1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Incoming transmission. 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:11,000 Hello computer, launch program... 3 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:16,000 Launch program RICAS 69. 4 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:25,000 New communication. All crew members on board the USS Enterprise, please read and confirm the following new policy for the holosuite. 5 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:30,000 Directive Picard 7812-01-ALFA. 6 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:36,000 No, we're just gonna go scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll... 7 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,000 Accept! 8 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,000 Alright, here we go. 9 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,000 Twelve seconds later. 10 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:47,000 Mmm, mmm, mmm, yeah, yeah, like that, like that. 11 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,000 Oh, fuck off! 12 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:53,000 Oh, for fuck's sake, computer arch! 13 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,000 Your session has been terminated. 14 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,000 What? 15 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,000 A breach in policy has been detected. Your team leader has been updated. 16 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,000 Oh, oh, for fuck's sake. 17 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:05,000 Footage has been secured for full investigation. 18 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,000 Enter! 19 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:14,000 Good afternoon, Ensign. Please, take a seat. 20 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,000 I'd... I'd rather stand. 21 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:23,000 No, dear, I think you'll sit. Now, please, do try and make yourself comfortable. 22 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:28,000 Yes, now dear, tell me, why do you think you're here? 23 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,000 You know why I'm here, ma'am. 24 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:35,000 Yes, but I'd like you to know why you're here. 25 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:40,000 Because the deviantest disciplinary committee ordered I attend three sessions with you. 26 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:50,000 Exactly, wonderful. Now, need I remind you this is being recorded and transcribed for the committee to review on their data pads after the sessions have finished? 27 00:01:50,000 --> 00:02:02,000 Now then, breaches of the Hollow Suite compliance agreements set out by Captain Picard, in particular 7812-01-Alpha, are taken very seriously. 28 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,000 Especially those of Subsection 3. 29 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:12,000 Subsection 3, ma'am. I don't recall there being any Volupian shadow badges, ma'am. 30 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:21,000 Oh, oh, sorry, my mistake. See, Ensign, even the best of us make mistakes. I meant Subsection 3, Clause 13. 31 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,000 Ah. 32 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:33,000 Yes. Now, I don't know where you found those triples and how you managed to fit quite so many into such a small hole, but thankfully the system safety measures were still active. 33 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:42,000 Now, I must say you did read the policy changes, didn't you? You didn't, let's say, just scroll through it all in three seconds and tap accept? 34 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,000 Um, of course not, ma'am. 35 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:50,000 Indeed. Now, I'd like you to tell me how this all began. 36 00:02:50,000 --> 00:03:05,000 Well, it all started when I was in the Academy. I had just realised the average size of the human penis had increased by 30cm and that if I stretched my butt cheeks I could fit quite a bit in and there was no one to stop me. 37 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:13,000 Don't stop me now. I took over my face when you started saying about stretching your butt cheeks. 38 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:36,000 Well, a little bit gaping. 39 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,000 Hello, hello and welcome to a... 40 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,000 Untitled Trek show. 41 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:50,000 Untitled Trek show. I was thinking like, well, it's already episode three, we're moving slightly away from what we want the formula to actually be. 42 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:57,000 We had an interesting WhatsApp engagement today? Was it today or yesterday? 43 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,000 No, it was yesterday. 44 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:18,000 As of recording, it was yesterday. You sent me a video of Riker being intimate. Being Riker. Being Riker in the holodeck, which led to a three minute rant by me to you on the WhatsApp audio of trying to understand the intricacies of the holodeck. 45 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:42,000 Yeah, let's not be childish about this. I've got plenty of messages on my phone discussing semen. This is kind of where it's ended up, hasn't it? So, yeah, today we are moving away from Darmok. That's going to be the next episode now. Arms wide open, Rob's cock hanging out. 46 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:55,000 Makes sense when you watch Darmok. Riker's legs open. Yeah. Yeah, that sort of bang on. There you go. You've got the hang of it already without seeing the episode. Perfect. This seemed to take precedence, I think. This was much more important. 47 00:04:55,000 --> 00:05:09,000 Well, it links to what we said about Paris and the holodeck getting turned off on him and he was sat on the floor. Because that led to some conversation with each other. What's happening in there? 48 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:22,000 And then also we've mentioned previously on the podcast about that episode. I was meant to look the episode up, but I can't remember now, of lower decks when they're cleaning the holodeck canisters. 49 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:39,000 I think it's season four, episode two, was it? It was one of the new season, wasn't it? And yeah, Boimler gets the worst job out there, which is cleaning up the canisters of residue from the holodecks. 50 00:05:52,000 --> 00:06:14,000 So when I was looking it up, because I was going to pick one of these episodes to actually talk about, there's previous episodes where they have these tubes. Really? And I think it's got the guy who's in like all of the Star Treks. He's in Deep Space Nine. 51 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:33,000 He was the teleporter guy in Next Generation. Oh, Miles O'Brien. Yeah. And he's got these hover like tray things and they're all on it. And they're all going wrong. Yeah. I found it on YouTube. So I was like, I'm going to have to look up what episode this was and see. Maybe I was going to pick that as our episode. 52 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:54,000 I hadn't even thought about that. Quarks Bar has holosweets. They must be the most gross. Oh gross. Yeah. That's grim. Just knowing what he markets and that he advertises he has adult holodeck sweet apps. Just, oh no, I hadn't even thought about that. 53 00:06:54,000 --> 00:07:14,000 Okay. So what we were saying to get everyone in on what it was. You sent this clip of Riker, insert here now for the audio version. And it got to the question of like, okay, so we're going to be under the understanding now that you have sex in the holosweet. 54 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:25,000 Yeah, we're going to, we're going to go with that. People go for sexual relief at some point. Not everyone, but there are going to be some users of the holodeck that go to go and get their kit off. 55 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,000 Riker and Kim. 56 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:31,000 People really use it for that. Oh yeah, it's mostly that. 57 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:38,000 Right. So, and we also know it's supposedly a very disgusting job emptying the tubes. 58 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:44,000 Yeah. We've got the idea. It's not a job anyone wants to do on the Cerrito. 59 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:52,000 So the questions I'm going to start falling into the exact same terrible questions I had before. 60 00:07:52,000 --> 00:08:08,000 What I was saying is when you have a computer game now and to save on the, the RAM, they don't like generate other areas of games behind buildings. What you can't see basically don't generate. 61 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:20,000 It's ray tracing isn't it? That's the basic of it. What you can see is what you can see. And as you move it scales, it changes the textures as you approach it. And it gets better the nearer you get that sort of thing. 62 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:26,000 You can make the assumption the holodeck is doing the same thing. Even though they're super duper amazing wicked computers. 63 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:38,000 They're not going to need to. You don't need to know what's behind the bar until you're behind the bar. It knows what it's going to put there because it's been written or it knows what it's going to generate something using its algorithm. 64 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:52,000 Dali 2598 or chat GBT 65 million knows what it's going to put behind there. But the computer doesn't need to do it. And that led to the question of, is it the same for the people? 65 00:08:52,000 --> 00:09:00,000 Like, okay, just before we get dirty, it doesn't need to think he's just started going. Hi Chris. 66 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:16,000 It doesn't need to generate the blood inside a person until the person gets shot and then it will generate the blood. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. In theory, when you see someone when they're walking the street, they're behind the bar, they're in whatever storyline you're going with or game you're playing. 67 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:38,000 They are just an empty capsule base. They are just hollow as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. Now, with that hollow in mind, Raika is there and he's going to say this is going to be the most R rated 18 certificate episode that you and I have ever done. 68 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:54,000 I don't think I've ever heard any other Star Trek podcast talk about it in an adult way. They always seem to be a bit squeamish about it or avoid it. And we're adults here. We can have fun with this. 69 00:09:54,000 --> 00:10:01,000 Captain, I recommend we program a holodeck simulation. Try recreating the accident. Sex. 70 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:15,000 So, does the computer, the joke of it, like, as soon as the computer knows that you're going to be having sex with this, let's just say man and woman because we're men it's going to be easier for us to work with right now. 71 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:32,000 But has it already mapped out the lady's vagina? Just the outside of it? So, all these programs, yeah, they're written by someone. They're designed and we get in TNG Geordie designs and more data has made them. 72 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:49,000 In fact, all of them, Worf's got his own ones that he's made. Does that mean there's a holodeck character creator? I'd like big tits, I'd like a hairy face. Well, yeah, maybe. I guess so. It's like chat GPT. He's character creator at this level. 73 00:10:49,000 --> 00:11:05,000 You know what we said on the last main line episode about Cybertunk having massive willies. It's the same thing. It's literally the cyberpunk and starfield character generation. Yeah, exactly. Oh, God, it really changes my ideas of Geordie the Forge and what he'd be doing. 74 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:24,000 Yeah, well, you see, I don't like saying it about him because I feel he was done dirty. As an actor, he was done dirty. His character was just as gross as Ryker and Dirty Kim. Well, he was worse. He'd set up holosuite programs where he'd programmed a beach and sexual music to be played. 75 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:36,000 And it was with a real person too. Yeah, yeah, that is gross. Computer load Mariner program all new to Olympic training facility. You might want to back up a bit. 76 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:59,000 Wow, this is a really detailed program. So, as I was saying, as the computer now thinks, okay, this has led to a point now where I need to start. Oh, they're pulling my trousers off my pants off. I better quickly just make the outside of vagina. Oh, balls. Actually, I need to now. I need balls. I need to make the inside of this vagina. 77 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:09,000 Now, where does the moisture come from TJ? Where does it come from? 78 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:29,000 Computer pause. Make vagina 5% less tight and 10% moisture. No, no, no, that's not what it would say. It would say, for computer pause, change vagina to Ryker 3491. 79 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:40,000 Because he already had all of the settings already ready. Because he knew what he wanted at each point of time. I'm not into that right now and I'll have this one. 80 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:51,000 Can you just imagine if it's some ensign who can't be seen, he's wearing like a green screen outfit, running around with a little squirty bottle of lube, just sprays your knob when it's hanging out. 81 00:12:51,000 --> 00:13:03,000 That's what I was saying to you. So the holodeck is, we all in agreement, it is basically what hard, excusing the pun, light. That's what it is. 82 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:28,000 And it's explained in TNG as well at one point. What you're seeing is basically a bubble around you. So if there's multiple people in the holodeck, they could be 10 foot away from you. But in the game or the scenario, whatever you're playing, they could be two miles away because it's projecting that bubble around them and the environment that they're in could be completely different to yours. 83 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:46,000 That's just made me think of something else. In this scenario, imagine if you've gone in with a group of friends, lads, stagged you. And you've gone into the brothel holodeck suite. Dirty Kim program one. 84 00:13:46,000 --> 00:14:01,000 The first one he ever did. Yeah, exactly. So they've gone in and now they all think they're in individual rooms. But if someone just as like goes archway or whatever they say to come in, walks in, they're just going to see loads of lads. 85 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:05,000 But naked. 86 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:11,000 Really close together because the computer is like, because you're on a spaceship, it's tight for space. They're not going to have loads of room for these things. 87 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:30,000 It's just it's there's so many questions. This opens up way too many. But you're right. So it then opens up that horrible question. Like you said, where does the moisture come from? So I'm guessing it must use part teleporter, part teleporter. 88 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:46,000 No, could you imagine if it's teleport teleporting in liquid to around the man's penis? And what if it went wrong? Teleporters go wrong. Suddenly your penis just gets teleported away. It must use a little bit of the transporter technology, but it must also be using some of the 89 00:14:46,000 --> 00:15:02,000 The replicator. Replicator. Yeah, that's what it's got to be replicating. Lube, I'm guessing, Jiffy lube. And that's getting put by the transporter into the area of her crotch. 90 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:19,000 Just I just kind of always just assumed that when they were drinking things, you know, like they're in the in the bar in, you know, in the next generation episode, I think, where they're like mob, there's like a mob fight in a speaking and they're all drinking. I just assumed they're just pretending. 91 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:26,000 No, I assume that that was all replicator. So we're saying the holodeck is also a giant replicator. 92 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:42,000 I assume it either has the ability to use replicator or the computer has like a replicator in a cupboard in there and it transports it to the bits that needs to. Right. Voyager did the replicators didn't work, didn't they? 93 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:56,000 Yeah, you're right for the first few seasons. There's no replicator because of the power problems, but they're still allowed to use the holodeck. And is that still creating liquid and moisture? No, you just had lots of dry farts. 94 00:15:56,000 --> 00:16:16,000 Okay. So we're just agreeing that they were spraying. I'm guessing there was like Janeway policy 001 on the holodeck. Do not use this for sex while we are very, very critical for power and far away from home. Instead, just fuck your coworkers. 95 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:27,000 Yeah, exactly. And does the computer know when someone walks in what to expect from them? Because it's going to learn. So it knows when Harry Kim comes in, it knows it's going to have to pre-render that vagina. 96 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:39,000 Yeah, don't bother just hiding it. Just pre-render it. 12 seconds, the knickers are going to be off. Why have we rendered clothes on this woman? Just go full on naked. 97 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:53,000 Exactly. Imagine he hasn't cleared his browser, his holodeck history. And his mum comes round and is like, oh, let's go to that. Do you remember that restaurant we used to go to, darling? And he's like, yes. 98 00:16:53,000 --> 00:17:01,000 Let's go. The great holodeck program. You log in. You log in. And he forgets and he walks in and it's just a mess. 99 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:16,000 I overheard Harry the other day with his chums. He said he'd written the best holodeck program he'd ever written. Let's have a go at it, shall we, darling? Oh, go on. Oh my gosh, my darling. Why has he got, why has she got 17 breasts? 100 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:20,000 I suppose she might be into it if it's his mum. 101 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,000 Blah, blah. 102 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,000 Not needed. Not needed. But you're right. 103 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:32,000 It is the way in which we propagate our species. Please demonstrate how this is accomplished. 104 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:48,000 Voyager is a really good point here, because I feel like almost every other episode of Voyager, the computers are on low power or low data mode, because astrometrics yet again are using them. 105 00:17:48,000 --> 00:18:01,000 It almost seems every episode astrometric. So does that cause a problem with the holosuites? You're in the holosuites. Oh, yeah. Oh, I've got the Ryker program running. Let's pull down their knickers. And again, it's like cyberpunk. It's just pixelated to start with. 106 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:10,000 And it goes from those big chunky pixels. Then it goes to the little ones. Then it goes to something a little bit more noticeable. Ah, it's rendered. 107 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:23,000 You know, that whole render delay. And even then, okay, what happens if you write a program? Does the holodeck say, we're sorry, but you've run out of resources. Please restart and try again. 108 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:28,000 Yeah, you've got resource management. Yeah, so you can't have boobs that big. You've got to manage the resources. 109 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:34,000 I'm sorry, but having 700 women naked is past the resource allowance on this holodeck. 110 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:44,000 Well, I was saying to you that I thought that, you know, maybe there's like some kind of drone flying around in the holodeck spraying. 111 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:52,000 The Henry Hoover attachment just hanging down. Oh, that's a knob quake. 112 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:58,000 The Teletubby Nunu Hoover going around attaching itself to the groins of the men. 113 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:05,000 Time for Tubby Custard. That's fucking disgusting. 114 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:25,000 Why is it pink unless I've got a very nasty infection? We're gonna get cancelled. 115 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:29,000 Who's gonna cancel us? Us? Yeah, I guess. 116 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:34,000 Okay, yeah. How does it get cleaned up? But yeah, you're right. 117 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:44,000 So unless all the crew of the Enterprise and all the other chips are told, if you're going to go and fuck in the holosuite, you have to wear a condom or you're wiping it up off the floor. 118 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:51,000 Yeah. Okay. So if that's not the case, is the transport used? Oh, ejaculate detected. 119 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:56,000 No, into the bottle. Right. There you go. Done. Yeah. 120 00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:05,000 And then, yeah, but yeah, I like those canisters. Like, how does it collect? What's it collecting it? What is it? What's in them? 121 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:10,000 Does it have a Chris? Do they just have a robot vacuum? Oh, yeah. 122 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:16,000 At the end of the session, it's just a mop and vacuum version. It's got like a wet dry mop. It just goes around and just scoops it up when it's done. 123 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:25,000 Yes, a wet dry hoover that goes around. Oh, gross. Or it just goes and docks in the corner and dumps its load into the hole. Wrong words. 124 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:35,000 But you know, the grates in the ground. It just all just goes down into the sewer system of just ejaculate and feces and all kinds of stuff. 125 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:41,000 So why are you in the medical bay today? I slipped on someone's cum. It didn't go down the drain properly. 126 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:46,000 Yeah, it was my turn to clean the hole that day. There was a hole in my hazmat suit. 127 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:50,000 They just have jet washes in there as well. 128 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:56,000 And what, you know, how we said about Paris was sat on the floor when they turned it off. What if someone turned it off in your mid shag? 129 00:20:56,000 --> 00:21:00,000 We just like slam to the ground. My dick! 130 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,000 Just doing cock push ups on the floor. 131 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:15,000 Right. So we've really talked about cum a load. Okay. People, if you haven't been turned off by this point, then you're just going to have to get used to it. 132 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:29,000 We know from TNG and from Voyager that when an alien race turns up or someone wants something that isn't the replicator, someone goes off, they work out the chemical compositions of it all. 133 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:34,000 They program it into the replicator and wham bam. Thank you. Oh, look, it's perfect. There it is. 134 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:38,000 It'll replicate that thing. Right. 135 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:49,000 What happens if I go into that holodeck and I say I want to be on the other side of a glory hole? 136 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:53,000 I want to swallow. 137 00:21:53,000 --> 00:22:05,000 Who basically programmed? Am I getting cum in my mouth? Am I getting just icing squirted into my mouth? 138 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:16,000 Oh, that's a sweet treat. You know, like who created it? Who sat there programming it going, hmm, still doesn't taste quite right. Hang on a moment. 139 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:27,000 Hmm. Still too salty. You know, like chlorine this time. Have you ever seen those programs where they make stuff in the factories and they're like they have a crisp taste and they got those bowls of crisp in a white lab coat. 140 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:34,000 They just got little little thimbles of just like some kind of white liquid. No, not quite right. 141 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:41,000 Nearly. Viscosity is not quite right. Yeah, I haven't quite got the texture on this one. Doesn't go down quite right. 142 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:46,000 Filling it against the wall. No, it doesn't stick right, does it? 143 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:52,000 Why's this one got clumps? This isn't right at all. Hang on, that's warfs. That's normal. 144 00:22:52,000 --> 00:23:00,000 To be a little bit boring, they probably know the chemical composition of spunk so the computer just does it. 145 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:05,000 Yeah, but. But that's not funny. 146 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:12,000 It's just. It's things people don't think about and yeah, Ryker goes in there to have sex. 147 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:17,000 Geordie blatantly. We only see whatever her name is turn up in two episodes. 148 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:24,000 The person that helped design and build the enterprise, he creates a whole deck version of her and falls in love with her. 149 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:33,000 We blatantly know outside of those episodes, he's gone and he shagged her senses over like the engineering section of the enterprise. 150 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:38,000 All over the place in every room in the cells. We'll do it in that Jeffreys tube. 151 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:43,000 We'll do it with Jeffrey in the Jeffreys tube in Jeffreys tube. 152 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:48,000 I mean, it's it's there. It's going to happen. It's like the rulers of the Internet. 153 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:52,000 We discussed the other day, isn't it? If it's available, it's going to be done. 154 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:58,000 Out of all the captains of the series, who do you reckon goes in there and does it? I think Janeway. 155 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:05,000 So Kirk wouldn't have because it didn't exist. Okay, right. So I guess we're coming into kind of Picard onwards. 156 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:10,000 Oh, Picard blatantly does. Do you reckon? Yeah, I don't think he bangs in the eye. 157 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:16,000 I bet you anything. He gets his English tack onto that horse. He has a nice ride through the countryside. 158 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:22,000 And oh, there's a maiden. She's a big Buxom bed. You're missing. You're mixing up the actor with the character. 159 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:29,000 He's French. Picard is French, isn't he? He'd still be out there looking for some birds to shag in the woods. 160 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:35,000 He'll be out there pretending he's Rob. Sorry, throbbing hood. 161 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:42,000 Throbbing hood. I reckon Janeway is all about it. Janeway blatantly does. Cisco. 162 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:46,000 I reckon she's in there. She's a dom. She's really all over the place in there. 163 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:51,000 She's having she's living the best fucking life. She's 50 Shades of Grey Trek style. Yeah, she's in there. 164 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:57,000 I'm living the life of her. I bet you there's holographic Tuvok takes it. 165 00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:01,000 Tuvok. She's in there with killing Tuvok's over and over and over. 166 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:05,000 That's a stress relief program. Fuck, that's what gets her off. Just murder. 167 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:12,000 I'm going to look you in the eyes as I put my hands around your throat. You can say the safe words. I don't fucking care. 168 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:18,000 I don't know if Cisco would. He seems a bit too wholesome. 169 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:23,000 But I bet Nag has taken Jake into a few of them and they. 170 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:27,000 That's going to be how Jake loses his virginity on Deep Space Nine. Let's face it. 171 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:35,000 It's not going to be with some random alien. It's going to be some dirty dive of a hollow sweet that quark has given him. 172 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:41,000 I don't think Saru would. Saru wouldn't. No, no, I don't think Saru would. 173 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:47,000 But I guess if if like Archer or Kirk had the ability to. Kirk would have been all over it. 174 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:50,000 Kirk would have burnt it out within minutes. 175 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:55,000 He'd have his own special life. He'd like he would know when they're reefing in the canisters. 176 00:25:55,000 --> 00:26:07,000 He'd know the day. They'd be like an outlook calendar with room room bookings on there and it'd be like I see through first through to the seventh is is Kirk time. 177 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:15,000 And he'll have it like more because he'll use aliases. 178 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:24,000 James T Kirk, TK Williams. 179 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,000 I like how he's not even clever enough. 180 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,000 Every abbreviation of his name. 181 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:35,000 I was going to say like how you don't think he's clever enough to like come up with anything other than just different versions of his own name. 182 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:39,000 George Kirk. Yeah, I'll use my brother's login details. 183 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,000 His brother's, yeah. 184 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:47,000 That's just wrong. I think we can all accept though. 185 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,000 Strange new worlds wouldn't. 186 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,000 No, I think he's I think Pike's too busy. 187 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:56,000 Pike absolutely wouldn't. He's nailing someone already, isn't he? 188 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,000 Nice looking lady. I don't need holodeck sex. 189 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,000 I reckon the pilot would be in there. 190 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,000 Oh, God. Yeah, she is. 191 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,000 She's Randy as hell. 192 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,000 I don't blame her. 193 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:16,000 Okay, so I think is that all the sex we need to talk about with the hollow suite because there are other really big glaring problems with it. 194 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,000 Go on. 195 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,000 Crime to start with. 196 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:25,000 So if I walked into the street and beat the fuck up, just beat someone up. 197 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:29,000 Even in Star Trek time, that's going to be a punishable offense. 198 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,000 Yeah. 199 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:43,000 Why would we be allowed to be creating hollow suite games that see me in the most realistic that it can be and just go and beat people up? 200 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,000 Because that's what Worf does. 201 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:50,000 His training programs are him going in there and killing people. 202 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,000 That's all he does. 203 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,000 That can't be legal, surely. 204 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:59,000 That's kind of I can understand from a training point, but he just goes in there when he's pissed off. 205 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:11,000 And this is like, I'm guessing you don't get much of a psychological evaluation because if you feel the need to go and kill people every couple of days, maybe you shouldn't be in charge of security on the Enterprise at this point. 206 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,000 And they've got a counselor. 207 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,000 Yeah, great. 208 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,000 Hi, Deanna. Bye, Deanna. 209 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,000 But they have one. 210 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:21,000 What alien baby have you got in you this time or is it just Riker again? 211 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:25,000 Riker's the only one that's inside. 212 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,000 Calm down. 213 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,000 I knew this was going to be hard. 214 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,000 Hello. 215 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:37,000 I knew this was going to be a tough one to discuss with you, but there you are like a little girl laughing your panties off. 216 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:41,000 It's going to start snorting up. 217 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,000 I don't know how good this is for listening. 218 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,000 I'm hoping. 219 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,000 I hope people actually appreciate that. 220 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,000 You don't get this talk about anywhere else with Trey. 221 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,000 Everyone's always so super serious. 222 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:59,000 Well, it was quite a good episode and it was really good here, but the science of it was slightly wrong over here. 223 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,000 But it doesn't matter because the character development was wonderful. 224 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:11,000 I wanted to talk about the fact that Dirty Kim was out trying to bang yet another person on a limited number of crewed ship when they're miles away from home. 225 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,000 What does he expect to happen? 226 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,000 Of course, no one likes him. 227 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,000 He's trying to shag most of their friends. 228 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:23,000 The problem with Kim is his best mate's Paris and Paris has got more notches on the bedposts than there's bedposts. 229 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:27,000 What I like about Paris is he just thinks, I'm just a normal bloke. 230 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:28,000 Harry's a normal bloke. 231 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,000 He can do the same as me. 232 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,000 It's just Harry. 233 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:36,000 Kim's like, no, Tom, don't give him too much credit, mate, because seriously, it's Kim. 234 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,000 It's not going to happen. 235 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,000 So crime. 236 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:46,000 So what happens if I create a program that breaks the law? 237 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:53,000 What happens if I'm a disgraced BBC presenter and I decide to make a program in the Hollow Suite? 238 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:57,000 I'm Bill Cosby and I decide to make a bar suite where I'm the barman. 239 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,000 What happens? 240 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,000 Does that get reported to someone? 241 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:09,000 Does it only get reported when someone stumbles into the program like in the La Forge episodes when the creator of the enterprise actually goes in there and goes, 242 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:14,000 why has he reproduced me and why is she in love with him? 243 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:17,000 That's kind of only discovered at that point when she walks into there. 244 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:27,000 So if I create a crime breaking program doing something elicit, something horrible, does that get reported to anyone or does it only get reported if someone discovers my program? 245 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:35,000 I think what would actually happen were it real, it'd be like how you can't put people into chat GBT. 246 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:41,000 You'll be putting the data into the system and the system will already have to find things that you're not allowed to do specifically. 247 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:46,000 And if it does say, no, this is a person that you know, you've made because you're going to make people. 248 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,000 There's a possibility you can make somebody who exists. 249 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,000 There's so many people out there. 250 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,000 They do. But that's what he does. 251 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,000 But unknowingly. 252 00:30:55,000 --> 00:31:01,000 So I think, and you know how I got the beginning of the style at South Park is what I mean. 253 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:12,000 The characters may appear. It's that kind of deal. And I think the computer would be like, OK, he is basically made a person knowingly made this person. 254 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,000 You're not allowed to do this. I won't let you do this. 255 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:26,000 You know, if you want to make someone that doesn't look like them or does look like them but has a different name or, you know, or doesn't look like them but has the same, you know, the computer would be like, OK, I'm going to allow it this time. 256 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:32,000 You know, I think the computer can create me a character that looks like Captain Picard. We're sorry we cannot do that. 257 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:36,000 Can you create me a character that looks like Captain Picard with dreadlocks? 258 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:40,000 Yeah, of course we can. Great. Put us in a barbers. 259 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:44,000 Give me a set of clippers. 260 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,000 I found the loophole. 261 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:50,000 That's what people do with the AI now, isn't it? 262 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:58,000 It's like when you're at school or when you were at school, not us because we're old, but people discovered a way around the Internet proxies. 263 00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:02,000 www.pornhub.com. We're sorry this site has been banned. 264 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:06,000 Translate.google.com. Translate webpage. 265 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,000 Pornhub.com. Here's your translation. Thanks, Google, for breaking the proxy. 266 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:14,000 And I'm now looking at English translated to English. 267 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:19,000 And yes, kids, that still works on a lot of proxies. 268 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:23,000 Oh my gosh. I've got a great story. That's for the main pod. That's not Star Trek. 269 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:27,000 I've got great stories about stuff we did at college. 270 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:31,000 Now I've completely lost my train of thought. I don't know where I was even going. 271 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:37,000 OK, well, look, that's the only other thing I'm going to bring up because it kind of ties in with crime and it ties in. 272 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:42,000 It doesn't tie in with the sex at all, actually. Let's just be blunt about it. 273 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:48,000 Accessing library computer data. 274 00:32:48,000 --> 00:33:03,000 In first context is the film. We see this in the episode where data is Sherlock Holmes and he's confronted by Dr. Moriarty. 275 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:09,000 We see this. We see this in the episode where Worf is dragged by his annoying shit of a kid into a Wild West. 276 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:12,000 And we see this. 277 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:22,000 Why do holosuites for the general population of a starship even have the ability to turn off safety protocols? 278 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,000 Just why? 279 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:31,000 Same with Voyager. There's just no need for it. These are holodecks for general people to use. 280 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:36,000 Why oh why would you then say, computer, turn off safety protocols, please? 281 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:40,000 Yeah, that's fine. OK, done that. Oh, shit, I've been stabbed. 282 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:46,000 Why would you include that in a product? I understand the need for it. 283 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:51,000 You're testing out a new weapon. You're testing out something scientific and you want to see what happens. 284 00:33:51,000 --> 00:34:02,000 Then yeah, then you have a holodeck in that area of engineering or somewhere like that that is dedicated for specific staff with those specific safety protocols removed. 285 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,000 But why would you have it anywhere else? 286 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:12,000 The safety protocols are only taking the safety off of you. It doesn't change what you're doing to the holograms. 287 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,000 It just means the holograms can now kill you. Yeah, basically. 288 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:20,000 That's it. So there's never a scenario. There is not a scenario where you would want the safety features off. 289 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:24,000 There's no testing scenario because all it would mean is the thing can hurt you. 290 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,000 Well, yeah, that's true. It's going to affect you. So there's no scenario. 291 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:33,000 In theory, if you were testing a weapon and it's a real weapon, you just need it to affect the hologram that you're affecting, don't you? 292 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:36,000 And that's just it. You know, it doesn't need to have safety features. 293 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:39,000 So why have it? Why does it exist? 294 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:49,000 Except to give Picard that moment in first contact when he goes, computer, turn off the safety and then pulls out a Tommy gun and kills a Borg with a fantastic scene. 295 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,000 Don't get me wrong. Love it. It makes sense in that point. 296 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,000 And it makes sense in that point. 297 00:34:54,000 --> 00:35:00,000 But in real life, why would you have safety protocols for something that the general public are going to use? 298 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:04,000 Oh, so what happened to little Timmy? We heard he passed away. 299 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:10,000 He used his father's log on credentials in the holodeck and he plummeted to his death off a mountain. 300 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:15,000 He decided he thought he could do free climbing without the safety protocols. 301 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:19,000 He wouldn't be able to fall to his death. 302 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:20,000 This comes to what we said. 303 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,000 I mean, if you take the safety protocol. 304 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:27,000 No, but there wouldn't be enough height in the holodeck for him to go up a mountain. 305 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:32,000 You're up this mountain, you fall off and then you literally land on your back and you're floating midair. 306 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:37,000 Yeah. You'd fall like six foot. That'd be it. 307 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:48,000 OK, well. He stole his daddy's credentials and he went back to the ghettos of New York playing real life Grand Theft Auto. 308 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,000 It all went a bit wrong for him. 309 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:54,000 Well, here's a question. How could you drown in the holodeck? 310 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,000 It depends how much calm there is. 311 00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:03,000 I mean, how do they fill the holodeck with all that water that you're swimming in and then you go turn off safety features and suddenly. 312 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,000 Well, it's force fields, I presume. But you're right. 313 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:22,000 Right. So you're swimming in an alien ocean full of man eating shark like creatures and you're stupid enough to turn the safety features off and you get eaten by a shark in the holodeck. 314 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:26,000 Is the pulp of your body now in those canisters? 315 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:32,000 Wait, wait for it. You're floating around. You're hoping the EMH is going to tell it. It's going to be like your washing machine in the kitchen. 316 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:35,000 You've got to wait for the water to drain before they can open the door. 317 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:36,000 Yeah, exactly. 318 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:40,000 Open the door. Oh, it's still draining water. 319 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:44,000 I'm giving it that futile tug. I need him out now. 320 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:55,000 I think anybody that went into Voyager's holodeck is after just death. That was the most like malfunctioning holodeck ever. 321 00:36:55,000 --> 00:37:06,000 That is the ship of death. There shouldn't have been a Voyager B or a Voyager J according to discovery with its weird floating nacelles that aren't connected to its body at all. 322 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:07,000 Oh, was that a Voyager? 323 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,000 That was Voyager J apparently. 324 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:11,000 I didn't notice that. 325 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:20,000 There should be no Voyager after Voyager. If a ship disappears for that many years and has that much bad luck, you shouldn't re-release it. 326 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,000 Yeah, I think they should think there's a bit of a jinx with that name. 327 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:30,000 It's just like there was only one Voyager. We got seven of nine out of it. We'll accept that as a bonus. 328 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:35,000 We didn't lose Harry Kim. Negative. 329 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:39,000 The thing is though, doesn't the Enterprise keep getting new ones because they keep blowing up? 330 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:42,000 They do blow up the Enterprise a fair few times. 331 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,000 So that's to its own. 332 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:53,000 Deanna crashes it. Lots of people argue about that one. Deanna crashes it in Generations, although claims that she didn't crash it because the helm wasn't responding. 333 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:59,000 So how could she crash it if the helm wasn't responding? She was in charge. She's to blame. 334 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:13,000 Then you got the E and apparently Worf crashes the E, but there's no story about that. I like that. Picard had everyone look at Worf and he goes, something along the lines, well, it wasn't my fault. 335 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:19,000 There's like, well, you were in charge and that's all we know about what happened to the Enterprise E. 336 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:39,000 Yeah. Sorry, we're going away from it there. But yeah, the Voyager holodeck, the only time the Voyager holodeck was good, in my opinion, was the episode where the aliens have taken over the ship and they're being forced to relive World War II with the aliens basically playing the Nazis. 337 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:48,000 Really good episode. But otherwise, don't go in that goddamn transport, transport a holodeck. It's just, it's just not worth it. 338 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,000 No. 339 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:57,000 Not knowing what goes on in there. I'm not going in the holodeck now, full stop. If one gets invented, there's no way I'm going in one. 340 00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:01,000 I would need a long list of all the things that it does. 341 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:09,000 You know, maybe they've got kind of groinal attachments. Basically, to go to the holodeck, maybe you've got to put, Red Worf did it. 342 00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:11,000 They did, didn't they? Yeah. 343 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:20,000 Yeah. Maybe they've just got super futuristic ones where you just slot yourself in before you go in or slot into you, depends what you want. 344 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:27,000 And you get yourself all set up with some nice tight trousers to hold it in place before you go in. 345 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:35,000 What if though, you see, it's on a, right, so let's just say you're on Voyager and you have these pieces of equipment. 346 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:36,000 Yeah. 347 00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:41,000 They're going to break. The amount Kim's using them, he's going to go through them. Who fixes them? 348 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,000 Well, it's replicator, isn't it? But Voyager's screwed. 349 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:50,000 Senior bridge officers, report for duty. Commander, set a new course. 350 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:53,000 There's coffee in that nebula. 351 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:56,000 So they're going to have like someone like Neelix there. 352 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:57,000 Tom, Tom. 353 00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:58,000 Just fixing you here again. 354 00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:01,000 Tom, can I borrow yours? 355 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,000 Yeah, exactly. And then do they have a communal one? 356 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:07,000 Oh no. 357 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:08,000 Do you have rentals? 358 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:14,000 The MHPs. What's the problem? I've got hollow dick again. 359 00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,000 I've got some face herpes or something. 360 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:22,000 I've got several fungal infections and something that's scabbing over. Can you please have a look? 361 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,000 Yeah. 362 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:27,000 Right. Anything else on the hollows, Swahee? 363 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,000 Not at this precise moment. 364 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:32,000 Good, because we've been talking for 35 minutes on that. 365 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:33,000 Okay. 366 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:47,000 Let's talk about transporters really quickly. 367 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,000 After we talked about the hollow suite, my brain started going on. 368 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:55,000 Well, what other technology is there that actually doesn't really quite make sense? 369 00:40:55,000 --> 00:41:00,000 And then suddenly dawned on me the transports. So first of all, let's talk about Thomas Riker. 370 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,000 Do you know who Thomas Riker is? 371 00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:03,000 This was a question I gave you. 372 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:13,000 It was. So during a transport accident, they basically successfully transported Will to the ship. 373 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:20,000 And then the computer went, no, it wasn't successful. So it returned his pattern to the collapse chip. 374 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,000 So two of them exist. 375 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,000 Same happened with Boimler. 376 00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:30,000 Same happened with Boimler. So, okay, let's go to strange new worlds. 377 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:34,000 We've got dying Ensign Ricky on the floor. What do they do? 378 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,000 They put him in the pattern buffer. 379 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:47,000 Okay. What other ones can I bring up that will help elicit the point here? 380 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:52,000 Threshold, they were going to use the transporter to put Tom Paris back to normal. 381 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,000 Yeah. 382 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:54,000 Yeah. 383 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:58,000 They did it with Chuvix. They teleported them together because of that flower. 384 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:02,000 There are a lot. Picard has had it done to him. 385 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:04,000 There's been several TNG episodes. 386 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:09,000 And what always happens is someone gets some horrible disease. 387 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:12,000 Something happens to them and they run off to the transport. 388 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,000 When were they last transported? 389 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:18,000 Here. So we have a record of their file. Yes. Brilliant. 390 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:22,000 Call it up and then they re-transport them, rematerialize them. 391 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:23,000 Boom. 392 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:27,000 Why does anyone ever die? 393 00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:30,000 Why does the captain ever have to contact the family and say, 394 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:33,000 we're very sorry this person died? 395 00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:39,000 Because basically the transporter's work, it processes you. 396 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:45,000 It takes your, in effect, it breaks you down into zeros and ones, 397 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:48,000 transports that and rematerializes those zero and ones. 398 00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:52,000 There's nothing original in that transported one. 399 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,000 So why, when they've got a dangerous mission, aren't they just going, 400 00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:58,000 right, we're transporting, let's keep a record of all their lot. 401 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,000 Oh no, Anton Rickey's dead again. 402 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,000 Oh well, we've got his pattern, just bring him back. 403 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,000 Yeah, he might be three hours old and be like, 404 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,000 wasn't I meant to go into the planet? 405 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:08,000 Yeah, sorry Anton Rickey. 406 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:09,000 You actually died down on the planet. 407 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:11,000 Don't worry, we've got your record here. 408 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:13,000 So we just re-processed it. 409 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:16,000 That was the thing, I can't remember which it was, 410 00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:19,000 but it's basically saying that when you entered the teleporter, you died. 411 00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:22,000 Yeah, basically you die every time you get transported. 412 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,000 And that's not you on the other side. 413 00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:25,000 It's someone else. 414 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:31,000 But why don't they just keep a file of everyone in war? 415 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:34,000 We lost a thousand people. 416 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,000 No, you didn't, just re-transport them. 417 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,000 You've got another thousand of them again. 418 00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:41,000 That's the thing that's scary about it is like, obviously you know your consciousness. 419 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:43,000 I know my consciousness. 420 00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:46,000 I know that you're Tom, but I don't know your consciousness. 421 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:50,000 So if you went through a teleporter, from my perspective, you're Tom at the other side. 422 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:54,000 But from your perspective, you're dead. 423 00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:59,000 The first person that ever used a teleporter probably did it on Orange or something 424 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:05,000 and worked their way up to then get to a creature that could actually say something to them at the end. 425 00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:14,000 If I teleported myself to somewhere, thinking about now, I'm going to have an existential crisis here, 426 00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:18,000 I feel like it would have just killed me. 427 00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:21,000 Because that is basically what they're saying. 428 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:22,000 But that's exactly it, isn't it? 429 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:27,000 You are dying every time you get transported because they're deleting you, 430 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:32,000 rematerializing you out of whatever is on that surface, the planet there. 431 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:38,000 It's not the same material that was wherever you transported from. 432 00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:44,000 Well, it's like, you know, whether you believe you have a soul or whatever, 433 00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:48,000 it's got to get your consciousness, that thing inside you. 434 00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:49,000 But that's the point. 435 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:54,000 That you can't believe in a consciousness or a soul. 436 00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,000 You have to purely believe in the power of the brain. 437 00:44:56,000 --> 00:45:03,000 And everything that we do and that we are is about what is programmed in the exact positions of your brain based on chemical. 438 00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:09,000 You can't have any other belief about anything if you believe that transporters could be a thing. 439 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,000 And then what about organs? 440 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,000 Picard's got a fake heart. Why? 441 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:18,000 He got stabbed. Stick a fake heart in him, go and check the transporter logs. 442 00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,000 Right, there he is. That's what his heart should have looked like. 443 00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,000 That's what the file is. Done. 444 00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:25,000 Yeah. You basically make everyone immortal. 445 00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:29,000 Live 10 years and then just relive the 10 years again. 446 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:32,000 Just go back 10 years, your pattern buffer, have a little book written down. 447 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:33,000 A bit like 51st dates. 448 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:36,000 See what you did the last 10 years. Oh, yeah, OK. 449 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:40,000 I'm caught up now. Off we go. You're 10 years younger again. 450 00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:44,000 But then it also opens up a whole legal thing. 451 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:49,000 I broke the law, but I got shot by the police. 452 00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:53,000 They reenergised me and I come back. Before you did the crime. 453 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:58,000 Can I be prosecuted? Because technically I'm not the same person that just died doing the crime. 454 00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:02,000 But they reenergised the backup of you that was before the crime was committed. 455 00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:06,000 So the crime hadn't been committed yet by me. So where do you stand on that? 456 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:10,000 Transport is this whole mess of things. 457 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:14,000 So, yeah, they could basically make you immortal because they always say 458 00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:19,000 there's the record of their transport. Just bring them back using that. 459 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,000 Yeah. It's it. 460 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:24,000 And yeah, obviously, morally, you shouldn't do that. 461 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:30,000 And we've got the rules that the Starfleet allegedly follow. 462 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:33,000 But you can't tell me every other race does. 463 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:37,000 I like you. You take air quotes on the podcast. 464 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:42,000 For my part, I totally agree. They don't fucking follow any of their own rules. 465 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:48,000 I heard there was a great argument that Patrick Stewart was having with Gene Roddenberry. 466 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,000 How do you say his name? Roddenberry. 467 00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:59,000 About the rules of Star Trek. 468 00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,000 Oh, fuck. 469 00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,000 I don't think Roddenberry ever said, oh, fuck. 470 00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:08,000 Well, you might have actually. If you've ever looked into the history of him, he was the incredible man. 471 00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:16,000 World War Two pilot, commercial pilot, saved a huge number of people's lives when his plane crashed. 472 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,000 Yeah, absolutely marvelous man. 473 00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:22,000 But it's not first contact. They've got rules, haven't they? 474 00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:23,000 The Prime Directive. 475 00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:28,000 The Prime Directive. And he argues with Roddenberry apparently all the time about the Prime Directive. 476 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:38,000 And then the Roddenberry is like, yeah, but because of the Prime Directive and then because like Patrick Stewart is like, yeah, you have the Prime Directive, but you never follow it. 477 00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:41,000 True. It's 100% true. 478 00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:50,000 How many times have they bent the first directive or just full stop broken it and it's forgotten about the next episode? 479 00:47:50,000 --> 00:48:00,000 I watched one the other day. Data contact, a little girl on a planet that's being destroyed by volcanoes, pre-warp, some technology. 480 00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,000 So they've already broken the Prime Directive there. 481 00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:12,000 But rather than stopping, they stop the volcanoes on the planet, save the planet, save all of her family and her race, and then just say, yeah, just have a contact and a Pulaski. 482 00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:18,000 Yeah, blow her brains out with a medical ray and make sure she doesn't remember any of this. 483 00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:23,000 You've still broken the Prime Directive. That's what I like about. I think it's the drumhead when it's the legal episode. 484 00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:32,000 They basically call Picard out by going, so you broke the Prime Directive on this day, on this day, on this day, on this day, on this day. 485 00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:33,000 Yeah. 486 00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:40,000 You were told you could kill the Borg, but you chose not to. You could have wiped them out of all existence, but you didn't. 487 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:43,000 Any reason why? Are you conspiring with them? 488 00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:49,000 Yeah. And then you realise, yeah, actually, yeah, OK. 489 00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:56,000 I don't think anyone would query genocide on the Borg, because let's face it, I don't think they're going to change their plans. 490 00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:57,000 Yeah. 491 00:48:57,000 --> 00:49:02,000 Because that's kind of what you get from it. We have no right of doing genocide for an entire race. 492 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:06,000 Mmm. You might have to with them. 493 00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,000 Yeah, because they're going to do it to you. 494 00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:13,000 Yeah. And look at the shit that then happens, because they didn't. It's just, oh. 495 00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:20,000 But yeah, transports just make a whole, whole other mess along with the holosuite at this point. 496 00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,000 Yeah. 497 00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:25,000 And some of the replicators as well. 498 00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:34,000 Yeah, I don't know if I've ever really understood the replicators. Like, where are they getting the matter from? 499 00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:36,000 The holodeck suite. 500 00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:41,000 Yeah, and they're recycling the holodeck canisters. It's like, oh, we're running low. It's all right. 501 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:45,000 The weekend's coming up and Kim's got a sabbatical. 502 00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:46,000 He's got a double session. 503 00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:52,000 Don't worry, porridge will be on the menu again next week, boys. 504 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,000 Mmm, sludge. Thanks, Neelix. 505 00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:58,000 There's an interesting texture to the porridge this week, sir. 506 00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:03,000 Oh, Neelix is one that would be banned from the holodeck. 507 00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:04,000 Yeah. 508 00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:09,000 We've already chatted up. He's already, we've already discussed before. He's already chatted up an under one. 509 00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:15,000 So, I mean, yeah, I think he'd be arrested for some of the things he'd probably get on the holodeck for. 510 00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:20,000 Oh, dear. I don't think I've got anything left in me. 511 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:23,000 Which is something that Ryker or Dirty Kim would say. 512 00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:33,000 Yeah, they're like that. Nunu's just like, driving off after sucking all their juices out and unloading it into the canister tubes. 513 00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:40,000 Ready for some poor ensign to come in the morning to just like empty the smoking barrel of waste. 514 00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:42,000 Captain, I'm just looking at these daily reports. 515 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:47,000 There seems to be a 900% increase on Nunu usage. 516 00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:50,000 That'd be the new programs on the holosuite being delivered. 517 00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:54,000 Forever changing the batteries on the Nunu's. 518 00:50:54,000 --> 00:51:00,000 We've not got enough dilithium to do this. 519 00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:04,000 Command functions are offline. 520 00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,000 Okay, I've had enough. 521 00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:12,000 I don't think we can talk about sex cum, Dirty Kim or anything really much else. 522 00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,000 We hope you enjoyed this. 523 00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:15,000 Yeah, sorry. 524 00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:18,000 If you don't, we kind of, we would apologize. 525 00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:21,000 Yeah, I'm sorry that wasn't what we were saying it was going to be, but. 526 00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:23,000 Darmock is definitely the next episode. 527 00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:24,000 Darmock is definitely the next episode. 528 00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:25,000 Definitely the next episode. 529 00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:27,000 Join us on Discord. 530 00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:30,000 All the links for our social media is on channel84.co.uk. 531 00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:34,000 That includes Twitter slash X, whatever you want to call it. 532 00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:42,000 Instagram, threads, blue sky, mastodon. 533 00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:45,000 Is there any others? 534 00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:46,000 What's the Facebook one? 535 00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:47,000 Oh, Facebook. 536 00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,000 Did you say threads? 537 00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:50,000 Yeah, I said threads as well. 538 00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:51,000 Yeah, we're on Facebook as well. 539 00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,000 We're on Instagram as well actually. 540 00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,000 There's also a Reddit group I set up. 541 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,000 I don't really understand Reddit very well. 542 00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,000 I understand Reddit, but I didn't realize we had a Reddit group. 543 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:03,000 Yeah, I created Reddit community, so we should probably use that a bit more. 544 00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:07,000 But anyway, you can find all of those on channel84.co.uk. 545 00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:11,000 You can also email us on podcasts at channel84.co.uk. 546 00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:13,000 That goes to both Rob and me. 547 00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:17,000 Or if you want to email us individually because you want to slag the other one off, 548 00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:22,000 it's rob at channel84.co.uk or TJ at channel84.co.uk. 549 00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:27,000 No more. Please, no more sex. 550 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:31,000 I don't think I could take it. 551 00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:32,000 Yeah. 552 00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:34,000 We'll see you soon. 553 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:38,000 We'll see you for the main episode next week and in two weeks for Darmok. 554 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:39,000 And then Darmok. 555 00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:41,000 Take it easy, everyone. Bye-bye. 556 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:42,000 Bye. 557 00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:45,000 It appears we have lost our sex appeal, Captain. 558 00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:50,000 Thank you for listening to the Channel 84 Variety Show. 559 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:54,000 This station is now shutting down and will be back in two weeks. 560 00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:55,000 Excelsior. 561 00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:11,000 That is actually really gross. 562 00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:14,000 I think, how real do you need me to be? 563 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:16,000 Or I'm as real as you need me to be. 564 00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:25,000 It's like, OK, so the implication there is that if you think about like procedural generation of landscapes in gaming, 565 00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,000 you know, it doesn't show you the stuff you don't need to see. 566 00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:29,000 Things behind buildings just doesn't do it. 567 00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:35,000 Do you think then that her internal organs don't exist until they need to be there to save processing power? 568 00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,000 She hasn't got a vagina. 569 00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:42,000 So until he takes her trousers off and her underwear, there's no vagina there. 570 00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:44,000 She's just like Barbie or Ken doll. 571 00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:46,000 And then there. 572 00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:50,000 And then, well, the computer is like, well, he doesn't need anything to be inside yet. 573 00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:54,000 You know, or does the computer go, I see where this is going. 574 00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:55,000 This is Ryker. 575 00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:58,000 I'm going to pre get myself ready for this. 576 00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:01,000 You know, that's fucking gross. 577 00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,000 I'm gracing myself by just thinking about it. 578 00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,000 We should just shouldn't talk to you. 579 00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:09,000 This is Trek talk. 580 00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:10,000 We're happening here. 581 00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:13,000 Like, OK, more questions. 582 00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:15,000 This is a holiday questions. 583 00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:22,000 So, OK, we're all accepting the fact now that the computer is basically making hard light. 584 00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:23,000 We get it. 585 00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,000 We understand that. 586 00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:28,000 And it can make matter appear in a hologram. 587 00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:31,000 They have the replicators that can make matter. 588 00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:39,000 Now, how does it's a gross saying, but I need to say I need to get this out my head and into yours so you can understand it. 589 00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:46,000 You can tell me where does the moisture come from inside her? 590 00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:51,000 I'd love there to be an invention. 591 00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,000 This is great in the Star Trek world. 592 00:54:54,000 --> 00:55:02,000 You know how you have 3D glasses and you can only see the 3D stuff and women and people make those pictures where, you know, they have anything with a red chrome or the blue. 593 00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,000 It depends what are you looking for. 594 00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:11,000 Do you reckon they have glasses that can cut through holograms and not be able to see them? 595 00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:12,000 How funny would that be? 596 00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:21,000 Then like they'll just be like a flying drone just spraying from a lubrication. 597 00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:24,000 Like a spray thing lubricating him. 598 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:27,000 Because where's the moisture coming from? 599 00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:28,000 Where's the moisture coming from? 600 00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:29,000 That's what I want to know to you. 601 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,000 We understand where his moisture is coming from. 602 00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:34,000 I don't know what happens if it's a woman doing it. 603 00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:39,000 If it's a woman, this female Riker there, shagging a hologram man. 604 00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:42,000 Well, surely they want it to be realistic. 605 00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:44,000 So where does that come from? 606 00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:47,000 Do they just... 607 00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:50,000 Oh, this is going really far now. 608 00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:52,000 What if like... 609 00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:55,000 You know, because they'll all be about recycling. 610 00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:58,000 So when they collect all that goo. 611 00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:01,000 But how do they even collect it? 612 00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,000 It gets sucked up into what? A hose? 613 00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:05,000 Is it like a Nunu running around there? 614 00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:10,000 You know, the Hoover from Teletubbies attaching itself to a dirty Kim and Riker's cocks. 615 00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:12,000 And then sucking their juices out. 616 00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:16,000 And they think they're shagging a hologram, but really they've just got their cocks inside of a Nunu hose. 617 00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:17,000 Oh, this is going too far. 618 00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:18,000 We've got to stop that. 619 00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:19,000 We're stopping now. 620 00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:20,000 This is... 621 00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:22,000 I've just spoke about... 622 00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:23,000 No, two minutes. 623 00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:24,000 More than two minutes. 624 00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:25,000 It's still going. 625 00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:35,000 It's still going.