37,480
This station is now shutting down and will be back in two weeks.

1241
01:33:37,480 --> 01:33:53,480
Excelsior.

1242
01:33:53,480 --> 01:33:57,480
Computer release command control this station. Authorization, Ryker Omega-3.

1243
01:33:57,480 --> 01:34:00,480
Command functions restored.

1244
01:34:00,480 --> 01:34:08,480
Okay, Morta. The Enterprise computer system is controlled by three primary main processor cores,

1245
01:34:08,480 --> 01:34:14,480
cross-linked with a redundant Melichort's Ramistat, 14-kiloquad interface modules.

1246
01:34:14,480 --> 01:34:21,480
The core element is based on an FTL nanoprocessor with 25 bilateral kelo-lacterals,

1247
01:34:21,480 --> 01:34:26,480
with 20 of those being slaved into the primary Heisenfram terminal.

1248
01:34:26,480 --> 01:34:29,480
Now, you do know what a bilateral kelo-lateral is.

1249
01:34:29,480 --> 01:34:34,480
Of course I do, human. I am not stupid.

1250
01:34:34,480 --> 01:34:41,480
No, of course not. This is the isopolevial interface which controls the main ferromantal drive unit.

1251
01:34:41,480 --> 01:34:45,480
Don't touch that. It will blow up the entire ferromantal drive.

1252
01:34:45,480 --> 01:34:51,480
What? What is...wait. What is a ferromantal drive?

1253
01:34:51,480 --> 01:34:56,480
Just explain it to me.

1254
01:34:56,480 --> 01:34:59,480
That is the ferromantal drive unit.

1255
01:34:59,480 --> 01:35:07,480
It controls the Ramistat core and keeps the Ontarian manifold at 40,000 KRGs.

1256
01:35:07,480 --> 01:35:09,480
The ferromantal drive is powered on.

1257
01:35:09,480 --> 01:35:14,480
One more time, the Ramistat-kiloquad capacities function square root of the intermix ratio

1258
01:35:14,480 --> 01:35:27,480
times the sum of the plasma injector quotient.