Previously on the Untitled Trek Show
...drink, computer, coffee.
Sorry captain, but the replicators are currently experiencing maintenance.
Give me a pint of Cthulhu then.
Ugh, tastes like piss.
There's William Shakespeare, there was Will.i.am
and then there's Will Riker.
Then there's another Will Riker.
He wanted to have dinner with himself and other famous Wills.
I mean, and then it got even worse.
They all wanted to have sex with him.
Look, I mean it Tom.
Don't come for us.
...on multiple decks sir.
Mark, would you move?
You're getting blood on that bloody security console.
...
Aaaaaaah!
Number one!
Matt!
It's me, Matt!
No, no, no, no, no.
You will become one with the Corrupted.
Tom!
Space.
The final frontier.
These other voyages of the Starship Chit Show.
Its continuing mission to explore strange new worlds.
To seek out new life and new civilizations.
To boldly go where no one has gone before.
...
Shields, how are we looking?
Shields holding, Captain.
Evasive maneuver, Janeway Alpha, 8th floor.
Yes, Captain.
Fire torpedo, base 337.
Maximum spread, cheeky.
Shields at 50%, Captain.
You, over there.
Why are you just walking around?
Get to your station, now!
Engage that ball of drones, for God's sake.
Shields at 45%, Captain.
Shields at 10%, Captain.
God, we've lost contact with engineering.
Shields critical, Captain.
Send the security team to the security room, now!
We've lost the shields!
Aaaaaaah!
The hulling tech has been compromised, sir.
Sir, if this did weigh our last moments, I must tell you something.
Don't be so negative, Ensign. We can still make it out of this.
No, no, sir. Please.
I'm pregnant.
And it's yours. It's quintuplets.
Look, for fuck's sake.
Computer, pause program.
Hey, what the hell, TJ?
Rob, no, look, I'm sorry this is ridiculous.
It's just completely not believable.
You've gone well off the rails this time, bud.
Explain?
Well, look, it's a number of things.
We'll start with the ridiculous notion of you being a captain of a starship.
I resent that.
Oh, and secondly, a racist much?
How is this racist?
The Borg, Rob. You always make the Borg the bad guys.
No, I don't.
You fucking do, and you know it.
Okay, alright, yeah. Give me an example.
Encounter at near point, okay?
We had encounter at far point, a genuine problem.
Encounter at far point, a genuine problem Picard came across.
And you had me captain the maiden voyage of the USS Shit Show, where I meet fucking Hugh.
And I get forced into a game of tri-dimensional chess with a Huey lookalike.
Does it sound familiar at all?
Or how about lonely among them, when I'm captured by a fleet of fringy spice merchants and made into a sex slave with the Borg Queen?
Oh, I thought that was quite progressive.
Making me play a female Borg character so that I have to be an incestual robot lesbian sex slave is not progressive, Rob.
It's sexist and it's racist.
Okay, okay, okay, alright, fine.
Look, dude, you've not even given the best bit yet.
If there is another fucking Temerian sex orgy, I am going to be sick.
I still wake up in cold sweats from the last one.
Hey, hey, we agree. No kink shaming.
Okay, okay, no, you're right. I'm sorry. I went too far there.
Look, alright, fine. Computer, end program.
Affirmative.
You happy?
And Rob, fuck me. If Lieutenant Apolk knew you were writing their Borg origin story into one of your stupid fucking holodeck novels, he's going to be pretty pissed off.
Do you think Borg can even get pissed off?
Shit, he's coming.
Get a tool.
Sir?
Fuck, that was close.
Delete the program, Rob, and stop being such a twat.
Ensign Rob and Ensign Tom, please report to Deck 84 for your holodeck cleaning rotation.
Please remember to bring your PPE.
Oh for fuck's sake.
Hello and welcome back to the Untitled Trek Show, first of the year.
Hello TJ.
Hello Robert.
We're back, aren't we?
We are back.
Rejuvenated. I've been in my little Borg alcove for the whole of the holiday period.
It is regenerating, isn't it? I've just suddenly realized, shit, what's the big deal?
Yeah, I think they regenerate.
Borg regenerative little portal on the wall.
Yeah, the seven of nine plug socket.
Yeah, exactly. It's not a three pin socket. It's a one pin maybe.
I bet it's a one pin.
Yeah, it might have two, but I think it's probably more likely to be a one pin.
And we've really scarred many listeners.
Let's let them in.
Oh, excellent.
So that was, I hope everyone enjoyed the conclusion to the first episode of the USS Hitch Show.
Well, again, like I said at the last one you did, Rob, you have absolutely blown me away with your editing prowess on this.
It's been fucking awesome. Absolutely loved it.
I loved the whole setup you did in the last episode and I've loved the conclusion you've done this time. It's just absolutely brilliant.
I hope people don't see it as a sellout being it's a holodeck.
I don't think so.
That was my concern because I thought that was the funniest thing to do rather than just being a serious you come and save me.
I thought it was and it kind of tracked with, you know, what we spoke about with a holodeck episode.
I think it fits.
It's perfect and it kind of fits in with the whole lower decks joke as well when they're doing the tests.
And you've got Boymler perfecting the Borg Queen every time.
I wonder if subconsciously that was in my head, that kind of stuff.
Oh, maybe. Maybe.
Not purposefully, but yeah.
It's not a sellout. It was absolutely perfect. I loved it. I thought it was absolutely brilliant, mate.
Yeah. And thank you to everybody that sent stuff.
That first one, I had loads of people. I got so many things and everyone that sent me something is in it.
So if you can't quite hear yourself, you are. Everyone is in it.
And also, I'm keeping them all.
So you may hear yourselves again.
And massive thank you to Adam Court for the immense amount of stuff that he sent me for this one.
There's only four people who are in this one.
You, myself, Adam and Matt has his one line.
That's Matt from Pines of Cthulhu if you haven't come across him.
Lieutenant Apoch.
Yeah. With Adam's permission, which I've already got, you'll hear more of him maybe in this episode.
I've decided whether I'm going to do it in this episode or the next one.
Fair enough. We were saying this earlier.
If you want to be involved in it, there will be some more skits coming up in the future.
Rob has got plans, I'm sure.
But we would like to build up a little Star Trek library of sounds.
So if you want to be involved, email it over to rob at channel84.co.uk or podcasts at channel84.co.uk.
And all we're looking for is any sort of speech or sounds that you can imagine that are in Star Trek.
So if that's you pretending you're playing 3D chess in 10 forward, brilliant.
If it's you dying a horrendous, horrifying death via a Temerian who's gone nuts at you, even better.
Anything is good. Background sound, background chatter, you doing some fake Star Trek logs.
Go for it.
Even if you've got any hot takes on Star Trek that you think we might like, you know,
or you think that I could turn into another episode of the shit show, then great.
Send it over and I'm sure we could figure something out.
And obviously I'll credit everybody. I'm not just going to steal everyone's credit people.
And if you've got an idea for the Untitled Trek Show, so you've got an episode you particularly want us to watch,
feel free to either just email it or send us a little voice clip saying, please watch this and we'll stick it in the show.
We love having people come and join us with this. So, yeah, let us know.
Yeah, I really think so. We said on the last episode that we were actually going to do Lodex today.
If you can't tell from the title, we're not doing Lodex today.
And it really, because of two things.
Firstly, neither of us actually properly had time to sit there. I've got the whole of season. Is it four?
Yeah, we're up to season four.
I've only watched like two episodes of it. I've got the whole thing to watch.
So, yeah, I think I'm, this sounds really bad because it's, it was potentially being one of the strongest seasons to date.
I think I've watched four or five episodes. I think you've watched at least four of the episodes, two of them we watched when we did the Lodex live walkabout.
We watched one episode there, didn't we? And then we watched the next couple afterwards.
Up to where everyone's having all that ridiculous controversy about some, some person, some character in it dancing on a table.
I think I have up to that episode.
Oh, God, yeah. I'm sorry. I know what you're talking about. Yeah.
You mean the episode four. Yeah. But I'm going to say I'm guilty to admit that I got a bit bored of it.
And I don't think it's not because, it's not because the show is not good. And I'm definitely going to go back and watch it.
And that's, that's, that's non-disc, we're not going to argue that.
I think it's just more that we got so into Star Trek doing the show and we got so involved with when we went to London to discuss it.
And we got so excited about it. I kind of set myself up really into kind of sitting down and watching loads of it.
And all of a sudden I kind of like, because I'm forcing myself to do this now, because I want to be up to date in time for the show.
Yeah. It put me off slightly. Yeah. Maybe that's again, that's another subconscious robin there.
Maybe that was the same for me. I sat down and started watching as I catch you. I want to watch something else.
Exactly. I think we'd watched so much back to back that I wanted to go and watch something a little bit different for the moment.
But I do still love it. I want to be really clear. I think it's one of the best Star Treks that there is.
Oh, 100%.
It's just right now, I just, cause we are into, like, I think we haven't discussed this, but I think the next Trek episode, I would like to pick an episode again.
It's meant to be your turn. You haven't had no prep, but I've had, I think at least two people say to me, they want us to do this episode.
And it's the Tuvix episode. Oh, God. They want us to do the Tuvix episode.
I knew it was coming, but you know what?
I was always going to pick it, but I was going to save it because I think we've got probably got a lot to say about the Tuvix episode.
I genuinely don't mind watching that because we get Janeway murdering Tuvix, which is fine. I could watch that over and over and over again.
So I would like to, I think next week, well, I've done it already, the first episode. A fortnight from now, the next Trek episode, I would like to do Tuvix.
I can't remember what season of Voyager is. I haven't got the clip.
We'll find that out. We will find that one out.
I'll put it in the notes when the episode comes out or something.
Now, sticking with controversy very quickly and going off on a complete tangent from what we were planning on talking about within the episode.
On brand. On brand.
On brand. I'm guessing Paramount is out in other countries. It's not just the UK. I'm guessing Paramount Plus must be out in the US as well.
I think it's out everywhere now.
Because I've seen a load of Twitter content and I've just logged onto mine and checked and it's not the case on mine.
But how in America they're all really pissed off about Paramount or at least one area is because they've all logged in over this week and gone, oh, I've found you watching Star Trek.
And there's no Star Trek on Paramount at the moment for them.
That's odd.
Apparently it's been like a licensing thing. It's like, hang on, apparently you own Star Trek. So what the fuck is going on?
From the sound bit, it sounds like they've licensed it out to either Hulu or Disney or Netflix.
Netflix has got stuff.
Obviously the agreement they've had is, but you can't have it on your platform as well.
So all these people that basically the diehard Star Trek fans going, well, this is why I pay for Paramount.
What am I paying for now?
I'd be gutted if they took it off because I know that Adam and Karen are going through the Patron Saint podcast and her husband Adam are going through Next Generation again.
And I started doing that as well.
They've already massively overtaken me, but it's just kind of like when I'm doing stuff at work, I like to have things in the background.
And as I said to him on Twitter, some of them are a bit ropey coming back to them now.
But in general, the whole thing is just brilliant in general.
I love the first episode, the whole Farpoint episode. I love it a bit.
I love Q. Q as a character is just genius full stop anyway.
But space jellyfish.
It's just, oh my God.
I know this is the 80s, but seriously, space jellyfish.
Not a good start. It's up there with whales, space whales.
Space whales, yeah.
So because we're not doing low decks, we are saying that we didn't have time to watch it as one of the reasons.
Well, the reason we didn't have time to watch it is because one of the allotted days I was going to watch it, we did something else Star Trek related.
Oh, that's so fun.
Which was the best thing that we've done in ages.
And that was we played Star Trek Bridge Crew on the VR together.
Yeah. So a bit backstory there.
So you picked up a Quest 3.
I had a Quest 2.
So they're the VR headsets by Meta. And realistically, if you're looking to get into VR, these are the most affordable way of doing it.
I'm not being paid to say that.
I hate Meta as a company, but fuck me.
They made a great VR system.
And I found rather than paying 80 pounds for the Optilink cable that Meta wants to sell you, we can buy a cable for 18 pounds and it works just as well.
And it gives us Steam VR.
It comes with free blood stains too, if you're lucky.
Oh my, right. You're going to have to explain that one to everyone now.
TJ linked it to me and ordered it. He was like, oh yeah, mine took like two weeks to turn up.
And I was like, oh, mine's saying like next day delivery on Amazon.
And it was the link. It was the exact same place that sold him his.
And mine turned up and it's just like a cable just wrapped up in a bag with a bit of paper inside it for a manual.
This is a bit shit, bit skanky.
Especially mine had turned up in a box, all nicely done.
And I looked at it and I was like, there's a manual in here. It's covered in blood.
Thanks, Amazon.
I was like, this is disgusting. And I sent you a picture, didn't I?
You did.
And then you sent me a picture of yours in this nice box, all nicely wrapped up, clearly new. Mine's clearly second hand.
Oh, absolutely.
Clearly. Sold as new.
And it took me a long time to get through to Amazon to speak to a human.
You have to shout at the machine to get a human because they just like, nah, nah, nah.
You can just just refund it. Just refund it.
I need to speak to someone about this.
Well, that's what I was doing. But it just kept it just instantly was just saying, send it back and we'll refund you.
I'm not sending this back. Just not going to.
I'm not going out of my way to do anything for this bloodstained thing.
It's potentially covered in human waste.
So let alone a biological item that could actually spread disease.
I don't know what I typed for it to provide me with the option to ask for a callback, which I did.
And then I got a person and they were like, oh, my God, that's disgusting.
But they were like, oh, the system's only offering you a refund and you have to send it back.
I'm not sending you back.
And then they kind of went away and come back.
You know, the classic, oh, just go speak to my manager.
Yeah.
And then, yeah, I got a full refund and I kept the cable.
I chucked the cable in the utility room and then went out there later with loads of antiseptic wipes and completely caked it in debt.
But the plus side, the plus side from it is that SteamVR works with it.
It tested in the Oculus app.
I think mine tested at 2.7 gigabits per second on the cable.
I think mine was like 2.5.
Yeah. So again, far and it will probably go down.
Nice fresh air. It goes up.
You know what numbers are like when it comes to testing crap like that.
But it works.
And the Oculus app, more importantly, said, no, this cable is absolutely fine for doing link play with your gaming system.
So it's like, boom, you had found a deal on Steam, what, two weeks before or a week before?
Yeah. Yeah.
It was like fiverr or something.
Yeah.
Or maybe eight pounds.
Star Trek, Krige Crew for like eight pounds and you managed to get yours with the add-ons as well.
Yeah, I got the next generation add-on with it as well for like two pounds more.
And yeah, we kind of sat down.
We put the headsets on.
We went. I'd played the first mission already and I was already quite excited by it because I thought this is just genuinely really cool.
And I'd done the tutorial and that was it.
Yeah. And yeah, we sat down.
And after we got through a whole load of audio issues I was then having, we actually got into game and yeah, oh, we were so happy.
It sounds silly, but it was so much fun.
We had a blast and we instantly disliked the guy at the helm.
Instantly.
Hang on a moment.
Ensign Rao.
So first of all, we finally got into there and we'd already burst out laughing because there we are flipping our hands around going hello.
At each other while you're in the captain seat.
I was in sensors and weapon rooms and we'd already laughed our ass off at that.
And then we were into this mission and the computer's controlling it.
Ensign Rao, isn't it?
Rao, Rao, Rao, Rao.
Yeah, whatever it is.
And we basically sat there going, right.
So you told him to get us to approach the target.
Yeah, we've done that.
And then he just drove us into the side of a derrida expansion.
He just flew straight into it.
What the hell?
No going around it.
Just straight into the side of it.
Yeah, it was like, make your way to the checkpoint as the crows fly straight.
Made no effort to go around anything.
For God's sake.
So yeah, then I jumped in his seat and steered us around it.
And then we realised we weren't even in the right bloody quadrant.
No, we had to warp out and go somewhere else.
We had to warp out somewhere else, which he then promptly tried to warp us through the derelict ship.
We're both sitting there going, can you warp that close to this thing?
Yeah, can you aim round it?
Well, no, it was another mission where we had to warp to the next quadrant.
But there was an asteroid field.
And we hit the asteroid field.
And he aims the ship at an asteroid and he warps.
Yeah, it's like five kilometres off the front of your ship.
And we're just going to warp into it, are we?
Brilliant.
But jokes aside, and as bad as Ensign Rao is, it's been such a good game.
I can't tell you how much you feel like you're genuinely on the ship when you're playing it in VR.
Yeah, it's so immersive, isn't it?
Particularly after the first mission, after we messed around a lot, we started getting a bit serious, didn't we?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Shields are up, Captain Rob, and I need more power to the phasers.
I've not got anything.
Yeah, and I'm there like...
Because when you're the captain, you don't have real direct control.
I can tell the AI to do stuff and I can ask TJ to do stuff, but you can't bring up the pad and actually do it.
So if you're on engineering, you can bypass power.
You actually frequently have the console up and you have to bypass all the little nodes and tell it to do things.
You can go to subsystems and repair them.
When you're the captain, I just have to kind of look at them.
If it was human, obviously, I'd say tell them to do it.
But you can kind of...
It's weird because it thinks it's a Steam controller, but they're Oculus ones, so it's kind of like a hold the stick down and flick in a direction.
It's a very odd kind of thing to get menus up.
But I don't know if that's because you're doing it via virtual.
That's a remote desktop problem.
Yeah, I was going to say because...
We'll talk about that in a second.
Yeah, we'll come to that in a moment.
I can just tell her, say, repair this system.
Or target subsystems of the other ship.
Well, I couldn't do that because you were in the targeting.
Yeah, I was going to say...
So if I'm looking at the engineering, I can just tell her to prioritise power to particular things, shields or whatever, and then repair the systems.
That's all I can do unless I take over her position.
Same with the helm.
I can bring up a map and say, this is where we're going to go.
And then I have to look at him and say warp or impulse power.
And I can tell him speed, but only full stop, forward, half speed, full speed.
And quarter speed, yeah.
And reverse, I think I could say as well.
But that's it.
I can't actually say left, right, left, right.
He's got to be there doing it.
The same with you.
If you were AI, I could say fire phasers.
Yeah, you could say target.
You can say scan.
You can say fire phasers, fire torpedoes, target the subsystems, which I think is a really cool thing.
So when you're in a mission, you can scan a ship.
And once you've scanned an enemy and you know you're going to attack it, you can then go onto their subsystems and you can pretty much hack their subsystems.
You can say for the next 15 seconds, because I think it's a 15 second period, it gives it to you.
Block them from being able to target their weapons or block their engines.
And it means that you've got a better chance of getting a good attack on them because they're not able to do something.
Yeah.
But it's all very fast and frantic.
And you suddenly realise when you've got two or three ships, it's a lot more complex.
Yeah, particularly when you don't have a human flying it and the engine is just doing a straight line.
Like I wish you could tell him to avoid fire.
You know, tell him to do some kind of manoeuvre.
Like do Picard Alpha 3, whatever.
That would be really nice, wouldn't it?
Or even things like so often the missions where there's an anomaly in the middle of the playing field that you're going to be in.
And there's, oh, I don't know, gravimetric mines.
They're in there.
So really you want to avoid them.
The computer will just drive you straight through as a straight line past them.
And if they go off, they go off.
So whoever's on helm really needs to make, not well, weapons and shields, really needs to make sure the shields are up and that they're really prepared to either target those bloody mines and shoot them because the computer will just drive you through it.
Yeah.
I can imagine it's chaos, but a lot of fun if you've got four people playing it.
So then you've got one real person in each station.
Yeah.
And then I kind of get the idea of then the captain's going to have a really boring time because the captain in that game is going to be answering the hail, checking the status of the ship and plotting the route to where we need to go.
I think you just have to roleplay it, don't you?
You just, people on the positions don't do things really until they're told to.
Because the thing is the captain can override anything.
So I don't know if you could select a target, but I could just override it.
I can just go and select it myself.
So you were selecting things, but I was selecting my own targets to shoot at.
Your selections weren't actually doing anything for you.
Oh yeah, because I can do that too.
I could select targets.
So I think maybe you just kind of have to agree as a group of friends that look, you know, the captain's the one who selects targets.
The captain has to do this and this to give the captain more things to do.
Well, that's fair enough.
That's the point.
And then everyone takes a turn at the captain's seat.
I think the worst point, and again, it's Ensign Bloody Vow again, was the second time we went on.
First one we did quite well.
We succeeded in the mission.
I think we succeeded the first one, didn't we?
Yeah, we did.
And we thought, oh, brilliant.
Right. Okay.
So we went in and then the bloody USS whatever it is, Seracluse, was being attacked.
So we sort of row, right, approached targets so we could get close.
Full speed.
And he just didn't.
And by the time we finally got to the other ship, it had been blown out of the sky.
We couldn't get the bastard to move the ship forward.
He just wouldn't do it.
And the game had got so sick of waiting, it had spawned the next set of bloody Klingon birds of praise and warbirds.
So it's like, oh no.
Did we have four or five to deal with?
Sorry, not warbirds.
Yeah, birds of prey.
And I think we had destroyers as well.
Yeah.
Okay, so we're now, not only have we lost a ship, we're coming into it and there's now four Klingon ships that are just kind of coming to us.
And we just got annihilated.
Yeah, we got obliterated.
All because he couldn't put his foot down.
Because he just wouldn't put his foot down, would he?
No, but then the next one, it was absolutely fine.
So the AI maybe could be improved, but it hasn't detracted from really wanting to play it again.
I'm just really, really excited to play it again.
It's quite an old game now though, I think, isn't it?
Say that again?
It's quite an old game now.
Fairly old.
It's been around for a while.
I think it was around on the first PSVR.
In fact, I could probably Google it while we're doing this.
It was funny, you say about the AI, when we were on fire and there was a guy on another subsystem next to me and his console was in flames.
And he's just sat there typing.
Accessing USS Shit Show crew member log files.
Please select required crew member.
Ensign Cort selected, commencing playback.
Ensign's log, star date.
Actually, computer, can we just skip giving star dates?
Don't you date stamp these automatically if I have to go back through them and listen to them or something?
Also, do I have to say instance log as well?
If I get a promotion, what happens to these?
What is the next rank?
I probably should know then.
I'm going to go and look it up.
End log.
So there you go. It was released on Windows and PlayStation 4, May 30th, 2017.
Yeah, I thought it said 2017.
That's interesting. It is available on Quest.
Directly on Quest?
Oculus Quest, December 16th, 2019.
Oh, really? OK.
We'll have to dig that one out.
I mean, we've also on Steam VR now.
You've got all the packs so we can have the classic Enterprise D and the classic 1701 with no letters after it.
But actually talking about that, they've been very clever with how they've done it.
But at the same time, that was a bit of a shock to the system.
So we were playing as the USS Aegis, which is in effect the Enterprise from the reboot of Star Trek.
So the Chris Pine era of Star Trek.
And it's a really nice bridge. It's really fun.
And it's fairly easy to work out.
I didn't do any of the tutorial and I worked out through playing the first mission.
So it gives you an idea of how simple it is to find things.
We then did our final mission on the Enterprise D and everything is different.
So different.
You've got this tiny view screen, which really does affect how you play.
And then there's no simple screen where you move power about.
I think, did you ever did you look at the operations console when you played it?
No, it was weird from the captain's perspective and you probably because you were behind me.
You were in Worf's position.
You stood up behind me, which is very odd because when you spoke, it sounded like you're behind me, which was really.
This is crazy.
The room felt like I was in a cinema.
It was massive. The room was so huge.
It's a huge bridge.
And the captain just had like an iPad.
So rather than having like two screens either side of my chair, I had to pull up an iPad, which then meant I could only use my left hand because the right hand was the only hand that would let you hold the iPad.
I couldn't reach over with my left.
So I had to touch the screen my left, which is, you know, immersive in the experience.
But in real life, I might have had it.
So, you know, everything is L cars on the Enterprise D.
It is all fully like you are like you see during the next generation episodes.
It's that L cars interface on everything.
So it's been done properly.
It's not like they've just modernised it so you can do it.
Oh, no. Yeah.
It's everything about it was screaming next gen.
It was just it was different from the other ship that we were using.
Oh, my God. So different.
So the bit that I found.
So there's an operations at the front.
And if you go there, what you then choose.
So when I was acting as weapons at the back where wharf stands, it's like you have phasers, but you can improve the phaser efficiency if you go to operations.
You've got the map of the ship and it's got all these slots down the right hand side showing where people are currently working.
And if you want to improve like phaser accuracy or phaser power, you have to choose take people away from certain sections and move them to armory, let's say.
And then once you've moved them to work in armory, you get better phasers.
So you're actually telling crew members to move around.
It's not dissimilar to the first one in on the USS Aegis.
Well, you're doing there is you're a bit like the Sims and a bit like any of the EA creating games where you create your own character.
You've got your set number of units you have and you take them away from a column.
You get plus one and you can put on a different column.
Yeah. And that's that's what you were doing on the Aegis for the shields, the phaser.
You know, you're doing on the TNG one, it's just you're doing it with people instead on the ice when you could you could do that.
But then also you could drag the nodes across.
So where you had the three colors, he had three everyone who's not watching this can't tell what I'm doing.
So imagine imagine three cylinders, three colors.
Yes. And each represented a subsystem.
It was what shields, weapons and engines, engines.
And yeah, you could let's say each one can hold 10 pips and you're you're given 20.
So you can't have all 30. You've got to share it out.
Well, once you've you can put them all into one side, you'd have a few left over.
But also each each one of these columns, it has four or five subsections inside it.
And you can drag them over so you can bypass all power across over to just one.
So not only can you fill all the power into, say, the engines, you can then the extra power you've got, you can then drag over.
Oh, you see, I hadn't worked that out.
And I think there's quite a bit to work out on some of the other bits.
And I might have to go back and do the tutorial.
But that's where the TNG one was so confusing, because you think all we need really is engines.
We need shields and we need weapons, weapons, shields and engines.
Yeah.
But there was like make sure you got staff in sick bay and that had astrometrics.
So if you didn't have someone in astrometrics, scanning stopped working or scanning was heavily reduced.
So you couldn't search ahead.
And in the case of like the gravimetric mines, if you can't see far enough ahead, you're going to crash into them.
Yeah. So it was really, really involved kind of moving them around.
So I don't know if you could really trust the AI to do it.
And we didn't really you crashed out, didn't you?
I think midway through my battery did anything.
Yeah. Yeah.
So we couldn't really work that one out.
A batch run out because what we were saying before about the cable.
So my computer, I think we must do something different when the cable, I think when the cables in it, the computer must think it's dual screening.
Oh, really? OK.
I think that that's the only thing I can think of what it is, because it is playing things on your monitor.
Yeah. And in the headset.
So I've got a feeling that it now thinks it's playing the game twice.
And it just my performance inside the game just plummeted because I've got a nearly 10 year old graphics card in my computer.
So it's not I'm told by one of the guys on this court that it from Mark that it is the already.
But it's a nine. So you tell me how much a nine eighty is already.
It it couldn't can do it.
Whereas and the same with the steam, there's a steam app on the quest.
Yes. For streaming.
That is terrible. In my experience, I'm sat next to a Wi-Fi six access point.
Full signal it one gig broadband.
This the and the connection was constantly just awful.
Whereas as soon as I turned on, I was looking up on Reddit and the loads of people like, don't get that bollocks.
Don't listen to anybody that thinks good.
Just use virtual desktop because there's a virtual desktop on the quest and it is literally just mirroring what's on your screen.
And that works flawlessly, absolutely flawlessly.
I've not had any stuttering, no artifacts, nothing.
And I have to turn my EZ virus firewalls off because I block it.
And as soon as you do that, absolutely.
I think it's probably about the specs of the machine as well.
Yeah. The one I'm running on, it's 32 gig of RAM.
It's a RTX 3060 in it. It's an I7 eight core.
And via the link cable, I get zero problems.
It's it's almost a fact. I don't see any lag at all.
It's it's it's incredible.
So I think it is down to spec wise more than anything there.
Yeah. Just going to pause there.
Hello everyone. While he's gone, I've got my retro it in front of me.
So let's have a look together at what's on my retro.
Intermission sound.
Got some PS2 games and some PSP games.
What PSP games are we going to put on there?
Crisis. Oh yeah. Crisis call. I haven't played that yet.
Daxter, Livy City, Lumines, X-Men Legends 2.
That's quite a good one. X-Men Legends 2.
PlayStation, Nintendo stuff.
This is the N64 stuff that we want.
Yeah. Loads of stuff. What should we do?
Can I get to start quickly?
Oh, Shadow Man. I haven't played that in a long time.
South Park. The buttons for the South Park.
The PS. Fucking annoying.
I haven't tried Star Fox on here. Let's try Star Fox.
She's going to complain to me about some update or some bullshit.
Consent. What are we fucking consenting to?
We use the die show interface if anyone cares about their retro stuff.
Please wait.
Ah, right. Okay. It's loading.
Star Fox.
Put the sound on so you can hear it.
Hear that?
I'm talking to you like the air.
Star Fox.
Cornelia. Fourth planet of the Lilac system.
This isn't Star Fox. Now it's the first Star Fox game.
Never mind. Done it now. Let's get this.
Let's get it on.
Hmm.
It's about time you showed up, Fox. You're the only hope for our world.
I'll do my best. Andros won't have his way with me.
Andros won't have his way with me? What am I playing?
Conker's Bad Fur Day? No.
Oh.
Star Fox, Lilac Wars.
Yeah.
Do a barrel roll.
I might leave all that in. I was talking the whole time you weren't there.
Oh, God. No.
So just to confirm, was it your headset that lost battery or the...
The headset. Yeah, the headset ran out of battery.
What we or what I learned was the cable shows it's charging the headset,
but if you read the reviews and even the product's own literature, it says,
because of the length of the cable, it will not charge your headset.
So the mistake I made was T got upset and I had to go up,
and I disappeared for about 40 minutes, didn't I?
And you left it on. And the headset was there.
What I should have done is, because I just ran off,
I should have just quickly just plugged it in and then it would have been fine.
Yeah, that's the way it goes.
It lives on charging.
Things only got like a three to four hour battery,
which in normal ways I'm playing, that's way more than enough.
When am I going to sit in the VR and not be sick within two hours, let alone four?
But for some reason...
I could see that with Bridge Crew though.
I could see us playing it for that length of time.
I had no motion sickness, nothing in there.
I was absolutely fine. Bit of ice cream by the end of it, but it was like nearly midnight.
When you go on the outside of the ship, you'll get that slight bit of motion nausea.
I did that in the training and I didn't like it, so I just don't do it.
Yeah, I can understand why it's in there,
because it's quite useful to look around and see, right, what am I missing?
What am I meant to be looking for?
I'd say I can do that, so I think a Starship probably could do it.
Yeah, exactly.
So, other than the VR game though, we've actually played quite a bit of Star Trek games, haven't we?
Over the podcast time, we definitely have.
We've spoken about some of them before.
We played... let me get my notes up, because I did actually instantly forgot the main one that we both played.
Yeah, Elite Force. We did loads of Elite Force, didn't we?
Oh, so Elite Force was one of the best games that I ever bought for my first gaming computer.
So, I remember my first gaming computer. I went out and I bought Serious Sam to start with.
Yep.
And brilliant game, but I installed it and it wouldn't work.
No matter what I did, it just would not work.
And it's like, well, that's really weird.
And then I looked up and someone had said there was a potential CD bug.
So, I took it back to HMV at the time in St Albans and they said, oh, we haven't got another one installed.
I said, do you just want a refund? I said, no, I'll have a look.
And Elite Force was there. So, I picked up Elite Force and I'm so glad I did.
I took it. Fun fact, Serious Sam started working without the disc.
So, it's like, oh, I've got two games.
But yeah, I took Elite Force home and I think I sat and played that nonstop until I completed it.
We're talking about immersion to the Star Trek universe with Bridge Crew.
Elite Force, surprisingly, is a really immersive game.
Yeah. And it still holds up now.
If you don't mind, I would class that as like PlayStation era graphics, that kind of Half-Life 1 graphics.
It used the Quake 3 engine.
Yeah. So, it looked good for the time and it still looks OK now, but you can get it looking better.
So, there's a load of texture packs you can download for it now.
People have made a load of 4K and widescreen patches for it.
So, you can have it on modern hardware without it looking too bad.
But it still looks dated. I know what you're saying there.
Yeah.
But I think the biggest thing that I kind of took from it was it wasn't just a trick game like we'd played before.
Things like a Final Unity, the point and click game.
Or Bridge Commander, which we did play on.
I played on the Game Boy and I think you played the SNES version when we got the Retroids.
It gave you more than I expected.
So, it wasn't just walking around with a phaser and a phaser rifle and then the prototype anti-borg weapon.
But you had a tricorder and you were expected to use this tricorder just like you would have seen on the TV show.
Which was the one... We have spoke about this on the podcast already, where I shut the shield in front of that dude.
Was that number two?
No, I think that's... Was that even one?
One of them starts with the Borg.
Yeah.
And then it's the other one.
So, Elite Force 2 starts with you going up against a very weird species that's been converted to Borg.
So, you're on the Borg ship and then you go up against this giant fucking troll-like Borg.
But then it's against the insect aliens.
Okay, so it's number one then.
Yeah, number one is the one I think you were talking about where you kill someone.
I was running around the corridors of whatever ship we were on, I can't remember.
That's it, you had to erect the shields, didn't you?
Yeah, and there's a guy running and he's like, put the shields up, put the shields up.
So I did and they showed shield in front of him.
He got blown up.
Well, you know what? It was a nice game like that because there are so many games that would have just let an NPC walk through that.
Instead, Elite Force stuck to their guns.
It's like, if you put the shield up, nothing's coming through there.
And if that means one of the colleagues you're with gets killed, they get killed.
Yeah.
No, Elite Force had a big, big, big fondness for.
I mean, the whole Borg era and it was kind of, it was more kind of Voyager kind of era, wasn't it? Uniform-wise and design-wise.
We could walk around the Voyager ship.
Oh, yes, yes, you could.
And then you could go and kill Janeway and then Tuvok and his security team would beam in and kill you.
Could you?
Oh, did you not know this?
No, I just walked around the ship and it was like I could kill people.
It may have been the game of the year edition, but the game of the year edition, yeah, you've got the walk around Voyager, but you've got all the main characters there.
And if you use the cheat to get the weapons, you can go and shoot people in the face.
And whenever you kill a main killer, kill anyone, Tuvok beams in with two security people and they shoot you.
I love a game where you could just walk around the ships, but they populate the ships.
I would like just like kind of not Starfield, but you know what I mean?
An actual Star Trek game where you are going around, you are flying the ship, you are on the crew, you are everywhere.
The crew is filled in the ship's field.
You know, maybe you could interact with all the people in kind of like a like a Bethesda game SP and have real race it with crew members.
Be told to do things.
I think there was one.
That's what I'd like to play.
I think there was one.
It was called Star Trek Online.
Well, I've played Star Trek Online and it's just like an MMO.
It's just an MMO.
Oh, is it?
All right.
OK.
I thought that maybe you had the chance of being on ships and stuff.
It wasn't just.
I would like some like super wicked like single player experience where they've really gone and you own a ship.
You know, even let's just say, for example, like imagine if you were tasked as being Dirty Kim and it went through the Voyager.
I'm not saying this what the game would be, but just imagine it went through the whole Voyager thing and you were that character.
That would be very cool.
You know, doing sexually explicit things with people in the holodeck, you know, hitting on all the women all the time.
Will Riker leaving your Riker dust everywhere?
Yeah, just leaving Riker dust everywhere.
Kim Dusk would be pretty great.
That would be nasty, too nasty.
I mean, we're going to have to rate this as an adult episode anyway.
But that kind of happened a little bit in Elite Force 2.
So Elite Force 2 was far more story driven and as much as it had a slightly improved graphics and I really enjoyed the game.
I don't think it was as good as the first one, but what you did get was these whole story breaks.
So whereas between missions, it would just load into a mission again, you'd end up walking around the Enterprise.
So you might get called to go down to the shuttle base to go and do something or go and find your colleague to talk about a certain mission bit for the next mission.
So you'd actually have to use the turbo lift and go to certain sections of the ship that you could walk around.
And there were rooms and there were other people walking around that you could then talk or scan with their scan with your tricorder and often just get looks at funnily because they were really basic NPCs with no real AI except for what route they were told to walk.
But it did genuinely feel like you were on the ship at that point.
So that was quite a nice little touch on it.
I think the thing that let it down a bit was they had to do the whole Hollywood thing and throw a love interest in there.
So there's a whole thing of, do you want to confess your love to her or just say no, I'm back to business, baby.
I don't know why they needed to do that at all.
No, it just wasn't required. It was not required at all.
I mean, I just get declining advances and saying, no, I'm uber professional.
I'm going to go and do this now.
And it would always just be like, oh, OK, then maybe I'll see you later.
Dude, that's how I play all of those games that have love interests.
I'm like, this isn't a scenario where I'll be having sex with you.
Like, Baldur's Gate, I haven't played Baldur's Gate 3 yet.
This is not strata related, but I know that you can basically just shag multiple characters.
It's the same with Mass Effect.
I was like, no, the whole universe in Mass Effect 3 is like about to implode.
I've got way more important things to worry about than having sex with you.
To be fair, the Elite Force 3 thing, 2 stuff was fairly simple.
It was one or two clicks on a conversation tree and then you were done.
It wasn't as bad as GTA 4, for example, which honestly,
this is what put me off playing the single player of GTA 4,
was you walking around the street or...
Come play darts with me.
Your girlfriend wants to go on a date.
I don't want to go on a fucking date with her.
I've run her over three times and she keeps coming back.
I drove her into the river the other day.
Your cousin wants to go bowling. Why bloody well don't?
I've never completed that because whenever I restart it, I can't deal with those tutorial bits.
I hate it so much.
I know you're trying to make this immersive, but this is too immersive.
Yeah, I wonder how the new one will be.
We'll find out in 10 years when it comes out.
Oh, don't. Anyway, back to Star Trek.
So that's Elite Force cover-off.
Both of them were genuinely brilliant.
You know what? I got mine on GOG.com.
Yep.
And I think I paid £1.29 for each of them because they're often on sale.
Super, super site. Well worth going and buying your games from there.
Again, not sponsored. If they'd like to sponsor us, I wouldn't say no.
Yeah, sponsor us.
But it's a bloody brilliant web page.
But yeah, so often their games are really cheap.
And yeah, as soon as Elite Force came up, I think I messaged you, didn't I, saying,
these are really cheap right now.
Just to let everyone know that today we're sponsored by Raid Shadow Legends.
And I'm sponsored by World of Tanks.
Yeah, War Thunder, brought to you by War Thunder.
There you go.
How much do they owe us now?
I'm telling you now, we are never, ever, ever getting sponsored by either of those three companies or a VPN.
No, yeah, NordVPN. Play your War Thunder using NordVPN.
I mean, how the hell does Tom Scar get money from NordVPN?
They must just think it's funny.
Or Internet Historian.
It's all good publicity to some of them, isn't it?
Yeah, true, true.
What's the next game we're talking about?
That's my list. What's the one you played on? We played one on the Retroid.
So yeah, on the Retroid, I played Bridge Commander on Game Boy. And again, it was surprisingly a really good game.
That was a better one than the SNES one I played.
Yeah, so the SNES one, you had to beam down to planets and stuff, didn't you, in the end?
You were walking around. The Game Boy one was really very similar to Bridge Crew.
You could choose who you wanted to talk to on the bridge.
And then there were mini games thrown in. So it's like you choose what planet you'd want to warp to, what speed you wanted to go at.
If there was a ship to go and shoot, you'd go into targeting mode and you could fire your phasers and your torpedoes at them until they blew up.
If you need to go and rescue people on a planet, then you got this little weird beaming game where you used your D-pad to move around the screen until you found the little body running around and you'd press a button once you'd locked on to beam them up.
And it doesn't take long to complete, but at the same time it was a great way to lose half an hour of time, an hour of time.
If you were just looking for something to sit down and just waste time with, it was brilliant.
And really surprisingly good for a Game Boy game.
Yeah, I think that one was better. Because the SNES one, I can't remember the name of it now, what it was called, Star Trek something.
I think that was Bridge Command again. Yeah, it didn't have any of those mini games.
The things that you just got were now on the ground on the planet and that stuff was not good. It wasn't very fun, I didn't think.
You know, you had like three people, you'd individually move them around and leave them where they were.
I couldn't figure out the buttons because there's no way of having any idea what the buttons were.
I did play that one, yes, because you told me about how different it was. So I went and played it.
And yeah, you're right, your first one you moved down, it's Romulans, isn't it? And you're on this kind of almost like a syndicate style level.
It's kind of isometric. And you move them around, you can send one person up to go and control a control panel.
You can set people to like stand by or shoot on site and stuff like that.
But it was overly complicated for what it was. And it didn't do it very well.
And it was the classic Star Trek trope of sending all of your highest ranking officers down to Blamie's.
We've got Ryker, we've got Theta, we've got The Forge, we've got Beverly, I fuck Ghosts Crusher.
That's an episode we will have to watch at some point. If you didn't know that exists, she ends up having sex with ghosts.
Right. Yep. Irish ghosts as well. It's a very weird episode that one. Very weird.
But yeah, it was overly complicated. And yeah, you'd sit down your A-list crew.
And as soon as one of them gets shot, one of them panics and says beam us up and then you're back on the Enterprise.
Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't very good. Yeah. I think I did that one mission as I'm not playing this again, because I just didn't enjoy it, which I'm surprised that.
Particularly when I'd read your review on the site about your one.
As I said, the Gameboy one I had a lot of fun with. The only other one I've ever played on kind of what we term modern consoles was I played the Mega Drive version of Deep Space Nine.
Oh yeah. It's a platformer. I've never played much of it. I need to go back to it.
But it was quite cool because you're kind of running around all the decks of Deep Space Nine and you're Cisco and you've got Punch, you've got Phaser and it was a platformer.
Yeah. Kind of felt very much like the Jurassic Park platform you got on the Mega Drive, I guess. Yep. Just very Star Trek based.
So I will go back and play that one again. But that's for another time, I think.
I'm just currently looking on Google at the other Star Trek games. I'm trying to think what.
Well, the only one that I know that I definitely played is the one you bought for my birthday last year. And that's a Final Unity. And that was the point and click CD-ROM.
And I have very fond memories of playing that and remembering when you get to that first space station and someone's being crushed by a pillar.
Just completely ignoring them going in, getting on and then leaving the station while they're still on the floor because you didn't have to rescue them.
It was just one person that if you choose to rescue you can. But if you don't want to just leave them there.
Yeah. You were talking about it's called Star Trek Deep Space Nine The Fallen the game's called. Oh, is it The Fallen? Right. OK, that makes sense.
If you look at the screenshots for it, it was pretty good. Yeah, it looked pretty good. I just saw it then.
There's a recent one that's just come out. Well, they were. No. So there's an add on or some kind of mod for Stellaris, I think, which is Star Trek related.
That looked really good. Basically, it's just Stellaris that just rebranded.
Are you sure? I'm just looking at the Fallen now. That looks very PlayStation. I'm talking Mega Drive.
Oh, OK. This one is Star Trek Infinite.
Oh, there you go. Mine. It looks like it was Crossroads in Time or Crossroads of Time was the one I was playing.
And it's very typical Mega Drive SNES graphics. As soon as you see it, you know what I mean.
You'll be able to picture it in your head. But yeah, the Fallen, that looks like it was a PlayStation.
Oh, maybe it said PC. Oh, PC. Well, that would that would explain that actually. Yeah, possibly.
Yeah, I'm trying to think of other ones that they have been. There's been loads. There's actually been shit loads, isn't there?
Yeah, there's been loads of point and click adventures.
There's all the original Star Trek games that came out on the 8-bit micro systems, which really were just like
astruses on a screen that you'd pretend was a ship and then you'd kind of put the coordinates in and say fire and it would tell you if you'd hit or not.
Then you kind of got to the early PC days when the point and click adventures came and then you got the platformers.
Then you got a handful of like the games consoles came out. So we got some basic ones on there.
Oh, there's Dominion Wars. There's Dominion Wars is another Star Trek Deep Space Nine game.
Oh, OK. Again, not any really I've come across because it was kind of that era. I didn't really have a games console.
I only played Crossroads of Time because I found it on the Retroid.
This is one I was thinking of Star Trek Resurgence. It's kind of like that's one of the newest ones since you're a long time ago.
But it's you know, those, you know, like Sam and Max games.
The old point and click ones, the kind of new slightly new ones. Telltale games.
I think it's not by them, but it's one of those type of games, I think.
Right. OK. I know what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. I thought that one looked quite good.
Yeah, that looks promising. We might have to look into some of these and play them as and when we can and
maybe do some Twitch episodes of us playing these.
I know Bridge Commander, I'd definitely like to get a live video going of us playing that because I think
that's a lot of fun to watch as well as play. So definitely on that.
But no, you'll find as you research it, Rob, there are so, so, so many games that have been released.
It's a franchise that hasn't been shy about putting out everything and anything with its name attached to it.
Yeah. I mean, there was a Star Trek encyclopedia game that was released, you know, in the kind of whole idea of Incarta.
But Star Trek based. I mean, I'd probably still like that. I probably would.
You can guarantee you'll have mini games hidden in it.
But yeah, it's a world that we need to do a bit more digging into, I think, because there's a fair few that we could probably play.
Not just have a lot of fun with, but do a lot with.
I would like to get a few videos of us playing the Bridge Commander. I don't know how we'll do.
I think my computer would die if I tried to record my footage, but I think we could probably record yours.
And obviously they'll hear me anyway. They don't need to see both of our points of views.
Well, that's what I'm thinking. I think what we'll do is we'll set up a recording session.
My laptop's got an HDMI out on it so we can plug in my what one is it?
And now I've got an Elgato HD60 so I can record footage on HDMI out via that.
And then, yeah, we can record the screen footage either or use the game box, the Xbox game bar game recorder, which is probably the best way of doing it.
And then maybe film us with a camera as well and have us in the bottom section of the screen sat near each other in the VR kit looking very weird as we do it.
Command functions are offline.
Right. Well, look, we've nearly done an hour here.
Yeah, God, it's easy. It's going to be quick, actually.
So a little bit less because we had a little break in the middle.
But we've got the skit at the beginning.
Don't forget, which is six or seven minutes long.
Yeah. So not too bad.
We actually have done a reasonable amount.
It's funny, actually, I was thinking this, the Untitled Trek show we removed from the main show to make the main show shorter, which failed miserably.
But this, we seem to manage to hit the one hour mark fairly consistently.
Yeah. It's almost like we know it needs to just be about an hour.
Well, plus we don't have loads of mini games and returning features and stuff.
It's just we talk about one thing.
So true.
To go off what we're saying.
So next episode, we're going to watch two VIX.
Star Trek Voyager Season 2 Episode 24.
OK.
Season 2 Episode 24.
We will catch up with Lower Decks after that episode.
We will catch Lower Decks eventually.
Lovely.
Thanks, everyone.
Oh, thank you.
Look forward to coming up with more USS Shitshow episodes.
It's not going to be every fortnight.
No.
It might not even be once a month, but they will come because I've got ideas.
We should try re-recording some of the USS Shitshow AI I did.
We had some AI ones, yeah.
Now you've got all your audio files to play with.
I'll get you to edit them instead because I reckon you can do a bang up job on that.
And yeah, we'll get a few people.
There's a specific one that had a KFC McDonald's and Burger King join the fight.
Yeah.
So the background of that was we, TJ, you asked ChatGBT to make up some Star Trek episodes for us.
That's where USS Shitshow came from.
That's where the name came from.
Any skit you've ever heard us do has not been AI.
We've written it ourselves, but we have.
Not true.
We did release two Shitshows prior.
Did we actually release some?
Yeah, two came out as bonus episodes ages ago.
I don't know if I've left them up or not.
I don't know if we ever released them.
Yeah, we did.
I don't know if I've left them up, actually.
Let me quickly double check that.
You know what?
Well, the ones we've done recently haven't been.
No, they've been straight from the brain of Rob.
We'll tell you when they are.
I lost my train of thought.
So yeah, two vicks, season two, episode 24 of Voyager.
Thank you, everybody.
Yes, the Unforgettable Encounter, which is the space dildo and the hunt for the space menace are both published.
So yeah, the USS Shitshow was there.
I don't know if I've ever listened to them.
Maybe I never really listened to them.
You must have.
I must have, yeah.
I've been listening to my own podcast all day.
That's how we've got the listening numbers we have.
Yeah, that's how we get it.
I just put it on repeat on Spotify and just let those numbers grow.
Oh, dear.
It's sad if it wasn't true.
Anyway, you can find us on social media.
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It's almost always underscore channel84, but you'll find us on those.
If you want to speak to us through those is absolutely fine.
Or email us on TJ at channel84.co.uk, Robert channel84.co.uk or podcasts, plural, remember.
It's got an S at the end at channel84.co.uk.
That will come through to both of us.
And yeah, I think that's about it for me.
Yeah. And that's all for me.
Love it. Bye.
Live long and prosper. Goodbye.
Love you.
Thank you for listening to the channel 84 variety show.
This station is now shutting down and we'll be back in two weeks.
Excelsior.
Gentlemen.
Gents.
Gentlemen.
There you go, Rob.
Hopefully that's good enough for you.